The Once and Future Nuisance

by FanOfMostEverything

Rating: everyone
Tags: Science Fiction, My Little Pony: A New Generation, Adventure, Sugar Moonlight, Other, Sunny Starscout
Length: 5055

High adventure on the forgotten frontiers of Equestria is way outside of Sugar Moonlight's paygrade. Sunny Starscout couldn't care less. Not that that mare ever could.

Sugar Moonlight isn't just a pretty muzzle. She was the lead designer for the Canterlogic Impermeable Psychobarricade Skullcap™ (or "anti-mind-reading helmet" to everypony but the marketing team.)

You would think that Sunny Starscout would want nothing to do with her after restoring magic and reuniting the tribes, especially for some important mission out in the middle of nowhere. But even Sugar's never been able to figure out Sunny, and she's been trying for most of her life.

An entry in Shrink Laureate's G5 Bingo Contest and Bicyclette's Sci-Fi Contest. Tied for third place in the former and winner of the Ivory Cedar Committee Award for G5 Is Cool I Guess in the latter. Bingo prompt deliberately omitted from this description to avoid spoilers.

Published 2021-12-20 18:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-20 18:00:03 UTC

The Sun is a Mass of Insufferable Gas

Given the amount of effort that had gone into locating it, Sugar Moonlight could only conclude that the island hadn’t wanted to be found. That suited her just fine, because she hadn’t wanted to find it.

Unfortunately, Sugar wasn’t in charge of this project. Sunny Starscout was, and that mare never knew when to quit. And so Sugar found herself dragged along to the middle of the ocean aboard a flying machine that had no right to work, and that Sunny had apparently learned how to pilot inside of a week.

"Oh, that's the throttle and that's the helium release valve" would echo in Sugar's nightmares for the next few moons, she just knew it.

By the time they made it to their destination, an all-but-barren rock jutting out of the deep like some sunken unicorn's crumbling horn, they were so far out in the ocean that the endless blue stretched out in every direction. Looking at that empty horizon for long enough would make a pony with a darker coat blanch.

“Isn’t this amazing?”

Most other ponies, anyway. Sunny, as per usual, failed to see anything wrong with the situation.

Sugar blew her candy cane-colored bangs out of her eyes and made a point of looking around as much as she could bear. “Yeah. Great. I always wanted to be stranded with only some untested pegasus device to get us back to civilization.” She jabbed a pale hoof at the gasbag-basket monstrosity they’d ridden to get this far, held in place only by a sandbag tied to a rope Sunny had tossed overboard as they'd landed.

That actually got the smile off of Sunny's muzzle for a moment. “Hey, that dirigible's older than both of us put together. It saw a lot of use back in the day.”

“I stand corrected," Sugar deadpanned. "Stranded with only some decrepit pegasus device to get us back.”

Sunny gave an indignant snort as she started trotting down from the peak they'd used as a mooring point. “I'll have you know one of my closest friends led the restoration efforts on it.”

Sugar followed; it wasn't like she had any better options. “And why isn’t she here?”

“Because she’s still the crown princess of Zephyr Heights and needs to do some actual ruling now and then." A smirk crossed Sunny's face. "Whether she likes it or not." She took a deep breath. "Also, Phyllis and I are trying to bury the hatchet, so when I needed somepony to help study this place, I went to her.”

Sugar nearly stumbled in her shock. “Ms. Cloverleaf recommended me?”

“She said you were one of her best, if not the best.”

That really did make Sugar stumble, sending a few loose rocks tumbling into the sparse grass struggling up from the island. “Really? I haven’t heard her talk about anypony but her son like that.”

“Well... You didn’t hear it from me, but this was after three glasses of this crystal berry wine the unicorns have started exporting. We kind of talked about my dad beforehoof and…" Sunny cleared her throat. "Yeah. They may have disagreed on a lot, but it turns out there are days she misses him almost as much as I do.”

