Twilight Sparkle Loses Her Wings

by PresentPerfect

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 1780

Pretty much what it says on the box.

"Oops," was all Princess Twilight Sparkle could think to say.

Written a week prior to Magical Mystery Cure.

Published 2013-02-09 01:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-09 01:10:02 UTC

Twilight Sparkle Loses Her Wings

Twilight Sparkle Loses Her Wings
by Present Perfect

It happened not with a bang, but a pop; not with a high-velocity dive into the ground after a Sonic Rainboom, but with waking to the morning sun; not at the hooves of a psychotic madpony with a bloodied cleaver, but with an absent-minded brush of wingtip against doorframe during a trip to the bathroom.

"Oops," was all Princess Twilight Sparkle could think to say.

She sat on the toilet, hooves on her lap as she stared at the feathered purple appendages lying on the cold tile, just under the door frame. They should, she thought, be moving, perhaps trying to right themselves and reattach. That's what wings did, after all, right?

Frankly, she was so new at the whole "having wings" thing that she really couldn't say. She'd never known anypony who'd lost even one wing, despite Rainbow Dash's numerous attempts to apparently do precisely that. Perils of high-speed stunt flying aside, the issue had simply never come up before, and Twilight found herself entirely at a loss, both for what to do as well as what to think.

One heavy splash and a flush later, Twilight lifted both wings with her magic, which thankfully still worked, and carried them over to the bed.

I hope I'm not just falling apart at the seams. One experience with Poison Joke had been more than enough. But, thinking back over the past twenty-four hours, there had been no time when she could have been introduced to the flowers. There hadn't even been a moment where some prankster could have spiked a drink.

Twilight poked at her former left wing. Something told her that she should be grossed out, but, craning her neck around, she saw that she was not, in fact, bleeding. There were no stumps or even scars to denote where the wings had been. In fact, only her heightened Princessly stature suggested that she was now anything more than a normal unicorn once again. Which didn't really bother her, when she got right down to it.

Being a Princess was nice and all, yes. And she had really been flattered that Celestia had chosen her to become the next alicorn of Equestria.

Oh gosh! The Princess!

Her hoof fluttered to her lips in consternation. What would Celestia say when she found out? Twilight could just imagine the elder Princess's anger at the perceived rejection of the well-earned and hard-cast gift. It would be worse than ten tardies.

Or maybe she would be overcome with intense feelings of rejection and fly away to the moon. Or run off to join the circus. Or eat ice cream until she got fat.

A crying Fatlestia swung on a trapeze back and forth across Twilight's mind as she tried very unsuccessfully to regain control of her train of thought.

Thankfully, a knock at the door absolved her from all responsibilities involving figuring out what to do or who to be afraid of. Another knock sounded two seconds later, as she was picking herself up to move to the door, and then another after a further two seconds, when she was nearly at the door to her bedroom. A muffled, "Oh, forget it," came from downstairs, mere moments before a blue blur crashed through the library window and into the living room. It was the third time that week.

"Hey there Twilight," Rainbow Dash said, pumping her hoof in victory at her own triumphantly dramatic entrance. She paused, giving Twilight a once-over. "Huh. You look kinda... not different anymore."

"I lost my wings this morning, Rainbow," was all Twilight could think to say. "Not all that long ago, actually. I'm still kind of sorting through the emotions that go along with the sudden and inexplicable divestment of body parts."

"Man, that sucks!" Rainbow said, scanning the area for any more windows that might need vanquishing. "I remember the last time I lost my wings. It was awful. I couldn't be awesome for like two whole days!"

Twilight paused on the stairs, a look of intense befuddlement creasing her brow. "The last time...?"

"Yeah, it was a drag," Rainbow said, nonchalantly examining her hoof. Then she gasped, eyes widened in horror. "Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Twilight."

Rainbow Dash zipped over, pressing her nose up against Twilight's. "It's not wing rot, is it? Please tell me it's not wing rot!" Recoiling and zooming back to her original position, Rainbow Dash clutched at her wings. As she had been hovering, this caused her to fall to the ground in a heap. "Wing rot's contagious and we were making out last week!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "It's not wing rot, Rainbow. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm pretty sure that comes with warning signs, by which I mean gangrene."

"Oh. Whew! That's a load off my mind!" Rainbow hesitated, then added, "Still sucks for you, though."

"Maybe," Twilight said slowly. "But if you think about it, I've lived my whole life without them. I mean, now I won't be able to teach Scootaloo how to fly, and I'll have to turn down that invitation to join the Wonderbolts..."

Rainbow Dash's eyes misted over. She hid her face so that Twilight wouldn't see her blush because she was way tsundere. Twilight didn't notice anyway, because she was wrapped up in her own thoughts again and also an Asperger's superstar.

