Jack of Hearts

Chapters

“He is not a lover who does not love forever.”
”My wish is that you may be loved to the point of madness.”
"Home isn't where you're from, it's where you find light when all grows dark."
"I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you."

“He is not a lover who does not love forever.”

"Mister Doodle?"

Cranky looked up from… whatever fancy name there was for the bit of brown slathered on a cracker he had been given. And immediately he bowed his head again. "Your Highness."

Princess Celestia smiled - the one where the corner of her mouth turned up just slightly that told the observant she was wryly amused. "I suppose I earned that, Cranky."

The donkey's head rose back up - and he had a similar smile on his face. "You did, 'Tia." (There were a few whispered comments in the background of the party as Canterlot's various snide nobles wondered louder how a donkey got in, let alone how he was permitted to speak so candidly to the Princess. Those were the new and stupid ones.)

She had a small laugh - mostly at her own expense - before getting back to the conversation. "I would ask if you're enjoying yourself, but I expect I know the answer."

"Wine's not bad," he allowed. "The snacks, though…" Cranky shook his head and sighed. "This is what you get for hiring a griffon as your head chef."

Celestia laughed - not a delicate, polite one but a proper laugh. "I do so love your refreshing audacity, Cranky Doodle, even when I don't agree with you." The old donkey simply grumbled in response. "I also…" Another smile crossed Celestia's lips - this one holding back laughter from a joke only she understands. "Love surprising you."

Cranky grumbled sourly. "I'm not a fan of surprises."

"You'll like this one." Celestia stepped slightly to the side, revealing a teenage pink alicorn. "It is my pleasure to introduce my niece, the Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."

Cranky's eyebrow shot up like a rocket.

The unspoken question made Celestia blush. Just very slightly. "Adopted," she appended.

That was enough to satisfy Cranky. He bowed to the junior Princess. "Your Highness."

Perhaps it was her age, but Cadance didn't bow back. Instead she excitedly grabbed Cranky by the shoulders. "I've heard so much about you! But also not enough - you have to tell me everything!"

Cranky looked to Celestia in confusion. The Unconquered Sun - still smiling smugly - did her best to clarify things. "Mi Amore Cadenza is the newly minted Princess of Love."

The donkey's face rapidly cycled through emotions, starting at confusion, easing into shock, followed by understanding, and quickly reaching a finale in a rare look of hope.

"Tell me everything," Cadance repeated eagerly.

Before he answered her, however, Cranky turned first to Celestia. "Thank you."

The elder alicorn bowed her head. "Consider it payment for services rendered, my dear friend. I hope she can help with your noble quest." And she turned away, returning to the fray of the party.

Cadance and Cranky sat at a side table with two of the Royal Guard acting as bouncers to give them some privacy. Hours passed as the party ended and they spoke deep into the night. First about Matilda; then about Cranky's life; then about Cadance's own. Several times Cadance embraced Cranky - often in joy at hearing about his pursuit of love, but more than once to share tears at his hardships. As the evening ended, Cranky walked away with a lighter heart and an oath from Cadance to do everything in her power to aid him.

The next morning, he was summoned to Princess Celestia before he could set off on his journey once again.

Breakfast was had - a polite pause - before she dropped it on him over the last cup of tea. "I need to ask you a favor, my friend."

"So much for 'payment for services rendered'," he groused.

And Celestia laughed. "No, no - though it is related. This is a request, not a command." She waited for him to give an allowing nod before continuing. "Young Cadance needs your aid. As a Princess, she has a great many ponies seeking to curry favor and win influence. Chief among these is that she is being petitioned to commission her own order of knighthood - one to mirror my own Order of the Golden Sun. Having a retinue is part of being a Princess, so it will happen sooner or later - and it will be a position of considerable political influence. I would like to… defuse the issue. I want you to take the role as the first knight of her order."

"Road apples," Cranky pronounced. "I turned down the offer to join yours the last two times you made it, Tia, and I've got no interest in founding a new order."

"I don't request it to recognize your actions, Cranky, even if you've earned it. I ask because it will stop that young filly from being manipulated and gives her a close confidant who I know is both worthy and good-hearted." Celestia leaned forward, setting her now empty teacup aside. "I need you to protect her, Cranky. Please." She paused again, letting that sink in before she went for the final blow. "Cadance wants it to be you, as well. She called your love beautiful and said it was what she aspires to."

Cranky Doodle Donkey grumbled sourly at that.

And was given the title of Knight-Companion of the Order of the Heart the next week.

In truth, he was the only one so named - over the years, Cadance never found another who could fulfill her stringent criteria and meet the standards of her first knight. Even Shining Armor did not receive the title - though he was not given it more out of the politics of having the Captain of the Royal Guard loyal to Equestria rather than to a Princess.

Still, it was that Sir Cranky Doodle remained as Princess Cadance's oft-absent but closest confidante and ally. The two exchanged letters almost constantly as he roamed the world in search of his love, giving each other advice and support in each other's respective worlds. Her hope and his worldly experience supplemented each other until the day where both she and he found their respective loves.

