Alicorn Switcheroo

by Fuzzyfurvert

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Princess Luna, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 34975

Alicorn Twilight and non-Alicorn Celestia romance/comedy.

Written for the contest in this thread.

What would you do if you woke up with god-like powers? What if the Goddess you love is without her own magic? What if Pinkie Pie's alicorn fetish was never important, until now? What if you're Twilight Sparkle and nothing makes sense anymore? The Answer: Equestria is sooooo boned.

Belated thanks for excellent editing of this beast goes out to Knight of Cerebus.
JKinsley helped with proofreading.
General encouragement/idea bouncing help from Misago.

Published 2013-01-22 12:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-21 14:15:14 UTC

Chapter 1

Alicorn Switcheroo

Early morning Sunlight warmed the shingles of Sugar Cube Corner and every building, tree and cobblestone in Ponyville. A thin curl of smoke wafted from the bakery’s chimney into the pale blue sky carrying the scent of fresh baked goods. It was early enough that most of the ponies were still blinking sleep out of their eyes and yawning while even the birds chirped tiredly. It was early enough that the mail had not yet arrived by Pegasus carrier. Rainbow Dash wasn’t scheduled to clear the sky of the small clouds that were soaking up the moisture of the pre-dawn mists for a half dozen more hours. Carousel Boutique wouldn’t be open for business for three more hours. Fluttershy’s Animal Care wouldn’t be accepting patients for almost another forty five minutes. The Ponyville Library wouldn’t be open until the Sun was approaching its noontime high. The only ponies that were out and about, moving around with any amount of urgency this early hour were the Apple family out on Sweet Apple Acres.

Most of Ponyville handled their own coffee and breakfast, but that never stopped the breakfast rush at Sugar Cube Corner from being the busiest time of day. To be ready, the Cakes and their live-in employee had to be up pretty early in the morning. Mr. Cake was already in the kitchen kneading a huge batch of dough that would soon be used for a variety of pastries and pies, bread, doughnuts and of course, cakes. He worked the rolling pin back and forth with his forehooves, spreading the dough across the table and making sure it was even and free of air pockets. He paused to wipe his brow and leaned his head over to take a sip of the steaming coffee in his mug.

Carrot glanced up, but kept his lips in the dark roast as Pinkie Pie bounced past the order window in a giggling, jiggling pink blur. She was in the front lobby, taking down chairs and arranging the tables and displays. Afterwards, she was supposed to come help him with the final baking and then help his wife Cuppy with the cake decorations. He could hear her humming to herself as she worked swiftly. He wished he could remember ever having that kind of energy when he was younger. Carrot took a swallow of his coffee, and lifted his head so he could watch Pinkie. She always managed to remind him of Cuppy from before they got married, and he found his eyes drifting toward her ample flank and adorable cutie mark. Pinkie wasn’t paying him any attention at the moment; engrossed in her duties of getting the shop ready for the general public. She bent down to place a folding display sign for their newest menu items and turned to adjust it, giving him an unobstructed view of her sweetest, pinkest spot.

Pinkie giggled to herself as she adjusted the display. It was the last one she had to set out, and then she could get to the fun stuff back in the kitchen. Mrs. Cake normally handled the lobby set-up, but she was upstairs this morning, feeding and taking care of little Pound and Pumpkin Cake. The lobby looked super ready, so Pinkie gave the sign a slight tweak, moving it fractionally to the left with a jerk of her head.

Suddenly there was a loud crash from the kitchens and Pinkie heard Mr. Cake yelp in surprise, or maybe pain, she couldn't be sure. She left the sign where it was and bounded over the counter and then through the door to the kitchen.

“Mr.CakeareyouokIheardacrashandIcameto—“ Pinkie gasped, starring open mouthed at her employer. Mr. Cake was sprawled on his back on the kitchen floor blinking up at her, with twin trails of blood coming from his nose.

“Mr. Cake? What happened? Why are you bleeding? Did you slip on the dough roller again? Why do you look flushed?” Pinkie held out a hoof and helped the stallion back to his hooves.

“I’m fine Pinkie,” Carrot reached up and wiped the blood from his nose, his eyes shifting about, “I uh… y-yeah, I slipped! Hehehe! Certainly wasn't looking at yo— wasn't paying attention! Yep! That’s me, Mr. Not-Paying-Attention-to-What-I-Should-and-Definitely-Not-Staring-at-Your-But—! “

Pinkie never found out who Mr. Cake purported to be as an explosion rumbled in the middle distance.

“Is it Explosion Day and no pony told me, again? This is going to call for a PARTEEE!!” Pinkie Pie bounced like a ball, spinning as she did so, flashing Mr. Cake over and over again, threatening to give him another nose bleed.

“Pinkie, calm down!” Carrot reached out with a hoof and caught Pinkie on the shoulder. “ We've already had Explosion Day this year! Something else must have caused that!”

Pinkie sighed disappointedly. “Well, if it isn't Explosion Day, then it must mean Twilight is awake! I bet’cha something spooked her and she went WHAMMOBOOMZAPPOW with her super unicorn powers!” Pinkie’s grin returned, “I wonder what she blew up?”

“I don’t know, Pinkie. But I think you might want to go check up on your friend. If Twilight Sparkle and explosions of mysterious origin are how we start the day, then I think Ponyville might be in a tight spot.” Carrot picked up his hat from where it had settled after his fall and plopped it back on his head. “Take a croissant with you. She likes those. Maybe you can keep her from destroying us all—at least until about ten? If we’re all gonna die, I’d rather do it as a somewhat more wealthy pony, and apocalypse or not, every pony is going to want breakfast.”

“Jawohl mein Kommandant!” Pinkie gave Mr. Cake a stiff legged salute and then turned and bounded away toward the back exit, snagging a croissant as she passed the cooling racks.

After he heard the back door slam shut, Carrot returned to the dough kneading, as he put his back into making up lost time and shook his head. “I need blinders with Pinkie around like that, sheesh!”

“Ponies, ponies, ponies, ponies, ponies, ponies, ponies—SWAG!” Pinkie sang to herself as she trotted along through the early morning toward Ponyville’s lone library. A few other ponies had wandered out of their homes, blinking sleepy, worried eyes that widened with each ‘boom!’ that echoed. She really wanted to check on her friend, but sleepy, worried ponies needed reassuring that everything was well in-hoof.

“It’s just Twilight Sparkle! Don’t worry!” For some odd reason this made several of the ponies go straight back to sleep, right there on their welcome mats with their legs twitching after letting out a little squeak.

When she reached the library, it hopped a little and crashed a bit off center back down into its moorings with a resounding ‘thoom!’ that made the grass vibrate. Inside, through the window, she could see a purple-ish blur running around making a high pitched, keening wail.

Pinkie Pie paused at the door and knocked firmly before just shoving it open and sauntering in, tail swaying back and forth. “Hey Twilight! I brought ya’ breakfast!”

The purple blur swerved off course, narrowly avoiding a collision with the Earth pony, choosing instead, to end its pell-mell journey face to face with the very solid librarian’s desk. The blur and the desk had a lively discussion where the blur asked the desk to politely not occupy that space, but having been there first, the desk demurred. In a great show of compromise, the desk tuned onto its side, spilling its contents all over the now stilled blur, whose keening wail faltered into a pained gurgle. Pinkie giggled at the sight.

“Sup Twi? You sure are up running and screaming early today! Did ya get spooked by a scary dream? Where you frightened by a lone dog howling in the night and thought it was a portent of dark prophecy? Again?”

Twilight didn’t respond immediately, laying still on the floor and groaning. Pinkie blinked at her, goofy smile frozen on her face. Twilight groaned louder. Pinkie blinked back at her. Twilight groaned again and added a throat clearing noise to the end. Pinkie blinked at her twice.

“Wait, are we speaking in code?” Pinkie frowned, suddenly confused and scratched her head.

“No,” Twilight’s voice rose muffled from under the compromised desk, “I was attempting—and failing—at getting you to just leave. I’m out of sorts this morning Pinkie.”

“Out of sorts? I can help you find some more! What do ‘sorts’ look like?” Pinkie looked around the disheveled library. “I’ll start looking in the ‘s’ section!”

Pinkie Pie was just about to bound into the mess of books when Twilight burst from under the desk. “No! Just no, Pinkie. I hate to be short with you, but I am dealing with something this morning that is a little disturbing!” Twilight’s purple aura caught the desk as it returned from the ceiling and set it up-right again while simultaneously collecting and reorganizing all the bric-brak that had been spilled off of it a moment ago.

Pinkie grinned at the librarian and merely started to snicker. “Uh, don’t look now Twi, but you’ve got some serious early morning wingboner going on there!” The earth pony gasped suddenly, her eyes widening. “Or you’re really happy to see me!”

Chapter 2

Alicorn Switcheroo 2

Twilight glared at Pinkie Pie’s dumb, grinning face. “It’s a perfectly normal physiological reaction in those ponies with wings! Which I am now, apparently. That’s the disturbing thing I mentioned needing to deal with!”

Pinkie giggled again and snorted. She leaned to the side, looking Twilight’s new parts up and down.

“Wow! Those are soooo big! Dash is gonna be super jealous when she sees this!” Pinkie gasped and sprang into an upright position, standing on her hindhooves with one foreleg pointed at the ceiling. “I invoke the sacred rite of Dibs! Dash isn’t going to steal this alicorn from me—not that she ever has before—I mean there are only three of them, er, well four now—and this one is mine!”

“Excuse me?!” Twilight arched an eyebrow, still glaring at Pinkie Pie’s dumb, intense looking face. “I am no pony’s alicorn! I’m not an alicorn! This is just some spell I mis-casted in my sleep! You’ve see me do the wings spell before on Rarity. And my hair is all wispy see-through energy instead of hair…” Twilight glanced up at the magenta field of mana where it hung over her eyes. “… because reasons.”

Twilight shook her head, trying to focus. Her new energy based hairdo cared not one wit and did its own coruscating, sparkly thing and fluttered in a non-Euclidean breeze. “Pinkie, please! Could you just go? This is all just a little much to deal with right now without you being here too. I just woke up after transmuting myself in my sleep and I haven’t even had--” she paused, mouth hanging slightly open as her mind lost its footing between her tirade and the sight before her.

Pinkie Pie stood little more than a foreleg’s reach away. Her stupid grin was now more of a lascivious smirk and her eyebrows wiggled in a way that could write a research paper if a pony were so inclined to study the underlying musculature of Pinkie’s face. None of that mattered to Twilight however. What mattered was the crispy, golden, flakey, butter glazed, so-fresh-it-was-still-steaming, oversized crescent shaped pastry she held in an outstretched hoof.

“Toldja I brought you breakfast.”

“Y-yes, well... yes.” Twilight swallowed loudly as her stomach made a gurgling noise. “Um, thanks? Where were you even holding that?”

Pinkie Pie giggled and shook her head which caused her mane to wobbly drunkenly back and forth, spewing loose confetti and colorful party hats, a couple of pigeons and a half dozen invitations to a birthday party dated more than a century from now. “Sorry Twi! Baker’s trade secret! You know how it is.”

“No, I don’t?” Twilight raised an eyebrow at the new mess merging with the books on the floor under them. She decided to shelve that line of questions for later and snagged the croissant from Pinkie’s grasp. Her nostrils flared as the scent hit her, making her mouth water and stomach start singing in a very poor baritone.

“Well... thank you anyway, Pinkie. But I need to reverse this transformation spell--or whatever is causing this--and you’ll just be in the wa--!”

Pinkie had started to whistle happily, her bright blue eyes cast innocently off to the side as she held up a tall mug in her forehooves.

“Is that...?”

“A double espresso latte with chai and chocolate mint, mixed with almost frozen whole milk and topped with heavy whipped cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon? Your favorite?” Pinkie puckered her lips in a thoughtful expression. “Maaaaaaaaybe...”

Twilight frowned as her stomach showed real talent and worked its way to a full on barber shop quartet of bass and baritone gurgles of need. “Alright! Fine, you can stay. Just gimme that!”

Twilight’s purple aura enveloped the mug and pulled it over to her as she inhaled, her eyes fluttering closed. The aroma filled her nose and went on a rampage in her brain chasing away the early morning fog that choked her neurons and synapsis. It left a still openness in its wake; similar to the way the pony Vikings of old would visit a quaint Saxon village and leave behind a still, albeit smoke filled, openness. Twilight amused herself in silence, imaging tiny microscopic Viking ponies in ragtag armor ravaging through her mind and setting the brain fog afire with equally tiny torches.

She kept her eyes closed and lifted the mug to her lips. The latte was hot. Almost hot enough to be scalding. It was perfection in a cup and as it hit her tongue, Twilight imagined the tiny Vikings in her brain boarding equivalently massive long ships made of red blood cells and setting sail for her tummy where they would quell the beast that called out from within. Her thoughts mulled over her morning so far and her visitor. She could hear Pinkie Pie next to her now, no doubt checking out her new equipment. She hadn’t heard Pinkie move through the intervening space between being in front of her and being beside her. It was yet another example of ‘Pinkie being Pinkie’ and like her freaky ability to carry a seemingly infinite amount and variety of things in her mane, it would bare thought and investigation later. Right now, there was another nagging issue to question.

“Pinkie, what did you mean earlier about calling Dibs?” Twilight opened her eyes just a crack and glanced at her friend before taking another sip of perfection. “You sounded… I don’t know, serious? Alicorns are in short supply of course, but who would ever steal one from you? And why?”

Pinkie Pie didn’t answer immediately. She was gazing up at Twilight’s raised and extended wings(which Twilight’s imaginary tiny Vikings were working on getting them to relax), her tongue hanging out and eyes wide with interest. “Um, oh, yeah. Well, I just want an alicorn sooooo bad! And I can’t call Dibs on the Princesses! They’re old—not old old, but they’ve been around a while—and somepony has called Dibs on them years ago! I can’t call Dibs on Cadence ‘cuz she got married to your brother and that kinda trumps Dibs, duh! I mean, Shinning seems like a reasonable stallion, he’d probably be down to share, but it’s just not the same as having one of my own!”

Twilight bunched her eyebrows together and glared at Pinkie even as she blew across the top of her latte to cool it. “Again: I’m not your alicorn! I don’t care if you did call Dibs. Additionally, I do believe I told you last summer that that… thing, we did together was a one-time event! It was in one of the special sleep-over guides and I just wanted to try it out!”

“You said you liked it…”

“Don’t start with me, Pinkie.” Twilight frowned and then took a violent bite out of the flakey croissant that levitated temptingly near her face. “One-time—wait a sec! The Princess! Of course! I should go see Princess Celestia! She’ll know how to fix this and return me to normal.” She took another bite and mumbled on, mouth half full. “The Sun is up, so the Princess must be too… if I hurry I can get a ticket for the 7:12 to Canterlot. That’ll put me in the Throne Room before court starts!”

Twilight pranced in place at the thought of seeing her mentor and took another sip of perfection. “Mmmm… this stuff is perfect. Thanks Pinkie! Though, I suppose I am a bit sorry you have to miss out on another alicorn.”

Pinkie Pie looked literally deflated with her tail and mane hanging limp for a moment before perking back up. She was very worried. She couldn’t just let Twilight run off, not yet.

“But you can’t leave Ponyville now, Twilight!” Pinkie grabbed Twilight’s head and stared into the former unicorn’s eyes. “If you leave now and she finds out I let you, Rarity would kill me! She’ll want to take your new measurements and get started on a new dress for you—you know how she is—and if that opportunity slips out of her hoof, she’ll gut me, stuff me, mount me and make me into one of the ponequins in her boutique that she uses to make all her dresses and silly hats! Don’t get me wrong, it would cool to stay hot and dress in style forever—who wouldn’t want that?” Pinkie pulled Twilight closer, her voice getting louder with each word until she was shouting full force. “But then I couldn’t eat cake! And Pinkie has got to have cake even more than Pinkie has got to get some sweet, sweet alicorn on Pinkie Pie action!”

Twilight groaned as she wriggled in Pinkie’s surprisingly strong grip. She worked herself around until she could read the clock on the library wall where it hung lopsidedly and threatened to end its tenure as her sole time keeping device and commit seppuku upon the floor. She glanced back at the heavily breathing earth pony and tried to smile accommodatingly as she could with Pinkie’s hooves pressing her cheeks. “Whel, Ah shupose if whe hurrah, Arritee cahn tage shom mashurmens?”

“Ha!” Pinkie let go of Twilight’s face and dropped to all fours, grinning fiercely. “Take that universe! You keep trying to disembowel me but it ain’t gonna work!”

“Uh… Pinkie?”

The pink pony spun in a circle and bounded toward the door. “C’mon Twi! We’ve got a fashionista to wake up!”

***

As Pinkie and Twilight made their way toward Carousel Boutique, the door to the library’s upper personal chambers opened slowly. Spike, one eye twitching nervously and his crest scales in disarray, carefully peeked out and scanned the mess left by his boss.

“On thank Celestia they’re gone!” Spike ran a claw over his crest, straightening it out. “I can’t believe Twilight evolved like that in the middle of the night. All that moaning and thrashing about.” He took a deep breath, calming his tick a little. “It was worse than her slumber party last summer! I thought she had Pinkie and Rainbow Dash in there with her to make that racket!”

Spike let the door swing open fully and stepped out onto the landing dragging his blankie along behind him. As he surveyed the damage from Twilight’s earlier performance as a screaming pinball he noticed Owlowiscious cowering in a high alcove. “Hey, want breakfast before we start cleaning this?”

“Who.”

“Yeah, I agree. She really needs to get some action soon.”

“Who?”

“Ok, but I’m putting gems in my waffle. You don’t like it; pick them out!”

***

As it turned out, Rarity was already awake by the time Twilight and Pinkie arrived. She could be heard inside singing to herself, or perhaps to her cat.

“I’m too sexy for my hat! Too sexy for my big silly hat, what’cha think about that?!”

“Ooh! I love that jam!” Pinkie giggled as she banged on the door to Rarity’s shop in time with the beat.

“I’m a model! You know what I mean, and I do my—so sorry darling, but we’re still closed! Come back in about two and half hours!” Rarity’s voice carried from her personal area in the back of the boutique where her kitchen was located.

“C’mon Pinkie, let’s head around to the back. She must be making breakfast.” Twilight glanced around nervously, holding her finally un-stiffened wings tight against her body. “Plus it’s less visible. I really don’t want any more ponies to faint at the sight of me. Or… start worshiping… and oh Celestia, the chanting! Why did they start chanting?!”

Pinkie smiled gently at Twilight and reached over to pat her on the shoulder. “Just drink your latte and forget those sillybillies! You’d think they’ve never seen an alicorn before!” Pinkie Pie snorted. “It’s not like the Princesses don’t visit Ponyville, like super often.”

“You didn’t have to yell at them about calling Dibs already.”

“Twilight, Twilight, Twilight,” Pinkie’s pat turned into a one armed hug as she pulled Twilight close and bopped her on the nose with her other hoof. “You know I can’t let them steal you away.”

Twilight put back on her ‘un-amused’ face. “That’s it. We are getting this done now.” Twilight scooped Pinkie up in her magic field and levitated the pink pervert along with her latte. “Back door. Now.”

Twilight Sparkle grumbled under her breath and marched with a purpose around the Carousel Boutique as she took a long pull from what remained of her perfect fog clearing latte. As she reached the rear entrance to the boutique she dropped Pinkie from her hold and raised a hoof, knocking firmly. “Rarity, it’s me and Pinkie Pie. Please open up. Pinkie thinks you want to take new measurements of me because of my wings. Tell her she is wrong so I can get to Canterlot and see the Princess before it gets too late!”

The back door wrenched open fast enough to make the hinges smoke. Before she could blink, Twilight found herself with a face full of her good friend Rarity. She was obviously fresh from bed. Rarity’s mane was a level of fabulous that would make noble ponies jealous but for her was somewhere around ‘manageable bed-head.’ She was wearing her pink bed gown and slippers with the gown tied loosely closed at her waist. The look in her all too close eyes spoke of the darkest, murderous-ous, intense intent that a mortal pony could muster.

“This. Had. Better. Be. Good.” Rarity growled out each word like a curse that took her look’s promise of violence and multiplied it by a factor of seven. As she glared at them, Rarity leaned out from her doorway and her robe fell open ever so slightly. Twilight’s wings shot up, even stiffer than they had been earlier.

Twilight stammered for something to say. She knew Rarity took great umbrage on anything that interrupted her morning routine. Even as she fumbled for speech, her mind heaved a silent sigh and took up the imaginary drums of war once more and called forth the tiny blood-borne pony Vikings of old to set sail and cut down the great wood that held her wings stiff. “Umm… er, I… uh… it’s a perfectly natural physiological reaction to being startled?”

Rarity gasped and pulled back, her anger replaced with surprise and more than a little awe. “Darling! You weren’t joking… of course I’ll need to take new measurements!”

“I called Dibs already! Don’t get any sneaky ideas, Rarity!” Pinkie reared up on her hind legs, snorting expressively.

Rarity glanced at the pink mare and nodded slowly. “Oh heavens no, wouldn’t think of it, Pinkie. Come in, both of you! Wouldn’t want you to come all this way and not feel welcomed—just let me get my measuring tapes!” She moved away from the door, letting in her two friends. Rarity turned and walked with a hop in her clop as she goes into the front area of the shop, her mood in complete defiance of her earlier state.

