The Gelding

by deadpansnarker

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Big Macintosh, Applejack, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1710

On a typically quiet day at Sweet Apple Acres, Big Mac tells Applejack he's thinking of having a vasectomy. This causes no friction between the pair at all, of course.

On a typically quiet day at Sweet Apple Acres, Big Mac tells Applejack he's thinking of having a vasectomy. This causes no friction between the pair at all, of course.

Published 2024-10-16 11:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-16 11:00:01 UTC

"You... WHAT?!"

An understandably flustered Applejack thought she’d misheard at first. A miscommunication, that’s what it must’ve been. A mispronunciation. A mistake. A mis-something.

Too many long hours spent out on the field in the hot, hot sun. Too much time spent bucking fruit trees to receive their delicious bounty. Too much effort put into ploughing the dirt to turn the damp soil nice and fertile.

The somewhat overburdened country mare’s current crucial task of slopping out the pigs temporarily suspended, she ignored the protests of the ungrateful oinkers clustered around the sty to candidly inquire of her elder sibling if her sweaty ears hadn’t outrageously deceived her.

“D-did you just say, and I quote: ‘I’m thinkin’ of gettin' a vasectomy’?!”

“Yup.” Without even the briefest flicker of hesitation, the infamously chatty Big Mac confirmed that his sister wasn’t going crazy or suffering from the negative effects of work-related stress. He just stood there statuesque afterwards and innocently stared at her, as if he’d merely announced that he was getting a manecut or having his teeth polished.

“I-Is this a joke? Did Pinkie put you up to this? Rainbow Dash? Is that her I see hidin’ over there, behind the outhouse? Come out now Rainbow, the fun’s over. Fancy manipulatin’ a kind soul like my brother and scarin’ me half to death in the process. Why, I’ve got a good mind to go fetch Granny Smith and her slipper to give you the whuppin’ of a…”

“That ain’t your friend over there, Applejack. That’s the blue of the tractor parked just behind. I ain’t kiddin’ around with this neither, and ain’t nopony else helped me come to my decision but me.”

All hopes that this nightmare might be some kind of elaborate prank at the expense of Applejack’s occasional stoic nature were extinguished there and then, and all the orange mare could do is let her jaw tremble in response whilst an unperturbed Big Mac waited patiently for her to continue with the inevitable volley of questions.

“W-What the heck are you… why would you even think of… you’re only a few years older than me! Don’t you want to start a family? Continue the Apple name? Aren’t you rushin’ things? How long have you been considerin’ this? Does Sugar Belle know about your plans…?”

At this point, the first few signs of trepidation began chipping away at Big Mac’s until now impressively placid demeanour, but he quickly righted himself and replied to all of Applejack’s blurted-out queries in typically brusque fashion.

“She understands it’s my choice, unlike the last mare I dated. I’ve thought about it for a while. I don’t want to be a father with so many other responsibilities and my… urges are stoppin’ me from fully concentratin’ on work. As for continuin’ the family line, I’m sure you and Apple Bloom are more than capable of…”

Now it was Applejack’s turn to feel distinctly uncomfortable, and her face turned a deep shade of crimson as she spun around to countenance her brother’s highly personal remarks.

“N-Now look here… I’m far too young to be… and Apple Bloom! She’s still in school! We can’t put that kind of pressure on…”

“You were the one talking about procreatin’, not me. I just said I was considerin’ having an operation, then you brought up all that stuff about having kids.” Big Mac handily pointed out who the pony was in the argument that’d raised the sensitive topic. “Anyway, I just wanted to come over and let you know, that’s all. Gotta return to plantin' the crops now, a busy day ahead. Pigs are getting restless, better feed ‘em.”

“Pigs? Who cares about pigs at a time like… hey, come back here, Big Mac! We ain’t done discussin’ this yet!” Applejack absent-mindedly tossed the pail full of scraps over her shoulder before galloping off after her nonchalant brother, thus finally putting an end to The Great Swine Rebellion once and for all.

What a shame. It might’ve made for a good story.

He’s lost his mind. He’s flipped his lid. His head’s full of worms. Instead of seeing a surgeon he should be booking an appointment with a psycho-logic-eeerrr… one of those professional head doctors Twilight is always seeing when she thinks the rest of us aren’t looking. I wish I could talk him out of a procedure that can’t be reversed, but it appears as though his mind is made up… and if there’s one thing I know about my brother it’s that he’s as stubborn as a mule once he gets an idea.

