Jack of Hearts

The changeling was prompt, Cranky gave him that. The knock on the door was at exactly 10 o'clock and Agape had been outside waiting for at least ten minutes. He eagerly presented a box with Sugarcube Corner's logo on it the moment he saw Cranky. "Good morning, Sir! I brought…" Agape glanced at the box again, lost at actually naming whatever he had picked up. "Sweets!"

It was a kind touch. Cranky still closed the door behind him after setting the box inside. "Thanks, kid, I'm sure I'll enjoy them later. Right now, we've got work to do."

Agape's eyes pupil-less eyes flicked between the closed door and the now walking-towards-the-road Cranky Doodle. "But your love is inside?"

"You do realize that's the creepiest way you could have phrased that, right?" Cranky didn't hide his disdain this time, and got a grimace from the changeling in return. "Fortunately, I know what you meant. I just don't think you're ready." He kept walking and Agape's wings briefly buzzed, propelling the changeling in a quick burst of speed to catch up. "You've got a lot to learn first."

"About love?"

Cranky nodded. "Before I let you wander into my home and start bothering my wife, you need to understand a lot more about love." He glanced at Agape as they turned up the road, headed for Whitetail Wood. "Fortunately there's a few folks around here I think can give you some insight."

Enthusiastically, Agape nodded. "An excellent idea, sir! Ponies have taught us quite a lot since King Thorax first met them. I'm certain there must be quite a few experts in a town as famous as this one!"

"I didn't say ponies," Cranky pointed out with a snort. "It may be Ponyville but there's more than just those pains in the neck around here." He paused, pointing towards a hill on the edge of town. "Over there."

They continued the walk, slowed now as they went uphill. "You've arranged for us to meet this…" Agape paused, unclear on just what they were meeting. "This teacher," he decided on. "Atop this hill?"

"Yup," Cranky replied with his usual dour tone.

"And who are–"

"Just stop." The donkey's eyes slid over to the changeling. "You're asking questions that will get answered just fine when we get there. Stop wasting your breath and have a little patience."

So Agape did, even if his eager energy kept him bouncing with curiosity.

The hill was, in and of itself, not particularly notable. There were many like it along the edges of Ponyville - a gentle, grass-covered slope that in this case gave a wonderful view of the looming, ever-threatening Everfree Forest. This one in particular gave a little additional view as it overlooked Fluttershy's cottage-slash-animal sanctuary-slash-the second largest disease vector in Ponyville. (The School of Friendship was the first as all schools are breeding grounds for illness, and only got worse as students brought novel diseases from distant lands.) They paused there for a minute, taking in the beauty of the view as civilization gave way to wilderness, each in their own glory.

"I suppose we got here before your teacher," Agape conjectured.

Cranky simply smirked. "Nah."

"A draconequus is never late, nor is he early," came a voice that was directly beside all four of their ears simultaneously. "He arrives precisely when is most amusing."

Agape startled, jumping away with eyes fearfully wide.

Cranky didn't bother moving. "Hello, Discord."

"Hell~o, my little moon-faced assassin of joy!" Discord wound around Cranky like a snake, loosely coiling around his barrel while hovering his face in front of the donkey's. "You know, I didn't think you were so daring. Summoning me?" He clicked his tongue. "There are costs to doing such a thing, you know."

That got a reaction from Cranky - an eye roll. "I didn't summon you. I asked Fluttershy to have you meet us here."

Discord waved it off. "Yes yes, a far more mundane method but a summoning none the less. I wouldn't expect you to do anything that had flair." He uncoiled from Cranky, closing the gap to leer in Agape's still fearful face. "But I see you've brought a friend! How wonderful!" He twisted, looking back at Cranky by way of turning his head upside-down. "We don't get many of Thorax's in Ponyville. This must be a special occasion."

Hesitantly, Agape held out a hoof. "Hello, sir. It's a– a pleasure to meet the draconequus who helped free my people."

