The Diamond Cutter Anthology

by DiamondPrime

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life
Length: 113536

Everyone has their own views on Diamond Tiara's character, but how do the differences in those views impact how she is written? Perhaps this collection of short stories from various authors can shed some light on the subject.

Everyone has their own views on Diamond Tiara's character, but how do the differences in those views impact how she is written? Perhaps this collection of short stories can shed some light on the subject. Each one showcases a different author's perspective of a given scenario.

Brought to you by The Diamond Cutters, a group dedicated to expanding Diamond Tiara beyond the one dimensional character she is often perceived to be. Join today!

Chapter titles use the following format: Prompt #: Title - Author_Name, with one exception. The first prompt has its initial stories of 600 words or less bundled together.

Prompts
Prompt 1: Diamond Tiara arrives at school to find that the CMC are wearing tiaras.
Prompt 2: Diamond Tiara and Babs Seed get into a fight after school. What's it about and who prevails?
Prompt 3: Diamond Tiara is a spy and/or spying on someone.
Prompt 4: Diamond Tiara spends some quality time with her pet.
Prompt 5: Diamond Tiara visits a relative.
Prompt 6: Diamond Tiara is a ghost. Who shall she haunt and why?
Prompt 7: Diamond Tiara is going to explode.
Prompt 8: Diamond Tiara gets babysat.
Prompt 9: Diamond Tiara meets a fictional character.
Prompt 10: *Challenge Prompt* Any Diamond Tiara story that includes the following: Diamond Tiara takes off her glasses, then picks up the object on her right. Someone screams.
Prompt 11: Diamond Tiara does something that Diamond Tiara would never do.
Prompt 12: Diamond Tiara goes on vacation.
Prompt 13: Diamond Tiara is victorious.
Prompt 14: Diamond is the victim of a misunderstanding.
Prompt 15: Diamond Tiara gets weirded out.
Prompt 16: Song. Diamond sings, a song inspires you, etc.
Prompt 17: Silver Spoon gets a mysterious letter (provided by Shannon Chan-Kent, the voice of Silver Spoon)
Prompt 18: Diamond Tiara volunteers/does charity work! (provided by Chantal Strand, the voice of Diamond Tiara)

Published 2013-02-08 20:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-29 22:34:00 UTC

Prompt 1: The CMC Cheer Up Diamond Tiara - Mudpony

The CMC Cheer Up Diamond Tiara
by Mudpony

Diamond Tiara sat alone in the classroom. Again, she contemplated going home, and again she dismissed the idea. Home had pictures, pictures that reminded her of Silver Spoon. Home had toys, toys she and Silver Spoon played with. Even the walk home would remind her of her friend. So many memories. This classroom had none, for it was not Miss Cheerilee's room, but the one across the hall.

The nerve of Sil's parents, to go to Southern Prance in the middle of the school year and to take their daughter with them. As if Sil could not have stayed at the Rich Mansion. But Sil's parents had thought of nopony but themselves and had taken her friend away. What did they expect her to do in the meantime, Diamond Tiara wondered. Did they expect her to play with Snips and Snails or to talk to those good for nothing Cutie Mark Crusaders?

And so she sat, in a classroom, in a schoolhouse devoid of other ponies. Lonely and with nopony to lift her spirits. Her head sank down, coming to rest on her forelegs, as she softly sobbed. So alone.

"So how's things been at school, girls?" Fluttershy asked the three fillies who had come to help her take care of the animals.

"It's been about as good as school can be," Scootaloo said.

"We've been learning all sorts of interesting stuff, like how the geocentric solar system works," Sweetie Belle added. "Maybe we'll borrow a telescope from Twilight and try to get astrology cutie marks this weekend."

"How about you, Apple Bloom?" Fluttershy asked. "Any problems? Applejack mentioned something about some fillies giving you girls trouble? I know all about that sort of thing. I know it might seem hard to believe, but the other foals used to pick on me sometimes when I was young. If you ever need somepony to talk about it, you can come to me. If you want to, that is."

"Nah, Diamond Tiara has been too busy feeling down to bother us. Her best friend is out of town. She hasn't been picking on us at all this week," Apple Bloom said.

"Oh. Maybe she's feeling lonely?" Fluttershy asked.

"What do we care?" Scootaloo asked. "All that matters is that she's leaving us alone."

"Well, if she's lonely, maybe she could use a friend," Fluttershy said.

"Ah don't think Ah want her to have a friend if'n it means she'll be picking on us again," Apple Bloom stated.

"Yah, plus who'd be a stuck up enough jerk to want to be her friend?" Scootaloo asked.

"Actually, I was thinking that you three could befriend her," Fluttershy suggested. The three fillies stared at her as if she were crazy. "If she was your friend, she wouldn't pick on you on anymore." More stares. "It worked for Discord. Oh, nevermind. It was probably a terrible idea. I don't know what I was thinking."

"I suppose it might work," Sweetie Belle said, as she imagined the possibilties.

"Wait, Sweetie. You can't be considering this," Scootaloo protested.

"Just think, if it works, she'd never tease us again," Sweetie Belle said.

Apple Bloom slowly nodded her head. "And if it doesn't, we ain't any worse off, are we?"

"And all we have to do is cheer her up. We can do that easy!" Sweetie Belle squeaked.

"That's the spirit, girls. And just think about how wonderful it'll be to have a new friend," Fluttershy said encouragingly.

"But how would we even go about making her our friend?" Scootaloo asked.

"Oh. I'm not sure about that," Fluttershy said. She looked away shyly. "I'm afraid I'm not very good at making friends. Not as good as Pinkie is anyway."

"That's it!" Apple Bloom exclaimed. "We'll just do what Pinkie Pie would do."

"Sing a silly song?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Build a welcome wagon?" asked Scootaloo.

"No, sillies. We'll throw her a party! That would cheer anyone up," Apple Bloom said. "We can probably get everything we need from Sugarcube Corner and Pinkie Pie."

"Let's go!" Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo shouted.

One hour later, three fillies made their way back to Fluttershy's cottage. Cake was smeared on their coats and, in Sweetie Belle's case, in her mane. Bits of streamers were draped upon them, trailing behind in a festive manner in stark contrast with the fillies.

"Um, I take it it didn't go well, girls?" Fluttershy asked the three fillies, as they slunk in through the door of her cottage.

"It was a disaster," Sweetie Belle said, wiping some frosting out of her mane.

"Oh dear," Fluttershy said. "What happened?"

"We got to Pinkie's," Scootaloo said, "and she was super excited to help us put together everything we needed for the party. But she didn't have any party hats, and so she's all panicking because you can't have a party without party hats. But luckily Apple Bloom had an idea: candy cane tiara hats."

"So Ah head over to Twist's, who made candy tiaras that looked almost real, while the others decorated the cake."

"I made it with a tiara on one side and our emblem on the other," Sweetie Belle said. "Pinkie let me decorate it."

Scootaloo nodded. "And then we all went to the classroom where she was, and put on our tiaras."

"And that's when things went wrong," Apple Bloom said. "We said we'd go on the count of three..."

The door flew open as the three crusaders burst in. "Surprise!" they yelled.

Diamond Tiara flew up into the air and let out a piercing shriek, making it quite clear she was indeed surprised.

Apple Bloom looked at the pony they had come to befriend. "Have you been crying?"

"No. I... I just had something in my eye." Diamond Tiara wiped her eye with a hoof. "It's gone now." She glared at the three suspiciously. "What are you doing here? Come to point out that I'm all alone?"

"We're here--" Scootaloo started, only to be cut off by Diamond Tiara.

"What's that on your heads? Did you make tiaras to mock me? You did, didn't you?"

"No!" Apple Bloom said, denying the charge. "We made them because you like--"

"Smashing your tiaras? Why, yes, I do." With three quick moves, Diamond Tiara hurled the tiaras at the ground. For good measure, she stomped on them, until nothing but small fragments remained. The act done, she glared defiantly at the three fillies. "What else you got? Go on. Do your worst. I know you want to."

Apple Bloom looked down at the ruins of the candy canes. "This wasn't how it was supposed to go." But it took more than one or two setbacks to stop a crusader, and so Apple Bloom met Diamond Tiara's gaze, determined to try again. "That's not what Ah meant. See this? We brought cake for all of us--"

Diamond Tiara cut her off. "Cake to celebrate humiliating me? Here's what I think of that!" With a fast lunge, Diamond Tiara grabbed the cake and sent it hurtling toward the ground. Bits of cake flew in all the directions.

"But... but..." Sweetie Belle whimpered, nearly crying at the sight of the cake she had worked so hard at decorating laying destroyed upon the ground, "we just wanted to make you happy."

"...And that's when she rubbed cake in my mane," Sweetie Belle sobbed.

"And she started throwing bits of cake and streamers at us, so we ran away," Scootaloo said.

"We tried tah be nice, Fluttershy, we really did. But some ponies you jus' can't make happy."

In the school, Diamond Tiara looked around the room. Bits of cake covered the floor, the desks, and the walls. Streamers lay scattered about, some draped across desks, others stretching out into the hall. She smiled. Launching into those blank flanks had felt good. Better than good. Great. She could barely even remember why she had let herself get so down. Silver Spoon would be back soon enough. And in the meantime, she could keep the blank flanks in their place by herself.

She gathered up her things and prepared to leave. The mess she ignored. There was enough evidence to show who was responsible. The emblem had shown the same resilience at surviving a catastrophe as the fillies who created it. The crusaders would be blamed, as they deserved to be.

Humming a happy tune, she slammed the door shut behind her. Who would have thought that it would be those blank flanks that cheered her up?

Maybe they were good for something after all.

Author's Note

When I saw "Keep Calm and Flutter On", I was tempted to write a comedy fic where Celestia has the mane 6 try to redeem Sombra. It would have ended with Fluttershy giving Sombra the Crystal Heart, everyone in chains, and Twilight sarcastically saying, "Thanks, Fluttershy." But when MagerBlutooth suggested the CMC in tiaras as a prompt, figured I'd use a variation of the idea here instead. And so CMC, Diamond Tiara, and a hint of Fluttershy, because it was high time I used her.

So close and yet so far, crusaders. It almost worked.

More by Mudpony: here.

Prompt 2: Attitude - Mudpony

Attitude
by
Mudpony

"Hey, check it, Sil. Is that who I think it is?" Diamond Tiara asked, directing Silver Spoon's attention over to another earth filly with a flick of her head. Silver Spoon held her head up high and moved it from side to side, trying to see over and around the other foals in the hall. Not an easy task, given all the horns, as well as pegasi taking advantage of the space between the ground-bound ponies and the ceiling.

"I think so," Silver Spoon said. "What's she doing here? I thought she was still in Manehatten."

To see her slinking around at their new school was not something either filly had expected. Of course, little that had happened today had gone as they expected. It had all seemed so promising, when, by strange happenstance, both their families had decided to move to Canterlot at the same time, for completely unrelated reasons. Finally a place with classy ponies, who would welcome them.

But it had not happened. Instead of the Canterlot ponies welcoming the two new students, they had mostly kept their distance. Some had made snide remarks about how out of fashion the clothes worn by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were. One had even asked if their jewelry had come from a thrift shop. A thrift shop! As if either filly would be caught dead shopping there. That was for ponies that had to dress like grandparents or liked to wear something as embarrassing as flannel zebra jammies, not for those who could afford to pay fifty bits for a stylish new t-shirt.

Nor were the teachers any better than the students. It seemed every one of them had singled them out. When they asked a question they did not expect a correct answer to, they always seemed to single out the two of them. It did not help that Silver Spoon knew the answer to some of the questions, as that only seemed to make the teachers determined to put them down. Additionally, whenever some little demeaning task needed doing, it was them that was asked to do it. Their coats, manes, and dresses were covered in dust from all the erasers they had cleaned.

And so the two fillies had found themselves feeling something they had never expected to feel: they actually missed Ponyville. They missed being the cream of the crop. They missed being the pinnacle of fashion. They missed being idolized by their peers. They missed Miss Cheerilee and her cheerful disposition. They even missed a certain three fillies they had a short while been so happy to joke about never having to see again.

So, no, it had not been a pleasant day. And now to top it off, she was here. A pony they had welcomed into their social circle. A pony with whom they had thought to turn their duo into a trio. A new friend for life. Only to have that pony betray them, to rebuke their offer of friendship as if it had no value. And to do it all when they had shown up to see her off, to wish her a safe trip home.

"Come on. Let's go say hi to her," Diamond Tiara suggested, with a mischievous grin.

"I've been, like, waiting forever to talk to her about her bad attitude." Silver Spoon laughed, imagining finally getting to use all the things she had planned to say if she ever saw Babs Seed again.

Their feet clacked on the marble tiles as they picked up their pace, earning dirty looks and the occasional comment from the other foals crowding the hallway, each eager to leave the building now that the school day was done. Once, they almost lost sight of her, but Silver Spoon managed to catch sight of a waft of mane, as their quarry headed out a door.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon stepped outside into the crisp air of Canterlot. Around them, buildings of stone rose. Tall pillars, majestic domes, and balconies with intricate railings towered around them. Everywhere was the white stone architecture that was responsible for Canterlot being declared the most beautiful city in Equestria, year after year.

"Which way'd she go?" Diamond Tiara asked.

Silver Spoon looked around. Their target was not in sight. Quickly she ran some calculations, factoring in time, rate of travel, and likelihood of different destinations. "This way, I think. Toward the gym," Silver Spoon said, pointing to the left. "Quick, we don't want to lose her."

The two fillies ran, able to move faster thanks to the crowd being more dispersed outside. They skidded around the corner. There was the pony they sought, she who had thought that she could get away with threatening the two most important fillies in Ponyville. Only she wasn't alone. She was surrounded by four colts, her tail pressed up against her side, back against the wall, yet still trying to move backwards. Her eyes frantically moved around, looking for a way out, but finding none.

With smiles on their faces, the duo approached. Apparently, they were not the only ones with a score to settle with the duplicitous filly. They walked toward the gathering, taking a bit of care not to make noise, so as not to disturb what was happening, their ears eagerly moving to better hear what was being said.

"Thought you'd sneak out of here, Babsy?" the leader of the group, a grey unicorn colt with a bluish mane asked. "You don't belong here, you know, no matter what the princess might think. This school is for those with magic."

"And wings," one of his cronies, a pegasus, added, earning a bit of a scowl from the leader, though he nodded anyway.

Both Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon stopped in shock. For a pony to be singled out for race in a negative way was something unheard of in Ponyville. Everyone knew that all three races were equally valued, even if pegasi did not tend to be ponies of influence, wealth, or status unless flight was required for the position. Nopony held that against them. They just had their hooves full with the weather duties was all.

It was Diamond Tiara who recovered first, taking a step forward and loudly clearing her throat. "Watch what you're saying to her," she said. "There's nothing wrong with her race."

Silver Spoon moved up beside her friend. "Yeah. I mean, she's lame and all, but it isn't 'cause she's an earth pony. There's, like, so many other things, like how she's a blank flank, her lame manestyle, or how she's a bad friend. But all our races are special in their own way."

"Well, of course you'd think so," the leader said. "I mean, just look at the pair of you." He gestured at them as if it should be plainly evident what was wrong with them.

"All dressed up in their sunday best, I bet," one of the cronies said.

"But couldn't find any dirt to roll in, so they had to use chalk instead," another added. Silver Spoon looked at her dress, with the patches of chalk dust on it, and scowled.

"Just goes to show, you can take the earth pony out of the field, but can't take the field out of the earth pony," the leader joked.

Silver Spoon's mouth dropped open. Quickly, she shut it and took a determined step forward, moving her face within inches of the leaders. "You can't talk to me that way. You'd, like, totally better watch your tone."

"Or what, four-eyes?" the leader asked. "You'll run home to the homestead to get Ma, Pa, and the cousins?" He laughed and shoved Silver Spoon. "We're quaking in our horseshoes. Stupid mud-ponies."

Two seconds later, the leader lay on the ground, rubbing a sore jaw, while Silver Spoon and Babs Seed struggled to hold Diamond Tiara back, while the three cronies stood around with shocked expressions on their faces.

"What's going on here?" a gruff voice called out. A quick glance revealed two security guards, one running, the other flying, closing on the foals.

"They just attacked us, sir. No reason at all," the leader lied blatantly, while he struggled up to his feet. His cronies nodded in agreement.

"How typical." The security guard turned his attention to the earth ponies. "What's with you earth pony types anyway, always starting trouble?" he asked.

"But that's not what happened!" Silver Spoon protested.

"They started it! They called us names and then shoved us. Ask Babs, she'll back us up!" Diamond Tiara said, pointing to where Babs Seed stood.

Except she was not there. Diamond Tiara's jaw dropped from disbelief. They had tried to help her, to stand up for her, in spite of what she had done in the past, and she had betrayed them. Again.

The unicorn security guard looked at his partner and shook his head. "I swear they all have dirt for brains."

"Probably been eating mangoes. You know how they are," his partner replied. He glared at the two fillies. "Come on, you two. You're going with us to the principal's office." He gave a glance to the colts. "You boys have a good afternoon now. Try to stay out of trouble."

Even with Diamond Tiara majorly turning on the charm, the best she had been able to do was to get the principal down to an hour of detention. An hour for a crime they had not committed. Needless to say, the two fillies were not pleased. Once again the universe was out to get them for no good reason. Diamond Tiara was sparing no words in making it clear to Silver Spoon just how unfair it all was.

And so it is easily understandable that the two fillies might easily become lost, what with being in a strange city and distracted by their anger. It was Silver Spoon who figured it out first. She stopped and looked around. Her eyes grew wide, and she looked more frantically.

"Tiara, I think we've wandered into the wrong part of town," she said, her voice trembling.

Diamond Tiara cut off her rant mid-sentence and looked around. All around them buildings loomed. In front of each was a small garden. Trees lined the streets. The windows sported flower pots with brightly colored flowers. Even balconies were covered in plant life, a veritable palette of color: red, blue, yellow, white, and even purple flowers.

Silver Spoon was right, she realized. It could all only mean one thing: They were in the ghetto.

There was no doubt about it, Silver Spoon thought. They were definitely lost. And with the shadows lengthening, the two fillies were getting scared. This was not their world. Several times already, rough looking characters had approached them, offering to sell them mangoes, guavas, and, once, even a pineapple. They had never seen a single illegal fruit in their life before, other than in pictures at school, and now they had been offered all sorts within a short period.

"Is this what life is like in the ghetto? Does everyone here sample forbidden fruit?" Diamond Tiara asked, keeping her voice quiet for fear that somepony might overhear.

"I... I don't know. Maybe, I guess. If you were forced to live in these" --Silver Spoon gestured to the well maintained buildings teeming with plant life-- "you might too." She shook her head at the thought of any pony living in such conditions. "Come on. I see a store ahead. We can get something to drink and some directions to get out of here."

Silver Spoon shoved open the door, causing a bell attached to it to jingle. An older pegasus mare looked up, eyeing them carefully. Ignoring her for now, Silver Spoon walked down an aisle toward where the drinks were. She brushed her hoof down the shelves and, finding one of Diamond Tiara's favorites, pulled it out and tossed it to her friend. A bit more searching and she found an acceptable flavor for herself as well. Now to get a snack.

Silver Spoon looked around the store for something suitable. She glanced at a curved mirror that hung from the wall and noticed that the clerk seemed to be watching her and Tiara intently, going as far as to hover near the ceiling so as to have to a better line of sight. A quick nudge got Diamond Tiara's attention. "Check out the clerk in the mirror," she whispered to her friend.

Diamond Tiara gave the mirror a quick look. "Probably just never seen two fillies as classy as us," she said, drawing a giggle from Silver Spoon.

Silver Spoon looked at the mirror again, seeing that the clerk was still watching intently. She did not like it, she decided. It felt like the clerk watched them as if she was expecting them to suddenly reveal themselves changelings. It made her uncomfortable. "Come on. Let's grab some apples and go."

Up front, they placed the two bottles and two apples on the counter. The pegasus worked the register with practiced ease, rapidly ringing up the items.

"That'll be eight bits."

Silver Spoon nearly gagged at the cost. It was three times what the same items would have cost in Ponyville. She knew life in the big city was more expensive, but she had not figured it would be that much more expensive. She would definitely have to negotiate an increase in allowance when she got back home. With a sigh, she counted out four bits while Diamond Tiara did the same, then slid them over.

Silver Spoon grabbed her apple and drink. Taking the lid off, she took a big gulp. Then she tossed her apple up in the air, absentmindedly.

The clerk's eyes followed the apple, growing wider with every second. "We don't want no trouble," she said.

Silver Spoon looked at the clerk, confused. Then she caught on. "I just bought that apple, here, to eat. It's not a weapon."

"No trouble. You go now," the clerk said.

"Actually, we were hoping you could give us some directions on how to get to Central Plaza. We're sort of lost," Diamond Tiara said, using a tone that Silver Spoon recognized as her best manipulate grown up ponies voice..

The clerk seemed to be immune. Her eyes just continued to follow Silver Spoon's apple. The activity seemed to have winded her, for she was breathing heavily, Silver Spoon noticed. "No trouble. You go now," the clerk said.

"Now wait just a mule darned minute," Diamond Tiara said. "First you charge us prices that amount to robbery, and now--" Diamond Tiara cut off as the clerk fainted. She growled in frustration. "Let's get out of here. I swear every pony in this part of town is crazy."

Back on the street, the two friends munched on their apples and sipped their drinks while they contemplated who to ask for directions. Whenever one of them made a suggestion, the other quickly had several reasons not to approach that pony. At last they settled on a stallion wearing a suit, with a package wrapped in brown paper on his back.

Before they could approach him, a carriage pulled up in front of him. Out of the carriage poured a bunch of royal guards. They quickly boxed in the stallion, several guards holding their weapons at the ready. The stallion screamed in fright, and the package he had been carrying fell of his back, hitting the ground and exposing its contents.

"Look out! He's got a pie!" a guard cried out.

"What? Huh?" the frightened stallion said. "No, that's just for dinner--" But it was too late. At the warning cry that their suspect was armed, the other guards unleashed a volley of apples, several of which hit the stallion, flinging him back into the wall, from which he slid to the ground..

The entire area erupted into panic at the sound of apple splatter, with ponies running in every direction. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon joined the insanity, desperately seeking to get to the safety. They ran down streets, through allies, without a clue where they were going, until they found themselves face to face with a group of older foals in an alleyway.

"Well, well, lookie what we have here," said the biggest filly in the group. "Some fancypants types in our territory." She casually used a banana to scratch behind her ear. The other ponies grinned evilly and held up fruits of their own.

"Just leave us alone," said Silver Spoon, glancing behind her only to see that escape was cut off as a couple more ponies slide down off a fire escape behind them. She held her half-eaten apple in front of her. For good measure, she started tossing the apple up into the air and catching it, like she had at the store. It seemed to have scared the lady there; maybe it would have a similar effect here.

"I'm having a bad day," Diamond Tiara said flatly, as she pulled out her own half-eaten apple. "You sure you want to be part of it?" Silver Spoon knew from her friend's tone that she was tired, but to anyone who did not know her, it sounded like she was as tough as they come.

Silver Spoon focused her attention on the leader. Silver Spoon felt she could almost read his mind. He looked around, no doubt to make sure he had not miscounted. But no, there were definitely just two of them and seven ponies on his side, and so the two of them should be pleading with him not hurt them. His face flipped between bewildered, scared, and determined, and she knew he could not back down. No doubt the loss of face would likely result in him losing his position as leader. Unless he had a reason to let the them pass quickly, he would have to attack.

"Back off, Riff Jets. They're all right," a familiar accented voice called out.

With relief evident on his face, the gang leader turned to the newcomer. "You know these pointy-posers, Babs?"

"I do. Ol' friends o' mine from my Ponyville days. They may dress like boneheads, but they're okay. Some of the time."

"Well, any friend of yours..." the gang leader said.

Babs sat on her bed, looking at the other two ponies in her bedroom. Of all the ponies she would not have expected to see in the hood, these two were near the top of her list. And had she written a list this morning of ponies she would rather not have seen, these two would have been near the top, just below the bullies from Manehatten and the Olden Pony. She felt her hairs rise at the thought. She knew the Olden Pony was not real, but ever since Scootaloo had told her that story... she shuddered. But she was letting herself get sidetracked.

On the way to her home, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had explained why they had moved to Canterlot and how they had gotten lost in the ghetto. Babs in return had told how her parents had moved from Manehatten to Canterlot, and how she had gotten a scholarship to the exclusive private school, part of Princess Celestia's program to racially integrate the schools.

She watched as Diamond Tiara walked up the window and looked out at the street. Babs blew her mane out of the way, then hopped off the bed to stand beside Diamond Tiara. "See the remains of the chalk outline there? A drive-pie just last weekend."

"How can anyone stand to live in such conditions?" Diamond Tiara asked. "I mean, not just the drive-pies, but, well, just look. You've got greenery everywhere instead of cold, bare stone. There's somepony selling illegal tropical fruit at every corner. Probably not a single decent spa nearby."

"Where else can we live?" Babs said. "My parents would like to live in a nice neighborhood, but they can't afford it. And that's assuming the unicorns and pegasi are even willing to rent the place to you, that the apartment isn't suddenly unavailable."

"So why doesn't somepony stand up for themselves? Get a lawyer or something?" Silver Spoon asked. "The princesses would back you, for sure."

"What can one pony do against all the unicorns and pegasi? Even if that one pony is princess?" Babs replied. "They just humor the princesses with a token gestures, like Fancypants or my scholarship, and then continue on like they always have."

"Pathetic," Diamond Tiara said, frowning at Babs. "Where's the filly we used to know and like? The one with big city attitude? The one who was strong and despised weakness?"

"I... I was never like that," Babs protested. "I was just pretending to because I didn't want to be bullied myself."

"Oh please. Quit lying to yourself. That was the real you. And you loved every minute of it. You even tried to do it to us, when we showed up to see you off," Silver Spoon said. "And now look at you. You're, like, a sniveling coward, covering your flank at the slightest chance of conflict."

As Babs opened her mouth to deny it, she became aware of her tail. It was indeed covering her flank. It was true, she realized. After becoming a crusader, she had lost the habit, but since moving to Canterlot, it had returned, worse than ever. She shut her mouth, and Silver Spoon just smiled smugly at her.

"I'd best show you girls the way home, before it gets dark" Babs said instead.

"Sweet Celestia," Diamond Tiara cursed. "Every earth pony in this place has no sense of self worth. You all, like, let them push around you. It sickens me. It's like an entire neighborhood of them crusaders."

For a second, Babs felt something flare within her. A desire to put the pink filly in her place. But as quickly as it appeared, it was gone again, and she became painfully aware of her tail pressing up against her flank.

"Hey, look! An earth pony guard. That's the first one of those I've seen," Silver Spoon said.

"I knew they couldn't all be unicorns and pegasi. Earth ponies represent!" Diamond Tiara called out.

Babs looked at where the other two were looking and her eyes went wide, before she quickly looked down at the ground, overcome with dread. "Don't look at him. That's Oaken Shield," she whispered. She felt her tail moving to cover her flank, while she instinctively tried to act meeker than Fluttershy in a spotlight. "Oh no, he's coming over here. Let me do the talking."

Indeed, both Oaken Shield and his partner, a unicorn, were heading their way. Quickly, she pleaded with the universe that the two fillies she was guiding out of the ghetto would do as she asked and let her take care of it. The universe, however, rarely listened to such pleadings, preferring things to go in more interesting ways.

"Hello, officers," the two fillies in question said together as the guards strolled up.

"What are you three up to?" Oaken Shield asked.

"Nothing. Just walking," Diamond Tiara replied.

"Not going somewhere to peddle tropical fruit?"

"What? No, we'd never--" Silver Spoon protested.

"Yeah, sure. Where'd you get the gaudy jewelry then, huh?" the unicorn guard asked.

"We'll have you know our parents bought those for us," Silver Spoon said, haughtily.

"Oh, so they traffic in fruit?"

"No. Well, yes. But only the legal types. My dad is a successful businessman. He donates lots to the guard. You should be nice to us," Diamond TIara said.

"And my mommy knows the commissioner. She's a good friend of hers. Made a lovely piece of jewelry for her last Hearth's Warming," Silver Spoon said.

The two guards laughed. It was not a nice laugh though, but rather a harsh laugh that sent a shiver down Babs's spine.

"You expect us to believe that Guard Commissioner Gordhorn is on the take?" Oaken Shield asked. "Everypony knows she's trying to clean up this city. No way she'd take bribes. I oughta arrest you just for suggesting it."

"No, that's not what she meant," Babs protested. "Their parents, see, they're rich. Like very rich, and--"

"I think I've heard enough. We're taking you in. Whatcha think, Jackboot? Loitering? Suspicion of thievery? Attempted bribery?" He reached a hoof out to grab Babs, only to have Diamond Tiara push it out of the way.

"And resisting arrest. I love it when they try to resist arrest," Jackboot said, grinning evilly, as his horn started to glow.

Diamond Tiara could not believe it. They had gotten arrested for lacking a horn or wings on a Friday night. She had not even believed such a thing was possible. It certainly had not been in Ponyville. And by an earth pony no less.

That she even thought that shocked her. She never really considered race as a factor before. Well, race of pony. Obviously, there were other species, like mules, donkeys, griffons, and that pet dragon of the librarian. And, yes, earth ponies were better at growing things, pegasi flew, and unicorns had glowy foreheads, but ponies were ponies. There were plenty of reasons one pony might consider himself superior to another, but race did not factor into it. Or so she had believed.

"Why didn't you let me handle it?" Babs asked.

"Because I shouldn't have to. I did nothing wrong and I'm not going to cower like I have."

"Indeed. I'd rather be dead than like you, barely alive inside," Silver Spoon said. "What happened to our friend? The filly with the big city attitude? The one who was too cool for mule? She even stood up for those lame blank flanks. But I bet she would, like, totally be ashamed of you right now."

"Well, I'm sure that'll be a great comfort when we're all in prison," Babs replied. The three lapsed into silence, waiting in the cell.

The bailiff rang a bell, causing the entire courtroom to go quiet. A big unicorn stallion sat down in the judge's chair. His face made it clear he had little desire to be here, and that he was likely more interested in getting out of here than doing a good job. "Night court is now in session, the honorable Prince Blueblood presiding," the bailiff called out.

From there, the case proceeded rapidly. Witnesses were called, gave their testimony, and left. And though Diamond Tiara asked pointed questions that made it clear to anypony with a brain what had actually happened, and Silver Spoon somehow had knowledge of the law that frequently flustered the prosecution, it was clear what the outcome would be. For with almost everything he said, it was obvious that Blueblood was as biased as they come.

With every racist comment he made, Babs felt herself hammered down more, sliding down in her chair. But like a hammer striking metal on the anvil, every blow also unleashed a shower of sparks within her.

The witnesses gone, all that was left was the closing arguments before the judge pronounced them guilty. Babs watched as Diamond Tiara gave a performance that was far from her best. Her anger was raging, and it was interfering with her usual ability to bend adults around her hoof with a sweet smile and innocent look. When the prosecutor made a snide remark and Blueblood laughed, she snapped.

"This whole trial stinks like mule droppings!" She didn't even bother to offer a quick apology to the stenographer, a mule, something a pony would normally do without even thinking about it. "Everypony here knows we're innocent. I demand you let us go or..." Diamond Tiara yelled at the judge.

"Or what?" Blueblood asked, sitting forward and peering down from his lofty position at the three fillies.

For a change, Diamond Tiara said nothing. Her mouth just opened and closed like a fish out of water. Nor could Silver Spoon think of anything to say. But Babs, Babs felt the sparks from this latest hammer blow catch, and a fire she had thought lost roared back to life. She rose out of her chair and hammered her forehooves on the table. Looking up, she met Blueblood's eyes and sternly declared, "Or I'll tell your auntie about your bad attitude towards earth ponies."

The entire courtroom gasped, Blueblood sat back in shock, and Diamond Tiara's mouth closed, forming into a smile.

"You... you wouldn't dare..." Blueblood stammered.

"Try me. My cousin's a friend of hers," Babs said.

He could not bring his gavel down fast enough, hammering it several times before even calling out, "Case dismissed!"

"Now, with that out of the way..." Diamond Tiara said, as the three fillies walked down the courthouse steps.

"You owe us an apology," Silver Spoon finished.

"What?" Babs asked, confused.

"An apology. For being mean to us when we showed up at the train station to say goodbye," Diamond Tiara said.

"We walked all the way to the train station, even though the streets were, like, totally muddy. And when we get there, you get all up in our faces," Silver Spoon said.

"But... but you were mean first. Sayin' those things about my cousin and her friends," Babs protested.

"So? All you had to say was 'they're my friends, take it or leave it'," Silver Spoon said. "You didn't have to threaten us."

"Yeah. We'd have been cool with that. It isn't like Silver Spoon and I agree on everything. Like how Sil liked a stupid story Granny Smith told one time while I hated it," Diamond Tiara said.

"Well, you gotta admit it was funny and a good tale," Silver Spoon said.

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes at Silver Spoon's remark. "See? Different opinions. Still best friends."

"But you hate blank flanks..."

Diamond Tiara scowled. "We liked you just fine, before you got all lame. And Silver Spoon certainly didn't have a problem with me even though I was one of the last ones in our class to get a cutie mark."

"But we didn't have anything else in common but bullying my cousin..."

"Do you seriously think we spend all our time obsessed with her? We've usually got, like, far better things to do. But it was what you wanted to do... and it was fun, so..." Diamond Tiara said, smiled, remembering the good times, before the smile disappeared as she poked Babs accusingly with a hoof. "But you didn't even try to see what other things we might all have enjoyed." She shook her head in disappointment.

"And we've got plenty in common now, don't we?" Silver Spoon added.

Babs thought about it. It would be nice to have some ponies at school who did not pick on her. In Manehatten, her life had gotten easier not just because she talked to her sister more, but also because she had recruited a few more crusaders. Strength in numbers. And she had had fun with these two fillies, even when they had not been picking on her fellow crusaders. Perhaps there was some common ground for friendship. It certainly would not hurt to try. "Fine. I'm sorry. I should have handled that better." She paused to blow her mane out of her face. "But if I find you picking on my cousin or her friends, I'm gonna have words."

"Apology accepted, and wouldn't, like, expect it any other way," Silver Spoon said. "Just don't expect us to hang around with those babies."

"Friends again?" Diamond Tiara asked. "Okay, then, on the count of three... one, two, three."

"Bump, bump, sugar lump, rump!" the three fillies chanted together.

Diamond Tiara nodded, satisfied. "Now, we got some planning to do if we're gonna show these stuck up ponies at school the true power of the earth ponies. But first, after the day we've had, I'm thinking..." She paused a bit waiting for Silver Spoon.

"Spa!" exclaimed Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara.

"And don't worry, Silver Spoon's paying," Diamond Tiara said.

Silver Spoon protested loudly with a "Hey!"

"No givebacks!" declared Diamond Tiara with a laugh. "Besides, you know I'll get it next time."

Silver Spoon nodded and looked around at the buildings of white stone. It was good to be back in the nice part of town, and yet... "This place could use some more greenery." With that, she bounded off in the direction of the spa she and Diamond Tiara had noticed on the way to school.

The other two fillies looked around, nodded, and set off after their friend.

Author's Note

Don't think I've had a story change as much over the course of writing as this one. Oh, I've had stories I've deleted large amounts of text for, but this one insisted on changing. Was originally supposed to be about the founding of a farma' rap group named "Mudponiez Wit Attitude" aka MWA, but I found it fit better with the prompt to make it more about Babs. And so it became about Babs getting her attitude back.

But not entirely, still kept some of me poking fun at the idea of racial inequality in Equestria (between ponies, of course. Sheep, cows, mules, and so on, that's another matter), as well as the weirdness of fruit and pies being weapons, yet also commonly sold/used as food.

More by Mudpony can be found here.

Prompt 2: Here Comes the Pitch - Mager Blutooth

It was the middle of yet another day of school. The early morning lessons had reached their climax, and the students had been released for their hour-long lunch break. Other than eating lunch, most of the students were taking the time to socialize, play on the playground, or just prance around like wild loons. Normally, the trio of fillies who called themselves the Cutie Mark Crusaders could be found eagerly amidst the crowd of frolickers, but today they happened to be caught up in a discussion with their special guest from Manehattan.

“Okay, but if there’s five classrooms, then how does the teacher teach all of them at once?” Scootaloo asked as she finished off the last bite of her sandwich.

“I told ya, Scoots. We got more than one teacher. That’s just how it works in Manehattan,” Babs said, trying to be patient with her rural friend.

“Can you imagine a school with five Miss Cheerilees?” Sweetie Belle asked, imagining the idea as she flipped onto her back.

“That’d be five times the fun!” Apple Bloom said with a small, jubilant hop.

“And five times the homework,” Scootaloo said, crossing her forelegs as she leaned against the wall of the school.

“I don’t think you guys are following me,” Babs said, frustration permeating through her tone. “We got five teachers ‘cause a how many students there are to teach. We don’t get taught by all five-”

Babs mouth went still as her gaze got stuck on the opposite side of the playground. Her eyes narrowed, her eyebrows furrowed, her mouth curved downward, and she dramatically rose back onto her hooves, her attention no longer on her three friends.

“Is everything okay, Babs?” Apple Bloom asked as she turned to see what had so powerfully caught her cousin’s attention. It didn’t take half a glance for her to realize what did.

On the other side of the playground, right next to the slide, were two familiar fillies who Babs had spent quite a bit of time with during her first trip to Ponyville. One was pink and wore a tiara, and the other was gray and sported glasses.

“Looks like the sugar lumps are making their daily rounds,” Babs said as she observed them making conversation with some of their classmates. “Are those two still making trouble for you guys?”

“A little, but it’s really not that bad anymore,” Sweetie Belle said, noting her friend’s sudden souring of disposition.

“Yeah, now it’s just sort of like going to the dentist...you know, every day,” Scootaloo said, receiving two chastising glares from her friends.

Babs blew her mane out of her eyes. “I’m gonna go see what they’re up to.” She made her advance across the playground, her friends apprehensively watching her leave.

“Does it really matter what kind of produce they serve at something like that?” Diamond asked with a single raised eyebrow to the two young pegasi in front of her. “I mean, what difference does it make if they serve oranges instead of apples?”

“I heard that kumquats were the in fruit right now,” Silver Spoon said with a knowledgeable grin.

“You see?” Diamond said, basking in the attention from her small audience. “I’d say don’t even worry about those dumb apples. I don’t even think it’ll matter-”

“You just can’t stop puttin’ my family down, can ya?”

Diamond’s temperament descended into frustration as the sound of that accent struck her eardrum. Wondering if she'd heard it correctly, she casually shifted around to validate the presence of the one that had just accosted her, and Silver Spoon promptly followed suit.

“Well, if it isn’t the two-faced city slicky herself,” Diamond greeted with a healthy dollop of mockery. Noting a well-sized puddle of mud on her immediate right, she took a large step to her left. “Just so you know, if you came back to apologize, we’re expecting two copies, in writing.” Silver Spoon nodded in agreement.

Babs rolled her eyes. “My whole family came here to help pitch in to help rebuild the Apple family barn that got crushed by that meteor last week. I thought I'd come visit my cuz at school, and the way I hear it, you two are still giving her and her friends some grief.”

“We don’t tell them anything they don’t already know,” Silver Spoon chimed in with a snicker.

Diamond joined in on her friend’s mild laughter. “And besides, don’t you think it’s about time you just got tired of them already?”

Babs felt slighted at that remark. “What are you talking about? I didn’t get tired of nopony. I just realized who my real friends were.”

Diamond’s scowl came rushing back. “Your loss. We would have been better friends than those three would ever be. Come on, Silver Spoon.” The two started to walk away, Silver Spoon sticking out her tongue at Babs as she followed.

“What, you late to get your eyeballs polished or something?” Babs challenged as the CMC finally worked up the nerve to approach the battlefield.

Diamond turned her head as she continued walking forward. “I’m going to the swingset, Appleflakes. You want to tell my mother on me?”

“Come on, Babs,” Apple Bloom said. “We only got ten minutes left until our break’s over.”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo agreed. “Let’s not waste them poking the dragon queen.”

Diamond’s ears sprung up on her head like a pair of uncoiled snakes as her pace came to an immediate stop, causing Silver to run into the back of her. Unfazed by her friend’s collision, she turned her head halfway back towards the quartet of fillies with an eye almost red with scorn.

“What did you just call me?” she asked as her friend quickly recovered and straightened her glasses as she joined in on glaring.

“Hey, we don’t tell ya anything ya don’t already know,” Babs mockingly said.

"We're not going to make it to the swingset, are we?" Silver asked, her friend too distracted to hear.

“First of all, if I’m a dragon, I’m a dragon princess,” Diamond said as she stomped back toward them. “Second, I’d much rather be a dragon than a rat.”

“Whaddya mean by that?” Babs asked as she mirrored Diamond’s approach.

Diamond smirked. “I’m sorry, I thought it was obvious. Can your little mousy brain just not handle that many words at once?”

Babs’s frown held firm. “No, I just don’t speak dragon breath.”

The two rammed their heads together the moment they got close enough, each of them ready to explode at a moment’s notice. The spectating audience could only watch as the two glared at each other like they were each ready to bite the other’s head off. Then, Diamond abruptly pulled away, disgustedly shaking her head and vigorously brushing her mane with her hoof.

“Is that grease in your mane?” she asked. “What is wrong with you?”

Babs ran her hoof through her mane, which slicked back as she did so. “Hey, where I come from, ponies without grease in their mane are the weird ones. Anyway, it’s better than the mayonnaise you got running down yours.”

Diamond gasped, then resumed her aggressive stance. “There is absolutely nothing artificial about my mane!”

“Well, I guess all of you can’t be!” Babs shouted, once again mimicking Diamond’s anger.

“Uh, Babs,” Apple Bloom whispered, momentarily distracting her cousin. “I think yer takin’ this a bit too far.”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo agreed, also in whisper, “if you make her too mad, who do you think’s gonna be paying for it later?”

Babs hesitated. “But I’m trying to get her to stop-”

“You should listen to your real friends, Greasy,” Diamond said as her smirk came back. “Now why don’t you put that ratty tail of yours between your legs and scamper off before you make me angry?”

Babs felt her anger swelling up again, but she felt conflicted now that her friends were asking her to stop. Then again, if she backed down now, she’d be giving Diamond a lifetime supply of arrogance to use against them. She kept shifting her eyes between her opponent and her friends, trying to decide what was the right thing to do. Eventually she sighed and turned around.

“All right, you guys. Let’s just go.” Babs began to walk away with the CMC, trying to keep her head up high without sticking her nose up.

As she felt a wave of victory wash over her, Diamond felt obliged to laugh, so she did. It was a very quick, simple laugh, but it was the most satisfying one she'd ever felt flow out of her mouth.

However, it was that very laugh that broke Babs’s commitment to taking the higher road. She suddenly whirled around, dug her hooves into the dirt and shouted, “Because I can’t stand looking at this dragon’s ugly mug for one more second!”

Every eye was opened, every jaw was dropped, and every bet was placed at the utterance of that sentence, every one, that is, except for Diamond and Babs. Diamond had narrowed her eyes and firmly locked them on her opponent, staring her down like she was wearing plaid. Babs stepped forward so there was only about a foot in between them, much to her friends’ discomfort. The standoff continued for about a minute as Diamond contemplated how to respond. After that minute had passed, Diamond finally opened her mouth to say something.

“Don’t you just hate it when this happens?”

“Boy, I’ll say. It’s like a rude frenchpony. There’s no merci.”

Diamond and Babs ended their staring contest to turn to their left in confusion. Curiously, standing in front of them were two pale yellow unicorn stallions in vaudeville hats and striped vests. They were facing away from the two, but they were very clearly talking about them.

“It’s such a shame to see our little ones calling each other ugly, isn’t it Flim?”

“A great tragedy, Flam. Foals today don’t know where the making up starts and makeup ends.”

“Hey!” Apple Bloom shouted, alerting the attention of the two stallions. “Ain’t you the salesponies who tried to run my family out of business?”

Flim chuckled nervously as he looked away from her. “Isn’t she a cutie? Here, have a carrot,” he said as he shoved a carrot into her mouth. She annoyedly muffled something and walked off with the carrot in her mouth.

“You know, Flim, it’s a real shame all little ponies can’t be that innocent.”

“Sure is, Flam. What do you think goes wrong with some of them?”

“I think it’s a sickness, Flim, and I’m not a doctor.”

“That’s too bad, Flam. If only there was a way to help foals everywhere stop fretting about who looks more like the scaly potato chip that’s been shoved under the sofa.”

“Wouldn’t that be a dreamsicle in a world without ice cream?”

“But wait, Flim, what if I told you there was a way we could turn that dreamsicle into a realitysicle?”

“I’d say the mental ward’s been duly informed, Flam.”

“Then you better pull out the straight jacket, Flim, because I’ve got the invention that’s going to bring all the senseless bickering to an end.”

“You don’t mean...”

“That’s right! The Flim Flam Brothers Magic Magnifying Mirror 7000.” As he said its name, the unicorn held up a shiny, two-sided, purple hand mirror in the face of his companion.

“Did I hear that right? Did you say you have the true, genuine, one-of-a-kind Flim Flam Brothers Magic Magnifying Mirror 7000?” Flim waved his hooves around the article without touching it as he restated its name.

“Why, I do believe you did hear right, good sir.” Flam raised the mirror high into the air. "The Flim Flam Brothers Magic Magnifying Mirror 7000.”

“Now hang on just a second!” Flim asked in a slightly lower pitch, now wearing a false mustache and standing over by two very confused pink and orange fillies. “What are you trying to pull? Isn’t that just a regular, ordinary hand mirror?”

“Well, random customer, I suppose you might be right if this weren’t the Flim Flam Brothers Magic Magnifying Mirror 7000. You see, this mirror has been specially and magically designed, modified, and caricatured to be the single most revealing hand mirror that ponykind has ever seen. Just one glance at yourself in this beauty, and you’ll be able to see each and every little, bitty flaw about your appearance down to the last nose hair.”

Flim stroked his false mustache with his magic in contemplation. “Well, Flim Flam Brothers, if I came across that kind of information, I'd be too ashamed to call a swamp monster in the summertime ugly. But how do I know it really works?”

“I’m glad you asked, unpaid spectator.” Quickly sliding in behind Babs, Flam held up his purple mirror and vigorously rubbed her mane with his hoof. “Take this little boy here. I’ll bet he has no idea about the series of embarrassing warts starting to grow on his neck.” Flam held the mirror up to Babs’s neck, revealing a series of red dots on the mirror's opposite side.

“What?” Babs asked, stretching her neck to get a better look in the mirror.

No longer wearing his fake mustache, Flim grabbed the mirror and held it up to Diamond’s mane, looking through it like a magnifying glass. “And this little cupcake here’s wound tighter than my great aunt’s antique violin collection. Looks like she’s got three years before she’ll be needing to borrow daddy’s toupee.”

“L-let me see that!” Diamond exclaimed, swiping the mirror out of the stallion’s grasp and fervently checking her mane with it.

“Hey, I saw it first!” Babs argued, taking it away from Diamond to get another look at her neck.

“Excuse me, but I didn't hear anything about you going bald!” Diamond said, pushing Babs aside to take it back again.

“And I didn’t see you getting called a little boy!” Babs tackled Diamond to grab it back, sending them both into the large puddle of mud.

"There's nothing wrong with your neck!" Diamond shouted, jerking the mirror out of Babs's mouth. "Now let me see my mane!"

"Your mane looks fine!" Babs retorted before catching Diamond's back leg to send her plummeting onto her belly. "It's just kinda muddy now."

As the two continued to fight over the mirror with increasingly more vitality, Flim and Flam once again faced away from the two as they continued.

“So, Flim, do you see what I see?”

“Sure do, Flam. Looks to me like the insult well’s gone dry.”

“Can’t argue with that one, Flim. These two don’t have one nasty thing left to say to each other.”

“And how could they? They’ve got the Flim Flam Brothers Magic Magnifying Mirror 7000.”

The two simultaneously took off their hats as Flim stated, “So act fast while they’re still in stock. Don’t miss out on your chance buy your very own Flim Flam Brothers Magic Magnifying Mirror 7000 today!” The two each held up their own individual purple hand mirrors and smiled directly in front of them.

“Who are you talking to?” Sweetie asked, standing between the two stallions and looking in the same direction as them.

“She’s on to us, Flim. Let’s skedaddle.”

“Way ahead of you, Flam.”

The two dashed away, grabbing their camera they had set up and disappearing from sight as quickly as they appeared, leaving behind their spare mirror in the constantly shifting clutches of their marketing representatives.

Her mane now disheveled and muddy, Diamond commanded between gasps of air, “Give me that mirror...right now...or your family’s going to have to pitch in to rebuild you!”

Also messy, Babs replied, “You want it?” She shoved the entire thing into her mouth, letting her saliva encompass it as she smoothly dragged it back out and extended it toward her aggressor. “Here ya go.”

Disgusted, Diamond backed away, giving Babs a frustrated scowl. “Fine! Keep your stupid mirror! I’ve got plenty of them!”

“That don’t surprise me!” Babs barked back.

“Come on, Silver Spoon. I don’t want to catch the crazy bug that’s going around out here.” Diamond turned away and began heading off towards the classroom along with her friend.

As she watched the two storm off, a switch flipped in Babs’s mind, and she felt the need to shout, “Hey, dragon princess! Whose tail’s between her legs now?”

Diamond dragged her hoof into the ground as she came to a stop, and she looked back at Babs with an expression of exhausted malice. Anticipating her friend's reaction this time, Silver Spoon leisurely stepped to the side before running into her again.

Now it was Babs’s turn to feel victorious. She beamed and confidently said, “Maybe next time you’ll think twice before-”

Before she could continue, Apple Bloom shoved a carrot in her mouth and Scootaloo assisted in pushing her away from the danger zone while Sweetie Belle insisted to Diamond that Babs didn’t mean it that time.

Diamond let out a deep sigh, half in relief and half in annoyance, before continuing back towards the classroom. As the two reached the door, Cheerilee made her way outside to let her students know it was time to come back in. Seeing the two in front of her, Cheerilee immediately noted Diamond's messy appearance and asked, "Diamond Tiara, what happened out here? Why are you such a mess?”

Diamond and Silver looked at one another, then up at their teacher, their expressions blank and emotionless. The two struck a pose and unenthusiastically replied in unison,“The Flim Flam Brothers Magic Magnifying Mirror 7000.”

Author's Note

This story has nothing to do with baseball.

Prompt 3: Diamond Tiara Is A Spy! - Yukito

Diamond Tiara wiped the sweat from her brow, and tried to keep her breathing quiet, as she peered carefully around the corner. There was nothing standing in her way. It was a clear run to the Sentry sitting in the middle of the enemy’s base, preventing her teammates from entering. All that she had to do was use her Electro-Sapper to destroy it, and then her team would charge in and wipe out the enemy, showering her with praise for being the key aspect of their victory.

‘I need a disguise first,’ she thought to herself as she ducked back behind the corner, and opened up her disguise kit. She pulled out a mask of the yellow filly responsible for building the Sentry in the first place. “Blech. No way am I masquerading as that blank flank.” She tossed the mask aside, and pulled out a mask of an orange filly with a helmet that was obviously too big for her. “A little better, but I’d still rather not wear a mask of that chicken.”

A few more masks later, which were now piled up on the floor around her, like a little nest for the picky little Spy, Diamond Tiara finally found one that was to her liking. Unfortunately, it was a mask of herself. So, a few more masks later, and she found another one that agreed with her. “I guess I can live with being Princess Celestia for a while…”

Diamond Tiara put the mask on, and pulled out her Sapper. “Right, time to-” Diamond Tiara charged around the corner, but stopped as she noticed that the Sentry was no longer there. “What the huh?”

“Oh, DT, there ya are,” Rainbow Dash said as she ran into the base, carrying a Baseball Bat in her wing. “What took you so long? We had ta destroy that thing ourselves.”

Rainbow Dash was suddenly shot in the face, and fell down to the ground. Diamond Tiara turned to see the assailant, and found Twilight Sparkle staring at her. “Oh! Uh, hello there… uh, library… lady?”

Twilight smiled, and bowed quickly. “Your Majesty,” she said, before turning around and running through the base, presumably up to the sniper platform.

‘Well, guess I know who my next target is…’ Diamond Tiara quickly ran through the base after Twilight, putting her Sapper away and pulling out her Knife. However, as she rounded the next corner to the courtyard, she bumped into a large, dark-blue Alicorn, holding a Flamethrower in her magic… and leering down at the pink filly. “Oh, buck me…”

“… SPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” Luna shouted as she sprayed fire all over the room, turning Diamond Tiara to charcoal in a matter of seconds.

Diamond Tiara huffed as she looked down at the battlefield, her ghostly form allowing her to fly for a bit as she waited to respawn.

Suddenly, an item dropped into Diamond Tiara’s lap. “Oh?” She picked it up, and found that it was a rather nice looking welding mask, with a streak of flames decorating it, other known as a ‘Hotrod’. She heard cries of ‘OMG’ and ‘Lucky’ being shouted from the other ponies, both dead and alive, and smiled as she tried it on. She found, however, that she would have to remove her tiara to do so, and ultimately decided to just leave it be for now.

Diamond Tiara suddenly found herself in one of her team’s respawn room. With her, were Rainbow Dash, Silver Spoon, and Sweetie Belle.

“This isn’t going so well,” Rainbow Dash said. “I swear Twi’s using an aimbot or something…”

“I tried to set up a Sentry in our intel room, but that stupid Spy… who was it again?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Right, her! She keeps sapping and backstabbing whenever it reaches level three! She’s not even after the intel, she’s just trolling me,” the annoyed filly said with a huff.

Silver Spoon shifted about on the spot, flailing her hooves about. Diamond Tiara walked up to one of the cabinets. “I’m going to try the Dead Ringer for a bit.”

“What’s Spike doing? Shouldn’t he be torching Pinkie by now?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I think he’s AFK,” Sweetie Belle said. She noticed Silver Spoon dancing about in front of her. “You okay?”

Diamond Tiara and Rainbow Dash both turned to the strange-acting filly, giving her curious looks as she apparently tried to engage them in a game of charades.

“… Press ‘C’,” Diamond Tiara said.

“… Oh. Oh! OH!” Silver Spoon smiled and jumped for joy. “Finally! I was wondering how I could talk to everypony!”

Rainbow Dash facehooved hard. “Really? That's why you’ve been silent this whole game?”

Sweetie Belle turned her head and chuckled under her breath. “Noob,” she said quietly, though loud enough for Silver Spoon to hear.

“Blank flank,” Silver Spoon retorted spitefully, earning a scowl from Sweetie Belle.

“You’re just lucky that friendly fire isn’t on!”

“Now, now, calm down you two!” Rainbow Dash said, before her attention was drawn to Fluttershy appearing in their respawn room. Suddenly, a light bulb appeared above Rainbow Dash’s head. “Hey, Fluttershy! Come over here!”

Fluttershy timidly walked over to the small group assembled in the room, carrying her Medigun on her back. “Yes, Rainbow Dash?”

“I’m gonna go Heavy for a bit. You charge up that ÜberCharge and follow me!”

“Oh, um… okay.”

“What about us?” Silver Spoon asked.

“I’m gonna try and get Pinkie Pie,” Sweetie Belle said, running out of the respawn room with a Wrench in her mouth before anypony could stop her.

“Silver, you go Sniper and distract that library lady.”

“You mean Twilight?” Fluttershy asked.

Diamond Tiara nodded, and then grinned wickedly. “I’m gonna sneak up on her and stab with my Knife.”

“That doesn’t sound very nice…”

Diamond Tiara scowled at the yellow mare. “Well, DUH! That’s the point! She’s the enemy!”

“Well, I guess, but…”

“Alright Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash shouted, flying in the air and carrying a Minigun in her forehooves. “Let’s do this!”

As the two Pegasi initiated their own plan, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon left to carry out their own. “Remember,” Diamond Tiara began, “Don’t kill her. Save that for me. And keep an eye out for other ponies.” Silver Spoon nodded. “In particular, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.” Silver Spoon chuckled.

“I’ll save some bullets just for them.”

The two fillies initiated their secret hoofshake. “Bump, bump, sugar-lump rump!”

“Good luck!” Silver Spoon shouted as Diamond Tiara jumped down from the balcony… only to be shot immediately by Twilight. “AH!”

“It’s okay!” Diamond Tiara shouted back over the team chat. “I used the Dead Ringer! I’m just invisible for a bit, that’s all!”

“O-Oh… Right…”

Diamond Tiara jumped into the water below her, cringing as she swam through the sewage, and entering the sewers of the enemy base. Even if it was only virtual reality, she was still thankful that nopony could see her swimming through such icky-

“AH!” both Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo shouted as they bumped into each other at a corner. Scootaloo looked around, thoroughly confused.

“What the huh? Am I laggin’ or something?”

“Uh, yeah,” Diamond Tiara said, quickly running past Scootaloo. Hr cloak ran out before she could get far, through, and she very noisily uncloaked behind the orange filly.

“Who’s there?!” Scootaloo asked, turning around to find a yellow filly standing behind her. “Oh, Apple Bloom. Don’t scare me like that.”

“… Uh, sorry. Y’all.” Diamond Tiara wanted to laugh, but that would give her away. So she turned off her microphone for a bit. “WHAT THE HAY?! SHE ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT?! WHAT A DODO!”

Once she was done, she turned her microphone back on, and turned around to continue her mission… being followed by Scootaloo as she did so. “What’re you doing? Didn’t you- I mean, didn’t y’all wanna go thata way?”

Scootaloo shook her head. “I was just running around randomly. I think I’ll stick with you for a bit.”

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. ‘Ugh, so clingy to her friends. Not at all like me and Silvy.’

“So, how many times have ya killed Diamond Tiara this game?”

“… None,” Diamond Tiara answered, climbing the stairs with Scootaloo behind her. “Why do y’all ask?”

“Oh, just wondering. I blasted her once or twice, I think. Felt so good, y’know?”

“… I’m sure it did.”

“Man, is she annoying! Always going on about how rich she is, how great she is, how smart she is, even though she totally copies off of her friend’s work all the time, who is just as annoying, by the way!”

Diamond Tiara grit her teeth together, trying to restrain herself so as to not blow her cover. Suddenly, an idea presented itself to her. “… Maybe it’s not that she’s annoying. Maybe you’re just… jealous.”

“Yeah… wait, wha?” Scootaloo tilted her head in confusion, and the two fillies stopped their walking to face each other. “Jealous? Of that arrogant snob?!”

Diamond Tiara grinned, and nodded. “Yeah. Of her charming good looks, her amazing talent, her incredibly quick wits, and her ability to look stylish in just about anything!”

Scootaloo took a step back, and gave her ‘friend’ a worried look. “W-What’s up with you? You got a crush on her or something?”

Diamond Tiara cringed at the thought. “Of course not!” she shouted. “Though, it would be perfectly reasonable if I did, considering how amazing that filly is.”

Scootaloo frowned, and took a threatening step closer. “You do have a crush on her! I can’t believe this!”

‘Oh, she doesn’t like that, huh? Better add more fuel to the fire.’ “Okay, yes, I have a crush on her. So, what’re ya gonna do about it?”

“BACK OFF! SHE’S MINE!” Scootaloo shouted, startling and shocking Diamond Tiara.

“I-I… W-What?!”

“You heard me! I can’t believe, this whole time, you’ve been after her too! You know what this means!” Diamond Tiara simply shook her head. “This makes us enemies! In fact…” Scootaloo suddenly toppled over, and died. An announcement declared that she had joined the other team.

Diamond Tiara simply stared at the lifeless body of the orange filly for a few seconds, trying to process what had just occurred. “… I think… I think I should stay away from Scootaloo from now on.”

With that, Diamond Tiara took off the mask that she was wearing, and replaced it with that of Fluttershy, who had been forced onto the opposite team a few moments ago for the purpose of balancing them. Rainbow Dash had quit shortly afterward.

She rounded the corners much more cautiously this time, keeping an eye open for any Pyros or Flamethrowers as she delved deeper into the enemy base. ‘Screw the intel for now. I’ll just mess with the Snipers for now!’

As Diamond Tiara strolled past the enemy team’s respawn room, she bumped into Fluttershy… The real Fluttershy. She gulped, and laughed nervously. Fluttershy looked down at her with a stern look on her face, looking ready to attack at a moment’s notice.

Suddenly, the mare’s expression softened, and she moved aside. “Oh, um, sorry. I was in your way, wasn’t I?”

Diamond Tiara blinked, and slowly walked past, keeping an eye on Fluttershy the entire time. The Pegasus walked in the opposite direction, towards the courtyard, and the pink filly simply shrugged, and walked onto the balcony. She smiled at what she saw.

There were two Snipers on the balcony, both of which were standing perfectly still, backs exposed, and being quite a nuisance to her teammates. She grinned like a foal in Bon Bon’s candy store, and silently approached the first Sniper: Twilight Sparkle.

Raising her Knife high, Diamond Tiara let out a silent chuckle as she brought it down hard into the mare’s back, killing her instantly. She turned her attention to the next Sniper in line: a blue Unicorn mare, with a silver mane and tail.

“Hah!” the Sniper exclaimed. “That’s sixty-two kills now for the Great, and Powerful Trixie! How about you, Sparkle?” No response came as Diamond Tiara approached the mare. “Sparkle?”

Diamond Tiara drove her Knife into the second mare’s back, and let out a loud, maniacal laugh as she watched her fall limp onto the floor. “YES! Oh, MAN, that feels good!”

So there she was, now standing on an empty balcony, with two corpses lying beside her. She had some time before they would respawn, time that she needed to kill. So, she did what any professional assassin would do in their moment of triumph: she propped one mare against a wall, and the other one top, making sure that their horns touched, and that their hooves were touching each other’s flanks. And then she took a screenshot.

“Nice!” Snips shouted, viewing the scene in ghost form above Diamond Tiara.

“Heh, now to-” Diamond Tiara’s words were cut off by a Shotgun blast to the back of the head.

Finding herself in ghost form once more, Diamond Tiara turned her angry gaze to where she had just been killed… and found Luna over her lifeless body, continually crouching down and standing up, over and over.

“Oh, come on,” Diamond Tiara said. “That’s just so immature.”

She saw the Princess turn around, and pull out a can of spraypaint. She sprayed it against the wall, painting an image of what is commonly referred to by ponies on the ponynet as ‘troll face’, with the words ‘u mad bro?’ written beneath it.

‘I hate Pyros.’

Prompt 3: Spies Like Us - Mudpony

Spies Like Us
by
Mudpony

"I can't believe you applauded her story, Sil," Diamond Tiara said, as she trotted alongside her friend, down the empty street.

"Oh, come on. It was a good story, even if it did have multiple historical inaccuracies," Silver Spoon replied. "Ponyville was actually founded three hundred years earlier by the Mares, a family that moved west out of Manehatten. Our mayor is a direct descendent of them, you know? The town did not really start to grow until sixty years ago, of course, when the lumber mill opened. That led to a need to provide for the workers, and hence the founding of the Apple farmstead and your great-grandfather's store."

"There you go again, showing off all of your book learning," Diamond Tiara said, faking a yawn. She liked to tease her friend about being a bookworm, though truly she relished moments like these. The moments when there was nopony around, and they could risk being their true selves.

"You now I can't help it. It is my special talent after all," Silver Spoon said. Diamond Tiara nodded.

She was one of the few ponies that knew that Silver Spoon's talent lay in knowledge. Most ponies assumed it was due to her skill at working with precious metals. A few joked that it was due to the wealth of her parents. But neither of those things were the truth. Give Silver Spoon a book and she could recite it back to you word for word even days later. That was pretty amazing, but not nearly as amazing as watching Silver Spoon pick up an item and know things about it that she should not have known.

That was how they had gotten recruited, actually. All Silver Spoon had done was pick up her grandmother's favorite teaspoon while helping her with some household chores. She had not meant to wind up with a head full of secrets and a cutie mark, but that is what she had gotten. The secrets she had shared with her best friend, and when her grandmother had found out what she knew, they had found themselves part of something they would never had suspected existed.

"Besides, I know the main reason you're so anti-Apple is because you're secretly harboring a crush on Apple Bloom," Silver Spoon said.

"I am not!" Diamond Tiara said.

"So we just tease her and her friends as part of our cover?"

"Right. You know that."

"And tag along with your father whenever he has business at their farm because you see so little of him?"

"Ah-huh. With our jobs, any day could be our last. So I want to spend all the time I can with dad. Is that so wrong?"

The two fillies pushed open the doors and entered The Fancy Store, the most upscale clothing store in Ponyville, part of a chain owned by one of the most influential unicorns in Canterlot. The owner greeted them by name and mentioned that she had some new stuff on the back rack, just in from Manehatten. The fillies returned her greeting and drifted toward the back of the store.

"And you cut out pictures of her from the school paper because she's totally cute?" Silver Spoon asked, continuing the conversation from outside.

"Of course," Diamond Tiara said, as she flipped through rack, haphazardly throwing a couple of items aside to try on. Her eyes shot open as she realized what she had just said. "Wait. No! No fair. You tricked me!"

"You can fool everyone else, Di. You can even fool yourself. But you can't fool me," Silver Spoon said with a wink. She selected a few items of her own. "Let's go try these on."

Silver Spoon led the way, and Diamond Tiara followed silently behind. They went to the third changing room, ignoring the sign that said it was in use. The sign always said that, and it did its job: it kept the ordinary ponies out. But Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were not ordinary ponies.

"It's just that it can never be, you know?" Diamond Tiara said, breaking her silence, while Silver Spoon tapped the rear wall in several places.

"Like totally, three-seven-two," Silver Spoon said.

"Best pony, zero-zero-seven," Diamond Tiara said.

In a bright flash, the two ponies disappeared, only to reappear within a slightly larger room, deep below the surface. The room was devoid of features, other than a heavy sealed door along one wall. They stood still, as a green beam of light shone over them, verifying their identities further. The light disappeared, a loud beep sounded, and the door opened, revealing a long, poorly light corridor, doors along its sides and one barely visible at its far end.

"It still amazes me you got that pass phrase," Silver Spoon said, as she and Diamond Tiara walked.

"Hey, you got your talent, Miss Encyclopedia, and I got mine," Diamond Tiara said with a winning smile and a swagger of her rump, drawing attention to her cutie mark.. "Being able to charm the feathers off a griffon has its advantages."

"No doubt. It makes me jealous sometimes seeing how easily you bend ponies around your hoof."

Diamond Tiara shrugged. "It's just not fair, you know," Diamond Tiara said, changing the topic back to the previous one. "Her grandmother has a complete mental breakdown because of her mother's death, and because of that, I'm not allowed to form any sort of relationship with her. I can't even just be her friend."

"A real shame too. Granny Smith used to be one of the top agents. Nopony could throw a pie as far or as accurately as her. Annie Oakley Smith was a legend," Silver Spoon replied. "And her daughter and son-in-law were quite impressive as well."

"And now all we have left is a kooky, old lady." Diamond Tiara sighed. "And because she's retreated completely into her cover identity, we can't recruit Apple Bloom, even though she'd be perfect. With your brains, my charm, her knack for demolition and construction, why, all we'd need is a hoof-to-hoof specialist to be the best team ever."

"Nobody ever said an agent's life was fair or easy," Silver Spoon said. "But we do what we do for love of country."

"For princesses and ponies," Diamond Tiara said, repeating the agency's mantra out of habit.

"And they'll never even know all that we give up for them," Silver Spoon said, opening the door at the end of the corridor..

The two fillies entered the briefing room. A large table sat in the center of it, with chairs around it. A chalkboard covered the wall to the left, while its opposite side was a large corkboard. On the far wall, two paintings hung, one of each princess. They were the type of paintings found in most government offices in Equestria, with the exception that the one Celestia was currently sporting a drawn on mustache. The chair at the far end, by far the nicest one in the room, spun around, revealing the assistant director of the agency, a white coated, blue maned unicorn mare known by the codename 'V'. She looked quite fearsome, with an eye patch covering her right eye.

"And? How did it go? Was she faking it? Any chance we can bring her back in the fold?" V rattled the questions off, one after another.

"As far as we could tell, she totally believes she is her cover identity," Diamond Tiara said.

"I see. Well, that's too bad," V said. "She'd have been a valuable asset in training others. She used to be quite the drill sergeant. Any problems with the mission?"

"Some interference from the youngest granddaughter. Had to convince one Apple Strudel to visit Ponyville is all. Diamond handled that with ease, ma'am," Silver Spoon reported.

"It would have been much easier if we could just recruit Apple Bloom," Diamond Tiara suggested.

V shook her head. "No, we've been through this before, Diamond. Annie Smith is unstable and knows far too much about too many things. Ordinarily, we might take other measures, but she's an unsung hero of Equestria, and she's sacrificed so much already. We'll let her live out her years as she wishes. We don't want to do anything to jeopardize what little stability she has. Now, unless there's anything else?"

There was nothing else. With a nod, V floated a folder toward her two agents and began the briefing for their next mission.

"We've been charged by the head cheese, L herself, to complete this mission, which she deems of critical importance. Operation Control the Press, ladies, has two goals. The primary goal is the publication of this picture" —V held up the picture in question— "in the newspapers, including those in Canterlot, but in a way that cannot be traced back to us. A secondary, optional goal is to place one of our own within the press, so that we can squash any potentially comprising news that might otherwise be printed. Any questions so far?"