The Order of the Heart was largely written off not long after. The Crystal Empire had no need for chivalric orders as the Crystal Guard acted as Cadance's praetorians; while Cranky himself retired to peace with his beloved Matilda. The letters between knight and princess ceased and became simply ones between old and close friends.

That was, until Thursday.

The mail always arrived roughly at 1:15 pm. This was because Cranky and Matilda's home was on the same route as Sugarcube Corner, and the mailmare was extremely punctual about getting her afternoon muffin. So when there was a knock on the door at 1:20, Cranky presumed it was a package.

It was not. It was a changeling.

This would have been perfectly normal if it were Kevin, but it was not. It was one of those new-fangled changelings - this one had a powder blue body with navy blue elytra and an eager look on his face that declared he was going to be a problem.

"Are you Lord Cranky Doodle Donkey?"

The title - incorrect and unwanted - confirmed it. Cranky glared for a moment, hoping that the force of his stare would dispel the interloper. When it did not? "What in Celestia's name is wrong with you?"

To his credit, the changeling winced. "My apologies. I must have the wrong address."

Cranky waited exactly four seconds - enough for the changeling to start to leave - before correcting him. "I'm Cranky Doodle, but I'm not lord of anything except my favorite chair."

He regretted saying that, because the changeling turned back around with a broad smile. With a kneeling bow, the changeling presented an envelope - one emblazoned with a very familiar crystal heart seal.

Cranky was… well, cranky as this was certain to be trouble, but he couldn't not open it.

Dear Cranky;
I know you're probably wondering what foolishness little Cadance has gotten herself mixed up in this time, what the changeling has to do with it, and why you should care. I also know you don't want me to waste your time talking about things you don't care about, so I'll get to the point.

The citizens of the Crystal Empire have been somewhat xenophobic since their return. While they're tentatively accepting of Equestrian ponies, they're far less trusting of other species that didn't really exist before they were removed from time. Changelings are one of those they fear the most, as a society based entirely on love has reason to be terrified of a species that once consumed love. (They're also afraid of the yaks, though for entirely different reasons.) In turn, the changelings have a significant problem with naivety. While they have been out in the world, they have never really been a part of it. King Thorax has told me of a number of awkward (bordering on dangerous) incidents where changelings simply didn't understand pony culture and ended up in trouble.

To try and address both problems at once, I've started a program to bring changelings to the Crystal Empire in public service roles. This both will ease the crystal ponies into things and give the changelings the opportunity to see the world. Unfortunately I was unable to convince the crystal ponies themselves to establish such a program through more conventional means. With few other options, I have decided to utilize the Order of the Heart and thus bypass the civilian government entirely. At the same time, I don't want to tarnish the concept of knighthood and feel I should maintain certain basic standards.

The changeling before you is Agape, the first volunteer in this program. I have sent him to you in the hopes that you can expose him to a bit of the wider world and teach him what he needs so that he can capably serve as a Knight of the Heart. He has a good heart, but like many changelings has a limited understanding beyond what Chrysalis' regime drilled into his head.

Thank you, my good friend.

Princess Cadance.

Yes. Cranky was correct. It was trouble. He eyed the changeling over top of the letter. "Agape, huh? Kinda an unusual name for a changeling."

"It isn't my original one," stated the changeling with pride. "I have taken on a new name to consecrate my life in service to Princess Cadance!"

There was a pause. "Ooooookay," Cranky said as he did his best to not visibly judge. Even though he did. "So. How'd Cadance talk you into this?"

Agape had a moment's hesitation when Cranky didn't use the Princess' title, but he pushed on none the less. He did so by drawing his sword and holding it high in the air. "I volunteered the moment I heard her call for changelings to take up her cause! All I wish in my life is to serve her - to be her blade when ever she needs it!"

It was a pretty sword. Obviously of Imperial make, made of silvered steel and far too decorative to be practical (as far as Cranky was concerned.) Reaching out, Cranky pushed the weapon down. "Put that away," he commanded with a grumble. "Look. Cadance doesn't need your sword. She's a Princess. Or Empress, I'm never sure which. Either way, she's got the whole Crystal Guard and her husband as a General. She can get a thousand spears anywhere she feels like. Your toothpick's nothing she cares about and I'm pretty sure she didn't send you to me for swordplay tips."

Rather than dissuading Agape, the scolding managed to excite him more - the changeling practically bounced. "No, she didn't! Princess Cadance wanted me to come here because she said you had the most pure and virtuous love she had ever seen! And that I should witness it to understand about love!"

To his credit, Cranky blushed a little at the praise. (Not from the changeling. But knowing Cadance said that - and the reminder of the jenny who was back in the house - made his heart flutter.) But quickly enough, he recomposed himself. "Kid, the fact that you're saying that tells me plenty about you and most of it ain't good." He glanced over his shoulder, mind now on Matilda. "I'll tell you what. You go get settled in town and tomorrow morning we'll get started. Be here at ten - I'm retired and don't get up at the crack of dawn anymore."

Agape beamed brightly. "As you command, Sir Cranky!"

Which led directly to another grumble and a door closing in the changeling's face.

Author's Note

As I do every year, a special thanks to Damaged, who found the exact time and date of my first FIMFiction publish so I could put another story up in the same time slot for my posting anniversary.

