Mistletoe Guidance For Dummies

by TCC56

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Rarity, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5841

Rarity has coyly asked for a Hearth's Warming present: a kiss under the mistletoe. Unfortunately for Applejack, that's harder to accomplish than it sounds.

For the holidays, Rarity has said that she wants to get a kiss under the mistletoe from her marefriend.

One would expect this to be a simple thing to accomplish.

Applejack can attest that it is not.

This was written for Tumbleweed as a part of Jinglemas 2020! For more information about Jinglemas, check out our group!

With special thanks to Sledge115 for the idea seed that helped the rest of this crystalize.

Published 2020-12-23 15:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-23 15:30:01 UTC

The mistletoe knows where it is at all times. It knows this because it knows where it isn't.

What I wish most for Hearth's Warming is a kiss from the most wonderful marefriend in all of Equestria.
But no simple peck upon the cheek shall do! It must be a kiss that encapsulates our love; our passion; our joie de vivre!
And of course, as it is the season, it simply must be under a sprig of mistletoe. Anything else would never do for Hearth's Warming.
I eagerly await that tender touch of lips upon mine.

~ Rarity

"...Shoot. An' Ah thought it'd be an expensive gift this year." Applejack reread the note again, trying to make sure that it was as literal as it seemed and wasn't filled with Rarity's own special brand of implication. She and Rarity had been together for long enough (and friends for far longer) to know that what Rarity said and what she meant weren't the same thing frustratingly frequently.

Though to be fair, by the same note? Rarity had learned that a certain amount of subtlety did not work with Applejack's mindset and that being too coy was as liable to backfire as it was to be cute.

Knowing that and lacking any obvious signs that there was a subtext, Applejack took the note at face value. A simple request from a very complicated mare - Applejack knew she couldn't simply kiss Rarity and be done with it. When the unicorn wanted drama, she expected drama.

And so Applejack set to work.

First was the location: it had to be perfect, but she also needed to get Rarity there without suspicion. Somewhere on the Acres was Applejack's default choice, which is why she knew it was wrong. The same went for the Boutique. It needed to be somewhere special. Somewhere like--

"--So of course I'll help!" Twilight's still-new wings fanned out, tossing droplets of water around. Applejack felt terrible that she'd accidentally pulled her friend out of the bath, but the apology had already been accepted so there wasn't much to do about it. And just as fortunately, Twilight had loved the idea. "We're already going to be decorating the Golden Oak for the holiday so it's not a big deal. Plus it's you girls and I'm always--" She stopped, unable to hold back a little dance of joy. "Oh, I'm still just so happy for the two of you!"

Applejack let Equestria's youngest princess get it out of her system, watching with amusement and a quiet chuckle. "Ah think you may be the happiest one outside of the two of us."

"Can ya blame me?" Twilight was all smiles as she finally stopped dancing.

Applejack playfully nudged her with an elbow to the side. "Reckon Ah wouldn't want to. Now - you said you had the perfect spot?"

A nod, and Twilight guided her friend up to the topmost balcony of the library-tree. "Here," she confirmed with a pointed hoof. "From up here, you're going to have a perfect view of the entire town and a beautiful starry sky above you. Which before you even ask I'm going to talk to Rainbow Dash and make sure the weather's clear for it."

"Already dropped her a note, an' the weather schedule said it'd be clear anyway." That was an easy base to cover - owning the biggest farm in the region meant plenty of Apple family connections with the local Weather Bureau.

Twilight enthusiastically checked that off on her list - Applejack did not question when she'd created said list - before reading down to the next part. "And I'll have Spike set up some bells."

That made Applejack pause. "Bells?"

"Bells," Twilight firmly confirmed. "The other benefit of that spot is that it's in full view of the town from below and if we ring them while you two kiss, everypony will look up to watch! What could make the perfect kiss more perfect? By showing it off! That way everypony will be able to see that love, passion and joie de vivre!" She managed to keep from rolling her eyes at Rarity's particular turns of phrase, even though she was all smiles as she said it.

A smug little smile crept to Applejack's lips. "So Rarity can show off."

Twilight shook her head. "She's an artist, Applejack. She loves you and she wants to display what the two of you have built together. ...And to flaunt it. But is that so bad?"

