Bug Wife

The sun was just beginning to peak over the mountaintop. One could see pinks and yellows gleam off the snowy peaks. In just a few minutes everything would be light.

Applejack had insisted that it would be an easy day today on the farm, meaning they’d all work until they were aching, not until they were ready to keel over. There would be apples to haul, pigs to see to, cows to milk, things to fix and clean. Just another day at work really.

Anon, Big Mac, and Caramel were in the top loft in the barn. All of them were seated at the opening that was used to haul the hay they’d use for the winter, legs dangling as they watched the sunrise. In a minute or two Applejack would be yelling at them to get a move on, but until then they could sit there in relative comfort.

“My old lady had an episode yesterday,” Anon said, hands in his lap.

The stallions looked over at him.

“The weddin’?” Big Mac asked.

“Would make sense. You know how mares get with this sort of thing,” Caramel said with a shrug. “Probably don’t matter if they did it once already either.”

“Nah, one of those guards hit her with a spell yesterday,” Anon replied, keeping his gaze focused on the mountains.

Both stallions said nothing, but their ears perked up. The silence dragged on for a few moments, then Anon looked down at his hands.

“I love Chryssi so much, boys,” he said. “I’ve never cared about someone this much. It sounds really dumb, like in a movie or something, but she’s actually the reason why I get up and come here to get my ass kicked everyday. I would do things for her that I’d never consider doing for anyone else in a heartbeat.”

He looked over at Big Mac and Caramel for a moment, then back at the mountains.

“I… I didn’t ask a whole lot of questions. I don’t want to; if she wants to tell me something that’s great, but I’m not going to pry. All I know is the sort of person I know she is, and that person is someone I’ll happily spend the rest of my life with.”

Anon opened and closed his hands. Realization slowly dawned on both stallions. They had both been at the town hall meeting explaining the guards. They might have been a couple of simple country bumpkins, but they could put two-in-two together.

“Magic can’t really do anything to my head, or so Twilight told me. Mind control or anything like that doesn’t work, and um…”

He sniffed, scratching his chin.

“Can I be honest with you, boys?”

Big Mac was the first to respond, reaching up and giving his shoulder a tap. “She’ll make a good wife,” he said. “That ain’t fake. Everypony in town sees it, an’ they see just how much she loves ya, so don’t ya be gettin’ cold hooves.”

“Yeah. We didn’t all rent tuxedos for nothin’,” Caramel added.

“I’m not getting cold hooves! I just thought you’d want to know what my wife may or may not be,” Anon shrugged. “I’m not real familiar with everything that happened in Equestria, but I know some things did happen so… you know.”

The three lapsed into a thoughtful silence. Off in the distance, a rooster began to cawk.

“We have a princess that tried destroyin’ the planet,” Caramel finally said. “She settled down. Can’t see why your old lady can’t.”

“Sometimes settlin’ is the best thing for a body,” Big Mac told him. “Honestly? It’s really not worth thinkin’ about if you ask me.”

“Whatcha mean?” Anon asked, looking at the big stallion.

“You got a weddin’ in two days, and if’n what your tellin’ us is right you’ll have a lil’ one runnin’ around sooner ‘an later.” Big Mac sniffed the air, giving his head a little toss. “You got too much to worry about right now. No need to add more to the wagon, right?”

“So, you’re thinking the whole thing isn’t really worth thinking about?”

“Nope. You got a gal that loves you. Don’t matter who or what she was before she met you.”

“Huh. Alright then…”

The three watched just as the sun fully rose about the mountain, bathing the land in warmth and color. A few moments later, they heard Applejack give a shout somewhere in the fields. They grunted, standing up and dusting themselves off.

“Woulda been nice tellin’ your buddies that your “wife” was actually a Changeling before now,” Caramel said, giving him a light swat with his tail.

“She told me she was a love horse,” Anon replied.

Both stallions began to laugh.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

The day of the wedding came around. For the town, it was like a national holiday. School was closed, as were the shops. Ponies were at their homes, or the homes of friends, getting ready. There was a small army at Sugarcube Corner putting the finishing touches on sweets and other goodies. There were nearly as many at the town hall, which had gotten a new coat of white paint for the occasion.

