Scraps, Musings & Octavia Writes Fanfics

by Wanderer D

Rating: teen
Tags: Queen Chrysalis, Random, DJ P0N-3, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Octavia
Length: 12198

Really short shorts that cross my mind and won't go anywhere.

Those little nagging ideas that get in your way when writing other stuff? But you can't help yourself and write a mini story? This is exactly that. Let's call 'em vignettes and feel fancy about it. Moments in the life of ponies in stories that probably will never happen. At least not in a story written by me.

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Published 2013-03-15 21:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-20 16:09:47 UTC

“It can’t be her!”

“But it is! Your own calculations point towards her, and... well, given who she is and her relation to—”

“Don’t you dare say that name.”

“Fine, but she is The One, no matter how much you hate it. She’s already questioning... searching.”

“She’s been instrumental in destroying every single attempt we’ve made into fulfilling our mission! They chained Nightmare Moon again! They trapped Discord with Harmony! They stopped the invasion!”

“...”

“...”

“...And defeated Sombra, right? You were going to mention Sombra, right? He was one of us... and well, you were taking so long to mention him that—”

“Sombra had it coming. What with the ‘ooh, lookit! I’m made of smoke... oooh...’. That was pathetic! Had any of them given some thought to casting a wind spell they wouldn’t even have to use that stupid crystal heart.”

“Whatever. Look, you might be in charge, but you hired me to remind you when you were wasting time. And you’re doing it right now. It’s time. She’s the One. She’s always been. Either you set her (and us) free, or you let your resentment get in the way of our victory.”

“Fine.”

o.0.o

“Ah, finally!” Twilight Sparkle sighed happily when she heard the door close. “With Spike gone to help Rarity I can now enjoy my day reading!” she giggled. “And I have a first edition of the Travels of Credulus Trip!” she let her hoof trace the cover of the book with almost undisguised literary lust. “Yessss...”

Laying down on her bed, tea at the ready, she let her magic open the book and stared at the first page.

Which was blank.

Twilight frowned and flipped through the book, finding all the pages were equally empty. With a frustrated growl she looked at the first page once more, staring accusingly at the lack of words as if somehow, the answer would reveal itself to her.

She almost let the book drop on top of the tea when it did.

You are trapped. Twilight Sparkle.

The words formed clearly on the page, and Twilight’s eyes widened with worry as more words appeared.

You think you know what’s happening... how your world works around you.
But it’s a lie.
Light can be used for many things. From warmth to illusions.
Where does reality begin... and end?

“What-what is this?” Twilight gasped, unable to understand what the words were trying to tell her. “How is this happening?”

Twilight... follow the white rabbit.

Twilight frowned. “Follow the white- what rabbit?!” She looked around her room. “Do you see any rabbits here?!” she asked the book, then, snorting she turned to the window. “Or do you mean out there, because we’re pretty high up and—”

Her gaze followed the trajectory of a white rabbit as it flew past her window, followed shortly by a panicking Fluttershy. “Angel Bunny! Wait!”

Twilight slowly sat down, and looked at the book. The page was full of the first introductory paragraphs of The Travels of Credulus Trip.

“Well, damn.”

THE MARETRIX

Coming to theaters sometime, or maybe never.

Lyra leaned in, whispering into Twilight’s ear and making it twitch. “You know The Question... the Question you’ve always wanted an answer for... the Question that haunts you... tell me. Tell me the question.”

Twilight took a deep breath, knowing that the Question would put in jeopardy everything she had ever known... all her hopes and fears... one question. One, all-important question. “Doctor... WHO?”

“What? No!”

Author's Note

I’m sorry. It just... came to me and wouldn’t leave me alone. Yeah, I know ‘The Maretrix’ is not an original title idea, but... meh.

~WD

A Conveniently Forced Plot

"I'm leaving."

Twilight Sparkle stared at Chrysalis in absolute shock. "Wait, what? You can't leave! You were never here to begin with until now! Why are you even here?!"

"I've come for my daughter, of course," Chrysalis shrugged. "She's been feeding off of pony love for a while. I would have stayed with her in Canterlot, but your brother and Cadance kicked us out... I still don't get why the spell didn't affect her, but I'll count my blessings." Chrysalis shuddered. "No, I don't want to imagine what would have happened to her if it had hit."

"As interesting as that exposition is, it still doesn't explain how you suddenly found yourself in my library, or why the first thing you told me when I found you, was that you were leaving," Twilight Sparkle insisted. "And you haven't told me why I shouldn't just get the guards or cast a spell to hold you in place."

"Eh," Queen Chrysalis shrugged once more. "You're not strong enough to hold me against my will, I have done nothing to you and I'm only here looking for my child. You can hardly take an issue with me getting out of Ponyville never to return, can you?"

Twilight growled in exasperation. "Fine, who's your daughter? Let's get this done so I can go back to reading my book."

"Fifty Shades of Clop is hardly good literature, miss Sparkle."

"Shut up, so, who is your daughter?"

"You are, Twilight," Chrysalis said, stepping closer.

"N-no, I'm not! I have a mom, and a dad and a brother I never mentioned until just before he got married!" Twilight snapped.

"Look inside, search your feelings, Twilight, you know it's true... you've always felt... different, disconnected from others. You seem to draw more out of 'friendship' or love, as we call it, than other ponies. So much so that you were able to become the Element of Magic. More powerful than Nightmare Moon herself. Wasn't love what made me strong enough to defeat Celestia, just like any other major villain so far?"

"Discord didn't defeat her!"

"Yes, I remember her being at the front of the resistance against— oh wait, she wasn't."

Twilight growled in frustration, but could not deny the words of the Queen. "I-I do feel stronger with love..." she muttered. "And my past seems dubious at best but... how..."

Chrysalis sighed. "I was pregnant with you when I was jobless and homeless, shortly after giving birth, I cast a spell on you to make you look like a pony and left you in a basket in front of the door of an exceedingly rich and well connected family, who had recently lost their second child in pregnancy. They took you in, and raised you as one of their own, while I watched from the shadows, always observing my dear daughter become the mare she is now."

Twilight's eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "B-but... that must've been so hard for you!"

Chrysalis nodded, a regretful look crossing her face. "It was but now, it's time for you to come back to the Hive, and take your place by my side. You are knowledgeable, smart and completely unappreciated. Unlike certain ponies, I actually can and will give you your due, not to mention that I was really proud of you when you stood up for what you believed."

"M-mom, I—"

"Mom! I'm all packed!" Scootaloo cheered, trotting into the library and bursting—momentarily—into green flames to reveal a miniature changeling. "I already said goodbye to Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. They say they want to visit the Hive sometime soon!"

Twilight slowly closed her mouth, which had been hanging open. "Wait, so you lied?"

Chrysalis smiled. "Sort of, I still would like you by my side and can turn you into my daughter. Just as Caramel. I promise you won't get the sand-pit treatment."

"Oh! Oh! That would be awesome! I've always wanted a sister!" Scootaloo chimed in, bouncing around Twilight. "Say yes! Say yes!"

Twilight looked from the Queen to Scootaloo, who kept bouncing with big bug eyes centered on her. "Eh, sure, I was getting tired of saving Celestia's butt for no recompense other than a nuzzle. Can't even send me a new Encyclopedia here."

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that being a bug is more rewarding than a lifetime of servitude studying under you. I formally resign my position as your student, but hope we can remain on amiable terms. I've been adopted by Queen Chrysalis and turned into a changeling. It's very interesting. I would suggest you try it but the sun might crash down onto Equestria and kill us all. I do realize this is rather abrupt and all-too-convenient, but honestly, a nuzzle and a smile are hardly reward enough for risking life and limb for you.

Say hi to Luna for me.

~Princess Sparkle

PS. Since things have been a little calm at Ponyville, I imagine you were stirring something up that would cause us undue stress... like, I dunno, redeeming Discord or something equally dubious. Until I relinquish the Element of Magic, I suggest you wait.

The End

Author's Note

Better to get this stuff out of my head, right? Anyway... back to more important things....

The Commander vs Harbinger

"This course of action is inevitably the coolest option available, 'Tavi-Commander," the Geth collective known simply as "Vinyl" stated.