"No. No it is not." Tipping her hat back, Applejack looked to the sky. "You're right, though. This is gonna give a mighty fine view of the stars. Ah figure... Eight or so?"

The alicorn blinked. "I'd assumed midnight."

Applejack shook her head. "First off, this is your place. We shouldn't be hangin' around twenty steps from your bedroom at midnight on a holiday. Second, if it's midnight who's gonna be out there watchin' like you said? An' third--"

Twilight held up her hooves in surrender. "Okay, okay! Eight."

Satisfied with the victory, Applejack nodded. "Glad we could see eye to eye on this. Now. Got the perfect location sorted out, so second thing is--"

"--then I'll pull her into position with the fishing line and--!"

Pinkie Pie was silenced as Applejack put her hoof on the baker's mouth. "Pinkie. Ah just need you to make sure Rarity's in the right place at the right time. You don't need to put together some crazy contraption with a hundred points of failure that's made outta taffy. Just... ask her to go with ya to the balcony."

Pinkie tilted her head to the side, curiously trying to understand just what Applejack was suggesting. "But you said you wanted to do it right."

It took considerable effort for Applejack to merely sigh and not say something untoward to her friend. She barely managed. "Pinkie..."

Now it was Pinkie's turn to silence Applejack with a hoof. "Shhhhh. Applejack? Trust me."

There was a single tense moment before the farmer nodded. And when the hoof was taken from her lips? "Ah do trust ya, Pinkie. Ah know you can get carried away sometimes, though."

"I can." Pinkie didn't hesitate to admit it. "But you know that I'd never do something to hurt either of you. And I know this is something reeeeeally important you're trusting me with. Rarity will be there. I Pinkie Promise."

That was all Applejack needed. "Ah'll owe ya one. Now that just leaves--"

"--cutting it close, but I should still have it to you at least the day before Hearth's Warming."

Applejack nodded firmly. "As long as it's before and ain't after, that's plenty good for me. Thanks, Pin." She hesitated, shifting from one hoof to the other. "Ah know that it's been a disappointment that the Apples don't come by here anymore, but--"

The blue unicorn tailor held up a hoof. "Stop right there, Applejack. Of any pony in this town, you have by far the best excuse not to not buy from me anymore. How could I be mad at a couple finding love? Besides," Royal Pin quipped, "Rarity is an artist and a wonderful pony. If I'm going to lose a customer, it means she's earned it. We're friendly competitors at worst."

They both laughed together. "So long as you ain't sore," came the farmer's quip.

And the tailor countered just as fast. "As long as you're not mad that you're not getting the same discount as with Rarity - I don't think she'd like it if I charged you the cost of materials plus a kiss."

"Ah think bits are safer for both our hides." Applejack put her coinpurse on the counter to count out the fees. "No matter how good this outfit makes me look for her."

Coins were counted, bills of sale were signed and Applejack nodded firmly. "Now Ah think that's everything up until--"

"--and have a happy Hearth's Warming!" Applejack waved to Royal Pin as she left his shop in her new outfit: an olive green wool vest and frock combo with fluffy white trim, accented further by ivory lace ruffles across the back and topped off by a matching broad-brimmed hat and sensible brown knee-high boots. It was understated but eye-catching, warm and importantly something Rarity would approve of.

Which would be confirmed in just three hours. The sun was starting to set, putting it at around five. In about two and a half hours, Rarity would arrive at the library guided by Pinkie Pie, where she and Twilight would keep Rarity busy as Applejack got into position. Then - all she had to do was kiss her marefriend.

It was simplicity itself.

Which is obviously why it all went wrong.

Arriving at the Golden Oak, Applejack knew it was bad instantly. Twilight was pacing while talking to herself - which meant either something small had gone wrong that she was blowing out of proportion or all of Equestria was ending.

"Twilight?" Applejack tried to approach from the front to avoid surprising the distracted alicorn. "What's wrong?"

Twilight's head snapped to focus on the farmer like a hawk to a field mouse. "What's wrong?! Everything's wrong!"

Applejack relaxed. It was the former. Nothing serious and after Twilight calmed down it was all going to be just fi--

"We don't have any mistletoe!"

--It was the latter and the world was ending.

