If Wishes Were Ponies

by Tumbleweed

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Adventure, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 10493

Rainbow Dash finds an artifact of unimaginable magical power. Hijinks ensue.

There are all kinds of treasures to be found in Canterlot's antiques district: out of print books, out of fashion clothing, baroque-styled furniture...and the occasional object of unimaginable magical power.

Fortunately, one of the Elements of Harmony has found it.

Unfortunately, it's Rainbow Dash. Can the pegasus be trusted to wield such power responsibly? Can anypony?

Published 2012-12-10 20:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-27 06:16:33 UTC

Chapter 1

"Rarity, this is boring." Rainbow Dash said, not for the first time.

"Boring?" Rarity looked over her shoulder as she trotted into the dark little shop. "But we just got here!"

"Yeah, just got to this store. It's like the fourth one we've looked at!"

"Fifth, actually, but that's sort of the point, Rainbow. Canterlot's antiques district wouldn't be much of a district if it were a single store now, would it?"

"I don't see the difference." Rainbow Dash huffed. "All these places are dark, crowded, and filled with junk."

"Not junk, antiques." Rarity said.

"Whatever. It's still kind of depressing, if you ask me. I mean, everything here's so...old."

"Not old, vintage."

"Are we even speaking the same language?" Rainbow Dash frowned.

"Please, Rainbow. It's just a matter of professional vocabulary. It's no different from you talking about barrel rolls and loop the loops and what have you."

"But those are awesome." Rainbow Dash's wings fidgeted in impatience. There simply wasn't enough room in the dimly lit curios shop to hover properly. "And it's not even, like, a fashion thing, either. I mean, it's cool when you make new dresses and stuff, but why...this?" Rainbow Dash gestured to the piles of forgotten furniture and knickknacks. "It's all old timey and dusty and weird. Shouldn't you be looking at, like, new stuff?"

"Ah," Rarity's eyes shone with enthusiasm, "that is a valid point. But, you must realize, fashion does not occur in a vacuum- rather, it's an ever flowing river of ideas and styles, building and branching out from each other in endless permutations. In order to stay ahead of the game, one must be familiar with what's come before- if nothing else, so you don't repeat the mistakes of the past. Here-" Rarity levitated a somewhat dusty pile of woolen curls off of a blank-faced mannequin head. "Did you know that, barely eighty years ago, it was considered the height of fashion to wear a wig? I can hardly believe it myself. I mean, why pile a half pound of wool up on your head, when a properly coiffured mane looks far, far more striking?" Rarity tossed her blue curls back and admired herself in a slightly-tarnished mirror for emphasis.

"Uh." Rainbow dash blew her hair from her eyes. "If you say so?"

"Well, I suppose I can't fault you for not following the minutae of fashion history, but in my field of work, such knowledge is essential. Though there's an aspect of discovery there, too- like, here." Rarity hung the wig off the corner of an overloaded oaken bookshelf, and turned her attention to the blank head the wig had been resting on. "Now this? This is interesting. All these years, and it's in wonderful shape- and can you imagine the contrast, seeing one of my hat designs displayed on this?" Rarity levitated the mannequin head into the air and slowly turned it around so she could analyze it from every angle. "It'd no doubt lend an air of timeless elegance to one of my hats, especially if I went for a neo-retro design."

Rainbow Dash stared at the eyeless floating head. "It looks creepy and smells like my grandma's house."

"Oh pooh, that's nothing a little bit of reconditioning won't fix. Stop being such a spoilsport, Rainbow. Besides, we've got hours and hours before the Wonderbolt air show, and my business meeting isn't 'til tomorrow morning, so we have plenty of time! Isn't this much more fun than just sitting around the palace suite?"

"Uh." Rainbow Dash thought about the Daring Do novel she'd left on the bedside table. "Maybe? I just wish the rest of the gang could make it, y'know?"

"Oh, so do I, Rainbow. But, you know how busy everyone's schedules can be. Though, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure if this'd be the best place to bring Pinkie Pie. Quite a few of these items are quite delicate, and you know how...enthusiastic she can be. But, we'll make the best of it, you and I! Oh, look at that!" Rarity wove her way through the tightly packed shelves, picking out her target with a hunter's precision. Carefully, she levitated a small circular pin off of its shelf. She turned it over, revealing a single yellow thunderbolt painted on a blue background. "How fitting! An old Wonderbolts commemerative pin. Why, this may date back to the Second Wyvern War."

"Whoa, really?" Rainbow Dash reached up to take the pin between both hooves. "Why didn't you mention they had Wonderbolts stuff?"

"Sorry darling- it just didn't come to mind 'til now. I tend to steer clear of military antiquities- just not my style, you know. But, if you look hard enough, it's entirely possible to find some real gems." The unicorn smiled, and dropped the pin into her shopping basket. "Here, Rainbow. Consider it a 'thank you' for following me all across town."

"Aw jeez, don't have to do that, Rarity."

"Oh, I insist. And I won't have you arguing otherwise. In fact, why don't you see if you can find any other Wonderbolts memorabilia? Sometimes they've got old uniforms or recruitment posters or...anything, really. My treat!"

"Really?"

"Yes, really. It'll get you into the spirit if you start looking for something specific. Now go, shoo!" Rarity hustled the pegasus deeper into the shop. "There's a display case full of old needles that I want to look at, and that's going to seem even more boring to you."

Spurred on both by a chance for escape, and the opportunity to get her hooves on something cool and Wonderbolts-y, Rainbow Dash went deeper into the store.

Rainbow Dash didn't think it possible, but the nameless antique shop got even darker and more crowded as she went on. There was no rhyme or reason to the merchandise. Tarnished bits of armor (cool) sat next to rusted farm tools (not cool), with the occasional blank-eyed stuffed doll inbetween (arguably cool, but only in a freaky Nightmare's Night sort of way).

"Seriously," Rainbow Dash muttered herself, "could it have killed them to label this stuff?" She picked her way around a precariously stacked pile of mismatched horseshoes. "And great, now I'm beginning to sound like Twilight. Don't tell anybody I sound like Twilight, Rarity." The pegasus looked over her shoulder, but her friend was already well out of both sight and hearing distance.

She bit at her lower lip, and shifted from one hoof to the other. Rainbow Dash had never liked shopping to begin with, but there was just something about the store that put her on edge. She looked up at the too-low ceiling, and pulled her wings closer in against her body.

"Oh hey, what's this?" Rainbow Dash was distracted, as one might expect, by something shiny. She carefully picked her way around a dusty box filled with other boxes, and zeroed in on the brassy glimmer within. Amidst the faded, dusty colors of the shop's merchandise, the glint of brass caught her eye.

Rainbow Dash pushed an ancient hatbox out of the way to get a better look at the shiny thing. "Some kinda teapot? Weird." She picked it up between her hooves and held it up to the light. The years hadn't been kind, as blotchy tarnish spread across the brass, obscuring the etched filigree beneath. It almost looked as if there was some sort of writing beneath, but Rainbow Dash couldn't make it out. On a whim, she rubbed at the side of the teapot to get a better look at what it said.