”My wish is that you may be loved to the point of madness.”

The changeling was prompt, Cranky gave him that. The knock on the door was at exactly 10 o'clock and Agape had been outside waiting for at least ten minutes. He eagerly presented a box with Sugarcube Corner's logo on it the moment he saw Cranky. "Good morning, Sir! I brought…" Agape glanced at the box again, lost at actually naming whatever he had picked up. "Sweets!"

It was a kind touch. Cranky still closed the door behind him after setting the box inside. "Thanks, kid, I'm sure I'll enjoy them later. Right now, we've got work to do."

Agape's eyes pupil-less eyes flicked between the closed door and the now walking-towards-the-road Cranky Doodle. "But your love is inside?"

"You do realize that's the creepiest way you could have phrased that, right?" Cranky didn't hide his disdain this time, and got a grimace from the changeling in return. "Fortunately, I know what you meant. I just don't think you're ready." He kept walking and Agape's wings briefly buzzed, propelling the changeling in a quick burst of speed to catch up. "You've got a lot to learn first."

"About love?"

Cranky nodded. "Before I let you wander into my home and start bothering my wife, you need to understand a lot more about love." He glanced at Agape as they turned up the road, headed for Whitetail Wood. "Fortunately there's a few folks around here I think can give you some insight."

Enthusiastically, Agape nodded. "An excellent idea, sir! Ponies have taught us quite a lot since King Thorax first met them. I'm certain there must be quite a few experts in a town as famous as this one!"

"I didn't say ponies," Cranky pointed out with a snort. "It may be Ponyville but there's more than just those pains in the neck around here." He paused, pointing towards a hill on the edge of town. "Over there."

They continued the walk, slowed now as they went uphill. "You've arranged for us to meet this…" Agape paused, unclear on just what they were meeting. "This teacher," he decided on. "Atop this hill?"

"Yup," Cranky replied with his usual dour tone.

"And who are–"

"Just stop." The donkey's eyes slid over to the changeling. "You're asking questions that will get answered just fine when we get there. Stop wasting your breath and have a little patience."

So Agape did, even if his eager energy kept him bouncing with curiosity.

The hill was, in and of itself, not particularly notable. There were many like it along the edges of Ponyville - a gentle, grass-covered slope that in this case gave a wonderful view of the looming, ever-threatening Everfree Forest. This one in particular gave a little additional view as it overlooked Fluttershy's cottage-slash-animal sanctuary-slash-the second largest disease vector in Ponyville. (The School of Friendship was the first as all schools are breeding grounds for illness, and only got worse as students brought novel diseases from distant lands.) They paused there for a minute, taking in the beauty of the view as civilization gave way to wilderness, each in their own glory.

"I suppose we got here before your teacher," Agape conjectured.

Cranky simply smirked. "Nah."

"A draconequus is never late, nor is he early," came a voice that was directly beside all four of their ears simultaneously. "He arrives precisely when is most amusing."

Agape startled, jumping away with eyes fearfully wide.

Cranky didn't bother moving. "Hello, Discord."

"Hell~o, my little moon-faced assassin of joy!" Discord wound around Cranky like a snake, loosely coiling around his barrel while hovering his face in front of the donkey's. "You know, I didn't think you were so daring. Summoning me?" He clicked his tongue. "There are costs to doing such a thing, you know."

That got a reaction from Cranky - an eye roll. "I didn't summon you. I asked Fluttershy to have you meet us here."

Discord waved it off. "Yes yes, a far more mundane method but a summoning none the less. I wouldn't expect you to do anything that had flair." He uncoiled from Cranky, closing the gap to leer in Agape's still fearful face. "But I see you've brought a friend! How wonderful!" He twisted, looking back at Cranky by way of turning his head upside-down. "We don't get many of Thorax's in Ponyville. This must be a special occasion."

Hesitantly, Agape held out a hoof. "Hello, sir. It's a– a pleasure to meet the draconequus who helped free my people."

Discord looked at Agape - then back to Cranky again. "Oh, I like this one." He grabbed the offered hoof with both paws, shaking it (and the changeling) vigorously. "The pleasure is mine! It's always good to find a fan who can appreciate my heroic and selfless deeds." His snaggle-toothed grin grew wider - and more predatory. "I also appreciate that you're afraid of me. It means you're smart enough to know what I'm capable of."

Behind him, Cranky let out a long sigh. "Can we get on with this, Discord? You'll have plenty of time to abuse the kid while I'm at home. I've got things to do."

A second Discord walked out from behind Cranky. "Oh fine. I suppose we could. I admit I'm curious about why you decided to involve me in your…" He waved a paw vaguely at the pair. "Whatever this is."

"I'm doing Princess Cadance a favor." Cranky pointedly used the title this time - not that it meant much to Discord. "She wants me to teach him about love."

There was a moment of incredulous glances as Discord's eyes darted between the two (without the courtesy of being inside their sockets as they did so.) Then he leaned in to conspiratorially stage-whisper to Cranky. "Aren't they supposed to, y'know, know how that works already?" He made sucking noises to reinforce his already obvious point.

Cranky humored him. "You'd think so."

"Hey!"