Stunned by the scope of the looming catastrophe, Applejack didn't interrupt as Twilight went off on a rapidly accelerating tirade. "I was just going over the final checklist to make sure that all the checks were double checked, so I checked the doorway and it's a good thing I checked because it was bare! So I checked with Spike to see if he knew where we kept the mistletoe, but he said that he'd hung it up already in the spot you'd wanted it and he'd even checked on the checklist to make sure it was the right spot before he checked his check on the checklist which I could see he'd checked." Twilight whipped around in her pacing with enough violence to dislodge one of the smaller ornaments on the Hearth's Warming tree. "So we both double-checked where the decorations are and behind bookshelves and any place it could have fallen to and we've checked everywhere and it's gone and now Rarity's present is ruined and you're going to drift apart and she's going to become an spinster with a thousand cats and you're going to get old like Granny Smith and you won't be able to use the Elements anymore because you're both going to be bitter and Equestria's going to be destroyed and it's all my fault!"

It was at that point Twilight finally took a breath, demonstrating the amazing lung capacity of an alicorn.

Before she could start again, Applejack grabbed the princess. "Twilight!" She gave her a shake. "Twilight, is Rarity here yet?"

That simple question was enough to dislodge Twilight off her mental tracks. Head tilted, she looked at Applejack in confusion. "No? Of course she isn't, she's not supposed to be here for hours."

"And there's nothin' wrong except the mistletoe being missing?" A nod confirmed the farmer's question. And then Applejack breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay. Ah'll just step out an' get another piece, then. Simple as, right?"

Blink. "Oh." Blink blink. "Right. We can do that, can't we." Twilight's brow furrowed. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because," Applejack quipped with a smile, "Every problem seems impossible 'til you find the solution. Now Ah'm just gonna step out real quick to buy--"

"--And Roseluck swears she ordered them," explained Lily Valley, "But I think she forgot and is trying to cover."

From the back of the Flower Trio's stand, Roseluck popped up her head. "I am not! The mistletoe's even on the inventory list from yesterday, so I can't be lying about it! You just forgot to write down the sales properly!"

Lily spun to glare at her partner. "I did no such thing! Why is it every time there's an inventory mistake you blame it on me?!"

"Because you blame me for your being bad at math!" Roseluck lunged, forehooves slamming against the table that separated the two.

The table shook again as Lily lunged back, mirroring Roseluck's stance as she glared. "I'm better at math than you are!"

The third of the trio stepped up to the front of the stall while her partners continued to argue. "I'm sorry, really. But no matter which one of them is right, the results are the same. We don't have any more mistletoe."

Applejack let out a long sigh that was barely audible over the roiling argument. "Dang. Well, suppose Ah can't fault ya for being sold out when Ah'm the one lookin' at the last minute. Thanks, Daisy. Ah'll just try over at--"

"--So I'm very sorry." Filthy Rich could only shrug helplessly as he drawled. "Barnyard Bargains prides itself on having what ponies need, but you're the sixth one to ask for mistletoe in the last hour and I can't give you a different answer. It never arrived. I am truly sorry, Applejack, that I cannot help you."

One was odd. Now there was a pattern forming, and Applejack didn't like that one bit. "Mr. Rich, Ah understand that there's always supply problems. Can hardly blame ya for those. But you're sure there ain't a sprig stuck in a corner somewhere?"

He shook his head. "As I said, I am sorry. If I had any I would absolutely make sure one of my most important business partners would get it."

"Ah appreciate that." Mentally, Applejack crossed the other stores and vendors off her list. If the flower stand didn't have any and Barnyard Bargains didn't, it was pretty unlikely any other shop in town did - most wouldn't have it to begin with, and this strange supply issue made it even less likely. "Ah'll just have to ask around an' see if Ah can borrow some from--"

"--but mine's missing too," admitted Caramel. "I was just at Barnyard Bargains earlier to try and buy another one but they--"

"--was the weirdest thing, since I'm certain that it was hanging there earlier." Blossomforth shrugged her wings. "No idea where it went, though, so--"

"--Ah was hopin' you had some," Applejack explained.

Vinyl Scratch tilted her head slightly, tapping a hoof on her chin as she thought. Then - sadly but not surprisingly - she shook her head.

Applejack sighed. "Well, thankya for--"

"--so I got it here as fast as I could!"