That's when the antique shop exploded.

"I didn't do it!" Rainbow Dash cried out, beating her wings to clear the sudden cloud of orange smoke. She felt her wings brush across the close-packed shelves, and then heard the tinkling crash of something that was probably both delicate and expensive.

"I didn't do that, either!" She blurted out, still coughing.

"Please, Miss. Stop moving. You're only making it worse." Somepony said in an odd, lilting accent.

"Uh, okay?" Rainbow Dash froze, but she tensed up, ready to make a hasty escape in case the voice turned out to be attached to an angry shopkeeper. "But whatever just happened, it's totally not my fault."

"I know," a sleek, gold-colored pony stepped out from the orange smoke. "As the fault was entirely mine. My apologies, Miss. How may I be of service?"

"You work here or something?" Rainbow Dash said, "'cause if you do, you guys really should make this place more pegasus-friendly. I don't even have enough room to stretch my wings out here- I could get wing cramps or something, and lemme tell you, wing cramps are pretty much the worst thing ever. Not that, uh, you'd know, since you don't have wings..." Rainbow Dash trailed off as she got a look at the other pony. "Or...legs." Sure enough, the elegant looking pony's hindquarters trailed off into a sort of reddish cloud.

"Okay," Rainbow Dash said, "stay cool. And...just don't look backwards. Okay? That kablooey right there might have been a little bigger than I thought, and, uh, you're obviously in shock. Or something. So, um. Just...wait here. We'll...find a doctor. A really good one. Yeah." Rainbow Dash backpedaled into a tall bookshelf, and sent a handful of overly-cute porcelain figures toppling down to the floor.

"Oh, this?" The gold pony looked at her hindquarters, "don't worry, Miss- I'm fine. Again, it's my fault for not materializing properly. Would this make you more comfortable?" With another puff of orange fog, the odd pony stepped forward, now on all four hooves. "It's been quite some time since I've been summoned." She stretched out one of her back legs, experimentally.

Rainbow Dash stared.

"To judge by the look on your face,, I'll assume you don't know who I am, or why I'm here."

"Should I?" Rainbow Dash said. "Like, are you some kinda Canterlot celebrity now?" She paused. "Do you know the Wonderbolts?"

"While I'm well known in...some circles, I'm afraid I'm not exactly a member of high society. You see, you're the one who released me from my vessel, and therefore I'm bound to you, Miss."

"Wait, what? I thought you were gonna explain things and make things less freaky. So, uh, stop being bound to me. Go home."

"You don't understand." The golden pony said. "I cannot. It's not in my nature to leave you be- I'm a djinn."

"Gin?" Rainbow Dash tilted her head. "That's a weird name. Then again, my best buddy Applejack's named after booze too, so I guess that makes sense."

The djinn rubbed at the bridge of her nose. "That's...not what I meant. Here, perhaps another demonstration is in order." She waved one hoof airily, and every antiquity Rainbow Dash had broken (there were quite a few of them) disappeared from the floor in a burst of orange smoke, re-appearing whole and sound on their shelves from before. "The word, Miss, is djinn. I may look like a pony, but that's just a minor manifestation to make interaction easier. Even I know the column of flame look went out of style years ago."

"Hold on!" Rainbow Dash pointed an accusatory hoof at the strange new pony. "You're not a celebrity! You're some kind of weird ancient elm ridge evil thing! Joke's on you, though, 'cause I totally beat up ancient horrors all the time with friendship rainbow lasers and stuff." Rainbow Dash puffed her wings out and lowered herself into a fighting stance- at least as good a stance as she could manage in the crowded little shop.

"The word you're looking for, Miss, is 'eldritch.' Which, I might add, I assuredly am not." She held a hoof up to her chest, to protest her own innocence. "I've got nothing but your best wishes at heart, Miss. In fact, I am here to serve you."

"You're going to challenge me to a dance off?"

"Not unless you wish me to, Miss."

"Why would I want you to do that?"

"It's in my nature, Miss. As I mentioned before, you released me. As your reward, I am ready to grant you three wishes."

"Wishes." Rainbow Dash deadpanned. "What...kind of wishes? Like, 'get me a sandwich' or 'make me Queen of all Equestria' wishes?"

"Either would be well within my power," the djinn said, smiling, "although, if I may make a suggestion, the first would be a waste of my talents."

"Whoa. Really? You could really make me the Queen of all Equestria? Not that, like, I want to be a queen. Or a Princess. Or whatever. But you're saying that you could do that."

"Let me show you."

Yet another plume of orange smoke blinded Rainbow Dash, prompting her to burst into a fresh round of coughing. She blinked tears from her eyes, and beat her wings to clear the smoke again. As her senses returned to her, Rainbow Dash noticed something immediately.

Her wings were bigger.

She turned to look at one of her wings- somehow, it'd grown larger. Stronger. More...regal.

Rainbow Dash fluttered her wing out of the way, and looked around- realizing she wasn't in the antique shop anymore. Pillars. Stained glass windows. Vaulted ceilings. It took a moment for Rainbow Dash to register just where she was.

Princess Celestia's throne room looked a lot different from the throne.

"Okay." Rainbow Dash fought down the urge to poke her forehead to see if she had a crown, a horn, or both. "This is...kind of cool, but still freaky."

"Ah, not to your liking?" The djinn was at her side, as if she'd always been there. "Fair enough. As I mentioned, that was just a demonstration, not an actual wish." Rainbow Dash's vision was blurred by another plume of smoke, and she was back in the antique shop, back to her normal proportions.

"Whoa." Rainbow Dash said. "So you're the real deal, huh? And you have to do anything I say?"

"Three wishes, Miss."

"And you can do...anything?"

"Anything you desire."

"Whoa. Deep." Rainbow Dash said, "but...heck, this's gonna be easy! I just need one wish!"

"Do tell." The djinn leaned forward, ever so slightly.

"I wish I was a Wonderbolt! I want to be the most famous Wonderbolt ever!"

Chapter 2

Rainbow Dash sputtered, coughing orange smoke. "Blegh. Why can't all powerful magic smell nice?" she wiped at her eyes, and glanced around, ready to see the rows and rows of adoring fans once the smoke cleared.

Instead, she found herself staring back at the shelves upon shelves of random junk. Antiques. Whatever. "That's it? That's supposed to be me being the best most awesome and super-rad Wonderbolt ever?" Rainbow Dash complained. "Laaaaaame."

She shook her head, and slowly made her way towards the front of the store. "Hey, Rarity, you wouldn't believe what I just found-" she began, but as she neared the counter, nopony was to be seen. "Uh. Rarity? Where'd ya go?"

Rainbow Dash scratched her head, and looked to the aged pony behind the counter. "Hey, you haven't seen my friend, have you? Unicorn, white coat, kinda snooty, but in a good way?"

The storkeeper shook her head.

"Huh. Go fig." Rainbow Dash said. "She's kind of hard to miss. But whatever. If you see her, tell her I'll be back at the suite." And with that, Rainbow Dash made for the door.