Neither Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon had any. For now, they were content to let V explain while they flipped through the papers within the folder. There was a knock on the door, and at V's acknowledgement, a colt entered and took a seat. With a nod toward the newcomer, V continued on.

"Okay, for this mission, Spoon, you'll be working in the background, support only. Diamond, you'll be working closely with Agent Featherweight from our technical division. Here's how it is going to play out..."

The briefing complete, the two fillies and one colt walked down the corridor, toward the teleport room. Featherweight was quite excited about being allowed out of the lab, practically bouncing off the walls. It would be his first field mission. Diamond Tiara hoped he would not screw anything up. Had she been that excited for her first mission? She was not sure. It seemed like she had always been running missions. And she always would be, until the day she died. For princesses and ponies. One thing was curious about this mission though.

She turned to Silver Spoon and asked, "Why do you suppose Princess Lu—, I mean L, wants us to publish these pictures of Celestia eating cake anyway?"

Silver Spoon shrugged. "Ours is not to question why."

Author's Note

Some fun with the idea that DT's and Spoon's behavior is what it is because they are secret agents working for the Equestrian government. Complete with their cutie marks interpreted in a way useful for that trade. DT's is the charm of pageant contestant, Silver Spoon's the knowledge of objects, especially antiques.

Sequel set during "One Bad Apple" here.

And some music to go with it.

Also, ponies aren't very good when it comes to coming up with code names, apparently.

More by Mudpony: here.

Prompt 3: Untitled - Mager Blutooth

“Phony.”

Queen Chrysalis peered into the creature’s eyes as she loudly proclaimed the single word. The creature just stared back at her blankly, her words meaning nothing to it. Having no time to waste on the little thing, Chrysalis broke eye contact and quickly made her way down the narrow, spiraling path. Her secretary made a note of her queen’s statement and followed closely behind.

“Faker,” the queen said, gazing down at the next creature, this one not even paying her any mind. The secretary made another note and the two continued onward.

“Um...” The queen hesitated as she arrived at number seven hundred fifty three. “I don’t know, Cookie?” she suggested, turning to her secretary who was busy jotting down every word as quickly as possible.

Her secretary paused her scribbles to look up to her queen, making a low buzzing noise to express concern toward her queen’s uncertainty.

Chrysalis sighed. “It’s nothing, Hoax. I’m just not feeling very creative right now.” She leaned on the railing of the walkway as she stared down into the ocean of her newborn subjects that surrounded the narrow pathway and filled up the majority of the chamber. Each of them had been placed in small pods to prevent them from roaming freely.

The secretary buzzed again, this time in an interrogative fashion.

“I understand the importance, but you know how much I despise this role. Why must I be tasked with the naming of every single one of my hatchlings? Surely not all of my children need names.”

Chrysalis rolled her eyes as she heard her secretary buzz the same nagging lecture she always gave whenever the queen got a bit snippy about her royal responsibilities. “Do not speak to me as if I were a child. I am the ruler of all Changelings. It is up to me to decide what is best for my subjects. Isn’t that right, Cookie?”

The newborn changeling opened its mouth widely to yawn, letting out a spiteful hissing noise as it did so.

“You see, Hoax? Perhaps you need to take a lesson from the younger generation. Names are nothing but meaningless titles that give inferior species an excuse to feel special. What would we want with something so useless?”

Hoax set her clipboard to the ground and stared at it as she let out a quieter, slightly irritated buzz.

“What was that?” Chrysalis asked, hearing her secretary’s argument clear as day. “You disagree with your queen?”

Hoax shook her head and took as step backward, stammering a bit as she buzzed a response.

“You wish to keep your name? Why is that? What good does it do you?” Chrysalis inched closer to her secretary. “Why would you care if your name was taken from you? Surely you would feel honored to stand with your brethren as one of many in a collection of perfect uniformity.” She leaned forward, her fangs a few inches from her secretary’s face. “That is, you would if you are really a part of it.”

A drop of sweat ran down Hoax’s head as she began glancing away to avoid making eye contact with her queen. However, everywhere she looked, she only caught sight of the wide, glowing eyes of the newborn changelings that seemed to stare back like they were assisting her queen’s argument.

“I’ll let you in on a little secret, Hoax,” Chrysalis stated with a sinister smile. “Naming my hatchlings isn’t actually one of my responsibilities. Do you know why? Because my subjects don’t have names. My subjects don’t need names. What good is a name to a creature who can transform into anything? How can a single word properly define a creature without definite form? It cannot. None of my subjects have names. They never have, and they never will.”

The queen’s eyes glowed brightly, causing her secretary to topple over in fear. “So tell me, Hoax, why do you have a name?”

Having no response to make, Hoax sprung back onto her legs and scrambled in the opposite direction, running along the winding path as the hordes of piercing blue eyes of the newborn changelings made the chamber’s exit appear to be miles away.

As Hoax finally arrived at the double doors leading out of the chamber, her queen dropped out of the sky, landing right in front of her and cutting off her escape route. “You run fast, Hoax,” she said. “Why is that? Are your wings simply for show or does your ego just weigh you down?”

Hoax stammered as she tried to buzz another excuse, but the queen wasn’t listening.

Without another word, Chrysalis began rapidly rubbing her wings together to produce a shrill whistling sound. Instinctively, the hundreds of hatchlings around them began to do the same with their tiny, immature wings, filling the room with a deafening maelstrom of noise. Within seconds, an entire swarm of the queen’s fully grown subjects burst in through the windows of the hatchling chamber and hovered above them as they stared down, doubling the number of glaring eyes in the room.

“You certainly do look like a changeling, Hoax.” The queen’s horn lit up, and she released a stream of bright green magic that consumed her secretary’s body. “But you run just like a pony.”

The green aura gave way to reveal a purple-maned white unicorn mare wearing a silver pendant with a pink crystal in the center.

“Did you really think you could fool me?” Chrysalis asked as she ripped the pendant off the mare’s neck with her magic and looked it over.

The mare tried to respond but felt herself being strangled by the hundreds of gaping eyes watching her.

“A pony is still a pony no matter what feeble attempts you use to disguise it.” She threw the pendant to the ground and stomped it to pieces. “A weak, pathetic creature that’s not even fit to serve as my secretary.” She took a few steps forward and glared down at the intruding spy. “Tell me, pony, what is your name?”

“C-C-Candid,” the mare stammered. “Agent Candid Camera.”

The queen smiled brightly as her changelings encircled the terrified mare. “That’s a nice name, but let me ask you again: what good does it do you?”

The queen emerged from her hatchling chamber, glad that things were going ahead of schedule. The pony spies were always hard to resist toying around with since they were usually too frightened to say anything after their cover was blown, but luckily Chrysalis had managed to take care of this one in record time. The dragon spies and the griffon spies were much troublesome with their aggressive escape attempts and outrageous claims about ‘defeating the changelings’ and ‘stopping her plans’. It got pretty taxing when more than one showed up in the same week.

However, ponies were much simpler creatures. Their disguises were sloppy, their imitation skills were abysmal, and they always freaked out and gave themselves away after even a mellow breeze of suspicion tickled the backs of their necks.

Catching pony spies was definitely one of her favorite pastimes, but now that she was fresh out, it was time for her to attend to her less entertaining responsibilities as the queen of the changelings. She needed to deal with her kingdom’s ever-growing financial trouble. There were so many budget cuts that needed to be made, and as the queen, she was the one that needed to sort out where to make them. Things were so much simpler back when she had a more stable source of income, but there was no time to dwell on the past. She needed to stay focused and get her economy back in order.

Unfortunately, she was now down a secretary, and changeling tradition made the process of selecting a new one more complicated than it needed to be. However, before the queen could decide whether to go with a pie-eating contest or ultimate hide and seek, a messenger changeling crash landed in front of her to inform her of some pressing news.

After hearing the message, Chrysalis was a bit thrown off. “I know we captured the spy,” she responded to the changeling’s expeditious buzzing. “Weren’t you there with the rest of us? Didn’t you hear the signal?”

The changeling bowed its head and continued delivering the news as eloquently as it could.

“What do you mean you caught another one? You know it is the queen’s duty to tend to all matters of espionage personally. Are you telling me you resolved the situation on your own?” Chrysalis glared down at the earthbound changeling as a few others nearby stepped back in unison.

The changeling’s buzzing raised in pitch as it affirmed her question.

“How dare you!” Chrysalis barked, her eyes glowing in anger. “Have you forgotten how we work? Are you trying to disgrace the changeling name? What would possess you to do something so reckless and self-centered?”

The changeling buzzed five syllables that mitigated the queen’s anger almost immediately. She let out an exasperated groan and grumbled to the two changelings on her left as she stormed off, “Draw me a bath. Make sure it has bubbles. Lots of bubbles.”

Chrysalis crept through the damp murkiness of her dungeon alone, taking pleasure in the sight of the many sickly, green cocoons hanging from the ceiling, each one housing one of the vermin that dared to enter her kingdom without her say-so.

She could not enjoy it for long, though, for she was thrown off by the sight of their newest captive sprawled out underneath the assemblage of cocoons. Only, to the changeling queen, this particular captive was not new by any means.

“Hello, Diamond Tiara,” Chrysalis groaned, already sounding too annoyed to continue the conversation.

The pink filly was lying on a stone table, restrained by two heavy chains that ensnared her forelegs and connected to the wall directly behind her. She smiled as the changeling queen became visible from the eerie glow that reflected off the glistening cocoons above them.

“I think you mean Agent Tiara,” Diamond proudly responded. “Although, if you want to trade titles, I’d be fine with Queen Tiara too.”

“You’re really irritating. You know that?” the queen asked as she came to a stop to stand over her smiling prisoner.

“You say that to all the ponies you bring in here, don’t you?” Diamond asked with a smug grin.

Chrysalis gave her an annoyed look. “Only after the sixth time. What are you doing here? I thought I told you to never come back.”

“Well, that was your first mistake,” Diamond replied. “You should have known I’d be back after that.”

Chrysalis took a seat in her throne that one of her minions automatically slid in behind her, shutting her eyes tightly as she held back her anger. “How did you get caught this time? Did you come here dressed as a Filly Scout again?”

“Not this time. This time I wore a totally foolproof disguise, but your stupid bug things were too dumb to fall for it.”

Chrysalis looked to the changeling on her left who presented the disguise Diamond had used. It was a simple circular piece of paper with a string attached so it could be worn like a mask. Most of it was colored black in crayon on one side with two lumpy, green ovals that barely resembled eyes drawn on as well. There was also a large red mouth with several uneven, sharp teeth and no tongue. It looked like it had been thrown together in three minutes tops.

“This is your foolproof disguise?” Chrysalis asked in disbelief.

“It’s hideous, isn’t it?” Diamond asked, still smiling. “How more perfect could it be?”

Chrysalis charged up her horn and zapped the mask into oblivion before rising off her throne to respond, “I see you’re still as arrogant as you are insufferable. You even have the insolence to wear this silly little crown in my presence.” Chrysalis snagged her captive’s tiara right off, holding it up to look at it in the light.

“It’s not my fault that mine’s bigger than yours,” Diamond retorted, not even struggling to resist the queen’s thievery.

The changeling queen sneered at the headpiece. “A large crown can only fit on a large head.”

“Well a small head can only hold a small brain,” Diamond snarkily replied.

Chrysalis turned a taunting eye back toward the filly. “Remind me again which one of us is chained to a rock.”

Diamond scowled, turning her attention back to her crown. “Can I have that back? This place has like no lighting, and I don’t want you losing it in the dark.”

Chrysalis ignored her, placing the tiara at the edge of the chunk of stone where Diamond couldn’t reach it. “Tell me, Diamond Tiara, why would a spy wear such a gaudy, showy ornament on her head? Haven’t you learned that it makes you stand out like a broken wing?”

“I’m not walking around a place like this without my tiara,” Diamond replied. “What if someone confused me for one of your ugly bug things?”

Chrysalis paused, giving the restrained pony a curious look. “Is that a joke?”

“I don’t joke about myself,” Diamond said. “There’s no way I’m letting anypony think I’m an ugly bug thing, and I certainly can’t let you ugly bug things think I’m one of you. Just think what that would do to my reputation.”

Chrysalis planted foreleg into her eyebrow. “Yes, someone might actually think you’re a competent spy.”

“Shows what you know. Princess Celestia says I’m the greatest spy she’s ever seen. She told me I didn’t even need one of those lame disguise crystals all the other spies got.”

“Well if you’re such an amazing spy, why do you keep ending up in here?” Chrysalis challenged.

“I know how much you enjoy our quality time,” Diamond pleasantly replied. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

Chrysalis angrily sat back down in her throne, mashing her teeth together and grumbling something about Princess Celestia.

“So, can I get my tiara back now?” Diamond whined, looking back toward the edge of the stone slab. “My head’s starting to get lonely.”

Chrysalis’s anger suddenly diminished and an impish smile took its place. “Of course you can. Here you go.” She levitated the crown right in front of Diamond’s face. Diamond casually leaned forward to grab it with her mouth, but the queen quickly jerked it away before she could. Then the chains attached to Diamond’s forelegs recoiled, sending her crashing back against the rocky piece of furniture.

“What’s wrong, Diamond Tiara? Don’t you want your reputation back?” Chrysalis asked tauntingly as she held it close for the filly to grab again.

Diamond jerked forward again more aggressively, trying to snag it before the queen could pull it back again, but she wasn’t fast enough, and the crown flew out of her reach as her metal restraints sent her straight back into the stone.

The queen sent a vicious uproar of laughter echoing throughout the dungeon. “I pity you, Diamond Tiara. So haughty, so sure of yourself, yet look at what you’ve been reduced to.”

“I could grab it if you stopped pulling it away.” Diamond strained as she rubbed the back of her head.

Chrysalis smirked. “You still don’t even realize it, do you?”

“Realize what? That your throne’s just a swivel chair with a block of wood taped to the top?”

“No,” Chrysalis replied, glancing at her throne, “I mean you still don’t realize why Celestia keeps sending you here.”

“Is it mind game time already? You really think they’ll work on Equestria’s best spy?” Diamond asked challengingly.

“I’m not sure,” Chrysalis replied, “but I’m positive they can work on you. Celestia’s already made that clear.”

“Really? You mean you two talk about me at your weekly tea parties?”

“Oh yes,” Chrysalis affirmed, walking around to the other side. “She simply won’t stop telling me about that obnoxious pink nuisance she simply can’t get rid of.”

“I’m not surprised,” Diamond said, turning on her side. “That party-crazed mare is always doing the most annoying things, and she’s not exactly the shiniest gemstone in the dirt mine if you know what I mean.”

“I think I do,” Chrysalis mumbled to herself.

“So what does Princess Celestia say about me?” Diamond asked, looking back to the queen. “Does she tell you how special and talented I am?”

“Stop speaking to me like that!” Chrysalis barked. “We’re not friends! You’re my prisoner. You’re supposed to be begging me to not lock you up in a cocoon for the rest of your meaningless life.”

“Me beg you?” Diamond asked, sounding insulted. “I’d rather take my chances with the cocoon. Besides, Princess Celestia would never send me somewhere that could happen.”

“You vapid swine, don’t you get it? She keeps sending you here because she wants that to happen! She’s trying to get rid of you!”

Diamond raised an eyebrow. “She’s trying to get rid of her best spy and the most amazing pony in her entire kingdom? I doubt that.”

“Fine then, Agent Tiara,” Chrysalis said, trying to stay calm, “since you’re so spectacular and apt at spying, let’s see you escape from those shackles that hold you in place. Go ahead. Show me how special you really are.”

“No, that’s okay,” Diamond replied, gazing up at the chains.

“What’s the problem?” Chrysalis said with a smile, placing her leg to her ear. “Are you not amazing enough to escape from a few measly chains?”

“No, that’s not it. It’s just that these chains are the only nice things you have in this place. I would hate to leave you with nothing.”

“Why you-” Chrysalis paused before exploding. “Fine.” Without another word, she flared her wings and began vibrating them, creating her cacophonous signal.

“What are you doing? That’s too loud!” Diamond asked, dropping her ears to her head to drown out the noise.

“Since you won’t show me how special you are, I’m going to show you,” the queen shouted as the sound of her call echoed throughout the chamber. “Make sure you pay close attention.”

In a matter of seconds, her army of changelings swarmed into the dungeon and hovered above the two. At the queen’s nod, they all dropped to the floor, their eyes all focused on the concerned filly.

Diamond regained her smug grin after the noise stopped. “Oh, I see. You brought all your bug things in here to show me how much prettier I am than them. How thoughtful.”

“Are you sure you’re prettier?” Chrysalis asked. “Perhaps you should look again.” The queen turned to her changeling army and extended her porous leg towards the relaxed filly. In response, all of them swiftly transformed into exact duplicates of Diamond Tiara, matching everything from her paradoxical mane to her mischievous smirk.

“Take a good look, Diamond Tiara,” Chrysalis proclaimed as she rose up off the ground, looking over the sea of purple, white, and pink. “This is what your beloved reputation will truly get you in life. This is the futility of your entire kind in its purest form. You can boast of your talents and claim to be as amazing as you wish, but there will always be an endless crowd of others like you attempting the same. All you offer is words, and those words can be imitated by anyone. You may think you shine brightly, little Diamond, but your shine is dulled in the presence of the uniform glow of your equals. You are nothing special. You are just a rock that thinks itself a gemstone. That’s all you are. Understand?”

An empty silence was all the queen heard in response.

“You have nothing to say? Where’s your sarcastic-”

The queen stopped as she caught sight of the filly’s face. She was expecting to find a look of teary-eyed speechlessness or horrific realization but looked down to find the filly wearing a jubilant, grandiose smile instead.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Chrysalis scathingly inquired as she flew back down onto the table. “You’re looking at your inferiority personified. How can you possibly enjoy this?”

“It’s...it’s just so beautiful,” Diamond replied, almost sounding choked up.

Chrysalis reached out and grabbed one of the Diamond clones, and plopped it onto the table in front of the genuine article. It looked confused for a moment before it went back to glaring at Diamond. “What is the matter with you, you ignorant piece of bubble gum? Are you even listening to what I’m saying? There’s nothing special about you. Everything you claim that makes you unique is commonplace. All of it can be duplicated. Your appearance, your mannerisms, your talents...” She picked up the tiara that lay on the table and placed it on the clone’s head as it proudly smiled. “Even your tiara. None of it has any significance, and it’s time you accepted the truth. You are an unremarkable pony...and a third-rate spy.”

Diamond squinted her eyes and leaned forward toward the queen. She vigorously held her gaze, unblinking as she silently stared at the fanged monarch’s smiling face. Finally, she broke the silence by pointing one of her back hooves toward the queen’s face. “Your crown’s made out of grass!” she exclaimed accusingly as the chains pulled her back onto the slab.

“What?” Chrysalis asked, taking a step back.

“I couldn’t tell at first, but it’s totally made of woven grass! What kind of kingdom is this? It can’t even afford a decent crown?”

Chrysalis growled and smacked the Diamond clone off the table, causing the tiara to fall to the ground. “I take it back. You are special, Diamond Tiara. Of all the ponies I’ve ever brought into my dungeon, you are by far the most disgusting.”

“Don’t feel bad. I’m sure you’ll catch another one someday.”

“I’ve caught more ponies than you’ve even met! That’s why I know exactly how meaningless your lives really are. Every single one of you is utterly obsessed with that egotistical marking you each wear on your hindquarters.”

“Aww, is someone bitter because she doesn’t have a cutie mark?” Diamond asked with pseudo-sympathy.

“I want nothing to do with those ridiculous little symbols of yours. They’re nothing more than an extension of that sense of pride that oozes from your pointless names. In fact, to most of you, the two are one in the same.”

“Are you going to be like this all day? You’re starting to bore me.”

“But your name doesn’t stop there, does it, Diamond Tiara? Your name extends beyond that. It goes so far as to take the form of a physical object that I can take away from you.” She lifted the tiara back into the air, placing it tauntingly close to Diamond’s face again. “Answer me this. How does it feel? Having your name held in front of your face while you lie there, helpless to get it back? What does it feel like to lose your name?”

“Lose my name?” Diamond asked, taking a moment to let that thought sink in. Her eyebrows narrowed the second it did. “Don’t make me laugh.”

Chrysalis frowned. “Did I say something funny?”

“You can’t take my name from me. It’s my name.”

“Your name is a an object you wear on your head. What does that make you?”

“It makes me great! It makes me special! It makes me better than all the cheap imitations of me you brought in here.”

“You’re still clinging to that lie? Why don’t you open your eyes? All of my changelings can impersonate you entirely. They can look like you, they can act like you, and guess what? All of them are capable of wearing a crown. What do you have that makes you any different than them?”

Diamond smirked. “My name. I’m the only one here named Diamond Tiara.”

Chrysalis’s face went blank. She started shaking in anger before looking bitterly at the ground. "You ponies and your names. Why do you worship them so much? What purpose do they serve other than give something for your mommy to call you by when you’re in trouble?”

“What do you mean ‘us ponies’? You have a name too,” Diamond argued.

Chrysalis jumped. “I have nothing of the sort," she sharply exclaimed. "Where did you hear such nonsense?”

“Princess Celestia said you had one. She wanted me to ask if I got the chance.”

“Celestia,” Chrysalis growled in pure hatred.

“It’s something embarrassing, isn’t it?” Diamond laughed. “Like Limp Noodle or Buggy.”

Chrysalis slammed down on the table next to Diamond’s face. “You little imp! I could have you stuffed and made into a scarecrow for saying that!”

“Yeah, right. You let me go the last eight times I was here. Why would the ninth be any different?”

Chrysalis thought for a moment, then smiled again. “Perhaps I should keep you here this time. You’d be a lot less trouble if you were locked up.”

“Listen, Buggy, I know you think you’re all powerful and all because I let you capture me all the time, but now you’re just talking crazy.”

“Am I? You’re a spy. According to you, you’re the spy. As far as I know, you know all of my secrets. I can’t let someone like that roam free.”

“Your secrets? What do I care about your dumb secrets?” Diamond asked.

Chrysalis’s eyes went wide with shock. “You cannot be serious! Are you telling me you’ve invaded my kingdom nine times and haven’t even made an attempt to learn what we’re planning?”

“I didn’t come here to learn stuff. I get enough of that at school. I'm just here to have fun and be a totally amazing spy like always.”

Chrysalis slammed her head against the wooden plank attached to her throne.

“You know, maybe if you had an awesome name like mine, you could-” Diamond’s boasting was interrupted as she felt her chains unshackle. She was consumed by a green aura, jerked off the table, and set upright on the ground.

“Here,” Chrysalis huffed as she shoved Diamond’s tiara back onto her head and pushed her toward the exit. “Get out of my kingdom. I never want to see you here again, understand?”

“Okay, see you next month, Buggy!” Diamond confidently strolled past the ocean of her clones, oblivious to the angry stares all of them were giving her. She kept going until she was out of sight, disappearing into the sunlight that seeped into the cave.

“She still has so much to learn,” Chrysalis mumbled to herself after Diamond had left. Then she heard a meek buzzing at her side coming from one of her subjects that had reverted to its normal form.

“I’ve already told you. She would make a worthless prisoner. All of her love is directed to nowhere but herself.” She turned to face the crowd of Diamonds beside her. “Is my bath ready yet?” she asked, causing them to quickly speed off and return momentarily with a large platinum basin filled to the brim with a thick, bubbling, green liquid.

Chrysalis apathetically flew into the tub, not even bothering to take her grass crown off first. “Leave me,” she commanded. “I wish to enjoy the serenity of my chamber in silence.”

At her command, the hundreds of changelings around her all reverted to normal and flew off through the many crevices that led into the throne room dungeon cave.

Chrysalis leaned back in her royal tub, letting the acidic slime burn her tension away. Checking to make sure she was completely alone, she reached to the bottom of the tub and pulled out her special black hairbrush that was still in good condition even after all these years. She looked down at the handle, scowling at the inscription written across it.

To Chrysalis With All My Love - ¢

“I can’t believe she told her about my name,” she muttered to herself. “I swear, if Celestia sends my granddaughter to spy on us one more time, I’m launching a full-scale invasion on Canterlot just to tell her off.”

Author's Note

This story was supposed to be called From Equestria With Love. Then Chrysalis found out about it.

Prompt 3: Metal Gear Diamond - Mattricole

The only thing that she could feel was the mind numbing cold that was Alaska. More specifically the Fox Archipelago. She had just swam through fifty miles of ice cold salt water and now sat in the middle of the harshest blizzard in the past fifty years. But none of that mattered. She had more important things to do than whine and complain.

She was on a mission. First, she had to infiltrate the nuclear disposal site known as Shadow Moses, rescue the Darpa Chief Sweetie Belle and the ArmsTech President Blue Blood, then determine whether or not the terrorist group known as Fox Hound had the capability to launch a WMT, Weapon of Mass Tolerance.

Under normal circumstances, this was a suicide mission. Any other mare or stallion would have undoubtedly fail. But she was no ordinary mare. She was the best agent Equestria had. She was known as The Legendary Soldier. She was Diamond Snake.

Diamond Snake was currently just outside the base of Shadow Moses, watching the guards carefully. She was examining their patrol routes. Carefully planning her route, she sprang into action. She ran past the guards, careful to avoid the snow as to not leave a visible trail, and quickly made it to the first floor ventilation shaft and crawled through it. The guards didn't see a thing.

She quickly made her way through the vent, following the rats as she did so, in order to find her way out. After only a minute of crawling she had found the exit, and carefully crawled out, being weary of any guards that may have been lurking about.

She quickly looked around. Two guards patrolling the immediate vicinity, two unmanned tanks sitting in the hanger, and an elevator to the north. She then checked her Soliton Radar. Two cameras, though both were on the second floor. She softly chuckled to herself.

This was too easy.

She carefully made her way to the elevator, evading the guards as she did so. In only a few seconds she reached the elevator and set her destination to the basement floor one area.

The elevator slowly descended, too slowly for Snake's liking. The only thing that prevented Diamond Snake from going mad was the lack of terrible elevator music.

After what felt like hours the elevator finally stopped, its doors opening with a jolt. She quickly hid behind the left corner of the elevator, avoiding detection from any possible nearby hostiles. She quickly surveyed the hallway in front of her...nothing. Satisfied that the hallway was clear of hostiles, she quickly checked her Soliton Radar. She gasped softly as she saw a little blue dot.

"That must be the Darpa Chief," she said to herself as she left the elevator and slowly walked through the empty hallway. She soon came upon a door that had the inscription "Level 1 Security", which she attempted to open. She growled to herself, unable to open it with her bare hoofs. She would need a security card.

She quickly checked her Soliton Radar once again, and found that there was a nearby vent that led directly into the room the Darpa Chief was currently residing in. Following the linear path of the hallway, she quickly climbed the ladder that led to said vent. She then silently crawled through the vent, eventually coming across two different paths.

Once again checking her Soliton Radar, she then proceeded to the right. She eventually came across an opening and peaked through it, gasping at the sight.

Below her was the most beautiful mare she had ever come across. Her coat was a pretty yellowish color, and her mane was a dazzling red color, with a pretty pink bow. She watched as the sexy mare continuously exercised, push ups, sit ups, stretches. Diamond Snake couldn't help but drool a bit at the sight.

"But she is not the Darpa Chief," she thought bitterly to herself as she tore her sight away from the sexy vixen and continued on her way. Only seconds later she came across another opening, this time with a cute little white unicorn. Nodding to herself, she slowly and carefully dropped inside the small cell, shocking the inmate.

"Wh-who are you!?" Sweetie Belle, aka the Darpa Chief, asked as she quickly backed away in fear.

"I'm the pawn they sent to save your worthless butt," Diamond Snake stated coolly as she raised both hooves into the air, showing Sweetie Belle she was unarmed. But Sweetie Belle only glared at the invader.

"You lie!" she shouted out in anger, slightly surprising Snake, "you're here for my does anypony know the answer to number two?" Sweetie Belle asked in a teacherly fashion, causing Diamond Snake to back away slightly from the deranged mare.

"W-what?" To say she was confused would have been an understatement.

"That's right, it's a tolerance equipped, bi-pedal tank," Sweetie Belle nodded as she paced around her small cell.

"A tolerance equipped bi-pedal tank!? It can't be," Diamond Snake couldn't hold back the nightmares of the weapon of hell.

Fighting the memories, she lifted her head from her desk, wiping the drool from her mouth.

"Does anypony know what these round, metal circle shaped objects in this clock is called?" Miss Cheerilee asked as she held up said item, "how about you, Diamond Tiara," she questioned, knowing the young child hadn't been paying attention in class.

"Metal Gear!" Diamond Tiara grumbled with a grunt, loud enough for everypony to hear. Cheerilee did a double take, she hadn't expected Diamond Tiara to be right.

"Y-yes, that's right," she replied with a forced smile, "good to see you're paying attention," she finished, earning a glare from Diamond Tiara.

"Of course I am! This is serious!" she shouted out with a glare, startling Miss Cheerilee so much she actually backed away from the young filly.

"Yes, yes it is," she replied as she slowly backed away, "good to see you're so...enthusiastic about my class," she smiled nervously as she quickly went back to the blackboard, and resumed teaching the class.

...Wait...class?

Feeling her cheeks heating up, Diamond Tiara looked around to find she was indeed in the middle of class, sitting comfortably at her desk while receiving odd glances from her classmates.

She had fallen asleep in class...again.

Prompt 4: Diamond Tiara And Her Awesome Pet - Yukito

Diamond Tiara let out a loud yawn and rubbed her eyes. She looked over at her clock, to find that it was still only 21:03. Plenty of time before she had to go to bed. However, there was something that she had to do right now. Something that she couldn’t ignore any longer. Otherwise, she’d let it all out over her bed, and that would just be embarrassing.

“Right, guess I’d better get to the bathroom before-”

Piyo!

She stopped in her tracks, and picked up her small, egg-shaped toy, where she saw the digital bird inside squawking. It was begging for food. “Alright, alright, I’ll feed you already! Just hold on!” She quickly searched through the options, and picked out the bag of food for her pet. It ate it happily, and sang a little song. “Okay, now to-”

Piyo!

“What? You want me to play with you? But, I need to-”

Piyo!

“O-Okay, okay! I’ll just… take you to the bathroom with me, I guess.” Diamond Tiara carried the toy outside of her room, and began to make her way down the hallway leading to the bathroom. She selected the option to play with her pet by going for a walk with it. The bird chirped merrily, and love hearts floated around it.

She opened the door to the bathroom, and took a step inside, only to stop when she saw her father walking out of the shower. Both ponies quickly screamed in shock, and Diamond Tiara bolted out of the bathroom, and slammed the door closed. She sat outside and waited, trying not to think about what she had just seen.

The door opened, and Filthy Rich walked outside, a towel wrapped around his lower body. “Um… Bathroom’s free now.”

Diamond Tiara simply nodded, and walked inside. Unlike her father, she locked the door behind her, to ensure she had her privacy.

Once she was finished, she made her way back to her bedroom, letting out another loud yawn on the way. “Guess I should really be going to bed now.”

Piyo!

“Oh, what now?” she asked in a whine. She looked at her toy, and found that her pet had left her a little ‘present’. And it looked very ashamed of what it did. “You little… Let’s see… Ah, here we go.” She selected the option to scold her pet, which brought its discipline up a level. It was now potty-trained. She smiled, and then selected the option to clean up the current mess that was made by her pet.

When she got back to her room, she made sure that her alarm clock was set, and that her bag was ready for tomorrow, her definition of ‘ready’ meaning that it was in the room, and that her books were at least in sight around it. Or at least, as many books as she cared to count.

Once she was satisfied, she selected the option for her pet to go to bed. The first few days were a nightmare trying to get it to sleep, and Diamond Tiara was even scolded one time for yelling too loud to her pet for not listening to her. But now, with its current discipline level, it obeyed and went to sleep quickly.

“Good boy. Sweet dreams, my little Piyo.” She lay her pet down into the bed she had her father specially order for her. It was essentially a bassinette, but it had straw in it, so that her pet ‘bird’ would feel more comfortable in it.

Once her pet was settled into bed, it was her turn. She switched on her nightlight, shut off her main light, and then headed to bed. Taking a moment to get comfortable, and cuddle up against her favourite teddy bear, Diamond Tiara let out one final yawn, before drifting off to the land of dreams.

School was so boring. The work, the teacher, the students (except for Silver Spoon), and especially the work. The work was two times boring, so it was definitely the worst part of school. Diamond Tiara didn’t understand why they couldn’t just invent a type of school that doesn’t have work. Then she wouldn’t mind it so much.

Piyo!

Diamond Tiara jumped, and the entire room fell silent. “What was that?” Cheerilee asked. “That better not have been one of those new cell phone things that are going around!”

Almost everypony in the class immediately got out their cell phones, to check that they were on silent. Cheerilee sighed, and mumbled something about kids these days. One-by-one, each of the students declared that it wasn’t their phone that went off.

“I think it was Sweetie Belle,” Diamond Tiara said. “I mean, who else makes such weird, high-pitched noises?”

“Hey!” Sweetie Belle shouted, her voice cracking a little, and causing the ponies around her to cover their ears. “… Well, it wasn’t me! Maybe it was Snips. His voice has been pretty weird lately.”

“What?!” Snips shouted, his voice doing the same thing that Sweetie Belle’s did moments earlier. “It wasn’t me! I’ve been staying silent because of this!”

Some of the fillies near the colt giggled at the way his voice cracked, before Cheerilee intervened. “Now, class. Colts’ voices change as they get older, and it’s nothing to laugh about. Now, perhaps we can all get back to the lesson?”

“Yes, Miss Cheerilee,” everypony in the class said. The teacher turned around, and continued to talk about whatever it was she talking about. Diamond Tiara wasn’t paying any attention t all. Instead, she opened up her bag, pulled out her toy, and checked to see what was wrong.

“You want a bath? Now?” she whispered, before sighing and shaking her head. “Fine. But you’ve gotta stay quiet, or Miss Cheerilee will take you away from me!” She selected the sound option, and muted her pet. She then selected the option to bathe her pet, which the bird enjoyed very much. “Now, be a good boy whilst momma finishes her lesson, okay?”

She gave the screen a quick kiss, before leaning down to put her toy back into its bag. As she did so, she noticed Apple Bloom staring at her. “… What?”

Apple Bloom quickly turned away, her eyes still wide and her mouth still open. “N-Nothin’,” she said.

Diamond Tiara gave the filly a strange look, before shrugging it off, and getting back to not paying attention to anything that the teacher was saying.

School was just so boring.

When Diamond Tiara arrived at her favourite spot outside of the schoolhouse, she placed her bag down, and pulled out her lunchbox and a folded-up blanket. The blanket was pink, with purple and white stripes running across it diagonally, and it had her Cutie Mark in the very centre.

Once the blanket was laid out on the floor, and sat down, and placed her lunchbox beside her. She wasn’t going to start yet. Not until Silver Spoon arrived from whatever ‘important business’ she was doing.

“… Oh. I should make sure Piyo’s okay.” She pulled out her toy from her bag, and took a quick glance at the screen. Her eyes widened in horror at what she saw. Apparently, Piyo had gotten hungry at some point during the lessons, and couldn’t hold on for a measly one and a half hours.

It was now on its side, with ‘X’s where its eyes should be, with stink lines coming off of its body, and flies flying around it.

A tear rolled down Diamond Tiara’s cheek, soon followed by another one. “P-Piyo… No…” She threw her head up into the air, and clenched her eyes shut as she yelled, at the top of her lungs: “PIYOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Silver Spoon approached her friend calmly. “Diamond, listen. We’ve been talking, and we think you have a problem.” Behind her, the three members that made up the Cutie Mark Crusaders also approached, and nodded their heads in agreement.

“A-A problem? What do you mean? How could you say that?!” Diamond Tiara asked, her face red and wet from the tears she had shed moments earlier.

“Well,” Apple Bloom started, “Fer one thing, ye’re givin’ CPR to a toy…”

Diamond Tiara, in the middle of trying to breath air into her pet, stopped immediately, and considered her actions rationally for a moment. She then lifted her head up, stared at the toy beneath her, and then at the four fillies beside her. “… Oh Celestia. I need help.”

Silver Spoon smiled, and placed a reassuring hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. We know just what to do.”

Sweetie Belle fell to her haunches, too tired to continue digging anymore. “I-It’s too h-hot for this…”

Scootaloo wiped the sweat off of her brow, and then realised something. She looked over at the two rich fillies, who were simply sitting off to the side, sipping at their milkshakes in the cool shade beneath a tree. “Hey! Aren’t you two gonna help?!” she shouted. “It’s her dumb pet that died!”

“D-Dumb pet?!” Diamond Tiara shouted back, but was stopped from responding aggressively by her friend’s hoof. Instead, she simply nuzzled her now-dead pet, and whispered words of reassurance that he wasn’t dumb.

“You want two cute fillies like us to get our coats dirty?” Silver Spoon asked. “Besides, you might get your Cutie Marks in digging.”

The three thought about that for a second, and suddenly, they seemed to recover all of their energy, each one now racing to ‘dig up’ their Cutie Mark first. Silver Spoon gave a victorious smile, before frowning when she saw Diamond Tiara charging up a defibrillator beside her.

“Diamond,” she said, stopping her friend from possibly electrocuting herself.

Diamond Tiara sighed, and kicked the defibrillator away. “Sorry. It’s just, he’s been such a big part of my life, and-”

Silver Spoon put her hoof over Diamond Tiara’s. “It’s okay. I’m here for you.”

“Silver Spoon…”

“Hey!” Scootaloo shouted, destroying the moment between the two friends. “We’re done over here!”

“Did ah get a Cutie Mark?!” Apple Bloom asked excitedly. She looked at her flank, and then frowned when she saw that it was still blank. “Darn it!”

“Maybe you’ll get your Cutie Marks in burying?” Silver Spoon suggested. Their faces all lit up, and she shook her head and slammed a hoof against her face. ‘Such simple minds…’

Diamond Tiara approached the hole that had been dug, and looked down at her dead pet, sniffing a few times as she prepared herself to say goodbye forever.

She threw the toy into the hole, and then quickly averted her eyes. Silver Spoon held her friend close, and nodded to the Crusaders, who immediately began to throw the dirt back into the hole it originally came from.

“I didn’t think it’d be so hard,” Diamond Tiara said.

“It’s for your own good,” Silver Spoon said. She watched as the Crusaders continued to bury the accursed toy that had robbed Diamond Tiara from her for the past week, and smiled as she released her friend, and held her hoof. “Hey, I heard Carousal Boutique has a new line of dresses in, designed by Fleur de Lis herself. Wanna go check it out?”

Diamond Tiara’s face suddenly lit up, and she nodded her head. “Totally!”

The two friends walked off in the direction of the shop, leaving the three Crusaders to finish off their dirty work for them. Silver Spoon spared one last glance at the buried toy, and a wicked grin crossed her face. ‘Just the way it should be. Diamond Tiara is my friend, and I’m not gonna let some stupid little toy replace me!’

Meanwhile, a bright flash of light appeared where the Crusaders were digging, blinding the three of them momentarily.

“W-What was that?” Apple Bloom asked. She heard a gasp, and turned to the source of it.

“Girls, girls, look!” Sweetie Belle shouted, turning around and presenting her flank to her friends. “I got my Cutie Mark! I did it!”

Scootaloo approached her friend, and offered a hoofbump. “Way to go!” she shouted, before leaning in to examine the new Cutie Mark. “It’s… a headstone?”

The three fillies remained silent for a minute, none of them sure quite what to say.

Suddenly, Sweetie Belle broke the silence. “Oh boy! Just wait’ll I show Rarity!”

Prompt 4: Bird-thing - Mudpony

"Daddy, I'm home!" Diamond Tiara called out, kicking the door shut behind her.

"Hi, princess," her father called back.

Carefully, she put down the box she was carrying and slipped out of her school pack, tossing it into the corner without a second thought. School work could wait. Right now, it was time to play with Vel. After spending all day cooped up, he would be very excited the moment she entered the basement, chirping loudly. He would probably be hungry as well, so she would need to take care of that first thing.

"Dad, I'm going to play in the basement, okay?"

"Sure thing, sweetie."

She picked up the box and headed toward the entrance to the basement, hoping the contents of the box would stay silent. No such luck as a loud cluck emanated from within right as she passed the door to her dad's office. She froze.

"Um, is that a chicken?" her father asked.

Diamond Tiara looked left, then right, then left again, trying to think of a good lie. Nothing came to mind though, and so she opted for the truth. "Yes?" she said, bracing herself for the storm sure to come.

"I thought so," her dad said, turning back to his work. With a sigh of relief, she took another step toward the basement door.

"Oh, that reminds me," her father called out.

Diamond Tiara froze again, sure he was about to bring up the chickens that had recently gone missing all around town. This was it; the gig was up; she would have to come clean. And by clean she meant lie her face off so that he understood it was not really her fault, that she had not had a choice.

"There's been reports of strange things in the Everfree Forest. Nopony is sure just what they are, but they all agree on one thing: they are big. The mayor was even talking about asking Canterlot for a detachment of guards to investigate the problem," her father said.

"Uh-huh," Diamond Tiara replied.

"Well, until it is dealt with, please stay away from the forest, okay?" her father asked.

"Okay, daddy," she said.

Without any more conversation to impede her progress, she made it to the basement door, turning a key to unlock the door, and slipped inside, locking the door behind her. She walked down the stairs, taking care to skip the third one, as its creaking annoyed her.

At the bottom, she set the box down and looked around. Vel should have greeted her by now. He should have been bouncing around, making his high pitched chirps and whistles, nuzzling her a bit, and waiting anxiously to be fed. But he wasn't.

She felt along the wall and found the light switch. With a flick, the basement became illuminated, and she could see why her pet was absent. The place was a mess. Items were scattered all over the place. The old couch had several new gashes through its fabric, and one pillow was utterly destroyed, stuffing scattered around the room. The only place left untouched was the separate room where she kept the science kit she had gotten for her birthday.

"Vel!" she half-growled, half-yelled.

With a soft peep, his head appeared from behind a box. Sternly, she pointed a forehoof at the ground in front of her. Head held low, knowing he had done wrong, he slinked in front of her, looking up at her with pleading eyes.

"Bad! Bad bird-thing!" she scolded. "Look at this mess. Just look at it!"

She was not sure what exactly he was, which was why she referred to him as a bird-thing. He was supposed to be some kind of raptor, according to the so-called scientist she had paid, but he did not look like any kind of a mighty bird of prey she knew of. Nothing like an eagle or a hawk at all. But he did have feathers, so she supposed he must be some kind of bird, even if very strange looking one. Not strange looking in a bad way. He actually looked wicked awesome. Just strange compared to other birds was all.

Vel looked around, all the while making soft apologetic chirps, before gently rubbing his head against her foreleg. He was so cute when he did that, and it melted away her anger. He knew it would, the sly bird-thing that he was.

"Fine," Diamond Tiara said. "You're forgiven." Looking around, she shook her head. "I suppose it isn't, like, all your fault anyway. I mean, I totally leave you all alone in here all day, without any friends to play with. And you're really getting too big for this basement. You need more room than this."

Knowing he was forgiven, Vel bopped his head, then nudged the box, as the chicken within anxiously squawked.

"Okay, okay. You're hungry. I get it." Diamond Tiara reached down for the latch on the box. Before opening it, she held up a forehoof and commanded, "Sit." Obediently, Vel sat, eying the door on the box and the chicken within.

With a satisfied nod, Diamond Tiara lifted the latch and the chicken shot out, running for its life. Diamond Tiara waited to give it a slight head start, then lowered her hoof. At the signal, Vel leaped into the air, coming down just behind the chicken. It squawked and tried to zig, but Vel anticipated the maneuver and, with a second pounce, pinned it beneath his claws. His head came down, and it was over.

While her pet ate, Diamond Tiara looked around the room again. She could not keep him any longer, she realized. Her father was sure to notice a noise coming from the basement sooner or later. If not that, then he might connect the town's missing chickens to her, since his growing size meant she had to feed him more and more often. Added to that, Vel was showing himself to be quite the smart bird-thing. She had noticed him playing with the doorknob several times a week ago, and since then, she had made sure to keep the door locked. But even with that, he would probably find a way to escape sooner or later, and then somepony might panic and hurt him.

Tonight, she would have to take him to the Everfree Forest and set him free.

Vel chirped and fidgeted as Diamond Tiara slipped his collar into place around his neck. It was not something he was used to, but if she was going to take him outside, it was necessary. Besides, she had gotten it monogrammed with his name and everything, so he ought to wear it at least once. The collar secure, she attached the leash.

"Okay, now you need to be quiet and stay close, okay?" she asked her pet.

Vel whistled and squawked, then tried to hop onto her back. She pushed him back down.

"No! You're too big to ride now, Vel. You know that. And quiet means no squawking!" she hissed at him. Head down, the bird thing nuzzled her, but he did so silently, so Diamond Tiara was pleased.

"Good boy. Okay, let's go."

Quietly, she led him up the stairs and into the hall. She had made sure her dad was not in his office before entering the basement, and so had no problems making it to the door unobserved. She opened the door to the outside, and felt Vel shiver with excitement at all the new smells and sounds.

"Dad, I'm going to Sil's for a bit, okay?" she called, and was out the door without waiting for an answer.

Silver Spoon's house was not the destination she had in mind though. Instead, she walked through the night in the direction of the Everfree Forest, taking a back route to avoid encountering anypony else. Vel raced back and forth, hopping and pouncing on things. Whenever his chirping got too loud, she scolded him until he was quiet again.

At last, she reached the edge of the forest. Pulling Vel close, she gave him a hug, and he crooned in response. With a tear in her eye, she undid his collar and patted him on the head.

"Go," she commanded, pointing toward the forest.

With a happy chirp, he bounded into the plants, only to stop. He looked back over his shoulder and called to her, wondering why she was not following along. She would have explained it to him, but he would not have understood. It was time for him to be on his own. She pointed to the forest and commanded him to go again. Instead, he took a step toward her.

"No!" she scolded, and he paused, looking at her, confused as to what he had done wrong. Again, she pointed toward the forest. "Go! Be free!"

He looked in the direction she pointed, then back at her. Suddenly, he froze, then sniffed the air. He took a single hop toward the forest, then smelled the air again. His tail whipped back and forth, and then he leapt forward and was lost amongst the plants.

"I'll miss you, Vel!" she called out after him. There was no response. There never was, once they went far enough into the forest.

Diamond Tiara kicked the door shut behind her as she entered the house. As the sound reverberated throughout the house, she yelled out, "Dad, I'm going to go play with my science kit in the basement!"

Without waiting for a reply, she entered the basement, hanging the collar and leash on their peg, next to other pegs containing collars in all sorts of colors. She looked around at the mess of a room and shook her head. She would have to clean it up later. Well, partially clean it up. Just enough so that a maid could do the rest of it without asking any awkward questions. But that could wait. Right now, she had business inside the clean room.

She opened the outer door, the pressurized air rushing past her, and stepped inside. As the door closed behind her, she turned on the special light that was supposed to kill off any bacteria and such. Only once it finished its cycle did she open the inner door and enter the cleanroom proper, for, yes, the clean room was indeed a cleanroom.

She pulled open a drawer. Within lay her collection of amber. Not just any old amber, but amber that each contained an insect within. Every piece had a placard, listing the estimated date, the type of insect, and several other names, names she had paid that hack unicorn 'scientist' to provide. A bunch of those names were marked with a red 'X' in front of them. Those she ignored, instead looking at the others, scanning their names, moving from one to the next, trying to decide which to choose this time.

She stopped and read the name she had just skimmed again. She slapped her forehead with a hoof. "Duh," she exclaimed to nopony in particular. How could she have missed this for so long? Part of the name was a stereotypical pet name. This one should have been her first choice, not her fourteenth. It was so obvious now that she had noticed it. This one would surely be perfect, not like the others. When her father saw it, he would agree to let her keep it. It would be small enough that she could keep it in her room, and it would sleep on her bed. Maybe she could even teach it to play fetch. And all the other foals would be totally jealous of her awesome pet.

With renewed enthusiasm, she picked up the piece of amber and laid it down in her working area, next to a syringe and her drill. She maneuvered a magnifying glass into place, above the amber. For what she was about to do, she would need to be precise.

"You're going to be the best pet ever, Rex. I'm sure of it," she said.

With a practiced hoof, she picked up her implement and began to drill into the amber, to the insect and its precious DNA cargo that had been trapped within so long ago.

Author's Note

Suddenly, dinosaurs.

More by Mudpony: here.

Prompt 4: Would You Care to Repeat That? - Mager Blutooth

“Don’t feel bad,” Diamond Tiara said haughtily, peering down at the three fillies as they recovered from their fall. “Just think of all the ponies that saw that display of incompetence.”

“Won’t that just make us feel worse?” Sweetie Belle asked, trying her best to ignore the piercing stares of all her classmates.

“Maybe, but it sure puts a smile on my face,” Silver Spoon said before she and her friend began teasingly giggling at their clumsy schoolmates.

As the crowd around them dispersed, Scootaloo rose back to her hooves to retort, “You wouldn’t be laughing if we’d stacked those last thirty-seven cards.”

“Yeah,” Apple Bloom agreed. “We finished at least two out of three halves of that house of cards. We were closer to getting our cutie marks than ever before.”

“Oh, you are absolutely right,” Diamond sincerely replied, “and nopony is more surprised than I am that you didn’t get them this time.”

“R-really?” Sweetie Belle asked, thrown off by Diamond's change in tone.

“Absolutely. I was so convinced you’d get your cutie marks in failure, stupidity, and oafishness, I even bet Silver Spoon you would.” Diamond scooped her tiara off her head and plopped it onto her friend’s. “Looks like you were right, Silver. They’re just beyond hopeless.”

Silver looked confused for a moment but quickly threw up a smile and replied, “Well, when you’re dealing with ponies like these, what’s there to hope?”

“We are not hopeless,” Scootaloo challenged. “We’ll get our cutie marks someday, and you’ll be sorry you ever made fun of us for not having them.”

“I’ll bet,” Diamond sneeringly replied. “I’m sure when your amazing shoe-tying cutie marks pop up one day, I’ll just be quaking with jealousy.”

“Scootaloo’s right,” Apple Bloom said. “You’ll see. We’ll have the best cutie marks this school has ever seen, and you two won’t be able to make fun of us ever again.”

“Have we tried shoe-tying yet?” Sweetie Belle whispered, earning a shush from her friends.

“But you don’t have them now, right?” Diamond inquired.

“N-no,” Apple Bloom replied, shrinking back a step.

“Well, if what you’re saying is true, then we better get as much as we can in now,” Silver pointed out. She and Diamond looked at each other and grinned before loudly proclaiming their always reliable insult in perfect unison over and over again as they gleefully hopped around the three in a circular pattern.

“Blank flanks! Blank flanks! Blank flanks!”

The two giggled in delight of their own mockery, their laughter sounding as thick and disheartening as ever. However, it was suddenly cut off by a curious yet authoritative voice that had found its way onto the playground.

“Would you care to repeat that?”

The five went silent and turned back toward the school to see their teacher, Miss Cheerilee, approaching them. Her step had no spring, and on her face was an uncomfortable expression of knowing concern.

“Oh, M-miss Cheerilee,” Silver Spoon spoke up. “Is it time to go back to class yet?”

“Actually, I thought I’d come out and check on my students,” Cheerilee replied, a hint of sunshine hidden behind her mostly cloudy expression. “Am I to understand that you two are teasing your classmates for not having their cutie marks yet?”

“What would give you that idea?” Diamond asked as if she wanted to spit on the notion itself.

“Maybe the fact that you were,” Apple Bloom replied, edging closer to her teacher.

“I’d like to see you prove that,” Silver challenged, sticking up her nose in disgust.

“Miss Cheerilee just saw you!” Scootaloo argued. “Right, Miss Cheerilee?”

“It certainly seemed that way,” Cheerilee replied, her eyes firmly glued to Diamond and Silver.

“We were just showing our friends here what teasing looks like in case they want to get their cutie marks for it,” Diamond explained, wiping some of the dirt out of Sweetie's mane.

“Oh yeah?” Apple Bloom asked bitterly. “Well if that’s what it is, don’t ya think you’ve been showing us long enough?”

“Yeah, and why would we want cutie marks in teasing anyway?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“I’m sorry, we just thought you might want to try something that wouldn’t make you wind up face-first in dirt,” Silver earnestly replied as Diamond stifled a giggle.

“That’s enough, both of you!” Cheerilee exclaimed. “I didn’t become a teacher to watch my students behave like this. Now I want you to apologize to your classmates and promise me you’ll never insult them for not having cutie marks again.”

Diamond and Silver let out a uniform sigh followed by an asynchronous assortment of words that contained the message that Cheerilee wanted without the emotion.

“Why don’t we try that again?” Cheerilee suggested. “Maybe this time like you at least halfway mean it?”

“Just forget it, Miss Cheerilee,” Scootaloo said. “Those two wouldn’t mean it if you dangled them over a pit of alligators.”

“Cut!”

The lights dimmed and the backdrop pulled back as the six turned in the direction of the boisterous command coming from the grand, yellow megaphone next to the camera.

“Scootaloo, how many times do I have to tell you?” the orange stallion grumbled through his megaphone as he got out of his folding chair. “It’s ‘if you dangled them over a pit of crocodiles.’ It’s not that hard to remember.”

“Sorry, Mr. Action,” Scootaloo timidly said, nervously flipping through her script. “That song Pinkie sang about Gummy from scene seven is stuck in my head. I’ve got alligators on the mind.”

“Somepony get this girl some brain bleach and an MP3 player,” the stallion barked as he repositioned his beret. “We’ve got to get this right today!” The stallion’s secretary approached him and whispered something into his ear. “How am I supposed to know where to find brain bleach? I’m a director, and I’m directing you to find it and bring it here!”

Scootaloo was promptly escorted off the set in correspondence with Mr. Action’s order. In the meantime, Apple Bloom had an idea of her own that she wanted to share.

“Mr. Action?” she asked, raising her hoof. “I had some concerns about my character in this scene. I feel like she’s being too passive. Don’t you think it would make more sense if I piledrived Silver Spoon after they started ringing around our rosy?”

“I get where you’re coming from, AB. Really, I do,” Mr. Action said, setting down his megaphone. “But you see, we’re trying to make your character seem sympathetic, and if you piledrive somepony, you sort of lose the image we’re setting up for you. You get what I’m laying down?”

“What about me? Can I piledrive somepony?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Not in this episode, Sweets. We’re holding off on that until the episode where you dye your mane half-green and go on a rebellious streak.”

“Maybe I should piledrive Miss Cheerilee,” Silver Spoon suggested. “You know, to make sure the younger audience understands I’m the villain here.”

“That’s not a bad idea, Spoony, but we can’t afford to hire another stunt double right now. I’ll put it on my to-do list. I promise.”

“That reminds me,” Cheerilee spoke up, “when is my character going to become part of the main cast? You said it would be sometime this season, right?”

Mr. Action rubbed his forehead, letting out an exhausted sigh before raising his megaphone to respond, “Why don’t you all take five? We’ll try this again after I get some peace of mind.”

The buzzer went off to signal they were clear as the stage crew and cast dispersed to take their break.

“Nice work out there, Silver," Diamond acclaimed as the two walked off the set. "You were pretty good in that take.”

“Don’t insult me,” Silver snapped, slapping Diamond’s tiara back onto her head. “I was at my peak just now. Were you even paying attention?”

“S-sorry,” Diamond replied as Silver stormed off. “Are we still on for lunch after the session?”

“Work on your dialect,” Silver replied without turning back. “I can’t stand your voice.”

Diamond sighed as another voice grabbed her attention. “Hey, Diamond,” Apple Bloom said, Sweetie Belle to her right. “Silverware giving you trouble?”

“She’s just a little overworked,” Diamond said. “We have been at this for awhile.”

“You’re telling me,” Apple Bloom said. “Sweetie Belle and I were just on our way to take a bubble break. You in?”

Diamond said with a small smile, “I think I’ll pass. Maybe some other time.”

Sweetie shrugged. “Suit yourself. We’re still on for lunch after the session, though, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Diamond said, her smile broadening as she walked alongside the two on their way out. “I think I’ll need to get something to tide me over until then, though. I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

Sweetie laughed. “Well, let’s just hope Scootaloo remembers her lines this time.”

“If you see her, ask her if she wants to join us for lunch,” Diamond said as they arrived at the studio exit. “She always seems so tense. I think her nerves get the better of her when she’s around high-profile actors.”

“You mean like you?” Apple Bloom asked in jest, pressing the door open to let Sweetie out.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” Diamond said, her voice filled with imitation irritation. “Besides, you’ve been in three more movies than I have.”

Apple Bloom smiled and gave a pretentious bow. “I’ll talk to you later, Your Majesty.”

Diamond rolled her eyes at her co-performer’s little jab as the yellow filly exited with her unicorn friend to calm their nerves with some bubble soap. Diamond decided to make her way to her dressing room and do something about her empty stomach, but the charismatic smile of her director put a blockade on her plans.

“Diamond Tiara,” he roared as if he was still using the megaphone, “just the crown jewel I wanted to chat up. How’s my favorite guest star doing? I trust your working conditions are to your liking?”

Diamond smiled wearily, trying to maintain her professional demeanor in front of her enthusiastic superior. “Of course, Mr. Action. You know how much I love being on this show. How could I complain?”

“That’s why I love having you here, Ti-ti. Always such a gem.” He laughed, giving her a forceful pat on the back. “So, can I get you anything? I can do that, you know.”

“It’s quite all right, Mr. Action. You already sent that gigantic gift basket to my dressing room. I think it’ll take me six weeks to finish that thing without ending up on every tabloid magazine in Equestria.”

“Hey, you deserve all those calories, little missy. I’ve never seen an actress do mean like you can. What’s your secret? You got a second personality you keep in reserve?”

Diamond chuckled playfully. “I just think of you, and it all comes naturally, sir.”

Diamond’s comment sent the director spiraling into a fierce guffaw.“Oh, Ti-ti, sometimes I just want to put you on a ring and gift you to my fiancée.” He pulled out a bubble wand and dipped it into a small flask of solution he got from his beret. “So, what’s this I hear about you becoming a regular on The Spitzershnicks? Don’t tell me this pond’s already getting too small for you.”

“No, of course not, Mr. Action!” Diamond said, wincing as a stream of bubbles blew right into her face. “My role on Friendship is Magic is a dream come true. What could be better than working with a director amazing enough to let me play a character that has my own name?”

The stallion pouted as he stirred his bubble wand in the flask, turning away from the pink filly. “Apparently working with one that lets you play a starring role.”

“Mr. Action, come on, don’t be like that,” Diamond argued as she walked around to look him in the eye. “You only put me on the cast list for two episodes this season. What am I supposed to do with all this free time? Throw diva tantrums?”

Mr. Action blew a few more bubbles before responding. “You know, a bad girl image might be a nice change of pace for you.”

“Rising...” Diamond said chidingly, giving the director a look to match.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right. I can’t put a leash around your neck and lock you in my trophy room, no matter how much I might want to. Bubble?” he asked, offering Diamond the plastic wand.

“I’d rather not,” Diamond responded, softly rejecting the offer.

“I figured as much. Good girl,” Mr. Action said, sending another surge of bubbles into the air. “But take my advice, Ti-ti. Don’t be so good. In this business, you’ll end up with all the roles nopony else wants.”

Diamond felt her stomach switch from just growling to flat out roaring and began backing away toward the corridor behind her. “Thanks for the advice, Mr. Action. I’ll keep that in mind,” she said as she quickened her pace.

“And don’t go running off to some other show!” he called out after her. “I’m running out of antagonists as it is!”

“Then stop reforming so many of them!” Diamond called back as she disappeared around the corner and into the hallway.

She passed a few of her fellow actors, trying to keep small talk to a minimum as she headed straight for her dressing room. At long last, she arrived at the door bearing her trademark tiara symbol on it. Unfortunately, there was one more barrier separating her from finding a snack.

“I...I can’t believe it,” the skinny, brown-haired man replied with a look of pure delight. “It’s...the Diamond Tiara.” He paused for a moment as if to take a mental picture. “You are really you, right?”

Diamond fidgeted a bit, glancing between her door and the man, and uncomfortably replied, “Uh, yeah, I’m me. Can I help you?” she asked, trying to work up a smile.

“I...I’m...My name is Steve Luber. I came here from north of the border just for the chance to watch you work live. I can’t believe I’m talking to you with my own two lips. I absolutely love your work.” He removed the green bicorne from his head and squeezed it in his hands.

“Oh, r-really? I don't hear that too often. You flew out here all the way from Manada?” Diamond asked, trying her best to not seem distracted.

“Eh, who has time to fly these days?” he remarked. “I walked here.”

Diamond’s attention was pulled completely away from her door. “You...walked here? But...Equestria and Manada aren’t connected by land. The only way between the two is across the Ocean of Lost Dreams.”

“Walked, swam, what’s the difference?” Steve casually replied.

“You swam across the Ocean of Lost Dreams?” Diamond asked in disbelief. “It’s over 200,000 miles long!”

Steve dreamfully gazed up toward the ceiling. “Every time I got tired, I just remembered your inspiring words: ‘I won’t let you quit.’”

Diamond no longer had to pretend to be attentive. “I-I’m flattered, sir, but you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t believe you. That ocean hosts an entire network of cutthroat pirates and vikings that pillage and decimate without prejudice.”

“Oh, them?” Steve threw his forearm forward. “I infiltrated their ranks, slowly gaining their trust and working my way up their social ladder. Then one night, after cooking a meal of grubworms and orange casserole, I cleverly deceived them all into becoming embarrassed of their grandmothers and escaped in the resulting chaos. I don’t think there were any survivors.”

Diamond took a step backward. “O...kay, but that ocean’s filled with a ton of vicious sea monsters that prey on anything that moves. You’re telling me you got past them?”

The forearm went forward again. “Oh, them? I infiltrated their ranks, slowly working my way up the monstrous social network until I received enough social standing to meet the almighty Yuzuxuzootsupsut, hideous, snake-haired ruler of the sea and all things wet. She saw through my clever disguise by realizing I had no sharp teeth, refused to eat raw flesh, and was approximately the size of her thumbnail. She declared that I would become a sacrifice to her infinite power and captured me with her massive army of titanic sea monsters. I pleadingly appealed to Her Royal Wetness’s ego by saying she was too cool for mule. She'd never before been complimented in such a rudimentary and rhythmic fashion. She simply couldn’t allow a creature who said such things to cease existing, so she let me go, ordering all her minions to allow me safe passage to Equestria.”

Diamond’s mouth hung open in concerned bewilderment, debating whether to commend the fan on his dedication to her character or call every security guard in the studio.

“Will you sign my hat?” he asked, extending his green topper to the pink filly, the feather that protruded from it tickling her nose.

“Sure,” Diamond replied, pulling out the feather to use as a quill. “Steve...Luber, you said?” she asked, prompting a nod from the gentleman. She scribbled across the hat with the quill in her mouth before giving it back. “T-thanks for your support. It’s fans like you that inspire me to keep on!” she cheerfully said, quickly entering her dressing room and shutting the door behind her with a quick burst of nervous laughter.

Steve took a look down at his hat to see what magical words the famous filly had written. Scrawled across the rim of the hat was:

Steve, Maybe You Should Just Take A Plane Home. XOXO - Diamond Tiara

Steve kept his eyes glued to those words as he headed back to his seat in the studio audience, mumbling only the singular phrase, “I’ll do it.”

Diamond let out a heavy sigh and stumbled to get a look at herself in the vanity mirror on her dresser. “How did I end up in this crazy cage?” she asked, combing through her mane with her hoof.

“How did I end up in this crazy cage?”

Diamond looked over to her hat rack in the direction of the voice, cracking a smile at the comment. “What are you talking about, Peeve? You haven’t lived in a cage since I got this role.”

Diamond’s parrot flew from its perch, landing on her shoulder as she opened the top drawer of her dresser. Diamond shook her head. “You wouldn’t believe what that schlub of a director is making me do today, and here I thought he couldn’t degrade my character’s image any more.”

“Diamond’s the best,” Peeve squawked. “Nopony appreciates her talent.”

Diamond leaned back in her cushy lounging chair as she grabbed a full-sized carrot from her massive gift basket along with a pink bubble wand and plastic jar of soap she kept stashed in her dressing room drawer. “Get this: they want me to steal Scootaloo’s scooter, threaten to throw it into the lake, accidentally fall into said lake, and then start crying like a baby because I can’t swim, leading to Apple Bloom diving in to save me. Can you believe it? I think I’d rather just drown.”

“What are those writers thinking?” Peeve exclaimed, flapping its wings as if in outrage.

Diamond took an aggravated bite of her carrot, cutting it in half in one chomp. “And you should see what he has planned for me on my second episode this season. Here’s a hint: it involves hypnotism and me being lactose intolerant. I’m telling you, Peevey, he’s the worst. I’d prefer working with that Steve Luber freak than with him.”

“What a hack! He doesn’t know how lucky he is to have Diamond,” Peeve said before looking to his owner expectantly.

“Good boy,” Diamond gave him a nibble of the carrot before blowing a few dozen bubbles into the air to calm herself down. She snagged the family photo she kept on top of her dresser to look at it. “My family can’t even watch the show anymore, Peeve. Can you blame them? Who could watch their little gemstone play a role like this? I swear, the second my contract ends, I am so out of here.”

Peeve popped one of the stray bubbles in its beak and squawked in agreement.

“I mean, maybe it could be at least tolerable if I were working with half-decent actors. And here I thought the main six were a bunch of trainwrecks. Scootaloo can’t even remember her lines half the time, and she hasn’t done her own stunts since the second season.”

Diamond blew another stream of bubbles as Peeve flew off her shoulder.

“Then there’s Apple Bloom, the filly who can’t keep her nose clean long enough to breathe out of it. I swear, every time I pick up a copy of Copious Slander, she’s right there on the cover.”

Peeve flew back, now carrying the very magazine in his talons. Diamond rolled her eyes and turned away at the sight of Apple Bloom on the cover eating a raw pineapple. “Surprise, surprise,” she murmured, swirling her bubble wand around in the jar.

“Mr. Inaction says everypony’s been wanting to hear Sweetie Belle sing again,” Diamond thought out loud. “Remember that time they got her to do it for real? Hope they never make that mistake again.”

“She sounded like a goat with a turkey call,” Peeve replied.

Diamond smiled, stroking the top of Peeve’s head. “I’ve taught you well.”

“Who’s a pretty bird?” Peeve asked.

“Not Cheerilee, that’s for sure,” Diamond said. “She really needs to stop living in the past. You know she’s playing a role twenty years younger than she is? It’s almost disgusting. I'll bet she never even-”

Diamond stopped as she caught sight of her parrot sleeping on her shoulder, impersonating her own iconic snore.

“Well, fine then. If I’m boring you, I guess you don’t care about what I heard about Silver Spoon.”

The green bird sprung to life as he shouted, “Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!”

Diamond playfully kept her pet in suspense with another puff of bubbles. “Oh, that pique your interest? All right, pay close attention, because I’m not repeating myself. I heard this one straight from the gossip king, Big McIntosh himself. Turns out that ‘Silver Spoon’ is a stage name. You know what her real name is? Tea Spoon. She was so embarrassed of it that she had it legally changed.”

“Why not just name her Rainbow Disaster?” Peeve cawed in response.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Tea Spoon’s a fake name too. She seems more like a Table Spoon if you ask me.”

Suddenly, the intercom called from overhead.

Diamond Tiara, you're wanted on set. We’re rolling in thirty seconds.

Taking one more breath of bubbles, Diamond rose from her chair. “Guess I better put my straight jacket back on,” she grumbled as she turned toward the door.

“Makeup!” Peeve shouted, shoving a large powder puff right into Diamond’s face and sending white powder everywhere.

“I’ll be back in ten, Peevey. Behave yourself while I’m gone,” Diamond said as she emerged from the imitation snow and grabbed onto the doorknob.

“What am I supposed to do with all this free time? Throw diva tantrums?” Peeve asked.

Diamond stopped, turning back to her nosy pet. “Have you been eavesdropping on me through the ventilation system again?”

“I’ll talk to you later, Your Majesty,” he replied with a squawk.

Diamond Tiara, we're rolling in fifteen seconds.

“Just don’t go causing any problems. I’m not supposed to be letting you roam around freely like this. I don’t want to get in trouble,” Diamond said as she rushed off.

“Good girl,” Peeve said. “Diamond’s the best. She deserves the world and then some.”

“Sorry, I’m late, everypony!” Diamond called as she rushed onto the set. “I...misplaced my special hairbrush.”

“Don’t worry about it, Diamond. You’re not late until the red light goes on,” the director called from his chair with his megaphone. “Now let’s take it from right after the house of cards collapses. Three, two, one...action!”

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo stared in horror at the wreckage that was once something they could call a triumph. Hundreds of cards scattered around them, now filling them with only shame and anguish as the entirety of their class giggled at the event.

“Don’t feel bad,” Diamond Tiara said haughtily, peering down at the three fillies as they recovered from their fall. “Just think of all the ponies that saw that display of incompetence.”

“Won’t that just make us feel worse?” Sweetie Belle asked, trying her best to ignore the piercing stares of all her classmates.

“Maybe, but it sure puts a smile on my face,” Silver Spoon said before the two began teasingly giggling at their clumsy schoolmates.

“Surprise, surprise,” a raucous voice called out as a green blur whooshed past the crowd of colts and fillies.