“Ah. Well.” Sugar looked for a subject change and realized she was standing on one. “So, uh, what is this place, anyway? My involvement in this project has mostly been Ms. Cloverleaf ordering me onto the inflated affront to gravity.”

That did the trick. Sunny tilted her her head back in that particular way that told all of Maretime Bay she was thinking back on Argyle's research. “It’s in an odd position in the historical record. The island doesn’t show up on any modern charts, but you find folkloric references to it a few generations ago. The further back you go, the more concrete the references become.”

Sugar furrowed her brow. “What, like Saddlantis? Or how humans weren’t really considered a fantasy creature, just living in some remote corner of the world?”

“No, not like Saddlantis." Sunny gestured towards a cleft in the peak they'd been descending. Broken pillars and statues awaited within. "It’s clearly real.”

“You didn’t say anything about the humans.”

“I mean, based on some of Dad’s notes about this ‘Sunset Shimmer’ pony…" Sunny trailed off when she looked back and saw Sugar's expression. "I’ll tell you later. Let’s just focus on the ruins.”

"Let's. You don't seem too surprised that they're here."

"Concrete references. It makes sense that there'd be some sign of settlement." And yet once Sunny got a good look at the statues, she still gasped and galloped towards one. "Oh my goodness!"

Sugar followed along, scowling as she took in the scenery. Something about it seemed... off somehow. "What?"

"Look! Horns and wings!"

That wasn't it, but it did merit mild interest. As did the proportions of the pony. Sugar had never seen legs or muzzles that long before. "Huh. How about that. How long did theirs last?"

"All the time!" Sunny literally pronked around the statue. "This is one of the princesses! The ponies who moved the sun and moon!" She jabbed a hoof at the mare's six-pointed cutie mark. "Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship! Author of a golden age! Mistress of magic!"

Sugar could have said a lot of things there, but between direct orders from Ms. Cloverleaf to be civil and Sunny having a better track record of late, she limited herself to "Uh... huh." Then she narrowed her eyes, shifting from side to side and considering the way the light reflected off of the cracks in the statue's plinth. "Well, would you look at that.”

"What?" Sunny followed her gaze. “That... that isn't stone is it?”

In response, Sugar smacked it with a hoof.

“Sugar!”

“No, no it isn't," she said, shaking out her foreleg. "You heard the thunk. That’s grey plastic. All these winged unicorn—”

“Alicorn,” Sunny insisted.

“I guess you’d know," Sugar said with a shrug. Looking around with a new eye, she could see the area for what it was. "All these alicorn statues and columns and such aren’t here because this was built by Stone Age protoponies. They were built for the aesthetic.”

“Huh." Even Sunny had to take a moment to digest that. "Well. That only raises further questions.”

“Do you think we should, you know, come back with reinforcements? Maybe another giant doom robot?”

Sunny groaned, covering her face with a forehoof. “We’re not going to make friends using a giant doom robot.”

“No, but it’d make me feel a lot better. And you’re assuming whoever built this is still around and wants to be friends.”

“Hey, I haven’t gotten this far in life by assuming the worst in ponies." Sunny beamed. "And look where it got me!”

Sugar gave Sunny an appraising look, long enough that even Sunny's smile started wavering. "Really?"

"What?"

"Where do I even begin?"

Maretime Bay Elementary was like any other school. Probably. Sugar had never been to another school, but the ones in books were all familiar. Classes that would be more interesting without other foals, teachers who would be happier without other foals, and recess, the one time other foals actually did something useful.

Right now, that meant giggling and running from Sugar as she chased after them. She had to admit, she was having fun. But then she spotted a filly sitting by herself, reading a book at one of the picnic tables to the side of the schoolyard pasture.

Under one hoof, Sugar wished she'd thought of that. Under another...

She dashed towards the picnic table, galloping even faster when the other filly didn't even tilt an ear towards her, much less look up from her book. Why the Stars Move and Other Questions for Curious Foals, Sugar noted. Good taste.