This may have been a mistake.

The bright sun of a pleasant afternoon was blinding enough after poking around the dim antiques shop for however long. But making things even worse was the throng of ponies waiting outside the ship, wielding large cameras with larger flashbulbs. A question came with each burst of light,

"Rainbow Dash! Why the sudden interest in antiques?"

"Rainbow Dash! Shouldn't you be at the practice cloud?"

"Rainbow Dash! What can you tell us about tomorrow's Wonderbolt performance?"

"Rainbow Dash!"

"Rainbow Dash!"

"Rainbow Dash!"

The Pegasus stared blankly at the massed mob of photographers.

Photographers who knew her name.

"Oh man." She squeaked once the epiphany sunk in. "This is so. cool." Bewilderment faded as rainbow Dash's innate showmanship took over. She spread her wings and took to the air, winding her way upwards in an effortless spiral, making sure to stretch her wings fully for the most dramatic picture. She hovered for a few moments, striking a few poses for the upturned cameras. "That's right, folks! It's me, Rainbow Dash! Just, y'know, being awesome. As usual."

Another salvo of questions came from the reporter ponies down below, but it only came out as an unintelligible garble. The chaos of the mob drowned out any individual voice, and instead the mass of ponies sounded like o some sort of confused and demanding monster. The sheer sensory overload was enough to make even Rainbow Dash blink.

"Uh, right!" She said, giving her wings a flutter. "Anyway, you guys are great and all, but I think I'd better get going to check on some stuff. Later!"

And with that, Rainbow Dash did an entirely unessecary (but quite showy) loop before rocketing off into the sky. There were a few pegasus paparazzi amongst the crowd, byt they simply lacked the speed to keep up with Rainbow Dash, much less the skill needed to get a good picture at such a rate.

Rainbow Dash did a slow loop of the city, and finally came back to her guest suite at the Royal Palace. She landed easily on the wide balcony, and trotted into the spacious suite. "Hey! Rarity! You here? You wouldn't believe what I found at that old junk shop!"

There was no reply.

"Okay, sorry, not junk, antique shop." Rainbow Dash continued. "Seriously, I think I found something super cool and magical and it made me into a Wonderbolt which is pretty much the only way I can get more awesome."

Rainbow Dash made a slow circuit of the suite's main room, and frowned. "Aw man, all this cool magic stuff happens and Rarity's not even here. Who else am I supposed to talk to?"

"Can I listen?"

The unexpected (and decidedly male) voice nearly startled Rainbow dash out of her horseshoes. She spun around, and saw a boyishly handsome pegasus colt come strutting out from around the corner. He smiled, showing off perfect rows of dazzlingly white teeth. "I mean, uh. Hi? My name's Cloudraker. Wow. I....I kept on telling myself I would say something cool and all, but now I'm just babbling on, and you think I'm a dork, don't you?"

"Um. Maybe?" Rainbow Dash said. "Though honestly, with the whole 'waiting for a girl in her hotel room' bit, I'm leaning a little more towards 'creepy' than 'dorky' right now." She twisted her neck, cracking the vertebrae in what she hoped was a properly intimidating manner.

"Oh." Cloudraker. "Oh! Sorry! I'm so sorry! I just, um...well, I didn't even expect things would get this far, but then I just sort of walked right in, 'cause my cousin knows a girl who's dating one of the roomates of one of the royal guards, and so now I'm here, and, uh...can I get your autograph?" He pulled a pen and a headshot of Rainbow Dash from beneath his wing.

"Okay, hold on." Rainbow Dash said, squinting. "So you're not a weirdo...you're just a fan?"

"The biggest!" The colt said.

"Oh man." Rainbow Dash sat back on her haunches. "I've got a fanboy. I've got...lots of fanboys, don't I?"

Cloudraker nodded.

"So. Cool."

"So, um. Can I have that autograph?"

"Buddy," Rainbow Dash smiled, and threw an arm around the colt's shoulder. "I'm gonna do better than that. We're getting room service."

As a guest of Princess Celestia, Rainbow Dash was entitled to partake of the palace's top notch service staff. However, she soon realized it was only as a superstar Wonderbolt that she was able to make use of it properly.

"And remember!" Rainbow Dash shouted into the speaking tube, "No. Blue. Jellybeans. Not allowed. Just pick them out of the bowl!"

A harried voice murmured a vague agreement from the other end.

"Oh! And send more booze up, too! We're almost out!"

Rainbow Dash didn't bother listening to the kitchen-pony's reply, and turned back to the ongoing party. She perked her ears, and grinned at the mass of smiling faces she saw scattered throughout the suite. Fanboys had fanclubs, which meant that it was a simple matter to have Cloudraker get in touch with his other Wonderbolt-obsessed friends, and invite them over for what was no doubt going to be the best night of their lives.

And sure, Rainbow Dash mused, here was a small bunch of colts and fillies who hung on to her every word and thought her to be the coolest pony in the history of ever. Some ponies might even get their heads a little inflated at such sudden and devoted worship. But by inviting them over, she was only enriching their lives. Really, she was just helping their dreams come true!

This logic made a little more sense after her third cocktail. The suite had a well-stocked minibar. Which, again, was her responsibility to use as a superstar Wonderbolt.. Really, the only thing that kept this party from being the best thing ever was the lack of Pinkie Pie, or the rest of her friends, for that matter.

"Oh!" Rainbow Dash said, turning back to the room-service speaking tube. "Have somebody send a letter to Twilight Sparkle in Ponyville and tell her to bring all her friends here. It's really important!" She grinned to herself, smug. "Just gotta keep the party rollin' 'til they get here!"

"Rainbow Dash."

"Hnnh?" The pegasus squinted her eyes shut harder, and pulled a pillow over her head.

"Rainbow Dash."

"Go away." She managed through a dry-tasting mouth.

"Rainbow Dash!"

"Wha'd I tell you?" Rainbow Dash threw the pillow in the general direction of the voice, and sat up. "All you fanboys were supposed to go home so I could rest up for- Spitfire?"

The Wonderbolt commander stood there in her flight suit, goggles pushed back to reveal the look of flat frustration on her face.

"Uh. Hi." Rainbow Dash fought down the urge to start squee-ing fangirlishly herself. The hangover helped.

"You're late." Spitfire said, and tossed a flight suit onto the bed. "Honestly, if you weren't such a crowd pleaser, I would've drummed you out of the squad ages ago. Soarin's already stalling for time, but we're already behind schedule. You gonna be good to fly this time?"

"Whoa." Rainbow Dash took the suit up in her hooves and stared. "I mean, uh, yeah!" She snapped herself out of her awe. "I'm always ready to fly, you know that. Just gimmie a sec, and I'm good to go." She awkwardly fumbled herself into the jumpsuit, toppling off the bed in the process. "I'm okay!" she said, even with the side of her face pressed to the floor.

