Driven Batty

There was a chill in the air. It was so cold that, if there was light enough to see, Anon was sure he’d be able to see his breath. A few feet away, he could just make out Spike shivering, though he had a feeling it wasn’t because of the temperature.

He had been right, much to his misfortune. There had been something wrong with the other girls. He had messed up somewhere along the way, not paid enough attention, didn’t go the extra mile, and he had failed in his job to keep Fluttershy contained. Now there were three vampire ponies, two of which were some of the most powerful magic users to have ever lived. Three mares that were faster, stronger, and much smarter than himself, who no doubt wanted to eat up the entire town, against him and a teenage dragon.

The realization at how dire things were drove away any thoughts or plans on how to correct the issue. There was no thought of escape, or attack, or even begging or pleading. All Anon could do was stand there, wide-eyed, frozen where he stood.

Starlight took a step forward. Spike took a deep breath, his little wings flapping as he let out a loud, shrill scream.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

Anon’s body moved. In two steps, he reached Spike, scooping the drake up into his arms and racing down the hallway that led to the kitchen. There was no exit that way as far as he knew, but he needed to put some distance between him and the vamponies. If he had some breathing room he might be able to come up with a plan.

A hand grabbed a fistful of his shirt. Gritting his teeth, the human attempted to dig his heels in and run forward, but he made it only two steps before his shirt went fully taut against him. There was no dragging along the person behind him. They were so much stronger than him that it felt as if they weren’t exerting any force to keep him where he was.

Someone giggled into his ear, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. “And where do you think you’re going?” Twilight whispered.

Anon dug his heels as hard as he could, straining against his shirt as Spike continued to scream. A hand stroked his cheek, and another tickled his side. He saw a yellow hand reaching for Spike, who was staring, horrified, at something behind him. The dragon hugged his arms close to his chest, leaning as far back as he could. Fingertips touched his belly when there was an audible tear.

With one last push forward, Anon’s shirt ripped. He stumbled a few steps, nearly dropping Spike, before managing to catch his footing. As he turned the corner, he could hear laughter behind him.

“RunfasterAnon!! Spike squealed.

“I’mrunningasfastasIcanbuddy!! Anon yelled back.

The girls were close; so close that he could smell the shampoo Starlight used. It had been a long time since He had been chased like this; he found, just like the last time, when it was ponies with pitchforks, that he really didn’t like it. In fact, he found himself screaming along with Spike as he leapt through the door to the kitchen.

Spike was on his feet first, rushing over to slam the door shut. Anon was right behind him, picking up a cabinet in his panic and throwing it in front of the door. Panting, both of them backed away.

“I thought… you said everything… was fine here,” Spike managed to get out.

“It was… when I left,” Anon replied.

There was a chuckle to their right. Both dragon and human whipped their heads around to see Starlight. The unicorn was seated on top of the kitchen table, one leg crossed over the other. In one hand she held a fancy wine glass, and in the other a granny smith apple.

Casually, she lifted the apple over the top of the glass and squeezed it. The granny smith was crushed completely, sending a river of apple pulp and juice into the glass. Tossing the remains to the floor, Starlight lifted the glass to her lips and took a ladylike sip.

“Ahh… delicious,” she said, her now very red and very scary eyes flicking toward them.

Spike, lip quivering, let out a whimper.

Anon tore his gaze from the vampire horse. He raced over to a cabinet, pulling out a bag of rice. Using his teeth, he tore a whole into the plastic and tossed it at Starlight like it was a grenade. While most of the rice stayed in the bag, what must have been hundreds of individual grains flew every which way into the air.

“HA!”

Starlight raised an eyebrow. Taking another sip of her apple pulp-y drink, her horn glowed. Every single grain of rice was engulfed in her aura. She looked at the floating rice, then at the floating bag. Humming, she looked up at the ceiling for several seconds, clearly in thought.

“Two thousand four hundred and seventy two,” she said.

Terror gave way to incredulity. Anon found himself frowning.

“Bullshit. You made that number up.”

“I did not,” Starlight replied with confidence. “I just calculated the circumference of the bag compared with the size of a grain of rice. It really isn’t that hard.”

“...Liar. That’s the biggest load of shit I think I’ve ever heard.”

“What? It is not.”

“You’re a liar with a dumb accent. You count those like you’re supposed to; none of that fancy math shit.”

“Why in Equestria would I do that?”

“Because you’re supposed to!”

“Why am I supposed to, smart guy?!”

“I don’t know, I’m not a fucking vampire!”

The cabinet blocking the door flew through the air as the door was forced open. In stepped in Twilight, and behind her Fluttershy.

Starlight, now looking more huffy than terrifying, turned toward the two. “Twilight, how many grains of rice do you think I have here?” she asked.

Twilight ceased her hungry, menacing look. She clicked her tongue, squinting at the rice as she tapped her chin with a finger.

“Two thousand hour hundred and forty eight,” she said.

“What? No, that can’t be. I got Two thousand hour hundred and seventy two!”