Agape's indignation was ignored. "And they think so. But they don't." Cranky gave an almost pitying look to the changeling. "They never really tried to understand it - it was just a resource. Kind of like how Applejack keeps complaining that ponies don't think about where their meals come from when they eat, most changelings never put much thought into the how or why of love. They just collected it and ate it."

Discord nodded along. "Mmhmm, mmhmm. Yes, and I expect you got a lot of that information from–"

"From a friend of mine, yes." Cranky cut Discord off viciously.

For once, the draconequus took the hint. "Let's say I understand the point and what you're trying to do." He flipped over to lounge in the air. "Why should I care?"

If it had been possible for Cranky to cross his arms while remaining quadrapedal, he would have. "For starters, you owe me. You're doing favors for everyone in Ponyville to make up for your past misdeeds and you haven't done anything for me or Matilda yet."

Discord did cross his arms, because gravity didn't matter. "And just which misdeeds would those be?"

"Yes."

The draconequus paused. "Alright, fair."

Cranky smirked, knowing he'd scored a point. "But also because I'm going to make it a game. I'm going to let you take the kid here for the day and I want you to show him what love is to you. But, the catch is that you can't mention Fluttershy."

Instantly, Discord tensed up. "She's just a good friend," he muttered while totally not blushing.

"Then it shouldn't be a problem." Cranky's smirk grew wider because they both knew he'd won.

A tense pause passed before Discord grumped. "Fine." And he rounded on Agape. "In which case…" He picked the changeling up like luggage, using a handle that hadn't been on his back a moment before. Agape tried to object but was too confused to do more than form surprised syllables. "I'll bring him back for dinner! Ta!"

Then with a snap, they were both gone and Cranky could get back to a normal life.

When Agape returned - which he did by falling out of the sky, landing on an inflatable whale pool toy that previously hadn't existed, bouncing off, and landing in a heap - he found Cranky weeding the garden outside his house.

The donkey glanced up, sweat beading on his forehead and hooves black with rich earth. "Well. Looks like you made it."

Agape scrambled to his hooves, eyes wildly jumping around to try and take stock of his surroundings. "Where– when am I?"

"About five o'clock," Cranky noted as he stood. Half his vertebrae cracked and he muttered darkly.

"What day," Agape desperately interrogated.

It would have been an odd question in any other circumstance, but Cranky took it in stride. "Same day." He paused momentarily before adding a question of his own. "How long do you think you were gone for?"

"Days." The changeling took a deep, steadying breath. "Maybe weeks."

Cranky just nodded. "Yup, that's Discord. Not a big fan of linear time." He picked up a nearby towel and cleaned the dirt off his hooves. "You need a minute or are you ready to answer some questions?" But before Agape could answer, Cranky held up a hoof. "No, wait. You're young and stupid, I'm sure you're going to insist you're fine. You're coming with me first."

He started walking, leaving Agape to look back and forth between the donkey and the dirt. "But your gardening?"

"I'm about done anyway," Cranky stated, barely sparing a glance back. "Besides, I hate gardening."

"...Then why were you?"

A wain smile crossed Cranky's lips. "Because Matilda loves her begonias. Now get moving already."

The two walked for a good ten minutes, entering Ponyville proper as dinnertime approached and the town started to wind down. Cranky sat Agape on a bench by one of the fountains while he entered a nearby shop. A minute later he came back out again with two paper cups, passing one to the changeling.

Agape took a sip - and startled slightly. "This is more sugary than I expected."

"Sweet tea," Cranky named it. "Something I picked up a taste for down in Mustangia. Drink it slow so you don't get a sugar rush. Take your time with it and when you're ready, tell me what you did with Discord."

Another minute passed - two, then perhaps three before Agape was able to put form to his thoughts. "We travelled, but it's hard to describe. So much of it was scattered as Discord bounced from one thought to the next like a grub kicking a ball. There were… there were so many places." Agape stumbled over his words, trying to find the right ones. "Some couldn't possibly have been real, but there were so many that I… Waterfalls made of rainbows. High cliffs that overlooked a vast plain where thousands of water buffalo lived. Underwater cities filled with buildings unlike I've ever seen. Every new place, Discord pulled me around it to see and do everything that came to his mind. Whenever I'd get my bearings, he'd pull or snap and suddenly we were somewhere else."

Agape paused again, slightly longer. "And there was this– this mountain. Not the top, but a small plateau just below the cloudline. Just below and close enough that you could jump and touch one. The view was cluttered, looking out on other mountains in the same range. All I could see was stone and snow and sky. I thought for a moment that he was going to push me off for a laugh, but… He leaned in and whispered in my ear that this was a spot no sentient had ever stood in before. I was the first mortal being in history to ever see that particular sight." The changeling went silent again, mind drifting across that brief memory. "I can't put into words the awe I felt at that." A beat passed. "And then he snapped his talons and we were neck deep in a lake of chocolate milk inside a cotton candy forest."

Cranky chuckled quietly. "That's Discord for you. Maybe you're going to be hit in the face with a pie, maybe you're going to see one of the wonders of the world."

"I was hit in the face by pies three times," Agape noted, sourly looking at his tea.

"Kinda low." Cranky didn't smile. Outwardly. "But that's all leading to the question, kid. I sent you off with Discord to learn about love. Did you?"

