The Joy of Cuddling

Pinkie was miserable. Sugar was gone. Decomposing to the point that the smell would affect business, Pinkie had been left with no choice than to dispose of Sugar in the fashion she had become accustomed to. Saying goodbye was hard and Pinkie had wept with every cut as she decapitated and dismembered her snugglebug, temporary mate.

Sugar had been a very large, strong pony and Pinkie didn't have the strength to lift her body as a whole. Even without most of her major organs, Sugar needed to be rent in order to be placed in the brick oven where she had been razed to ash, charred bone, and steaming gristle.

The process took time. Days, sometimes a week if the former pony was particularly stubborn or Pinkie failed to maintain the fire in the brick oven attentively. Sugar had burned quickly but there was something about rendering a lover from pony form to a ruined skeleton that always broke Pinkie's heart. It was like breaking up and the pink pony felt the anguish of being alone again. There were no more cuddles, no more sweet kisses, or conversation (even if they were one-sided) to be had.

In the end, Sugar had left her, just like all the others.

Mostly. There was still one step of disposal left but what remained of Sugar wasn't the mare Pinkie had loved so dearly for several days.

Business had been slow after lunch so there were few distractions from Pinkie's broken heart and Pinkie felt every painful beat. She absently leaned upon the cash register, one hoof gently tugging and releasing the black choker Sugar had given her. Her thoughts were on the big mare and how good she felt wrapped in those powerful legs. She wanted to cry but it wouldn't solve anything or make her feel better, so she just watched the empty shop and wished it was closing time. Still three hours to go and then she could sulk in bed until she finally fell asleep, alone.

The door opened, clanging the little silver bell that hung on a coil just above the door. A pair of young colts entered Pinkie's Cakes and Treats. They appeared to be close to the same age and were rattling off inane stupidity like only children could do. She didn't want to deal with this today. Parents should watch their dumb kids and not let them run wild all over town. Pinkie rolled her eyes and said as cheerily as she could muster, "Welcome to Pinkie's Cakes and Treats. What can I get for you today?"

The bigger of the two looked surprised as if he had not known Pinkie was in the room while he defended an assault from the other who was complaining, "Mom said you had too! You can't get yourself something and not one for me!"

"Shut up! You don't deserve anything, whiney," the older one retaliated and pushed the other away.

"I'll tell mom! Then she'll wash your mouth out with soap again!"

"That's for cussing, idiot!"

The smaller colt turned his eyes to Pinkie, the only adult in the room, for help, welling with tears, "Tell him I'm not an idiot and he has to buy me something too!"

The bell chimed again but Pinkie didn't notice, aggravated by these two. "If both of you don't act like civilized ponies, neither of you will get anything!"

The two colts had the audacity to look shocked but they calmed and began to look through the glass display that intersected the room.

Pinkie grumbled to herself silently and sat on a stool by the register once more, waiting for them to be out of her mane. She noticed a third pony in the store, peering into the display on the far end. What struck Pinkie about them was the mop of curly green mane rolled into eclair shaped springs around her head. She appeared to be squinting but it was hard to tell through the mane.

"We could each get two of these, Bub," the young colt said, breaking unintelligible chittering that has been steadily escalating over the last minute.

"Yeah, but those are for foals, not real stallions like me. Real stallions get cupcakes!" The older colt answered.

"Cupcakes? But I like the lemon bars!"

"That's because you're not a real stallion, crybaby."

Maybe it was just how miserable she felt, but Pinkie was beginning to hate the colts. She bit her tongue, afraid that if she spoke she would regret what she said.

The bigger colt sidestepped down the glass, bumping into the green-maned filly and causing her to stumble. The colt quickly looked and chuckled to himself, "Look, Zap. It's One Eye!" he teased. "Why don't you watch where you're going, One Eye? Oh, cause you can't see on this side."

The filly shrunk, tucking her chin and turning her face away from the colts.

"That's not her name! Leave Cuddletini alone, Loop," the younger colt, Zap, replied.

"Oh? She's your marefriend now or something?" Loop switched targets adeptly, obviously used to picking on others.

"I… I'll… I'll tell mom!" Zap's eyes filled with tears, resorting to his only defense.

"Ugly ponies like you and One Eye belong together!" Loop chided, a wry grin pulling his lips up.

The filly at the end remained quiet, just looking at her hooves. She seemed used to insults. Pinkie didn't have any patience left and smacked the case with her hooves.

"You two, buy something or get out!" She said harshly but somehow without screaming. The colts quickly pointed out a couple cupcakes and Pinkie bagged them up, took the money from the shaking hoof of the older one, and watched them open the door and quickly run down the street.

