Where the Love-Light Gleams

by Petrichord

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 3236

Rainbow Dash hasn't written Applejack a letter back in six weeks. Tonight, Dash gets to explain why.

Life can be tough when work takes you far, far away. It can be harder when ponies you care about don't get the chance to stay in touch, even when they try to—and even when they have good reasons for not being able to write back.

But finally, Applejack's getting an explanation. Finally, she's getting the truth straight from the horse's mouth, as it were.

Even if the truth hurts.

*********************************

This was written for Shaslan as a part of Jinglemas 2020! For more information about Jinglemas, checkout our group!

I was more than a little nervous writing this, honestly—I haven't taken a crack at Appledash before, honestly—but I do hope Shaslan likes it.

All of my thanks to Flashgen for his help.

And once again, I really, really recommend looking into Jinglemas if you haven't given it a shot yet! It's a wonderful time, trust me, and I'm not totally biased on the matter. :p

Published 2020-12-27 18:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-27 18:40:00 UTC

I'll be home

Applejack sat in the kitchen chair by the framed photo of Granny Smith, sipping her cider and watching the clock’s hands tick steadily towards midnight.

It would be nice if she could sleep. It would be nice if she could count on her ability to sleep. But laying her head on her pillow felt less like collecting a bag of bits and more like the spin of a roulette wheel these days. Would she be able to sleep as she’d slept through most of her life? Or would she be compelled once again to sit and wait for her apprehension to be overwhelmed by exhaustion, until she passed out with her face smushed against the kitchen table?

Worrying was her own fault, really. There was no point in keeping herself up like this, not when she had nothing she should be worrying about. If she’d learned to trust that—

The knock on her door almost caused Applejack to jump out of her skin.

Setting her mug of cider down with shaking hooves, Applejack rubbed her eyes and staggered over to the door. Cautiously, as if handling a lit firework, Applejack swallowed a mouthful of phlegm and pulled the door open.

It was snowing outside. Not that she’d have noticed if she hadn’t lit up the kitchen, but the snowfall outside was almost picturesque: big, heavy flakes drifted down in a mellow waltz as a faint breeze nudged them slightly to the side.

And just beyond the threshold’s door was something far more beautiful than every snowfall put together.

“Rainbow Dash?” Applejack said.

The pegasus stood in the doorway, cyan wings ruffled and rainbow mane tousled slightly in the breeze. Even if she hadn’t been wearing anything, Rainbow Dash would have looked undeniably majestic—but the heavy flight jacket covering her body commanded respect, too, and the combination of the jacket and its wearer was nothing short of jaw-dropping.

For a second Rainbow Dash stood there, saying nothing. Then her mouth opened, tongue and jaws moving silently before closing again.

“...Come again?” Applejack probed.

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth again, worked it silently, then shut it once more. Abruptly, a blush bloomed on her cheeks before she hastily covered it with one wing.

Applejack snorted, forcing a smile. “What, did you go mute while you were away?”

“I had something super cool to say, okay? I had, like, half a dozen super cool things all planned out.” Rainbow Dash pulled her wing away, though a faint blush lingered. “I dunno why I can’t say them. Guhhh, I must seem like such a dweeb right now.”

“Sugarcube, I can think of plenty of words to describe you, an’ trust me when I say that ‘dweeb’ ain’t one of them.”

Rainbow Dash arched an eyebrow. “So what words would you use, then?”

“Well, let’s start with ‘ain’t got enough common sense to not knock on my door at eleven thirty in the evening.’ ”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “Is that anything like ‘not giving me room to step inside when it’s snowing out?”

Applejack smiled wryly and stepped away from the door. “You got me there.”

Rainbow Dash spread her wings and flapped up into the air. From the way she glided over the kitchen floor to settle into a chair, an unpracticed eye might think that her movements were effortless and graceful. But Applejack could tell that there was a stiffness in her wings that hadn’t been there before—the faintest jerkiness that seemed out of place from one of Equestria’s finest fliers.

“Can I getcha anything?” Applejack probed, shutting the door and turning around.

Rainbow Dash eyed her mug. “Got any cider?”

Applejack took a seat next to Rainbow Dash and shoved her mug in front of Rainbow Dash’s hooves.

Rainbow Dash arched her eyebrow again. “You don’t have to give me yours, doofus.”

“I wasn’t drinking ‘cause I was thirsty, Dash. I was drinking ‘cause it was warm, an’ I was tryin’ to stop worryin’ an’ go back to bed.”

Rainbow Dash lifted the mug to her lips and took a sip. “Ahhhh. Yeah, this takes the bite off of the weather. Thanks, AJ.”