As Spitfire watched on impassively, Rainbow Dash zipped up the suit, and gave her limbs a stretch within the material. On the one hoof, she realized, that the mere act of putting on a Wonderbolt suit (outside of a Nightmare Night costume party) was an honor in and of itself. On the other, the suit was kind of itchy and bunched up in all the wrong places. She must have gotten spoiled, she decided, since Rarity had started custom-tailoring all her clothes. Go fig.

"Here," Spitfire thrust a mug of coffee into Rainbow's hooves. "Drink this."

Rainbow Dash merely nodded, and drained half the mug in one scalding gulp. "Aaah. Needed that." She gasped out. Between the caffeine and the thrill of getting to be a Wonderbolt and do Wonderbolt Stuff, Rainbow Dash shook off the effects of her hangover in mere moments. "So, uh, now what?"

"Now," Spitfire said through gritted teeth, "we try to act halfway professional and not screw up this show. C'mon." The orange-maned pegasus beat her wings and took off at a speed even Rainbow Dash found impressive.

"Right!" Rainbow Dash tossed her coffee mug over her shoulder (that's what maid service was for, wasn't it?) and took off in hot pursuit.

"We're headed right for the arena, to save time. As soon as we get there, fall into formation, and just follow the routine."

"Formation flying. Got it!" Rainbow Dash pulled her goggles over her eyes, and smiled. She would've been shaking with anticipation, if she wasn't already working every sinew and feather as she cruised along beside Spitfire.

"And no showing off!" Spitfire snapped. "The timing on the Double Diamond Delta Dive has got to be perfect, so there's no room for your usual theatrics."

"The Double Diamond Delta Dive?" Rainbow Dash blurted. "That's...not in the official Wonderbolts fan-guide. I mean, uh, playbook. That I read. Because I'm a Wonderbolt."

"That's because it's new. This is gonna be the trick's big debut, remember? Or have you been napping during practice?"

"Oh. That Double Diamond Delta Dive. I thought we were talking about the, uh, Double Decker Dovetail Doorstopper. That thing. Code names, y'know? But it's cool. I totally know all the moves. All of them."

Spitfire glared over her shoulder at Rainbow Dash. "There's a lot riding on this, Dash. Don't screw it up."

The two pegasi burst out of a cloudbank, where Soarin and a few other Wonderbolts in full uniform waited. As one, they gave Rainbow Dash a wary look, but the cheers of the unicorn crowd below drowned out any snide commentary they might have had.

Not that Rainbow Dash would have noticed anyway. She looked down at the upward looking crowds- and it took her a moment to realize they were cheering. Cheering for her. Rainbow Dash's heart beat faster, and her belly twisted in on itself. There were just so many of them, and they were so loud, and Soarin and Spitfire were so close.

"This is so. Cool."

"Hey, stop talking to yourself." Spitfire snapped. "We've got a job to do."

It was almost easy.

This was, of course, using a loose definition of 'easy.' There were few pegasi who could keep up with the Wonderbolts based on speed alone- not to mention the precision flying involved. And yet, every time Rainbow Dash felt her spirits flagging, a renewed cheer from the crowds below spurred Rainbow Dash onward. And through it all, she simply couldn't wipe the dopey grin off her face, even as she windburned her cheeks with each additional sprint or acrobatic maneuver. The entire show was a blur, both from the speed, and the sheer joy of it all.

As one, the Wonderbolts wheeled about and landed on a strategically placed cloud, taking their first break after a half hour long series of maneuvers. Rainbow Dash panted, as did the rest of the Wonderbolts- but the break was to be short lived.

"Alright!" Spitfire said, and pulled her goggles back into place. "There's only one way to end this show- the Double Diamond Delta Dive! You all know what to do, right?"

The Wonderbolts nodded in grim agreement. Rainbow Dash did the same, trying to blend in.

"Just remember how we practiced it. And in three...two...one...go!"

The other flyers bolted off of the cloud, each taking off in a different direction. Rainbow Dash paused for just a moment, and then picked a random direction to take off in. She glanced over her shoulder, at which point she realized the other Wonderbolts were soaring off at perpendicular angles to each other, in each of the cardinal directions. Rainbow Dash poured on some extra speed and veered to her left a few to correct her formation- and no sooner had she done so, she caught a glimpse of Soarin making a sudden 180 degree turn.

Rainbow Dash splayed her wings out to match the sudden reversal. A fresh twinge of pain shot up her shoulder from the sudden strain, but Rainbow Dash ignored it, focusing on the performance, on the flight.

She kept her eyes on Soarin as she wheeled about- the colt had angled himself downwards, folding his wings to his side as he went into a dive. Rainbow Dash mirrored his actions- from the corner of her eye, she saw the other Wonderbolts doing the same.

As the wind whipped at Rainbow Dash's hair and flight suit, she realized just how the Double Diamond Delta Dive worked- four ponies, flying at the cardinal directions, would all dive towards the same point in space. The real key would be the timing- too slow, and it wouldn't be exciting. Too fast, and all the flyers would just plow into each other.

"Oh man." Rainbow Dash murmured to herself. "This is gonna be awesome." She narrowed her eyes behind her goggles, turned her lips up into a determined smirk, and poured on the speed. All she had to do was keep an eye on the other Wonderbolts- let the rest of them pass first, and then she could pour on the last bit of speed for the finale. Rainbow Dash even wondered if she might pull off another sonic rainboom, just to make the finale all the grander. The audience below had stopped cheering, instead watching in tense silence.

Soarin streaked through the point first, followed soon by a blonde-maned filly Rainbow didn't recognize. Rainbow Dash straightened herself out, angling her wings downwards for an extra little bit of speed.

And then she crashed into Spitfire.

Rainbow Dash barely registered the solid hit of flesh on flesh before the world around her began to spin. All pretensions to elegance and precision gone, she frantically beat her wings, trying to get herself righted again. Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth against the pain lancing through her entire left side, and held her shaky wings out enough to glide to a nearby cloud. Once she landed, she looked over her shoulder- to her relief, the other Wonderbolts looked battered, disoriented- but still airborne.

"Good." Rainbow Dash said, breathing heavily. "Everypony's okay."

That's when she passed out.

RAINBOW RUINS ROYAL REVUE!

PREDILICTION FOR PARTYING PREVENTS PREPARATION!

SPITFIRE FLUSTERED FROM FLIGHT SHOW FRACAS!

Somepony had 'thoughtfully' piled the newspapers and tabloids on Rainbow Dash's bedside table, so they were one of the first things she saw when she woke up. She reached out with one bandaged hoof and swept the papers from the table. The pain made her swear, but scattering the alliterative headlines was totally worth it.

"What the heck." Rainbow Dash shifted around in her bed. She'd been hurt worse, she knew- but that didn't make her current condition any more pleasant. "Can't those stupid newspapers find something else to talk about?"

"Actually, no." The djinn said, standing on the other side of Rainbow Dash's bed.

"Gah!" Rainbow Dash took to the air (if painfully) and glared at the otherworldly creature. "Where'd you come from?"

"Technically, I've always been here- altering things in just the right fashion to twist reality to your wishes, Miss. I've just kept myself slightly out of frequency with your plane of perception for convenience's sake."

Rainbow Dash stared.

