The Stone Ones

“…Thanks Dash!” Reaper said as Rainbow trotted over to Roseluck’s stand, Reaper and Longstrider eyeing her flank as her tail swooshed back and forth.

“I’m hitting that shit as soon as possible.” Longstrider commented, Reaper chuckling at white people antics.

“You do you honkey.”

“Did you get with Pinkie yet?”

Reaper snorted. “You don’t stick your dick in crazy.”

Longstrider smirked. “That’s never stopped you before.”

“Fuc- look it’s Forge. FORGE!” A panicked Forge ignored them running through the market doing a classic Jack Sparrow, a silly run where your arms flail around while your knees are hitting your chest as you ran and you wear an expression between shock and terror.

To top it off Forge had a cigar that looked ready to fall out of his mouth as he repeated the same phrase over and over again, “NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE!” as he jumped over a cart as he headed toward The Fort.

There was a pregnant silence between the 2 humans.

“What the fuck’s wrong with him?” Reaper shrugged and looked up in the air, seeing the cause of Forges distress. Laughing and nudging Longstrider, he pointed upwards. Longstrider looked up and started to laugh his ass off with his brother. Above them, miles up into the air, was a massive red dragon flying down right at them, a smile on its face.
The closer the dragon got to the ground the smaller it got; the ponies finally noticing a dragon was diving toward them and panicking, running around and screaming in fright, Reaper and Longstrider just smiled at the whole thing, used to the dragons antics. About 30 feet from the ground the dragon was about the size of Reaper.

BOOM

The dragon landed, making a crater and shooting dust all through the air, leaving ponies coughing and frightened. Looking nervously at each other the ponies looked on to the humans, hoping that they would charge in and protect them, but all they did was wait for the dust to clear, smiling.

Reaper cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled, “Good one Seleis! You really got’em.”

To the ponies shock a very feminine voice whined and said, “Not you guys though?”

Both of the humans laughed as powerful wings dispersed the dust, revealing a slender blood red dragon. If you looked closely you could see smooth spikes exactly like Spike’s along her back reaching to the top her head and a pair of big ocean blue eyes. If you looked closer you could make out that the dragon (its curves indicating that it was probably a female) had some lipstick on with eyeliner and her hair was bound up in a ponytail.

(Kinda like this but without the cloths)

The ponies expected an epic battle between them, but that wasn’t the case.

“Reaper, Longstrider!” The dragon now named Seleis rushed over to the humans, hugging them both so tightly that they were lifted off the ground.

Almost without exception everypony that was watching jaw’s hit the ground in shock as the humans and dragon conversed.

“What are you doing here Sel’s?” Reaper asked as the dragon now called Seleis put them back down. The dragoness beamed and hugged him again, almost breaking his ribs.

“Tia wants me to teach some young dragon living here.”

“Spike?” Seleis shrugged.

“I have no idea, I gotta go to Canterlot to talk to Tia about the whole thing, I just wanted to say hi to you guys first.” She looked past both the humans and saw the faint outline of Forge running. Smiling she gave them each a quick final hug. “Alright guys, see you in a couple of days!” With a powerful flap of her wings she launched into air, going in the direction that Forge was fleeing to.

Reaper and Longstrider looked at each other, both smiling.

“50 bits she gets Forge this time.” Longstrider thought it over and nodded.

“You’re on.”

Like a lot of people, Forge smoked to relieve stress, like he was now doing, 3 cigars in his mouth as he grabbed whatever he needed in his room to escape. Alright Forge thought as he tore through his room, putting cloths, some food that he had taken from the mess hall, and his blanket into a duffel bag all I need to do is get into the forest, then I’ll live like a hermit for the rest of my life. Yep, that’s an awesome idea. With that Forge broke down his own door and made a beeline for the forest.

