The Offspring

by Flutterpriest

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Flurry Heart, Comedy, Shining Armor
Length: 1379

Flurry comes out as asexual to her parents. This leaves one important question. How will she birth a new ruler? Shining has the answer. It's bad.

Flurry comes out as asexual to her parents. This leaves one important question. How will she birth a new ruler? Shining has the answer.

It's bad.

A fun little non-submission to promote the Shining Armor is a Terrible Dad competition. Can you do better than me? Prove it. Send in a submission to win $$$.

Published 2024-02-28 01:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2024-02-28 01:10:03 UTC

Keep it Crystal

“Mom… Dad,” Flurry Heart meekly said. “I’m asexual.”

A silence fell over the Royal Chambers of the Crystal Palace. The young adult held her breath and sweat dripped down the back of her neck, sticking to her mane. Shining Armor and the Princess formerly known as Mi Amore Cadenza exchanged shocked glances as they rested on the edge of their bed. Cadance smiled at her daughter and then nudged her husband.

“A sexual what?” Shining blurted out.

Flurry simply blinked.

“Asexual. As in, not straight. Not gay. Not both. Neither. W-without sexual desire,” she sputtered out.

Shining looked to his wife in utter bewilderment, then back to his daughter. His thousand yard stare showed very little signs of life, as if the hamster on the wheel inside had a heart attack and shit it’s pants in that specific order.

“Sweetie,” Cadance said, finally speaking up. “I think what your father is trying to say is that we’re going to support you 100%. No matter what your preferences are.”

Another long pause. Cadance glared at Shining for a moment. He snapped back to reality then refocused on Flurry Heart.

“Right. Exactly what your mom said. Support and Love.”

Flurry smiled, her eyes welling with tears.

“You guys are the best parents!”

She leapt through the air, her wings beating just once to clear the distance between her and the royal couple and enveloped them in a glomp-like hug.

“I love you so much, dear.” Cadance said gently.

“I love you,” Flurry responded.

“So when do you want to be pregnant?” Shining asked.

It probably would have been more tactful to rip necrotic ass in the room rather than have asked that question. But lo and behold, that which has been released cannot be undone.

“W-what?” Flurry asked in a complete panic, breaking the hug and glaring at her father.

“I mean,” he said as Cadance immediately leaned away from him. “We’re the royal family. We gotta keep the lineage going.”

“B-but Dad!” Flurry bellowed. “I don’t like boys. I don’t want to get married!”

“Shining,” Cadance said in her ‘tread carefully or I am going to wreck you in the not kinky way’ tone. “Flurry doesn’t HAVE to do anything she doesn’t want, right?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Shining said, waving his hooves. “I should have been more clear. Let me restart-”

“OH I DON’T THINK-” Cadance interjected before being cut off by Flurry Heart.

“Dad, I know that I’m in line for the throne, and with you being Captain of the Royal Guard I’ll have to find somepony I trust completely with my care. And I know that being a single ruler is a ton of work. Aunt Twilight runs herself ragged and tells stories about Great Aunt Celestia being so stressed she demolished three whole cakes in a day.”

She raised a hoof as her dad tried to sputter out something that sounded like words.

“You guys believed in me when I had my goth phase a few years ago, and when I realized that I liked music that you could understand the lyrics to without looking them up, you guys supported me endlessly. Trust me when I say, I’ve never had a crush. I don’t feel… attracted in that way. We had so many classes about love and my changing body.”

Cadance leaned toward her husband.

“That was me, I did that.”

“What I’m saying is,” Flurry continued. “I’ve never had that urge. I don’t feel…”

She gestured at her parents.

“A desire for this.”

Shining rose from his seat and moved to her daughter. He placed a hoof on her shoulder.

“Honey, I was never going to ever ask you to marry somepony you don’t love. That would be absolutely insane. I love you too much for that.”

