So an owl, an opossum, and a tuna walk into a bar...
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So an owl, an opossum, and a tuna walk into a bar...
A more rational pony would find the situation weird. Fluttershy, fortunately, was not a rational pony. Even excluding everything with Discord (which you had to for sanity's sake), she had been an Element Bearer for too long and seen too much to count as even vaguely rational. The job simply did not allow that illusion of normalcy to exist.
So to her, at least, there was nothing weird about the scene before her.
On one side of the table sat Princess Luna - the Moon Incarnate, the Dreamwalker, Verified Non-Gobbler of Bottoms - with her pet opossum, Tiberius.
On the other side sat Princess Twilight Sparkle - Bearer of the Element of Magic, the Friendmaker, Winner of Canterlot's Hottest Librarian five years running - and her pet owl, Owlowiscious.
And Fluttershy was between them, waiting.
The two alicorns, at least, were friendly. They were dating after all and deep in the throes of fresh love. The problem was the other two: their pets were substantially less in love and also less willing to tolerate each other for the sake of their owners. This explained the presence of the third pony in the castle.
"Now," Fluttershy gently started, "I would like one of you to go first."
The room was abruptly filled with loud hooting and shrill squeaking. Owlowiscious' talons gripped his perch tightly as he flapped his wings and puffed his feathers out. Tiberius, in turn, hissed and bared his teeth at the owl, back arched. Both alicorns tried to simultaneously protect their pets while also holding them back from each other.
Fluttershy extended her wings out then clapped them against her barrel as hard as she could - making a loud slapping noise that startled both animals to a momentary silence. "One at a time please." The two looked at each other and settled down - even if the tension in the air didn't dissipate. "Thank you. Owlowiscious, could you please start and tell me what's going on?"
The owl - after sparing a moment to glare at his counterpart, started hooting. These were quieter, almost gentle, with the cadence of a pony lecturing a small foal. Fluttershy nodded along as he spoke, interjecting with the occasional "Uh huh" and "I see."
After around a minute, Twilight couldn't take it any more. "Fluttershy, what's he saying?"
"He's saying–" Fluttershy held up a feather, silencing everypony to let Owlowiscious get one last hoot in. "He's saying that he doesn't understand what the problem is. As an owl, he has certain dietary requirements that any pony with an education - which he implied to include both of you - is aware of. He didn't do anything wrong and was simply following the dictates of his biological needs and thousands of generations of established hunting patterns. Opossums are prey animals and he's a predator."
Both princesses frowned at that.
But before they could comment, Fluttershy turned to Tiberius. "Now it's your turn. I'd like to hear your side of the story."
Tiberius gave a gentlemanly nod before starting into a long string of hisses, squeaks, and barks. While Owlowiscious only took a minute or so, Tiberius continued on for more than five.
At the end, Fluttershy turned towards Princess Luna. "I can really tell he's your pet," she noted with a soft giggle. "He's inherited your, um, penchant for eloquent and descriptive speech."
"I am pleased he has paid attention to my mannerisms," Luna noted, "But I confess I am much more interested in what he has to say rather than how he says it."
"Oh." Fluttershy bit her lip. "It was very elaborate, but he essentially said that if Owlowiscious wants to eat him, he will, um. Shank him with his own talons."
That brought both princesses to a thoughtful silence with their thoughts.
"Well. Good for him."
"Luna!"
"He is merely defending himself."
"He's talking about stabbing my owl," Twilight huffily noted.
Luna merely shrugged. "He has every right to not be eaten and there is nothing unreasonable about that."
Twilight frowned deeply, but didn't have a retort.
Thankfully for the pair (and their pair of pets), Fluttershy was experienced in this sort of thing. "Both of them are right and there's no reason to be upset with either of them. Owlowiscious has to obey his needs as a carnivore and I don't think anypony would disagree that it is very understandable that Tiberius doesn't want to be eaten."
Both princesses nodded slowly. Fluttershy wasn't looking at them, however. She instead was looking at - and speaking to - the two pets.
Neither reacted immediately, but after a few awkward seconds? Owlowiscious shrugged his wings, and Tiberius gave a grudging nod after that.
"Good. Now while both of you are right, there's more going on than just your own needs. You both care deeply for your respective ponies, right?" The agreements this time were less grudging. "And you understand that they care deeply for each other?" Again, quiet agreement from the pets. "So while both of you are in the right, you need to understand that you're going to have to make sacrifices for their sakes. You have to reach a compromise where you can all live together."
The pets looked at each other with a mixture of apprehension and embarrassment. Tiberius began with a few short squeaks, tentatively reaching out a proverbial olive branch. In turn, Owlowiscious gave a low hoot and shifted side to side.
Fluttershy smiled. "Good. Go on."
The two traded back and forth for several minutes, their various hoots and squeaks and hisses growing easier and conversational instead of confrontational. Fluttershy's smile slowly widened.
Up until about three minutes in, when it started to fade into a much more concerned look.
"Fluttershy?" Twilight shifted uneasily, recognizing that look on her friend's face. It was the same one she wore when Rainbow Dash had a Plan.
"Um." Fluttershy's eyes darted between the other four. "Well, the good news is that they've reached an understanding. I think they knew they had to, but they needed a nudge from the outside to start the process. Owlowiscious admits that while he is an obligate carnivore, he doesn't have to hunt Tiberius specifically and he's willing to make an exception in the name of keeping the peace. And Tiberius has agreed that he won't provoke Owlowiscious and that he won't object to other animals being hunted." She paused. "But Tiberius is also reserving the right to forbid a limited number of other animals from being hunted, mostly because, um. He doesn't want to have any dates interrupted by Owlowiscious trying to eat the other opossum."
Both alicorns blinked, processing that. "...Seems reasonable," Twilight finally agreed to. Luna nodded as well.
Fluttershy, though, didn't look quite so happy. "They, um. In exchange, Tiberius has agreed to help Owlowiscious hunt another meal instead. And they're discussing the best way to catch Opalescence."