"...I've been invisible." The djinn said, very slowly.

"Oooooooh. Still! What gives? I thought you were supposed to make wishes come true? 'cause I totally want a do-over on this one. It all went wrong!"

"Did it?" The djinn's expression remained placid. "You wished to be the most famous of the Wonderbolts...and, well, now you are." She nodded towards the scattered pile of newspapers and tabloids. "After yesterday's show, I imagine all of Equestria will be talking about you for quite some time."

"But that's not right! They're only saying bad stuff about me!"

"It may be easier to be infamous than famous."

"But I don't want them to say bad stuff about me!"

"There's little one can do to influence public opinion, once it's out there." The djinn gave a casual, helpless shrug. "Unless you wish me to change their minds? It would be...challenging, but within my capabilities. If you wished, Miss."

"Yes!" Rainbow Dash blurted. "Er, I mean, wait, no! I mean, uh. Would you changing their minds involve, like, horrible brainwashing or something?"

"It could be an option."

"Then no!" Rainbow Dash crossed her forelegs across her chest, and puffed her wings out. "I think I've got you figured out now! I bet you're gonna be a total jerkass about any wish I make, aren't you?"

"I only do as I am bidden, Miss. Causality controls the rest."

"What."

"If I may use an analogy...it's like a rock at the top of a hill. I only have the power to give the rock a push, and only when somepony wishes me to. If the rock in turn tumbles down and hits something at the bottom of the hill...well, whose responsibility is that?"

"Huh." Rainbow Dash huffed. "Well, if you're gonna play it like, that, fine! I know just how to deal with your smartypants magic nonsense."

"Oh?"

"Definitely! I just have to get somepony who's totally smarter than me when it comes to stupid magic junk! Ha ha, I've got you now, jerkass!" Rainbow Dash smirked. "I wish my friend Twilight Sparkle was- no, I wish Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the Elements of Harmony were here, 'cause if you don't do this wish right, we're totally going to zap you with a rainbow friendship laser! So HA!"

"As you wish, Miss." And with a burst of orange smoke, the djinn disappeared.

A moment later, the door to Rainbow Dash's hospital room flew open, courtesy of a certain purple unicorn. "Rainbow!" Twilight said, bursting into the room. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie all followed hot on her hooves, and the room got very crowded, very quickly.

"Twilight!" Rainbow Dash sat up. "Am I glad to see you!"

"I wish I could say the same, Rainbow." Twilight Sparkle jut her chin out, determinedly.

"What're you talking about?" Rainbow Dash said.

"Rainbow Dash." Twilight closed her eyes, and fell into the most official-sounding tone she could manage. "I hereby order you to stand down, and submit to Princess Celestia's judgement for the crime of reality deviance."

"Uh. Mind running that by me in non-fancy talk?"

"Rainbow Dash, you're under arrest."

Chapter 3

"Wait, I can explain!" Rainbow Dash took to the air by reflex. She felt wind at her back, from the balcony, and risked a glance that way. She knew she could sprint the short distance out to freedom- only Fluttershy could fly, and if Rainbow wanted, she could have outpaced and outflown her friend easily.

If she wanted.

"She's trying to get away!" Twilight shouted, dismayed.

"Oh no she ain't!" Applejack flicked her tail, and her lasso sailed across the room. With a practiced yank, the cowpony tightened the loop- Rainbow Dash barely had time to twist out of the way so it closed around her back legs, and not her wings. Ensnared, and with little room to manuever, she could do little but flail her wings and front hooves.

"Hey, leggo!" Rainbow Dash yanked on the rope- though with the way Applejack had dug her hooves in, she would've had better luck trying to tow Canterlot castle itself. Applejack yanked on the rope again, and pulled Rainbow Dash down to the ground. The pegasus saw the floor rushing up at her, and gritted her teeth as the marble floor knocked the wind out of her. Her vision blurred as a fresh wave of pain washed over her, all of her earlier bumps and bruises flaring up again. Groaning, Rainbow Dash tried to stand- only to find a delicate, gentle hoof at her shoulder.

"Please, darling." Rarity said, looking down at Rainbow Dash. "Don't get up. We don't want to hurt you, you know that."

"Coulda fooled me." Rainbow Dash rubbed at her side and wondered what kind of bruises she'd have the next day. If she lasted that long.

"Y'all didn't break nothin'. Don't be such a big baby." Applejack said. With practiced ease, the cowpony looped several more lengths of rope around Rainbow Dash, entangling her further. "'sides, you've had worse."

"Well, yeah, but that's not important!" Rainbow Dash fumed, "Look, guys, you've got to listen to me. Do you really think I'd mess around with...uh, whatever it is that you think I did?"

"I was hoping you didn't, but..." Twilight Sparkle sighed, and then tilted her chin up higher, resolute. "I've got a theory. It's your sonic rainbooms, Rainbow. I think you're doing more than breaking the sound barrier- I think you're breaking the reality barrier when you go so fast. And so, whether you know it or not, you've been steadily eroding the etheric threshold that holds our plane of existence together."

"I did what now?"

"I think she's saying that bad things happen when you go too fast." Fluttershy murmured.

"But...that's not what happened! It wasn't me, it was the djinn! The djinn!"

"Oh no, Dashie!" Pinkie Pie looked down at the bound pegasus. "What did I tell you about getting all liquored up and messing with the fabric of reality?"

"Um. Nothing?"

"So it's my fault!" Pinkie Pie's eyes watered, "I'm so, so sorry, Rainbow Dash! I promise I'll visit you every day in magical exile jail and bring you cakes, but not the kind with files baked into them. Sorry!"

"Actually, Pinkie," Twilight said, "in a case like this one, Rainbow Dash would need a lot more than a file to break loose. Why, the thaumaturgic containment wards alone would be nearly impassible to anypony who wasn't a properly trained unicorn- and that's assuming a best case scenario, where Princess Celestia doesn't have Rainbow Dash turned to stone-"

"She can do that?" Fluttershy said, not bothering to mask the horror in her voice.

"If nothing else, Rainbow Dash, I'll make sure you're a beautiful statue." Rarity said.

"I don't think that's very reassurin'." Applejack said as she pulled the knot binding Rainbow Dash tighter.

"I'm being optimistic." Rarity huffed. "Or...trying to, at least. Silver linings, and all that."

"Hey now!" Rainbow Dash squeaked, "Can we at least talk about statue-ifying me as a last resort?"

"Rainbow Dash's right." Twilight said. "Magical exile jail is far more probable, given the circumstances."

"Oh, uh, that's good?" Rainbow Dash managed. "So, um. Can we...like...talk this over? Do processing, and all that?"

"What n' tarnation are you talkin' 'bout?"

"She means to say 'Due Process,'" Twilight corrected. "Which...I'm not exactly sure how to deal with, in this case. Usually, whenever Princess Celestia gives me a task, it's more...action oriented. The aftermath kind of resolves itself, you know? Unless Princess Celestia wanted me to focus more on the aftermath, because she knew Rainbow Dash would give up without a fight."