“My pleasure.” Applejack hesitated, waiting for Rainbow Dash to take a second gulp before pressing on. “So why’d you stop here, anyway? Ain’t you got a house you could be headin’ to? Or your folks’ place?”

“Pfffft. I’m sure they’d love that.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “I’m not in the mood for waking up mom and dad just to have them make a dumb fuss about me. And it’d be lonely if I went to bed by myself. So I figured, eh, might as well at least see what you guys have been up to before I decided one way or another.”

“An’ I bet you’re gonna ask to spend the night over here instead, ain’tcha.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged, smirking. “I won’t ask if you save me the trouble and just offer to let me stay instead.”

Applejack leaned back in her chair. “You’re really something, you know that?”

“You know you love it, AJ.”

Applejack rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “How I feel about it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a tad strange to be flyin’ around this late at night.”

“My train came in late. You might not know it, but it’s kind of snowing like crazy outside. They had to get auxiliary weatherponies to blow the snow off of some of the tracks about halfway through, and that took a while.” Rainbow Dash shrugged again. “But, hey, we gotta have a white Hearth’s Warming, right?”

“Speakin’ of, how come you’re back this early?” Applejack arched an eyebrow. “I thought you were gonna miss Hearth’s Warming for sure. Didn’t you say that—”

Rainbow Dash dropped her gaze to her mug. “Hey, now. You really think that they wouldn’t let somepony like me come back early if I wanted?”

Applejack sat up a little. “Darn tootin’. You’re kind of a big deal, Rainbow Dash.”

“That’s exactly why they’re letting me head back to Ponyville. And Cloudsdale. Whatever.” Rainbow Dash chewed her lip and continued to avoid Applejack’s increasingly pointed gaze. “They’re not gonna tell me I can’t…”

“Really.”

“Really.”

Silence settled. Rainbow Dash picked up her mug again and drained its contents in one long gulp, before setting it down in front of Applejack again. “Got any more?”

“How come you stopped writing to me?”

“It’s gotten busy up there. Really busy.”

“Busy, huh.”

“Things haven’t been going well, okay?” Rainbow Dash snapped, looking up again. “I mean, my team’s doing well, but some of the pegasi up there can’t tell their feathers from their flanks. Trying to get everypony coordinated has been almost as hard as the work itself.”

“You’re still callin’ what you’re doin’ work?” Applejack’s voice softened. “Like it’s just another job?”

“It should be.” Rainbow Dash rubbed her eyes. “Look, at the end of the day, everypony has a job to do. I’m just doing mine.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to—”

“I will eventually, okay?” Rainbow Dash cut in. “Just...not right now. I want to enjoy Hearth’s Warming for what it is, and the less fuss made about things, the better.”

“That’s the real reason why you don’t want to visit your folks, ain’t it?”

“Yeah, but if you’re gonna be like this—”

“Dash, anypony with half a brain’s gonna be like this. You’re kind of a big deal.”

“I thought you wouldn’t be like this! You’re calm, sensible, down-to-earth Applejack. You’re, like, the bedrock of Ponyville. The pony anypony and everypony can count on. And all I wanted you to be was...okay. Not making a fuss.”

Applejack didn’t respond. Rainbow Dash didn’t press on. Both took turns staring at the mug, trying to make eye contact, failing and staring at the mug again.

Then Applejack took a deep breath. “I won’t let anypony else know you’re here until you want me to. I ain’t gonna say I’ll be totally calm with whatever you’re gonna tell me. I know you, I know me, an’ we both know that I ain’t gonna not care about you just ‘cause you said I shouldn’t. But I can keep things between us for the moment, okay?”

Rainbow Dash nodded and raised her head again. “...Okay. I can work with that.”

“So.” Applejack scooted her chair closer to Rainbow Dash and sat up straight. “I heard, ah...work’s going well.”

“Good and bad.” Rainbow Dash looked like she was going to slouch forward in her chair, but after a half-second of lurching she moaned and leaned back instead. “Ugh. Last I checked, all the little things are all working out okay but things aren’t great overall. I keep hoping that Ember and the rest of the dragons will fly up and help out, but I’m guessing that Spike hasn’t been able to talk them into it, huh?”

“They’ve been havin’ their own problems.” Applejack rested her forehoof on the table. “Otherwise they would have started helping out months ago. Spike’s still tryin’ to help ‘em out an’ talk them around to our side, but no luck so far.”

“Figures.” Rainbow Dash grunted and rested her forehoof next to Applejack’s. “What about the changelings?”

