Udderly Ridiculous

by Some Leech

Rating: mature
Tags: Shining Armor, Sex, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Porn, Fetish, Comedy
Length: 4084

With milk supplies running low, Cadance and Shining devise a new way to keep Flurry fed...

Flurry is a healthy, growing foal, but that's not necessarily a good thing. The little alicorn has a voracious appetite, drinking more milk than her mother can provide, which leaves Shining and Cadance in a bit of a pickle. With nothing left to lose, they try a particular spell to address their dairy-based dilemma...

Kinks Include: Breast Expansion, Lactation, Teasing, Breast Feeding, Whole Milk Married Shenanigans, Vaginal, Oral, and a Creamy Finish

Artwork by: RedVais

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Published 2022-06-22 20:20:05 UTC
Last updated 2022-06-22 20:20:05 UTC

Unpasteurized Passion

A string of hushed obscenities and the sound of stomping hooves caught Shining Armor’s ear, prompting him to lift his head and look toward the doorway. The day had been relatively relaxed, with perilously little of note going on, so the last thing he’d expected was to hear the unmistakable yet irate utterances of his wife. As he rolled from the bed, hoping that nothing too serious would disrupt his peaceful afternoon, Cadance burst into the room and glowered at him.

Her incensed stare and irritated tone immediately put him on the back hoof, giving him a moment for pause. “Is everything alri -”

He cut himself off, as his eyes drifted to what had to be the problem - well problems. Hanging beneath her abdomen, swaying slightly with each of her heated breaths, were a pair of the biggest bosoms he’d ever seen. Not only had her breasts expanded to an almost comically large size, but milk was steadily dripping from each fuschia teat.

“No, everything is not alright,” she groused, kicking the door closed behind herself. “Does this look normal to you?” she pressed, turning sideways and lifting her hind leg.

Her wobbling, udder-like bosoms were as mesmerizing as they were arousing, nearly entrancing Shining on the spot. Fortunately for him, realizing that it was neither the time nor the place to fixate on her augmented physique, he shook his head and cleared his thoughts. There was only one reasonable explanation for what had happened to her, but he had to make sure.

Tearing his eyes from her groin, he peered over at her face. “I take it you tried the -”

“Yes I tried that stupid spell!” she interrupted, petulantly stomping a hoof.

Shining winced, knowing full well what spell she was referring to. Flurry Heart was their pride and joy, their precious little filly, but having her around had effectively turned both their lives upside down. Their little bundle of joy demanded copious amounts of attention, love, and not least of which being nourishment. While they’d both known that their precious bab would require regular breast feedings, neither he nor his wife had anticipated their child’s downright voracious appetite.

Cadance’s bust had always been what many would describe as modest, and the onset of motherhood had done little to expand her mammaries. With Flurry routinely exhausting her supply of milk on a daily basis, she and her husband were left having to scramble for a solution to their needy, hungry foal; with few conventional solutions available, and preferring not to hire a wetnurse, they turned to Twilight for help. One conversation and a suggestion of a certain enchantment later, and the couple thought they’d found their solution - sadly, the spell seemed to have worked a bit too well.

“I take it Flurry is full?” he softly asked, sheepishly smiling and trying not to focus on the swollen, milk-filled orbs hanging beneath her.

“Yeah,” Cadance exasperatedly grunted, hanging her head, “that is the good news. The bad news is that I’m nowhere near drained.” Trotting to the bed, with her breasts wobbling and freely leaking beneath her, she arduously crawled onto the mattress, rolled onto her back, and facehoofed. “Twilight didn’t mention a way to reverse this, did she?”

Knitting his brow and pursing his lips, Shining rubbed his chin. “She didn’t, but I could always send her a scroll. I’m sure she could tell us how to do it soon enough, if she’s not too busy.”

“That could take days,” she lamented.

“Come on, it can’t be that bad,” he countered, sneaking glimpses of her mountainous mammaries.

Though he’d never spoken about it with her, he’d always had a profound weakness for a nice, succulent pair of tits. He’d always found his wife attractive, from the day he’d first laid eyes upon her, but he couldn’t help but find the results of Twilight’s spell absolutely enthralling. Sensing his mouth starting to water, and feeling his stallionhood slip from his sheath, he moved to the bedside and comfortingly stroked her mane.