Agape shook his head - then stopped to consider. And then shook his head again before taking an ashamed sip. "He never mentioned any love, or anyone else. We passed by a few crowds while he moved us around, but never interacted with any of them. I felt love from him, but there was no one there for him to love."

Quietly, Cranky chuckled. "And there's your first lesson. Why would he need someone to love?"

"...Because that's how love works?"

Cranky shook his head. "No, it doesn't. You're just thinking of one kind of love - the obvious kind. Discord…" Cranky paused. "Well he's got that kind too, even if he's in denial right now. But what I wanted you to see from him is how he loves the world itself."

Agape's face screwed up in thought as Cranky continued. "See, Discord's disgustingly powerful. I'm not saying he could destroy the world with a snap of his claws, but I haven't seen anything yet that says he can't. But he keeps it around. Changes it sometimes, sure, but he's not like Tirek or Chrysalis or Somba. Discord loves the world like a foal loves their favorite toy."

Taking one last sip and cup now empty, Cranky set it down beside them. "Even when he changes things, it's like changing a doll's clothing. At least from his perspective. I asked him to teach you about love, so he took you all of those places to show off what he loves most in the world: the world. His favorite toy and source of amusement."

For several more sips of sweet tea, Agape considered that. He too finished before he found the right words. "Are you certain he doesn't love himself the most?"

Which made Cranky bust out with a deep belly laugh. "Finally, you asked a good question." He patted the changeling on the back - probably harder than needed. "Think about that, about what I said, and about what you saw. Sleep on it and meet me here tomorrow. At eight, though. Your next teacher's one for early starts."

"Home isn't where you're from, it's where you find light when all grows dark."

Ponyville was, at its heart, a farming community. Sure it had grown rapidly (particularly since the appearance of a princess and her giant crystal castle) but it had begun as a farming village and remained that at its core. So by eight in the morning, half the town had been up for two hours and was well into their working day.

This made some qualifications difficult. Cranky hated morning ponies. But when around a third of the town was up before dawn, he wasn't entirely certain what counted as 'morning'. Another person might withhold their judgements in that case, but he opted for the other direction and grumbled about all of them instead.

It also meant that he was less than happy about being up and about at a time he qualified as 'morning'. Agape appeared bearing two cups of hot chocolate - inappropriate for a late spring day, but at least he was trying. Cranky took one but didn't drink it.

"So," he started slowly as he watched morning Ponyville swarm around the square like a school of fish, "Have you thought more about what Discord showed you?"

Agape considered that, not yet sitting on the fountain's rim. Instead he stood beside it (and in more than a few ponies' way), eyes slightly distant. "I have but I'm not convinced. Discord is… strange. Not as frightening as I first thought, either." A tiny bit of a smile turned the corners of his lips. "You're right that he sees the world and all of us like playthings - I'm just not sure that's love."

Cranky set the hot chocolate he had no intention of drinking aside. "Then what is it?"

"I don't know," Agape admitted with a shrug. "I don't know any word to describe it, but it isn't love. Love requires someone to be loved and to return that love. You can't love air or trees or hot chocolate. Maybe you would use the word love but it's something different."

"Mmm." Cranky hummed. "So to be loved and to return that love."

Agape was quick to confirm that - almost zealous. "Of course! That's the center of everything King Thorax has taught us. True love is reciprocal. If it's one-sided, it's just stealing again." His expression darkened, likely remembering the times before Thorax. "Love is to be returned and shared, otherwise it isn't really love."

That managed to actually shut Cranky up. He went silent in thought - and Agape stopped speaking, too, instead staring into his hot chocolate. The square continued with the early morning bustle around them, Ponyville's ponies living their lives without minding the changeling and donkey.

After several minutes, Agape was the one who broke the silence. "I'm sorry, Sir Cranky. That was–"

"Totally justified, given your past," Cranky interrupted. "Look, kid." He stopped himself. "Agape. I think I understand better why Cadance said you needed my help. When you showed up, I figured you were just some idiot who needed a smack on the head to set you straight. But what you just said? There's more going on here and I should've figured that out sooner." He put a hoof on the changeling's shoulder. "I won't make that mistake again. Will you let me keep going?"

Agape's eyes lit up and the excited near-bouncing of the day before returned. "I would be honored, Sir! How could I say no to your generosity?"

A little warm smile managed to worm its way onto Cranky's face. "Good. And your next teacher's coming now, so it's time you braced yourself."

"Brace myself?" Agape tilted his head slightly to the side. "For what?"

"Hey, Cranky Doodle!" The question was answered - in a way - by the interruption as a short purple drake toddled up to them. "And who's your changeling friend?"

Before Cranky could respond, Agape gasped. "Sir Spike the Brave and Glorious?!"

"Uh. Yeah?" Spike squinted, then looked to Cranky. After the donkey shrugged, Spike's eyes went back to Agape. "Sorry, most changelings go for the part about being Thorax's friend first. You surprised me!" He held out a claw. "It's good to meet you, though. What's your name?"

The changeling eagerly shook. "I'm Agape! Are you my next teacher?" He turned his head back to Cranky. "Please say he is!"