Scootaloo shifted her gaze away from her tormentors for a moment as the crowd around them started to disperse. “Uh, well, you wouldn’t be laughing if we’d stacked those last thirty-seven cards!”

“Yeah,” Apple Bloom agreed, curiously looking up toward the sky. “We finished at least two out of three halves of that house of cards. We were closer to getting our cutie marks than ever before.”

“Hope they don’t make that mistake again,” the voice squawked as a small, green bird flew off the sun and landed on Diamond’s shoulder.

Her laughter vanished as she fearfully stared at the bird on her shoulder. “Uh, Mr. Action,” she said, completely dropping her prideful attitude, “maybe we should cut now.”

“Are you crazy?” a second unidentified voice whispered. “Keep going. This is beautiful.”

Taking another nervous glance at the bird, Diamond resumed her spiteful stance and replied to the yellow filly, “Oh, you are absolutely right, Apple Bloom, and no one’s more surprised than I am that you didn’t get them this time.” Under her breath, she muttered, “Or that there’s a bird on my shoulder now.”

“R-really?” Sweetie Belle asked, thrown off by essentially everything at once.

“Absolutely,” the bird answered. “I was so convinced you’d get your cutie marks in failure, stupidity, and oafishness, I even bet Tea Spoon you would.” The bird grabbed Diamond’s tiara in its talons and dropped it onto Silver’s head before perching on the Diamond’s head. “And here I thought the main six were a bunch of trainwrecks.”

“Wait, what did you just call me?” Silver asked, her face turning bright red.

“She seems more like a Table Spoon if you ask me,” the bird scathingly said.

“Nopony did ask you, birdbrain,” Diamond harshly whispered. “Now do you mind? We’re trying to shoot a scene here.”

“Well, let’s just hope Scootaloo remembers her lines this time,” the bird replied, casting a nasty glare at the orange pegasus. “I’m not supposed to be letting you roam around freely like this.”

“Uh, Mr. Action?” Scootaloo asked. “Maybe we should cut. This bird’s going off-script.”

“Come on, Scoots,” the unidentified voice called out again. “Just play it by ear. You’re all on fire out there.”

“Uh...we are not hopeless!” Scootaloo challenged. “We’ll get our cutie marks someday, and you’ll be sorry you ever made fun of us for not having them.”

“Not in this episode,” the bird hastily replied.

“Peeve!” Diamond softly shouted, looking around anxiously. “Only Pinkie and Discord are allowed to make those kinds of jokes.”

“Scootaloo’s right!” Apple Bloom said. “We’ll show ya. We’ll have the best cutie marks this school’s ever seen, and you three won’t be able to make fun of us ever again.”

“What am I supposed to say here? They didn’t give me the setup,” Sweetie whispered, earning a shush from her friends.

“You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t believe you,” the parrot replied. “Apple Bloom can’t keep her nose clean long enough to breathe out of it.”

“Say what?” Apple Bloom asked, wiping her nose with her front hoof. “Are you sayin’ I got a bat in the cave?”

“I’m not repeating myself,” the bird said, rubbing its head on Diamond’s mane.

“Where’d that bird even come from?” Silver asked, giving Diamond a strange look. “You never told me you had a pet parrot.”

“Uh, well I...just got him,” Diamond nervously responded.

“Then how does he already know so many words?” Sweetie asked.

“I just think of you and it all comes naturally,” the bird said. “Hideous, snake-haired ruler of the sea and all things wet.”

“Snake-haired?” Sweetie repeated, inspecting her curls.

“I can’t stand your voice. Sea monster,” the bird cawed. “I think I’d rather just drown.”

“Would you care to repeat that?”

The six fell silent as they looked back toward the school to see Miss Cheerilee approaching them. Her gait was solemn and uninspired, and on her face was a slightly befuddled expression of disturbed curiosity.

“Oh, M-miss Cheerilee,” Silver Spoon started. “Is it time to go back to class yet?”

“Table Spoon! Table Spoon!” the bird sang as it fluttered next to Silver’s head, quickly getting smacked away by the gray filly.

“Actually, I thought I’d come out and check on my students,” Cheerilee replied, her eyes switching between the fillies and the bird. “Am I to understand that you two are teasing your classmates for not having their cutie marks yet?”

“What would give you that idea?” Diamond asked as if she were describing a crime against ponykind.

“Blank flanks! Blank flanks!” the bird sang, this time next to Apple Bloom’s head, earning it another smack.

“T-that’s not my bird,” Diamond insisted as the bird flew back onto her head.

“Diamond’s the apex of the universe!” the bird cheered. “She sparkles more than Twilight and wills more than Iron.”

Diamond slapped herself with her hoof as Cheerilee continued, “I am very disappointed with the two of you. I won’t allow this type of behavior to go on in my class, and I can assure you that I will be speaking to both of your parents about this.”

“Can I piledrive somepony?” the bird asked.

“Excuse me?” Cheerilee asked.

“Stop living in the past.” The green bird whooshed off Diamond’s head, landing on Cheerilee’s and jerking the fuchsia hairpiece right off her head.

“Bring that back here this instant, you foul-mouthed leg of poultry!” Cheerilee shrieked, covering her head with her front hooves.

“Who’s a pretty bird? Not Cheerilee,” the bird mockingly called as it circled the six of them in the sky with the wig in its talons.

Cheerilee snorted and ran off the playground, all of her students watching in speechless terror. A loud slamming noise shortly followed.

“Uh, Mr. Action,” Scootaloo spoke up. “Miss Cheerilee just left the studio. Should we cut now?”

“Don’t worry about it,” the voice from nowhere insisted. “We’ll replace her with CG in post. Keep going.”

The wig fell onto Diamond’s head as the parrot landed back on her shoulder. “Diamond’s an uncut miracle!” It nuzzled against her neck. “Her only flaw is everypony she works with.”

“Shut up!” Diamond shouted, shooing the bird off her shoulder. “I told you to stay in your room and not cause any trouble. What’s wrong with you? Are you trying to get me fired?”

“Don’t be so good,” the bird barked back.

“What?” Diamond asked, checking to see if the director had finally turned the camera off yet. To her disappointment, the red light was still shining brightly.

The bird circled around Diamond’s head as it continued, “They’re making me look like a bad friend. They’re literally throwing mud on my character this time. They want me to wear bunny ears on international television. Whose idea was it to make me play second banana to Babs Seed? King Sombra beat me in popularity polls last week. They made Discord friendlier than me this season.”

It stopped circling and transitioned to flying right in front of Diamond’s face. “They want me to steal Scootaloo’s scooter and then start crying like a baby. And here I thought they couldn’t degrade my character’s image any more.”

Diamond turned off her anger as the feathered creature’s words rang through her ears. “You...you came out here just to stop me from going through with another crummy role?”

“Diamond’s the best,” the bird replied as it reclaimed its perch on her shoulder. “Nopony appreciates her talent.”

Diamond froze as if she had just heard that sort of praise for the very first time. “I repeated that in front of you at least seven hundred times to get you to say that,” she recalled. “You’re not just repeating it anymore, are you?”

The bird stared into her eyes and replied in a much calmer tone, “Who could watch their little gemstone play a role like this?”

Diamond had to smile as her pet rubbed against her neck again. “I love you, Peeve,” she murmured, stroking the top of the bird’s head again. She then shifted her gaze away from the four fillies at her sides and took an agitated step away from them.

“Mr. Action, I’m not putting up with this nonsense for one more second. I’ve been playing nice girl around here for way too long, and I’m sick of it! From now on, I want some say in what my character will and will not do. I don’t care how contractually obligated I am to work here. If you want to see a lick of talent out of me, you’ll start giving my character the respect she deserves!”

And...cut!

The lights dimmed as the red light shut off and the various creatures of the studio audience erupted in applause, the director joining in.

“Fantastic work, everypony. Now somepony throw a pie in Diamond’s face and we’ve got our scene.”

“Now wait just a-” Diamond and her shoulder bird were silenced as a large mass of banana and cream from Sweetie Belle splattered them both across the face.

“Did you get that?” the director asked the pony behind the camera. “Excellent. I think this might be the best scene we’ve had in years.”

“What are you talking about?” Silver Spoon asked. “None of what just happened makes any sense in the context of the episode.”

“Yeah,” Apple Bloom agreed. “We never explained where the bird came from, and its motivation for being here made less sense than half of its dialogue.”

“Plus, we made Miss Cheerilee look like the villain,” Scootaloo said, “and pointlessly at that.”

“And what’s the audience supposed to think about us randomly talking to some guy named Mr. Action that was never on-screen?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“I understand your concerns, but don’t worry,” the orange stallion encouraged. “All we need to do is harness the most magical force in the universe, and it’ll all be fine.”

“Friendship?” Diamond asked, wiping the pie out of her eyes.

“No, editing!” the director replied. “Just you wait. With a little word tweaking and a few fade transitions, we’ll have a coherent thirty-second masterpiece that the fans will be artistically rendering for the next three years. Now let’s move onto the next scene. Somepony needs to go dig up Twist.”

The actors groaned as they walked off the set to allow the stage crew to change the backdrop.

“By the way, Diamond,” Mr. Action added, getting the pie-coated filly’s attention, “I liked your little speech at the end there. It really made me think about what I’ve been doing with your character all these years. I think you’re right. It’s time for a change.”

“Really? You mean it, sir?” Diamond cheerfully asked.

“Absolutely. I think after what I just saw we can really go places with this.”

“Uh, go places with what exactly?”

“The bird! Little Peevey here,” the director exclaimed. “We’ll make it canon that your pet parrot has been calling the shots from day one. We’ll let all the hate that’s been coming your way fall right onto his birdy shoulders. You'll become a sympathetic character and we won’t even have to reform you. Am I not brilliant?”

“You mean you want me to become a weak-willed cream puff that acts mean because her pet bird tells her to?” Diamond asked as Peeve started tasting Diamond’s left ear.

“I’m telling you, Diamond. You’ll be more popular than Applejack by the end of the season. And Peeve, let’s do lunch. My ponies will contact you about a contract in eight to ten business days. I’ll be in my trailer if you need me.” Before Diamond could get in a word of protest, the director had left the studio.

Peeve paused its afternoon snack to comment, “I’d prefer working with that Steve Luber freak.”

“Your...your bird knows my name?” a praising voice stuttered. “And here I thought this day couldn’t get better. Will you both sign this golden chalice I got from Yuzuxuzootsupsut?” He held up a gaudy, shimmering goblet that took both hands just to hold.

Diamond put up a pleasant front as she grabbed the cup. “I’d be happy to-”

“Diamond Tiara!” a voice filled with ferocity shouted right in Diamond’s ear, making her drop the chalice.

Diamond turned to see four angry fillies staring at her.

“Who told you about my real name? Do you know how much I paid to cover that up?” Silver asked as she tossed the tiara she was wearing off her head.

“And I don’t mess up my lines all the time!” Scootaloo shouted. “It’s more like half the time.”

“What have you been telling that bird about my nose?” Apple Bloom asked. “My doctor says it's got the perfect amount of mucus in it.”

“Snake-haired?” Sweetie Belle fumed, her eyes bulging out with rage.

Diamond took a step back. “Oh, would you look at the clock? It’s lunch time. I don’t know about you girls, but I’m starving. I’ll see you there!” Diamond disappeared in a cloud of dust as the four fillies dashed after her.

Steve Luber picked up the fallen tiara off the ground as Diamond’s parrot landed on his shoulder. He looked at the bird and asked, “You think she’d mind if I kept this?”

“Are you kidding me, Lube?” Peeve responded in a subdued, typical speaking voice. “She’d freak.”

Cut!

Author's Note

This has been The Secret Friendship of Steve and Peeve. Filmed before a live studio audience.

Prompt 5: Diamond Tiara's Mother - Yukito

Stupid Cheerilee! Stupid Apple Bloom! Stupid Sweetie Belle! Stupid Silver Spoon! For once, Scootaloo is actually alright. But the rest of you, you can all just go to heck! I hate you! I hate all of you! I wish I was never born!

… Okay, so I may have had a bit of a temper tantrum, and I may have been held after school for throwing a bunch of objects around the class and injuring one or two kids. But it wasn’t my fault! It was Miss Cheerilee’s fault! And Snips’! How dare they bring up my mother?! Or rather, my lack of mother…

And then that stupid blank flank Apple Bloom had the nerve to try and console me! You want me to feel better? Stop bringing up my mum who’s never around! Gah! I hate everything! I just wanna go home and lock myself in my room!

“Why don’t I have a mum?!” I shout as I walk through the streets of Ponyville with my father. It had been silent up to that point. Daddy made a point of letting me know how cross he was, but what right did he have to be cross?! It was me who didn’t have a mum! “Why?!”

“Diamond sweetie, please. We can talk about this when we-”

“No! I want to know! I want to know why mum is never around to talk to me! Or to buy me toys! Or to praise me when I’m a good filly!”

“Diamond Tiara!” Oh great, here it comes. The voice Daddy uses whenever he’s serious. I never win when he brings out this voice. It’s not fair! “We will talk about this later! When the time is right!”

“You always say that, but I’m not a little filly anymore! I’m a big kid, and I wanna know where my mommy is!”

“LATER!” Whoa! He’s never shouted quite that loud before. “… Later,” he repeats, more quietly this time.

It’s not fair, daddy. You’re always away at work, and the other kids are always talking about how their mothers bake treats for them, and take them out shopping, and treat their cuts whenever they get hurt, and send them to bed early when they get in trouble. Why can’t I have any of that? You have enough money to buy me anything I want… so why don’t I have a mum?

I hate sitting in my room with nothing to do. Because it means I have time to think about things clearly. And when I do that, I realise how stupid I was for taking it out on the other students. Yeah, ‘cause they’re the reason I have no mum. Sure.

And it’s not daddy’s fault, either. I know that money can’t buy a new mum… I know that, but… “Oh great, and now I need to use the little filly’s room.” Hopefully, I can sneak past daddy’s bedroom without him hearing. I don’t want to talk to him right now… I just want to go to sleep and wake up forgetting all about what happened today.

It won’t happen, but… what else can I do? Maybe if I had a mum, she would hold me, and tell me that everything’s alright, like the other kids said… And, she would wipe away my tears, so I didn’t have to do it myself.

Knock, Knock

Hm? Who’s visiting us so late at night? I’d better hide, so that daddy doesn’t see me when he leaves his bedroom. Wait, he’s already downstairs? So, I crept quietly for nothing?!

“Good evening, Mr. Rich.” … Oh my gosh. Is that… It is! It’s… It’s…

“P-Princess Sparkle! W-What a pleasant surprise!” Princess Twilight Sparkle is at our house?! W-Why?!

“You know that it isn’t. May I come in?”

“… So, it’s happened, has it?”

“Yes. And, I feel terrible about it. I want to tell you how sorry I am that-”

“Hold on. There’s somepony you should meet.” Uh-oh. Daddy’s coming up the stairs. Quick, to my room! No time! I know, I’ll pretend I was just coming out of the bathroom. “Diamond Tiara?”

“Y-Yes, Daddy?”

“We need to talk. Can you come downstairs for a minute?”

I don’t want to talk, but… the look in his eyes says that he won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. “Y-Yes, daddy.”

Sooooo… here I am, sitting right in front of a Princess, drinking tea with her, and smiling nervously whilst trying not to accidentally do something that would get me banished. Suck on that, Crusaders.

“Your name is Diamond Tiara, right?” she asks me. I simply nod. “Well… this is… interesting.”

What’s so interesting about it?

“Perhaps we should explain,” Daddy says. “You see, Diamond… you remember the story of how I met your mother, right?” How can I not? It’s the only thing of my mother’s I even have.

“You met her at your College graduation party. You were chasing some other mare, she rejected you, and then mum came along and you fell for her at first sight.”

“Well, something like that.” … Wait, why did the Princess just say that? “It must have been so long ago for you, but for me, it’s like it was just a few hours ago.”

“I imagine I look so old to you now, but you still the look the same as back then.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” I ask. This is all so confusing. Why are they talking like they’re old friends or something?

“Well, you see, Diamond,” Twilight says, “Earlier today, I decided to try my newfound Princesshood powers to try and improve upon a spell I had used in the past. A time-travel spell, developed by Starswirl the Bearded himself. And, whilst I was in the past… I met a certain stallion, and we…”

… Wait. I-Is she implying what I think she’s implying? “Y-You mean, you and my dad…”

“I’m so sorry,” she says. “I-I never meant to hurt anypony. Had I know at the time who he was… that he would grow up to have a happy family… But, thankfully, it seems that the timeline has not been altered. I guess he still met your mother at that party, huh?”

Daddy clears his throat. He has that same dumb look he always has whenever he’s around a pretty mare. Only, this time, it looks even worse. “Actually, Twi- … Princess. It’s… not quite as simple as that. You see, ten months after the party, I saw you again.”

“You did?” she asks. “I… time-travel again?”

“… And you… present me with a beautiful baby filly… who we named Diamond Tiara…”

Forget time-travel. Daddy just made time stop. Is he saying what I think he’s saying? “Mr. Rich, does that mean…”

I can’t believe this! “You kidnap me and send back to the past?!” … Oops. I just yelled at a Princess.

Why is daddy laughing? Does he not care what happens to me anymore? Did I… Did I hurt him with all my yelling earlier? “No, Diamond. That’s not it. What I mean is, ten months from now, she’ll go back in time again to deliver the baby version of you.”

… Okay, now I’m confused. “Huh? But, I’m not a baby anymore.”

“No, she…” Daddy’s face is now red. What’s he trying to tell me. “She’s pregnant, Diamond. Pregnant with you.”

“… She’s doing what to me?” Seriously, so confused.

“You… don’t know what that means?” Daddy asks. I shake my head. “Uh, you… know about the difference between stallions and mares, right?”

“Colts have germs and fillies have manners?” They both laugh at my answer. Why? It’s right, isn’t it? … Stop laughing at me!

“I think…” Daddy finally manages to stop laughing. “I think I’m going to have pay a visit to Miss Cheerilee tomorrow.”

“… Mr. Rich… is it true what you just said?” the Princess asks. “That I’m… I’m Diamond Tiara’s mother?”

… What? WHAT? “WHAT?!” S-She’s my… “W-Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I, uh, tried,” Daddy says. What a lie. When? “Listen, I’m sorry for not saying anything to you, Diamond Tiara. But I had to keep it a secret. I couldn’t tell anyone anything, otherwise, it could disrupt the space-time cot… cotninum?”

“‘Continuum’,” the Princess says. Yet another word I don’t understand. Speak Equine, already!

“Right. Anyway, if I had told anypony, then you would run the risk of never being born…” Daddy puts his forehoof over the Princess’. “And I would have never had the most magical night of my entire life, with the most beautiful mare in the entire world.”

The Princess blushes, and looks my way. “I-I just… can’t believe it. To think, this whole time, I’ve had a daughter and never known about it…”

“I don’t believe you!” I shout. “If you’re my mommy, then… then do something to prove it! Something that only my mother could do!”

“Diamond, please-” Daddy begins, but mu- the Princess, cuts him off by extending her wing.

“Alrighty then. Diamond, come here.” She holds out her foreleg, inviting me into her open chest. Is this some kind of trick. “It’s okay. Trust me.” … I slowly move forward, and climb up onto the couch, sitting beside the Princess. She asks me to move closer, so I do. I lean my head on her chest, and she wraps her forelegs around me. “Do you feel it?”

“Feel what?” … Wait, this is… “… M-Mommy?”

“… Yes… I feel it, too,” she says. I feel something drip onto my head. “There’s no doubt. You’re… You’re my daughter…”

I now feel something wet running down my face. “Mommy… i-it’s really… really you… Why haven’t you been around? Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Diamond Tiara.” She nuzzles the top of my mane, and I close my eyes as I snuggle up closer to her. “I promise… I promise that I’ll be there for you from now on. I’ll make up for all the years we’ve missed together. So please… please tell me you’ll forgive me…”

I can’t believe it. After all this time. After all these years, mommy is right here. I’m hugging my mother. I’m being held by her. She’s nuzzling me, just like the other kids said. “Mommy… c-can you… can you come to school with me next week, for Family Appreciation Day?”

“But Diamond, you’ve already had your turn,” Daddy says.

“I don’t care! I-I want to show everypony…” I want them to know… that I have a mother now. “Please?”

“… Well, if Miss Cheerilee says that it’s okay…”

“I’ll be there,” Mommy says.

“… And, can we go to the park tomorrow, and can you put a bandage over my cut leg?”

“… Yes. But, maybe we can miss the part where you actually get hurt?”

“… And, tonight, can you read the rest of this book I was reading to me? Some words are hard to read…”

I feel her holding me tighter. “Yes, Diamond. I’ll do it all. I’ll be here to raise you, to look after you… like a mother should.”

I’m so happy. I finally have a mother of my own. I think daddy’s happy too, because he’s also hugging us, and he’s crying while smiling. “I love you, Mommy, Daddy.”

Prompt 5: Somewhere - Mudpony

"Stupid bee!" Diamond Tiara said with a snarl, kicking the stuffed animal across the room.

It was not the stuffed animal's fault that she was annoyed. It was merely an easy target upon which to express her rage. No, the source of her anger was Miss Cheerilee. Why did she have to make everyone do a report on their mothers? It was not fair. Surely those in the class whose mothers were dead should have been excused? But no, Miss Cheerilee had insisted that they could ask other family members.

"Yeah, that works really well when your father is out of town on business. Makes it rather hard to ask him, doesn't it, Miss Cheerilee?" she grumbled in the bee's direction.

"Well, you could have started the project before your father went away on business, rather than waiting until the last day," Diamond Tiara imagined the bee replying in Miss Cheerilee's voice.

"Shut up, you... you... worthless blank-flank bee!" she yelled.

She contemplated walking over to the bee and punting it back to the other side of the room, just to show it who was boss, but abandoned the thought with a loud sigh. Doing so would change nothing. Besides, the stupid bee had a point. She should have finished her homework sooner, just like Silver Spoon had done.

Still, she was not going to admit to anyone that the reason she could not do her homework was because she had screwed up. She could make this work. Truth be told, she did not know much about her mother. She had always only had her father, and that was all the family she needed. She had barely even asked any questions about her. But now she would need every scrap of information she could recall. Just what had her dad all told her? She sat down at her desk and picked up a pencil, jotting down what she could recall.

It had all happened during her father's final year at school in Canterlot. He had gone to see a traveling magic show. One of the performers had taken a fancy to him and sent him a poem, asking him to meet her that night. That one night had been all they had had, as when he went to look for her the next day, the show had already packed up and moved on, with no clue left as to where they were going next. He had never seen her again, and he never would, for a baby had been left on the doorstep, with a note. The note explained that the baby was his, and not to bother looking for the mother, for she was dead.

She frowned. She needed more. What else could she remember? Her mother had not been an earth pony. She knew that, for her father had mentioned that his parents would not have approved of her. They had hoped he would meet the daughter of a well-off earth pony family in Canterlot. Her brow furrowed as she struggled to recall, then grinned widely as it came to her. A unicorn! One additional piece of information, but still not enough. If only her dad had kept pictures or something...

The pencil dropped from her mouth. Amongst the old photo albums was her father's scrapbook from his college days. He had kept the poem in there, she recalled. Perhaps there were other things she could use as well. Maybe even a picture. She got up, determined to go up into the attic, with its cobwebs and dust. Probably some rats and spiders. By herself. To dig through who knows how many boxes to find the right one. On second thought, she would send one of the servants.

"Almost a year later, I was left on my father's doorstep, with a note explaining that my mother had died. And so I have never known my mother. I don't even know how she died. But it is enough that I know that in the few hours they had together they loved a lifetime's worth. Thank you." Diamond Tiara stepped away from the chalkboard as she finished her presentation and awaited the applause that would no doubt be forthcoming.

"Um, you do know Trixie is still alive, right?" Apple Bloom asked. Diamond Tiara's jaw dropped.

"And she's so awesome!" Snips exclaimed, with enthusiastic agreement from Snails.

"No, she isn't," Scootaloo countered. "She was a jerk both times she was here."

The class erupted into a loud argument, with some claiming Trixie was the worst pony to visit Ponyville ever, while others, led by Snips and Snails, extolling her virtues. Diamond Tiara paid no attention though. She felt light headed as she tried to take in what she had just been told. Her mother was alive? And she had come to town and not even visited her? Not just once, but twice!

All her life, she had barely thought of her mother. Mothers were just things other fillies had. But her mother being alive changed everything. Now, having a mother was the important thing in the world. If her mother would not come to her, then she would go to her mother. She would find her, wherever she was, and then they would be together, for who could refuse her? No doubt Trixie had just panicked, worried about how her daughter would react. Or maybe the rest of the town had driven her off. Probably Apple Bloom's sister and her friends. That would be just the type of thing they would do.

She slammed the door to her house shut behind her. She screeched to a halt, wide-eyed. A quick glance around confirmed that she was indeed home. Based on how her heart was racing and how she was gasping for breath, she had run the entire way home. Well, no time like the present to start her search then. Ignoring the queries of the servants, she set to work packing.

Once again, things were not going quite as Diamond Tiara had expected. Oh, she had tracked down Trixie easily enough. That part had been simple. But rather than a tearful reunion, her mother was being obstinate. She did not look quite how Diamond Tiara had expected either. She had expected some mix of white and pink for coat and mane, like her own. Instead, her mother was blue. And she spoke a bit funny as well. That did not deter Diamond Tiara though. White or blue, even if she spoke like an Apple, she would love her mother. Just as soon as her mother quit being as stubborn as a mule and accepted the reality that her daughter had just found her.

"While Trixie was in Canterlot at that time, she does not seem to recall having a daughter," Trixie said, her eyebrows scrunched together, eyes shifting, while she tried to recall such an event. "No, Trixie is quite sure. No foals. She is pretty sure she would remember if she had. From what she has heard, the experience is supposed to be rather memorable."

"Oh, no you don't, mom," Diamond Tiara said. "You're not getting rid of me that easily this time. I've tracked you down and now I'm going to live with you and help you and stuff."

"What?" Trixie said. "And just how are you going to help Trixie?" She rapped Diamond Tiara on the forehead with a hoof. "Can you do magic? Or perhaps you will pull the wagon so Trixie does not have to?"

Diamond Tiara looked at Trixie's wagon, taking in its size and rather ramshackle condition. For the first time since setting her mind to this course of action, she experienced second thoughts. She had been sure her mother would be successful, the cream of the crop, with sold out shows wherever she went. Not living in a beat-up, worn-down gypsy wagon, with faded paint, mismatched wheels, one quite a bit newer than the others, and parts that looked ready to fall off at the slightest bump. It was almost enough to make her throw up.

"You live in that? And you pull it? Don't you have magic or servants for that?" she asked. "I thought you were supposed to be great and powerful?"

Trixie rose on her rear hooves and extended her forelegs dramatically into the air. "Trixie is great and powerful!" She dropped to all fours and looked at the ground sheepishly. "But she has been having a run of bad luck." Her bluster returned, and again she reared up. "Never fear though, Trixie will not be kept down. Like a phoenix, she will rise from the ashes. Except better than a phoenix, because Trixie will have fireworks!"

"And I'll be there with you, mother and daughter together," Diamond Tiara said, quite determinedly. "But I'm not pulling that thing," she added just to be clear.

"No. Trixie travels alone. She learned her lesson about relying on others long ago. They'll just run off with your bits."

"But—" Diamond Tiara started to protest.

"No. Now, if you'll excuse me, Trixie is in a hurry. I need to, um, get to the next town while there is still enough daylight left to do a show."

Before Diamond Tiara could bring up how she had traveled and searched wide and far, about how she was owed this, or any of a variety of other reasons why her opinion of how things should play out was the right one, a stallion cleared his throat rather loudly.

"What?" Trixie said as she spun around, coming face to face with a brawny, brown-coated, grey-maned stallion and several of his equally muscled friends.

"You weren't planning on leaving without paying, were you?" the stallion asked, his narrow eyes staring at Trixie, as if trying to see her thoughts. "We got a nice jail for them that tries that."

Trixie laughed weakly, glancing around for some avenue of escape. Seeing none, she stalled for time. "No, of course not. Trixie was totally going to pay for the wheel before leaving. Just let me..." She pulled out her coin purse and looked inside. "Oh."

"Oh?" the stallion asked, as his minions took a step toward Trixie.

Trixie grinned a grin Diamond Tiara knew well, having seen it many times from her classmates, especially the colts. It usually came when they were about to tell Miss Cheerilee the most blatant and obvious type of lie, like the time Rumble had sworn that parasprites had ate his homework. "Well, Trixie seems—"

"To have forgotten she gave the coins to her daughter and assistant, " Diamond Tiara said, pulling out her own purse, which, unlike Trixie's, jingled with the sound of coins. She looked over at Trixie. "Right, mom?"

Trixie's head swiveled back and forth between the stallions and the filly.

"Well?" asked one of the stallions.

"Trixie is thinking!" Trixie exclaimed. "Any chance the jail has all the modern amenities? No, well, I didn't think so. Okay, fine." Trixie nodded, mind made up. "Well, go on, daughter dearest. Pay the nice stallion."

Diamond Tiara gave a bow, in sync with her mother. The crowd's volume rose yet again, to new highs, as flowers rained down upon the stage. She gave one last wave before the curtains fell. Things were going well.

At first, it had been rough. Their equipment — she could not quite recall when it had gone from being Trixie's to theirs, but it had — had seen better days. The trailer had needed all sorts of repairs. And she had needed to learn the tricks of the trade. Her first appearance on stage had almost ended in disaster, but luckily, the crowd had thought her screwing up was intentional, and the tip jar had been filled to the brim. They had worked some of that into the routine, and it never failed to please the audience.

The resulting higher income had let them fix up and replace some of the gear, as well as add new elements to the act. Trixie, who had at first complained, now had even printed up new flyers with both their names. By now, Diamond Tiara and Trixie were a well-oiled machine, smoothly running through each performance. Even when things happened that were not planned, one would compensate in some way, and the other would intuitively play along. It was like how it was between her and Silver Spoon, but better, because this was her mother.

She walked down the stairs backstage at Trixie's side, to see a familiar stallion standing there. She bounded forward, throwing her forelegs around his neck.

"Daddy! Look! I found her! I found mom! She's alive!" She pointed a hoof toward Trixie. "See?"

When she had imagined this moment, she had envisioned shock, disbelief, and joy. Not what she got though. Instead, her father seemed confused. And Trixie, well, Trixie glared at Filthy Rich, before raising a hoof and jabbing him in the chest. "You! How could you leave Trixie pregnant and then never tell Trixie that she has a daughter?"

"Wait? What? It was your assistant I loved, not you!"

"Is that why you took Trixie's daughter? Because of Flash Style, the lanky unicorn with the fleurs-de-lis cutie mark? That whorse! Trixie hates her even more now. Bad enough she stole all Trixie's bits, so that Trixie had to sneak out of Canterlot like a common criminal to avoid the creditors."

Filthy Rich reared up, nostrils flaring in anger. "I don't believe you! She was so pure and—" He stopped yelling and dropped back to the ground. "Actually, I guess that would explain why my coin purse went missing that same night. And why the note left with Diamond Tiara which said she was dead was signed with her name." He stamped his hoof down. "I was conned! All this time I have treasured her memory, and it turns out I was nothing more than an easy mark."

"And now Trixie finds out she stole Trixie's daughter too! Unforgivable! Trixie will scour the ends of the Equestria until she is found."

"Wait, what?" asked a puzzled Filthy Rich. "Diamond's not your daughter."

"But of course she is. Look at her: She's a natural showpony, just like Trixie," Trixie stated. Diamond Tiara puffed out her chest and beamed with pride, nodding at her father.

"But I didn't sleep with you," Filthy Rich explained.

"Trixie did not say you did," came the reply.

"Then how could my Diamond possibly be your daughter?"

"Magic? Discord? The meddling of four stars? How should Trixie know?" She paused and her look grew more contemplative. "Although... if she wasn't my daughter, that would explain why Trixie does not remember being pregnant." Trixie sat down and began to think.

"I don't care," Diamond Tiara said. "I'm keeping Trixie. She's everything I've ever wanted in a mother. And this Flash Style, well, forget about her. She sounds like she's no good." She reached into her saddle bags and pulled out the poem her father had treasured for all those years.

"Wait!" Trixie said. "What is this?" Her magic reached out and grabbed hold of the paper, and Diamond Tiara let it go.

"The poem your assistant used all those years ago to seduce me," Filthy Rich stated. "The beauty of those words was such that it overwhelmed all sense and made me easy prey to that harlot." He spat. "And yet knowing that, I would do it yet again, even if the cost were greater, for such is the power of those words upon my soul."

"But this is Trixie's writing. I wrote this. But that means..." Trixie peered at him, examining him closely. "You are older now, but it is you. You are the one to whom Trixie lay bare her fragile heart that day. When you did not respond, not even with a note saying you found Trixie unworthy, it broke her— It broke my heart." She turned away, wiping her eye carefully with a hoof. "Trixie is not crying."

"But I did— And she— And that means —" Filthy Rich fell silent, a look of loss on his face. Of all the things Flash Style stole from us, this is the worst," Filthy Rich said, spitting on the ground as he said the name. "All these years we could have had..." He reached out and took Trixie's hooves into his own, and the two ponies gazed into each other's eyes. So quietly that even an owl would have had trouble hearing it, Diamond Tiara clapped, while her face bore a huge grin that would have done Pinkie proud.

"Then it is settled," Diamond Tiara decreed. "Trixie is my mother, and as soon as we get back to Ponyville, we're making that official. You're getting married, daddy!"

Author's Note

A slightly delayed sort of birthday gift for TheMasterofDespair: have a Trixie is (sort of) DT's mom story. =) Because what better way to follow up Yukito's awesome "Twi is DT's mom" chapter than with a Trixie one?

Trixie: Anything you can do, I can do better. I can rear this filly better than you.

Title comes from the song Somewhere by Within Temptation.

Prompt 6: Ghost Tiara - Yukito

“Alright Crusaders, what are we gonna do ta earn our Cutie Marks today?” Apple Bloom asked as she sat with her friends in the clubhouse.

“How about we try being fireponies?” Sweetie Belle suggested. “Anypony else notice that fires usually tend to start whenever we go crusading?”

Apple Bloom nodded. “Scootaloo, you got that down?”

Scootaloo finished scribbling onto the paper at her hooves. “Got it!”

“Any other ideas?”

“Oh, I know!” Scootaloo shouted. “Let’s try joining the dodgeball club at school!”

“That’s a good idea!” Apple Bloom agreed, though Sweetie Belle was not quite as enthusiastic about the idea. Still, at a two-to-one vote, the notion was carried, and the idea was added to the list. “Ah think we should also try herb gatherin’ for Miss Zecora.”

“Alright! Looks like we’ve got a lot of work ahead of us,” Scootaloo said, looking over the long scroll that stretched over to the far side of the clubhouse.

“Let’s get to it then!” Apple Bloom said as she jumped to her hooves, her fellow Crusaders joining her. “Cutie Mark Crusaders, let’s go!”

“YEAH!”

“Oh, how fun.” Apple Bloom stopped and groaned as she turned around, seeing Diamond Tiara walking behind her. “Yet another day of seeing you three making total fools out of yourselves, and winding up with no Cutie Marks to show for it.”

“You don’t have to come, y’know?”

“But then who I would I talk to to pass the time?” the pink filly asked with a grin on her face. “You’re the only one who can see and hear me, so you’re really the only fun I have. As sad as that is.”

Apple Bloom sighed, and tried to ignore Diamond Tiara as she followed after her two friends. “Why me?”

“My thoughts exactly. Why couldn’t it be Silver Spoon? ‘Least then I could have some intelligent conversation.” Diamond Tiara cringed for a moment. “Seriously, I think yer accent is starting to rub off on me.”

“Then just stop talkin’.”

“Make me, blank flank.” Apple Bloom didn’t respond to the insult. She was used to it by now, and besides, it’s not like she could do anything anyway. “Also, you might wanna stop talking to yourself. Ponies’ll start to wonder about you. Though I guess they’ll be right to do so, anyway.”

Apple Bloom groaned again, and tried her best to ignore the other filly’s provocations. As she approached her friends, they could tell that something was wrong. “Hey Apple Bloom,” Scootaloo called out. “What’s up?”

“The sky, which you’ll never get to experience,” Diamond Tiara replied, giggling at the Pegasus’ inability to fly. Scootaloo didn’t react.

“Nothin’,” Apple Bloom said. “Just wonderin’ what we should try first, that’s all.”

Scootaloo immediately perked up and grabbed her friend’s hoof. “I’ve got the perfect idea! This way!”

“Wroooooong,” Diamond Tiara sang out as she looked down at Apple Bloom’s test paper. The red-maned filly grinded her teeth and look at the answer that she had just written. “Want me to tell you the answer?”

‘Like y’all would know the answer anyway,’ Apple Bloom thought, restraining herself from speaking out loud in the middle of a test.

“I’m not goin’ to,” Diamond Tiara said, sticking her tongue at the filly. “Too bad! But I will tell you this: you’re gonna fail at this rate.”

‘Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!’

“Hey blank flank.”

‘SHUT UP!’

Diamond Tiara waved her hooves just above Apple Bloom’s head. “I’m not touching ya!” She brought her hooves lower, then pulled them away and moved them back and forth in front of Apple Bloom’s face. “I’m not touching ya!”

‘Diamond, ah swear ta Celestia-’

“Oh!” Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara both jumped at the sudden cry behind them. Everypony in the class turned to see who had made the noise, and found Dinky blushing in her seat and looking around the class with a sheepish look on her face. “I-I’m sorry about that. It’s just, there’s a cat…”

The filly pointed to the floor beside her desk, where a black cat was nuzzling against her leg. “Oh my,” Cheerilee said, climbing out of her seat to deal with the issue. Everypony else in the class also jumped out of their seats, and ran over to the cat to play with it. “Everypony, we are in the middle of a test! Please get back to your seats right now!”

The class let out a collection of ‘awww’s as everypony returned to their seats, and Cheerilee gently picked up the cat and walked over to the open classroom door to return the animal to the outside world.

Apple Bloom smiled as she sat back at her desk, all previous feelings of annoyance she felt just moments ago now gone.

Diamond Tiara noticed the smile on the farm filly’s face, and suddenly started to feel annoyed herself. “What’s the big deal? It’s just a stupid cat.”

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes and tried to continue with the test. Just a few seconds later though, she looked back up at Diamond Tiara with a confused look on her face. ‘That’s strange. Ah’m sure Diamond Tiara liked cats back when she was alive.’

Diamond Tiara glared over in the direction of the door, and waited until Cheerilee had passed by before making her way over to it. Since she couldn’t open the door herself, she instead passed through it, and looked down at the cat curled up on the ground outside.

Slowly, the filly reached a hoof forward, lowering it bit-by-bit towards the black furry creature… only for the hoof to pass right through it, like the cat wasn’t even there. In truth, it was the other way around. It was Diamond Tiara that wasn’t really there.

After letting out an angry growl, Diamond Tiara attempted to kick the door, only to fall right through it instead. “… What’s so great about petting a cat, anyway?” she asked nopony as she sat down on the floor, waiting for the test to end so that she could find something better to do.

Apple Bloom huffed with frustration for the seventeenth time as she lowered her fork back to her plate, unable to eat the morsel of food that was on it. There was nothing wrong with the food itself; it was delicious, and the farm filly’s favourite meal. The problem was that Diamond Tiara wouldn’t stop breathing on whatever she tried lifting towards her mouth.

She tried a few creative ways to get around it, but each time her efforts would be halted by Granny Smith telling the filly to eat properly at the table.

“What’s wrong, blank flank?” Diamond Tiara asked in feign innocence. “Not hungry? I can’t blame you; the food doesn’t look that appitising. In fact, I think I saw Granny Smith drop her false teeth into the gravy pot.”

“Boat,” Apple Bloom corrected.

“Come again?” Applejack asked, raising her head to look across the table at the filly.

“Huh? Oh, nothin’…”

“What’s the matter? Ain’t ya feelin’ right today, Apple Bloom?”

“Ah’m fine, ah just… Ah had a lot of sweets over at Sweetie Belle’s today.”

“Lying to your own sister?” Diamond Tiara asked with a gasp and a dramatic faint onto the dinner table. “Oh, Apple Bloom. How could you? You should be ashamed of yourself.”

Apple Bloom wanted so much to turn around and buck Diamond Tiara off of the table, but she knew it would have absolutely no effect on the filly, and would just end up getting herself into trouble. “Can ah be excused?”

Applejack gave the filly a worried look, and reached across the table to place a hoof on her forehead. “Well, ya don’ seem ta be comin’ down with anythin’.”

“Like ah said, ah’m just full.”

“Full of horseapples,” Diamond Tiara added. Apple Bloom grit her teeth and held back the urge to tell her to shut up.

“Hmmm… Well, alright then. But if’n ya start feelin’ hungry later, come on back down an’ ah’ll heat this up for ya real quick, okay?”

Apple Bloom nodded, though she doubted she would be able to eat tonight. Not from the giggles that were coming out of Diamond Tiara’s mouth. ‘Guess ah’ll have ta sneak some snacks from mah secret stash whilst Diamond isn’t lookin’.’

Excusing herself and leaving the table, Apple Bloom made her way upstairs towards the bathroom. Diamond Tiara followed up to the point that Apple Bloom entered the bathroom, at which point she decided to go and wait in Apple Bloom’s room.

‘Seriously, why me?’ Apple Bloom thought to herself as she sighed and turned the shower on.

Back out in the hallway, Diamond Tiara floated slowly towards Apple Bloom’s bedroom, crossing her forelegs and groaning now that she was alone. “Stupid blank flank. Don’t think I’m gonna let you hog all that great food to yourself.

“… Well, I’m sure the food was terrible anyway. She’s really not missing out on anything.”

Apple Bloom opened her eyes, and waited a few seconds for them to adjust to the dark. As she thought, the pink filly in the corner of her room was still there, staring at her with a look that Apple Bloom could only guess was annoyance. “Y’all gonna stare at me all night?”

“Maybe,” Diamond Tiara answered, refusing to grace the farm filly with a proper answer. “Oh, don’t mind me, though. You just go ahead and enjoy your precious sleep.”

Apple Bloom sighed and rolled around, only for Diamond Tiara to float over to the other side of the room. “Do ya honestly not have anythin’ better ta do?!”

“Oh, right. I forgot that Pinkie Pie was hosting that weekly get-together for me and all those other ghosts that don’t seem to exist,” Diamond Tiara responded in a sarcastic tone. “Idiot.”

“… Why don’t y’all just try an’ get some sleep.”

Diamond Tiara gave the other filly a disbelieving look. “I’m a ghost. I can’t sleep.”

Apple Bloom was silent for a moment after that, and simply stared at Diamond Tiara for a few seconds, before sitting up straight and giving her a curious look. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“… Y-Y’all never mentioned that before.”

“Well, y’all never asked.”

Apple Bloom wondered what that was like. Never sleeping. Never eating. Never feeling anything around her. The only connection that Diamond Tiara seemed to have with the world was Apple Bloom herself, and when she was asleep, Diamond Tiara had… nothing.

“… No matter how hard ya try?”

“Seems that way,” Diamond Tiara said with a sigh. “Well, I suppose I don’t get tired, either. Or sick. Or smelly, or dirty, or-”

“But ya can’t experience all the nice things in this world,” Apple Bloom said softly, looking down at her bed sheets with a sad look on her face. She ran a hoof over the soft, warm sheets, and it felt nice. It was only a small thing, but there was something about running her hoof across such soft material that gave her some peace and a little happiness whenever she slept.

It was something that Diamond Tiara could never experience.

“… Hey.”

“What?” Diamond Tiara asked, and then raised an eyebrow when she saw Apple Bloom move the cover over. “Uh…”

“C’mon. Y’all don’t have a bed of yer own, so you’ll have ta make do with sharin’ mine.”

Diamond Tiara gave Apple Bloom a confused look. “I told you, I can’t sleep.”

“No… But ya should still be in bed at this time. ‘Sides, it’s a cold night.”

Diamond Tiara shook her head. “I don’t feel the cold. Or the warmth. I just-”

“Diamond,” Apple Bloom said, looking up at the pink filly with a stern look in her eyes. “Fillies should be in their beds at this time.”

Diamond Tiara was still and silent for what seemed like such a long time, simply staring in complete shock and disbelief at the filly offering to share her bed with her. Diamond Tiara looked at the empty space beside Apple Bloom. It had been such a long time since she had lay down in a bed. Since she had rested her head on a pillow, and curled herself up into a fetal position underneath the warm, cosy bed sheets that her last bed had.

Floating over to the bed, Diamond Tiara slowly floated down so that it was like she was lying on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling above her. It wasn’t the same. She was having a hard time remembering exactly what it was like, but it was certainly not the same as this.

Apple Bloom started to pull the covers over Diamond Tiara, until she remembered that they would just fall through her. She stopped for a moment to think, and came up with an idea. Slowly, she wrapped the foreleg holding the covers up around the pink filly’s body, taking care not to accidentally pass through it.

Diamond Tiara didn’t say or do anything as Apple Bloom did this. She simply watched as the yellow filly gave her the closest thing to a hug that she had ever received in a long time. When she was done, Apple Bloom lay back down her own side of the bed, keeping her foreleg wrapped around Diamond Tiara and propping the covers over the pink filly.

Diamond Tiara was speechless. She couldn’t feel anything. She couldn’t smell anything, and she couldn’t feel tiredness sweep over her, causing her to yawn loudly as her eyes drifted shut. But, for the first time since she had died, she felt like a living filly again. She felt like she was actually lying in a bed, waiting for sleep to overtake her so that she would be ready for school the next day. She felt like she was getting ready to pay the land of dreams a visit… but only for a few moments, before the reality of the situation hit her.

“G’night, Diamond Tiara,” Apple Bloom said, catching the pink filly off guard. A full fifteen minutes later, Apple Bloom drifted off into sleep, leaving Diamond Tiara, still wide awake, laying in the bed next to her, staring up at the ceiling above her.

Rolling onto her side, Diamond Tiara reached a hoof out towards Apple Bloom, only for it to pass through. “… Good night, blank flank,” she said, curling up into a fetal position and smiling as she shut her eyes and began to let out fake snoring sounds. ‘Thanks, Apple Bloom.’

Prompt 6: The Silo - Mudpony

Apple Bloom's eyes shot open, the filly wide awake though she had been sleeping soundly but a moment ago. Had she heard something? Her gaze swept the darkness, but no light managed to trickle in past the curtains. It must be an overcast night, she figured. No moonlight to provide even the—

There. The sound again. A creak on the roof? It never creaked like that. Was something up there? Could it be a manticore? A changeling? Some sort of strange bipedal creature with hardly any hair? She stared at the spot from which she thought the sound had come, as if by doing so, she could somehow see through the solid wood of her ceiling to whatever lay beyond.

For a minute she lay so, barely daring to breath, her ears panning from side to side trying to pick up any additional sound. When it came, it came not from above, but a soft screech along the window pane. Apple Bloom turned toward the new sound, her breath coming in short gasps, the covers tightly clenched.

"Please don't be a monster," she chanted softly to herself over and over. It was on the thirtieth iteration, or possibly the fortieth, as she had quite lost count by that point, that the door to her room was flung open, sending the filly scrambling to the far side of the bed.

"Rise an' shine, sis!" Applejack yelled as she burst into the room. "Y'all need to be gettin' an early start if yer tah finish the silo today!" She noticed her sister was already awake and clapped her on the shoulder. "Ah, good, you're already awake."

"Wait, what? A silo? Why in Celestia's cerulean caelum would we need a silo fer?"

"Cae-what? What does that even mean? That isn't some sort of highfalutin swear word now, is it?" Applejack cocked her head.

"Miss Cheerilee has been teachin' us all about how Celestia controls the sun at school." Apple Bloom prepared herself to recite the lesson, all the facts she'd carefully memorized the night before for the quiz on Monday. "It means—"

Applejack cut her off. "As long as it isn't swearing, it don't matter no how anyway." She rubbed her sister's head affectionately. "Now, up and at them. Daylight's a burning." She looked at the curtains, from behind which there was still not even a glimmer of light. "Well, it will be soon enough anyway."

"But, Applejack, Ah thought we weren't going to build a silo. You said yerself that apples need a cellar, not a silo, and so there's no reason for us to get one."

"That was before. You know how all the farms are getting silos?" Applejack asked. Apple Bloom nodded. "Well, now Ah hear even the townsfolk have them." At her sister's look of disbelief, Applejack shrugged. "It's true. Ah was at the Rich's yesterday, talking some business with Mr. Rich and they had a silo. Strangest silo I've ever seen, all lit up with blinking lights and such. But if town folk are building then, how will it look if we're the only farm that doesn't have one?"

"We'd look like ponies who—" Apple Bloom started, only to have Applejack cut her off before she could finish explaining that they'd look like ponies who didn't need a silo.

"That's right." Applejack nodded her head. "It'll look like Sweet Apple Acres can't afford no silo like a proper farm. And who'd want to buy apples from a farm that's doing that poorly? So, you see, we need a silo. And since you did such a good job on fixing up yer clubhouse, Ah figured you'd be able to build us a silo while Ah prune the south orchard."

"But…" Apple Bloom started to protest, even as her mind started contemplating what she would need to build a halfway decent silo. "But, Applejack, we don't have enough lumber tah build a big building with. We used up the last of ours when we had our monthly barn rebuilding."

"Your brother had a thought about that. When we got to talking last night, he suggested usin' the wood from the ol' mill."

The mention of the mill was enough to send shivers down Apple Bloom's spine. She hated going near place. It always reminded her of the setting of that one movie she and her friends had snuck in to see that one time. They hadn't gotten to see much of it, before their screams of terror had given them away and they'd been tossed out with a stern word from the usher, but she'd seen enough to know that places like the mill were where bad things happened. And not just in movies, because it was right near there that… She left the thought uncompleted, pulling the covers tighter around herself.

"Now, Ah know you don't like going there," Applejack said, "what with that classmate of yours drowning near there and all, but trust me when I tell you that you've got nothing to fear. It's just an old, empty, partially collapsed building in the middle of a bunch of spooky trees where nopony hardly ever goes. Nothing to be scared of at all."

Apple Bloom trudged forward, straining against the harness that attached her to the wagon. The road to the old mill was not in good shape. Years of disuse had seen to that. The heavy amount of rain the previous week hadn't helped matters either. Her feet were wet, and she was miserable. Still, she trudged on. She had a task to complete, and Apples did not shy away from a bit of hard work.

Around her, the landscape changed. Whereas before the grass had been green, the trees reaching toward the sky with broad canopies, now everything was devoid of cheerful color. Brown was the order of the day, and that which was not brown was grey. Not a nice light grey, such as the coat of Ponyville's mail mare, but a dark grey, a grey that promised ickiness, slime, and other unpleasant things.

She really hated this place.

Catching sight of the river, she stopped. "Don't think of it, Apple Bloom. Just don't think about her."

But it was too late. At the mere site of the river, the memories returned. That day that had seemed pleasant enough. She, her friends, and others of her class swimming in this very river, just half a mile downstream. And then the sight of that filly. It hadn't been like the movies at all. No screaming, no thrashing. Just silence. And those eyes. So much fear. And then the filly was gone, sunk beneath the waves.

The guilt she had felt afterwards. Like she should have done something. That she should have know the filly was in trouble. That she should have made a greater effort to be the filly's friend, as if that would have changed everything. Even though she hadn't really liked the filly that much, she thought.

Yes, she really hated this place.

She tore her eyes away from the river, focusing instead on the path ahead. She just had to get this over with. The past couldn't hurt her. She'd just go to the mill, get the necessary lumber, and rush back. She could do this.

Her ears perked up at the sound of a snap, and she swung her head around toward the sound.

"Is somepony there?" she called out. "Applejack?" Maybe her sister had finished the pruning early and was coming to lend a hoof? Or her brother… "Big Mac?"

Nopony responded, though a flock of birds burst into flight at the sudden noise, nearly causing Apple Bloom to leap into the air as well.

"Just birds. Just stupid birds," she muttered to herself. "Nothing to be afraid of, Apple Bloom. Nopony here but you. Just you and your memories."

Ahead, she could see the mill and the zap apple orchard beyond. She'd much rather be there, even if Timber Wolves were sometimes around and lightning might crackle and pop. At least it felt alive. It had color. The mill, well, it was drab, dark, dismal. If there was an opposite of life, the mill encompassed that opposite. It was death and decay.

She sighed, gathering up her courage. "The sooner I get this started, the sooner I'll be done," she said.

She took a step forward, then another, and after the third, it had shifted from individual steps to walking. Reaching the front of the old mill, she stopped. Quickly, she slipped out of the harness. Looking up, she appraised the quality of the wood.

It wasn't good, but it could be worse, she decided. A lot of it was too far gone, but there were enough parts for her to work with. She wouldn't want to live in what she built from it, or work within it, for that matter, but for a purely decorative piece, it would suffice. She turned to the wagon and flipped open her toolbox, taking out the crowbar.

A cold gust of wind made her shiver, and she sniffed the air. Her nose scrunched and she snorted, trying to get the hair out of her nostrils. The smell was wrong somehow. The decay of rotting wood. The fetid stench from the still water. The slight hint of jasmine.

"Jasmine?" she asked, taking another sniff. This time, only the smell of decay was there, the hint of flower gone. She looked over at the mill again. "I've got to get out here as quickly as possible, before this place drives me insane."

She picked up the crowbar and got to work.

"There. That should be enough to at least finish the framin'," she muttered to herself. She glanced around. She tried to convince herself it was just to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything, but deep within, she knew that wasn't the case. She just knew something was here, something that didn't want her here.

All while she had worked she had sensed the presence. And once, when the floor had broken beneath her, leaving her legs dangling as she struggled to pull herself up, she could have sworn her hooves came in contact with something, but when she'd looked afterwards, there'd been nothing there, just a pile of boxes five feet below. It was just her imagination. That's what she'd told herself over and over. But the feeling that something was there, watching, waiting, just wouldn't go away.

"I'm going now!" she called out.

She froze, her ears straining. She could have sworn she heard something. A laughter that was almost familiar. She struggled to place it, then it came to her.

"D-Diamond?" she asked. She heard nothing, yet she sensed that somewhere, the laughing continued. "This isn't funny. Just stop it, okay?" she called out. "Just leave me alone!"

She rapidly hooked herself up to the wagon and started back toward the barn, as fast as she could pull the wagon without spilling its contents. It was only once she was back amongst the apple trees that her pace slowed, and not until she arrived at the spot she planned to build the silo that she began to truly feel at ease once more.

Pulling the lumber off the wagon, she began her work. In no time, she had the lowest parts of the framework in place. The rhythmic hammer, the quick calculations of how much support would be needed, what beam went where did much to calm her mind. She liked this, she realized. Why, she could almost imagine herself doing this her entire life. A strange feeling of calm, of purpose, gathered around her, just out of reach, coming closer. This was it, she knew. The moment when her life would change. Her heart started to race, and she would have moved to greet the feeling, to leap into its metaphorical forelegs, had she but known which way to leap.

*NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED*

And just like that, with those strange words, it was gone.

"Huh? What in tarnation does that mean?" Apple Bloom asked. She looked around curiously, saw nothing of interest, and shrugged. Guess it was just another one of those weird things that tended to happen in Ponyville. She made a note to bring it up to her sister later, after she finished with the framing. Taking her hammer in mouth, she drove a nail into place with several rapid blows, the sensation beginning to gather again.

The sky lit up in a brilliant flash of light, and Apple Bloom threw her forelegs in front of her face, trying to shield her eyes. The movement shifted the ladder, and she tried desperately to regain her balance. Legs windmilling, she plummeted to the ground.

She dropped the hammer from her mouth, the handle now sporting a deep set of imprints of her teeth. "Ouch," she said. Rubbing her head, she slowly sat up and looked toward where the light had come from. A giant rainbow-colored, mushroom-shaped cloud rose over what had been the zap apple orchard. The cheerful colors were strangely at odds with the cloud's menacing appearance.

Apple Bloom's mouth dropped open in shock at the magnitude of the explosion. What could have caused such a thing? And what did this mean for the zap apples? Could even a single tree have survived? No, she realized, as she sat there still in shock, a single tear trickling down one cheek. They were gone. All of them. There would be no making jam with Granny Smith this year.

Off in the distance, the air shimmered as a pink filly faded into view.

"Booya! How you like them apples?" Diamond Tiara yelled with glee as she lowered the targeting device.

Sure, it had taken her an entire year of saving her allowance to have enough money to build the silo and buy the stealth suit. She'd even had to resort to using a cheap knock-off perfume. And then yesterday, the building had finally been completed. Of course, nopony had thought to mention to her that she'd need to wait still longer for the stupid thing to build a missile. Probably assumed she'd read the instruction manual or something, but seriously, who reads those? So it hadn't been ready until this morning, and then she'd had to wait until nopony was near the orchard before she could finally launch.

But it had all been worth it. She giggled happily. So very worth it. Those accursed zap apple trees were gone.

Make her dress up as a bunny and prance around like a fool Apple, did they? Well, not this year. Not ever again.

Author's Note

Have had this sitting around half-finished for quite a while. Figured it was time to finish it.

For those curious, don't know which filly it was that drowned. Could be one that was in an earlier season that we haven't seen since (one of the ones removed from the class to make room for SB and Scoots). Could be Twist if that makes you happy (though that would make me sad). Doesn't really matter which one though. It is enough that one did, for the bit of misdirect.

Prompt 7: I've Had It! - Yukito

Why did I ever agree to this? I’m terrified of heights, especially when I’m standing on a poorly-constructed platform made in the course of a few minutes by somepony who admitted to never having used any tools before. The wind is so strong it might blow me off or mess up my mane, and not to mention how cold it is up here.

“You ready, Diamond?!”

But, if it’s for her, then I…

“R-Ready!”

“Then on three, ah’ll shake the tree to scare the birds! You catch one when it flies towards ya!”

“Okay!” We’ve been after our bird-studying Cutie Marks for the past week now, but every time we get close to the stupid animals they just fly away. And of course, my big mouth just had to point out that they always seem to go towards this cliff edge, so now I have to stand here on this unsteady platform, painted to look like the sky if looked at from below, so that I can catch a bird when it comes this way.

“Three!”

Wait, that’s not- You can’t just- You skipped one and two! I’m not ready yet! Ah! Birds incoming! Uh… Oh no, I missed one! And another! T-They’re flying too fast!

“C’mon, Diamond! Get one already!”

“It’s easier said than do-” Uh-oh. I lost my hoofing. “AAAAAAHHHHHH!” I’m falling! I’M FALLING! Somepony help me! I’m too young and rich to die!

“Are y’all alright?!” … Oh, right. She set up this air mattress we ‘borrowed’ from the fire station at the bottom. “Wow, that was so cool!” No, it was not! “Ah bet ya got some kinda daredevil Cutie Mark for that, huh?! Oh! Ah wonder if ah got ma rescue Cutie Mark?”

… Seriously? My life was just in danger for the sake of catching those stupid birds, and you’re worried about Cutie Marks, still?! “Uh, hey. I think we’ve done enough work today on earning our-”

“Aw shucks, nothin’s there!” Listen to me. “Ah know! Let’s try paraglidin’ next!”

Ugh, will you just stop it with the Cutie Marks for one second and- “… C-Can’t we take a break first?” Hold it in, Diamond. She’s your friend, you don’t want to lose her. “I’m pretty tired.”

“Really? But we have so much to do!” Don’t give me that annoyed look. I’m the one who’s annoyed right now!
“Just a five minute break, at Sugarcube Corner?” Don’t snap, Diamond. Keep it together.

“Oh, fine! Spoilsport!” Well forgive me for wanting to do something else once. Honestly, Cutie Mark this, Cutie Mark that, it’s like you can’t think of anything else! I wouldn’t be surprised if your Cutie Mark turned out to actually be a Cutie Mark!

“So how was dinner with your uncle yesterday? I bet he had some interesting stories to tell, huh?”

“Not really. Oh, but he gave me a new idea for a Cutie Mark we could try ta get!” Back to Cutie Marks, again?! I just- How do- Why are- I I I I I I I… I am totally calm. I am in control. I am playing it cool.

“Oh? That’s nice. Maybe you can tell me later, like, during a board game?”

“Ah’ll tell ya at Sugarcube Corner!” I was afraid of that. “Mah sis said it’s too dangerous an’ she doesn’t want me tryin’ it, but was does she know, right? After all, she’s already got a Cutie Mark, so she doesn’t get how desperate we are ta get ours.” More like how desperate you are. I’d rather just go bowling, or to the cinema, or to the park for a nice, safe picnic. Is that too much to ask, for once?

“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! May I take your order?”

I guess just the usual will be fine. “One strawberry and one vanilla please.” It’s too bad that Pinkie Pie isn’t here today. She usually gets our orders in literally a second. “So, Bloom, about our homework assign… ment…” Where’s Apple Bloom? Why am I sitting at this table talking to myself?

“Please, be careful!”

“Hey, watch it!”

“Ah’m sorry!” Bloom? What is she- Why is she carrying a tray holding two milkshakes this way? “W-WHOA!”

“AH!” … Great. Just great. Now I’m covered in strawberry and vanilla milkshakes, and the entire store is laughing at us. Ah, but more importantly! “Are you okay?!”

“Ow…” Apple Bloom, you… Good, she looks fine. But why was she- “Did ah get it? Mah waitressin’ Cutie Mark?!”

…

…

…

I… You… C-Cutie Mark… This was for… You were trying to get a Cutie Mark… whilst I was trying to just have a nice, casual conversation with you. Oh, and I’m fine by the way, thank you for asking!

“Well that blows! Diamond, why didn’t ya help me?” AM I A MIND READER NOW?! Okay, just calm down, Diamond. Blowing your top in front of all these ponies would simply not be dignified of you. Apple Bloom is still your friend. Just talk to her calmly about it – if she’ll let you – later at her house. “Oh! Brain blast! Diamond, forget the break, let’s get out Cutie Marks in jugglin’ fire!”

Snap.

“Cutie Mark… Cutie Mark Cutie Mark Cutie Mark… Is that all you can think about, you half-wit?!” Well, no going back now. “All week- No, all month, I’ve been dying to know how your visit to the dentist went, or what happened to give you that gash on your foreleg, or why Applejack seemed to be angry with you two weeks ago, and I’ve been dying to show you my new doll collection, the new chocolate at Bon Bon’s store, and this great spot by the lakeside, but I can’t! Because all you can think about is earning a stupid Cutie Mark!”

“D-Diamond? A-Ah was only tryin’ ta-”

“I get it, you want to know what your special talent is! So do I! So does everypony in our class! But oh my gosh, Apple Bloom, give it a rest already! I just want to hang out with you, talk to you, and do normal filly stuff for once! Is that too much to ask?!”

“Why’re ya yellin’ at me?! You said we’d help each other out! If ya didn’t like goin’ after our Cutie Marks so much, y’all shoulda said somethin’!”

“I tried to, but you wouldn’t listen! You never listen! You’re always flapping your gums and never give anypony else a chance to talk! That’s why you have no friends!”

Am I going too far? But, she really has been driving me crazy these last few weeks… “Oh, ah have no friends?! Says the pony who was cryin’ ta herself on our farm because nopony wanted ta play with her!”

H-How dare she bring that up?! She promised she wouldn’t! “I guess I must’ve been really desperate to have hung out with you this far! All we ever do is what you want to do; we never seem to have time for anything I like!”

“You said you liked hangin’ out at the farm an’ helpin’ us out!”

“Well guess what, bonehead? I lied! That farm is so filthy, so dull, and it’s so much hard work that I have to shower as soon as I get home!” But it was worth it, because you were there… Should I say that?

“Yeah, well… maybe if ya weren’t so uptight, it wouldn’t bother ya!” Uptight? “What’s with ya, all of a sudden? Why’re ya actin’ like a spoiled lil’ child?”

… Oh, that is it. “You… You are simply, the worst, most annoying, most uncouth pony, that I’ve ever met! I act like a child?! Who was it that had to sit through detention with you because you couldn’t resist making silly jokes in class?! Who is it that goes along with you stupid quests to find some magic pool from a children’s storybook?!”

“Who was it that had ta defend ya from those older colts when y’all ran yer mouth off to their younger brothers?! Who was it that had ta sit through what felt like hours of you complainin’ ‘bout how yer daddy cut off yer allowance?!”

“Who’s the idiot who’s going to get a Cutie Mark in having no friends?! You, because I’ve had it with you!” Don’t cry, Diamond. Don’t let her see any weakness.

“W-What-”

“You heard me! I’m tired of going along with every crazy idea you have, of you always talking and never listening, and never even apologizing when you mess up! I’m never speaking to you again!”

I turn around and storm away. Some filly walks past me on my way out… Twist, I think her name was. She gave me an angry look. Hmph, like I care. That stupid filly had this coming to her.

“Oh yeah?! Well that’s fine by me! In fact, I-I’d be happy if we never even saw each other EVER AGAIN!”

…

“FINE!”

“FINE!”

“FINE!” I storm off, heading towards home as fast as my legs will let me. Stupid Apple Bloom. Stupid, stupid, STUPID!

Just for once, couldn’t you pay less attention to that blank flank of yours, and more attention to me? Stupid… inconsiderate… rude and obnoxious…

I-I don’t need her. I can make better friends than her, friends who can think of more things than finding their special talent. Friends who actually care about me, who stop to ask if I’m okay whenever I’m hurt.

“Are you okay?”

Ah! What? I only stopped for a moment to catch my breath. Who was that? “Hey, aren’t you…” Darn it, what was her name?

“Silver Spoon. I just moved here last week.” That was it. I’ve seen her around a few times, but never really learned her name. “You look upset. Did something happen?”

“… I don’t wanna talk about it.” I just spilled everything to the one pony I actually cared about talking to… and then she turned around and tried to make me the bad friend. Stupid Apple Bloom…

“Well, how about tea? I just got this new tea set, but I don’t really have anypony to share it with.”

“… Sure, that sounds fine.” Whatever. I could use some tea to calm myself down. If I went home now, daddy would notice that something’s up. “My name’s Diamond Tiara, by the way.”

“Silver Spoo- Oh, wait. I already told you.” … Heh. This one’s pretty spacey, huh? “I think we’ll make good friends, you and I.”

“… I hope so.” Compared to Apple Bloom, anypony’s better. “Uh, you don’t care about finding your special talent at all, do you?”

She shakes her head. “Not really. I mean, sure it’d be nice, but I’m in no rush. Why?”

Yeah, I think I’m gonna like this filly. “Nothing. So… how’s your time in Ponyville been so far?”

She turns and leads the way to her house, and I follow by her side. I turn back to look in the direction of Sugarcube Corner for a moment… and then back to Silver Spoon. Apple Bloom, I hope I didn’t hurt her too bad…

Wait, yes I do! That filly never cared for our friendship one bit, she just wanted somepony to help her get her Cutie Mark, then she would just forget all about me, I’m sure! Well I could care less what happens to her. You hear me, Apple Bloom? We’re through!

We’re through!

We’re through!

We’re… through…

Author's Note

Set some time before the series premiere, this short is a look into a possible reason for why Diamond Tiara dislikes Apple Bloom so much, and puts particular emphasis on pointing out her blank flank. It could also explain the reasoning towards her targeting Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle after they become friends with her, and why she decided to try to befriend Apple Bloom’s cousin Babs Seed.

It also keeps in line with the prompt, but rather than exploding literally, it’s a figure of speech (my other ideas involved DT defusing a bomb or an older DT going into labour ^_^;; ). If you want to use this particular headcanon, feel free. I myself would like to develop this to a few years down the line, when they are older and more mature, and think back to their argument with more logical mindsets, but I fear I may not be able to find the time to do so :(

Anyway, hope you enjoyed! ^_^

Prompt 7: A Good Pony - Mudpony

A Good Pony
by
Mudpony

"Could you open the curtains?" Diamond Tiara asked her maid.

"Of course, ma'am," the maid replied, temporarily ceasing her brushing of Diamond's mane to do as requested.

Diamond looked out upon the town. It would be nice when it returned to normal, she decided. For six years, the fighting had been going on across Equestria. At first, there had been some large actions, but those had quickly enough died off. Instead, the war had evolved into a series of guerrilla actions, quick raids and terror strikes. But that was over now. The last rebel stronghold had fallen just last week. Soon, there would be peace again. The thick smoke from the forge could cease, and the conscripted laborers and soldiers allowed to return home.

"I'll never understand why they kept fighting so long. They had to have known they couldn't win. Why couldn't they just have accepted the new order?"

She felt a sudden tug on her mane as her maid failed to take proper care to be gentle. Before she could chastise the maid though, she apologized and resumed brushing more carefully, the strokes light and tentative, as if the maid expected her to lash out. Ordinarily, she might have, but not today.

"No, it was my fault. I forgot that your sister was one of those that went north to try and stop him when he first returned. A shame." She let her mind wander to this weekend and her upcoming nuptials. "I bet she could have made me a truly stunning wedding dress. I miss her designs." She sighed. "So much lost for no reason."

The brushing ceased, and a mirror was held up for her to use. She shifted her head a bit, checking out her mane from different angles, and nodded, satisfied. It was important that she looked good. Her fellow ponies needed her to, to remind them of what was possible, of the better days ahead now that the last vestiges of resistance were dealt with.

She felt her tiara's familiar form settle on her head. It wasn't the one she had worn when she was a filly. This one was larger, more extravagant. It had been a gift from her fiance when he had asked her father for her hoof in marriage. She'd only be wearing it a few more days, she thought, and then... then she'd be wearing the golden crown, with its ebony inlay and rubies, as she took her place beside her husband.

