A Calculated Conversation

by Some Leech

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 4092

Seeing to get some clarification on the goings-on between Princess Celestia and Queen Chrysalis, Cadance intervenes...

Princess Cadance isn't one to insert herself into situations, especially if those situations have all the hallmarks of personal affairs, although the routine exchanges between Celestia and Chrysalis have forced her to act. Something is going on, something she can't quite put her hoof on, and it's up to her, the Princess of Love, to get to the bottom of it...

Artwork by Laymy (Twitter @anazeml)

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Published 2024-08-21 20:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2024-08-21 20:20:07 UTC

An Innocent Inquisition

“I really must thank you for the invitation,” Celestia cheerfully noted.

With a dismissive wave of her forehoof, Cadance shot an expectant glance to the door. “You’re quite welcome! I hope the confections are to your liking?”

“Oph yesh,” Celestia replied through a mouthful of buttery pastry.

Cadance forced a smile and nodded as she kept one ear turned toward the exit. For all intents and purposes, this was nothing more than a pleasant visit between Princesses, although her nerves were on edge. She’d spend the better part of two weeks planning for this, and it was anypony’s guess as to whether or not it was going to pay off.

Dabbing a bit of frosting from her chin, Celestia straightened in her chair. “I presume Shining is indisposed?”

“I - uh…” Cadance grunted. It may have been her imagination, but she could have sworn she’d heard the angry shout of an unmistakable voice from deeper within the castle. “He’s busy, yes.”

If she was right, and she very much hoped she was, all she could do was pray that her guards and the castle’s staff followed her instructions to the letter. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for her to entertain guests, even ones from far off nations, although some were more cordial than others - be that as it may, the soldiery had never dealt with the likes of whom had possibly just arrived. Doing her best to keep her cool, she fidgeted anxiously.

“And Flurry?” Celestia inquired. “I’d hoped to -”

“She’s with Sunburst,” Cadance interrupted. “Would you like some tea? I’d like some tea.”

Celestia narrowed her eyes and studied her for a moment. “Yes - yes, some tea would be lovely,” she curtly answered. After a pregnant pause that was accompanied by the sound of heavy hooffalls approaching from down the corridor just outside, she sighed. “Cadance, is there something -”

Bang

The double-doors to the study burst in with thunderous force, as a tall, dark, imposing figure strutted in. A part of Cadance was delighted and immeasurably relieved that her other guest had arrived, yet her elation was tempered by the fact that only one of many hurdles had been cleared. Igniting her horn and pulling a vacant chair from the table, she dipped her head in respect to her regal visitor.

Queen Chrysalis, Matriarch of the changeling empire and villain of renown, stood motionless within the threshold. Like twin emeralds, her eyes drifted back and forth between the pair of Princesses she’d just walked in on. The confused expression she bore was fleeting, lasting mere moments, and it was quickly replaced by one of contempt.

“What is the meaning of this, Celestia?” Chrysalis demanded, marching in and arcanely slamming the door closed behind herself. “Was that soiree not enough? Must I remind you, I am not at your beck and call for every little -”

“C…Chrysalis?” Celestia coughed, only then finding her voice. “What on earth are you doing here?”

Stopping mid-step, Chrysalis cocked her head at an unnatural angle. “What am I doing here? The real question is what is she doing here!” she countered while thrusting a hoof at Cadance. “Had you the courtesy of informing me that this would be some group affair, I would have -”

“Ahem,” Cadance loudly cleared her throat to bring the brewing squabble to a hasty conclusion. “Chrysalis, if you’d -”

“Queen Chrysalis,” Chrysalis seethed. Her wings vibrated in agitation as she looked back to Celestia. “Why is she here? What manner of game are you playing with me?”

Celestia, utterly askance, pursed her lips and rose from her seat. “There seems to have been some confusion. For starters, as pleased as I am to see you, I had no idea I’d be exchanging pleasantries with you today - secondly and just as prudently, I’d appreciate it if you treat Cadance with -”

“Pleasantries,” Chrysalis clucked. As she stepped over to Celestia, a fanged grin split her muzzle. “Is that what we’re calling these little exchanges ~ pleasantries? Celestia, were you anypony else, I wouldn’t have -”

“Would you two please have a seat and be civil for ten seconds,” Cadance lamented. Seeing she’d caught their attention, she pinched the bridge of her snout. “I’d hoped to speak with both of you…”

“Y…you told me you wanted to have tea and cake,” Celestia murmured, holding a forehoof to her bosom as if stricken by the revelation.