It was now exactly a week after Big Mac’s impromptu announcement, and events had moved at an unrealistically rapid pace. Not only had he firmly made up his mind, he’d even booked himself in to have the snip that very day. No amount of begging, pleading, crying or offers to ‘discuss the matter further’ seemed to sway the determined stallion from his cast-iron decision, and in fact seemed to make him even more bull-headed in his choice.

I haven’t told anypony else, obviously. Granny would throw a fit, Apple Bloom wouldn’t understand and I ain’t the one to explain it to her, and my friends…? This is Apple family business, so I didn’t want to involve them. Besides, my brother told me in confidence… if I blabbed his private affairs to half the town, he’d never trust me with anything ever again. ‘Private’ affairs indeed… I’d laugh if he wasn’t having his parts severed as we speak. Oh Winona, girl; it makes me wonder… perhaps we should’ve asked your permission before we…

Realising the futility of discussing the matter with the unsuspecting loyal canine curled up beside her, Applejack got up off her outside hammock and stretched out all four limbs with a deep sigh. The effort of pretending nothing was wrong to everypony for the last seven days had really taken it out of her, but at least when her newly-neutered brother had returned from the specialist their increasingly convoluted mutual facade could finally reach an end.

After all, Big Mac had promised to sit down and tell everypony himself afterwards, which had been part of the deal in exchange for Applejack’s solemn silence. Just gradually, and only ponies they truly trusted though… as they didn’t want a Gabby Gums situation where half the neigh-bourhood had nothing better to do than discuss the finer features of her oldest sibling’s reproductive organs.

I can’t help but ponder though… will he regret his decision years down the line? He may feel the way he does now, but who’s to say he won’t change his mind later? It’ll be too late by then, and I’ll be the one feeling guilty that I didn’t try hard enough to talk him out of it. And, in a more physical sense, is he going to be in a lot of pain afterwards? Will he need time off to heal? I mean, harvest season is just around the corner, and without his help I’m not sure if everything will be ready… oh, what am I saying?!

Realising that the inconvenience in falling slightly behind in her farmwork was as nothing compared to the local drama which lay in wait for the Apple family once word got out, Applejack decided to scan the surrounding skyline to preoccupy herself away from her turbulent thoughts.

Hmm, looks like there might be rain later. Which is good… helps the plants to grow. Pretty odd time for there to be a sunset though, considering it’s still late morning. What is Celestia playin’ at… wait, that ain’t no sunset. Could it be…

‘Yup’, as the monosyllablic stallion himself might’ve said. The deep red that Applejack had temporarily mistaken for an astral phenomenon was in fact Big Mac emerging from just over the horizon, trotting along at about half his usual speed and looking pretty sheepish to hoof.

“B-Brother?” A concerned Applejack wasted no time in galloping over to him, an equally worried Winona yapping at her hooves. “I thought you said the operation with Dr Quackmeister would be carried out right about now, and the effect of the anaesthetic and stitches would mean you wouldn’t be leavin’ the hospital ‘til tomorrow at the earliest. What’s goin’ on?!”

“W-Well…” Unlike his uncharacteristically loquacious self the other day, Big Mac seemed to have reverted back to his usual introverted persona for now, and he struggled to find the exact words he wanted to say.

“Wait a second. You mean to tell me… on the way to the clinic, you passed by Ponyville Schoolhouse?”

“Yup.”

“And it was recess, so all the colts and fillies were outside playin' and jokin' and laughin' together?”

“Yup.”

“And you’d be darned if it wasn’t the cutest thing you ever did see in all your born days?”

“... Yup, sniff.”

“And it kinda got you to thinkin’, you might be rushin’ this whole hasty ‘never wantin’ to have kids’ narrative that you put together inside your head?”

“Y-Yup.”

“You know what I think, Big Mac?”

“W-Wut?”

“I think you’ve just made the best damn decision ever. I’m so proud of you… even if you did give me six sleepless nights and make me lie to all my nearest and dearest all week long when they asked me ‘Is anythin’ wrong?’... and you know how much I hate lyin’.”

“Y-Y-Yup.” was all a tearful Big Mac could stammer as he embraced his far more articulate sister (with a whining Winona getting in on the act too, of course), who not for the first time had done a sterling job of filling in all the verbal gaps for him.

Amidst all the predictable relief and gratitude inherent in such a tender moment though, a small piece of Applejack still felt a tad aggrieved at everything she’d had to tolerate the past few days, which came out in the form of a remarkably coarse line whispered into her brother’s ear.

“To be honest, which I usually am, I didn’t think you’d have the balls for it anyway.”

Author's Note

Just a lil one shot I crafted to get me back in the writing game.

Hope you enjoyed it, and stay in touch! :pinkiehappy: