How and Why

by Aegis Shield

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 3240

An elderly Twilight Sparkle goes back in time to tell herself to stop studying.

An elderly Twilight Sparkle goes back in time to tell herself to stop studying.
What is the point in knowing how life works, if you're not out there understanding why it works?

Published 2013-02-12 05:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-13 01:24:47 UTC

How and Why

How and Why

Twilight Sparkle knew a lot of things. Many, many things. So many things, that sometimes ponies even stopped by the library and asked her about them instead of checking out any books. She didn’t mind. She kind of liked it, really. She was the smart one, the one that they relied on. She spent a lot of time studying every day, like it was her job. Princess Celestia had ordained her to study the magic of friendship, along with anything else her heart desired. Twilight harbored the secret fantasy that maybe the Princess was grooming her for some sort of higher station, but she never voiced it, not even in her secret diary. A mare could dream, though.

She’d had to turn down tea time with Rarity a few times, of course. There was a good number of books on tea ceremonies from Neighpan to be studied! And of course, she couldn’t always go out to help Fluttershy count the bunnies and make sure their tails were fluffed properly. Hibernation patterns and population control via food chains didn’t study themselves you know. And sure, she wanted to go out with Applejack on a picnic now and then, she haaaaad sort of been seeing about matching her up with Big Macintosh… but the purple mare was much too busy learning about plant geneology and what produce made what product and why. She could do all that just in her comfy little library. The list went on. Twilight always had plenty to read, plenty to study, plenty that needed learning and there was no end in sight, not ever. She delighted in it, soaking it all in like a great big sponge. She wanted to know it all! She would know it all someday, and when that happened she would be the smartest and most helpful pony ever. History would remember her name as Twilight the Clever! (The last ‘Clever’ had been Clover the Clever, but Twilight could be a Clever too!)

One night, the purple mare was leaned over a volume on the illustrious world of instant photography and the growing industry around it. While she read by candlelight, she felt a sudden tug on her senses. Her magical radars went off, and she stopped. Looking up, she blinked a few times. Spark. Crackle-spark----fwoooooo! A bright light formed itself in the middle of the library. She backed away, wide-eyed. Papers loosed themselves, swirling about as a magic circle emblazoned itself with purple light on the floor. Symbols danced across the walls and through the air like arcane snowflakes. The magic smelled of worn leather, of perfume and lavender flowers. An elderly mare suddenly emerged, hacking and coughing as she leaned on her staff.

“Who are you?!” Twilight gaped, rushing to light a lamp and bright full light to the library. “Are you okay, ma’am?”

“I am now, dearie, thanks.” The elderly, lavender mare smiled in a tired way. “That took a little more out of me than it used to.” She coughed again, fluidly, leaning on her staff a bit more. “Sorry, sorry. I haven’t used that spell in sixty-some-odd years.”

Twilight helped the elderly mare to a couch, taking her staff and leaning it against the wall. Taking her shawl and hanging it up, she returned with a glass of water. “What was that? That spell was… beautiful. I could see all the symbols so clearly, that takes unbelievable skill!” Twilight complimented, smiling as the elder mare gulped the water thirstily.

“Well, with enough time and practice you learn it.” She sighed a little mysteriously, cocking her head. “But that’s why I’m here, then again.” She turned and, with a bone-creaking pop, bore her shriveled flank. Twilight gaped at her cutie mark. It was her own.

“You’re—?!”

“You. Yes.” She nodded.

“But you can’t be! You’re so old!” Twilight pointed at her. “You must be—!”

“Eighty-four, thank you very much.” scowled the purple mare, pawing at the grey streaks in her. “A little further out than next Tuesday, nyeh? Nyah-hah-hah-hah!” she slapped her knee, leaning back and looking around. “Ohhhh this old library. Such memories!” she looked around fondly.

“B-but! But!” Twilight was having a bit of an overload. Herself?! Her old, shrivel, eighty-something year old self?! But why?! “You used time travel! I swore I would never do that again, it’s too much of a headache!”

“You’d be surprised what sixty years will do to your opinions, filly. I’ve been here more than a few moments,” Elder Twilight said, gesturing to herself. “Rest assured, I extended this spell to last a few minutes. But that’s all I got, so you gotta listen up this time and not blabber-mouth.”