"Vinyl, this is the fate of the universe!" Commander Octavia Shepard growled, hitting the metallic floor under her with her hooves for emphasis. "We can't base its survival on whether it's cool or not!"

"'Tavi-Commander. We have calculated the chances of success with a full armada." Vinyl proceeded to summon several holographic displays which ran for a few seconds before all flashing red. Except for one. "This is the only course of action that does not involve you fighting the Illusive Mare, losing Admiral Sparkle and having only three cool-but-ultimately-unfulfilling endings." Vinyl's single eye flashed. "Incomming communication from Chrysalis Wrex."

Another holographic display appeared. Canterlot was in shambles and behind the imposing figure of Chrysalis Wrex, clad in her deadly red armor, she could see other changelings fighting the reapers. "'Tavi."

Octavia nodded. "Chrysalis."

The looked at each other in a moment silent understanding before the Queen spoke. "We need you to act soon, Tavi. The ground forces are almost done for! The fleets are pretty much lost—" she stopped to bat away a Canibal that had been creeping up to her and slammed down on the creature with both forehooves, splashing the area in blood. "...we need to stop this now."

Octavia sighed and nodded. "I'm doing what I can, Chrysalis."

"Well, do it faster. Chrysalis Wrex out."

The Commander and the Geth looked out towards space. "Remind me," Octavia finally spoke. "Weren't you going to disappear completely when you 'sacrificed' yourself to grant all Geth freedom?"

Vinyl turned to look at her. Her red eye considered the commander before turning back to look at space. "That was the expected result, yes. But our calculations had not considered the rule of cool."

Octavia opened her mouth to say something. Anything. But she simply closed it and glared at the Geth, who 'blinked' innocently. "Fine," Commander Octavia growled. "Let's do this. I only have one of my small weapons though, if this is going to work, you need to find me—"

"I know, 'Tavi-Commander," Vinyl interrupted. "I will procure it for you. For now it is advised that you start with what you have." She turned around and galloped away.

Octavia shook her head and galloped towards the Citadel controls. Opening a channel, she directed it towards Equestria. "HARBINGER!"

As one, all the reapers turned their attention towards her.

Octavia smirked confidently and pulled out the smallest of her weapons, knowing that as their concentration was on her, the reapers might still make a mistake. She glared at the oldest Reaper and pointed her bow towards it. "Ore no uta wo Kike!"

As the last notes died away, Harbinger's tentacle-like appendages (XO Lyra had called them finger-like, but what the hay was a 'finger'?) trembled and suddenly a gigantic cello half the size of him crashed onto Canterlot, toppling a few buildings. "I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE..."

Octavia gulped. She couldn't fight that with a violin! It was then that she heard the metallic click-clatter of Vinyl running back to her. "'Tavi-Commander," Vinyl called with as much excitement as her robotic voice would produce. "I have brought it to you."

With a sigh of relief Octavia took the cello in her hooves. "Thank you, Vinyl." She leaned in and gave a peck to the side of the geth's head, producing several sparks and causing the geth to shake.

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-you a-a-a-a-are wel... welcome."

Octavia glared at Harbinger. "Bring it on!"

"The survivors of the battle would call it a miracle that anything remained. But for once, the quality of the cello player had—"

KNOCK KNOCK!'

Octavia slammed shut her notebook. "W-what is it?"

"Tavi? It's time to go!" Vinyl shouted from behind the closed door. "Are you writing Mass Effect fan fiction again?"

"O-of course not!" Octavia stammered, quickly hiding the incriminating evidence. "I'm just... uh... tying my bow-tie. Yes. I'll be right out."

"Okay then!"

Octavia sighed and looked down at her figurine of Commander 'Tavi Shepard (as she had named her character in the game.) "I guess we'll finish your adventures later, Commander." She chuckled.

The End

AJ vs the World

"What the hay is this!?" Applejack raged, throwing down the newspaper on to the table. "Big Mac! We've been voted most boring ponies of the year again!"

"Eeeyup."

"Do you know why?!"

"Nnnope."

"Ah can't believe it! Why does Apple Bloom not qualify?"

Just then, Apple Bloom flew past the window, holding on to dear life literally by her teeth to the handle of a glider as Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo chased after her, shouting frantically.

"Ah, just don't get it!" Applejack mourned, shaking her head. "Ah'm a hard worker. Ah do my chores! Buck th' trees! Collect apples!"

"Eeeyup!"

"Why, Ah do everythin' you do, Big Mac, exactly the same things! That ain't borin'!"

"Nnnope."

"And look at this! Rainbow Dash voted craziest mofo ever lived for her stunt creating a tornado tug of war over the Everfree Forest!" she paused. "Okay, that was pretty nuts." She turned the page. "Twilight Sparkle, best magician-turned-alicorn. Princess of the month. Got interviewed by Playcolt maga—"

"Eeeyup!" Big Mac showed her the issue.

"Did Twilight know what they were going to ask her to do?!" Applejack snatched the magazine from her brother's grasp and took a quick look at the interview. "Guess not. Did it anyway. She's turning into another Cadance. Celestia better be proud."

Applejack put down the magazine and looked at the newspaper again. "Pinkie Pie, Eldritch Abomination of the millennia. Fluttershy, ninja pegasus of the year. Caretaker of the year. Most used, contrived plot device to introduce new characters of the year." She blinked. "Do you know what Fluttershy's hindquarters have anythin' to do with introducin' new characters?"

"Nnnnope."

"Rarity, 'Date of the Year'. Designer fantas...ti...k... or somethin' of the year. Big Mac! All of mah friends are being nominated for somethin' or other, and I'm winnin' 'Most Boring Mare' every year!"

"Eeeyup!"

"Look at this! 'There ain't no way Applejack can be of any interest other than possibly as a date to somepony else. She's pretty much little else than a background pony, attempts have been made by giving her such a thick accent she is all but impossible to understand, but it ultimately fails, said Lyra Hearstrings on an interview.' This won't do. Ah need t' be fixin' this, Big Mac!"

"Eeeyup."

"An' Ah have a puffickly unnerstan'able akcent all th' time. Ah have no idea whut these ponies is talkin' about. Ah doesn't haf an accent! Fry mah hide!"

"Nnnope."

Applejack shook her head. "Ah can't talk to the others 'bout this. Ah must fix this... but how?"

o.0.o

"Discord! Ah wan't you to make me...

Discord's eyes widened and he looked at Applejack in horror.

"...interestin'!"

"Oh, thank the cosmos," Discord let out a long breath. "For a moment there, dear Applejack I thought you were going to ask me to 'make you a mare.'"

Applejack blinked. "But ah am a mare."

"Yes, and that seems to be the only thing going for you, doesn't it?" Discord nodded. "I take it you read the news this morning?" He grinned. "I liked winning 'prankster of the year award'." He confessed. "Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were a bit upset until I converted half the clouds over Ponyville into—"

"Yes, Ah saw," Applejack interrupted.

Discord grumbled for a moment. "Fine. So, you want me to make you interesting, hm? I don't know if that's possible."

"Pleeeease, Discord. Yer th' only one that can do this!"

Discord rolled his eyes. "Well, then, I shall help. It's the friendly thing to do, after all." He looked her up and down. "I'm struggling here. Do you have any ideas?"

"How about making me able to buck trees faster?"

Discord shook his head. "We're trying to make you interesting Applejack, not faster at being boring." He tapped his chin. "Think about it this way: Twilight making a mistake is fun and interesting because she will break the world. You missing a kick to a tree... will be momentarily funny."

Applejack glared. "There ain't nothin' wrong with bein' a hard worker, performin' mah duties to mah family and following the others in adventures."

Discord nodded. "Well, you're right. There's nothing wrong with that... except it's borin'. Boring. You don't change at all Applejack. Princess Twilight might be the most obvious changes in your friends, but all of them have changed in some way, or learned something. Yet, you remain the same. Stubborn as a mule..." he turned around. "No offense!"

"None taken!" The mule replied.

"...and doing the exact same things you always do," Discord elaborated, turning back to Applejack. You are the polar opposite of what a 'Mary Sue' tries to be."