Relief washed over Applejack with the chorus of angels. "Rainbow Dash, you are a lifesaver. Ah really owe ya for this."

"Pft." Predictably, the pegasus blew off the praise even as she basked in it. "For you, AJ? No problem." Chuffed with victory, Dash held out the mistletoe proudly.

There was dead silence for at least thirty seconds.

"Rainbow."

"Yeah, AJ?"

"Rainbow Dash."

"...Uh, yeah?"

Applejack took a long, deep breath. "That's holly."

Pulling the sprig of greenery back, Dash inspected it with an entirely clueless eye. "It looks like mistletoe to me."

"It ain't," Applejack reiterated.

With a snort, Dash crossed her forelegs over her chest. "And how would you know?"

Another thirty seconds of silence.

"Rainbow Dash."

"Yeah?"

"Did you just ask a farmer how she'd be able to identify a plant?"

Dash's voice shrank away the same way she did. "....Yeah?"

Applejack adjusted her hat to hide her face and the look of absolute disdain on it. It wouldn't be polite to insult a friend who was trying to help. "For starters, holly leaves are pointy and spiny. Mistletoe's are smooth ovals and lighter colored. Even if you can't see that? Holly's got red berries. Mistletoe has white ones."

Another pause as Rainbow Dash looked at the bit of greenery she was carrying. "...So I've got some paint and..."

"Thank you fer tryin', Rainbow." Applejack cut off that line of thought before it went too far. "Ah've got one last idea, though. Just gotta go speak to--"

"--need yer help, Fluttershy."

Yellow wings ruffled as Fluttershy considered Applejack's request. "Well. I suppose I could ask some of my squirrel friends if they've seen any mistletoe. But since it's winter if they have they probably ate it. Food's hard to come by for them right now, you know."

Applejack nodded a little too fast. "Ah understand. But if one of them critters can bring me just a sprig of the stuff Ah'd be willin' to trade a whole winter's worth of apples for it."

"Oh my, that's very generous." Fluttershy paused. "You're running out of time, aren't you."

"Ah've got forty-seven minutes before Ah gotta be in position." Unspoken was that Applejack was going to need a shower before that point as well - running laps around Ponyville for several hours to try and find mistletoe had not done her sweaty coiffure nor her slush-splattered boots any favors.

Absolutely none of what happened next made any sense to Applejack. That was fairly normal, though - Fluttershy's talent with critters usually left everypony else in the dark. The group of squirrels rapidly chattered, making adorable little motions with their paws. From time to time, Fluttershy would nod and add an "Uh huh" or "I see" without clarifying at all what was being said.

It took three minutes.

Three long, agonizing minutes.

Applejack knew it couldn't be rushed. And that Fluttershy both was aware of the time limit and how to do her part best. But that didn't make the waiting any easier as the timer ticked down. When Fluttershy finally turned away from the squirrels, Applejack was practically dancing in place. "So? What'd they say?"

"Well..." Fluttershy shrank back before she even got to the second word. "None of them actually have any mistletoe."

Applejack's hat slammed against the ground with enough force to eject the ivory lace from the brim.

But even as she opened her mouth to start swearing, Fluttershy came to the rescue. "Wait! But they know a critter in the forest who has some!"

Those beautiful magic words. Applejack nearly shoved Fluttershy aside to get to the squirrels. "Can one of y'all show me where that critter is?"

It only took a moment for the squirrels to consider and another for one to hop up onto Applejack's back. Grabbing hold of her mane like a set of reins, it gave a yank to urge her forward.

Whinnying loudly, Applejack did as prompted and took off at a full gallop. "Ah swear, if you lead me proper with this, you ain't gonna ever want for apples again!" Under other circumstances, Applejack would likely have thought twice about making deals with squirrels.

Right now, though?

A few bushels weren't important.

"Just steer me proper an'--"

"--HUP!" Applejack lept at the pull on her mane, hurling herself and her passenger over the creek. All around her the dark Everfree loomed - but it also stayed well away from the galloping pony and her mission. They were making good time - the clock was ticking downwards, but the squirrel seemed to know the fastest way to get to her goal and Applejack wasn't holding back.