Twilight closed her mouth. She remembered the last time she’d gone back in time to warn herself about something, she’d not listened to herself— then CAUSED all the events that were making her so miserable by worrying about it. She was determined to listen this time. “Yes?” she whispered, sitting with her on the couch. “I’ll listen this time.”

“Good girl.” Elder Twilight took her tiny little glasses off the end of her muzzle, putting them away with a sigh. “I’m here to tell you to stop studying so hard.”

“What?!” Twilight gaped. “But—!”

“Quit flappin’ your gums this time around!” Elder Twilight snapped.

“Sorry…” Twilight fell silent again.

“You know what I know now, Twilight Sparkle, after sixty-four years of studyin’ and book work?” The old mare leaned back, sorely, into the couch. Twilight’s eyes grew huge, ready to receive the atomic secret. The culmination of her life’s studies was here to tell her its secrets! Eee! “Not a darn thing.” She said shortly.

“Wh…what?” Twilight said, staring at her open-mouthed.

“The more I learned, the more I saw there was to learn.” Said the wrinkled mare with a sad sort of smile. “I used up my whole life, learning and learning and learning some-more. Everything I did only showed me there was more out there.”

“Yeah, isn’t it great?” Twilight grinned, nodding knowingly.

“No. It isn’t.” The old mare said, pushing some of her grey mane out of her eyes. “It isn’t great at all.” She heaved a shuddering sort of sigh, as though she were trying not to let tears start. Twilight frowned in confusion. What could be greater than seeing bigger and bigger horizons through learning? “Twilight, I came back in time to tell you what’s going to happen to us.” She turned, wiping her eyes briefly.

“Why do you look so sad?” Twilight said slowly, sidling closer to older self.

“We became the smartest, most learned mare in Equestria.” Elder Twilight said with a small smirk. “Princess Celestia was so proud, and she voiced it often.”

“She did?” Twilight said, her face lighting up.

“Mhm, but at the same time, life slipped us by. All of it.” Elder Twilight sank into a sad hunch.

“What do you mean? I go out with my friends, and have adventures and stuff.” Twilight said, cocking her head.

“When was the last time you went on vacation? Or kissed a colt? Or went to a party that wasn’t Pinkie’s?” Elder Twilight wanted to know. There was a long silence. Twilight wanted to answer, but she wasn’t sure about any of those things. “When was the last time you told Princess Celestia no? Or sat in a bar? Or got on a train without knowing where it was going?”

“Never. None of those things.” Twilight said, frowning curiously. “Why do you ask?”

“I don’t remember either, because none of those things ever happened to me.” Elder Twilight sagged further, tears brimming into her gaze. Her old, flabby-featured face quivered for a moment, and she held the bridge of her muzzle. She sniffled. Twilight put an arm around the quivering old mare. “I-I-I… I wasted my life, Twilight.” She turned, tears suddenly going down her wrinkled face. “I thought knowledge was everything, that books were everything! But they’re not! I thought I could live life to the fullest if I knew how the world works!” she broke into sobs, burying her face in her hooves. “I should’ve been out there trying to figure out why it works! I was such a fool! Such a fool, and it took me over eighty years to realize it!”

Twilight stared at her future self in existential horror. Never kissed a colt, not even kissed? Never gone on vacation, anywhere at all? Her entire life was going to be book-learning and… and nothing else?! “No…” Twilight gasped, starting to shake with fear and revulsion. “That’s not me! I go out sometimes! I do stuff! I have friends that love me!”