Peaking one brow, Chrysalis smirked. “My ears must be mistaken. Am I to believe that the Princess of Love, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, committed an act of heresy to lure me here?”

“Heresy?” Celestia balked. “Cadance would never do such a thing!”

“Oh but she did - at least, unless somepony else forged your signature,” Chrysalis smugly mused. Reaching under her elytra, she produced a carefully folded letter. “See for yourself…”

Celestia didn’t hesitate to pluck the parchment from Chrysalis’ forehoof. As she examined the document, reading and rereading the message, her bewilderment took a cold, steely edge. “Cadance…”

“I’ll freely admit that I wrote it,” Cadance sighed, “and I have every intention of explaining my actions to the both of you. Now that we have that out of the way, would you please make yourselves comfortable?”

Though Celestia wavered a moment, looking none too pleased about the revelation, she reluctantly eased herself back into her seat. “If only out of respect, I’ll withhold judgment for the time being.”

“I won’t,” Chrysalis hummed as she turned to the door. “You two have fun doing whatever Princesses do in their -”

“I have a King’s - er - Queen’s ransom in desserts for you,” Cadance interjected. “They were made by the finest pastry chef’s in the Crystal Empire and I personally saw to it that each was made with love - the real stuff, not the artificial variety.”

Chrysalis faltered and stopped dead, though she didn’t look back. “Deception and bribery? Cadance, sweet Cadance, since when were you so utterly conniving?”

Burying her face in her hooves, unwilling to see what Celestia’s reaction was, Cadance shook her head. “Since I realized that getting you two in a room together would require unorthodox measures…”

“Why though?” Celestia pressed. “Why in the world would you go to such lengths?”

“Because she wouldn’t be here unless I didn’t,” Cadance exasperatedly explained while nodding over to Chrysalis.

Languidly wheeling around and proceeding back to the table, Chrysalis shrugged. “I’ll begrudgingly concede that she has a point.”

Cadance held her breath until Chrysalis had seated herself. The hardest part was over, merely getting the pair in the same room as her, although she wasn’t out of the woods yet. Nudging a tray of delectables over to the Queen, she sat back and steepled her forehooves. One way or another, things were about to get very interesting.

“Given the somewhat tumultuous nature of this little get-together, I’ll skip the formalities and cut to the chase,” she curtly began. “I’d like to ask you both a few questions.”

“Questions? Hah!” Chrysalis barked out a laugh. “You would presume to interrogate me in any capacity? Cadance, you forget yourself…”

Shooting Chrysalis an unreadable look, an odd blend of sympathy and irritation, Celestia reached over and patted the Queen’s shoulder. “Don’t tell me you’re not curious. For goodness’ sake, this is very out of character for her.”

Chrysalis stiffened and glanced down to the forehoof on her shoulder. “Don’t make assumptions…”

“As I was saying, I have a few questions,” Cadance coolly stated. “It’s come to my attention that there’s been growing friction between you two.”

With the slightest hint of rosiness in her cheeks, Celestia withdrew her forehoof and shifted in her seat. “I wouldn’t call it friction per se.”

“I believe the word you’re looking for is reciprocity,” Chrysalis corrected. “Celestia, for some infernal reason or another, insists on harassing me from time to time, so I -”

“I…I don’t harass you!” Celestia bleated. “You truly don’t mean that ~ do you?”

With her eyes widening and a tinge of green gracing her otherwise obsidian features, Chrysalis was taken off guard by the outburst. “What is it if not harassment?”

“Since when is an invitation to a gala harassment by any measure?” Celestia asked.

“Moreover, how would you classify sneaking into her castle while disguised as a housekeeper?” Cadance added.

Chrysalis grimaced and leveled her ire squarely at the Princess of Love. “The big mares are talking, so I’d suggest you remain silent.”

“No,” Celestia huffed, “she brought up a fine point. You surreptitiously saw yourself into my castle and paraded around as a servant. Would that not be considered an actual slight?”

“I only did that because you brazenly did something similar in my hive!” Chrysalis retorted. “At least I had the wherewithal to attempt to stealth!”

With a knowing smile gracing her lips, Celestia reclined. “Attempt being the keyword. Next time, if there is a next time, I’d much prefer you be less coy.”

“I’m sure you’d love that,” Chrysalis hissed. “The Queen of the Changelings prancing about in a frilly little dress while cleaning your bedchamber. The humiliation alone would…” she trailed off as Celestia’s face went beet red.