Sugar skidded the last few steps as she lowered her head and jabbed the filly in the ribs. "Tag! You're a unicorn!"

Normal ponies would be horrified and chase after her, tag-backs or no. But this filly just gasped, looked up at her own forehead, and said, "I am!?" Then when she couldn't find a horn, she actually looked disappointed.

Sugar took a few steps back from the crazy filly. "It's just a game," she said. "Though everypony knows if a unicorn really jabs you with their horn, you become a unicorn."

"Huh. I never heard that one."

"Duh. Why else would we play Unicorn Tag?"

After a moment, the other filly nodded. "That makes sense." She finally turned to Sugar, her eyes going wide. "Whoa. You're really sparkly."

Sugar rolled her eyes. Like she'd never heard that one before. "Yeah, I do know. My family's just like that. Come on, are you gonna chase me or what?"

"Why would I?"

Sugar groaned. "What part of 'Unicorn Tag' don't you understand? You're It!"

"The Tag part, sure, but what's so bad about being a unicorn?"

"What's so... They're creepy and cast creepy spells and live in creepy..." Sugar realized she had no idea where unicorns lived, and for once, that almost seemed like a bad thing. "Creepy unicorn places!"

And the other filly just tilted her head. "So?"

"You're weird."

That got her to smirk. "So?"

"Come on, Sugar, Sunny's a weirdo!" Sprout shouted from across the pasture. "She's not gonna play right!"

Sunny scowled and shouted back, "You're the one who doesn't play right!"

Sugar knew better than to get involved in whatever that was. She galloped off to find somepony who'd cooperate.

"Huh." Sunny's head tilted back in thought. "Wow, nostalgia rush. You actually remember that?"

Sugar shrugged. "It was the first time somepony ever suggested unicorns were anything but monsters. That really stuck in my mind."

That got a smile. "Glad to know I made a difference."

"That's one way of putting it."

"So I got singled out at school, so what?"

Sugar gave Sunny a flat look. "You know it didn't stop at school."

“You’re causing a scene!”

“I’m trying to get signatures, because somepony told me I can’t stage a protest by myself.”

Sugar approached a familiar bit of Maretime Bay street theater: Hitch Trailblazer and Sunny Starscout shouting at each other. Ever since high school, it seemed like those two were constantly yelling at each other in a way that only best friends could.

“Look, the law is very clear on the requirements for a legal protest. Besides, you’d look ridiculous. And skating around town shoving a petition in ponies’ muzzles is not what I meant!" Hitch massaged a temple. "Ugh, this is just like at the prom—”

Sugar normally gave both of them a wide berth when they were like this, but today, she had no choice but to clear her throat and say, “Excuse me?”

Both turned to her, shock at somepony interrupting them clear on their muzzles. Hitch collected himself first. “Something to report, ma'am?”

“I’m actually here to discuss something with Miss Starscout.”

Sunny looked at her blankly. “Um, okay?” She gasped and scrambled for the clipboard hanging around her neck. "Would you like to sign my petition?"

“No." Sugar held out a forehoof. "Sugar Moonlight, Canterlogic R&D.”

“Um, Sunny Starscout?" A hesitant hoofbump later, she added, "Smoothie Barn… fulfillment… services?”

Hitch scoffed. “Really?”

“She’s not wrong," said Sugar. "Miss Starscout, I need to discuss the matter of unicorns.”

That got a delighted gasp and a literal jump for joy. One that left Sunny scrambling for stability on her skates. “Wait, really?”

“Wait, really?” Hitch echoed, far less enthusiastic.

“Yes." After a beat, Sugar added, "Really.”