Twilight’s eyes narrowed as she stepped inside Rarity’s kitchen. The table was set for two. There were toast, eggs, berries and milk for two ponies, using Rarity’s best china dishware too. She could even see the edging of the straps for a saddle peeking out from under Rarity’s robe while the unicorn was turned away. “We aren’t… interrupting anything are we?”

“Nothing that can’t wait a moment for fashion!” Rarity turned back to the kitchen, her horn glowing as she levitated several tapes and measuring strings as well as a quill and a pad of paper. “Now, lift your tail and stand at attention. While I’m at it, why don’t you fill me in on how you became a Princess, Twilight!”

Pinkie Pie started to hum tunelessly and moved over to Rarity’s fridge, opening it to start nosing around. Twilight rolled her eyes and stood as instructed, futilely trying to lower her wings. “Uhg, I’m not a Princess, Rarity. Or an alicorn. This is just that wing spell I cast on you when we went to Cloudsdale for the Young Flyers Competition. I must have miscast it in my sleep.”

“Was that the source of all the explosions earlier? Darling, you know how I detest explosions in the morning. It ruins my beauty sleep.” Rarity’s magic tugged at Twilight’s legs, adjusting her posture as the levitated tape measures began to wrap about her like possessed snakes. “My wings were those of a beautiful butterfly, Twilight. If you had cast the same spell, even in your sleep, wouldn’t you have the same and not these lovely feathers that match your coat perfectly? And what about your mane? Mine never did that.”

“I’m not an alicorn Princess!”

Pinkie poked her head out from behind the open fridge door, a cold carrot clutched in her teeth. “She doth protest too much, methinks.”

Rarity nodded absently. “Oh I agree, darling. Oh, to be elevated to royalty! What a dream that would be!” She sighed, holding a hoof to her forehead in faux swoon. “Why, it should only happen to the most deserving ponies—which you are—certainly, Twilight. Even if you have never really cared for the nobles, or taken societal norms to heart, or ever wanted to be any more than a student to the Princesses, or well…”

She paused, eyes narrowing as she jots down the numbers the tapes have taken on her small pad. “It’s not like there is any pony more deserving or right to be elevated… have you gained weight recently?”

“Don’t make me cast Ghost Knife Eye Attack. I will, and they will never find the bodies.”

Rarity ignored Twilight and turned around to set the tapes on her kitchen table. On her notepad, Rarity started sketching idly. “Tsk. Don’t be angry, Twilight. All the other alicorns are quite tall; it makes sense that they would be heavier. I’m sure it’s just the wings.”

“Are we done here? I have a train ticket to buy.” Twilight grumbled.

“Yes yes, darling. I have everything I need to craft you an exquisite coronation ensemble.”

Twilight glowered at her friends for a second more before spinning around and galloping out the kitchen door. She didn’t even kick it closed. Rarity sighed heavily and reached out with her magic to pull the door shut and looked at Pinkie, who was still sitting by the fridge, happily munching on a carrot. “Taking a train to Canterlot, really? If I were to suddenly become an alicorn, I’d at least fly majestically there! I swear sometimes that that girl has no romance in her soul.”

Pinkie Pie shrugged.

“No matter. I will craft a wonderful dress! It will be bright and colorful; I’ll use the finest Arabian cottons, there will be silk and chiffon and sequins! And Celestia as my witness, it will make her ass look huge!”

Pinkie swallowed down the last of the carrot and giggled. “Wow Rarity, sometimes you can be really vindictive!”

“Yes, I suppose I can be.” Rarity lifted her nose into a haughty expression before raising a manicured eyebrow and looking Pinkie over, as if just realizing the pink mare was still in her shop. A sly smirk formed on her lips. “However, I am the Element of Generosity, am I not? Why don’t I go get some bits from the register, and you can take them to buy a train ticket to Canterlot yourself, Pinkie? Wouldn’t want to lose out on another alicorn, right?”

Pinkie squealed with happiness so loud that the dogs in the neighborhood started to bark outside. “Oh Rarity, you are best, generousest, awesomest friend ever! This is better than the time you actually put on the fake wings for me!”

Rarity grumbled under her breath about something Pinkie wasn’t to ever mention again and walked into the boutique’s front area. She returned a moment later with a small bag of bits. “Go get ‘em , tiger! Hopefully, you’ll finally get this silly fetish itch of yours scratched and you can stop throwing those special ‘Alicorn Parties’.”

“But you said you liked them…”

Author's Note

Gdocs was acting wonky when I uploaded this. All the formatting issues should be fixed now!

Chapter 3

Alicorn Switcheroo 3

Big thanks go out to Knight of Cerebus for pre-reading this monster all for the love of Twilestia!

Twilight Sparkle eyed the clock on the front wall of the passenger car she rode in. Then she glanced out the window to the east, judging the Sun’s position. It looked like it hadn’t changed since she reached the station, and that only served to make her frown harder. If the clock on the wall was correct, then the train was running seven minutes late. Accounting for a few passengers that had boarded and what she had overheard from the conductor after getting her ticket punched, they were expecting to make up four of those lost minutes. Given the overall one way trip time, that would place her in Canterlot by 8:02 and give her precisely fifty eight minutes to get to the castle, meet with the Princess and get things resolved before court officially started.

“Hey, are you a princ—“

“No.” Twilight’s magenta eyes snapped to a pair of green eyes staring back at her from over the back rest of the seat in front of her. They belonged to an orange colored colt no older than the CMCs.

“Are you sur—“

“For the fourteenth time; yes, I’m sure!”

***

The conductor pony eyed the ticket he held in his hoof, and then looked back at its owner. He chewed on his mustache idly; his wife would give him hell for that later. After a moment he shrugged and punched a hole in the ticket. “You know, Miss, you have a ticket. For a seat in the third car, with an included complimentary coffee, even. There is no need to stowaway in a crate, in the caboose… while dressed like a hobo-pony.”

Pinkie blinked up at the conductor through her disguise eyeglasses and twirled the end of her disguise handlebar mustache. “It’s for romance,” she stated as a matter of fact.

“But…”

“Oh! Don’t worry, I got my coffee!” Pinkie held up a small paper cup that steam wafted from weakly.

The conductor opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it and chewed more on his increasingly ragged facial hair. He sighed. It wasn’t like she was breaking any rules, per se, and there wasn’t anything that was supposed to be transported in the crate this particular trip. With a shake of his head, the conductor lowered the crate’s lid. From inside he could hear the pink pony snort.

“Alicorns huh, amirite?”

***

Twilight wasn’t sure if not being bothered by other ponies so much about her appearance was a good thing or not. It certainly helped that she wasn’t being detained or distracted as she made her way up the winding streets of the capitol to the castle. Conversely, her relative peace was due to the Sun not moving in the sky since dawn. She suspected that back in Ponyville, everypony would be just hitting their stride in a frothing riot led by the screaming Flower Trio. At least in the capitol, the ponies had the good sense to make sure everyone was awake and aware of the situation before a very polite (if a little snobbish) looting ensued.

As Twilight made her way up the final hill, the front gates to the castle proper stood open and welcoming as ever, though rather more mob-choked than usual. She eyed the crowd for a moment. The ill-content rabble of ponies both noble and common eyed her back. Surprisingly few of them started chanting, and only a hoof full or so bowed to her. Most ponies just started whispering her name and the word ‘alicorn’ until the two started to merge into a sort of hodgepodge portmanteau. Those ponies then quickly broke into two competing groups based on how they thought the resulting monstrosity was pronounced.

“Twil-acorn!”

“Twily- corn!”

Twilight rolled her eyes and turned away from the main gates. Her many years spent at the castle studying and certainly not those times she had snuck out late for doughnuts cravings or going to certain underground poetry houses of ill-repute, led her around the side of the east wall where she ducked under a low slung canopy of ivy to a small, simple door that had only two guards posted at it. The guards, both pegasi she knew from her time spent at the castle, flared their wings, barring the door from entrance.

Twilight stopped a few feet away from the guardsponies and spoke the official pass phrase known to her and a few other ponies close to the royal sisters. “I-don’t-care-what-the-scales-say-I-haven’t-gained-weight-stop-writing-down-everything-I-say-for-the-official-pass-phrase.”

The older guard, whom she had seen around the castle since she had been a wee filly, lowered his wings first and gave a swift bow. “Hello, Miss Sparkle. We’re glad you’re here. I’m certain you can see we’ve got something of a situation on our hooves.” He removed his helmet and shook out a close cropped, grey mane as he looked up at her. “If you’ll follow us, we’ll escort you to the Princes—er, Princess Celestia’s—chambers. I’ll fill you in on what we know so far as we go.”

Twilight nodded. “Thank you, Mister Leadfeather. What is going on? I thought my mis-casting a spell in my sleep was the worst that could happen today!”

“’Fraid not, Miss. Her Majesty’s gone and locked herself up in her bedroom and refuses to come out! She’s canceled court for today.” Sun Ray, the younger guard spoke up, ruffling his wings as he lowered them. He frowned slightly and looked up at Twilight’s glittery, shifting mane. “You get a haircut, Miss? Looks nice.”

Twilight groaned and shook her head for a moment. “No, I just mis-cast a spell in my sleep. How many times am I going to have to explain this? It just changes my appearance, that’s all.”

“Makes you taller too, huh?”

“Huh?” Twilight looked down her snout at Sun Ray. “No, it didn’t make me—“ Twilight stopped as she realized that she was looking down at a full grown stallion. “By Luna’s sparkly goatee! It’s getting worse! Quick! I need to get to the Princess so she can help me stop this!”

Leadfeather snorted and opened the door behind them before dropping his helmet back on. “Good luck with that, Miss Sparkle. As Ray said, she’s hold up in her chambers. Wouldn’t even let Princess Luna in earlier.”

Twilight followed the guards into a narrow hall filled with even more guards that were rapidly getting into armor. The hall they were in ran along the outer walls and was joined by many others like it that were used by castle staff to get around unseen and certainly not by young fillies that just needed a break from all the studying and wanted to see the infamous Canterlot night life or purchase some pastries with a very convincing fake I.D.

“I think I know how I can get the Princess to let me in.” Twilight allowed herself a small grin. “Take me to the kitchens first. I need to put in a special order.”

***

Meanwhile, outside, Pinkie Pie dropped gracefully out of the ivy overhang, landing on all fours and going into a crouch. She scanned the area quickly and yanked off her mustache disguise—

“Aaahh! Friggin’ hay, that stings!”

--before moving to the door and pressing her ear to it. She couldn’t make out any of the words, but she could hear Twilight’s voice getting distant. Pinkie pressed her ear to the door harder, straining to hear where her quarry was headed. She squinted with her left eye. Then she tried squinting with her right eye.

“Solid reinforced oak doors are hard to hear through.” Pinkie frowned and eyed the door for a moment before she turned around and sat down. She rubbed her chin with one hoof. “I need a plan for sneaking into the castle. There are guards everywhere, so it’ll need to be my most sneakiest, craziest, planned-ist plan ever!”

“Excuse me, Miss Pie? Are you here to help with the situation too?”

Pinkie’s eyes went wide, her pupils contracting to pinpoints as she glanced nervously over her shoulder. Two new guards were exiting the door and looking at her. One of them still had his hoof on the door handle. Pinkie stared at them for a moment.

“Er… yes?” She blinked and then spun about on her backside until she was facing them. “But I’m here incognito! You two didn’t see me—except that you did see me—so please don’t tell anypony that I’m here!”

The guards looked at each other for a moment until one of them shrugged. “Ok… I guess. Do you need to go inside?”

Pinkie smiled and grinned happily. “Yep!”

Pinkie hopped up and bounced into the door past the two confused looking guard ponies. They exchanged a glance before Pinkie stuck her head back out, now wearing a pair of golden colored night vision goggles.

“Hey! I’m on a stealth mission and I need to get into my skintight catsuit! But I always have a dickens of a time getting it zipped up in the back! Can one of you guys lend a hoof?”

***

The royal kitchens were a bustle of activity when Twilight arrived with her escort. Breakfast for the castle and meals for the visiting nobles were being prepared whether the sun got its lazy plot up fully over the horizon or not. The staff ponies were well used to being around alicorns regularly and thus were much less given to groveling and chanting for the most part. Twilight was glad she only had to explain her new appearance three times before getting the cooks to whip up what she needed.

After a little bickering over the color of frosting to use(they decided on color scheme of purples and pinks that matched Twilight’s coat and mane), a doughnut topped monstrosity of a cake floated safely down the hallway in front of Twilight as they walked towards the tower that contained the Princess’ personal chambers. As they passed the windows that lead to the skybridge that connected the tower to the castle proper, Twilight examined her reflection out of the corner of her eye.

She was much larger now than she had been in Ponyville just an hour ago. Though she was nowhere near the size of Celestia, her form had become lithe and trim, similar to the way Princess Luna looked. As best as Twilight could gauge, she was about Princess Luna’s height as well. Her horn seemed slightly longer, and of course, her mane and tail had become fluctuating fields of energy that glowed with an inner light and occasionally spawned pinkish colored arc lightning along its length. It was little wonder why so many ponies continued to assume that she had become a new alicorn princess.

Twilight lowered her head and whispered to herself. “It was just some stupid mis-cast in my sleep, right? Please, please let that be all it is. This day is already weird enough, and now the Princess is acting strange too. Is it too much to ask that we get to the bottom of this quick and have it all turn out to be harmless just this once?”

The small procession reached the end of the skybridge and Twilight gulped down the lump in her throat for what seemed the hundredth time as she looked at the gilded set of doors that led to Princess Celestia’s personal chambers. Even though she’d visited the Princess in her room dozens of times in the past, it was always with the Princess leading her, each time she’d been invited. This time, however, she wasn’t invited and she felt she was going to need every ounce of the bribe she’d had the kitchens prepare.

She sighed as the guards took up positions at a respectable distance from the entry way. She reached out with a hoof and knocked gently. There was a slight echo from inside but it was the only sound. Twilight waited for about a minute before knocking again with a bit more force. Silence was still the only response. Actually, it wasn’t silent, exactly. Twilight could hear the guards breathing and the grating of her own teeth as the seconds ticked away without any answer from the Princess. Now that she thought about it, Twilight realized she could hear the ticking of the large grandfather clock inside Celesia’s bedroom. That same clock marked time during her personal lessons with the Princess as a filly, counting down the seconds until she had to leave and go back to being a normal unicorn and not Celestia’s favored pupil. She’d always hated that clock.

Twilight’s brows began to knit as she stared at the unopened doors. As that infernal clock kept reminding her, time was slipping away and she was no closer to fixing her problem, nor figuring out what was going on with the Princess herself. “Ok, no more ‘miss-waits-patiently’.”

Twilight snorted as her horn started to glow brighter and she directed power into a spell that would force the doors open. Her glittering mane flashed pink colored arc lightning as it suddenly came alive like some sort of head-based thuamagical octopod. She wanted to apply pressure to the lock mechanism and pull the doors open, but her head squid hair tentacles had its own ideas and decided to just yank the doors off their hinges and fling them back down the skybridge. With the task complete, Twilight’s sealife-esque coif burst into a fading cloud of vapors before returning to its normally scheduled scoffing at physics.

As the guardsponies scrambled about in the confusion, Twilight took the opportunity to wipe the stunned grimace off her face and replace it with something passing for cool and collected. The unrestrained imaginative part of her brain giggled more than a little manically at the sheer amount of power such a spell would require. The rest of Twilight’s brain was looking for a brown bag to hyperventilate into. Somehow, her mouth managed to craft an intelligible set of sentences. “Somepony get those doors back up! I’m going in and I don’t want anypony interrupting me and the Princess until I have this all sorted out!”

Twilight walked forward, her bribe floating alongside her as she entered the royal bedchambers. Specifically, she entered the antechamber before the actual bedroom. There was another door still between her and her mentor, but it didn’t have a lock. She wanted to stop and check her appearance in the full body mirror on the wall, but she knew if she paused, all the false confidence she was running on would collapse and leave her blubbering on the floor. Even as she reached the second doorway, the efficient guards in the hallway were already muscling and magiking the first door back into place.

The inner door opened without protest or tentacle-assisted action. The bedroom was just as Twilight remembered it: immaculate and simple with only a few signs that a pony actually slept there. The curtains were closed but Philomena’s ever present flame plumage provided plenty of light from her enclosure by the far wall to navigate the furniture. The bed was empty, the desk unpiloted and the couch unoccupied. Twilight nodded to the phoenix and set her gift on the desk.

“Princess? I’m sorry about the doors but I really need to see you about… whatever is going on.” Twilight pawed nervously at the plush carpeting with one hoof. “I miscast a spell in my sleep—I think—and I sorta look like an alicorn now. Not that that’s a bad thing, of course! I’d like to get that fixed. Oh, and the sun isn’t moving, which is causing a panic—not that it takes a lot to panic ponies around here. I’d sorta like to get that fixed too.”

She started to chew on one lip, thinking of where she could look for her missing monarch next. “It’s weird being in here without you.”

It seemed like a fairly tall order to hide a pure white pony with a flowing, glowing rainbow mane that stood at least three times the height of a grown stallion. Twilight’s inner foal snickered at the ‘tall order’ phrasing of the thought. She was about to choke that little part of herself when Twilight heard a small noise that sounded like a muffled voice. Her ears perked up as she turned and looked at the armoire in the corner. She heard it again. Twilight raised an eyebrow as the quiet noise took on a melodic cant. She was fairly certain that this armoire held a few dresses and office bric-a-brac and had nowhere near enough extra-dimensional space to hide a pony as massive as the Princess.

***

(Two Hours Ago)

As mornings went, in the vast accumulated experience of mornings that Celestia had acquired, this particular morning started out as pretty forgettable. Like so many other mornings, she awoke in her chambers just as the first photons were beginning to bombard the upper atmosphere directly above the castle. Once more she had successfully raised the sun in her sleep.

As she lay there with the sheets still pulled over her head, an errant memory surfaced and brought a small smile to her face. Some six hundred odd years ago, one of her castle stewards witnessed the sunrise while the Princess was still asleep. He went running through the corridors claiming her reign to be nothing more than a sham, all based on an elaborate lie about her ability to control the sun. Celestia could still see his face after all the intervening years, but for the life of her, could not recall whatever became of him.

Celestia yawned and stretched leisurely, arching her back so she could spread her--!

“Where are my wings?!” Celestia sat up and yanked the sheet off of herself as she looked at her now barren shoulders. No faintly pink iridescent feathers ruffled at her withers, no toned flight muscles flexed under her coat.

She stared, open mouthed at the smooth expanse of her back for only a moment before noticing that her mane was no longer a shimmering mass of light waves broken into its component colors. Celestia raised a hoof and pulled the now solely pink strands of hair closer to examine. She started to make a small choking sound in her throat. She hadn’t had actual physics obeying hair for thousands of years.

Celestia’s heart hammered in her chest as she twisted to get a look at her cutie mark. Her flank was still emblazoned with the familiar mark of the sun. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she scrutinized it. Was it slightly off color? Did it always have that many flanges? Was it smaller than before?

“W-what is going on h-here?” Celestia dropped her hoof back down and looked around her room. Everything looked huge and out of proportion. Philomena eyed her curiously from her perch as the Princess slipped cautiously out of her suddenly too tall bed.

Celestia automatically reached for her tiara, where it rested on a bust by her bedside. Her horn glowed weakly and the tiara moved a fraction of an inch. It felt as if she was attempting to lift the entire castle off the mountain. Her wings, her mane and now even her most basic magic had all vanished in the night, stolen in her sleep. She was a goddess no more, reduced to the level of a mortal pony and not even a very impressive mortal pony at that.

“Great Faust!” Celestia sank into a seated position, her tail wrapping around her legs like a pink security blanket as she started to hyperventilate.

***

Twilight eyed the oaken furniture skeptically as she walked over to it. Once she reached the door she could even make out the words being sung with a flat melancholy tune.

“'Neath the black

The sky looks dead.

Call my name

Through the cream,

And I'll hear you

Scream again.”

Twilight rolled her eyes and silently mouthed ‘seriously?’ at Philomena. The bird shrugged. She was sure it was the Princess’ voice she heard coming from inside. Something was terribly wrong, and by the name of the self-same pony that was being really emo in an armoire right now, Twilight promised herself that she was going to get to the bottom of it.

“Black hole sun,

Won't you come

And wash away the rain?”

***

(About Forty Five Minutes Earlier)

Celestia learned a great deal many things that morning.

Chiefly among these things was an as of yet unknown ability to generate a panicked squeal of such a high pitch that presumably, only Diamond Dogs could hear it.

Draconequus too, apparently.

Discord appeared in the middle of the room wearing oversized earmuffs. He smiled lopsidedly at Celestia, and offered her an empty brown bag to breathe into.

“Please stop making that noise Celestia, it’s rather unbecoming of somepony of your station.” Discord lifted his legs and took a seat on nothing. “Taking a shot at a second chance, hmm? I applaud your bravery! It takes a lot of guts to give up what you’ve enjoyed for so long just to get something you want.”

Celestia choked back a sob; her lips trembled as she tried to form words. Discord snaked through the air until his face was inches from hers. “I’m almost jealous that you’d do something so unexpected and out of character for someone other than me.” Discord’s voice dropped into a whisper. “Almost.”

Discord reached over and patted Celestia gently on head with his lion’s paw. “I sincerely hope this turns out to be as entertaining as it promises to be!” He tousled her mane affectionately before he floated quickly back to the center of the room.

“Oh, and by the way Celly, I really like your mane! Everypony at court is gonna love it—assuming there is enough light to see by!” Discord barked laughter and bent his long body into heart shaped silhouette before exploding into a cloud of rainbow colored glitter. Celestia stared slack jawed at the spot in the air where the Spirit of Chaos had been.

She startled when a loud knock came from the door to her bed chambers. “SISTER! WE DEMAND TO KNOW WHY YOUR SUN LINGERS OVER LONG UPON THE HORIZON!”

“What.”

***

Twilight swallowed and reached up to the pearl knobs of the armoire door and tugged it open before its occupant finished the refrain. Inside the armoire, as she had thought, Twilight found perhaps a half-dozen stately gowns and drapes of equally ridiculous proportions and historic political importance. Each garment had its own name and was associated with a significant event in Equestrian history. Each piece of cloth belonged in a museum behind glass in magically sealed cases, but Celestia kept them in her closet where they smelled faintly of mothballs. Sandwiched between the outfits and the rack of drawers that held the Princess’ historically significant paperweights (and less significant collection of dried out ink pens), was a pale ivory pink unicorn mare with a long, unkempt, bright pink mane and a very familiar looking face.

***

(Thirty Minutes (Give or Take) Previously)

“WE REQUEST ONCE AGAIN THAT YOU OPEN THIS DOOR AND SPEAK WITH US FACE TO FACE, TIA!” Luna’s Royal Canterlot Voice made the door rattle even though Celestia had locked it and currently had her back pressed to it as she held it shut.

“I told you, Lulu, we do not use the RCV inside. Or even outside anymore! I will speak with you, but I shall not open the door. I am… not dressed…” Celestia hung her head and looked down at her hooves. Outside, she heard Luna ‘hrumph’. She could almost feel the eyeroll that most certainly went with it.

When Luna spoke again, she did so at a normal volume. “We are concerned, dear sister. We can feel your sun slowing to a stop and it is barely risen! Already Our little ponies begin to fret.”

“I understand, Luna. However, there is no need for concern. Everything is under control!” Celestia closed her eyes, her mind focused on keeping her voice calm and reassuring. She disliked being untruthful with Luna, but her sister would probably freak out if she knew the truth. “Why don’t you take over Court duties today, Luna? I have… important paperwork to attend.”

Luna was silent for so long that Celestia started to wonder if her sister had left.

“Ha! No thank you Tia, We have other matters to attend Ourselves rather than to listen to the pandering of those that think themselves nobility! If you do not wish to see to your duties, then We shall send word that Court is cancelled! Whatever joke you are pursuing, you will not catch Us in it so easily.” Celestia heard Luna turn away and her hoofsteps as she retreated across the skybridge.

Once Princess Luna was gone, Celestia slumped to the floor, letting her breath in a whoosh. She laid there for a moment before she worked her way into a seated position and looked into the mirror on the wall. Her dinky reflection frowned back at her. It was better, in her mind’s eye, that the ponies of Equestria saw her as childishly besmirching her duties as Princess, rather than actually see her and lose faith in their almighty alicorn leader. Nopony could be allowed to see her until she figured out what was going on. There would be a panic. There might be a loot-crazed mob before lunch. There certainly would be a loot-crazed mob after lunch if she didn’t figure out how to get the sun moving again.

Celestia climbed to her hooves and plodded slowly back into her main bedroom. She tried again to move her sun. She couldn’t feel it, and it refused all her commands. It sat there, paused just above the horizon, now completely out of momentum. She tried to find a way to nudge it along but it didn’t respond no matter how she strained and pushed. Celestia gasped as her magic strength quickly left her weak in the knees and her coat slick with sweat. Was this really how her little ponies felt every day?

“This sucks.”

***

Thousands of questions raced through Twilight’s mind as she looked down at her teacher. Each one begged for an answer, so she selected the one that seemed most appropriate to start with. “BWUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!?”

Celestia blinked wet magenta colored eyes and stared up at Twilight. “GAAAAAHH!”

***

(Like Two Minutes and Change Before Twilight Got There)

Celestia rocked back and forth on the floor in front of the mirror in her antechamber, her legs wrapped around herself. She still couldn’t figure out what entity and by what means her powers had been stripped from her. While it seemed like something Discord might do, he didn’t gloat when he had visited her, only teased her a little. Luna liked her games, but they always made sense. It wasn’t Chrysalis’ style either. Sombra? That would be a cold day in Tartarus. If not one of them, then who and why?

Celestia shook her head as she tried to think of a solution. She could hear a murmur going through the guards outside and angled one ear towards the door. It sounded like somepony else was on their way to check on her. That was quick. She wasn’t even late for Court yet, technically. “At least I haven’t lost my hearing along with everything else! This is unbearable…”

She groaned and started to climb to her hooves when Celestia heard one of the guards mention Twilight. She froze. Twilight Sparkle could absolutely not see her like this. Twilight was brave and smart, skilled and passionate about solving puzzles. Anypony could see she would be the perfect pony to research this mystery, plus she had a close personal history with Celestia. However, knowing the pony better than anyone else, Celestia knew Twilight was the worst pony for this job. The unicorn was obsessive and easily shaken by surprises when she expected none. She had stared dragons and gods down without batting an eye, but remove the goddess she worshipped and idolized and her world would crumble. Twilight might never recover.

Celestia galloped back into her main bedroom with newfound energy and looked around. She couldn’t fly, so escape out the window was impossible. Her magic was laughably weak, so teleportation was equally out of the question and she wouldn’t be able to maintain any invisibility spells. Celestia danced in place nervously as she thought. Her only remaining option was to hide and hope Twilight went to search for her elsewhere.

Her new smaller frame was useful for once, but her hiding spots were limited. The bed was too low, the desk was too high and the couch was just not made for hiding ponies. That left only Philomena’s enclosure and her armoire with her musty old dresses. Celestia shot Philomena a questioning glance and the phoenix shook her head before motioning with her beak at her fiery feathers. Celestia wondered if she was still fireproof for a moment, and then dived for the armoire.

“Philomena, don’t tell Twilight where I am!” Celestia pulled the armoire open and stepped in. She closed the door behind her as quietly as she could and took a seat behind her Royal Gown for Christening Royal Aeronaval Ships, Government Buildings and Public Latrines.

The former alicorn rested her head against the polished oak and started counting silently, waiting for her student to start knocking. Celestia wanted Twilight to leave as quickly as she arrived. She managed to count to nineteen. Twilight knocked several times and called for her. Twilight sounded distressed. Celestia clenched her teeth to keep herself from replying. She knew this must be driving her poor student crazy with worry. Twilight all but worshipped the ground Celestia walked on.

A small part of Celestia cheered when she heard the doors to her suite get forcibly opened. Nothing as trivial as a door would stop her Twilight! Of course it meant her poorly thought out plan of hiding would eventually fail. Perhaps if she approached Twilight carefully, with a solid strategy, she might avoid breaking the mare’s worldview too much. Celestia allowed herself a small smile as she heard Twilight apologizing to the room about the door. She knew if she could make her predicament seem like a puzzle and downplay her transformation then she might distract Twilight’s mind and get this fixed. She would even get to enjoy a day with her favorite pupil.

Celestia blinked and whispered to herself. “Wait, is that cake I smell?”

***

Pinkie Pie grumbled to herself as she adjusted the zoom on her spy goggles. Twilight had just entered Princess Celestia’s room a moment ago and the guards were already replacing the door. There wasn’t any way she could get across the skybridge hallway without being seen. What sort of silly billy pony built a castle without air ducts big enough for a grown mare to sneak through?

Pinkie raised her goggles and rubbed her eyes with one hoof. The goggles looked cool, but they really were better suited to night jobs. She looked around quickly and ducked behind a crenellation to make sure no pony saw her on the castle’s wall-walk overlooking the courtyard. Well, at least no pony other than the guard on duty that was using the wall-walk. He wouldn’t be off shift until midday so Pinkie knew he wouldn’t blab her position. For now.

“Well, sassafras!” Pinkie rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “How am I supposed to get in there? I can’t get down the hallway, or climb up the side of the tower without being seen!”

“Why don’t you use some of those ninja smoke bombs?”

Pinkie rolled her eyes and frowned through her catsuit mask. “I already toldja I’m a spy pony, not a ninja pony, duh! Besides, I left those back at Sugarcube Corner.”

“I’s just trying to help Miss Pinkie.”

“I know, Teacup.” Pinkie sighed and looked over at the unicorn guard. “Frankly, I feel all dumbie-wumbie for not bringing them.”

Teacup adjusted his helmet and shrugged awkwardly. Pinkie gave him a smile because he was just trying to help and he had been awful nice already just letting her come up here and because she just liked smiling anyways. Teacup gave her a lopsided grin and tilted his head and when he did, Pinkie caught a glimpse of another tower across the courtyard.

“Of course! Teacup, that’s a great idea!” Pinkie bounced to her hooves and kept on bouncing. “I’ll just climb that tower over there, where no pony is looking and then hang glide over to Princess Celestia’s tower and land on the balcony! That’s genius!”

“What?”

Pinkie started bounding along the wall-walk away from Celestia’s tower. She stopped for a moment to wave goodbye to Teacup, who returned the wave with a confused look on his face. “But that’s Princess Luna’s tower.”

Pinkie Pie must have not heard him though, because she started hopping and bouncing faster, giggling as she went.

Chapter 4

Alicorn Switcheroo

Chapter 4

“Pinkamena, take a memo.” Pinkie paused to wipe a hoof across her forehead and wick away the sweat. “The next skintight catsuit I special order from Rarity needs to be made of breathable spandex. This latex outfit gets sweaty way too quick—plus I have a nuclear wedgie in, like, two places!”

Pinkie sighed and looked up at her target. There was a large balcony about four stories above her, sticking out from the tower she was scaling. Once she reached it, she could put together her collapsible hang glider and fly unseen across the castle courtyard and gardens to a matching balcony on Celestia’s tower. First, however, she needed to reach the balcony. Thankfully, the smarty pants pony had designed this tower had left the stones pretty rough, so an even smarter pants pony on a stealth mission could climb it with help from some climbing gear.

“Once again, lack of security foresight makes me a hippity-hoppity-happy pony!” Pinkie grinned. She set her climbing hooks into the groove of the masonry work and pulled herself up. “Onward and upward toward romance!”

Twenty three minutes later, Pinkie hauled herself over the edge of the balcony’s banister, her forelegs shaky from the exertion. She let herself flop bonelessly upon her back onto the balcony floor, gasping for breath.

“Pin-pinkamena… take…’nother memo.” Pinkie coughed as she tried to get into a sitting position. She didn’t make it very far. “Starting tonight, eat fewer cookies before bedtime. Like, one less. Maybe every other night. I need to go on a diet!”

Pinkie Pie groaned, slowly getting her hooves under herself. “Alrighty then! We’ll table the diet thing for later. Right now, I need to assemble my compacterrific personal pony glider!” She righted herself and dug into her mane with one hoof. She fished about for a moment when she heard the soft click of a door being opened behind her.

“Who dares defile Our balcony uninvi—wait, fair Pinkie Pie? Why art thou dressed as a spy pony?” Princess Luna, stepping out of her personal chambers and looking Pinkie up and down, tilted her head to the side with a raised eyebrow. “Are you here to spy on Us for Our sister? We made it quite clear that We would not be dragged down into whatever prank she is trying to pull.”

“Gah! How many ponies do I have to correct today? This isn’t a ninja outfit! It’s…” Pinkie shook her head and gaped at Luna for a moment. “You got it right! I am dressed as a spy pony! Whoo! Go moon princess!”

Luna blinked incomprehensibly. “Er...yes. Go Us. Why are you here, spying on Us?”

Pinkie giggled and yanked her compact personal glider from her mane. “Oh, you silly filly! I’m not here to spy on you. I’m here to spy on Twilight and Princess Celestia. Duh!”

“Twilight Sparkle is here in the castle?” Luna blinked again, then grinned. “Good. She will be able to get Our sister to behave better than anypony. Celestia values her student’s opinion so. Perhaps Twilight will be able to determine what Our sister is up to.”

“Princess Celestia is up to something?” Pinkie paused in the middle of folding the wings of her glider into place. “Is she planning a party or something fun? I saw Twilight take a big cake up to the Princess’ room.”

“A bribe, no doubt. You see, fair Pinkie Pie, Our sister has locked herself in her room, and refuses to raise her sun fully or see to her duties at court. We believe she is planning a prank of some sort and wishes Us to cover for her.” Luna smirked. “We are nopony’s pawn, not even Tia’s! She will not force work onto Us that she can well do herself.”

Luna chuckled mirthlessly. She rubbed her chin while the glider that Pinkie Pie was building shaped up on her balcony. “You said you were spying upon Tia and Twilight, correct? What is this contraption for, if We may ask?”

“It’s a one pony glider! For us non-pegasus types!” Pinkie grinned proudly. “I got it at pony spy camp last summer. Neato, huh?”

Pinkie pushed the wing struts into their locked position, and then attached the steering bar. “I’m going to use it to glide stealthy-like over to Princess Celestia’s balcony so I can spy on them from the window. I wanted to go down the hall, but this castle doesn’t have air ducts big enough. In fact, I don’t think it has air ducts at all! That’s like a building code violation or something!”

Luna giggled. “We hath bribed the Canterlot building inspector.”

Pinkie snorted and dropped her goggles back down. “Well, get it fixed so that next time I need to sneak around the castle without being seen I can just use the ducts!” The earth pony shook her head and lifted the glider onto her back. She turned, looking out over the gardens at her distant target. The gardens weren’t nearly as big as the park in Ponyville, but looking down on it, it suddenly seemed as big as the whole of Sweet Apple Acres. Pinkie whistled to herself and held up a hoof to test for the breeze.

“Hmmmm...uh, wow…” Pinkie giggled nervously. “Maybe if I dived first, I could get enough lift?”

“Perhaps We can help?”

Pinkie paused, one hoof on the railing, and looked back at Luna. The Princess stepped closer nodding her chin toward Celestia’s balcony. “Tia’s balcony is higher than this one. We fear your glider would not be able to achieve the lift needed, even if you should do a dive first. But, perhaps if you had a boost, you would make it?”

“What you got in mind, Princess?”

“Well,” Luna flexed with one arm, “We are no slouch in the Mare Toss, if We say so Ourselves. We could throw you there, if you are willing.”

“I like your style, Princess!” Pinkie Pie giggled and grabbed her glider tightly. Luna hefted the pink pony up on one shoulder. “Oh hey, before you toss me, can I ask you something?”

Luna paused and looked up. “We will grant your request.”

“What’s with the whole ‘royal we’ stuff?”

“Tis proper for one of royal station to speak that way.” Luna smirked smugly. She adjusted her grip on Pinkie’s sides to angle her throw. “Why do you ask?”

“Well,” Pinkie shrugged, “it’s just that you know that nopony else does it, not even Princess Celestia. I know you have to know how everypony talks, ‘cause you’ve been back for more than a few years now.”

“True…” Luna frowned.

“It’s just that, as your friend, Luna, I thought I should say something.” Pinkie smiled as wide as her mouth would go, which was pretty far if you asked most ponies. “Sometimes it makes you sound silly, and I don’t want you to be laughed at. Silliness is great, and so are laughs! But if you are getting laughed at because other ponies think you sound silly, then it’s not great. It sucks! Take my word on it, cuz’ I’m the Element of Laughter!”

Luna blinked slowly at Pinkie, her brow furrowed in thought. “Er...thank you, Pinkie Pie. We...I...will take that into consideration.”

“Yay! Now, throw me!”

Luna pulled back in perfect Mare Toss form, linking her muscles in her legs, core and back. She whipped her hooves forward and launched the pink pony across the courtyard. Pinkie Pie shot off as if thrown by a trebuchet, and Luna grinned to herself at the beauty of the flight’s arc. She clapped her hooves together when Pinkie passed the halfway point. However, as Pinkie closed the distance to the opposite tower, it became clear that her aim was just a tiny bit off.

“Oh my,” Luna grimaced. “I seem to have thrown her a bit to the left.”

***

Twilight gaped at Celestia, her scream of shock and surprise reaching a sort of plateau of pitch somewhere at levels where only small dogs and specialized insects could hear it. In her mind, Twilight’s tiny armies of microscopic viking ponies charged, frothing at their tiny little mouths, along with the thunderous surges of blood her heart was generating. Their blood cells-turned-longships, set sail to destinations spread across her body to fight the inexorable erection of wings and the blush that would melt her on the spot.

A part of Twilight’s mind was dumbfounded that another part of her mind was still processing that little fantasy in the midst of the current situation. Yet another part was curious as to how there seemed to be so many parts to her mind in the first place. Mostly, though, her mind was in a state of confusion not dissimilar to walking into a room with something to say and then completely forgetting what you had come to say. Then standing there in uncertain silence while everypony in the room stares at you.

She opened her mouth to speak, but a sort of gurgling noise was all that passed through. It faded to a hiss, but eventually enough synapsis aligned and she was able to form basic language. “Bwah...ah...uh? How in? Where did?” Twilight clicked her teeth together. “What.”

Celestia rubbed at her teary eyes with one hoof, her mind desperately racing for a way to answer her student without crushing her worldview too much. There weren’t many options open to her, so she chose as soft a version of the truth as possible.

“I woke up like this. I take it you rose this morning as an alicorn?”

“Um… where do I even start with this?” Twilight gestured vaguely with her hooves at a much reduced Princess Celestia. “I-I wasn’t expecting—what happened to you?!”

Celestia sniffled and raised a hoof to wipe her eyes. “I’ve clocked more than a thousand years as sole ruler of Equestria, and every single day I raise and lower the sun. Aren’t I entitled to a little personal time?” Celestia looked down at the floor. “Can I not spend that time as I choose to? Even if it is being a touch over dramatic and crying in a closet?”

“Well,” Twilight shrugged, “you can do whatever you want. You’re the Princess. But that’s not what I meant. I mean, you’re not…” Twilight’s eyes flicked about as she tried to phrase things delicately. “You’re not deific? Is that the right way to say it? You’re kind of more mortal-ish than normal, Princess.”

“And you, Twilight, are looking decidedly less so.” Celestia rose from her seated position and stepped gingerly out of the armoire. Twilight stepped back and looked over her teacher’s new form. Celestia looked like a regular unicorn pony— if that unicorn was a runway model from Prance. She still had the long, elegant legs that went on forever and did wonders for the fertile imagination of young unicorn fillies. Though shorter than Princess Luna or even Cadence, Celestia was tall and graceful by anypony’s standards. Her horn was a normal size, and she completely lacked wings. Even her mane was obeying standard physics by actually being hair for a change. “Alicorn looks good on you.”

“I-I-I just miscast a s-spell in my sleep!” Twilight stammered, backing up until her dock bumped into Celestia’s desk. “This is j-just a modified wings spell mixed with a glamour spell…I think.”

Celestia walked past Twilight toward her desk. “You don’t sound confident about that, Twilight. I’ve taught you better than that.” She pulled her chair back with some difficulty and climbed up into it. “What...er...flavor of icing is on this cake you brought? I’ve not had breakfast yet.”

“Vanilla and lavender. Your favorite.”

“You remembered?” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “How sweet! I know I can always trust on my Twilight to make the day better.”

Celestia grabbed a fork off the cake platter and and stabbed the confectionary treat in front of her with gusto. She opened her mouth before pausing with the realization of what she’d just uttered. Celestia jerked her head back and looked at Twilight, her eyes wide. “I didn’t mean it like that, Twilight! This isn’t a problem you have to solve or anything!”

“But!”

“No buts!” Celestia dropped her fork and hopped out of her seat. She trotted back over to her student and reached up to touch Twilight’s chest. “This is too big for any pony to go it alone, Twilight. There is certainly a mystery to get to the bottom of, but I cannot in good conscience allow you to do it by yourself. We will need to work together on this, understood?”

“I-I-I...um, er...ok?” Twilight frowned down at Celestia uncomfortably. “Where should we start?”

“I believe,” Celestia turned and looked toward the stalled dawn, “that we should get the sun up and moving again, if we can. I can’t do it myself, but perhaps you might be able to?”

“I’ve never raised the sun! I wouldn’t even know where to start with something like that!” Twilight sat back suddenly, knocking Celestia’s couch back a few inches with a loud squeak. Twilight gulped down a lungful of air and started to breath quickly. “How am I supposed to do that when I miscast spells in my sleep? I’m incompetent at best! I should go back to magic kindergarten! I’ll be lucky if I don’t blow up a school building again! I am a complete fail-”

Twilight froze. Her heart stopped and her tiny viking pony army froze in place with her, their widdle axes and shields raised. Her lungs hitched between suck and blow. Every part of Twilight, down to the smallest cell and atom paused at the curious sensation of Celestia’s hoof slapping her across the muzzle.

The heat-death of the universe waits for nopony, however, and time quickly restarted itself.

Twilight blinked, looking at Celestia with wide, disbelieving eyes.

“Never. Say. That. Again.” Celestia narrowed her brow, but her face was deathly calm. “You are Twilight Sparkle. You are the pony that saved me and Equestria from the Nightmare and Discord and the changelings. You do the impossible with frightening regularity. You are my most faithful student, and I will not hear anypony speak ill of you.”

Twilight managed to free her jaw, but not all of her body had gotten the memo to come out of frozen shock.

“I will show you how to move the sun, Twilight. If anypony can do that, it is you. I have always had faith in your skill and strength.” Celestia dropped her eyes to her hooves and shuffled nervously. “Sorry about the slap.”