As he made it to the tree line he looked back and laughed, he wasn’t going to get raped by a dragon today! He could make out 2 ponies going into his compound, probably Dash and Roseluck getting his flowers, not that he was going to be needing them anytime soon, after all he was now going to be a hermit in the forest! Chuckling to himself he reached into his pocket for another cigar. Finding none, he frowned. Fuck! I forgot them back in my room! He thought as he whimpered in misery.

Now Forge had an inner battle raging inside himself, one if he went back there was a good chance of getting raped, but if he didn’t then he wouldn’t have his sweet ass cigars; they were the good ones too, imported all the way from Mexicolt. Steeling himself he turned toward the forest to flee but couldn’t, the cigars like a beacon for his poor soul to bask in their smokey goodness.

Sighing in defeat he raced back to the compound. Maybe Seleis made a wrong turn and he could get his smokes and run into the forest without her noticing, hell he hadn’t seen hide nor hare of her since he made it to the fort…..

“Thanks for the help Dash.” Roseluck said as she put the last plant down, wiping the sweat from her brow. Dash nodded her head and continued to take in everything she was seeing. There’s a gym here?! Awesome! I bet- Turning around she saw that one of the doors to a cabin was a couple feet away from her, a big crack down the middle of it, why if she didn’t know any better she’d say that it had been kicked down.

What the ha- something launched itself over her, Rainbow was ready to defend herself, wings outstretched, but there was no need, it was just Forge.

There was something odd about him though, he looked like something was going to come out of the sky and get him. He ran into the room without a door and grabbed a wooden box and crammed in into a very messy looking duffel bag then grabbed a piece of paper and a quill, wrote something on it and light it up like Spike would. Rainbow, looking him over, now concerned about his mental stability. Roseluck on the other hand, either didn’t notice that Forge was losing his mind or she didn’t care, probably the latter in Dash’s opinion.

She waved at him as he was attempting to flee. “Hey big guy! I got your plants right here.” She told him cheerfully, grabbing and dragging him over to the flowers, making Forge stop and look them over. He whistled, the mare knew her stuff, he couldn’t of asked for better plants. In fact he was so preoccupied looking them over he forgot about why he was fleeing in the first place.

“Good picks Rose.” Forge commented, walking over to the plants and kneeling down to examine all of the roses, lilies, and others that he couldn’t identify. Rainbow sighed in relief; at least Forge looked a lot calmer now. Rose beamed up at him, trotting over to him and bumping him with her flank.

“The best your money could buy!” She told him jokingly. “I got those fire flowers the other day and I thought they would look great with-“

BOOM

Forge’s eyes bugged out of his head in fright, now remembering why he was trying to run away in the first place, the reason picking him up into the air in a tight hug, something between a pig’s squeal and a child’s whimper coming out of Forge’s mouth as he tried to get away.

“Forgey!” Seleis purred as Forge frantically tried to escape her grasp, both Rainbow and Rose’s mouths agape as the odd spectacle.

OsweetChristI’mgoingtogetrappedIgottagetawayIgottagetawayIgottagetaway Forge thought as he finally wiggled out of the dragonesses grasp, looking for an escape route as he hyperventilated. Seleis just smiled sweetly up at him, taking a step toward him, Forge taking a step back, pure terror written all over his face.

“Didn’t you miss me Forgey?”

Step. Back step.

“I came all the way from the dragon lands to see you. Doesn’t that earn me a kiss?”

Step. Back step.

Seleis strutted closer to Forge, giving the panicked human bedroom eyes and a toothy grin. They both knew that Forge couldn’t outrun her, but Seleis did love a good chase.

HowamIgoingtogetawayOgodI’mnotgoinggettingawaywaitIneedtocalmdownand- Suddenly he had a glorious idea. His head down to look submissive he whimpered and said, “Alright Seleis you got me.” Seleis looked disappointed and thrilled at the same time at the turn of events

“Really?” She asked as Forge walked over to her, defeated. He was finally going to love her? Awesome! Now she could break in that big di-. In the blink of an eye she was thrown into Forge’s room by the blacksmith as he jumped on a surprised Rainbow’s back, who had been watching the whole scene with Rose with the perfect mixture of confusion and amusement.