“Oh my goodness. Yes. Yes, of course!" Sunny started skating circles around Sugar. For her part, Sugar sat, only following the rant with her ears as her head stayed still, staring at a cringing Hitch. "I still have all of Dad’s old notes and research back home. Was there anything specific you wanted to know, or just the history of Old Equestria in general? Did you know that the horizon's shorter than what the historical record suggests it should—”

Sugar thrust out a foreleg just in time for Sunny to slam into it. Knocking the breath out of her was purely a side benefit. “You misunderstand me, Miss Starscout. I need to discuss modern unicorns. Specifically viable countermeasures.”

The mare seemed more hurt by the request than the clothesline. “What?”

“Uh, Miss Moonlight, you may—”

Sugar silenced Hitch with a look, then turned back to Sunny. “My team’s current project is… unicorn-oriented. I can’t say much more under my NDA, but understanding the mechanics of unicorn magic would be very helpful.”

“And you came to me?" Sunny held up her clipboard. It was an admittedly impressive feat of dexterity given the skates. "The one pony in this town advocating for friendship with the other tribes?”

“Ms. Cloverleaf recommended you as a viable source on the matter. Though she did also mention your…" Sugar cleared her throat and fought the urge to add air quotes. "Beliefs.”

“Phyllis actually…" Sunny shook her head. "Okay, going to process that later. Don’t you think that having no information on unicorns says something about a project to defend against them?”

Sugar raised an eyebrow. “I don’t follow.”

“You’ve never even seen a unicorn!” Passing ponies gasped at the shout, covering their foals' ears as they scurried away. Sunny didn't seem to notice. She might have grown accustomed to it. “Nopony in town has! I know, I've asked."

"It's true," Hitch muttered, "she has."

"Why are you trying to protect ponies against a threat that’s never even showed up in living memory? For that matter, how!?”

That last shout nearly put them muzzle to muzzle. Sugar gave Sunny a few moments to get out of her personal space before shoving her back. “The how is why I came to you, Miss Starscout. As for the why, it’s my job. I have no strong personal convictions regarding unicorns or pegasi beyond recognizing the danger they present. Believe what you like, but the fact remains that they have magic and we don’t.”

“They’re ponies like you and me! What if I decided you were a monster because of your mane glitter?”

“You still wouldn't have a corporation behind you. Ms. Cloverleaf signs my paycheck, and those of my team." Sugar swept a hoof over Maretime Bay. "The company slogan says it all: To be scared is to be prepared. This town is built on fear. None of us have seen a unicorn, it’s true. None of us have seen a trade ship either, but we still maintain the docks." She stopped, pointing towards the bespectacled headquarters. "And until the next one comes in, we need Canterlogic to survive. Remember that next time you think about crashing another expo.”

With that, she walked away, leaving Sunny sputtering for a response. "For the record, we should be able to approximate unicorn capabilities with theoretical models. Thank you for your time, Ms. Starscout."

Hindsight kicked in just after Sugar finished recalling the scene. She winced and said, "In my defense, it seemed like a reasonable position at the time."

Sunny looked thoroughly unamused. "Justifying the culture of fear or making antimagic gear based on guesses?"

Sugar was mare enough to admit she deserved that. "Both. I hope you understand why I still don't see why you asked me of all ponies to help you with this, Ms. Cloverleaf's recommendation or not."

"Phyllis's vote of confidence did count for a lot. I trust her to know her own workforce."

"But your first choice was still a pegasus."

"Yeah, but you still cover a lot of Zipp's skills. Engineering, analysis..." Sunny turned to the wall at the back of the cleft. "Plus, you have a few things going for you all your own."

Sugar turned to follow her gaze. At the back was a massive carving of another alicorn, wings spread wide. Time had worn away some of the detail, but the scale was still imposing. And unlike the statuary, it did look carved into the hill. Sunny was going somewhere with it, but Sugar didn't see it. "Do I now?"

"I've been reviewing Dad's notes as we uncover more sites like the Zephyr Heights undercity, where they found the dirigible." Sunny made for the carving. "Trying to figure out what happened to magic, what drove the tribes apart, you know?"