Of course, squirrels were not known for their steering. The fastest way did not mean the easiest, and Applejack's focus on speed had a cost. When the squirrel yanked back on her mane to signal a stop, the farmpony was more than just splattered with snow-dampened mud. Dozens of thorns and brambles were caught in the fluffy wool of her outfit, sticks trapped in her mane and tail jutted out at wild directions, and under it all her coat was heavy with enough sweat to assuredly make Rarity wrinkle her nose and demand that Applejack head straight to the bath before even considering getting a single step closer!

But that was a problem for future Applejack. It wouldn't matter if she didn't have the mistletoe.

And the ominously dark cave before her was where to find it.

The squirrel disembarked as Applejack approached the entrance - an ugly, jagged crack in the rock barely wide enough for a pony to get through. Lightless, shielded by the bony branches of leafless trees and smelling faintly of rot, it managed to be both hidden and distressing. But ominous as it looked, that didn't compare to the sound.

All around them, the Everfree was silent. Aside from the squirrel, the various creatures of the forest had fled the area and left it deathly quiet. The only sounds were a gentle wind through the bare branches and the low groan of a creature in pain.

It could be a trap. She knew that. Having lived her whole life beside the Everfree, Applejack was fully aware how predators lured their prey. But she needed that mistletoe and there was something wounded in there - either one of those was reason enough to investigate.

Turning, she gave the squirrel a nod. "You better go tell Fluttershy what's happenin'. Ah might be bringin' a hurt critter to her real soon, so she needs a heads up." There was no resistance from the squirrel - just a salute before it dashed off away from the spooky cave.

Creeping forward, Applejack slowly entered through the tear in the rock. This was where her boots shined - metaphorically - as they cushioned her hooves and kept them from making a sound on the chilled stone. Just inside the entrance, the cave juked hard to the right - and without the echoes to baffle it, the moans took a more recognizable form. Applejack's ears swiveled, locking in on the source. "...Is that a pony makin' that noise?"

Whatever it was heard her voice, instantly clamming up.

Applejack sighed as she inched forward. "Ah know you're there. Look, if you're in trouble Ah'm open to help. If you ain't then Ah want to know if you've got any mistletoe. See, there's none to be found in town and--"

Her words and her blood froze as her eyes adjusted. Laying on the floor of the cave in a makeshift nest of leaves was not a pony but a night-black changeling. Seventeen different thoughts collided in her head at once, each clambering for control. None could take it, leaving her standing dumbly and staring at the creature.

In turn, the changeling stared back at her with pupil-less eyes.

Just as the mental command to turn her hooves and buck got to the front of the pack, the changeling spoke. Perhaps he saw the way her hips were flexing to swing or he was simply aware of the situation - either way, the changeling's voice was frail and quavering. "Please. Please don't."

And that was enough.

'Buck in the face' receded from Applejack's brain, replaced by a curious squint.

Initial confusion past, she got a better look at the bug. What she had seen as black chitin was ashy on second glance and his chest was rising and falling with rapid, shallow breaths.

She hesitated, and he raised his head higher to her. "I'm sick. Please. Please help me."

She couldn't not.

Kneeling down, Applejack took the changeling's head and cradled it in her forehooves. "What the heck are you doin' out here."

He looked back with bleary eyes. "Hiding," he admitted. Applejack recoiled slightly as she caught a whiff of his breath - it stank of bile.

Eyes darting around to search for clues, Applejack distractedly tried to keep his mind occupied. "Hidin' from what?"

"You. Ponies." The changeling shuddered, curling inwards to grab what she presumed was his stomach. "If you find me, you'll--I'll--" He twisted his head away from her, vomiting on the cave floor.

She winced away as well, grimacing at the ugly sounds. But looking back -- looking back her eyes widened. In the mess of stomach acid and pulped greenery were a few intact traces of the changeling's most recent meal: small oval leaves and chewed-up white berries.

The connection was instant. Applejack glared at the changeling with rising anger. "You're why all the mistletoe's gone. And you ate it?"

Weakly, the changeling nodded. "It's--" He shuddered again as another bolt of pain wracked through him. "Stories around the hive said they were a delicacy. Ponies kiss under them, so the berries soak up the love. And I've just been so hungry..."

"Why didn't you just..." She hesitated. Even if she was curious, Applejack didn't want to spark any ideas. But she also needed to know. "Y'all take love from ponies directly, don't ya?"