“Oh… Are you sure you calculated the circumference of the bag correctly?”

“Of course I did!”

“But are you sure? You know how you are with your formulas--”

While the mares bickered, Anon picked up Spike and rushed toward a window. “You can fly, right?” he asked.

“Y-Yeah, but why?” Spike asked, almost in tears.

He opened the window.

“Go to Applejack’s, or Rarity, or the Mayor; I don’t really care. Just tell them what’s going on. Don’t let anyone outside. I’m gonna do my best to keep these three in the castle, but just assume I’m gonna fail.”

“But--!”

Spike let out a yelp as he was pushed outside. He fell a good five feet before he started flapping his wings, awkwardly but quickly flying in the direction of Rarity’s boutique. Anon watched him go before slamming the door shut and locking it. It wouldn’t help if the girls really wanted to escape through a window, but it did kind of make him feel a little better.

Turning around, he saw that Twilight and Starlight were no longer bickering. Instead the two, along with Fluttershy, now surrounded him, their red eyes gleaming.

“Aw, what a shame,” Twilight said, looking past him through the window. “I think Spike would have enjoyed being awakened as we have…”

“There’s still plenty of time, my dear,” Fluttershy said, licking her lips. “It looks as if he’s going to Rarity’s. I think it would be lovely if the three of us made the trip as--”

Anon coughed. Loudly.

Three sets of eyes flicked toward him.

“Or,” he said, pointing a finger to the ceiling. “Or we could all just stay here, just relax; maybe play a board game or something?”

Fluttershy reached up and touched his cheek. “My love, as… entertaining as my stay here has been, I’m afraid that I must part ways with you so that I may gift others with the Nightmare’s blessing. It may just be a short time, but know that I shall ache for you as I always have.”

Anon reached out, grabbing Twilight and Starlight by the collar. He tried to yank them toward Fluttershy, so he could try to pull all three mares into a bear hug, but it was no use. Quicker than his eye could follow, they grabbed his hands, and no matter how hard he pushed or pulled they wouldn’t budge. One vampire pony he might have been able to overpower with surprise and a bit of luck, with three there was no way that was going to happen.

His mind raced as a chuckling Fluttershy patted his cheek. If they left the castle things could get really bad; maybe not-end-of-the-world-as-you-know-it bad, but pretty bad. A lot of ponies could get hurt, or worse. All he needed to do was keep them here for a few hours, until Spike figured out something or Celestia came.

But how? How the heck was he going to keep them from running amok outside? Why on earth couldn’t he have been turned into a blood-sucking monster instead of Twilight or Starlight?!

“...Ladies, I think we might have gotten off on the wrong foot.”

“Oh really now?” Starlight said, lifting his hand up so she could nuzzle it.

“I would like to negotiate. Please.”

Twilight giggle-snorted, letting his hand go so she could cover her mouth. Anon ignored her, looking down at Fluttershy.

“I know you want to go outside and turn the world all into vampire horses like yourself. You know I don’t want you doing that. I think, if you’re open-minded, and we’re honest with each other, we might be able to somehow… get what we both want?”

Fluttershy took a step away from him. Though she looked as if she were trying very hard not to laugh, she crossed her arms and did her best to look stern.

“My Count, you wish for myself and these lovely mares, all of whom happen to hold all the cards in this little game we’ve been playing for weeks, to parlay with you?”

“Yes.”

“While it’s so ridiculous a notion to even consider, I am in a very good mood, and my love for you is such that I happily take all of your nonsense in stride. So, with that in mind; what do you have to negotiate with, if I may be so bold as to ask?”

Anon opened his mouth. He stared at Fluttershy, then lifted his gaze upward as he thought long and hard. His mouth slowly closed, and his brow furrowed. Then, like a bolt of lightning, a thought hit him.

“...I have the thing you’ve wanted since you got those bat wings and those big ol’ fangs, Flutters.”

Confusion crossed the pegasi’s face. “And what might that be?”

“I think we both know what that is,” Anon said, wiggling his eyebrows.

It took a few moments, but Fluttershy’s eyes widened in realization. “You think that I would risk my holiest of missions to lie with you?” she asked.

“Yes ma’am,” Anon said with a nod. “I’m hoping that very much, since I think that’s all I got.”

He looked at the other two girls, both of whom were staring intently back. Starlight he had no issue with. Fanged or not, he knew for a fact that the horndog would have jumped his bones with a smile on her face, as she had done many times. Fluttershy, while he’d feel bad about it for a good long while, he hoped that the mare would be able to forgive him once this was all over. Hell, if her vampire version wasn’t lying, and she always had an interest in him, things might end on a pretty positive note.

The wrench thrown into all of this, without a doubt, would be Twilight. Twilight; the mare that was like a little sister to him. The pony that had housed him, fed him, showed him the ways of this wonderful, strange world. He was a degenerate; possibly a sexual deviant even, but the thought of taking advantage of one of his closest friends made him nauseous enough to want to dry heave.