Sugar didn't, but that wasn't her department. "I can see how that would stand out to a historian."

"Right. And some of the primary sources suggest..." Sunny paused to take in the carving for a moment. "Well, more to the world than what we've seen."

"How so?"

"More sapient creatures, pony and otherwise, that there's just no sign of in the modern era. I can't tell if they went extinct without magic, if we've just lost contact with them in our isolation, if they're deliberately hiding themselves until we get our acts together..."

"They could be having problems of their own," said Sugar. "Ones that have nothing to do with ponies or magic."

"They absolutely could. We just don't know. I don't even know where to begin with most of them, and we're still rebuilding bridges between the pony tribes as it is." Sunny grinned. "But I do have a few leads."

"Such as?"

"There are a good dozen independent records mentioning a northern empire." Sunny nodded at the carving. They were close enough now that it towered over both them and the plastic statues. "One with its own alicorn princess, and a unique tribe of crystal ponies."

The two of them cleared a dip in the cleft, one that had hidden a lower part of the carving. And there stood a row of earth ponies... more or less. Even taking erosion into account, Sugar could see how they'd been carved with facets and sharp edges as opposed to the organic curves of the alicorn. And in the center, faced by all of the ponies but the princess, was a carving of a crystalline heart.

Something deep inside Sugar lurched at seeing that heart. Something she hadn't felt since the night Sunny had restored magic to the world. Something she hadn't known she was missing until she saw it before her.

The rational part of her clamped down on that feeling and scowled at Sunny. "You can't be serious."

Sunny just shrugged. Sugar looked for some smug satisfaction in her smile, but it was the same blithe grin as always. "By all accounts, they looked a lot like earth ponies, just sparklier."

"You're seriously suggesting that I'm... what, the last scion of some forgotten empire? Am I getting a horn and wings too?"

"We may be about to find out."

"What do you..." Sugar's eyes darted from the heart to the alicorn to the row of ponies and back again. Once sourceless lights started twinkling on the stone, she backed away, shaking her head. "No. No, this is too neat. You set this up."

Another shrug. Sugar didn't think she could hate such a simple gesture, yet here she was. "I mean, I did notice the bas relief," said Sunny, "but I didn't make up the crystal ponies."

"I categorically refuse to believe that."

Sunny shifted to a lopsided grin as she pointed at Sugar. "Don't look now, but I think it believes in you."

Sugar managed to pull her attention away from the shifting lights and to herself. And the glow emerging from her now translucent chest. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me."

Another step back, and a pinkish circle flared into existence around her, that same faceted heart design at the center of it.

A quick test confirmed that Sugar's legs had gone as immobile as pillars of stone. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Stay there," said Sunny, rushing so Sugar was between her and the wall. "I've got an idea."

"Oh. Great." Sugar twisted around, trying to keep Sunny in view. "That's exactly what we need."

With a flare of golden light, Sunny's horn and wings came into being. Then more light built around the horn, enough that Sugar had to look away. That left her looking at the heart carving just in time for her whole body to lock in place, still shining like a light bulb.

A beam of orange energy fired into her rear, just above her tail, and coming out her eyes was just the icing on the horrible, horrible cake.

But the glowing circle faded, and Sugar's motor functions returned. She was still inexplicably sparkly and blinking spots out of her eyes, but at least she could stumble a few steps before sitting down. "Okay. That has to be the stupidest thing either of us has ever—"

Rumbling stone interrupted her. As she watched, the central square panel of the carving unfolded in a way more like paper than rock. The rest of the heart followed, panels swinging into oblivion and leaving an opening into impenetrable gloom.

Sugar let herself slump forward until her chin was in the dirt. "Sunny?"

"Yes, Sugar?"

"Do you ever feel like the universe is mocking you?"

"I've had days like that, yeah." Sunny leaned down and helped Sugar to her hooves. "I find it's best to press on regardless."