"Teacher?"

Cranky held up a hoof. "Spike, I could use a favor. Agape's a changeling, but he's been living in the Crystal Empire."

Spike - quick on the uptake despite his young age - nodded with understanding. "Ooooh, that makes sense."

"He's been working with your sister-in-law," Cranky elaborated, "And he's come here to learn more about life outside the changeling hive. Could you just take him along with you while you do your errands today?"

That request was all it took for things to become clear. Spike flashed a broad grin and a thumbs up (with Ponyville's only currently existing thumb.) "Sure! I'd love some company! And who knows, he might help me get a few things done quicker!"

Cranky grinned. "Thanks, kid. Lemme have a quick talk and he'll catch up."

"Okay! I'll just get started then - meet me when you're ready!" Spike waved goodbye and trundled off in the direction of Golden Harvest's produce stand.

Once he was gone, Agape - wonder still in his eyes - whipped back to Cranky. "You didn't tell me he was going to be my teacher!" The changeling cantered in place, excitement spilling off him in waves. "It's such an honor! He's so noble! And cool!"

"And still a child," Cranky reminded firmly. It took the wind out of Agape's sails - at least enough to get the changeling to stop bouncing. "That's why I don't want you to tell him what you're trying to learn. Spike's a great kid, but he's a kid. He hears what you're after and he's going to misinterpret things. I want him to show you how he loves honestly, not for him to spend hours talking to you about his crush."

Without hesitation, Agape put complete faith in his teacher and saluted. "I understand, Sir!"

"And don't tell him about the whole knight thing," Cranky added. "I'll never hear the end of it if you do."

"Don't tell the dragon that you're a knight, got it."

Cranky paused. "...You did that on purpose."

Agape said nothing - he just winked and trotted off towards the market stalls.

The changeling didn't return that night. But he did remember that Cranky liked sleeping in and reappeared at ten the next morning. The long disappearance didn't worry Cranky - he trusted Spike far more than Discord and for good reason - but everything was explained when Agape again presented a bit of food as a gift when he arrived. Leftover cupcakes in a to-go box that perfectly matched Agape's chitin color translated to Pinkie Pie and that she had finally caught the changeling for his Welcome To Ponyville party.

Doing as they had the day before, both left the Donkey home after a few words of greeting and walked to the fountain to share a cup of sweet tea. They settled - and began.

"Tell me," Cranky started, "What did you do with Spike and how did you find love?"

There was no hesitancy this time for Agape - he quickly launched into the story. "Sir Spike spent half the day running errands of various sorts with me. We started by going through the market to purchase various things for the castle's larder. First it was carrots, then apples, then strawberries, then listening to the mare at the strawberry stall complain about the mare at the apple stall–"

Cranky rubbed his forehead. "You don't need to tell me every single thing you did. I know Spike's usual work list and I don't think either of us has the time to go through every single item on it."

Agape blushed a little, turning slightly purple. "Sorry. We ran a number of errands, buying things from a list at various stands and stores. Then we went back to the castle to drop it off and get a late morning snack before making a number of deliveries. Most of those were books from the Princess' library that she was lending out, but we also delivered two packages of food to an elderly pony, a stack of letters to the post office, and a box that I'm pretty sure was full of spiders to a cottage just outside of town."

"Fluttershy's," Cranky judged with a solemn nod.

That seemed to be explanation enough for Agape. "Once those were complete, we arrived at the schoolhouse where Sir Spike met the foals for recess, after which we had lunch. The afternoon was spent mostly within the castle as Sir Spike did a variety of housekeeping chores, including meeting with a number of ponies who came by with requests or notes for the Princess. Before I could leave for the evening, however, Pinkie Pie arrived."

It took considerable effort for Cranky not to smile, and instead he covered it with a sip of tea. "Oh?"

"The next thing I realized, I was in a party." Agape didn't quite look at anything as he spoke, still off-kilter from his first Pinkie Pie encounter. "Sir Spike was there to escort me and introduce me around, but it was just a blur of ponies and names and food. I danced to music unlike anything I've ever heard before, and eventually I fell asleep in a corner of the room." The changeling rubbed his neck. "I also learned the valuable lesson that crystal castle floors are not good for sleeping on."

Cranky chuckled quietly. "That sounds about right for a welcome party. But what about the other half of my question, hm?"

There, Agape paused to think. "All day, I could feel the love from Sir Spike. But it only was different when he encountered a few specific ponies like Princess Twilight. The rest of the day, he simply radiated it." Another pause. "Is this another example of what you called love from Discord? For the world?"

And Cranky shook his head. "Nah, Spike's different. A little close, but it isn't the same. Discord sees the world like something to possess and care for. Spike couldn't care less about the world. What he loves is his family."

"I…" Agape started to speak, then stopped.

Cranky gently motioned at him. "Go on. Say it."

"I don't mean what he felt for the Princess." Agape talked slowly, anticipating a trap. "That was love and something I understood. But the rest of the day, he was full of love seemingly without direction and without his family there."

"But they were." Cranky quirked a little smug smile. "Spike's got a past you need to understand to get it, I think. He's a dragon but he's also a pony. And I'd say we're all fortunate that he's got the best of both worlds."