Her eyes drifted over to the center of town. Rows of chairs and benches sat there, ready to be used by guests from all over the country. Banners hung, stirring slightly in the soft spring breeze. A few vases were in place, but they sat empty. The flower arrangements would be brought in at the last minute, to ensure they were as fresh as possible. And there, behind where she and her fiance would be standing, a large wooden crate covering the latest permanent addition to the town square. It was the town's gift to her for her wedding: A large statue of herself and her fiance.

Her wedding would be more perfect than she had ever imagined. Her lips tightened in a small frown. Well, except for one thing. Silver Spoon would not be there as her mare of honor. She had tried to find her best friend, but even her fiance's best servants had been unable to track her down in the war torn land. She hoped Sil was alright, that nothing had happened to her. And that somehow, she could still be found in time. If not, her maid would be her mare of honor. It was the least Diamond could give her in return for her service these last few years, even if she had originally only taken her on out of pity.

Turning to her maid, Diamond Tiara spoke again. "I imagine Captain Dread is eagerly awaiting our arrival, Sweetie. Shall we?"

Her maid rushed to open the door for Diamond Tiara, and the two mares headed downstairs and out the door, where Captain Dread was indeed ready to depart, his squad in perfect formation, the metal polished and leather shined.

Diamond didn't really see the need for such a sizable escort. This was her hometown. Nopony would let her come to harm here. Her fiance had pointed out that he worried an enemy of his might try to get to him through her, and so she allowed it, to ease his mind. He had enough things to occupy it already, with an empire to run, and she didn't want to add more to it.

The coachpony held the door open for her. She settled herself inside, her maid at her side and the captain opposite at her. At her signal, the captain gave the order and they proceeded at a walking pace. She'd have preferred to go faster, but she knew the captain wouldn't budge. This way, he insisted, his guards had plenty of time to spy out approaching threats, weren't tired if it came to a fight, and the ponies pulling the carriage stayed fresh, in case they needed to make a run for it. It all seemed rather silly. Truth be told, she figured he just wanted to make sure his soldiers didn't get too much dust on their gear.

Out of the window of the carriage, she watched the town go by. The buildings were dirty, the bright and cheerful colors of yesteryear covered by the soot of the forge, or faded due to neglect. Too many ponies called away by the war. Nor were there plants to liven things up. The gardens and flower boxes lacked the usual life they should have shown in spring. Too much neglect, she supposed. A sad state of affairs when earth ponies neglected their plants. Of the trees that had once lined the streets, only stumps remained. They had been cut down to fuel the forges two years ago. She'd have to talk to her fiance about having new trees planted when the forge shut down, she decided.

A few ponies stood off the side of the road, their gaunt forms reminding her of scarecrows. None looked happy, though a few offered up a feeble cheer. The poor things, she thought. They'd suffered so much due to the pointless resistance. Her eyes latched onto one particularly poor specimen. None more so than the foals.

"Stop the carriage please, and have your guards let him through, captain," Diamond said, pointing to the colt.

"Ma'am?" he asked.

"I should hardly think such a little one is the sort of threat my fiance is worried about. But if he proves too much for you to handle, my maid can no doubt help you secure him."

Grudgingly, the captain nodded and gave the order. The little colt cautiously approached. She smiled at him.

"What's your name, little one?"

"My name?"

"Yes. What do your parents—" She paused at his flinch. "What did your parents call you?" she asked.

"Bright Skies," he said.

"An auspicious name. Soon we will have bright skies, Bright Skies, now that this pointless war is over. And until then, here's a little something to brighten your day." She gestured for her maid to offer the colt some coins, and Sweetie did as Diamond asked. "Now, begone, Bright Skies. Go and buy some food. Maybe even some candy," she said with a wink.

The colt looked at the bits, scarcely able to believe his luck. He turned to leave, looking behind him several times as he did so, as if he was expecting this all to be a joke at his expense, that at any second Diamond might order her guards to seize him and return her bits. Like she would do such a heartless thing however. No, she wanted nothing more than to ease the lives of such orphans, of all of the ponies forced to deal with the pointless suffering the resistance had brought to Equestria.

Her good deed done, Diamond asked the captain to have the carriage resume its progress and turned her head to look out the window on the other side. She did not notice the captain's head gesture or two of the guards detaching themselves from the column, heading in the direction the colt had gone.

Ahead, she could see more guards. Her fiance was here at the soup kitchen, so security was tighter than usual. From the flashes of the cameras, a few members of the National Press Corp were there as well, no doubt there to report on the good deeds of Equestria's ruler. There weren't as many as there would have been at such an event before the war, but perhaps now that the war was over, that too could change. Without the worry of the enemy using the press to undermine civilian moral and pass information, there would be no reason not to allow some private news agencies, right?

The carriage stopped, and the coach pony opened the door. More cameras flashed as she stepped out, and the ponies waiting in line gave her a ragged cheer, to which she responded with a wave. Her guards escorted her inside, and she smiled as she saw her fiance, increasing her pace.

He looked so handsome, with his grey coat, black mane, curved horn, and the silver armor, complete with a red cape with a white trim. She approached him and gave him a quick nuzzle. "Husband to be," she said, giving him a wink.

"My bride," Sombra responded.

Her fiance greeted, Diamond Tiara gave a brief nod to the mayor and her aides, here for this important visit, before turning her attention to the pony who ran the soup kitchen for her ever since the schools had been shut down for the duration of the national emergency. She gave Cheerilee a quick hug.

"Lots of ponies needing a good meal tonight, Miss Cheerilee," she said. "I hope we've got enough for all of them."

"We'll make it work. We always do," the former teacher responded.

"Shall we start, dearest?" Diamond asked Sombra, and at his nod, the guards opened the door and ponies began to trickle in. Each pony got their bowl of soup and slice of bread, then bowed deeply to their ruler, before finding an empty place within the hall.

Soon, there was barely an empty place left, and Diamond looked toward the serving station, expecting to see the end of the line. Instead, it continued unimpeded out the door. She looked back toward the eating ponies, then over the line again. So many ponies. It saddened her. So many she knew. That was Roseluck, and behind her Peachy Pie. There, almost to Sombra was… a pony in a cloak, clenched tight around her to keep warm in the nippy spring air. But there was something familiar about her. Something about the color of her coat, what little showed from beneath the cloak.

Diamond pushed her way through the ponies toward the cloaked one. With a swift move, she flipped back the pony's hood and gasped with surprise. Her wish had come true! It was Silver Spoon. She squealed with glee and readied herself for a bump-bump-sugar-lump-rump. In her friend's face she saw a flash of horror at being revealed, and then Silver Spoon made a desperate move toward Sombra.

The spears of his guards found her before she could make it to him, and she collapsed to the ground as guards cleared the area around Sombra and the downed pony, flipping tables over and shoving ponies away. More guards poured in, and soon Diamond's party was protected by a hedge of spears.

She noticed none of this though, as she slid over to where Silver Spoon lay mortally wounded. She wrapped her forelegs around her dying friend, anguish wrought on her face. Blood trickled from Silver Spoon's mouth, and Diamond used a corner of the cloak to try and wipe it away.

"Clever. And desperate," Captain Dread said from over her shoulder. "A localized explosive device. Bit activated. Clamp to activate, release to trigger, most likely. Probably take out everything in a four foot radius and not so much as singe a hair beyond that. How did you know she was a threat, ma'am?"

"I… I didn't," Diamond replied. She felt the touch of Silver's hoof upon her own.

"How could you protect him, Diamond?" Silver Spoon gasped, splattering blood on Diamond Tiara's face. "Are you a willing part of his evil?" She coughed once more, then shuddered, breathing her last breath.

Diamond pulled her friend's body close. "I wasn't… I was trying to greet a… I'm not evil. I'm a good pony."

In front of her, Sombra laughed. Strange how harsh and cruel it sounded. Strange how she'd never noticed that in his laughter before. "Good. Evil. These things are irrelevant. They are not real. Do you know what is real? Power. The strong rule, and the weak serve. That is how it has always been and always will be." He rested a hoof on her shoulder. "You have done well, my bride. You may ask of me one boon."

Her grief addled mind barely comprehended the request. She mumbled something, while softly rocking back and forth, still holding Sil's body close. The hoof lifted off her shoulder and Sombra moved away. She heard him decree to the mayor that the trees would be replanted within the day. Or else. He didn't actually say the last bit, but she heard it there nonetheless.

Had Sil been right? Was she evil? Was she supporting a tyrant? No, it couldn't be. She was good. She helped ponies. She gave to charity. Once they were married they'd make Equestria a happy place again. The trees were going to be replanted because of her. And the ponies knew she cared. They cheered when she went past, even if they were tired. They'd made her a statue. They wouldn't have made her a statue if they didn't know she cared, right?

She lowered Silver Spoon's body to the ground and turned to her father. She looked at him, really looked at him. When had he gotten so old, she wondered? "I'm a good pony, right?" she asked softly.

"Of course, my princess. You're the best pony in the world." That waver in his voice. The slight twitch of his ear. Her eyes widened and she felt like she'd been kicked in gut by a team of mules. He… He didn't believe what he was saying. Her own father... didn't believe... she was good.

Turning her head, she looked pleading at her maid. Sweetie had been with her these last few years. Surely she'd know the truth. The maid though refused to make eye contact, suddenly very interested in a knot in the wainscoting. She turned her head toward the ponies of the town. They stared back at her blankly from behind the line of guards. The validation she was looking for was not there, though in several there was… hatred. They hated her?

She looked away, unable to meet their gaze, and found herself looking towards another familiar face. Reaching out her forelegs toward her former teacher, she asked again, "Am I a good pony?"

Her former teacher gave her the slightest of smiles, tears trickling down her cheeks. "Yes, Diamond," she said, "you are a good pony."

There was no deception there that Diamond could make out. Only a wealth of sadness and regret. Diamond Tiara looked down, ignoring the tears that trickled down her own face before falling upon her friend and mingling with the blood.

Her hoof gently traced the side of Silver Spoon's head. "I'm sorry, Sil," she muttered, barely audible. She lifted her gaze to meet Cheerilee's. "Thank you," she said.

With a swift move of her hoof, she slid the device free of Silver Spoon and tossed it upwards, catching the bit between her teeth and clamping down upon it, before hurling herself at her fiance.

Author's Note

So yeah, Yukito covered the figurative, so that got me thinking about the literal. Hence why the story does end with Diamond going to explode, and not even having exploded ;)

Poor Diamond, her ability to deceive herself, to believe that what she does is good and right, once again results in her perfect world coming down around her. Wonder if the town left the DT part of the statue up? That is, of course, assuming Diamond actually succeeded.

Prompt 7: Video Game Explosion - MichelleTwistaloo

“You’re going to explode Diamond Tiara!”

“I am not! I’m good at everything I do, even this dorky thing!” - But she was pressing the wrong button, and there wasn’t any effect on the game.

“No, no no no! You have to mash the button as fast as you possibly can to avoid the explosives going off and everyone in the secret military base filled with the bad guys, as well as you, the handsome player character Lieutenant Sergeant BUTT, dying off”

It was four in the afternoon in a saturday, in the city of Ponyville, and, in one of the biggest house, two young foals were playing. One was a colt, with a brownish coat, and a propeller hat, as well as a prepubescent voice, and the other was a pink filly with a pink coat, and a stylish mane and a silver Tiara. She, the owner of the house...herm daughter of the owners of the house, had invited, or rather let the colt invite himself in to play videogames in her house.

Though she owned most of the video games systems, she, herself, didn’t really care much for the art of videogames and it was an art! As Button, the brownish colt would be happy to remind Diamond Tiara, the pink filly, if she said anything demeaning his favorite past time, that being videogames. After all the amount of work that went into them…

Diamond Tiara started to mash the button with all her strength, all the while snickering, as with every time button said the name of the character they had created out loud. She couldn’t believe that they had really called him BUTT. And Button hadn’t said anything! She frantically pushed the button, at least 35 times a second, though Button told her that he could do it 130 times a second, and had lifted an eyebrow at her and winked.

Whatever that meant, colts were weird.

“Wait, why are you laughing?” - Button turned his gaze away from the screen where a bar was filling up with every press of Diamond Tiara’s controller, much too slow for his taste, since he really could do it 4 times faster (wink, wink), and looked at her.

“No...nothing!” - Diamond Tiara had to admit. Having to project this air of coolness in school wasn’t easy, but Button was such a dork that even if he told everyone what a dork she was being, no one would believe him, plus, if she were being honest, she just enjoyed his company, a little bit. Nothing too serious!

“Is it because of BUTT?” - As always he pronounced it in all caps, louder than every other word and she burst out laughing, she couldn’t help herself. In a sprout of giggling the controller went out out to the ground. And all the progress she had made with the bar started going down.

“Wait that way you’re going to lose….” - Button saw the final seconds in the timer trickle down, not even his insanely fast hoof could do anything to help now, he let out a dejected sigh. - “And he’s only named BUTT… - Diamond tiara started laughing harder. - “Because you pressed the button when I was putting Button there. Honestly!”

Seeing Diamond Tiara laughing however, he couldn’t help but smile, however, as it was clear to him that she was having fun. And so was he, and not only because of the video games. Diamond was fun to be around.

The screen flashed red and white at a slow pace, so as to not cause any epileptic seizures, and the words game over appeared over sad music. Button turned at the controller.

“I guess we weren’t rad enough...no matter, this time, BUTT! - He let out a small smile. - Shall live on, in the hands of a pro!

“Show off…” - But she was smiling.

And none of them exploded again.

Prompt 7: DT Cry - MichelleTwistaloo

Though her eyes were fixated in the distance, some point somewhere far, in the horizon, she didn’t stare. Her gaze was adrift, and her eyes. - The eyes that every single pony told her were precious and were worth complimenting, especially her mother. Which only made her sob harder - They weren’t alight with the light of a foalish smile, or the scorn and contempt that she had had previously.

Diamond Tiara had been many things over the years. From a bully, despicable and hated by every single foal she had meet. - Except Silver Spoon, her best friend, and companion in friendship. - to loved daughter. And while some things were bound to change. - She couldn’t keep bullying her classmates forever and had eventually seen the error of her ways, the childish love for the super heroine “Silver Spooner” had given room to another kind of drawn novel...one more adult, that made her muzzle turn into an even brighter shade of pink, and speaking of that particular color, the pink tones of her room had been painted in more pastel tones as she grew...

Some things however, were to remain, or so she had thought. A mother’s love...well, a mother’s love was unconditional, not like her crush on Snails, the one she had never revealed, but that it would have been so easy to...no a mother’s love for her foal comes from within and it comes automatically. Her mother might have been, - And she let out a single bitter, solitary gurgle from the back of her throat. - She wanted to tell the truth, that she had been kind of cruel pony, but she couldn’t come and make herself do it. - Not under the circumstances, at least.

But if a mother’s love was unconditional, and it was forever, then why was...why was she feeling this way? She knew it to be irrational, of course. That blaming the deceased for their untimely death was a dumb thing to do...but Diamond couldn’t help but do that. She felt....she didn't know how to feel.

She just stared ahead, at the horizon, her gaze adrift, almost as if the horizon would give her the answer to the question that was in her mind. But the answer wouldn’t come, at least not easily. Though her voice had matured, and her voice had become even prettier, perfect at singing, the one word she had uttered since she had found out about what had happened, back a few days ago, “WHY, was muttered on a hoarse whine. Nopony would guess who the voice would belong to

She guessed everypony sounded alike in their wanderess drifting and swaying through their grief, colt or filly, mare or stallion it didn’t matter, what did matter was that she didn’t feel very much like doing anything. Very much like her mother in her final days.

She had known it was coming, of course, a part of her had to have known, Spoiled Rich, her mother, was sick. But a bigger part of Diamond Tiara tried to push that to the back of her mind...whether though some of the Apple family Cider, whether through engaging in socialite events...as her mother had taught her. Image was everything. It was…

And she knew that her mother would scowl, that typical scowl of hers if she saw her like that, her make up all fussed up, and crying over her dead body...well not literally, they had buried her already...but over her grave. Her mother, ever the opportunistic one, would turn up her muzzle at her and tell her that this was a chance, to act the grieved one and use ponies’ pity to get business’ opportunities, or something of the like.

Yes Diamond had been taught well...but, when her mentor had fallen, not in battle, but to sickness, she hadn’t been able to do any of that. Oh she had shown up, indeed, but she had receded inside of herself. She had only stood there, faintly acknowledging the “So sorry for your loss” and the “If you need anything” feelings ponies gave her. Not even the cider and hug Apple Bloom had brought her, or the cheery talk Silver Spoon had tried to bring, to try and get her mind of it, had gotten any effect.

Long, winded whimpers let out through her body, and she couldn’t help but feel depressed, her eyes, the one feature her mother had always complimented, with the line, “You have beautiful eyes Diamond Tiara, don’t ever forget that”, those were glossy with tears. And she didn’t even care enough to clean them. What for?

She knew that when a loved one died, usually ponies either drowned their sorrows or went for therapy, and she could afford either option...his father, well, he had left her in charge of the family’s fortune and retired, not too long ago. To greener pastures, as they said, warmer climates. They had talked briefly on the funeral. But it was clear he didn’t wish to be there. - She didn’t blame him, she didn’t as well. - but Diamond Tiara... Diamond Tiara really didn’t feel like doing much.

If there was one thing other ponies admired in her.,..it was her determination. And sure, eventually she’d step back from this and be stronger from it, she knew it. What didn’t kill her,. made her stronger, or fatter, but she had a personal pony trainer, and she was prepared to deal. She had a business to run! She just wanted to wallow in self pity and feelings of depression for a few days to some weeks.

The truth was, after so many years Barnyard Bargains ran itself this years,. and her presence there was mostly a formality, a presence to inspire the workers, a face to put there. She could step down and let those she paid do all the work...she could take that week or two off. But she’d be back after a while. Because she liked the menial work.

Not now, however, because right now, Diamond “Dazzling” Tiara, and she held back a sob after realising the “Dazzling” had been her mother’s idea, felt about ready to explode into tears again.

Prompt 8: The Babysitter - Mattricole

"But Dad, I'm too old for a babysitter!" Diamond Tiara whined as she followed her father, Filthy Rich, to the library one fateful afternoon.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but I just don't feel comfortable with you staying at home by yourself for a whole weekend," her father replied, not even bothering to look her in the eye as he said that, "the last time I did you nearly burned down the entire house."

"It's not my fault our house is made of wood!" she yelled out, causing Filthy to groan. He could already feel a headache coming on. "And if I have to have a babysitter why can't it be Miss Fluttershy? She always let's me do whatever I want!"

And that's why I don't want her babysitting you, he thought angrily. Unfortunately Fluttershy is much too timid to properly babysit his little princess. "Now Diamond, you know Miss Fluttershy is much too busy to watch you right now."

"So what?! She should be honored to get the chance to take care of me," Diamond Tiara growled, and kicked a nearby rock.

Where did I go wrong? Filthy thought to himself as they finally made it to their destination, the Golden Oak Library, home to Princess Twilight Sparkle.

"Ugh, this is going to totally suck," Diamond Tiara said to herself as she watched her dad knock on the door.

"Welcome!" the door instantly opened, an excited Twilight greeting them with a rather large, and in Diamond's opinion creepy, smile adorning her face.

"H- hello Miss Twilight," Filthy replied, a bit shocked at how quickly the door opened, "I trust you are doing well this fine evening?" he said with a bow of his head.

"Oh, yes, everything is fine!" she quickly turned to Diamond Tiara, "and this must be your daughter, Diamond Tiara was it?"

"Yeah, it is, can I come in now?" Diamond Tiara growled impatiently.

"Oh, right, where are my manners," Twilight said as she moved to the side, allowing Diamond Tiara entrance, "would you like anything to drink Mr. Filthy?"

"Oh, no thank you Miss Twilight, I really must be going," he said as he turned around, "I'll pick up my daughter in about two days, and please, call me Rich," he then turned around and walked away, "oh, that's right!" he said as he turned around, "and thank you for agreeing to watch my little Diamond!"

"Oh, there's no need to thank me!" she said as she turned towards Diamond Tiara, "the pleasure is going to be all mine."

"So, Diamond Tiara, how do you like your dinner?" Twilight said as she took Diamond Tiara's empty plate away.

"It was alright," Diamond Tiara replied as she got up from her chair, "hey, whatever happened to your dragon pet, Duke was it?" Diamond Tiara asked as she rummaged through the fridge, looking for any chocolate milk that may be hidden in it's depths.

"You mean Spike, my assistant right?" Twilight looked back as she put the dishes in the sink, and turned the faucet on, "he's at Rarity's, I figured you two wouldn't get along since you... don't get along with Apple Bloom," she explained as she washed the plates.

"Do you have any chocolate milk? I'm thirsty," Diamond Tiara asked as she rummaged through the fridge, throwing away anything that looked nasty.

"Sorry, I don't have any," Twilight replied as she picked up after Diamond Tiara's rampage.

"Oh come on!" Diamond Tiara yelled as she slammed the door shut, "don't you have anything good in this stupid library?!"

"Sorry Diamond, but no, I don't," Twilight said as she reopened the fridge and put everything back, "now, it's time for your bath, go up the stairs and it should be the first door you see," Twilight said as she nudged Diamond Tiara towards the stairs.

"Okay, fine!" Diamond Tiara growled as she went up the stairs. That's weird, usually my babysitters would get mad and start yelling at me, or start crying, or do something! It's like she hasn't even noticed I've done anything! she thought bitterly to herself as she finally climbed all the stairs, and entered the bathroom. I knew librarians are supposed to be boring but COME ON!!! This is just ridiculous!

After locating the bathtub, Diamond Tiara found that the bath was already full, with all of her favorite shampoos and conditioners ripe for the picking. Not only that, but there was an assortment of rubber duckies, of various size and colors in the bathtub, waiting for her, as if tempting her to jump right in.

"W-what's going on?" she asked herself as she placed her left forehoof into the water, pleasantly surprised at how it was the perfect temperature of 96 degrees. "But... how did she-"

"Know?"

"Gah!" Diamond Tiara jumped back as Twilight entered the bathroom with a hot towel in her magical grip, "your father told me how you like your baths, so I made sure it was perfect for his little princess," she said as she set the towel on it's rack.

"But... when did you?"

"Oh, that!" Twilight pointed at the bathtub, "well, you see, using several variables such as the amount of water, how hot said water is, the temperature of the air surrounding the water-"

"Okay okay I get it!" Diamond Tiara interrupted, "I'm here to bathe, not learn!"

"But it's really interesting! You'll love it!" Twilight insisted as she watched the young filly slide into the bathtub, "oh well, I'll tell you later I guess," she sighed sadly as she picked up a sponge with her hoof.

"Wait, what are you doing?!" Diamond Tiara yelled as she tried to swat away Twilight's hoof.

"I"m bathing you, silly," Twilight responded as lathered the sponge in soap.

"I can bathe myself you know!" Diamond Tiara growled as her body froze up. Stupid unicorn magic she thought to herself as she felt Twilight's gentle hooves massaging her back.

"Now now, just think of it as a spa treatment," Twilight said as she continued to gently lathered Diamond's back, "I'll even throw in a free massage!"

"I DON'T WANT A-a.... massage," Diamond Tiara groaned as a smile crept up her face, "Th- that feels good," she moaned as she relaxed in Twilight's grip, allowing the unicorn to do as she pleased.

"That's a good girl, just let me take care of everything," Twilight whispered as she continued bathing the young filly.

"Y- you're pretty good MIss Twilight," Diamond Tiara managed to moan out, causing Twilight to giggle.

"Oh, thank you! I have been practicing after all," Twilight replied as she gently washed away the soap, and poured shampoo over Diamond Tiara's now wet mane, "what a beautiful body you have, like a newborn filly," Twilight admired as she gently massaged Diamond Tiara's scalp, making sure Diamond Tiara's mane was perfect.

"W- what do you mean... by that?" Diamond Tiara asked, her voice barely above a whisper as she tried to keep her eyes open.

"Oh nothing, absolutely nothing," Twilight replied, her breathing slowly speading up. It was such a beautiful body, much prettier than Apple Bloom's or Scootaloo's. She hadn't seen a coat this beautiful since Sweetie Belle's, and even then she wasn't sure if that was true.

If I'm not careful, I might not be able to resist you Diamond Tiara, Twilight thought to herself as she continued to admire Diamond Tiara's soft body beneath her hooves.

"so, how are you enjoying your bath Diamond Tiara?" Twilight asked, but found her only answer was the gentle snores of a tired filly. "I'll assume that means you loved it," Twilight answered with a laugh.

"Good night Diamond Tiara," Twilight whispered to the sleeping filly, as she gently tucked her into the guest bed, across from her own, "sweet dream Diamond Tiara," she whispered as her horn glowed faintly, and zapped the unsuspecting Diamond Tiara, "sweet dreams," and with that, Twilight crawled into her own bed, watching Diamond Tiara, and waiting.

"Mmm, no... get... away," Diamond Tiara mumbled in her sleep, twitching every now and again. As Diamond Tiara's whimpers grew louder, the smile on Twilight's face grew larger. Everything was going according to plan.

"No, get away from me!" Diamond Tiara shouted as she continued to run for her life.

"DIAMOND TIARA!!!!" a shrill voice screeched, chasing her down a long, dark hallway, clawing at her, with a viscous grin adorning it's face.

"Somepony, anypony, help me!" she begged as she continued to run, but it was useless. Every second the monster came closer, and closer. There was no way she could outrun it.

"I have you Diamond Tiara!" the formless monster screeched as it jumped at her, laughing as it grabbed her hooves.

"Please stop!" Diamond Tiara pleaded as she tried to crawl away, tears streaming down her face. She was done for.

"Oh DT, it's time," the monster said as it lifted it's hideous arm, "IT'S TIME TO EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!"

"NOOOOOOOO!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Diamond Tiara screamed as she sat up in her bed, covered in sweat.

"Diamond Tiara, are you alright?!" Twilight asked, rushing to her side, "it's alright, it was just a nightmare!" she hugged the crying filly in her hooves, rubbing her back comfortably.

"It was horrible Twilight!" Diamond Tiara sobbed, hugging the adult tightly, "it tried to make me eat vegetables!"

"Shh, shh, it- Vegetables?" Twilight asked as she pulled away from Diamond Tiara.

"It was horrible," Diamond Tiara sniffed as she tried to dry her tears, "if felt so real, as if I could actually taste the broccoli." It took all of Twilight's willpower not to laugh at her.

Who would have heard of a little filly being afraid of vegatables? Twilight asked herself before shaking away the thought. The spell worked, and that's all that mattered.

"Hey, Diamond Tiara?" Twilight nudged her with a smile, "do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?" she asked sweetly, wiping away Diamond's tears with her hoof.

"I- is it okay with you?" Diamond Tiara asked as she twiddled with her hooves, unable to look Twilight in the eye. It was a little embarrassing for a filly her age to sleep with a grown up.

"As long as it's fine with you," Twilight replied as she led Diamond Tiara into her bed, and held her tight, "I'll make sure you don't have to eat any nasty old vegetables," she promised, causing Diamond Tiara to smile.

"Thanks Miss Twilight, you're the best!" she said as she snuggled into Twilight's chest, a content smile adorning her face.

Oh no, Diamond Tiara, thank you, Twilight thought to herself as she snuggled into Diamond Tiara's hair, taking a whiff of the sweat covered filly, shuddering as Diamond's natural scent engulfed her senses. She hugged Diamond Tiara tightly, feeling her warm, young body rubbing against her own. Twilight had to bite her lip down in order to not squeal. Little fillies really were the best.

Prompt 8: Rainbow Dash is Best Sitter - Yukito

Filthy Rich had his face buried into his hooves, his eyes closed tight and his ears pinned against the sides of his head. This was all a dream. This was all a bad dream.

“Mr. Rich,” the albino stallion opposite said, “We have no choice at this point but to give up on the park, and the breeding facility has been completely wiped out. I’m sorry.”

“I invested so much into this crazy idea of yours,” Filthy Rich said, removing his hooves and opening his eyes to reveal his annoyance. “Mr. Hammond, this ‘Jurassic Park’ of yours was supposed to be a sure-fire thing. You guaranteed its success, and I trusted you.”

“I assure you, I will do what I can to return as much of your investment as I can. But first, we must cover the legal aspects, regarding the deaths of three ponies on the island. I have no doubt that InGen lawyers will soon be here to buy your silence regarding the park’s existence, but I was hoping you might-”

“How much we talking?” Filthy Rich asked, his ears perking up at the possibility that he might be able to make even more money than what he wasted on this foolish venture.

“Mr. Rich, I-”

“DADDYYYYYYYY!”

Filthy Rich sighed. “Uh, please excuse me… That would be my daughter…” The stallion excused himself, leaving his guest to his tea as he journeyed upstairs to see what was wrong.

“DADYYYYYYYY!” Diamond Tiara shouted, her back against the bathroom wall as she kept her eyes on the horror in front of her.

“Diamond? What’s wrong?” Filthy Rich asked from the other side, some concern in his voice.

“Daddy, help!” Diamond Tiara shouted, and mere seconds later the door was pushed open, her father rushing into the bathroom to see what was wrong. “There! Get it! GET IT!”

Filthy Rich followed his daughter’s hoof to the tiny spider that she was pointing at sitting on the side of the bathtub. “… That’s all that this is about?” he asked with a sigh, a smile forcing its way onto his face as he was reminded of his daughter’s softer side. “Diamond, it’s barely the size of a pea.”

“Germs are small, but they’re still dangerous!” Diamond argued as she quickly ran and took cover behind her father’s leg. “And what if it’s poisonous?”

“So you’d have your dear father risk his life against it instead?” he asked jokingly.

“Yes!” Diamond answered. “That’s your job!”

Filthy Rich couldn’t help but chuckle as he walked over towards the toilet, grabbing some of the paper beside it and then turning towards the bathtub. “Anyway, there are no poisonous spiders in Equestria. No living ones, at least. Up in Canterlot, their corpses and venom sacs sell for a pretty penny to studious Unicorns.”

Diamond Tiara retreated outside of the door and watched as her father grabbed the spider in the toilet paper and proceeded to flush it down into the sewers. “Okay, now out already!” the filly shouted as she ran back into the room, ushering her father out. She could feel her bladder about to burst. “Out out out!”

“You’re welcome, sweetie,” he responded sarcastically as he was pushed out of the bathroom, the door slamming shut behind him. With a sigh, he returned downstairs to his guest.

“Now, Mr. Rich, I understand that you have suffered a great financial loss from all of this. But, if I could just ask you, to think of the moral aspects regarding this incident-”

“DADDYYYYY!”

Filthy Rich sighed and climbed out of his seat. “One moment.”

“Yes, Diamond Tiara?” Filthy Rich asked as he entered the kitchen.

“We’re out of milk!” Diamond Tiara said with an angry frown and half a cup of milk in front of her.

“… Well, it will have to wait. You father’s in the middle of a very important talk right now.”

“Ugh!” Diamond Tiara picked up her glass and stormed off out of the room, grumbling under her breath about how unfair this was.

“I’m sorry,” Filthy Rich said as he sat back down. “Now, you were sayi-”

“DADDYYYYYYYY!”

“Oh for-” Filthy Rich was only a mere mortal. His patience was very limited, and whilst he loved his daughter more than anything in the world, he could feel his blood starting to boil.

“Mr. Rich, I’m afraid I cannot stay for long,” Mr. Hammond told him, “But perhaps we can meet for lunch or dinner tomorrow and discuss this then?”

Filthy Rich put a hoof to his chin. “Yes, I think that would be for the best. I’ll have to find a sitter for Diamond Tiara, but I’m sure that won’t be too difficult.”

“What do you mean you can’t sit for her?!” Filthy Rich shouted in disbelief at the white mare sipping tea from her cup. “You’re always available to sit for her!”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Rich,” Rarity said as she placed her cup down, “But Sweetie Belle and her friends are going to be visiting tomorrow, and I can’t afford to have my workshop become the site of a battleground between those four.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me… Miss Fluttershy, could you-”

“Oh, no. I couldn’t,” Fluttershy said with a solemn look on her face. “Discord is coming over for tea, and I don’t think he and your daughter get along very well.”

Filthy Rich sighed. “… Applejack?”

“Sorry Mr. Rich,” Applejack said. “Big Mac an’ ah are gonna be mighty busy workin’ the orchard all day tomorrow, and Granny Smith’s got yoga classes.”

“I would offer to sit for you,” Twilight began, “But my brother is coming to visit tomorrow, and we haven’t seen each other for so long. You understand, right?”

“Ooh! I can watch her for you!” Pinkie Pie shouted, hopping up-and-down on the spot. “I’m already watching the twins anyway, and this would be a good way for them to get to know each other!”

Filthy Rich shot the pink mare a smile.

“No, wait, that’s next week’s tomorrow. This week, I’m Dungeons and Dragonsing with Trixie and Lyra!”

And the smile collapsed in just a few short seconds. Desperate, Filthy Rich turned to the only remaining mare in the bakery.

“Ohhhh, no no no no no,” Rainbow Dash said as she saw the stallion’s gaze on her. “Sorry, but I don’t do foalsitting. It cuts in the way of flying and napping. Not to mention how that’s a job for teenage fillies, and I’m-”

“I’ll pay your fifty bits per hour,” Filthy Rich said, “To sit her for at least six hours. That’s three hundred bits at the very least.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened and she quickly ran up to the stallion, shaking his hoof so fast that their two hooves became a blur. “Sir, you’ve got yourself a deal!”

“But Daddy!”

“Now Diamond, I’ve already told you that this meeting is very important, and Silver Spoon is still too ill for you to visit her house.”

Diamond Tiara pouted as she followed her father to the house’s front door. “But why somepony I don’t even know? What if they try to hurt me or don’t know about my allergies or something?”

“Rainbow Dash is a local hero in Ponyville, and friends with Applejack, whose word I trust. You have allergies to dogs and cats, and I doubt she has any intention of bringing pets over. And if ‘something’ comes up, you know that Mr. Turner is just down the road.”

A knock came at the door just as the two ponies had reached it. “This is so unfair! I’m a big filly, I can take care of myself.”

“Stove’s on fire, what do you do?” Filthy Rich asked.

“Whuh? Uh, I, uh…”

“Aaaaand the house has burned down,” Filthy Rich said, turn around and kneeling down to his daughter’s eyelevel, “And Equestria is down one Princess,” he added, booping his daughter’s nose, which caused her to back up and knock his hoof away.

“I’ll just order takeout!”

“I have no doubt. That you’ll order only from their desert menu and eat nothing but cake and ice-cream.” Another knock at the door came from behind Filthy Rich. “Yes, yes, I’m coming already.” Turning around, he opened the door to find Rainbow Dash on the other side. “Glad you could make it.”

“You kiddin’? Three hundred bits to watch some kid play around for a few hours?”

Filthy Rich frowned. He was starting to have second thoughts, but it was too late now. “Daddy, why can’t I just go with you?”

“Because the last time I let you come along to a business dinner you complained the whole night about how bored you were.”

“… I’ll be more quiet this time?”

“Too late, Rainbow Dash has already taken the time out of her day to come and sit for you,” Filthy Rich said before turning back to the mare standing in the doorway. “Here’s a list of things you’ll need to know. I’ll be a whole town away, so if any problems arise, see the back for a list of emergency contacts. I can’t guarantee when I’ll be back, but it will be sometime past ten at the least. Diamond’s bedtime is at nine, and you’re welcome to anything in the fridge until I return.”

“Man, this’s a lot of stuff,” Rainbow said as she read over the list. “Heh, but don’t worry. I’ve got it all covered!”

“Well then.” Filthy Rich turned to his daughter and leaned down. “Could daddy get a goodbye kiss from his favourite filly before he leaves?”

Diamond Tiara was still pouting, but she leaned up and gave her father a quick peck on the cheek regardless. After that, Filthy Rich left the house, leaving the two alone to stand and stare at each other in awkward silence.

“… Soooo… what d’you do for fun around here?”

“Hmph! Nice try,” Diamond said. “I know that daddy put on that list that I should be studying until dinner! You’re just trying to trip me up.”

“Oh, come on,” Rainbow said. “What’s one day of not punching numbers into a calculator gonna do?”

“I’m supposed to be studying History today.”

“Well, are you gonna be a historian when you grow up?” Rainbow Dash asked. Diamond Tiara shook her head. “Then what’s the problem with missing one day? ‘Sides, I know jack squat about History, so I wouldn’t be able to help ya out anyway.”

Diamond Tiara looked up at Rainbow Dash with a sceptical look on her face, wondering if this was really some kind of ingenious trick or not. She decided that this pony didn’t seem smart enough to trip her up and just went along with it. “Well, after dinner I usually go into my room to play video games.”

“Oh, cool,” Rainbow Dash said. “What, like the Mario Brothers, or Duck Hunt?”

“Well, lately I’ve been playing Equidor Wars.” Rainbow Dash blinked. “An MMORPG.” She blinked again. “Massively multiplayer online role playing game?”

“Oh! You mean like one of those dungeon exploring things, right?”

“Uh, yeah…”

“Cool! Can I take a look?”

“Okay, so right now our world is battling another world,” Diamond Tiara explained as she focussed on the screen. “The ponies we’re battling are actual ponies.”

“Wow. That’s a lot of ponies,” Rainbow said as she watched Diamond’s character sneaking around behind a rock. “Why are you hiding? Why not just go out there and do that fire thing that that guy’s doing?”

“Because I’m not a mage,” Diamond said.

“Oh. What are you?”

“I’m a thief. I sneak around behind the enemy and steal their sh- stuff.” Diamond Tiara gulped as she realised she had almost slipped up. “And then I attack them from behind.”

“Ah. Well, I’m more of a heads-on kinda pony myself,” Rainbow Dash said. “And by the way, you don’t have to watch you language around me.”

Diamond stopped paying attention to her game and turned to Rainbow Dash with wide-eyed surprise. “W-What?”

“I dunno how your dad feels about it, but I could really care less what you say around me. As long as you’re not saying it about me.”

“… So, I can say buck?” Diamond asked, receiving a nod from Rainbow Dash. “And damn?”

“Yep. I’m not quite as uptight as some of the other ponies in this town.”

“… Fuck,” Diamond whispered, before feeling her face heat up and turning away to hide her blush. She heard Rainbow Dash giggling beside her.

“Okay, try not to overdo it. Remember, this is just a special privilege while I’m sitting for ya.” Diamond Tiara nodded before going back to focussing on her game. “So, any chance I can play, too?”

“Uh… yeah, there’s a spare laptop under my bed,” Diamond said, having her character hide in some nearby shadows as she turned around and searched around for the device. “Here it is. It’s a little slower, but it should manage.”

“Sweet! I’m gonna hop in there and kick your butt!”

“Oh please,” Diamond scoffed. “I’m level eighty-nine and have dragons-bane daggers and legend-tier armour. It’ll be a cold day in Tartarus before some newb is able to kill me.”

“That sounds like a challenge,” Rainbow Dash said, rubbing her hooves together as she switched the laptop on, “And I love challenges.”

“Hey! You stole all our cannonballs!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

“Oh boo hoo! Go cry about it to your dead Warlord!”

“Oh, it is on!” Rainbow began mashing buttons furiously on her laptop.

“Hey, you’re just spamming attacks!” Diamond Tiara protested. “Eat poison-spikes!”

“Son of a- I died again!” Rainbow threw her forelegs up into the air in a fit of rage, only to then let out a loud yawn as she stretched her limbs. She looked over to the nearby clock and her eyes widened as she saw the time. “Oh no! I was supposed to make you dinner half an hour ago!”

“What?!” Diamond also looked over at the clock, and then felt her stomach rumbling as she noticed the time. “You idiot! You were supposed to be paying attention!”

“Chill! I got this.” Rainbow picked up the list left for her by Filthy Rich and looked for the part that mentioned dinner arrangements. “… Man, this guy sure gives you sucky dinners.”

“I know,” Diamond said, rolling her eyes. “Daddy says it’s healthy and will help me grow up big and strong, but I think he just doesn’t know how to cook anything else.”

“Well, I think I can fix up somethin’ better,” Rainbow Dash said as she opened up her saddlebag, pulling out a bag of ready-made pancakes and a tub of chocolate spread. “I brought this along for your dessert, but I guess there’s enough for it to be your dinner, too.”

Diamond Tiara’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped as she stared at her sitter. “Wow, really?!” she asked in an excited voice, receiving a nod from Rainbow Dash. “Well, perhaps this night won’t be so bad after all.”

“When does this game start being fun?” Diamond asked with a frown as she scooped up some of the candy from the bowl beside her and shoved it into her mouth.

“When you start winning,” Rainbow said as she placed two cards down and picked two up. “Maybe I should ease off, before I take all your allowance or somethin’.”

Diamond Tiara placed three cards down and picked three up. “Shut up…”

“Okay, I raise!”

Diamond Tiara groaned. “Fine, bet!”

“Hah! Too bad! A full house!” Rainbow Dash reached her hooves towards the pile of bits in the centre of the table, only for a pink hoof to block her path.

“Four of a kind,” Diamond said with a grin.

“What?!” Rainbow watched in disbelief as suddenly Diamond Tiara’s meagre pile of bits had grown considerably in size, and a huge chunk was taken out of her own.

“Heh, you’re right. This is fun,” Diamond said as she scooped another pile of candies into her mouth. “I think I’m going to like making you poorer than when you started.”

Rainbow Dash grinned as she cracked her hooves together. “Oh, it’s so on!”

“I don’t get it,” Diamond said as she watched the screen with a bored look on her face, reaching over for her bowl of candy by her side.

“Just keep watching,” Rainbow said as she reached for her bottle of cider. “Good part’s coming up.”

“Why doesn’t daddy let me watch this stuff? And what are they all talking abou-“ Suddenly, something appeared on the screen that made Diamond Tiara jumped. A grotesque pony-like creature jumped in front of the characters that she had previously been watching and began to claw one of them repeatedly in the face. “AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!”

Rainbow Dash laughed so much that her stomach hurt as she watched the frightened filly throw her candy at the screen before jumping over the back of the couch and running up the stairs of her house. “Oh man, that was great! You never forget your first scare,” Rainbow said as she wiped a tear from her eye.

She suddenly heard crashing and banging behind her and jumped to her hooves at the noise. She turned towards the direction of the stairs and heard a filly’s scream, before seeing a filly-sized silhouette come tumbling down the stairs and landing on the floor.

“Oh crap!” Rainbow Dash got up and raced towards the pink lump on the floor, sweat dripping down her head and her heart beating madly as she stopped to check if Diamond Tiara was alright. Before she could reach a hoof forward to check her pulse though, she felt something touch her flank.

Turning around quickly, Rainbow Dash was greeted to the sight of a small pony standing behind her, wearing a black veil to obscure their face and wielding a large knife in their hoof. The pony lunged forward without warning, causing Rainbow Dash to scream as she tumbled backwards onto the floor, covering her face with her hooves and shaking as she waited for her end to come.

Instead, she heard laughter. Opening her eyes, Rainbow Dash found Diamond Tiara standing over her, laughing to herself as she dropped the rubber knife onto the floor and tossed the black veil to the side. Turning her head, Rainbow Dash found that what she originally believed to be Diamond Tiara was in fact just a golf bag covered by a pink sheet. Simple enough to fool somepony in the dark, and it certainly impressed the now-calm Pegasus pony.

“You little brat,” Rainbow said with a grin as she reached up to grab Diamond Tiara in a headlock, before rubbing her hoof into the filly’s mane. “You’re not half-bad, kid! Might make a good prankster someday!”

“L-Let me go!” Diamond Tiara said as she struggled, eventually breaking free of the headlock and straightening out her mane. “And of course. I get lots of practice.” ‘On those stupid blank flanks.’

“So, back to the movie?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Diamond Tiara froze up and slowly started to back up towards the stairs. “Uh, I-I think I should probably be going to bed now…”

“Tch, spoilsport. Alright, whatever. You want me to read you a bedtime story?”

“What? No! I’m not some helpless little kid!” Diamond Tiara protested. Recalling everything else she had been able to get away with today, Diamond Tiara decided to take a chance. “Hey, do I have to brush my teeth?”

“If you want to,” Rainbow said, “But hey, what’s one or two nights skipping your brushing? I did it, and my teeth are great!”

Diamond’s smile widened as she turned towards the stairs and started to run up them. “Wow, you’re the best sitter ever!”

Rainbow Dash grinned at that. “Heh. Yeah, I’m pretty great…”

“Hey Rainbow Dash, I heard you did a good job foalsitting last night,” Spike said as he sat down with Rainbow Dash and Rarity at a table in Sugarcube Corner. “Guess I owe Twilight five bits…”

“See? I told you she’d be just fine,” Twilight said as she joined her friends. “You have to trust your friends, Spike.”

“I did trust her. Just, not in a good way.”

“Heh. Well, I don’t mean to brag, but I think I may have made another admirer with my awesome sitting last night,” Rainbow Dash said with a cocksure grin.

“Sure sounds like bragging to me,” Spike said. “Hey, isn’t that Filthy Rich coming in now?”

The group turned around to see the stallion approaching, his daughter walking by his side, a not-very-amused look on her face.

“Good morning Mr. Rich,” Rarity said as he stopped in front of the group. “How are you today?”

“Not too well,” Filthy Rich said, his brow furrowed and his eyes focussing on Rainbow Dash. “Diamond Tiara woke up with stomach pains today. And tooth pains, too.”

“Oh?” Twilight asked, an uneasy feeling creeping into her mind.

“I had to rush her to the dentist first because her tooth was in so much pain, and Miss Minuette found a cavity that needed to be filled right away.”

The group’s attention turned to Diamond Tiara as she walked up to Rainbow Dash, an angry look on her face, and then she turned around and bucked Rainbow Dash’s hind leg, causing the Pegasus to yelp and shoot into the air.

“Now now, Diamond Tiara,” Filthy Rich said as he pulled his daughter away, “Violence never solved anything. I’m sure that Miss Rainbow Dash will be more than happy to cover the cost of the dental bill.”

The stallion took out a sheet of paper and handed it to Rainbow Dash, who gasped at the number she saw written on there. “B-But that’s-” A glare from Filthy Rich stopped her, and she turned to her friends for support. When none of them seemed willing to step in for her, she sighed and nodded her head sadly. “Fine, I’ll pay you…” She took out the bag of bits she had received the previous night and returned it to Filthy Rich.

“Thank you. Diamond Tiara?” The filly nodded as she followed her father out of the store, her face turning green as her stomach began to rumble again. Filthy Rich leaned down to carry his daughter on his back as she left the store.

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash grabbed her milkshake and began sipping on it as she pouted at her loss, whilst Spike gathered Twilight’s attention by nudging her side and shooting her a smug grin. “So, guess you owe me five bits.”

Prompt 8: Applesat - Mudpony

"I got it!" the little, blank-flanked, pink filly squealed as she raced to the front door.

Her hooves dug into the imported rug covering the hardwood floor as she turned the corner into the entranceway, the speed of the turn causing a small plastic tiara to fly off her perfectly coiffed mane. Throwing open the door, the filly prepared to launch herself onto her favorite pony in the whole world — other than her father, of course. Her look of sheer joy turned to one of perplexion at the sight of the tan-coated, saddlebag-carrying pony that stood there, blond mane partially hidden underneath an oversized Stetson.

"Howdy!" the young mare, barely more than a filly herself despite the three apple cutie mark adorning her flanks, said. "You must be Diamond. We're gonna have so much fun tonight, I jus' know it. I'm—"

"You're not Miss Swirl," Diamond Tiara .

"Nope. As Ah'd been about to say, Ah'm Applejack, and your pa asked me to be your sitter tonight."

"You are not Miss Swirl," Diamond Tiara repeated more forcefully. "Miss Swirl always babysits me. She's the best babysitter in the whole world." The little pony glared at the mare before her with such ferocity that it caused Applejack to step back.

"Dad!" Diamond yelled. "Daaaad!"

The sound of hooves, heavier ones than earlier, racing upon the hardwood echoed in the entryway, shoving the still yelling filly safely behind him. A loose tie dangled around his neck, somehow clinging on despite its unfastened state and his madcap dash from his dressing room. He scanned the room, but failed to find any sort of threat to his daughter's well being. After a second look just to make sure he wasn't missing something, he breathed a sigh of relief and gave Applejack a smile.

"You found the place okay then?" He shook his head and chuckled. "Well, of course you did. Otherwise you wouldn't be here, would you? Thank you again so much for agreeing to do this. Our usual sitter had to cancel, and, well, she's the only sitter who doesn't seem to always be busy when we ask them to babysit."

"Ain't no problem, Mr. Rich. Always glad to help out a friend of the family. An' besides, Ah could use the money. There's this apple tree at the market Ah've got my eye on. Ah already know what Ah'm gonna name him, and he's going to be the best tree in the whole orchard."

"Even so, we'd probably have had to cancel our trip to the opera if you hadn't agreed," Filthy Rich said. A tug on his leg distracted him, and he turned his attention to his daughter. "Diamond, can't you see I'm talking to Miss Applejack here?"

"That is not Miss Swirl."

Filthy Rich rubbed his daughter's head affectionately. "No, it isn't, pumpkin. I'm afraid Miss Swirl had to cancel at the last second." Holding up his hoof to forestall his daughter's protest, he continued. "Luckily, Miss Applejack here agreed to babysit you tonight, and maybe tomorrow night as well. Good thing, otherwise I don't know what your mother and I would have done. I know I should have told you earlier, but it just slipped my mind. I'm sorry about that."

"But I like Miss Swirl."

"Well, how do you know you won't like Applejack?"

Diamond Tiara peered suspiciously at the interloper standing silently in the doorway.

"She's got a funny looking hat," the filly finally said. "It's too big and doesn't fit right."

Filthy Rich snorted, before fixing a stern glare on his daughter. "Diamond, that is not how we treat our visitors. Say you're sorry."

Diamond frowned and chewed on her lip, looking down. "I'm sorry your hat is funny looking," Diamond offered.

"Diamond Dazzle Tiara!" Filthy Rich scolded at his daughter, who stared back defiantly. "Go to your room. Now!"

Diamond scowled, then turned and headed inside, taking just a second to turn back and give Applejack one last harsh look, before disappearing from sight. Shortly thereafter, her hooves could be heard stomping up the stairs.

"I'm sorry about that, Applejack. I swear she's normally much better behaved."

"It's all right, Mr. Rich. Ah'm sure she don't mean nothing with it. She's just upset that Miss — Swirl, was it? — couldn't make it." She brushed a hoof along the edge of her hat, before taking it off and placing it carefully on the coat rack, before slipping out of her saddlebags.. "Besides, this here hat used to be mah brothers, an' Ah haven't quite grown into it just yet."

Filthy Rich laughed. "With how much you've grown these last few years, it wouldn't surprise me if it's a perfect fit by the end of next year." Glanced at his watch, he frowned slightly at the time. "Just don't let her push you around tonight, okay?"

Applejack chuckled. "Don't you worry, Mr. Rich. Ah know just how much of a hoofful they can be from sitting for my little sis."

Filthy Rich turned to head back to his dressing room, but stopped with a laugh. "Well, I don't think she'll be half the trouble you and your brother could be."

"Ah don't recall us giving you any trouble."

"That's because I was darn good at babysitting," Filthy Rich said with a laugh. "It is, after all, remarkably similar to employee management. Make sure to keep 'em busy, reward well, and punish if needed."

"And with an example like that, Ah sure I'll have no trouble with little Diamond."

"Just, uh, just give her until we leave to calm down. By then, I'm sure she'll be her usual sweet self." Filthy Rich gave a quick nod. "Yes, I'm sure that'll be the case," he said, as much to himself as to Applejack.

"Ah'll do that, Mr. Rich. Now you'd best finish getting dressed, else Mrs. Rich is going to give you a right serious tongue lashin'."

Filthy Rich guffawed. "Isn't that the truth?" he said. Then, taking another glance at his watch, he swallowed and quickly went upstairs.

Applejack waved to the departing carriage, before returning inside and shutting the door. With the elder Riches departed, she was all alone with Diamond Tiara. The filly was still pouting upstairs, refusing to leave her room.

The stubbornness of youth, Applejack thought with a chuckle.

She knew it well enough, for her little sister could be equally determined to be miserable at times. She had no idea where her sister got it from. Probably from her brother or from Granny Smith. Certainly not her though. The stars knew she herself had never been that stubborn when she was that young. If someone brought up an example or two to the contrary, well, she certainly wasn't that stubborn these days. And there was nothing anypony could do to convince her otherwise, she thought with the a chuckle.

Truth be told, she figured a bit of stubbornness was a good thing in a farm pony. Nature wasn't always the most cooperative of things, and sometimes it just came down to keeping one's nose to the grindstone until nature finally wised up and saw things your way. With a little filly though, other methods tended to produce far better results.

Luckily, she had just the right means at her disposal. She reached for the saddlebags she had set down by the door earlier and flipped them onto her back. Whistled a jaunty tune, she made her way to the kitchen. Once there, she set the bags down upon the counter and pulled out the contents, lining them up carefully.

Everything she needed to make apple goulash. The recipe was a family secret, passed down from mother to daughter. It wasn't often that she got a chance to make it. Her brother fiercely guarded the privilege of making the family meals, so if she did get a chance to cook, it was usually a pastry of some sort. Not that there was anything wrong with pastries.

Tonight though, she wasn't at home, he wasn't anywhere near this kitchen, and she intended to take full advantage of the opportunity. She searched through the kitchen until she found the knives, and set to work dicing the apples Once the apples were prepared, she quickly moved on to the next step. It wasn't long before she was salivating at the aroma wafting from the pan.

A soft clop told her she wasn't the only one enjoying the smell. A pink head was peeking around the corner and sniffing the air.

"Smells good, doesn't it?" Applejack asked.

"No."

The words didn't match Diamond Tiara's actions though, for even as she spoke them, she took a step forward though. And as if that wasn't enough, the way she stretched her neck to sniff the air told Applejack all she needed to know..

"Pull up a chair. It's about ready. 'Tis a family recipe, from back when mah family traveled Equestria gatherin' seeds." Applejack lifted the wooden stirring spoon up to her mouth, blew on it to cool it off, and took a taste. "Mmm. Just like Ma used to make."

She lifted the pot off the stove and set it on the table. Then she searched a few cabinets and drawers until she found some bowls, dining-ware, and a serving spoon. While she had been looking, Diamond Tiara had clambered onto a chair, and she set a bowl in front of the filly.

Dipping the serving spoon into the pot, she looked toward Diamond Tiara. "How many scoops you want?"

Diamond Tiara started to respond, but pulled herself back. "What's in it?" she asked.

"Well, that's a bit of a secret. I can tell you there's apples in it, though."

"I don't like apples."

"You'll like these, judgin' on how you were practically droolin' a river at just the smell."

Diamond Tiara wiped her mouth with her leg, looking at it afterward to see just how much she'd slimed it. Frowning, she hid the leg under the table. "Well, I'm not hungry," she declared..

Applejack shrugged and filled her own bowl to the brim. She took another scoop, and offered it to Diamond Tiara. "You sure?"

The filly pushed her empty bowl away and crossed her forelegs, making sure the leg she'd used to wipe her mouth was hidden beneath the other. "Not hungry."

"Okay," Applejack said. "But if you change your mind, there's more goulash in the pot. Wouldn't wait too long, if Ah were you. It's really best when it's warm. Although, even cold, it is hoof lickin' good."

Diamond continued to sit with her forelegs crossed. The table shuddered slightly as she kicked it. Applejack just smiled and settled down to enjoy her own meal, savoring every bite with exaggerated gusto.

"Can I have ice cream?" Diamond Tiara asked as Applejack started to serve herself a second bowl.

Applejack halted mid-scoop, thinking it over. "Maybe for dessert. But first you need to eat some goulash."

"But Miss Swirl—"

"Ain't here. And if she were, I reckon she wouldn't let you have just ice cream for dinner neither."

Diamond Tiara harrumphed and gave the table leg another kick.

The rest of dinner consisted of Diamond silently pouting and Applejack enjoying her meal. When Applejack finished her second bowl, she pushed her chair back and rubbed her stomach contently.

"That sure hit the spot. Are you sure you aren't hungry?"

"No," the little filly replied, determined to stay the course.

"Alright. Suit yourself then. Ah'm just going to clean up, and then we can do something else."

Getting out of her chair, Applejack proceeded to take her tableware to the sink. As she started to wash her bowl, she glanced back just in time to catch Diamond Tiara sneaking a bite out of the pot. With an inaudible chuckle, Applejack returned her attention to the dishes, working at a slower pace than she usually did. When she was about finished, she heard the fridge door open and turned toward it.

Diamond froze in the midst of putting the pot inside. "I'm saving it for later." At Applejack's "uh-huh", Diamond quickly continued. "Not for me! For Randolf."

"Randolf? That an imaginary friend?"

"He's not 'maginary. He's our butler. My mommy says nopony else in town has a bulter because they're too poor."

"Mah aunt and uncle have one, in Manehattan. Ah don't see the point of havin' somepony to do things you can do for yourself, though." Applejack dried off the last of the dishes and turned her full attention to Diamond Tiara. "All done. Now, how about we play a game?"

"Tivial Pursuit?" Diamond Tiara asked as she clambered back up into her chair.

"Tivial, huh? Are you sure you're old enough for that?" Applejack asked. "How about a nice game of Chutes and Ladders instead?"

"That's for little kids," Diamond said, crossing her hooves across her chest. "Mom says it isn't any good because the player makes no difference."

"Okay, we won't play that then. You got any other suggestions?"

Diamond Tiara sat in thought. "Hide and Seek?" Diamond Tiara suggested.

"Isn't that also a— Actually, never mind.. That sounds like a rootin', tootin' idea. You go hide, and Ah'll go find you."

Looking at her sitter with big eyes, Diamond Tiara pleaded, "But what if you can't find me? That'd be scary. Can't you go hide instead?"

"Ah can just call out if Ah cannot—" Remembering the temper tantrum from earlier, Applejack cut herself off. It would probably be easier if she just played along, she decided. "Alright. Ah'll go hide, and you count to forty. You can count to forty, right?"

"I can count all the way to one-hundred," Diamond Tiara declared.

"Really?"

"Uh-huh," Diamond Tiara replied, and then she started counting. "One bits… two bits…"

Quickly, Applejack raced off, moving from room to room, looking for a good spot. Closets she rejected as too obvious. Bedrooms were out, as using them would be an invasion of privacy. The suit of armor in the main hall wasn't big enough to hide behind. Not enough room behind the cupboard . And the she spotted it, a perfect spot, a big pile of what she assumed were dress-up clothes. Diving in, she quickly wormed her way underneath, taking care to fully cover herself.

Settling in for the wait, she let her mind drift to the apple tree that would soon be hers. It was the promise of perfection, its branches going off at just the right angles that would lead to an optimal yield in the hands of a skilled caretaker. And she would be that one. Mr. Harvest had no clue of the potential of that tree, but she did. And soon, it would be hers. She couldn't wait to plant the tree and tell it the name she had chose for it, how she would whisper to it as she carefully pruned it, and of the marvelous prize winning apples it would produce.

The apples in her mind crashed to the ground as she realized that, by now, she should have heard her charge searching. Carefully, she worked an ear free so that could hear better, and swiveled it around, searching for the slightest sound that might come from her charge. There were none, however. She decided to give it another five minutes, just in case Diamond Tiara was currently searching in another part of the house. But as the time passed, it slowly dawned on Applejack what had happened.

The little brat had tricked her!

Shedding her cover, Applejack made the switch from hunted to hunter. Walking as quietly as she could, she sneaked around the house, always with her ears perked for the slightest trace of her prey. It was in the kitchen she found her quarry, sitting on a chair, one leg was wrapped around a tub of ice cream. A second tub, now empty, lay on its side next to the first. Not all the ice cream had found its way into the filly's stomach, however. A good portion adorned the table and the pony. Diamond Tiara ignored that though, her other foreleg dragging through the mess as it used a spoon to dig deeper into the non-empty container.

Carefully, Applejack sneaked into the room, placing her hooves with the utmost of care, lest they make enough noise to provide warning of her approach. Step by step, she closed the distance, revealing more of the mess on the table. Her anger faded as she saw that ice cream wasn't the only thing the brown, white, and pink blob had been pigging out on. Plus it was at least partially her own fault. Letting a pony her sister's age trick her like that...

"Ah knew you couldn't resist," Applejack said, grabbing hold of the Diamond Tiara..

The filly might well have reached the ceiling as she shot upwards in surprise had Applejack's hoof not been on her shoulder. As it was, she still cleared a good ten inches, before slamming back down into the chair with an audible thump.

"Was good, wasn't it?" Applejack pointed to the empty pot, which looked to have been licked clean. She was pleased to note that, unlike the ice cream, there didn't seem to be any of the goulash smeared on the table, though some had managed to find its way into Diamond Tiara's mane.

Diamond Tiara shrugged, digging her spoon back into the ice cream, only to be stopped by Applejack. With large, questioning eyes, Diamond Tiara looked back at her sitter.

"Ah think you've had enough to eat for for one night." Applejack picked up the ice cream container, wiped it clean with a dishrag, and put it away in the freezer. With large sweeps, she began to wipe clean the table. "You sure made a right big mess. And not just the table either." Looking at her charge, Applejack pursed her lips in thought. "Ah'm thinking bath time."

"I like baths," Diamond Tiara said, grabbing hold of Applejack's leg. "Come on! I'll show you my collection. It's the biggest in town."

Hobbling on three legs, Applejack let herself be guided up the stairs to the bathroom. She stopped and gawked at the sight of it, her hoof slipping free of Diamond Tiara's grasp as the filly clambered into the bath. A shower occupied one corner, and it didn't have a shower curtain. Instead, it had a glass door, which was slightly ajar. Along another wall ran a counter with not one but two sinks, a mirror spanning the entire length. But it wasn't those things that brought Applejack up short. No, that was the bath.

It was the largest bath she had ever seen. It wasn't a cast iron tub like she was used to, but built into the room, covered with tiles of what appeared to be marble. The fixtures, which glimmered yellow, were no doubt gold-plated. What impressed her most though was its sheer size.

She let out a slow whistle. "Ah bet that could even hold Big Mac."

Diamond Tiara wasn't interested in that though, instead directing Applejack's attention to what covered most of where the bath met three of the room's four walls, other than a small portion that held various grooming products.

"This is my rubber ducky collection. They've all got a name and story." She paused to glare at Applejack. "Don't try to steal any, 'cause they're mine."

"Ah won't," Applejack swore, twisting the two handles that controlled the flow of hot and cold water.

"Good," Diamond Tiara said, picking up one rubber duck and holding it out for Applejack to see. "This one's my favorite. Her name's Bob, and she runs a huge store, the biggest in all Equestria."

"Is that why she wears a suit and tie?"

"Uh-huh. My dad named her. I named all the others though. They all work for her, and they have to do whatever she says." Diamond held the duck in front of one of another ducky, this one adorned with a sombrero. "Clean up in aisle three, Miamigo" Turning back to Applejack, she said, "And now he has to go clean, 'cause Bob said so."

"I reckon I'd better help Miamigo with that cleanup," Applejack said, as she reached for the soap. She lathered Diamond Tiara up while the filly continued to play with her rubber ducks, mentioning each one's name and history in turn, before having Bob give them some task to do..

"When I grow up, I'm going to be like Bob."

"You want to run a store?" Applejack asked, turning on the faucet.

"I'm going to tell people what to do," Diamond Tiara said with a nod, "and then they'll do it."

Applejack laughed and started to rinse off the soap. "Up until last month, Ah thought Ah knew what Ah wanted to be, too. Ah was going to live in Manehattan and be an important pony. But you know, sometimes life'll surprise you. Ah had to go all the way to Manehattan to learn that what Ah really wanted was here, working the farm with mah family. Maybe you'll find out you want to do something completely different than you ever expected as well."

Diamond Tiara frowned. "Not gonna happen."

"I'm just saying, life could surprise you. Now, for the conditioner," Applejack said. "And then we'll get you ready for bed."

"But I'm not tired," Diamond protested. "And Miss Swirl always tells me stories until Mommy and Daddy come home." After glancing around the room to see if anyone else was listening, which of course no pony was, as they were the only two ponies in the house, Diamond Tiara leaned close. "And then I pretend to be asleep so mommy and daddy don't know, 'cause Miss Swirl said she probably shouldn't let me stay up that late."

"You really like her, huh?"

"She's the best. Did you know she studies dolphins, otters, and stuff?"

"Ah did not," Applejack admitted.

"She does. That's so cool. So can I stay up, pleeeeease?"

"Your dad said Ah was to make sure you were in bed on time."

"But…"

"If you don't get enough sleep, you'll be grumpy all day tomorrow," Applejack replied, reaching for a bottle of conditioner.

"Not that one!" Pointing to a purple bottle with pink hearts on the shelf, Diamond Tiara said, "Use the special one."

Applejack turned and reached up for the bottle, only to hear a splash behind her. Spinning back, she was just too late to catch Diamond Tiara as she jerked the bathroom door open and fled into the hallway.

"Get back here!" Applejack shouted, as she followed into the hall.

"Not going to bed! You can't make me!" Diamond Tiara yelled back, as she continued to race down the hallway, ducking into a doorway at the end.

Applejack followed, to be rewarded by the sight of Diamond Tiara sending water flying as she shook herself. Applejack dove, stretching out in an attempt to grab the filly, but her hooves slipped off the wet coat as Diamond Tiara raced toward another door.

"Come back here, you little varmint!" Applejack yelled, as the pink rump disappeared around the corner.

"Never!" came the reply.

Grinding her teeth, Applejack got to her feet, rubbing her shoulder where it had collided with the ground.

"Fine. If that's how you want to play it," she said to herself as she headed toward the entryway. "You might know the house, but I got just the thing to even the odds."

Reaching her destination, she opened her saddlebags and pulled out her lasso. Careful to not hit anything, she gave it a few practice twirls. This would work, she decided, glad that she had brought the rope along. Admittedly, not for this purpose. She'd planned to potentially entertain Diamond Tiara with some simple rope tricks she'd been practicing for the rodeo. Fancy twirls and such. But roping would do.

'Oh yes, it will do,' she thought, as she set off to find Diamond Tiara.

That part turned out to be surprisingly easy, for Diamond Tiara was in the living room, the first room Applejack checked. She began to twirl the rope, and let a slight smile cross her face as Diamond Tiara's eyes and mouth both shot open. After one last twirl, Applejack sent the rope flying toward her target. Judging the distance, Applejack tugged back on the rope. Diamond Tiara could only stand unmoving, still frozen in shock, and watch as the rope sailed toward her, over her, wrapped itself around one of her mom's favorite vases, and then pulled said vase off the top of the rather tall cabinet it normally sat on.

The shattering of the vase freed Diamond Tiara from her statue-like state, and she sprung into action, launching a pillow from a nearby seat at Applejack. Diamond's aim was no better than Applejack's though, and the pillow crashed through the glass door of another cabinet.

"Now look at what you did!" Diamond Tiara accused, pointing at the smashed chinaware inside the cabinet.

Applejack growled, narrowed her eyes in determination, and began to ready her rope for another attempt. Again, the rope flew toward the filly.

Diamond ducked to the side. With a laugh, she cried, "Missed me!"

Applejack smiled, and gave the rope a firm tug.

"Oomph!" Diamond Tiara exclaimed as a chair fell on her.

"Got you!" Applejack exclaimed, taking a step forward.

"Nu-uh!" Diamond Tiara twisted around, snagged a hold of the lace covering of a corner table, and pulled hard. The covering slid toward her, and so did what sat upon it. Catching the potted plant as it fell, Diamond threw it in Applejack's general direction. "Get this!"

Applejack released the rope, determined to catch the pot before it hit something and broke. In a lunge that would have a hoofball keeper proud, she dove into the air, reaching out with the hoof and coming in contact with the pot, sending it upwards. She shot out her other hoof, and again managed to stop momentum from leading the pot to its end. Flailing wildly, Applejack continued to juggle the pot. For an instant, she almost thought she had it, but alas, it slipped from her grasp. With a crash, it hit the ground, scattering dirt all around.

Applejack looked at the scattered fragments of dirt and pot before grabbing her lasso. She began to twirl it even before she was fully on her feet, let alone knew where Diamond Tiara was or what she was up to. A mistake, it turned out, for what Diamond Tiara, who had used the time to free herself of the chair, was up to was flinging a barrage of pillows at Applejack. The first of those pillows caught Applejack on the side of her head, and down she went again.

Applejack attempted to leap to her feet, but failed as something impeded her ability to move her neck. She jerked her head hard in attempt to break free, but only succeeded in making it even harder to move. In panic, she thrashed, kicked, and rolled. None of it helped, and she only found herself ever more confined. It was only once she stopped moving that she realized what had happened. She'd finally caught something with her lasso. Unfortunately, it was herself she'd caught, and now she was trussed up like a really trussed-up thing.

Worse still, she could hear the laughter, no, the snickering, for that was a far more accurate word to describe the sound, of the pony she had been trying to capture. Applejack tried to move her head so she could see the filly, but found she couldn't. Instead, she had to resort to flopping around like a fish out of water to be able to see Diamond Tiara.

Diamond Tiara was sitting on her haunches, apparently waiting patiently while Applejack did her flopping turn. She lifted a hoof, gave a little wave, and said, "I'm gonna go play now. Bye!"