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash said, "I'm not giving up! I'm just letting you guys tie me up so you'll listen to me!"

"We're listenin'." Applejack said.

"You better!" Rainbow Dash gave an indignant tug at her bonds. "Seriously! None of this is my fault! I just found this weird teapot thing and all of a sudden this pony with no legs came out of nowhere and started talking about giving me wishes, and then things totally got weird from there, and then I wished you guys would show up, and now...uh, you're here. So I guess that worked. Sort of?"

"Hold on," Twilight said, "Rainbow, did you say 'wishes?'"

"Yeah. Do I need to start talking louder?"

"Ooooooh. That makes more sense. Djinn with a D."

"That's what I was trying to tell you!" Rainbow Dash squeaked in desperate exasperation. "Except for the spelling part. Weird wishy-lady didn't tell me how it's spelled."

"That...makes a surprising amount of sense, actually." Twilight rubbed at her chin. "Especially since, now that you mention it, I don't recall the train ride to Canterlot...does anypony?"

"I do." Rarity said. "The train was running slow, so I tried to teach Rainbow Dash how to play baccarat-"

"But that was from before, when it was just you and Rainbow Dash." Twilight said. "And even then, I bet you don't remember talking with any of us before we kicked in Rainbow Dash's door. Am I right?"

"You are." Rarity said. "I hate to say it, but it's a bit...disconcerting. What's going on?"

"I'm not sure." Twilight frowned. "But I'm beginning to think that there's something else going on here. Something bigger than just Rainbow Dash."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "Now can you guys untie me now?"

"Allow me, miss."

A burst of orange smoke blinded Rainbow Dash- but as soon as she felt the ropes slip free, she beat her wings as hard as she could, dispersing the smoke as soon as it came. When it cleared, however, she saw all five of her friends tied up in turn. Various cries of anger and dismay arose from the bound group, but the cloth gags stuffed into their mouths shut muffled the specifics.

"Okay, for the record, that wasn't my fault." Rainbow Dash swooped over and began to tug and pull at the knots binding Pinkie Pie.

"Not directly, no." The djinn materialized from the wisps of orange smoke at the corners of the room, only bothering with the barest outline of an equine form. "But it's well within my duties to ensure your ability to make your final wish."

"These are my best friends! They'd never hurt me!" Rainbow Dash said.

"I dare say the last few minutes have been proof to the contrary, Miss."

"But...that was you just being a jerk again, wasn't it? I wished they were here, and then you made them think the world was going to end if they didn't catch me."

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that, no. But when you do make your last wish, the links holding me to this plane of existence will be severed, and I shall be free."

"That's a good thing, right?"

"Yes." said the djinn.

"Nnnf!" Twilight Sparkle rolled over onto her side and wriggled closer to Rainbow Dash.

"Okay, not a good thing?" Rainbow Dash said.

Twilight nodded.

"I got it." Rainbow Dash turned to glare at the djinn. "What's the catch? There's always a catch with you, isn't there?"

"I wouldn't call it a 'catch,' miss. Rather, it's a matter of...balance. When I'm freed from the bonds of the wishing contract, it will create a vacuum- somepony will have to take my place, and thus be trapped inside the lamp until the cycle begins anew."

"That's a bad thing, right?"

"That depends, miss. Are you claustrophobic?"

Rainbow Dash pulled her wings in tighter against her sides. "Um. No?"

"You will be after the first century."

"Oh, I got it-" Rainbow Dash smiled, "I can just wish that I don't get stuck in there, right?"

"A clever idea, and one that's entirely feasible. But the magic will still have its way- I imagine it'll just make do with whoever's closest." The djinn turned her glowing, otherworldly gaze over the five tied-up ponies on the floor. "Unless you have somepony in mind?"

"Hey! I'm not going to let you magicify any of my friends, jerk!"

"Fair enough. I'll just pick somepony at random, then. Don't worry, I'll make sure it's somepony you've never met."

"Uh." Rainbow Dash bit at her lower lip. "That's...not really better, is it?"

"It's all a matter of perspective, miss. I imagine it'll come as a surprise to my replacement, to be suddenly pulled from his or her life and stuffed into a cramped, enchanted lamp for hundreds of years. But to you, miss, you'll be fine. You'll just be able to put the whole episode behind you and forget it ever happened."

"Crap." Rainbow Dash hid her face in her hooves. "There's no right answer, is there? Even if it's somepony I've never met, I'll still know I made them take a hit for me!"

"So you'd rather it be one of your friends, then?"

"No!" Rainbow Dash spat. "Why do you have to make this so hard? No matter what I do, you're going to twist it around so something horrible happens!"

"I do find the dramatic irony rather delicious, miss."

"Why do you gotta be so mean about it, though? I wish you weren't such a jerk!"

Silence fell over the palace chamber. Rainbow Dash had just enough time to see the shock and fear suddenly writ across her five best friends' faces.

"As you wish, miss."

A sudden fog of orange smoke rolled up, blinding Rainbow Dash. She instinctively started to spread her wings out to fan the smoke away, but she soon felt her feathers brushing up against something cold and unyielding.

"What the crap?" Rainbow Dash said. Her voice echoed through the cramped metal corridor. She craned her head around to get a better look at what was keeping her pinned, only to smack her head into a low-lying ceiling. The entire room rang like the inside of a hangover. Rainbow Dash clapped her hooves over her ears, muttering a few choice obscenities to herself (again, much like a hangover).

"Okay," she finally said, once the ringing began to die down. "No need to freak out. You can handle this. Just a super dark and weird room made of metal." Rainbow Dash bit at her lower lip, and slowly began to feel along the walls. The walls of the pipe she'd wound up in flared out towards one end- soon, Rainbow Dash had enough room to stand upright and stretch her wings- barely. She rapped on one of the walls, producing that same hollow, metallic tone. "Okay, better. Kinda. Stupid Djinn. Once I get out of here, I'm gonna-"

And then, in another burst of smoke (blue, this time) Rainbow Dash was back in her hotel room, back to facing her friends.

"That was weird." Rainbow Dash said. She pushed herself up into a comfortable hover, then looked down at her five friends. "Hey, what're you guys looking at? Have I got something on my face?" She reached up to wipe her muzzle, but stopped. As soon as she'd brought her hoof up to eye-level, she could see her friends right through it.

"Okay, now I'm getting a little freaked out." Rainbow Dash's voice broke. She looked downward. "Guys? Has anyone seen, um...the rest of me?"

"She's a ghost!" Pinkie Pie cried. "Rainbow Dash, I'm so sorry we couldn't save you! Please don't haunt us! Unless, like, you're one of those good ghosts who shows us the true meaning of Hearth's Warming Eve or maybe tells us about how you got murdered by your brother 'cause he wanted to be king and had a bunch of ear poison laying around! But now that I think about it that ghost wasn't very nice because he kinda sorta set things in motion so everyone killed each other at the end of the play- maybe he was just lonely and wanted some company? OH!" Pinkie Pie wheeled around on her more substantial friends, "Quick, everypony! If Rainbow Dash starts telling you to kill somepony to avenge her, don't do it!"