Discord looked at Agape - then back to Cranky again. "Oh, I like this one." He grabbed the offered hoof with both paws, shaking it (and the changeling) vigorously. "The pleasure is mine! It's always good to find a fan who can appreciate my heroic and selfless deeds." His snaggle-toothed grin grew wider - and more predatory. "I also appreciate that you're afraid of me. It means you're smart enough to know what I'm capable of."

Behind him, Cranky let out a long sigh. "Can we get on with this, Discord? You'll have plenty of time to abuse the kid while I'm at home. I've got things to do."

A second Discord walked out from behind Cranky. "Oh fine. I suppose we could. I admit I'm curious about why you decided to involve me in your…" He waved a paw vaguely at the pair. "Whatever this is."

"I'm doing Princess Cadance a favor." Cranky pointedly used the title this time - not that it meant much to Discord. "She wants me to teach him about love."

There was a moment of incredulous glances as Discord's eyes darted between the two (without the courtesy of being inside their sockets as they did so.) Then he leaned in to conspiratorially stage-whisper to Cranky. "Aren't they supposed to, y'know, know how that works already?" He made sucking noises to reinforce his already obvious point.

Cranky humored him. "You'd think so."

"Hey!"

Agape's indignation was ignored. "And they think so. But they don't." Cranky gave an almost pitying look to the changeling. "They never really tried to understand it - it was just a resource. Kind of like how Applejack keeps complaining that ponies don't think about where their meals come from when they eat, most changelings never put much thought into the how or why of love. They just collected it and ate it."

Discord nodded along. "Mmhmm, mmhmm. Yes, and I expect you got a lot of that information from–"

"From a friend of mine, yes." Cranky cut Discord off viciously.

For once, the draconequus took the hint. "Let's say I understand the point and what you're trying to do." He flipped over to lounge in the air. "Why should I care?"

If it had been possible for Cranky to cross his arms while remaining quadrapedal, he would have. "For starters, you owe me. You're doing favors for everyone in Ponyville to make up for your past misdeeds and you haven't done anything for me or Matilda yet."

Discord did cross his arms, because gravity didn't matter. "And just which misdeeds would those be?"

"Yes."

The draconequus paused. "Alright, fair."

Cranky smirked, knowing he'd scored a point. "But also because I'm going to make it a game. I'm going to let you take the kid here for the day and I want you to show him what love is to you. But, the catch is that you can't mention Fluttershy."

Instantly, Discord tensed up. "She's just a good friend," he muttered while totally not blushing.

"Then it shouldn't be a problem." Cranky's smirk grew wider because they both knew he'd won.

A tense pause passed before Discord grumped. "Fine." And he rounded on Agape. "In which case…" He picked the changeling up like luggage, using a handle that hadn't been on his back a moment before. Agape tried to object but was too confused to do more than form surprised syllables. "I'll bring him back for dinner! Ta!"

Then with a snap, they were both gone and Cranky could get back to a normal life.

When Agape returned - which he did by falling out of the sky, landing on an inflatable whale pool toy that previously hadn't existed, bouncing off, and landing in a heap - he found Cranky weeding the garden outside his house.

The donkey glanced up, sweat beading on his forehead and hooves black with rich earth. "Well. Looks like you made it."

Agape scrambled to his hooves, eyes wildly jumping around to try and take stock of his surroundings. "Where– when am I?"

"About five o'clock," Cranky noted as he stood. Half his vertebrae cracked and he muttered darkly.

"What day," Agape desperately interrogated.

It would have been an odd question in any other circumstance, but Cranky took it in stride. "Same day." He paused momentarily before adding a question of his own. "How long do you think you were gone for?"

"Days." The changeling took a deep, steadying breath. "Maybe weeks."

Cranky just nodded. "Yup, that's Discord. Not a big fan of linear time." He picked up a nearby towel and cleaned the dirt off his hooves. "You need a minute or are you ready to answer some questions?" But before Agape could answer, Cranky held up a hoof. "No, wait. You're young and stupid, I'm sure you're going to insist you're fine. You're coming with me first."

He started walking, leaving Agape to look back and forth between the donkey and the dirt. "But your gardening?"

