Whirlwind Romance

by FanOfMostEverything

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Rarity, Other
Length: 2906

There's never a dull moment in Ponyville. The problems come when non-dull moments intersect.

Everyone needs time to breathe now and again, and the princesses are no different. Cadence was happy to use a request to speak at the School of Friendship as an excuse to get in a relaxing mini-vacation in Ponyville.

The issue with that plan was using "relaxing" and "Ponyville" in the same sentence.

Set in Season 8, just before "On the Road to Friendship." Rated Teen for references to alcohol, violence, and certain biological functions.

Published 2021-07-18 15:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2021-07-18 15:50:03 UTC

Stormchaser, Stormchaser, Chase Me a Storm

Some ponies thought alicorns lived the sweet life. To them, Celestia just had to move the sun and eat cake. Luna literally did her job in her sleep. And according to one gossip article printed a year before her wedding, Mi Amore Cadenza was the living embodiment of “Stallions want her, mares want to be her.”

Cadence herself had always found that amusing. Not only had she known more than a few mares who’d wanted her over the years, the number of stallions who wanted to be her had only gone up when she’d claimed the Crystal Throne. (And, to a lesser but still notable degree, Shining Armor.)

Early in her training, Celestia had told Cadence that envy was an inevitable part of the alicorn condition. There would always be those who felt she did not deserve her power, whether because of genuine disapproval, ignorance at what she had endured at Prismia’s hooves, or simple thirst for power. Even now, she wasn’t sure which camp Sunset Shimmer had fallen into.

By the same token, as Celestia had said she would, Cadence envied those with simpler lives and fewer responsibilities. Running an entire city-state of the traumatized and time-displaced was bad enough without empathically feeling that lingering fear spike every time one of her subjects looked at a unicorn horn. Add in keeping an eye on the unofficial Princess of Explosions, negotiating with world leaders who saw her as little more than a pawn of the sun, and more besides, Cadence barely found any time to be herself. Some days she wondered if she still remembered who that was.

And then there was Twilight Sparkle. The mare who seemed to defy every bit of Celestia’s wisdom when it came to being a princess. (None of which she’d apparently ever heard, which made Cadence wonder how much it had really helped her own reign.) Twilight wouldn’t even understand how a pony could lose track of herself in her work… which, to be fair, was why she needed Spike. Still, Cadence envied her sister-in-law more than anypony on all levels but the romantic, and they could tackle that when the time was right.

Cadence’s sanity relied on Twilight as much as her brother. Shining was her love, her foundation, her prince reigning by her side. But Twilight and her friends offered a time and place where Cadence could put the crown away, even if it never left her head. Ponyville had become a refuge where any alicorn could be just another mare for a few hours, even if she was officially there to act as a guest speaker at the School of Friendship.

A slight sense of dragging forward and faint screech of brakes told Cadence that the Crystal Express was pulling into the Ponyville station. She rose from her seat with a smile and moved to the royal car's doors, ready for the most low-key day she'd had in moons. Even the guards at her sides gave off more calm than concern for her well-being.

Then the doors opened, letting in the sounds of crashing objects, screaming ponies, and ominous thunder. Only at that point did Cadence remember that Twilight’s life still couldn’t be called completely carefree.

Flash Sentry looked up at the swirling storm clouds overhead and gripped his spear a little tighter. “Should we go back, Your Highness?”

She shook her head. “Whatever’s going on, it won’t be helped by missing an appointment with Twilight.”

A chunk of window frame and broken glass bounced off of the train like a factory-reject hailstone. Cadence found herself taking another step under the train station’s awning.

“You’re sure, Your Highness?” said her other escort, a bulky crystal stallion named Amethyst Point.

Cadence waited for a few moments, looking, smelling, feeling at the wind currents with slightly spread wings and at the emotional atmosphere with stranger senses. “Doesn't seem like anything’s on fire. We should still see her.”

She pretended not to notice the twinge of uncertainty that passed between the two guards. “As you say, Your Highness,” said Flash.