"I'm not telling you to avenge me, Pinkie."

"Whew!" said Pinkie Pie.

"Everypony, calm down." Twilight Sparkle said, firmly. "Pinkie, Rainbow Dash isn't a ghost. She's...well, as far as I can figure, she's a djinn. She's not dead- it's just that she's attuned to a slightly different phase-plane of reality than we are, so our visual perspective is naturally distorted."

"Say what?" Rainbow Dash said.

"It's like we're looking at you through a dirty window, Rainbow." Twilight said.

"Weird." Rainbow Dash looked down at her semi-transparent self. "So. Uh. If I'm a djinn...what happens next?"

"I was waiting for you to say that, miss."

The djinn- the former-djinn, at least -stood nearby, cradling the brass lamp with her foreleg. Without the ambient aura of potent magic around her, she looked like any other pony (if a rather tired looking one). "Now that I have your attention, I wish I had a cupcake."

Rainbow Dash felt her entire body quiver. Before she realized it, the pegasus was in motion- streaking out the window. She banked downwards, gravitating towards the nearest corner-bakery. She burst through the door, swooped down on the display case, and barely had enough time to pick one out before she reversed her course and headed back the way she came.

Rainbow Dash skidded to a halt in front of the djinn-pony, and thrust the cupcake outward.

"Ha! Joke's on you, this one's coconut! Nobody likes coconut cupcakes! How's it feel to have your wish turned around on you, jerk?"

"I haven't eaten anything in hundreds of years." The djinn set the lamp down, and took the cupcake. She savored the smell, and then slowly, sensuously, sunk her teeth into it. She shivered faintly, then closed her eyes, ignoring the ponies all around her.

"Uh." Applejack said. "Should we be watchin' this? It's gettin' weird."

"I know!" Pinkie Pie said. "Who doesn't like coconut cupcakes?"

"Ah, sorry." The former djinn said. "It's the little pleasures, you know. I would've wished for a feast, but I don't think I could've handled it. Not to mention the fact it would've given Miss Dash entirely too many opportunities to exact ironic retribution on me- and I would've deserved it, too."

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash said.

"She's afraid you're going to try to get even." Twilight Sparkle said.

"I won't try. I will. Once I figure out what her least favorite kind of cupcake is."

"Um, Rainbow?" Fluttershy peeked out from behind Rarity. "Don't you think it's a better idea to just be the better pony and just be nice to her?"

"No!" Rainbow Dash crossed her insubstantial front legs across her insubstantial chest. "You weren't even there, Fluttershy. Stupid jerkface made me the laughingstock of Canterlot, turned all of you against me, and then she stuffed me in her stupid teapot-"

"Lamp." Twilight said.

"-and turned me into a ghost!"

"Djinn." Twilight said.

"You guys are making me thirsty." Pinkie Pie murmured.

"You forgot your last wish, miss."

"No I didn't!" Rainbow Dash said, "that's the one that made me all see through!"

"True. But you wished for me to be less of a jerk, as you said."

"Oh yeah, I did, didn't I? Shoot, I should've wished for something cool, at least." Rainbow Dash muttered. "So you made me waste a wish, too. Crap."

"I...don't think you wasted it, miss. As...you've gotten me to think. I don't know if it's just my own magic turned against me, but...well, with the tables turned, I...remember things. It was a....long time ago when I found that lamp. I don't even remember what I wished for before I was bound to it. But...I saw you fly, miss. And now, I can't stand the thought of seeing you cooped up inside that damned thing. So I'm going to make my three wishes, and then I'm going back inside. I'm used to it, after all."

"So, lemme get this straight." Rainbow Dash said, "All of a sudden, you feel bad about all that stuff you did to me, so you're just going to make three quick wishes so we switch back again?"

"That's my plan, yes."

"Wow. That's...kinda deep, right there." Rainbow Dash fidgeted, and scratched at the back of her neck. "I'm...not sure what to think of that."

"What you think is immaterial, miss. You, in fact, are immaterial. You're the djinn, after all. Now...I wish I had something to drink."

"Oh come on!" Rainbow Dash materialized next to the former-djinn in a split second, either through her own innate speed or her new otherworldly powers. She poured a large measure of cranberry juice, then a larger measure of vodka into a glass on a nearby table, then nodded. "You could've gotten that yourself!"

"You're correct, miss, but I wanted to keep things quick and simple." The djinn slipped a straw into the cocktail and took a sip- only to immediately go into a shuddering, coughing fit. "Ah. Still punishing me, I see. Well done."

"Uh. I was trying to be nice, right there. Y'know, if you're gonna get stuffed into a teapot for the next hundred years, at least you can get a good buzz going, or something."

"Maybe you should've gotten her a gin and tonic?" Pinkie Pie said, already pulling out a setzer bottle from...somewhere.

"No no, that's alright." The djinn said, pushing her drink aside. "It...wasn't entirely bad, all things considered. I just wanted to enjoy some of the more...physical indulgences while I still had a tangible form."

"Hold up." Applejack said. "Does that mean you're gonna wish Rainbow Dash ta-"

"Of course not, silly!" Pinkie Pie said, "She's just gonna wish for Rainbow to find somepony to-"

"Hey now!" Rainbow Dash said, "All of you stop talking about whatever it is I think you're talking about because this is weird enough as is! And you-" Rainbow Dash wheeled around on the djinn, "Stop wishing for stuff!"

"I know it hasn't been long, but the traditional setup is that the pony who rubbed the lamp is the one who gives the orders."

"No, that's not it!" Rainbow Dash said, "Or, uh, it is it, or...just stop talking, okay? Because, here's the thing- I wished for you not to be a jerk, and now you're not a jerk! I mean, you're already getting ready to get stuffed back into that stupid teapot-"

"Lamp, miss."

"Whatever it is, it sucks! So now that you're nice and stuff, we need to figure out how to keep you a normal pony. Make sure that nopony gets stuck inside it ever again!"

"That's...going to be difficult, Rainbow," said Twilight Sparkle, "but, with enough time and planning, I might be able to rig up some sort of mana siphon, which would theoretically allow us to draw off enough ambient energy to change its magical balance so it's no longer self perpetuating."

Rainbow Dash scratched at her head. "Say what?"

"Oh, sorry." Twilight smiled. "Think of it like...a teapot."

"You mean a lamp?" said Rainbow Dash.

"No, I mean a teapot, this time. And the magic is the tea inside. So we'd be pouring out all the tea so you can clean it out. It's not that simple, of course, but do you get the idea?"

"It's fitting, miss," The djinn said, "but, to build on your analogy, this still presents us with some challenges. The first being a matter of where the tea goes. Proverbially speaking, there's quite a lot of tea to deal with, and it's quite hot, and we wouldn't want to make a mess of things. Complicating things further is the fact that we can't pour it all out- there has to be just enough left at the bottom for one last cup, so to speak. If the amount of magic in the lamp runs out, Miss Dash's consciousness would dissipate. She'd be lost forever."