Again, a nod. "We do. But I'm alone. I've been trying to get home and--" The changeling heaved, barely holding back another bout of sickness. "Taking love needs time. One mistake and you ponies would find me. And then I'd be..." He trailed off as the situation dug through the haze of illness. "Oh. You found me anyway." Fear started to overwhelm the pain and he stiffened to try and bolt.

With a heavy sigh, Applejack shook her head. "Ah ain't gonna hurt you. Those berries are poison - you already hurt yourself plenty." There was no way she'd be able to give Rarity what she wanted now - the mistletoe was all eaten - but that wasn't important anymore. Changeling or not, he was hurt. Applejack couldn't abandon him. She might be mad that he'd inadvertently ruined the gift, but no creature deserved to suffer. "You're probably gonna be mighty sick until they're out of your system, but you'll live."

"Until I starve in a pony jail," came the gloomy counter.

Applejack hesitated. He wasn't wrong. If she went for help or even told anypony about this, he'd be in a cell before morning. And while this was a changeling, when she looked down at the sick, tragic mess? She felt pity. "...Ah won't tell a soul."

Her promise made the changeling raise his head, looking hopeful - for a few seconds. Then he dropped back down again. "You should. I'm never going to make it home. I don't have enough love to disguise myself for long anymore and it's so far."

Then - a thought occurred. A plan. A stupid, stupid plan. But the crazy long shot was better than nothing at all. "If you get some love into you - ya think you could make it? And be less sick?"

Surprise flashed through the changeling's eyes, followed by confusion. "Are you saying that you would--"

She raised a hoof to silence him. "Ah'm sayin' Ah want to make a deal. You get some love to make it home and Ah get--"

"--should have been here by now!" Twilight was pacing again. Of course, she had reason to - it was eight-seventeen and Applejack still hadn't made an appearance.

Rarity was uneasy as well, though less visibly so. She was instead on the balcony, leaning on the railing and watching the streets for a sign of her love. The others had confessed the whole plan to her at around eight-ten when it became obvious that something had gone wrong. Rather than fret about being ghosted by her marefriend, Rarity was instead holding back a low-level panic that Applejack was hurt.

Which is why Pinkie Pie was not uneasy, as she'd left at a gallop for the Acres to try to resolve her friend's worries.

Fate, however, had different things in mind. Rarity let out a small yelp of joy as the street lamps lit up a pony stampeding towards the library - orange clad in green. "She's coming!" Rarity spun, giddy at the sight. "Twilight, she's coming! Open the door!"

Just barely in time, Twilight's aura yanked the door open. Applejack was already airborne, ready to leap straight through the door if the young Princess hadn't gotten it in time. Without a word she careened across the main room of the library, drifting through her turn like a drunken Rainbow Dash to take the stairs up three at a time.

On the balcony, Rarity situated herself. Right at the point where moonlight and lamplight mixed, she waited. Posed carefully to coquettishly bat her eyes at the top of the stairs, she was in the perfect position to let Applejack see the practical glamor of her outfit of the evening: a paired velvet cape and ushanka, both in deep maroon with silver trim. It was a statement of Rarity herself: tasteful, composed, full of poise and grace.

Applejack was exactly zero of those things. Her outfit was a shambles - the trip back out of the Everfree had done even more damage. Most of the lace accents had been ripped away, the frock was torn and one of the boots had its sole flapping free with each step. Nor was her personal hygiene in any way acceptable. Sweat, brambles, mud and sticks tainted nearly every square inch of Applejack's mane and tail, and she had the inexplicable scent of vomit on her. And poise? Grace? Those were nowhere to be seen as she panted, barrel heaving with each deep lungful of air.

But she had a large sprig of fresh mistletoe gripped tightly in her mouth and victory in her eyes.

"Darling, you look horrid!"

Applejack ignored Rarity's exclamation. She had a mission - lifting up onto her hind legs, she stretched to try and hang the mistletoe atop the doorway. After three tries of reaching, failing and falling, Twilight caught up and lifted the tiny bit of greenery in her aura. Once it hitched into place, Applejack finally dropped back to all fours and faced down her marefriend.