"Ah've got to get better with a lasso," Applejack swore, watching as the filly nonchalantly disappeared around the corner. She struggled futilely against the rope. "Great! Just great. The Riches are going to return home and find me like this, and Ah won't get a single bit. Ah guess Ah won't be able to buy that apple tree after all." She sighed loudly. "How'd Filthy Rich make it all look so easy when he babysat Mac and me?"

"Daddy used to babysit you?"

The voice caught her by surprise. Not just that Diamond had returned, but the longing in it.

"Ayup, he was our parents go-to sitter," the dejected Applejack said. Diamond Tiara's ears twitched in interest, and an idea occurred to Applejack. "Ah'll could tell you all about it if you untie me."

The filly took a step forward, paused, and then stepped back. "You're trying to trick me."

"No trick. We'll curl up on that couch there and Ah'll tell you all about it. Filly scout's honor." Applejack tried to raise her hoof, but the ropes interfered, and she wound smacking her head on the floor. "You know no scout can break that."

Diamond Tiara stood frozen, and Applejack could almost see the gears spinning in her mind. At last, the filly reached a decision. "Okay."

Together, the two ponies were able to untangle Applejack in under a minute, though that particular partial minute occurred after thirteen other full ones. Free at last, Applejack rose, stretched, and looked around the room.

"Maybe we should clean up a little first?"

"Story!" Diamond Tiara demanded.

"Story," Applejack agreed. She moved to the couch, motioning for Diamond Tiara to sit next to her. As the filly settling against Applejack's side, Applejack began her first story. "This happened before Ah went to Manehattan. My parents were going to a farming convention, and your pa was..."

Applejack heard the door unlock and open, but she resisted the urge to get up and greet the returning Rich's by the door, lest she wake up the filly whose head lay upon one of her forelegs. A slight trickle of drool coming out of one corner of her mouth, and Applejack carefully wiped it away with her free hoof.

When the Rich's entered the room, she waved with her hoof. Noticing their eyes turn toward their daughter, Applejack softly said, "She wanted to stay up until when you returned, and well, once she fell asleep, Ah reckoned it was best to let her sleep."

"That's fine, dear," Spoiled Rich said. "Probably the smart thing to do. She might not look it, but she can be a bit of a hoofful to get to bed."

"I trust she didn't give you too much trouble?" Filthy Rich added.

"No, sir. A perfect little angel, this one," Applejack said, with only the lightest slathering of sarcasm applied to her voice. "No trouble at all."

The Riches looked around at a room that would have looked almost at home during the age of chaos, then returned their gaze to Applejack, who gave a one-shouldered shrug.

"Once we found some common ground, we got along like peas in a pod. Ah'd have cleaned it up, but well, Ah didn't want to wake her."

Applejack carefully extracted her leg. As Applejack rose to her feet, Diamond Tiara opened her eyes. In an instant, she was on her feet bounding toward her father.

"Daddy!"

"Diamond Dazzle Tiara, did you make this mess?"

His daughter screeched to a halt, looking around the room. With a slight tilt to her head, she said, "It was an accident?"

"Was it?" Filthy Rich asked, taking in the busted vase, glass, dinnerware, pot, and the toppled chair.

"Uh-huh," Diamond Tiara said, nodding her head rapidly.

"Oh, well, in that case, give me a hug," Filthy Rich said, rearing up and spreading his forelegs in the air.

Diamond Tiara bounced once, twice, and then leaped toward her father. Catching her in mid-air, Filthy Rich embraced his daughter, twirling her in a circle.

"So, did you have fun with Applejack, Diamond? Would you be fine with her babysitting again tomorrow night?"

"Sure, Daddy. AJ, she tol' me to call her that, she tol' me all sorts of stories about when you were not so old. Like that time when you were babysitting her and brought along Rose, Lily, and mmhmmhmm—"

Under the weight of his wife's stare, Filthy Rich withdrew his hoof from his daughter's mouth and grinned sheepishly. "I'll, um, just go put Diamond to bed while you pay young Applejack here. You should probably give her a bit of a bonus."

With that, he tossed his wallet to his wife, lifted his daughter onto his back, and headed toward her room.

The last thing he heard, just before he was out of earshot, was "Make it twenty."

Prompt 9: Diamond Tiara Meets Sergeant Cortez - Yukito

“I told you, it’s not like that,” Diamond Tiara told Silver Spoon through her cell phone as she paced back-and-forth. “I’m not trying to avoid you! My dad’s sick and he needs me at home all weekend!” A crashing sound above Diamond’s head startled her and caused her to look up. “… T-that was, uh… me. Crashing into the wall. Ouch… I guess I shouldn’t be walking while talking on this thing, huh?

“Look, I’ve really gotta go. I’ll see you on Monday, ‘kay? Yeah. Yeah. Bye.” Diamond hung up the cell phone and sighed. “Honestly, why does she have to make a big deal about everything?” Putting the huge brick of a device into her bag and hiding said bag behind some nearby bushes, Diamond Tiara looked up the wall of the building before her and hummed in thought. “… No open windows… I guess the front door’s out of the question, too. That only leaves the roof.”

Reaching into her gown, Diamond Tiara pulled out a couple of horseshoes and placed them on her hind hooves. She then pressed the buttons on the sides of both shoes and stood up straight, allowing the magic stored within the shoes to spray out and propel her upwards. As she reached the rooftop, she reached down to disable the shoes and landed gracefully on the roof… face-to-face with a suspicious looking bald, pale-coated stallion wearing a combat vest and a pair of goggles over his eyes.

Diamond reached into her gown and pulled out her knife, swinging it forward with the intention of holding it to the stallion’s throat. Instead, the muscular stallion managed to stop her foreleg mid-swing and simply stared at the mare carefully. “Who are you?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Name’s Cortez,” the stallion replied. “Mind telling me yours?”

Diamond Tiara gritted her teeth together. “Jade Starling.” Diamond tilted her head to the side, scanning the rooftop and finding a stallion dressed in black armour on the floor. “That’s one of the guards that works here. I’m guessing that means you’re not working for Kingpin?”

“Uh… who?” Cortez asked, releasing the mare’s arm and taking a step back. Diamond Tiara held her position, eyeing the stallion cautiously.

“Kingpin, the boss of this place. You must know him if you’re up here.”

“Not really,” Cortez said, scratching the back of his head. “I just sorta got a little lost.”

“You got lost,” Diamond deadpanned, receiving a nod from the stallion.

“So, about this ‘Kingpin’ guy-”

Diamond sighed and put her knife back into her gown. She walked past Cortez across the building’s rooftop. “Look, I don’t care why you’re here. But I’ve got work to do, so don’t get in my way, okay?”

“Work that requires you to sneak in through the roof?” Cortez asked, watching as Diamond Tiara reached a door and proceeded to pick at the lock with a manepin.

“I’m a spy,” Diamond told him. “Working for the Royal Guard. Kingpin has been suspected of running a slave ring for some time now, and I’m here to collect the evidence to lock his fat flank in jail.”

“Sounds like you got a bit of a grudge against him, too,” Cortez said, noting the aggressive tone in Diamond’s voice.

“… When I was a teenager,” Diamond started, “Kingpin scammed my father into a business deal that eventually got him into trouble with the law. My dad was innocent, but because of Kingpin’s slick business approach and intimidating attitude, he had unwittingly participated as an accomplice to embezzlement. However, if I can find the evidence I need here, then dad’s reputation will be saved, and he’ll get back all the money that he lost.”

“I see. Well, I’d like to help you, but I got my own business to attend to,” Cortez said as Diamond finally managed to open the door. “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to know a guy named Crow, would you?”

“Crow… The name sounds familiar. I think that might have been one of Kingpin’s recent visitors,” Diamond told Cortez.

“Crow visited here?” Cortez put a hoof to his chin and mumbled something for a moment.

Meanwhile, Diamond Tiara pulled out the gun strapped to her left hind leg and proceeded cautiously inside. She spotted a security camera and ducked back out. “Anyway, you should g-”

“Alright, let’s do this!” Cortez shouted as he rushed into the building.

“W-Wait! What’re you-”

“It’s time to split!” Cortez took one step inside, and the sounds of the building’s alarm filled the area.

“YOU IDIOT!” Diamond Tiara shouted. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Uh… Oops?” was all that Cortez could say as he laughed nervously, though his laughter died as he laid eyes on Diamond’s bemused face.

“Intruders!” a stallion’s voice cried, followed by hoofsteps climbing up the stairs inside. “Get ‘em!”

Cortez pulled out his own gun strapped to his left foreleg and fired two rounds. The stallion cried out and tumbled down the stairs. “We going?” Cortez asked Diamond Tiara before charging further inside.

“Wha- Hey!” Diamond ran into the building and watched as Cortez raced down the stairs. “W-wait up!”

Diamond Tiara and her new companion, ‘Sergeant Cortez’, battled their way through an entire floor of armed security guards – none of which seemed to be particularly skillful at aiming – high-tech defence systems, medieval-styled traps, and due to a few navigational difficulties, a penthouse suite where a group of frat colts were having a party. Finally, they reached the elevator that would take them down to where they wanted to go.

“You look familiar,” Diamond told Cortez as they waited for their lift to arrive. “Have we met before?”

“Can’t say we have,” Cortez said with a shrug. “Maybe I just have one of those faces everypony recognises.”

“Sure,” Diamond scoffed. “‘Cause the skinhead look is so in fashion right now. Or the dorky sci-fi goggle look. Or the independent mercenary look.”

“Together, I think they work pretty well,” Cortez remarked.

“When this is over, do yourself a favour: get a makeover.”

“There they are!” a stallion’s voice shouted behind the two. Diamond Tiara sighed.

“They can’t let up for even a moment, can they?” she asked as she ducked for cover behind a corner.

Cortez hid behind the corner opposite to her and readied his gun. “At least they give us some warning, instead of just shooting us in the back.”

“I only brought along two spare magazines,” Diamond said as she checked her current magazine, finding that it was down to its last bullet and replacing it with her first spare.

“Really? To a place this big?” Cortez asked as he threw an extra magazine towards the mare.

She caught the gift and stowed it away for the time being. “It was my intention to enter stealthily,” she told him with a stern glare. She ducked out from behind her cover for just a moment to fire two rounds at the approaching stallions, causing two of them to fall as bullets penetrated their hooves. She quickly took cover again to avoid the incoming shots fired her way.

“Stealth was never really my thing,” Cortez said, jumping out and firing his machine gun at the remaining stallions, which forced them to retreat. “I like to make a big entrance.”

“So I noticed.” The elevator’s ‘ding’ alerted the two to their lift’s arrival. “Let’s go!” Diamond shouted as she motioned for Cortez to get in, holding her gun up to offer him covering fire.

Cortez got the message and entered the lift, soon joined by Diamond Tiara. He hit the button for the doors to close as the incoming stallions fired towards them. Once the doors were closed, Diamond Tiara hit the button for the floor five floors below them. The two took the moment to relax until the elevator arrived at their destination.

And the moment was over as the elevator’s doors opened, revealing a small group of security guards waiting for them outside, guns all pointed towards the two of them. “… Well, buck,” Diamond Tiara said as she raised her forelegs into the air.

“Ah, Miss Tiara,” the stallion standing behind the guards said as he grinned at the cornered mare. “I’m sorry, but I don’t believe I know your new friend.”

“He’s my new butler,” Diamond said as she glared at the stallion grinning at her. “How did you know it was me, Kingpin?”

“Do not underestimate my intelligence, Miss Tiara,” Kingpin said. “I have eyes everywhere. Even in your Royal Guard.”

Diamond Tiara gritted her teeth together. “So you knew I was coming anyway.”

“Indeed. I was quite surprised to find that my right-hoof was unable to subdue you on the rooftop.”

“I, uh, might have had something to do with that,” Cortez said, raising his hoof to attract the stallion’s attention.

“… And you are?”

“Sergeant Cortez. I’m not here for you, though. I’m looking for one of your clients. Jacob Crow?”

Kingpin turned his attention from Cortez and back to Diamond Tiara. “I must admit, compared to the noisy little brat you were five years ago, you’ve certainly come a long way.”

“Hey!” Cortez cried.

“I worked hard to work my way up the ranks specifically so I could take you down,” Diamond told Kingpin.

“And yet, all this time I’ve been monitoring your progress, making it completely impossible for you to defeat me.” Kingpin reached into his suit’s pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “However, I’ve also taken a keen interest in you over the years. Not just your potential, but the way you’ve matured into such a beautiful young mare.”

“I think I’m gonna barf,” Diamond said in a groggy tone.

Kingpin placed a cigarette into his mouth and lit it. “Now, now, don’t be too hasty, my dear. Think about the situation that you’re in right now.” Diamond Tiara looked around at the five stallions aiming their guns at her. “You can either suffer an ‘unfortunate accident’, or you can drop your weapons and continue living as my beautiful wife.”

Diamond Tiara answered by taking a page from Scootaloo’s book many years ago, gathering saliva inside of her mouth and spitting it at Kingpin. The stallion stumbled back and quickly brought a hoofkerchief up to his face.

“So be it! Shoot them both, right now!”

“Cover your eyes!” Cortez shouted as he dropped something onto the floor. Diamond Tiara had barely a second to react as a blinding light filled the area. She heard gunshots from beside her and opened her eyes again to find Cortez running past five downed stallions and chasing a fleeing Kingpin down the hallway.

Diamond Tiara gave chase, only for two more stallions to approach her from the side. “Freeze!” one of them shouted as they both pointed their guns towards her.

Diamond fired a shot at one of them, bring him down as the other one open fired. Using her agility training from the past five years, Diamond Tiara was able to swiftly and nimbly move about from cover to cover until she reached the remaining stallion and knocked him out with the butt of her gun.

With the lackeys now out of the way, Diamond resumed her chase after Kingpin. She found Cortez waiting for her at the end of the long hallway, just outside of Kingpin’s office. “Damn thing’s locked,” Cortez told her as he turned to see her approach. “Can’t blast our way through this. We need some kinda password.”

“A password…” Diamond pushed Cortez aside and accessed the control panel to the side of the door, skimming through the information that was on it. “One of our sources told us that his name was the password, but there are too many spaces here for that.”

“He got another name?” Cortez asked.

Diamond simply shrugged. “… Actually,” she said, putting a hoof to her chin, “Now that I think about it, when he visited my dad when I was just a filly, I think he told me his full name… Gah! Why can’t I remember it?!”

“Speaking of names, why did he call you ‘Miss Tiara’?”

Diamond waved her hoof dismissively. “My real name is Diamond Tiara. Jade Starling is the alias I use when I don’t trust somepony.”

“What date?”

“Huh?”

“I asked what the date was that you met him,” Cortez explained.

“That’s… It was two days after Hearth’s Warming, when I was nine years old, so twelve years ago.”

“Anya, you catch that?” Cortez asked, confusing Diamond Tiara.

“I got it. I’m setting the co-ordinates now,” a voice said from the strange device on Cortez’s left foreleg.

“Alright, don’t go anywhere!” Cortez told Diamond Tiara as he pushed something on the device. “I’ll be right back with the password!”

A blue light enveloped Cortez and he vanished, leaving a confused Diamond Tiara alone at the scene.

Diamond Tiara sipped her hot chocolate and sighed as she rested in her comfortable beanbag seat, enjoying the sweet life of being a child out of school for the holidays. “Too bad there’s a storm outside. Guess I’ll have to just find something to do without Silver Spoon."

A flash of light shined through the cracks of Diamond’s bedroom door, and she paused for a second to stare at her door with a confused look on her face.

Suddenly, the door opened, and in ran a bald stallion, panting as he stared at the filly in the room. “You Diamond Tiara?”

Diamond Tiara threw her hot chocolate at the stallion, who merely deflected it with his hoof, and backed up as far as she could into a corner. “W-who are you?! Daddyyyyy!”

“N-now hold on!” the stallion pleaded, approaching the filly cautiously as she continued to back away as far as she could. “Just relax! There’s no need to fear me!”

“You’re a stranger in my house, and you look like somepony who’d kill me without a second thought!” Diamond told him. “Why shouldn’t I fear you?!”

‘Do I really look that scary?’ Cortez thought to himself before shaking it off. “Because I’m… I’m not real.”

Diamond raised an eyebrow at that. “W-What?”

“Right. I’m just a figment of your imagination.” There was a moment’s pause. “A dream! That’s right, this is all just a… hot chocolate-induced dream!”

“… It is?” Diamond asked.

“Of course. I mean, why else would a strange looking stallion just suddenly be in your house?” Cortez held up his left foreleg and showed off the device attached to it. “And just look at this,” he said as he brought up a map of Ponyville for her to see. “Do things like this exist in the real world?”

“… I guess not,” Diamond said, calming down and sighing with relief as she realised she wasn’t in any danger. “So you’re just a dream…”

“That’s right, and I was wondering if you could-”

“Hold on.” Diamond closed her eyes and concentrated. Cortez gave her a puzzled look.

“Uh, what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to dream up Apple Bloom losing her farm and having to become my servant in order to make any money,” Diamond said with a grin. “You can go away. I don’t like dreaming about scary-looking stallions.”

Cortez turned around to look into the mirror beside him. ‘Maybe I need to grow some hair. Or maybe it’s the goggles.’ Turning back to the filly, Cortez nodded. “Alright, I’ll go. But before I do, you have to answer a question: what was the full name of that stallion who came to visit your father yesterday?”

Diamond Tiara opened her eyes and glared at the stallion still standing in her room. “You mean King Tenpin?”

‘‘King Tenpin’?’ Cortez nodded. “Uh, I guess so.”

“Well that’s his name, and I’ve told it to you, but I don’t see you going.”

“Alright, I’ve got what I needed. Thanks, kid. Tiiiime to split.”

Cortez pushed the button on his device and was enveloped by a blue light before disappearing in front of Diamond Tiara’s very eyes.

“… Oh, I know! I’ll also make Scootaloo carry all my luggage to my new Canterlot suite!” With a maniacal giggle, Diamond Tiara closed her eyes again and resumed trying to manipulate her dream.

Diamond Tiara filed her hooves as she waited outside of Kingpin’s office for Cortez to return from… wherever he went. She had waited for five minutes… “I’ll wait another minute, and then I’m looking for another way in.”

As she said that, a flash of light appeared before her. Cortez jumped out of the flash of light and gave the startled mare a grin. “I’m back.”

“W-what the hay?! Where did you go?”

“Just a quick trip. I got the password,” Cortez told Diamond, turning to the console and pushing some buttons. “Turns out the guy’s name is really ‘King Tenpin’.”

Diamond slammed a forehoof into her face. “Of course! How could I forget a name that dumb?”

The door opened and the two ran inside. They found Kingpin sitting at his desk, looking up at them and jumping out of his seat. “H-how’d you get in here?!”

“Hooves in the air!” Diamond ordered as she pointed her gun at the stallion, who quickly obeyed her, panic spreading on his face as the two slowly approached him. She reached into her gown and pulled out a pair of hoofcuffs.

“How much stuff do you have under there?” Kingpin asked, raising an eyebrow as Diamond Tiara bound his forehooves.

“I borrowed this from Pinkie Pie,” she explained, turning to Kingpin’s computer and clicking the mouse a few times. A smile graced her face. “Well well. With all this, we can have you locked away for the rest of your life.”

“Anything on there about Crow?” Cortez asked.

Diamond nodded. “He bought some kind of machine from this building’s lab department, but it’s still here. He’s picking it up… today!”

“Alright! Time to spl-”

“Just go,” Diamond said flatly, pushing some buttons on Kingpin’s computer. “I’m gonna call my boss from here and let him know I’ve captured this guy.”

“… Uh, sure. Thanks for your help.” Diamond Tiara watched as Cortez ran towards the door, smiling as she was just about to call out to thank him… before a second Cortez ran into the room from around the corner and stopped the first Cortez in his tracks. “Whoa!”

“Hey! Going after Crow?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Well you’ll need this.” The second Cortez gave the first an ID card. “Lab’s up on the floor above this one. Remember, it’s the red wire.”

“Red? Got it, thanks!”

The two Cortezes ran out of the room and went their separate ways, leaving the stunned Diamond Tiara and Kingpin gaping at the open door, not quite sure as to what they had just seen.

“Who is this?” a gruff voice asked from Kingpin’s computer, snapping Diamond Tiara out of her daze.

“S-Sir! This is Diamond Tiara, reporting from Kingpin’s computer!”

“Agent Tiara? I take it you’ve captured Kingpin, then?”

“Yes, sir! And I’ve got all the evidence we need to bring him down.” Diamond considered telling her boss about the strange stallion she had run into on the building’s rooftop, who had helped her reach Kingpin’s room and somehow found out the password to his office…when she suddenly realised why her looked so familiar. ‘T-that guy who suddenly came into my room and made me think I was dreaming!’

“Good work, Tiara! I’ll send an armoured chariot to pick you up. Remain where you are until then.”

‘But, he looks the same as he did back then. Does that mean he hasn’t aged? Why were there two of them? How did he-’

“Agent Tiara?”

Diamond closed her hanging jaw and fell back into the chair standing behind her. “… Sir? I think I’d like to file that vacation request now…”

Prompt 9: The Badass Crossover of Badassitude - Mudpony

Warning: This story will contain EXCESSIVE USE of CAPITAL LETTERS as well as SWEARING. Because REASONS!

Diamond Tiara massaged her hind leg. She let out a breath full of contentment, but the moment she ceased her minstritration, the aching feeling returned. She resumed her rubdown, but it was not long before the hoof she was using bothered her more than her leg. She glared at it, upset at its betrayal.

She wasn't meant for this. Living out in the woods like a common thing that lives in the woods. She should be sleeping in her warm room on a fine, goose-down mattress, not curled up shivering inside a hollow, rotten stump. Her coat was covered with muck, dirt, mud, grime, slime, and groil. She wasn't sure if groil was an actual word, but if it wasn't, it should be. It seemed the perfect word to describe some of what covered her. And her mane, her precious mane she always took such care of, had suffered most of all, reduced to a tangled mess.

Even if there hadn't been patrols that passed nearby at seemingly random intervals, searching for any ponies that might have happened to escape, she would probably have hidden herself away regardless with how she currently looked. No way did she want anypony to see her like this. Though, in that situation, she might have risked sneaking into town to get cleaned up, provided it was a particularly dark night. She doubted she had ever looked worse in her entire life.

Of all the worst possible things, this was by—

Her stomach rumbled loudly as it rudely interrupted to remind her that she hadn't eaten anything other than a couple of mouthfuls of moss in the past week.

"Well, if you wanted something to eat, maybe you shouldn't have thrown up that moss up, huh?" she said, casting a glance over at the patch on the floor, her nose crinkled. She'd done her best to clean up the mess, but some of it was still there. Her stomach rumbled again, louder this time, more threateningly.

"Okay. Okay!" Diamond said, backing down. "I suppose I should be glad you threw up instead of…"

Her stomach rumbled again. Diamond Tiara sighed in defeat. She'd need to risk eating something from the woods or else try sneaking into the town again. The last and only time she'd tried to do that, she'd come away empty-hoofed and been lucky to get away at all.

She eyed the mushrooms growing inside her hideout, trying to remember for the upteenth time what exactly Miss Roseluck had said about them during Filly Scouts. They weren't poisonous, she was pretty sure of that, but she was equally sure that Miss Roseluck had insisted that they should not be eaten. Something about loose hall gin, whatever that meant. Those vaguely recalled warnings were the only reason she hadn't eaten any yet.

She decided it didn't matter. Whatever the effect was, even if it was death, it couldn't be worse than the fate that would befall her if she were captured. She'd seen it, that night she had tried to find some food. They were making ponies pull carts and mine and stuff, without the slightest consideration of who the pony was. The Mayor was pulling a cart right alongside Golden Harvest, for Celestia's sake. What the hoof up was up with that? It was like the invaders had no respect for status, no understanding that certain ponies were above such menial labor.

She lifted her head and cautiously sniffed a mushroom, like she had done so many times before. Her mouth watered at the smell, and she could feel a line of drool trickle down her chin, falling upon her leg and mixing with the groil already there. She frowned. She'd better take a bite soon, before she had to come up with a word even more disgusting than groil.

She moved her mouth closer, letting her lips wrap around the mushroom. She halted, just feeling the texture, seeing if there was any immediate reaction. There wasn't, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Next, she was supposed to take a small nibble, but her stomach rumbled again. Throwing caution to to the wind, she tore off a large chunk, swallowing it whole.

She settled down to wait, restraining herself from eating the rest of the mushrooms. She'd at least sort of follow what she had been taught. Out of boredom, she examined one of her forehooves. The last week had been hard on it, she could tell. She'd definitely need the extra deluxe spa treatment for it when things got back to normal.

"Wow. Look at all the pretty colors," she said, her eyes wide in amazement at the dance of shimmering patterns before her. She swayed from side to side, watching, ooh and ah'ing in amazement, before collapsing to the ground.

Diamond Tiara snuggled tighter against the source of the warmth. "Oh Twist, cuddling you feels so good on a chilly morning," she mumbled softly, still mostly asleep. Her brain was instantly fully awake. She did not like-like Twist. She didn't even single like Twist. No way. No how. She was Diamond Tiara, the epitome of what it meant to be somepony, and Twist, well, she wasn't as bad as Apple Bloom, but hardly worthy of hanging with the likes of Diamond and Silver Spoon.

It was these conditions, she decided, or maybe the mushrooms were making her crazy. Besides, there was no way what she was pressing against was Twist. It was way too big. But if it wasn't Twist…

She moved her hoof slowly, feeling the strange creature. It seemed to be pretty solid, well muscled, and devoid of hair. Definitely not pony nor one of those animals that yellow one kept. Slowly she opened her eyes.

She scrambled backwards, letting out a scream in fear. The thing shot up, looked at her, roared, and moved to the opposite wall. The two sat there, eyeing each other. Now, Diamond Tiara could make out more about the strange creature. It was grotesque! A mass of muscles to rival Snowflake, with the only hair visible on its entire body being its mane. And it wasn't even a pretty color of mane. Just a rather plain brown. No wonder it covered a bunch of it under a red bandanna. A questionable fashion choice, but better than that mane. But on the bright side, as ugly as it was, it wasn't attacking her. Or trying to eat her. Not yet anyway.

"You're… you're not going to eat me, are you?" Diamond Tiara asked.

That got a reaction from the beast. It raised one its appendages and pointed a claw toward her. "HOLY F*BEEP*BALLS! A talking pony! I must be f*beep*ing dreaming!"

"Keep it down!" Diamond hissed. "They'll hear you!"

The warning didn't seem to phase the creature. "But it's missing something. It needs EXPLOSIONS and a guitar solo!" The thing stretched out its forelegs and began moving its claws rapidly, while making horrid sounds. "Weedly-weedly-WEEE-WEEE-Thum-THUM-thum-Weeeee-SCREEECH!!! KICKASS GUITAR SOLO!"

Diamond Tiara launched herself forward and shoved her hoof into the creature's mouth. "Be quiet!" She pulled her hoof out of the creature's mouth and sat back. It spat several times, and she took advantage of the silence to say more. "If you keep making that much noise, they'll find us."

The creature stopped its spitting and look at her. "Who?"

"The creatures. They came out of the ground about a week ago. All made up of stone and crystals. Nopony expected it. We couldn't stop them, not even the princess, and she once stopped an Ursa with her magic and keeps a dragon for a pet."

"Magic, dragons, and unicorns? FANTAAAAASY!" It did another one of its guitar solos, though this time thankfully it was short and without the annoying sounds. "This dream keeps getting more BADASS!"

Diamond Tiara leaned forward, but stopped her hoof before it got more than an inch off the ground. The creature obviously didn't know the meaning of the word quiet. Besides, if there were any rock creatures anywhere nearby, they'd already be well on their way here by now. That was assuming they actually could hear, of course. Something to consider for later. For now, she continued her story.

"They took over the town and enslaved all the ponies. Not even the pegasi could get away. The rock things had these large birds made of stone that chased them down. And now they've got all the ponies working in the mines, digging up more rocks. I think they might be making more of themselves. They're probably planning on taking over all of Equestria!"

""MOTHERF*BEEP*ING EXPOSITION! All you had to say was there's things that need blowing up!" He seemed prepared to go into another "guitar solo". Diamond gave it her strongest glare. Seeing its claws drop back down to the normal position, Diamond gave it a nod of approval. Perhaps it could be trained enough to be useful.

"I'm Diamond Tiara." When it said nothing, Diamond sighed. Maybe it couldn't trained after all. "And you are?"

The question got a response from the beast, and of course, it wasn't a quiet one. "I'm MISTER TORGUE FLEXINGTOOOOOOOON!, the founder and CEO of Torgue Munitions. When you need something blown the hell up, GO TORGUE!"

"Volume!" Diamond hissed, lowering her hooves away from her ears. Even if the Torgue creature wasn't good at being quiet, there was no reason for it to be that loud.

"Oh, sorry."

He —she had decided, based on its behavior and obsession with blowing things up, as well as the use of mister, that it was most probably a he— sat in contemplation and she decided to just enjoy the moment of silence, before his next bout of screaming. At last, he leaned forward and picked up a stone with his claws. Using the sharp edge, he began to scratch something into the ground.

She watched curiously. It looked like a bunch of lines and circles. None of it made any sense. "What are you doing?"

The Torgue tapped one of his diagrams. "Making plans for some b*beep*ching weapons. We're gonna show these c*beep*ksucking invaders who the true badasses are!" He glanced over at her, then wiped away part of his drawing. "Hooves, not hands. I'm making guns for a f*beep*ing talking pony. Awesome!" Quickly, he drew the parts again, different than before.

Diamond exhaled as Torgue pulled a strap tight. "Not so rough!"

"You should eat bacon and drink gasoline so you could have pecs of steel and spit fire like me." Torgue flexed his muscles, though she could barely make them out in the dim morning light. "You sure you're strong enough to carry all this?"

"Of course." No way was she going to let this human, as she'd learned they were called, out-carry her. It was upon her to defend the honor of ponies everywhere. She braced herself as he began attaching the rest of various holsters and holders to her.

The last one in place, he took a step back and looked her over. Finally, he nodded in approval. "You look tough enough to take on a pack of pack of bullymongs on bikes armed with exploding death rays. Are the death rays on the bullymongs or the bikes, you may ask? Do death rays make you explode or do they themselves explode? The answer to both questions: YES! Because death rays are TOO AWESOME to be limited to one thing and you can never have too many EXPLOOOOSIONS!

"Now, if you could do me just one teeeeny little favor… It'd be SWEET if you wear this bandanna."

Diamond extended a hoof toward the bandanna, allowing Torgue to drape it across her leg. It was the one he'd be wearing earlier, looking like something an aging has-been rockstar would wear. And for some reason, it had a pinecone right in the middle of it. If she put this on, then it would stick out like… like a unicorn horn.

She glared at him. "What? An earth pony isn't good enough for you?"

The response was instant and Diamond Tiara threw herself back, cowering, as the human drew himself up to his full height, pointed one of his huge claws — No, wait, that wasn't right. Despite her fear she remembered he'd told her they were called fingers — As he pointed one of his huge fingers at her.

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT! Mister Torgue don't BROOK no f*beep*ing DISCRIMINATION!" he shouted. "It's just…" He looked down at the ground, seemingly on the verge of crying. "I just really like unicorns, okay?"

Diamond Tiara sat down in shock. This creature was most strange. Not only did it seem to have no ability to talk quietly, not only did it make strange beeping sounds when talking, but its emotions were all over the place. It was almost as kooky as Apple Bloom's granny. Still, it had managed to make a bunch of weapons from stuff in the forest and was willing to help her try and rescue her town. She supposed she could do this small favor. Not like anyone would notice it anyway. They'd be far too busy staring at the rat's nest of a mane.

"Fine," she said with a sigh. "I'll wear it." He brightened at her words, and she brought her hoof down forcefully. "Just this once. I'm an earth pony and proud of it. No way in hoof would I want to be anything else. Got it?"

He nodded, and she fastened the bandanna-horn in place. Truth be told, it wasn't the first time she had worn a horn, though she wasn't going to admit that. Both her and Silver owned Pretty Princess Playset costumes, complete with horn and wings. But that was different. Dressing up as a princess was cool. Everypony knew that. Princesses were special. Unicorns were mundane, and the horns totally got in the way of wearing hats and stuff. Well, she grudgingly admitted to herself, there were a few who could make it work. And if she were a unicorn, she'd totally be one of those. But that wasn't the point, or rather, maybe that was the point, that she didn't need or want a point on forehead.

The weight of Torgue's stare pulled her attention back to the situation at hand. Raising an eyebrow, she asked, "Well?"

"You look totally BADASS!"

Somehow, she doubted it. Red, while her favorite color, had never looked as good on her as she would have liked, bandannas had never been cool, and she was wearing a pinecone. She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Let's just get going."

She stepped outside and looked around. She started off, but halted. That tree looked sort of familiar she decided, though she couldn't be entirely sure in this light, and took a step in its direction.

"You look more lost than a vegetarian in a steakhouse."

Diamond glared at him. She had no idea what a vegetarian or a steakhouse was, but she got the general gist. "I know exactly where I'm going," Diamond said. "It's this way!"

She set off in an entirely new direction. If asked, she'd have said it was due to where the moss grew, but the truth was that she picked the direction that looked easiest. Luckily, it turned out to be the right choice. Through the bushes, she could see a road.

"I told you I knew," Diamond said, giving her companion a smug smile. Without waiting for a response, she turned her attention back to the road, and the smile left her face. Coming down the road was a group of three rock monsters. They moved quickly, despite how awkward their five legged gait looked. Not that their gaits looked any weirder than the rest of the creatures, with their pyramid-shaped body and the single claw-tipped arm that rose from the top. Ducking behind a bush, she pointed toward them. "Rock monsters."

"BORING!" Mister Torgue said, as he crouched beside her.

Diamond gave him a confused look. The creatures were anything but boring. Horrifying, disgusting, or repugnant maybe, but not boring.

"They need a better name, like rock lobsters."

It was Diamond Tiara's turn to frown. She'd seen drawings of lobsters when Sea Swirl had been invited to bore the class with a lesson about why one should never go anywhere near the ocean. Well, technically, about all the stuff that lived in the ocean, but as far as Diamond was concerned, it was the same thing. "They barely look anything like lobsters."

"ROCK LOBSTERS!"

"Fine, fine!" she hissed. "Just be quiet so they don't—" She stopped mid-sentence as the rock lobsters started to head in her direction. "Great. Just great. They're coming this way."

"YOU"RE WELCOME!"

"That wasn't… oh, never mind." She leaped out of the bush and readied a weapon. Time to find out if these weapons would do the trick where everything pony had failed. She braced herself as best she could on three legs and fired. A stream of bullets flew to the right of the monsters, chewing up the ground. Quickly, she corrected her aim, and the first rock lobster exploded into shards.

She dropped the gun and tossed her forelegs around Mister Torgue. "They work!"

"F*beep*k paper! Nothing beats rock like EXPLOSIONS! And while I love talking about ROCK'N"ROOOOOLLLL and explosions, there's two more we need to KILL until they die from it."

"Oh yeah." She dropped back down to the ground and scooped up her rifle. "You get the one on the right; I'll get the left!" Raising the weapon to her shoulder, she fired, proud that her initial shots were much closer to the lobster this time. Her target down, she looked over to see that Mister Torgue had similarly dealt with his.

She grinned at him. "Three down!"

"More incoming from the left!"

Diamond Tiara looked in that direction and froze. That was a lot of rock lobsters, no doubt drawn by the noise of the Torgue weapons. And if the quantity wasn't bad enough, in the middle of the pack was the biggest one she had seen. It was the size of a house! Not her house, of course. If it was that big, then they'd be really, really screwed instead of just screwed. She looked down at her gun and back at the monstrosity. She was going to need a bigger gun. Luckily, she had just the thing.

Rearing up on her hind legs, she reached over her shoulder, and grabbed the one Torgue had called a rocket launcher. Bracing herself, she stared down the sight. Her hoof depressed the firing stud. Flame erupted out the back of the pipe as the rocket shot forth.

Diamond Tiara watched in amazement as the missile spiraled toward the huge rock lobster, slammed into its target, and exploded, obscuring everything in a large ball of flame. When the flame cleared, only chunks of rock remained. The entire enemy unit had been obliterated. It was definitely impressive. But also loud. She wiggled her ears, trying to silence the high pitched whine.

"EXPLOSION!" she could hear Torgue shout.

Diamond Tiara could not help but smile, despite the annoying ringing. No wonder he was always shouting if his world was filled with such weapons. A flash of movement caught her eye and she turned her attention toward it. More rock lobsters, but just regular sized one.

"Three more," she said, switching back to the rifle. "Let's get them!"

Their combined fire quickly reduced the invaders to so much rubble.

"This is just like Assault on Saturn Five!" Torgue shouted.

"Assault on what?" Diamond asked.

"Saturn Five. Only the best shooter ever!" Torgue said with a grin. "It had everything. Weapons, wicked cool explosions, vehicles, exploding vehicles, tunnels, EXPLOSIONS, and exploding tunnels!"

"You said explosions a bunch."

"I like explosions."

She looked around at all the damage in the surrounding terrain. "I noticed."

"HEY! To the right—" Torgue called out.

Diamond spun to the right and fired several rockets.

"—there's a barn," he finished. "I thought maybe we could find some grub and you just BLEW IT THE F*BEEP*K UP!"

Diamond Tiara looked at her handiwork. The barn was almost entirely obliterated. Chunks of wood rained down from the sky. Only a single wall remained standing and as she watched, it slowly teetered and fell over, sending a fresh cloud of dust into the air. She didn't even know why she had done that. She'd just turned around to see the building and fired. She hadn't really meant to shoot a rocket —or six— at it. It had just happened. She braced herself for the tongue lashing that was sure to come. Given how loud he normally was, she hoped her ears could withstand what was to come.

"That was AWESOME!" he declared.

Diamond Tiara looked at him in wonder, raising an eyebrow. Slowly, a wicked grin spread across her face. "It was, wasn't it?" she asked, before sending several more rockets sailing into the wreckage. "EXPLOSIONS!" she shouted.

"EXPLOOOSIONS!" he yelled back.

She slid the rocket launcher onto her back and walked toward the wreckage. Maybe there was something edible in the wreckage. At this point, she'd even be willing to eat an apple without complaining five minutes beforehoof. She swallowed to keep herself from drooling at the thought. Had she sunk so low that the thought of apples could do that? Her stomach rumbled loudly. Yes, yes she had. She added that as number forty-two on her mental list of reasons to blow up every rock lobster she saw.

Her ear twitched and she halted. She'd heard something. Swiveling her ears, she narrowed down the source. There. The door leading to the apple cellar. Something was down there. She signaled to Torgue, letting him know what was up.

Cautiously, the two approached the sealed door. Diamond glanced at her grenades and settled on the one Torgue had called a MIRV. It exploded into multiple bombs, he'd said. It'd be perfect for whatever was in the cellar. She showed it to Torgue. He nodded, then reached to the bar locking the door. Diamond bit down on the pin of the grenade. With a mighty roar, he lifted the bar free with one arm, raising it above his head, using the other to fling open the hatch.

A blur of purple rose out of the hole and Diamond dove forward, slamming into Torgue before he could bring down his improved club on Princess Twilight's head.

"They're friends, Mister Torgue!"

"Diamond?" Diamond recognized the drawl from when her father was doing business here. Sure enough, when she turned around, she found herself facing Applejack. "What are you doing here?"

"Torgue and I are saving Ponyville," she said rather matter of factly.

"But how?" Twilight asked. "They're immune to spears, catapults, and magic. Even pies didn't slow them down."

Diamond tossed one of her pistols to Twilight. "With these. Mister Torgue made them. They're called guns." She gestured to the pile of rubble that had once been a bunch of rock lobsters. "And as you can see, they work quite well."

She watched as Twilight and Applejack studied her weapon. Their examination was interrupted as Apple Bloom shoved her way between the two. Diamond Tiara quickly stepped forward and reclaimed her gun, before the world's most annoying filly could do something stupid like break it or blow somepony's leg off.

"But that's just a stick," Apple Bloom said.

Diamond rolled her eyes. Of course the little baby wouldn't understand anything about guns. Well, truth be told, she didn't either, other than that the hollow end was the part you pointed toward what you wanted to blow up, but she quickly buried that thought. This wasn't about what she didn't know. It was about how she was better than Apple Bloom, the stupid filly who didn't even know that much.

"I don't sense any magic on it. I don't see how we could use this to stop the invaders," Twilight said.

"Well, like, duh," Diamond Tiara said. "These are meant for filly hooves and yours are much too big. And the rest are meant for Mister Torgue and he's got those hand-things, so his wouldn't be any good for you either."

Twilight looked at her strangely, a slight tilt to her head, before she nodded. "Yes, that must be it."

Diamond leaned to the left, trying to see the other ponies that were finally climbing out of the cellar. She saw familiar faces, but not the ones she was hoping to see. "Is my dad or Sil here?" Diamond asked.

Applejack shook her head. "'Fraid not. Sorry, Diamond. Ah'm sure they're alright though, don't you worry."

"They must be in town, working in the mine," Twilight said.

Diamond frowned. With a shrug, she holstered her pistol and started to turn toward the road.

"So what's your plan?" Twilight asked, halting Diamond's progress.

"Well, we're going to go to town, sit their leaders down around a table, and then reasonably discuss a peaceful resolution," Diamond said, with only the slightest hint of sarcasm. "We're going to BLOW the MOTHER F*BEEP*ING S*BEEP* out of them and rescue my father and friends, of course! What did you think we were going to do?"

Diamond Tiara froze in horror at what she had just said, to a princess of all ponies. That wasn't how she talked at all! The human was rubbing off on her. First she started to enjoy blowing things up, like she was slime-covered colt. Now she was making strange beeping sounds while talking. If she wasn't careful, she'd probably wind up walking on her hind legs and doing those screeching noises that didn't sound anything like a guitar at all, no matter what Mister Torgue said.

"We?" Apple Bloom asked.

Diamond Tiara looked over the herd of ponies before her. They looked to be in even worse condition than her. Certainly in no shape to fight. "Me and Mister Torgue, of course. There's no way I'd trust a blank flank like you to save our town."

"You know, you really should be nice to her," Mister Torgue said. "Nothing is more BADASS than treating a blank flank with RESPECT!"

"But she makes it so easy!" Diamond protested, earning a glower from her companion. "Fine," she grumbled. "I'm sorry, Apple Bloom. I didn't really mean it. It's been a rough time for all of us."

The most curious expression settled on Apple Bloom's face. Just like her, thought Diamond. Utterly confused by the apology. Although, come to think of it, this was the first time she had done so.

"There's a lot of mineralites in town."

"Mineralites? That word has too many syllables, not to mention it's LAAAAAAAAME!" uttered Torgue.

Diamond quickly stepped forward before Torgue could do something to offend the princess. "We've been calling them rock lobsters," Diamond said.

We?" Apple Bloom asked again, shoving her way between her sister and the princess.

"Me and Mister Torgue," Diamond said, gesturing toward her strange companion. Was that farm filly as blind as she was blank? She almost said that outloud, but managed to stop herself just in time. Being respectful to Apple Bloom was going to be hard. Still, as long as she only thought it and didn't actually say it, that counted, right?

"You reckon you got enough of them sticks to finish off the rest of them rock lobsters?" Applejack asked, shoving her little sister protectively behind her.

Diamond looked at the gear she was carrying. She still had all her grenades and plenty of bullets for her guns. Plus there was always the rocket launcher. She whipped it out and padded it proudly. "Worst comes to worst, I'll hit them with some rockets," Diamond said.

Apple Bloom's head popped up between the two adult ponies again. "Why's there a zero carved on that there stick?"

Sweet Sun, she was so annoying! Still, Diamond looked at her rocket launcher. With a growl, she chucked it to the ground in disgust. "Empty. Guess I used up all the ammo when I blew up the—" she stopped herself in time —"the group of rock lobsters. That's what I used all the ammo on. To kill the rock lobsters who destroyed your barn. And now we're leaving. To destroy the rest."

"But, Twilight, you can't send her off all alone against all them monsters!" Apple Bloom said.

Diamond harrumphed. "I'm not alone. I've got Mister Torgue, and he's the most badass badass on the planet."

Mister Torgue flexed proudly. "You're a MAJOR BADASS yourself, Diamond. No way some P*BEEP* C*BEEP*K LOBSTERS are going to f*beep*ing stop us."

"For shizzle!" Diamond declared, using some of the new slang she'd picked up from her strange companion. Then, head held high, they set off the down the road. Behind her, she could hear the princess talking to Apple Bloom.

"I don't like it any more than you do, Apple Bloom. I'd rather stop her from going, but everything else we've tried against them has failed. She's all we've got."

"But she's not well. And she could die!"

Diamond rolled her eyes. Sure, she was hungry, but it wasn't like she was sick. And she was certainly in better shape than the ponies the rock lobsters had enslaved. Plus there was no way she was going to die. The universe wouldn't let it happen. She was much too pretty for that.

"Yes, she isn't. And yes, she could. But she could also save Equestria," Diamond heard Twilight reply. No could about it. She and Mister Torgue would save Equestria or her name wasn't Diamond motherf*beep*ing Dazzle Tiara.

Yup, the human was most definitely rubbing off on her.

The conversation lapsed into silence, and just when Diamond was sure it was over, Apple Bloom spoke again, just barely audible. "Sometimes being a princess isn't much fun, huh?"

Diamond Tiara laughed out loud at that. How could being a princess possibly not be fun?

Diamond pressed her back against the stone wall, part of a now mostly demolished house, feeling it vibrate as chunks of rock smashed against it. She risked a quick glance through what had been a window, and her heart sinking at the sight. "There's so many!"

"It's like the zombie hordes in Left 4 Dead Space 51," Torgue replied, his enthusiasm as high as ever.

"How do you stop those?"

"You shoot and then you f*beep*ing shoot more!"

How could they do that? She'd used up her shotgun ammo already. If only she hadn't wasted all her rockets on that barn. But she had, and so they were screwed.

It had all been going so well. They'd freed the enslaved ponies, including the rest of her classmates and her father, and only blown up about half the town in doing so. The enemy had fallen before them and had even begun to retreat. But then the enemy had regrouped, in larger numbers. And so now they found themselves pinned, with lobsters closing in and no way out.

Unless… No. Surely there had to be another way. But she knew there wasn't. With a sigh, she resigned herself to her fate. She reared up, balancing herself on her hind legs. In her right hoof, she held her assault rifle. With her left hoof, she grabbed her pistol. She walked as best she could over to the window and opened fire. It wasn't accurate, but then there were so many rock lobsters that it didn't need to be.

"Die, you c*beep*ksucking MOTHERF*BEEP*ERS!" she yelled, feeling great satisfaction as she watched enemy after enemy blow up.

She let out an insane laugh. She was talking like him again, while walking on her hind legs and enjoying blowing stuff up. Three for four now. But that is where it would stop, she promised herself. No way, no how would she do one of those "guitar solos".

The doctor, looking resplendent in her crisp, white coat, flipped through the pages of the clipboard that floated before her. She shook her head and said, "I'm sorry, Mr Rich. There's been no sign of improvement these last few weeks. I'm afraid she may be this way for months or even years."

The sight of Filthy Rich's head lowered to the ground, the hope he had been carefully building over the past weeks demolished.

The doctor winced in sympathy. It was a part of her job she didn't like, but she prefered to tell ponies the truth rather than give them false hope. Still, she wasn't made of stone. Gently, she rested a hoof on a shoulder. "Rest assured we will continue to give her the best possible care."

"I'll make sure of it," the other occupant in the room, Princess Twilight Sparkle, said. "And if there's anything that can be done, it will be. No expense spared. You have the assurances of both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna on that, as well as my own."

Filthy Rich nodded, and left the room, each footstep coming slowly, his head still hung low. Once he was gone, the doctor turned to the princess, flipping through the papers on the clipboard again.

"Such a sad case, for one so young to go so completely bonkers."

Twilight reared up, her eyes flashing sparks as her wings flared out. "Show some respect!"

The doctor screamed and took a step back in fright.

"I'm sorry," Twilight said, as she settled back on the ground, folding her wings away. "You wouldn't understand. You weren't there." She looked through the window, at the filly within. "Somehow, she managed to stop an invasion with nothing more than sticks, pinecones, and a few rocks. Ponies who were there swore she ran around pointing sticks at the invaders and yelling 'ratatatat' and they just exploded into pieces. She'd lob a pinecone and yell 'boom' and they'd shatter, sometimes half-a-dozen at a time.

"She freed the town. And when the enemy regrouped, too numerous for her to take out with a single stick, she reared up and used two at once, one in each hoof. She ran around like that, on two legs, screaming and roaring, until she broke them, sending them scurrying to the mine shaft from whence they came. And she didn't stop there. She went after them. Somehow, she blew up their tunnels."

She could see the doctor's mind working, but shook her head. "No, I don't think they're all insane or having some form of mass delusion. I saw the results of her work. She near leveled three-quarters of the town. I probably wouldn't be here today if it weren't for her." She turned to make her own exit, but stopped to say one more thing to the doctor. "If there's one thing I've learned from my time in Ponyville, it is that earth ponies are capable of some truly amazing things that seem to defy all logic. Never underestimate them, Doctor."

The doctor said nothing, giving one last glance at her patient. She had heard the reports of the attack on Ponyville of course, but had assumed it was just the usual over-hyping by the press to sell more papers. Perhaps there was more to this than meets the eye. Hearing the sounds coming out of the padded room, she shrugged. Or perhaps not. She used her magic to hang the clipboard on the hook next to the door, before turning it on the metal plate, sliding it shut and cutting off the sound of Diamond Tiara's sick guitar solo.

Author's Note

Confound this pony; she's driven me to write an HiE.
Thanks for reading and good night, everypony!
So yeah, fictional character for this prompt, and since I've been playing a bit of Borderlands 2, I figured it'd be fun bring across the second most—
Diamond Tiara said "Good night", Mudpony. Story's over.
But—
STORY'S OVER!

Prompt 10: Diamond Tiara: Vampony Hunter - Yukito

Vamponies. They are the dreaded creatures of the night. The feared monsters that hunt in the dark for the blood of ponies. If you are lucky, they will settle for only a light meal, but for the most part these foul creatures whisk their victims away to their lair deep within the Everfree Castle, where they would never be seen again… At least not as they once were.

Every day, ponies would count heads in the town square to make sure nopony was missing, and then they would live their lives as best they could, never staying out too late. When the sun began to set, ponies would cover their houses with cloves of garlic and symbols in the shape of Princess Celestia’s cutie mark. And then, they would sleep in their beds with one eye open, praying that they and their loved ones would survive the night.

The common citizens lived as such. In the town of Ponyville, there also existed two groups: the Guardians and the Vanguards.

The Guardians would patrol the walls that surrounded the town and keep an eye out for suspicious shadows that shifted in the night. They would strike at anything that moved, often killing wandering stray cats or, on some occasions, injuring a member of their own team by mistake. It was a small price to pay for the safety of the townsponies, though.

The Vanguard had a much more important task: to vanquish the vamponies once and for all. Their job was to venture into the Everfree Forest and take the Everfree Castle by storm, though after their first raid, the most that they could ever do was set up base camps and alert the town to approaching vamponies. Even that brought about many causalities, and every day more and more ponies were out of the Vanguard, either due to fear or from being taken away.

One such member that was recently taken away was Alula, a brave young filly who, even through the worst of times, would smile and encourage her friends to laugh. Of all the ponies to be taken away by such fiends, she was the last pony who could deserve such a fate. At least that’s what her friends thought.

Diamond Tiara, a filly who despised vamponies ever since they had taken away her mother and left her father an emotional wreck, was furious that the Vanguard would give up on her so easily. “It’s too late,” they said. “There’s nothing we can do. Just accept it.”

“NO!”

With just that single word, Diamond Tiara removed her official Vanguard badge and stormed out of her boss’ office. With her, she took a couple of waterskins, a bag of garlic, a celestial broach, and a crossbow with five bolts in her quiver.

On her way to the Everfree Forest, Diamond Tiara ran into her friend Silver Spoon. Diamond Tiara was not smart, so the only way she felt that she could battle the vamponies was directly. Silver Spoon, however, was a genius. She provided support for Diamond Tiara and her group with strategical intelligence from the background.

Tonight, however, she was equipped with a suit of garlic and a dagger. “I’m going with you,” Silver Spoon said. “I’ve studied the schematics for the castle. You’ll get lost in there on your own.”

“It will be dangerous,” Diamond Tiara said. With a smile, she added, “And I wouldn’t want anypony else to have my back.”

Grabbing their black cloaks and putting them on, the two fillies proceed into the forest, running in order to reach the castle before sunset. Attacking in the midst of the day was their best bet, as the vamponies would be asleep at this time.

However, if their presence was detected by the vamponies’ familiars, they would awaken, and in the safety of their castle, the vamponies needed not fear the sun. For that reason, the two fillies had to slow down as they neared the castle, and approached quietly from the shadows.

Diamond Tiara put on her glasses as she approached the castle’s entrance. The special glasses for hunting vamponies would allow her to see a vampony’s weak spot – that is, the one spot that will kill a vampony if struck. Anywhere else would not work, and the weak spot varied from vampony to vampony. Silver Spoon’s glasses were customised to also have this function.

Nodding to each other, the two fillies entered the castle. Diamond Tiara crept passed the many coffins laying about the main hallway, most of which likely contained traps for foolish Vanguard raiders seeking to wipe out the vamponies on their own. The corpses of many ponies by some of these coffins possibly confirmed Diamond’s suspicions, but that’s not why she was here in the first place.

She was here for Alula.

“Her badge signal is that way,” Diamond said as she pointed down the corridor to her left. The badges of the Vanguard were fitted with a magic signal that could be traced with simple gemstones that could be found almost everywhere in Equestria. The purpose of this function was to make sure that the members of each Vanguard squad could always find each other in emergency situations, such as right now.

“Did you hear that?” Silver Spoon asked as she walked faster to catch up to her friend’s side.

“It was just the wind,” Diamond told her as the two turned down into the dark corridor. Silver Spoon ignited a small lighter to help the two see where they were going. A castle like this was sure to contain many traps, and the last thing that either of them wanted to accidentally trigger any-

Click!

The door opened suddenly beneath Silver Spoon. The scream alerted Diamond Tiara and she was barely able to turn around and grab Silver Spoon’s hoof in time.

“I can’t pull you up!” Diamond Tiara shouted. “You’re too heavy!”

“Let go!” Silver Spoon shouted. “They were sure to hear that! You have to let me go before they come to investigate!”

“I’m not leaving you!” Diamond told her.

“You have to! If we both get caught here, then-”

“I don’t care! You’re the one pony I can’t afford to lose!” Diamond felt herself slipping and closed her eyes and she put more force into her pulling. “Damnit… I’m not going to let go… no matter what!”

“Diamond…” Silver Spoon frowned as she saw the extent that her friend was going to to keep her safe. It was even at the cost of her own safety. She didn’t like it… yet at the same time, she knew that she would be doing the same had their positions been reversed.

Reaching down to her side, Silver Spoon grabbed the dagger strapped to her waist and brought it up to her hoof. “DON’T YOU DARE!” Diamond Tiara shouted, her eyes open again and seeing what the other filly was doing. “IF YOU DO WHAT YOU’RE THINKING, I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!”

“Be quiet,” Silver Spoon said. “I just had an idea.” Silver Spoon brought the dagger down a bit, towards the buttons of her garlic-covered suit. With one hoof, unfastening the suit would be difficult, but with a dagger…

“Wait! If you lose the garlic, you’ll be defenceless!”

“I’ll have you, right?” Silver Spoon asked with a smile. Diamond Tiara hesitated for a moment before giving a nod. “Then I’ll be okay. And with this heavy suit gone, I might just be light enough for you to pull me up.”

“… W-Well hurry up, then! I don’t know how much longer I can hold on!”

With a quick breath, Silver Spoon brought the dagger to her chest and used it to cut open her suit, wincing as the tip of the blade lightly grazed her skin. When it reached the bottom, the suit fell off and down the pit.

As hypothesised, Silver Spoon suddenly became light enough for Diamond Tiara to pull her up. As soon as the grey filly was out of the hole and back on solid ground, the two quickly embraced each other, glad that they were both able to make it out alive.

“They’ll be here soon,” Silver Spoon reminded Diamond Tiara. “We should get a move-on.”

Diamond nodded. “Alula’s down this way,” she said, motioning her head further down the corridor. “Let’s go.”

The two proceeded with a lot more caution this time, taking extra care not to set off any more traps, and also looking out for any vamponies that may have been stirred from their slumber as a result of the noise they had produced earlier.

When the gem flashed in Diamond’s hooves, the two knew that they had reached their destination. Alula was trapped within a dusty chamber, perhaps an old storage closet or a pantry back in the day. Now, it was just a dark, foreboding room with candles circling around a single coffin.

The two fillies approached the coffin and gulped. The gem’s trail ended there. The two stared at the filthy coffin for a few long moments before Diamond Tiara reached a hoof towards it. She felt Silver Spoon’s hoof grabbing her other one and she pushed the lid aside.

Inside the coffin, Alula lay in a deep, peaceful slumber, two thin blood trails down her neck and a pair of fangs coming out of her mouth.

Silver Spoon put a hoof to her mouth and held back a sob, whilst Diamond Tiara grabbed a firm hold of Silver Spoon’s hoof and shook as she held back a series of curses.

“We were too late,” Silver Spoon whispered. Diamond Tiara nodded. “… What do we do now?”

Diamond Tiara was silent for a few seconds after that. Releasing Silver Spoon’s hoof, Diamond reached for her quiver and pulled out a bolt. “I won’t leave her like this.”

Silver Spoon had to remove her glasses to wipe the tears from her eyes. “I… I can’t watch…”

“That’s fine. In fact, I’d prefer you not see… Go wait outside. This will only take a second.”

With a reluctant nod, Silver Spoon rose to her hooves and slowly walked outside of the room, leaving Diamond Tiara and Alula alone.

Bringing a shaking hoof towards her glasses, Diamond Tiara studied Alula’s body and found her weak spot. It was a small spot just under her bellybutton. Diamond removed her glasses and reached for the crossbow set down to her right, picking it up and loading her bolt into it. She was stopped by a scream in the hallway.

“SILVER SPOON!”

Diamond Tiara rushed towards the hallway as fast as she could, slamming the door open and freezing as she found Silver Spoon hanging limp in the hold of a cloaked vampony feasting on her neck.

“N-NO!” Diamond Tiara immediately replaced her glasses and brought her loaded crossbow up. She found the weak spot of this vampony at its forehead. It was a clean shot, and Diamond Tiara took it. The vampony fell backwards onto the floor, releasing Silver Spoon, who fell forward into Diamond Tiara’s forelegs.

“Silver Spoon, no!” Diamond cried as she examined the bite marks on the side of the filly’s neck. “T-This can’t be happening… How could I have let this happened? I was supposed to protect you. Silver Spoon, I-”

“Diamond Tiara?” Silver Spoon stared up at the pink filly, her eyes fluttering and her breathing slow. “P-Please don’t cry, Diamond…”

“But Silver Spoon, I failed you. I let you…”

A silence hung between the two for a few seconds. “Diamond?” Silver Spoon asked as she slowly brought a hoof towards her friend’s face, wiping the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. “I feel cold… and it hurts so much… Will we… Will we make it out of here?”

“Silver…”

“Will we… hang out again… like before?” Tears welled from Silver Spoon’s eyes as her hoof fell limp, suddenly dropping to her side.

“… Of course we will,” Diamond Tiara said. With a sniff, she wiped her tears away and then reached down to Silver Spoon’s hoof, removing her glasses and placing her crossbow down in the process. “We’ll be together forever. You, me…” Diamond Tiara turned back to look into the room to her left, where an open coffin lay in the midst of some candles. “… And Alula…”

Diamond Tiara reached down and lifted Silver Spoon up, giving her a hug that seemed to last forever. “Diamond… I feel sleepy…”

“It’s okay, Silver Spoon,” Diamond Tiara said, pulling away and removing her cloak. “We’ll always be friends, and we’ll always be together.” Diamond Tiara threw her bag of garlic cloves to the side and placed her hooves onto her friend’s shoulders, keeping her still as she tilted her head to the side, exposing her neck to the drowsy filly. “No matter what…”

Author's Note

I feel like I kinda cheated on this one, as the prompt sequence of events only occured for one little bit in the story ^_^;;

Basically, the scene where DT is about to kill a vampony then is distracted by Silver Spoon's scream was literally the first scene that came to mind upon seeing the prompt, and then I built the rest of the story to lead up to and follow up from that scene.

Prompt 10: Love in the Attic - Mattricole

“I don’t get it,” Diamond Tiara said as she looked at herself in the mirror.

“Oh come on. They’re cute, Diamond!” Apple Bloom gushed as she continued to stare at Diamond Tiara. “Granny’s old glasses look fantastic on you!”

“They look stupid!” Diamond Tiara growled as she took off the the large framed glasses and threw them behind herself.

“Hey! You gotta be careful with those!”

“Who cares?! It’s not like Granny Smith ever wears them!” Diamond Tiara said as she made her way out of Apple Bloom’s attic. “Why am I even at your stupid place anyways?” Diamond Tiara grumbled to herself, briefly considering picking up a nearby roll of toilet paper to hit Apple Bloom with. Why they had toilet paper in the attic was beyond her, but at this point she had given up trying to understand Apple Bloom’s crazy family.

“Oh come on, Diamond!” Apple Bloom begged as she quickly got in Diamond Tiara’s way, blocking the exit. “Don’t you wanna be friends?” Apple Bloom asked with a smile.

“Ha! Maybe if you weren’t a no talent loser, I’d consider making you my friend. But as things stand, I’d rather-”

“Of course you don’t wanna be mah friend!” Apple Bloom laughed as she threw her hoof over Diamond Tiara’s shoulder. “Ah know how you look at me, you wanna be more,” Apple Bloom whispered in Diamond Tiara’s ear, tightening her hold on her.

“...I...I don’t even know how to respond to that,” Diamond Tiara grumbled as she removed Apple Bloom’s hoof from her shoulders.

“Oh come on, Diamond Tiara. Why else do you always pick on me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with you demolishing the town every week or so? Maybe it’s because you broke my favorite tiara?” Diamond Tiara replied, looking around the attic for anything that looked like it would hurt. “Or it could be I just don’t like you?” Looking to her right, she found a nice, sturdy looking cane. Hmm, that should work nicely, she thought to herself as she picked it up and examined it.

“Oh, Diamond Tiara, you silly filly!” Apple Bloom said, playfully booping Diamond Tiara’s nose. “The reason you constantly pick on me isn’t out of hate! Even Sweetie Belle sees it! Clearly you’re in love with me, and you’re just having trouble coming to terms with it!”

“I hope you know, I’m going to enjoy hitting you with this cane now.” With that, Diamond Tiara swung the cane overhead and hit Apple Bloom on the head.

“Ouch!” Apple Bloom screamed, rubbing her sore head.

“Still think I’m in love with you?” Diamond Tiara asked with a smirk, resisting the urge to laugh as tears formed in Apple Bloom’s eyes.

“Yes, yes ah do,” Apple Bloom said, causing Diamond Tiara to groan.

“I just hit you with a cane!”

“And ah know from experience you hurt the ones you love.” Apple Bloom smiled, and hugged Diamond Tiara gently. “But no matter how many times you hurt me, ah will always love you.” Kissing Diamond Tiara on the cheek, Apple Bloom slowly backed away, smiling at the love of her life.

“Apple Bloom...you disgust me.” And with that, Diamond Tiara once again brought the cane down, smacking Apple Bloom on the head.

“You know, just because ah love you, doesn’t mean ah appreciate you hitting me on the head with that cane,” Apple Bloom complained as she rubbed her sore head.

“And I don’t appreciate you implying I love you!” Diamond Tiara growled as she prepared to once again hit Apple Bloom on the head with said cane.

“Diamond Tiara, wait!” Apple Bloom cried as she held her hooves in front of her face in defense. After a few seconds of not feeling the cane hit her, Apple Bloom lowered her hooves with a smile.

“What? Are you finally done with claiming I’m in love with you?” Diamond Tiara asked. “That’s too bad. I was hoping for another excuse to hit you.” With that, Diamond Tiara dropped the cane and gave Apple Bloom a smirk. She could finally get out of-

“Gotcha!” Apple Bloom yelled as she pinned Diamond Tiara to the ground.

“What are you doing now?!”

“Ah’m gonna prove to you that you love me!” Apple Bloom cried, licking her lips in anticipation.

“You are obsessed, aren’t you?!” Diamond Tiara yelled in disgust.

“Can you blame me for being obsessed with you?” Apple Bloom asked with a smirk, causing Diamond Tiara to growl.

I hate to admit it, but she’s got me there, she thought bitterly to herself. Perfection came with a heavy cost it seemed.

“Ah’m gonna kiss you now, alright?” Apple Bloom asked, breathing heavily into Diamond Tiara’s face.

“So? You already kissed me on the cheek,” Diamond Tiara sighed as she turned her head sideways. She might as well get this over with.

“Ah don’t mean on the cheek,” Apple Bloom replied as she turned Diamond Tiara’s face towards her. “Ah wanna kiss you on your perfect lips.” Blushing madly, Apple Bloom leaned her face towards Diamond Tiara. As their lips brushed ever so slightly, Apple Bloom waited for Diamond Tiara to lean into the kiss.

“...I’m going to have to kiss you, aren’t I?” Diamond Tiara asked. After a few seconds of no reply, Diamond Tiara sighed to herself. “I’ll take that as a yes.” With one last sigh, Diamond Tiara gave Apple Bloom a quick peck on the lips.

“...That’s it?” Apple Bloom grumbled, causing Diamond Tiara to giggle.

“If you want more than that, you’re going to have to take me to dinner,” Diamond Tiara said with a blush. Apple Bloom smiled gently, and bowed before Diamond Tiara.

“Oh, and where does mah lady-”

“And you have to let me hit you with the cane again,” Diamond Tiara declared with a smirk, glancing at the nearby cane.

“...Really?” Apple Bloom asked as she got up from her bow, staring at a smirking Diamond Tiara. Sighing in defeat, Apple Bloom slowly got off of Diamond Tiara. “Alright, fine! If it makes you happy, you can hit me.”

“Maybe later, but first...” With a smirk, Diamond Tiara grabbed Apple Bloom by the shoulders, and gave her another quick peck on the lips. “That’s for the hits I gave you earlier, now take me out to eat before I change my mind!” Diamond Tiara said as she began leaving the attic.

“Diamond Tiara, wait!” Apple Bloom called out.

“What now?” Diamond Tiara grumbled, staring at Apple Bloom’s outstretched hoof. “Oh you have got to be kidding me.”

“What can ah say? You look really cute with glasses on!”

Author's Note

And then they adopted Scootaloo.

Prompt 11: Diamond Tiara Gets An A - Yukito

Thursday was Silver Spoon’s favourite day of the week, if for no other reason than it was always the day that Cheerilee would return the results of the test they would always take on Tuesdays. The reason why this was so fun for Silver Spoon resided in the fact that she always scored an A, pleasing her parents and earning her the maximum allowance for the week, and also for one other reason: it was the one thing that Diamond Tiara could never beat her in.

To Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara was the superior pony in almost every aspect. She was cuter, she was richer, she was younger – which meant she would be the last of the two to worry about wrinkles – she was braver, she was more determined… even her cutie mark, if given physical form, would be worth more than her own.

But there was one thing that Silver Spoon would always hold over Diamond Tiara’s head: her smarts. No matter how cunning Diamond Tiara may have been, when it came to schoolwork, she was on the same intellectual level as Scootaloo.

The highest grade Diamond Tiara had ever achieved was a C, and even though Silver Spoon tried her best not to rub her superior smarts into her friend’s face, just the knowledge that she would always be the smart one of the duo was enough to satisfy her.

“Silver Spoon, excellent work as always,” Cheerilee said as she reached Silver Spoon’s test paper, leaving it on the side of her desk with the other papers for students to collect if they wished. “You got an A. Keep doing what you’re doing.”

Silver Spoon smiled and cast a quick glance to Diamond Tiara sitting beside her. The pink filly was checking her hoof with a bored expression on her face as Cheerilee continued to read out the results to the class.

“Diamond Tiara,” she said as she got to said pupil’s paper, “I don’t know what you’ve done lately, but I’m very impressed. You got an A!”

“Uh-huh,” Diamond Tiara said with a nod. A few seconds passed before she realised what the teacher had said to her. “Excuse me?”

“What did you say?” Silver Spoon asked with a look of utter disbelief.

“I told you that you had it in you,” Cheerilee said with an encouraging smile. “You should never doubt yourself, and that goes for the rest of you, too.”

“I got an A?” Diamond asked.

“Diamond got an A?” Silver Spoon reiterated.

“Wow! That’s so cool!” Alula cried, clapping her hooves together. The two fillies to either side of Alula joined her, which spread to a few more foals, before soon the entire class was applauding Diamond Tiara’s accomplishment.

Diamond Tiara’s confusion didn’t last long before it was replaced with smugness. “Yeah, well, what exactly did you expect?” she asked with a proud look on her face. “That test was like, a cinch.”

“Diamond got an A?” Silver Spoon repeated, eyes still wide as she simply stared at her friend.

“Okay, class, let’s settle down,” Cheerilee called out, bringing her class steadily to silence. “We still have some more tests to get through and then we have to start of lessons.”