'You would." Sugar backed away from the other mare, shading her eyes with a forehoof against the glare of the energy horn. Or trying to, anyway. She wasn't glowing anymore, but her leg still split the light into a dazzling array. “Can’t you put those away?”

Sunny shook her head. “Not for another couple minutes now that I’ve gotten them out.”

"Great. Well, at least we'll be able to see when we go in there."

"Oh." Sunny stared at the opening for a few moments. "Right."

Sugar arched an eyebrow. "What? That's why we came here, isn't it?"

"Y-yeah. I just..." Sunny shook her head and pressed forward. "You're right. It's why we're here. Let's go see what the deal is."

Sugar hesitated for a moment. In all the time she'd known Sunny, she'd never seen her so uncertain. A friend, Sugar thought to herself, would ask what was wrong.

She just focused on the objects lit up by Sunny's accessories as they ventured in, trying to not to notice the crazed things her body did to the light and shadows.

"So, uh, sure is a lot of..." Sugar trailed off as she actually registered their surroundings. "A lot of computers." She wasn't sure what she'd expected, but row after row of black boxes with blinking lights wasn't even near the list, much less on it. The hum of cooling fans was low enough that Sugar felt it more than heard it, and the waste heat was enough that the comfortable warmth of outside had given way to something just short of stifling.

Sunny nodded, confusion clear on her face. "Yeah, I noticed. This doesn't make sense. By all accounts, Old Equestria had barely cracked radio."

"I guess there's a gap in the records." Sugar moved to one of the racks, pushing a few out of the way to see the backs of those on the other side. "Get over here, I need better light."

Going by the hoofsteps and shifting shadows, Sunny did so. "What is it?"

Sugar leaned in and squinted at the tiny type before flinching back, sputtering.

"Sugar? Everything okay?"

Shaking, she turned to Sunny. "Did... did Old Equestria use the same units as we do?"

That got a slow nod. "All indications say yes. Pounds, miles, moons... why?"

"What about for data storage?"

"Uh, that never really came up. Like I said, barely cracked radio. What is it, Sugar?"

Sugar shook her head, moving back to the corridor between server racks in a daze. "Because if I'm reading this correctly, the processors on this thing have a frequency measured in exahortz."

Sunny said nothing for a few moments. It seemed like an appropriate reaction up until she broke her silence. "Is that a lot?"

Sugar choked on nothing, not sure if she was trying to laugh or cry. "They are literally performing quadrillions of calculations per second. One followed by fifteen zeroes," she added before Sunny could ask. "And that's in one server on one rack. Whatever we're dealing with here is... I can't even put it into words. This doesn't seem physically possible."

"You might even call it... magical?"

"That..." Sugar looked back to see Sunny's smirk. She couldn't return it, not with the enormity of everything before her. "We really have lost a lot, haven't we?"

Sunny nodded. "But we're doing what we can to reclaim it." She tossed her head towards the far end of the room. "Come on, let's see what's making all these calculations."

They went deeper and deeper. Or possibly higher and higher; the path definitely curved, and Sugar suspected there was a gentle incline involved. More wonders presented themselves, from dormant machinery to crystalline contraptions that were either abstract art or incomprehensible technology. Possibly both.

Eventually, the two of them reached a cylindrical room with a low, raised dais. And upon it...

Sunny gave a strangled gasp. Sugar wasn't much better composed. A titan of a pony sat in front of them, folded wings and spire-like horn—both flesh and blood—making their tribe clear. In the blend of dim overhead lighting and Sunny's radiance, it was hard to tell the pony's color, but it was definitely on the purpler end of the spectrum, with a mane to match. They hadn't seemed to notice them. Given how the being was staring at a monitor showing only static, Sugar wasn't sure if they'd noticed anything.

She turned to Sunny. Unlike the alicorn, her companion had stopped breathing. "So," Sugar whispered, "a princess, huh?"