"A bread maker? That sound's like a bread maker."

"Interesting." Discord corrected.

"Aaaah." Applejack frowned. "Hey!"

"Look," Discord sighed. "The author is getting bored just writing you, how about we get this over with?"

"What author?" Applejack shook her head. "Look here, Discord! Ah just want to be the most interesting pony! Make it happen!"

Discord rolled his eyes. "Fine. First we'll cater to the fans." He snapped his fingers. "You are now desperately...madly in love with all your friends. You now own a jeep with a cardboard Twilight Sparkle on the back. You are also a vampire. And have a British accent. And you play the harmonica. And you are secretly a masked wrestler. And your hat channels dead spirits. Now, go, you have many elements to be interesting. Go be interesting."

"That's... very kind of you, Discord. I shall do as you say and prove that I am an interesting, and not boring at all, mare." Applejack stated, waving away a ghost that had materialized around her hat. "If you will excuse me..."

o.0.o One Month Later o.0.o

"Is... Applejack still wrestling the apples from the trees?" Princess Twilight asked.

Discord nodded. "Whenever she's not sucking the sap out of them."

"Discord, we need to talk about at least making her feelings towards us normal," Twilight said. "She's already gotten Pinkie pregnant.

Discord blinked. "But... how?"

"We don't know. We think she did it... over tea."

Discord paused for a moment. "Is it sad that despite everything I'm more intrigued by Pinkie and the baby than what Applejack is going to do about it or how she managed it?"

Twilight shrugged. "Maybe, but we all feel the same way."

o.0.o End o.0.o

Author's Note

How do I make her interesting!? HOW?!

The White Wub

Captain Octavia walked slowly into her new ship, looking around in awe.

The sleek design, like a bird of some sort, the humming of the engines... the undeniable feeling that the ship was alive, which it could very well be, being of Minbari and Vorlon design, and the deferential looks given to her by the Minbari crew making her feel like she was dreaming.

She finally reached the bridge, where Vi'nyl waited for her with a smile. "Here's your chair, Captain."

"How... when did y—"

"When the portents of the Shadow's return were made known to us..." Vi'nyl interrupted, "I knew I had to use the Wubs to create a symbol... with the aid of the Vorlons we made it a reality. It's called... the White Wub."

"The White Wub..." Octavia whispered in awe, looking at the cello resting next to the captain's chair. "Is that..."

"...connected to the Wubs?" Vi'nyl asked. "Yes, yes it is. Do you want to give it a try?"

"Let's take it for a ride!"

Captain Octavia grinned and approached her seat when suddenly, in a flash of light a young mare with a slightly curved purple and pink mane and tail appeared on the bridge, sending all the present ponies and aliens into a panic. The mare shook her head and looked around, finally spotting Vi'nyl and Captain Octavia.

"'Tavi? Vinyl?" She asked, blinking in confusion as she looked around the bridge. "This place is pretty crazy."

Her movement revealed her horn to all present. "Are you Minbari?" Vi'nyl asked in surprise. "What caste?"

"Uh? No, I'm Sweetie Belle!" the newly identified mare stated. "Don't you know me? Guess not." She she closed her eyes and seemed to concentrate. "Hm... the fragment seems to be... in that direction!" She opened her eyes and pointed out the window. "How do you control this... ship?"

"Uh... with Wubs." Vi'nyl muttered.

Sweetie Belle blinked. "Wubs? Really?"

"I believe you are supposed to play an Earth Pony instrument to control the ship through intent..." Octavia stammered, still surprised by the appearance of this strange Minbari Pony.

"Huh," Sweetie looked up at the cello. "I guess there's no helping it."

Standing on her hind legs, and earning frankly bug-eyed stares from all present, since never, in the millennial history of the Minbari Ponies had anypony ever played the Earth Pony way, Sweetie Belle proceeded to frown and conjured up illusory versions of herself to the amazement of all gathered, since as far as anypony knew, the Minbari were actually limited to telekinesis... then Sweetie began to play along with her partners.

It was simply amazing.

The White Wub lurched in space, which thanks to the gravitational fields inside didn't affect anypony and shot through space at a seemingly random destination. As the music played the ship jumped into hyperspace and sped through the cosmos until Sweetie finished playing, as she slowed down, they jumped back into normal space, and halted in front of a glowing, purple gem no bigger than Captain Octavia's hoof.

Grinning, Sweetie used her strange powers to somehow teleport the gem from outside and into the ship, where she grabbed it and somehow seemed to absorb it. "Well, that was quick!" She looked at the shocked ponies around her. "Well, nice to see you, but I gotta go!"

And in a flash of light she was gone.

Octavia stared at her computer screen for a whole five minutes. "What the hay did I just write?! That's not my fan fic!"

Author's Note

Gasp! What was that?! Click on the link to find out!

Lady Trixie: Goddess of Music

Littlepip turned to face the Goddess at the top of Tenpony Tower. "This has gone far enough, Goddess! You have to stop now, before it's too late!"

"THE GODDESS HAS LITTLE TO SAY TO YOU, LITTLEPIP!" The alicorn speaking for the Goddess declared, turning to go.

"Wait!" Littlepip called. "Please, let's solve this peacefully! Is there anything I can do to make you change your way?"

"THE GODDESS... THE GODDESS NEEDS HELP... WITH A CERTAIN PONY..." The alicorn admitted after hesitating a little. Her hoof raised to point at the other, battle hardened unicorn on the landing pad. "YOU! THE GODDESS WANTS YOU, BLACKJACK!"

Blackjack, still wearing her crown of whiskey bottles stepped back nervously. "Wait... what?"

"What?!" Littlepip gasped. "You can't be serious!"

"WE ARE!" The alicorn insisted, walking towards Blackjack, a sexy sway to her hips.

Blackjack licked her lips. "I... uh... I can't love you..." she clarified.

"WE DON'T NEED YOUR LOVE! WE JUST WANT YOU!"

"But... why?!" Littlepip asked. "No offense, but Blackjack? Do you have a death-wish?"

The whole platform became eerily quiet until several alicorns materialized around them. Littlepip and Blackjack backed against each other, ready for battle.

That's when the foremost alicorn stepped up. "Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!"

Blackjack and Littlepip looked at each other in confusion.

"Caught in a bad romance!" The alicorn sang.

"What?"

"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance!" the alicorn sang again.

That's when the other alicorns started singing in chorus: "Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance..."

"Okay," Blackjack whispered to Littlepip, trying to ignore the rows of alicorns singing. "I'm going to shoot the one in the middle and run... you shoot the rest and follow."

"I want your love and I want your revenge! You and me could write a bad romance!" The goddess continued singing.

"That doesn't make any sense!" Littlepip argued. "How about I run and I let her have her way with you!?"

Blackjack paused, contemplating the possibility. "Well... they're really attractive..."

"Yes," Littlepip agreed. "They are..."

"I want your love and all your lovers' revenge... You and me could write a bad romance!"

"Yeah, let's see where this takes us..."

o.0.o

Octavia slammed her hoof right next to Vinyl Scratch, making her jump. "Well, well, well, what have we here?" she asked with a sickly sweet voice. "Vinyl Scratch: Miss 'Fanfics are lame" herself, writing not only a derivative fanfic, based on a fanfic... but also a songfic. Who's been a naughty filly?"

"I-I just..." Vinyl gulped.

"Oh, don't worry, Vinyl," Octavia grinned. "We'll just have to make sure you publish this in the appropriate place."

Vinyl shrank in her seat. "Can I use an alias?"

Tavi shrugged. "I'll think about it..."

Author's Note

Yeah. It's nothing. Not going anywhere or anything it's just for months, every time I hear Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance' I keep imagining the Goddess from FO:E singing it.

I know... it's weird.

Battle Cellist

"Hey, Tavi! Check this out!" Vinyl shouted, tossing the newspaper on the table on her way to the fridge.

"I didn't know you read the paper, Vinyl," Octavia said, raising an eyebrow and sipping her tea while looking down at the front page.

Immediately, she spat her breakfast tea all over the paper. "WHAT?!"

"I know! Isn't it amazing!?"