Anon and his groomscolts were somewhere on the other side of town getting ready. Chrysalis was seated in a storage closet in the town hall that had been morphed into a dressing room just for this day. The queen was staring at herself in the mirror as a mare put the finishing touches on her hair while Rarity fritted over her dress.

She hadn’t slept very well these last few days. There had just been so much to do; so many ponies to talk to, so many things to taste, so much to get ready. It almost felt like when she was overseeing a hive of thousands, yet somehow even more stressful. Her whole hive wouldn’t have been ruined if the weather team didn’t keep a storm front away, or fall into chaos because a mare walked in wearing the wrong colored dress.

Along with the stress, there was excitement as well. In just a few hours she would be a wife. A missus. A ma’am. Not a guise that she had thought up, but the real deal. Bound completely to someone else, in sickness and in health. Just a year ago, she would have felt nothing but scorn for such ideas, but now it was more appealing to her than ruling the world.

Over her shoulder, she could hear Mrs. Peach and Mrs. Pumpkin Pie having a shushed argument about horse shoes. Mrs. Cake was regaling some of the younger mares with stories about her wedding. Mrs. Cheerilee was keeping an eye on her flower fillies. She hadn’t been able to pick one or two, so she just invited every filly she’d help tutor for the job. Not a single one declined, and the room was filled with absolutely rambunctious children running around getting in everyponies’ way.

As Rarity fretted over some stitching near her leg, she thought of her soon-to-be husband. Outwardly, Anon had done his best to appear calm and collected. Emotionally, however, he was a nervous wreck. Thankfully, what he was feeling was mostly excitement, but she also had the feeling that he was fearful that something might ruin their wedding, and she’d be miserable because of it. Nevermind she could have married him in the middle of some filthy pit and been perfectly content.

“And there… we… go!” Rarity said, levitating her scissors back into a saddle bag strapped to her side. “It should be perfectly seamless. In fact, I daresay it will make you even more ravishing, darling.”

She gently tapped Chrysalis’ side.

“Be a dear and stand up for me? I’d like to see how the dress sits on you one last time, if you’d humor me.”

Even though it was the tenth time that day that the unicorn had made such a request, the queen did as she bid, standing up. Rarity levitated her stool away, allowing her to take a few steps around the space as she looked at herself in the mirror.

The dress was perfect. Her hair was perfect. Her nails had been trimmed and painted her favorite shade of green. Her skin was flawless, so there really wasn’t a need for makeup, but the green lipstick that Mrs. Cake had found looked fantastic on her. All of this together made her just stop and stare at herself. Now she could see why Anonymous couldn’t keep his hands off her. She really was smoking hot.

She gave her hair a playful toss, then spun around in place like some air-headed princess. A giggle escaped her, followed by silence. Silence, she realized, that hadn’t been in this room since they had all stepped in here.

Chrysalis turned around to see every pony in the room had stopped what they were doing to look at her. Their eyes were wide, and many had their mouths open.

“Golly…”

“Anon is a lucky stallion.”

“She’s real pretty…”

Despite herself, the queen couldn’t help but strike a pose, a smile growing on her face. Some of the mares giggled, while others rolled their eyes. A sock was rolled up and tossed her way, bouncing harmlessly off her shoulder.

Mrs. Cake cleared her throat. “Alright. That’s enough lollygagging girls. The mare of the hour might be all done up but most of you aren’t! I want all of us practically gleaming when we step out the door.”

The earth ponies voice cut through the room with an air of absolute authority. It shook the other mares out of their stupors, and they hurried to grab brushes and make up kits. Minding her dress, Chrysalis grabbed a brush as well, walking over to the group of fillies. Relief flashed across Cheerilee’s face when she saw her coming over. She gestured at the children, then pointed at the queen.

Chrysalis smiled. “Alright, little ones. Let’s get you all pretty.”

~_~_~_~_~_~_

It was a lovely day outside. The weather team had been hard at work making sure that the sky was clear and there was no wind. It was cool, but not enough to make one shiver, with the sun shining high above.

The wedding had been set up on the Apple’s land, in a clearing surrounded by apple trees. There was a barn off in the distance, on top of the properties’ many rolling hills. The smell of freshly tilled soil and apples was thick in the air.