Pinkie sighed and shook her head with frustration. Her cold eyes fell on the child at the end of the display, head still drooping, pastel yellow shoulders slumped. Celestia damn it. Now I have to deal with this shit.

"Hey, kid. Are you okay?" Pinkie asked, doing the best she could to mask the agitation in her voice.

"Yeah. I'm ok," the filly's voice was soft like warm icing and as fragile as hummingbird eggs. But her body remained hunkered forward, green curls blocking her face.

Pinkie moved down the rear of the case to stand on the opposite side from the filly. "Is there something I can get you?" Pinkie asked, wanting the girl gone as quickly as possible. Pinkie just wanted to be alone to wallow in self loathing but now she had to deal with the problems of others.

"Oh… no, I don't have any money," the filly spoke.

No money. Great. Why even bother coming into a confectionery? Pinkie had to grit her teeth and pause the negative thoughts rushing through her mind. "I didn't ask that. Tell me what you want and I'll get it for you."

The child's head popped up, a single gold eye searched Pinkie's face. The right eye was permanently shut by small stitches where her eyelashes met her cheek. An incarnadine scar of churned, swirled flesh marred the eyelid and the forehead up to the line of her mane. Several smaller scars sat like pink islands in the yellow coat of her face. Pinkie recognized it as a burn immediately and winced at the sight. She had been popped by oil a few times and knew the lingering agony of just a drop or two. This filly has probably been in terrible pain for weeks.

A small smile broke across the little pony's lips and she shook her head gently, curls shaking with slight delay. "N-no, it wouldn't be right. I just wanted to see your store. I hadn't noticed it until today."

Pinkie smirked to herself. She was offering a free snack and the filly was refusing. That was odd for anypony let alone a little girl. "Well, I make all sorts of sweets here: cakes, pies, cookies, brownies, just whatever ponies want. Sometimes I make fancier desserts too for special occasions or special orders. But, I haven't been here very long. A couple months?"

"Yeah, I saw you moving in once. You're really pretty," the filly said, her one good eye shimmering and taking Pinkie in.

"Thanks. You live in this neighborhood?" Pinkie smiled for the first time in a few days. It was a real smile.

"I can't tell you that. I d-don't really know you. Teacher taught us not to talk to strangers," she paused and then looked at the stacks of goodies in the display. "Or to take candy from them."

Chuckling, Pinkie watched the little filly. "That's a good practice. You never know what a pony is capable of." The irony was not lost on Pinkie and she had to battle to not laugh.

"Mmmhmm," the filly agreed.

"Is that why you don't want a free sample? Because you aren't supposed to take candy from strangers?" Pinkie asked. "It's my job to make candy, you know. I'm not just standing in an alley or something."

"No, it's because you should pay for things. It wouldn't be right if you gave me one for free," she answered.

Pinkie regarded the small filly and smiled. She was a weird kid. That wasn't bad, though. She had some kind of principle that she didn't want to break. Pinkie actually wanted to give her something now instead of just doing it to shut her up and get her out of the store.

"If you could buy one, what would you pick?" Pinkie asked, watching the girl peer into the display directly before her. "Take your time, there are plenty more to look at all the way down. You let me know when you find the one that speaks to you."

Pinkie walked back to the stool and watched the filly as she perused the case. She couldn't help but wonder what had happened to her that had put her eye out. The lid was flat, indicating that the eye itself had been removed and the lid sewn shut. The girl didn't seem bothered by it and navigated well so it must not have been recent. There was just too much to ruminate on and Pinkie began to talk again.

"If you have any questions, let me know. I made everything in there this morning," Pinkie said.

"Your name is really Pinkie?" She asked, gold eye flipping up to the pink mare. "Like the name of the store?"

Pinkie nodded. "Yep. It's my store. It's not a very clever name I have, is it?"

The filly shrugged and smiled, "I like it. It's a cute name. It would be weird if you were Goldie or something but Pinkie makes sense." She scrunched her face up and gazed at some straw shaped, multicolored snacks on a white plate in the display and looked up questioningly. "What are those?" Her hoof accidentally tapped the glass with a sharp tinkling noise. Pinkie wondered if it were due to her depth perception.

Looking at the candy, Pinkie answered, "Salt water taffy." Pinkie idly wondered what the girl's guts would look like laying on the floor of the basement. They'd probably be small, easily scattered out and run in circles like a garden hose. She touched the choker again. "It's soft and chewy. I have 5 flavors: cherry, lime, berry, cotton candy, and orange."

"Oh… they look neat," she answered and thought for a moment, her concentration evident. "Probably the lime or berry one of those is what I would get because I like trying new things."