‘No way did Diamond Tiara get an A!’ Silver Spoon thought to herself, eyeing her confused-looking friend suspiciously. ‘I smell foul play! This looks like a job for… Detective Spoon!’

When recess came, all of the students rushed out of the classroom to race towards the swing set, knowing that whoever got there first would have first dibs. In their rush to beat the other foals, nopony had noticed that a certain silver sleuth had slunk off stealthily to start her secret investigation.

“There’s no way that Diamond Tiara of all ponies could have gotten an A on that test,” Silver Spoon said to herself as she arose from behind her desk. “A C maybe, a B if it were a blue moon, but an A? This was no miracle. There are dark forces at work here, and I intend to prove it.”

Silver Spoon approached Cheerilee’s desk, where the majority of the marked test papers still lay. Only a few students ever actually took their papers back: Silver Spoon, Twist, Apple Bloom and Featherweight were those few students.

Silver Spoon shuffled through the papers until she found the one with Diamond Tiara’s name on it. She checked the answers herself, ensuring that the teacher hadn’t made a mistake when doing so. “It can’t be… Seventy-eight percent! That’s almost my score!”

Silver Spoon looked over towards Diamond Tiara’s seat and wondered if she could have copied anypony. “I was the only one sitting near enough for her to reach this high a score, but she even got a few questions that I missed.”

‘Perhaps she had somepony else submit the test under her name?’ Silver Spoon thought to herself. ‘I’ll just use my trusty detective magnifying glasses to check her hoofwriting.’ Silver Spoon reached up to the frame of her glasses and moved her face closer to the paper. “Beep beep beeeeeep.”

After studying the hoofwriting closely enough, and even comparing it to a sample of Diamond Tiara’s hoofwriting from a note she had passed to her in the previous lesson, she was shocked to find that it was a complete match. “How can this be?! There must be some explanation. Maybe she had somepony slip her the answers during the test? Maybe she saw the test beforehoof?”

“Maybe she’s a ninja!” Silver Spoon turned to her side to find Pipsqueak standing beside her. “You know, like in that show where the ninjas had t’ take a test, and they used their abilities to cheat wi’out being caught!”

“What are you doing here?!” Silver Spoon demanded as she placed Diamond Tiara’s paper back.

“I saw you playing detective and thought maybe I could play, too! I could be your Watson I could!”

“I’m not playing! Get out of here, dweeb!” Silver Spoon shouted, flames rising up behind her and her hair becoming snakes in young Pip’s eyes. The young colt turned around and ran out of the classroom at top speed. “What a loser.”

Silver Spoon turned back to the test paper and put a hoof to her chin. “Well, I doubt that Diamond Tiara’s a ninja, and I don’t see how she could have had somepony slip her the answers during the test. This case is too tough for me to solve in secret. I guess I have no choice. I’m going to have to ask the culprit directly what happened.”

“What d’you mean you don’t know?!” Silver Spoon shouted, surprised by the answer she had received. She had waited until school had ended and she was in Diamond Tiara’s room before interrogating her subject, thinking that Diamond Tiara would only cooperate if they were in a safe haven. “C’mon, Di, you can tell me. I won’t, like, grass on you or anything.”

“First of all, ‘grass’ on me?”

“Pip’s stupid Trottingham language is getting to me,” Silver Spoon grumbled.

“Second, I really don’t know how it happened,” Diamond Tiara said, falling back onto her bed and staring up at the ceiling, as though it would provide the answer that both fillies were looking for. “I just put whatever down and I got an A.”

“But that’s not possible. It’s not like it’s multiple choice or anything.”

“Maybe I just got really lucky,” Diamond Tiara suggested with a shrug. “Anyway, what does it matter how I got an A? Daddy’s giving me a higher allowance, everypony’s paying attention to me, and I have one thing to hold over Apple Bloom’s head.”

“I guess… It just kinda sucks to think that, one day, you might be smarter than me.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Diamond Tiara sat up to face her friend.

“Well, being smarter than you is the only thing I have going for me,” Silver Spoon said as she stared at the floor and twirled her hoof into the carpet.

“That’s not true. You’re older than me-”

“So I’ll age before you do,” Silver Spoon scoffed.

“But you’ll also be able to see an ‘adult movie’ before I do,” Diamond Tiara returned. “And you can cook better than me.”

“But we can just pay ponies to cook for us.”

“Well, you can read better than me.”

“We can also pay ponies to read for us.”

Diamond Tiara put a hoof to her chin and hummed in thought. “You… can argue better than me.”

“… Is that a good thing?”

“Er… maybe? Oh! I know what you can do better than me, that you can’t pay anypony else to do!”

“What’s that?” Silver Spoon asked, looking up at Diamond Tiara with genuine curiosity.

A pair of pink forelegs wrapped themselves around Silver Spoon. “You can make me happy, and you can make me feel better when I have a stupid day!”

Silver Spoon smiled and returned the embrace. “I guess I can do that.”

“And nopony’s a finer detective than you.”

Silver Spoon blushed. “Y-You know about that?”

“You don’t exactly hide it very well,” Diamond Tiara teased as she pulled away from the hug with a giggle.

Silver Spoon giggled too, though was still a little red from embarrassment. “I feel really stupid, getting all jealous over a stupid grade.”

“Well, I’ll try not to outshine you too much with my brilliant new mind,” Diamond Tiara said with a grin. “Besides, just look at it this way: I’m taking over Daddy’s business as soon as I’m finished with school, but you’re going to get a degree at Canterlot University.”

“Well, hopefully,” Silver Spoon said.

“No ‘hopefully’ about it! If they were as smart as they say there are, they’d enroll you right now!”

“Okay, let’s not get carried away here.” Silver Spoon turned her attention to the clock on Diamond Tiara’s wall. “It’s getting late. I think I should head home before Mum starts to worry.”

“I suppose,” Diamond Tiara said as the two fillies rose to their hooves and walked together towards the door. ‘Still, I do wonder how I managed to get that A…’

It was quiet in the Rich manor, and indeed all of Ponyville, as the darkness of the night washed over the small town and everypony in it fell into a peaceful slumber.

The door to Diamond Tiara’s bedroom creaked open quietly, and a dark hoof stepped into the room. Slowly, gently, they creeped over towards the bedside of the pink, sleeping filly, and the owner of those hooves smiled.

“I knew this wasn’t a waste of money,” Filthy Rich whispered as he placed a cassette tape into the player on Diamond Tiara’s bedside and hit play. He then turned around crept back out of the room, closing the door behind him. “I knew she had it in her. Now let’s see if we can’t get those English grades up, too.”

Back inside Diamond Tiara’s room, the pink filly rolled onto her side and groaned as a new voice entered her head. “Hello, and welcome to Twilight Sparkle’s English for Beginners. Chapter one: Grammar and Punctuation!”

Prompt 11: Just One Kiss - Mudpony

Diamond Tiara was on her way to school, when she was suddenly pounced upon by Ponyville's premier pink party planning pony.

"Tiara, you've got to come quick," Pinkie Pie shouted. "You've got to come with me. Oh, this is terrible, most terrible, even worse than that time I invited a pony over to make cupcakes and then the whole town got sick." A stunned Diamond Tiara offered little resistance as Pinkie Pie half dragged, half carried her towards Sugercube Corner and into the basement.

Diamond Tiara looked around the basement and noticed there was equipment stacked all over the place, equipment with all sorts of red and green lights. Some blinking, some staying on, others off. Nothing here really seemed relevant to her. She looked questioningly at Pinkie.

"See, I was over at Twilight's and she gave me some old scienterrific equipment and I did things that you wouldn't understand because I don't understand them but I did them anyway way and they" —she waved a hoof towards one of the walls— "don't care about it and now this screen gives me all sorts of information and I typed in the names of some of my friends and learned all sorts of stuff including that one of my friends isn't liked by them very much."

"Them?" Diamond Tiara asked.

"Oh yes, you know, them." Pinkie Pie held her mouth up against Diamond Tiara's ear and whispered, "They don't like you very much." She jerked her head back and continued, "I can't stand the thought of anypony hating one of my friends and so we've got to make them like you and I'm going to help you do just that."

Diamond Tiara sat down, trying to understand what Pinkie was babbling about. How could she possibly be unpopular? She had it all. Looks, money, smarts, great friends. Everyone should want to be her. But Pinkie Pie gestured her over to the print-out and flipped some switches, causing another machine to spit out a stream of paper with lines scribbled all over them. Pinkie ripped the sheet off the machine and held it up for Diamond Tiara to see.

"See? Do you see? We've got to fix this!" exclaimed Pinkie. "But you're lucky, because Pinkie has a plan to help her super duper friend Diamond Tiara. We'll make you popular in no time. Meet me here tomorrow before school and I'll explain the plan!"

Now, if there was one thing everypony in Ponyville knew, it was that it was generally a good idea to go along with what Pinkie wanted, as that usually led to parties. But when a pony didn't, the results weren't so pleasant. Strange things tended to happen, like random bee attacks, destruction of property, or parasprites eating the town. And, of course, Pinkie Pie would mercilessly stalk the pony everywhere she went. It did no good to try and hide, or to run, for that matter. Somehow, just when you thought you were safe, she'd just pop up right next to you. Even going to the authorities wasn't an option. The Pink Terror had royal connections. No, the only solution was to play along and be rewarded with a nice party.

Hopefully, Tiara thought, Pinkie will get bored quickly and move on to harass someone else quickly. But until then, she'd have to play along. And maybe have an awesome party with scrumptious cake.

"Okay, Plan One Hundred and Twenty C. Let's do this! Now, where did I leave it?" Pinkie spun around, looking around the basement, tossing some piles of paper trying to find the elusive plan. "Ah-hah, now I remember!" She opened the icebox and pulled out a piece of paper. "Plan One-Twenty C! This one will be sure to work."

Diamond Tiara was almost afraid to ask, but she had to know. "Why did you keep that in an ice box?"

"So it'll be cooler, silly."

The answer made no sense to Diamond Tiara, but that wasn't an unusual thing when Pinkie explained things to somepony. Best to let it go, unless one wanted to end up in a mental hospital barking like a dog. "Okay, so what exactly is this plan?"

"Well, my research has shown that they'll like you if Rainbow Dash kisses you. I know, it sounds strange and mysterious, but that's what they like. Just be glad they don't want to ship you."

"Ship me? Does that mean go for a ride in an airship or something?"

"Sure, that could be part of it, but I don’t think it’ll fit in this plan." And with that, Pinkie Pie started to go over the latest plan. "Okay, I'm thinking the best method to handle this is to take care of Rainbow Dash after she's injured her wings. So that's step one!"

Diamond Tiara glanced around the room, looking for a clue as to how Pinkie Pie intended to accomplish that goal, because surely she couldn't be intending to just wait for Rainbow Dash to injure herself. Nothing seemed really suitable, until her eyes fixed on a sledge hammer. Was the crazy pony really expecting her to whack Dash's wings? How could anything good possibly come from that? She'd go to jail for sure. Perhaps it would be better for her to tell Pinkie Pie she didn't want to be her friend and get away before things go worse.

Pinkie Pie followed Diamond Tiara's gaze and giggled. "Oh, no, silly, that's just in case I need to smash a watermelon for comedic reasons. We're not actually going to hurt Rainbow Dash. She's my friend and I'd never hurt my friends. No, we'll float up to her in my balloon— Hey, that's practically an airship! —while she's taking her after pre-afternoon-nap nap, douse her with knockout gas, move her to a safe place, slap some bandages on her, and tell her she got hurt. No actual harm done. And we'll do it on Friday, so we'll have the entire weekend before she's missed."

Diamond Tiara looked at Rainbow Dash. The cyan pegasus lay on her back in a bed at her family's lakeside vacation house. Both wings were in casts. One of Dash's forelegs was also encased and suspended by wires hanging from a frame. Her other legs were strapped down, to keep her restrained.

Tiara shuddered. She was going to wind up in jail, like some common criminal. She should never have agreed to this. But then she thought back to what Pinkie had said, that she would never hurt her friends. Had she just been imagining Pinkie stressing the word friends? Did that mean that Pinkie would hurt those who she didn't consider friends? Could she afford to take the risk? No, best not to, at least not yet. Surely between daddy's connections and pleading Pinkie Pie she'd get off with nothing more than a slap on the hoof if it all went wrong. Besides, if those stories were right, this would be a snap, after all, how could anyone possibly resist her charm?

She noticed her patient starting to stir. A leg twitched, tried to move, but found itself unable to do so due to the restraints. It tried again, harder, but still found itself unable to move. Dash's eyes shot open in a panic and she lifted her head to see why her leg couldn't move.

Tiara placed a hoof on her captive's chest. "Relax, it will all be okay. You, um, got hurt. I had to, like, bandage you up."

Rainbow Dash rubbed the bandage on her head and winced in pain. "Ugh. What happened? The last thing I remember was taking a nap on a cloud."

If there was one thing Diamond Tiara hated, it'd be Apple Bloom. However, Diamond Tiara would never limit herself to just one thing when she could get multiples and that included what she hated. And on the rather long list, just below bunny suits but quite a bit above pumpkin pie was air shows. They bored her. By her way of thinking, if you've seen one set of pegasi fail to crash into each other repeatedly, you've seen them all. But Pinkie had said that to get Dash interested, they'd need some common ground. Or air, in this case. She decided it was time to feign interest just like if it was one of Miss Cheerilee's lectures on being nice to everypony, and the best way to do that would be to talk like Scootaloser. That filly just wouldn't shut up about her idol.

"Well, I was watching you do some awesome rolls and loops and stuff, with, uhm... some dives and then a reverse Immelmare and it was so cool. Then you flew up really high, causing clouds to spin all around and then dove toward the ground, punching through the clouds, the last one quite low making me all scared that you were going to crash into the ground."

"And I did?" asked Dash, fearing that she'd somehow messed up something that basic.

"Nope. But you couldn't see a deer and her fawn that were below where your move ended and so you had to swerve with super pony speed to try to avoid hitting them and that caused you to lose control..."

"And then I crashed?"

"Oh, no, you recovered, and looked back to see if they were okay."

"And were they?"

"Totally. You, like, completely avoided them."

"Hah, I knew I did! I'm just that awesome." Dash had a smug and satisfied look on her face.

"And then you ran into a tree."

As soon as she said it, Diamond Tiara knew she should not have. It had been instinct: see a self-satisfied look upon a face, and wipe it out of existence with a well placed barb. And it had worked perfectly, but alas, it was not the effect she wanted at this moment. Her mind raced. She could salvage this. She knew she could. Words poured out of her.

"But it was the most awesome crash ever! You flew headfirst right through the tree and left an awesome hole in it and chunks flew out in every direction, trailing rainbows. And then the tree exploded in, like, every direction. Kerplow! Boom!"

Success. Rainbow's look of idiocy was back. How anyone could be proud of how they ran into a tree, Tiara did not know, but maybe simple minds had to draw satisfaction from simple things.

"Headfirst, huh? I guess that explains why my head aches so badly."

"Yep, that certainly would explain it," she said. No, not really, you stupid clown mane; the headache was just a side effect of the knockout gas.

"But don't worry, I'll take good care of you." She winked coyly at the pegasus.

"Well, thanks. And, um, speaking of that... "

"Yes?"

"Well, I sort of need to go."

Diamond Tiara felt a surge of panic. She couldn't let Dash go yet. She had to keep her here for the plan to work so Pinkie would leave her alone. "Go? You can't go anywhere in your current state."

"No, not leave. Go, you know... go." The pegasus blushed.

A look of realization and horror dawned on Diamond Tiara's face. "Maybe I should kill her," Diamond Tiara mumbled under her breath, thinking of Pinkie Pie and the mallet. She thought better of it though. It would take forever to get the blood and brain matter out of her mane. Still, as Tiara looked around for a bedpan, she swore to herself she was so going to find some way to make Pinkie Pie pay, sooner or later. Just do all this so you'll get a kiss; easy as pie. Yeah, right. As if anyone in Ponyville didn't know how hard Pie could be to deal with.

Diamond Tiara screamed in frustration as another pot boiled over. She hated cooking. Slicing veggies, baking breads, and watching pots was something ordinary ponies did. Special ponies had a far better way to prepare food: They had it done for them by ordinary ponies. Preferably ordinary ponies whose purpose in life was to make food for their betters. But, alas, it was the rare kidnapping that came with catering.

On the bright side, the weekend was almost over. It hadn't been a fun weekend for Tiara. Nothing to do all day, every day, but fake interest in mostly boring topics. Daring Do, Wonderbolts, Rainbow Dash, the weather. Yes, the weather. Not as conversation opener, but as an actual topic. And the sad part was that was actually one of the more interesting topics. Not the most interesting topic. No, that was pranking, a topic from which she'd gotten some good ideas to try on the blank flanks. But despite of all that time spent and her subtle hinting that Pinkie had sworn would work, there had been no spark of interest from Rainbow Dash that Tiara had noticed.

Now, it was Sunday evening, and she was running out of time. Later tonight, she'd have to go back home Her dad was expecting her, and she had school tomorrow. Tonight she needed to step it up a notch, she decided. She had to be less subtle. Romantic dinner and candles. Get that kiss and be done with this crazy Pinkie plan. And so she was attempting to cook up something fancy.

All things considered, it wasn’t going too badly though. The results looked at least somewhat like the pictures in the cookbook, and she’d only thrown away two pans so far. She looked inside the pot that had just boiled over. Okay, one pot, two pans, she thought as she dumped it in the garbage. She sighed. What she had would just have to do. She arranged it as best she could on a pair of plates, added some garnish, and carried the tray to the bedroom.

“About time, I’ve been waiting forever. I’m starving,” Rainbow Dash said as Tiara entered. Her stomach supported the statement with a rumble.

“Sorry, it took longer than expected; I wanted to make something extra special. Enjoy.” She set down the tray on the bed.

While Dash poked around at the food on her plate, Tiara busied herself lighting candles around the room, trying to create the right ambiance. When she finished, she watched as the pegasus tried unsuccessfully to cut off a portion of what was supposed to be quiche with a knife. The pseudo-quiche slid away from the knife repeatedly, as Dash lacked the use of a second hoof to hold it in place. The filly suppressed a giggle at the cyan pony’s increasing frustration, before extending a hoof to take the knife away from Rainbow.

“Here, let me do that.” Diamond Tiara sliced off a piece off and fed her patient a bite. Diamond took a deep breath, doing her best to convince herself that she could do this. She just need to say the right thing and she would be free. Looking Rainbow Dash straight in the eyes, she took the plunge. "I love the way your eyes shine in the candle light."

Dash’s eyes narrowed as something that Diamond Tiara assumed was probably a novel occurrence happened. She could watch the gears churn slowly, and then it happened. Rainbow Dash had a thought. "Tiara, you are trying to seduce me?"

"Huh?" Tiara asked, doing her best to look innocent. She was about as convincing as a puppy caught curled up in the shredded remains of what used to be a pillow.

Rainbow Dash's eyes shot wide open. "You are, aren't you?"

"Maybe..." Tiara looked away and down to the ground, slightly shrugging her shoulders, before turning to look back at Dash and asking hopefully, "Is it working?"

Rainbow Dash's eyes returned to their normal size as she laughed. "Look, kiddo, I'm flattered. I really am. I can totally see why someone would have a crush on someone as awesome as me. If I were you, I'd probably have a crush on me too. But this isn't my thing. I mean, for starters, I'm totally focused on getting into the Wonderbolts right now, I don't have time for a relationship."

Diamond Tiara breathed a sigh of relief. "That's okay, Rainbow Dash. I don't want a relationship either. Just a kiss. That way Pi—"

Rainbow Dash held a leg up, cutting Diamond Tiara off. "That's just... eeeew. I mean, you're way too young. And it wouldn't happen even if..." Dash's eyes slowly narrowed.

Diamond Tiara watched shifting facial expressions as pieces fell into place. One of the advantages of dealing with a pony who was both blunt and not the fastest train on the tracks was that it was rather easy to figure out what was going through their mind. And so Diamond Tiara watched as Rainbow Dash's brain started to put together all the things she'd previously just accepted. An accident she couldn't remember. Injured, but this filly just happened to know how to fix her up, all while stuck in a remote location. And now a romantic overture. And though not a word was said, Diamond could follow every thought.

"Oh-oh,” she uttered, pulling back in preparation for what was to come..

Rainbow Dash sat up as much as the restraints let her, poking Diamond Tiara with a foreleg. "You, you planned all this, didn't you? Am I even hurt? I'm not, am I? You kidnapped me just as part of some sicko plot to seduce me?"

Diamond Tiara reared up, throwing down the fork. "Hey, this, like, so wasn't my idea. Do you think I want my first kiss to be with someone like you? A moronic cloud pusher whose idea of good literature is a series of kid's books and whose dream job involves flying around in little circles?" The little filly grew increasingly irate as she spoke, her manner becoming more aggressive, and soon she shifted from defense to attack, batting Dash’s leg away. Her face inches away from the pegasus, she continued, "Well, let me tell you, the answer to that is no. No, no, NO! But I've got to get you to kiss me so that's what you're going to do. You don't like it, I don't like it, but it is going to happen. So just kiss me already!"

"You're insane." Dash shoved the filly away with her foreleg, sending her crashing into the wall. Quickly, she gathered her strength and tore free of the restraints. Clambering out of the bed, she latched her teeth onto the cast on her foreleg, attempting to rip it apart. The cast resisted her best efforts though and, seeing Tiara shake off her tumble, Rainbow Dash decided now would be a good time to vacate the area, and she blitzed out the door.

"Come back! I was going to let you go tonight anyway. For real!" Diamond Tiara yelled after the rapidly retreating Dash. Tiara gave a deep sigh. As she had expected, this was ending badly. But she wasn't prepared to give up just yet. With a determined grimace, she quickly extinguished the candles, then set out after her prey.

Dash leaned against the building, trying to catch her breath. Ordinarily, getting away from a filly would have been no problem, but with her wings tied up and her leg hindered by the bandages, it was all she could do to stay ahead. She peaked around the corner, looking for her pursuer and a place to hide. Just ahead she saw Sugercube Corner and, more importantly, a light on upstairs. Pinkie; Pinkie will help! she thought, and set off, determined to reach the safety of Pinkie Pie's room before that crazy filly caught up to her again.

Behind her, she heard a shout as her pursuer caught sight of her. She increased her speed, shouldered open the door and raced up the stairs. Rainbow Dash burst into Pinkie Pie's room, grabbed hold of Pinkie and shouted, "You've got to help me! She's crazy, crazy! She's convinced I'm supposed to be her girlfriend or something!"

The sound of hooves striking the wooden stairs echoed up into the room, getting nearer, until finally the filly stood in the doorway, breathing heavily from her exertions, her tiara askew upon her head. Diamond Tiara raised one forehoof and pointed it towards Rainbow Dash, exclaiming, "You. Will. Kiss. Me!"

Rainbow Dash's eyes frantically scanned the room, looking for a way out. She tried to take a step backwards, away from the crazed filly, only to find her way blocked by Pinkie Pie. "Wait, you... you are in on it too?"

"I got her, Diamond!" Pinkie Pie called out as she grabbed hold of Rainbow Dash. "Go for the kiss!"

Rainbow Dash struggled futilely against Pinkie Pie's grip as Diamond Tiara slowly closed the distance. The young filly was panting heavily, and her face was scrunched with revulsion as she got ever closer. Rainbow Dash tried to turn her head away, but Pinkie held it in place. Giving in to the inevitable, Rainbow Dash closed her eyes, but she could feel the filly getting closer and closer. It would just be a few more seconds. Three. Two. One. And then she felt something contacting her lips. Something… hard?

Carefully, she opened one eye to see Pinkie Pie's hoof interposed between Diamond Tiara and her heads. The filly had had her eyes closed as well, and Rainbow Dash watched as the filly jerked her head back at the unexpected solidity of the contact.

The iron grip restraining Rainbow Dash released, and Rainbow Dash stumbled backwards, to see Pinkie Pie rolling on the ground.

"Best. Prank. Ever!" Pinkie Pie uttered between bouts of laughter. "You should have seen the look on your face, Dashie! Thanks for the help, Diamond."

Diamond Tiara's jaw nearly hit the floor, while her tiara nearly hit the ceiling, propelled by a wave of anger. "A prank? This was all a prank? You had me kidnap somepony as a prank?"

"Yup," Pinkie Pie said, nodding her head rapidly.

"But all that stuff you said… What about THEM?" Diamond Tiara asked.

"Oh, I just made that up, silly. Did you really believe anypony could dislike you? I just needed you to believe if you were you going to fool a master prankster like Dashie. But don't worry, I'll throw you a killer party to make up for it. Matter of fact, I'll start planning it right this second!" Pinkie Pie said. With that, she wished the two ponies good night and shut the door behind them. Shaking her head, she chuckled to herself. "Geez, believing somepony would want to watch our boring ol' lives."

Author's Note

Part of a story I was writing almost three and a half years ago. Wasn't even on GDocs, as at the time I just wrote using Wordpad. The story was supposed to revolve around Pinkie Pie getting Diamond Tiara to do various things that other more popular ponies do in an attempt to get popular. Messing with various tropes, that sort of thing. Never really got that far along, other than one chapter, and that's probably for the best. But Diamond pursuing Dash definitely seems like the sort of thing Diamond would never do, so I reworked the intro and that chapter a bit to be a better fit, and here we are. My apologies for it still being a bit rough.
- Mudpony

Prompt 12: Diamond, Please - Yukito

Diamond Tiara squinted as she gently moved her club back-and-forth, lightly tapping it against her golf ball each time. She was just one shot from par, but quite a distance from the hole. She had to take this carefully…

“You can’t just inch it to the hole like that,” Silver Spoon said.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Diamond said nonchalantly as she tapped the ball again.

“I can see what you’re doing. Either swing already or I’m marking you down as ten strokes.”

Diamond Tiara growled. “Fine.” She hit the ball, watching as it moved swiftly towards the hole on a straight line, hitting the hole and… going over it ever-so-slightly. “OH COME ON!” she shouted as she threw her club to the ground. “Every time! I swear this game is RIGGED!”

“At least you’re not knocking it into other holes,” Silver Spoon pointed out, backing away from the angry filly who picked up her ball and slammed it into the hole. “… So that’s one over par for this hole…”

“How many more are left?” Diamond Tiara asked as she recovered her ball.

“Two more, plus the free shot one.”

“And then what? Daddy said he’ll be done by about four.”

Silver Spoon shrugged. “Well there are plenty of things to do around here. We’ll just look around to see what there is.” Diamond opened her bag and pulled out a glass bottle from inside. “Is that the drink your dad packed you? Why is it in a glass bottle?”

“I don’t know. Cultural differences?” Diamond twisted the cap off of the bottle and drank the liquid inside, her eyes shooting wide open as she quickly pulled the bottle away and swallowed. “Yuck! Is this what juice in Californeigh taste like?”

Filthy Rich was in heaven. Warm sun, warm sand, beautiful mares in revealing swimsuits, and not a single peep from his demanding little princess or his high-strung lawyers causing even more of his hairs to turn grey.

The stallion sighed pleasantly and reached for his bottle of fine cider. He was confused when he felt a plastic bottle in his bag and pulled out what he found to be a bottle of grape juice. “This is Diamond’s… But if I have this, then Diamond has my…

Diamond hiccuped again as she tapped the ball, watching as it steered off to the left and hit the rock wall. “STUPID BALL! I SAID GO RIGHT. RIIIIIIIIGHT!”

“Diamond, you know that you’re yelling to a ball, right?” Silver Spoon asked.

“Well it’s doing all the things wrong!” Diamond retorted. “The hole’s that way but the ball keeps going this way! Why would I tell the ball to go this way?! Clearly the ball is doing it on its own!”

“The ball is… moving on its own…”

Diamond Tiara nodded. “Yes!”

“… Maybe we should stop. I don’t think you’re enjoying this game very much.”

“No!” Diamond yelled. “I’m not gonna let a ball beat me! It’s fine, I got this.”

“But you’re already at eight strokes for this hole. Even if I get ten next hole and you get a hole-in-one, you won’t-”

“Ssssssssssh!” Silence fell between the two fillies for a few uncomfortable seconds. “I must… concentrate…” Diamond Tiara aimed for the hole, pulled back her club, and swung… and hit the ball into the water hazard past the hole. “AaaaaaAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!”

Silver Spoon removed her hooves from her ears and looked around nervously. She was so thankful that there was nopony else around. “Diamond, please-”

“One more putt!” Diamond declared as she ran over to the water where her ball was. “Siiiiiil! Get my ball for me!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Silver Spoon sighed as she placed her own ball, club and the record sheet down and once again reached into the water for the ball.

Behind Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara chugged the last of her juice that had actually started to taste better the more she had drank it. She then hiccuped again.

Filthy Rich rushed into the reception area of the minigolf course where he had left the two fillies earlier that day. The same mare that was minding the counter before was still there, blowing bubbles with her bubblegum and reading a magazine with a rock band on the cover with a bored expression on her face.

“Excuse me, ma’am. I was here earlier with my daughter and her friend and I was wondering if they-”

“Little pink kid with the crown and grey kid with the glasses?” the mare asked before blowing another bubble.

“Yes! Are they still here?”

“They left,” the mare responded after her bubble popped. She then resumed her chewing in silence for a few seconds.

“Well… do you know where they went to, at least?”

“Dunno. The tipsy one said somethin’ about carts though.”

“‘Tipsy one’?” Filthy Rich asked in a concerned tone.

“Yeah, the pink one. She looked like she was walkin’ on two legs.”

Filthy Rich gulped. “Y-You said something about carts? Where might a place like that be around here?”

“Uhhh… Oh. There’s a go-kart track down that way,” the mare said, pointing a hoof behind her. “It’s next to the big climbing wall thingy.”

“Climbing wall thingy. Got it,” Filthy Rich said with a nod before heading out. He then came back a second later and examined the mare behind the counter. She looked to be… about in her thirties, late-twenties at least, and she wasn’t hard on the eyes. “Say, I don’t suppose you-”

“Already got a coltfriend,” the mare said.

“Then thank you again for your help,” Filthy Rich said before running back outside.

Silver Spoon stared in confusion as her friend continued to giggle seemingly at nothing for what must have been five minutes now. Every time it seemed that Diamond Tiara was starting to calm down, suddenly the laughter rekindled and it was starting to test the limits of Silver Spoon’s patience.

Finally Diamond’s giggles quieted down enough for Silver Spoon to ask, “What are you laughing at?”

“Your name,” Diamond Tiara said through her laughter, “And your cutie mark… are the SAME! PFFT BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” And just like that, Diamond Tiara was down on her back again kicking her legs in an explosive fit of laughter.

“Uh, so is yours?” Silver Spoon pointed out, which seemed to silence Diamond immediately.

Diamond stood up at stared at her friend in shock for a few seconds. “… Oh my gosh, IT ISH!” Diamond’s laughter returned in full force. “DIAMOND TIARA! SHILVER SPOON! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”

Silver Spoon looked around and shied away from the strange looks pointed towards them from the nearby ponies. “Di, please stop. You’re really freaking me ou-”

“Hey, go-karts!” Diamond suddenly shouted, racing past Silver Spoon and jumping over the small fence surrounding the go-kart track.

“Diamond, you can’t-”

“It’s okay! I’ll get ush shome wheels!” Diamond assured her friend as she ran out onto the course, intercepting the path of an incoming filly in her go-kart, who screamed before steering quickly to the left, crashing into the wall of tires and coming to a complete stop. Diamond approached the filly and said, “You should be more careful! Driving ish dangerous, y’know?”

The filly unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the go-kart, crying as she ran towards the fence when an older mare with a concerned look on her face was waiting.

“Thanksh!” Diamond waved to the filly before getting into the go-kart. “Now lesshee…”

“Hey, you!”

Diamond looked up to see two stallions running towards her, one blowing a whistle and both looking very angry. “You’ll never take me alive!” Diamond Tiara proclaimed as she stomped on the left pedal. The go-kart responded by shooting backwards at full speed, riding up the hill behind it and flying into the air, over the fence, and landing on the ground outside. Diamond blinked a few times before a smile consumed her face. “That wash AWESOME!”

“Diamond, are you okay?!” Silver Spoon asked as she raced to her friend. “Oh my gosh, your hoof!”

Diamond looked at her right forehoof to find that it was fine. She then checked her left, then her left hind hoof, and finally found what her friend must have been concerned about. She was bleeding. “Eh, it’ll wash right out…”

“You two, stop right there!” a stallion shouted as he hopped the fence and ran towards the two.

“You can’t catch me! I’m Diamond Tiara Dashles! Er, I mean, the other way ‘round!” Diamond jumped out of her go-kart and ran away, tripping over falling onto her face in the process. She felt a hoof grab her left foreleg and found herself being pulled up by a very angry-looking stallion. At the same time, she felt something slip off of her head and heard a ‘clang’ on the ground.

“You’re coming with us!” the stallion said.

Diamond ignored his words though as her focus turned to the shiny tiara sitting on the ground. Diamond tried to reach for it but her reach was impaired by the hold of the stallion behind her. With her choices limited and her brainpower not up to its usual scratch, Diamond Tiara settled for the only plan she could conjure up at that time. “WaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

“H-Hey! Calm down!” the stallion pleaded, loosening his grip and allowing the filly to fall to her haunches as she bawled her eyes out in the centre of the gathering crowd. “Can somepony bring this kid a lollipop or… something?!”

Silver Spoon watched the respect she held for her friend dwindle to nothingness before her very eyes. With a solemn sigh and a shake of her head she decided to simply resign herself silently to the park’s security.

By the time Filthy Rich arrived at the go-kart track, news of the loud pink filly causing a ruckus had already spread throughout the park and reached his ears. When he silently reported to the staff that he was said filly’s father, the security detail escorted him to the day care that was holding her and Silver Spoon.

He prayed that she hadn’t caused even more trouble in the meantime. When he finally got there, what he saw was worse than anything he could have ever imagine. His daughter was wearing a lampshade on her head, a loose tie around her neck, and she was dancing on top of a table whilst singing a song that most certainly did not match the barnyard jingle that the cassette tape behind her was playing.

“I like blank flanks and I cannot lie! You other fillies can’t deny!”

“She’s been like this for fifteen minutes now,” the day care teacher reported to the distraught father. “Her friend is in the next room receiving therapy.”

“Where did she even get those things?”

“She asked for them. She said ‘I don’t know why, but I feel I need them’.” The day care teacher simply shrugged. “She also asked for a kebab but I don’t know anywhere around here that sells them. I just gave her a piece of candy. I don’t think she even knows what a kebab is.”

“Diamond, honey-”

“DADDY!” Diamond Tiara hopped off of the table and ran into her father’s hooves. “Daddy, I had the beeeeeeeeeeest day ever! I got to play golf, and ride a c-car! And uh… I played golf! Oh, wait, I said that.” Diamond giggled at her own foolishness. “Daddy! I got my licence today! I’ll drive ush home!”

“T-That’s fine, Diamond. We’ll walk.” Filthy Rich raised his head as he saw Silver Spoon walking towards them from the other room. “Are you okay? I’m terribly sorry about this.”

“It’s fine,” Silver Spoon said. “I’ll just repress this memory for the rest of my life and so long as we never speak of this again, we’ll be fine.”

“SILVY!” Diamond Tiara hugged her friend and gave her a big kiss on the lips. “You’re my beshtest friend, but don’t tell anyone I shaid that!”

Filthy Rich looked uncomfortable as he watched Silver Spoon wipe her lips. “Repressing the memory… Repressing the memory…”

Whilst Silver Spoon did her little chant, Diamond Tiara tugged at her father’s leg, gathering his attention. “Daddy, can you carry me?”

Filthy Rich fully intended to do so and quite frankly was happy that he wouldn’t have to deal with any protests from his daughter. Smiling, he knelt down and allowed her to climb onto his back. As he stood up, he turned to the day care teacher and the security pony and said, “I’m truly sorry about all this, she-”

“It’s fine,” the day care teacher said. “We’re used to foals having too much sugar and getting out of hoof.”

“At least the damage to the go-kart wasn’t too severe, and the parent of the filly driving it isn’t pressing any charges.”

Filthy Rich shifted his eyes about nervously. “Yes, a sugar rush. That’s exactly what this is.” Clearing his throat, Filthy Rich motioned for Silver Spoon to follow him. “Well then, let’s get this energetic little filly to bed before she crashes.”

A loud snoring sound from the father’s back told him that it was already too late for that. Diamond Tiara was already out cold. He left with Silver Spoon and explained to her that Diamond’s ‘juice’ was simply high in sugar, and that Diamond Tiara had what was called a ‘sugar rush’. Thankfully she seemed to buy it, and it turned out that this particular little secret would be one that Filthy Rich would take to his grave.

As the two walked, Filthy Rich learned that Diamond had only drunk one-and-a-half of the three bottles he had mistakenly put into her bag. This news brought about a shocking realisation for the stallion. ‘My daughter’s a lightweight…’

Diamond Tiara awoke with a groan. Her head was pounding, her body was hot and sweaty, the room was shaking, the birds were louder than usual, and she could smell something that she knew was herself, but was doing her best to deny.

“Diamond? Are you awake, sweetie?”

“Daddy?” Diamond asked, clearing her throat after hearing her own groggy voice. “W-What happened? Where am I? What about the golf and-”

“It’s okay. Just relax,” Filthy Rich said, offering his daughter a glass of water that she drank steadily. “Diamond, there’s something that we need to talk about.”

Diamond gulped as she swallowed her mouthful of water and looked up towards her dad. “There is?”

Filthy Rich nodded. “It’s a little early, but I need to teach you something about ‘hangovers’.”

“‘Hangovers’? What’s-” Diamond stopped suddenly as she felt something rushing up her body, from her stomach and approaching her mouth very quickly.

“Bathroom is down the hall and to the right,” he said. His daughter was off just as soon as she placed her glass down and slammed the door behind herself. “… Right. No more drinking on vacation,” the stallion told himself as he walked over towards his suitcase and opened it up, revealing the treasure trove of alcoholic beverages inside. One-by-one, Filthy Rich collected the bottles and poured them down the sink. “… She’s been in there a while. Probably passed out on the seat.”

Filthy Rich’s suspicions were proven false as he heard the bathroom door open behind him. Turning around, the stallion found his daughter approaching him with a horrified look on her face. “I… kissed Silver Spoon…” Filthy Rich nodded, and then she passed out.

Prompt 12: Diamond Tiara Goes to Tartarus - Mattricole

“Well… Can’t say I saw this coming,” Diamond Tiara muttered. She was in the middle of a barren wasteland, set ablaze by raging infernos, gigantic monsters, and dancing penguins.

“It’s… not that bad,” Apple Bloom replied, wiping sweat from her brow. Diamond Tiara turned and glared at Apple Bloom.

“We’re in Tartarus.”

“At least it ain’t Prance,” Apple Bloom muttered. “Imagine how much ya would have hated that!”

“I like Prance! It’s a nice country!” Diamond Tiara yelled, resisting the urge to hit something. “Ugh, I should have known better than to try to rekindle our friendship,” Diamond Tiara muttered.

“Graaaagh!” A loud roar rang throughout the land.

“Shut up!” Diamond Tiara yelled back as she threw a rock, causing the beast to cry out in pain.

“...That wasn’t very nice,” Apple Bloom scolded.

“We’re in Tartarus! Do you really think this is the time to be nice?!” Diamond Tiara threw another rock at the whimpering beast. “Hey, this is kinda fun!” she giggled.

“Will ya stop throwing rocks and help me figure a way out of this?” Apple Bloom asked, earning a groan from Diamond Tiara.

“Ugh, fine!” Diamond Tiara yelled.

“Good. Now, let’s explore a bit. Maybe we’ll find a portal or somethin’,” Apple Bloom muttered as she began walking away.

“Here’s hoping,” Diamond Tiara muttered as she looked at the howling beast. After a few seconds of debating with herself, she shrugged her shoulders with a smile. “Eh, what the heck,” she mumbled as she threw another rock at the creature, knocking it down a nearby cliff. “Score!” Diamond Tiara cried with a hoof pump.

After a few minutes of wandering around the waste, not finding anything useful, the two decided to set up camp inside a large skeleton of what appeared to be a dinosaur.

“Ah wonder if it’s one of them stegosauruses Miss Cheerilee taught us about?” Apple Bloom wondered aloud.

“I wonder if you can actually play the xylophone on its ribs!” Diamond Tiara said as she started banging on the ribs, resulting in no music. “Tch, figures,” she grunted in annoyance.

“Ya actually thought it would work?”

“Why not?! It works in cartoons!” Diamond Tiara yelled in annoyance. She picked up a nearby stick and whacked the ribs once more. Sadly, it made the same thunking noise as before. “Grr. Stupid bones!” she yelled as she kicked one of the ribs, causing the skeleton to scream in pain.

“...Ah don’t think that was a good idea,” Apple Bloom muttered as the skeleton raised from the ground and...probably glared at them.

“...Good job, Apple Bloom,” Diamond Tiara reprimanded with a glare. “You just had to annoy a possessed skeleton, didn’t you?!”

“Yer the one who kicked it!”

“And you’re an idiot! Therefore, it’s your fault!”

“Graaaah!” the skeleton roared, gaining the attention of the two fillies.

“...We should really start running right now, right, Diamond Tiara?”

“...”

“...Diamond Tiara?” Apple Bloom called out, finding her companion was no longer there.

“It was nice knowing you!” she faintly heard from behind. Apple Bloom slowly turned and saw Diamond Tiara had run off without her.

“...Ah really don’t like her,” Apple Bloom muttered.

“Rrraaaagh!”

“Aaaah!” Apple Bloom screamed as she quickly ran after Diamond Tiara. “Wait fer me!”

“Apple Bloom, what are you doing?! You’re supposed to be sacrificing yourself for the greater good!”

“No, ah’m not! Yer just trying ta save yer own skin!”

“Exactly! It’s the same thing!” Diamond Tiara yelled back. She quickly turned around, glaring at Apple Bloom as the farm filly and the skeleton quickly made their way towards her. “If you won’t do it willingly, then I’ll make you do it,” Diamond Tiara muttered as she picked up a nearby rock and threw it towards Apple Bloom...and missed.

“Graaagh!” the skeleton screamed as the rock destroyed one of its bony legs, causing it to fall over, its bones breaking apart and scattering all over the place. At the sight of this, Apple Bloom slowed to a trot as she gazed at the destruction and turned towards Diamond Tiara.

“Y-ya saved me,” she muttered.

“...And it was totally on purpose!” Diamond Tiara laughed loudly. Not what I had in mind, but that’ll do! “Well… That was an adventure,” Diamond Tiara muttered as she stared at the destroyed skeleton.

“Yeah. Good thing ya found that rock, right?” Apple Bloom asked with a smile, earning a smirk from Diamond Tiara.

“Heh. Even if I didn’t, that stupid skeleton didn’t stand a chance!”

“Why d’ya say that?” Apple Bloom asked with a hint of annoyance. Ah swear, she can be such an arrogant, pig headed--

“Because I have this!” Diamond Tiara shouted as she raised her hoof, showing off what appeared to be…

“Is that the Alicorn Amulet?!” Apple Bloom screamed in terror. “Why in tarnation do ya have that with ya?! Actually, how did ya even git it?!”

“I bought it from Zecora, duh,” Diamond Tiara said with annoyance. “She’s a zebra. Zebras love gold. Heck, I’m pretty sure I saw her bathing in it a week ago… Kinda creepy,” Diamond Tiara said as she thought back to that fateful day. “Anyways, I digress. We could use this to make a portal back to our world.”

“Yeah! In exchange for one of us becoming evil!” Apple Bloom screamed as she waggled her hooves above her head. “Diamond Tiara, we gotta destroy it!”

“Destroy it?! I spent a week’s allowance on this thing! I’m not gonna destroy it!” Diamond Tiara yelled as she smacked Apple Bloom over the head. “Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“How about the enslavement of Ponyville?” Apple Bloom asked sarcastically.

“Enslavement of Ponyville?” Diamond Tiara muttered, images of everypony she knew covered in chains doing anything and everything she demanded of them. “...This amulet sounds better and better!” Diamond Tiara squee’d. “Now I’m totally gonna wear this!” Not a second later Diamond Tiara attached the amulet to her neck. A minute of silence hung over the two of them as neither one dared to speak.

“Uh...do ya feel any different?” Apple Bloom asked worriedly. Diamond Tiara slowly turned towards her with a scowl.

“No. No, I do not,” Diamond Tiara muttered as she removed the amulet and threw it on the ground. “Stupid amulet!” she yelled as she stomped on it repeatedly, utterly destroying the object.

“...Ah thought ya weren’t gonna destroy it?”

“Shut up!” Diamond Tiara screamed as she slapped Apple Bloom. “That is the last time I buy something from a zebra!”

“Diamond Tiara, will ya stop hitting me! Yer getting on mah last nerve!” Apple Bloom scolded, causing Diamond Tiara to roll her eyes in annoyance.

“Whatever,” Diamond Tiara muttered uncaring. She turned towards the burning landscape, scowling in annoyance. No matter how hard she looked she could not find a single fashion boutique. “Well, what do we do now? We’re still stuck in Tartarus with no way out.”

“Hmm...ah don’t know,” Apple Bloom said with a shrug. “Hate ta say it, but it looks like our vacation ain’t gonna be a vacation. We’re stuck.”

“Ugh, great!” Diamond Tiara yelled in annoyance. “You know this is your fault, right?!”

“How is this mah fault?” Apple Bloom asked in annoyance.

“How about the fact that you’re the one who suggested using a magic stone to teleport us to a vacation spot?!” Diamond Tiara asked, earning a nervous glance from Apple Bloom.

“W-well, ah-ah-uh…” Apple Bloom trailed off, trying to think of anything to make herself look innocent. Ugh, ah never should have used that magic stone ah ‘borrowed’ from Twi. Gave us nothing but trou… “Wait, that’s it!” Apple Bloom shouted as she withdrew the stone from her mane. “If we use the stone again, we might be able to git back to Equestria!”

“Apple Bloom, that’s brilliant!” Diamond Tiara said excitedly. “It’s a good thing I thought of it!”

“Wait, ah was the one who thou-”

“Hurry up and use it!” Diamond Tiara demanded as she stood next to Apple Bloom.

“Alright, jeez!” Apple Bloom growled as she slowly rubbed the stone, causing it to glow. A few seconds later the two of them were enveloped in a bright light and disappeared into thin air.

“Wow, it’s so huge,” Applejack giggled as she stared lovingly at Big McIntosh. “Guess our parents were right when they named ya ‘Big Mac’, eh?”

“Eeeyup!” Big McIntosh muttered, caressing his sisters cheek as she straddled his hips.

“Now, ah say lets git this show on the ro--” she was interrupted as a bright light lit up the room. “Aargh, what in tarna-”

“Applejack?! Big Mac?! What are ya’ll doing?!”

“Apple Bloom?!” Applejack screamed in shock as she jumped off of her brother. “Th-this isn’t what it looks like!”

“Oh...my...Celestia!” Diamond Tiara laughed as Apple Bloom stared in horror. “Bet you wished you stayed in Tartarus, huh?”

“...Yes. Yes, ah do,” Apple Bloom muttered as she slowly left the room with Diamond Tiara.

“Apple Bloom, wai--”

“No,” Apple Bloom interrupted. “Ah am going to mah room, and we’re gonna pretend this never happened, alright?” Apple Bloom asked, earning a nod from Applejack. “Good,” Apple Bloom muttered as she and Diamond Tiara left the room.

“...You know I’m gonna tell the whole class about this, right?” Diamond Tiara asked with a giggle.

“...Ah hate ya so much,” Apple Bloom said with a glare, earning a hug from Diamond Tiara.

“And I love you, my little blank flank!” Diamond Tiara said with a nuzzle, causing Apple Bloom to blush.

And they lived happily ever after...away from Apple Bloom’s family, who were a bunch of incestuous freaks.

The End.

Prompt 13: How The Diamond Tiara Got Her Cutie Mark - Yukito

The city of Ponyville! … Is not under attack, making it a perfect day for fathers and daughters to enjoy a lovely picnic in the park, go to the water park, invite their neighbours over for a barbecue, or perhaps even take a pleasant hike through the Whitetail Woods. Unfortunately for Diamond Tiara, her father is a workaholic. To him, ‘nice, sunny day’ equals ‘routine business inspection around the town’. And because Diamond Tiara was grounded for an accident that wasn’t her fault – her father should have looked before stepping onto a roller skate at the bottom of that stairs – she had no choice but to accompany him around the town.

His store was the first shop. Barnyard Bargains was an everything-you-need store, with the lowest prices you’d ever find around town. Of course, this was just one chain store out of many branches all over Equestria, but with Filthy Rich living in Ponyville, this was the main branch. He always spoke fondly of it, as if it was the straight-A achieving child he never had. To Diamond, it was a dusty old relic of a forgotten age. Would it kill to add a little colour or maybe some flowers?

Of course, waiting for one hour in a store of boring old junk whilst her father did an inventory check and other business-type things with his employee in the back wasn’t all the suffering Diamond Tiara had to put up with that day. Not by a long shot. After his inspection of his store was done, Filthy Rich wanted to check in on all of his partners around the town.

Sofas and Quills, Priceless Antiques, Do It Yourself Supplies, Home Gardening, The Pottery Shop… These were just a few of the partnerships Diamond Tiara’s father had forged over the years, and not a single one of these stores had anything fun to offer. No toys, no games, no flashy jewellery or pretty dresses, and the owners were all boring old stallions, too.

“Daddyyyyyy, can we go yeeeeeet?” Diamond Tiara whined, finally at the edge of her patience. “My hooves are tired!”

“Just one more stop, Diamond,” Filthy Rich said as he turned down a familiar narrow pathway, bringing a groan from Diamond’s throat.

“But Sweet Apple Acres is boring! They only have trees and dirt and pigs there!”

“Sweet Apple Acres was our company’s very first partner in trading, and Granny Smith is an old friend of mine whom I haven’t visited for a while. I just want to drop in to say ‘hi’ and then we can go.”

Diamond groaned. “Which means you’ll be there talking for hours,” she grumbled.

“Besides, they have a filly around your age.”

“Apple Bloom’s a dork. I can’t be seen playing with somepony like that!”

“Well then I guess you’ll just have to wait patiently,” Filthy Rich said simply. The two continued to walk until they arrived at the farmhouse, where Granny Smith and some old stallion Diamond didn’t recognise were rocking back-and-forth on the porch together and laughing over something.

“Oh, good evenin’, Filthy!” Granny Smith shouted as she waved to her guests.

“It’s ‘Rich’, Granny,” Filthy Rich replied.

“And that’s ‘Smith’ to you! Ah’m nopony’s grandma yet! … Oh, wait, ah guess ah am. But ah’ve still got as much life in me as any o’ you youngins!”

“It’s also afternoon,” Diamond Tiara muttered.

Granny Smith turned to the filly, who flinched and took a cautious step back. “Why, if it isn’t lil’ Vanessa!”

“Diamond,” Diamond Tiara corrected.

“How old are ye now-a-days?”

“Eight. Nine in three weeks.”

“How time flies… Oh! Where’re my manners? This here’s my old friend Apple Strudel!”

The stallion beside Granny Smith raised a shaky forehoof and waved to the two guests. “Hello there! Jolly nice to meet ya!”

“Likewise,” Filthy Rich said. “Gra- Smith, would you mind if we stepped inside to talk for a while?”

“Is it that time again? Ah suppose ah can spare a few minutes, if ya don’t mind waiting,” Granny Smith replied, turning to Apple Strudel.

“Not at all! Take all the time you need,” Apple Strudel said.

Granny Smith climbed out of her chair and escorted Filthy Rich inside. “Always ‘business, business, business’ with you. Y’all need ta learn t’ take things easy once in a while. Also, don’t call me ‘Smith’! Ah ain’t a stallion now, y’hear?”

And so Diamond Tiara was left alone outside, with the creepy old stallion before her rocking back-and-forth, staring down at the little filly with a wrinkly smile.

“Granny Smith! Guess what ah-” Diamond Tiara turned around to find the youngest Apple, Apple Bloom, running towards the porch. She came to a skidding halt just before Diamond Tiara, causing a cloud of dust to attack the pink filly’s coat. “Huh? Where’s Granny Smith?”

Diamond Tiara backed up whilst coughing heavily, dusting herself off before casting a glare at the other filly. “She’s inside with my daddy,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Oh… Well, ah can show her later. Hey, y’all wanna play hide-an’-seek while we wait?”

“No thanks,” Diamond Tiara replied in a dismissive tone. “I just got my mane and my coat groomed and they’ll get dirty if I play with the likes of you.”

Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes. “Ya don’t have ta be so mean about it,” she mumbled as she turned to leave.

Diamond Tiara huffed and also turned around, only to find the old stallion now standing directly behind her. With a yelp, Diamond Tiara took a few steps backwards, breathing heavily from the shock she just suffered.

“No need t’be shy! Go on an’ have fun with yer friend. Ah’ll let yer father know where y’are,” Apple Strudel said with a smile.

“She’s not my friend! We’re just in the same class, that’s all.”

“Well knowin’ Granny Smith, those two’ll be in there yammerin’ for a while. Y’should go an’ play, if’n y’don’t plan on bein’ bored for an hour or two.”

Diamond Tiara huffed. “No thank you. I’d rather be bored out of my skull than let myself be seen with the likes of her, or let my precious coat get all dirty from playing around in the mud.”

“Aah. One o’ those, eh? ‘Fraid of a lil’ dirt?” Diamond Tiara furrowed her brow and turn a light shade of red as the stallion guffawed loudly. “Well, how ‘bout y’come play with yer Uncle Strudel, then? Ah promise there’ll be no dirt.”

“You’re not my uncle,” Diamond Tiara said. “And old ponies are boring. All they do is tell dumb stories and sleep.”

Apple Strudel laughed even harder in response. “Not afraid ta speak yer mind, huh? Well, don’t you worry! This ol’ stallion still has some fun left in ‘im from his youth!”

Diamond Tiara sighed. “Well, I guess it’s better than just standing around doing nothing.”

“There ya go! Well then, let’s go find a nice spot to sit an’ play.”

Diamond Tiara raised an eyebrow. “‘Sit’? What are we playing?”

“Chess,” Diamond Tiara deadpanned, looking through her pieces to the stallion on the other side of the board. “Really?”

“Ever played before?” the stallion asked. “Ah’m somethin’ of an expert myself.”

“Of course I haven’t played before. I’m not a hundred years old!”

“Now now. Chess is a game that’s fun for all ages!” Apple Strudel said, though from Diamond Tiara’s pouting expression it didn’t seem to be convincing her. “Why not jus’ give it a chance, eh?”

“Ugh. Fine. But I can’t even see the board like this.”

Apple Strudel put a hoof to his chin and hummed in thought. The filly’s head was just about poking over the edge of the table. “Maybe ah should go an’ see if Granny Smith has any cushions y’can sit on.”

“That’s better!”

Diamond Tiara groaned from embarrassment at having to sit on a makeshift booster seat. “So how do we play?”

“It’s simple as apple punch!” Apple Strudel said. “The main goal is t’ take yer opponent’s king! The king is the piece with the large crown on its head!”

Diamond Tiara looked over her white pieces and picked up the largest one. “You mean this one?”

“Eeyup! The king can only move one space at a time, but can move in any direction! If it’s taken, y’lose, so protect it!”

“What are the small ones in the front?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Those’re yer pawns! They move one space forward, or two on the first move, and can only take diagonally!”

“‘Diagonally’?” Apple Strudel took two of his pieces and demonstrated a diagonal motion for the filly. “Ooooh.” Diamond looked at the two pieces in the corners of her side of the board. “These?”

“Rooks, more commonly known as castles! They can move any number of spaces up, down, left or right.”

“If they’re castles, why are they in the corners? Shouldn’t they be in front of my pieces?”

“Don’t worry ‘bout that. The pieces next t’em are yer knights.”

Diamond Tiara raised an eyebrow and lifted the two ‘knight’ pieces. “These? They look like lances. I thought the knight was the pony holding the lance, not the lance itself.”

“The knight can move only in an L-shape, an’ can jump over pieces! Like so…” Apple Strudel demonstrated the various movement patterns available to the knight piece with his own. “Follow?”

Diamond nodded and moved onto the next piece. “And this?”

“That’s yer bishop.”

“Okay, now you’re just making up words!”

“The bishop can move any number o’ spaces, but only diagonally.”

“So like the opposite of a rook?” Diamond asked, receiving a nod. There was just one more piece left… Almost as big as the king, and the top was decorated with a tiara that vaguely resembled her own. “Hey, this one has good tastes.”

“Ah, that’d be yer queen. Most powerful piece in the game that one. Can move any number o’ spaces, in any direction. Don’t let yer opponent nab that too quickly now!”

“Huh. This is pretty easy to understand,” Diamond Tiara said. “Okay, so who goes first?”

“That’d be white.” Apple Strudel watched as Diamond moved the pawn in front of her queen out one space. ‘It’s her fist time, so maybe ah should go easy on ‘er. Then again, mah teacher always said goin’ easy never helps anypony t’learn. Y’gotta let ‘em make a few mistakes here-an’-there.’ Apple Strudel moved out his left knight to begin. ‘Ah’ll see how she reacts to a piece or two taken first. Don’t wanna get her all riled up over a simple game.’

The game continued for several more moves. Apple Strudel noticed that Diamond copied many of his own movements at first, but slowly started to make her own moves, some of which were pretty good. “This isn’t so hard,” Diamond Tiara said as she made another move.

‘Hey now, she’s got the hang o’ this already. Is it really her first time?’ Apple Strudel made another move and waited to see how Diamond Tiara would react. He was once again pleasantly surprised by the move that she made. It was better than her had expected from a beginner.

“Ah suppose now’s a good time t’ teach ya about ‘castlin’’,” Apple Strudel said.

“What? You mean there’s more to learn?”

“Castlin’ ain’t too difficult t’understand. Look at the way my king and castle are spaced apart, with nothin’ between ‘em. In this kind of situation, ah can take mah castle an’ mah king…” Apple Strudel picked up the two pieces and move them, positioning the king behind two unmoved pawns and the castle to his right of the king. “Y’see? This’s ‘castlin’’.”

“Huh. Guess that explains why it’s a ‘castle’.” Diamond Tiara picked up her knight and moved it to the edge of the board, confusing her opponent.

‘That wasn’t a smart move. Guess her ‘beginner’s luck’ is wearin’ off.’ Apple Strudel prepared to punish her mistake by grabbing his bishop, but gasped as he realised something. He looked over the rest of the board, the position of Diamond’s pieces and his own. ‘No, wait! It’s a trap! If ah react t’this with my bishop, ah’ll be leavin’ myself open to an attack from the right! But if ah leave it, it’ll only become a problem later.’

“This is easy. There are only so many different good moves you can make.”

Apple Strudel’s jaw dropped. ‘T-That’s true, but that doesn’t jus’ apply t’ this turn. T’ truly outplay yer opponent, ya gotta think about all possible ways the game could play out many moves ahead, through branchin’ pathways! A beginner shouldn’t be able to think any further than two or three moves ahead, let alone a little filly.’

“Hey, hurry up.”

Apple Strudel hesitated for a moment before releasing his piece. “Alright, ah’ll concede this game,” he said, picking his pieces up and placing them back into their starting positions. Truth-be-told, ah was holdin’ back ta make sure y’understood how ta play. Now that we’ve warmed up, how ‘bout a real game?”

Diamond sighed. “Fine. But just one more. This is so boring.”

‘This time, ah won’t hold back,’ Apple Strudel thought to himself as the Diamond made her first move. ‘Ah wanna see if that really was just luck, or if she’s got some kinda gift at this game.’

A few moves were exchanged between them. Diamond Tiara seemed to know what she was doing, even if her moves were now taking a little longer than earlier to make. Diamond Tiara moved her queen out earlier than Apple Strudel was expecting and he responded quickly by going on the offence.

“Are you still going?” Diamond asked. “You can’t win now. I’ve beat you.”

“Game ain’t over yet,” Apple Strudel responded as the two exchanged one more move, then another, and then a third… and that was it. Apple Strudel was only in ‘check’, but no matter how he moved, Diamond’s next move would easily finish him off. ‘Impossible! What’s even more amazing is that she’s right! This game ended three moves back, but ah never even saw it! This filly did, though…’ “… OHOHOHOHOH! Ah guess you got me again! Very good game, er…”

“Diamond Tiara,” Diamond said.

“N-No, not that… There appears t’ be somethin’ on yer flank.”

Diamond Tiara raised an eyebrow and looked behind herself, and then gasped. Decorating her pink flank was a glorious image of a diamond-coloured tiara, much like the one adorned on her head. “M-My cutie mark! I got my cutie mark!”

Apple Strudel applauded the filly’s accomplishment. “Congratulations! Ah bet yer real happy right now, huh?” Diamond Tiara answered his question by squealing like a fangirl visiting the backstage of her favourite idol’s concert and running circles around the table, cheering ‘YES!’ over and over again. ‘An’ what a talent it is, too. Her first time playin’, an’ she not only understood this game easier than any beginner, but she beat me, even though I’ve won several tournaments back in the day! This filly… she could become the next ‘Queen of Chess’!’

“DADDY!” Diamond Tiara charged towards her approaching father, running circles around him much like she did the table before. “Daddy, look! I got my cutie mark! I got my cutie mark!”

Filthy Rich smiled brighter than he had all day. Stopping Diamond with a hoof so that he could get a good look, Filthy Rich leaned and said, “That’s incredible! Oh, I bet you must be so happy right now! Daddy’s big girl is growing up so fast!” Diamond Tiara took a step back after her father began to pet her head. “But what is your talent, Sweetie?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Diamond asked, with Apple Strudel smiling proudly behind her. “Clearly it shows I’m gonna be a star!” Apple Strudel’s face fell quickly. “I mean, I’ve always thought about becoming a model like Fleur Dis Lee, but now I know that that’s what I’m gonna become!”

‘N-No. That’s not right,’ Apple Strudel thought. ‘You got it while playin’ chess, so obviously-’

“Oh, I’m so proud of you!” Filthy Rich said as she hugged his daughter closely. “You know what? I’m going to overlook the roller skate incident and let you go show off your new cutie mark to your friend Silver Spoon!”

“Really?! Oh, thank you, Daddy! You’re the best!” Diamond Tiara cheered as she hugged her father.

“By the way, what were you doing out here with Mr. Strudel?”

“Oh, just playing some boring game.”

Filthy Rich rose to his hooves and looked over the chess board. “Ah, that takes me back. So, you’re into chess now, huh?”

Diamond gagged and shook her head. “Puh-lease! That game’s so lame! I’m never playing it again!”

Apple Strudel’s jaw hung open as he watched the happy father and daughter leave, wanting to call out to them but failing to find the words to do so. Finally, when the two were out of sight, the old stallion hung his head in defeat. “P-Please don’t let such wonderful talent go to waste …”

Prompt 13: Little Orphan Tiara - Mudpony

The pink-coated mare pursed her lips as she looked into the mirror. Reaching up, she made one last adjustment to her mane, making sure that the white stripes lay perfectly among the rest of her purple mane. Satisfied at last, she smoothed her dress. It was a peculiarity about her, that she always wore a dress. Nopony in Ponyville could recall ever having seen her without one. And always they were long dresses, coming close to sweeping the ground as she walked.

She turned and exited her room. At the top of the stairs, she stopped and looked around. She was going to miss the old place. It wasn't the fanciest place in town. Many would call it rundown, really. The stairs, for example, had several roughly hewn boards, replacements for the originals. But it had been her home for over a decade. It was part of her. But that was coming to an end.

The city had finally decided to cut support for the orphanage entirely, after years of budget cuts. The large, old building just cost too much to maintain. Today was the last chance for the foals in the care of the Stepping Stones Home for Orphans to find a family before the doors were shut for good. Tomorrow, she'd escort any remaining charges to the province's Children's Garden Orphanage. Provided there were any left, of course. With luck, there wouldn't be.

She had visited the other orphanage twice and had not been impressed in the slightest. Cramped, damp conditions that must be terribly cold in winter. A general lack of games and toys for the children. The play area was far too small and bare earth, rather than soft grass. Furthermore, no space was set aside for any earth pony orphan, or others, if they so desired, to garden in.

She really hoped that all her charges would be adopted before the end of the day, like so many of the former residents of the home had been.

Strangely enough, the ease of finding suitable homes for her charges had been part of the problem. The ponies of Ponyville were a generous lot, quick to lend a helping hoof. Thanks to that, the orphanage had one of the highest placement rates in all of Equestria. But that also meant that the building was far larger than needed, with many of its rooms sitting empty. A new, smaller building wasn't in the town budget, not with all the other things the growing town needed, and neither was renovating the existing building, to fix its myriad of issues..

And so Mayor Mare had at last made the decision to close the orphanage. She'd fought it as long as she could, for she herself had once resided within its walls, but ultimately, she'd had to bow to the inevitable. But before the doors closed for good, the caretaker was going to place as many of her charges with the good ponies of Ponyville as she could.

Looking down upon her charges, Care Taker, for that was her name, as well as her occupation, couldn't help but smile. They were a precious bunch, each with their own quirks, and they deserved to grow up with a family who loved them. Of course, with so many young ponies together in one place, they were also frequently a hooffull, prone to bickering and roughhousing when they should be on their best behavior. Like they were doing right now.

She looked over to the corner. There, the old pony everyone just called Granny sat in her rocking chair. She was here most days, sitting in her rocking chair. Often, she would tell the foals stories about when she was young. But just as often, she'd be asleep in her chair, like she was now despite the noise.

She shook her head slightly in amusement and stepped down the stairs. Once at the bottom, she rapped her hoof loudly against the wooden floor, it's planks smooth with the wear of years of little hooves. Silence fell over the room, as she captured the attention of all the foals.

"Children, you know you need to look your best today. No roughhousing, okay?"

"But this might be our last chance to play together," protested one of the fillies, a pegasus with an orangish coat and a dark pink mane.

"She started it," another filly pointed out, earning a glare from the pegasus.

"I did not ask who started it," Care Taker said. "Frankly, it doesn't matter. What does is that you look your best possible. You want to find a family, no?"

The pink filly thought it over for a second before answering with a flip of her two-tone mane. "Only if they're good enough. My family will be pretty, rich, and powerful, and buy me all the best toys. And lots of ice cream."

Care Taker sighed. This particular filly had been a bit of a… pain. Most of the time a visit from prospective parents involved them trying to decide which foal would best fit their family. And the foals themselves did their best to be that foal, eager to find a family of their own. With Diamond Tiara though, things were almost reversed, with the filly thoroughly grilling the visitors, before inevitably declaring them unfit. A shame really, Care Taker thought. If not for her attitude, families would line up around the block for the chance to adopt her, as cute as she was.

Care Taker had tried to bring the filly around. First, she'd explained that love mattered more than the tax bracket, because one couldn't buy happiness. Diamond Tiara had responded that she would just rent it then instead. Next, she'd tried to explain that a bird in the hoof was better than two in the bush. Surely the filly would see that a nice middle class family would beat living in the orphanage. Diamond Tiara, however, had not been keen on the idea of living in a smaller house. Other attempts had been similarly shot down. At last, Care Taker had decided to just take a waiting approaching, for surely time would lower the filly's high standards. But so far, it hadn't.

She made up her mind to try again, today, since it was the last day and all. But not just this second. She didn't have the time. The open house would start in just five minutes. Quickly, she worked her way through her charges, making adjustments to their manes and the occasional bit of clothing, as well as offering a quick bit of advice to several. She finished just as the bell chimed the hour.

"Okay, children, I'm going to bring the ponies interested in adopting in one couple at a time. So please form a single line in the middle of the room, facing the door."

She waited while they followed her orders, taking enjoyment from their hopeful chatting. Lining the children up like commodities to be purchased wasn't her usual way of dealing with adoptions. Normally, she'd provide a book with pictures of each foal, as well as some general info, and then arrange interviews with the foals that interested the couple. But today wasn't normal, and so the line.

She gave an encouraging smile at the foals, and opened the door. Her eyes widened at the line of ponies outside. The turnout was higher than she had expected. With this many, she'd be sure to place every foal. She glanced back over her shoulder at her charges, noting that Diamond Tiara had managed to sneak over to the dress up closet, procure her favorite gaudy toy necklace, don it, and return in the brief amount of time her back had been turned. Well, almost every foal.

Time passed, and couples came and went.

"We were hoping to adopt a pegasus."

"Too short."

"My husband and I have always wanted a little girl."

"They're farmers. No way I'm ruining my hooves. Next."

"How'd you like to be a chimney sweep? Oh. Well, how about a candy maker then?"

From talking with the couples, Care Taker learned that Mayor Mare had been the primary force responsible for the turn out. She'd held a town meeting and made a personal appeal to keep the Ponyville orphans in Ponyville.

"We've always wanted a pony with a white coat. It'd provide just enough contrast, but not too much."

"We are a perfectly normal pony couple and not something else looking for the one with the most tasty love to give."

"Diamond Tiara, you can't just reject every pony that comes in the door."

"My wife can't have foals, but we've always wanted a little unicorn of our own."

"A bakery? Like, no thanks. No way I'm getting up that early to make the donuts. Plus I'd totally get fat and that's just gross."

Care Taker felt the ends of her sanity start to fray, as couple after couple came in. It had always seemed to her that Ponyville had more than its share of crazy ponies. Today, they had apparently all decided to adopt a foal. Still, they weren't officially insane, and really, who was perfectly sane? So the adoption process went on.

"I don't suppose I can borrow one of each species so I can test the aerodynamic properties by dropping them off a tall building? I promise to use nets."