Anon was standing on the podium that he and the fellas had spent the week building. Beside him were his groomscolts, all wearing sharp tuxedos. To Anon’s left was the Mayor; the mare who had the honor of officiating the wedding. Twilight had offered to do this, but he hadn’t wanted to put such a stressful burden on the mare. He knew Twilight; she would make the mother of all mountains out of their particular molehill in the blink of an eye. Better she be in the crowd enjoying herself. During their reception though, he’d have to make sure she was the second person he danced with, just to show her how much she meant to him.

Speaking of crowds, there was a big one staring back at him. The entire town and then some; so many folks that he could see a crowd standing behind the rows and rows of fold-up chairs. Cows, ponies, gryphons, a couple yaks, and what he was pretty sure was some sort of river monster. They all had been chatting with each other, but then wedding music had started playing and the whole crowd had gone silent and sat straight forward.

The human had already puked twice today since he had woken up. Just watching the crowd turn their attention toward him and that music made his stomach churn dangerously for a third time. He forced himself to swallow the bile that was building in his throat, taking a few deep breaths.

“Hey. If you wanna make a run for it now’s the time,” Thunderlane whispered from his spot next to Spike.

Everyone chuckled. Anon wiped a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead.

The music suddenly changed in pitch. The crowd looked back. Anon, from his raised vantage point, was able to see Chrysalis and the gaggle of mares trotting beside her. Mrs. Cake was by her side, seemingly talking to her as they walked.

It was almost like a switch went off in Anon’s head when he saw her. The nausea and terror disappeared, as did the crowd and even the music. There was just him and his beautiful soon-to-be-wife in her beautiful dress trying not to fall over because she wasn’t very comfortable in heels.

Chrysalis looked up at him, a smile breaking out across her face that made his heart ache.

“Gosh almighty,” he heard Caramel say. “Look at ‘er. Prettier an’ a tilled field in the sunset.”

“Yep…”

“That’s a keeper my man.”

“Eh, she’s no Rarity.”

The stallions glared at the drake, who flinched.

“I, uh mean, you’re really lucky there, Anon.”

Anon couldn’t help but smile, watching as Chrysalis picked up the pace, half walking, half stumbling toward him.

“Yeah. I really am.”

Chrysalis hurried to the carpet that had been laid out leading to the platform. Instead of stopping at the end like she was supposed to, she marched right up onto it. Before anypony could say a thing, she wrapped her arms around Anon and pulled him in for a kiss.

From behind her podium, Mayor Mare cleared her throat. “Sweet Celestia, filly. At least let me say a few words for goodness sake!”

Laughter erupted from the crowd. Mrs. Cake jumped up the platform, grabbing Chrysalis’ hand with her mouth and trying to pull her away. Chrysalis gave him another kiss--garnering even more laughter from the folks watching--before practically skipping to the edge of their little set up.

“Very good. Now if we can do this the proper way,” the mayor said with a smile. “We are all gathered here today for a wonderful reason. While we all didn’t have the honor of watching as these two joined their lives together for the first time, we have the privilege of doing so now. Mr. and Mrs. Mous wish for us to witness their renewed vows of love, and the reaffirmation of their bond.”

The earth pony made a gesture. Taking their que, all of the school fillies made their way down the aisle, throwing flower petals from the baskets held carefully in their mouths. Walking right behind them was Chrysalis, and behind her were her bridesmares, All of them, even the children, had their heads held high, beaming with pride.

“Jump down an’ kiss ‘er, Anon. Turn the tables on ‘er,” Big Mac joked, just loud enough for the front row to hear.

“You stay right where you are, Mr. Mous,” the mayor said.

More laughter, along with some good-natured teasing.

The fillies, having emptied their little baskets, were quick to disappear into the rows of chairs, where their parents were waiting. Chrysalis stepped back onto the platform, almost stumbling, and stood right next to Anon. The bridesmares stood at her side, mirroring his groomscolts.

The Mayor stepped around her podium, making her way between the humans. She grabbed their hands, laying Anon’s on top of Chrysalis’.

“Anonymous, do you uphold your original vow to love this woman before you?” she asked.

Anon nodded. “As long as she’ll have me,” he said.

“And you, Chryssi. Will you care for and love this man as you’ve said so long ago?”

Chrysalis placed both her hands on top of his. Blinking away tears, she nodded. “Yes, yes, yes. Absolutely. With all my heart.”

Anon felt tears welling up. For a moment, he wished he could have seen his grandparents sitting in the front row watching this. He was sure they’d be proud.

The Mayor beamed. “Then, By Harmony, the Celestial Sisters, and the power given to me by the realm, I pronounce you both married.”

“Double married!” someone in the crowd shouted.

“Double married,” the Mayor agreed with a nod. “Anon, you may kiss the bride. Unfortunately, she can’t kiss you back since she was an antsy aardvark and couldn’t wait.”

Even more laughter as Anon’s and Chrysalis reached up to grab each other. They leaned in, and yet again Anon found himself lost in the most beautiful eyes in the whole world just as their lips touched.

Foals made gagging sounds, but that was quickly drowned out by cheering. The groomscolts and bridesmares stomped their hooves. Pinkie fired a cannon full of confetti off into the air. Hats were thrown, as was a pair of socks. Both Anon and Chrysalis barely heard it, still staring at each other.

“I have something at home I’d like you to see,” Chrysalis said, just over the crowd.

Anon cocked his head to the side. “Whatcha mean, honey?”

His queen let out a giggle. She kissed both of his cheeks, then his nose before leaning up to his ear.

“I’d like to show you our child,” she whispered.

As Anon went ramrod stiff, there was movement in the corner of Chrysalis’ eye. She looked over, and saw the last creature she had ever expected to see on her special day. The day she had, in fact, been looking forward to ever since Anon had asked her. Honestly, if she were a superstitious kind of Changeling, she might have seen it as some sort of karma. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and her husband, the Princes-Consort Shining Armor, in the flesh, not twenty feet away from her.

Her husband hit the deck, out cold from her good news. She looked down at him, then over at the royal couple.

“Shit,” she whispered.

~_~_~_~_~_~

Ponies didn’t bat an eye at Anon passing out. They figured the stress of the day had finally been too much for the stallion. It wasn’t anything to be ashamed of; happened all the time in fact. There would be some jokes made at the human’s expense well into the foreseeable future, but that would be it. A group of nurses that had been amongst the guests had made their way onto the platform almost as soon as Anon had hit the ground. They had him sitting up and talking within ten minutes. A lot of color came back to his face once he was given some food and orange juice, and with just a little help from the groomscolts, he was taken over to a chair to sit down.

Amidst of this chaos, Chrysalis had lost track of Cadence and Shining Armor. While she fawned over her husband, eventually being able to lead him to one of the Apple’s barns where the reception was being held. During the walk, she had almost tricked herself into thinking that the two had just been figments of her imagination. A result of a lack of sleep, or stress, or maybe something she had eaten that morning. Once she walked into the barn and saw both of them near the cookie table, talking with Twilight Sparkle, that hope was unfortunately bashed.

“Double shit,” she murmured, looking around the barn.

The building was already filled with ponies, talking, laughing, helping themselves to goodies and drinks. What she thankfully didn’t see however were guards.

While she milled over the idea of taking her husband and perhaps hiding in the upper loft of the barn, Cadence caught sight of her. The alicorn smiled, gesturing toward them, causing both Shining and Twilight to look as well. As one, they began making their way over to her.

Chrysalis did her best to look casual, saying hello to ponies, patting heads and bending down to get affectionate nuzzles as they grew closer. As she did all of this, she did her best to rein in her emotions. While the pink dunce walking toward her might seem like a cheap Celestia knock-off, the mare was also an empath. She was no Changeling of course, but she could sense emotions with enough clarity that her panic might raise an eyebrow.

“You know, my Shining was able to keep his hooves just a little longer during our wedding,” the alicorn teased, looking at Anon. “It’s good to see you again, Anonymous. It’s also wonderful to finally meet your wife.”

“I managed to get out of the throne room I think before I dropped,” Shining said with a small laugh. “My dad didn’t let me hear the end of it.”

While Twilight Sparkle was smiling, there was clear worry in her eyes as she walked over to Anon. “Are you alright? You didn’t manage to hurt yourself, did you?” she asked.

Anonymous, though still somewhat dazed, shook his head. “Hello your highnesses. No. I’m fine. I’ve fallen a lot higher and was fine, Twi,” he said. “I was--”

He stopped, his eyes widening. “Wait, I’m gonna be a dad,” he said, looking toward Chrysalis. “You’re--I mean--I’ll--!”