The air grew thick with tension that was only shattered when Cadance coughed into her forehoof. “Speaking of humiliation, I wanted to thank you, Chrysalis.”

“Thank me?” Chrysalis jeered. “After all the things I’ve done to you, not the least of which bewitching your husband and nearly ruining your nuptials, why would you ever thank me?”

“For her,” Cadance demurely responded. “Had you not rescued her from King Sombra, Equestria would have been in immense peril.”

“I…” Chrysalis fell silent as she turned her eyes to the floor. “I would not suffer the indignity of having my nemesis defeated by an utter buffoon like Sombra.”

Allowing just a few moments to pass, waiting to see if Celestia had anything to say, Cadance knit her brow. “I thought Twilight was your nemesis.”

“Oh please,” Chrysalis groaned. “That little bookworm is a mere annoyance that could never live up to her mentor. Even with the Elements of Harmony on Twilight’s side, the only reason I was defeated in Canterlot is because I was weakened from Celestia’s attack.”

“You jest,” Celestia wheezed, taken aback by the admission.

Chrysalis’ baleful gaze softened ever so slightly as she glared over at Celestia. “Don’t you say a thing about jesting. I know full well that you essentially pulled your punch with that energy blast. Had you not held back, I wouldn’t be sitting here wasting my time with this pointless conversation right now!”

Biting back a smile, Cadance leaned in. “Is that true?”

“W…well I didn’t want to hurt her…” Celestia muttered.

“And why’s that?” Chrysalis snapped. “Did you wish to keep me around to toy with me and make a mockery of me? Perhaps you wished to make me suffer and -”

“I…I respect you,” Celestia breathed. Staring down at the marble beneath her, she closed her eyes and shudderingly exhaled. “You’re one of the only creatures in existence that is as timeless as I am…”

Cadance kept her lips sealed while her eyes darted between the mismatched pair. In spite of their litany of differences, they had more in common than many would assume. Both Celestia and Chrysalis were nearly immortal, having lived thousands of years while only scratching the surface of their lifetimes, and they both cared deeply for their respective subjects.

“This…this is absurd,” Chrysalis chuckled. Unseating herself, she began to pace. “You must see the lunacy of your actions. I and my kingdom are a threat to the Equestrian empire, yet you insist on sparing me time and again! Why? Help me understand this madness!”

Though her words were biting, her tone and actions told a different story altogether. Her voice cracked, her movements were tense, and even a foal could tell she was anything but the imperious, self-assured Matriarch who was reviled far and wide. It took everything Cadance had to remain in her chair, fighting against impulses that screamed at her to intervene, yet she managed to restrain herself.

“Because we both do our best and try our hardest for the same cause,” Celestia proclaimed as she stood. “I’ve never ended anypony, regardless of the danger they pose - not Discord, not Tirek, and not you. Call me foolish or naïve, but I hold out hope…”

It was brief, so fast that it could have easily gone unnoticed, but there was a flicker of something in Chrysalis’ eyes as she looked away. “Hope for what?”

Celestia smiled, though it didn’t meet her eyes. “That this could end - that we could move past this...”

“It will never end,” Chrysalis whispered, the fires of her vitriol waning. “You don’t understand - you never have and you never will.”

“Then help me understand,” Celestia pleaded while reaching out with a forehoof, “please…”

Slapping Celestia’s foreleg away, Chrysalis scowled. “How could you? Your nation thrives, you have allies that span the globe, and you’ve never known true struggle - what it’s like to fight merely for survival! All you ponies are the same, you think that…”

The words died in her throat the moment she met Celestia’s gaze. In that instant, seeing or sensing something that had gone unsaid, she hung her head. Cadance touched one hoof to the floor, grappling with the urge to intervene, yet she didn’t interfere - not yet. This exchange had been brewing for a long time, possibly longer than any of them could fully comprehend, and it had finally come to this.

“We could find a way,” Celestia softly insisted. “There’s always hope, no matter what, and I truly, genuinely believe that it doesn’t have to be like this.”

Chrysalis went to turn away but paused when she looked back. Her shoulders went slack while her eyes lingered on Celestia’s face. What she was thinking was anypony’s guess, yet Cadance had never seen her in such a state. Was she feeling regret ~ could she even feel regret? The mind of a changeling was a far departure from that of a pony - nevertheless, that, like all things in life, was not a thing set in stone.