"You won't take one for free, so how about we work out a deal?" Pinkie asked, watching the curious filly raise the eyebrow over her missing eye. "Do you know what that is?" She pointed to an old wooden broom leaning in a corner by the counter and a dustbin propped next to it.

"A broom?" The filly asked as if it were a trick question.

"Right. My back is sore today. If you sweep this room for me, I'll give you one of each of the taffies. That way you are working for them and I don't have to sweep with sore back," Pinkie winced to illustrate her point despite there being nothing wrong with her back.

The filly rushed to the broom and began stroking the brushed end across the floor with enthusiasm. She moved in quick, deliberate motions that gathered dirt and dust but without causing a choking cloud. She appeared to be well versed in sweeping.

"What's your name, sweetie?" Pinkie asked, already preparing a bag with the taffy, throwing an extra piece in for good measure. She thought one of those brats had said it earlier but she couldn't remember what it was.

"Cuddletini," she responded, sweeping a small pile of dust and hoof debris into the bin and dutifully dumping it into a bigger trash can.

"That's a pretty name. Definitely not as simple as mine," Pinkie wondered if the girl's family knew where she was. Anything could happen to a filly just running around Bridleton. It wouldn't be hard… just come take a look at this thing down these steps…then guts. A small heap. A delicious pile of shiny tubes, topped with a tiny kidney, ovary, or… oh, her little heart beating its final few times, fluttering in fear as it realized its actions no longer pumped blood to the body and fell silent. Fuck, that was hot.

Her reverie popped like a balloon and she suddenly felt embarrassed. Pinkie realized she was damp down there. She had also missed what the fil…er, Cuddletini was saying. "Huh? What did you say, dear?"

"I said, I like your name. It suits you," Cuddletini looked at the front, nearly swept clean and turned to face the pink mare. "There's not a lot to sweep out here, Pinkie. I don't think it's worth that many pieces of candy."

"There's still back here to get. I'm sure it'll be worth it then, " Pinkie replied and smirked as the girl began stroking the last few feet of the front. Pinkie took a small container of scraps and dumped them on the floor behind the counter to make the filly feel as though she were earning the treats.

Cuddletini finished the front and paused at the entrance to behind the counter, her only eye looking for permission. "Can I come back there?"

"It would be kind of difficult to sweep from out there so I guess so," Pinkie mused, earning a grin from the yellow filly who stepped through and began sweeping the tiny pieces of paper into a pile.

Nopony knows she's here… it would be so easy. I could bring what's left of her up to the bed to cuddle with after I drain her of blood. Fuck, I don't want to be alone tonight. Plus, I could see what's under that sewn eye lid. I wonder if it's all mushy…

"I'm done!" Cuddletini announced, once again bringing Pinkie back from her mind.

"Huh? Oh! It looks so much better up here!" Pinkie smiled and made a show out of looking around. She had done a good job, though.

Cuddletini smiled at the affirmation. "Mama makes me help keep the house clean. I'm good at lots of things!" she beamed.

"Yes, I can see that. Maybe you could take a look at one more thing?" Pinkie said, a wide smile growing on her face. Her heart beat hard in her chest as excitement built.

"Oh, okay," Cuddletini answered.

Pinkie pushed the double action door open and moved through the kitchen. Cuddletini followed but paused to look at all the different instruments, tools, and appliances. "Wow! It's so neat back here! Is this where you make all those yummy things?"

Pinkie was under the yoke of need, barely noticing the filly had spoken. She had moved to the door to the basement and was fidgeting with the bolt. "Yeah…this is where it happens. All the magic… all the…"

What the fuck is wrong with me? She's a filly! Are you really going to do this to a kid? She barely knows life and you are going to end it just to feel less sad for a night or two?

Alcohol would have shut that voice of reason up. Or at least quietened it enough that it wouldn't aggravate her. She needed this… didn't she? The wooden door was warm against Pinkie's forehead. Fuck.

"What did you want to show me?" Cuddletini asked, right behind her.

"What? Oh… just the kitchen," Pinkie bluffed. "I thought you might like to see it."

"Yeah, I like it. I didn't know you needed all this stuff, but the others all say I'm dumb, so maybe I should have," she said, consternation crossing her features.

Pinkie made sure the bolt was locked and turned back to Cuddletini, sighing. She suddenly felt fatigued, as if she had run a marathon. "You seem pretty bright to me, Sweetie. Let's go get that candy."

"Yay!" Cuddletini celebrated and hurried through the door to the front, leaving Pinkie to hate herself.