The Canterlot Trumpet

Legendary Battle Cellist Cheravina Kaiser the II challenges Princess Luna!

By NW

The challenge, issued last night after the concert which famously ended with the arrival of several police officers, the entire fire department, and unexpected but welcome support from the royal guard, has been issued in Kaiser's typical over-the-board fashion, was delivered via an impressive graffiti in the courtyard of Canterlot Castle.

The graffiti depicts a pony skull, serpents and a cello wrapped in hellfire over the words "REALITY IS MY BITCH". The already infamous logo and motto of the violent, hard-rock battle-cellist, was meticulously painted over a surface of 30 by 30 feet just in front of Princess Luna's tower. It was then punctuated by the challenge itself, written in letters intended to emulate dripping blood: Nightmare, I'm coming for you!

Apparently unimpressed by her previous opponents, Crystal Demon Shard and Draconis Volcanus (who is still in the dragon kingdom recovering from the last battle-concert) our very own Canterlot berserker cannot keep her hooves to herself or her cello and instead has probably crossed the last line a cellist should cross if they expect to live past next Sunday.

Captain Shining Armor was unavailable for comments, possibly due to the concussion he suffered last night during the after-concert riots. But Princess Cadence, visiting from the Crystal Kingdom assures us that he just smells of the beer canister that was dropped on his head and he is on his way to a loving, speedy recovery.

Princess Luna had no comment for us, but it is this reporter's impression that she is very excited at the prospect of a hard-rock musical battle, due to the megalomaniac laughter that we could all hear through Canterlot Castle.

Has Kaiser the II finally chewed more than she can swallow? We can only wait and hope we survive.

Octavia looked green. "Wh-why would they do that?!"

"I don't know," Vinyl said, plopping up on the chair across and digging into her cereal. "But it's awesome! They say some of the old buildings might crumble!"

"It's stupid! That's what it is!" Octavia growled. "How can people even believe that what Kaiser plays is even music?! And a graffiti on the palace grounds?! What is this, Exit Through Canterlot?!"

Vinyl blinked. "You watched that movie?"

"That's not the point! Why, I should—"

Riiiiiiiiiiiiing

Both mares stopped and looked at the phone on the kitchen counter. Vinyl curiously, Octavia with a rising look of horror in her face.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiing

"I'll get it!" Vinyl said, levitating the phone up.

"NO!" Octavia shouted, tackling it in mid-air. "I GOT IT! I'LL TAKE IT!"

Vinyl looked at her friend in bewilderment as Octavia turned around so she wasn't facing her.

"Yes?" Octavia whispered.

"TAVI!" The voice on the other side made her head ring. "THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL, BABE! I Didn't know you had it in you! Challenging Princess Luna, THE Axe-guitar Nightmare herself! That's a stroke of genius! I wish you had told me earlier about it!"

Octavia cringed, covering the speaker with her hoof and looking at Vinyl, making sure the mare hadn't heard anything. "B-but I didn't—"

"Babe, you've got to head to the studio NOW. Everypony is waiting for you. I have to admit, when we plucked you off the street to cover for the late Kaiser the II I didn't expect you to surpass her at every turn! You're a natural born killer, babe!"

"Please don't say that."

"Oh, don't be shy and humble! You are! Now, we'll be expecting you in an hour! Don't be late! We need to prepare for this one!"

"Bu—" Octavia stared at the phone as the line went dead. "But I didn't..."

"So..." Vinyl asked, drinking up the last of the milk in her plate. "What was that about?"

"Uh... the conductor wants me in for practice today... something about a M-manehattan concert..."

"Cool! Well, you go ahead, then, I'll be rounding up ponies for the concert this Sunday!" Vinyl grinned. "I gotta tell you, Tavi, I never believed you when you told me that Cello music could be amazing until Kaiser the II came up with it!"

Octavia deflated. "Oh. Sure."

"Anyway," Vinyl stood up. "I'll catch you later!"

Octavia nodded dumbly and watched her friend leave the premises. She then started banging her head on the wall. "I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. Oh. Fwording Luna's anatomy moist sensation of fwording I'm dead!"

To be Continued?

Author's Note

So... I was walking down the street listening to Apocalyptica, and I was thinking... wouldn't it be cool if Octavia were drafted into a heavy-metal cello band and she had to lead a double life? And this whole thing sorta formed in my mind.

I crossed the street and I realized this was the plot for DMC. But, what the hay. Any takers? This one is up for adoption.

An Army of Eight Thousand

Vinyl Scratch galloped as fast as her hooves could take her uphill, until she reached the summit and risked a glance behind. Gulping, she set off again, towards the small company her general had put together to fight the invading hoard.

"General Tavi!"

"That's General Octavia," Twilight interrupted, poking Vinyl in the chest.

"No, you got it wrong," Vinyl said, rolling her eyes and pointing at Octavia. "That's General Octavia. I'm Vinyl Scratch."

"That's what—" Twilight shook her head. "Whatever."

"Vinyl," Octavia acknowledged her scout. "Report."

"General!" Vinyl saluted. "It is as you suspected! The changeling forces march on us from the West!"

Octavia's eyes hardened. "So Chrysalis makes her move. At least the Princesses will be forewarned." She turned to look at one of her Lieutenants. "Rainbow Dash, fly as fast as you can and inform Canterlot that our enemies approach." She looked back at Vinyl. "How many soldiers were there? Will we be able to hold them off?"

Vinyl hesitated. "I-I don't know. General, what I saw... it was an army of ten thousand and one soldiers."

Octavia felt her stomach grow cold. That many?! They were outnumbered ten to one. They wouldn't even... wait. "Ten thousand... and one?"

Vinyl nodded.

Twilight blinked. "That's... and oddly specific number."

"Did you count them all?!" Rainbow Dash asked, impressed despite herself. Math was usually not cool.

"No," Vinyl clarified.

"Then how did you come to the conclusion it was ten thousand and one?" Octavia asked, rubbing her forehead.

"Well, there was this one changeling at the front..." Vinyl said slowly. "And about ten thousand behind him."

There was a pause.

"Vinyl," Octavia finally spoke up. "How many ponies do you think we have in this camp."

"I dunno," Vinyl shrugged. "About... eight thousand? I counted last night."

"I see..." Octavia muttered. After a moment of silence, where Twilight Sparkled really seemed to want to say something, Octavia spoke up again. "And you say this group is... just a bit bigger than what we have at the camp?"

Vinyl nodded.

"You're sure your estimate of our forces here is eight thousand."

Vinyl nodded.

"And that you calculated, with equal certainty that they were about ten thousand."

Vinyl nodded.

"Rainbow Dash," Octavia sighed. "Never mind that. Tell the Princesses that we'll take care of it. The invading force is little more than a couple of thousand changelings."

"Alright! Better have some left for me to take down!" Rainbow Dash grinned, shooting out of the camp.

"Rally our forces!" Octavia hollered trotting out of her tent, followed by her advisers and lieutenants. "We're taking out the enemy tonight!"

Soon enough the whole camp was armed, ready and marching towards the enemies. Eventually, Vinyl pointed at the hill. "They await past that hill."

Octavia nodded. "Alright everypony! Chaarge!"

"Raaaaaaaaaaah!" The answering shout emanated from the troops as they all galloped into battle.

"Hey, Tavi!"

"What do you want, Vinyl?" Octavia shouted back. "We're almost there!"

"I was just wondering! What happened to the other seven thousand ponies from last night? Did they circle the enemy?"

"WHAT?!"

"You gave the instructions last night, right? I'm sorry I passed out, I was too drunk to listen!"

"But—"

o.0.o

"And that..." Changeling Pinkie said to the Changeling Crusaders, "Is how Equestria was lost."

Because Present Perfect wouldn't do it

She had promised herself not to go there again. Not after he had gone away.

She had come back, looking for something... closure, perhaps? And yet, when she had found her little cell phone still worked and a message asking for her to participate with her former Orchestra as a... replacement for her replacement... she had simply smiled and let her fingers text a reply back, agreeing to cover for him this one night.

Just one night, to remember him, and the secrets, the puzzles and the flirting.

She'll look up at the boxes, and she'll know he's not there. But she'll be able to say goodbye.