Twilight choked for a moment more, but she nodded mutely. She forced her lungs to start up again and slumped the rest of the way to the floor. She looked up at Celestia. “I’m the one that should be sorry. I keep freaking out about stuff like this when you’re...well, when stuff like this happens. I mean, I don’t always freak out but you...er, um, I mean…” Twilight groaned and buried her face between her hooves.

“It’s ok, Twilight.” Celestia reached out and gently stroked her student’s neck. Twilight’s new energy mane sparked and held Celestia’s hoof, crackling with pinkish lightning all the while.

Twilight murmured under her breath apologetically. She shuffled her hooves nervously and looked up, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She sighed and smiled up at the older mare. “Why does it feel so right to look up and see you above me, my Princess?”

Celestia opened her mouth, but she couldn’t seem to find her voice. She blinked, then started to flush. Twilight’s simple addition of ‘my’ before her title felt like something far greater than just a two letter word. Surely she was Twilight’s Princess, but it didn’t feel like Twilight was addressing her as her leader. It felt more like the way she sometimes thought of Twilight as her student.

Celestia was still trying to find her voice when there came a thud from the balcony loud enough to rattle Philomena’s enclosure. Celestia jumped, her coat bristling along her spine, and she and Twilight turned as one toward the source of the sound.

***

Pinkie Pie groaned softly. Her head felt really heavy and all poundy-woundy. She didn’t feel like she was splutted against the stone wall of a Canterlot castle tower, but, then again, Pinkie wasn’t sure what that would feel like. Pinkie Pie certainly hoped -- should she ever get splutted against a tower wall again -- that it felt like she was laying in the softest bed ever and being gently prodding by tender hooves.

Pinkie giggled at the sensation of one of the hooves touching her just under the elbow.

Ok, so definitely NOT splutted against a wall. Yay! Another hoof brushed over Pinkie’s shoulder, making her grin and snicker. It wasn’t ticklish like her elbow was. Pinkie just liked the way the touch felt on her fur.

“Pinkie Pie, your shoulder isn’t ticklish. I can tell you’re awake.”

Twilight’s voice had the soft, authoritative tone that really got Pinkie hot and bothered. She kept her eyes closed. When Twilight thought Pinkie wasn’t listening, she’d turn up the sternness that most other ponies thought made Twilight sound annoyed. Pinkie liked that extra stern tone. She could imagine doing all kinds of fun stuff when commanded by that voice.

“Pinkie…”

Oh Goddess! There it is! I’ve had so many dreams that start like this! Pinkie smiled and chuckled again. She finally opened her eyes and did a double take when she saw the mares standing by the bed. Above her, a much taller and even more alicorn-y, Twilight Sparkle was fixing her in place with a proper glare. Opposite of Twilight was a mare that looked super-like Princess Celestia, except she only had pink hair, wasn’t alicorn-y at all, or wearing a tiara.

“Whoa! I have had dreams that start like this!”

"Pinkie..." Twilight shook her head. "Now isn‘t the time for this! How did you even get in here?"

Pinkie giggled until her ribs hurt— which happened a lot sooner than it normally did. "Hehehooooowwie...that hurts. Um, I used my spy glider?"

The mare that looked like a really good Princess Celestia impersonator gently put her hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder. “Are you in much pain, Pinkie? I can call...the guard to...er...wait. No, I can’t do that.” She frowned down at herself.

Twilight then put her hoof on the fake Celestia’s shoulder. She jerked it away a second later, like she thought the shoulder was gonna be hot to the touch. If this is a dream, they’ll start making out right about now. Then they get in the bed with me! Pinkie grinned and kicked her hooves playfully. It was like when she was waiting for a warm cookie; she knew it was coming, she knew it was going to be sweet and gooey and it was going to get in her mouth and get all over her face.

It was going to be...it was… Why aren’t they kissing? Am I actually awake? Dang! Ah, poop! Twilight is talking and I wasn’t listening!

“...the sun has to come up all the way.” Twilight gestured at Pinkie with a hoof. “Pinkie will be fine for now, trust me.”

“If you’re sure.” The look-alike looked back at Pinkie, a small frown on her lips.

“If we don’t raise the sun, we’ll have a full blown riot on our hooves, Princess.” Twilight sighed. “Things were already getting tense out there when I arrived at the castle.”

“Yeah! Everypony at the gate was chanting ‘Twilicorn! Twilicorn! Twilicorn!’” Pinkie giggled and winced again. “Pretty soon this is going to turn into one of those special scavenger hunt parties where there isn’t a list. You just grab whatever isn’t nailed down! Those are fun parties, but I don’t think the ponies outside realize how heavy the stuff in the castle is. I mean, it’s all so big!”

Pinkie snorted and groaned in pain. “Just like Twilight! Not that I think you’re heavy, Twi.” Pinkie grin-maced. “I mean, it’s ok if you were fat. I like a mare with meat on her bones!”

“Pinkie, shut up.”

“Who doesn’t like a plump filly, really?” Pinkie groaniggled. “Besides, who am I to talk? Have you seen my flanks recently? I got the Pie family hips, that’s for sure.”

“Pinkie!”

“Yes, Mistress!” Pinkie clapped her mouth closed and wiggled her backside into the bed. There was that firm tone again. Maybe she was dreaming. Alicorn threesome was still a possibility.

Twilight glared at her with those big sexy eyes and pinched the skin between her brows with her hoof. “Pinkie, please, stay here and let me and the Princess figure out how to get the sun up, ok? Then we can fix whatever is going on with our bodies and get back to normal.”

Pinkie nodded mutely. Twilight continued to glare at her for a moment, but after a moment her look softened and she sighed. “Thank you, Pinkie.”

“Just relax here, Ms. Pie. I’m sure Twilight will figure out a way to set everything right once again.” Princess Celestia’s stand-in smiled at her in a perfect imitation of the way the real Princess would. “I can...er, Equestria can always count on her in times of need.”

Twilight blushed and stood straighter. “Uh, yeah. I do...that. But don’t you think we should get the sun up properly?” She smiled nervously and gestured toward the balcony. “If you need us, Pinkie, we won’t be far.”

“Okidoki! Ow...I’ll be here, on the bed, ready and waiting, unable to get away if a pair of capable mares wanted to spit roast-”

“Pinkie Pie!” Twilight blushed harder, her cheeks burning a bright crimson and her new mana-mane sparking with pink and magenta lightning. “Lay here and be quiet! Please!”

Pinkie clamped her hooves over her snout to drown out her giggles. Hooves pressing against her muzzle, she waffled between muffled guffaws and pained whimpers. Twilight and the Celestia impressionist turned away and headed toward the balcony that Luna had thrown her at. Geez, I hope I didn’t leave a huge crater in the wall. The Princess would not be happy with that.

Of course, Pinkie stroked her chin, if I am dreaming, there won’t be a crater, right? But then my ribs wouldn’t be all ouchie—but then again—if I wasn’t dreaming, why would Celestia be a unicorn and not all alicorn-y? She’s still pretty cute as a unicorn, though.

“I’m so confused right now.” Pinkie Pie groaned. She lifted the sheet and gently prodded her sides with her hooves, flinching as she grazed some tender spots. “I guess that works the same as a pinch, right? So...I’m not dreaming.”

Pinkie frowned disappointedly. She pulled the sheet back up to her nose so that only her eyes and ears and mane poked out, like she did when she played bed-gators with Gummy. Or when she wasn’t feeling well, like when she ate too many of Mrs. Cake’s special sugar cookies. Or when she was disappointed, like she was right now. Pinkie sighed, eyes following Twilight and the pretty unicorn walk close to each other. The unicorn mare swayed as she moved, periodically brushing against Twilight’s side. Twilight, in turn, stumbled away from the other mare, wings jumping and spreading slightly with every bump.

One eyebrow raised slowly. Twilight was blushing and smiling like a nervous school filly, and the one that looked a lot like Celestia was doing that same forced laugh that the Princess did sometimes. They moved apart slightly, then fell back into step with each other and walked slower. Her eyebrow kept climbing. They would speak, make eye contact for a second and then look away. Their tails bobbed up and down more than usual, rising ever so slightly in time with the eye contact.

Pinkie gaped, her eyebrow reaching Applejack levels of raised.

“Sweet Faust! Why is Twilight being all lovey-dovey with a Princess imposter‽” Pinkie Pie clenched the sheet in her hooves. “Celestia isn’t going to like this!”

***

Drums beat out a pounding rhythm. Torches were lit and the call arose from the mass of ponies in full viking gear. Once again, it was time to board the longships and set sail for plunder. Their eyes were set on the wood in her wings and the fire the Goddess caused low in her gut. One viking with a great ursa major skin cloak and a pink stripe in its purple mane stood above the others.

The cloaked pony blew into a ram’s horn. “The time has come, ponies of Valhayla! Our Goddess calls, and we answer!”

The crowd roared in response, stomping their hooves and waving their period-accurate swords and shields around. They turned as one to board their ships, but they all came to a halt at the sound of cleared throat.

“Um…excuse me,” Twilight Sparkle stepped into the fire light of their viking camp and cleared her throat again, “but hasn’t this visual metaphor gone on long enough? We can’t spare the processing power right now for this little part of us to let its...er, our, imagination run wild. The Princess is right there, for cryin’ out loud!”

The vikings turned to look back at her, then looked at each other.

“I guess so.”

“Sounds legit.”

“What about the wingboner? Celestia is going to notice it at any second!”

A general murmur of consensus went through the crowd, causing Twilight to sigh. “Ok, I suppose that still needs to be addressed. But no more vikings! That metaphor is so over.”

“Uh...cowponies, then?”

“Let’s be gangsters! Then we get magical tommyguns!”

Twilight shook her head, refocusing on Princess Celestia. The Princess stood, fidgeting nervously, at the edge of her balcony door. She looked outside at the sun as it sat unmoving on the horizon. While her attention was elsewhere, Twilight willed her wings back down. If this lasted any longer, she was going to have to seriously look into the phenomenon that caused them to spread and become stiff when she became excited.

Princess Celestia sighed, looking back at Twilight. “The transformation has left my magic is too weak for this, Twilight. You are the most powerful magic user I know, aside from my sister, so you are going to have to do this for me. I’ll stay inside, but it might be better if you step out onto the balcony to perform the rising. I always find it reduces my distractions when I’m not surrounded by walls.”

“You want me to go out alone?!” Twilight gulped, falling into a seated position. “I’ve never raised a sun before! What if I mess up? What if I bring it crashing into the planet? I could kill everypony!”

“Twilight,” Celestia reached out her hoof and rested it against Twilight’s chest, “calm down. You can do this. I’ll be right here, guiding you every step of the way.”

Celestia smiled up at Twilight, her hoof lingering on her student’s chest for a few more moments. “I have faith in you.”

Her hoof is so soft and warm. Twilight flushed, nodding slowly. “Ok...ok. I can do this. Equestria is counting on me, right?”

She took a deep, steadying breath and let it out slowly through her nose. Twilight climbed resolutely back to her hooves and took a moment to center herself. She looked back out onto the balcony Celestia used when raising the sun day after day. The enormity of the responsibility she was about to take on was overwhelming. But with the Princess’s guidance, she at least had a chance of surviving the experience. “How do I start?

Celestia gestured toward the balcony. “Step out and clear your mind. Feel the breeze and the light, and the solidity of the stone under your hooves. We’ll start with basic meditation. You remember that lesson, don’t you?”

“Only like the back of my hoof! You drilled me for weeks on end.” Twilight giggled away some of her anxiety. “I suppose this is essentially long distance telekinetic manipulation?”

“Essentially.” Celestia grinned proudly, stepping back to let Twilight out of the room. “When you are centered, I want you to start by feeling the stones, then the lines that connect the balcony to the castle, then the pillars that connect the castle to the mountain and then at last the weight that anchors it all to the world.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “The easy stuff first, huh?” She stepped out into the full light of the sun, squinting in the sudden brightness. Her mind shook off the last hooks of anxiety and fell into a calmer state. She was Twilight Sparkle and she was on the job, here to help her mentor, the most important pony in the world.

Twilight closed her eyes against the light and braced her legs firmly against the balcony. She wasn’t sure how this was going to work. As a unicorn, magic was her life, but the “natural” magic of the Earth and Pegasus tribes was something she’d never experienced. It wasn’t like she was a real alicorn. She just looked like one. Right?

She took another deep breath and let it out again, just like the Princess had shown her when she was a fresh student all those years ago. Her mind grew quiet and her world shrank, until all was just Twilight. It was as if she were adrift in some vast ocean. No, that analogy isn’t quite right. It’s more like I’m standing on some sort of endless plain. Wait.

She could feel the plain under her, feel it stretching in all directions and going down and down and down until she could sense some churning motion even further below. She could smell the dirt, taste the water that ran under the ground and hear the plants growing slow and steady.

“Spread your wings, Twilight.” Celestia’s voice was soft and near, vibrating throughout the immense plain Twilight stood on. “Feel the breezes and the sky, feel the stillness along with the gusts and gales of the atmosphere.”

Twilight willed her wings to spread, and it was like she had removed the bars on some caged animal, for her mind expanded along with them. Her plain now had a sky and it went up and up and up and was churning and turning in great spirals and long curves. It was chaos compared to the earth below, but it was not wild without purpose. She could feel the clouds as they drifted by, smell the rain as it fell and sense the patterns hidden in the chaos as it was guided by the hooves of ponies and the will of the world.

“Now focus on the light, Twilight, and the warmth and the presence above you.”

Twilight inhaled again, releasing the breath and opening her eyes. The light was no longer blinding. It felt soft and welcoming. She looked up at the sun on the horizon, but the sight did not burn her eyes. That astral body was a gigantic yellow-orange orb that she could see in unbelievable detail. There were spots that were slightly darker and streaks of almost-white fire that arced off the surface and crashed back down again.

“What am I seeing?” Twilight’s voice came out in a hushed whisper. “How am I seeing this? The sun never looks like this.”

“You are seeing it as it really is, Twilight.” Celestia spoke from behind her. “Reach out with your magic. Feel it. It won’t burn you, I promise.”

She did as her teacher asked, and reached for the sun. It was warm, warmer than anything she had ever felt before. The heat washed across her coat without harming her, despite its intensity. It was like holding foam in her hooves, weightless and fragile as a soap bubble but somehow solidly fixed in place. “I...I feel it. I feel it! Princess, is this how you move the sun? This is wonderful!”

“I knew you could do it, Twilight!” Celestia clapped her hooves happily. “Now, slowly move yourself.”

“What?”

“The sun stays where it is, Twilight. It is the focal point, and you must move around it.”

“Ooooookkaaayy…” Twilight swallowed nervously. “How do…?”

She stiffened, feeling a hoof on her side. Her senses exploded with the being of Celestia in a way she had never experienced before. One moment she was in her own world of the sun, the air and the earth, and then the next, there was Celestia. She couldn’t see her with her eyes, but she could feel every inch of Celestia’s sleek, smaller frame. She could smell the scent of her mentor’s coat and mane, feel her other hooves as they stood next to her. It was like she was extension of Twilight’s own body.

“Like this.”

Twilight let out a gasp, the feeling of a tiny thread of magic passing into her, registered in her mind. It was nothing compared to the influx of magic she was feeling from the world around her, but it held the knowledge of millenia. Just like that, she knew the secret. She knew how to move the world and the sun, and how the whole of reality worked. It was effortless now that she knew what she was doing. The sun obeyed her command and drifted up in the the early morning Canterlot sky.

“You did it!” Celestia laughed and clapped her hooves again, breaking the connection. The larger mare shivered at the severing and blinked as her senses returned to normal and the world was once again separate from her. Twilight rubbed her face with her hoof, turning to look back at Celestia. When suddenly she was connected to her mentor in a new and interesting way. Celestia threw her arms around her neck and pulled her into a hug.

“Oh sweet Goddess! You did it, Twilight! I am so proud of you! I knew you could do it for me, I just knew it!”

“Um…” Twilight felt her blush come crashing back with a vengeance. “Princess, somepony might see you out here.”

“Yes. You might want to take you PDA inside.”

Twilight and Celestia blinked at each other, then turned as one. Floating just past the edge of the balcony, his long serpentine body twisted into a lazy ‘S,’ was Discord.

“That is, of course, unless you want your love life to be the talk of the town before lunch.”

“Discord?” Celestia narrowed her eyes at him.

“What do you want?” Twilight frowned, flaring her wings to block the chaos spirit’s path to Celestia.

“Oh, look at you, Twilight Sparkle! Finally wearing your big pony pants, are we? Congratulations are in order!” Discord summoned streamers and party balloons from the aether with a chuckle. “Let’s step inside, my dear. The three of us have much to discuss.”

Author's Note

So...the gdocs import screwed up and cut out some small sections. I think I've caught and fixed them all.

Chapter 5

Alicorn Switcheroo

Chapter 5

The draconequus, Discord, vanished with a flash of light and a loud pop, only to appear almost immediately on the other side of Twilight and Celestia, his mismatched feet settling on the balcony’s marble floor. “Come now, let's not dawdle out where other ponies might see!”

He chuckled, his lion’s paw held up in front of his face in mock scandal. “What would they think if they saw somepony else raise the sun, and not their precious Princess Celestia? Although, I for one welcome our newest alicorn overlord!” Discord walked backward through the door that lead back into Celestia’s personal chambers, bowing to Twilight. “Alicorn Princesshood looks good on you, Twilight. The wings really bring out the pink mana lightning in your mane!”

Twilight whirled on her hooves to face Discord, keeping a wing spread to shield Princess Celestia from him. “For the last time, I am not an alicorn or a princess!” She grit her teeth, grumbling under her breath for a moment. “Discord, we don’t have time for your tricks, or teasing. Can’t you see we have a real problem on our hooves here?”

“Oh?” Discord squinted at Twilight, her brows narrowing. He stopped walking and snaked his head closer to the tall pony, looking her up and down. “Then answer me this, Miss Smartypants: who just moved the Sun?”

Discord smiled wickedly, the beard on his goat-like chin animating and pointing at Celestia. “I have it on good authority it wasn’t Princess Shrimpy over there.”

There was another flash of light and Discord pulled a cord that hung in midair, snapping Twilight’s wing closed. Celestia whinnied in surprise and fell back into a seated position. Discord pushed a sputtering Twilight aside and stage whispered. “Oh, by the way Celestia, I approve of your choice for a successor. Sparkle here will keep the kingdom running like clockwork for millennia. I must admit I was surprised you made this decision without consulting me first, but now I see why you did! You get a vacation and I get the best pony to throw wrenches into the works of! I can just see her face now!”

Discord giggled, hooking his thumb at Twilight. “It’s a lot like the one she’s making now.”

“Discord, please, understand, I did not choose Twilight as my successor!” Celestia stood again, looking back and forth between Twilight and the chaos spirit. “There is still some sort of mishap going on. We need to figure out what has happened to us and make things right.”

“Yeah!” Twilight shoved her face between the two of them, her eyes wide and nostrils flaring, and pushed Discord back. She kept pushing him deeper into the royal chambers with each word. “I’m not her successor! Thought I would be totally flattered to be picked for that, and Princess Celestia does totally deserve a vacation for all she’s done for me...er...for Equestria! But that’s not what’s going on here!”

Twilight walked Discord back until he bumped into the Princess’ desk, his body conforming to its contour easily. She continued to glare at the draconequus, but gestured with her hoof at Celestia. “We’ve got a serious situation here and your antics won’t help. She moved the Sun, I was just the tool used in her time of…” Twilight grimaced, her mouth fighting the word. “...weakness. Princess Celestia is more important than anything else! I have to get her back to normal!”

“For the good of all Equestria.” Twilight added as an afterthought. “Oh! And don’t call her Princess Shrimpy!”

“Twilight, please.” Celestia followed the two into her bedroom, her now shorter legs forcing her to trot to keep up with them. “I’m a big pony. Discord’s jabs haven’t been particularly bothersome in a long time now.”

“But...I can’t just let him walk all over you.” Twilight looked down at her mentor, her expression softening from her angry outburst. “Not now. Not ever! Nopony should ever look down on you, Princess.”

Discord chuckled, his long serpentine body slithering up to sit on the edge of Celestia’s desk. “It’s kind of hard not too right now, wouldn’t you say?” His earlier smirk faded. “I told her I liked her new look before you even got here, so don’t get mad at me for pointing it out.”

Twilight snorted in exasperation, hanging her head tiredly. Inside her, her tiny imaginary horde of viking-ponies-turned-gangsters roared, firing their tiny tommy guns upward as they surged into the dark depths of her gut. Thier goal to capture the last elusive bits of energy her breakfast latte had given her. A less-given-to-whimsy portion of her mind rolled its metaphorical eyes at that and kicked her mouth back into gear.

“Princess...I just...I just have to do my best for you. Sometimes, I don’t know what is best, and that bothers me.” She sighed, looking at Celestia without moving her head. “Everypony says I’m smart. That I’m talented. But sometimes I feel I’m not smart or talented enough to deserve everything you’ve done for me. So...I feel it’s my duty to protect you. I didn’t mean to imply that you were t-too...too w-weak or soft skinned to face down Discord by yourself.”

Celestia sighed, shaking her head and reached up to touch Twilight’s cheek gently. “My student, you are the smartest and most talented pony I know. There is no other I would want looking after me in my time of need, but as I told you before Twilight, you aren’t in this alone. Together we can figure out this situation and get it resolved. Trust in that.”

Twilight smiled, leaning into Celestia’s hoof. She opened her mouth to say something when there was a bright flash and she suddenly found herself flopping back onto a fainting couch. Across from her, Celestia seemed surprised to find herself similarly dumped into a new couch. Discord appeared between them a second later, wearing a tweed jacket and glasses, a small notebook in his paws. The chaos spirit took a seat on a stool that hadn’t been there a moment earlier, chewing on a smoking pipe as he opened the notebook.

“Zo, tell me, ven did you first notice des emotions?” He wiggled his eyebrows, squinting through his glasses at Celestia. “I tink der iz zometing more going on here between you. More than friendship, perhaps, hmm?”

Celestia blinked, leaning away from Discord. “I-I don’t know what you are talking about. Our relationship is the s-same as it’s always been! Our teacher-student bond is just strong…”

“Oh Celestia, your issues go zo much deeper zan zat! Be honest with yourself!”

“Discord.” Twilight rolled onto her side, her tone stern. “Stop messing around.”

The draconequus snorted, his clothing and the furniture they were seated on vanishing. Twilight hit the floor, but managed to catch Celestia in her aura and set her down gently. Discord rolled his eyes, pacing between the two ponies. “Fine! Whatever, it’s not like I had a reason for showing up and talking to two of the most magically knowledgeable beings in the world or anything.”

Celestia slinked around behind Discord, slipping her arms around Twilight and helped the now larger mare to her hooves. “Well, what did you come to tell us, Discord? Perhaps if you dispensed with the theatrics we could get to the point? You are upsetting Twilight, and I need her mind working at full speed to solve our crisis.”

“Oh just shoot a rainbow at it. Or banish it to the moon...oh wait, you can’t.” Discord looked back at them, not quite turning around fully. He smirked again and then looked down at his paw and rubbed his fingers together. “Don’t worry, I’ll be out of your manes in just a moment. It’s not even all that important, I just seemed to have misplaced some of my magic, and I can’t find it.”

He snaked back around, floating in mid-air until he was facing the both of them again. “You wouldn’t happened to have seen it, would you?”

Twilight shook her head to clear the stars dancing at the edges of her vision. She raised an eyebrow, looking back and forth between the chaos spirit and her mentor. “Missing magic? Just how much are we talking about here?”

She leaned down to Celestia’s ear and whispered. “Can magic just go missing?”

Celestia shrugged microscopically, whispering. “With Discord, anything is possible.” She sighed and looked around the room. Besides her current predicament and Twilight’s apparent risen state, everything seemed just as it was supposed to be. “I have been here all morning, Discord. I’ve not noticed any sign of wild magic. Are you sure you didn’t just...leave...it somewhere? Like that time you forgot your antler and left it under the sofa for two hundred years?”

“I suppose I could have.” Discord tapped his chin thoughtfully with one claw. “Perhaps I should go check around some more. It’s not like it’s enough to do anything with...so I guess it’s not that important I find it immediately.”

“Well then, why don’t you go do that and let me deal with the Princess in private?” Twilight glared at Discord. “If we find your...magic, or whatever...we’ll send it back to you.”

“Well, see that you do, Miss I’m-not-an-alicorn-princess!” The draconequus snorted dismissively and vanished into thin air with a muffled pop noise.

Twilight continued to glare at the spot where the spirit had been floating, as if she could set the very air on fire. “Why does he have to butt into everything? It’s like he thinks the world revolves around him!”

Celestia gently touched Twilight’s shoulder. “Don’t be angry, Twilight. Discord is a hoofful, but his antics are at least mostly harmless these days.” She smiled and leaned in conspiratorially. “Though, to be fair, the world did once revolve around him. Thankfully, that stopped after Luna and I threw the moon at him.”

Twilight snorted, pressing her hooves against her muzzle to hold back the bray of laughter building up in her throat. Her annoyance at Discord vanished like the morning fog before the dawn as the Princess snickered daintily along with her. Oh gosh, I don’t think I’ve ever heard the Princess snicker! Laugh,certainly. Maybe even a chortle here or there, giggles aplenty, but a snicker? She grinned behind her hooves, focusing on the way Celestia’s smile made the coat around her eyes wrinkle. Her coat never wrinkled before either.

It suddenly occurred to Twilight that if they didn’t resolve things soon, her Princess might develope smile lines. A split second later, a voice in her mind asked if that would really be so bad. The Princess was so much more...mortal... in this form, and she wore that mortality well. Very well.

“Thank you.”

Twilight blinked, realizing she was staring. Again. Part of her wanted to pull back, act like a grown mare in front of her mentor. However, another part of her was loath to end the special moment they were having. “What for?”

“For jumping to my defense earlier.” Celestia remained close, the edge of her smile changing from mirth to something sweeter. “I may not need it, but I am very glad to have it, Twilight. It’s been so long since a pony stood up for me directly.”

“Well...who wouldn’t?” Twilight shrugged, confusion playing across her face. “You’re so important. You deserve to be protected at all costs.”

“Not everypony shares that outlook.” Celestia glanced down at herself, her smile taking on a touch of melancholy ruefulness. “Normally, I am far from defenseless. I’ve not been bested in many centuries, Twilight. It’s the classic conundrum of why I even keep guards, let alone need any sort of protection.”

“You keep guards because you are a single pony, for all your power, and cannot be everywhere or listen to every problem a pony has. It takes a team of dedicated equines to run a castle, let alone a nation. The common ponies should feel safe and secure, no matter if you are near or far.”

Twilight recited the answer to the guard conundrum by rote. It was technically a paraphrasing of a quote of Celestia’s from four centuries early when asked about her habit of employing able bodied ponies to don the Gold and Silver Armors, but that was neither here nor there.

Celestia shook her head, chuckling under her breath. “Maybe I said something like that, but I mean really standing up for me. You just stared a god in the eye, Twilight, and told him off for speaking down to me. That’s special.”

“Well...I st-still think anypony w-would do it.” Twilight swallowed raggedly, her nerves returning in full force. “You’re specialer—more! More special...I mean.” She tried to smile at her own gaff, but just ended up grimacing unconvincingly.

“Twilight.” Celestia felt her smile return to it’s former brightness as she breathed out her student’s name. She felt her own chest swell, watching Twilight’s nervous discomfort melt under the soothing tone she used. “Calm down, please. We are going to need your sharp mind if we are to get through this together. Now that we’ve handled the pressing problem of the sun’s continued course across the sky, I feel our next task should be to examine the spell that you miscast, see if we can figure out how to reverse it. Once that is done, I think I may require you to cast it again.”

“Again?”

“On me.” Celestia tossed her pink mane over her shoulder. Disregarding the weight and mass of it, she had to admit it felt nice against her coat and skin. “So we can avoid another panic while we diffuse the first one at the front gates.”

Twilight nodded, narrowing her eyes in thought. “Hmm...good point. If we can figure out a way to accelerate the morphic properties of the enchantment, we could have you looking much like yourself with enough time left over to get to the bottom of this.”

She tapped her chin with a hoof-tip, her annoyance at Discord’s interruption and embarrassment moments ago forgotten in a glorious haze of critical thinking. “Yeah, that could work! Good thinking, Princess! And we can use Pinkie as a distraction in case anypony looks too closely since she’s already privy to the fact that you’re not as goddess-like as usual. This is perfect. We can even use the lab on the third floor, where we used to test my theories on micro spell matrices! There shouldn’t be anypony there at this time of morning.”

Twilight clapped excitedly, her wings flaring out to keep her balanced on her haunches. Her internal horde of metaphorical viking gangster ponies let out a whoop, tiny axes flying and tommy guns firing into her imaginary ether. She beamed at Celestia, eager for her mentor’s approval, but drew herself up short when she noticed the smaller unicorn was frozen. Celestia was looking off to the side, one hoof poised to smooth back her new gorgeous locks, eyes wide. Twilight blinked and turned to look, her gangster vikings equally freezing as a sense of dread, like the breath of some ancient beast from the depths, blew over them all.

“What are you looking...oh. Oh no.” Part of her wished she were truly surprised, but with just how colossally poor her morning had thus far been, her mind just couldn’t be sussed. Across the large chamber from where they stood, Princess Celestia’s bed sat empty. The sheets were still rumpled, possibly still warm, but they contained not a single piece of Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie was not on, or under, the couch. She was not at the desk, or out on the balcony. Twilight severely doubted that the pink earth pony would have slunk off to the bathroom while they weren’t looking either.

“We have to find her before she spills the beans to one of the guards.”

“Or one of the cleaning staff.” Celestia added, her voice flat.

“Or to your sister!”

Celestia shuddered, her eyes still locked on the bed, and swallowed audibly. “Yes. We have to make sure this doesn’t reach Luna, or I will never hear the end of it!”

Elsewhere

“One picnic basket stuffed with yummy snacks, check!” Pinkie Pie grinned and nudged the little wicker container slightly to the right of the glasses and the punch bowl. “Perfect!”

“You can also check off the red and white checkered blanket. It has been placed just so, between the rosebushes, as per your instructions. However, are you certain that we should not also include wine, or champagne, on ice?” Princess Luna eyed the blanket critically. “It would be a pittance to retrieve one from my personal stores. I have a two hundred year old bottle of red that would—” She blinked, her eyes crossing to look at the pink hoof pressed against her snoot.

“Princess, Princess, Princess!” Pinkie tsk’ed. “Wine is great for a romantic picnic, but it’s not even noon yet. We want them to make out, not get them drunk! We save the booze for later. That’s why we packed plenty of early lunch type sandwiches and crunchy veggies! I know Twi will really appreciate a healthy, balanced meal, on top of the romantic gesture!”

The pink pony giggled, sliding up to Luna and throwing an arm over her shoulders. “Trust me, Princess, I’ve been planning Alicorn romance for years now! They called me crazy! They said it would never work! They all laughed, but look who's laughing now!” Pinkie Pie snorted, guffawing madly for a moment before suddenly throwing them both into one of the nearby bushes.

Luna was glad it was one of the less filled with thorns variety.

“Shhhh! Twi and the Princess Celestia imposter will be here any minute looking for me, so we need to be sneaky and unseen.”

“Like spy ponies?” Luna ventured, pulling a stray twig out from behind her ear. “Fair Pinkie, is this truly necessary? Hiding in the bushes is not something We...er...I should be doing. As a Princess, you understand.” She grimaced and shifted, her magic pulling a much larger twig out from under her royal backside. “Additionally, as I already explained, that ‘imposter’ is in fact my sister.”

Pinkie made a quiet yipping noise, her face splitting into a huge smile before she clamped her hooves down on it. She hunkered down and provided a couple pairs of binoculars from her mane. “Quiet! They’re here!”

“Really?” Celestia raised an eyebrow, looking up at her former student. “She has an...Alicorn fetish, you say?”

Twilight nodded, her mystical mane of mauve colored mana moving in its own ethereal wind. Or maybe it was trying to reach down and play with the Princess’ lighter pink hair? She honestly couldn’t tell at this point if the spell was mimicking Celestia’s former glory poorly or if it it really did have a—grabby—mind of its own. Just to be on the safe side, Twilight leaned a little to the right, trying to keep it away from groping Celestia in some of her more tender areas. Again.

She warmed at the memory from several minutes previous, just after Celestia (who was safely hidden behind her chamber door) ordered the guards in the skybridge hallway to turn their helmets around. Once the stallions had all complied with the command with only a little grumbling, and they had stepped out of the room, her mane came to life and did that tentacle thing like it had with the door. Its touch was so light, neither of them noticed at first, but then the tingling had started as the little searching pseudopods arced with little jolts of pink colored energy.

Twilight learned two things then: Celestia was ticklish right at the base of her tail, and that her hair could apparently transmit tactile sensations fine enough that she felt the muscles under the Princess’ warm coat flex.

She smiled lopsidedly. “Well, it wasn’t ever important before. What with there being an extremely limited supply of Alicorns to go around. Then I started to look like one and well…” Twilight shrugged. “That’s why Pinkie followed me here all the way from Ponyville. Now she’s somewhere in the castle and trust me, Pinkie can’t keep a secret! She’d try, I’m sure, but I know she’d overheat from the pressure of keeping it in. Sadly, Pinkie doesn’t even know that she’s supposed to keep your condition secret!”

“We’ll find her. Don’t worry, Twilight.” Celestia smiled, feeling more buoyant with each step. She’d feared that moving around her own home would be harder than it appeared to be. Simply asking the staff and guards to not look had saved Twilight from constantly exerting herself to render them invisible or something.

Now that she was adjusting to her smaller form, she didn’t feel so weak, more so light on her hooves, like a feather. Though, if she were being honest with herself, if was more Twilight’s company that was lifting her to cloud nine. It was a strange mix of nostalgia for those bygone days when she would walk with her student through the halls and out into the gardens for tea and a study session of advanced arcane theories or a conversation on harmonic ethics. Plus the new sensations of their new forms and the tingle of excitement she felt deep in her heart of hearts.

I’ve never experienced something like this before. That alone is novel! To be helpless, in a manner of speaking, but under the protection of Twilight? I feel I should be more concerned. More upset or something similar. Yet...I do not. I feel safe. Celestia’s smile widened, their unhurried stroll taking them around the corner of the garden hedges where their many tea breaks and talks from years past took place. I have walked this route a thousand times and more, but everything is fresh! New! And I get to share it with Twilight!

Celestia let the happy feeling grow within her, wash away all of her earlier anxiety and crowd her concerns into the back of her mind. She could scarcely recall a time when she’d been able to be carefree and just enjoy her chosen company. Usually is was in the small moments, a decade past, when she tutored Twilight in some bit of math or history, that she felt such a deep right-ness with the world at large. Everything was as it should be and was the best possible way it could be.

Now though, that she reflected on it, the feeling was a little different. Back in those small moments, she had been filled with the sense of accomplishment at teaching, ensuring that the next generation would have a pony to look up to. Somepony that was smart, talented, compassionate, reasonable, and brave. A pony that would make a fine leader some day. She was fulfilling her role as a guardian, a guide, and a shepherd of her ponies.

This was more akin to a close friendship between equals. Similar to what she shared with Luna, but infinitely more…intimate. Is that the correct word? It feels right. Celestia’s smile slipped a little as she tried to think of a more correct term for what she was feeling. The closeness of it. That ‘almost family’ level of openness and care she had with Twilight by her side. The only word that came close was ‘love.’ It was definitely not the familial variety, but certainly it wasn’t the romantic kind either.

A quiet voice in her mind that sounded suspiciously like her own whispered stop lying to yourself.

Celestia blinked, chasing the little voice away, and ran face first into Twilight’s enlarged cutie mark. “Oof!” She took a step back, scrunching her snout. Twilight stood still, her ears tilted back. “Twilight? Is something wrong?”

“Is that your china set?”

“What?” Celestia raised an eyebrow, leaning around Twilight’s large form. Am I getting smaller, or is she still growing? Is this how everypony sees me? To her, Twilight seemed to be as large as a house. Her cutie mark was easily as big as Celestia’s hoof if not more so. The flank under it was enormous, the taut muscle there easily visible under Twilight’s soft coat.

Suddenly every joke, compliment, soliloquy, ballad, and epic poem about her own backside took on a new light and Celestia felt her cheeks warm. She did a lot more blinking and finally rounded the stunning mare her student had become.

“Er...what were you asking about my china…?” Celestia faded off, her eyes widening at the sight before them.

In the middle of the courtyard gardens, in the very spot where she had sat and taken tea thousands of times with a much smaller and younger Twilight Sparkle, there was a picnic. A red and white checked blanket rest on the grass in the clearing under their favorite willow, complete with a basket and indeed, her personal china set. She could smell the tea from the little pot now that they were close, and the basket seemed to be filled with little haycakes and granola treats.

“Um...yes, this is my tea set.” Celestia walked up to the edge of the picnic. “I take it you didn’t plan this?”

“No...” Twilight shook her head, her eyes and ears flicking back and forth, searching for anything else that might be amiss in their surroundings. Finding nothing, Twilight joined her mentor a moment later at the picnic’s edge. “Whoever packed this must have been planning on a busy day. Those are all good energy foods and snacks.”

Celestia opened her mouth to say something when her stomach rumbled violently. Twilight tensed at the sound and then turned sheepishly toward her. She tried to grin, but the gnawing hunger in her belly was supremely distracting. “Um...apparently, my body actually needs food now? A-heh...haven’t felt this hungry in forever. You don’t suppose we could stop for a moment, Twilight? I know we need to find Pinkie Pie…”

“No! Of course!” Twilight sat down forcefully, her new bulk rattling the china tea set when it slammed into the ground. “We can stop, please...have some breakfast! I just realized you only got that one bite of cake I brought. I should have let you eat before we left. I’m sorry! I’m not thinking correctly again!” Twilight laughed nervously, tapping her forehead with a hoof.

Celestia shook her head, chuckling softly and took a seat next to her former student. She glanced over the spread again and settled on a honeyed haycake. Biting her lip, she concentrated and fired up her horn. The haycake felt like it weighed as much as herself, her magic was still so weak, but it did move—albeit slowly and wobbly—toward her. She gasped at the effort when it finally dropped onto a small plate in easy hoof-reach.

“Let me handle the tea.” Twilight smiled and in a flurry of light and motion, had two cups of tea heated and set before them in no time at all. “Two lumps of sugar, a dollop of cream and heated to just under steaming. Just like you like for breakfast.”

“You’ve been paying attention.”

“Of course!” Twilight lowered herself onto her belly, so she could look Celestia in the eye. “I know all the ways you enjoy your tea prepared and served. We’ve shared it together enough times, I could probably pass for an expert on it by now.” She blinked. “Well, I could pass if there are tests on the subject. Are there tea tests?”

“Not like that, there aren’t.” Celestia giggled again, lifting her cup carefully to her lips. It smelled heavenly and perfectly brewed. “I would accept your expertise, Twilight. You always surprised me by learning things I wasn’t even intending on teaching you. Little things like the tea...or how I like my cake. It flatters me sometimes, to know how much of an influence I’ve had on one of the most amazing ponies Equestria has ever known.”

Twilight smiled, feeling like the filly she once was, at Celestia’s ankles and desperate to please. Now that their situations were reversed, she felt a strange sort of peace within herself. Something about seeing Celestia with the crown off, and not just as Celestia, but as a normal pony too, registered with her. It brought her own feelings about Celestia into focus. She admired the Princess, certainly. She wanted to be like Celestia; she wanted to be as confident and wise. Smart and able to talk to ponies without stumbling over herself or wandering off into tangents.

But it was more than that. Far more than just admiration. More than mere friendship.

The horde of viking ponies in Twilight’s mind fell into a quiet hush, all of them staring in anticipation as the conscious part of Twilight’s mind worked its way toward realizing the obvious. They readied their tiny axes and swords, shields held tight to rush forward as soon as the emotional walls came down.

Twilight’s smile softened, watching Celestia sip tea and nibble at the haycake. Even without the crown of leadership or the physical stature, she still found the alicorn fascinating. Watching Celestia eat and be a pony like any other made her tummy knot in the most pleasant of ways. The more she saw, the more Twilight could imagine those lips touching and feeling something other than breakfast.

The walls cracked. Slowly at first, but with ever increasing speed, their collapse imminent. Weapons on shields, the horde clacked and rattled with the song of battle and victory.

Twilight shifted, getting comfortable on the soft grass of the gardens, her back warmed by Celestia’s sun. She spared the fiery globe a glance, turning her head slightly to check its progress. She could still feel it, if vaguely, in the back of her mind. Like some sort of immense weight that counterbalanced the entire world. Which, when she thought about it, was pretty close to the scientific truth. Thankfully, the work she and Celestia had done earlier to get it moving again seemed to have worked, though the sun was still lagging slightly from where it should be in the sky.

Twilight sighed, more of her tension flowing from her, and flexed her wings to resettle her feathers. Whatever spell she’d cast on herself was really holding strong and she had to admit, the wings felt oddly natural. If time weren’t such a factor, she might enjoy trying to actually fly with them. It’s too bad Celestia doesn’t have hers at the moment. We could go together. She could show me how...teach me to fly...catch me if I fall.

Twilight sighed, feeling her cheeks heat with the mental image of Celestia catching her mid-air, wrapping her wings around Celestia and burying her muzzle in that warm coat. Breathing in the Princess’ scent and being supported by the most important mare in her life.

The mental and emotional walls crumbled, the broken rubble of all her rationalizations and deflections of her own feelings falling to the floor of Twilight’s mindscape. Her horde of imaginary viking ponies roaring in success and surging over it into the new dawn of Twilight’s love.

She felt her heart swell at the thought of Celestia holding her, comforting her as Celestia had always done, but no longer as a little filly. But as a mare. As an equal that was worthy of love. Love was what she felt when she looked at the pink mane and those purple colored eyes. Love was what she felt when she thought about the way Celestia moved, the way Celestia spoke, the way Celestia looked back at her. The way their eyes would meet and hold there for just a moment before moving on. The little gestures in private, the shared secrets and laughter.

She, Twilight Sparkle, was in love with Princess Celestia.

Twilight swallowed, turning the thought over in her mind, examining it from every direction for weakness and imperfections. She found none. She loved the Princess, had always loved her, but never with the courage to realize it. Now she had the unique opportunity to act on that love. She could actually tell Celestia and perhaps, the Princess would be receptive. Celestia certainly seemed to enjoy their time together, now more than ever, despite the circumstances.