“I do.” With only a little hesitation, Cadence moved out of the safety of the station, projecting a shallow cerulean lens overhead like a magical umbrella. She looked back at the guards. “Come on, you two. Let’s not forget which one of us kept Sombra out of the Empire single-horned for a week.”

Flash sighed as they followed her into town. “It’s embarrassing when you do our job for us, Your Highness.”

Cadence winced as a piece of support beam bounced off the shield. She could keep it up through much worse, but that didn’t make the blows fun. “Feel free to leave it out of your report.” One glance at the funnel cloud making its way through the market district made her add, “And maybe that as well.”

Amethyst Point sighed. “Your Highness, if Commander Armor finds out we let you go take care of another extreme weather event, we’ll be peeling potatoes for a moon.”

“You only got a moon?” said Flash, incredulity and indignation radiating through his aura.

“Cadence!”

“Hold that thought.” She turned to the voice and cantered to its source, standing by one of the town fountains under her own shield. “Twilight! What’s going on?”

“In my defense,” Rarity said from Twilight’s side, “it seemed like an excellent idea at the time.”

Twilight gritted her teeth and, in the tone she used when she didn’t want to admit how upset she was, grumbled, “It always does.” A shingle bounced off of the heliotrope shield now extending over all five ponies and did nothing to improve her mood.

“Well, after my little tiff with Rainbow Dash, I couldn’t help but feel I owed her a more tangible apology. Preferably one you didn’t engineer, Twilight. I do appreciate the effort you put into our reconciliation, but it was a touch, well, manipulative.”

Cadence could feel the frustration and embarrassment in the air, but that didn't tell her anything her eyes couldn't. “I came in late to all of this,” she said. “How did that lead to, well…” She swept a wing across the ongoing rain of housing materials. Also the occasional bit of actual rain. The few bystanders wandering through the havoc didn’t seem at all concerned; she distinctly heard one say it didn’t have a patch on last Tuesday’s disaster.

“I’m getting to that, dear,” said Rarity. “Truth be told, I likely could have used your insight in the process.”

“Romance?” Cadence said flatly, because it wasn’t like she reigned over her own sovereign territory or anything.

“Naturally. You see, this whole kerfuffle began because Rainbow Dash and I felt we had nothing in common. And we don’t have much, really, but one trait that we do share is our love of the spotlight. And, well, when you set out to make yourself known as we both have, you’re bound to attract some unwanted attention.”

Flash cleared his throat. "Not to interrupt, but should we do something about the cyclone?"

"It does appear to be getting closer," added Amethyst.

"Don't worry," said Twilight. "Rainbow Dash is taking care of it."

Cadence glanced at the tornado and suppressed an instinctual urge to find a cloud somewhere far away. “Could you summarize a little?”

That got half a dozen scoffs from Rarity. “Oh, but you can hardly appreciate this without the proper context! Don’t you agree, Twilight?”

And Twilight Sparkle, standing directly in the path of an ongoing natural disaster, just rolled her eyes and snarked out, “I’m usually all for providing necessary background details, but I don’t think Cadence needs the full breakdown on those two.”

"It may help," said Cadence. "This is definitely one of the worst lovers' quarrels I've ever seen." Almost as bad as that one couple in Canterlot with the ancient cursed amulet. She wondered what had ever happened to that archaeology postgrad.

Rarity blushed and glanced away. "They, ah, aren't actually together."

It took everything Cadence had to keep her jaw from dropping. That left nothing to stop her from shouting, “You’re telling me this is all from matchmaking?”

Twilight burst into laughter at that, ending up on her side, though thankfully keeping focus on the shield.

Rarity's face approached a massive cherry in appearance. “Really, Twilight, you don’t have to rub it in.”

“Sorry, sorry," Twilight gasped out between breaths as she got back to her hooves. "A thought blindsided me. It’s just… from the first time I saw Sweetie Belle melt toast, I wondered if that kind of impossible capacity for disaster was genetic. And, well…” She trailed off, still snickering.