"But really," Twilight continued, "now that I think about not having them, I realize I don't miss them at all. I'm just concerned about what Princess Celestia will say."

The speaking of her name caused Princess Celestia to materialize suddenly in the middle of the room, in a flash of light and pornography, as she had been reading Wingboner Magazine for the articles when she was summoned.

"My faithful student!" she cried, hiding as many of the magazines behind herself as she could. This gave Rainbow Dash an excellent view of the Miss June centerfold, thus proving that the magazine was well-named. "Whyever have you reached through the Ways to summon me?"

"Uh," said Twilight. "I didn't... Nevermind. I sort of lost my wings. Please don't be mad at me, Princess!" Twilight's brow creased in worry.

Celestia laughed. "Oh, Twilight, don't be silly! I could never be mad at you! If anything, I'm surprised."

"Surprised?" Twilight gave the Princess a confused look.

Celestia nodded. "That they lasted so long. They were never supposed to be permanent, after all."

Twilight and Rainbow Dash exchanged glances. "Uhh," said Twilight, "I'm pretty sure I'm not following you, Princess."

"Twilight, Twilight, Twilight." Celestia shook her head slowly back and forth, clucking her tongue. "There were only ever supposed to be two alicorns in Equestria: myself and my sister. The gift of Princesshood can be given to those ponies most deserving of it, but though the increased stature is a true transformation, the wings are mostly just there for ceremony. Most ponies are very concerned with appearances, you understand."

"Uhh, so..." Twilight frowned. "How do you make the wings then?"

"Red Bull."

Rainbow Dash spoke up. "Wait, hang on a second. You said there are only two alicorns, but what about Cadence?"

"That's right!" Twilight said. "What about my dear sister-in-law who I almost forgot about, despite her having existed for at least my entire life?"

Celestia laughed. "When it comes to wing permanence, Cadence was actually the previous record-holder. It's a record you just broke, Twilight."

"But," Rainbow said, "she kinda still has wings."

"She went to Krastos the Gluemaker, of course," Celestia explained.

Rainbow and Twilight's faces fell.

"Nope nope nope nope," Rainbow said, backing away quickly.

"Oh, look at the time!" Twilight said, grinning as wide as she could. "Must be 'Twilight is a regular old unicorn now' o'clock!"

Celestia laughed again. "Oh my faithful student, how funny you are."

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Moving with the grace of a swan, Celestia strode over to Twilight. She craned her lithe, supple neck down to place her mouth right next to Twilight's ear. Her breath tickled as she spoke.

"Thou wert never a unicorn to begin with, Scootaloo."

"HOOFBALL PRACTICE!"

Scootaloo's shout woke her with a start, cold sweat running down her forehead. Trembling, she looked from wall to wall, seeing only the familiar shapes of the darkened Cutie Mark Crusaders' clubhouse. Ever since becoming friends with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, she'd spent many a night here. It wasn't warm in the winter, but it was still better than living among the other refuse in Ponyville's dark and dangerous back alleys.

Beside her, another form stirred, letting out a sound of sleepy interrogation.

"I had a horrible nightmare," Scootaloo murmured, clutching the blankets close to her chest. "I dreamed I was... an egghead! With alicorn wings! It was horrible!"

"Who's got alicorn wings?" the form mumbled.

Slowly, Scootaloo turned her head to her left. The shadows deepened. Her focus became razor-sharp as the form beside her shifted. The covers rose, without revealing the pony beneath as it moved inexorably toward her face. Scootaloo's wings stood straight out in fear. She couldn't move; she could barely breathe.

All at once, a horrific face of purple scales and green spines emerged from beneath the blanket, eyes blazing in all-consuming rage.

"YOU DO!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Cadance's shout woke her with a start, cold sweat running down her forehead. Trembling, she looked from wall to wall, seeing only the familiar shapes of her chambers in the Crystal Palace. Fine drapes hung from the sides of her canopy bed, filtering the moonlight into a panoply of pastels. Beside her, another form stirred, letting out a sound of sleepy interrogation.

"I had a horrible nightmare," Cadence murmured, clutching the blankets close to her chest. "I dreamed I was... a chicken! And homeless! It was horrible!"

"Go back to sleep, Horn Warmer," the form mumbled.

Cadence leaned over, rustling the covers to reveal a mop of striped blue hair. Shining Armor grunted and grabbed at the edge of the blanket, wresting it back to cover his face. Cadence pouted and crossed her hooves over her chest.

"Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of," she grumbled.

Author's Note

Had hoped to make this bandwagon rather than jump on it. Oh well, that's what I get for putting too much effort into trollfiction.

Large portions of this story owe credit to kits (stuff with Scootaloo and the Wonderbolts) and Twilight Snarkle (Krastos the Gluemaker, "Horn Warmer"). Okay, maybe not large parts, but credit where credit is due.

That's about it. Swear I'm working on real stuff now.