“You had a little circle of friends that eventually grew apart from you, because you cloistered yourself in.” The elder mare rubbed her eyes, sniffling. “Turning them away too often, they drifted away. Rainbow Dash became a Wonderbolt, and stayed one for thirty years. You weren’t there when she was crowned captain. Fluttershy became a vet and moved to a city that needed her help most, you weren’t at her medical school graduation ceremony.” Twilight’s eyes grew wider and wider as her friends’ fates were revealed. “Rarity even moved to Canterlot to open a chain of fashion shops, and you never even got back together with her for tea. You were too busy with your magic studies, ever the busy bee of a scholar. Never faultering, not even for a few days.” They turned, looking into each other’s eyes. “So much wasted time, Twilight, so much…” she sagged forward again, weeping softly. “Too much…”

Twilight began to shake, her whole life laid bare before her. All her studying, it all amounted to nothing at the end of the day?! Didn’t she get a nicer job, or wasn’t she elected court vizier for the Princess?! Nothing?! She just turned into an old, lonely mare with nothing to comfort her with her books?! “NOOOO!” Twilight flung herself onto her belly, sobbing wildly. “No, please! It can’t be true! I don’t want it to be true!”

Elder Twilight vanished from existence, very suddenly.

No pop, no flash of magic, no nothing. She simply ceased to be. There was a light, sagely smile on her face before she went, though. Had the spell worn out and she’d gone? No, no. The time-travel spell was big and flashy when it wore off. It couldn’t have been that! Where had she gone to?

Twilight rushed to the door, flung it open and stepped out into the crisp February night. “Hello?” She called to the darkness. “Hullo?!” she shrieked. “Future me?! Are you out there?! Hullo?!” she peered this way and that, but the wrinkled old mare was gone. There was a great silence. “W-was that real?” she whispered, going back inside. The staff was gone. The shawl was gone. All traces of her had vanished. “It had to be… I touched her, she felt real…” The purple mare looked down at her hoof. She went over to her photography book. Reaching, she gently closed it. She went to her couch and sat for a long time, staring at nothing. “My whole life… wasted on study?” she pondered. After over an hour of sitting and thinking, she got her scarf and left.

=-----=-----=-----=-----=

Applejack was helping set the table like usual. Granny Smith was leaning over a nice gathering of mashed potatoes, corn, beans, peas, and stuffing. What? They grew apples for a living, it wasn’t like they had them at every meal. That would drive anypony crazy! Setting out plates at the big family table, she leaned to put the salt and pepper shakers in their usual place. Applebloom went by in the background, showing Big Mac her homework. She wasn’t allowed to have dessert if she didn’t have her homework done by dinnertime. That was the rule.

There was a quick, panicked knocking on the front door. “Ah’ll get it.” Applejack said, turning. She went to the den, opening the door. There in the dark, standing on the stoop was Twilight Sparkle. She was panting, sweaty and looked exhausted. The farming mare wondered how she’d worked up a sweat in the February cold of night. She must’ve run all the way here from her own place! “Twilight?” Applejack said, surprised. “What in tarnation are you doing here at this hour?” she eyed the fretful, purple mare up and down a few times.

Twilight looked tired, disheveled, and the scarf around her neck only barely clung to her body. “*wheeze*! *pant*! *whuhh*! Oh Celestia! *wheeze*!” The poor scholar was not used to running such a great distance. She leaned on the doorframe, rubbing the snot from her nose. Had she been crying recently? “Appleja--- juh… h’oh Gods… gimmie… gimmie a sec!” she held her breast, gasping loudly and trying to gulp air. Her lungs were on fire!

“Twilight! You look as worked up as a jackrabbit at a dawg show!” Applejack looked her over, mouth agape. “What’s gotten into you?!”

“Is--- *wheeeeeze!* Is Big Mac home?!” Twilight demanded. “Tell me Big Mac is *ohhh gods my lungs!*---- tell me he’s home!” the purple mare was holding her poor heart. Running all the way across town had just about killed the poor thing. She was a librarian, not a track star!

“Big Mac? Er, yeah sure.” Applejack turned to look over her shoulder. “Big Mac! Come quick, Twilight’s gotta see ya!” The crimson stallion looked up from Applebloom’s math homework, gently setting it on the dinner table. He emerged from the kitchen, slowly lumbering towards the front door where to two mares were. “What’s this all about, Twilight?” Applejack cocked her head with a slight frown.

“My future-self came back to the present and told me to quit studying so hard and start living life better because we wasted it alllll!” Twilight managed a whole sentence, but almost passed out because of it. She went back to her panting and hacking. “I cloistered myself in and… *wheeeeze*… missed out on my whole life! I don’t wanna be a shriveled up, wasted nopony!”