“Fllllllllyyyyyy!!!!” Forge screamed, digging his heels into Rainbow painfully as Seleis came out of his room, a big smile in her face.

“OWWWWW!!!!” Rainbow hollered, taking off as Forge steered her, both of them screaming as the dragon followed closely behind, laughing her scaly ass off.

“FASTERRAINBOWFASTERORI’MGOINGTOBERAPED!!!!!”

“GETOFFOFMEFORCELESTIA”SSAKE!!”

Steering her right above the forest he looked back, seeing the dragon right behind him. Weighting his chances of falling high up into a dangerous forest and not dying there and making sure that he would lose the dragon Forge shrugged. YOLO he thought as he hopped off of Rainbow’s back and made himself as small as possible as he fell.

Seleis grinned and she dived after him, her claws outstretched to catch the human. She got a hands length away when Forges Quicksilver shot out from his wrist and covered her face, making her stop as Forge made his way through the tree line and hitting the ground pretty hard.

“I SURVIVED!” Forge shouted as he sprinted through the forest, his quicksilver detaching from Seleis’s face.
Seleis sighed. “Cheater….” She muttered, a small smile in her face. Now that he was in the forest she was no way that she was going to get him now. They both were going to same way though so the chase was kinda still on. Looking up at a pissed off Rainbow Dash she chuckled and watched Forge stumble off in the direction of Canterlot.

“Gods I love that man.” She said as she flew to Canterlot to see what Tia wanted. Seleis had to admit that this was the most fun that she had had in years. And it feels like it’s going to get better!

Canterlot Royal Gardens 5:45 a.m.

That could have been worse… I still got a fucking job to do, the underappreciated life of a bachelor hermit’s gonna have to wait Forge thought as he watched the guardsponies patrol from up one of the gardens trees. The whole day they had amped the number of guards up to watch out for an attack on the princesses by a certain large human with glowing blue eyes who had a taste for gardening and long walks on the beach.

It would have been 3 humans but because of the hectic day he couldn’t tell them so he would have to do the killings himself. Forge had already taken out 3 patrols and all he needed to do was get through the gardens to get to Celestia’s room, Luna had already been dealt with in a quiet and clean way.

Forge looked down at his now ring covered hands, the rings the main thing that helped him commit his crimes. One ring to make him as silent as Reaper, one for cloud walking, one to keep his eyes from glowing, and one to detect other beings. Warlock always made the best and it still showed, not that he had ever used a unicorns gear anyways. With a sigh Forge looked at his next targets, enjoying their conversation, the last they would have in this life if he had anything to do with it.

There were 2, a stallion and a mare, but the odd one was the mare. Luna had told him what the batponies that were her royal guard were called, some sweet ass name that had something to do with the night, but Forge couldn’t for the life of him remember what it was so batponies they were.

The stallion was snow white with the shotty armor that signified him as a member of the day guard; the mare had her night guard armor on. If the armor was supposed to be intimidating it wasn’t working, to Forge they both looked adorable like every pony he saw.

The batmare was the one that be had to watch out for out of the 2 of them, with her midnight blue coat and glowing golden eyes. From his Intel he knew that her hearing was much better than any normal ponies, if he wasn’t careful she would pick up the vibrations of him moving. Coupled with the fact that she could see in the dark as well as he could would make killing them difficult, like the other 3 patrols, not including the guards that were at Luna’s door… Forge smiled and pulled out his weapons, ready to bring death to the unsuspecting ponies….

To say that Private CloudSkipper was having a rough day would be an understatement. For the past 20 hours the whole guard had been running themselves ragged watching out for the human’s attack, himself included. To top it all off they were told that he could come from literary anywhere and was a master at fighting at nighttime made it much worse.

“Come on, talk to me Skippy.”