"I'm about done anyway," Cranky stated, barely sparing a glance back. "Besides, I hate gardening."

"...Then why were you?"

A wain smile crossed Cranky's lips. "Because Matilda loves her begonias. Now get moving already."

The two walked for a good ten minutes, entering Ponyville proper as dinnertime approached and the town started to wind down. Cranky sat Agape on a bench by one of the fountains while he entered a nearby shop. A minute later he came back out again with two paper cups, passing one to the changeling.

Agape took a sip - and startled slightly. "This is more sugary than I expected."

"Sweet tea," Cranky named it. "Something I picked up a taste for down in Mustangia. Drink it slow so you don't get a sugar rush. Take your time with it and when you're ready, tell me what you did with Discord."

Another minute passed - two, then perhaps three before Agape was able to put form to his thoughts. "We travelled, but it's hard to describe. So much of it was scattered as Discord bounced from one thought to the next like a grub kicking a ball. There were… there were so many places." Agape stumbled over his words, trying to find the right ones. "Some couldn't possibly have been real, but there were so many that I… Waterfalls made of rainbows. High cliffs that overlooked a vast plain where thousands of water buffalo lived. Underwater cities filled with buildings unlike I've ever seen. Every new place, Discord pulled me around it to see and do everything that came to his mind. Whenever I'd get my bearings, he'd pull or snap and suddenly we were somewhere else."

Agape paused again, slightly longer. "And there was this– this mountain. Not the top, but a small plateau just below the cloudline. Just below and close enough that you could jump and touch one. The view was cluttered, looking out on other mountains in the same range. All I could see was stone and snow and sky. I thought for a moment that he was going to push me off for a laugh, but… He leaned in and whispered in my ear that this was a spot no sentient had ever stood in before. I was the first mortal being in history to ever see that particular sight." The changeling went silent again, mind drifting across that brief memory. "I can't put into words the awe I felt at that." A beat passed. "And then he snapped his talons and we were neck deep in a lake of chocolate milk inside a cotton candy forest."

Cranky chuckled quietly. "That's Discord for you. Maybe you're going to be hit in the face with a pie, maybe you're going to see one of the wonders of the world."

"I was hit in the face by pies three times," Agape noted, sourly looking at his tea.

"Kinda low." Cranky didn't smile. Outwardly. "But that's all leading to the question, kid. I sent you off with Discord to learn about love. Did you?"

Agape shook his head - then stopped to consider. And then shook his head again before taking an ashamed sip. "He never mentioned any love, or anyone else. We passed by a few crowds while he moved us around, but never interacted with any of them. I felt love from him, but there was no one there for him to love."

Quietly, Cranky chuckled. "And there's your first lesson. Why would he need someone to love?"

"...Because that's how love works?"

Cranky shook his head. "No, it doesn't. You're just thinking of one kind of love - the obvious kind. Discord…" Cranky paused. "Well he's got that kind too, even if he's in denial right now. But what I wanted you to see from him is how he loves the world itself."

Agape's face screwed up in thought as Cranky continued. "See, Discord's disgustingly powerful. I'm not saying he could destroy the world with a snap of his claws, but I haven't seen anything yet that says he can't. But he keeps it around. Changes it sometimes, sure, but he's not like Tirek or Chrysalis or Somba. Discord loves the world like a foal loves their favorite toy."

Taking one last sip and cup now empty, Cranky set it down beside them. "Even when he changes things, it's like changing a doll's clothing. At least from his perspective. I asked him to teach you about love, so he took you all of those places to show off what he loves most in the world: the world. His favorite toy and source of amusement."

For several more sips of sweet tea, Agape considered that. He too finished before he found the right words. "Are you certain he doesn't love himself the most?"

Which made Cranky bust out with a deep belly laugh. "Finally, you asked a good question." He patted the changeling on the back - probably harder than needed. "Think about that, about what I said, and about what you saw. Sleep on it and meet me here tomorrow. At eight, though. Your next teacher's one for early starts."