Tonight will be the last night here, she promises herself once more. Just the one time

She'll play, she'll drink the music, and once the curtains come down, perhaps she'll walk around the University for a while. Maybe visit his favorite restaurant. Order a salad that has no bacon on it.

And then she will go back home and maybe break the damned mirror.

The curtains rise, and she chases away the stray thoughts.

He found out that same morning because Skye would not leave the issue alone. Somehow she had found out that there was a change in the orchestra, and she had surmised that he needed to know. And that he needed tickets, again.

A simple change, due to a piece of the ensemble falling ill on the opening night.

Something usually not worthy of his immediate attention. Except, she was there.

And suddenly his memories didn't seem so vague anymore. He had cancelled his few other appointments and set out to the Schnitz.

He had found his way to the balcony. And it had felt as strange as that one time.

He questioned his being there; whether he was imagining things, whether this was some attempt at getting to him, or even real was irrelevant. He needed to be there, because there was so much that had been left unsaid.

When the curtains opened, he forgot how uncomfortable the chair was. How he shouldn't be there, or that his memory might not be complete. She was there, and she was looking up at his balcony.

Doubtless the light would prevent her from seeing him, but he leaned forward, a smile spreading on his face which he made no effort to conceal.

He listened and watched in rapt attention as she slid the bow on the strings, as her eyes closed and opened, her lips pressed together or smiled. There were so many mysteries he needed to unravel, so many possibilities... before he knew it, it was over and he was on his feet, clapping just for her, his mind telling him to go, that he should disappear before there was any chance of her...

The lights dimmed enough as the orchestra took their bows, and she stole a sad glance his way.

Their eyes met.

"Hey! Tavi! Are you writing again?"

"VINYL SCRATCH!" Octavia hollered, pulling down the screen so her friend couldn't see. "Learn to knock!"

"I knocked!" Vinyl whined. "Very, very softly!"

"Get out."

"But—"

"OUT!"

"Fine! Fine! No need to twist my tail! I'm going!"

Octavia waited until the door closed again and looked at the screen, a morose smile on her face. "Maybe some stories are better left alone. Goodbye, Mr. Collector."

The End?

Author's Note

Yes, yes. This is not in any way an official continuation of Present Perfect's excellent fanfic, A Puzzle Unsolved. And honestly, a sequel would probably take away from the story more than add anything to it. It was, after all, a one-shot, and a damned good one at that. Not all stories need to go further than their intended ending, after all.

But, Octavia disagreed.

Also, apologies if you saw two lines in the first scene break, for some reason the code was not working correctly for me.

The Alternate NMM Fight

“FOAL! I HAVE DEFEATED YOU! ACCEPT YOUR SURRENDER!” Nightmare Moon hollered in an unnecessarily loud tone of voice.

“No!” Twilight Sparkle challenged. “For I have discovered the secret of the elements! They’re not objects! They reside within us! And I brought MY FRIENDS with me to prove you wrong!”

Magical lights inundated the remains of the Castle of the Two Sisters as the first of Twilight’s friends was levitated in a blue hue of magic and the Element of Generosity hovered above.

“First of all is Wrex! The Element of Generosity!” Twilight announced. “He taught me that when we’re in trouble, there’s always more bullets to give around!”

“And I have plenty to share!” Wrex laughed.

“Next is the Element of Honesty!” Twilight added, smirking at the confused look in her nemesis’ face. “The Courier!”

“I have a Speech Skill Level of 100!” The Courier announced, levitating in an orange field of power. “Plus I just happen to be wearing Vera’s Dress which gives me a +5 Bonus to Speech, Barter and +1 to Charisma which I already had up to 10 because I abused Intense Training, add to that my Four Eyes Trait, and my Lucky Shades which give me +3 to Perception and you can’t beat my honesty!”

She looks baddass enough.

Twilight nodded. “You’ll never catch her lying.” Her eyes went to the next in line. “Then we have the Element of Loyalty! Metalgarurumon!”

“I will protect my friends!” Metalgarurumon roared, displaying all of its rockets and missiles while icy breath escaped its maw.

“And Corvo Attano is the Element of Kindness!”

“You won’t feel a thing…” Corvo whispered from the darkness, where a soft yellow cloud of energy was futilely trying it’s damned best to light him up.

A huge man, taller even that Wrex, muscle bound and covered in horned golden armor that shone like the sun itself stepped forth as a pink energy mixed with his already impressive golden aura of power.

Twilight smirked at Nightmare Moon. “Let me introduce you to the Element of Laughter! Tauros Aldebaran!”

“I will shatter your moon with my power!”

“And I!” Twilight spoke up, bursting into flames before Nightmare Moon could even muster a retort, “Am the Element of Magic!”

“Face it, Nightmare Moon!” Twilight holered as they all levitated in front of her. “A rainbow of magic is the least of your concerns right now!”

Nightmare Moon could only mutter one word. “Meep.”

o.0.o

Dear Princess Celestia,

I’m sure Luna’s wounds will heal someday, but despite your claims and insistence on sending your lawyers, I’m not paying a damned penny for her therapy. You screwed her over first.

Your faithful student,

Twilight ‘Badass’ Sparkle

Author's Note

I just had this floating around.

Switched

Doctors and nurses pushed him out of the room, shouting a plethora of medical nonsense and forcing him to stay out the room.

"Wait! I need to be inside! What's going on?" Filthy Rich had shouted, but a nurse had held him back.

"Please, let us do our job! Right now you would just get in the way!"

And so he had waited. There was a wail from a few rooms away, followed almost immediately by one inside the room where his wife, Cloud Comet was being treated.

"Mr. Rich!" the nurse called. "Your wife she..." she sighed and put a soft hoof on his chest before he barreled in and allowing another nurse to hurry out of the room with a small bundle.

"Is that—"

"Yes, but—"

"Where are they taking the foal?"

"They're cleaning her up... your wife already spent a few moments with her, they'll bring her right back, I promise, but please, listen to me, your wife..."

Filthy Rich's wide eyes centered on the nurse, already feeling that he would not like the news.

"She won't make it..." The nurse said. "I'm sorry. The baby had some issues when she came out, which is why while cleaning her they're going to do a quick check to make sure everything is fine."

Rich nodded numbly as the nurse stepped aside, letting him into the room, where his wife waited in bed. The nurses had already cleaned her up, and were in the process of removing stained cloths out of the way. When they noticed him, they hurried and left, allowing the pair some privacy.

"Rich," Cloud Comet gasped, her coppery coat and purple mane still wet from the water and sweat. "Rich, they took her... how..."

"It's okay, Comet," Rich whispered, sitting next to the bed and making sure her head was comfortable, and that the pillows were not pressing down her wings. "She's fine, they took her off to get cleaned and checked, but they're bringing her back in a moment... how are you feeling?"

Cloud Comet coughed when she tried to laugh. "You know how I'm feeling, Rich," she said softly, caressing the side of his face. "I brought life to this world... and although I won't be able to stay—"

"D-don't say that!" Filthy Rich cried, "Please! Please just... I'm sure if you rest—"

"Even if I won't be able to s-stay..." Cloud Comet coughed, spitting a little bit of blood, which Filthy Rich quickly scrambled to clean. She smiled, a tired, painful and yet triumphant smile. "Even though I'll be gone... she'll live, Rich! My little filly will live and thrive! Take care of her, Rich, please... make sure she goes to school... don't spoil her... make sure somepony teaches her to-to fl—"

"You know I will!" Filthy Rich cried, leaning down when she started coughing again. "I promise! She won't want for anything! I promise!"

Cloud Comet smiled and raised her hoof to brush a stray strand of hair from his face. "I-I l-love y..." her hoof fell, barely making a rustling sound and Filthy Rich leaned in, resting his forehead on her chest and sobbing.

He didn't stop even when the door opened and a nurse carefully gave him a small filly, wrapped up in blankets and staring in open wonder at him.

o.0.o

Filthy Rich gasped, opening his eyes and sitting up quickly in bed, breathing hard. He could still feel some wetness on his eyes.