This bad situation was made a thousand times worse because of the mare that they had hooked him up with, NightWing. Now Cloud understood why he was paired up with a member of the night watch, their hyper sensitive hearing and ability to see in the dark was probably the thing that was going to catch the human. But why in Celestia’s shiny beard did it have to be one of the most irresponsible members of the night guard? Was it because his commander hated his guts? Cloud thought so.

“Skippy” Poke “talk to me” Poke “I’m getting bored.” Poke.

Cloud gritted his teeth and looked at the mare. “NightWing” he said, trying to control his anger “We are watching out for maybe one of the most dangerous things in all of Equestria, something that has gone toe-to-toe with Discord and lived to tell about it more than once, someone that we should be quietly watching out for so he doesn’t kill our beloved monarchs, and you want to have a nice little chat about?....”

NightWing looked over at him innocently, pulling out a stack of cards from somewhere in her armor. “I just wanted to see if you wanted to play a game of Poke-her.”

Cloud raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you mean Poker?”

NightWing gave him a sultry look and winked. “Nope, Poke-her, if you win you get to ‘poke’ me if you get my meaning.” She giggled as Cloud blushed, nudging the poor stallion.

Cloud tried to regain control of a now very inappropriate conversation. “We have to watch out for the captain, so stand up straight and shut up.” He firmly said, getting into ‘guards stance’ eyes straight ahead, looking for any signs of blue in the forest as NightWing pout.

“Come on Skippy-“

“Stop calling me Skippy”

“-there’s no way the big bad human’s going to be coming this way.” She told him “First off, he’d have to climb up the mountain, get over the walls, and get past about a thousand patrols to be even remotely close to us.”

Cloud blinked incredulously, upset that she wasn’t taking this seriously, like everything that she did as a guardsmare. Puffing out his chest, ready to give her a piece of his mind, when Night looked up, her face a mask of concentration, her ears moving back and forth, she had picked up something up with her bat ears. Cloud gulped, looking around, hoping that it was just a leaf or maybe one of the gardens many bunnies…

After a few tense seconds NightWing relaxed. “It’s okay Skippy” she told him “I guess it was nothing…”

“Wrong” A voice behind the both of them said.

Both of the ponies training kicked in. Their wings shot out as they tried to get away, but it was no use. They both felt something cold go across their throats, signaling their deaths…..

“O horseapples, I’ll never get this lipstick out of my coat!” Cloud whined as the human sat down cross-legged behind them, smirking.

“At least you did better than the other ones.” Forge commented as he levitated his box of donuts and coffee’s from the tree that he was hiding in.

Remembering that he was in the presents of a superior officer, Cloud saluted. Night just looked the human up and down, not impressed. “You’re it?” Cloud looked on shocked as Forge chuckled.

“Enough to kill you two, and that’s ‘sir’ to you Private. O and by the way you liege is dead, had to take out 3 patrols to get to her.” Night scrunched up her face and looked at the line of lipstick that was on her neck.

“What’s stopping me from yelling out right now?” She asked him, Cloud still trying to get the lipstick off of his neck.

Forge shrugged and pulled out a 2x4 with nails sticking out of it out of his belt, looking her over. “If you yell I’ll consider you a zombie and I’ll beat you with this.” He said, bringing his point across by wiggling his weapon. Both of the ponies looked at each other.

“We’re dead.” They said at the same time. Forge grinned and sat back down, waving them over, opening up his box of donuts.

“Come on these are for the ponies that were the closest to sounding the alarm, good job Private’s-” Cloud’s chest puffed out in pride.

“-Is what I would of said if it still wasn’t a piss poor attempt.” Cloud deflated as Forge went on, handing them a cup of coffee. “But I can’t finish all of this stuff so eat up.” Both Forge and Night took a sip of coffee as Cloud looked down at his. He mentally shrugged at his misfortune, they were supposed to go back to training camp anyway, something that he really wasn’t looking forward to, but hey at least he had some hot, delicious…

Cloud took a sip and sip it right back out. “That’s awful!” He almost yelled. Night and Forge looked at each other and took another sip of each of their respective cups.