“She really does mean it,” Cadance sighed, “and she’s not alone. I won’t pretend to understand, but we want to help you…”

“You,” Chrysalis fumed, her fury rekindling and burning white hot. “This was all your doing!”

Keeping her cool, Cadance held Chrysalis’ irate gaze. “In what way? I merely invited the two of you here to talk - yes, it may have been wrong of me to lure you both here under false pretenses, but -”

“May have?” Celestia rumbled. “There was no may to speak of! I was asked to come and spend some time with you!”

“And the only reason I’m here is due to the peculiar nature of your invitation,” Chrysalis growled. Glancing over and noticing Celestia’s confusion, she rolled her eyes and waved at Cadance. “A week prior, I received a letter penned by Princess Celestia requesting my audience at the Crystal Empire’s palace. I’d suspected that something was amiss, primarily due to the bizarre change in scenery, yet even I couldn’t have predicted that the Princess of Love was capable of such vile subterfuge.”

Celestia slowly shook her head while her frown deepened. “I’m very disappointed in you, Cadance…”

“I’m not,” Chrysalis snickered. “Are you sure you don’t harbor wicked machinations, Cadance? Could it be that you wish to destabilize Equestria so you can seize control for yourself?”

The corners of Cadance’s lips twitched, yet she retained her stoic composure. “Of course not. Honestly, I’m surprised that the two of you haven’t asked the larger question at play…”

Chrysalis mutely squinted down at her as she allowed herself the faintest hint of a smile. Shifting her focus over to Celestia, she found her fellow Princess studying her. Both of the mares were intelligent and capable in their own right, although one held a distinct edge when it came to subterfuge and the art of subtlety.

“Why did you invite the two of us here?” Celestia glibly asked. “Forgive me, but I don’t see why there was a need for trickery.”

“Chrysalis,” Cadance hummed, “would you like to explain it to her?”

The gratification of seeing Chrysalis’ choler overtaken by dread was delicious. If she told the truth, she’d tip her hoof about how she really felt about Celestia - should she lie or attempt to deflect the question, she’d back herself into a corner. She took no pride in misleading anypony, especially somepony whom she respected and cherished as a friend, yet she couldn’t help but feel proud of the masterfully laid trap she was about to spring.

“Well?” she pressed.

“Bah!” Chrysalis impotently raged. “This was an egregious waste of time. You blasted ponies and your penchant for pointless frivolities.”

“It’s just that - well, it almost looks like you two are having fun together,” Cadance glibly remarked.

Both Celestia and Chrysalis froze and stared dumbfounded over at her. It was a calculated risk on her part to broach the subject - then again, their reaction to what should have been an innocent question was telling. Neither of her visitors moved, though it was painfully obvious that she’d struck a chord.

Taking the smallest sip of her tea, if only to give her assertion time to sink in, Cadance lowered her cup and serenely smiled. “It sounds absurd, I know, but I have heard a few ponies talking about it.”

“T…that’s preposterous!” Chrysalis blared, shattering the tranquility. “What manner of lout would think that I, Queen Chrysalis, would have fun with my arch rival?!”

With a bead of sweat rolling down her temple, Celestia swallowed hard. “It…it is a bit ridiculous.”

“Oh that’s not the half of it!” Cadance noted as she waved a half-eaten scone. “There are some that - forgive me,” she tactically giggled. “There are some who have suggested you two may have a certain fondness for one another!”

Chrysalis stiffened and her tail flicked anxiously at her back, while Celestia stood motionless with her wings fidgeting nervously on her back. Though Cadance desperately wanted to press the matter by telling tall tales about all the rumors she’d allegedly overheard, she bided her time and nibbled upon her pastry. The truth of the matter was that there was no gossip that she was aware of, but they didn’t know that.

“Tell me,” Chrysalis rasped as she stormed back to the table. “Tell me who is spreading these lies.”

“I already took care of it - I mean, seriously, I’ve heard some wild stories in my day, but this one might take the cake!” Cadance laughed. “Could you imagine the scandal? The oldest and most powerful Princess in Equestria getting all cozy with the greatest threat in all the land!”

“I - heh,” Celestia forcibly snickered, “I do suppose it is rather entertaining.”

“It most certainly is not!” Chrysalis contested. “Such gossip is a disservice to us both!”

Rearing back, Celestia blinked. “In what way?”

“We’re both respected amongst our subjects, do you not agree?” Chrysalis pressed. Getting a small nod, she held her head high and placed a forehoof on her bosom. “And would you not say that such slander would be harmful for our respective images?”

“I suppose,” Celestia sullenly conceded.