"Which ones have the fluffiest coats?"

"You know, Diamond, maybe if you gave them a chance…"

"Oh, I'm just here to count how many 'Yay, you've been adopted' parties I need to throw."

"He smells like jelly. Next."

At last, most of the foals had found a home. Just three remained. Looking them over, she frowned slightly. Unsurprisingly, the first was Diamond Tiara. And equally unsurprisingly, the second was the orange-coated pegasus. Her wings were too small, meaning she couldn't fly, and that had led to her being passed over several times. The last though was a bit of a shock. The pale purple-coated unicorn, with her blonde mane was one that Care Taker had expected to be among the first adopted. She was polite and cute as a button. She thought over all the other foals that had already been adopted, and couldn't help chuckling. Had any of them been left, she'd have been equally surprised.

Turning to the door, she looked over the next couple. A pair of earth ponies, and dressed in what was probably their finest clothing. From the look of it, a solid middle class family. And the way they leaned against each other, they would no doubt provide a loving a home. They had even brought along a gift to provide a quick start to the bonding process. Stepping aside, she gestured for them to enter.

The mare gasped as she entered, pointing to Diamond Tiara. "She's adorable!"

"She sure is," the stallion said. "And she's an earth pony, just like we wanted."

"I can't believe nopony else snatched her up and raced her home to cuddle her," the mare practically squealed with glee.

Diamond Tiara took a step forward, tilting her head as she examined the couple. Quickly, she walked a circle around them, while they tracked her with their heads. "Hmm… clothing is at least three years old. The style of her dress is at least twenty years out of date. Dog hair on his pants, and a bit of what I hope is drool as well. Oversized gift… probably compensating for a lackluster home. I'll pass." And with that, she returned to her place in line.

"Okay, now I believe it."

"How about that one?" the stallion suggested, pointing at the pegasus. "She's practically an earth pony."

"Hey!" the pegasus protested.

The mare looked at Diamond Tiara and then at the pegasus. With a nod, she turned to Care Taker and said, "We'll take her."

The pegasus glared at them. "What makes you think—"

"We got you a gift," the stallion said, offering the sizeable box to the pegasus.

"Okay!" the pegasus said, tearing into the box. "O-M-C! A scooter!" In a flash, she'd hopped onto the scooter and was racing around the room. The couple watched her go, their smiles growing with every second.

"Dang she's awesome. I think we should call her Scootaloo, if that's all right, dear?" The mare turned her attention away from the ecstatic filly long enough to nod, and the stallion turned to Care Taker. "Provided that's allowed, of course."

It was, and the couple filled out the necessary paperwork. And then there were two.

When Care Taker opened the door, and three ponies entered, arguing loudly about who had gotten their first. One side of the argument, a couple consisting of an earth pony mare and a unicorn stallion, insisted they were first because they were on the ground in front of the door, while the other, a grey pegasus, insisted that perching on a cloud above the door counted just as much.

Care Taker cleared her throat loudly, and a second time when the first didn't get her the ponies' attention. "I'm Care Taker and I run this facility. For another day, anyway."

"We'll take that one," the earth pony mare said, leaning to the side and pointing to Diamond Tiara.

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. "Does it look like I want to be a farmer? I don't think so." Seeing the mare's confusion, the filly explained. "Your hooves. They're all chipped and cracked in a way that screams 'I spend more time crawling around in muck than a pig'. And him… he works at the post office or something? Look at that ink on his hooves. So yeah, not happening."

"I'll have you know I am Written Script, the writer," the stallion protested.

"Oh, great, a starving artist." Diamond Tiara did her best to look sarcastically impressed. "That's so much better."

"Ha!" the pegasus declared. "Victory is mine!"

"Not with those eyes it isn't," Diamond Tiara decreed. "Kids would totally pick on me if I had a mom like that."

"Diamond Tiara!" Care Taker shouted. "Apologize at once!"

Diamond Tiara looked down at the floor, idly kicking at it with one hoof. "I'm sorry your eyes are all freaky-like, okay?"

"I like her eyes," the unicorn filly said softly.

"Dibs!" all three ponies called out, and then the argument over who had arrived first resumed, louder than ever.

After several minutes without any sign of either side backing down, Care Taker reared up and slammed both her hooves down so hard the floor cracked. Glaring at the three ponies, she snarled, "Seriously? Should I just cut her in half so you can share her? Or are you going to start acting like, oh, ponies responsible enough to be parents and figure something out in a polite manner?"

"What, should we just—" the mare started.

"Actually, she might have something there, Goldie," Written Script said, interrupting his wife. "With all my trips to Canterlot, and how busy you've been with breeding new varieties of carrots, maybe sharing is the way to go. I mean, if… what's your name, anyway?"

"Derpy."

"Right. If Derpy is up for it."

Derpy settled down on the ground and raised her hoof to her chin in thought. "Well, I'll admit I'm not really sure if I can be a full time single mom… But I have always so wanted a foal, so when the mayor asked…"

Care Taker, Written Script, Dinky, and the filly all waited on the golden mare's response. The mare turned to the filly and asked, "Would you like that, little one?"

"Two families… that sounds awesome."

"Then we'll do it," Golden Harvest said.

The little unicorn bounced up and down excitedly. "Yay, I got two sets of parents! I'm the luckiest filly ever!"

"More like one and a half," Diamond Tiara corrected.

"Yay, I got one and a half sets of parents! I'm the luckiest filly ever!"

"Well, I'm glad that's settled. I'll just go draw up the paperwork." Care Taker took a step toward her desk, then froze, her eyes shooting wide open. "Do we even have paper work for this?"

It turned out that they did. It had taken a bit of searching, but she eventually found it amongst forms for adopting dragons, being adopted by dragons, adopting the elderly, and having a rabbit become your legal guardian. Why anyone would ever want a rabbit to be their legal guardian, she did not know, but apparently at some point somepony had, and there was now a form for it.

With the happy couple and a half out the door, she let the next, and final, pair in.

"Howdy," the mare said, tipping her hat. "Mah brother and Ah are looking to adopt a sister for our sister. Somepony about her age."

"Eyup." That came from the biggest stallion Care Taker had ever laid her eyes on.

"Enope." That came, of course, from Diamond Tiara. "They smell like apples. He's got twigs in his mane. And look at the state of their hooves. And, seriously, is he chewing on a piece of straw?"

Care Taker brought her head in close to Diamond Tiara and whispered. "Um, Diamond… This is it. If you aren't adopted here, it's off to another orphanage, and I don't think you'll find it nearly as pleasant."

"You could just take me to Canterlot," Diamond Tiara said, not bothering to keep her voice down at all. "I bet Princess Celestia would take one look at me and adopt me on the spot." Turning back to the siblings, Diamond Tiara repeated herself. "Sorry, apple kickers, you lose. Good-bye."

"But Ah think you'd really like our sister. She's very nice and just dying to have someone her own age to play with while we're out in the fields."

Diamond Tiara held her head up and high and shook it back and forth vigorously. "I got standards. Like not saying 'ah' at any place other than the dentist's."

The sister took a step toward the filly. "Why you little…"

"How about that one?" the brother asked, pointing toward Granny, still asleep in her rocking chair.

The sister took her hat off, brushing her hoof along the inside. "Well, Ah suppose Apple Bloom would be happy with a grandmother, and given the slim pickings… We'll take 'er!"

"You can't just—"

"It's probably better than a nursing home," Diamond Tiara said. "What? I mean, yes, I'm sure your farm is…" She paused to search for the word. "...Rusty and all. But a nursing home is full of old ponies. They smell, you know."

"Eyup," the stallion said, walking over to the desk. He rifled through the papers, pulled out one form, and brought it over to his sister.

"Look, I just can't let you adopt Granny. It's not legal."

"Then why's there a paper right here for adopting the elderly?" the mare said, waving the paper in the air. "And there's no way her parents can still be alive, so I bet she's an orphan as well. Are you discrimin-hatin' against us? Do I have to get my cousin Apple Advocate over here?"

Care Taker pulled on her mane in frustration. "Okay, fine! I'll let you adopt her."

And so the paperwork was filled out, and the oldest orphan in the building was unceremoniously placed upon the back of the stallion, rocking chair and all, with only a single "What in tarnation is going on here?" before the soft snoring resumed.

As the door closed behind the siblings, Care Taker said, "Well, I guess that was that. Now…" She turned to face Diamond Tiara. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Take me to Canterlot to meet the princess?"

"I'm really not fond of the idea of sending any pony of mine to Children's Garden Orphanage." She ponder the possibilities for a minute, while Diamond Tiara filed one the edge of a hoof. "I suppose I could adopt you."

"Not gonna happen," Diamond Tiara said, her speech slightly garbled from the file in her mouth. "Look at us. Similar coat colors. Stripes in our manes. We look far too much alike. Anypony seeing us together would immediately we're not related." She transferred her file to her hoof. "Not that I'd be, like, ashamed of being adopted. But it just shouldn't be so obvious, you know?"

Care Taker sighed.

"And what's up with always wearing those long dresses? Are you, like, a blank flank under there? 'Cause, if so, that's even more embarrassing than that mare with the crazy eyes. I'm going to be the first filly in my class to get her cutie mark, you just wait and see, and I can't have my mom not have one."

Care Taker's eyes widened as she tugged the edges of her dress down, then took a second to smooth the fabric covering her flanks. She clenched her teeth together and shook her hoof at Diamond Tiara, wordlessly.

Diamond Tiara shrugged apologetically before heading up the stairs. At the top, she called down, "Also, you'll, like, totally be unemployed tomorrow."

Care Taker felt more of her sanity slipping away. She opened her mouth, ready to unleash upon the filly the full burden of her impending reality, but before she could get a word out, the door opened, revealing an earth pony couple. The stallion held the door while his wife entered, and then entered himself.

"I'm just saying that we wouldn't have been so late if you hadn't insisted on arguing with the taxi driver," the mare said. "It was only two bits after all.

"It's the principle of the thing," the stallion said, straightening his tie. "The fare was wrong and I wasn't going to pay more than I should have."

The mare rolled her eyes. "And yet you tipped him twenty bits."

"Well, he did make good time. Hard work deserves a proper reward. And besides, we spent far more time in the shoe store than I did discussing the fare."

The mare laughed, a more joyous laugh than Care Taker would have expected from her, based on her appearance. "Touché. But Clippity did just get in the latest fashions from Manehattan, and it wouldn't do at all for somepony else to get first choice. Not at all."

The stallion nodded. "Indeed. But alas, it has made us rather late here. Perhaps we should have sent Randolf."

"Something like this we've got to do for ourselves, dear." The mare turned her attention to Care Taker. "Don't you agree?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Of course you do. You can't expect a butler to be able to judge his betters or even his betters-to-be. No, we had to come ourselves."

"Well, I just hope there's still a child worthy of us left. We could really use the tax break."

"Tax break?" Care Taker and Diamond Tiara uttered in unison. Though whereas Care Taker said it with trepidation, Diamond Tiara said it with enthusiasm.

"Well, yes," the stallion replied. "If we adopt one today, we can still claim her on this year's tax return, right?"

It took Care Taker several seconds before she could respond. "Well, yes, but I hardly think that—"

"Excellent. Then let's see what you've got."

"Preferably something in a filly. Something dainty, but not sickly. No lisps or anything. We do need to be able to show her off when we have guests over. Do you have anything like that?"

"Now look here," Care Taker declared. "You're talking about adopting a child. Not a tax break. Not some prized exhibit to parade around for all your friends. A living, breathing being that will look upon you for all her needs."

"Oh, I assure you she will be well cared for," the stallion said. "She won't want for a thing in the world."

"Or else the help will be most severely scolded," the mare added. "I won't abide help that doesn't properly help."

"Now, we understand that due to our late arrival, your in-store stock might be somewhat depleted, but if you've got a catalogue or some floor models to look at…"

"We can get down the business of making our choice."

Care Taker stamped her hoof down, before rising several feet into the air, steam practically shooting out of her ears. Landing with a solid thump, she pointed a hoof at the couple. "Now listen here, there's no way I'm letting the two of you adopt any of my wards. Even if they hadn't all been adopted."

"I'll be!" the mare exclaimed.

"Ahem… Not all," came from the top of the stairs. All attention swung to Diamond Tiara, who gracefully glided down the stairs. On the last step, she hopped forward, twirling in the air before landing into a curtsy.

"She's adorable! And so elegant," the mare said. "I can't wait to see the look on Silver Lining's face when she sees her. That'll put a stop to all her bragging about her daughter. You know she brings her up at every opportunity just to try and one-up us."

"And such a commanding presence and confidence. I bet she could boss around a dozen employees at once with ease." The stallion faced his wife. "I'm so glad you were so averse to stretch marks. I doubt even we could do better than this precious filly even if we had a dozen foals."

Diamond Tiara's smile threatened to blind everyone in the room. Reaching a hoof up, she pulled Care Taker's head down toward her and softly whispered in her ear, "Miss Taker, remember when you said I should lower my standards? That I should settle for some farmer, waiter, or that lady who dyes her hair grey? That otherwise I'd wind up with nopony, ever?"

Care Taker nodded.

"Well, in your face!" the filly yelled. "I'll take 'em. They're perfect!"

"That settles it then," the mare said.

Care Taker felt something snap in her mind. Her eyes started to spin. She felt her flanks heat up as her sanity cracked. She giggled, then snorted, then giggled again. With one last giggle, she tipped over and fell on her side, causing her dress to slide up, revealing her ball and screw cutie mark.

The stallion jingled his coin purse above the head of the fallen pony. "So, how much is she, anyway?"

Prompt 14: Diamond Tiara's Ice Bucket Challenge - Yukito

Author's Note

A/N: This fic is set in the Equestria Girls universe. Just FYI so that it makes more sense :3

Prompt 14: Diamond Tiara's Ice Bucket Challenge - Yukito

“So who’s on first?”

“That’s right,” Silver Spoon said.

“… Who’s on first?!”

“That’s right!” Silver Spoon repeated.

Diamond Tiara put her fingers between her eyes and pressed down for a few seconds. “… Okay, okay, forget first. Who’s on second?”

“No, Who’s on first. What’s on second.”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m-”

“He’s on third.”

Diamond Tiara raised her hands, ready to strangle the troll that was once her friend when suddenly, a distraction saved the glasses-wearing girl who never knew of the danger she was in.

“Guys, guys!” Zippoorwhill shouted as she rushed onto the baseball field, her puppy companion in one arm and her iPad in her free hand. “Big news, guys! Big news!”

“What is it? We’re trying to practice out here!” Diamond Tiara said.

“… You two are trying out for baseball?” Zippoorwhill inquired, head tilted to the side as the sheer thought of the two richest, most refined girls in school actively participating in sports caused her brain to smoke.

“Of course not!” Diamond Tiara replied. “We’re trying out for cheerleading! It’s just somepony won’t tell me the team members’ names!” she added, glaring at Silver Spoon.

“I told you! Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know’s on third-”

“If you don’t know then just tell me that to begin with!” Diamond Tiara sighed and turned to Zippoorwhill. “Anyway, what’s this ‘big news’? It had better not be another video of a cat playing a keyboard.”

Zippoorwhill blinked and then turned to her iPad before quickly hiding it behind her back with a sheepish grin on her face. “O-Okay, but there’s other news, too! Not quite as big but also not very small, so I guess somewhere middle-y kinda.”

“Which is?”

“The Canterlot Mercenary Club-”

“Ugh.”

“-just nominated you two for the ice bucket challenge!”

“… That stupid thing I’ve been hearing about where people dump buckets of icy water on their heads?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Yupyup!”

“No thanks. I prefer to keep my hair dry, thank you very much.”

“You gotta do it, though!” Zippoorwhill shouted. “If you don’t then everyone’ll know about it and they’ll call you cowards!”

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon exchanged nervous glances. “T-They will?” Silver Spoon asked Zippoorwhill.

“Uh-huh! And they’ll call you lazy, too! And they’ll say you don’t care about charity! And they’ll say that you lost to Apple Bloom and her friends!”

Diamond Tiara’s eye twitched. “Oh they will, will they?” Furrowing her brow, Diamond turned to Silver Spoon and said, “Get two buckets of icy water on the double! I’ll get Daddy’s camera! We’ll show those loser ‘Mercenaries’ who the real cowards are around here.”

“… Who?” Zippoorwhill asked.

“Them!” Diamond Tiara shouted.

Zippoorwhill scratched her head. “But how does that make them cowards?”

“… Hey look, a shiny thing in the distance.”

“DISTRACTIOOOOOON!” Zippoorwhill cried as she turned around and charged down the baseball field, back towards the school building.

With a sigh, Silver Spoon said, “My parents aren’t going to like this…”

“Too bad! We can’t let those losers defeat us!” Diamond Tiara declared with a determined glare directed towards the three girls sitting on a bench in the distance with their phones out.

As Sweetie Belle was texting Apple Bloom, a shiver ran down her spine. “… I think Diamond Tiara got our challenge.”

Apple Bloom nodded as she sent her text to Scootaloo. “Yeah, ah felt it too.”

Scootaloo waved a hand dismissively as she retweeted Sweetie Belle’s last tweet. “Bah. It’s probably just the cold water kicking in. Maybe we should go somewhere warmer. Or ask the nurse to write us a note to get out of class.”

“Oh, hey, look at this. Diamond Tiara just tweeted that she’s going to one-up us in the ice bucket challenge,” Sweetie Belle said, replying with a picture of a moustached man holding up his hands and a caption reading: ‘Watch out guys, we got a badass over here!’.

“Ladies and Gentlemen!” Diamond Tiara shouted before turning to the three girls who had nominated her for the stupid challenge. “And losers.”

“Yo,” Scootaloo replied.

“Gather around and bear witness as on this day, Silver Spoon and I will perform the ultimate feat of charity the world has ever seen!”

“You gonna sell all those expensive dresses and donate all the money at once?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Of course not!” Diamond Tiara shouted. “Even better! By partaking in the ice bucket challenge, people everywhere will finally be aware of this terrible… whatever it is we’re raising awareness of and will donate all their money in our stead!”

“Don’t you only have three followers on YouTube?” Sweetie Belle asked. “And I’m one of them.”

“I’m another,” Pipsqueak said.

Silver Spoon timidly rose her hand behind a disgruntled Diamond Tiara. “Silence! I’m getting my hair wet for you peons. Now be grateful and watch!”

“To be fair, that is generous for her,” Apple Bloom whispered to her friends.

“Zippoorwhill, are you recording?” Diamond Tiara asked. She looked over to find the airheaded girl giggling to herself as she used her camera to record her puppy chasing a squirrel in circles. “… Alula, you’re up!”

“Yes, ma’am!” Alula cheered as she accessed the camera function on her phone and pointed it to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. “Okay, ready!”

“I nominate Featherweight, Cheerilee and… Sunset Shimmer!” Diamond Tiara snapped her fingers and Silver Spoon picked up the huge tub that was set before her.

“Wow, that’s big,” Apple Bloom admired. “How’d we not see that ‘til now anyway?”

“Uh, are you sure about this?” Silver Spoon asked in a worried, unsure tone as she looked into the tub.

“Yes, now just get it over with already,” Diamond Tiara said as she positioned herself in front of a small stepladder.

“But-”

“I said dump that icy water on me already!”

“Okay! Okay!” Silver Spoon climbed up the stepladder and held the tub over Diamond Tiara’s head. Her friend closed her eyes as Silver Spoon tipped the tub upside-down, allowing the block of solid ice to fall on Diamond Tiara’s head, knocking the girl to the ground.

All was silent for several seconds.

“W-Was that supposed to happen?” Silver Spoon asked.

“W-What the… What did you do?!” Apple Bloom screamed frantically.

“I-I did what she said! I dumped a tub of icy water on her!”

“ICY AS IN COLD, NOT FROZEN SOLID!”

“… Oh.” Silver Spoon flustered and stepped backwards off the ladder. “Y-Yeah, that makes more sense…”

“Someone call an ambulance!” Sweetie Belle shouted.

“Ah don’t have a phone!” Apple Bloom cried.

“You’re holding one right now!” Sweetie Belle retorted, pointing to the iPhone in Apple Bloom’s hand.

“… THIS THING’S A PHONE, TOO?!” Apple Bloom punched three buttons on her phone and called the emergency services. “Hey, we need an ambulance over at Canterlot High School, fast! … Y-Yeah, it is an ice bucket challenge accident… Okay, we’ll wait. Bye.”

Diamond Tiara groaned as she stirred. Everything hurt. The harsh sunlight greeted her as she opened her eyes and it took a while before she could properly make out where she was. It looked like the school nurse’s office, only much bigger.

“Where am I?” she asked as she sat up, wincing at the pain running through her head. “Owwww… What happened?”

“You were knocked out,” a voice said, startling the young girl. Diamond Tiara turned to find a woman in a white lab coat approaching her. “Remember? You were doing the ice bucket challenge and there was an accident.”

“Ohhhh… My head is killing me.”

“It’ll do that. For now, just take it easy.” The woman cleared her throat and sat down beside Diamond Tiara on the bed. “My name is Aay Anee. I’m a doctor. There’s something that I need to tell you that might make you pass out from the shock, so I need you to brace yourself.”

“Where’s Silver Spoon?” Diamond Tiara asked, looking around the room that she was in. “And Daddy?”

The doctor bit her lip and said, “That’s just it. They’re… not here.” After taking a deep breath, Aay added, “You were frozen in time, Diamond Tiara. You’re in the future now.”

“… Whaaaaaaaaat?!”

“Deep breaths, Diamond. Deep breaths!”

Diamond Tiara took deep, heavy breaths until she had calmed down. “H-How can I be in the future?!”

“Remember, you were hit by solid ice,” Aay said.

“That’s not how it works!”

“Now, now. Working yourself up over it won’t help any. I’m terribly sorry, but you are presently one hundred years in the future from when you attempted the ice bucket challenge.”

“T-This can’t be… I think I need a drink.”

“Here, have some future water,” the doctor said, offering a glass of water to the girl.

Diamond Tiara cocked an eyebrow before taking the glass and sipping the water, and then chugging the entire thing.

“Do you need to eat? I’ve brought some future bread with me.”

“Do you just put ‘future’ before everything now?”

“Of course not! That would just be silly,” Aay said. “Now try to eat and I’ll give take you down to City Hall to meet the mayor in my future car.”

Aay offered Diamond Tiara some bread which the young girl accepted and nibbled at slowly. ‘Daddy… Silver Spoon…’ A small teardrop rolled down Diamond Tiara’s face.

“How do you like future Canterlot?” the doctor asked. “Here we have the future bakery, and there is the future post office.”

“And over there is the future DMV?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Nah, that’s just the DMV still. They never advanced.”

“… So what exactly is different about this world compared to where I came from?” Diamond Tiara asked. “I mean, the cars float, but that’s about it.”

“There’s plenty different. First of all, the sky gets darker much earlier. It’s only noon right now you know?”

Diamond Tiara looked up to the night sky with her eyes wide open in shock. “R-Really?”

“And of course there’s the problem we’re having with the raptorsharks.”

“Raptorsarks,” Diamond Tiara deadpanned.

“But it’s okay so long as you avoid the long seaweed. Oh, that’s another thing: over seventy percent of future Earth is underwater.”

Diamond Tiara was about to argue how dumb that was before the car that she was in was plunged underwater. All around her there were people swimming and driving and fish swimming about.

“We’re almost there,” Aay said. The mayor’s office is just after we resurface.”

Not too long after that the car surfaced again and stopped outside of a large, onion-shaped white building. “Is this it?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Yup. Let’s go in. The mayor has been expecting you.”

The two walked in and were greeted by a woman in a green suit. She led the two down a long hallway where they eventually came across a room guarded by double doors. They entered and walked inside, where they found a large, green creature sitting behind a desk.

“I-Is that-”

“Oh, right. Our leader in this time is Shrek,” Aay said. “He’s also supreme overlord of our world and essentially God.”

“Aye, what’s this we got here then?” Shrek asked in what may or may not have been a Scottish dialect. “Is this the wee child I’ve been hearin’ about?”

“Yes Lord Shrek. She comes from another time and is lost and confused.”

“Put her to work doan in the mines,” Shrek said. “We’ve got enough problems with overcrowding as it is.”

“What?!” Diamond Tiara shouted. “You can’t make me work down in some filthy mines! I’m Diamond Dazzle Tiara, daughter of Filthy Rich and idol of Canterlot High School!”

“Oh ye think ye’re big do ye?” Shrek asked, his Scottish dialect probably getting further and further off the mark as this story went on. “Well lemme tell yoo something: ye’re nothin’ in this world! Ya father is dead, ya family’s no more, and ya aven’t got a dime to yer name.”

“I have one hundred thousand dollars in my wallet as we speak.”

“Dollars are worthless in this time, Missy! We use credits here!”

“Dollars will do fine,” Diamond insisted.

“No, they won’t! And if ya even think of makin’ another Star Wars reference I’ll squeeze the jelly from yer eyes! Now get out of my swamp!”

“Let’s go, Diamond Tiara,” Aay said as she grabbed Diamond’s shoulder and dragged the girl away.

No amount of screaming or kicking helped, but that certainly didn’t stop Diamond from trying. “NO! GET OFF OF ME! LET ME GO, LET ME GO! DADDY, HELP! DADDYYYYYYY!” Tears fell down Diamond Tiara’s eyes as she grabbed onto the door handle as she was leaving the room, fighting with all her strength to not be dragged away. “NO, I DON’T WANT TO GO! DADDY, SILVER SPOON, HELP ME!” Diamond Tiara lost her grip and the last thing she saw as the doors close on her was Shrek waving goodbye with a sadistic smile on his face. “NOOOOOO!”

“NO, STOP!” Diamond Tiara screamed as she bolted upright, panting and sweating. “W-What?” she asked as she looked around. Once again, she was in a much larger version of the school nurse’s office, only this time it was a lot brighter and… was that a Nintendo in the corner?

“Diamond!” Filthy Rich shouted as he ran into the room. He ran to Diamond Tiara’s side immediately and held his daughter. “Are you okay?! I heard you screaming and came as soon as I could!”

“D-Daddy?” Diamond Tiara asked, her voice filled with shock and confusion. “Y-You’re alive?”

“Of course I am,” Filthy Rich said. He moved his head back, showing that tears had been running down his face. “It’s you I’ve been worried about all this time. You’ve been out for two whole days!”

“Two days… What happened?”

“It was… an accident at school,” Filthy Rich said, his eyes shifting to his left for a moment.

Diamond Tiara looked to her right to find a number of cards on her bedside. She looked through them one-by-one. They were all from her classmates and her family. Silver Spoon, Zippoorwhill, Alula, her mother and father, her grandparents, her teacher… even the Mercenaries had wrote out a collective card between them. Silver Spoon’s card in particular stood out.

“It says she’s sorry,” Diamond Tiara muttered. “That it’s… her fault?”

“I-It was an accident,” Filthy Rich stuttered. “Please, don’t be mad at her. She stayed by your side for the entire day yesterday and only went home after she fell asleep and her parents collected her.”

“… I don’t get what’s going on, but I’d never be mad at Silver Spoon,” Diamond Tiara said. “I’m just glad I’m not stuck in some dystopian, underwater future where everything is prefixed with ‘future’ and I’m forced to work down in the mines.”

Filthy Rich laughed, though he wasn’t sure why. “Me too, honey. Me too,” he said holding his daughter again and she hugged him back. “Don’t worry. It’s all ogre now.”

Diamond Tiara nodded… and then her eyes widened.

Meanwhile!

“C’mon, Sunny! Look happier!” Pinkie Pie pleaded as she pointed her camera to Sunset Shimmer, who simply frowned back with her right middle finger pointed towards the lens.

“Anyone you wanna nominate before you get soaked?” Rainbow Dash asked with a grin as she held the bucket of water over Sunset Shimmer’s head.

“… Celestia,” she said. “Three times.”

“… Ah don’t think y’can-” Applejack began.

“Three. Times.” Sunset repeated, flames burning in her eyes. And then she was soaked.

Prompt 14: Pool Party - Mudpony

"Well, she did give us those peppermints she made," Diamond Tiara said.

"Good memory, Di," Silver Spoon said. "That should totally bump her up one slot, putting her into 'Sorta cool but not really', alongside Alula and Rumble. And with that, we've got everypony in the class." Silver Spoon ran her hoof down the list, just to be sure. "Yup, everypony."

"Okay, now what?" Diamond Tiara asked.

"Hmm… I got nothing," Silver Spoon said.

"Me either," Diamond Tiara said.

"Maybe your mother knows of something? She knows everything that's going on in town."

Diamond Tiara nodded, and rose to her feet. With rapid steps, she threaded her way through the pencils and papers littering the floor from their list making, and headed out the door. Silver Spoon followed a step behind. Together, the two fillies made their way to the sunroom.

"I'm bored, Mom," Diamond Tiara complained.

"What was that, dear?" Spoiled Rich asked, without shifting her attention away from the scarf she was knitting for the annual Ponyville Start of Summer Clothing Drive. This particular scarf was red with white snowflakes, and it would soon join three other scarves, four caps, and twelve pairs of thick woolen shocks, all woven by Spoiled Rich as part of her contribution. The the other part was the time she invested as the head of the drive, one of many community organizations she headed.

"Sil and I are boooored," Diamond Tiara repeated.

"Uh-huh. There's totally nothing to do," Silver Spoon added.

Spoiled Rich set down her work and turned her full attention to her daughter. "Well, why not play with your toys? Maybe read a book? Or maybe make that change to your garden you've been planning?"

"We can't read a book together, Mom," Diamond Tiara said. "And reading different books just isn't any fun."

Silver Spoon nodded in agreement. "We've done the other stuff already as well, Mrs. Rich. We even went through Di's closet to set aside things for your clothing drive."

"And there's totally nothing else to look forward to either. No parties, no sales, nothing."

Spoiled Rich furled her brows. "So what you are saying is that your schedule is blanker than a baby's flank? Well, if that's that's the case, whose fault is that? You know what I always say..."

"You don't get to complain if you aren't willing to do something about it," both fillies chorused.

"That's right. Now…" Spoiled Rich reached for the monthly weather report, slid her hoof down to the current week, and nodded. "It's supposed to be nice weather tomorrow. Why not throw a pool party?"

"A pool party?"

"Get some goodies, maybe some entertainment, and invite all the foals whose families can't afford their own pools, and I believe that's all of them, over. Not really their fault their parents aren't successful. Just this once, of course. Provided they're not too unwashed." Spoiled Rich paused for a second. "I'd better book a pool cleaning on Saturday. Can't be too careful with those common ponies, you know."

"I suppose a pool party…" Diamond Tiara started, her voice trailing off as she let her imagination start to paint a picture of the possibilities.

"...Could be fun," Silver Spoon finished, wrapping a hoof around Diamond Tiara. "I'm sure we can get everything planned in time."

"Of course you can, Silver dear," Spoiled Rich said, looking up from her knitting at the two fillies. "You're winners, and winners always find a way. I'm sure your father can give you some bits so you can get everything you need."

"Okay, we'll do it," Diamond Tiara said, firmly slapping her hoof down. "Thanks, Mom."

The bits clinked musically as Diamond organized them into four piles. Each was dedicated to a single purpose. The first, and largest by far, was for delicious treats. The second was considerably smaller, and it was for healthier fare. The pile didn't exist because either filly wanted it. If they had their way, all the food budget would go to ice cream, cake, and candy. But then some adult would no doubt object and demand the majority of bits be spent on icky stuff like kale instead. So the trick was to allocate just enough bits to the more edible healthy things to avoid that. The third for decorations, party favors, and towels. It wouldn't do for one of the lesser ponies to get something icky on the family's regular towels, after all. And the last pile, which was also the smallest, was for invitations. To have them printed, rather than for supplies to make them, of course.

"There," Diamond said. "I think that should do it."

"Now we just need to decide who takes care of what," Silver Spoon said.

"I'll take care of the food." Diamond Tiara reached out and, with a hoof for each, pulled the two piles of bits close. "And you can take care of the invitations and party favors. Just give the decorations and stuff to Randolf. He'll make sure everything gets set up."

"Sounds like a plan," Silver Spoon said. "So who all are we, like, going to invite?"

Diamond Tiara rested her chin on her hoof as she pondered the question. Should she invite everyone? No, she decided. She most definitely did not want those blank flanks over, not after the last time. "Just the cool foals, I think."

Silver Spoon looked at her pile of coins, then back to Diamond Tiara. "Uh, will we need this many bits if it's—"

"Any decorations and stuff we have left we'll just save for next time," Diamond Tiara said. "That way, we'll be prepared if we want to have a totally awesome slumber party."

"Oh yeah. Good thinking, Di!"

"Don't be afraid to get some fancy invitations. We want to make sure everypony knows just how awesome our party will be."

"I'll make sure to get the best one invitations ever. Anyone who sees them will be so jealous of us, for sure!" And with that, Silver Spoon swept her bits into her saddlebags and headed out the door.

"And here's your invitation," Silver Spoon said.

Diamond Tiara accepted the gilded envelop and whistled. "Wow, you did go fancy with them. You must have bargained hard to be able to get them this nice."

Silver Spoon shrugged her shoulders. "Not really. I mean, I bargained a little, but it wound up not costing all the bits anyway, so I got some extra decorations instead…

"Clown decorations." Silver Spoon's eyes sparkled mischievously.

Diamond Tiara's eyes shot wide open. "You'd better not have gotten any clowns!" she growled. "Never clowns."

"I'm sure Randolf and the maids have got them all set up already," Silver Spoon continued.

"You didn't… not really, right?" asked the wide-eyed Diamond Tiara.

Silver Spoon laughed. "Of course not, silly. I wouldn't do that to you."

Diamond Tiara let out a sigh of relief. "Don't scare me like that, Sil."

Silver Spoon gave her friend a sly wink. "Well, how about we get ready?"

"No rush," Diamond Tiara said. "It wouldn't do to not arrive fashionably late, even to our own party. I'll just have Randolf greet the guests."

"But… we're, like, —"

Diamond Tiara opened the door. Sticking her head out into the hallway, she hollered "Randolf!" repeatedly. She bopped her head impatiently to the beat of Randolf's approaching hoofsteps. "Faster, Randolf!"

"Ma'am?" Randolf asked between gasps of air, as he did his best fish on land impersonation.

"Please wait out by the pool to greet our guests as they arrive," Diamond Tiara. She waited for him to carry out her orders, but instead he just stood there, breathing rapidly. She raised a hoof to shoo him away. "Go already. And don't call me ma'am!"

Watching him depart, she smiled. "There. Now the guests will be greeted, and we can, totally be fashionably late." She bounced forward and threw herself upon her bed. With a deep sigh, she rolled onto her back, letting her head dangle over the edge, and gaven an upside down grin at Silver Spoon.

"But Di," Silver Spoon said, "we're—"

"Fine," Diamond Tiara said, flopping off the bed and pulling upon a drawer. "I guess we'd better get dressed, else we'll stray into unfashionably late." She reached inside and fished out a pair of swim suits. "What do you think will go better with my sun hat, Sil? The purple or the yellow?"

Silver Spoon tilted her head slightly and glanced between the pair. "Definitely the purple. The yellow doesn't work well with your coat. But Di…"

"Purple it is, and of course you can borrow the yellow one." Diamond Tiara tossed the yellow swimsuit over to her friend and started to slip into her own. "You should see all the food, Sil. The Cakes made the prettiest cake, and I got eight tubs of ice cream. All our favorite flavors. And four different types of salad mixes, plus a big pile of sandwiches from that new sub place on Mane Street."

"That much?" Silver Spoon asked. "I don't think I could eat that much."

"Well, you don't have to eat it all, Sil. And besides, with all the swimming we'll be doing, we'll burn off a ton of calories, so we'll need the energy. Speaking of swimming, don't forget your swim cap. Wouldn't want your mane to wind up looking like Twist's."

Silver Spoon caught the cap in her teeth and quickly slipped it on. She took a moment to check the mirror, making sure it wasn't crooked. Satisfied, she went over to her saddlebags and took out her prescription sunglasses. "All set!"

"Me too," Diamond Tiara said, her own cap, a custom piece complete with a tiara on top, in place. "Let's do this!"

The two fillies headed down the stairs, through the hall, and out the door. The only sounds were their hooves striking the wooden floor, well, that or the rugs that covered the floor. Diamond Tiara

Diamond Tiara looked toward the pool. There wasn't a single pony splashing in or diving into it. Arching one eyebrow, she shifted her attention toward the fence that protected the Rich's manor from the common ponies beyond. Not a single pony stood there, eager to be let in.

"Um, like, where is everypony?" Diamond TIara asked. She wondered if they had all rejected her invitation, but squashed that thought as quickly as it had come. One or two of the more foalish might have dared to reject her, and their reason might even be forgivable, given the short notice, but no pony showing up? There was just no way that was possible, short of the end of Equestria.

"We're it," Silver Spoon said. "You said to invite the cool ponies. As per our list, that's just us, and we're all here."

Diamond Tiara slammed her hoof against her forehead. "That's not what I meant!"

"It's what you said. If you'd wanted to invite the 'sorta cool, but not reallies' or the 'uncool, but not as uncool as blank flanks', you should have said so" Silver Spoon stated, quite matter of factly. "I mean, I wasn't sure if that was really what you wanted, but whenever I tried to bring it up, you always switched the topic or re-assured me that everything was, like, going to be awesome." She shrugged. "So I figured the party was totally just for us and we'd talk about how awesome to everyone else who wasn't invited. You know, like normal."

Diamond Tiara lifted her hoof to shade her eyes from the hot sun that was already starting to melt the tubs of ice cream. Her gaze went to the tables of food, with the two maids standing behind them, ready to serve, before drifting over to the bundles of balloons tied to the poolside furniture and threatening to lift them into the air. Randolf stood post at the gate, waiting for guests that were not coming.

"Mom's so going to kill me."

Author's Note

An idea I had while watching this LPS short:

And as to the aftermath of this party...

At Randolf's suggestion, he, both maids, and both fillies went out to invite every foal they could find. Which turned out to be a lot. More than Diamond and Sil had planned for, but luckily, many had parents who sent some food along with their foals, turning the pool party into a bit of a potluck. Of course, it didn't all turn out perfect. Diamond Tiara did get into some trouble with her mother, though it was over the quantity of guests, rather than the lack thereof. Also, the CMC did show, and of course, failed to get cutie marks in anything pool party related. And when it was all said and done, the pool cleaning was most definitely needed.

All in all, though, good times were had and fond memories made.

Prompt 15: Weird - MichelleTwistaloo

“This is making me weird out.”

It was true, the sight of them two together was making Diamond Tiara weird out. Not that anyone would need the vocalization of her being confused, by the strange sight, the wrinkles in her muzzle, and the air of confusion were more than enough for it to be perceptible. Diamond Tiara wasn’t the hardest one to read emotions off, most of the time it was rage, but sometimes, confusion.

She considered herself pretty dang smart, so any confusion she might have had was hidden, but even so, at the moment, the look on her face was more than enough for anyone to figure that out. It was just a bizarre sight...

The mare had always been peculiar, she couldn’t deny that, but to make that...and Tiara’s mind jumped through a dozen hoops, and hundreds of possibilities, if that could be made that would mean...

It was odd, just that, she didn’t think it fit in at all. Like a late sundown or an early sun rise, it just wasn’t expected.

At the same time it was undeniably beautiful, as far as displays of emotions went, something attracted Tiara to it. She found herself slowing inching forward, inch by inch, it was just....

She didn’t know how to describe it, besides the adjectives of confusion, oddness, and weirdness. It contrasted with the ambient, and it was a display of emotions, the two of them stood together, they were lying down on the ground and their muzzles weren’t apart. That is, they were touching muzzles. Diamond had a few vague memories of her mother doing the same thing, pecking her muzzle, as an act of affection, those were some of her favorite memories, and she understood why, but now, the two of them weren’t gently pecking they were more like fighting over, for domination.

The thing that confused Tiara, besides the extreme emotions, was that it was both somehow sweet and caring, and emotional and violent, opposites. Like they cared enormously for one another, but were both too competitive to admit it.

She didn’t memorize colors or mane styles, it would or could be whomever, she didn’t care for names, it was more the situation that intrigued her.

Because those weren’t just two ponies doing the same thing, from the few things she gathered, when her eyes wandered away from the muzzles, it was that it wasn’t a straight on pairing, it was a mare on mare kissing thing.

Diamond had always used it as one of her ultimate combo finishers (as Button would call them, not that she hanged around the dork), the final insult after very many of them, “Oh and besides your mother not liking you, you are also a filly fooler”.

She hadn’t actually seen one of those filly fooler acts by herself, yet, and now that she had....

That was the seriously weird part, it didn’t repulse her, it affected her somewhat.

Those two muzzles, those two mares, her eyes, they were glued onto the action.

It was weird it was like... but that couldn’t be. It was like she actually liked seeing it.

But that couldn’t be true.

Though she was full of weird thoughts on her head.

She had always sort of been together with other fillies, mostly because colts were dirty,bugger eating, weird, colts. There wasn’t one who was normal to her, which was fine, it gave her something to harp about on them, and she liked harp about, for some reason, it just made her feel better about herself.

She much preferred the fillies, the few fillies who she could handle, or who could handle her, mainly Silver Spoon, but sometimes others, if the games they played required it, though some actually preferred the dirty colts to her. “Can’t please everyone”, she thought about it.

But as she saw the kissing of the two mares, something inside her broke away, she had found herself thinking more and more of love by the day, having found her mom’s old “Teen novel” collection (which had been laying around after she had gone away), she yearned for the tall, strong stallion to carry her in his strong back, or she would if she could imagine that.

She mostly just read them because they were silly and stupid, who’d ever want to be carrying a filly? And why spend so many words on the eyes of the stallion and focus almost nothing on the mare? And why “The eyes as green as one would imagine one of the salty evenings spent at the greenish sea under the water filled region”? What did that even mean?

But as she saw the weird thing of the day, two mares kissing, under the shadow of a big oak tree, which, in her opinion, was an overused trope even in the few romance novels she had read, something weird was in her stomach.

Well. She hadn’t had anatomy lessons yet, so she assumed it was her stomach, it was somewhere in her belly, it made her feel jumpy and light and stuff.

She liked what she was seeing, she liked seeing the weird stuff, and that on itself was weird.

But the weirdest thing of all? When she finally took her eyes away from the kissing, as the scene had shifted and they were now tickling (something she didn’t quite like as intensely as the kiss), she found herself with only one image on her mind.

One of the fillies she had mocked endlessly, whether because of stupid reasons or her non wealth.

For her manners, for the way she talked, for her friends.

And above all for the irrational way she didn’t like her, but which now, weirdly enough, had been replaced with the desire to kiss her.

The weird weird image of her.

Prompt 15: Diamond Tiara's First Kiss - Yukito

It was a nice, sunny afternoon in Ponyville. Diamond Tiara was travelling happily through the town with her best friend Silver Spoon… or she would have been, that is, had Silver Spoon not been so foolish as to catch the ponypox and be confined to her room for the entire weekend. Instead, Diamond Tiara was invited to a picnic by Alula, and having nothing else to do that day, she decided to accept.

She was used to having picnics with her father or with Silver Spoon, not with Alula. The blanket was almost too small for the two of them to sit on together, and it clearly wasn’t luxury cashmare. The cups were made of paper, not of porcelain, which Alula told her was because they were ‘recyclable’, whatever that meant. Instead of tea they had juice, instead of potato chips they had some knock-off ‘health-conscience’ variant, and the sandwiches had none of their crusts removed.

If it wasn’t such a pleasant day outside, Diamond Tiara would have just left long ago. Also the juice was kind of okay, she guessed. Thankfully, Diamond had the good sense to carry her Game Colt Advanced with her, the latest in hoofheld gaming and the ultimate in time-passing technology.

“And I heard that Berry Pinch got grounded for life when her mother found out!” Alula finished with a hearty laugh.

“Oh yeah, totally,” Diamond Tiara responded, only half-listening as she focussed more on capturing the little creature on her screen.

“Y’know, I really like hanging out with you,” Alula said, blushing lightly.

“Yeah, ditto,” Diamond replied in a bored tone.

Alula shuffled uncomfortably in her spot before scooting just a smidge closer to Diamond Tiara. “N-Not to sound rude to Silver Spoon or anything, but I really prefer it when it’s just the two of us…”

Diamond Tiara nodded and continued to focus on her game. ‘… Wait, what did she say?’

“I mean, you’re just so smart and so… pretty…”

Diamond Tiara slowly turned her attention towards Alula with a raised eyebrow. “Uhh… thanks?”

Alula’s eyes met Diamond, and she leaned a little closer. “A-Actually, I have something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“W-What?” Diamond asked, backing away cautiously.

Alula’s face turned even more red as she swallowed a lump in her throat. “I…” Alula closed her eyes, took a deep breath and moved forwards, her lips honing in on Diamond’s. At the last moment she faltered, and redirected her attack on Diamond’s cheek.

After pulling back, Alula found Diamond staring wide-eyed, stuttering, “Wha-wha-wha-wha-wha…”

Alula fidgeted about as she averted her eyes. “um, I-I love you!” she shouted quickly.

“Wha-wha-wha-wha-wha…”

“E-Ever since I first saw you, I-I always thought you were so beautiful, so great…”

“…”

“Um, I know this is really sudden, but uh, w-would you like to… b-be my fillyfriend?”

“…”

“D-Diamond?” Alula looked back up to find that the space that was once occupied by Diamond Tiara was now vacant. Tears began to well as Alula screamed and slammed her head repeatedly into the ground. “Stupid Alula! Stupid, stupid, stupid!”

“… I don’t know what she’s doing, but it looks fun!” Snails shouted as he watched from afar, before proceeding to slam his head into the ground repeatedly with laughter.

“DAAAAAAAAAAAADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!”

“… Yes, Dear?” Filthy Rich asked, turning the page in his newspaper as he felt his leg suddenly becoming heavier and shaking seemingly on its own.

“Daddy, you know when you told me not to let a colt kiss me until I’m older?”

Filthy Rich lowered his newspaper and looked down at his daughter. “Yeeeeeees?”

“Well, what if it’s a filly?”

“… I’m sorry?”

“Alula kissed me on the cheek and told me she loves me and asked if I wanted to be her fillyfriend!” Diamond Tiara shouted, slapping the newspaper out of her father’s hooves and jumping onto his lap. “Is that normal?! Do we need to sue her?!”

“C-Calm down, Diamond,” Filthy Rich said, lifting his daughter and lowering her gently to the ground. “Ooooookay, so your friend Alula told you that she loves you…” Diamond Tiara nodded her head frantically.

“I thought fillies aren’t supposed to like other fillies! Isn’t it… weird?”

Filthy Rich sighed. He knew he should have just exposed Diamond Tiara to Silver Spoon’s ponypox, but nooooo, he wanted a ‘doctor’s opinion’ first. “Look, Diamond Tiara, I’m sure that you must be confused right now-”

“My life is a lie!”

“-But there’s no need to panic!” Filthy Rich quickly added. “I’m sure that Alula didn’t mean to put such pressure on you. As for fillies liking other fillies, there’s nothing wrong with that at all.”

Diamond Tiara seemed to calm down as she asked, “There isn’t?”

“So long as two ponies love each other, that’s all that matters.”

Diamond Tiara looked down for a second, and then looked back up and said, “Huh. But, I don’t think I like Alula that way.”

“And that’s fine,” Filthy Rich said with a smile. “Just be sure to let her down easily, okay?”

“I mean, she’s so poor, y’know?”

“… You know that there’s more to love than money, right?”

Diamond Tiara tilted her head. “Like what?”

Filthy Rich sighed again. “You’ll find out when you’re older,” he said, reclining back into his chair and reaching for his newspaper.

Diamond Tiara huffed with a pout and turned to leave. “You always say that,” she muttered as she stormed out of the room.

“‘When you’re older’. What does that even mean?!” Diamond Tiara slammed a hoof onto her table and took a sip of her milkshake. “Stupid Daddy…”

“I know, right?” Diamond Tiara turned her head to find a small brown colt sitting at her table. She recognised him as Button Mash, a colt just one year younger than her, but she didn’t know much about him other than he was the town’s biggest cry-baby. “My mum’s always like, ‘Put that down, Button, you’ll break it!’, ‘Don’t play with your father’s moustache, Button, it’s expensive!’! She treats me like a little kid!”

“Um, why are you sitting here?” Diamond asked.

“Oh, I saw you playing on your Game Colt and was wondering what game you were playing,” Button said, revealing his own Game Colt Advanced. A blue cartridge was poking out of the cartridge slot, in contrast to the yellow one in Diamond’s.

“You’re playing Luna version?” Diamond Tiara asked. “Huh. I thought I was the only one who had this game.”

“Me too!” Button exclaimed excitedly. “I’m glad I didn’t get Celestia version now!”

“Doesn’t really matter. Twilight version is coming out soon anyway.”

“Yeeeeah, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to get it. I mean, I spent all my allowance on other games this month and I’ve got sooooo many piled up at home!”

“Oh really?” Diamond Tiara asked, now intrigued. “I bet my collection is bigger.”

“My collection goes up to the ceiling!” Button Mash said, waving his forelegs for emphasis.

“My collection fills up my entire closet, and I can play it all on a screen as big as the sun!”

“Well, you’re rich, so it’s not fair!” Button retorted. “Besides, how many of them have you completed?”

Diamond Tiara bit her lip. Between hanging out with Silver Spoon and going to fancy parties with her dad, she had neglected a good portion of her collection. “A-A lot,” was all that she could answer with.

“My Gamerscore is fifty thousand,” Button said with a proud grin.

Diamond Tiara’s eyes widened and her heart skipped a beat. “F-Fifty…” Diamond Tiara felt herself getting warmer and took a quick drink of her milkshake to cool down. ‘Holy Celestia! I think I get what Dad was saying now about there being more to love than money!’

“Uh, you okay?”

Diamond Tiara grabbed Button Mash by the collar and said, “You! You’re my coltfriend from this point on!”

“W-What? But I-”

“Well don’t just sit there looking stupid! Invite me over to your house so I can meet your Gamersco- I mean, meet your parents!”

Button Mash looked around nervously. “I, uh, um… Alright,” he said with a nod, before climbing out of his seat with Diamond Tiara, who proceeded to lock hooves with him as the two walked out of the store together, earning ‘dawww’s from the patrons around them. ‘… Wait. Rich fillyfriend equals more videogames plus more pizza money which equals happy times!’ Button grinned upon reaching the startling conclusion, holding Diamond Tiara’s hoof tighter with resolve. “Sweeeet.”

Prompt 16: Popular - Mudpony

Diamond Tiara slipped her pencil into the bandanna wrapped around her head, doing its sworn duty of keeping her mane from exploding in every direction. She'd been wear bandannas for as long as she could remember. They certainly beat having to spend all that time brushing and styling her mane, time that could be better spent playing or helping her father. Time was precious, for so much of it was consumed by what her mother demanded of her.

By now, her collection was quite large, but this particular one, patterned with the royal symbol of Princess Celestia, was her favorite. She wore it almost every day. The day when she'd move on to a new favorite was coming though. She could feel it in her bones. Soon, she'd find another bandanna that struck her fancy, and this one would be relegated to her closet, only rarely seeing the light of day again.

She stared at the book in front of her, trying to make sense of the mystical symbols and equations that were somehow supposed to let her figure out how long the sides of a triangle were. The task wasn't made any easier by her belief that it was an utter waste of time. It wasn't like calculating how much tax would be required on a purchase or making a statistical analysis of current market trends. Those things had uses. Triangles? Those things were practically useless.

It didn't help either that she'd spent the last hour worrying about something else. And that something else was about to arrive, for she'd just heard the front door open and close. That could only mean one thing: that her mother was back from the parent-teacher conference.

Silently, she counted the seconds as her mother was no doubt putting away her coat. At the sound of the first hoof on the stairs, she shifted her count to that instead. Seventeen steps, then five more seconds. A rapid knock on her door, and then her doom entered the room.

"Diamond Tiara, we need to talk. I just had the most interesting conversation with your teacher, and do you know what she said?"

Diamond froze. Here it comes, she thought. Miss Cheerilee told her all about how I didn't get my homework complete on time, and I'm going to get grounded and won't be allowed to go to Canterlot with daddy this weekend. Silently, she waited for inevitable to start.

"She said you don't have any friends."

Diamond nearly collapsed with relief. Was that all? Turning to her mother, she said, "Well, duh. Have you seen the ponies in my class?"

"I saw the parents," Spoiled Rich said, shaking her head, "and I guess I can see your point, though there was one couple that seemed like they could be socially acceptable. But whether you like them or not isn't the point, Diamond. What matters is whether or not they like you."

"But why? It isn't like they matter."

Spoiled Rich gave her daughter a stern look. "You want to succeed in life, right?"

Diamond knew exactly how to answer that question if she wanted to avoid a long lecture on the importance of success. "Of course, Mom."

"Then you've got to be popular." Spoiled Rich waved a hoof in the air and looked up toward the ceiling as she gathered her thoughts. Her daughter waited patiently until at last Spoiled Rich began to speak. "See, it's like this… When you read the paper, who are you more likely to hear about: Sapphire Shores or that star guy Day Grassy?"

Diamond Tiara wasn't sure what the correct answer was, as she recalled neither from the newspaper. Mentally, she reviewed the comics pages from the last week. Yes, she was sure, neither one was in any of them. But since she had no clue who that Day Grassy guy was, she offered a tentative "Sapphire Shores?"

"Exactly! And do you know why? Let me tell you: Because she's popular. And so people are far more interested in listening to her than somepony who spent all their time learning the tiniest details of the subject matter rather than becoming popular. And it isn't just her. Fancy Pants: hugely influential in Canterlot. Is he any better than other ponies? Of course he is, because he's popular, so he matters and they don't. And it doesn't stop there. No, it goes right up to the top," Spoiled Rich said, her hoof waving for emphasis. "Do you suppose Princess Celestia is our ruler because of her wisdom, her combat prowess, or because we need her to raise and lower the sun?"

Diamond Tiara frowned. All those things seemed like good reasons why Princess Celestia would be in charge. But based on the way her mother's conversation was going, she went against her gut feeling. "No?"

"That's right. It's because she's popular. After all, unicorns raised and lowered the sun for years before the Princess showed up, so we don't exactly need her for that. And wisdom? She's the type who would likely send out some minions to deal with an extinction level event and then make everypony think she was involved in dealing with the issue by using a fancy awards ceremony.. And she hasn't won a one on one duel for a thousand years. But none of that matters. Do you know why?"

"Because she's popular?" Diamond Tiara said, with much more confidence that that was the right answer.

"Exactly!" Spoiled Rich affectionately rubbed the top of Diamond Tiara's head. "She raises and lowers the sun with a style and flair that the unicorns never had, and that makes her popular. And because she's popular, those minions of her will do whatever she asks, even if it could mean their deaths. Pretty much anypony could do that, but it doesn't matter, because she's more popular than anypony else. She's so popular that if you told anyone what I've just told you, they'd look at you like you were crazy. They think she's a goddess incarnate, that she can do no wrong. Because she's that popular."

Rising to her hooves, Spoiled Rich walked over to the window and looked out over the town. She beckoned Diamond Tiara over to her side.

"And the thing is, Princess Celestia knows this, knows the importance of being popular. Do you know how I know this?" Spoiled Rich pointed toward the large tree home that served as the town's library. "Miss Cake heard from Pinkie Pie who heard it from some lizard that the new town librarian, who apparently is Princess Celestia's prized pupil, was sent here to learn who to be popular. Apparently she had no friends at all in Canterlot, not one at all. The Princess couldn't let that stand, so she banished her pupil from Canterlot to here so she could study how to be popular. If it takes, who knows, maybe in a few years, we'll have a new princess. A Princess of Popular." She paused every-so-briefly. "Ity."

With a flourish, Spoiled Rich pulled the drapes close, obscuring the sight of the town, and grabbed hold of Diamond Tiara's shoulders. "So you see, you've got to be popular, the most popular pony in your class, if you want to succeed in life."

"But what if nobody likes me?" Diamond Tiara asked.

"Oh, dear, how they could they not? You're my daughter, the prettiest and richest filly in town." Spoiled Rich frowned. "Well, if you'd just lose those ugly bandannas and do something with your mane, anyway. Looking better than everypony else is half of what it takes to be more popular than them, after all." She paused again, remembering one more important point. "I almost hesitate to bring this up, as I don't want to scare you, my dear, but you've got to be wary of what could happen if you aren't popular. You wouldn't want to wind up like Princess Celestia's sister, now would you?"

"You mean the new princess, Luna?" Diamond Tiara asked.

Spoiled Rich nodded. "I heard from my hair stylist that way back when, she was not popular, and that is why she went mad and became Nightmare Moon. That's almost as bad as being an ordinary pony. So as you can see, you've got to become popular, Diamond. It is the most important thing in life, for without it, even a princess can fall."

Diamond Tiara cast a quick glance toward her desk. "Is it more important than maintaining a 3.5 GPA?"

Spoiled Rich laughed. "My daughter, always such a kidder. Now, tomorrow, I want you to start on becoming the most popular filly in school, alright? I'll expect a progress report when you get back home."

"Okay," Diamond Tiara muttered.

"That's my girl," Spoiled Rich said. With that, she turned and left the room.

"Rats," Diamond Tiara muttered, collapsing into her chair. With a sigh, she opened her notebook to a fresh page, pulled her pencil out of her bandanna, and began planning.

Diamond Tiara took a deep breath before stepping into the school house. The ponies already in the classroom turned to see who had entered. A bit silly, she thought, since she was the last to arrive, and it wasn't like any of them were her friends or that she was the most popular filly in school. Nopony said anything in greeting, nor did they turn away. They just looked at her. The Apple family one wore a perplexed expression on her face, a look she usually reserved for math class.

She froze in worry. Was her mane still styled perfectly or had the wind mussed it, undoing half-an-hour's worth of work? Should she have left the tiara at home? Her mother did always stress the importance of accessorizing, but maybe it was too much for this setting? At least they weren't laughing at her, not yet anyway, she thought with relief, but regardless, she could feel her cheeks reddening, and her knees felt like they could buckle under the weight of the stares at any moment. She needed to do something before everything went wrong.

Fortunately, her planning last night meant she was prepared..

"I, uh, brought cupcakes for everyone," Diamond Tiara said, opening up the box for all to see, and the calm erupted into action like a Pinkie Pie surprise party with everything, from the guests to the quantity of confections scaled down.

"Chocolate dibs!" Rolly, the nickname Diamond used when thinking of the short, fat one, launched himself toward the offered goodies so quickly his desk slid backwards. His quick start coupled with the location of his desk allowed him to be the first foal to close the distance, and one of the chocolate cupcakes disappeared into his mouth. Despite their slower starts and longer distance to travel, the rest of the class was right behind.

"I'll take a thrawberry one, if that'th all right?" the filly Diamond thought of as Red, thanks to the color of her frizzy mane, asked. She waited for Diamond Tiara's affirmative nod before taking the cupcake she desired.

The last cupcake was claimed by the mousy, grey filly. As usual, her mane was a tangled mess, and her glasses sat crooked upon her nose. She said something, but whatever it was was lost under the garbled thanks from one of the class clowns, who seemed to have crammed his entire cupcake in his mouth. Diamond Tiara had to offer the cupcake box twice before the filly took the cupcake and scurried back to her desk.

It crossed Diamond Tiara's mind that that filly —what was her name? Some sort of cutlery… Silver Fork? No, that wasn't quite right. She'd have to make it a point to memorize everypony's names, she decided, just like how her dad always knew everypony's name. Ponies seemed to react better to that then if you said, "Hey you!" Nor did they always take kindly to perfectly sensible nicknames— Anyway, she could see her mother's point. Mouse was never going to amount to much, at best winding up working for someone else who would take all the rewards.

"Okay, class," Miss Cheerilee called, rapping her hoof on her desk to quiet everyone down. "Everypony thank Diamond Tiara for those delicious cupcakes." A chorus of thanks yous came forth from the class, and Miss Cheerilee continued. "Now, if everypony will open their history book to page thirty-four, we can get started."

The classroom filled with the sounds of ponies digging through their bags or opening their bags to retrieve their books, followed by the rustling of pages as they sought the correct page. All except for Diamond Tiara, who raised her hoof.

"Diamond Tiara?" Miss Cheerilee asked.

"Miss Cheerilee, I brought you something, too." Diamond Tiara reached into her saddlebag and brought forth a large apple. "Teachers like apples, right?"

"Yes, Diamond, teachers love apples. They're healthy and delicious." Miss Cheerilee smiled and said, "Although maybe not quite as yummy as cupcakes," causing the class to giggle.

Maybe this will all be pretty easy, after all, Diamond Tiara thought. With the use of some gifts, the right attitude, and being sure to remember everypony's name, she could pull off being popular and maintain the high grades her parents insisted upon. In no time, she'd be running this class. Maybe she could even become the head of some school club. She could imagine it now, how she would sit at a big desk and bellow orders at her subordinates, leading them with such skill that the club's success would be recognized not just by the school, but all of Ponyville. Maybe even—

"By the way, Diamond, did you get yesterday's homework completed?"

Diamond Tiara's daydream evaporated as her eyes shot open. The homework! She'd forgotten all about it. She tried to shrink into her desk. A snicker came from behind her. The sound steeled Diamond Tiara's nerves, and she straightened up. No way was that Apple kid going to laugh at her. Not that she was sure it was the Apple kid, but it seemed like the type of thing that hillbilly would do.

"I-I'm sorry, Miss Cheerilee. I got so wrapped up in the idea of bringing cupcakes that I completely forgot about it." "It won't happen again!"

"I suppose I can give you one more day," Miss Cheerilee said, "since you did bring all those cupcakes and all. But don't forget again, or I'm going to have to give you a zero, okay?"

"Yes, Miss Cheerilee, I won't forget," Diamond Tiara said, quickly jotting down a reminder to herself on her hoof.

"Good, good," Miss Cheerilee said and returned to her lesson.

Diamond Tiara barely paid attention, her mind lost in thought. This was going to be just as hard as she initially thought. There was no way one pony, even one as talented as herself, could pull this off. It just wasn't possible. There weren't enough hours in the day, not with how much time she needed to study, not if she still wanted free time to run and play.

She found her gaze drifting toward Mouse, watched how the filly was reading several chapters ahead of where they were supposed to be, yet she answered every question Miss Cheerilee asked in her barely audible voice. Always the answer was more of a question than a statement, yet never wrong.

A smile spread across Diamond Tiara's face. She knew she'd found the answer to her dilemma. If she could not have more hours per day, she would need to use her time more efficiently. And what better way to do that then to tap the class brain? With Mouse's help, Diamond Tiara was sure she could get her homework done in half the time. The smile stayed until recess was called.

She followed Mouse out, waited until the filly sat down under a tree. With a hoof, Diamond Tiara nudged down the book the Mouse was reading.

"I've decided. We're going to be best friends," Diamond Tiara said.

It would take some effort, no doubt, but it would pay off. Mouse's saddlebag was name brand, and not the sort of brand her father's store carried either, but one of the higher end ones you had to travel to a big city to find. Obviously, the filly's family wasn't poor. Furthermore, the filly was smart, smarter than even Diamond Tiara, as far as book-learning was concerned anyway. And so Diamond Tiara had determined that Mouse and she would be friends. In exchange for help with homework, Diamond Tiara would make her popular as well. Though not quite as popular as Diamond Tiara herself, of course.

"Friends?" Mouse asked.

"No. Not friends. Best friends. Like, BFFs," Diamond Tiara said with a nod. She settled down next to Mouse and said, "I've thought it all through, and it will be perfect. We'll be the most popular fillies in town."

"Popular?"

She'd really have to learn the filly's name, Diamond Tiara thought, before she accidentally called the filly Mouse. Reaching out, she took hold of Mouse's mane. "May I?" she asked, and began braiding it without waiting for a response. From her new position, fortune smiled upon her, and she took advantage of it to note the "Property of Silver Spoon" written on the bookmark. "Yes, Sil. May I call you Sil?" She didn't wait for a response, but continued braided and talking. "Popular, Sil. Let me ask you this: Do you think Celestia holds power because she's smart and a good talker? Of course not. It's because she's popular…"

Author's Note

A little story inspired by the song Popular from the musical Wicked.

The first time I heard it, it struck me as a very Diamond Tiara appropriate song, and so I used it for this prompt. Originally, I was thinking to make it just about Di and Sil, but then the idea of using Diamond's mother came to me, and so I went that route. Obviously, this takes place at some point between the show's pilot and Call of the Cutie.
- Mudpony

Prompt 16: Let Mom Sleep - MichelleTwistaloo

An endless stream of current pop, and glam, and yes, even Rock strung forth from the little Radio that Diamond “Dazzling” Tiara had carried with her to the the camp. The little device might seem small, but it was potent, it was top of the line...Barnyard Bargains had recently expanded their business from “general bargains” to “general bargains...but also electronics” despite the fact that you wouldn’t find many electronics in a Barn. And Diamond had literally jumped at the chance to have a radio of her own. She owned a huge one in her room, but this one was portable...just the more perfect to annoy her classmates with.

True, annoying her classmates wasn’t her main purpose, or even a conscious purpose, if asked Diamond would just say she wanted to hear the latest from Sapphire Shores, or the Countess, or whomever. And it was true, she just felt like dancing to the songs! Even if it was night already, Luna had already raised the moon, and she was supposed to be asleep.

She was singing the words to the songs, as they came, of course daddy dearest had bought her all the cd’s, so she had had time and means to memorise them. She was just going to repeat the chorus, in her wonderful voice, one that made, obviously, everyone want an encore, when suddenly…

“Oh for pete and apple’s sake!” - Apple Bloom exclaimed, she had had her pillow over her head, and her hooves holding it for the past half an hour, and it did an ok job blocking the radio, but now she was singing? It wasn’t that Diamond was a bad singer! It wasn’t, but it was three in the morning, she wanted to go to sleep!

“Yeah! I want to sleep!” - Sweetie’s over emphatic and excitable voice came over, she was on the top bunk, on top of Apple Bloom, but Diamond Tiara could see that her head now peeked out of the top of the bed’s frame. “Would you stop playing with that radio of yours? I’m trying to get to sleep!”

Diamond Tiara had to look at the two of them, the nerve, asking her, her, Diamond Tiara, to stop singing and hearing radio, when it had been her who had invited them to this makeshift vacation. Sure the flightless chi...right - she reminded herself - be nice, Scootaloo, she enunciated the name, so it stuck in her mind, had refused, claiming that Diamond would be a spoiled brat throughout, and the only reason the other two had come had been because their sisters, Applejack and Rarity, had insisted they take the nice offer from their classmate. But still! Silver Spoon, whom she had also invited didn’t seem to be bothered! In fact she was sleeping on the top bunk over her!

Sure, she had complained the first few times they had tried the radio in sleepovers, but not now, she had realised how much fun it was, she didn’t even awake now! They would just have to get used to it.

“No!” - She simply said, and, after taking a few seconds to frown, because she realised her favorite song had ended, and they were now on some other b-class singer she had never heard, and changing the station, because seriously, sometimes at 3am music sucks, she resumed singing.

“Can ya believe this? I mean at least she has good taste, but still…”

“I don’t know, I like showtunes”

Though their conversation was no more than a whisper, that was like a needle scratch for Diamond Tiara. Diamond Tiara had a good ear, she had always had one, and she was aware of their conversation, same as she was aware of the grinding of the teeth Apple Bloom had been having a little while before, she just hadn’t had before, but this.

“This is most disturbing.” - She paused the radio, and the other two let out a sigh of relief, only to almost yell as Diamond climbed the ladder and grabbed Sweetie.

“Let go!”

“No!”

“Let her go!”

“Hey, let go of my leg. you’re going to make me fall off Sweetie’s bunk!”

“Then let go of Sweetie’s leg!”

“I will as soon as she tells me why she likes showtunes, I mean, she’s not as old as your grandmother!” - Seeing Apple Bloom tugging harder, Diamond quickly added. - “No offense!”

Apple Bloom let go of Diamond’s leg and , she too climbed the bed, the bed creaked as three fillies stood sitting on top of it. All three of them stared at one another, before four pair of eyes landed at Sweetie’s face.

“Why do ya like showtunes? With all the craziness around the time ya told me ya liked them, I didn’t question it, but it is odd!”

Sweetie shrugged.

“I just like them, Rarity used to put them while working on her dresses, I get it kind of stuck”

“That’s explained then, still, you should listen to some of the cd’s my daddy buys me! Just don’t break them!”

Diamond figured that being friends with those two, was worth it, even if it meant she had to share some of her discs, she figured she’d share some of the ones she didn’t listen to as often, anyway.

“You’re a spoiled brat, Tiara.. But thank you”

Throughout their conversation they had been moving their butts, and the bed had creaked, now it was dangerously close to breaking, as it was an old house owned by Diamond’s family, one of many. as she lifted herself to get off however, moving past Apple Bloom…

Crash!

“Ouch”

“Owwwwwwww”

“Awwww Dang it”

The top bunk had fallen on the bottom bunk and broken that one as well, it looked as if none of them were going to get any sleep, unless the three of them slept in the same bed.

Silver’s face looked at them from above.

“Now just look at at this funk! What’s going on?”

Sweetie could only say

“It’s the power of music...sometimes it hurts...owww”

Author's Note

Based on the song "Let Mom Sleep" from Jet Set Radio.

Prompt 16: Escape from Hellview - Yukito

A/N: This story is set in the changeling alternate universe shown in the S5 finale.

Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom had been marching for several days though the desolate wilderness that used to be Equestria's lush, beautiful plains. After escaping the changeling ambush on their camp and fleeing the Everfree Forest, the two fillies were left on their own to wander aimlessly through the harsh, open territory.

The changelings were known to patrol every three hours, and so the two fillies would stop to take a break in some ditch or some cave. They would have to stay quiet and not light any fires to keep warm. There would be times that the changelings would catch sight of them, forcing them to turn and run the other way until their little legs had carried them far enough away.

Their food supply was running low, their coats and their manes were filthy, and their tolerance for each other had reached its limit. All it would take was one more nudge. Just one little push in the wrong direction would make one filly snap at the other.

That nudge came from Apple Bloom accidentally bumping her hoof against Diamond Tiara. The other filly snapped her gaze at her and shouted, "Stop touching me!"

Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes and retorted, "Ah only tapped you once, and it was an accident!"

"Well then stand further away! Your bright coat is gonna give me away, anyway."

Apple Bloom scoffed. "Like you're one ta talk! I bet it's your coat that gave us away all those times ta begin with!"

"You trying to start something, blank flank?!"

The two stopped and butted heads, growling at each other. Eventually, Apple Bloom backed up and sighed. She knew that she had to be the voice of reason. She knew that she had to act as her older sister would in this situation.

"Look, we can't afford ta be at each other's throats," Apple Bloom said. "We have ta get somewhere where there's lots of cover an' lie low."

"Why?" Diamond Tiara snapped. "It's not like there's anypony who'll come to save us."

"Don't say that. Princess Celestia'll-"

"She's dead," Diamond Tiara said. "I heard the grown-ups talking about it. Princess Luna is, too."

"You're wrong," Apple Bloom insisted. "The princesses are invincible! Nopony can defeat 'em, let alone a changeling!"

Suddenly, the two fillies heard the sounds of leaves rattling nearby. They turned towards the hilltop before them and slowly scaled it, peering over the edge to find a group of five changelings loitering about. The two fillies gulped, and then the changelings turned in their direction.

The two immediately took off, running as fast as they could back the way they had come. Diamond Tiara's blood ran cold, and her legs felt like lead, but she kept running. Apple Bloom was ahead of her, and she feared that the other filly would leave her behind. "W-Wait!" she shouted, tears in her eyes. She looked over her shoulder and then tripped over a rock on the ground, cutting her leg as she tumbled to a stop.

Looking back up, she found that the changelings had not pursued her… yet. She climbed slowly to her hooves, her left foreleg stinging. She looked down. Blood was trickling from the wound and dripping onto the ground. She sniffed, and looked around for any signs of Apple Bloom.

"Apple Bloom?!" Diamond Tiara's voice echoed throughout the air, and she clasped a hoof over her mouth. Dejected, Diamond Tiara turned around and started to walk. Although, it was more of a limp. She didn't know where to go, or even where she was, but something stubborn inside of her told her that she simply had to move. That she simply had to escape.

She walked for what seemed to be miles, panting, aching. She stopped as she saw a building up ahead. She recognised the building, and the ones around it. Ponyville, or what remained of it.

She entered the village, walking past the decaying houses and stepping onto long blades of grass. The Everfree Forest was growing wild, stretching towards the ruins of the old town.

The wind blew through, and something creaked above Diamond Tiara's head. She looked up, and wished that she hadn't. Hanging from the decaying trees above her, swaying in the cold wind… the dried-up husks of ponies that used to live there served as reminders to all about who now ruled these lands.

Adults and foals – none were spared. Once they were drained of all they had, they were tied by the necks and left to dry up in this merciless wasteland. She recognised some of the adults as shopkeepers or her daddy's clients. She recognised Miss Cheerilee and Miss Twilight Sparkle, the quiet librarian who often assisted her teacher in the classroom.

Of course, she recognised every single foal as they had been, at one point, her classmates. Dinky Hooves, Snips and Snails, Rumble, Ruby Pinch… Silver Spoon. Her best friend in the entire world, who wasn't fortunate enough to have escaped Ponyville when the changelings attacked.

This was the reason that she ran away from the Everfree Forest. This was the reason that she had been fighting to survive for several days. It was so she wouldn't end up like this, too. So she would have to suffer such a gruesome fate.

She heard the sounds of crying nearby, and found Apple Bloom at the entrance to the old school building. Besides missing a roof, it hadn’t been hit too bad in the attack. Outside of the building, however, was the reason for Apple Bloom's tears. Her own best friends, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle… never made it out of Ponyville that day, either.

She approached Apple Bloom and placed a hoof onto the shoulder. Apple Bloom turned around and clutched onto Diamond Tiara, sobbing into her foreleg. The two remained there in silence for what seemed like minutes.

A cold wind passed over Diamond Tiara's spine as Apple Bloom's tears seemed to ease up. "We should get inside," Diamond Tiara said. "They'll be hunting for us soon, and I'm bleeding. Miss Zecora said they can smell blood from far away."

"Are Applejack and Big Mac, and the others… like this, too?"

"I don't know. No?" Diamond Tiara looked around uneasily. She found a couple of ponies dressed in armour lying on the ground, with weapons at their hooves. She picked up a crossbow and stared at it. She had seen ponies use these before. "We have to go. Come on."

Apple Bloom nodded, and rose to her hooves. The two made their ways into the schoolhouse, huddling into a corner together for warmth. Apple Bloom rested her head on Diamond Tiara's shoulder and tried not to sleep, but her eyes were fluttering. Diamond Tiara placed one hoof on Apple Bloom's. It seemed to offer some comfort, but only until she heard the screeching and the hoofsteps outside.

She clutched her crossbow with both hooves and pointed it towards the door. The sounds drew closer. She wasn't going to wind up like her friends. She was going to escape from this place. She was going to escape from Equestria and live. It was the only thing that she could do.

The floorboards creaked.

Author's Note

This story inspired by the song Escape From Hellview - CKY.

Prompt 16: The Pony I Want To Be - DragonShadow

Ponyville was a small hamlet with not very many ponies in it. One wouldn't think that a family as rich as the Riches would bother to live in a place out in the country without much social grandeur, but they had made their start there, and they were among the village founders. They had a place and a home here that they simply wouldn't in Canterlot. That was what Diamond Tiara had always been told, at least. That she was the heiress to the legacy of all Ponyville.

Now, however, as she walked the mostly-empty streets near the edge of town, she didn't see the legacy of Ponyville in her hooves. She saw a legacy of terror. A legacy of stomping through the town, taking what she wanted, and stepping on anypony who would get in her way. Or even anypony who didn't get in her way. It didn't matter. She was Diamond Tiara, she was the heiress, she was a rich pony of high social standing, and... she was sorry.

But sorry wasn't enough for her. That was why she was approaching Princess Twilight Sparkle's friendship castle on the edge of Ponyville. She was Diamond Tiara, she refused to dwell helplessly on her problems. She was a doer, not a worrier, and she knew what she had to do. So it was with confidence that she knocked on the front door.

The door peeled open moments later with a groan of protest, and standing just inside was the princess of friendship herself. Her horn was glowing with an energy that only came from an alicorn, and her mane swept back majestically from her neck as the wind from town blew into the castle. Her air of regality would have been complete if she weren't hunched over slightly in that special way that nerds had.

Wait, no, bad Diamond Tiara. No thinking of ponies that way anymore.

"Hello, Diamond Tiara." Twilight Sparkle interrupted her thoughts. "What can I do for you?"

"I..." Diamond Tiara could only squeak at first, then shook her head and continued in a more forceful tone. "I need something. Something really important."

"Oh?" Twilight cocked her head quizzically. "What is it?"

"I need to go back in time."

"That's a pretty big request."

"But it's important!"

"I see..." Twilight put a hoof over her mouth, regarding the smaller filly with some curiosity. "Why don't you come inside? I think we need to have a little talk."

Diamond Tiara nodded and accepted Twilight's invitation. She'd never been inside the castle before. It looked a lot bigger on the inside than it seemed on the outside, but then she supposed that was the power of princess magic.

Princess Twilight led the way through the central chamber into the back, down a long hallway into what looked like a small living room, with several chairs scattered around a cozy lit fireplace that cast a warm atmospheric light with no actual heat, and a thick cushy rug laid out on the ground between the chairs dotted with sitting pillows. Every wall was lined with bookshelves and every shelf was filled to the brim with everything from tiny paperbacks to massive tomes.

"We're not going to the throne room?" Diamond Tiara asked curiously.

Twilight chuckled as she approached one of the pillows on the rug and sat down with an inelegant plop. "I only use the throne room for official business. Unless you'd prefer to go there?" Diamond Tiara shook her head. "Then please, have a seat." Diamond Tiara took a more dainty seat on the pillow in front of Twilight's, so they could face each other. "Now why don't you start from the beginning?"

Diamond Tiara shuffled her hooves in front of her for a nervous moment, then shook her head and steeled herself with a deep breath. "I want to go back in time because I don't like who I was."

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Twilight... everypony in Ponyville knows what I was like before." Diamond Tiara fought back her blush as best she could. "I was terrible. I want to go back and get a second chance to not be so bad. I mean... if I can be good from the beginning, then things would only be better now, right?"

"I see." Twilight's expression was a blank mask as she nodded, her eyes locked onto Diamond Tiara's. "Time travel is pretty serious business. The consequences can be far greater than you think."

"I know, but I think it's worth it." Diamond Tiara crossed her forehooves over her chest with a firm nod. "Ponyville would be a much better place if I was..." She hesitated, then forced herself to continue. "If I was the pony I want to be."

"Are you somehow not the pony you want to be?"

"I'm close now, but that doesn't make up for everything I've already done." Diamond Tiara looked down at her hooves. "All the ponies I made fun of, all the mistakes I made... Silver Spoon still isn't talking to me, my parents are still mad at me, the other kids from Canterlot all give me funny looks now. Everypony says I've changed... but I don't want to have changed. I want to actually be a good pony."

"Is it not possible that you changed into a good pony?"

Diamond winced. "That's not good enough. I-I don't do things halfway. If I'm going to be a good pony and turn over a new leaf, I need to be a good pony from the beginning. Besides..." She trailed off for a moment, losing her energy. "If I was good from the beginning, everypony would be a lot happier. I wouldn't have made fun of Apple Bloom, I wouldn't have made Babs Seed do all those terrible things, I wouldn't have yelled at Silver Spoon all those times..."

Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath. "I know you have regrets, Diamond Tiara, but you can't dwell on them."

"I don't want to dwell on them... I want to get rid of them." She met Twilight's gaze again. "Can you send me back in time?"

"Yes, I can."

"Would you?"

Twilight shook her head slowly. "No."

"I can pay you! I can do anything you want! Just give me a chance! I can be better, I promise! And I'll make sure nothing bad happens!"

"This isn't about payment or even the risk to the timeline. It's about you."

"But we'd all be better friends if I was a good pony all this time!" Diamond Tiara insisted. "You're the Princess of Friendship, right? It's your job to make us better friends!"

"No!" Twilight's tone left no room for argument. It was so strong Diamond Tiara winced and jerked back a bit, her ears flattening against the top of her head. When she continued it was in a far softer voice. "What you're looking for simply doesn't exist, Diamond Tiara. Even if you changed the past you wouldn't be wiping out your regrets, you would just be replacing them with new ones."

"How do you know? I'd be super careful not to have any!"

"I know because everypony has regrets. Everypony makes mistakes that they carry with them for the rest of their lives." Twilight lifted one hoof towards her. "I know you have a lot to answer for, and bearing the burden of guilt is one of the most difficult things a pony can do... but if I may be honest, this guilt will only make you stronger." Diamond's eyes widened slightly in surprise. "Look how furiously you're trying to set things right. You've rebuilt the playground, and you've funded more birthday parties than any single pony in Ponyville. Apple Bloom has told me that you approach your friends with the biggest smile each and every day. Honestly, your appreciation for your friends is admirable even to me."

"I'm just... glad to know what it's like to have real friends now..."

"Exactly." Twilight nodded. "I know it's hard to look back on what might have been, but everything you were up to now, everything you don't want to have been... it has made you into the pony you are." Twilight's lips curled into a slight smile. "Maybe you're not exactly the pony you want to be... none of us are exactly what we want to be, but that doesn't mean you're not a pony worth being."

Diamond sniffled softly. She hadn't even realized there were tears running down her cheeks. She reached one hoof up to wipe the liquid from her fur as she spoke. "What about Silver Spoon? What if she never talks to me again?"

"Then that's her choice, and you'll have to accept it." Twilight rose from her pillow to wrap a comforting hoof around the little filly. "But between you and me? Experience has taught me that friendship has a way of working things out in the end, no matter how much yelling happens."

Diamond Tiara couldn't help a small smile on her lips. "I'd really like that..."

"Then I have no doubt it'll happen someday." Twilight released her and stepped back. "As long as you work hard for the future instead of dwelling in the past, you can do anything you want from now on."

Diamond Tiara nodded slowly as she climbed to her hooves. "O-okay... I'll do my best..." Diamond Tiara ran a hoof over the polished marble floor. "So... you can send me back in time, right?"

"Yes, I can."

"Could you send me back to last Tuesday? I forgot to turn in some homework..."

Twilight smiled. "I guess you'll have to study extra hard to make up for it in the future." Diamond sighed. "Now come on, I think you have better places to be than cooped up in this cold castle with me. Like out with your friends."

"Yeah, okay... thank you, Twilight." Diamond Tiara followed the princess through the castle back to the front doors, which opened magically as they approached.

Twilight Sparkle waved after her as Diamond Tiara marched away from the castle, her gaze shifting left and right across the citizens of Ponyville going about their day. She had wanted to do right by them, from the beginning. They didn't deserve to spend all those years with the old Diamond Tiara about... but maybe Twilight was right. Maybe changing it in the past wasn't the answer... there was no going back, there was only going forward.

She nodded. She would remember everything she didn't want to be, and become exactly the opposite. She would use what she learned to become something better, and look forward to the day she could do real good in this town to make it up to everypony. For now, though, she did have some friends to see. And she found that, unlike the old Diamond Tiara, this new Diamond Tiara really wanted to see them.

Prompt 17: E - Yukito

It started with a simple letter. As Silver Spoon woke up that morning, she found a strange envelope sitting on her desk, no words, no stamps, no wax seals… It was just there, waiting to be opened until she had finished her cereal, taken out the garbage, completed her homework, cleaned her bedroom and made five hundred bits on the stock exchange.

"Oh, maybe I should open this," she said as she grabbed the strange envelope and opened it- "OW! Paper cut…"

… As she opened it, and pulled out the contents. A single piece of paper. Blank, A4, and folded twice. She unfolded it, and was confused by what was written on it. For on the paper, was a single letter: 'E'.

"Huh. Weird." Tossing the paper into the bin, Silver Spoon decided to forget the strange letter and headed outside.

Walking through Ponyville, Silver Spoon couldn't help but smile at the beautiful day that it was. The sun was shining bright and there were barely any clouds in the sky. Just a few here-and-there, and… one shaped like the letter 'E'.

"… Surely a coincidence," she said as she adjusted her glasses and continued onwards. She passed through the market area, where she found a stall of apples headed by Applejack. There were red apples mixed with green ones, and the green ones were arranged in an 'E' shape.

"… Okay, that's creepy," she muttered, walking faster until she found a mirror being carried by two ponies across the street. She stopped to let them pass, and gasped as she noticed how some dust was on the mirror in an 'E' shape.

She started to trot after the mirror was gone, panic setting in as she looked at the ponies around her. They were returning strange looks of their own, and she gasped as she saw one pony with an 'E'-shaped bald spot on his flank.

"Excuse me," Silver Spoon stopped and turned to find Ginger Snap, dressed in her filly scout's outfit, standing before her. There was a wagon full of papers behind the filly. "Could you fill out this short survey please? It's about the environment and how we, as a community, could help to improve it!"

"S-Sure…" Silver Spoon took one of the papers and a pen from the filly, and filled out the multiple-choice questions. It was only after she had ticked the last box that she realised… each of her answers was 'E'. "What is going on?!"

Silver Spoon sprinted through the town, sweat running down her brow, until she had to stop to catch her breath, a mere ten feet from where she had started. She really needed to work out more, but more importantly than that, she raised her head to find Pinkie Pie carrying several balloons, all of which had the letter 'E' on them.

She bolted away from the pink pony, running until she accidentally bumped into a purple mare and fell onto her back. "S-Sorr-" Silver Spoon shivered as she looked up. Twilight Sparkle smiled down gently at the filly, closing her book so that she could help her up. The book's title, though… was 'E'.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Silver Spoon kicked the book away and turned around, running faster than she ever thought possible. She found Rainbow Dash flying alongside her.

"Wow, you're fast! Wanna race? Race ya to the water tower!"

And without another word, Rainbow Dash was off. Silver Spoon looked over to the tower, where she found a giant 'E' painted along the side. She bit her lip and skidded to a halt, before turning and running so fast that she could kill a werewolf.

"MUST… ESCAPE… E…"

As she ran, she found that her original destination, Diamond Tiara's manor, was in sight. However, guarding the entrance, was a giant wooden 'E'. Fire burning in her eyes, Silver Spoon picked up the pace and screamed as she jumped, piercing through the offending letter and setting it on fire with the sheer force of her headbutt, and then continued through the gates of the Rich manor, where salvation was surely waiting for her.

"And so that was my day," Silver Spoon said, sighing as she slumped into Diamond Tiara's table. The other filly was pouring herself some tea. "It all started with that letter. Ever since then I've seen 'E' everywhere!"

"Gee-whiz, Silver Spoon," Diamond Tiara said. "This sure sounds like a myster-E." Diamond Tiara took a sip of her tea as Silver Spoon raised her head.

"… Diamond Tiara?"

"Yes, Silver Spoon?"

"Did you set this whole thing up just so that you could make that pun?"

"I might have."

"… Diamond Tiara?"

"Yes, Silver Spoon?"

"Can I go home now, and not speak to you for an entire week?"

"You may."

And so, Silver Spoon rose from her seat and left the room. Diamond Tiara raised her tea to her lips and took another sip, sighing as the sweet taste flooded into her mouth.

Prompt 18: 28 Cases of Cookies Later - Mudpony

The doors of the teleportation room closed behind the two fillies, leaving them in a long, narrow corridor. The walls were bare stone, a rough granite that would have caused a certain Ponyville fashionista to spin around and fling herself upon a teleportation pad, begging to be allowed to flee, had she ever found her way down here. And that was without even knowing the dark secrets and terrible deeds hidden within the secret base.

The fillies had no such reaction, idly swapping banter back and forth, not paying attention to the decor or the large seal that hung on the wall besides them, the coat of arms of The Agency, complete with its "For Princesses and Pony" slogan. The base with its poorly lit corridors was a second home to them, even if it was one without all the comforts of, well, home. No thoughts about the lack of comfort or style crossed their minds as they headed down the corridor, towards the door barely visible at the far end of the hall.

"I wonder what's so important that we're being called in like this," Diamond Tiara said for the upteenth time.

"Still don't have a clue," Silver Spoon replied, "but whatever it is, it must be of huge importance if they're pulling us off the MULE investigation."

"I know, right? V knows how close we are to identifying their leader. No way she'd blow a year-long operation unless there was, like, a really good reason. It's got to be something like a Breezy coup attempt." Diamond Tiara sucked in her breath. "Or maybe… maybe an invasion of demonized teenagers from a parallel dimension."

Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. "You've got to quit reading those tabloids, Di. They're totally rotting your brain."

"It can't all be rot. Equestria Daily is the third-highest circulating paper in the world, after all."

"Being popular isn't the same thing as being good," Silver Spoon replied.

Diamond Tiara tilted her head, giving her companion an incredulous look.

"Well, okay, except when it comes to us."

"Because we're the bestest," Diamond Tiara said with a grin.

"Bump bump, sugar-lump, rump!" the two fillies chanted in unison, giggling gleefully.

It wasn't long before Silver Spoon's mirth wore off, though, and she grew more solemn. "Of course, the downside is that we get all the hardest, most dangerous missions."

"I wonder what the mission is this time."

Silver Spoon sighed and lowered her ears. "Still. Don't. Know." Her head shot up, eyes wide, as a thought struck her. "Maybe Babs will be here to help us. It must be totally super important mission, so it'd make sense if they called her in from the Manehattan branch."

"Or maybe we'll, like, have to go to Manehattan to help her with something..." Diamond Tiara directed a wicked smirk at her friend. "Like an impending invasion of demonized teenagers from a parallel dimension."

"You know I know fourteen different ways to knock you out with just my bare hooves, right? Sixteen if I don't mind chipping a hoof."

Diamond Tiara grinned. "Good thing you love me."

Silver Spoon settled her hoof on the door handle. "As if. I know you've got eyes for nopony but Apple Bloom."

"Well, maybe if you wore a really big bow?"

Silver Spoon snorted and pressed the handle down, opening the door.

The two fillies entered the office, settling into a pair of chairs facing a large oaken desk. Piles of folders covered the desk, each containing the details of some operation or intelligence. In one corner, a pair of goggle-like glasses sat, the purplish lenses facing upward. On the other side of the desk was a single chair, its high back turned toward the fillies, as it always was whenever the fillies entered the room.

Slowly, it swiveled around, revealing the white-coated unicorn within, her two-toned blue mane in its usual half-wild state. V, the chief of the Ponyville branch, and the second highest member of The Agency, answering only to L. She looked her agents over with a single eye, the other covered in a black eyepatch.

"Sorry I had to pull you in, but something important has come up." She pulled the third folder from the top out of the stack to her left, and tossed it to Silver Spoon. Settling back, she waited for their reaction.

Silver Spoon opened the folder, as Diamond Tiara leaned over to look as well. Together, the two fillies read the single piece of paper within it. Their response was the same, and almost perfectly in sync. First, their eyes slowly widened, then their jaws slowly dropped, followed by a head shake and a second reading of the paper. A brief moment silence, and then both fillies erupted out of their chairs.

With a solid thunk, Silver Spoon's forelegs came to rest on V's desk, knocking a pile of folders askew. "Cookies? We're supposed to sell cookies?"

At the same time, Diamond Tiara slammed her hooves together. "We were this close to finding out the identity of the head of MULE, V. And you're blowing it all for cookies? You realize our contact will probably take off when we fail to make our meeting."

"Are you done, Agents?" The command, for it wasn't really a question, and it took but a moment to take hold of the two fillies, their bodies settling into their seats, even as their protests remained evident in their eyes. V took a deep breath. "I" —she stressed the word heavily— "am not doing anything. This came straight from the top. From the top, you hear. Straight from L's mouth. And before you ask, no, I don't know why it is so important. I asked, and L told me it was above my paygrade, that there are to be nothing documents about this op, and to put my best agents on it, no matter what I had to pull them off of. That's how big of a deal this cookie thing is. I don't like it anymore than you mares." She took a moment to straighten the folders Silver Spoon had disturbed. "Now get out there and sell some cookies, for princesses and ponies. Operation Confection Clearance must succeed."

Diamond Tiara frowned, but stayed silent.

"We'll do it, Chief. We always do our duty," Silver Spoon said. "So what's the plan?"

V shook her head. "There isn't one. You'll have to improvise."

"No plan?" Diamond Tiara asked.

"Are you hard of hearing, Agent?" V asked. "There's was no time to plan, and I know nothing of selling cookies. So you improvise. Just try not to start a war with Yakyakistan like the two of you almost did the last time you decided to wing it."

"That was, like, not our fault; you know that, Chief. How could we—" Diamond Tiara fell silent under the weight of V's glare.

"Why are you still here?" The unicorn raised a single foreleg and pointed toward the door. "Go. Sell cookies. The very future of Equestria hangs in the balance. Probably."

"You know, it's too bad we can't just order Randolf to take care of this," Silver Spoon said as the two ponies walked down Mane Street. So far, they had proposed sixteen different plans to each other, and each had been summarily picked apart and discarded.

Diamond Tiara couldn't help but giggle, despite her mood. "It'd be nice, wouldn't it. Too bad he's on vacation."

"Plus V probably wouldn't like it. So that plan's a no-go as well." Silver Spoon sighed.

"If only this wasn't the same week as the Filly Scouts' cookie sale."

"I know, right? Selling these cookies would be hard enough even if that wasn't the case, what with how many there are and how they totally—" Silver Spoon cut off at Diamond Tiara's raised hoof.

"Don't remind me. I swear I can still..." Diamond Tiara stopped, swivelled her ears, and sniffed the air. "Something's off."

Silver Spoon titled her head at her partner, then looked around, first toward the store to their right, then the street to the left. "Hmm… You're right. There's, like, not nearly as many ponies wandering about as usual."

Diamond Tiara nodded. "And the ones that are here, they're… on edge. I wonder what's up."

"I don't know, but we'd better find out," Silver Spoon said.

Diamond Tiara nodded, and pushed open the door of the shop. "Nopony gossips like quilters. They'll totally know what's up."

Five minutes later, the two fillies exited the shop, shaking their heads in disbelief.

"See, this is why I hate pranks pulled by anypony other than me," Diamond Tiara said with a scowl. "Nothing good ever comes from them."

"And could you just imagine if someone tried to pull one on us? With our training, we could seriously hurt somepony." Silver Spoon pursed her lips. "Again. We could totally hurt somepony again."

Diamond Tiara nodded slowly. "Though, like, we only used a little glue on her flight feathers. How were we to know that'd make her spin and loop out of control?"

"But at least she agreed not to tell on us, in exchange for us pulling a few strings to get those pesky breaking and entering charges dropped. And she agreed not to prank us ever again if we did the same for her." Silver Spoon paused. "You know, that's probably why we didn't know what's been happening."

"But that still leaves her free to prank everypony else, and it looks like that's gotten a little out of hoof. To the point that Mayor Mare herself had to ask the princess to ask the pink menace to intercede." Diamond Tiara stamped her hoof in frustration. "You know, this is totally going to make it even harder to sell those Nightmare-darned cookies."

Diamond Tiara made it half a block down the street before she noticed Silver Spoon wasn't with her. A quick glance behind revealed her partner standing still, one hoof jabbing and poking the air. Diamond Tiara watched for several seconds with raised eyebrows, before walking back to her friend. She settled on her haunches, letting Silver Spoon finish her calculations, mumbling mostly incomprehensible gibberish, though Diamond Tiara could make a few words phrases. Things like "sale", "Pinkie" and "median acting ability of the entire town over a period of twelve point two hours". At last, Silver Spoon dropped her hoof to the ground.

With a wicked grin, she said, "I've totally got the best plan ever. And by best I mean one that could well fail, but it's the only plan we got that just might work. And it won't even break the deal we made." She pondered that for a second. "Well, not technically, anyway."

Celestia floated the tea cup up to her lips and took a small sip, savoring the special blend that had been gifted to her the previous year by the visiting Arabian royalty. Setting the tea cup back down, she looked over at her sister and co-regent, Luna.

"So, I heard that your new charity completed helping its first case yesterday."

"Oh, yes," Luna replied. "You should have seen how happy the little colt was. I don't think I've ever seen a foal as happy, well, outside of Nightmare Night." She settled back in her chair, took a sip of her own tea, and closed her eyes in contentment.

Celestia tapped a hoof on the table, to no avail. "Well, don't leave me hanging. My little sister's charity's first big case. Details. I need details."

Luna rubbed her hooves together as she composed her thoughts. "Well, there's not much to tell, not really. See, this colt from Baltimare had been having these dreams about his class's upcoming bake'n'sell, about selling more cookies than anyone in class, all on the merit of his cookies. And then, wouldn't you know it, tragedy struck. He got a minor touch of the flu and wouldn't have been able to sell a single cookie to a non-family member.

"But that's when my Have a Dream Foundation stepped in. We took the cookies, found some volunteers, and sold them all, thereby fulfilling the colt's dream. And that's about all there was to it. Easy-peasy."

Celestia nodded with approval. "Have I said already how proud I am of you for starting a charity?"

"Only a few times, but I don't mind if you mention, say, a dozen or so more," Luna said, with a wink.

"Well, I am proud. It's good to see you helping our subjects outside of the dream world." She raised a hoof, warding off Luna's interjection before it could start. "Not that your nighttime work isn't important or beneficial. It truly is. The foals of Equestria have been sleeping much better since your return, and you can notice a definite uptake in their parents' wakefulness as well, all thanks to your tireless work." Celestia took another sip of her tea, watching as her sister did likewise. "Now, time for more serious business. How are things on the intelligence front? If I recall correctly from our last meeting, that operation to identify the head of MULE was about to come to fruition, no?"

Luna nearly spit out her tea, but managed to swallow it, instead. "Um, yeah… I'm afraid that operation didn't work out. The contact we'd been cultivating got cold feet and ran, and my agents haven't been able to reestablish contact."

"Really?"

"Oh yes, for realsies." Luna shrugged. "It's a bummer, but just one of those things, the nature of the intelligence game. We'll figure out who the head of MULE is sooner or later, though, no doubt of that." Luna's eyes drifted down to the table. Seeing Celestia about to ask a follow up question, Luna nodded toward a plate of confections. "Want one of the foal's cookies?"

Celestia blanched. "Those were the cookies? Oh Lady. Those cookies are horrid. And the way they stained your teeth..."

"I know, right?" Luna shuddered. "That's one foal who won't be getting a cutie mark in baking."

Author's Note

Another Agency Fillies story. I do have another idea for this prompt I'm still trying to develop, involving DT knowingly doing charity work, but the lack of DT and Spoon in this episode led to this idea, and I figured, "Why not?" The other two Agency Fillies stories are here ("Spies Like Us" from Prompt #3) and Too Cool for MULE.

Prompt 1: The Short Entries - Various Authors

Alaborn

Diamond Tiara is having a terrible day. Everything isn't 100% up to her standards. She heads to school early. She is surprised to see Dinky wearing a tiara. It's obviously not real.

Before she can think of an appropriate attack, she spies Snips and Snails wearing crowns. Then, another student. Now, she's convinced the other students are playing some huge joke on her. The way they don't even interact with her while wearing their headgear? More evidence of the plot!

She retreats inside. Slowly, everypony enters, each with a crown or tiara. The hated blank flanks all have one. And to add insult to injury, the last student to enter is Silver Spoon, wearing a silver tiara of her own creation.

The minute Cheerilee enters the room, Diamond Tiara demands she do something about it. The teacher is a bit confused, and asks her to elaborate. Diamond Tiara begins to air her grievances, but when she opens her eyes, Cheerilee is also wearing a crown. After exploding at her, Cheerilee sends Diamond Tiara to the principal's office.

She sits alone, stewing in anger, as Cheerilee talks to the principal. After getting told not to mouth off to the teacher, the principal goes into a story from his youth, about a time he was terrified to give a speech to the class.

“What are you talking about?”

“I'm encouraging you to not worry so much about your presentation.”

“What presentation?”

“The one in class today.”

Diamond Tiara stared at him. “I am not afraid of any form of speech, debate, or presentation. You still haven't answered my question. What presentation?”

“You're studying pre-unification unicorn history this year, right?”

Diamond Tiara nodded.

It turns out there was an assignment. Do a report on an old unicorn noble, then craft a replica of his or her crown/tiara and explain its symbolism.

In the course of this explanation, Diamond Tiara also learns that her tiara isn't original, but a copy of a noble unicorn's tiara.
She returns to class, and then has to admit she completely forgot about her assignment. So it's detention, and Cheerilee chides her about spending more time paying attention to the lessons and less time thinking of ways to insult her classmates.

Mager Blutooth

Diamond entered the classroom that morning to find all her of her classmates crowded around something in the front of the classroom. She glanced at Silver Spoon with a look of curiosity, who returned the glance with an equally confused expression. Finding the sight to be too strange to ignore, she approached the crowd, hearing voices coming from the center of it as she did so.

“What do you think you're doing? That's my ground! Who said you could walk on it?”

“Don't you dare talk to me like that. Do you know who I am?”

“You two are impossible. Can't you go five seconds without making me want to gag?”
Recognizing the voices as belonging to the CMC, Diamond figured there was a fight going on between them and pushed her way through the crowd to get a better look. Upon breaking through, her prepared smirk was delayed by an expression of surprise upon seeing what the CMC were wearing on their heads.

“Me make you gag?” Scootaloo scornfully asked. “I think you've got it totally backwards.”

“Or maybe there's just about as much in your brain as there is on your flank,” Apple Bloom sneered as she and her two friends glared at one another before breaking out into the laughter. The crowd around them joined in on their laughter with one exception.

“What's going on here?” Diamond angrily inquired, making the three jump at the sound of her voice.

“Oh, hey, Diamond Tiara. Check it out!” Scootaloo exclaimed as she pointed to the tiara on her head with her hoof.

“My sister had a box of these crown thingies that she was going to throw out, but she let us had them instead,” Sweetie Belle explained as she straightened her own tiara. “I never knew how much fun it was to wear one!”

“Plus, it makes you feel like you can say anything to anypony and get away with it!” Apple Bloom stated as she turned to Scootaloo with a false scowl. “I didn't say you could breathe that air! That was my air!”

“Finders keepers, losers you!” Scootaloo mockingly replied, sticking her tongue out at her friend.

“I was gonna breathe that air later!” Sweetie whined. “I oughta-"

“Are you making fun of me?” Diamond accused, interrupting the group’s playful banter.

“What?" Sweetie Belle squeaked. "No, we were just-“

“Take those off,” Diamond ordered with a full dosage of venom. “Now.”

“Why should we?” Scootaloo challenged. “You don't own our heads.”

Diamond responded by throwing a large stack of papers onto the ground in front of them. “No, but I do own the rights to the tiara look from Manehattan down to Los Pegasus. So unless you'd like to pay my standard royalty fee, I suggest you fork them over.”

The CMC looked at one other before begrudgingly tossing their tiaras off on the ground in front of her and taking their seats.

Diamond turned to the crowd gathered around them. “And what are you all gawking at? I never gave any of you permission to stare at me!” The crowd dispersed and took their own seats, the stray mule who came in to watch exiting as Cheerilee entered. Cheerilee gave him a strange look as she walked in before turning to face the class.

“Good morning, class. I hope you're all ready to learn something this morning.” She noticed Diamond and Silver Spoon standing in front of the class. “Girls? Is there something you wish to share with the class?”

Diamond cleared her throat. “That’s okay, Miss Cheerilee. I've already told them everything they needed to hear.”

Prompt 3: Diamond Tiara Gets Involved With National Security - Tachyon Xenophile

Tachyon Xenophile

The school bell rang. Colts and fillies rushed out, eager to spend their weekends having fun. Some were going to beg a stage magician to teach them for the 11th time, some were going to try to find their cutie marks, and one pink filly was going to almost double her family's wealth.

Diamond Tiara stopped, and checked to see that no one was around. They weren't. She picked her signature tiara off her head, and placed it on the ground. She tapped the hidden button in the center, and a secure signal sent through the Rich private satellite was beamed halfway around the world. Diamond Tiara smirked. Now to wait, she thought. He'll be here soon.

A blue-coated unicorn stallion walked up. He said, "Earth ponies are better at growing plants."

Diamond responded, "Cockatrices can petrify ponies by staring at them."

The stallion kept his blank expression, and said, "Griffons can fly faster than earth ponies."

Diamond finished, "Discord doesn't like vanilla milk rain."

The stallion smiled. "Good," he said, "you're Diamond Tiara. My name is Thorax Shifter."

Diamond raised an eyebrow. "That's a strange name for a unicorn. But then again, you're a Changeling, aren't you?"

Thorax Shifter's smile vanished. He looked around frantically, and Diamond was half convinced he was scanning the minds of the few ponies who were milling around. "Not so loud!" he whispered. "If I'm found out, our contract is void! If you want those 20 million bits, I need that data!"

Diamond pulled out her little notebook, and calmly said, "All right. Here it is. Every thing every member of Ponyville has done of notice in their lives here. It cost me more than 3000 bits to get all this, but it's worth it if you really have 20 million bits."

Thorax chuckled. "We have no use for pony money, except as a trade unit. We don't even have a currency." He pulled out his checkbook, and wrote her a check. All 20 million bits. Thorax levitated a small metal object in front of him. "We might need you later, so here's a earpiece. We can contact you whenever with this."

Diamond grabbed it, and apprehensively put it in her ear. It did not attempt to crawl inside her brain. She said, "Thanks. Pleasure doing business with you." With this, she left, and headed back home.

Her PFF, Silver Spoon, met Diamond a few blocks from her mansion. "Hi Di! How'd the deal go?"

Diamond grinned. "Perfect."

Silver leaned in conspiratorially. "And have you asked Snails on a date yet?"

Diamond blinked, and then shouted in outrage, "I don't like him!"

Silver smirked, and said "You can convince everyone and maybe even yourself, but not me."

Prompt 10: Daring Di and the Dastardly Duo - Mudpony

"Do we have to?" Diamond Tiara asked.

"Spoon picked the last thing we did, and you got to pick before her," Alula said. "It's my turn now. And I wanna play Daring Do."

Diamond Tiara growled in frustration. Whenever they played dress-up and it was Alula's turn, the pegasus always chose Daring Do. Well, that or something swashbuckley like Marel Flynn. And that meant Diamond and Silver always had to play the bad guys. Normally, she was fine with that. After all, the bad guys were usually pretty cool. It meant they could invent wild backstories and give them silly accents. Today though, she wasn't in the mood to play the bad guy.

Alas, there was nothing Diamond could do about it. The three of them had agreed long ago that they would alternate who picked what they did after the Pretty Pony Princess Playset incident that had seen all of them grounded for a month. Okay, it had actually only been for a week and she'd managed to talk her dad into cutting it short by two days, but it had felt like a month. She didn't want to go through that again.

"Fine," she sighed, turning to look toward the agreement. There it hung on the wall, in its frame. The simple contract with its three hoofprints on the bottom, binding the three fillies. It was ironclad, Diamond's mom had said when she'd finished formatting the rough agreement the fillies had come up with into perfect legalese. Since her mother was the most feared lawyer in all of Equestria, Diamond saw no reason to doubt that.

Diamond continued to stare at the contract as Alula and Silver Spoon started to dig through the costume closet, looking for suitable things to wear.

"I vill be da evil Russian treasure hunter Ivana Pillagekov," Silver Spoon declared. "Rich, noble heiress who works for others searching the globe to find priceless treasures, also so she can afford a huge mansion." She stopped, her hoof shooting into the air as she had an idea. "No, vait. Mansions. One on each continent, and two in Mother Russia," she blurted out, losing her accent in her excitement. She nodded, satisfied, as she pulled the faux-fur hat tightly down upon her head. "Da! Dat vill be me. How about you, Diamond? Decided who you vill be?"

Diamond shifted her gaze to her hooves. She really didn't feel like being a bad guy right now. If only she could be the hero. Her eyes popped wide open, and she looked back at the framed contract. Slowly, a smile spread across her face, and she declared, "Daring Do."

Alula froze, halfway through slipping into the shirt, the pith helmet already on her head. "But," she said, "I'm Daring Do."

"I'm invoking Section Four," Diamond said.

Both Silver Spoon and Alula gasped. Nopony invoked Section Four. It just wasn't done. In all the time since the agreement had been signed, Section Four had only been invoked once, with near disastrous results. After that, nopony had dared to use it again. But it also hadn't been struck from the agreement, and so Diamond decided to take full advantage of it. She was going to be the hero.

"But you can't even fly!"

"Well, duh. My wings got hurt, obviously. It only happens in every book."

"Sil! Tell her she can't be Daring Do!" Alula pleaded.

"Can too," Diamond declared.

Silver Spoon walked over to the agreement and read it carefully. She shook her head at Alula. "She's, like, totally right, Alula. Section Four so says that the pony who last got to pick the game gets to make first choice of character." She turned her head towards Diamond Tiara. "Unless you change your mind, Diamond?"

"No." Diamond brought her hoof down hard for added emphasis. "I get to be Daring this time."

Alula glared at Diamond, her face scrunched up in anger. "Fine! Then I'm going to be Crystal Headpiece, the brattiest brat in the whole world who always has to have her way." She flung the Daring Do costume onto the ground in front of Diamond and selected a large, clear crown from the closet, settling it upon her head at an angle. "Tis I, Crystal Headpiece, and I am the most beautificus pony ever. I, Crystal Headpiece, only eat the finest imported hay. And when I'm in the place that the hay I, Crystal Headpiece, eat is grown, it will have to be exported just so it can be imported."

Diamond growled menacingly, but Alula took no notice. She had caught sight of something else. Reaching into the closet, she pulled out the gaudy gold-painted sceptre. Alula brandished it mightily, as if it were worthy of a princess and not something Diamond had found lying abandoned in an alley. "And I, Crystal Headpiece, always carry this!"

Diamond did her best to keep her scowl in place, but alas, the battle was lost the moment Alula brought forth the mighty power of the sceptre. Still, she tried to fight, and the result was a snort, followed by another, and then she gave in and broke into laughter, quickly joined by her two friends.

"Awesome villain, Alula," Silver Spoon declared, once she caught her breath.

"Yeah," Alula said, bouncing around happily. "This villain thing is kinda fun! I, Crystal Headpiece, will totally beat you to… um… What are we going for?"

Diamond looked up from fitting on a pair of pink wings. She might not be able to fly, but Daring Do had wings, and therefore so would she. Anything worth doing was worth doing well, after all. And Daring Do would also need a worthwhile artefact to retrieve.

"Hmm…" She sat down and pondered. "Oooh, I know!"

She ran over to her toy chest and started tossing toys onto the ground. At last, she found what she was looking for and held it up. The glass gem was the size of her hoof, and where light struck it, reflected rays of blues. "Behold, the Sacred Sapphire of…"

"Of Sea Serpentia!" Silver Spoon finished. "The fabled gem of the ancient Sea Ponies, believed to be a divine gift from their cruel sea serpent god Stavumagned. The temple was lost when a mighty volcano lifted the entire city out of the water."

"You're the best at making up those histories, Silver," Alula said, stopping her own search through the costume closet long enough to clap her hooves together.

"It's 'cause of all those history books she reads," Diamond said.

"You should wear these, Diamond," Alula said, holding out a pair of sunglasses. "They're the same type Spitfire wears! They'll no doubt go awesomely with the Daring Do costume."

Diamond wasn't so sure, but she tried them on anyway. She walked over to the mirror and checked herself out. Surprisingly, Alula was right. They did look rather good. A "Styling!" from Silver Spoon indicated she thought so as well.

Unfortunately, being sunglasses, they also made everything darker, and since daylight was already fading, that was a big drawback. Slipping them off, she handed them back to Alula with a shrug. "Too dark."

"But they looked so splendorific," Alula protested.

Diamond nodded. "Next time, if it isn't so dark, we'll so have to use them." She picked up the gem. "I'm gonna put this in the living room. That's big enough to be the temple."

Diamond left her bedroom, tuning out Silver Spoon's questioning of Alula about Crystal Headpiece. Diamond Tiara swore that half the fun Silver Spoon had with these games was with coming up with complete backgrounds for everything. She didn't mind though. It made it all the more fun.

Down the stairs she went and toward the main living room, taking note of the closed door to the study. Her father almost always left the door open, if only on a crack. If it was closed, that meant her mom was in there as well, no doubt working on her latest case. That fit with how quickly her mother had left the table after dinner was finished.

Arriving in the living room, she looked around for a suitable place to hide the prize. The cabinet looked like a good choice, she decided. It could be an altar, with the two vases upon it serving the role of stone idols. She looked at both 'idols', reaching her hoof toward the vase on the left, but stopped before lifting it. She knew that Silver knew that she usually preferred the option on the left, but she also suspected that Silver knew that she knew that. She lifted the right vase up, but then she wondered if Silver might suspect that she suspected.

"Gah! Screw this!" she said, opening up a drawer, the one on the left side, of course, and dumping the gem inside it instead. "There, hidden."

Job done, she turned around and returned to her room. Silver Spoon was now answering questions about her own character, as Alula had turned the tables on her. Both looked her way as she entered.

"I'm back," she said, though they both knew that, obviously. "Study is off-limits. I think my mom's there working on stuff."

Both of her friends nodded. They knew better than to disturb Diamond's mom when she was working. The Pretty Pony Princess Playset incident might have been a while ago, but not so long that they had forgotten it. They'd probably never forget it, actually, though in time, they might laugh about it, but only if they were sure Diamond's mother was nowhere in the immediate vicinity.

"Are we all, like, ready?" Silver Spoon asked.

"3-2-1, go!" Diamond counted down very quickly, and that along with her proximity to the door gave her a head start.

"She is getting away! Follow her!" she heard Alula yell behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see her friends pour out of her room, limbs flying as they cornered, but they managed to recover and head her way. She squealed with delight, ducking down the stairs.

"She vent datta way!" Silver Spoon said, her atrocious accent applied even more thickly than ever.

Diamond rushed toward the living room, sliding to a stop. Looking at the two fillies heading toward her, Diamond waved a hoof at the living room floor. "The tiles are lava from the volcano," she declared. "The rug's a stone platform. And I'm swinging over on the only vine long enough."

Diamond Tiara raced across to the safety of the rug. She pretended to tie her vine up so it couldn't be used by her pursuers. Vine secured, she turned toward the cabinet. "Behold, the altar containing the legendary Sacred Sapphire of Sea Serpantera."

"Serpentia," Silver Spoon corrected.

"Whatever. I got it, and you can't catch me, because of the lava," Diamond taunted, sticking her tongue out.

"Drat!," Alula said. "That gem must be mine! It would look so perfect on the end of my sceptre instead of this red one! I, Crystal Headpiece, must have it!" She turned to Silver Spoon. "What do I pay you for? Do something, Ivana!"

"I fly over," Silver Spoon said, taking a step forward.

"You can't fly!" Diamond protested.

"Can too. Because… Ivana is griffon."

"Yeah, she totally decided she was a griffon while you were hiding the gem."

"Nuh-uh! You don't even have wings!"

Silver Spoon craned her neck around and frowned. Quick as a wink, she did a one-eighty and raced down the hall and up the stairs.

"I have wings!" Alula declared. "I mean, I, Crystal Headpiece, the bestest, most wonderful pony in all of ponydom, have wings!" She reared up dramatically, extending her wings out fully. "All should worship my spendorific feathery goodness and despair! Muhahaaa— Oof!"

Her forehooves hit the ground as Silver Spoon pushed her aside.

"Come, Crystal Headpiece, let's fly!" Silver Spoon declared, turning sideways to show off the dark blue Pretty Pony Princess wings she now wore. "For I am griffon, da? Squawk, I say, squawk!"

Silver Spoon winked at Alula, who grinned back. Silver swished her tail back and forth, doing her best to emulate a cat, while Alula pawed the floor.

"Prepare to meet your doom, Daring Do!" Alula said.

Both she and Silver Spoon dropped down low, like a cat ready to pounce, and then flung themselves forward into the room, bounding across the floor. Diamond backpedaled, looking around frantically for a way out. Quickly, her friends tackled Diamond Tiara and dragged her to the ground.

"Ve have you now!" Silver Spoon declared, as she released Diamond. "Pretend you're tied up, okay?"

Alula sat up, rubbing her hooves together in front of her face in true villain fashion. "Now you will tell me, Crystal Headpiece, where the gem is located within the altar so that I, Crystal Headpiece, might add it to the many treasures that are mine. For it is beautiful, and all beautiful things should belong to me, Crystal Headpiece, the most beautiful mare in the history of, um, ever?"

"Never!" Diamond said, struggling against the imaginary ropes. "I will never tell you! It belongs in a museum."

"Den ve vill have to use…" —Silver Spoon let the pause hang ominously, before finishing— "da tickle torture!"

"Not the tickle torture," Diamond Tiara squeaked.

"Oh yes," Alula said as she advanced while walking upon her hind legs, cane stashed underneath one of her wings, her forelegs waving menacingly, "the tickle torture!"

Duces Tecum carefully blotted what she had just written, before dipping her quill into the inkwell and starting on the next line. Just a couple more of those and she'd be done with this page. And after that, only twenty-three more to go. She really should have made the associate write all these papers, and ordinarily she would have, if the case hadn't been so important. Oh, and if it hadn't been the associate's birthday today. She supposed that mattered as well, to some ponies at least. Just one more—

Her head swung in panic as the scream sliced through the air.

She let out an exasperated sigh. The quill had left a line all the way across the page. She pursed her lips as she crumpled up the paper and tossed it into the garbage can. Reaching for a fresh piece, she prepared to start anew. A second scream, almost as loud as the first, stopped her from reaching for the quill.

"Dear?" she said, looking over at her husband. His nose was still buried within his book, as he sat near the fireplace, a glass of sherry at his side, seeming oblivious to his daughter's screams or her own attempt to get his attention. She fished the paper she had just discarded out of the garbage can and flung it at his head.

"Hmm?" Filthy Rich asked, looking up from his book, puzzled at the interruption. Another loud screech clued him in. "Oh, that. No problem, dear. I'll take care of it." Preparing himself, he took a deep breath, and Duces covered her ears. "Diamond!" he yelled, stretching his daughter's name in the way that has been used to grab the attention of misbehaving children since the dawn of time.

It only took a little bit before the door cracked open and her daughter's head peeked in. "Yes, daddy?" she asked.

"I know you and your friends are having fun, but your mom's trying to get some important work done. Could you please keep it down a little, princess?"

"Okay, daddy." And just like that, she was gone, leaving the door open a crack in her wake.

"Door!" Rich called out, and the door dutifully closed.

Duces Tecum shook her head affectionately at the closed door, gave her husband a little nod, and returned to her work.

"Okay, where were we?" Diamond asked.

"You vere tied and we waz tickling you."

"Okay, well, let's pretend that I distracted you and got free," Diamond suggested.

"And then what?" Alula asked.

"I took this!" Diamond said, holding up the sceptre she had swiped.

"My family sceptre!" Alula screeched, but not too loudly, the warning still fresh. She took a step toward Diamond Tiara.

Diamond dangled the sceptre out past the edge of the rug. "Not one step closer, or I'll drop it!"

Alula's body froze, other than a single foreleg which she used to stop Silver Spoon's forward movement. "If she drops it, tickle her to death, Ivana."

"It vill be my pleasure," Silver Spoon said, crouching low, ready to pounce.

"I'm untying the vine and swinging back," Diamond said, running out of the living room.

"My sceptre!" Alula yelled, quickly sticking a hoof in her mouth. "Sorry," she said softly.

Diamond froze, but when no parental yelling happened, turned back toward Alula. "Pretend I threw it high and you have to catch it," she said, sliding the sceptre across the floor.

Her two friends rushed toward the sceptre and went down in a flailing pile of limbs, giggling insanely. Diamond took a second to laugh, almost tempted to join in, but she remembered her mission. Turning tail, she raced away, back to her room. Once there, she set the gem on top of her nightstand.

"Like, best story ever!" Silver Spoon decreed.

"Totally awesomelicious," Alula agreed.

"They should totally use our ideas for the next book," Diamond decreed. "And pay us for them, of course." No way she'd give up her ideas for free.

"So, now what?" Silver Spoon asked Diamond Tiara, as the three of them stripped out of the costumes, tossing them in a pile on the floor.

Diamond Tiara pondered, then looked at Alula's mane. As usual, it was a bit on the messy side. Time for another traditional activity for their sleepovers, she decided. "Makeover!"

"I'm the mane-stylist," Alula said. "I've always wanted to try that."

"Okay, then I'm the beautician," Silver Spoon said. She pointed a hoof at Diamond. "And that means you're the customer."

Diamond took a step back. That wasn't how they played the game. Silver Spoon always did Alula's mane, while Diamond got to apply the make-up. After all, Alula needed it. She always looked so much prettier after it was done. "But…" Diamond started to protest, only for her friends to cut her off.

"Section Four!" the two chimed in together, giggling.

Author's Note

Have some kids at play =)

Prompt 18: Diamond Tiara Foalsits - Yukito

"So then I said, 'Yeah, well you have to budget your food!'!" Diamond Tiara laughed and, though they didn't know why, Pumpkin and Pound Cake laughed along. "Anyway, point is, money is happiness. So if you guys wanna be happy, stay in my good graces, okay?"

Mrs. Cake walked into the room just as Diamond Tiara finished her story, and smiled as her two babies both reached out for their sitter's attention. "And how are my two little angels doing today?" she asked.

Diamond Tiara picked up Pumpkin Cake, not trusting Pound after his little accident the previous week, and turned to Mrs. Cake. "I was just discussing business with my future partners," Diamond Tiara, picking up a toy to give to the pouting Pound Cake. It seemed to cheer him up. "When your mommy and daddy go to the old ponies' farm, you guys'll have the chance to join me in taking over this town!"

Mrs. Cake giggled uncomfortably as Diamond Tiara shared a scheming look with her children. "Well, the uh, 'farm', is still many years away from us yet."

"Wow, they've gotten so big." Diamond Tiara gasped as Twilight Sparkle walked into the room, following Mrs. Cake as towards a chest at the other side of the room. "I can still remember when they were just newborns. They were so small then… Hello Diamond Tiara."

"H-H-Hello, Princess Twilight!" Diamond Tiara straightened her tiara and put on her biggest smile. "Are you here to save the town from a big monster with your magic?!"

"Uhhh, not today." Mrs. Cake handed Twilight a book from the chest. It was covered in drool and bite marks and the princess sighed. "I loaned Pinkie Pie this picture book, thinking it was for her, but it turns out she wanted it for the children…"

Mrs. Cake regarded Twilight with an odd look. "You thought that this book was for Pinkie Pie? But it's for clearly for kindergartners…"

"… Uh-huh." Twilight took the book carefully in her magic, grimacing at the drool dripping from the crinkled pages within. "Well, guess I could order a new copy from Canterlot and have this one recycled…"

"I'm terribly sorry."

Twilight shook her head and smiled. "It's fine. I know Pinkie's heart was in the right place." Twilight turned to the children sitting nearby, watching as Diamond Tiara quieted them down and prepared an afternoon tea party. Of course, the 'tea' was juice for the two babies. "And I could never stay mad at those two little angels. It's amazing how well-behaved they are now, compared to when Pinkie Pie first sat for them."

"It's thanks to Diamond Tiara," Mrs. Cake said. "She's got a way ponies, or so her father keeps telling me."

Twilight hummed in thought. "Say, Diamond Tiara?"

"Yes?" Diamond asked, her head shooting up to meet the princess' gaze.

"You really like to foalsit, don't you?"

Diamond Tiara nodded her head slowly. "It's… alright. Pound and Pumpkin listen to every word I say so it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Why?"

"Well, how would you like to sit for a princess?"

Diamond Tiara dropped her cup and stared wide-eyed at Twilight. "Eh?"

"You see, the Crystal Empire's been pretty quiet lately, and Shining Armor and Cadance are thinking of taking the chance to have a weekend off, just the two of them, but that would mean their usual foalsitter, Sunburst, would have to fill in for them, and they'd have to find somepony else to watch Flurry Heart.

"Soooo… what d'you think? Wanna sit for the future princess of the Crystal-"

"YES!" Diamond Tiara jumped up and danced around the table, drawing odd looks from her two charges. "YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES-"

"I'll take that as a yes," Twilight giggled as she watched the silly continue her dance. "Well then, I'll write Shining Armor a letter letting him know you're interested and I'll stop over at your house later with the details…" She wasn't sure if Diamond Tiara had heard her or not, so she simply shrugged and bade farewell to Mrs. Cake. 'Kids. Getting excited over the simplest- Oh my gosh, I almost forgot that today's the day of the new Daring Do book! BEST. DAY. EVER!'

As Diamond Tiara finally calmed down, her mind raced with thoughts of herself, in the palace of the Crystal Empire, sitting for a princess… whilst surrounded by guards, judging her every move and writing down her every action to later report to her soldier father and alicorn mother and-

Suddenly, Diamond Tiara's legs felt like jelly.

"You must be Diamond Tiara."

"Y-Yeah…" Diamond regarded the strange, unkempt stallion with a look of confusion and unease. He was supposedly a famous wizard, and the royally-appointed foalsitter of Flurry Heart, but he looked more like a hobo wearing a bathrobe. "Uhhh, are you Sunburst?"

The stallion laughed, and then coughed rather indignantly. Diamond was taken aback and he muttered a quick apology. "I know I probably don't look like what you were expecting. My work hasn't afforded me much time to care for my own self." Sunburst's horn lit up, and a baby filly floated up from behind his head, giggling as she waved her arms about. "Flurry Heart, this is Diamond Tiara. She'll be playing with you today. Say hello."

Diamond Tiara watched as Flurry Heart was levitated towards her, and the filly simply laughed and waved. Diamond Tiara smiled and bowed in respect. "It is an honour, Princess."

Sunburst placed the filly gently on Diamond's back, and offered her a sheet of paper. "She can be a little fussy when she eats, so you might need to try being a little forceful. Princess Cadance has been reading to her before her naps every night, to prepare her for preschool."

"At her age?" Diamond asked incredulously. "Wow. Princesses are amazing."

"If there are any problems, you can ask one of her guards." Sunburst motioned towards two Royal Guards, who stood at attention behind the filly. Diamond Tiara swallowed hard. "And if you really need something, you can summon me by asking one of the servants. But only if it's an emergency."

"I will," Diamond said, wincing as she felt Flurry Heart tugging on her mane. She wanted to turn around and tell the filly to stop, but… yelling at a princess probably wasn't the best course of action. Grinning through it all, Diamond Tiara simply waved as Sunburst left.

Flurry Heart proved to be every bit as fussy as Sunburst had warned, and feeding her proved to be no easy chore. Diamond Tiara had tried everything she knew, from pretending the spoon was a train to pleading and to attempting to slip the filly a bribe. Unfortunately, Flurry Heart did not understand the concept of money yet.

The only option left was to trick her to open her mouth and force her to eat, but… she couldn't exactly do that with those two guards standing behind her. Still, if she didn't do something, the princess would starve, and it would be all her fault!

"C'mon, Princess. Pleeeease?" she asked quietly. Flurry Heart simply crossed her forelegs and turned her head away, her mouth sealed tight. Diamond groaned. "You have to eat something! You won't be able to sleep if you're hungry."

Flurry Heart turned her head to the side and reached out for something with her hooves. Following her gaze, Diamond's eyes turned to the freezer nearby. The walk-in freezer was as big as the kitchen itself, and through the crystal door she could see tubs of ice-cream in the direction of Flurry's hooves.

"You want ice-cream?" Diamond asked, frowning. Flurry Heart smiled and nodded. "But… last time I gave the twins ice-cream, I got in trouble…"

"Is something the matter, Miss Tiara?" one of the guards asked, making Diamond Tiara jump.

She turned around and found the guard staring at her, his eyebrow raised. Gulping, she shook her head and laughed it off. "N-Not at all! Uh, the princess wants ice-cream! Go and get some for her!" The guards exchanged a questioning look. "Didn't you hear? Go and get some ice-cream for Princess Flurry Heart, at once!"

The guard turned back to look at the filly, and asked, "Are you… sure?"

"Of course I am!" Diamond Tiara replied. There was no question that ice-cream was what the princess craved.

The guard hesitated, before nodding. "Should we?" his partner whispered.

"I'll only get a little," the first guard replied, keeping his voice low. "A little should be fine. Unless you think you can get the princess to eat?" The second guard frowned and shook her head. "I'll take responsibility. Don't worry."

The guards watched as the kitchen quickly became a fine example of modern art. The kind with colours splattered all over the canvas with little-to-no regard for actual artistic vision, and the happy baby filly indulged herself in the frozen goodness of her ice-cream.

Eventually, she had had her fill, and Diamond Tiara ordered the guards to clean up the mess whilst she took the now-sticky filly to the bathroom for an early bath. "How can a princess make such a mess?" she asked, but her only response was the tug of magical energy on her mane as she carried the princess on her back. She winced, attempting to hold in the urge to yell as she would have done to anypony else.

Getting the princess to bathe proved to be as much of a chore as getting her to eat; Flurry Heart behaved like a cat the moment her eyes met the water, and her wings propelled her into the air, Diamond Tiara holding on tightly as she was taken on a short journey around the bathroom.

Eventually, though, the princess tired, and landed gently onto the floor. Diamond swept her up and finally managed to place her into the bathtub, all resistance gone. "Here, Princess," she said, offering the filly a plastic ship to play with.

Flurry Heart took the ship greedily and proceeded to splash it about in the water. The water hit Diamond's coat and her mane, and some also got into her eyes. "Ah! Watch it!"

Flurry Heart gave a momentary questioning look to her sitter, who quickly gasped and covered her mouth with her hooves. Slowly, Diamond lowered her hooves, and said, "I-I mean, watch it, please?"

Flurry Heart simply laughed and continued splashing water, her other hoof joining the fun as her wings acted as propellers. Though they did little to propel the sitting filly, they did a wonderful job of flooding the once-elegant bathroom.

Groaning, Diamond Tiara finished washing the filly's mane and coat and then gently lifted her out of the tub. After drying her quickly with a towel, she turned to the two guards standing just outside. "You two clean all this up," she ordered, and as they obeyed, she grabbed a second towel to dry her own body. Turning to Flurry Heart, she said, "Please wait here, Princess. Please?"

She interpreted the filly's clapping as a 'yes' and then reached over to drain the bath, before bringing the towel to her mane. She watched as the guards mopped the bathroom's floor, and shut her eyes as the towel reached her face.

Hearing a giggle, Diamond pulled the towel away and opened her eyes, giving them a second to adjust before turning to where she had left Flurry Heart. She could see the filly crawling through the door leading out of the bathroom and she gasped. "Wait!" She started to give chase, but tripped over one of the buckets that the guards had brought with them. "Owww! Hey, what are you doing?! You should be watching the princess, not mopping floors!"

The two guards exchanged quick glances. "But you said-"

"C'mon! She's getting away!" The three ponies left the room and looked down both ends of the hallway outside. "There!" Diamond Tiara gave chase after Flurry Heart, catching up quickly… but then slowing to a walk as she followed at Flurry Heart's side. "Um, Princess? Could you please not crawl around on your own like that?"

The guards gave confused stares as they watched Diamond attempting to pick the filly up, only to give in to Flurry Heart's kicks and protests. "D'you think we should say something?" the guard on the right asked.

The other guard nodded. "Excuse me, Miss Tiara? I think that-"

"Wait! Princess!" Diamond Tiara gritted her teeth as she watched Flurry Heart crawl into the nursery. After dinner, Diamond was supposed to read to Flurry Heart before allowing her to play. It was what Princess Cadance had been doing to inspire growth in the filly, and it was what she had asked Diamond Tiara to do, and yet, her charge didn't want to adhere to the schedule at all.

'If I don't do what Princess Cadance asked, she'll be mad at me! But if I don't let Flurry Heart do what she wants, the guards will arrest me!' She looked nervously to the two guards and swallowed the lump in her throat. 'I-I've just gotta persuade her to want to read. Come on, Diamond. Manipulating ponies is what you do best.'

Flurry Heart wandered through the nursery, searching through the scattered toys for one that she desired. Meanwhile, Diamond Tiara followed, hoping to persuade the princess to see things her way.

"Princess, your mommy wants you to read. Doesn't that sound fun?" Flurry Heart seemed to not carte, as she continued her pilgrimage through the vast jungle of toys, stopping to inspect some blocks. "You want to grow up as smart and powerful as Princess Cadance, don't you?"

Again, Flurry Heart did not seem to care. Diamond sighed and fell to her haunches, attracting Flurry Heart's attention. The filly's eyes reflected the sparkling light that came from Diamond's tiara, and a quick spell levitated the piece of jewellery into the baby's hooves.

Diamond Tiara almost yelled and snatched her tiara back, but she managed to hold it in, instead gently reaching for it. Flurry Heart shielded it with her hooves. "P-Please give that back, Princess. It's not f-for playing with," she said, her eye twitching. Flurry Heart shook her head, turning around so that her back was to her sitter.

Diamond circled around the filly, taking deep breaths. "Please?" she asked, her shaking hooves frozen as they reached towards the filly. Flurry Heart lifted the tiara to her mouth and clamped down onto it, her laughter muffled as she slobbered over the expensive-looking headwear.

Gasping, Diamond's hooves shot out and yanked the tiara from the filly's mouth, startling her. "W-What are you doing?!" Fuming, Diamond Tiara shot to her hooves and glared down at the filly. "Don't go slobbering all over my tiara! And stop ignoring me, too!"

Huffing, the world seemed to be spinning to Diamond Tiara for several seconds. As her rage started to subside, she saw the tears on Flurry Heart's face and the sobs trying to break out. Panic began to set in, and then, Flurry Heart cried.

Turning to the guards, Diamond's heart pounding in her chest and her face as pale as a ghost, she did the only thing that she could think to do. She fell to her knees, bowed as low as possible, and shouted, "I'm sorry!" Tears of her own began to well up. "I'm so, so so sorry! P-Please banish me, or throw me in jail, o-or, or-"

One of the guards raised an eyebrow, motioning for his companion to tend to Flurry Heart as he approached Diamond Tiara. "Uh, Miss Tiara?"

"I'm sorry!"

The guard scratched the back of his neck. "Miss Tiara, why are you apologizing so much?"

"I-I yelled at the princess, and I made her c-cry, and, and… but it was an accident, I swear! I just- Princess Cadance wanted- and then my tiara- and-" Gasping for air, Diamond slammed her face onto the floor. "I'M SORRY!"

The guard sighed, and took a few cautious steps closer to the filly, careful not to spook her. "Miss Tiara, um… I'm not sure if I understand correctly, but… it seems as though the princes was misbehaving, and you were afraid to correct said behaviour, until it all finally exploded…"

"I'M SORRY!"

"Miss Tiara, scolding a filly who misbehaves is perfectly acceptable."

Diamond's tears stopped, and she slowly lifted her head to face the stallion speaking to her. "W-What? But, she's a princess, a-and I'm just-"

"Her sitter," the guard said. "And regardless of her rank, or your own, she is still only a baby filly, who does not know the difference what's right and what's wrong. She will step out of line, and it's up to grown-ups like you and Sunburst to make sure she stays of the righteous path." The guard smiled reassuringly. "After all, we don't want another Sombra on our hooves, now do we?"

Diamond Tiara sniffed, and rose to her hooves. "S-So it's okay to… to tell her 'no', a-and to deny her sweets, a-and-"

"Of course it is, and the princess will thank you for all of it when she is older. I assure you." He laughed, and added, "And no, we won't execute you for it."

"'Execute'?" Diamond asked, tilting her head.

His laughter died slowly, replaced by unease at the filly innocent, confused stare. He quickly looked over to where his partner was failing to quiet the princess' tears, and said, "A-Anyway, for now, I think that you should let the princess know you're no longer mad at her."

Diamond Tiara suddenly realised that the princess was still crying, and she rushed over to take charge, much to the relief of the bumbling guard who was too afraid to even touch the filly. Gently, and with only a moment of hesitation on her own part, Diamond took the filly into her forelegs and nestled her head against her chest.

The sobs began to slow, and Diamond patted Flurry Heart's head. "It's okay, Princess. I just got a little upset. That tiara's important to me, and I didn't like it when you took it without asking. You can understand that, right?" She thought she felt a nod, but couldn't be sure if the princess had actually understood her or not. "Anyway, I'm not mad at you. How could I be? You're a princess, which means you're loved by all."

Flurry Heart seemed to like that, giggling slightly, before belching and groaning. Diamond Tiara looked down to see the princess looking groggy, her face turning a slight shade of green.

"It was probably all that ice-cream she ate," one of the guards suggested, before saluting. "As I said before, I will take responsibility!"

Diamond Tiara sighed. "And that's what happens when you fuss over your food," Diamond said to the filly, who simply pouted and turned her head away. Diamond stood and lifted the filly onto her back. "Come on. Let's get your some warm milk. That's what Daddy does when I'm sick.

"And I trust you'll drink it without any fuss?" Flurry Heart nodded her head, and Diamond Tiara smiled. It felt weird to be treating a princess like such a baby, but then… as it turned out, she was just that. A baby. Suddenly, Diamond's legs seemed less heavy than they had been all day.

Sunburst entered the nursery quietly, a stack of scrolls levitating behind him in his magic as he searched the room. In the small crib at one side lay Princess Flurry Heart, sleeping soundly as her sitter, Diamond Tiara, slept on the stool beside her, an open book on the floor at her hooves.

Gently, he nudged Diamond Tiara to wake her up. He gestured for her to be silent and the two quietly left the room, careful not to wake the sleeping princess. "So, how did it go?" he asked once they were outside.

"It was great," Diamond replied, her energy suddenly coming back to her as she recalled her day. "I read to her like Princess Cadance asked, and she wanted me to keep going."

"Any problems?"

Diamond looked to the guards behind her, and then back to Sunburst. "Uh… A few, but…"

"But?"

"Well, I figured it out," Diamond said, waving her hoof dismissively. "I learned that I didn't have to treat her extra-special just because she's a princess. She didn't wanna eat or take a bath, but then I realised that she's just a baby, like I was, so sometimes I have to be firm and let her know she can't always have things her way!"

"Didn't I teach her that?" one of the guards whispered to his partner.

"This is why I'm never having kids," the other whispered back.

Sunburst smiled. "Well, it seems as though Flurry Heart has taken a liking to you, and you yourself have learned something today. I'll be sure to mention that to Twilight the next time I see her." He saw Diamond's face light up, and held in a laugh. "So, what would you say to foalsitting again? You know, in case I ever need some time off for my studies or anything."

"Foalsitting for the princess again?!" Diamond shouted, a grin spread across her face. "D'you even have to ask?"