“Taste fine to me.” Night remarked offhandly.

Forge looked the now nervous Cloud up and down, judging him with his eyes. Cloud started to sweat under his gaze. Sweet Celestia, It feels like he’s looking into my soul. Cloud thought as Forge shook his head at the stallion and stood up, finishing his coffee.

“Alright fillies, I gotta to go kill my sister, enjoy the sweets.” Both of the ponies watched as the human walked up to the wall of the castle, Celestia’s window about 50 feet up. Willing his Quicksilver to his hands and forming them into climbing claws he took a good jump and started to climb, now ignoring the 2 ponies below him; one looking on in confusion and the other digging into the box of donuts.

Cloud could feel the beginnings of a migraine coming on as he looked over to NightWing, who looked innocently at him, half a donut in her mouth. Swallowing she looked at him and gave him her best puppy dog eyes. “Can I eat all of these?”…

Forge silently hopped into Celestia’s chambers grinning like a mad man. Now it’s your turn you giant white trolling bitch. Forge thought as he pulled out a special tube of lipstick, it was a purple color and the kind that was impossible to get off of you, especially if you have a coat.

Celestia brought Seleis here, O she might deny it or come up with some weak excuse as to why she was needed here but Forge knew better.

And he was going to fuck her face up because of it.

Nearing the edge of Tia’s bed he raised the lipstick like a murderer would do with a knife and stopped, a concerned looked now creeping onto his face. Something wasn’t right. It was about 6 in the morning so she should be awake already, not to mention he never remembered Tia ever sleeping with the covers over her horn like that. Forge backed away from the bed as slowly as possible. It’s a tra-

“FORGEY!” The covers were thrown off the bed, revealing Seleis. Forge almost got made it off the balcony before the dragon caught him. “No you don’t big guy.” The dragon said, grabbing him as he tried to launch himself off the balcony. Forge panicked, grabbing the railing and looking over the edge, seeing NightWing and CloudSkipper still eating their donuts.

“NO! Jesus, Allah, Buddha, one of you fuckers help me!” Forge demanded as the dragon ripped him off the railing and nuzzled him, trying to wrap her wings around him in a tight hug as the blacksmith tried to wiggle out of her grasp.

As Forge tried was almost free he noticed that she was shaking. He looked down at her to see tears in the dragoness’s eyes. Forge mentally groaned Fuuuuucccckkk Now I feel bad, fucking lady dragons and their feelings. Overcoming his fears of this particular dragon, he hugged her back, much to Seleis’s surprise. In response she hugged him tighter, her wings fully wrapped around him in the tightest embrace she could manage, placing her head on his shoulder and letting out a contented sigh.

“How’s your dad Seleis?” Forge asked.

Seleis looked up at him and smiled, Forge trying not to run away. “He’s fine, the same old drake that wants me to marry some hatchling” she gave him a peck on the cheek, Forge’s bravery crumbling as he finally wiggling out of her grasp, much to her amusement “but there’s only one that has my heart.” She swayed her hips suggestively and winked. Forge flinching again.

She giggled, walking past him toward the balcony, scratching Forge under his chin with her tail, and hopped off the edge, wings outstretched, leaving Forge alone in Celestia’s room.

Forge let out a sigh, then frowned when he heard a giggle in the room. “Tia” Forge growled “That wasn’t fucking funny.” The giggling got louder as Celestia stopped the invisibility spell that she had put on herself.

She walked over to him, her head held high, proud of her prank.

SWOOSH

Celestia just got out of the way in time, diving out of the way as Forge rushed her, breaking one of her tables as he missed, murder in his eyes and lipstick in his hand. He made another run at her, Celestia trying to take flight, but she didn’t take off fast enough.

“NO NO NO! Forge don’t- FUCK ME UP THE ASS!”

Forge looked at Celestia surprised. “Christ, watch your mouth Tia.” He told a now joker looking and grumpy princess.