"You're not that fucked up, yet. You're not that fucked up… not yet," Pinkie fell to her haunches and grabbed her head, running her hooves through her mane and scraping at the flesh covering her skull hard enough to draw a small trickle of blood that got lost in the dark mane. Clenching her teeth and slamming her eyes shut, a tear rolled down Pinkie's cheek. "Get it together. Get your shit together."

And just like that, like a switch being flipped, Pinkie stood once more and calmly followed the filly out to the front. She took the bag and smiled, putting it into Cuddletini's hooves. The girl laughed and wrapped Pinkie's midsection in an incomplete, but tight hug.

"Thank you, Pinkie!" Cuddletini looked up with her golden eye and green mop of mane, a natural smile on her cheeks.

Pinkie couldn't help but smile in return and hugged the filly back. It felt weird but it felt right. It felt good. "You're welcome, Cuddletini."

The filly took her bag of goodies and walked around the counter and toward the door.

"Hey, Cuddletini!" Pinkie called, stopping the filly just as she got to the door. She looked back with the bag in her grinning mouth.

"I bet this floor will need to be swept again tomorrow evening if you wanted to work for some more treats," Pinkie said, inexplicably wanting to see the child again.

Cuddletini nodded happily. The grin could have split her head in half as it grew. "Mmhmmm!" She murmured through the paper treat bag. She waved once more and the bell rang as she exited.

A couple entered the store, forcing Pinkie to focus on business instead of being alone.

***

The pair that entered when Cuddletini had left signaled the evening rush and Pinkie was busy enough to keep her mind occupied until close. Few of the treats remained and what was left would be marked down for quick sale tomorrow.

Pinkie locked the door to her shop and retired to the kitchen, preparing a few batches of dough for the morning and placing them in one of the refrigerators. She then cleaned the kitchen, thinking about the strange girl she had met.

She hoped to see Cuddletini again. There was something about her that Pinkie liked. Maybe it was because she was weird, or damaged like Pinkie, or maybe there was no reason at all. It was hard for her to decipher her own emotions. All she knew was that the girl was interesting to her.

Once the kitchen was sterilized, she only had one more job to close out before she could head upstairs to her apartment. She unbolted the door to the basement.

With each step, the feeling of solitude within her grew like a cancer. The memories of her nights hugged up with Sugar were painful, almost crippling. The basement was incredibly hot. Whether it was the heat or the hurt that took Pinkie's breath she couldn't be certain. But she had to begin the healing process. She needed to say goodbye.

Taking the black choker from her neck, Pinkie began to cry. The tears were cold in the hot room as they spilled down her cheeks like frozen beads. She approached the shelf with Aj's hat, Dash's feathers, and the personal items of several other former lovers slowly, taking in the last few moments with Sugar's ghost.

"I'll never forget you, Sugar. Thanks for everything." Gently she laid the choker between the onyx earring of a stallion named Clutch and the friendship bracelet of a unicorn named Izzy. They were all good memories but saying goodbye was so difficult.

It took a moment for Pinkie to let go of the choker. She patted it lovingly, wiped her eyes, and turned away. There was still work to do but the hard part was over.

The brick oven burned incredibly hot. Had the building been made of wood instead of brick, it would have likely burned from the intense heat pouring from the oven. Pinkie had to use special gloves to open the iron door and squinted as scorching heat blasted against her. The inside of the oven was a glowing mass of bright orange and yellow. The walnut, hawthorn, and oak logs were dense and took forever to catch, but, once they had, they would burn long and extremely hot. Pinkie had come down shortly after the lunch rush to restock the logs in the oven to keep the fire hot enough. A large pot gurgled in the midst of the glowing oven.

Wearing the fire retardant gloves, Pinkie pulled the 80 quart cooking pot to the mouth of the oven with some difficulty. Opening the valve at the top of the clamped cooker, Pinkie had to be careful and wait for the steam and pressure trapped inside to escape in small, controlled bursts before she could release the clamps and open the lid. Inside, she could see yellow tallow bubbling on top.

She used a wooden club to push through the cataract of fat and felt more than saw the gelatinous bones squash beneath the tool. Good, it was done.

Pinkie stirred the pot, feeling all that was left of Sugar collapsing beneath the wood. The high heat and pressure had softened the bones enough to reduce to nothing but stock. The meat she had burned away first overnight. It was soft tissue, easily burnt to nothing in a few hours, but bones took days to soften. She had loaded wood into the oven at least a dozen times over the last three days in order to keep the internal heat high and dispose of Sugar completely. Once she finished beating the bones to goo, she could allow it to cool, mix in more water, and use the nutritious stock to feed her small garden out back.

With some luck, and Sugar's help, the winter vegetables would grow big, strong, and delicious this season.