That was enough to get Sunny's lungs working again. "This... I don't..." Shakily, she stepped into the room and around the dais. Awe filled her eyes as she took in the alicorn's face.

Sugar followed and shuddered. A statue was one thing, but seeing those proportions in the flesh was quite another. The long muzzle was almost inequine, and the eyes were blank, empty things. It didn't help that the alicorn's forehooves were bound by metallic gauntlets coming out of the floor, connecting it to the floor as securely as she had been outside.

"Your Highness?" said Sunny.

The mare—probably a mare—didn't react. If it weren't for the slow motion at her sides, Sugar might have thought her a statue. Or a corpse.

"T-Twilight?"

For whatever reason, that got a reaction. The alicorn finally blinked, though her gaze stayed as vacant as before. “Hmm?” Her voice crackled with disuse.

“Um, we…" Sunny cleared her throat, puffed out her chest, and flared her wings. "The pony tribes have reunited. Magic has returned. If you were sequestering yourself out of despair..." She trailed off. Whatever fantasies she'd had about this moment must not have gotten this far. "Uh…”

“You can stop now.” Sugar shrugged as Sunny gave her a horrified look. “What? Why would the ‘Princess of Friendship’ want us to walk on eggshells because of her title?”

“She wouldn’t," said the alicorn. "She never did." She shifted her weight, and the gauntlets holding her to the dais retracted. After a long stretch full of eye-watering cracks, she said, "So why do you think I’m my aunt, and what in Mom’s name did I miss while I was steering this thing?”

“Well, it's..." Sunny trailed off and offered an uneasy smile. "It’s a long story?”

"We can discuss history later," said Sugar. "What was that about 'steering'?"

"Oh boy, I was afraid of that." The alicorn sighed and tossed her head at the static-filled screen. A brief flare of her horn and the display resolved into...

Sugar wasn't sure what she was looking at. A sun hung in a black sky in the background, but the main focus seemed to be a sphere hanging in nothingness. Her eyes widened as she realized it was a whole world, one with unfamiliar continents.

"'Don't worry, Flurry,'" the alicorn said in a singsong voice. "'The generation ship plan is completely foolproof. We'll just terraform an asteroid, launch it at a star system, and two hundred years will fly by before you know it! Who could possibly forget such a groundbreaking mission?' Yeah, great plan, Aunt Twilight. You forgot that the colonists might have the mother of all friendship problems along the way."

"Can we help at all, Your Highness?" said Sunny.

"Don't bother with that; you clearly don't remember who I am. I'm Flurry Heart, call me that." The gauntlets came back up as Flurry glared at the screen. "Right now, I need to get us in orbit around that rock. Once that's done, we can worry about things like figuring out how your ancestors ruined everything. Kudos on un-ruining it, by the way. Now shut up and let me focus."

"Uh... okay?" Sunny backed out of the room, ears flattening against her skull as Flurry Heart kept muttering very rude things about her aunt.

"Not what you expected?" Sugar whispered.

Sunny mutely shook her head.

"Don't worry. I'm sure that one day we'll look back on this and laugh."

Author's Note

Yeah, this was an... interesting Bingo prompt.

My original outline was going to have this be a multichapter story with the following chapter titles:

• The Sun is a Mass of Insufferable Gas
• A Gigantic Idiot-Furnace
• Where Misconceptions Build Into Grand Faux Pas
• At a Frequency of Millions Per Second
• The Sun is Bright, the Sun is Right, and That's What I Can't Stand

And in the last chapter's author's note: "... 'Cause on this ship, there'd be no spells if she ne'er lent a ~~hand~~ hoof." Suffice to say, the ten-kiloword maximum for the Bingo contest put the kibosh on that plan.

And yes, this is another case of me looking at G5 and trying to answer the question of "How the heck did we get here?" I swear I'll write something in this setting that isn't focused on that question at some point, but I may need to get a few more of these out of my system first.