"Rarity," she started with the certainty of the condemned, "Ah know this isn't exactly what you were hopin' for. And you don't have to say a word of it! You were lookin' for somethin' out of one of your romance novels - not from somepony who shows up late, filthy and smellin' like the worst parts of a pig sty. Ah tried, though." Applejack's head drooped. "Ah tried my best."

There was a moment's pause - then Rarity took two steps closer with a sway of her hips. "You do stink," she agreed. "But the rest is utterly ridiculous. Applejack, darling, I said that I wanted a kiss that encapsulates our love! And I can think of very little could show it better than this. You spent, what, the past week and change preparing? And then when the slightest little thing went wrong, you valiantly forged out and did everything within your power to make it right again. Perhaps it has made you a tad late and somewhat mussed..." She paused and amended herself. "Very mussed. But love? Passion? You have shown those in spades, my dearest."

Applejack scuffed her boot on the floor bashfully. "What about the joie de vivre?"

A smirk played across Rarity's lips. "You don't have any idea what that is, do you."

"...Nnnope," the farmer admitted.

And Rarity laughed - a tittering, musical chime that lifted Applejack's heart. The unicorn took one more step forward. "Applejack." She flashed a pouting smile, and then pointedly nodded upwards at the mistletoe she was standing under.

"Oh. Oh!" Applejack flushed red as a macintosh.

"That's your cue," came the gentle reminder.

She took it. Two steps closed what little gap remained, putting the two ponies beside each other. Rarity leaned in for a kiss - but Applejack denied her. Instead the earth pony tipped to the side, nuzzling her marefriend. Slipping her nose into the crook of Rarity's jaw, Applejack sheltered for a moment under that curl of violet mane and took a soul-calming whiff the day's perfume: mandarin and ginger.

Beside her, Rarity giggled. "Tease."

Applejack clicked her tongue. "Tease implies you ain't gonna get what you want."

"Am I?" Rarity's eyelashes fluttered with the playful question.

No words were used to respond - just lips on lips. A soft graze for the first touch, then a second press. Harder. Pushing. Pressing deeper as Applejack leaned her firm farmer's form into the kiss. Rarity pushed back for a moment, briefly meeting strength to strength - before acquiescing to Applejack and letting herself be swept away.

An eternity (plus a little more) raced as Applejack fit everything into actions she didn't have words for. First passion, then care, followed by a languid slide into familiar comfort. Her aggressive push slacked to a final moment where she allowed a tiny hair's width of space between them again, letting them each take a breath from each other's lips.

"Not--"

Rarity didn't get out the second syllable before Applejack kissed her again, lunging suddenly in to steal one last taste - and to bite Rarity's lip just a tiny bit as she pulled back. All the unicorn could do was yelp at the pleasurable nip of pain.

"Happy Hearth's Warming," Applejack pronounced smugly.

Rarity giggled with cheer, slightly punch-drunk as she leaned into the farmer. "Happy Hearth's Warming. Now take me home. I'm certain that while Twilight has slipped away to give us some privacy, she would like to have her library back."

They laughed, walking off leaning against one another.

Once they were out of sight, a spark of green flame enveloped the mistletoe and the changeling dropped to the balcony. He shivered, full now for the first time in months. His wings buzzed, eager to once more take flight and try to make it home.

But before lifting off, he paused. Brow wrinkled, he looked down from the balcony onto Ponyville. Asleep early for the holiday, the little snowy town sat quiet before him. Lit by streetlamps and practically thrumming with good cheer, the changeling felt something far different than he had in the Everfree - why had he been so afraid of this place? A pony had helped him and the town seemed packed to the brim with positive emotions. Why run, just to risk the beasts of the badlands for starvation at the hive?

He frowned. "No, no, this is stupid. I can't seriously be considering staying here." He shook his head... and still didn't take off. A quick glance back into the library to make sure he wasn't seen - then he transformed back into mistletoe. "It can wait until morning. Then you're out of here, Kevin," he mumbled to himself. "You're just here for the food..."

Author's Note

The ironic thing about this story is that one of the most common host plants for mistletoe are apple trees.

My prompt this year was: "Rarity and Applejack are nice, but not essential. Light and fluffy - comedy and/or romance, or even better, romantic comedy? EQG is absolutely an option." While I failed to human correctly, I think I hit most of the rest decently well.

Oh, and for reference, Applejack's new Hearth's Warming dress can be seen here.