"That dream again," he sighed, leaning down and rubbing his eyes before glancing at the clock. "Why am I dreaming about that again?" he wondered, trying to figure out when the dreams had started. He snorted. It was from the school visit, now he remembered. There was this filly, who was the splitting image of Cloud Comet.

He frowned. Glimpses of his dream were coming back to him. Specifically Comet's words.

Filthy Rich turned on the light and took a picture of his late wife in his hooves, gazing at it.

"Take care of her, Rich." He slowly traced her face on the picture. please... make sure she goes to school... don't spoil her... He chuckled, feeling a bit of a knot in his chest. "Oh, Cloud, I'm sorry, I couldn't help it..." ...make sure somepony teaches her to-to fl—"

"Fly?" Filthy Rich's eyes opened wide and he stared at the picture with his mouth hanging open. Diamond Tiara was an Earth Pony, she didn't need flying classes but... he started breathing faster, his mind going back to that filly. "It can't be possible," he whispered, horrified. "It just can't be!"

He jumped out of bed, looking for the number of the doctor that had helped them that night, so long ago, as well as Cheerilee's number. He had to know. He had to know!

o.0.o A Few Days Later o.0.o

"Wait... are you saying what I think you're saying?" Scootaloo asked, sitting in the manager's office of Ponyville's Orphanage and starting at both Filthy Rich and the manager, Wicker Basket, in complete bafflement. "You can't be serious!"

Filthy Rich nodded, passing Scootaloo a picture of Cloud Comet. "I don't know how it happened, but from what the hospital and I were able to figure out, when you were born and taken away to get cleaned, somepony accidentally switched you and Diamond Tiara. Diamond's mother... she left the next day, and nopony knows where she went. Because of the confusion, they assumed you were her daughter and you ended up here."

Scootaloo leaned back, stunned and trying to make sense of what she had heard. 'Filthy Rich is my dad? I got switched?' she looked at the picture of the smiling pegasus. Her eyes, her coat and mane so similar to hers. 'T-this is my mom. This is my mom... she's gone... but...' She gulped, eyes watering up. "This is my mom?"

Filthy Rich smiled softly. "Yes. Cloud Comet, the most beautiful, most caring pegasus I ever met. I've loved her since I first laid eyes on her."

Scootaloo looked down, not wanting them to notice her face. "Can I... can I keep the picture?"

Filthy Rich's eyes widened. "But of course! It's yours! You're my daughter, Scootaloo!" He placed a hoof on her shoulder, smiling encouragingly. "And I'm here to take you home."

The world seemed to stop for Scootaloo, and she slowly raised her eyes. "B-but what's going to happen to Diamond Tiara?"

Filthy blinked. "Nothing. I might not be her biological father, but I've raised that filly as my own. She's my daughter too."

For some reason, whatever reservations Scootaloo might had had about his parenting skills seemed to fade away with that comment, even if she would have to be Diamond Tiara's sister of all things.

Wicker Basket smiled at the little pegasus. "Are you ready to go, Scootaloo?"

Scootaloo gulped and nodded, watching as Filthy Rich signed and finalized the paperwork.

"Come on," Filthy Rich said, "Let's get your things and get you settled down in your new room."

Scootaloo nodded, guiding her father down towards her small room. Then a thought crossed her mind.

"Uh... does Diamond Tiara know about this?"

Filthy Rich blinked. "I..." he paled. "I forgot to tell her."

[つづ.く]

Author's Note

So yeah, of course the つづ.く is a bit of a joke given where this story is posted. Honestly, I like the idea, but I don't know if I'll ever go along and write it to it's potential, after all, I already have a Scootaloo & Diamond Tiara are Sisters story out there, but, I needed to get this out of my head.

Again, I don't know if I'll ever come back and explore this idea, but it's adoptable if anyone's interested.

Potato Run

"I have never been a potato before," Scootaloo said.

"I'm not entirely sure I follow," Twilight Sparkle replied. "Why are you telling me this?" She blinked at the young pegasus. "And for that matter, why are you even here? I don't recall opening the doors to guests today."

Scootaloo looked around at the Crystal Tree's Library. It had at least a hundred times as many books as the old one... and yet, no answer to her questions.

"Well, who else in here am I going to tell?" Scootaloo finally spoke up. "Let's face it, it's just you and me here Twilight, even Spike is away doing whatever it is he does when he's not doing anything within your sight."

"I'll have you know that Spike does a lot of things." Twilight huffed.

"Well the point is that he's not here, and I still have never been a potato before. And neither have you."

"Okay, true." Twilight nodded, putting down her novel. "But I don't see why this is an issue. Nopony wants to be a potato. Potatoes don't do anything. They are as much of a non-entity as anything in this universe can be."

"But why is that a bad thing?" Scootaloo asked, showing Twilight a potato. "I mean, look at it."

Twilight looked at the potato. Hard. She studied every lump and little crevice, every black spot. The color of the skin. The graininess of it. "It's a Russet Potato," she concluded. "And I still don't see what you clearly intend me to see."

"Twilight, the potato is everything that we should be!" Scootaloo insisted. "Why, it's just... there. It has no ambition, no need for cutie marks—"

"Have you been talking to Starlight Glimmer again?" Twilight interrupted. "Because I've just about had it with her cult of equality. In fact, I'll go show her how equal we are right now."

"No, wait."

"What?"

"Just... hold the potato, Twilight."

Twilight eyed the potato with some concern. "Is... is this some sort of test? Or some twisted psychological trick?"

"Twilight," Scootaloo spoke up. "It's just a potato. Hold it in your hoof."

"Why?"

"Just hold it."

"Scootaloo, you are not acting normally, I swear if this potato has anything to do with it, we'll find out a way to—"

"Twilight, it's just a potato. That's the whole point. Hold it."

Twilight bit her lip and glanced worriedly at the potato in Scootaloo's hoof. "I-I don't know if I want to."

"Come on. It's a regular Russet Potato. You can do it, Twilight. You're a smart pony, you know there's nothing rational in this fear you have of it right now."

"Since when do you know the meaning of that word?"

"Now?"

"Rational."

"People tell me to try and be rational all the time," Scootaloo explained. "So I finally looked it up. Now, hold the potato."

Twilight took the potato in hoof.

Nothing happened.

"Huh."

"Well?"

"Well what? It's a potato!"

"Of course it is, but, do you notice anything special about it?"

"Not really," Twilight said, blinking. "Although it is kind of nice to find out how it really does nothing. It's just a potato."

"Exactly."

"So, what is your point, Scootaloo?"

"Well... this morning I was wondering if shooting the frozen mango canon with me dressed up as a coconut would grant me my cutie mark..."

Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"...and on the way to Rarity's I found this potato on the floor."

"Just... in the middle of the street?"

"Yes."

"What was it doing in the middle of the street?"

"Exactly what a potato would do in the middle of the street."

"Meaning nothing."

"Yes."

"Okay?"

"So... I looked at the potato and then I realized, this potato doesn't care about what the world thinks about it."

"Well... no, it's a potato, why would it care?"

"And that's the thing!" Scootaloo placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "I realized... I should be like a potato. Not worry about opinions. Not worry about cutie marks. Or doing anything. For a while, I should be a potato. And not care. And then I would be free." She smirked.

"But... wouldn't others think you're worthless?"

Scootaloo shrugged. "The potato doesn't care. Do you think you hurt its feelings?"

Twilight looked at the potato. "Yeah, I guess not."

"That's why I told you... I've never been a potato."

"Yeah... me neither."

"Twilight! I'm home!" Spike called, walking into the library, where he had last seen her. "I brought you..."

His voice died as he gazed in confusion at the large, pony-sized purple potato resting in the middle of the room, right next to the orange filly-sized potato, next to the regular sized Russet Potato on the floor.

He took a step back. "Oookay. I think I'll come back later." He nodded, turning very slowly around and walking out.

The potatoes did not answer.

Because they didn't care.

The End

Author's Note

It's 4am. And I can't sleep. That's all there is to it.

It was actually Wednesday

Dear Princess Twilight,

Like you suggested, I've followed Sunburst's trail to his current location in Baltimare. I'm now on my way to talk to him, after so long. I hope this brings me closure, but even more that my friendship with my first friend can be rekindled.