Flurry smiled and wiped a tear from her face.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“That’s why I’ll knock you up.”

“Holy SHIT!” exclaimed the guard on the other side of the door.

“THIS IS A PRIVATE CONVERSATION, MAURICE.”

“Yes sir!”

Flurry looked like she was about to vomit. Shining Armor was absolutely bewildered. He looked back to his wife for support as Flurry took 3 massive steps back. Cadance stared at Shining with mouth agape. She rose up, extended a hoof and simply said.

“Nope.”

She trotted to the bedroom closet and opened the closet door to reveal a tied up and gagged Princess Cadance, sleeping on the ground. With a flash of green fire, the non-captive princess revealed herself to be Queen Chrysalis. She kicked her and tore away her binding.

“Princess Slut, wake up. You got parenting to do.”

“What?” Cadance said, looking between the three ponies in the room. Shining simply stared in surprise.

“Man, not again. I swore I’d know when it happened this time,” said the royal prince.

“What Happened?” Cadance said, rising to her hooves.

Queen Chrysalis rubbed her forehead and began to walk out of the room.

“It’s only been a week. I didn’t get to start my plan. Sorry about all the loud sex with your husband. Your daughter is asexual and your husband wants to knock her up. Good luck.”

She opened the glass doors to the outdoor balcony and flew off.

Cadance shivered then turned to the other two ponies.

“So. Let’s address one thing at a time,” she said in her ‘I am clearly going to wreck you now’ voice. “Flurry it is totally okay and valid to be asexual.”

She trotted to her daughter and wrapped her in a warm embrace, then glared at her husband.

“I-I’m… sorry about the.. Uhm. Night… stuff.”

“That’s fine. I’m into it now,” Cadance said.

Flurry Heart had more than she could handle and spewed a steady stream of rainbows from her mouth like an anime character.

“As for the other thing-” she slowly said.

“Listen!” Shining said. “I don’t know if I spelled it out properly, but if you girls can’t tell, I literally fell into being the luckiest sack in the world by marrying a Princess. And my closest relative is ruling a whole other nation that we have amazing relations to - in no short part because we’re all related. If the Crystal Empire falls into the hands of a different family or worse, in somepony evil’s hands after Flurry passes the torch, then we could destabilize the larger part of this world.”

Cadance broke the hug and wiped some rainbow vomit off of her.

“Which is why I trust Flurry to make the right decision and name a successor that’s trustworthy of the massive power she will inherit. Because if she doesn’t either do what Celestia did and adopt some young, impressionable pony as a student, then there could be some sort of terrible event that tears apart race relations between Earth Ponies, Pegasai, and Unicorns for years to come. And I know Flurry doesn’t want that.”

A silence fell over the room.

“R-right,” Flurry said.

“So, in short, Flurry will adopt an obsessive bookworm from a well-off family.”

“B-but, uhm.”

“Families had children for generations in order to keep power within their regime. And usually it was for nefarious reasons,” Shining said flatly. “Trust me, there’s no pleasure in wanting to give a massive, dribbling cream pie to our daughter. For as many times as it took to take.”

“OH MY CELESTIA! WILL YOU TWO STOP!?”

Flurry stood firm and stomped between the two rulers.

“By the time I finally need to make an important decision, you two will have long been buried and I will have had hundreds of years of experience to make an informed decision. I’ve had the best teachers in the world. You two. Can you PLEASE just trust me that when the time comes, I’ll choose a proper successor?”

Shining and Cadance exchanged glances, then nodded.

“When you put it like that,” Shining said. “It makes complete sense.”
“We trust you, sweetie,” Cadance said.

Cadance pulled the two into a big hug.

“Everything is going to be okay,” Flurry Heart says. “Just trust me.”

A quiet moment passed with the three wrapped in a warm, yet awkward hug.

“And just in case, I can freeze some-”

Cadance placed a hoof on her husband’s mouth.

And that’s how Gen 5 was made.