There was a long silence, then, “…beg’r’pardon?” Applejack took a moment to process all that. Then, she got a look that was halfway between annoyed and accepting. “Y’know what, ah believe yah. Just cuz it’s you, Twilight, ah believe yah.”

Big Mac stuck his head curiously out the door, then smiled a bit shyly. “Eyuup?” he asked Twilight. His usual lazy, neutral expression became a happy one when he saw her face. What a nice surprise to see her!

“Big Maaaaac…!” Without waiting or warning, Twilight Sparkle leaned and kissed him. Really, REALLY kissed him. Right on the lips. His eyes bulged and he turned a darker shade of scarlet than normal. Applejack gaped in shock. Clatter-thump. Twilight crumpled to the ground in a heap, passed out from lack of air. She’d held her breath during the kiss, and she’d already not had enough oxygen. There was silence. She lay there on their stoop, lungs heaving even in her unconsciousness.

Brother looked at sister. She looked back at him, before quirking a brow. “Huh. A kiss is all it takes for you, huh? She’s more than swooned, she’s plumb passed out.” She smirked, elbowing him a bit. “C’mon, y’big galoot, let’s get her inside.”

“Er…” Big Mac was a little stunned, but quickly agreed. “Yup!” he shoved his great head under Twilight’s carriage and hefted her onto his back. They took her inside.

The End

Author's Note

Just a quick one that I had to get out of my head. Hope you enjoyed.

~Aegis

Dear Princess Celestia

(By Isumo1489, stolen out of the comments because it is awesome.)

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today has been quite the breakthrough for me, both in my views and in terms of my studies. I know you've told me many times about the importance of friends, but even so, I've quite often simply prioritized my studies ahead of spending time with them. Today, however, I had a visitor that finally showed me just what I was doing, and what it would cost me.

That visitor was myself, from far in the future, age 84 by her..my...er, words. (Edit that out Spike). Anyway, she went on to explain what my current path of studying, and my decreasing level of socializing, 'even with my small circle of friends' would bring.

After 60 years from now, I'd never kissed a colt, my friends and I would have drifted, my thirst for knowledge would never be satisfied, and so many things about the world, just living in it being the biggest, would have been beyond me. At 84, Princess, I'd basically used up my life, and it took me that long to realize what I'd thought was my all-consuming purpose was, in fact, hollow. I'm writing this after my other self vanished suddenly, I'm hoping you know what this means. The reason for that is, I've taken it upon myself to now limit my study time to a hour per day total, with exceptions made for specific assignments. Spike has it on record and I've commissioned both Rainbow Dash and Pinky Pie to pull me out of the library by force should I fall back into my usual habits.

Also, right after my other vanished (that's a good way to refer to her), I made my way to Sweet Apple Acres, where I finally kissed Big Macintosh, Applejack's older brother. This has lead to an interesting, and somewhat tentative series of 'dates' where we've gotten to know each other a bit. So far, I know he has a very gentle demeanor, is very smart when it comes to numbers and spacial relations, and he also has a soft spot of Ms. Smarty Pants, my old doll. He kept her safe since the 'episode' with the Want it Need it spell. He even brought her over after our first meeting, asking if I wanted her back. He genuinely seemed sad about the likelihood that I did, so I let him keep her, seeing how much he's taken care of her since then.

In conclusion, I'll still be sending you my weekly friendship report, but I must also send ahead that it will be a bit more informal in terms of data researched. Beyond that, I also wish to extend an invitation for you and Princess Luna to join me for some tea or stargazing in the near future. It took an addition day, but I also realized how much I'd missed just talking to you in face-to-face. As such, the invitation is standing, and anytime you feel up to it, please come right over. Luna, well she is as much a friend as any of the girls, and I think I should spend more time with her, I'd rather as few regrets over the years as possible.

I'm now off to a party being held by a local DJ, called Vinyl Scratch. According to Dash, it's the type where alot of ponies get to dancing and simply enjoying themselves while being around friends. This is also an attempt to expand my circle of friends, though Dash, Pinkie, and Applejack will being going with me for support. Wish me luck Princess.

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note

Thanks Itsumo1489, you really summed it all up for us. :)

~Aegis