“Call me crazy, but I respectfully disagree,” Cadance chimed in. “I feel like any camaraderie between you two could show strength.”

“Seriously, what is it with you ponies and - Ugh - friendship,” Chrysalis spat. “My hive regards Celestia with the fear she deserves!”

“Likewise with my ponies for you,” Celestia concurred, “though I’m sure there would be a great many who would welcome you and your brood with open forelegs - that is, should an accord ever pass between us.”

“Purely for argument’s sake, let’s pretend that eventually happens ~ what then? Will there be meal lines where my drones can feed on the denizens of your empire?” Chrysalis demanded.

Celestia didn’t shy away, standing tall and resolute. “As I mentioned, we could find a way. The power of friendship is not to be underestimated - on top of that, there’s the possibility that potions or elixirs could be sorcerously brewed to nourish your hive.”

“And there are artifacts as well,” Cadance observed. “The Crystal Heart is powered by love; even if we couldn’t flawlessly recreate it, I feel confident that Sunburst could glean something from it and potentially craft something that could sustain your brood.”

“This is all pointless conjecture,” Chrysalis protested. “Even if I was willing to entertain such insanity, which I assuredly am not, the chances that -”

“What about your hive?” Celestia gently inquired. “Would they not want peace? Surely, the opportunity for them to cease their struggle, the constant need to hunt to survive, would be a welcome change for them - all of them.”

Shying away as Celestia approached her, Chrysalis shook her head. “They don’t know what they need…”

“I’m talking about what they want,” Celestia urged. “Dreams don’t come true on their own. Together, and with Cadance’s assistance, we could try to do good by everypony! Lest you forget, the only guaranteed way to fail is to accept defeat.”

Chrysalis opened her mouth, appearing moments from saying something, then turned away, shook her head, and proceeded to the door. “We’re through here. Celestia, if you know what’s good for her, you’d do well to keep your fellow alicorn on a shorter leash.”

Turning her head and watching as Chrysalis stomped to the exit, Celestia scrunched her snout. “Chrysalis, wait, we could still chat and enjoy those treats you were promised. On the slim chance that Cadance tries to renege, and I know she won't,” she groused while shooting a swift, stern look to the seated Princess, “I will personally order the kitchen staff to surrender the confections owed to you.”

Chrysalis slowed to a halt. “And what purpose would that serve?”

“It would serve several,” Celestia tutted as she trotted over to Chrysalis’ side. “Not only is it the right thing to do, but it would make your trip at least somewhat worthwhile.”

“That may be true, but it’s a moot point,” Chrysalis grumbled. “As much as I’d like to bring an abundance of confectionery back to my hive, carrying it all would be -”

“I’ll teleport us there,” Celestia chirped. In a flash, quickly as the words left her muzzle, her face darkened ever so slightly. “You - I’ll teleport you there. Far be it for me to impose.”

Swinging her rear around, Chrysalis faced Celestia and gave a single nod. “Your terms are acceptable. Cadance,” she purred, turning and flashing her teeth at the still seated Princess, “I would say it’s been a pleasure, but that’s far from the case. Let us hope that I don’t run into your little hubby on our way to your keep’s bakery; I’d hate to have him follow me back to my hive like a lost, love-struck puppy.”

“I will be speaking with you about this later, Cadance,” Celestia coldly added. “I should hope that this will be the last unwarranted duplicitous act you engage in…”

“It is,” Cadance smoothly replied. “On my honor as a Princess, I’ll be on my best behavior henceforth.”

“Good,” Celestia harrumphed before motioning to the exit with one wing. “Shall we, Chrysalis.”

Leering back at Cadance, Chrysalis trotted to the door. “Let’s…”

As the mismatched pair made their leave, disappearing from view, Cadance ignited her horn, eased the door closed, then let out a deep sigh and beamed. The entire exchange couldn’t have lasted more than a hoofful of minutes, but they were some of the juiciest minutes she’d ever experienced in her life. There was so much to process and so many details that she wanted to dwell on that she didn’t know where to begin!

All her suspicions had been confirmed. There was far more than pure pettiness tying Celestia and Chrysalis together, although the full extent of that connection had yet to be seen - furthermore, she couldn’t say if they were fully aware of what was happening between them! Idly plucking and nibbling upon a cranberry scone, she snorted in amusement. Chrysalis may have been the Queen of the changelings, a species that could sense and thrive off the affection of others, although she wasn’t the only royal with a preternatural understanding of love…