Applejack shook her head. “Ain’t heard anythin’ about them. I’ve still got a farm to run, an’ more mouths to feed than ever before. Everypony’s got their own job to do, yeah?”

“See? That’s what I’ve been saying.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “But yeah. I feel like I’ve been taking on more and more responsibility. Or was, anyway. I keep wondering how ponies like Spitfire handle everything.”

“More responsibility as of recently?”

“Well…” Rainbow Dash fell silent.

Wordlessly, Applejack reached over and rested her hoof on top of Rainbow Dash’s hoof. Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened briefly, but she didn’t say anything.

“You haven’t answered my letters in a while,” Applejack pressed. “Six weeks or so. Ain’t you been gettin’ mine?”

“Yeah, but...I mean, I’ve been reading them, I promise. Just…” Rainbow Dash chewed on her lip.

“Rainbow Danger Elizabeth Professionalism Dash.” Applejack kept her voice even, but Rainbow Dash still flinched.

“Breaking out all the middle names, huh?”

“Darn tootin’.”

Rainbow Dash sighed. Then, closing her eyes for a bit longer than a standard blink, she sat back in her chair. “This is why I didn’t want to see my parents. All the questions.”

“I mean, you’re kind of—”

“I know. I know.” Rainbow Dash reached up to the collar of her flight jacket, fumbling with her forehoof until she found the zipper. “You know, when I headed off months ago, I wanted things to go well for your sake. I mean, for everypony’s sake, really, but...you know what I mean, right?”

Applejack chuckled. “Dash, you’re makin’ it sound like I’m some fragile lil’ thing that can’t handle a bad hoofful of cards.”

Rainbow Dash unzipped her coat and shrugged it off of her shoulders.

The string of expletives that poured out of Applejack’s mouth could have curdled milk and driven sensitive ponies catatonic.

“Can’t handle a bad hoofful, huh?” Rainbow Dash smirked darkly, laying her forehoof back down on the kitchen table again.

“Dash, what in the hay happened?”

“Hoof-to-claw fighting. A lot of hoof-to-claw fighting in an urban environment dense enough for knives and not much else. The medics said it was a miracle that I managed to get back to camp at all.” Rainbow Dash cocked her head. “Hey, did the papers say anything about Griffenheim?”

“The battle of Griffenheim? But that was...six weeks ago…”

“Battle of Griffenheim, huh? Y’know, I’m not some kind of art-loving pony like Rarity, but even I can tell that’s kind of a boring name.” Dash reached over to toy with the rim of the cider mug. “Better than the name I heard at camp, though.”

A lump formed in the pit of Applejack’s stomach. “An’ that was…?”

“If you’re this freaked out by some scars and stitches—”

“Some?”

“—then I’ll spare you what we call it up there, much less the rest of the details. Look, I don’t want to think about it too much, okay? I promised myself when they honorably discharged me that I wasn’t going to spend my time back here trapped in my own head. I figured that it’s better if I try to be happy instead. Spend time with ponies I care about instead of remembering ones that I can’t. Spend time with, I mean, I…”

Rainbow Dash chewed on her lip again, avoiding meeting Applejack’s eyes.

“...but I mean, I’ve been gone for a while. If there’s somepony you’ve met—”

Applejack stood up, grabbed Rainbow Dash’s head in her hooves and kissed her.

Rainbow Dash resisted, but only briefly - as soon as Applejack’s lips pressed fully against hers, the pegasus went limp. Silence overtook the kitchen, save for the ticking of the clock, and Applejack didn’t pull her head back until the minute hand had slid forward two notches. But she did pull away, eventually, before readjusting her stetson and taking a deep breath.

“Of course I haven’t met anypony, you dumb sack of horse apples.”

Rainbow Dash smirked. “I guess all the stallions that meet your standards are off at the front lines too, huh?”

Applejack boggled. “After all them letters I sent, you figure—”

“It’s a joke. I’m joking. Relax.” Rainbow Dash sighed. “I just...let me be flippant about it, okay? Young, arrogant, flippant Rainbow Dash wouldn’t have let these things get her down.”

“You ain’t old, Rainbow Dash.”

“And you aren’t old either. But I do feel older. Or maybe I’m just tired. I feel like a clock with the gears all ground down these days. You know what I mean, right?”

Applejack’s eyes flicked towards the photo of Granny Smith, but she remained silent.

“I’ll...get things figured out.” Rainbow Dash gestured noncommittally in the air with her hoof. “I have time. I’m not going anywhere unless things get really bad up there. It’s not like I wasn’t doing as much as I could already while they had me lying in a field hospital. After all that, I can’t imagine them not letting me have a break.”