“Well,” he began, licking his chops, “aside from the added weight, what’s the problem.”

Her head whipped around, and she affixed her steely gaze, as she reached down and squeezed her melons. “I can’t go out looking like this!” she pouted, staring down her chest at her obscene, nearly beach ball sized bosoms. “And they’re sensitive as heck!”

Unable to look away, seeing the twin trails of milk streaming from her engorged, puffy nipples, Shining could barely restrain himself. “I mean, I might have a solution.”

“Well I’d be happy to try almost - wait,” she stopped herself, squinting over at him. She studied him for a moment, noticing a blush creep into his cheeks, before she balked. “I can’t believe you’re into this!”

“Hey, it’s not like I knew this would happen!” he shot back, holding a hoof to his chest. “Besides, at least Flurry won’t go hungry for a while.”

“So what’s your solution, Genius?” she grumbled, magically hauling a pillow under her head. “Unless you’re thirsty, I don’t know what…” she trailed off, seeing him go an even darker crimson. “You have got to be kidding me!”

“I…I mean, it would help ease the strain, wouldn’t it?” he falteringly asked.

“You know what, buck it, I don’t even care. After dealing with those emissaries from Yakyakistan, having to interview the new sitters for Flurry, then this,” she groaned, releasing and waving at her breasts, “knock yourself out.”

His heart nearly skipped a beat, being given the admittedly annoyed green-light to live out one of his childhood fantasies - still, he couldn’t act too enthusiastic. Considering she wasn’t in the best mood, and that he was partially to blame for the debacle, it would behoove him to show some self-restraint. Moving around to the foot of the bed, cautiously easing himself onto the mattress, he slowly moved between her splayed hind legs.

Glancing between her immaculately presented teats and her face, ensuring she hadn’t baited him into some sort of trap, he eased himself closer to her. The ambrosial scent of her marehood wafted to his nose, paired with the slightest hint of fresh dairy. Coming to a halt between her meaty thighs, less than a foot from her loins, he paused and drank in the view.

Sweet, merciful Celestia - she had to have the biggest set of knockers he’d ever seen. Each mound of soft, supple flesh was nearly as big as his head, holding untold pints of milk, and the mere sight of them tested the limits of his discipline. Propping himself up on one foreleg, making a concerted effort to ignore her sex, he leaned in and brought his muzzle to her bosoms.

“Great,” she murmured, drawing his eye, “my husband’s actually into having a wife-turned-dairy cow…”

Shrugging off the comment, lest he mire himself in a debate or potentially earnestly anger her, he lowered his head and wrapped his lips around her nipple. In the blink of an eye, gingerly caressing the sensitive, whetted bud with his tongue, his taste buds were bathed in the rich, almost sweet flavor of her milk. Gently nursing upon her, he fought back a smile.

Truth be told, he’d been immensely curious and aroused when she’d started lactating, but he’d never spoken with her about it - not because they weren’t comfortable with one another, but because he didn’t want to give the wrong impression. Having an interest in productive mares wasn’t normal, so far as he knew, and he’d rather not have his wife think he was some kind of weirdo - that being said, he wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to slake his physical and metaphorical thirst. Swallowing down a mouthful, fully aware that he was getting hard, he shifted to his side.

Fidgeting slightly, possibly making herself comfortable, she sighed. “Having fun down there?”

“Mmmhmm,” he hummed, helping himself to another gulp.

For all intents and purposes, Shining thought of himself as the luckiest stallion in all of Equestria. He was the captain of the Crystal Empire’s guard, he was the proud father of an absolutely adorable daughter, and his wife was both a Princess and sexy as all get-out, yet he’d be lying if he said that her massive breasts didn’t exponentially increase her appeal. It really wasn’t his fault he’d always loved big tits, and it wasn’t like he loved his wife any less because of her modest bust, so he saw no harm in making lemonade from lemons.

Lazily reaching for his stallionhood, he casually stroked his then turgid length. She was going to notice how turned on he was sooner or later, be it on the bed or after he’d ease the pressure of her udders, so he couldn’t think of a reason not to enjoy himself. Sensing him move about, or possibly having watched him the entire time, she grunted.

“Why am I not surprised,” she huffed. “And here I thought - Mmmph!”

Her chiding remark was cut short, as he ignited his magic and gingerly tweaked her unaccosted nipple. While he wasn’t normally one to try and get her worked up, the fact that they hadn’t gotten intimate in nearly a month did little to stifle his amorous assertiveness. Ever since Flurry had entered their lives, moments of intimacy were few and far between - as such, wasn’t about to forsake the chance to get a bit of action.

Pulling back and applying suction to her teat, pulling it back with himself, he detached with a soft pop. Peeking down at her nethers, seeing her moistened, rosy entrance, he shifted his attention to her face. He knew her well enough to tell when she was putting on a front, so her blush, pouting look, and scrunched muzzle told him everything he needed to know. Biting his tongue and dispelling his magical aura from her boob, he waited to see what, if anything she had to say.

Trying and failing to look upset, knowing full well that her husband had more than likely seen how wet she was getting. Before she’d entered the chamber, exceptionally put off by the disastrous, dairy-based results of Twilight’s incantation, she’d had every intention of doing little more than relaxing and attempting to find a solution for her not-so-little problem, yet there was a certain charm to Shining’s advances. Try as she might, she simply couldn’t stay mad at him - after all, it wasn’t entirely his fault she’d ended up like this.

Staring into his eyes, watching him gradually lower his head towards her unsuckled teat, she gnawed her lip. Shortly after having cast the spell which had caused her bust to balloon in size, she’d discovered that her breasts had become exceptionally sensitive. As loath as she was to admit it, and much to her chagrin, she’d gotten a bit excited while Flurry had enthusiastically nursed from her.

Maintaining eye contact with him, while he latched onto her teat, a faint, thrilled tremor coursed through her. The fact that he was easing the pressure within her jugs actually was an all too real relief, yet the sensation of his lips and tongue, coupled with the fact that he was into her unseemly bust, doused the fires of her budding lust with fuel. While she wasn’t about to give him the gratification of praise, there was a way she could subtly show her approval.

As his wife’s hind legs wrapped around his neck and upper back, pulling him in, Shining’s passion soared. At worst, he’d expected her to put his lecherous hijinks to an end or, at best, tolerate his indulgent and undeniably raunchy ministrations, yet he’d gotten something so much better - she actually liked the affection. Doubling down, delicately kneading her tit with his sorcery, his forehoof crept towards her groin - that was, until an idea struck him out of the blue.

Abandoning her bosoms, leaving his magic to fondle the soft mounds, he lowered his upper half and brought his face to her loins. He couldn’t speak for every stallion, knowing that a good many considered eating pussy a contentious topic, but he absolutely adored warming his lover up with his mouth. Tenderly kissing his way across her pelvis and to her marehood, moving faster with each passing second, his forehoof grew slick with pre-cum.

The moment his lips graced her winking, engorged clit, he set upon her like a ravenous beast. A soft gasp, followed by a hushed moan escaped her, spurring him onward. Years of being with her, both before and during their marriage, had lent him a keen insight on just how to get her wound up, and he leveled every ounce of his carnal skill against her.

“R…right there,” Cadance uttered, flexing her legs.

Be darned if she would have guessed that she’d wind up doing anything naughty that afternoon, especially after the minor mammary mishap from less than an hour ago, but she wasn’t about to complain. The sensation of his tongue probing her depths was divine, sending a thrilled shiver up her spine, as he feasted upon her sex. Ignoring her leaking tits, fixating on the licentious distraction that her husband provided, she closed her eyes and rolled her head back.

She really shouldn’t have been surprised that her ire had all but disappeared, given that she was dealing with her betrothed. Even before they’d gotten hitched, Shining’s mere presence had never failed to elevate her spirits, and he always left her satisfied with sensual affairs. Bucking her hips, smearing his face with her feminine juices, she caved to her growing thirst. While she hadn’t planned on things taking a salacious turn, she’d be more than happy to let him finish what he started.

Reaching a fevered pitch, losing control of his urges, Shining wriggled free and put the oral to an abrupt end. He would have gleefully stayed trapped between her meaty thighs and brought her to finish, had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity not presented itself. Pushing himself up and onto his hooves, he summoned his courage and asked something he’d been unable to shake from his mind.

“Since you’re - Ahem - in such a condition, do you mind if I use those fun-bags to…” he let the question hang, flexing and slapping his cock against his belly.

He knew it was a rash move, one which may derail the entire afternoon, but he couldn’t help himself. With his mate’s enlarged bosoms, he might finally be able to live out his lifelong dream of tit-fucking a mare. It wasn’t like there were many ponies around with a rack large enough for such an endeavor, and he’d never cheat on his wife for something so paltry, yet fate had dealt him a particularly lucky and exceedingly hefty hand. Praying he hadn’t just made things worse, he held his breath and silently waited for a reply.

It took everything Cadance had not to grin, opting instead to dispassionately roll her eyes. The idea of allowing him to make use of her enhanced rack wasn’t nearly as annoying as she played it off to be, yet she couldn’t let him know that. If she acted like she was doing him a favor, she could hold it over him in the future - not in a malicious way, of course, but having him owe her was never a bad thing.

“Let me guess, you want to hotdog these puppies,” she purred, lifting her legs and squeezing her melons between her thighs.

“I…if that’s alright,” he sputtered, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

“Fine,” she whined, sorcerously retrieving a bottle of lube from the nightstand.

Having liberally doused her tits with the slick goo, while her hubby stepped over her, she rested her fetlocks on his hips. Given the circumstances and her enlarged bust, the modified missionary position seemed like the best way to proceed. Smirking up at him, as he plunged his stallionhood between her breasts, she watched the tip of his length emerge from her cleavage.

Able to control himself no longer, Shining enthusiastically started screwing her bosom. The sensation of her velveteen fur and soft tits against his length was amazing, but not as amazing as the novelty of it all. The sheer novelty of trying something new with his wife was, in and of itself, thrilling, but it felt damn good as well. Plowing into her rack, he closed his eyes and fixated on simply enjoying the moment.

The event was just as wondrous as he’d imagined. Her tits gently squeezed his shaft and caressed the sensitive tip of his length, evoking a contented sigh from him. While it was a bit of a shame that it may be the only time he’d get to savor such an experience, he took a considerable amount of solace that he’d be able to check something off his lewd to-do bucket list. Relishing the moment and committing it to memory, his pace quickened.

As surprising as it was, Cadance found herself unable to look away from the spectacle. The sight of his cock rhythmically appearing and disappearing from her cleavage was far, far more arousing than she would have thought. Growing increasingly heated with, with her marehood angrily drooling and seizing upon itself, she ignited her horn.

Though she couldn’t see her crotch, she knew her body well enough to magically rub her slavering sex. She would never have predicted that having her bust plowed would be the perfect accoutrement for getting herself off, yet it was all the same. Focusing on her clit, while shifting her attention between her stud’s handsome face and mighty stallionhood, she gradually succumbed to her marish urges.

Steadily moving in tandem, with Cadance thrusting up to meet Shining’s plunges, the pair moved faster and faster. Regardless of what they were doing, planned or not, they took joy from simply being with one another. Reaching a fevered pitch, with both gently groaning and moaning, their eyes met.

Though not a single word passed between them, they both knew what to do. Shuffling back ever so slightly, freeing his length from his wife’s bust, Shining brought the head of his cock to her entrance. The foreplay, while fun, had served its purpose, and there was only one proper way for things to conclude. As he drove his hips forward, sinking his stallionhood into her quivering confines, Cadance’s eyelids fluttered.

Regardless of how many times he’d rutted her, the sex with her beloved was always amazing. Her lover was a paragon of masculinity, easy on the eyes, and a gentlecolt of renown, so the fact that he was very well-endowed was just the icing on the cake. Clenching and relaxing around his pistoning shaft, savoring the sensation of his girthy medial ring grinding against her g-spot, she moved her arcane aura to her breasts.

Milk sprayed and streamed from her teats, coating both her and the sheets with her milk, yet she couldn’t care less about the mess. The added stimulation both felt great and helped ease the strain of her twin milk-tanks, serving a convenient dual purpose. Forgetting entirely about the fiasco of a spell which had exponentially expanded the size of her jugs, she crept closer and closer to her limit.