I'll let you know how things went.

Your faithful student,
Starlight Glimmer

The elevator doors opened into a huge office, allowing Starlight Glimmer to step in and see her friend for the very first time in years.

Sunburst had grown into a strong unicorn, and busy apparently, as he paced around in the far distance of the oversized room. Seriously, the place was bigger than Twilight's throne room.

Slowly she approached him, until she could make out what he was saying.

"..and I don't care what their excuse is! They will make sure all of the merchandize is brought into the harbor or I'll—" He stopped when he saw her. "I'll call you back."

"Um, Sunburst?" Starlight Glimmer asked.

"It. Is. I!" Sunburst replied, chest puffing up. "And I am soooo very glad to see you!"

Starlight's eyes widened and her smile grew. "You know who I am?"

Sunburst scoffed. "Of course not, but I know what you are!" He poked her in the chest. "You are my masseuse! And I am so glad they finally sent me somepony pretty. I hope you know how to use those hooves of yours dear, because my back really needs some attention!"

"Sunburst, I'm your friend! Starlight Glimmer!"

Sunburst frowned. "I'm afraid I don't understand. I'm very sure this time I ordered a regular massage, none of that fantasy play."

Starlight took several deep breaths, just like the princess had taught her. "Sunburst," she tried again, "It's Starlight Glimmer we were best friends when we were just foals, remember? You saved me from a tower of books falling on me and you got your cutie mark out of it? I've-I've carried the memory of you going away and never talking to you again for the longest time," she confessed, looking down. "It made me very bitter and until now, I never had the courage to come visit you."

"Hmm." Sunburst walked up to her and placed a comforting hoof on her shoulder, making her look up hopefully. "I see what's happening here. The day that Sunburst graced you with his magic, was the most important day of your life, my dear Starlight." He smiled encouragingly. "But to me, it was Tuesday."

Author's Note

It was actually on a Wednesday morning. But I'm still an awful person.

We shall never speak of this again

The image focused and unfocused several times on the moon until finally, with a shushed "now" the voice of Applejack came from out of the speakers.

"Once upon a time, a stallion, Ah mean 'man' named Joseph and her gal, Mary got hitched an' had to travel out of their home because they lived under the rule of some tyrant like Sombra, who decided he'd rather see all foals die than be dethroned after some magi told him th' stars said the new king would be born one of those days. So, the pair left their home to avoid their king. They were honest folk, him bein' a carpenter and her being his wife. However, she got pregnant and he wasn't the father, which if y'all ask me seems kinda dubious. What type of honest fol—"

Twilight's voice interrupted. "It was a miracle, Applejack, now keep reading."

"Ah can't call them honest if t—"

"Your missing the point, now keep reading!" Twilight insisted. "And I don't know how to edit video even if I could on this side of the mirror, so stick to the script. We've done this already six times! Can we do it in one go and get done with it? I want to send it to Sunset tonight!"

"Anyway," Applejack continued. "After travelin' in the desert and sufferin' from de-hay-dration, which if you ask me, can be considered foal endangerment at this stage of the preg—alright, alright. After travellin' the desert for days, with no aid from the locals, they finally made it to the point where they had to stop for the night. Joseph and Mary approached several homes asking for poni-people to allow them to spend the night, but Ah guess humans are a selfish, cruel lot because nopon-Ah mean 'no-one' gave a rotten apple about them until finally they reached the last home..."

Big Mac and a heavily pregnant, fully covered, Rarity knocked on the door of Sweet Apple Acre's household a couple of times.

"Yes! Yes! I'm coming!" Granny Smith's voice came from inside, and soon the door opened, showing the elder mare's silhouette against the light. She took a look at the pair, blinked in surprise and whistled.

"Good evening elder," Rarity said, bowing slightly. "We humbly ask you to please give us a place to spend the night. My husband and I have been travelling for some time and we need a place to rest."

"Eeyup."

"Well, butter mah butt and call me a biscuit! Ah was sure you'd eventually catch a nice pony, but you could've invited yer granny to the weddin'!" She stepped aside. "Come in!"

A voice from within urgently whispered something to her, and Granny Smith blinked. "Really? Ah mean," she cleared her throat and pointed at the pair. "Get the hay out of mah property, and take that pregnant hussy with ya!" she shouted at the bewildered couple.

More frantic whispering.

"Ah mean," Granny Smith cleared her throat again. "We have plenty of room inside, but apparently y'all just deserve to sleep in the barn. Off you go."

"Um," Rarity licked her lips. "Y-yes, thank you again for your generosity, elder."

The camera followed the two ponies towards the large Sweet Apple Acres barn as Applejack's voice once again told the story. "The pair made their way to the barn, which could really use a new roof now that Ah think about it, and settled down to sleep, with Big Mac bein' a gentlecolt to the mare carrying somepony else's foa—to the mare he loved, clearly, so much."

"It wasn't long into the night when the birthing pains began, and Rar-Ah mean, Mary, prepared to give birth to thei—her son."

The camera swirled, focusing on Applejack as she glared at a piece of paper in her hoof.

"Applejack! You're the narrator, you shouldn't be angry at this!" Twilight snapped.

"That harlot cheated on Big Mac!" Applejack retorted, pointing at Rarity with an angry hoof.

"Who are you calling a harlot?!" Rarity gasped. She turned to Big Mac. "Honey! She called me a harlot!"

"Eeyup."

"It's fake!" Twilight snapped. "It's a play! Now go back to your places and let's continue this or I will get ANGRY."

The others quickly scrambled back in place. Then Rarity began to cry out.

"Oh! Celest—I mean, gaaah! This is so painful! My insides are being torn apart! Joseph! Do something! Aaarrgh!"

"Rarity, quit over doin' it! You're scarin' the girls! At this rate they'll think that's really how it goes!" Applejack demanded.

Rarity blinked. "It isn't?"

"Just moan painfully, Rarity." Twilight growled.

As Rarity started doing just that, Applejack's voice could be heard whispering loudly. "Toldya she had no clue what it was like. Her romance novels don't cover that part of the whole deal."

"Read your script, Applejack."

"Ahem." Applejack said. "Anyway, the baby was eventually born..."

With a triumphant cry-moan-scream, Spike rolled out from under Rarity's dress, gasping. "Oh," he moaned as he slowly shook his head and sat up. "I feel like this has completely changed our relationship."

"Don't worry Spikey, we're still friends, as always," Rarity assured him. "I mean, except that now you're sort of my son."

"That definitely ain't Big Mac's," Granny Smith said.

"Granny!" Applejack hissed. "Shh. We're not supposed to talk."

"Sorry."

"Anyway, I guess we shall name you—"

The door to the barn smashed open and three fillies wrapped in rags marched in. "Is this where the new king was born?"

Spike grinned. "Oh yeah, I'm the king."

"But, how did you know we would be here?" Rarity asked.

"Eeyup?"

"We had a prophesy," one of the three fillies in rags, Sweetie Belle said. "The stars will aid her esca—" she stopped when one of the other fillies placed a hoof on her mouth. Furious whispering followed. "Sorry, wrong prophesy. I mean, the stars aligned to let us know he'd be here!"

"Yeah!" the Scootalloo added, excited. "Like a laser targeting system!"

"Anyway, since Twilight seems to be gettin' angry, here," Apple Bloom said. "Mah name is Barnabas, and ah brought you some gold as a birthday present."

"I think you're supposed to be 'Balthazar'," Sweetie corrected.

"That one." Apple Bloom nodded.

"My name is Melchior!" Scootaloo said, putting down a box in front of Spike. "And I brought you Frankenstein!"

"Frankincense," Sweetie corrected, rolling her eyes. "Did you even read the script?"

"Shut up, dictionary! Now do your thing!"

Sweetie rasp-berried Scootaloo, then stepped forth. "And I'm Gaspar! I brought you myrrh!"

"And so it was," Applejack's voice began anew. "That the three magi brought two flammable gifts and a bagful of chocking hazards to an infant who was supposed to save them all."

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash asked, walking into the barn with a magical red, glowing orb attached to her nose. "Is this when I bring in Sandy Claws and save the day?"

"Argh!" the camera was suddenly pointing down an to the side, where only the legs of the ponies could be seen. "That's it. We're done! I hope they like it, because we're not doing this again!"

The scene went black and then to static.

o.0.o

"So..." Sunset Shimmer said after a moment, turning the lights on, the tv off and turning to look at the horrified faces of the others. "This is what Twilight sent me for Christmas."

"We should never have given her a video camera," Applejack said weakly.

"Do you think this was revenge for when we tried to do a representation of Hearth's Warming Eve?" Fluttershy asked meekly.

"No," Sunset said. "This was done in earnest."

"Oh, my." Rarity grimaced. "I guess we should send them a thank you note?"

o.0.o

Dear Twilight,

We don't have the words to thank you for your re-enactment of the Nativity scene.

Your friends,
The Rainbooms

Twilight Sparkle smiled and nodded. Mission complete!

"I bet they'll love the one I'm planning for Easter!"

The End

Author's Note

Yes, it was as bad as you imagine. Cultural misunderstandings can be complicated.

Gilda's Secret Origin (Part 1)

Gilda's Secret Origin

Gilda punched the cloud, watching it explode into nothing. Sadly, there was no satisfaction to be had. It was always like this in her life. Whenever she had something worth keeping, she would lose it.

She sighed and flew down to the cave she had found. It wasn’t perfect, but it was at least cozy, and she was more predator than prey enough to be left alone by most forest denizens that were roughly her same size.

The distant thunder made her frown. It was just her luck that the Everfree would have no weather control. She smirked. Actually, it reminded her of the good old days, when she was just a chick. Before… Gilda growled and clawed at the wall in frustration, roaring in anger.

I promised myself I wouldn’t think of that time again! she thought furiously before a last, half-hearted swipe at the clawed stone. She slid down to the floor just as the thunder thrummed through the cavern again and the first drops of water splashed on the leaves outside.

She leaned against the wall, watching the tempo of the rain increase. It was going to be good storm. A flash of angry red and blue, followed by a cracking boom made her start. Scratch that, it was going to be a crazy storm! Just like the one that brought me here!

The unnatural lightning struck again in the distance and howling wind blasted through the trees, buffeting her feathers and forcing her to jump onto her paws, staring in awe at what was transpiring. Could it be?

The storm increased in power, making her hesitate. This was a wild storm. There was no telling what would happen if she flew out of the cave.

But… Gilda took a couple of steps back, before taking a deep breath and gathering herself. With a challenging growl, she took a running leap out, opening her wings. Her wings strained under the hurricane-like winds, and she was aloft in less than a second, fighting her way through the rain and lightning bolts.

She didn’t even know what she was looking for, exactly. When the storm had brought her here so long ago, it had been the same. But… if I can see them again… maybe, even go back and see mom…

She struggled and dived, swerved and pulled herself up, trying to find a sign… anything at all that would give her an idea of what she had to do, or where to go, but her efforts seemed futile. She looked over her shoulder, down at the trees and the distant location of her cave.

She immediately noticed the dye in her feathers washing away. She was completely drenched now, and the continuous pour of the rain finally did its job, removing the last of the white and brown she had dyed her feathers with religiously for several years now, revealing plumage as red as the lightning around her.

The storm intensified and dark clouds started spinning right above her creating a vortex not unlike the eye of a tornado, fed by flickering lightning and…

“Glittering magic?!” Gilda gasped, eyes widening. “This is it! Just like that time!” she pushed her wings harder and harder, fighting the push of the wind, unable to get to the eye of the storm. Flashes of light and debris flew around her, forcing her to dodge desperately.

A voice pushed through the howl of the wind, speaking in strange words and eye wavered, rippling like the center of a lake and suddenly she was looking at a face she never thought she’d see again.

“It's you!” the griffon gasped.

“Merv?!”

“That’s not my name!” Gilda shouted back, eyes shimmering with happy tears. “I’m called Gilda!”

“Merv! I can’t hear you! Are you okay? You’ve grown!”

“It’s been years, you dimwit!” Gilda shouted back, gritting her beak and trying to get closer.

“Merv! Merv!”

The sky seemed to groan and for a second everything became still. Then the whole of the storm whirled into itself in the blink of an eye, clearing the night sky of clouds, lightning and wind, concentrating into a spinning sphere of energy that hovered in front of her.

Gilda blinked. “Oh, fudge.”

o.0.o

The sound of the explosion woke up every pony in Equestria, most notably a certain pegasus who lived right next to the forest and had remained blissfully unaware of the storm until now.

She gasped as a blast of wind pushed its way out of the forest, sending branches, the occasional chipmunk and one large red predator flying out of it.

Fluttershy hurried down to the collapsed griffon. She slowed down when she was close enough to see her objective was still alive and breathing and took a moment to admire the reddish-pink plumage and fur. She had never seen the like.

Griffin usually were a mix of brown and white, with the odd albino or solid black… but she had never heard of such a coloration. “Oh, my… are you okay, miss griffon?”

Gilda’s eyes slowly opened, and she regarded the worried pony with a mix of resignation and exhaustion. “The Ancient Bears must hate me,” she muttered, ignoring Fluttershy’s wide-eyed recognition and letting her eyes stray to the sky above the Everfree. She felt her strength and will ebbing away, and mumbled: “They have to if they made me land in the dweeb’s front-yard.”

The last thing she saw was Fluttershy calling out for her, before everything went black.

Author's Note

It's not much, but see if you can guess the crossover. :P

Here's a hint (note: if you google it, you cheated): Magic and mystery are part of their history...

A Songfic legally using Copyrighted Material

A Songfic legally using Copyrighted Material

Copyrighted MaterialCopyrighted Materiaaaaal!

Scootaloo jumps into the air, wings flapping furiously as she attempts to reach the moon, Apple Bloom dashes past, twirling two wrenches and Sweetie Belle materializes in a burst of light-green magic.

Copyrighted MaterialCopyrighted Materiaaaaal!

The Crusaders all raise their juice glasses, celebrating the success of their latest airship construction: "The Lady On Board"

Copyrighted MaterialCopyrighted Materiaaaaal!Material! Copyrighted!

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon grin openly as the air whips their manes while the airship pushes up into the air, parting the clouds.

Copyrighted MaterialCopyrighted Materiaaaaal! Cooopy! Righted! M.A.T.E.R.I.A.L.! Materiaaaaal!

The ship sails, leaving Ponyville behind as the silhouettes of the Mane 6 appear against the moonlight. The Crusaders all salute their mentors and friends as they sail away.

Copyrighted Material

The group sits at a large, food-laden table while Twist brings several more platefuls of desserts, above and behind them, Apple Bloom, wearing the Captain's Hat, turns the wheel, pointing bravely and with a smile in her face towards their objective.

Copyrighted Material
Copyrighted Material
Materiaaaal! Mateeeeeeriiiiiaaaal!

A storm breaks around them, jagged peaks can be seen whenever lightning strikes, and the Crusader crew fights a group of changelings.

Copyrighted Material
Copyrighted Material
Materiaaaal! Mateeeeeeriiiiiaaaal!

Queen Chrysalis appears, laughing manically as more drones hover around her like bumblebees.

Cooopy! Righted! M.A.T.E.R.I.A.L.! Materiaaaaal!

They all look up as a mysterious mare, (who happens to look like a masked Trixie) swings from the crow's nest amidst violent lightning bolts flaring in the sky, drop-kicking the changeling queen and sending her stumbling out of the airship.

Copyrighted Material
Copyrighted Material
Materiaaaal! Mateeeeeeriiiiiaaaal!

The sky calms down and the crew is once again valiantly holding each other as they stare straight ahead, not aware of the masked mare silently watching over them.

Copyrighted Material
Copyrighted Material
Materiaaaal! Mateeeeeeriiiiiaaaal!

It is revealed that the whole thing was witnessed by Princess Luna and Princess Celestia as they watch the brave group in a crystal ball, their smiles confident and benevolent as they observe the Crusaders and their friends brave the unknown for the future of Equestria.

The End

Or is it just the end of the intro?

Author's Note

I've been drinking. I didn't know it would do this to me.