Just Joking

by RainbowBob

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Main 6, Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 40198

The Clown Prince of Crime is in Equestria, with the job of creating chaos and fun for all.

That's right, the Joker, otherwise known as the Clown Prince of Crime, the Harlequin of Hate, and the White Duke of Death, is now in Equestria. Will this unpredictable, murderous psychopath learn the true magic of friendship and abandon his old malicious ways? Or will his arrival kick off an unstoppable crime spree to shape Equestria into his own image? Like I said, the Joker is unpredictable.

Special thanks to my awesome prereaders X19, LDSocrates and The Alpha, who are the best of the best! Read their stuff or just thank them for reading my unedited monstrosity before I release it to you guys!

Now on TV Tropes because of the greatness that is Shadow Sora94. Give him some thanks!

Published 2012-10-23 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-19 05:18:55 UTC

Chapter 2: Royal Pain In The Butt

Well, that certainly was interesting.

So, you liked it?

Don't get your hopes up kiddo. This story was a heap of mistakes and errors.

What do you mean?

Where to begin? Spelling errors, bad grammar, boring fight scenes, and bland dialogue. The list can go on and on, but it really boils down to one important detail. Me.

Huh?

This story is supposed to be about me for one thing! You got my characterization all wrong!

How exactly did I do that?

Let's see. Not enough violence, not enough of me, not enough jokes, not enough of me, not enough laughs, and most importantly, not enough of me!

Okay, okay. It would be easier if you tell me what Joker you want to be.

Whatcha talkin bout Willis?

First off, my name isn't Willis, and second, there's so many different versions of you! Batman: The Animated Series, Batman: The Brave and the Bold, The Batman, The Dark Knight, and all the other movies and tv shows you've been on. And don't even get me started on every damn comic book you show up in. Can't the writers even attempt to keep you consistent.

I'm incarnations of every Joker! Why do you think I act crazy all the time! Just remember the credentials about me. Psychotic killer, batshit insane, and I enjoy long walks on the beach.

Fine then! Anything else I should know?

Well, you did go with a cliché. Some strange teleporter causes me to end up in Equestria. Can't you authors come up with anything new?

Hey, at least I didn't make Twilight mess up a spell to send you there!

Excuses! This is a story about me after all, so it has to be unexpected, new, random, and most of all, funny!

I don't think anyone understands or even wants to know about your sense of humor.

I have a wonderful sense of humor! It's just all those party poopers who don't get it. All they say is stop hitting me Joker, stop stabbing me Joker, stop breaking my knees Joker. Just a bunch of complainers!

... I'm just gonna start writing now.

Okie dokie Jokie!

Stunned was the correct word to describe what most of individuals of the throne room felt like. Even Pinkie Pie dropped what she was doing to goggle at the new visitor.

The visitor in question continued to smile creepily with those unnaturally yellow stained teeth of his. Seeing that most of the ponies were taken aback by his appearance, and at least one of them fainted, he decided to communicate with the strange creatures. Walking right up to Princess Celestia, he leaned forward a bit until his sharp nose nearly touched her own. "Hello. Anyone home?" he asked, rapping his knuckles on her head.

Realizing that her mouth has been hanging open for a full minute, Celestia closed her trap and stammered, "W-what are y-you?"

The disturbing grin was still plastered on his chalk white face. "Intriguing question. My species call themselves humans, homo sapiens if you want to be specific. But what am I, is still a mystery. I am an enigma wrapped in suspicion deep fried in uncertainty and double dipped in fun! Joker's the name, and making the masses laugh is my game!" After that little speech of his, the Joker handed Celestia a card with a grinning Jack on the cover. "My card."

Joker's monologue only deepened Celestia's confusion, and she accepted the strange card from her even stranger guest. The next pony to react in a way other than shock to the Joker's sudden manifestation in their company was Pinkie Pie, who immediately ran to the Joker's side.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! It's a clown!" Pinkie shrieked to her friends, bouncing up and down in excitement. Her friends were still slow to process this little tidbit, although that greatly explained why he dressed that way. "Do you do card tricks, can you tell good jokes, can you-"

"Pinkie, get away from it! It could be dangerous!" Twilight shouted, fearful that her friend could be hurt from the human.

Joker gasped, his hand covering his open mouth. "I'm shocked that you would accuse me of such a thing," the Joker said, throwing his hands up in the air. "Why, I wouldn't hurt a fly. This accusation has hurt me deeply. For shame, for shame upon you weird unicorn thingy."

The Joker turned around, his shoulders sagging. Pinkie Pie stared accusingly at Twilight. "Twilight, you don't have to be such a meany head. You hurt his feelings," Grabbing onto the Joker's coat, Pinkie said, "It's okay Mr. Homo Clown Sapiens guy, Twilight doesn't mean it. I don't think you're dangerous."

The Joker picked up Pinkie in his arms and held her at arms length. "You truly mean that?"

"Sure! You're a clown after all, so you must be super duper fun! That makes you a friend of me!"

"A friend! And a pink pony too! Every six year old girl back on Earth can now officially suck it!" the Joker said, hugging Pinkie tightly to his chest. She returned his hug with an equal gut wrenching hug she was famous for.

It was at this moment that a swarm of royal guards entered the room, led by Luna and Captain Shining Armor. What they first saw was Princess Celestia standing off to the side scratching her mane in puzzlement, then Fluttershy curled up in a shaking ball, Applejack and Rainbow Dash both wondering what the heck was going on, Rarity passed out on the marble floor, Twilight yelling at her friend for some reason, and a strangely dressed bipedal creature gripping Pinkie Pie in his arms.

Immediately at platoon of guards surrounded the Joker, spears inches away from his body. "Less than five minutes here and I'm already under arrest. That must be a new personal best for me," the Joker commented, poking the sharp end of a spear near his face.

Luna approached the surrounding circle of guards and shouted to the creature, "Release the pink one immediately creature!"

He dropped Pinkie Pie rudely on the floor, and then put one hand on his hip while examining the midnight blue alicorn before him. "So I guess you're the big cheese around here?"

"That is partially correct. My sister, Princess Celestia, and I are co-rulers of Equestria. I am Princess Luna. I was alerted by my sister telepathically that a strange occurrence happened here, so I brought the guards to investigate," Luna said calmly, the angry edge on her voice dropping slightly when he released Pinkie.

"Well color me red and throw me in front of a bull, I'm talking to royalty. Pleased to meet you!" Joker held up his hand, eager to shake. However, the wall of razor sharp spears blocked his path.

Raising an eyebrow quizzingly in her sister's direction, she asked Celestia, "Tia, is this... thing, has it harmed you or anyone else in anyway?"

Celestia shook her head. "So far it- I mean him, I'm pretty sure, has just been friendly even since his arrival. How he came here I still don't understand."

Going over this information in her head, she inspected the creature's appearance. He was tall, had horrible dental, dressed like a clown, and had the weirdest skin and hair coloration she's ever seen, and that's saying something. Ponies were generally known for their rather extravagant coat and mane colors. What really troubled her was that smile of his. It wasn't exactly perverted, but it still sent chills down her spine. Finally, she came to a decision.

"Alright. Guards, stand down."

The guards lowered their spears, but were still prepared to leap into action at the drop of a hat. Walking with a swagger in his step, he stood in front of Luna with his hand outreached to her. Hesitantly she held out her hoof. It was certainly a pivotable moment in Equestrian history, when one intellectual species shakes the hand- I mean hoof, of another. And of course the Joker had to ruin it.

The minute his hand clasped with her hoof an electrical shock coursed through Luna. She twitched wildly, electrical sparks flowing all over her body, and her skeleton was briefly seen. Once the shock ended, Luna's entire body was smoking, her left eye twitching madly. Then the hair of her coat stood on end, along with her spectral mane which, surprising to everyone present, actually turned into an afro. She now resembled a charred, fluffy Princess with a star swirling afro mane, which had a tiny fire starting on top of it.

The Joker was laughing insanely, pointing in glee at the smoldering Luna. "You fell for it! The oldest trick in the book works yet again!" The Joker removed his hand buzzer, waving it around his finger like a prize. "You really shouldn't be such a hot head Loonypoo!" Only the Joker would pull a gag over the leader of a country he's only been in for less than five minutes, and then laugh at his victim.

His maniacal laughter came to an end when a magical bolt of energy hit him square in the chest and sent him tumbling across the room to Celestia's feet. The source of the energy bolt was Shining Armor, who yelled at the guards, "Get him in chains now!"

"Wait!" All ponies turned in surprise to the pink figure standing protectively in front of the Joker. "You can't just lock him up!" Pinkie cried out.

"But Pinkie, he attacked the Princess! That's a capital offense!" Twilight said to her friend, worried what the Joker will do next.

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash shouted, "That guy's trouble!"

"Ah reckin' you're right bout that Dash," Applejack said to her friend.

"But he was just playing a joke! He wasn't trying to hurt the Princess!" Pinkie said to her friends and the advancing guard. "Isn't that right Mr. Joker?" Pinkie asked the human at her feet.

"Sorry, but the Joker isn't available at the moment. I'll direct your call to the nearest service consultant for help." The Joker began to hum a tune reminiscent to elevator music. It seemed Shining's bolt damaged more than Joker's body.

"Hold on a second! Princess Luna, you forgive him, right?" Pinkie called to the Princess, hoping she'd protect her new friend.

Luna snapped out of whatever state of bewilderment the jolt of electricity put her in. The first thing she noticed was he scorched fur, afro mane, and finally the small fire on her mane. Turning around slowly, she saw that the Joker was laying on the ground several feet away. After several tense seconds she teleported in front of his prone body and yelled at him in the Royal Canterlot voice. "YOU DARE TRY TO PULL A JOKE ON US! WE WILL CRUSH YOU AND PUT YOU THROUGH THE WORST TORTURES IMAGINABLE FOR YOUR CRIME!"

Joker picked his head up from the floor, licked his fingers, and put out the small fire in Luna's mane. "Do you mind using your inside voice? And would you be ever so kind as to stop with all the 'us' and 'we' stuff. There's only one of you and it gets damn annoying."

"W-WHY YOU SNIVELING, VILE, DOWNRIGHT PIECE OF-"

"That's enough Luna," Celestia said to her sister.

Luna was taken aback at what her sister said. "B-but Tia, you saw what he did to us."

"You! It's supposed to be you! Read a grammar book for Pete's sake!" the Joker called out. Everyone wisely ignored him.

"I know Luna, but you are a Princess. You don't give into anger or be short tempered. I thought you knew better."

"B-but, h-he, I..." Luna stopped, realizing her sister was right. She was a Princess after all, and as one she had to set a better example for her subjects. "Okay Tia."

Celestia smiled to her sister, glad she was taking responsibility. She lifted the Joker up to eye level in a field of magic surrounding his body. "Do you mind explaining why you did that little joke of yours on my sister?"

The Joker smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "I did it for the lulz."

Pinkie Pie appeared before the Princess, and stood protectingly between the Joker and Celestia. "See Princess, he didn't intentionally want to harm Princess Luna, it was just for fun."

"Pinkie, why do you continue to defend this human," Celestia asked, curious about Pinkie's attachment to the human.

"Well, he's new here, and has no friends. It must be awfully scary being in a strange place all by your lonesome, so he's my friend now. And since he's my friend I'm going to protect him, no matter what!" Pinkie Pie stood courageously in front of the Princess, ready to further protect her new friend.

Impressed by Pinkie's devotion to a creature she's known for less than five minutes, Celestia cut the field of magic around the Joker, which made him fall painfully on his face. "Okay Pinkie, I see you won't give this up anytime soon. But as punishment for his tomfoolery, you're going to have to watch him while he stays at the palace."

"What?" Luna, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Shining Armor all shouted out simultaneously.

"My name isn't Tom," the Joker said absently, picking himself off the floor and dusting off his further ruined suit.

"Sister, are you sure its wise to allow the creature to roam the palace grounds?" Luna asked.

"But Princess, we have no idea what he's capable of! We should study him first!" Twilight said.

Rainbow Dash interrupted Twilight, saying, "Forget about studying! We should lock him up right away! You saw what he did to the Princess!"

"I'm going to have to agree with Rainbow Dash on that one," Shining Armor said. "He can be a potential security risk to the palace and nobility. And there's also the chance of media coverage. Keeping out reporters can be a major liability to the guards patrolling the palace."

Soon all the ponies were arguing about whether to keep him free, study him, or lock him up. The Joker was enjoying their bickering by munching on a bag of popcorn he mysteriously acquired. Celestia stamped her hoof down, which caused a loud rumble to silence everyone in the room. Once everyone was quiet and paying attention to her, Celestia stated, "The Joker will remain inside the palace until further notice. Palace guards and servants will not be able to report about him to the outside world under risk of banishment. He will be accompanied by Pinkie Pie at all times outside his room along with one guard. That is final."

Although one or two ponies wanted to continue arguing about it, the fiery look in Celestia's eyes held their tongues. The guards soon emptied out of the room, with Shining Armor appointing himself to watch over the Joker for the time being. Luna also departed, grumbling how it will take her hours to fix her hair and coat. That left only the mane six, Shining Armor, Celestia, and the Joker present in the room.

Laying relaxed in Celestia's throne, the Joker cracked his knuckles and rested them behind his head. "Now this is the royal living. Sure it's a prison, but it definitely beats Arkham."

"Savor your relaxation for the time being freak, because that's all you're going to enjoy in a long time. I'm going to be on you like a shadow," whispered Shining to the Joker. It was Shining's job to protect the Princess, and in failing that he disgraced his role as Captain of the Royal Guards. He will not make the same mistake again.

"Yeah, whatever soldier boy. Hope you enjoy the view back there."

Before Shining could respond with a spiteful retort, Pinkie came along bouncing right into the Joker's lap. "Yay, now you can stay! Which means I have to throw a welcome party for you. But I already have a party to do, and this one is real big and important," Pinkie stopped bouncing and thought deeply, hmming and rubbing her chin in concentration. Suddenly a light bulb appeared over her head, literally, and she shouted, "I know! You can come to the Grand Galloping Gala! What better welcome party than the biggest party in Equestria!"

"Great, another Harley in this world too. Like one of them wasn't bad enough," the Joker thought to himself. He was examining the light bulb he pilfered off atop Pinkie's head, tapping it in wonder on how it still stayed alight. Bored with it already, he threw it over his shoulder where it broke against the wall. The sound of glass breaking evidently brought Rarity out of her unconscious state.

She rubbed her head, a perplexed expression on her face. "Oh girls, I had the most terrible nightmare. Suddenly a weird creature appears out of no where, dressed in the most atrocious clothing I've ever laid eyes on. The colors were simply dreadful and the clothes matching was the worst I have ever seen. I'm glad it was just a dream."

"Uh, sugarcube, hate to burst ya bubble, but that wasn't no dream," Applejack said to her confused friend, pointing a hoof at the figure sitting on the royal thrown.

The Joker noticed the purple maned unicorn had awoken, and waved cheerfully to her. Gasping, yet again, she fainted, yet again. If you looked up Drama Queen in the dictionary, you'd surely find Rarity's picture next to the definition.

The Joker arched one eyebrow. "Okay, this time for sure I know it wasn't something I said."

Chapter 3: Party Favors

Fantastic! I just love the story so far! The writing prose and amazing description has just taken my breathe away! Stephen King would cry tears of joy if he was to read only one sentence of this story!

Really? You actually mean that?

Do you not understand the definition of sarcasm?

It's pretty hard to tell if you're sarcastic with just text.

Damn! There goes half me act!

So, am I at least improving?

Huh- yeah, sure, whatever kid.

What do you like so far?

Dear God your questions are annoying. That prank with the electric buzzer wasn't half bad, although it would've have been funnier if it fried the Princess to a crispy corpse...

You would've gotten killed on the spot.

Good point there! Have to wait for my chance to strike, then KABLAMO! Joker's on top yet again!

I don't think killing the leader of the country in an entirely different dimension is a good idea for world domination.

Did I ask for your opinion? Well, at least I can still be rhetorical.

Are you actually considering to takeover Equestria? That's crazy!

Who do you think you're talking to? If I can run Gotham City into the ground without even trying, then this will be easy enough. I even put the entire Untied States in a state of terror for a good while.

That was on Earth. Here you have no allies, and very little assets at your disposal.

Then I do what I do best! Improvise!

This isn't going to end well.

Come on kid, you have to have more faith in me then that. I can build anything with only half the parts, which is a very useful skill for putting together IKEA furniture. Have I ever told you about that time I escaped Arkham with only a pinch of salt and a nail clipper?

Yeah, and you gave a very gory description of how you disemboweled that one guard and forced him to eat his own intestines.

With a pinch of salt!

I'm going to get back to writing now.

Fine then! But when you need to cut your toenails and don't have a bloodied nail clipper ready, don't come crying to me!

"Are we all here?"

"Ah think so Twilight."

"Okay then. Let's begin this meeting," Twilight said to the gathered group of ponies surrounding the circular table. The other edges of the table were hidden in shadows, with only a single hanging lightbulb illuminating the table. Applejack sat near Rarity to the left side, the white coated unicorn still unsteady from the faintings she had earlier. Rainbow Dash sat on the opposite side of the table along with Fluttershy. The only pony missing of the mane six was Pinkie.

Rainbow Dash was the first to notice the pink pony's absence. "Hey Twi, Pinkie's not here. Are we beginning without her?"

"If afraid so Rainbow Dash, "Twilight replied. "She's been with the human all day long. It seems the two of them are actually planning the Gala together."

"Don't mind me asking Twi, but why are we havin' this little gathering in the first place?"

"We are here to discuss the human known as the Joker who has mysterious appeared in our midsts."

"I think he's all right, if that's okay with you guys," Fluttershy said, so quiet that her friends nearly missed what she said.

Rainbow Dash slammed her hoof on the table and confronted the pegasus. "Fluttershy, how can you like that freak? He's creepy and probably some type of psychopath," Fluttershy cowered a bit under the table, already regretting speaking.

"B-b-but h-he's nice and n-not that scary," she squeaked.

"Nice! He fried Princess Luna like a hay fry! And have you seen his smile?" Dash grimaced. "It's all yellow and big and just plain creepy!"

"Now Dash, don't be makin' assumptions bout others. Remember the lesson we learnt with Zecora?" Applejack said.

"That was different! At least she didn't dress up like a freaky clown and smile all the time."

"Wait a minute," Twilight interrupted. "You don't trust him because he dresses like a clown and smiles a lot."

"Yeah. So what?" Dash responded.

"That must mean you're afraid of him."

Dash was flabbergasted at Twilight's accusation. "W-what! I would never be scared of that guy!"

Twilight smiled mischievously, further poking fun at her friend. "It's quite alright Dash. Many ponies have a phobia of clowns."

"I'm not scared of clowns! Applejack, help me out here!" Rainbow Dash implored to the orange pony.

"Ah don't know Dash. It would explain why you never go to the circus when it's in town," Applejack gave Dash the same devious smile as Twilight.

"I told you! I was sick!" she cried.

"Please now Rainbow Dash. I clearly saw you doing flying tricks down by the flower fields on the day the circus visited Ponyville," Rarity said.

Dash was sweating profusely now, her eyes darting back and forth. Finally she threw her hoofs in the air and yelled, "Okay, I admit it! I don't like clowns! They freak the heck outta me!" This fear was the result of a particularly traumatic childhood event dealing with a birthday party and excessive amounts of crying from a filly Dash when she met her first ever clown. For years she's been trying to keep her fear a secret, even to her friends.

"Glad you admitted that," Twilight said to annoyed Dash. "But we still have our original problem. How to deal with this human?"

"The Princess is pretty keen in keeping him here. At least til she can find a way to send him back to his world," Applejack said.

Twilight nodded. "That's what I'm worried about. She told me she's planning on presenting him to the press on the day of the Gala."

"How exactly is that a bad thing," Fluttershy asked.

"For starters, we don't have a clue about anything on this guy. He won't answer anything either me or the Princess ask him, saying that he's too tired or busy! For all we know he can be a criminal, or a murderer, or like what Dash said, a psychopath."

"Come on Twi. He can't be that bad," Applejack said.

"Well, we know one thing for sure. He has the worst taste in clothing," Rarity shivered. "Tacky suit, mismatched colors, and a hairdo that's been out of style for decades. Just dreadful!"

"I say we lock him up. We don't know what he's capable of!" Dash said.

Twilight shook her head, glaring at the hotheaded pegasus. "Rainbow Dash, we just can't go and lock up anybody that looks weird. He's an entirely different species, one never seen in Equestria. What we should be doing is studying him and learning all we can."

"How's that going to do any good poindexter. He could be lying through his disgusting teeth."

"Dash, I think you're goin' over the line here. He hasn't even done nothin' that bad yet, cept for that prank of his. And I know fer a fact you've done worst pranks than the one he pulled on the Princess."

"Did someone say pranks?" A voice said from behind Fluttershy. The yellow pegasus flew out of her seat and shrieked softly, which in itself is an impressive feat, and nearly hit her head on the ceiling. The source of the mysterious voice was none other than the Joker, who was laughing at the easily surprised Fluttershy.

Dash scowled angrily and gritted her teeth. "What are you doing here?"

"On, nothing much. I was just passing through and saw this 'Secret Meeting' sign in front of this door and thought I might pop by," From the countless pockets in his suit he produced a piece of paper with indeed those very words, scrawled hastily in red crayon.

Dash snatched the sign from the Joker and recognized the hand- I mean hoof, writing. She shouted to the ceiling at Fluttershy, "Fluttershy, why did you put this sign there? There's no point in having a secret meeting place if it isn't a secret!"

Fluttershy, meanwhile, was cowering upside down on top the ceiling of the room. How she managed to defy gravity like that is still unknown.

"So girlfriends, what were we discussing? Homework, the algebra test this Friday? Or is it boys?" He smiled naughtily, like he knew a dirty secret and was dying to tell it.

"That's it, I'm otta here!" Rainbow Dash said, no longer wanting to spend another second in the human's company. She got out of her seat and stormed out of the room.

Applejack too got out of her seat, chasing after her speedy friend. "Hey Dash, wait up!" This left only Rarity, Fluttershy, Twilight, and of course the Joker in the room.

"Ooh, I bet they're an item, aren't they? The brash tomboy with the southern bell sweetheart. Oh it's so precious! I bet they go all night long, if you know what I mean," He nudged Rarity and winked.

Rarity shook her head and stared at him in confusion. "What?"

"Whoops, I think I did that joke wrong. But at least I got the punchline! Bwhahahahahahaha!"

"Wait, I don't get it?" Twilight said, having no clue what was so funny.

"Well duh! Since they go all night long and they are lesbians, then they must fist- actually, you ponies can't make fists. I guess hoof might work, but it does't sound quit right. Maybe trot, neigh, or even-"

The girls ignored the Joker as he rambled on. Eventually Twilight managed to get Fluttershy off the ceiling with a gentle telekinetic push (more of a shove since Fluttershy was able to dig her hooves into the plaster in the ceiling). Revelation hit the Joker and he snapped his fingers, although a light bulb he was expecting never appeared over his head. "Clop! That's what you should call it!"

"Call what?" Fluttershy asked, still startled at the Joker's surprise entrance.

Rarity hurriedly pushed her friend out of the room, saying, "Oh, nothing you need to know about darling. See you later Twilight!"

Twilight waved her friend goodbye, her meeting ruined by the Joker. She was no closer to solving the problem with the human now than five minutes ago.

An awkward silence hung over the empty room, until the Joker lightly coughed. "So, um, Twinkles. You know where I can find any good chemistry labs around here?"

This immediately sparked Twilight's interest, which also made her ignore the fact he called her Twinkles. "Yeah, there's one right down the hall. Why so interested."

"If you must know, back at home I'm a master chemist. No one can come close to my particular specialty in the field."

"If I must ask Mr. Joker, what is that specialty?"