Setting his jaw and screwing his eyes shut, hellbent to outlast his wife, Shining angled his thrusts to maximize his lover’s pleasure. Though she tended to cum before him, more often than not, this was one of the few occasions where he couldn’t afford to be bested by her. She’d been gracious enough to indulge his fetish, so he had to return the favor.

Unfortunately for him, as he dipped his head and peeked down at her, things took a rather curious turn. Her blissful expression would have been stimulating enough, but the discovery that she was effectively milking herself elevated his passion into a roaring inferno. If she genuinely liked having her giant, leaking tits played with, he had an idea that might prove useful and exhilarating - that is, if she was willing to be a bit experimental.”

“You know - Nnnph - if we can’t get a solution before tonight, I could always borrow a milking machine from one of the local dairy farms,” he huffed.

Though the concept struck her as a bit silly, she couldn’t deny that the concept had a certain appeal. “M…maybe in a cow bikini?”

It certainly wouldn’t be the first time they’d done any sort of roleplay, with both Shining and herself humoring one another’s kinks and raunchy suggestions, so the notion wasn’t that out of turn - at least, not for her. Seeing his eyes light up, only then realizing just how into the concept he was, she doubled down. If he really wanted to enact a depraved fantasy, one which heavily relied on her massive lactating tits, she couldn’t help but oblige him.

“Really?” he blurted, all but slowing her to a halt.

As she nodded, bearing a cheeky, knowing grin, his passion soared. Playing with her oversized boobs was fun, the tit-job was fantastic, but being able to dress her up like a cow for some scandalous playing around was just too fucking good. She’d gone from reluctantly letting him have fun to going with his absurd and amorous notions at the tip of a hat, making him downright giddy to continue.

Falling back into a steady pace of screwing her, watching her face contort in bliss, he smirked. “Moo for me…”

“Moooooooooo,” she theatrically bleated, hauling on her nipples. “I’m a naughty cow who needs my big, strong bull to fuck me silly.”

It was a ludicrous and obscene display, but it served its purpose incredibly well. Her hubby flew into a frenzy, pounding her with a zeal she hadn’t experienced in ages. Braying in rapture, between the occasional lustful moo, she crept ever closer to the edge. While she still thought it was pretty funny that something cow related would get him so wound up, she wasn’t above pretending to get a good, rough dicking.

With each plunge and withdrawal of his pulsing length, Shining was reminded that he wouldn’t be able to hold out for much longer. Try as he might, the cataclysmic mix of physical bliss and teasing took a heavy toll on his ordinarily impressive endurance - not to mention it had been some time since he’d gotten laid. Peeking at her face, feeling her thighs tremble against him, he played his trump card.

Leaning in and pressing his lips to hers, he pressed his tongue into her mouth. There were few things that his mate adored more than acts of passionate affection, and that’s exactly what he gave her. Some would consider it dirty pool to utilize one’s weakness in the bedroom - then again, all was fair in love and war. Groaning into her muzzle, pressing her head into the pillow, he pulled out all the stops and went wild.

There was no sense in slowing down or altering tactics, so put everything he had into railing her. He was going to cum soon enough, in spite of his best intentions, leaving him with the sliver of hope that he could push her past the brink before he peaked. It was a risky gambit and he knew it, yet it was the best and only shot he had.

The warmth in Cadance’s abdomen grew stronger, the depths of her marehood quaked, and heart thundered in her chest, as she passed the point of no return. She really wasn’t sure how she’d met such a marvelously charming stallion, but she thanked the heavens for meeting her husband. Feeling him flaring against the entrance of her battered womb, sensing his shaft pulse harder than ever, she came the second his stallionhood erupted within her.

Groaning and mewling, awash in ecstasy, the couple climaxed in tandem. Hot, virile seed flooded her depths, while her marish nectar gushed over his groin and thighs. Slowly but surely, fitful twitch after fitful twitch, their orgasm subsided and a well-earned euphoria settled over them. As they pulled away, tenderly gazing into one another’s eyes, they smiled in bliss.

“Still up for trying the cow thing, maybe tomorrow or later tonight?” Shining rasped.

Rolling her eyes a second time, though grinning like a joyful school filly, Cadance gave a halfhearted shrug. “You better hope Twilight doesn’t have a fix for this spell…”