“*eyeroll* Come on Tia it’s not that bad- DON”T GRAB TH- fuck….” Muttered a now also joker looking Forge, Celestia looking on in triumph. They stared each other down for a few moments.

“…”

“…”

“…Puff*snort*”

“…*snort*”

They couldn’t hold back the laughter as Celestia raised the sun, coming back into the room and giving Forge a hug.

“Dare I ask it? What did you do to Luna?”

“Nothing, just tucked her in.” She shot her a look the showed him she didn’t believe him. Forge shrugged, ruffling her mane and walking to the edge of the balcony. “Don’t believe me if you want, just tell the guards to pack a toothbrush and jammies, they’re hell awaits. Bye Tia!” With that Forge hopped off the balcony.

Celestia sighed, leaving her room to check on her sister, not believing Forge for a second. Upon entering her sister’s room she saw the midnight blue filly asleep in her bed, completely untouched. Celestia smiled at least- She took another step forward but tripped a tripwire that she hadn’t seen, and in a flash she was covered in bananas. Celestia frowned in her banana prison; she could almost hear Forge’s laughter…

Ponyville 8:00 am

At least it was a good run Forge thought as he walked through the middle of ponyville, ignoring the looks ponies were giving him at his chaotic state. He heard laughter and turning around he saw Reaper and Longstrider exchanging money. Forge growled.

“You fuckers bet on my ass?!” The other 2 humans looked at each other and shrugged.

“YOLO” Reaper told him, counting out his money.

“I’m going to shove my foot so far up your asses that you’ll taste the leather!” Forge snarled, walking threatingly toward them. The two just rolled their eyes.

“You know that you missed our welcome party; Pinkie was pretty pissed, there was cake and booze; hell Vinyl was even throwing down some sick beats.” Longstrider said offhandedly, not worrying about his appending doom.

This caused Forge’s path to destroy his brothers to falter, he was really looking forward to that…. Then he got over it, there would be plenty of parties in the future.

“Alright, both of you come over in the next couple of days to get reoutfitted, the trainees are coming in a couple of days.” After getting promises from his brother, Forge made it back to the fort in one piece, saying hello to his housemates Forge went to his smithy, carrying his old torn up armor.

Time to fix this hunk of junk back up He thought as he lit a Forge and reached for a hammer….

“ARE YOU READY FOR BLOOD?” The hoard of goblins roared, beating whatever weapon that they had against a shield.

“FOR DEATH?” Another roar. The human never considered himself a public speaker but he did have his moments.

“WE WILL MAKE THOSE DOGS PAY FOR IGNORING OUR HAND OF FRIENDSHIP BY CHOKING THEM WITH IT!” If he was honest with himself it really wasn’t one of those moments, but hey, the goblins were stupid enough that any speech was like one from Mr. King.

“BE UNLEASHED MY HOARD!” With that the goblins raced out of the cave, the human face palming, they were about a hundred miles from their destination, going to attack a clan of diamond gods right outside of a town called ponyville and they were going to run the whole way?

“I need to get some better minions….”

Forge woke up with a start, his eyes still closed That was a weird dream he thought as he tried to drift back into dreamland, holding his teddy bear in a tight embrace. My nice warm teddy- Forge stopped that thought, realizing a couple of things.

One: The last time he had a teddy bear was when he was 7.

Two: He’s almost 70 years old now.

Three: Grown ass men don’t have teddy bears

This teddy bear was weird too, it was warm and scaly and- Aw fucccccckkkk Forge thought as his ‘teddy bear’ used her claws to slide his hands down to her rump.

Maybe I’m still dreaming Forge sighed, not even believing his own attempts to calm himself. Opening an eye he was face-to-face with Seleis, who was smiling sweetly at him…

Now you know those cartoons where the character jumps through the bed when he or she is frightened? Well that didn’t happen, Forge was too cheap to buy another mattress. So instead he rolled out from under the bed screaming, Seleis sighing from under it.

“And just when we were getting to the good part….”