The Joker grinned to the small purple unicorn, his grimy teeth smile unsettling her. "I don't know if you have to ask, but let's just say I make one heck of a laughing gas. Hahahaha!"

Twilight was elated. Finally she was getting to know the puzzling human known as the Joker. He brushed off any specific question she asked about his home, life, or species, but was happy to answer anything that dealt in the scientific field.

The human was busy at the moment mixing together a concoction of various brightly colored liquids to get a desired result. The purple unicorn was surprised to see that he was indeed an specialist in chemistry, expertly blending and combining various compounds with almost no effort. Even though Twilight wasn't that skilled in chemistry, having better experience in astronomy and magic, she could tell Joker knew what he was doing.

"Um, Mr. Joker-"

"Call me Mr. J. I'm more used to that." he interrupted.

"Well, Mr. J, why are you making laughing gas?" Twilight asked.

The Joker set his beaker of green liquid down over a burner and turned to Twilight, beaming a slightly less creepy smile to set her nerves at ease. "Weeeeell, it was going to be a surprise, but I guess I can tell you. At the Gala I'm going to release it after I make my grand entrance. That way everyone can have a good laugh! Hahahaha!"

Twilight was skeptical, but didn't see anything that could go too wrong. Sure the stuck up nobility might not enjoy it, but maybe it can loosen them up a little. He did also mention that it was harmless, plus what's the worse can a prankster clown can do?

"It's weird. You dress and act like a clown, yet you're exceptionally gifted in chemistry."

"Looks can be deceiving," he said, winking at Twilight.

"Ah, there we go!" he cried, as he picked the boiling beaker up with a pair of thongs. He was careful to lay it down in an air tight container that will cool down the liquid so no gas is accidentally released.

"Amazing! What else are you good at Mr. J?" Twilight asked, excited to learn more.

"A great many things. I am a genius without measure, meter sticks be damned. But enough about me, what are you good at Charlie? Any know how in chemistry?"

Twilight blushed, embarrassed that he was taking an interest in her. "I'm gifted in astronomy and magic, although I enjoy studying various other topics. As for chemistry, I just know a little above basics. But there is this one mixture I'm good at making."

The Joker's eyebrow arched upward, his curiosity spiked. "And that would be?"

"Well, when I was just a foal under Celestia's tutelage, I would have periods of magical outbursts," Twilight smiled, remembering the first time she lost control of her magic. Turning Spike two hundred feet tall and her parents into plants was certainly a frightful experience. "To help, Celestia taught me how to make a potion to lower a unicorn's power level for a short amount of time."

"Intriguing," the Joker said, a mischief smile playing on his face.

"Yeah, but it tasted nasty. I had to dump tons of sugar on it just to choke it down," Twilight frowned at that particular memory.

"You wouldn't mind sharing the recipe for it, would you?" he nonchalantly asked.

This grabbed Twilight's attention. "Um, sure, I guess. Why would you want to know?"

The smile grew exceptionally larger on the Joker's pale white face, those ruby red lips nearly reaching his ears. "Oh, no reason. Just curious is all."

It was late at night in the royal palace. The only one's awake was the night crew servants, the guards, and the Princess of the Night herself, Luna. At the moment she was wandering the halls, troubles plaguing her mind. One in specific was the reason why she spent an entire afternoon combing her hair to get it back to normal.

It was no lie, the Princess disliked the human to a great extent. It wasn't just the fact he pulled a prank on her, embarrassed her in front of her subjects, and had no respect for her whatsoever. No, it was an instinct inside her that told her the human couldn't be trusted.

She has tried multiple times to voice her opinion to her sister, but it only fell on deaf ears. Celestia actually defended the human, saying that they knew nothing of his history or culture, and making heinous claims on him is disrespectful.

It would help if he actually told them something about himself, but they got nothing. He refused to answer questions about his past, even those asked politely from Princess Celestia, saying he went through an upsetting incident that left him mentally scarred and wasn't ready to talk about it. As for questions about humans or his world, he would simply state 'How should I know? I've been stuck in Arkham so long now I don't have a clue about regular humans. And as for my world, I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear my opinion on it'.

The quicker they send him back to his world, the better. So far Celestia hasn't been able to specify what type of magic sent him here, and when asked the Joker just laughed his ass off. What was really ticking her off was the decision her sister made to disclose his presence here to the public during the Grand Galloping Gala. Press and nobility alike were murmuring about a big revelation at the Gala, yet at the moment they were still clueless about a human hiding in the palace.

Her sister, yet again, ignored her opinion. Keeping him in a dungeon would've been more to her liking, but no dice. Forcibly entering his mind was also shut down, over the issue with privacy. She couldn't believe the amount of trust Celestia was putting into the human, but Luna knew why. Just because he looked and acted like a clown, didn't mean he was one. A clever ruse for tricking the others into befriending and trusting him, but Luna could sense he was something more than that. Something sinister.

At least her midnight walk can clear her head. Now was the time she ruled the palace, and even though it was nearly empty, it suited her now. There was something calming about strolling in the silent palace halls, all to herself. That is, until she noticed a dark shadow exiting from the ballroom.

Before the mysterious shadow could take another step, Luna teleported to its location, shouting, "Who dares sneaks around in the palace?"

A familiar grin shined in the darkness, saying, "Now what did I tell you about using your inside voice Loonypoo. Someone could be asleep."

"JOKER!" Luna yelled, enraged at his presence.

"Yeah, like I didn't already know that," he said, cleaning one of his ears to clear the ringing from Luna's extremely loud voice.

A flash appeared before them, and a very tired looking Celestia came into view. "Luna, what is the meaning of all this yelling at this hour?"

"Other than the obvious," The Joker's smile took on a perverted look, which Celestia and Luna didn't notice.

"Him sister," Luna pointed to the Joker. "We saw he exiting the ballroom, unaccompanied by a guard. A clear violation of the rules you set for him if we remember correctly."

"And here we go using the word 'we' for first person again. Did you ever go to English?" the Joker asked Luna, but the Princess of the Moon ignored him.

"That is true. Any explanations for this Joker?"

The Joker shrugged, "I dunno. Can't a guy go for a walk without ponies freaking out?"

"That's not an excuse! My sister, one of the royal rulers of Equestria, gave you an oder to stay in your room unless you're with a guard. Breaking that rule is breaking a royal decree, which has very serious consequences," Luna explained.

"Oh boohoo. What a bore," The Joker went up to Luna and leaned nearer to her, his monstrous smile close to her muzzle. "You should really chill out more Loonypoo."

"Don't call me that," Luna angrily commanded.

"What? You don't want me to call you what Loonypoo?"

"You know what."

"I just don't know what you mean Loonypoo,"

Luna knew he was egging her on, but his irritating nature was getting the better of her. "I'm only going to tell you one more time. Do, not, call, me, Loonypoo."

"Ah, so that's what you don't want me to call you. Sure thing... Loonypoo!" Before he could utter a chuckle the Joker was violently knocked backwards by a force of telepathic energy.

He was struggling against a wall, his muscles being squeezed tremendously by an invisible force. Luna's horn glowed blue, her eyes glaring at the still smiling clown.

"Luna! Let him go this instant!" Celestia cried out to her sister, a commanding edge in her voice. Realizing what her sister was saying, Luna released her telepathic hold on the Joker. He fell to the floor, laughing and coughing simultaneously.

"Haha *cough* heh. What did I *cough* tell you about that temper *cough* Loonypoo."

Before she could retort with a comeback, her sister's scowling face silenced her. "S-sister, I-I can explain!"

"There is no excuses for this Luna. You deliberately hurt him. He's the first representative from an entirely new species. Had this been a Minotaur, Griffon, or even a Zebra, it would've been seen as an act of war. Is that what you want Luna? Starting a war that could potentially kill thousands of soldiers and citizens just because your temper gets the better of you."

Luna hung her head, small tears forming in her eyes. "Please, Tia, I'm sorry. Forgive me."

"It's the Joker you should be asking for forgiveness. Injuring him over something as trivial as a nickname is uncalled for. This is something a Princess doesn't do," Celestia turned her back to her sister. "In fact, until you learn how to act like a proper leader of Equestria, you will not be attending the Gala."

"But Tia!"

"No buts Luna!"

"Too late for that Celly!" the Joker interrupted. He was lucky that neither sister heard that outburst.

"The last time you went to a social gathering was Nightmare Night, and you nearly shut down the holiday. You need to get under control to better present yourself to the citizens of Equestria that you are worthy of the title Princess. Until that happens, not going to the Gala for you."

Luna would have argued further, but she knew from Celestia's cold gaze that there was no point. "Very well sister," she whispered, trying in vain to keep the waterworks at bay.

Celestia's gaze warmed a bit to see her sister this sad and downcast, but she had to stick with her decision. Luna would learn from it, and hopefully an event like this won't happen again.

"And as for you," Celestia said to the Joker, who was smiling more than usual, if that's even possible, at Luna's misery. "I have half a mind to ban you from the Gala also."

The Joker's pupils grew until they filled his eyeball, and his lip quivered. "But Celly, I worked so hard with Pinkie to make the Gala super fantastically fun! Plus, my big debut into Equestrian stardom is during the Gala!"

Seeing how pathetic the Joker looked, Celestia sighed and rubbed her forehead with the feather of her wings. "Fine, you can go. I already have media attending, so there's no point in getting their hopes up. But I don't want anymore nightly walks without a guard present."

The Joker's mood picked back up and he saluted Celestia and shouted, "You gots it boss!"

"Ugh, if you two don't mind, I'm going back to sleep. Raising the sun calls for me to get up early." In a brilliant flash of light she disappeared, leaving the crestfallen Luna and clearly joyful Joker all alone.

Getting up and stretching his sore muscles, he stood before Luna. "That sure was an interesting turn of events, wouldn't you say-"

"Shut up Joker! I'm already in enough trouble because of you! I don't need assault within an inch of life added onto that!"

The Joker held his hands up in defeat. "Testy tonight aren't we. Well, I'll be off. Have a big party tomorrow to get ready for. Not like you'll be there."

It took all of Luna's willpower to keep her hoof from pounding his big toothy grin. He sauntered casually down the hall, but before he turned the corner leading to his room, he displayed one last grin to Luna. "Here's something you have to look forward to. After the party, if you've been a good girl, I'll maybe get you a piece of cake."

He laughed all the way back to his room, the echoes of his laughter haunting Luna's mind.

Chapter 4: Gala Crasher

Ooh, looks like things are finally getting interesting.

You're planning something sneaky, aren't you?

My simple minded boy, what ever do you mean? Me, planning something sneaky? Why, I would never.

That's a lie and you know it.

And now you're calling me a liar! I'm hurt, deeply hurt at what you really think of me. And here I thought *sob* we were friends.

We are friends! It's just... sorry Joker. It was wrong of me to accuse you like that.

Glad to hear it Bob!

My name isn't Bob.

And my name isn't McJagger. But just we can't have everything in life , now can we Marty?

My name isn't... never mind. You're obviously not listening.

I do it because I don't care.

Has anyone every told you you're an asshole?

Multiple times Taco. But I always get payback by sticking whatever I have at hand up their anus. Good times, good times.

You are a sick individual. And why Taco?

I don't know what ethnicity you are. So I'm just running on guesses here, plus I have a hankering for some Mexican food.

That's racist.

Whatever you say Wang.

So now you want Chinese food?

Actually Japanese. I but I guess I can go for some grilled dog.

That's it, I'm going to stop this before you insult anyone else.

Hey, what do you call a bus full of white people? A twinkie! Hahahahahahaahah!

The day has finally arrived. The Grand Galloping Gala, the most exclusive and spectacular social event of the year, is running in full swing. Nobility brushed hooves with celebrities, the rich discussing topics with the successful, and the powerful ate little finger sandwiches with the influential. A riveting field of engrossing subjects such as espionage, politics, fashion, and even who was secretly fucking who was talked here.

Pinkie's preparation was met with a big success, which surprised Twilight to no end. Bright, colorful banners adorned the halls, along with a multitude of streamers hanging from the ceiling. Balloons galore could be seen everywhere, each with a cheerful smile face on it. Cheesy pony games were also in great abundance, with huge lines of nobles waiting to try them out. It was very much a party for a 'six year old girl', but the aristocrats of one of the most prominent countries in the world were loving the heck out of it.

The answer Twilight was looking for was soon answered when her brother appeared next to her. "Enjoying the party Twily?" Shining Armor asked his worried sister.

Twilight shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. "Yeah, sure Shining. What I don't understand is why all the nobles are liking it."

Shining smiled. "You can thank my wedding for that. After Pinkie threw that one, the stuck ups couldn't wait to get another taste. I guess there's something appealing about letting loose and acting like a kid again."

A conga line quickly formed on the dance floor, led by none other than the premier party pony herself, Pinkie. "Yeah, I can see what you mean."

"So Shining, you looking after 'you know who'?" Twilight asked her brother.

Shining frowned slightly, clearly not keen for the particular someone. "Unfortunately, no. He's been preparing all day for this party, and he says I distract him too much, so he has a different set of guards on him."

"You don't seem too happy about that," Twilight noted.

"Of course I'm not happy! Who knows what that maniac has up his sleeve. This is why I asked Cadence not to come to the Gala. I don't want anything to happen to her. Which is why I'm going to ask you again-"

"No Shining, I'll stay. If I can handle Nightmare Moon, Discord, and Chrysalis, then there's nothing this human can throw at me that I haven't dealt with before."

"Is that why you told Spike he couldn't come?"

Twilight scowled at her brother. "I said I can handle it. I don't want Spike in any possible dangerous situations."

"So you don't trust the human!" Shining exclaimed eagerly.

"I wouldn't say I don't trust him," Twilight began to explain. "It's just that something is... off about him."

"What was your first clue? The make up? Or maybe it was the hair? Wait, no, it would have to be the clothes."

"Haha, very funny,"Twilight interrupted.

"Heeeeeeyyyyyy you guys! Why aren't you on the dance floor?" asked Pinkie Pie, who mysteriously snuck up on them by popping out of a punch bowl next to the duo.

"We just don't feel like it," Twilight calmly replied.

"That's not the partying spirit! You need to get your groove thang down there!" the pink pony shouted, shaking her plot like no tomorrow.

Twilight facehoofed at her friend's blatant show of her ass in front of her brother, who turned his blushing face away from the arousing dance. "Pinkie, remember the last time I 'shook my groove thang'? I looked like a total fool."

Pinkie waved her hoof and rolled her eyes. "Oh come one Twilight, you wren't that bad. All you need to do is let loose, dance like a moose, and drink some of this juice!" Pinkie handed her a cup of sweet smelling liquid. "I heard alcohol usually helps with dancing! Plus, this is Joker's special brew! It tastes super fantastic!"

Twilight stared skeptically at the red juice in the cup, but after Pinkie wouldn't stop gawking at her, she took a sip. She was surprised at its wondrous flavor. It was like a mix of pineapple and strawberries, super sweet, yet not off putting at all. While Twilight wasn't usually a drinker, she gladly began to guzzle her cup, and acquired seconds immediately. It looked like the nobles also had a fondness for the drink, with nearly all the party goers having had seconds or thirds of the wondrous concoction.

However, Shining wasn't partaking in the sipping of alcoholic beverages, instead glaring in suspicion at his cup like it contained poison. "Oh lighten up Shining," sneered a now slightly buzzed Twilight. "Its a party. Have some fun!"

Still pouting, he shrugged his shoulders and downed the entire glass in one go. Smiling from the effects of alcohol hitting his bloodstream, he seemed much more relaxed.

On her second one, Twilight noticed something strange. A faint aftertaste, but she couldn't put her hoof on it. It tasted familiar was all she could deduce. Before she could further figure out what it was, she noticed Princess Celestia moodily sulking near the dessert cart. Upon closer glance one could see two entire triple decker cakes were reduced to a few crumbles and stray icing. A third cake was about to the join its comrades as Celestia hastily gobbled it up in a very unprincess like manner.

"Um, Princess, why are you devouring all these cakes," Twilight curiously asked her depressed mentor.

The Princess ceased her gluttonous eating, only for tears to form in her violet eyes. "Oh Twilight, just feel awful for the way I treated Luna. She was so looking forward to the Gala, but now she's just sulking in her room, refusing to speak to me. It's just like last time," Celestia peered into the distance, recalling memories that made her shiver.

"Princess, it isn't you fault," Twilight began.

"Yes it is!" cried Celestia. "I was too hard on her! I'm going to go over to her right now and tell her she can go to the Gala. Hopefully then she'll forgive me."

Glancing at a elegantly made clock on the wall, Twilight shook her head. "I'm afraid that will have to wait your majesty. The Joker is about to make his appearance."

Celestia nodded to her student. "You're right Twilight. I'll go to Luna after the Joker is done showing off."

The Princess departed from the dessert cart, not before staring the final cake longingly. After wiping the last of the frosting from her mouth, she took center stage on the balcony overseeing the ballroom, so all ponies may see her. "Attention loyal citizens," she bellowed, adopting the Royal Canterlot voice, although at a much weaker sound than her sister liked to use. "You are here today to celebrate the Grand Galloping Gala, one of the greatest and most highly held traditional parties in Equestrian history. But many of you are also here to know what special guest we have staying with us in the palace."

Reporters eagerly grinned and prepared their cameras, many of them having gained entrance into the Gala from the influence of their respective news stations. So far it wasn't known who the special guest was, only that it arrived a couple of days ago and was a tightly kept secret. Reports as outlandish as illegitimate royal children from a secret lover of the Princess was circling through the press, but now was the chance to know for sure.

Soon everyone was in the ballroom, many ponies such as the Wonderbolts having abandoned their VIP area in the garden to hear the exciting news. Finally, with a grand flourish of hoof pointing at the doors at the opposite end of the balcony, Celestia shouted, "Well here he is! The human known as the Joker!"

The band started playing a catchy tune, personally selected by the Joker himself for some strange reason.

The doors opened with a resounding crash, caused by a sharp pointed shoe that kicked them open. Brandishing his show stopping smile, he yelled to the crowd of fancily attired ponies, "Hello Canterlot! Are you ready to rock?" Two fingers at opposite ends of his end were pointed upward as his arm was lifted to the heavens.

Pretty much everypony had their mouth agape, some even comically reaching the floor. This was the most unexpected thing anyone could have expected. Now ain't that a contradiction!

Seeing that his show stopping smile actually stopped the show, he decided to take a more subtle approach. "Hey now, I thought this was a party! And these are supposed to be some party ponies!" he skipped down the empty red carpet leading to the balcony and began to interact with the shocked ponies.

"Some pretty flowers for a pretty face," he crooned to an tastefully dressed mare, a colorful bouquet of flowers appearing from inside his sleeve. The mare graciously accepted the flowers and nearly fainted from the sheer amount of class the Joker had.

Stopping near a group of young aristocrats, he pointed to a photographer and shouted, "Hey, you!"

"M-me?" the photographer nervously asked.

"Who else? Mind taking a picture of me and my friends?" The photographer hesitantly nodded. Crouching down to be on the same level of the confused ponies, he reached his lankly arms out and pulled the group in a suffocating hold. Smiling cheerfully, the group of ponies followed suit, for fear of what he'd do if they didn't comply. After the flash of the picture he departed, the group even more confused than before.

The crowd of earlier flabbergasted ponies were beginning to warm up now that they saw the Joker's spontaneous and overall jolly nature. The press even began to take more pictures of him. Recognizing the alluring flash of a camera, which he exceptionally relished back on Earth, he confronted the media ponies. "Please, get my good side," He turned around repeatedly in circles, switching from one outlandish pose to the next. The press was eating it up.

"Everybody conga!" he boomed suddenly, Pinkie the first to join his impromptu line of dancers. Soon nearly everypony in the ballroom were, in Pinkie's own words, shaking their groove thangs. Meanwhile Princess Celestia, Twilight, and Shining were absolutely astonished that the Joker could get an entire room of people that weren't his own species to openly dance and be comfortable around him in only a matter of minutes.

Withdrawing from the conga line, he took center stage on the balcony, a spot light shining on him. He took a couple of graceful bows to the multitude of ponies, who were now applauding their hooves on the ground and whistling. The cameras never stopped flashing, the news story of a lifetime running rampant on the press' mind.

Waiting for the applause and shouts of approval to die down, he produced a handkerchief from the front pocket of his jacket and wiped his forehead. "I sure wasn't lying about you guys being party ponies! I could barley keep up! But seriously folks, you all are awesome! Never a better welcoming party than the one you have here!" The ponies whooped and hollered ecstatically.

"And as a show of my admiration for you all, I have a very special surprise!" The nobles oohed loudly, excited to see what the surprise will be. The Joker reached into a hidden pocket of his jacket, producing a simple remote switch. He pressed the tempting red button, and what followed was complete fear overtaking all the ponies in the room.

Hidden steel grills rolled down over down over all windows, blocking the moonlight entering the room. Loud audible clicks could be heard from the closed doors, with banging on the other side indicating they were locked. Panic began to set in, with ponies trying in vain to break through the doors while the Wonderbolts attempted to escape through the steel grills, with no result. All the while the Joker laughed demonically, taking in great pleasure from the chaos he was creating.

"Hahahahahaha! Hey, don't leave yet! You'll forget your goodie bags! Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Another click of the detonator revealed that the candles on each of the tables in the ballroom were actually cleverly disguised gas canisters, with a strange green smoke slightly pouring out of them.

Suddenly the Joker was pulled of his feet, the detonator falling from his grip. Princess Celestia was furious, which was evident from the fiery glow of her horn that enveloped the Joker in a strangle hold of magic. "Joker, what is the meaning of this?" she shouted, the entire room rumbling from her voice.

The Joker's face was turning from his natural bleached white to a dark blue as he clutched his neck, so the Princess released some of the pressure on the clown so he talk. "There *cough* isn't any *cough* meaning for this. I just *cough* did it for shits and giggles," he chocked out.

"Well, you're going to stop it immediately! Release the locks on the doors at once!"

"Awe, looks like someone didn't get the joke. Here, maybe this will make you chuckle a bit!" Before Celestia could react the Joker pressed a concealed button under his jacket, causing the flower on his suit to spray the Princess directly in the face with a greenish yellow cloud.

The Joker was violently shaken by the now even more pissed of Celestia. "Why you vile little man! I'm going to be- heh, I'm going to- heh ho ho, I'm go- heh heh ho ha ha ha heh- hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" The Princess was on the ground now, laughing like a madmare as the crowd momentarily ceased their escape attempts.

The Joker too was on the ground, the Princess's magical hold on him gone. Dusting his suit off, he picked up his detonator while the Princess continued to laugh louder and louder, until she was silenced by bubbling drool that filled her unnaturally huge smile. Her face was now a near Equis impersonation of the Joker's, her now red eyes bulging out of her skull and her smile the same sickly yellow like his own.

"Princess!" Twilight cried out, falling to her mentors side to see if she was alright. She was still breathing, but her heart was going at what felt like ten beats per second. Shaking in anger, she confront the Joker, her horn glowing. Her own brother joined her, their duel magic an incredible threat. The Joker just glanced at them, and gave a sharp bark of a laugh. "Don't even bother. You're powerless to stop me now."

Both Shining and Twilight concentrated huge amounts of their magic to subdue the maniac clown, but their horns only glowed dimly and sparked. Many unicorns around the room also realized their own magic was't working, when they tried to teleport the heck out of there. Then it hit Twilight why their magic wash't working.

"That potion," she whispered.

"Looks like Twinkles here figured out the answer! I spiked the punch bowl!" he taunted. The potion Twilight taught the clown for reducing a unicorns magic was used against her and the rest of the ponies in the room. She should have guessed from the oddly familiar flavor she tasted, but she never put two and two together. Until it was too late.

The Joker returned to the spotlight, all the ponies staring at him in fear. "Now wasn't that fun?" he sarcastically asked the terrorized crowd.

"As you can all see from your Princess, she's not looking too good right now," he merrily pointed to the prone form of Celestia on the ground. "But don't fret my little ponies, she's going to be A-okay, after her face muscles relax. But I'm afraid I can't say the same for you all."

He paced back and forth on the balcony stage, hundreds of frightened eyes following his every move. "What your Princess got was a low dose of Joker Gas, a toxic chemical the painfully kills the victim after a good laughing session. As of right now there's enough gas in this room to kill everyone, and then some for some added fun," the Joker beamed to them all, the deep level of his depravity sinking into them.

"This can all be avoided with one simple task. Handing over any cash, jewelry, or expensive doohickies, to me," The nobles were at an outcry, their inner greediness not handing one bit over. The Joker turned his back to the angry mob and raised the hand holding the detonator. "Then I guess you all want to die with a smile on your face?"

The mob went silent, sweat pouring down their anxious faces. The Joker turned back to them and smirked deviously, his lips pulled back to their full extent to reveal his foul teeth. "I thought so. Muhahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha!"

Author's Note

Play this during the Joker's entrance for added effect.

Chapter 5: Canterlot Racers

Finally getting to the good stuff! Took you long enough, kiddo.

I didn't want to rush it.

And that's why you don't have a girlfriend.

Wait, how does... you dirty little bastard!

Bahahahahaha! Oh Bobby, you're just too easy!

Just like your mom.

BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Why are you shouting that if you're the butt of the joke?

Pfffft, you said butt. Hahahaha!

I've met ten year olds more mature than you.

And isn't that great! While you pout like an uptight old man, I'll still be that adorable clown that no one can resist.

Ugh, I need new friends.

Like that's ever going to happen.

Can't you ever offer any words of encouragement for once?

Nah. Messing with you is just too much fun!

Just my luck I decided to write a crossover with a madman.

Which is why I brought booze! Take your pick! We got's scotch, whiskey, tequila, and I little something I like to call Lucky No. 7.

Why do you call it Lucky No. 7?

Because only seven people have lived after tasting this drink. If you survive I can call it Lucky No. 8!

Uh, I think I'm good.

Don't knock it till you try it. But seriously though, don't knock on it, because the resulting explosion will probably kill us.

... Pass me the tequila.

Fiesta Time! Andale Andale!

"That's right, hurry it up! The longer you take the itchier my button pushing finger gets!" the Joker shouted joyfully to the long line of depressed ponies in front of him. In one hand he clutched a small detonator with his thumb just inches over the shiny red button; in the other he held a giant sack with the word 'Swag' on it, which was quickly being filled by the valuables of the rich folk.

Stallions grudgingly relinquished their high class monocles, golden cufflinks, any spare bits, and priceless hand- I mean hoof- made watches. The ladies, however, were much more difficult with handing over their exorbitant jewelry and over priced bling. Many were bawling their eyes out, mascara running down their dejected faces.

"Please, no!" begged a simply dressed mare that seemed to be a middle class citizen instead of a high class member. Resting in her shaking hoof was an exquisitely jeweled necklace; red sapphires along with gold topaz overlain over a beautifully encrusted golden necklace design. "This was my grandmother's. This is all I have to remember her by."

The Joker snatched the necklace out of the mare's hoof, grinning evilly. "Now you can remember the time I stole your dead grandmother's necklace. Enjoy the memory," While the mare cried her eyes out the Joker continued to collect valuables from the crowd.

Twilight, along with a furious Shining Armor, sat by Celestia's side, whose condition seemed to have stabilized. The mad grin was still plastered on her face, despite the fact she she stopped wheezing for each breath, but her unblinking yellow ringed eyes and persistent drooling still worried the two.

"Twily," Shining began, "this is all my fault. If I had only kept a better eye on that maniac, then none of this would have happened."

"No Shining, it's my fault," Twilight said to her brother. "I was the one who taught him the potion that made us powerless."

"Actually, this is all my fault," interrupted a downcast Pinkie Pie.

"What are you talking about Pinkie?" asked a curious Twilight.

"Well, the reason the windows are blocked was because I thought the Joker was going to cover them with shades so he can do a puppet show for everypony. And for the doors, he told me he was installing a new locks so no one would steal the cake."

"And you believed him!" yelled Shining.

Pinkie's lower lip quivered and her puffy hair fell straight down. "B-but there w-was going to be a p-puppet show and everyone w-was g-going to have a fun time..." Finally she gave into her emotions and silently sobbed while tears raced down her face.

Twilight went to her friend and tried to comfort her by patting her back. "You didn't have to yell at her," Twilight said, glaring at Shining.

Shining attempted to argue, but he soon realized it was useless. The trio sat in silence next to their fallen Princess, hopelessness falling over them.

"Well, that was fun!" The ponies' ears perked up at the sound of the Joker's voice. Swinging the now full bag of 'Swag' over his shoulder, he made his way with a mirthful bounce in his step to the trio. "What's the matter folks? Not enjoying the party?" he asked, laughing loudly.

Shining got up and growled, but a gentle hoof on his shoulder from Twilight stopped him. "How could you, Joker?" asked Twilight. "We give you hospitality, understanding, and friendship. What I don't understand is why you would throw that all away for some trinkets and bits."

"You wanna know why I did it," the Joker said, wagging his index finger. "Because I can! Hahahahahahahaha!" The confused looks from all three ponies only brought more laughter to the Joker. "You obviously haven't known me long enough to get that. Whenever I go to a party, this happens!"

"Seriously? Every party you attend you mug everybody?" Twilight asked.

"Not all the time. Sometimes I bomb the place, put poison in the cake, go in there guns ablazing, and I even dropped a lion in one time to see who would last the longest. It sure wasn't the tubby ones, I can tell you that! Hahahahaahahah!"

Revulsion filled each pony, but the Joker took no notice and kept on laughing. Turning to the crowd, the Joker gave a bow. "I must thank you all for a truly spectacular night! Out of all my hostage crowds, you have been the must compliant! I didn't even have to bludgeon anyone! So, it is with a heavy heart that I must depart, with a rhyme to boot!"

"Not so fast!" shouted a fast moving rainbow streak. The streak landed in front of the Joker, revealing itself as an enraged Rainbow Dash. "You have nowhere to go Joker!"

"Actaully, my exit is right there!" he said, pointing his thumb behind himself to the open balcony doors.

"That's not what I mean! You can't possibly escape fast enough with that giant sack of loot!"

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong my gay rights mane colored friend. For I have my golden ticket outta here!" Flipping the detonator over revealed another button, this one a light blue. Pressing it caused every pony in the room to jump in fear and run towards the walls to avoid the gas. But instead of the toxic gas being released, a different event happened entirely.

A large square panel in the middle of the balcony floor opened up, and a vehicle rose out of its depths. It resembled somewhat of the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 the girls saw when the Flim Flam brothers visited Ponyville. Althought this one was much smaller, less flashy and more sleek, and colored purple. The biggest change would have to be a giant smiling clown's face closely resembling the Joker's on the front of the locomotive.

"Ain't she a beaut? Finished her up in only a couple of days with a limited amount of parts, and in secret too! None the less, I got's ta go! So long suckers!" The Joker hopped into the front seat and activated the strange vehicle, smoke pouring out of its numerous pipes. Giving one last laugh he drove off the balcony, crashing through the hand- dammit, hoof rails and falling to the fast approaching ground.

Everypony gave a gasp of surprise, but were even more shocked when they saw the Joker's vehicle floating downward with parachutes. Grinding her teeth in anger, Dash levitated high above the ground to address the crowd of agitated ponies. "We can't let him get away! We need to capture that psychopath before he can cause anymore trouble. Wonderbolts, follow me!"

Before Dash could fly off in chase of the Joker, a tug from her tail told her Applejack was once again holding her back. "Hold it sugarcube," Applejack said through a mouthful of rainbow hair. "We still got all these ponies to get outta here. We just can't abandon them!"

"That's right Applejack," Twilight trotted next to the orange pony. "The Wonderbolts will be preoccupied flying ponies to the ground, before the Joker's gas bombs set off."

The Wonderbolts eagerly nodded and prepared for the duty of flying a huge group of nobles down to the ground in a short amount of time. A difficult task, even for Equestria's top notch flying force.

Dash pulled herself out of Applejack's grip and flew out the door, not before shouting over her shoulder, "I got to stop him! You guys deal with the crowd!" She was already hot on the Joker's trail before her friends could stop her.

"I hope she'll be okay," Twilight said.

A hoof wrapped around her shoulder, Applejack giving Twilight a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Ah'm sure she'll be fine Twi. The Joker is the one you should be worried bout. When that mare gets her hooves on em, kablamo!"

Twilight was comforted slightly by her friends words. But the sudden sound of emergency alarms all across the palace and city only heightened her fear.

"Oh, what a wonderful night for a drive!" the Joker cried, running over everything in his path. Even though the biggest social event of the year was taking place, many ponies still went out on a fun night of their own if they didn't have the connections to get into the Gala. Unlucky for them, they decided to go out when a deranged psychotic clown decided to go for a midnight drive. Blood was splattered along the car's grinning face.

"Hold it Joker!" yelled Dash, having finally caught up with the clown. Even in the dull light of the moon her rainbow streak glowed brilliantly and trailed behind her beautifully.

"Well this has definitely gotten more fun! Time to up the playing fields! Time to be..." The Joker stuck a fake pencil moustache on his face, and began twirling it wickedly. "Dastardly! Muhahahahahahahaha!"

Reaching into one of the pockets of his jacket, he pulled out an oversized gun with a boxing glove attached to the end. He pulled the trigger, which caused the boxing glove to shoot out at incredible speeds at the approaching mare.

Rainbow Dash was astonished that a boxing glove of all things was about to make a painful impact with her face, but at the last second she used her superior speed to dodge it. "Ha, is that all you got you stupid clown!" Dash boasted.

"Looks like you didn't get the punchline!" the Joker shouted back. Dash was baffled at what the Joker meant, but a crash from the back of her head answered instead. The boxing glove hit Dash in the back of her noggin on the way back to its spring on the Joker's gun. Dash lay in the streets, knocked out cold.

Suddenly a sound could be heard from the palace. Alarms were being rung, trumpets could be heard, and shortly afterward an entire platoon of pegasi could be seen over the city.

The platoon of pagasi quickly discovered the Joker's location, his fast moving locomotive a big eye sore in the empty streets. The platoon dropped down to street level, only a couple of yards behind the Joker. "Looks like they want to ruin my fun. Can't have any of that!" the Joker yelled, pulling down a long switch next to his seat. Black oil spilled from a compartment on the back of the vehicle, the toxic smelling residue spreading across the street. Of course, the pegasi were unaffected since they hovered over the oil's path.

"When in doubt, burn it to the ground! Hahahahahahahahaha!" the Joker laughed, a lighter already lit in is hand. Throwing it up in the air, it spun around and around until it landed in the crude inky black oil. It immediately lit up, the Joker's trail now ablaze and causing the pegasi to abandon their ground based position. Already homes and store fronts were in flames, with the road a literal highway to hell.

"Some men just want to watch the world burn! Bwahahahahahahaha!" the Joker's maniacal laughter was cut off when he saw the exit to the city. Which was blocked by at least fifty troops, most unicorns with their horns glowing brightly with magic.

"Oh this will never do," the Joker said, standing up from his seat. "A welcoming party and not a smile to be found. I know how to fix that," Reaching into the bottomless pocket of his pants, he hauled a giant bazooka out and rested it on his shoulder. "Enjoy the gift kiddies! Its been hand wrapped just for you!"

The bazooka went off, an huge rocket with a familiar face painted on it flying in the air to the patrol. Guards jumped out of the way while others tried to erect force fields, but these stood no chance to the rocket's explosive power. Passing the broken patrol of guards, the Joker was in the clear, having made it past the city gates. That is, until a dazzling purple light destroyed his locomotive.

The Joker was head first in some dirt, his getaway vehicle now a charred scrap heap. The sound of hoofs on the ground soon ended near Joker's face. A magical force lifted him in the air, where he was face to face with a clearly pissed of Princess of the Moon, Luna. The Joker hastily placed a pair of dorky reading glasses on his face and asked, "You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?"

The hoof connecting painfully with his grinning face that crushed the glasses was a suitable answer. Next was the lack of oxygen to his lungs, likely the result of Luna's magic chocking his neck. But this mattered not to the Joker, for he laughed all the same. Even when chocking he laughs, the only one getting the gag.

The Princess wanted to keep up the pressure, make his eyes bulge out and his laughter to finally end, but she knew she couldn't take that final step. Not yet anyway.

The telekinetic hold on his neck was released and the Joker could finally speak again. "Temper temper Loonypoo *cough*, what would Celestia say *cough* about this? Evidently nothing of course *cough*, since she isn't in the talking mood right about *hack*!" Luna was once again strangling the clown, blood running down from his nose and mouth.

After a good minute of wringing his thin neck, Luna teleported to the palace. There she was met by multiple guards who took one look at the laid Joker and leveled every spear they had inches away from his face. "Well if it isn't the troopers. Gave you a real scare for your money there, didn't I? Hahahahahaha!" the Joker said.

"Shut it Joker!" Luna decreed, lifting him off the floor and too her eyes. "You better pray my sister is okay, or else I'll put you through a fate far worse than death."

"We're going to get married?" the Joker hopefully asked.

Luna chose to ignore this statement and instead dragged him down a hallway with two unicorn guards trailing to a giant wooden door. Opening the door revealed a set of dark steps leading to a dungeon of some kind. Walking down the spiral staircase with the Joker still floating along, they finally reached the dungeon floor.

Luna walked past each cell block, the dungeon surprisingly clean and neat. Choosing the cell at the very end of the room, she threw the Joker in, his back smacking the mortar wall. Struggling to his feet, he was whisked upward. Chains attached to the wall sprung out and cuffs locked together on his wrists. He slumped down, his bottom hitting the ground and his arms unmoving.

"You'll stay nice and tight right here. After Celestia recovers and your mess is cleaned up, we will both personally deal with you. It won't be pleasant," Turning to the two unicorn guards she says, "I want you two posted outside the dungeon door at all times. No one comes in or out. Got it?"

Both unicorns saluted and shouted, "Yes your majesty!"

Luna gave one more hateful glare at the Joker, but was unable to distinguish his expression since it was hidden in shadows, so she left with the guards. Before departing, she said over her shoulder to the prone clown, "Have a pleasant night Joker, in an unescapable cell awaiting trial for the multiple crimes you committed. I'll make sure you pay, if it's the last thing I do," Soon it was just the Joker left, all alone in his cell. And hidden in the shadows was his ghastly grin spreading all across his face.

The words unescapable cell reverberated in his twisted mind. He pulled lightly on the chains and stared at the door. "Too easy," he whispered, the smile of demonic delight never leaving his face.

Chapter 6: Breaking Out With A Plan

You slimy weasel!

Actually, I'm a sponge.

Hey, I'm the only one who makes jokes around here! And this one isn't funny!

What is it now?

Just when things were going my way, you shove me in the slammer! And by a frickin' pony!

Princess Luna is technically an alicorn.

I don't care if she's the fucking tooth fairy! No two bit colorful horse can ever beat the Joker!

Well, people seem to like the story so far. Over two thousand views and one hundred likes.

You've got to be kidding me. Hey, idiots reading this story! What's wrong with you guys? Are your lives really so boring that you read shitty fanfiction just to pass the time?

Joker, these people are your fans. I'm pretty sure the only reason they're reading this is because of you.

Oh, in that case read this story or else I'll stab you in your throat!

Can't you go five minutes without stabbing someone?

Of course I can! Four minutes ago I beat this homeless guy to death with his own dismembered limbs!

That's not what I meant-

And now I'm shoving this puppy down an orphan's throat!

You have a problem.

In that case, let me use math to solve it! Time to go pummel my first grade teacher with this algebra book!

Why do I even bother with you anymore?

Because you love me!

Please stop hugging me.

Shh, shh. Don't speak.

I *cough* can't breathe...

So now you can't talk! Problem solved!

Five minutes. That was how long it took the Joker to break out of his cuffs and cell. Not his most impressive time, but okay none the less. Compared to Arkham the dungeon was a walk in the park.

After picking the locks of his cuffs with a lockpick he keeps hidden in his sleeve (a very useful item in the path of crime), he easily got out of his cell by simply spray some acid on the rusty locks. Out of his cell, he still had the job of getting out of the dungeon.

Climbing merrily up the steps two at a time, he stopped and listened intently behind the thick oak doors.

"Can you believe that Joker chump, thinking he could take on the Princesses?" said a rather loud mouthed guard.

"Yeah, but didn't he poison Celestia or somethin'?" asked a clearly empty skulled one.

A hard smack could be heard. "Shut up you nitwit! If the other guards heard you say that, we'd be in trouble! The Princess is fine and that's all we need to know."

The dumb guard grumbled, but soon settled into the monotonous schedule of guard duty.

"Ha, duty," the Joker silently whispered, a perverted smile playing on his face.

Bringing his sharp loafer back, he kicked the doors squarely in the middle. The doors bucked open from the force of the hit, the two guard ponies stumbling backwards to avid the swinging oak entranceway. Suddenly both the guards felt a constricting grip around their necks, and were lifted in the air. The psychotically grinning Joker laughed madly at their pathetic attempts to dislodge his hands.

"While I appreciate the wonderful job you two dolts are doing, your assistance is no longer required. Why don't you take a break?" The Joker brought both of hands together in a clap, the guards' helmets crashing into each other into a loud ring like a bell. Both guards slumped down to the ground, unconscious with huge bruises they'd definitely feel in the morning.

The Joker heaved their unconscious bodies over his shoulder, having had a long amount of practice in this field. Descending the dungeon steps yet again, he threw both of their bodies in the nearest cell he could find. However, he noticed how displaced they were on the floor.

"Oh, this will never do. Gotta make sure you two are comfortable," he kicked one of the guards on his back and hauled the other one on top the other. Now both guards' faces were touching each other, their lips locked together in sleep and their bodies placed in... inappropriate positions. That's right folks, immaturity has a name, and it's name is the Joker.

Stifling a giggle, the Joker departed the dungeon and sneaked across the halls of the palace, avoiding guard patrols and servants. Luckily for the Joker, the guards were busy with the job of cleaning up his rampage through the city and the servants were occupied with the influx of terrified royals. It was truly the perfect time for a getaway.

Having stayed in the palace for a couple of days, the Joker had mapped out its entire layout inside his mind. You know, for situations such as this. But an escape would have to wait. The Joker had some more important things to deal with. Such as spying!

Finally arriving at the infirmary that was holding the paralyzed Celestia, the Joker snuck up to the door and opened it slightly to peek at the occupants of the room.

Celestia was sleeping on the bed, her terror stricken eyes finally closed and her mad grin relaxed. A heart monitor beeped continuously, while several other machines showed several other functions in her body. Princess Luna swayed on her hooves next to her sister, sweat lathering her fur and her horn glowing dimly. Twilight Sparkle and her brother Shining stood off to the side, both looking tired beyond belief.

"Princess, you have to rest. Celestia wouldn't want you exhausted like this," Twilight told Luna.

Luna shook her head tiredly. "I cannot, Twilight; my sister depends on me."

Shining took that moment to interrupt. "But Equestria depends on you Princess. We are in a time of great calamity right now; the citizens of Equestria need you!"

"You are right, Captain," Luna said. "Equestria needs a leader right now, and I shall take that responsibility. I need to know of any reports that have happened since the mishap at the Gala."

"Right away Princess!" Shining unrolled a scroll. "So far no deaths have been reported, although several injuries from citizens on the streets and third degree burns from pegasi guards have been noted. Fire damage on an entire block of Canterlot has been put out, and all ponies were evacuated from the area."

"Also on that point," Twilight cut in. "All party goers of the Gala have vacated the ballroom and none of the gas has leaked. Unicorn guards have constructed a temporary shield around the bombs' vicinity to keep in any gas that might be released. I will then accompany several other bomb disarming experts to get rid of the bombs immediately."

"You know how to disarm bombs?" Shining asked.

"Took a summer course on the subject. Always knew that it would come in handy."

"Thank you both," Luna said, fatigue nearly making her topple over. "Now I need to help with the injured."

Shining ran to her side before she tumbled, balancing her tall frame with his own. "But Princess, you nearly used up all your magic on healing Celestia! You can't keep on going like this."

"Like you said Captain, someone needs to lead us through this difficult time. I will do everything in my power to protect my citizens and guards, whether you want me to or not."

Shining definitely couldn't argue with the Princess, so he helped her to the door where she was able to find the strength to stand up on her hooves again. Gazing at her prone sister for a couple of seconds, she left through the door, the Joker hiding behind the door's dark shadow.

Twilight went up to Celestia and rested her head on her fallen teacher, sighing heavily. Shining stood next to her, and eventually coughed to break the silence. "Um, Twily, I think it would be best for you to-"

"No, Shining!" Twilight snapped to her brother. "I will not go back to Ponyville. I have a duty to the Princess as the Element of Magic. I won't fail her now... or ever again,"

"But Twilight, what about Spike?"

"He'll be fine," she responded. "He won't expect me until tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully by then I'll be back to explain this terrible event further with him. Until then, I have highly toxic bombs to disarm."

Shining knew better than to argue with his sister. In fact, he found that it was utterly useless to argue with a mare when she puts her mind to something. You would have guessed he'd find this out soon enough married, but some stallions take a little longer than others to realize the stubbornness of females.

Twilight left, but Shining remained, determined to stand by his leader's side all night. The Joker was briefly tempted with the idea of going in there and finishing off both ponies. Shining's magic was all but useless, and Celestia couldn't do much in the state she was in. It would be easy enough to slaughter both them in no time flat. He reached into his pocket and began to withdraw his favorite neck slicing switchblade.

"No, no, not yet," the Joker whispered to himself, releasing his grasp on his razor sharp weapon. "I have something special planned for those two. For now, Twilight and her friends will have to do. And I know the perfect place for this crackpot revenge scheme."

The Joker creeped down the empty halls, his destination already in mind. Soon enough he was there, the chambers of Twilight Sparkle herself. Always useful to figure out where one of of the victi- *ahem* ponies' rooms are.

Quickly picking the lock with ease, he entered the purple unicorn's private abode. It was exceptionally furnished, a room even a noble would gush at. Marble walls and floors, a plump and comfortable looking bed, golden chandelier, a wondrous view of Canterlot through the balcony, not to mention the five star bathroom with a steam shower. It truly was a room fit for a Princess, or at least her prized student.

With a devious laugh he skipped inside, making his way to her desk. On it were all means for a scholar to have a rocking good time; books, scrolls, and quills galore were laid before him. But he had a particular set of items in mind. Snatching an unused scroll and a freshly dipped quill, he began to scrawl a message, his writing exaggerated with each flourish of the quill. Finished, he tip toed to Twilight's bed, even though no one was sleeping in it tonight.

He placed the scroll gently on the pillow where the unicorn would usually rest her head, so it would certainly catch her eye if she was to enter her chambers. Chuckling with a child like glee, the Joker said to the empty room, "Oh, so much fun I have planned for today. So much fun! Hahahahahahahahahahha!"

"Ugh! I swear if I ever get my hooves on the Joker, I'll make him wish he'd come to our world in a dragon's lair instead!" Twilight complained, finally entering her room for much needed sleep after six hours of never ending work. Work that was the cause of a certain big mouthed clown.

It wasn't bad enough she had to disarm dozens of bombs in one night, but without her magic the process was even more monotonous and difficult. Add that with the fact she had to wear an extremely uncomfortable gas mask at all times and have a mob of guards watching her every move. A hellish evening for sure.

She didn't bother to fix her ruined mane, or take a much needed shower, or even remove her sweat stained Gala dress (Rarity will definitely freak about the laundry for this one). She beelined for her bed and dive bombed in it's soft plush fabric. When her head hit her pillow, however, she felt the familiar texture of paper instead.

Lifting her weary noggin, she examined the scroll attached to her face.

Dear Sparkle Butt,

I had a wonderful time at the Gala. The ponies, the music, and not to mention my ill gotten loot. Real shame that the evening had to end so quickly, but I would be delighted to attend next year. Anyway, I know you're a busy mare and all, so I'll cut to the chase. I recently broke out of the dungeon, which you should probably check on because the two guards I stuck in there are having rough and wild sex as we speak. Who knew you ponies had such an extraordinary vocabulary for the word ass. But back onto the matter on hand. Now that I'm out, I plan on having a party of my own, and what better place than Ponyville? After all, you all live there and have so many nice things to say about it. So when you get this letter hurry up for the hoedown! It will be at the library, so don't be late. I just know Spike will be so disappointed if you didn't show up.

Your delightful nemesis,

The Joker

PS: I took the liberty of spreading some itching powder on your bed. Enjoy!

Chapter 8: A Party Would Be Delightful: Part 2

Well, ain't that dandy! A two parter party just for me!

Yeah, I hope you'll enjoy it, Joker. Also, I moved it to a three parter.

You bet I'll enjoy a triple chapter about me! I'm already getting my suit ready and my bag of tricks full of fun!

You're not going to kill everyone.

Aw, come on! What's the point of bringing this camera and axe then?

I'm afraid to ask why.

Other than being a ruthless criminal mastermind, I enjoy photographing the depictions of death of my victims. Usually I just chop of their heads and mess with their faces. Here I have a man looking moderately surprised. And here is a woman who looks constipated.

It scares me that I'm no longer shocked at how depraved you can be.

That means we're bonding! Ohh, you can help me stuff flowers in their eyeballs for my spring time photo event!

I think I'm good.

You're no fun! It's always "No Joker, I will not help you hide that, body" or "No Joker, I will not burn this bag of evidence for you." And you call yourself a friend.

I enjoy not being in jail more than being your friend.

That hurts. It hurts me that you would rather hold on to something as petty as personal freedom than help out your good buddy. And you call yourself a brony.

You don't even know what that means!

Hey, I have urban dictionary too you know! Now, if you don't mind, I have to sharpen my axe! Good day, sir!

Why the hell do you keep an axe in your pocket?

I said good day!

Present

"Rarity! Wake up already!" Twilight shouted, pounding furiously on the dressmaker's door. The door slammed open and a pissed off looking Rarity. The fact she was garbed in her bathrobe and her face was covered in a weird creme offset any intimidation she might have been going for, however.

"Twilight, what is the meaning of all this ruckus at this hour? Some of us are trying to get our beauty sleep."

"Then ya'll might want a beauty coma instead," said a smug Applejack from behind Twilight's back. Joining her was a very tired Fluttershy and an energetic as always Pinkie Pie.

Arching an eyebrow, Rarity asked, "Is there any particular reason we're all awake right now? Slumber party, zombie invasion, somepony needs to go to the bathroom?"

"Much worse than that! Much, much worse!" Twilight yelled, while continuously scratching her mane and coat.

Leaning over to Applejack, Rarity whispers, "Did Twilight lose her mind again? Like that one time with the doll and stuff?"

Rolling her eyes, Applejack replies, "Nah, it's just that the Joker escaped from the dungeon. That's all she told us so far."

Rarity's eyes bulged out and she gasped dramatically. "If he's escaped, then why hasn't anypony done anything to capture him?"

"Ah, quiet your worryin', Rare. I'm sure ol' Twilight has a plan. Plus, the guards are sure to catch him."

"Um, girls, there's a certain problem I forgot to mention." An especially loud explosion followed after her statement, along with substantial shaking of the palace. "He did more than escaping."

Twilight spent the next minute quickly explaining to her friends on how the Joker set fire to a fireworks factory and is now heading to Ponyville for who knows what. When she was finished, the remaining Elements of Harmony stood in moot silence. Until Fluttershy shrieked and started running around in circles.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no! My poor animals are stuck there, and now he's going to hurt them!"

"Fluttershy, simmer down! You ain't doin' no pony any good by freakin' out like that!" Applejack explained to the fretted pegasus. Fluttershy plopped on her rump in a very adorable manner and returned to her silent whimpering. "Now I know we're all worried. Apple Bloom is in trouble, along with Big Mac and everypony else in Ponyville. Which is why we got to be level headed and go there right now to buck that clown for tryin' to mess with our home!"

All the ponies included cheered, except for Fluttershy who managed to murmur a barely audible yay. "You're right, Applejack," Twilight said to her friend, while the orange pony blushed at being the center of attention. "And with all the Elements of Harmony at our side, there's no way we can lose!"

"Actually, Twilight, we're only five-sixths the Elements of Harmony right now," Pinkie Pie interrupted, bouncing up and down in overeager enthusiasm.

Twilight hurriedly did a head count in her mind and discovered that they were missing a certain multicolored pegasus in their party. "And pray tell, Pinkie, why is Rainbow Dash missing? I thought I told you to get everypony together while I got Rarity."

"But I did, Twi! Dashie is still knocked out from that bump on the head she got from Mr. J!"

"Ugh, fine," she said under her breath, rubbing her temples with her hooves in frustration, "we'll have to go on without her. Hopefully the Joker is still walking to town right now. There's now way he could be there in only a couple of hours."

Don't you just love how others are wrong?

Two Hours and Thirty Minutes Earlier

"Blast this country bumpkin town! It doesn't even have a decent road to walk on!" the Joker complained, massaging his worn out feet from the long trek to Ponyville. His extremely expensive loafers were not made for walking, especially on a dirt road with more bumps that an acne riddled teenager's face. Fitting his foot back into his shoe, he examined his surroundings.

"And not a soul in sight. It's like a ghost town or something. Even the shitiest watering hole in Gotham has more night life than this place." It was true that although Ponyville has changed since its humble beginnings, it still followed the code of hitting the hay by midnight.

With dawn just around the corner, the Joker needed to implement a plan to wake up the townsfolk. Noticing the hammer in his hand, he decided to go with the easiest route available.

"Wake up you slops! Come on, it's time for a party!" the Joker bellowed at the top of his lungs, while repeatedly smashing a statue of Celestia with his hammer, which produced an unsettling noisy crack with each swing.

Ponies began to exit their homes, still in their pajamas (why they wear jamies at night while being nude most of the day, I'll never know), while many others hid behind locked doors and stared at the strange creature through windows. The first pony to approach the human was a blonde maned, grey pegasus with the most severe case of lazy eye the Joker has ever laid eyes upon.

"Hey mister, are you a clown or something?" the pegasus asked, flapping haphazardly in the air.

Taking the tiny pony under his arm, the Joker said, "Why yes I am, my extra special friend! I am the Joker, the Clown Prince of Cri- I mean Fun! And I'm here to throw the most spectacular party you've ever seen, heard, felt, tasted, smelt, or slept with!"

The next pony to speak out was a plain brown stallion with a spiky mohawk. "Would you mind telling us why you're having a party at this hour?"

Dropping the gray pegasus, the Joker turned his attention to the stallion. "Why, there's no better time than the present. Plus, I'm still riled up from that great shebang at the Gala!"

Multiple ponies gawked at the mention of the Gala, most having wanted to attend that legendary get together with some of the richest and famous ponies in Equestria. Taking note of their admiration for him at the moment, he decided to milk it for all its worth. "And not only did I attend the Gala, I helped set it up! I even put on a grand showstopper at the end!"

Ponies started ogling the mysterious stranger, who helped throw one of the biggest gatherings of the year. Not one of them considered he was lying in the least, or that the showstopper he mention was actually robbing all the party guests and poisoning their beloved Princess. Luckily for him, ponies don't have internet.

"But for this party, I plan on making it a hundred times more funtastic (yes, that is a word I just made up) than that silly old Gala! Now, who wants to par-ta!?"

All the ponies whooped and hollered in approval, completely won over by the Joker's infectious charm. Those poor fools.

Present

"Come on, hurry up! We don't have much time left!" Twilight yelled at the sweat drenched pegasi guards flying the chariot. The two guards wanted very, very, very much to tell Twilight to go buck herself, but the fear of what their captain would do to them and their utter professionalism held their tongues.

The group were soaring high in the sky, fast approaching that little dot in the landscape known as Ponyville. The sun has finally broken from its nighttime prison and illuminated the lands of Equestria, a normally breathtaking, beautiful sight. But Twilight paid now mind to the rising sun or the view. Her constant fidgeting and scratching at her mane were only small attempts to cope with the situation on hand- I mean hoof.

The hush in the air was so great that not even Pinkie could figure out a way to cheer her friends up. Truth be told, the pink party pony was also wracked with concern for the Cakes and their children, while Rarity and Applejack were anxious at the fate of their families, and of course Fluttershy couldn't stop thinking about the terror her animals might be put through right now.

It was a long flight to the village, often times requiring more than two hours to get there by chariot alone. With the guards' hustle they seem to be cutting that time in half, but they still had a while to go.

Maybe adding too much weight to the chariot by tagging all the Elements along wasn't the best idea, but Twilight would have to contend with that. Her magic still wasn't working properly; levitation was all she could manage, and even then it was weak and exhausted her.

Thankfully the fire in Canterlot died down, with a large amount of damage wreaked across the city, but no deaths. Ponyville, however, could be an entirely different story. Twilight could only hope they get there in time, and that her brother's reinforcements he promise can join them in all due haste.

Thirty Minutes Earlier

The party was all set, and in record time too. Snack stands lined around the gathering place near town hall, with games and booths already opening up. Ponies laughed, drank coffee to wake up, and generally enjoyed their first ever bright and early party extravaganza.

Balloons, streamers, and all manner of decoration was set up by the Joker himself, who also helped the Cakes bake their wonderful goodies and sweets. He mingled with the party goers, shook his groove thang, and soon became the life of the party. The mares swooned just by glancing at him, the stallions were envious beyond compare just to be as cool as him, and the little ones could barely hold their excitement at playing with a clown. Yes siree, nothing at all could go wrong now!

The only one not having fun was a lone purple dragon, who searched in vain to find a particular pony. Joker noticed the young dragon's discomfort, so he snuck up behind the little bugger and asked, "Hey, why so down in the dirt little fella?"

The dragon jumped in surprise and turned around to face the Joker. "Holly molly, you scared me there!" The Joker only continued to smile creepily, which the dragon failed to catch. Fidgeting under his gaze, the dragon finally blurted out, "I'm looking for my friend. She went to the Gala last night without me and I was expecting her to arrive back at Ponyville by now."

"Ah, I think I know who you're talking about," the Joker said while snapping his finger. "Purple unicorn, goes by the name of Twinkle or something like that?"

"You must mean Twilight! Have you seen her? Do you know when she's going to be back?"

"Don't worry my scaled friend. She'll be here any minute now. And by the way, you wouldn't happen to be Spike, would you?" the Joker asked.

"Why yes I am. How'd you know?" Spike asked suspiciously.

The Joker crouched down and innocently patted Spike on his head. "Why, Twinkle would always talk about you. I hear you're her number one assistant."

"You got that right!" Spike replied joyfully.

"Well then number one assistant, you wouldn't mind helping me for a moment, would you?"

"Not at all mister," Spike said, glad to be of service. "What do you need done?"

"Oh, nothing much," the Joker said, guiding the tiny dragon down a path exiting the party area. "I just need some assistance setting up some... fireworks. Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Spike, who was a little creeped out by the evil laughter, decided to join in for the sake of not being awkward. Dragon and human in tow laughed menacingly as the second phase of Joker's plan went into action.

Present

"Okay girls, we're here!" Twilight yelled, as the chariot made contact with the ground. The pegasi guards sighed in relief, thankful they don't have to lug around a bunch of slightly overweight mares who did nothing but complain about going faster (lucky for them none of the girls could read minds). The five of them quickly raced to the center of town, where a commotion could be seen even from high up in the air.

The early morning streets were deserted, homes empty and shops not even opened. Nearby the town hall things quickly changed, with the entire town population frozen in place in what seemed to have been a rather rambunctious party. No pony moved, except for the occasional tremble of fear, terror played out on their collective faces. It was like a giant game of freeze tag just took place with a bunch of ghosts.

"Oh no, the Joker must've poisoned them," Twilight whispered to herself.

"Now really Sprinkles, you'd think I'd stoop that low?" said a familiar voice behind them. The girls turned and saw the Joker seated several yards away on top a slightly broken stone statue of Celestia. "I may be a mass murderer, but I like to keep things fresh too. No sense in killing a bunch of people if you've already done it the same way one times too many. So I went with the explosion option instead!"

The Elements returned their attention to the mass of ponies, and came to a shocking realization. "There are bombs everywhere," Fluttershy said, her mouth agape. It was indeed true, with large bundles of dynamite piled all along the outside of the party area, along with several thrown in random spots in the middle of the group of ponies. All had a blinking red device attached to them, which could mean only one thing.

"That's right tattoo asses, I rigged this place to blow, with everyone in it. Anyone tries to make a break for it, and Kabloom, no more ponies! Hahahahaha!"

"You won't get away with this, Joker!" Twilight yelled at the manically laughing clown.

Wiping a stray tear from his eye, the Joker said, "Oh, that's just so cute. You thinking you can stop me. Hilarious. Anyway, I think you have bigger things to worry about." The Joker pulled a small bundle from inside his jacket and tossed it a good distance away from the bomb field and Twilight. Falling on his back with a groan, the tied up Spike could only shake his head uselessly. His gag prevented him from talking to his friends, but the bump on his head was probably the cause of his limited speaking. The ropes binding him were also fixed with a small dynamite bundle, the red light blinking on and off.

Twilight remained in her spot, still, complete and utter dread quenching her entire being at the sight of Spike. A clank nearby the purple pony brought her notice to a small device near her, with only two bright red buttons side by side on it.

"Now here's how we'll play this game, Twinkle ass. The left button kills all the ponies in that crowd over there. The right button kills your little lizard friend. And this here override switch," the Joker said, retrieving a small cylinder tube with a similar red button placed atop it, "will kill everyone if you choose neither. Now, let the game begin!"

Chapter 9: A Party Would Be Delightful: Part 3

Heyoo, Rainbow. How is my fine kitchen cleaner doing today?

I'm busy.

Busy? How could you possibly be busy when you have me to write about?

I have other stories I'm working on.

*Dramatic gasp* You whore!

Ow! Why'd you slap me?

I thought we were special. I thought I was important to you.

You do know you're a figment of my imagination?

Can a figment do this?

OW! Goddammit Joker, stop hitting me!

That's what your mom said to me last night.

Looks like we've already stooped to immaturity now.

Please, son. I put the "I'm" in immaturity.

You don't pronounce immaturity like that.

Whatever. This is just text anyway and those idiot readers don't understand what the joke even means.

I don't know what you mean!

That's because you're special. But in the bad way.

And you're annoying. In the "I would rather tear out my brain stem, carry it to the middle of the nearest four-way intersection, and skip rope with it than continue listening to you" type of way.

You like Spongebob, don't you RainbowBob?

... Ughhhhhh. Check my name and avatar pic one more time.

No time! My fans are calling for me!

After you called them idiots?

I verbally abuse you all the time and you're still here.

Against my will.

And I'll just say what your parents have told you when you wanted to follow your dreams, I don't give a damn!

"Tick tock, Twinkles. You don't want your precious friends blowing up anytime soon, do you?" the Joker asked, the trigger gripped tightly in his hand and a wicked grin plastered on his snow white face.

Twilight was busy have a small mental breakdown in her head. Her eyes were glued to the small device before her, two buttons that held the fate of those she loved. The left would kill all the townsfolk. The ponies who welcomed her to Ponyville, accepted her, and became her friends. The right would kill Spike. Her little baby dragon, her little brother, and #1 assistant. Both sides poor souls who deserved none of this.

"Joker, ya'll better stop this right now!" shouted Applejack.

"Ooh, touchy touchy hillbilly we have here. Let me speak in the language of your people so you can understand me." The Joker cleared his voice and crossed his eyes in a ridiculous manner while sticking out his tongue. "Ah ain't gonna be stoppin' an' time soons, so shat ya trap ya idjit!"

Applejack blushed in shame at his spot on imitation of her accent. Rarity was the next to try to cool the fire burning in the maniac's pancreas, the known source of crazy in the body. "Um, dear, wouldn't it be a much better idea getting rid of these dreadful explosives and having a careful discussion on therapy sessions for you instead?" she asked innocently, giving her best attempt at a forced smile.

Contemplating for a moment, the Joker pulled his pants open and checked their contents. "Nope, still have a penis. Next!"

Pinkie Pie, of course, was the next up. "Mr. J, we can have a big ol' 'Welcome to Ponyville' party. We'll get cupcakes, root beer, hay fries, and even a-"

"Pinkie, you're annoying," Joker interrupted, his sharp chin resting in his hand. "You don't stop talking, and by far you're worse than ten Harleys. Go and die in a hole or something."

Pinkie's hair lost its usual puffiness and fell flat to her skull. Her deep blue eyes filled with tears and if one was to listen closely, one could hear her heart break into teeny tiny pieces.

The Joker turned his attention from the depressingly pink pony to the quivering yellow pegasus hiding behind her friends. "Hey, butterbutt. Buzz off." Fluttershy didn't need anymore prompting. Squeaking in a quite adorable manner, she took to the hills, or at least to a pair of bushes off the side of the road.

Noticing that Twilight was the last one left to address him, he impatiently lightly tapped on the button of his kill switch. "So then, Twinkie, got anything to say? Something pretentious or optimistic I'm sure."

Small tears sprung from the sides of Twilight's eyes. Her voice was straining as she asked, "Why?"

The Joker's smile only widened. "I'm sorry dear, might want to speak louder."

"Why. Why would you do this? To all these ponies who you didn't even know. To those at the Gala. To the Princesses. To me. How could you throw that all away?" she yelled at the top of her voice, her heart beating a mile and minute, but she still refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her shed a single tear. "How could you throw our friendship away?"

"You really want to know why?" the Joker replied, tapping his chin absently with the trigger that had the power to kill everyone around them. "I'll tell you. It's a joke."

The widening of Twilight's eyes and her slack jawed expression only enlarged his teeth filled grin. "Isn't that what life is, essentially? Some big ol' joke, where we're the poor sucker who gets caught in the middle and the punchline is our deaths! I'm just doing what everyone loves, a little prank to speed up the punchline! And I'll be damned if everyone isn't laughing at the end of it!" His usual joyful demeanor turned a sick shade of twisted mentality as spittle flew from his mouth when he was done ranting.

Twilight reached two conclusions at that particular moment. The Joker was completely and utterly insane; driven over the edge of madness while riding a unicycle and playing a trombone while juggling chainsaws. The second was that he was dead serious about blowing the town or Spike to smithereens.

"Now then, Sparky, are you gonna make the decision or what?" the Joker asked, pointing at both sides of town. "Either it's going be the town or your precious little, um, gecko thingy."

"You better not harm one little scale on my Spikey wikey's head! And don't even think about laying a finger on Sweetie Bell or my family!" Rarity shouted, not in the least deterred by the Joker's madness filled glare.

"You ain't gonna be hurting mah family or friends anytime soon, ya yellow belly liver!" Applejack joined the white unicorn's side in righteous female deviance.

Fluttershy managed to be dragged out of the bushes by Applejack and forced to stand in front of a clearly bored out of his mind Joker. She wanted to run, she wanted to hide, she wanted a double decker ice cream sundae to drown her troubles in. But those things wouldn't happen anytime soon.

"Do you guys mind hurrying this along? I have ponies to kill and the latest episode of my favorite show is coming on soon," the Joker complained, tapping his watch impatiently.

The yellow pegasus was in a paralyzed state, her mind drawing in on itself and abandoning her body. But a sudden thought peppered her brain until she was forced to confront it. Her animals, her friends, and her town needed them. And she wasn't about to let them down. Striking an imposing stance, which amounted to making the Joker giggle, she said, "Listen here, you meanie. Me and my friends have been nothing but nice to you, and this is how you repay us? I want you to put that detonator down and apologize to all these ponies this instant!"

Her eyes widened until they were like two pools of cyan that one could leap into and never reach the bottom of. The Joker was drawn to them, entranced, unable to look away from that penetrating gaze. The Stare, Fluttershy's ability to quell even the most headstrong soul with a single glance. It was as if an unseen force was entering him, controlling his mind. Unfortunately for that force, the Joker's mind couldn't be controlled. His mind was so shattered and disjointed that there wasn't much of a mind to control.

Instead of obeying her commands, he still held onto the detonator, and his already stretched out grin continued to grow, like his face was made out of putty and someone was pulling it apart. Now it was Fluttershy who was scared. Those crimson red eyes made her skin crawl and bleed. They whispered to her with their enticing gaze. Whispered secrets of murders, of blood, of death, and the most vile crimes ever committed. They were the portals to hell, and she was standing on the edge. And hell's master was about to kick her over.

"Listen you insignificant little cretin, nobody orders the Joker around! You dare speak to me like that again and I'll tear the hair from your body, rip the skin from your bones with a rusty knife, and wear your hide as a coat!" the Joker said through the clenched teeth of that impeccable smile of his. Fluttershy stood up for a grand total of two seconds before she fainted of an unbelievable amount of fright. Ignoring the downed pegasus, the Joker shouted to the rest of the ponies, "Now that that mistake is over, is anyone next? No, then I guess it's blowy up time!"

Before the Joker could press the detonator everypony screamed, "Nooooooooo!"

"Ba humbug, make up your mind already then!" he shouted, pouting now.

Twilight's eyes shifted from side to side, the towns ponies and Spike. Each of the Ponyville residents were shivering in fear, pleading with their eyes to Twilight for them not to die. Spike could barely keep his eyes open, the concussion he recieved from the Joker threatening to tip him over into dreamland. Both choices unthinkable to make, yet here she was, with the lives of countless in her hooves.

Seconds passed, which was about the limit of the Joker's attention span. "That's it!" he hollered at the gathered masses, "I'm tired of waiting! If I don't see someone explode in the next five seconds, then you all go kabloom! Five!"

Sweat poured like a river down Twilight's face.

"Four!"

Her hooves trembled. She slowly reached out her hoof over the two buttons on the device.

"Three!"

"Oh for the love of Celestia, please stop!" Twilight sobbed, her eyes closed trying to suppress her tears.

"Two!"

Twilight screamed, the scream of a wild animal caught in a trap. The scream of a victim who can't stop their attacker. The scream of the helpless.

"One!"

Twilight's eyes opened, staring at the hoof pressed firmly to the device. She retrieved her hoof, her entire body trembling from the rush of adrenaline that kicked into her system. It only took a few moments for what just happened to click in her brain.

"No explosion," she whispered.

"Congratu-fucking-lations egghead! You figured it out!" the Joker said.

"W-why?" she asked, disbelief and relief both coursing through her like a tidal wave.

"Well, first off, I didn't have quite enough dynamite to blow up everyone in the first place. They're actually just paper towel rolls painted red with blinking LED lights. You got a dummy device that does nothing. Secondly, it was much more fun seeing you squirm like that."

The Joker jumped from the ruined statue of the Princess of the Sun and landed on his feet. He walked over to the purple mare, all the while twirling the enormous hammer in his hand he was saving for later. "And thirdly, I wanted to prove a point. You ponies always spout on about love, friendship, and other bullshit. But when placed in a situation where none of those things matter, where death is the only factor, you're no better than me. So congrats Twinkles, you just proved me right. The only thing separating you from me is the thin shield of morality that cracks easier than glass."

The Joker raised the hammer above his head, all the while grinning a smile only a dead mother could love. "And for proving me right, here's the reward, a joke. What's purple and red and dead all over? You!"

He brought the hammer down with enough force to crush the unicorn, but a certain orange mare jumped in the way and managed to pull her friend from death's smiling grasp. But the Joker was able to change the angle of his swing, and the two ponies weren't able to clear the impact zone. "Here's the punchline!"

Doom was destined to befall Twilight and Applejack, but luckily a pink blur leaped atop the Joker's head and started smacking the ever living hell at him with her hooves. "No one hurts my friends you big, dumb, butt-head!" Pinkie yelled, her hooves no letting up in their beat down of the Joker's face.

"Get off me you pink monstrosity!" The Joker grabbed the pink mare from her flat mane and slammed her to the ground. "Time to turn you into frosting!" Before he could even bring his hammer above his head there was Rarity with the handle gripped in her mouth.

"You bitch!" He punched the white unicorn to release her hold of his weapon. Blood spurted from her nose and she fell like a stone to the ground. The Joker's hair was disheveled, his once perfectly tailored suit ripped and dirtied, but his smile was the same demonically possessed smile of a murderer before he killed his victims. "You. Shall. All. DIE!"

But there was one flaw in his plan. The 'all shall die' part seemed to relate to the entire town now, since everyone was quickly getting over the shock of not being edible chunks and were fast to confront their tormentor. Nearly all the citizens of Ponyville lined up, many digging their hooves into the ground and leaning forward in preparation for attack.

Seeing the town he faked into believing they were about to die standing in front of him on the assault, the Joker could only laugh in amusement. Pulling out the detonator for the explosives, he says, "You guys really think I would set a bunch of dynamite all over the place without making sure at least one set was real? Let's see who gets the surprise!"

He pushed the button, which was followed by a deafening boom. The spot where Spike once laid blew up into smithereens, smoke and fire the replacement for the purple dragon. Twilight raced to where her assistant once was, but only a smoldering pit was left. She stared at the smoking crater for what felt like several small eternities before her vision blurred with tears. Her legs trembled and gave way, the unicorn falling to the ground as she began to cry. "No," she muttered to herself as she screwed her eyes shut. She repeated the word over and over again, as if the simple chant would turn back time to before the Joker ever arrived and destroyed her world.

"Twilight," a voice whispered in her ear. The purple mare opened her eyes to the face of her beloved Spike before her, alive and well. She wrapped her hooves around him, holding him close so he may never leave her side again.

"Oh Celestia, Spike, you're alive! How did you survive?"

The dragon could only manage to lift his arm and point to the flying figure that suddenly appeared high above them before he slipped into unconsciousness.

"C-celestia," Twilight sputtered, amazed that her teacher had just arrived. Ponies bowed to the ground for the Princess, while many just fell over with the sheer amount of drama that played over them in the past five minutes. Celestia descend from the heavens (really, it was only ten feet) and addressed the Joker. "Joker, you are hereby placed under arrest for crimes against pony kind."

The Joker checked his watch and said, "Oh, I would love to Celly, but I left the stove on at some random house I broke into and I really want to see the place light up. So I'll just be on my way..."

A magical field surrounded the fleeing clown and levitated him to the Princess' piercing gaze. Bags were under her eyes and exhaustion threatened to overtake her, but still she held strong. "You harmed my ponies and set my city ablaze. Which is why you're going to be locked up for as long as possible, you can be sure of that. You lose, Joker."

"Oh, I think you're mistaken Celly," the Joker said, his attention drawn to where Twilight was holding Spike in her hooves. Tears poured down her face, tears for what she did, the decision she made in that split second that should have resulted in death, but instead was a cruel joke. "Your precious little student learned something today: she learned that when the chips are down, she does have it in her to kill, to decide who lives and who dies. And that decision will haunt her for the rest of her life. I already won."

Chapter 10: Therapy Sessions

Hey, hey Bobby. Bobby, hey, Bobby. You awake?

For fuck's sake, yes! Why are you here poking me in the face at this ungodly hour?

I was bored.

Then fuck off!

Well, looks like someone is a bit bitchy today.

Of course I am! Because you never leave me alone!

You knew what you were getting into when you decided to write a story about me.

Don't you have Batman to bug?

Old Batsy is unavailable at the moment. Something about trying to stop that nuclear war head I targeted at the Pentagon.

I'm afraid to ask where you got your hands on a nuclear war head.

Ebay!

Well, I be damned. Now, shut up and let me sleep.

But Bobby, you have to write about me! Because you're the best.. around.. nothing's gonna ever keep you down!

... Shit, now you got that fucking song stuck in my head. Fine, I'll get on it.

That's what she said! Your mom, specifically.

I knew you would eventually go to that low, low level of humor that you know so well.

And that's why I'm the best at limbo! How low can you go?

Apparently as low as it will take to write a crossover about you.

Hot damn, that's lower than your mom's BJ special!

It is here that I realize I'm doomed to this for the rest of my natural life.

Aw, chip up. There's a good chance we'll both end up in hell anyway, so I'll still hang out with you.

Good point. Might as well as write.

Yay! I'm going to have so much fun tormenting those ponies! I'll even make a day out of it! Muhahahahahahahaha!

"What a glorious day for a morning drive, don't you think so, Celly?" the Joker asked his traveling companion, the princess of the sun herself, Celestia. The Joker was currently tied up in magical chains in the back of a chariot being pulled by an entire platoon of pegasi guards. The princess stood watch over him, her horn's magic keeping him locked into position, with the most powerful restraints she could produce magically.

"Be quiet, Joker. When we get back to the palace you will pay for your crimes," she replied, her voice wavering from a lack of sleep and the high amount of toxins she received by the mad clown's hand.

"Well, sorry to disappoint you, your royal anus, but I'm short on cash right now. Do you take credit cards instead?" This got a chuckle out of the Joker, who rattled his chains in evil glee. The princess just remained silent and continued to focus her magic to make sure the white faced maniac had no chance at escaping.

After several more minutes of the Joker cracking cheap jokes and generally being an annoying ass, Canterlot came into view. And it wasn't a pretty sight. "I really have to say, Celly, Canterlot sure does look beautiful in the morning," the Joker reflected, not in the least hiding his smile at the destruction he created upon the capital of Equestria in such a short time.

Buildings were decimated, entire blocks of houses burned to the ground. Flickering fires were still lit in odd parts of the city, while the burned out carcasses of many others turned large areas of into little more than smoldering ruins. Nearly half the city had been ravaged by flames, and it looks like pegasi troopers were still organizing downpours to drench the city in case of another blaze picking up.

For Princess Celestia, this was one of the most heart wrenching sights she has ever seen. Her city, the shining jewel of Equestria, was nearly destroyed in one night. All by the hand of one individual, who wasn't even of this world. The boiling fury igniting in her threatened to grow hotter than the sun she controlled, and overwhelm all those around her. But she collected herself and remained calm, a skill every leader learns to better lead their country.

"The only thing that would make this an even more picture perfect view would be piles of burned bodies. Care to tell where you're hiding them?" the Joker asked, his devilish grin setting the princesses' teeth on edge.

"No one was killed in the fires if that's what you wanted to know," Celestia answered, glaring dagger at the Joker. "The citizens were evacuated before the blaze could reach the more populated areas of the city."

"Aw, and here I was hoping to increase my body count. You don't get the biggest kill ratio in the DC universe without keeping at it on a consistent basis," the Joker said, winking at you, the reader. Suck it Pinkie Pie.

Celestia just stared at the crazy human winking at nothing but empty air, and resigned herself to get the best psychologists in Equestria to get the Joker checked. Never before had she seen depictions of insanity as serious as his. Other than Discord, of course.

In no time they touched down at the palace, which was currently in a different crisis that was, of course, related to the Joker. Reporters flocked the chariot like flies to a freshly killed corpse, camera flashes and raised voices creating a sense of disorder that could only come from a media frenzy. Celestia, who was used to the constant media torment, rose to her graceful position and prepared a speech for her subjects.

"Attention citizens! The criminal known as the Joker has been apprehended and no other pony has been hurt at his hand. All your questions shall be answered later once the prisoner has been moved to a more secure location."

This, of course, didn't deter the crowd of reporters from shooting off questions like a firing squad. From 'how did he escape' to 'will there be a human invasion' were asked, but unfortunately for them and their newspapers, the princess was in no mood at the moment to answer them. That didn't leave the Joker from taking the spotlight.

He leaped from his seat, his upper body still wrapped with a great multitude of magical chains, and while being lead to the palace he greeted the reporters. "Oh, my wonderful audience! It's so good to see you all! I just have a quick appointment to keep, and you all know how grumpy the big P can get when her schedule isn't perfect. But don't worry, I'll be back so you can bask in my greatness! Ta ta for now!"

This caused the reporters to start barraging the insane clown with questions galore, but the circle of no nonsense guards kept even the most determined reporter at bay. Finally the Joker was lead through the gate into the palace, not before making kissing faces to the crowd.

"Don't you just love it, Celly? Me, a no good criminal welcoming this much attention. The media doesn't change no matter what universe you go to." Celestia continued to ignore him, as most of her attention was on the magical chains currently keeping him in hold.

The halls of the palace was abuzz with guards and servants, along with all the nobility from the night of the Gala. When the Joker was spotted, any servant in the vicinity dashed out of sight, while the nobility either cowered in fear or fainted on the spot. The guards just gave him an evil glare, no doubt pissed that all the chaos caused last night came from the prisoner currently being escorted before them.

The Joker, maniac smirk and all, couldn't help but giggle in delight at the mayhem he was causing just by his presence. "I gotta say, sunny butt, your ponies really know how to greet a guest of honor."

Celestia could only grind her teeth and continue to lead the insufferable human down to his new and improved prison. It was at that moment Captain Armor came into view, a sight even sorer for the eyes than Celestia herself. He had been running a stressful shift for eighteen hours now, and taking into consideration the panic of the Gala, the inferno in Canterlot, and the supposed near destruction of the population of Ponyville, it was a miracle he hand't collapse by now. By now the only one thing that was pushing him to not fall over the edge into blissful sleep. was finally locking the Joker up, with no chance at escape.

"Joker," Armor said, his exhaustion not in the least lessening the hateful tone in his voice.

"Ah, if it isn't my friend, pony Gordon. Although you're missing the glasses and moustache I adore so much, that unmistakable 'stick up your ass' sense of justice is still there."

Shining Armor was at lost for words at what he just said, but ignored it and joined in the heavily secured escort. "That escape you pulled caught us by surprise. But I can assure you now, you won't be escaping twice."

"You know, if I had a nickel each time someone told me that, I could buy all of Gotham!" the Joker proclaimed, his gangly movement forcing the unicorn guards to keep their spears at ready in case he made a break for it.

"So, where we going? Dungeon, over protected prison facility, or my favorite, Disney World?" the Joker asked, skipping like a freakily deformed school girl.

"You'll see," was all Armor would answer.

Eventually the escort arrived that their location. A single door with no special attachments whatsoever. Inside half the room was divided by thick iron doors which housed a single occupancy bed, a toilet, a desk, and a chair bolted to the floor. Needless to say, the Joker was disappointed at the anticlimactic prison cell he was receiving. "What gives? You could have at least made it flashier. Some skeletons in the corner, blood dripping from the ceiling, chains attached to the walls. Or at least the smell of rot and decay."

"This cell is usually used to house upstart nobles," Celestia said, yanking Joker's chains so he would get closer to the bars. "Since they refuse to go to the dungeons, the guards made this prison to accommodate them. Anti magic runes in the walls prevent any spells that aren't from the guards from being cast. The iron bars should deter you from any mischief, along with some chains to keep you at bay."

"Pfft, whatever," the Joker replied, rolling his crimson eyes. "Not like I've had worst lodgings. At least their's no orange jumpsuits involved."

"You don't honestly think I'd lock you up with all your gadgets and tricks, do you?" Celestia asked, her eyebrow arched.

"Wow, you just showed a sign of intellect. Maybe your species isn't doomed to chew hay and crap in fields after all."

"Ugh... Captain Armor, relieve our prisoner of his clothes," Celestia ordered.

"Right away, your highness." The chains keeping the Joker tied up disintegrated and with a flourish of magic while the Joker's clothing was ripped from his body, leaving him with just a pair of heart covered boxers.

"Oh, my, my, looks like someone is indecent. Not like you ponies aren't already, walking along nude to the world," the Joker said, faking sheepishness while trying to hide his more revealed form.

Thank god the Joker at least had his boxers on, because the sight of his naked flesh could make both humans and ponies grimace in disgust. After living through countless supposed deaths from gunshots, fatal falls, bombs, and stab wounds, his body was pockmarked with scars galore. The even more disturbing aspect was that his sickly white skin prevent his wounds from healing properly, so each scar was the same color white as his skin. Add onto the fact that his distorted body shape made his chest too wide, his hips too narrow, and both his arms and legs into long, insect like limbs. It was a sickening fuse of a malnourished clown stretched at all sides that was run over by a truck, repeatedly.

Celestia couldn't help her eyes from nearly popping out of their sockets. "Y-your skin. It's not..."

"Makeup," the Joker finished her sentence. "Nope, this is me, all natural. Not too bad looking, if I don't say so myself." The Joker flexed his misshapen muscles, which was received with a multitude of gags from the guard ponies.

"But, that isn't possible. You don't have fur, and skin color never gets that unnaturally white."

"Sunny buns, I am an impossibility. Hair doesn't get this green in my world. And I don't believe you've met anyone with choppers like mine?" The Joker gave an example by smiling ever so wide, his face muscles set on overtime as they stretched and stretched and stretched. His sickly, yellow teethed grin covered most of his face, so much so Celestia was positive she could fit her entire head in that mouth.

"J-just stop that!" she blurted, her face turning green from nauseating view. While this was a very unprincess like remark, she could barely hold what was left of her lunch just by looking at the Joker. "Armor, get him in the jumpsuit and lock him up! Now!"

"Right away!" Shining replied, an orange jumpsuit already levitating in the air. In a matter of seconds the Joker was fit in the jumpsuit, which looked like it is a patchwork of any orange material they had at hand. It hung loosely to his skinny frame, but the Joker had no time to examine it any longer. A magical field whisked in behind the bars, and a click sound signaled his jail cell was now locked.

Shining started barking orders to the other guards in the room, a group of four unicorns. "Listen up! I want two of you in here at all times keeping an eye on him! I want the other two outside the door, making sure nothing comes in or out unless I give the say so! Understand?"

All four unicorns answered with salute and a, "Sir, yes sir!"

"Good... I also want him chained up. Magic ones, so he can't break out of them again."

"I'm on it, Captain," one of the unicorns guards said, his horn glowing a bright green which quickly produced a pair of magical cuffs on the Joker.

"Okay, if anypony needs me, I'll be sleeping for the next two days," Shining said, dragging his hooves and the Joker's clothes out of the room.

"I'll think I'll join you on that idea," Celestia added, glad to finally be rid of the mad clown. "I'll return later to talk about what your future holds, Joker."

"If it's anything like my past, then it'll be filled with candy and suppressed memories of my childhood. Usually in that order," the Joker said, his ever present laughter escaping from his lips.

"I'm walking on sunshine , wooah. I'm walking on sunshine, woooah. I'm walking on sunshine, woooah. And don't it feel good!" the Joker sang, for the fifth-sixth time. The guards have been counting, since the Joker had been singing that same verse over, and over, and over again because he forgot the rest of the lyrics of the song. Now both guards were contemplating whether to kill the freak and face the consequences later, rather than sit by and here him sing that same, damn, verse yet again. Luckily for them, a knock on the door prevented their deaths.

"Get it so giant yap over there will give it a rest," one guard ordered, his focus always on the Joker since it was his magic keeping his cuffs on.

"Sure thing," the other guard replied, opening the door, revealing a smartly dressed unicorn mare with a topaz mane and emerald green coat.

"Please to meet you. I'm Ms. Evergreen, and I do believe I was led here for a therapy session with an inmate of yours?" she asked, fixing the large, cliché, bookish type glasses she wore.

"Joker, your shrink is here!" the guard shouted, indicating with a nod of his head for her to enter. She sheepishly did so, her eyes fixated on the creature before her. She had gotten reports on the criminal known as the Joker, as well as him being the only human ever seen before. Quite frankly, she was awestruck at the opportunity presented before her. Not only the chance to survey an entirely different species, but to also do a psychoanalysis on him too.

Making her way forward to the cell housing the Joker, she was instantly put off by a certain aspect of his appearance. That smile. "Well, well, well, looks like ol' Jokey here has a new playmate," he crackled, licking his ruby red lips like a new meal was presented before him. He was seated in the chair bolted in the middle of the room, the chair clearly not made for humans since his legs nearly reached his chin when he was sitting. "So, in the catch phrase oriented way of greeting someone in the medical profession, what's up doc?"

"Um, well, I was hired by the princess to examine you. She did tell about this, right?" she asked nervously.

"Ah, she was running her mouth on about crimes this and justice that. I much preferred Bat's little speeches. Short, sweet, and to the point of him punching me in the face until I fall into fairyland! Bahahaha!"

"Well then, I guess we can begin on some easy to answer questions to get a basis of your mental level. First off, name?"

"The Joker. With a capital J!" he cried out.

"I was thinking of your real name. The Joker is more of a title."

He began tapping his pointy chin in thought. "I don't have a real name. Or I did. Don't remember. Began with a J is all I can recall. So in a publicity stunt where I killed a bunch of people with some toxic laugh gas and left my calling card of the Jack of Hearts, the Joker stuck."

"Y-you killed people?" she asked, horrified at the notion of murder. Ponies were a relatively peaceful race, and murder is a rare occasion. She had heard that he committed some crimes, but the palace secret service kept a tight lip on what exactly he did.

"Killed, tortured, butchered, massacred, poison, terminated, eliminated, annihilated, something else that ends in nated. I've done it all, seen it all, tasted it all, and smelted every bit of it! I even recorded a good chunk of my more gruesome works on my MP3 player in case I want to listen to some tunes!"

"Well then, what about your age?" she asked, hoping that whatever he just said was a lie crafted by his broken mind.

"Square root of negative two thousand twenty-seven to the four and a half power."

"... let's skip that one for now. How about occupation?"

"Duh, can't you already see what I do for a living?" he asked, pointing to his white as snow face and puke green hair. The deadpan look on Ms. Evergreen's face made the Joker facepalm in frustration. "I'm an insurance salesman! It's so obvious!"

"Um... okay then," she said, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach which probably meant she bit off more than she could chew when she took this job. "How about any relatives of ours? Care to speak more about your family?"

"My family is dead. I'm pretty sure. No, no one could've survived that long underwater. I made sure of that," he whispered to himself.

"O-o-okay th-then. Why d-don't you tell m-me about your... childhood!" she said, hoping a tale from his past might lead of the path of immoral behavior he was talking about. She wasn't sure if he was making up half the stuff he was talking about, but maybe avoiding any more violent memories can lead to more serious questions.

"Hmm, I guess I'l start off on my earliest memory. Kindergarden," he sighed, a content look returning to his features and his smile relaxing to one not so demented. "I even remember the first day, too. We were having some cookies and milk in the playground, and I was playing with some dinosaur toys. Good times, good times."

"Excellent!" Ms. Evergreen said, elated that he was showing a more calmness. "Anything else you would like to share."

"Well, while I was playing with my toys dinosaurs, some kid named Billy wanted to play with them too. So I shoved them down his throat!" he yelled, making hand gestures to better explain his grisly act. "Then I made T-rex noises so all the other kids will know who's boss! Raaah!"

"M-maybe w-we should switch t-to a d-different topic?" she stuttered.

"What, no way! You wanted my childhood, so I'm going to do exactly what I did to Billy. Shove it down your throat, and let the ambulance sort out the consequences later." His devilish grin grew to a new level of psychotic as he walked over to the bars separating him from the unicorn, the only protection she had against the cutthroat, homicidal maniac before her. "Now, let's move on to the Kindergarden. That's where I learned the capacity a body can take chocolate milk before it finally bursts!"

"... and that's why I don't use crushed glass anymore," the Joker concluded, twirling a loose strand of his green hair.

"Oh dear Celestia, I'm going to be sick!" Ms. Evergreen screamed, practically flying out of the room as she busted the door off its hinges. A few seconds later she made good on her outburst, the Joker chuckling at the sounds of vomit splattering against the wall.

The two guards were shaking in fright, one of them already emptying his stomach halfway through Joker's story while the other was close behind him. "Hey, we've only gotten past middle school! I haven't even gotten to my crazier stories yet!" the Joker called after her, crackling madly.

"H-he has w-worst stories than that?" one guard asked his partner, his face a sickly shade of green.

"I don't wanna know man, I don't wanna know," the other replied, returning from the corner while wiping his mouth.

"Well, since my therapist isn't available, let me tell you two about my weekend in Florida," the Joker said to the guards, leaning back in his chair with his head held high. "It was there that I learned that a man can indeed be eaten whole by a crocodile. I never believed it in the movies, but I have to say, I now know it's highly accurate. Course, they have to rip you into chunks first..."

Both guards fell to their respective corners, puking their guts out.

Chapter 11: Devious Minds

Oh, it's good to be back!

Where were you anyway?

Super security lockdown center for the criminally insane.

Oh... how'd that go?

It was such a wonderful vacation! Three meals a day, all the television I could ask for. Not to mention the bodies...

Say what now?

Oh yes, how I broke out! I brought a surprise!

Well what is- oh dear god!

This is Ralph. Or what's left of him. He was my roommate.

He doesn't have a face!

Hey not, you've hurt his feelings! His skull still counts as a face!

Not if there isn't any flesh on it!

Not to worry! I just drew a face on his skull! See, he's smiling now.

Ugh, just get rid of him!

But the trash can is full and the garbage doesn't get picked up for another day!

Stop being lazy and throw him in a ditch!

But mom!

Butts are for sitting! Now get that shovel, throw him in a ditch, and bury him right now young man!

I'm over fifty years older than you!

Do you want to get grounded, mister?

AAAAAHHHHHHHHH... fine!

The palace was quiet, the gentle shimmer of the moonlight reflecting off many of it's surfaces. The moon hung low over the sky, almost as if an eager pegasus can fly up and touch it if prompted to. From the faint moonlight a figure could be seen on a balcony high in a tower, her mane flowing in a nonexistent breeze as she stared up at the celestial body. Another figure approached, looking much like the first, and politely coughed.

The first figure averted its eyes from the splendid moon and smiled at the newcomer. "Luna, welcome," Celestia spoke to her sister. "I was just here admiring your moon. You've really outdone yourself tonight."

Luna smiled at her sister's kind words, and gently nuzzled her cheek. "Thank you sister. But... we have some things to discuss."

Celestia broke out of their embrace and sighed. Of course. "Yeah, I guessed that was the reason you came here. The Joker, correct?"

Luna nodded. "The therapist, or rather therapists you sent him, have all quit or ran away."

"How many did he go through?" Celestia asked, already dreading the answer.

Luna pulled out a clipboard fill with notes and began to read of it. "Over a dozen. None of them lasted past the first day. The first one, Ms. Evergreen, was put into a severe psychological breakdown, while others simply ran off bawling their eyes out."

"Did any of them at least pinpoint what his mental state of mind is?" Celestia asked, desperate at this point for some good news.

Luna continued to flip through the notes on the clipboard. "Antisocial Personality Disorder, paranoid schizophrenia, manic depressive, a severe case of sadomasochism, extremely psychopathy, antipathy for others, bi-polar, sociopathy, Multiple Personality Disorder, and one of them just wrote CRAZY over and over again."

"That... doesn't sound good," Celestia admitted, her brow furrowing. Monsters she could deal with, enemies with vast magical powers were common, but this. A strange creature with no powers, yet he managed to destroy nearly half of Canterlot in a single night, strike terror in a small town, and spread fear throughout her kingdom.

"Yep, and it gets worse. Media coverage of the event is eating this up, while citizens across the kingdom are outraged. They want justice."

"And that's what they're going to get," she said, leaving the balcony and returning to her bedchambers. "The Joker will be on trial before the month is over."

"Put on trial?" Luna blurted out, shocked. "Tia, this creature in a psychotic monster! A danger to Equestria! He should be locked in deepest dungeon we have with the key thrown away!"

Celestia shot her sister with an icy look. "Luna, he may be all those things you just said, but this is Equestria. We have laws. And one of them clearly says every person in this land has rights to a fair trial. If we abandon that rule, how are we any better than him? The laws keep order. Not following them only instigates chaos."

Luna was fuming. How could her sister not see the Joker as the threat he truly was. One that should be locked away forever. But she held her tongue, gritted her teeth, and tried her best to control the fury in her heart. "Very well, sister."

The white coated alicorn knew this wasn't end of the subject with her sister. Luna was famous for her stubbornness. But for now, she was too tired to deal with anything at the moment. Her body was still weak from the toxins it was subjected to by the Joker's hand. "Glad to hear it, Luna. Goodnight," she whispered, before laying in bed and drifting off to dreamland.

Luna moved toward the door, ready to exit her sister's room. She cast one more glance at her sleeping sibling. So peaceful now. Not like before. When she had that smile on her face. A smile much like a certain psychotic clown's. One he put on her face with his poison.

Luna left and made her way down the halls of the palace, only one destination in mind. Tonight, the Joker will pay.

"Um, hello, I'm here to talk to the prisoner," Twilight said to the guard, the purple unicorn decked out in a simple cloak that covered most of her body. The guard raised as eyebrow at the mare. Visiting the Joker was a no show for just about everyone. But Twilight was an Element of Harmony, Celestia's student, and most importantly, the little sister of his Captain. No way was he going to piss that stallion off by saying no to his sister.

"Head on in. Just be careful," he said, opening the door for her. She gave him a warm smile and nodded, entering the prison room. Even with two weeks of him staying secluded in a cell, albeit a sort of luxurious one, and he was still prattling on to the two guards watching over him.

"Excluding the fact half my hair was burned off, I had two bullets in my arm, and my left leg got shattered, it was still a pretty great birthday party. All those smiling faces," he sighed happily, slumped over in his chair that was nailed down to the floor. Both the guards looked like they were on the verge of either tears or nausea, or a strange mix of the both. So far they were some of the last recruits available for the job, the rest either quitting or accepting positions to fight hydras in the middle of the savage lands, rather than guard the Joker. And it looks like these two would share the same fate.

Finally noticing the new arrival, the Joker hopped out of his seat and shuffled closer to the bars, his chains and cuffs clinking and clattering with each movement. He wrapped both of his hands around a bar each and brought his leering face as close as possible to Twilight, who was still on the other side of the room. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Miss Twinkle Bottoms herself. And what do I owe the honors of having a magical, talking unicorn visit me in the slammer?"

Twilight gulped. Fear traveled throughout her body with each heartbeat as she stared at that wide, unsettling grin of his. A grin that's been haunting her nightmares for more nights than she could count, his laughter making her ears bleed as she struggled to awaken from the decent of madness that was dreams nowadays. Shakily moving forward, each step hesitant and careful, she said, "I-I'm here t-to ask you some questions."

The Joker grabbed both his cheeks with his long, bony hands, and giggled. "Ooh, another shrinky dink, just for me! Hope you do betters than the others. They always break too easy."

She knew all too well how many trained psychologists and therapists the Joker had gone through. While mental problems in Equestria were not something new, no experts have ever seen anything like the Joker's condition. In both the scientific and medical fields he was the talk of much speculation, with those of the psychology side finding his mental state fascinating while most doctors and scientists were more interested in his body. This was the first ever human in Equestria, and many the eager professor wanting to study him. Too bad the Princess barred anyone from having interaction with him other than trained psychology experts, and even that plan has gone down the hole.

Shuffling over closer, she sat down on the cold stone floor, not bothered by it in the slightest because all her attention was drawn to the smiling lunatic in front of her. She cleared her throat nervously. "After the events of a couple of weeks ago, I am here to clarify certain subjects with you. If you don't mind, of course."

Turning his back to her, he sauntered over closer to the chair in the middle of his prison cell, but didn't sit down in it. Looking over his shoulder with a bored expression, he replied, "Not at all. Though I'm pretty sure you won't be able to believe, trust, or handle my answers."

She nodded her head, sort of expecting that answer. "Very well then. First up, how did you arrive here in the first place? And why did you act so nonchalant about entering a new world with an entirely different species? Are there ponies in your world as well?"

He held up one finger. "To answer the first, I hopped on over after the teleporter I swiped from a tyrannical corporate executive/evil genius malfunctioned, which was caused when I was fighting a superhero dressed as a bat." He held up a second finger. "For numero dos, after seeing a whole slew of weird aliens, monsters, demons, and other eldritch abominations from across the universe and multiple dimensions, meeting talking midget ponies ripped from six year old's imagination is pretty tame. Plus, I'm completely loco." And with a wave of his hand he held up three fingers, turning his face fully back to her so she can examine ever inch of his yellow tooth grin. "As for number three, yes, there are colorful ponies in my world. We kill them and ground them up for hamburger meat!"

His laughter echoed in the small room, the peals of his chuckles further dementing the sanity of the inhabitants of the prison cell. Twilight didn't know whether she could even believe half of the stuff he said. Heck, she was tempted to just run out of the room and never look back. But she wouldn't. This was her only chance to settle her fears. And finally get some answers.

Giving her best attempt at a fake smile to the giggling madman, she said, "Well, that's... nice. Now, for the next batch. Why exactly did you do, um, the crimes you committed?" That certainly wasn't the way she planned to word that question, but her anxiety was disrupting her normal thought process.

"Like I said before, I did those things because I can!" he cackled, his chains rustling as he hopped on one foot and spread his arms out wide. "I rob banks and steal money because I can! I kill people and stuff ping pong balls down children's throats because I can! I spread chaos and death to the entire world because I fucking can!" He was laughing now, his impossibly wide smile open so much Twilight could stare into the bottomless abyss of his mouth. "Isn't that the truest joy in life? Do whatever you want whenever you want? No conscience, no regrets? Just having a fun, bloody time?"

Twilight was shaking in fright, scooting on her rump away from the devilish smirk of the Joker. "N-No, that's awful! How can you possibly do such things? It's... it's... evil!" she cried.

The Joker just giggled and brought a hand to his lips, like a demented version of a school girl. "Evil? That's just a title you sane people like to attach to things. The truth of the matter is, there is no light or dark, good or evil. Just gray. The only true difference in the world is regular and crunchy!"

She shook her head, denying his words entry into her head. "No! That's not how the world works! Harmony will always triumph over Chaos!"

"Ha! Who taught you that? Some kiddie television show?" he teased, licking his ruby red lips with great relish. "Though, guess we're in one already, huh?"

Twilight was confused what he was talking about, but she quickly recovered enough to retort with, "You're insane!"

"I know!" he replied joyfully, spinning around like a ballerina on his tippy toes. "Isn't it wonderful?"

That's it. She had enough of this mad clown. No way was she going to listen to another word from his sinful lips She turned her back and made her way to the door, her hoof just touching the handle before she heard a yell behind her. "Aww, don't go Twinkie, I didn't even tell you about the secret!"

This caught her attention instantly. "What secret?" she demanded, the Joker's frightening appearance be damned as she walked closer to him.

"You know how I nearly killed everyone in Ponyville with dynamite?" he hinted. "And forced you to choose who lives and dies? The town or your precious Spikey wikey?"

"Which was a lie. You said so yourself that you only had enough dynamite to cover Spike," she reminded him, stopping several feet from his bars, not willing to take a step closer. "And that decision was a lie too. The detonator switch you gave me was a dunce."

"And there's the funny part. I lied."

"What?" she asked fearfully, dread creeping in her bones and a cold sweat breaking out on her forehead.

"About the switch being a dunce. It worked perfectly fine. It either set off the fake dynamite or the real ones." He jumped in the chair and rested one arm over it the back, getting into a relaxed position.

Twilight still wasn't getting the point, which was frustrating her to no end. "So, what does that mean?"

"It means..." he said, stopping to dust off his shoulder to create suspense, "that when you pressed the button, it still set off the detonator. But nothing exploded. Which will lead one to believe you..."

Her eyes bulged out of their socket. She slammed her hoof down on the device. No one died. Because she... "Hit the switch that killed the town," the Joker finished her thought, a sadistic grin on his white bleached face.

"N-No. That i-isn't t-true. I-It can't b-b-be," she stuttered, trying her best to deny it, to not see the truth, to crawl into a ball and wishing she never had to make that choice.

"Interesting stuff. Sacrificing the lives of an entire town just to save one life. Seems pretty, hmm, what was that word again?" The Joker snapped his fingers, the word dawning on him. "Evil. Yep, seems pretty evil to me."

Crying. That's what she was doing. Bawling her eyes out, cowering in a ball of her own self hatred at what she did. She couldn't deny it any longer. And the knowledge of her choice would weigh on her mind for the rest of her life. The Joker's laughter and pointing at her certainly didn't help. Suddenly, she felt feathers brush off the tears on her face.

"Twilight Sparkle, it's okay," whispered the gentle voice of Princess Luna, who was using her wing to soak away the tears streaming down her face. "He can't hurt you."

"B-But Princess, I-I-I..." She couldn't control herself as she was once again racked by sobs. Luna simply nuzzled the unicorn's cheek, waiting for her cries to die down.

"Guards, please escort Miss Sparkle back to her room. I wish to be alone with the Joker."

"But Princess-" one guard began, before shutting up at the glare the Princess of the night gave him. Both guards nodded quickly and saluted at their ruler, one of them helping the still crying Twilight to her hooves while the other held the door open. Once the only two inhabitants in the room were the alicorn and human, did Luna trained her eyes on the Joker.

He simply waved a hand at her. "Why hello there, Loonypoo. Something troubling you?"

"You," she growled, making her way right to his jail cell bars. "You created chaos and mayhem in my kingdom, harmed my citizens, and hurt my sister. I swear, if Celestia didn't wanted to give you a fair trial, I would stick your disgusting caracas to rot in the dungeons like you deserve."

"Now, Loonypoo, sweetheart, aren't we being a little overdramatic now?" he asked, pointing a finger at her accusingly.

"Shut up, cretin. I plan on giving you what you truly deserve. Justice," she retorted, her horn glowing in preparation.

"I much prefer injustice. Gotta go with what's in right now, huh?" he chuckled, not in the least bothered by her threat.

A bright flash of brilliant blue filled the room, small sparkles surrounding the Joker as the Luna's spell finished its casting. Brushing off some stray sparkles from his jumpsuit, the Joker said, "So, covering me in pixie dust is justice? Gotta admit, much quicker than the American law system."

Luna gave the Joker her own sadistic smile, taking cue from his special style. "Nope. I just cast a sleep spell. In only a few moments you will fall into a deep slumber, your dreams open to me. Here is where I'll deliver justice for your crimes. Here, you will meet your worst nightmares."

The Joker got up from his seat and made his way to his bed, each of his movements slow as the spell started to kick in. "Oh Loonypoo, you fail to realize something. My nightmares won't be a problem. For me. As for you..." He laughed, his chuckles dying down as he slumped into bed, unconscious in an instant. But his smile could still be seen, always there on his face. Always a happy grin that never left his side.

Chapter 12: It Was Only A Dream...

Sheesh, I'm bored.

You've been saying that for the past five minutes.

And that just proves you're as bored as me if you're counting the time since I first said so.

... damnit, I hate it when you actually make sense.

Scary, ain't it?

Terrifying.

So, is Luna really going to go into my dreams this chapter?

Oh my god, we're actually discussing the story for once instead of trading insults! I never thought this day would come!

... so, is Luna really going to go into my dreams this chapter, asshole?

Yes. Hope you cleaned out the place.

Not since that New Years party in 1998.

Damn. The smell will be horrendous.

You can blame that on all the dead bodies.

Sheesh, at least burn them or something.

But I like the stench! Like a scented candle, but not as fruity!

Ugh, let's just get this over with.

Breaking an immortal goddess creature's sanity takes time you know. Also, knives and axes. Might even break out the blowtorch this time...

Horrible implications aside, let's get on with the story!

Hacksaw! That's what I need! Oh, this will be so much fun!

"What did he mean by that?" Luna thought to herself, staring over the unconscious form of the Joker before her. He was currently sucking his thumb with that insidious red lipped smile still stuck on his face, even in dreamland. Was he even capable of frowning?

Sighing, she got prepared by settling down in the middle of the room in a comfortable position. She was about to enter someone's dreams, so she would be partially asleep herself. It was always a good idea to make sure she didn't get any sores or cramps by sitting down in an awkward position.

Now ready, her horn glowed as she called upon her arcane arts and prepared her dream entering spell. A difficult spell for even highly trained unicorns, it took years to even get basic controls right. Centuries to master it. Good thing Luna had immortality on her side here.

The transition into the dream state was always a harrowing experience. Like crossing a threshold of such great magnitude you think you'll disappear in the emptiness before you got to the other side. But Luna was already used to this and easily directed her mind towards the Joker, a bright orb of light shooting towards the sleeping clown and drifting slowly in a spiral until it hit his forehead and fizzled out.

Luna felt herself free falling. She didn't bother to open up her wings. So air rushed past her. This falling experience was the usual way for entry into a dream. Each one was different in its own right, but a common cause was falling in. Descending farther down into the endless black hole of his subconscious, she eventually reached the floor of the dream state.

All around her was a black void of infinity, a person's mind in its blankest state. But not for long. Out of the shadows of the stark landscape approached a familiar figure. Dressed now in his usual attire of mismatched, colorful clothing, he walked closer with a jump in his step. The Joker.

The demented clown did a quick ditty of fancy foot work and jumped and landed in a grand finish, his heels clicking on the floor somehow as he pointed a finger towards her and laughed, "Well if it ain't the Loonster! Taking a trip inside my dreams, huh? Isn't that a bit creepy?"

Scowling at the madman, Luna gritted her teeth and said, "Not as creepy as your actions, Joker. You disgust me."

"Yeah, and you aren't exactly a bundle of sunshines either," he chuckled, leaning against an invisible wall and staring at his gloved hand in a nonchalant manner, ignoring the Princess. "What with the entire horse face thing. Ever thought about plastic surgery for that?"

"Enough jokes!" Luna growled, taking a menacing step forward.

"Jokes? I would never think about doing such a thing," the Joker said defensively, holding a hand to his chest. "I am shocked you would accuse me of such a thing, Loonypoo."

"Stop calling me that!" she shouted, stomping her hoof on the floor, causing a shudder to go through the dreamscape. "My name is Luna! I will not be made a mockery of by the likes of you!"

The Joker held up a finger for silence. Then, he put an open palm beside his ear, leaning in to listen for a sound. He stayed like this for several seconds while Luna just looked perplexed at him.

"What is the meaning of this, clown?" she asked hesitantly, not sure of what trick he'll pull next.

The Joker lowered his arm and shrugged. "I was just checking for the amount of fucks I give. And from the silence I have totaled it to be exactly zero."

"This isn't one of your damn jokes!" Luna yelled, the dreamscape shaking from the rage coming from her voice. "This is justice for your crimes!"

"Ooh, justice! I'm so scared!" the Joker teased, shivering in his shoes. "Whatcha gonna do? Lock me in an asylum and throw away the key? That worked out so well before."

"No, Joker. Your crimes and utter lack for innocent life has warranted you a much harsher punishment. One I will deal out." Luna took a menacing step towards the clown, her horn glowing a dark blue hue. The Joker merely leaned back in an uncaring way, not even bothering to glance at the alicorn.

"Oh please, you're sounding more cliched than even Superham. Justice, revenge, blah blah blah," the Joker sighed, sadly shaking his head. "Seriously, are the writers running out of ideas for superheroes these days? You're basically shooting a dead horse with a bazooka nowadays."

"The joke ends here, Joker!" Luna shouted, her eyes glowing with a haunting sapphire light as her mane flowed down to surround herself on the floor. From her mane appeared apparitions of monstrous creatures: claws and flesh shredding teeth, along with hulking and disfigured bodies. All nightmarish figures of pure terror that would drive on mad just by staring at them.

Her mane traveled across the floor to surround the Joker in a pool of shimmering, starry-like dark blue mane. Slowly claws, tentacles, and other limbs made to dismember their victims. A gloating smile appeared on Luna's face as her nightmare magic did its work. "Now you will relive the worst terrors of your nightmares and fears! This is justice for your crimes, Joker!"

The magical constructs soon surrounded the Joker as they shifted their forms to even more twisted and demonic versions of themselves with each passing second. Many reach out to grasp his cloths and arms in razor-sharp claws while many other opened up their hideous maws to expose gore ridden teeth and bloody drool. All had eyes filled with an icy blackness, their skin resembling Luna's mane if the hues turned into a much darker, sinister color.

At first the Joker stared at the nightmare creatures with an unamused look, one of the only times Luna has seen him not smile. A small feeling of triumph entered her as she began to think she won. But then those ruby red lips of his widened, arching upward in a smirk, then grin, and finally a full on psycho smile she was familiar with.

Now his shoulder were shaking. Not from terror, mind you. From the giggles he was trying to hold back. Crossing his arms he bellowed merrily, his laughter rolling out of his mouth like a river of "Ha's" and "Ho's" and even the occasional "Heh". And it didn't stop. His mirthful chuckles didn't rest as his mouth seemed to unhinge itself as his laughter reach a new crescendo, the echoes of his disturbing, joy filled cackling filling the entire dreamscape.

Luna was shaking her head in disbelief. "No... this is impossible! You shouldn't be laughing at your worst fears! That's just... just..."

"Crazy?" the Joker finished her sentence, slowly sauntering over to her while her aspirations dissolved at the slightest touch. "Giggling at the ghosties actually works! And really, what were you expecting? And that's a trick question. Unexpected in my specialty."

"But... my magic should've worked!" she assured herself, her eyes widening as a new feeling came over her like a tidal wave. One that drenched her to the core. Fear. "I'm the ruler of dreams! Forerunner of nightmares! No mortal should be unsusceptible to my magic!"

"And there's your mistake. Thinking I'm mortal," the Joker chuckled, walking right up to her and towering above the alicorn with his superior height. "You couldn't be more wrong, Loonster!"

"No... no, this can't be happening," Luna whispered to herself, a sweat forming over her brow, even in her dreams. She turned her gaze back to the Joker and gritted her teeth, her horn once again glowing with powerful magic as out of thin air swords leaped out to impale the Joker.

The Joker in turn merely laugh, the weapons dissolving into dust. Wiping some stray dust off his jacket, he arched a green eyebrow at the alicorn. "See, this is where cockiness gets you. Dickblocked!"

Luna wasn't paying attention, as over and over again she summoned weapons and other attacks to destroy the Joker. Axes, fireballs, tornado of knives, a nuclear bomb. But one after the other they dissolved or disappeared before they even touched the clown. The Joker just stood in place and with finger on his chin, nodding his head the entire time. "Nice form and technique, but your performance is still lacking. Ever thought about stretching first?"

"Why is nothing working?" she yelled, her horns casting a darker light than before as she poured magic to create dream constructs only for them to fail seconds later. "I have total control over dreams! No mind is impervious to my magic!"

"Says you and every one of my shrinks. But if you didn't already guess this, Loonypoo, I ain't normal!" the Joker yelled with that insidious grin still stuck on his white plastered face as he leaned closer to her. "What, you didn't get the memo yet?"

In a fit of blind rage and last ditch effort to stop him, she charged forward, only for the Joker to dissolve when she went through him. Shaking off white and purple particles off herself while stopping in her tracks to look all along the barren landscape of the dreamscape. "Joker, show yourself!"

A sinister giggle could be heard behind her, followed by another to her right side. "Why would I? This is just too much fun! Seeing you put in your place for once is just an experience I can't pass up!"

"You better, or else I'll make you sorry!" she warned, her horn glowing with her magical aura as she prepared for an attack.

"You must not be good at poker, because we both know that's a bluff. Unlike one of those mamby-pansy ponies, my mind can't be control. Not even Martian Manhunter, the best psychic on Earth could keep me sane for more than five minutes before his brain nearly exploded! How much of a chance do you have?" he asked, his voice like a specter as it floated around her mysteriously.

Her magic surrounded her in a bright shield of sapphire light, the glow from the magic lighting up the Joker's black dreamscape. "I won't lose, Joker! Your mind may be broken, but mine is whole! A strong mind will always defeat a damaged one!"

The Joker appeared before her, just jumping into existence in an instant. Walking up to her dome of magic, he knocked on it and admired his grin in the reflection. "I think you might be right about that. Guess we gotta fix that. Even out the odds, so to speak."

With one final knock the shield shattered, the magic acting like weak glass as it crashed to the floor. Shivering in fright at her powerful magic being trumped in only one hit, Luna stared with fearful eyes as the Joker approached her. Her hooves trembling as she slowly backed up, she asked, "Wh-what are you?"

The Joker's smile grew especially wide at this question. "There are a lot of answers to that question. Some say a clown. Others say a no-good villain. While many others call my a mass murdering, homicidal maniac that spreads terror and destruction everywhere he goes. The last one is a little long for my taste, but beggars can't be choosers. Unless I killed that beggar and stole all his cash."

In one fluid movement, so quick Luna was unable to react, the Joker grasped onto her neck with a viselike grip and brought her muzzle close to her pointy nose. "As for right now, my dear, I'm your worst nightmare." A hole suddenly appeared underneath the chocking alicorn, a bottomless and dark abyss. "Now why don't you take a load off and enjoy the show!"

He laughed as he released Luna, the alicorn screaming in fright as she tried desperately to flap her wings, but to no avail. She descend down the hole, her last image of the Joker waving goodbye and laughing heartily from the top of the hole as she was soon lost to the never-ending void.

Author's Note

If anyone gets the Superham reference, you win a cookie.

Chapter 13: ... And Now It's A Nightmare

Oh what fun it is to ride on a one horse open sleigh, hey!

Say what now?

And then you drive that sleigh over the mountain into an orphanage with bombs ablazing and children crying and the sweet sound of laughter in the air.

Um... okay then.

I should be paid to write children’s novels.

You’re like a more demented version of Dr. Seuss.

Pfft, as if. He isn’t even a doctor. While I am.

When did you become a doctor?

Ever since I got this doctor’s coat and started performing open heart surgery.

The name tag on that coat isn’t even yours. And it’s covered in blood...

Hey, you know how much dry cleaning costs nowadays? Besides, blood stains makes it more authentic.

Fine, whatever you like. Just don’t be bringing organs over to my place.

Okay then, spoil sport. Also, do you have any mayonnaise and pickle jars currently not in use?

Um... yes.

Excellent! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some harvesting, collecting and organizing to do! To the kitchen!

I don’t want to see any stains on my carpet!

“Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey,” the Joker whispered in Luna’s ear. Her eyes shot open instantly, the darkness of the void she descended into earlier her only sight.

“Oh wait; you ponies are vegetarians or vegans, aren’t you?” he chuckled, his voice unseen in the dreaded blackness. “I’ll just have to make a fried asparagus salad with roasted goat cheese instead. That sound good, Lunypoo?”

“Wh-where am I?” Luna asked, the claustrophobia of her new surroundings causing her breathing to fluxuate.

“What, did the past five minutes just leave your mind?” the Joker said, the click-clack of her heels against a hard surface echoing around the neverending room. “Memory problems are a nasty thing to have. But, seeing as how you’re over a thousand years old, it’s no surprise. Alzheimer’s gets the best of us eventually.”

Luna gulped, though the body movement meant nothing, seeing how she had no body she could control at the moment. Not even a twist of the neck to stare at the approaching figure behind her. “P-please... let me g-go. Please...”

“Let you go?” Luna felt a gloved hand grasp her shoulder, a feeling in her body at last. She was suddenly twisted around, the grinning whiter than white face of the Joker filling her field of vision. “But you wanted to be here in the first place. And it’d be rude for a guest to just run out after just arriving, isn’t it?”

“I’m not a guest!” Luna shouted in his face, trying with all her might to get more of her body working. “I’m not here to have fun or talk or anything! I just want to go back home!”

“But my dear Luna,” he began, snapping his fingers, “you are home.”

The blackness began to melt away, like ink swirling down a drain. In its place an explosion of color exploded on the once dark canvas. Playing cards with creepily grinning visages that resembled a particular clown. Spades and heart and clubs and diamonds rained from the sky in a distorting storm of a black and red nightmare. The jacks stabbed the kings, the queens ate the jacks, and the kings decapitated the both of them in such a bloody infusion of unrealism and gore that Luna couldn’t keep her eyes away.

“Welcome to the asylum!” the Joker shouted, holding his hands out wide in the utter chaos of his dreams, his mind, his very soul and existence. “A feast of the damned! A home for the un-bland! And a derelict boardinghouse of the the dementedly screwed in the head band!”

Reaching into his coat pocket, the Joker withdrew a napkin and wiped his forehead. “Man, rhyming takes a lot outta you.” What could only be described as a demonic baby midget dressed in drag with teeth covered in blood floated to the ground on wings of an angel and presented the Joker with a glass of water.

“Thanks, hon,” the Joker said, accepting the glass and draining it in one gulp. Throwing it over his shoulder to exploded in a shower of glass that quickly tore the midget to shreds, the Joker slapped his hands together and rubbed them in eager glee. “Now, back to the fun with you, Lunypoo.”

“What type of hell is this place?” Luna asked, the lights and sickening sights more psychotic than any nightmare she has ever witnessed before. She had no control or influence over this place. Anything she could attempt would be like trying to build a sandcastle in the middle of a dust storm. There was no support or anything resembling balance to build any type of control over. She was defenseless here.

And she already knew the Joker was going to take advantage of that fact at every opportunity.

The Joker waggled a finger in front of her face. “Ah, ah, ah, no type of language like that here. Pottymouths are not tolerated, Luny, not at all. Now you’re gonna have to be punished.”

“What punishment can be worse than this torture?” Luna declared, the dazzling colors and mad sights collectively throwing her sanity out of the window of a skyscraper. Her mind couldn’t take much more of this insanity without breaking down. It was like madness itself had invaded her thoughts as was ripping her brain to shreds.

The Joker’s smile just widened further. “Now you’re just tempting me further. Know just the right way to turn me on, don’t you? Naughty girl.”

He quickly turned away from her, the randomness and chaotic nature of his dreams parting like a river before him. Luna felt herself move behind him without her own consent. The terrifying playing cards and midgets of horrifyingly disgusting nature just stared and laughed at her, their teeth glistening in saliva as they hungered for her flesh.

“Where are you taking me?” Luna shouted, trying to be heard over the laughter of the grisly figures around her. “Stop! I command you to stop now!”

“Oh, so before you were begging, and now you’re ordering?” The Joker tutted, shaking his head sadly as he continued on his way, deeper into his own mind. “You obviously don’t know the true meaning of good foreplay. You got the orders switched, deary. No wonder you can’t get a guy.”

“What are you talking about?” Luna asked, the bright colors now shifting to darker shades as the hue intensity dropped dramatically. The creatures around them grew more frightening and twisted, growing claws and jaws ready to rip her apart.

The Joker abruptly turned back to her, twirling a finger around his temple in a coo coo motion. “Sorry deary, have to talk louder! The madness is making me deaf! Or is it the other way around? Ha ha ha ha ha!”

“No sense... you’re not making any sense!”

“And that’s the answer to your question!” the Joker said, clapping his hands together and giving her a round of applause. His nightmare minions did the same, the sounds of clapping hands mixing with their never ending laughter. “Get the girl a prize, because she just figured it out!”

Luna screwed her eyes shut, overwhelmed with all the noise and sights and everything else in this living hell she was going through. “I d-don’t... understand. I don’t...”

“And you never do want to,” the Joker cut in, walking over to her and leaning down so they were face to face. “Because when you understand, when things make sense, when everything aligns perfectly in a proper order is the point that you finally go crazy. Just like me.”

“I’m... not crazy.”

“Oh really? Then who’s that over there?” he asked, pointing a skeletal finger over Luna’s shoulder. The princess was promptly turned around, facing what was behind her to see... herself?

Well, not exactly. It was only Nightmare Moon, the corrupted version of what she had been in the past. Her darker alter ego was still, not even her mane flapping in a nonexistent breeze like it usually did.

Luna could feel the Joker’s hot breath appear on the side of her cheek as his fingers wrapped around her shoulder. “This is you when things finally made sense. When you finally had an understanding of the world you lived in.”

“Y-you’re wrong... w-wrong,” Luna muttered, shaking her head repeatedly as the living statue of herself just stood frozen still as usual. “I was corrupted by my envy. That’s it.”

“Ah, but where did that envy come from?” the Joker asked, squeezing her shoulders tighter. “Was it from the fact you’ll never be as popular as your sister? Never her equal? Always a second rate princess that you quickly forget the name of?”

“I...”

“So, what happened when you finally realized that, Luny? Did you act rational and try to talk to your sister?” The Nightmare Moon statue slowly began to melt, turning to a black pool that sunk in the floor. “Or did you break down and go slightly... insane?”

“I’m not like you,” Luna hissed, trying all her might to escape his grasp. “I’ll never be a sick sociopath like you.”

“Oh really? Then what do you call a jealous sister that causes a master civil war, hostile political coup and trying to make the night eternal? An adolescent phase?”

“Just shut up, you sick freak!” Luna yelled, trying to escape his words, escape his mind, escape her own bitter reality from what he said.

Luna felt her throat constrict as his fingers began the process of crushing her windpipe. “Now, you should know I just hate name calling.”

Her vision blurred and shifted to greater levels of darkness clouded her mind. How could her oxygen be cut off in a dream? Really, how was anything the Joker doing possible? She was supposed to be in control. Yet here she was, being choked to death in the dream of a psychotic clown.

Of course, it wouldn’t end that simply.

His fingers loosened their strangling grip, give her time to breath for a few seconds. “You know, I’ve been completely selfish here. I know so much about yourself, yet you know nothing of me.”

He turned her around so his terrifying tooth filled smile was the only thing she saw. “Would you care to take a trip down memory lane?”

“N–”

“Well, too bad!” the Joker laughed, shoving his pointed toe shoe in her face and pushing with his leg forward. Luna fell with a loud thud on the ground, her back and neck in pain from the hard collision. Struggling to get up, she felt a hard object slam against her leg, crippling her to fall back down again.

Luna’s first cry of pain was muffled by another impact of the object along her jawline. Whipping her head back from the force of the hit, Luna could barely make her mouth open to protest a scream.

She was in a warehouse of sort sort, boxes and brick walls surrounding her. And there was the Joker, laughing maliciously, his previous outfit of his usual suit replaced with a purple jumpsuit along with a crowbar he raised above his head, already covered in her blood. But that smile stilled stayed the same, perverted in pleasure at her agony as he hit her again and again and again.

“Oh come now, Lunypoo, the Boy Blunder didn’t cry nearly as bad as you are now!” he chortled, changing his barrage of strikes to a front and back hand style. “Why, it took him at least two minutes before he started begging for death. And only three before he pissed his pants! Though I always thought of them as speedos myself. Maybe trunks can work too. Heck, why not play with the trope of calling them underwear instead? Bahahahahahahahaha!”

Luna whimpered, too weak to even cough out the blood that had collected in her mouth. Her entire body was beaten and bruised, and for some odd reason she could hear the voice of a child crying for his mother.

“You like this particular memory of mine, Luny?” the Joker asked, flicking the crowbar to splatter droplets of her blood all over herself. Leaning down, he lifted up her head with the crowbar’s end. “Real nice time the kid and I had. It was a short play date, but boy did we ever make good use of the time. Just a shame the big boy couldn’t be here to play. But at least I left him a parting gift to enjoy one last time. Hehehehe.”

The Joker got back up, twirling the crowbar in his hand like a cane as he skipped around her prone body. “Oh, what a marvelous day that was. Nothing like taking out generic sidekick number twelve and causing the guy dressed as a rodent to take the blame for it all! Oh the humanity, the disregard for life, the sublime feel of pissing off the fans in the most spectacular way possible!”

The Joker abruptly stopped, turning back to her with a smile that bordered on inhuman. But at this point, the Joker already gave up his humanity long ago. “All of what you just went through could have been averted, you know. It was left to the decision 50-cent hotline vote. Whether a little boy would be killed or not was left to be decided upon by the fanboys! And you know what happened?”

The Joker couldn’t help but giggle. Giggle like a little schoolgirl. Giggle until his sides were in a tizzle. “They voted for him to... die! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! The kid was so unpopular, everyone wanted him dead, dead, dead!” the Joker cackled, returning back in front of Luna so she could get a good look on the youthful glee on his face. “Over ten thousand votes were cast, with the final vote being 5,343 votes for the birdie to die over the 5,271 for him to live.”

The Joker was nearly on the breakdown of tears he was laughing so hard. He crawled across the floor to Luna, holding her head in his hands as spittle flew from his mouth from the repressed giggles. “So by that account, 72 people were the deciding factor for his death. Isn’t that something? Isn’t it? Because of those 72 people, I got to kill him! Me, and only me! I finally got to stick it to the Bat right where it hurts, and all it took was 72 people to make it happen.” The Joker pushed in her cheeks so that her lips were scrunched up together in an adorable manner, if you didn’t stare too close at the blood or the black eye on her face. “Isn’t that just grand?”

Luna spit on his face, the spotless white skin now freckled with blood. Giving her a rare frown, her got up and retrieved his napkin to wipe the blood away. “Tisk, tisk, tisk. Spitting now? Bird Boy had much better manners than you, my dear. Such a shame, since I thought we were making such wonderful progress here.”

“Go to... h-hell... you b-bastard,” Luna muttered weakly.

“And there we go with that potty mouth again,” the Joker sighed, a look of utter disappointment on his clownish features. “I’m gonna have to teach you another lesson again, aren’t I?”

“N-no...”

“Yes indeedy!” the Joker replied with gusto, throwing the crowbar over his shoulder. Now the settings around them changed to what appeared to be a condo or apartment building of some sort. A door was the first thing she noted, just as her hoof reached out to open it against her will. She no longer had the injuries inflicted to her from before, though she still remembered the horrible pain.

The door opened, revealing the Joker, dressed in his Florida vacation best of a flora shirt and shorts. Along with a pointed gun right at her. Then, without a word, narrative caption or even sound effect, he shot her through the midsection.

As Luna fell to the ground, screaming as her spine was destroyed from the bulletwound, the Joker leaned down to her, the grin of his just as wide as ever. “The path down memory lane can be a long one, filled with trials and tribulations. Well, not for me particularly, since I can’t even remember my past well enough to know the face of the pedestrian I ran over while going out of my way to grab a burger. But you get the point.”

The Joker lifted up a glass of brandy, as if he was toasting with her as she flailed desperately with her front legs on the ground from the pain, her back legs paralyzed from her spine injury. “And you’re going to help me prove a point. So here’s to crime! Bahahahahahahahaha!”

Chapter 14: New Laughs, Old Memories

Well, Luna’s fucked.

Such vulgarity! Do try to have some semblance of sophistication.

Me? Unsophisticated? You just killed a guy less than five minutes ago!

Yes, but with class!

Wearing a tux and using fancy silverware does not count as class!

Well then, I do believe I’ll take my murdering spree somewhere else, thank you very much. The nerve of some people.

And for Christ’s sake, please try to not get bloodstains on the tux. It cost me a lot of money to rent it for you, and it’s dry clean only!

Why aren’t you a little complainer.

You’re not the one who has to pay rent again this month! You’d think a roommate would be more considerate in helping pay for the rent.

Hey, I am considerate! I killed the landlord, didn’t I?

… Say what now?

He’s in the washing machine.

Okay, first off, why? And secondly, why in the washing machine?

The spin cycle didn’t work. He couldn’t fix it. Good news, now we have free detergent!

And a washing machine filled with a dead body!

Hey, I’m just trying to look on the bright side of things. You didn’t even hear what I did to the drying machine.

This is going to cost me a lot of quarters, isn’t it?

By the time I’m done destroying this soda machine, we won’t have to worry about running out ofquarters ever again!

“Wh-where am I?” Luna asked, blinking her eyes as she felt the fuzziness she experienced before leaving her vision. She felt as if her mouth was full of cotton balls and her brain was barely able to function coherently.

“Why, still sleeping like a princess,” a shadowed figure said before her, before stepping into the light from overhead to reveal the lanky figure of the Joker, still smiling like a madman.

Then it all came rushing back to her. Entering the Joker’s dreams, becoming trapped in his twisted mind, going through each one of his merciless crimes one by one. All as the victims, of course. She must’ve blacked out. But how was that even possible in a dream?

“What’s happening now?” Luna asked her captor, too weak to move. Her mind was so jaded from the repeated murders that she could hardly think straight.

The Joker just grinned an extra malicious smile. “Don’t you remember what happened before you blacked out?”

“Yeah… you skinned me alive,” Luna answered, wincing at the memory. “Then threw me onstage for a crowd to laugh at me. It… it… hurt so horribly...”

“Give the girl a treat, because she got it right!” the Joker congratulated her, reaching into his coat pocket and rummaging through it for a moment. “Do you know what’s going to happen now?”

“Please… please, just end it,” Luna begged. She had already gone through enough pain, enough nightmares, to last most ponies their entire lifetime. Too bad for Luna, she still had several lifetimes to go.

“Oh, I will soon enough.” The Joker finally found what he was looking for. A large handgun that looked like it was better suited as a two-hand assault weapon. Pointing the wide end muzzle directly in her face, he asked, “So, Luny, feel a tingling on your face?”

“It… IT BURNS!” Luna cried out, half of her face feeling like it was on fire. It felt like the meat of her cheek and even her bone had melted off, leaving a large bloody wound in its place.

“Yeah, a combination of electricity and acid can do that to ya,” he laughed, trigger finger eager to click away. “But don’t worry. I have about 10 millimeters of medicine to take care of that for you!”

BLAM!

“Bahahahahahahahaha!” the Joker laughed hysterically, slapping his knee in glee over the dead body of Luna. “That was even more fun than killing Luthor! Well, his alternate form, anyways.”

Luna moaned, reforming in her own bloody pool as her face healed back up. She wouldn’t die, of course. Not until the Joker was done with his fun, that is.

“Please, just end this torture! End it in mercy’s name!”

“Sorry, but mercy’s name is nadda, and she can be quite a bitch sometimes,” the Joker chuckled, throwing his gun to the side to lean down beside her. “But why the long face, horse creature? Didn’t you want to teach me a lesson? Because you’re succeeding in that for sure! Now I’m learning just how far a mind can go...” The Joker tapped Luna’s temple with his skinny finger. “Until the breaking point.”

“Is there nothing that can defeat you?” Luna asked, too exhausted to slap away his pointer in her face. “Are you just some disease that sweeps through the land and destroys all in its path?”

“The second part you’re correctomundo about,” the Joker agreed, stretching his bowtie out to fit more snugly around his neck. “Though I prefer cancer. Maybe even an STD. It’d make more sense, since laughter is quite contagious!” Letting loose a chorus of chuckles that sent shivers down Luna’s spine, the Joker slapped his hands together quite suddenly. “Though there is one thing that beats me time and time again.”

“What is it?” Luna asked, a glimmer of hope shining in her heart at the possibility of ending this nightmare once and for all. Anything to just escape this hellish torment.

“More like a who. And even then, I don’t know,” the Joker said, shrugging his shoulders. A shadow behind himself repeated this action, growing larger and larger as the second ticked by. “He’s an enigma wrapped in mystery and double dipped in puzzlement while being deep fried in cholesterol inducing foods. A man of no other caliber could contend with him. Truly a genius. And truly a worthy nemesis for me to fight.”

“Why? Why fight?”

“Why not? What else would I do?” the Joker laughed, his shadow now overshadowing him. It grew even larger, a black induced ghoul of darkness. “Fight someone else? No one can compare, keep up with, or even come close to the Batman!”

“Bat… man?” Luna said, unsure what he meant by this.

“A goody two-shoes that didn’t know how to have a good time,” the Joker explained, the shadow rippling with energy. “He was just a lovable stick in the mud. A complete opposite to me in many ways, while we were the same in many others as well.”

“Are you scared of him?” Luna asked, noticing that the shadow was clinging to the Joker like dripping oil.

“Scared? Why would I be scared of good ol’ Batsy?” the Joker asked, his shadow completely consuming him now.

His slender body grew big and bulky, muscles packed tight underneath. On his chest was a black bat symbol, his ridiculous purple suit from before replaced with a dark grey costume with a black cowl and cape. The mask he wore covered half his face, revealing a hardline jaw with a frown and a dark mask whose eyes sent waves of fear to any who looked directly in them.

“I am Batsy!” the Joker, or rather, Batman, laughed, grin still as disturbing whether in his new form or the old. “Time for you to see how justice really works!”

Unluckily for Luna, closing her eyes away from the nightmarish sight and praying it’d be over quicker did nothing to save her. Neither did screaming either.

Chapter 1: The Joker Has Arrived

Finally! Took you morons long enough to make a fic about me. For Pete's sake, they've made a Hulk and a Wolverine crossover, but nothing with me in it. There's even a couple of stories with that fourth-wall breaking pinhead Deadpool!

Well Deadpool is pretty popular. Plus his fourth-wall breaking ability is very similar to a particular someone on the show.

Pull-leaze, I've broken, stabbed, and blown up the fourth wall way before these new guys. And did I get my own story? No!

Um, sorry to hear about that Joker. Hopefully this fic will be to your liking.

It better! Seriously, the lack of DC fans in this fandom is shocking. And on that subject, what the hell am I being crossovered with anyway?

I'm pretty sure crossovered isn't a real word.

Answer the question!

It's My Little Pony.

... You gotta be kidding me.

You knew about those other fics! How could you not know what you're being crossovered with? Dammit, I used that word.

That's besides the point! You're crossing me over with a show about a bunch of magical midget horses made for six year old girls!

Actually, if you watched a couple of episodes I'm sure you'd enjoy it.

Forget it. I've been with worse. Much worse.

... Okay then. Hopefully you'll have a real fun time in the magical land of Equestria.

Please tell me they don't name everything there with horse puns.

...

Ugh. Fine, I can live with that. At least make it interesting.

Sure thing! I'm going to make it everyone rated and a romance and-

Whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone. The words "The Joker" and "everyone" never appear in the same sentence, unless the word "kills" is in the middle. Make it Mature, and the only romance I do is with my Harley, so I'm not going to fuck one of those horses.

I can drop the romance tag, but I don't think people will be comfortable with a gritty and super violent Joker.

Oh come on, in the New 52 I get my face cut off and people were cool with that.

Look Joker, I just want to make a good Joker fic without making it seem too Cupcakeish.

And you said I make up words. Plus, I've read Cupcakes, and I've done much worse in a typical afternoon stroll in the park.

Wait, how'd you read it if you... forget it. You're going to be teen rated and that's final.

At least do it with the 1940's me.

Say what now?

Back then I could kill whoever I want and be as racist and sexist as I want. The Golden Age when Asians mixed their L's and R's. Heck, even the writing back then was shit, with plot holes bigger than a gay man's anus! You'd be perfect for the job!

First off, I don't know if that metaphor is offensive or not, and second, I can too write a semi-believable story with the Joker in Equestria.

Whatever you say. As long as I get a good laugh and cause as much chaos as possible. And don't you dare use the Silver age me. I couldn't kill anyone with that blasted Comics Code up.

Fine then. Whoa, we've been talking a lot.

That's great! Now you don't have to make a crappy prologue, just mix it with this one in a huge chapter.

I guess that works. Better get started on the story.

And make it snappy!

"What a beautiful day to go shopping!" Joker said, before shooting a policeman between the eyes. Stepping over the fallen officer's corpse, the Joker entered the bank/coffee shop he intended to rob. Just another typical afternoon in Gotham city.

Arriving at the counter, the Joker flashed his trademark Cheshire smile that terrified the bank teller and everyone else in the room that had been sipping their cappuccinos a second ago.. "I'd like to withdraw five hundred thousand macaroons with a frappuccino, no milk with plenty of sugar and foam."

While the teller quickly complied with the Joker's demands, the robber in question was whistling a catchy tune while nonchalantly spinning his revolver with his index finger. The occupants of the bank/coffee shop were too frightened to dare escape, instead focusing on the revolver that was dangerously close to being fired.

The sweating teller finally arrived with a sack bulging with paper bundles in one hand and a frappuccino in the other. Grabbing the frappuccino out of the man's hand, the Joker took a tentative sip.

"Mmm, tasty," the Joker said, his smile now coated with foam. But his smile fell, replaced with a disappointed frown. "But I can definitely taste milk." The Joker aimed his revolver at the teller's head and pulled the trigger, blasting the poor man's brains across the wall. "That cost you your tip."

Throwing his frappuccino over his shoulder, the Joker snatched the bag of ill gotten gain and made his way to the exit, not before saying to the terror stricken crowd, "Can't seem to find any good service nowadays!" He departed, laughing.

Outside the bank/coffee shop however, was a full squad of police cars on the busy street corner with officers directing their guns at the villain. Commissioner Gordon pulled out a megaphone, shouting, "The jig is up Joker! You're surrounded!"

"Jig? What jig are you talking about Commissioner? Usually I do the waltz, tango, heck, I've even dabbled in the macarena from time to time. But I would never sink so low as to dance a jig, whatsoever," the Joker said, not in the least intimidated by all the guns pointing at him.

Gordon turned to the sniper on his right and whispered, "Prepare to fire on my mark," The Commissioner walked forward towards the dangerous maniac, all the time keeping his pistol level with the Joker's head. "Surrender now and no one has to get hurt."

Chuckling under his breath, the Joker pulled out a pocket watch from his vest, glancing at the time. "While I would love to continue this Gordy dear, I have an appointment to keep. Can't keep Batman waiting forever now, can we?" The Joker's smile grew even bigger, reaching inhumanely from ear to ear.

Closing the pocket watch and placing it back in his vest, he gave a bow to the crowd of police officers and Gordon himself. Then, quicker than the sniper could fire, the Joker activated the hidden switch in his vest, causing a thick, green gas to emit from the flower on his suit.

"Everyone run for it! Joker gas!" the Commissioner shouted, before taking a shot at the disappearing figure in the green gas. Before he could fire again, he abandoned his spot to escape the toxic gas now drifting down the street. Officers everywhere made a mad dash to not be touched by the cloud of green death, along with pedestrians who were shrieking and pushing to get out of the cloud's way.

Several minutes later, after the gas finally dispersed, the Joker was discovered to have escaped once again. If only they knew he was right beneath their feet right now.

The Gotham sewers have always been home to the criminal elements of the town, often used as a hideout, escape route, and general location for dumping bodies. The Joker used the sewers for these reasons and more.

He was currently cooking a hotdog on a stick over a small fire, whistling an odd tune to himself quietly. A few minutes later, a mysterious dark shadow appeared behind him. Noticing the shadow, he turned around and waved happily to his new acquaintance. "Batman, I thought you would never arrive. And that would've been rude after all the trouble I made preparing your lunch. Hotdog?"

Batman ignored the overcooked meat the Joker extended to him. "You stole five hundred thousand dollars and burned it so you can cook hotdogs?" he said, his voice gravely and tough.

"Well, I would've gotten something better, but I was in a hurry. And I know how your hours conflict with our personal time, so I thought I'd do some robbing and surprise you."

Before the Joker could react Batman slammed his foot in is face, the force of the hit sending him across the tunnel a good couple of feet. Jumping back on his feet with that impeccable grin of his face, he cracked his neck and gloved hands. "Well, well, Batsy, going rough right away. You naughty boy."

Batman began running towards his foe, jumping in the air while bringing his foot up in a flying kick. Before the kick could connect with the Joker's grinning face, he disappeared, leaving only empty air for Batman to fall through. He heard that familiar laugh behind him.

The Jokers was slapping his sides, wiping fake tears from his eyes, "Ha ha ha ha ha! Come now Batsy, is that all you got. The years haven't been good to you by the looks of it."

Once again Batman tried to attack the Jokers with a leg sweep, but the notorious villain disappeared out of thin air. "Really, have our little squabbles gotten this bad?" the Joker whispered over Batman's shoulder. "I remember when I'd strap you down over a pool of boiling acid and you'd escape, punching me repeatably in the face until I uttered my safe word 'I surrender'. Oh, to be young again."

Suddenly a batarang cut through the air in the Joker's direction. He vanished like before, and Batman knew he would appear behind him. In one quick motion with his hand he threw the other batarang he was concealing directly behind him to the newly teleported Joker. This time the Joker didn't disappear like before, only managing to dodge the batarang by ducking out of cover to the left.

Picking himself off the ground, the Joker noticed a small tear in his jacket from where the batarang managed to hit him. "Now Batso, you ruined another one of my suits. I swear I go through more of these things in a week than most men do in their lifetime."

"Enough jokes Joker. How are you able to teleport like that?" Batman angrily demanded.

Joker, always the one to gloat, revealed a small box device with a red switch on top that he hid in his sleeve. "I owe it all to this little beauty. Picked it up from LexCorp during my last breakout from Arkham. Some prototype for a short distance teleporter, but after a couple of quick modifications from me, it's up and functioning like a dream. Imagine what crimes I can do now Batman. Stealing, blackmailing, murdering, all now effortless with this little device in my hand. And there's nothing you can do about it."

However, while Joker was busy showing off, Batman stealthily snuck up and planted a mean uppercut to the villain's pointy chin. The force of the blew sent him careening backwards into a nearby filth covered wall. Sliding to the ground, the teleporter device fell from Joker's hand.

Before the Joker could grab it, it was crushed underneath batman's boot, electricity and sparks flying off the broken machine. "You broke another one of my toys! No fun, no fun at all!" the Joker shouted, hastily trying in vain to put together the bits of the teleportation device.

Suddenly the electricity from the device started discharging more and more, until the Joker was engulfed by the blue electrical sparks. On his feet now, he dusted himself off, adjusting his lavender jacket and ruffled shirt. Aware that he was fully enveloped in the teleporter's field, he did not budge from his spot. Whether it was because of the powerful pull of the teleporter, or just because he didn't want to move, Batman didn't know.

"Well Batsy, looks like I'll be off," the Joker said to the shocked Batman. "But don't worry, I'll make sure to get you something special. Don't make Gotham too boring while I'm gone!" With a final wave farewell, the Joker dissolved into the blue light emitted by the electricity, not before laughing joyfully as he departed. After a bright flash, the only trace that was left of Joker was a burned smudge on the floor and smoke resembling his figure.

Batman stared in disbelief at the spot where the Joker was standing only moments ago. Bending down to examine the soot from where the Joker did his final teleportation, Batman knew he'd have his hands full tracking down his missing foe. If he could track him at all is still in question.

In an entirely different setting, and dimension, six ponies were currently walking down a long red carpet with beautifully crafted stained glass windows depicting ancient scenes of Equestrian history along the walls. One window in particular actually showed these very six ponies defeating a mismatched dark foe in a brilliant beam of magic.

Stopping near a grand throne at the end of the room, all six ponies bowed down to the elegant alicorn, whose multi colored spectral mane awed any who laid eyes on it, along with a royal crown.

Celestia rose from her throne and addressed the ponies. "Twilight and friends, I thank you all for meeting me here. We have much to discuss."

Applejack, ever the eager and impatient pony, spoke first, "If ya don't mind me askin' Princess, what are we doin here anyway?"

"Applejack!" Twilight said, "I explained on the train trip over here that we were personally hired by Princess Celestia to host the Grand Galloping Gala."

"Oh, right. Sorry bout that sugarcube. You were goin' on and on, I guess I kinda blacked our fer a little bit."

Twilight rolled her eyes and huffed in annoyance. "I hope you girls will at least take this seriously. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to throw the biggest pastry of the year for the Canterlot nobility."

"That's right Twilight," Celestia said patiently, "I am sure your last visit to the Galla wasn't an overly enjoyable experience. Which is why this year I want all of your help in setting it up. You all did such marvelous work at Shining Armor and Cadence's wedding that I knew you'd really liven up the Galla this year."

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy!" Pinkie Pie was bouncing up and down in bursts of excitement, clearly ecstatic about throwing another party. "This is going to be the best Grand Galloping Galla ever! It's gonna be known as the Mega Galloping Galla, no, the Super Galloping Galla, no, the Ultra Super Mega Awesome Galloping Gallapalooza!"

"Okay darling. No need to get over excited," Rarity said to Pinkie, before realizing who she was talking to. "At least tone it down when the aristocrats arrive."

Pinkie perked up. "Cats! That's what the theme of the party will be! We'll have have cat costumes and cat cupcakes and cat balloons and cat-"

"Pinkie, I said aristocrats. Not cats," Rarity calmly explained to her over zealous friend.

"-and actual cats can be there! We'll put one in each party gift so everypony can have a kitty! Then we'll have cat cake and cat pie and cat sandwiches, not actual sandwiches made from cats, just some that look like them. And then we'll-"

The other ponies soon tuned out the sound of Pinkie's constant gabber, a trick they learned early on in her company. "Rainbow Dash," Princess Celestia said, "If you can do the honors of doing a Sonic Rainboom at the stroke of midnight, that would be greatly appreciated. I'm sure all the party goers will be amazed at your performance."

"Sure thing Commander in Chief!" Rainbow Dash shouted, swelling her chest and saluting. "I never did a Sonic Rainboom at night before, but I'm sure it's going to be awesome!"

Celestia then addressed Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy, who was quiet the entire time in the throne room. "Applejack, you'll be in charge of cooking. Fluttershy will be in charge of music with the birds. And I'm sure you Miss Rarity will love to make another batch of dresses for your friends."

Each pony nodded eagerly, happy to do their part. Turning to Twilight, Celestia said, "I'll also need your help as royal organizer of party officiations. Think you can handle the job?"

"You can count on me Princess! I won't let you down!" Twilight's said, her smile filled with pride.

"Okay then my little ponies. Let's get to work!"

At that exact moment, something unexpected happened.

While I'm no expert on trans-dimensional traveling and how one actually does such a thing, this wasn't the first time Joker had popped up in an entirely different universe all together. What they never did tell you in the movies and comic books (and for good reason) is that you puke when crossing the rift between worlds. A lot. You know how people get queazy at sea, or during air travel, or even in a car? Times that by a hundred and you understand how bad you get when teleporting between dimensions.

Thankfully for the Joker, he was an experienced dimensional tourist, and only felt slight discomfort in his stomach. The paling of the skin that many travelers experience wasn't even noticeable on the Joker's white complexion.

After several minutes (or several eons, dimensional travel is screwy like that) the blue tunnel of ever changing light began to grow brighter, until a literal light at the end of the tunnel appeared before him. Adjusting his suit once again (always got to make the first impression count), he prepared for whatever world he shall arrive in.

The blue orb of light appeared out of nowhere near the throne, blue cackling electricity emitting from its center. Fluttershy hid herself in a small ball, hoping to be unnoticeable to the strange orb of light. Applejack and Rainbow Dash took defensive positions, although both were nervous (and a little scared, but they'd never admit that) at what the light meant. Rarity stared, fascinated at the glittering orb, while Twilight was confused why a orb emitting a strange blue light and electricity could even be there. And of course Pinkie Pie was still going over party plans, not even noting the orb's mysterious arrival.

Celestia approached the orb apprehensively, ready to protect her ponies in case it got dangerous. All ponies, except Fluttershy who was covering her head and Pinkie Pie because she was still rambling on, gawked at how the orb grew larger, the electrical sparks becoming more and more violent. Eventually, like a water balloon filled with too much water, it popped.

Blue smoke exploded in all directions, the occasional spark drifting in the field of smokey blue. Flapping her large wings, Celestia was able to dispel most of the smoke to the edges of the room, except in the center where the orb originated at. Hidden in the smog was a tall figure, its form and shape indiscernible.

After several seconds of tense silence, the figure moved. It seemed to be approaching the girls. Leaping into the figure's path, Celestia shouted, "Stop! Take no step further!"

It ignored her, instead it continued to walk ever closer, until the smoke finally stopped clinging to its body, and the ponies got their first look at the bizarre creature.

It stood about six feet tall, with a lanky, yet wiry, body. Its skin was a bleached white, its hair a messy bright green, its lips ruby red, and it had a pair of crimson irises tinged with yellow eyes. Its clothing was the strangest thing about it. A royal purple tailored suit, a carrot orange shirt, a sewage green vest, a green string bow tie, matching light purple gloves, and impressively made shoes. The outfit was completed with a bright yellow flower on its jacket. It was like a colorblind child dressed themselves in a costume store.

Both the creature and the ponies stared at each other, the ponies stupefied at the creature's unexpected arrival, the creature mildly amused at the sight of the ponies. Slowly, its rudy lips parted to reveal dark yellow teeth that looked like they haven't met a toothbrush in years. The lips soon resembled a smile, ringed with laugh lines.

The ponies were familiar with large grins, which they've seen plenty of in Pinkie's company. But this smile, it stretched from ear to ear, psychotically so, an unnatural sight that was made only worse by the devious gleam in the creature's eyes.

"Well, if it isn't some colorful midget horse thingies! And here I am without any carrots and sugar cubes!" it said, the voice clearly male. Hearing it speaking Equestrian made the ponies gape in surprise. Rarity, in an act of overreaction, fainted.

Noticing the fainted mare, the Joker said, "Was it something I said?"

Chapter 7: A Party Would Be Delightful: Part 1

Hey there, Bobby; how are you this fine evening?

How am I? You nearly choked me to death! I had to put on icepack on my neck all night!

At least that's better than where you usually put it.

Ha ha, very funny.

Was that sarcasm? Or are you just happy to see me?

I'm never happy to see you.

Aw, someone's in a bad mood. Maybe a smile would make you feel better?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to break out the Joker Gas! I'm really happy to see you!

But you don't seem happy. And that smile is clearly only shown out of fear.

Well, happiness is like peeing in you pants - everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.

And they say my metaphors suck.

Then what are you writing down?

Um... nothing! Just a story (and not that pure gold you just told me).

What type of story, Mr. J?

A ship fic between Rainbow ass and Butterfly ass.

Wait, you're writing a romance?

Just because I'm a crazy clown criminal doesn't mean I don't enjoy writing about the finer things in life.

And those finer things are a romance story between two ponies from a show made for six year old girls?

Says the guy who sleeps with a Rainbow Dash doll.

That is a lie!

I have pictures.

Dammit! How many times have I told you not to take photos of me when I'm asleep?

Twenty seven times, but who's counting? Now here's a picture of you cuddling up with little ol' Dashie. And here's one of you sucking your thumb. And here's one of you-

MESSAGE HAS BEEN CUT OFF

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Twilight yelled, zipping down the empty hallways of the palace. Her hooves worked like an engine, pushing her faster and faster as she navigated the large palace in search for the only help in a situation like this. And that help just happened to be her big brother.

Turning around a corner, she finally spotted her exhausted looking brother talking to a couple of pegasus guards. "Shiiiiiiining!" she screamed, tackling him to the ground.

"The hell, Twilight! What happened?" he hollered, trying in vain to haul her off of his body.

"The Joker! He escaped!" she cried, her eyes scanning the hallways in anxious worry.

"That's impossible! I just sent a new batch of guards to watch over the dungeon. There's no way he could have-"

"Captain!" called a young unicorn guard, panting continuously. "I just got *huff* word that *huff* the Joker escaped!"

Shining pushed his frantic sister off himself and grabbed the guard by his shoulders. "What do you mean he escaped?"

The guard finally got his breath back and said, "The guards you sent to refresh the others discovered the previous guards unconscious in one of the dungeon cells. The Joker's own cell was unoccupied."

Shining shoved the guard out of the way and screamed obscenities of such vulgar quality that both the guards in the room and his own sister blushed. Turning back to the pegasus guards he was speaking to earlier, he said, "I want the entire palace on lockdown! I don't want so much as a fly out of here until that freak is back in his cell!"

"But Shining, the Joker isn't in the palace," interrupted Twilight, who was scratching her neck vigorously.

"What do you mean he isn't in the bloody palace?"

Twilight levitated the scroll that was on her bed to Shining, who snatched with his own magic and began to read it with furrowed brows. "Bloody hell," Shining whispered, crumbling up the scroll. After taking a moment to breathe deeply, he spoke, "Okay, this is bad. Really bad."

The calmness in his voice was unsettling, like the gray clouds before a storm. "What I want to happen right now is every available guard off his ass and on a flying chariot to Ponyville immediately," he said to the remaining guard ponies.

The pegasi just stared blankly at their leader, confused considerably by the turn of events. "What are you idiots waiting for?" Shining barked. "A freaking invitation? Get moving!"

They nervously saluted and left, fearful of their short tempered Captain. Twilight hesitantly approached her brother, who had a fiery determination in his eyes. "Shining, are you okay?" she asked, scratching now at her mane.

Shining shook his head. "No Twilight, I'm not. I've been going eighteen hours now without rest, and I had to deal with the Joker's mess. Now he escapes and is doing who knows what. Damn, it's just too much sometimes."

Twilight wrapped her hoof around her brother and gave him a loving hug. "I know Shining. We just need to stay strong."

"Thanks Twily," Shining said, returning the hug to his sister. After a couple of seconds, Shining asked, "Twilight, why do you keep on scratching yourself?"

"Oh, the Joker poured itching powder on my bed."

Shining slowly removed Twilight's hooves from his neck and discreetly scooted down several feet from his sister without making eye contact. An awkward silence hung uncomfortably over them.

It was at that moment a rather loud noise could be heard from outside the palace. "What the hell?" Shining blurted out, running to the nearest window overlooking Canterlot. Smoke started billowing in the sky as fires blazed near the edge of the city. The heart of the smoke suddenly lit up, a great ball of blight flames streaking in the air as the booming sound of an explosion followed suit. Shining's mouth hung open is shock, along with Twilight and several guard ponies scattered throughout the palace.

"W-what is going on?" Twilight asked, not expecting an answer.

"Captain! Captain Armor!" a voice shouted down the hall. The voice was revealed as an earth pony guard, who sprinted to the flabbergasted Shining. "Captain Armor, who have an emergency on our hooves!"

Shining shook his head to clear his overworked mind. "Yeah, I guessed that from the fire," Shining said sarcastically. Usually he wasn't this stingy with his fellow guards, but lack of sleep and constant concern over Celestia's condition has left him bitter. "How did it start?"

"We're not sure, sir. Reports said an explosion may have set it off."

"The Joker. Damn, I should've guessed. This must be a distraction so we won't go to Ponyville."

"But Shining, you have to go! Who knows what the Joker has already done?" Twilight desperately pleaded with her brother.

"Don't worry Twily," Shining said, rubbing his sister's head, before jerking his hoof back when he remembered the itching powder covering Twilight's mane. "I still have plenty of troops to spare to deal with that maniac."

"Um, sir, we still have a small problem," intervened the nervous guard.

Arching an eyebrow questionably, Shining asked the guard, "And that would be?"

"It's just that the building currently on fire right now is... the fireworks factory," replied the guard.

An ear splitting explosion followed immediately after the guard's words, the aftershocks from the blast shaking the very foundation of the palace itself. An inferno of multiple sparkling colors now rested in the center of the blaze, with brightly colored fireballs soaring in the air, scattering across the city. It seemed that the fire would not stop, and already it was consuming the shops and houses nearby.

All in all, it was a pretty good distraction.

Six Hours Earlier

"Oh, what a marvelous evening!" chortled the Joker, as he strolled down a shadow-ridden alley. "Smoke in the air, fires brightening the night sky, and the screams of the innocent. Why, it reminds me of home!"

The Joker was walking at a brisk pace, his destination still unknown to himself. He did know for certain that he was going to Ponyville, that charming little town those ponies always blabbered on about. Reaching it, however, was still a mystery.

His escape from the palace was easy enough. All he did was sneak through the odd assortment of statues in the royal gardens. Once he was clear of those weird stone statues, he made a beeline for the closest side road leading out of the palace. It was strange really, a place once bustling with party goers only hours ago was now resembling a deserted ghost town more than a palace.

Luckily for him, the palace grounds was abandoned of any stray passerby or guard patrols. Looked like the destruction from his short rampage through Canterlot has everypony busy, cowering in fear, or otherwise occupied. A perfect time as any for a not-so-grand escape.

The moment he passed the unguarded gates that separated the palace from Canterlot, he slinked in the familiar environment of an abandoned alley way. His time in Gotham has perfected his art of traveling in the shadows, the elegant buildings providing plenty of cover to sneak around in.

The Joker soon made his way to the edge of the city, taking care to avoid the decimated block of charred buildings he created only hours before. "Those pesky ponies are still buzzing around," he said to himself, noticing yet another pegasus patrol flying overhead. "I need a new change in scenery. But how to get there?"

His answer was soon revealed around the alleyway corner, where the distant call of a train whistle announced the location of a train station. Leading out to the city was the Canterlot Train Station, where locomotives would transport all manner of supplies and even ponies to the capital city. And it just happened to be the perfect getaway vehicle.

"Wait a second," the Joker said to himself, right before running hellbent to the nearest locomotive. "I can't have those party pooper guards ruining all my fun before it begins. What I need is a distraction."

He pondered, while humming to himself. His eyes traveled along the row of warehouses along the border of the city. What caught his eye put a devilishly demented grin on his white face. "Perfect," he whispered to himself, taking in the large sign proclaiming 'Canterlot Fireworks.'

Walking over to the warehouse, he opened it with a well placed kick. The door revealed only darkness, with a slight chemical odor coming from within. Reaching into one of his oversized pockets, he pulled out a bundle of dynamite with a kitchen timer attached to it. "Let's see, I need enough time to get everything set up before Sprinkles and her friends get there," he said, rotating the timer. "Ah, there we go. About six hours is all I need to get the party in full swing."

He chucked the dynamite far into the darkness of the warehouse, then he closed it as he made his way back to the train about to depart. "What a shame I won't be able to see the firework show now. But I'm sure they'll enjoy it," he said, laughing madly as he climbed aboard the last cart just as the train took off.

With the wind running through his dark green hair, his laughter picked up two fold. "Get ready Ponyville! The Joker's coming to town! And I'm going tear it apart! Muhahahahahahahahahaha!"

Present

"I want everypony putting that fire out now!" shouted Shining, as countless guard ponies poured out of the palace. "Pegasi in the clouds and start some rainstorms! The remaining earth and unicorn guards are to evacuate all the citizens in the area! Move, move, move!"

"Shining, what about Ponyville?" Twilight asked.

"Twilight, I don't have time for that!" he yelled, just as another explosion caused the palace to tremble. "If I don't get that fire out, then all of Canterlot will burn to the ground!"

Tears appeared in Twilight's eyes, but Shining took no notice. Just then the booming voice of the Princess of the Night could be heard. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ALL THIS NOISE?"

"The Joker escaped, he started a fire, and now Canterlot is in danger of going up in flames," Shining calmly replied.

"W-what?" Luna asked, her voice dropping down to her normal tone. "Why hasn't anyone done anything?"

"That's what I'm trying to do. Half the guards are too exhausted or injured from the last fire, and now we have this one to deal with," Just as his sentence ended the fire erupted again, a great ball of colorful flames flying through the air and landing on a tall tower in the city. "Where are those pegasi?" Shining hollered at the departing guards.

"Captain, I may be of service," Luna said.

"Out of the question, Princess. You already depleted most of your magic healing your sister and extinguishing the last fire."

"That wasn't a question, Captain," Luna spoke, an icy edge in her words.

"And here's the answer for you! Celestia's out of commission, so if you can't bring up the sun in a couple of hours, then we'll be worse off than we are now!" It was only now that Shining realized that he just back talked the Princess. Luna's eyes bulged out and her mouth was agape. She was about to chew off Shining's head when she realized that he was right. With no sun the citizens of Equestria might panic, creating more chaos then any fire can cause.

"Very well, Captain. I shall rest up for the approaching dawn." She left, not before glaring at Shining on her way out. The Captain of the Royal Guards gulped, knowing that he was definitely going to pay later.

Quiet sobs brought his attention to his sister. Turning to several milling pegasi who were preparing a thundercloud assault on the inferno, he said, "Cloudspinner, Fleethoof, I want you two to prepare a chariot, on the double. You're to go to Ponyville when Twilight is ready," Both guards saluted and took off.

Going back to his sister, he nudged her off her rump with his nose, not caring about getting itching powder on himself. "Come on, Twily, don't want to keep Ponyville waiting."

The tears stopped flowing from Twilight's face and hope beamed in her eyes. "You got it Shining! I'll get the girls and we'll stop the Joker!"

Twilight got on her hooves and galloped off, not before Shining shouted to her, "I'll send reinforcements as soon as possible! Be careful!" Shining was extremely uncomfortable sending his sister to take care of that dangerous maniac, but the two guards he sent with her were all he could afford to lend. He had to hope that her previous battles with Nightmare Moon, Discord, and Chrysalis would be enough to prepare her. But a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach wouldn't be put to rest.

Three Hours Earlier

"Well, that was painful," remarked the Joker, after leaping off a running train and tumbling in dirt and grass for a couple of seconds. Brushing off any remaining dust and grass bits from his already tattered suit, he took in the sight of the long awaited town of Ponyville on the small hill he was on just outside the village.

The town wasn't very large, only housing a couple dozen dwellings and buildings. The houses were simple timber frame structures, with old timely thatched roofs. The buildings were of similar form, except many had actual roofs not made out of hay. It seemed that the only building with more than three stories was the town hall, although he could spot a house that appeared to be made out of clouds hanging high in the sky. All in all, it was the typical quant little country town often times featured on postcards.

"This is it?" he asked himself, scratching his head. "This little run down, third world, medieval rip off shit hole is where those nitwits live? Talk about no taste."

"Even the air is awful! Not a scent of gasoline or cat piss! Do these people have any sense of smell?" the Joker said to himself. "And where's the smog in the air? The sun's not even up and I can still see the stars!"

Horrible settings aside, he still had a job to do. To pull off the biggest party ever, he had to prepare. Giving one more disgusted glance at the stupidly cozy village, he made his way to the dirt path leading to the town. He jumped off the train near the outskirts of town when he realized that the train wasn't pulling in near Ponyville. A minor setback, but he figured he had ample time to deploy his diabolical plan.

As he took his time strolling down the hill observing the late night sky above him, a sign caught his eye. On closer inspection it was a wooden direction sign, pointing to Ponyville in the distance. It was inscribed in brightly painted letters.

Welcome to Ponyville: The Happiest Town In Equestria

Population: 1,000 Residents

"Oh, this will never do," the Joker said, retrieving a piece of red chalk from his pocket. He scrawled on it for a couple of seconds, and after deeming it appropriate smiled wickedly. Turning back to the small town, he withdrew a ginormous hammer from his coat and began to twirl it between his fingers. "You know what Ponyville, I think we're going to have a smashing time! Bahahahahahahahhaha!"

Welcome to PonyIdiotville: The HappStupidiest Town in Equestriadumb

Population: 1,0000ResidentsAlive

Who said evil can't be immature?