Now it was Agape's turn to motion for Cranky to continue.

The donkey didn't rush - taking another drink first. "Dragons are solitary but hold on to what's theirs fiercer than a griffon to their purse. Ponies are herd creatures and share more than they really should. So Spike sees the herd around him and calls them Mine, like a dragon would their hoard." He neglected to mention a few incidents with Spike and hoarding - they were irrelevant and didn't help his point. "He loves his ponies. All of them. They're a culture that took an orphaned whelp and made him one of their own - and he returns that with love."

"But they…" Agape stopped. "Hm." And he thought. "Do they return it?"

"Sometimes," Cranky allowed with a shrug. "Usually not to the same way or level he does. Spike's just a great kid with a generous soul. Not many creatures - pony or otherwise - can match that. He's pretty singular."

Agape thought about that more, sitting in silence. Cranky allowed him, sipping his sweet tea and watching Ponyville meander by.

Eventually, the changeling found words again. "I'm still not sure I agree. Just because Sir Spike is generous with his love doesn't mean that others aren't taking it from him unfairly. He's simply that good."

Cranky rubbed his chin. "Mm. Well, I want you to think about that more and watch the town. I've got one more teacher for you." He stood up. "Come by tonight for dinner. You can eat with the last teacher, Matilda, and me. Food's on the table at five-thirty."

With that, he left Agape to think and observe the herd as it went through its day.

"I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you."

Dinner was at five-thirty, so Agape showed up at five-fifteen. There would need to be a little time to be seated and finally meet the famous Matilda, so cutting it razor close was unacceptable. Also unacceptable was showing up empty-hooved, which is why he had acquired a bottle of wine. (He knew it was red, but little else - wine wasn't a common topic of education in the Hive, before or after the change.)

A knock on the door - and Cranky answered. "Early," he commented with slight pleasure.

Agape held out the wine. "I wouldn't dare be late, sir."

Cranky shook his head. "Relax." He stepped to the side, admitting the changeling to his home. "Matilda's in the dining room with our other guest, setting up the table. I suggest introducing yourself."

Nodding, Agape entered and followed the scent of dinner: fresh bread and cheese and spices. The dining room wasn't very far, just off the side of the house's main room. Decorated with floral prints and pleasant teal walls, it was a midpoint of Cranky's drab functionality and Matilda's feminine touch. The jenny in question was at the table, folding the napkins as she conversed with the second guest for the evening.

A changeling.

A changeling with chitin black as the Nightmare's coat, fangs sharp as needles, and legs filled with holes.

Both stopped as Agape entered the room. And he stopped in surprise as well. For a moment.

"HERETIC."

Silvered steel and crystal flashed as the wine bottle clattered to the floor and Agape's sword came out. There was no hesitation and barely any thought as he cut a sweeping arc to behead the dark changeling.

Steel struck keratin as Cranky simply was between the two changelings and caught the blade's edge on his hoof. Then he twisted the hoof slightly, casually tearing the sword away from Agape and tossing it to the floor.

Half a second of silent shock passed.

"I should probably introduce you two," Cranky said as if an attempted murder hadn't just happened. "Agape, this is Kevin. Kevin, this is Agape."

Kevin - trying to look impassive but with a telltale shake in his legs - waved to the other changeling. "Hey."

Agape was not nearly so chill. He moved for his sword - only to find Cranky had put a hoof on top of it. "Sir Cranky!" Confused and panicking, Agape wasn't sure where to look as his eyes shot every direction. "What are you doing?! We have to save your love from–"

"From our guest," Matilda interrupted with gentle firmness. "Did Cranky not tell you who he was?"

"For land's sakes, the whole point was to not tell him!" Cranky stomped a hoof - fortunately not the one currently on the sword. "I'm trying to have him come in without preconceptions and keep an open mind."

Matilda frowned slightly - and that immediately broke Cranky. "...Sorry, dear. Sorry, Kevin." Matilda cleared her throat. "...Sorry, Agape," Cranky reluctantly added.

Still uneasy, Agape kept glancing at his sword. "So he's not here to steal your love and put both of you in pods."

"Kevin's an old friend and he comes over for dinner at least once every two weeks."

Slowly and reluctantly, Agape edged over to the table and sat opposite Kevin. For his part, the unreformed changeling smiled a fangy smile that did nothing to settle anyone's nerves. The donkeys broke different directions: Matilda taking her seat while Cranky headed to the kitchen to bring out the food.

Dinner for the evening was fresh garlic bread, eggplant parmesan, and a light kale salad. Cranky set them out - pointedly showing Agape that the knife was blunt - before the meal started properly. Things were awkward and quiet through the salad as both changelings kept looking at the other, waiting for something to start or some kind of insult to be thrown while the married donkeys chatted. But by the main course, things had defrosted slightly and Kevin's guard came down. He fell into normalcy - answering Matilda's questions about what he had been doing lately, discussing the odd jobs he had been doing under various cover identities, listening as he related all kinds of soap opera drama that was unknowingly revealed to him by Ponyville's various residents. Agape, however, did not relax. He kept careful watch on his unreformed counterpart, fork at the ready where the knife was insufficient. And in turn, Cranky kept half an eye on him for sudden movements.