Twilight cleared her throat, reaching with one hoof toward the Princess. “C-Celestia…”

In the nearby bushes

“This is it!” Pinkie Pie hissed frantically, barely keeping her voice within whisper volume levels. She grabbed Luna with her hooves, shaking the Moon Princess vigorously. “I told you my romantic picnic plan would work! Can this pony plan a party for two or can this pony plan a party for two?!”

“I-I-I c-c-concur, Miss P-Pie, but please-ese stop sh-shaking m-me!” Luna hissed right back at Pinkie, gripping the pink pony in her own hooves and pulling them even closer together within the tight confines of the bush. “We must not let them discover our position or this ruse will be for naught! Becalm thyself!”

Pinkie squeezed Luna, vibrating with anticipation. “How can I be calm? Alicorn level make-outs are about to happen right in front of me!” Pinkie’s head lolled back, making a drooling, near animalistic sound of want usually reserved for fresh doughnuts.

Luna rolled her eyes. “I doubt they will move directly to a make-out, dear Pinkie. My sister is far too reserved, and so is the young Twilight.”

Pinkie Pie blinked at that, her grip relaxing and vibration stopping. She looked at Luna, her eyes growing large. “But...but...will there at least be alicorn level hoof holding?”

Luna sighed and petted Pinkie gently. “Verily, there shall be.”

“Yay!”

The honeyed haycake was making the tip of her hoof sticky, but it was better holding them physically than with her substandard magical grip. They tasted wonderful, however, so Celestia didn’t mind the minor inconvenience. The cakes were fresh and complimented the hot tea Twilight had made for her, both of them making her belly feel pleasantly full. Celestia eyed her hoof, chewing on the last bite of cake. It was only a small spot, and there didn’t seem to be any napkins within easy reach.

Twilight won’t mind if I lick it clean...will she? Celestia’s flicked over at her companion. The taller mare was looking back and up at the sky. She probably won’t even notice a tiny breach in etiquette

Celestia brought her hoof up to her muzzle, extending her pink tongue to test the light sheen of honey residue. Her heart sped up when the sweetness hit her taste buds, the audacity of her action surprising even herself. Under any normal circumstance, I would never do this...but today is hardly normal, now is it? What would the courts think if they saw me doing this? She smirked, lathing her hoof-tip with the flat of her tongue.

I mean...it’s not like they would recognize me, would they? So what if any of those stuffy old goats saw me? Celestia’s flashed back at Twilight, to see if she was being watched. Twilight still seemed distracted by the sun, but she knew all it would take to draw attention was to make a big enough movement or sound. The idea of being caught by her former student at doing something so crass as licking her hooves clear made Celestia tingle.

Would you be upset? Would you admonish me, Twilight? She leaned forward, employing her lips to get every last scrap of flavor from her hoof. Would you just stare, unable to believe your eyes? Would you offer to clean it for me? The tingling sensation got stronger as she imagined Twilight taking her hoof and licking it clean. Celestia blinked rapidly, putting her hoof back down, startled by the strength of her imagination and how much her heart was pounding.

The movement must have gotten Twilight’s attention, as the larger pony shifted and turned to look at her. Did she notice after all? Celestia froze, her fantasy blossoming in her mind once again when Twilight extended a hoof toward her.

“C-Celestia…”

Celestia started to lift her unlicked hoof when there was a flash in the air just above them and Discord fell to the ground, his serpentine body piling on top of itself between them until he all but covered the entire picnic cloth. She grunted, struggling to extricate herself from under Discord’s furry coils, the chaos spirit completely blocking her sight of Twilight.

“Discord? What is going on here?”

“Hmm?” Discord rose up slowly, just head and shoulders, and lifted a dainty teacup to his lips to sip noisily. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Yes!” Under the spirit’s elongated body, a pinkish purple glow started to grow until he was shoved bodily off the picnic and an angry looking Twilight Sparkle and into a nearby shade tree. Twilight snorted when he didn’t so much as spill a drop of his pilfered drink. “What do you want? We haven’t found your missing magic yet!”

Discord raised an eyebrow, unmoved by Twilight’s outburst. “I can see you’re both looking really hard, aren’t you? Don’t sass me, Princess, you wouldn’t like me when I’ve been sassed.”

Taking another polite sip of tea, Discord unwound himself from the tree, his body shrinking back to his usual proportions. “Really, Tia, you should see about setting up Miss Sparkle with some anger management classes. If she’s going to take over, we can’t have her going off the deep end every time I place a whoopee cushion on the throne or replace all the air in her lungs with pudding. This relationship doesn’t work if we both do the crazy schtick.”

“I am not angry!” Twilight surged to her hooves, her mana mane whipping about like a kraken with a grudge to settle, pink lightning arcing off it into the garden around them. “You just landed on us for no reason and interrupted us…” Twilight faltered, her mane calming down while she searched for the right words. “We were...uh…”

Discord snorted and tossed his teacup aside, leaning out of the way when an oversized Twilight dived headfirst into the azaleas to catch it. “Besides...I’m not here to stop you two from playing picnic. I have important news to share!” He winked through the air, rematerializing next to a stunned Celestia. “Are you aware of the crowd of responsible ponies that gathered at the gates when the sun stopped moving? Well...let’s just say I won’t be able to describe them so charitably for much longer.”

“What!?” Celestia shot to her hooves, turning to look toward the front of the castle. “Why wasn’t I informed about this?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Discord reached down and plucked the tiara off Celestia’s head and twirled it around in his talons. “It might have something to do with you being a little less ‘princess-y’ this morning.”

The spirit smirked, sliding closer to Celestia so he could whisper into her ear. “I know how you love those little teachable moments. Why not let the new filly on the royal block handle things?” He chuckled, glancing over at the bushes where Twilight was still extricating herself from the foliage, a teacup held daintily in her teeth. Like he was using a horseshoe, Discord flung Celestia’s tiara, catching Twilight’s horn so that the crown spun around it and settled perfectly on her head.

“She looks cute in it, hmm?”

“Discord!” Celestia bristled, but her cheeks warmed, watching Twilight tilt her head back and forth to get a look at the crown on her head. Goddess save me...she does look cute in my crown.

“No, it’s ok.” Twilight caught the cup she’d been holding in her magic and set it down with the rest of the tea set. She looked up, trying to see the crown that sat snugly between her ears. It felt light, its weight perfectly balanced. When I was a filly, this thing always seemed to weigh a ton. Now, it’s nothing. Feels...right, somehow.

“We don’t want the public to see...uh...the Princess like this. So I guess I need to go make an appearance to ease their minds.”

“Where is my sister while all this is going on?” Celestia frowned thoughtfully down at herself. “Perhaps I should have told her about this…”

Meanwhile, in the bushes

“Ooohh! Diiiiisssscccoorrrddd!” Pinkie Pie hissed, brows narrowed and staring daggers into the draconequus’ back. “They were soooo close! Just like..a minute more! Gaaahh!”

“Pinkie, our plan has failed.” Luna sighed, slumping onto the earth pony in her hooves. “Mayhap twould be best to come clean to my sister about these things?”

“Nuts to that, Princess!” Pinkie clapped her hooves on either side of Luna’s face, squishing the alicorn’s cheeks and directing Luna to look her in the eyes. “Did you give up when your sister banished you to the moon? No! You held that grudge for a thousand years and got her back!”

“Er...I don’t think that’s supposed to be taken positively…”

“Did Sombra stop trying to get the Crystal Heart even after he lost his entire body? Nope-a-rooni! He came back as really bad gas!” Pinkie Pie stood up, holding Luna’s face close until their eyes were practically touching. “Did that pony that one time let that thing stop him from doing that other thing?! No, he—probably—did not! And we’re not gonna let this get in the way of romance! My alicorn level make-outs will not be denied!”

“But...how are we to salvage this debacle?” Luna tried to look in the direction of the ponies in the garden clearing, but Pinkie’s grip held her firm. “Clearly, we’ve been routed from our goals of forcing my sister and yon Twilight to accept their affections openly.”

Pinkie’s snarl flipped into a bright smile, her entire tone changing. “We just need to try again! But harder this time! We need to pull out the big guns! Forget what I said earlier, go get the best bottle of wine you have! I’ll go get the rose petals! We meet back here ASAP and plan ‘Heck Bent for Romance’ commences!”

Chapter 7

Epilogue

By Fuzzyfurvert

Everypony stared at Luna in silence.

Luna cleared her throat again, letting go of Pinkie Pie to sit up straighter. She set her jaw and looked back into each set of eyes. “I know wh-what happened. All of it. Why Twilight has become an alicorn, why my sister is without her power, and why Discord is missing some of his magic.”

Discord snapped his fingers, the sound playing in reverse and in a flash the archive bedroom was transformed into a courtroom with the Princess of the Night sitting in the witness chair while the jury stand was filled with copies of the chaos spirit. More copies of Discord filled the gallery, while one with an oversized neck brace sat at the prosecutor's table with a confused Twilight and Celestia, another with glasses was typing away with a stenographer’s machine. Presiding over the room, from the tall judge’s seat, sat a stern looking Discord in official red and black robes, complete with an ostentatious golden necklace.

Judge Discord sneered down at Princess Luna. “I believe, you have some explaining to do.”

Luna paled, leaning away from Discord, but she nodded dutifully. She turned and looked at her sister and Twilight, sighing. “This is all my fault.”

“OBJECTION!” Another copy of the draconequus, this one in a charcoal colored suit, stoode up at the defendant’s table pointing a talon. “My client is implicating herself, I demand her last statement be stricken from the record!”

“Who’s side are you on?” Discord glared at his copy from the judge’s podium. Lawyer Discord shrugged bashfully and sat back down. He glanced back at Luna, twirling a claw. “Get on with it.”

Taking a deep breath, Luna settled back into her conjured chair. “This all started a few weeks ago. One night, after court had adjourned, but before it was time yet to lower the moon, We...I...thought to look in on my sister’s dreams.”

Celestia, in her own seat folded her hooves and huffed. She kept her voice low, grumbling. “I told her she didn’t have to. I like a little privacy now and then.”

“I meant no harm,” Luna continued, “I only wished to see what was on her mind.”

“And what did you see?” Discord leaned in closer, his golden necklace rattling.

“I saw a happy dream. There were no nightmares in my sister’s mind. She was with Twilight, having an animated conversation in this very room. Seeing her at peace, I made to leave, but before I did so, I saw my sister take Twilight Sparkle in her arms and kiss her deeply.”

“Wowzers! Just like they did a minute ago?” Pinkie Pie burst into the court scene, having acquired a blue and yellow suit somewhere. “Was it hot? Who was on top? Give me the gory details!”

“Cross examination of the suspect comes later, Miss Pie.” Judge Discord banged a mallet-sized gavel against his podium.

“Oops!”

Luna shook her head, mouthing ‘later’ silently at the earth pony before turning back to the rest of the court. “I left my sister to her dreams, but I returned a day later, and then again each day for a week and more. Each time, I was greeted with another vision of her attraction to yon Twilight.” Luna nodded at Twilight. The newly alicorned pony was staring at Celestia, who was sinking further and further under the table and blushing furiously as Luna laid out the Princess of the Sun’s dream liaisons.

“Despite these visions of passion, my sister continued to act as if nothing was the matter, and continued to exchange letters with Twilight without expressing her feelings.” Luna hung her head forward, ears flattening. “I wondered if perhaps this was something simple...like a mere fantasy of a younger lover?”

Only Celestia’s horn showed above the top of the table, all but the tip of it turning red from her blush.

“I was confused by the repetition, and why it was Twilight that tickled her fancy each night. So I thought to ask her about it.” Luna sighed. “The conversation did not go well, I’m afraid. I was told, rightly so, to mind my own business. But I was focused at that point and could not let it go. I persisted. I pushed and prodded at the issue, but each time, Celestia would deflect my insistence by citing different reason such a relationship would be improper. I attempted to counter her arguments, but she would hold fast to them.”

Discord rolled his eyes and slumped tiredly in his chair. “What does Celestia’s thirst for her student have to do with my missing magic? Can we hurry this up?”

Luna shot the judge a a sharp look, narrowing her brows. “I’m getting to it. Either way,” she turned back, her eyes focusing on Twilight, “my sister’s argument always came back to the different levels of power between the two of you. So after some thought, I decided to try and equalize things. You must understand, Twilight, I never meant anything like this. I never meant any harm to either of you.”

“I meant to make you and my sister more evenly matched, so that the barriers that kept her from expressing her desires would in turn vanish.”

“I’m assuming this is where my magic comes in? This plan of yours?”

Luna nodded again. “I thought to include you in the plan, Discord. I tried to move some of my sister’s power to Twilight, but my ability was not enough. I could not manage the conduit between them and extract the arcane energies. However, I believed your...unique...brand of chaos magic could help.”

Discord tapped his forelimbs together, chewing his lip. “You know, I would actually have enjoyed playing a prank like this. Why didn’t you just ask?”

“I tried!” Luna huffed, her mane frizzling around the edges. “Several times, in fact! But you were otherwise concerned with causing mayhem that you would not listen! So I attempted to ask you in your dreams…it did not go as planned. I came away from the tortured realm of nonsense of your dreamscape with a bit of that chaos clinging to me like a lost puppy. I meant to return it, I swear, but I also saw an opportunity to follow out my plan.”

Discord hummed noncommittally, his lip curling into a sneer around his one enlarged fang.

“I set up the conduit, but nothing happened.” Luna hung her head again, her muzzle practically on the railing in front of the witness’ chair. “Time passed and I thought I failed. I believed everything I tried was for naught, until this morning. When I went to check on Pinkie Pie in Celestia’s room, I saw you speaking with Twilight and my sister on the balcony.”

She lifted her head enough to look at Twilight and Celestia, her face dark. “I saw what I had done. My mistake. So I sought to fix it post haste.”

“That’s where I come in!” Pinkie Pie popped up from where she’d been sitting, listening to Luna’s tale. She jumped over the railing into the witness’ booth and sat down in Luna’s lap, much to the startlement of the Princess. “Princess Luna was being a big frowny pants! She didn’t like seeing Twilight with an imposter Celestia, even if the imposter was rreeeaaallllyyy good at impressions! Plus, I could tell she needed a party to help somepony feel better so she could feel better. That kinda party is a Pinkie specialty!”

Pinkie giggled and gave Luna a tight bearhug. “I couldn’t not help! I mean, look at this face!”

The Princess smiled tiredly, her dark coat turning a little more purple.

“So we hatched a new plan, we would get Twilight and the Princess to see they were in love by setting up a romantic party for two! But…” Pinkie’s smile turned hard and she looked at Discord, making the spirit lean away. “You kept interrupting!”

“Well...um...you see, Pinkie...I-I...uh…” Discord ran a claw around the collar of his robes, visibly sweating. “It was funny?”

“Preventing alicorn hookups isn’t funny. It’s inexcusable! There’s like...only three of them!” Pinkie snorted, growling at Discord in the process. “Besides, it’s not like you’re even hurt. Sure, it wasn’t nice of Luna to take some of your magic, but she didn’t intend to steal it! If you’re going to be a party pooper, then be one to Luna and not two innocent ponies in love!”

“Party pooper? Me?!” Discord gasped, one paw against his chest. “I am not a party pooper! Luna’s crime, no matter how harmless to me personally it is, is still a crime.”

Twilight, silent throughout the courtroom proceedings, stood up. “Discord, this has gone on long enough. Now that we know what is going on, we can fix all the mess this has caused.” She sighed, looking down at herself and blinking suddenly moist eyes. “I never asked to be close to the Princess like this...and I’m kind of sad it has to come to an end, honestly. I’ve always—for as long as I can remember anyway—seen Celestia as larger than life and unapproachable. Unassailable. In-equine, even. Now that I’ve walked a literal mile in her hooves...I-I can see...the mare underneath.”

She looked back up, tears tinkling in her eyes. “If for nothing other than that, I’m glad Luna did what she did. But you’re right. It’s still a crime and you deserve...d-deserve to have what’s...yours re-returned.” Twilight sniffed hard, swallowing back a sob as she smiled.

“Twilight.” Celestia reached up and put a hoof on the larger mare’s shoulder.

Discord shifted in his judge’s chair and rubbed his chin. He looked back and forth from Twilight to Luna for a moment, groaning low in his throat. He raised his gavel and brought it down sharply. “Jury, have you reached a decision?”

One of Discord’s copies stood up and nodded. “We have, your honor.”

Later

Twilight sighed and set down her quill, rereading over what she’d just written about Discord’s court scene. The details seemed correct and succinctly full enough to satisfy even her strict taste in historical accounts. The book, once it was finished, would be the first in a line she had planned for recording the aftermath of what the Canterlot tabloids were starting to call the ‘PrincesSundering.’

She sat in her library, in Ponyville again, writing her account of the momentous day that would eventually make it into the official history books. Sunlight streamed in through her windows, setting the whole chamber in a warm golden glow that always reminded her of the Princess’s aura. She levitated a drink to her lips and sipped thoughtfully from the double espresso latte with chai and chocolate mint, mixed with almost frozen whole milk and topped with heavy whipped cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon that she’d bought from Sugarcube Corner earlier in the morning.

Her offering pleased the spirits of her tiny former imaginary horde of viking ponies.

Still need to nip that in the bud, too. She smirked and blew gently on the ink to speed the drying time. Her duties to Princess Celestia had certainly swelled in the meantime, and managing things in Ponyville with her friends and things in Canterlot was taking up a lot of her time. So far, only little things like that hideous example of portemanteau had slipped through the cracks. So far.

Of course, a great deal many things changed during the following weeks. To punish Princess Luna, Discord chose a very ‘Discord-y’ form of embarrassment. For the next month, she had to wear branded Discord clothing and merchandising to court and her every public appearance. That chafed the Princess, but not near so much as also admitting to the ponies of Canterlot that Discord was more powerful than she.

However, not everything was sour grapes for Luna. She’d found a new and fast friend in Pinkie Pie.

Twilight shook her head, smiling to herself. Pinkie took it upon herself to help Luna become more in touch with modern ponies and traditions, showing the Princess how to ‘really’ party. For a while, she’d worried that Pinkie’s alicorn fetish would manifest, but the pink mare confided in her that after the two of them had worked together setting things up for Celestia and herself, she felt a stronger need to be Luna’s friend than anything else. At least for now.

But of course, with Pinkie involved, there was always multiple ways to interpret things. Their relationship might change one day, but at the moment, it consisted of the two galloping around the castle playing pranks and setting up impromptu parties for everypony. Now free of Discord merch, Princess Luna seemed to be really enjoying herself.

Besides that and her extended duties, things had more or less returned to normal. Equestria still only had three alicorns, and she was still studying magic and friendship. She simply reported her findings personally. Twilight smirked and lifted her quill again, spinning the purple feather in her magic aura. A tendril of her mane held up the inkwell and she dipped it in carefully to continue her writing.

So long as she concentrated, she could mostly control the bit of chaos magic that was now firmly interwoven into her own and Celestia’s. The conduit proved quite an interesting piece to study, but true its nature, it rarely allowed her to do so for long. It continued to do the job Princess Luna had set for it, if in a completely unbalanced way. Most of Celestia’s magic was now her own. She still needed the older mare’s wisdom and guidance, but she was beginning to get the hang of being a goddess. Time would tell if it gave her the longevity of an alicorn as well, but at least on that front, there were no complaints. Celestia was a hale and hearty as always, just a little shorter than normal.

Their relationship, too, was an area of her new life with no complaints. Celestia obviously needed her for the heavy lifting, like moving the sun and such, but they were much more than simple symbiotic, or codependent partners. Twilight didn’t intend to include them all in her historic recountings, but the kiss they’d shared in the archival tower was far from the last.

She chuckled at the thought. Twilight would never have thought before, in her deepest fantasies, that she’d enjoy being the big spoon with Celestia. The Princess, almost as surprisingly, seemed to rather enjoy being the one on the bottom. It certainly helped her spot Pinkie Pie when the earth mare tried to hide in the rafters to catch glimpses of more alicorn-level snuggles.

Twilight, can you come to the ballroom? I need your input.

Twilight looked up, her horn tingling with private message spell that washed over her.

Oh, and make it flashy.

She sighed, putting down the quill and ink again. The wedding planner must be trying to talk Celestia into or out of something again. Reaching out into the aether, Twilight willed a portal open, her mane transforming into pure mana and crackling with lightning. She took a steady breath and stepped into the folded space that would deposit her in the ballroom via a purple ball of arcane fire. If it was something about the shape of the napkins for the table settings again, she was going to use her mana hair to show the wedding planner pony why they shouldn’t upset her soon to be wife or her wife’s soon to be co-princess.

The End

Chapter 6

Alicorn Switcheroo

Chapter 6

Several tense minutes later, Twilight paused just outside the door that led to the large commons area where petitioners to the courts would wait their turn to speak before the Princesses. Normally, the room was a vast echo chamber of quiet murmurs as the petitioners spoke in small groups, or mumbled rehearsed speeches to themselves. Today though, the doors barely held back the roar of many voices speaking over one another with the occasional shout piercing through the rumble.

With her ears held back, Twilight looked down at Celestia, grinning nervously. “Okay...so, you stay out of sight back here. I’ll go out and try to calm them down. Hopefully, seeing an alicorn with a crown will be enough to get them to chill out and go home?”

“I hope it is, Twilight.” Celestia reared up onto her back hooves , her forehooves braced on Twilight’s barrel. She lowered her voice, smiling up at her former student. “You can do this. Keep calm, keep your voice level but authoritative. Suggest what they can do, but leave them little ground to argue around it.”

“So,” Twilight smirked, “pretend to be you?”