Joy exploded from her husband as he smiled. He spun on his heel, grabbing the queen by her middle and picking her up. Chrysalis couldn’t help but laugh as he spun her around, then kissed her.

“Hey!” he yelled, turning toward the crowd of ponies. “I’m gonna be a dad everyone! The missus said so!”

If Chrysalis thought the wedding guest had been loud when they had kissed it was nothing compared to the noise that they made now. Ponies, from the youngest foal to Granny Smith, were hollering at the top of their lungs. All of the cows that had been invited were mooing and stomping their hooves with such force that the barn seemed to shake.

It was such a ruckus that Chrysalis took a few steps backwards. She might have even fallen back onto her rump if not for Princess Cadence supporting her with a wing. Anon, almost shaking with joy, scooped a grinning Twilight up into his arms and ran toward his groomscolts. He managed to get halfway toward them before an Applebloom-shaped torpedo hit him in the side, knocking him over. The other crusaders were right behind her, as were the cows.

Ponies tried rushing for Chrysalis, but they were stopped with a stern look from Princess Cadence. The pink alicorn said something to her husband, then, grabbing the queen’s hand with her magic, carefully led her out of the barn. This could have possibly been the worst case scenario for this whole business, but Chrysalis was honestly so happy with her husband’s enthusiasm that she didn’t particularly mind being led away by a mare who she had coltnapped once upon a time.

“Forgive me, but I didn’t want them overwhelming you,” the mare said, after they had gone some distance away from the barn. “I know how ponies can be with others’ pregnancies. Congratulations by the way. Shining and I had just wanted to be there for Anonymous on your special day, but it seems like the day ended up being even better than we could have imagined!”

The princess offered Chrysalis her hoof.

“I’m sorry. In the chaos I wasn’t able to properly introduce myself. My name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. You’re more than welcome to call me Cadence.”

There was only some hesitation before Chrysalis shook the alicorn’s hoof. The thought that she should bow came to mind and was subsequently beaten down. There was no way in Tartarus she was going to show such respect do this doofus.

“It’s nice to meet you… Cadence,” she said. “It’s a surprise seeing you here. If Anon and I would have known you were coming we would have made accommodations--”

“No, no, no, no! There’s no need for that!” Cadence said, suddenly looking alarmed. “I wouldn’t dream of taking anything away from such a special day. Shining and I aren’t the important ones here today, it’s you and your husband. Don’t let anypony tell you otherwise please.”

Despite herself, Chrysalis found that the smile that came to her face wasn’t at all forced or fake. “It’s very kind of you to say so. Anon and I are also honored to have you both here, as… unexpected as it is.”

“Like I said, Shining and I were here to be there for Anon,” Cadence explained .”We met when he first came to Equestria. He wasn’t around us for long, but he made quite the impression. We actually got a letter from him a few weeks ago about the wedding, and thought we’d make the surprise trip.”

There was a bang that came from the barn, followed by a loud cheer. Both Changeling and alicorn looked toward the building, then at each other.

“I’ve been super excited to meet you,” the mare continued. “Anon never told us he had a wife. While I’m sure it’s been hard adjusting to a whole new world, I’m sure it’s much easier being with somepony that you love.”

Chrysalis nodded. “It is. Anon really is wonderful,” she said quietly.

“You love him a lot, huh?” Cadence said.

“More than anything. He’s my--”

Chrysalis paused, surprised just how quickly she had replied. More than anything. A queen with nearly unlimited power currently at her fingertips and a real chance to destroy Equestria, a chance at wealth, power, fame, and everything in between, and some hairless ape trumped it all. She couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.

“He makes me as happy as a woman could be.”

Cadence grinned. “I can tell. Now, why don’t go back inside and see what your husband is up to. Knowing Shining, he’s probably in there somehow making it worse. Don’t worry, I’ll do my best to keep ponies from jumping all over you like a bunch of excited puppies.”

As both ponies made their way back into the barn, looking forward to a night of fun and merrymaking, neither noticed a figure standing a few dozen feet away. It was a massive black Changeling with deep purple eyes and a pair of mighty antlers on his head. He was Pharynx; brother of King Thorax and the Ling spearheading the mission of finding their ex-evil queen.

As Chrysalis and Cadence walked into the barn, chatting pleasantly with each other, the big Changeling’s eyes were wide.

“You’re here…”