"Nope, Celestia ain't the princess," a mule walked in the middle of town and sat his haunches on the ground and crossed his forearms.
"What's this Jackass on about?" Bonbon asked Lyra as they passed the mule.
"Something about Celestia not being the princess?" Lyra answered.
"What!?" Pinkie shouted after popping out of a flowerpot next to the mule. "Are you loco in the coco? Celestia is the princess. We often call her Princess Celestia or even just Princess."
"Nope, she ain't the princess," the mule said with a blank expression. "Look it up, you lose."
"How does… Buddy, she has LITERALLY been the Princess of Equestria for oved a thousand years! How do you not believe she's the princess?" Bonbon asked, clearly stunned by the jackass's stubbornness.
"Nope, you lose. And her sister is evil," the mule kept saying and shook his head. "You both lose."
"Evil!?" Rainbow Dash yelled before landing on the ground from the cloud she was sleeping on. "Princess Luna is not evil! She had some weird phase with Nightmare Moon, but she's not evil!" She yelled while getting in the mule's face.
"Nope, that mare's evil," the mule said with a blank expression. "And the cello ain't a good instrument."
"I find that offensive!" Octavia said, as she passed by.
"If Celestia isn't the princess, then who is?" Rainbow asked the mule.
"She's always been suspicious with that creepy obsession with cake," the mule answered. "I say she's an imposter."
"Well, I say she isn't an imposter!" Rainbow shot back. "You're just talking out of your ass, because you are one!"
"Nope, she ain't who she says she is," the mule said, shaking his head. "And the Wonderbolts? Phonies, all of 'em."
At the mention of her idols and teammates being called phonies, Dash snapped and lunged for the Mule. She would have beat him to a pulp, had Twilight not held her back with her magic.
"Lemme at 'im, lemme at 'im!" Rainbow barked like a wild animal.
"Dash, stop! Everypony's entitled to their opinion, even if the facts are incorrect," Twilight told Dash while pulling her back.
"Says the wannabe," the mule said, glancing at Twilight and rolled his eyes.
Twilight gasped before turning to the mule. "Wannabe!? What the tartarus does that even mean!?"
"You worship a mare who ain't all that," the mule said. "You also read too much."
The gathered mares stood there just staring at him before Pinkie turned to Twilight. "He's got you on that last one."
"You must be the smart one," the mule quipped.
"Reading is healthy! It's better than doing nothing all day!" Twilight accused.
"Nope, get some exercise," the mule said.
"Like you're one to talk! You have a potbelly!" Twilight shot back, pointing her hoof at the mule's fat belly.
"I choose not to exercise," the mule retorted. "You lose."
"Once again, he's got you there," Pinkie said.
"Whose side are you on?!" Twilight snapped at Pinkie.
"Everypony's?" Pinkie shrugged.
"And your parties are too loud," the mule said to Pinkie.
"But parties are meant to be loud!" Pinkie said.
"And obnoxious?" the mule added.
"You're just jealous because you never had a party!" Rainbow accused.
"Don't need one, you lose," the mule said.
"Now hold on there, partner," Applejack said. "There's a difference between havin' an opinion and just bein' downright rude."
"Uh huh, then why does your cider taste like it's got sweetener in it?" the mule asked.
At that, both Applejack and Dash had their eyes twitching while growling through clenched teeth. Seeing this, Twilight poured more magic into her hold on Dash while Pinkie held Applejack back.
"Let me loose! Nobody insults mah family's cider and gets away with it!" Applejack snapped angrily as she flailed her arms at the mule as if trying to land a hard smack across his dumb face.
"You lose already," the mule said plainly. "The fact that you're getting mad says you got something hiding in that drink."
"And just what would you know, sir?" Rarity huffed, running a hoof through her mane. "All we've heard from you is nothing but rudeness!"
The mule eyed Rarity and let out a snort. "You got too much makeup on."
"How dare you insult the gorgeous and flawless Rarity!" Spike snarled.
"Everyone's got flaws, kid," the mule said.
"By that logic, you have flaws too!" Spike said.
"Maybe, but I can't think of anything. So, you lose," the mule said.
"You're unbelievably stubborn!" Spike snapped.
"Nope, I'm just voicing my opinion," the mule said.
"Opinions that are wrong!" Rarity said. "There's no such thing as putting on too much makeup!"
"Sure there is, means you wanna cover up something on your face that you don't want others to see," the mule pointed out.
"Am I not allowed to look pretty?!" Rarity argued.
"Not when you've got mascara caked on like that," the mule said bluntly, making the mare glare irritably at the mule. "Once again, you all lose." The mule kept his front legs crossed and blank expression. "Too many wrong opinions."
All at once, the gathered ponies circled the mule and went about telling him how all his opinions were incorrect and that he was very rude in all his opinions.
"The Wonderbolts aren't phonies!" Rainbow snapped.
"No," the mule said.
"Princess Celestia IS the ruler of Equestria!" Bonbon yelled at the mule.
"No proof of that," The mule retorted.
"I do not put on too much makeup!" Rarity said.
"No!" the mule said louder.
"I am not a wannabe!" Twilight shouted.
"My cider is naturally sweet, ya varmint!" Applejack pointed out.
"No! No! No! NO! NO! NO! NO!" The mule then took a deep breath with his eyes crossing before letting out a bugling scream.
"EEEEEE UUUUUAAAA!!! EEEEEEEE UUUUUUAAAAA EEEEEEEEEUUUUUUAUUUAAAA!!!"
He then gets up and runs out of town while still braying like an ass. While everyone was doing their best to come to terms on what just happened, Fluttershy walked by with a few groceries in her bags and stopped to look at everything.
"Um…what did I miss?" Fluttershy wondered.
Author's Note
Moral of the story: don't be a stubborn ass.
Side Note:
Got bored again.
Hope you enjoyed!
~WurkyWilk has left the building…