“Lettin’ you come home, sure, I understand that, but what now?” Applejack trailed off, looking back at Rainbow Dash. All things considered, it was amazing that a pony could have an expression like hers—still self-assured, still convinced that she had everything under control— when her chest and torso looked like…

“I thought about that. I thought about what I wanted to do after I knew they weren’t gonna let me do my job anymore. And I mean, I guess I can’t blame them. I tried as hard as I could in Griffenheim, believe me, but I guess I’d consider myself a liability, too. My insides…” Rainbow Dash’s gaze dropped.

“Ain’t nopony gonna blame you for gettin’ hurt in the middle of a w— in the middle of your job, I mean. Even the best…” Applejack paused, then got up, scooted her chair right next to Rainbow Dash’s, and sat down again. “...If you really don’t wanna go talk to your folks, I understand. You can stay here as long as you like.”

“I changed my mind a little.”

“Oh.” Applejack’s voice grew quieter. “I mean, yeah, I guess visitin’ your folks is—”

“Not about that.” Rainbow Dash shook her head and stared at Applejack. “Look, younger Rainbow Dash would have been flippant and arrogant, and that’s fine for...dealing with this. But I don’t want to entirely be her.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Look, younger Rainbow Dash, before the...before I took a new job, she...you felt kinda the same about this Rainbow Dash, right? Except maybe you like that one better, because she didn’t head out somewhere far away and not write you letters for six weeks.”

“Don’t sell yourself short.” Applejack chuckled. “She could be a bit of a featherbrain.”

“And I’m not now?” Rainbow Dash smirked, but the smirk quickly faded. “No, I mean, that’s not the issue. That Rainbow Dash, she was...kind of bad about actually seeing things through, right?”

Applejack felt her heart begin to beat faster. “I don’t getcha.”

“Of course you do. Look, I know you...and you know...we knew, right? We both knew. And we were both dumb about it. ‘Cause we didn’t have much to worry about, right? So we could just keep distance with our hooves raised, hoping something would nudge us closer so that we wouldn’t have to step forward.”

A thrill ran down Applejack’s spine. “I’m sorry—”

“So am I, okay? I feel dumb about constantly being a tease, acting like my work was keeping me too busy from taking a risk and actually thinking about a life outside of the Wonderbolts. And I feel dumb for not realizing that I could have reached out a lot sooner. You know how often everypony else sent letters?”

Applejack tilted her Stetson upward. “They’re all busy, Dash.”

“So are you. Heck, I know you’re working harder than ever to help out on the front. Growing food’s just as important as making swords. More than that, even.” Rainbow Dash turned towards Applejack a little and spread her forehooves. “And yet you always took the time to send letters. And it wasn’t until a few weeks out there that I realized what all your words meant.”

Applejack could feel heat rushing to her cheeks. “I mean, they didn’t necessarily—”

“I’m a dumb pony, but I’m not that dumb, okay? Cut me a little slack.” Rainbow Dash sighed, casting a glance at the kitchen clock. “And I guess it’s a good thing that I figured it all out after all. I just wish that when I came home, I wouldn’t look like...this.”

Applejack took another look at Rainbow Dash’s chest and tried to suppress a grimace. “It ain’t...I mean...you gonna be okay?”

“As okay as I can reasonably expect to be. Hopefully okay enough that I’ll be able to help out with things despite not being up there anymore. I still want to be useful, even if I’m not as young as I used to be. And…” Rainbow Dash chewed on her lip. “...I don’t want to make one particular mistake this time, while I’m here.”

The implication hung in the air, unstated. Two sets of eyes stared into each other, not daring to look away for even an instant.

Finally, Applejack broke the silence. “No more standing out of reach?”

“Not this time. I have another chance to be close to somepony, and I can’t imagine anypony featherbrained enough to spend all that time after surgery, alone with their thoughts, and not think about stuff like this.”

A snarky comment bubbled up to Applejack’s lips, and she opened her mouth.

This time, Rainbow Dash caught her words for her. The pegasus leaned forward, tilting her head as muzzle pressed against muzzle, lips pressed against lips. Applejack’s tail flicked once, twice, before she grew almost perfectly still, allowing herself to get lost in the moment.

And when Rainbow Dash finally pulled away, Applejack couldn’t help but smile.

“Wanna start fresh?” Rainbow Dash said.

Applejack’s smile widened. “Sure.”

“Cool.” Rainbow Dash returned the smile, before her eyes flicked down to the cider mug. “So, uh…”

“Thirsty?”

“It wouldn’t hurt to clear my throat.” Rainbow Dash chuckled. “I think we’ve got a lot of talking to do.”