Halfway through the entrée, Matilda turned the conversational spotlight on their other guest. "Agape, Cranky was telling me that you're training to be a knight of some sort in the Crystal Empire."

He looked at Matilda when she spoke to him, eyes finally going off of Kevin. The moment he did, the other changeling twitched forward as if he were about to pounce - and Agape's fork jerked upwards to a defensive position.

Cranky batted down the fork while Matilda gave Kevin a scolding smack on the shoulder.

The moment of tension passed.

"I… am," Agape answered, watching Kevin like a hawk. "Princess Cadance requested aid from the Hive to form a new Order of the Heart, and I was the first to volunteer." Pride crept into his voice. "I have dedicated everything I am to her for this cause - down to my very name."

Matilda smiled a soft, almost pitying smile. "That's quite a lot to give up."

"I'm sure he's used to it." Kevin's statement slashed harder than the sword.

And Agape glared back at him.

Kevin didn't back down. Staring dead into the eyes of his counterpart, he pushed harder. "His kind already eagerly sacrificed everything they were once. Maybe he kept his name that time, but he gave up everything that made him a changeling."

Agape's chair scraped backwards as he rose to his hooves. "We gave up everything that was foul about being a changeling! Unlike you, we learned! Yes, we sacrificed but it was necessary! As opposed to you, who–"

Cranky loudly cleared his throat. "Sit."

Agape's head swung to glare at the donkey.

"Sit." It was not a request the second time.

The changeling sat.

"Neither of you will fight in our house," Cranky said firmly. "You know better."

Both changelings muttered apologies, pupil-less eyes downcast.

But Cranky wasn't done. "Agape, I asked Kevin to be here for a reason. Do you understand why?"

The reformed changeling shook his head. "What could I possibly learn from a monster like him?"

"Humility, for starters." That got Agape's confused attention. "Are you going to tell me that you weren't just like you assume he is?"

"But I learned," insisted the would-be knight.

Cranky shook his head. "But you were. You might think you're better now, but it doesn't change your past." A pause. "Do you know how we met? Kevin tried to impersonate Matilda so he could feed off my love. I figured it out pretty quick, but that's how we started."

Agape's brow furrowed. "And you let him get away with it?"

"Hey, I can be pretty persuasive when I need to be!" And then Kevin shut back up as Cranky shot him a withering glare.

"I didn't let him get away with anything," Cranky continued. "I caught him and then we struck a deal where he helped me with a problem."

Kevin, unable to help himself, piped up again. "He needed help to smuggle himself out of Saddle Arabia after he ticked off the wrong vizier."

"Kevin."

The changeling put his hooves up in surrender, shutting up once more.

Cranky sighed. "Changelings may not be much for love, but we both understood we could help each other. He helped me out and I brought him here, where he could try and live a normal life. Pretty much all of the locals know who and what he is - he just stays disguised for the skittish ones and the newcomers."

"But why is he here," Agape insistently questioned.

It was Matilda that answered. "Because he's our friend. We don't care if he nibbles on a bit of love because he's someone we care for deeply. And in return, he's as good a friend as either of us could hope for."

"But he's stealing from you!" Agape's voice edged into whining. "He's a monster who can only take! He's everything I hate, everything I stand against! He destroys love because that's all he can do!"

Matilda looked deeply into Agape's eyes and spoke with gentle certainty. "I don't care. He's my friend, and he deserves love."

Cranky cut in before Agape could say anything more. "You said it can't be love if it's one-sided. Well, here's exactly that. Matilda and I love Kevin and he knows it. He doesn't return it. He can't return it, like you said. But he doesn't need to." He shifted a little closer to the changeling. "Cadance gave you your new name, didn't she? Did she tell you what it means?"

Agape slowly shook his head.

"Agape is one of the six forms of love - at least, that's what Cadance told me. It's love without condition, loving others just for being themselves. You said love needs to be an equal exchange while you're named for the idea of one-directional love." Cranky snorted, a small smirk on his face. "I figure she did that on purpose as a lesson for you."

His response was silence. A good minute of silent thought passed before Agape looked up again. "Am I that much of a fool?"

"You're not stupid. You're naïve." Cranky gave him a little shove. "That can be cured."

Agape chuckled quietly. Then he looked to Kevin. "I'm sorry for being so rude. If you're their friend, I would be honored if you were mine, too."

"Eh." Kevin shrugged. "Pass." Agape sputtered and Kevin grinned. "You're a pretty big dumbass. But really all of Thorax's changelings are, so I won't hold it against you specifically."

"...You are an ass," Agape judged, "But I can understand why Sir Cranky chose you to be my teacher."

Cranky snorted loudly. "He's not your teacher. Kevin's my friend but he knows even less about love than you do. No, Matilda's your teacher. She's the one who's showing love, not him." With a grumble, he picked his fork back up again. "Right, obviously I'm going to have to work you even harder to get this through your skull. Tomorrow, I'm subjecting you to Steven."

"Another changeling, sir?"

"Sea serpent," Cranky growled with a mouthful of eggplant. "Not because he's going to teach you anything but because I want to watch him spend an hour putting you in stupid hats."