Twilight set her chin, resolute. "Which is why we'll just have to get it right the first time. Pinkie Pie, you're with me- we're going to hit up the royal archives, and start our research. Rarity, you and Applejack handle the logistics- I'll write up a shopping list of supplies we'll need. Fluttershy, you stay here and keep Rainbow Dash company, keep her spirits up." She turned to smile up at the semi-etherial pegasus. "Don't worry, we'll have all this fixed in no time!"

Resolute nods were shared, and the ponies galloped out of the room (except for Fluttershy, who stayed put and didn't say a thing).

"So...that's it?" Rainbow Dash said, after about three seconds of silence. "We just stay here and wait for Twilight to fix everything?"

"That, um, was the plan, yes." Fluttershy murmured. "I think it's a good one."

"If that's the case, Miss-" The djinn turned to Fluttershy. "Do you think you might get me something to eat? It's...been quite some time since I've been properly corporeal, and I'm beginning to fear that cupcake wasn't nearly enough."

"Oh, okay." Fluttershy murmured, and slipped off as quietly as she could manage, relieved to have an excuse to get out of the room.

"Good." The former-djinn said. "I thought they'd never leave. I didn't want them to see this."

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Little trails of etheric magic floated outwards with each agitated beat of Rainbow Dash's wings. "I don't know what you've got in mind, but it sounds totally not-cool. All you have to do is just chill here and then Twilight's gonna do some magic junk and then everything will be okay. Like it always goes."

"Your optimism is...inspiring, miss," said the djinn, "but, as I told your friend, it's going to be an extremely dangerous operation. Quite simply, I cannot allow your friends to put themselves into such danger for my sake."

"Sure you can! We love danger!" Rainbow Dash said, "seriously, you should see some of the crazy crap we do. It's pretty awesome."

"But, there's a much easier alternative. All I have to do is make my final wish, and then we'll switch places, and it'll be the end of that. I trust you'll find someplace safe to keep the lamp so I won't hurt anypony else?"

"Uh, sure! I mean, wait, no! You can't just give up! Quitting is for losers!"

"I don't understand you, miss."

"Do I need to talk louder? I CAN TALK LOUDER."

"No, not that." The djinn sat back on her haunches, then looked down at her hindquarters, surprised at the simple gesture. "It's just...I corrupted your lifelong dreams, turned your friends against you...and now you're trying to help me?"

"Well, yeah." Rainbow Dash scratched at the back of her neck. "I mean, sure, you did some pretty bad stuff...but now it's kind of like you feel bad about it, and so we're going to help you. Being the better ponies, or something."

"If only it were so easy." Said the djinn. "It's better this way. I wish it didn't have to be like this, but-"

"OH NO YOU SAID IT!" Rainbow Dash clapped her hooves over her ears. "YOU SAID THE 'W' WORD! BUT I TOTALLY DIDN'T HEAR IT AND NOW NOTHING WILL HAPPEN LALALALALALALA."

"I...did, didn't I?" The djinn said, looking around, "after all these years, I should have learned better. Damn." She pulled in a deep breath, and stood up again. "Well, back into the lamp with me."

"NOT LISTENING LALALALALALA."

For a long moment, nothing happened.

"Um." Fluttershy poked her head from around the doorway to the kitchen. "I made you a salad? You like salads, right? It's got fresh carrots and apples and asparagus and everything. I bet you'll love it."

"STILL NOT LISTENING LALALALALALA!"

"Oh, um. Okay." Fluttershy shrank back. "I'll make some sandwiches instead."

"Er, wait!" Rainbow Dash swooped towards the kitchen. "Fluttershy! That's not what I meant!"

"Okay!" The pink-haired pegasus squeaked, shrinking down lower. "No sandwiches, then."

"Fluttershy, stop it! I'm not yelling at you, I'm yelling at her! Stupid djinn made her last wish and now she's ruined everything before Twilight could fix it!"

"Oh no!" Fluttershy galloped out of the kitchen, looking from pony to pony with wide, panicked eyes. "Is that true?"

"Technically, yes," said the djinn. She poked herself in the chest. "I was honestly expecting to be transported back into the lamp by now. Or maybe Miss Dash has to perform some feat of magic to do it."

"Hah! Joke's on you! I'm not doing any magic to you, jerk!" Rainbow Dash landed on the ground and glared at the djinn. "Looks like you still have a third wish to not-make."

"Um. Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy squeaked. "You're not clear."

"Sorry Fluttershy," said the blue pegasus, "I didn't mean to get all eggheady. It's just that, like, so long as I don't do whatever she says, everything's going to be okay. I think. Does that make sense?"

"Um. I guess so? But...that's not what I meant. It's just that, uh, you're not all glowy and see-through now."

"I'm not?"

"Your friend's right, miss. You appear entirely corpreal." The djinn poked Rainbow Dash in the shoulder.

"Hey! Hooves off the merchandise!"

"This...is puzzling." The djinn said. "You should still be bound to the magic of the lamp. Quick, try to do something magical?"

Rainbow Dash blinked, suddenly put on the spot. "Um." She looked to her left, then to her right, and then scratched one hoof with the other. "Like what?"

"Um. Well. Twilight does magic all the time." Fluttershy said. "Maybe you could do, like, one teensy tiny little spell?"

"Uh, sure. Right. Spells. I got it." Rainbow Dash sighted in on a nearby table and stared at it, furrowing her brow in concentration as she summoned up whatever arcane powers the lamp had cursed her with.

Nothing happened.

"What're you trying to do?" Fluttershy asked.

"Uh. Something? Like, maybe I'll lift it up, or maybe I'll light it on fire, or maybe I'll turn it into a frog, or...something. Aaaaany minute now." Rainbow Dash stared harder at the end-table.

"That's enough of that," the djinn said, "if anything were going to happen, it would've happened by now."

"I don't get it." Rainbow Dash said. "If I'm back to being a normal pony, that means you should be back in your teapot-lamp-thingie, right?"

"That is the way it works after a third wish, yes."

"After a- oh! That's it!" Rainbow Dash's eyes went wide as the realization struck her. "You wished it didn't have to be like this, or whatever! So now it doesn't have to work where somepony gets turned into a genie or whatever. Nice!"

The djinn frowned. "How is that possible?"

"Don't know, don't care." Rainbow Dash said. "I'll let Twilight figure out all the magicky stuff. Right now, the important part is, I'm back to being the raddest pegasus in all of Equestria. And I'm not gonna do anything anypony tells me to do!"

"What if they ask nicely?" Fluttershy said.

"Unless they ask nicely, sure." said Rainbow Dash.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that antique shops aren't as boring as they look, because sometimes they have really old magical stuff in the back.

Also, I learned that taking the easy way to get what you want is never a good idea, especially when you're using really old magical stuff to do it. Seriously,

But sometimes, if you set a good example, you can inspire other ponies to do good stuff, and not think about themselves, and then everything works out in the end.

Sincerely,

-Rainbow Dash

P.S: Twilight told me to tell you that you might want to talk to this djinn girl sometime, 'cause she's all old and stuff.