That got a flat-lidded look in response. “You cannot possibly think that this is comparable to my sister’s horrific attempts to cook.”

“I’m just saying, this explains a lot about your own dating history.”

The temperature seemed to drop at that, and not just because of the smattering of actual hail. “Miss Sparkle," said Rarity, "I warn you, I will not fall for another of your scavenger hunt-based ruses. I will accept an apology for your words today, but it will cost you.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You may want to reconsider those words after the mayor's office estimates the budget for repairs.”

"A-hem." The Royal Canterlot Throat-Clearing, which had served Cadence well in court and with tough babysitting jobs before it, once more proved its worth. “Who exactly did you try to pair up?”

Twilight said nothing, likely reliving one of the few times Cadence had had to lay down the law on bedtime reading. Rarity, however... “W-well, you have to understand, they seemed like such a good study in contrasts. Ambition and contentment, confidence and insecurity, seizing the moment and savoring it. And yet both strike such similar chords when one meets them. I figured I wouldn’t just be getting them out of Rainbow’s mane, I’d help them find happiness as well.”

Cadence sighed. She didn't need to be Celestia to see the disaster coming. Especially with it still coming down Saddle Street. “I see," she said, needing to raise her voice a bit of the rising winds. "And their names?”

As if in response, a lanky pegasus stallion slammed into Twilight's shield with a meaty thwack, leaving him spread-eagled on top of it.

A green streak zipped out of the cyclone, resolving itself into a mare with coat and mane colors close to the stallion's, disgust roiling off of her in waves. She spat on him. “And that’s for smacking my flank, creepazoid! Ugh, and I thought Rolling was bad.” She blinked. "Wait, who's casting that—" Her eyes bugged out as she looked at Twilight. "Oh, yellow rain."

Behind her, weather pegasi converged on the tornado, unwinding it. "They couldn't have done that earlier?" Amethyst muttered, probably not realizing it.

The stallion atop the shield shakily raised his head. Twilight dropped the shield and grabbed him before he had a chance to fall. “Hey, Rares?" he said as she lowered him to the ground. "I appreciate the thought, but I don’t think we’re quite as simpatico as you might have hoped.”

The hovering mare snorted. "What was your first hint?"

“Okay, hold on." Cadence needed to take a calming breath before she could keep speaking evenly. "You’re telling me that that mare created a tornado that carved a line through Ponyville because of one unwelcome advance?”

Twilight rolled her eyes as she set the stallion down. “From what Rainbow Dash has told me, it’s her solution to a lot of things.”

“Princess Cadence!” The stallion jumped out of his slouch like he'd been stung, only to wince the moment afterwards. “Ow, ow, still tender, ow.”

“Don’t push yourself needlessly, young stallion.”

"Cadence, this is Zephyr Breeze," said Rarity. She jabbed her horn at the mare overhead. "And I'm afraid that is Lightning Dust."

“Hey, this was your dumb plan from the…” Lightning trailed off as her gaze shifted from Rarity to Cadence. She facehoofed and sighed. “Brown hail, I knew this was a bad idea.”

Zephyr had apparently recovered enough to shake Cadence's hoof and offer what he thought was a winning smile. “Big fan, Your Highness. Loved your book.”

“… My book?”

That smile slipped a little further. “You know, Cadenza’s Secrets of the Heart? I've read it cover to cover a dozen times.”

“That was written by a sixty year-old stallion in Manehattan, you dingus." Lightning cleared her throat as attention came back on her. "Um. Your Highness. Highnesses. Sirs.” She hesitated when she got to Rarity. “… Countess?”

That got a smirk. “I am technically a knight-errant of the realm, but I appreciate the gesture.”

“Well, don’t think I missed the part where Grabby Wings here told you it wouldn’t work out. I don’t need some crazy dame trying to set me up with an overgrown colt who won’t take no for an answer." Lightning flashed a very rude wing gesture at Zephyr without even bobbing in the air, a feat as impressive as it was vulgar. "I’m gonna go catch up with Dash. She wasn’t expecting me, but maybe I can grab her out from under Spitfire’s stuck-up muzzle.”