“If that helps, yes.” Celestia returned Twilight’s smile and patted her cheek. “If anypony can do this right now, it is you, Twilight Sparkle.”

Nodding, more to herself than the pony in front of her, Twilight gathered herself. Horns crafted from the tusks of some great monster blew out the summoning call for the hordes of viking ponies in her imagination. A real monster, the pony public, awaited her and if she was going to protect her Princess, she was going to need all their tiny metal shields and pikes. In her mind, the roar of thousands of tiny hooves rose up to meet the roar coming from the commons.

Twilight winked at Celestia and pushed the door open, her head held high and her best impression of the Princess’ ‘everything is going to be alright’ smile plastered firmly on her lips. The noise level dropped immediately as the gathered rabble of nobel ponies took notice of her entrance, their jaws going slack and hanging open while Twilight took her place at the head of the great chamber. Even the guards, normally stoic and impassive, were staring in open mouthed shock at the purple alicorn.

Twilight cleared her throat and the mass of ponies suddenly came back to life with a hundreds of them murmuring some form of ‘Twilicorn’ under their breath. She wasn’t going to let them form up into competing groups like they had at the gates earlier, so she spread her wings out to their fullest and clopped her hoof against the tile floor. “My fellow ponies, please listen up. I am here to ease your concerns about this mornings...er...unique situations.”

The guards around her snapped to attention, responding to her position and alicorn nature that same way they would to Celestia. Twilight knew, once this was over, she was going to be fielding a lot of uncomfortable questions. “There is still an...evolving investigation going on into what caused this. The Princesses and I have everything under control and apologize for any inconveniences this has caused you. Rest assured that courts will reopen tomorrow on schedule. It is my suggestion that you each return home to inform your families that everything is in hoof and return tomorrow morning for your business with the Princesses.”

“Um…” One stallion near the front raised his hoof. “Where are the Princesses?”

“Why are you an alicorn now?”

“Do you represent the New World Order or the Old World Order?”

“Can you validate my carriage parking?”

Twilight’s wings drooped, her regal impersonation of Celestia fracturing slightly. “Uh...the Princesses are...uh...busy with the investigation. My...er...appearance is merely the side effect of a mis-cast spell and is completely cosmetic! I am in no way a mystical entity! So really...I can’t be said to represent either Orders, their theoretical existence notwithstanding!” She swallowed roughly. “Parking validation is handled by the castle staff at the front grates or near the overflow parking area ...uh… wewillnotbetakingenyfurtherquestionsatthistimethankyouandhaveaniceday!”

She widened her smile and waved at the crowd just as her mentor had on hundreds of similar addresses and leaned down to whisper to the guards near her. “The Princess has ordered a castle lockdown for the day. Get these ponies out of here as orderly as possible.”

“Ma’am!” The lead guard snapped a quick salute, but looked up at the crown on Twilight’s head before lowering his voice to whisper back. “I assume we’ll be getting official word down from the actual Princesses as soon as this ‘evolving investigation’ is done?”

Twilight nodded a bit sheepishly. “Uh...yes. Things are just hectic right now and Princess Celestia sent me to take care of this and make sure everypony was a safe distance away...you know, just in case. The castle’s in no danger! I think…”

The guard snorted, the helmet making it hard to read his expression, but he saluted again and then turned to the other guards. Order were barked out and in almost no time, the crowd of grumbling nobles began to filter out of the commons and back toward the main gates of Canterlot castle.

Except the lone earth pony mare that needed her parking in the overflow area validated. She stood there, grim determination in her eyes and her jaw set. She pulled a slip of paper out from behind her ear and held it up. “I still need my parking validated.”

“Uh…” Twilight cast a furtive toward the exit where Princess Celestia was waiting for her. “We’re not taking anymore questions, thank you.”

“It wasn’t a question.” The mare stomped her hoof for emphasis. A few of the stragglers from the main group turned at the sound, watching the stand-off at the foot of the throne.

Twilight fidgeted. She didn’t want to dally any longer than absolutely needed. Some random scullery maid could discover the Princess at any moment, but then again, the pony wasn’t incorrect. She swallowed again, her forehead starting to bead with sweat. “Ok, fine!”

Twilight meant to reach out with her magic, taking the slip and using the Princess’ quill and inks in the throne’s side table to sign off on it. Really, that’s what she meant to do. But her hair had different ideas, the flowing mana whipping out a thin pseudopod that cackled with more of the pink lightning. It touched the parking ticket with a crack of thunder that knocked the mare back a step. When the pony looked up, the ticket was smoldering in her hoof, a purple glowing arcane rune imprinted on it.

The mare—and every other pony still in the room—cowered, wide eyes on the smoke that was curling up from her validation. She turned a nervous smile Twilight’s way. “Th-thanks, Princess Twilight.”

Twilight flinched, grimacing and trying to physically haul her mane back to herself. It only reluctantly obeyed. “Not a Princess! But...um...you’re welcome. Now, if you’d all please leave, the Princesses and I have some investigating to do!”

She didn’t have to tell them twice. In moments, Twilight found herself alone in the throne room. She headed back toward the exit as soon as the doors closed behind the last pony, bursting through it at a run and collapsing into a hyperventilating heap on the other side. Celestia was at her side a moment later.

“In and out, like we practiced. Slow, deep breathes.” Celestia laid a hoof on Twilight’s back, smoothing her coat between Twilight’s new wings. If her new form was a simple transmutation, it was a superior quality spell than a garden variety polymorph. The muscles under her hoof felt strong and firm. Twilight’s coat was remarkably soft. “You did very well out there, Twilight.”

“B-but! I was s-so awkward!” Twilight gulped down air, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. “And m-my hair did th-that thing again! I swear I’m not an alicorn...” She choked back a sob and looked up into Celestia’s eyes. “I’m sorry for being like this.”

Celestia cupped Twilight’s chin, lifting her student’s muzzle gently. With her new size, it actually took both of her hooves to hold the whole thing. Thanks to Twilight’s new mass, her student’s lips were particularly eye catching where the purple faded to a light pink followed by blindingly white teeth and the faintest hint of red tongue. Celestia unabashedly watched Twilight breathe for a few seconds before returning the look Twilight was giving her.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Twilight; you did amazingly well considering the circumstances.” Celestia smiled and squeezed Twilight’s cheeks like a proud parent. “I dare say, once we get all this resolved, that Luna will have competition for who covers for me when I want to take a vacation.”

“A vacation!?” Twilight’s eyebrows shot up, her irises shrinking to points. “You can’t take a vacation! I can’t do this for a few minutes, let alone a week!”

“A week?” Celestia snorted, wrinkling her nose as she fought to keep her face serious. “Do you know how many sick days I’ve accrued over a thousand years of uninterrupted rule? If I could honestly tear myself away from the courts at all, I’d take more than a week at the beach, I assure you, dear Twilight.”

“Technically, sick days as a concept wasn’t even introduced until just before my parents were born.” Twilight smiled, enjoying the way Celestia’s simple aside and the hooves holding her were pulling her mind away from the cosmic terror that was being an actual princess. “So I doubt you have more than a year or two, if you did cash them in. Can you imagine the panic that would cause?”

“Yours, or everypony else’s?” Celestia giggled and reluctantly released Twilight’s cheeks. She dropped back to all four hooves and rocked to gently bump against the larger mare’s shoulder. “I’m sure it would be quite the spectacle to start with, but after a while...I think princesshood would grow on you. You do look so cute in a crown.”

“Not as cute as you do!” Twilight grinned, bumping back against Celestia. Her more considerable bulk rocking the Princess back a step. “I could never pull off the whole chest piece and crown the way you do. I’d look so silly in full regalia.”

“I’d disagree.” Celestia held her head high, hoof over her heart. “I have a very fond memory of you trying it on many years ago, right after you started schooling here. You were. The. Cutest. Thing.” Her smile twisted into a playful smirk, reaching out to shove Twilight, though her efforts barely budged the false alicorn.

“I was four at the time!”

“Still adorable!”

“I was statistically average in appearance!”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, you were so cute I could have just eaten you up!”

Twilight huffed and made to stand. She might be sort of pretty. She’d received more than a few compliments in the few years she’d been in Ponyville. She’d even been labeled as such by several of the other parents at the last class play she’d participated in as a foal, but to hear the Princess of all ponies call her cute was too much. Sure, she could be a worrywort at times. A little high strung. But the Princess shouldn’t have to say something like that just to try and make her feel better about herself.

Twilight lifted herself up, opening her mouth to retort.

Celestia leaned in, the memory of the time Twilight had spilled ink on herself and tracked it all over her personal chambers looking for a way to remove it, fresh on her lips. The first syllable of Twilight’s name was barely past her teeth when those firm purple lips she’d so admired a moment ago came into contact with hers. She locked up, hooves digging into the castle’s runner carpeting to hold strong.

Twilight… Celestia swallowed her words, the memory of that long ago foalhood washed away by the touch, the press of lips against each other. The mare she’d spent decades of her life helping to grow overwhelmed all of her senses and that moment of playful ribbing was instantly transformed into something very different. She wasn’t entirely sure why she did so, but Celestia let herself be pushed back—not that she had much choice against the forces at play—and tilted her head, opening her mouth a little wider to invite a curious tongue.

Twilight slammed on the brakes in a half-crouch, her eyes wide again and staring right into those limpid pools the Princess swore were organic and not some masterpiece of artifice. She’d intended to rise and miscalculated, forgot to account for her and Celestia’s new dimensions. She forgot to account for how amazing soft Celestia’s lips were, how good she smelled, how wonderful the scandalous thought of being this close to the Princess made her feel, and a million other variables. Once again, she’d somehow managed to step her hoof right into it, in front of the pony she she least wanted to see her fail.

Except this time, it was with my mouth, not my hoof. The Princess wouldn’t kiss my hoof. That would be weird... The mental image splashed across her mind of the Princess doing just that. Daintily taking her hoof and leaving a small trail of kisses up her foreleg, inching closer and closer to her barrel.

In her mind, one of the vikings looked up from the rubble of her fallen emotional walls and the pile of rationalizations brought low through the application of tiny imagined axe to tiny imagined skull. In the far distance, the mental winds shifted and a low call issued forth from the darkness.

“The beast...it calls. Just as we defeated the Hun-Gar from before, just as we felled the trees of Wingboner Wood, so too shall this beastly urge be quelled.”

“We’ll probably need to chop more of that wood in a minute.” Another of the Twilight vikings turned toward the vast emptiness of the mindscape that led, apparently, to all other areas of the body. Some part of the imagination that had kept this whole metaphor going, was starting to freeze up along with the rest of Twilight’s senses.

“Well, of course.” The first viking let her widdle axe fall on another rationalization’s imaginary skull. “It’s not like we’re barbarians. Ready the longships! The Li-bi-Do rises!”

With a collective groan, the horde of little pony vikings turned and trampled their way back aboard their blood cell longships, bound for the south seas.

Twilight barely managed to process the silly viking thing when the rest of her brain forced a hard re-set and she unlocked. She jerked back and away from Celestia, skittering awkwardly backward, legs and wings akimbo. “S-s-s-sorry! My bad! I-I was too close!”

“Twilight! I’m so sorry, that was my fault entirely!” Celestia jerked back as well, falling hard into a seated position. “I was too close!”

Celestia put her hooves to her muzzle, licking her lips. She could still taste Twilight’s sweetness. It wasn’t a kiss. It was an accident. A simple...fortunate...accident. Now just...tell her that. She opened her mouth, but the words died in her throat. It was an accident, but she wasn’t sorry for it. She wasn’t sorry for the experience, either having it or giving it. She liked it.

Celestia wanted more of it.

Twilight clambered fully upright, forcing her wings in close to her body. She hugged herself with them, keeping them from popping out again and showing her mentor just how much their brief touch affected her. She couldn’t let the Princess see her be any more inappropriate or incapable of handling herself. Celestia trusted her. Had entrusted her with the safety of all of Equestria more than once. Failing this hard was unacceptable.

She set her jaw, grinding her teeth hard enough to hear them creak against the pressure. Failing stopped here. She had a case to solve. A wrong to make right. But first she needed to keep more wrongs from happening. Twilight snorted forcefully, standing tall over the fallen Princess.

“We have to find Pinkie Pie.”

Celestia nodded slowly, her eyes downcast. Do we really? Finding the missing pony was a smart thing to do. Another step in the process of righting the status quo. But for the life of her, she felt like it was a step she didn’t want to take. Wild though this whole experience was turning out to be, she couldn’t deny how it was affecting her. She felt alive. She felt challenged. She felt free in a way she hadn’t even realised was possible. Most importantly, she felt closer to Twilight than ever before.

She didn’t want this to come to an end before… Celestia blinked. Before what? What do I want? She looked up at Twilight, her breath catching at how regal her former student had become. Twilight’s form was a slim version of herself in purple hues and streamlined shapes, mana-mane whipping and curling like a candle flame in a breeze. She already knew Twilight was pretty, but like this, the mare was striking in ways usually reserved for top models or actresses.

Celestia bit her traitorous tongue before it could blurt out what it suddenly knew her heart wanted, covering herself by standing back up. “Y-yes...let us find Miss Pie…”

“Rose petals?”

“Check.”

“Wine?”

“Check.”

“Mood lighting?”

Luna fired up her horn and tugged the heavy drapes on the windows a little tighter together. With the early morning sun blocked and the candles around them lit, the ambient light did lend itself well to a romantic atmosphere. “Check.”

“Then we’re all ready and set!” Pinkie Pie clapped her hooves together, spinning in place like a ballet dancer. She jumped at the end of her revolution and landed with a bounce next to the Princess. “We’ve outdone ourselves this time! This time...this time...there will be makeouts!”

Luna grinned. Pinkie’s enthusiasm was infectious, and she too had high hopes their efforts wouldn’t be in vain this time. If she could just get her sister to see the truth of things between herself and Twilight, then all of this would turn out worthwhile. She glanced at Pinkie, watching the mare double check everything. Pinkie was a happy, carefree soul, but oddly impassioned about these so-called ‘alicorn level’ romantic gestures.

While they had set up this location to tempt her sister toward such things, Pinkie had rambled on constantly, spinning a rich fantasy tale of love and lusts, always involving an alicorn or two. Frequently, the pony would insert herself into the fantasy—or a poor disguised avatar—to join in on the fun. Luna had cringed the first time, but the more she listened to Pinkie’s stream of fantasy, the more she could see how much Pinkie seemed to want it to be more than just fiction.

Luna tilted her head, watching Pinkie’s mane bob erratically while rose petals were adjusted minisculely. “Miss Pie...er...Pinkie? May I ask thee a question?”

“Sure!” Pinkie nosed one last petal into position and spun around to stand at attention. She even saluted. “Shoot at will! But don’t hit him, that’d be mean! Just kinda shoot around Will.”

“Er…” Luna’s smile twitched at the edges. For all that she enjoyed spending time with Pinkie, the pony was still something of a mystery to her. “I merely wished to ask you about this alicorn fixation that so vexes you.”

“Is that all?” Pinkie rolled her eyes and blew a raspberry. “I like ‘em!”

“Like them?”

“Yepper-roonie!” Pinkie giggled and sat back on her dock, sticking out her elbows to pantomime wings while her mane pointed out from her head like a horn. “I like how alicorns look! All the best parts of pegasus, earth ponies and unicorns combined! I like the idea of alicorns! All that power, all that beauty, and all that stamina!”

Luna raised an eyebrow at the way Pinkie’s brows were wagging at her. “Eh...yes? I’m not certain I follow?”

Pinkie wiggled her eyebrows faster, clicking her tongue and leering. Luna, however, continued to look perplexed. After a moment more, Pinkie gave up and threw up her hooves. “Ugh, c’mon, Princess! I like alicorns like some ponies like blonde manes, or thick girthy horns! I shouldn’t have to spell this out!”

“Oh. I see. So, it is a preference? Does that not limit your options for courtship?”

“It’s not like I have to have an alicorn...it’s just I’d like one, ya know?” Pinkie sighed, deflating a bit and gazing at her hooves. “I mean, that’d be cool and all now that there is a new alicorn out there...but Twi’s my bud, my amigo, my compadre. And mates before mates and all that. So if I can get her set up with the alicorn she loves, then it’s sort of like getting one myself, right?”

She smiled up at Luna, blinking rapidly until the Princess of the Night swam back into focus again. “But hey! Let’s not get distracted! By my calculations, Twilight and Tiny-lestia should be done at court and getting all the ponies to calm down. They’re super good at that stuff, and Twilight loves being eeeeefficent!” Pinkie sprang to her hooves and flashed to the window, peeking out into the mid-morning light. “Any minute now, they’ll come strolling along looking for me, cuz they’re smartypants ponies and will know to check places like this!”

Luna frowned, reaching out a hoof after Pinkie. She let it fall silently back to her side and looked around them again. They were in the archive tower, the one Twilight herself called home before transferring to Ponyville. Knowing Pinkie’s reputation for oddity, she didn’t press why this location was the one Pinkie was sure they would need to construct their surprise, but it made a sort of sense if they were expecting her sister and Twilight to make logical illogical conclusions.

“Any minute now…”

“Fair Pinkie...I understand helping my sister and Twilight be open with each other is a well intentioned duty you take, but where doth that leave you?”

“I said: any minute now...”

Pinkie ignored her, bouncing in place at the window. Luna frowned harder, well intentions or not, it seemed a shame that a pony should do so much and never expect to be rewarded justly. “Pinkie, perhaps—”

“They’re here! Quick, to battle stations!”

“—I, wait, what?” Luna blinked in shock, a whoosh of air escaping her lungs as Pinkie turned into a blur and lifted her up over a shoulder on the way to their secured hiding position.

“Your old room? Why would Pinkie be here of all places?”

Twilight came to a halt in the courtyard, a few paces away from the door to the archival tower where the Royal Library stored the less popular books and the ‘Twilight Collection’ of books she’d more or less permanently borrowed as a foal. In reality, the collection became more like an extension of the library and she its personal, unofficial, librarian. The care and stewardship of written knowledge was in her blood just as much as magic, and the door gave her another wave of happy nostalgia.

“We’ve already searched the logical places, and we’ve not located Pinkie.”

“We haven’t searched all the logical locations yet, Twilight.” Celestia tsk’ed and gestured across the courtyard toward the entrance of the castle kitchens area. “We have not, for example, checked the kitchens. I know Miss Pie is quite the fan of sweets. Would it not make sense to check there?”

“Which is exactly why we’re not going to check there.” Twilight smirked. “It’s logical. It makes sense. We are hunting a Pinkie Pie, sense and logic are immaterial.”

“Er...I suppose that does…” Celestia coughed into her hoof to hide her grin. “...make a kind of sense.”

Twilight chuckled under her breath, stepping up to the door and pushing it up with a wing. They weren’t a match for her magic, but she was finding the fake appendages to be useful even without flying. They were surprisingly dexterous and sensitive to touch. She could feel tiny shifts in the air around her in a way that made the space immediately around her more alive. It was like suddenly having new eyes, or new ears, or maybe a sense of smell like Spike’s. It was certainly hard to describe, even if she knew of the terms for it the pegasus used, experiencing it herself was nothing like what she’d ever imagined.

The tower was dark, the short flight of stairs that led up to the main level seeped in shadows. Above her, Twilight could see dim lighting coming from the landing, and she could smell the tangy, acrid scent of the slow burn candles she used to favor for nights spent muzzle deep in a book. Everything about the location seemed to want to take her down memory lane, to go over the years she put toward her self-education and magical practice.

“It’s been years since I moved in here.”

“Seven years, four months and three days.”

Twilight blinked and looked down at Celestia. “Do you remember the exact minute too?”

“No.” Celestia arched an eyebrow and smirked back at Twilight. I’m not obsessed or anything. Who do you think I am, Twilight?

“I was in my mid teens then.” Twilight sniffed, her voice low. “So much has changed since then. I miss this place sometimes. The simplicity of it.”

“Is that all?” Celestia pushed onward, taking the first few steps. Memories bombarded her from left and right without a moment’s rest. Twilight moving in, moving out, stocking her first pile of books, polishing the hourglass, knocking over her telescope, snuggling with Spike at night, running to meet her at the top of the stairs over and over and over. Twilight was everywhere in the tower.

That was why she hadn’t stepped hoof inside it for quite some time.

Celestia stopped halfway up the stairs, a spot of softness under her hoof. She looked down at it, the morning sun from the doorway giving her enough lighting to make out a vibrant red shade. Next to it was another splotch of color, and then another on the next stair up, more and more as her eyes climbed. She squinted at them, her mind struggling with what she was seeing. When it hit her, she looked back at Twilight.

“No, that’s not all I miss.” Twilight scoffed, stepping forward to let the door close behind her and cut off the rest of the world. She smiled at Celestia, her mentor poised on the steps like some model mid-photoshoot. “I miss a lot of things. I love the library. I love Ponyville and the friends I made. But this will always be home for me. Here with you.” Twilight coughed. “At the castle! With you and all the rest of...the...er...of the castle…”

You are the smoothest unicorn in all of Equestria, Twilight ‘Hoof-in-Mouth’ Sparkle. What did I just say about not failing in front of her? Don’t make me imagine more silly viking metaphors!

Twilight grinned, unsure of whether or not she sounded sane to either herself or Celestia. “Heh...um...I…”

“Twilight, it’s okay.” Celestia held up a hoof, halting Twilight. “You can tell me you missed me. I missed you too. You aren’t the only one with a lot of good memories attached to this place.” She smiled, more to herself than not, looking down at the red petals under her hooves. “To be honest, I have a lot of mixed feelings about being in here.”