As he let his offer hand in the air, he risked a glance over at the alicorn. All of the mares, who had been terrifying predators not a minute ago, looked thrown by his words, but none more so than the Princess of Friendship.

Twilight was staring at him with side eyes. She had a hand covering her mouth, and it looked as if every muscle in her body was tensed. In those big eyes of hers--that looked just about ready to pop out of her skull--Anon could see something.

Desire? Hope?

“You… mean that?” she asked quietly.

Anon grimaced. Ignoring the feeling building in his stomach, he reached up and placed his hands on the mare’s shoulders.

“If it’ll keep you three in here then absolutely. If you’re okay with that. If not, and there’s something else you’d like to do, I’d be all for--”

A pair of hands grabbed him by the hips. He was lifted bodily into the air and slung on Twilight’s shoulder as if he were a sack of flour. There was a look of determination on the alicorn’s face as she spun around to face the kitchen door.

“What are you doing?” Fluttershy demanded, lips drawn back into a snarl.

She attempted to take a step toward Twilight. The hoof she stepped forward with did not touch the ground as the princess encased her body with magic.

“You two can do what you bucking want, but I’m doing this,” she said, slapping a thoroughly confused Anon’s ass. “Go take over the world, or bite ponies, or whatever you want to do. Since vampirism is keeping me from having a panic attack while thinking about getting intimate with Anon here, I’m shooting my shot.”

“I--” Starlight began, only for Twilight to jab a finger in her face.

“I don’t care. You screw him all the time. I’ve wanted to do so much lewd crap to this big, dumb, sexy gorilla for years, and the best I’ve gotten are some kisses on the cheek and cuddling!”

She made a noise that could only be described as frustrated, stomping a hoof down hard enough to crack the nice tiling.

“Go be evil. Go out and eat all the apples you can find. Come and join me. I really don’t give a horsefeather; I’m sitting on this colt’s face tonight, and neither of you two are stopping me.”

She let go of Fluttershy. The pegasus, incensed with being marehandled, let out a low, angry hiss, stomping toward Twilight. She just about closed the distance between them when Twilight spun around to face her. The hiss the alicorn let out made the windows raddle. A pair of burning red eyes that seemed to drink in what little light there was in the room glared down at her.

“Eep!” Fluttershy yelped, taking a half-step back, her hands raised defensively.

Twilight stared her down for a few more seconds until she was satisfied that she was properly cowed. Then, giving Anon’s butt another smack--which the human really didn’t appreciate--she walked out the door.

Fluttershy and Starlight looked at each other. While both Starlight and Twilight were fully-fledged vampires, and Fluttershy no longer had them under her thrall, Twilight still should have been somewhat subservient. Fluttershy didn’t know why that had to be the case, but she felt it deep down. For Twilight to utterly ignore the hierarchy that she had spent so long attempting to set up was a big shock, to say the very least.

All of her hard work; days and days of planning, all delayed by a single act of defiance.

Fluttershy frowned. She looked out through the kitchen window, gazing upon the Holy Moon and all the surrounding houses. In each, she knew, were prey that could be turned, to help expand so that their small number could become an unstoppable flood. With a town’s worth of vampires, they’d be able to take over all of Equestria in a matter of weeks.

She looked away from the window, at the door that led out into the hall. She thought about Twilight, a barely-touched-by-the-moonlight vampire that had the audacity of taking her beloved away, treating her as if she were some worthless cuckold. Thoughts of conquest and expansion faded away. Fluttershy found herself becoming much more than angry. No, she was positively, absolutely peeved.

With a growl, she marched out of the kitchen, her hands clenched into fists, angrily mumbling to herself.

That left just Starlight in the room. The mare was rubbing her hands together, swaying side to side, the wind very much taken out of her sails. She had thought becoming a super-powerful vampire would end up being so much less awkward than it already was.

She watched as Fluttershy disappeared out of the kitchen and into the hallway. Once the pegasus was gone, she looked out the window, in the direction where Spike had been headed.

“Hey. Do you want me to go get Spike? You know, so he doesn’t send a letter to Princess Celestia?” she called.

She stood there, waiting for an answer, her ears pinning themselves against the sides of her head. She could already hear that Twilight was nearly in her bedroom. Fluttershy wasn’t far behind, her stomping so loud a normal pony could have no doubt heard her.

“If she knew what was going on, things could get bad. Fluttershy? Twilight? I know you both can hear me. Still nothing, huh? We’re really just gonna let him go to…”

She trailed off, listening for a command, or even a word from her fellow vampires. When no reply came, she just shrugged.

“Alright… You want to just throw world domination out the window, that's fine. No skin off my nose. I didn’t even want to eat anypony…”

Somewhat dejected, Starlight made her way out of the kitchen and toward Twilight’s room. Vampire or not, she wasn’t going to miss the opportunity for a four-way. Being an evil, super powerful creature of the night was fun and all, but there was no way in heck she was going to miss the chance to have some fun with an ex-supermodel and a virginal alicorn.

“Hey, wait before you take your clothes off!” she called, hurrying along. “I wanna watch!”