As if on cue, Rainbow Dash came swooping in from the dispersing remains of the cyclone. "Yeah, that's not happening, Dusty."

"Can't blame a mare for trying," Lightning said with a smirk. Dash returned it as the two high-winged each other.

Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Do remember you said that."

Twilight was more focused on Dash. “Why didn't you stop the tornado?”

That got a blank stare for a few moments. “I was supposed to stop the tornado?”

“Yes!" Twilight cried, wings flaring out. She took to the air to get in Dash's muzzle. "You said you’d handle it!”

“And I did. I was keeping an eye on them the whole time."

“Lightning Dust destroyed six houses!”

“And? We’ve got, like, twelve in reserve." Dash held up a hoof. "And nopony was hurt. We have those evacuation drills for a reason.”

“What about Zephyr Breeze?”

"I can walk it off." After a beat, Zephyr swooned into a thoroughly unimpressed Flash's forelegs. "But if a certain mare wants to help nurse me back to health..." Flash let him drop, making him pout up at the guard. "C'mon, bro, help a stallion out."

Dash rolled her eyes. “After all the times I’ve told him off, I know exactly what he can handle. That's what I was doing, making sure Lightning didn’t do anything he'd feel in the morning.”

"Aw, I knew you cared." Zephyr grinned up at Dash. Even Cadence had to suppress an urge to punch him in the muzzle. There was sincerity in his infatuation, yes, but it was more shallow than the puddles around them.

Rainbow Dash just cringed and turned to Lightning. "Hey, Dusty, wanna get drunk enough to make some bad decisions together?"

That got a nod and a grin. "Sound like a plan."

"Alright, pub crawl!" Zephyr spread his wings, winced, and watched the two fly off. "You, uh, yeah, get a head start..." He hung his head and sighed.

"I do apologize, Zephyr," said Rarity.

He shook his head. "Nah, nah, no harm done. I appreciate the thought, really." He wistfully looked off into the distance. "I do like 'em fierce, but she was a bit too much for me."

The aimless despair radiating from him settled the decision Cadence had been grappling with since he'd smacked into the shield. "Zephyr?"

"Yes, Your Highness?"

"I'll be hosting a guest lecture on love and romance at the School of Friendship tomorrow. If you've got the time, I think it'll do you a world of good to hear it." Cadence kept any other thoughts on the subject to herself.

Zephyr's expression went through several phases of shock, confusion, and false bravado before settling on the most sincere, vulnerable look she'd seen on his muzzle. And that was nothing compared to his aura. "Thanks, Your Highness. I'm sure Flutters won't mind me crashing at her pad for one night... probably." He turned and trotted for Fluttershy's cottage, ears flattened as he sank deep in thought.

"That was certainly kind of you, Your Highness," said Amethyst.

"We all need a little guidance now and again. Especially those times when we're afraid to ask for it. And on that note, Rarity?" Cadence turned to the unicorn, who froze mid-retreat and turned with a sheepish grin on her muzzle. “What have we learned?”

Rarity cleared her throat. “Er, leave matchmaking to the professionals?”

“At the very least, don’t go by color coordination.”

Author's Note

"On the Road to Friendship" happened to air just between "The End in Friend" and "The Washouts." I'm not so foolish as to think that airing order strictly equates to chronological order, but it does let me use a canonical Cadence appearance between the Raridash falling-out and Lightning Dust burning any bridges she might have had in Ponyville. (Flurry presumably came down from the Empire after her mother made sure the town could survive another encounter with her.)

And yeah, funny how Dash seems to attract insufferable, green-coated blondes, isn't it?

Cadence's emotion sense has probably been done elsewhere. I thought it would be an interesting inclusion. There's so much unexplored potential with her. Heck, there's unexplored potential throughout Equestria. That's why I'm still writing ponyfic. :derpytongue2: Hope you enjoyed this.