“Why is that?” Twilight shifted her wings, settling her feathers. The ghostly feeling of each move Celestia made, here in close proximity, played over them, tickled her senses and added a depth, a solidness to the mare that mere sight and sound alone failed to convey. She could feel Celestia, right down to the small twitches of muscle just under the skin that signaled when Celestia was about to move. Did she feel this from me all the time? Every day, right next to her, my every move playing across her feathers? Did she feel every word I spoke like I’m feeling hers?

Each word that left Celestia’s mouth was like its own tiny caress. The Princess not only sounded beautiful, she felt beautiful too. Twilight loosened her wings, letting them relax and her feathers spread slightly to catch every draft and breeze.

Celestia chewed her lip. She wanted to choose her words carefully, even as she she was working through her feelings and that was not so simply done when dealing with something—somepony—so close and important to her. “It has been a few years since I was last here. A week before I sent you to Ponyville, if I remember correctly.”

“You were answering some questions I had about emotional variables on certain forms of spells.”

Celestia nodded. “Of course you remember what happened after that. Ponyville. Luna’s subsequent return. During my capture I had a lot of time to reflect on those events and what pushed me to send you to Ponyville.” She paused, glancing down again at the petal by her hoof. “Getting you to make friends was my motivation, and a good tactical call in hindsight.”

“You don’t have to apologize for sending me to meet some of the greatest ponies I could ever imagine to be my friends, Celestia.” Twilight stepped closer, hoof on the first step. “You’ve already done that in dozens of little ways over the years.”

The Princess’s eyes widened, a hint of color blooming on her cheeks. “You noticed that?”

Twilight shrugged, a small smile playing on her lips.

“I wish I could say I’m not surprised.” Celestia shook her head and took another step, leading the way with her tail tucked tight against her dock. “Even after all these years, your intelligence and deduction floor me at times, Twilight. But...a part of the reason I never came back to the archive was the memories of you. The emotions I unconsciously attached to this place. Nostalgia is a powerful thing at my age.”

“It affects much younger ponies too.” Twilight followed behind Celestia slowly, letting her mentor remain ahead of her. It felt right, normal even. She’d be lying to herself if she didn’t acknowledge the view it granted her as well. She could see the tension on Celestia’s legs. Twilight wondered what sort of nostalgia bomb was going off in the other mare’s mind even as she was awash with memories of the past. Every time Celestia had paid her a visit, the way it felt to be a special pony to the most special pony in the world.

“I can imagine. For me, this place is you, Twilight. I know you only spent a few actual years here, but they were important, formative years. It was where you grew up, where you became the pony you are now.” Celestia giggled. “Minus the wings of course.”

“So what you’re saying is that you didn’t want to remember the past?”

“No.” Celestia shook her head. “I am saying, Twilight, is that I didn’t want to remember you as a foal. A filly that triggered my misplaced maternal instinct more times than I could count.” She stopped at the top of the stairs and looked back at Twilight’s face. “I wanted to think of you as a grown mare that was smart and capable, kind and beautiful. I didn’t want to sit in my ivory tower and feel like the nest was empty again. I wanted to face the future you were living, not my past that you made so much more colorful.”

Twilight felt like her heart was trying to escape her chest via her throat. It was hard to breathe, hard to swallow. The Princess was only a few steps away, the top of a metaphorical mountain she had been climbing for most of her life. Their accidental contact outside the throne room loomed large in her mind. All it would take was a slight lean, rocking forward gently and she could experience it again. Celestia was right there, open, unguarded in a way she’d rarely seen the Princess. From the sound of it, Celestia liked what she’d become. Liked the pony she was and it was not merely their current circumstances that made it seem like they were getting even closer than before.

Twilight licked the back of her lips, the thought of actually kissing the Princess consuming her mind. She could do it. It would be easy. Celestia...might even like it too. All she needed to do was get the rest of her body to obey a nigh heretical command. The tongue seemed ready, the lips too, her whole mouth in fact was reporting in and voting a very loud ‘go for it!’ Her heart was sold on the idea, but her legs just didn’t seem to want to comply.

Et tu, hooves? Her left rear hoof started to budge, quivering in place, if not outright refusing to move. She leaned forward by a hair, trying to force her limbs into motion when Celestia started to turn away.

“Twilight?”

No! So close!

“I don’t think you were wrong about checking for Pinkie Pie here.” Celestia raised an eyebrow at the lit candles. “Somepony has been here recently.”

Twilight grumbled under her breath, when her center of gravity finally inched forward to move her hooves along of fall face first into the stairs. She was so close to actually making a move, but she’d frozen up, failed. Again. It was beginning to get tiresome.

She trotted the rest of the way up the short flight of stairs, turning to scan the room as her head rose above the landing. Just as Celestia said, somepony had been in her old room. Everything was just where she’d left it years ago, though it seemed whoever had set up things had also seen fit to dust and put fresh sheets on her bed before summarily covering it with rose petals. That same somepony had even left a pail of ice with what looked like a dark bottle of wine.

“Wine this early in the day?” Twilight rolled her eyes, stopping behind Celestia. “C’mon Pinkie...this is a bit much.”

“Do you think she set up that picnic earlier?”

Twilight nodded. “No doubt. Pinkie has a...thing...for alicorn romance. I guess she wants to try and trigger something between us.”

Which will never happen if I keep freezing up whenever Celestia says anything that could be even vaguely construed as a compliment towards me. But...thanks for trying, Pinkie. Twilight added silently, biting her lip. They still needed to find her friend, but now that they were here, she wanted to linger a bit.

“Well…” Celestia looked back over her shoulder at Twilight, “...it would a shame to let such a setup go to waste, wouldn’t you say?” She smile and walked deeper into the room, her heart jumping into overdrive at her own boldness. She knew they had things to do, issues to resolve, but she also wanted to stay here, with Twilight and explore the feeling that she was finally allowing herself.

Celestia came to halt next to the iced pail and the wine, her magic gripping the bottle. She frowned at the effort, and pushed against the floor with her hooves for more leverage until the bottle slid free of its ice cube grave. She giggled, her frown flipping to a triumphant smile as she rotated it around to read the label. Hmmm...this is one of Luna’s. So this is where she’s been hiding at.

Twilight remained at the landing, watching Celestia, processing the Princess’ question while her tiny internal vikings fought a losing battle against her basest urge. She knew she loved this mare, knew she wanted to kiss her, hold her, but so much of her mind still railed against the very idea of Celestia returning such feelings. It was all she could do to keep from falling into a drooling, stuttering mess.

Celestia reached down with her hoof and lifted a pair of fluted glasses. “It is a bit early for wine, but this is from a good year. You don’t just find bottles like this just lying around, Twilight.”

“Is that one of Luna’s?” Twilight squinted at the bottle, blocking Celestia from her vision. “So she’s in on this too?”

“It would seem so.”

Twilight shook her head, taking advantage of her self-distraction to move into the room proper. If she didn’t look at the figure of gorgeousness, she could function. If she just ignored the implication of Celestia’s words, she could think and move.

“Twilight.”

Please don’t. I don’t want to feel like this while you’re teasing me. I don’t want to fail in front of you again because...because I… Twilight swallowed. She could even finish the thought.

“Twilight...please.”

Twilight closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing.

“Look at me, please, Twilight.”

Celestia sounded pained. Worried. Twilight wished she could close her ears too. She tried to fight it. At least, in her defense, she tried. But she couldn’t keep it up. Her ears swiveled toward the Princess and her eyes opened a tiny amount. “I’m s-sor—!”

Lips touched her cheek. It was no accidental movement. One moment Celestia was standing there next to her, the next she leaned over, those lovely eyes of hers soft and welcoming as Celestia left a peck on Twilight’s cheek.

“No apologies, we are long past that now. Help me open this bottle, Twilight. My strength hasn’t returned enough for it.” Celestia held up the wine in her aura, turning the cork toward her former student. “I think we can let Pinkie Pie go for now. If she hasn’t told anypony of this except my sister, then I doubt we have anything to worry about from her.”

“But…”

“Open it, please.” Celestia smiled warmly. “It’s also high time we had a frank discussion between us. Not as teacher and student, nor as a leader and subject. But as equals. Two mares that have long danced around the elephant in the room.”

“Which elephant?” Twilight sagged, the tension in her shoulders and back going limp. She knew which elephant, of course, but couldn’t she hold on to it just a little longer? Did they really have to put the last nail in the coffin, so to speak? Sure, the feeling made her weak, made her fail, but she liked it.

Twilight’s horn fired up and she popped the cork from the bottle with a tiny flick of her head. Vapor hissed from the opened wine, quickly forming into a light mist. The flower scent around them took on a tart sharpness with the addition of the wine and it tickled her nose in a pleasant way.

Celestia wasted no time in pouring two glasses of the dark liquid, and passed one to Twilight. “Us.”

“What about us?” Twilight took her glass mechanically, her gaze fixed on the floor. “What is there to say that hasn’t been said before?”

“How about the truth?” Celestia stomped a hoof against the floor, forcing Twilight to look up at her in surprise. “We are both adults, Twilight. We both have feelings...at least...I assume we do. Feeling for each other? All this back and forth, all this ‘is she or isn’t she?’ is weighing on me. I thought I could keep it in. Keep it to myself forever, let us go on as we have for years now. But all this...today’s strangeness? It’s brought the subject into sharp relief for me.”

“Wait wait wait!” Twilight blinked, falling into a seated position. “Are… are you actually saying you have feelings for me? Like...ro-ro-romantic feelings?” The glass in her magic grip started to shake. “This isn’t some sort of fever dream, is it?”

“If it is, I don’t want to wake up yet.”

“But I thought I was the only one that felt that way!” Twilight looked down at the glass she was holding, as if she was seeing it for the first time, and tossed half of it down her throat like a shot. The tangy sweetness made her eyes water and she coughed raggedly, gasping for breath a moment later. “Ugh...that went down better in my head than it really did.”

“Wine is meant to be savored, Twilight.” Celestia smiled and took a seat, lifting her glass to her nose and breathing in the aroma before taking a light sip. She made a show of it, watching Twilight watch her through the tears. “Mmm...yes, a good year indeed.”

“Oh enough about the wine!” Twilight coughed again, harder and wiped her eyes with the back of her hoof. “Us. That’s what you said. Our feelings. For each other.”

“Yes.”

“I thought...I thought you were going to tell me that it couldn’t be. That it wasn’t something we could actually have. I’ve been kicking my heart in to keep from making a move on you! And now...now you tell me that I didn’t have to do that?”

“I never wanted you to do that at all, Twilight!” Celestia reached out, touching Twilight’s shoulder. “I’ve been much the same, and now we have an opportunity. I’ve been burying my feelings for so long, telling myself that it was something we could never have, not properly. That our positions, our ages, or whatever, were in the way.”

“You’ve thought about this?” Twilight swallowed hard. “I mean...yeah...those things certainly could get in the way.”

“Luna told me I was being silly.”

“Luna knew?!” Twilight groaned, eyeing her drink and wondering if another coughing fit would be worth throwing back the rest just to make a point.

The Princess nodded, taking another pull from her glass. “She did. We spoke of it more than a few times. But I always deflected her suggestions about just being honest with you. I realize now how stupid I was being. Funny how it takes something extreme like this to put the simplest thing into perspective, hmm?”

“Tell me about it.” Twilight sighed and took a careful sip this time. Under the tanginess, she could detect a whole bouquet of flavors and accents. Perhaps this really was a good vintage. “So…”

“Hmmm.”

Twilight turned her head a little, eyeing the Princess as Celestia eyed her back. “Now what?”

Celestia shot her former student a flat look for a second before she started to laugh. It started out as a quiet giggle, but grew to a full on belly laugh in a few breaths. She tilted backwards, falling onto her back amid the rose petals and spaced out candles, pink mane spilling out around her.

Twilight gawked at the smaller mare, her cheeks starting to burn. She cast a glance back at her half-empty glass, one eyebrow raised. How much alcohol is in this? She certainly didn’t feel drunk, not that she was any expert on the sensation, but she wondered if the spell that was affecting them didn’t also lower alcohol tolerance.

Twilight set her glass aside and settled on to her belly next to Celestia. She lowered her voice, looking down at her former teacher fondly. It felt...strange, to be above the Princess, but a good sort of strange. “Are you drunk?”

Celestia smiled, chuckling softly. “Hardly. Though...I must admit it has been over twelve hundred years since I was last verifiably inebriated, and I am much smaller...so who’s to say?” Her voice lowered, matching Twilight’s bare whisper. “Why do you ask?”

“I’ve never seen you like this.” Twilight lowered her head, searching Celestia’s eyes with her own. “Have I ever told you that you have the most beautiful laugh? I could listen to it for hours.”

“I do?” Celestia laughed again, the feeling bubbling up from her chest and out her mouth. “I’ve always thought I sounded something like a braying mule when I laughed too hard.”

“No…” Twilight folded her legs under her chin and rested her head on her wrists, “...it sounds like some beautiful, golden windchime. To me, at least. I love all of your different laughs.”

Celestia turned,resting her cheek against Twilight’s hoof. “Is that all?”

“No.”

“What else do you love?”

Twilight slowly let the wind escape from her lungs, drawing in another deep breath through her nose. Her heart pounded steady beats in her chest, like a viking war drum, calming the last of the butterflies in her core. For all the was wrong in the world and her life at the moment, this was right. She felt at peace.

Twilight looked into those eyes once more and willingly gave up her soul.

Celestia closed her eyes and felt Twilight’s soft muzzle against hers, felt those beautiful mulberry lips on her own. She let herself go, tilting her head and opening her mouth. The first brush of contact was incredibly gentle, exploring each other in a way their previous accident hadn’t allowed for. She could feel the way Twilight’s lips moved, each soft swell and supple valley to them, the way they grazed across her own. Twilight’s sweet taste, tinted by the wine, teased at her tongue.

Time slowed, dragging the sensations out to the breaking point and focusing her entire being on this one moment. Twilight plucked at her bottom lip, sucking on it for a moment before letting it go, never breaking their contact. Celestia opened her mouth a little more, her hooves going up and around the larger alicorn’s neck. This time, she was met with that curious tongue, the flavor of Twilight growing stronger on her taste buds. The pony overwhelmed her senses, filling her and holding her in everything that was Twilight Sparkle.

It was like she was in the ocean, right at the edge where she could feel the enormity of it. The depth, the breadth of that endless back and forth of waves that could carry her away. Her lips were the only thing tethering her safety. They held on for dear life as her breath was taken from her.

Twilight’s vikings stood in awe, mouths hanging open in the golden glow that was filling the imaginary void. A glorious dawn was rising before them and washing away the shadows, the rationalizations, Wingboner Woods, and every other location this small part of Twilight’s psyche has conjured. The tiny medieval ponies cheered, their purpose served and existence capped with a metaphorically appropriate end. Surely, true viking ponies of the past would smile to know some random pony would spend inordinate amounts of imagination on scale replicas of them to help her deal with her problems only for them to die in the blaze of a passion like no other.

It was a good end indeed.

Twilight relaxed, sliding a hoof behind Celestia’s head and holding the mare close. The time for freezing up was past. Now was the time for action and she was going to act. To live. She was going to make sure she kissed Celestia like she’d always imagined in the darkest recesses of her book forts when no pony could see or hear her. She was going to kiss Celestia like the Princess had never been kissed before.

Her body felt like a live wire, charged with arcane electricity, every nerve ending at maximum sensitivity. Thanks again to her new feathers, she could feel Celestia’s presence just as much as she could feel the mare’s lips and hooves. She could feel the rise and fall of Celestia’s chest and she matched it. In and out in tandem, merging her own presence with the Princess’ until they were one.

Twilight’s wings loosened at her sides, lifting up over them both. She wasn’t entirely certain why, but she wanted to do something with them. The kiss was pulling out urges she couldn’t firmly name and categorize. She wanted to take Celestia and do something, but the logical centers of her mind that would analyze those urges and tell her what to do were similarly being wiped out as her imaginary vikings had been.

So Twilight let it go, let her body do what it wanted. Her wings joined her hooves in supporting Celestia, holding her closer and wrapping herself around the presence she felt. It was indescribably intimate, and what little mental processes her had left briefly wondered if this was something pegasus ponies did together? Feeling each other without touching each other, their feathers turning their entire bodies into hypersensitive hooves?

Even that thought was washed away a moment later when the tip of her tongue found Celestia’s. The taste hit her like a thunderclap, but it paled to the blinding explosion going off behind her eyes at the feeling. They touched, lightly at first, hesitantly, as if scared to be the first to make a move. That lasted only a heartbeat, however, as Twilight took the lead and began to fence with Celestia, their tongues darting back and forth, parrying each other only to counter-riposte again and again.

The kiss became heated and contested, remaining soft and loving, but it took on a hunger that neither mare could deny any longer. Twilight pushed. Celestia gave ground, her back arching to press more of her body against Twilight’s.

“While I appreciate the effort to search Celestia’s tonsils, dear Twilight, I somehow doubt my missing magic is down her throat.”

Twilight let go of Celestia, gasping down a lungful of air, and looked up at the floating draconequus with wide eyes.

Discord smiled, twirling his goatee with a claw. “Good show of initiative, though. You’ll have this whole ‘alicorn princess’ thing down in no time.” The Spirit of Chaos dropped his mismatched hindlegs to the floor with the dull squeak of a clown’s nose. “Unfortunately, I don’t have time to wait for that. I need my magic back!”

There was a puff of smoke and Discord was dressed in a polka dotted hospital gown, his tail sticking out the back and shivering. “I’m sick, Twilight! Less of a draconequus! Look at me, I’m just wasting away!”

Celestia rolled her eyes, still laying on her back. “Oh please, Discord. Your magic fluctuates all the time, it’s one of the very hallmarks of chaos magic! How do you know you are not simply at some low-ebb?”

“I’m not some sort of tidally locked body of magical water, Celestia.” Discord scoffed, turning his flimsy hospital robe around and wearing it like a cape. It even began to flutter in some unfelt breeze. “I deserve more respect than that. It’s good I came to check in on you two anyway, at this rate you’re never going to find it! I was going to suggest splitting up.”

“Nooooo!”

Discord blinked, his billowing cape freezing in place as one of the larger storage chests near the edge of the room started to bounce and rattle. Its movements became increasingly energetic, and the chest started to walk its way toward the group.

When it got closer, the rattling halted for a moment before the top burst open and Pinkie Pie shot out of the chest, Princess Luna holding on to the pink blur of dear life. Pinkie landed in front of Discord and reared up on her hind hooves. “Discooooooorrrdd! Stop getting in the way of my alicorn-level makeouts! They were actually doing it this time too! You keep getting in the way and being a total...a total…”

Pinkie knitted her brow in thought, her eyes shifting back and forth. Finally she turned and looked at the Princess still clinging to her, speaking in a low tone. “Hey, Luna, what’s the mare equivalent of a cockblock?”

“Er…” Luna swallowed nervously. “Clitoference?”

The earth pony snorted gleefully and then whipped back around to fix Discord with an unhinged glare. “You’re being a total clitoference guy! Don’t be that guy!”

“I wholeheartedly agree.” Celestia crossed her hooves over her chest, her glare at Discord was considerably more measured, but no less intense. “Stop being a hypochondriac, I’m sure you will survive until the missing magic is found. We were in the middle of something, you know.”

“It didn’t look important to me.”

“Well it was important to us. Please understand.”

“What I understand is that I am missing something important to me, and you aren’t treating the situation with the proper amount respect someone like moi deserves.”

“Stop stopping the kisses!”

“ENOUGH!” Twilight slammed both hooves into the floorboards, her wings flaring out. The sudden motion generated a miniature whirlwind in the room, blowing out the candles and sending the rose petals flying. The archive, behind the heavy curtains, plunged into darkness.

Before anypony—or Discord—could breathe, the gloom was pushed away by the amethyst bonfire of Twilight’s mana mane and the searing glow coming from her eyes. Discord’s whimsical paper gown vanished in a flash of purple arcane fire an instant before Twilight’s mane rushed forward and wrapped itself around the spirit and yanked him to his knees in front of her. “I. Have. Had. Enough. You will not dismiss what Princess Celestia has told you and belittle what she thinks is important. You talk about respect but show none. It is you that should be apologizing, Discord.”

Discord leaned back as best her could in Twilight’s grip, the pupils of his yellow eyes shrinking fearfully. He glanced down at the hair holding him for a second and then did a double take, leaving him with two heads. “Well well well...I always knew you were capable of a lot of things, Twilight...but theft? Not even I would have guessed that.”

“Huh?” The glow in Twilight’s eyes sputtered, flicking on and off for a moment before fading out completely. “What are you talking about?”

“This!” Discord’s second head morphed into a paw and he lifted up a pawful of amethyst mana cackling with pink lightning. Another Discord appeared outside Twilight’s grip and took it from the original, so he could hold it with both forelimbs. “This is my chaos magic!”

Everypony in the room stood in shocked silence, staring at the glowing mane before erupting with shouts and questions. Twilight rejected Discord’s accusations. Celestia asked how chaos magic could even be stolen. Pinkie demanded a do-over for her OTP’s makeout session.

Quietly, in the rear of the room, there was the smallest noise a clearing throat could make. Nonetheless, it drew every eye. Princess Luna’s nervous grin started to shake. “Um...I know how this happened…”