Do or Don't?

by Supersheep64

Rating: teen
Tags: Daring Do, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Adventure, Derpy Hooves
Length: 13610

Derpy goes in search of a suposedly fictional Hero and Winds up in a world of danger

When Derpy learns of the great adventurer Daring-Do, she decides to seek her out.
But Daring-Do Isn't real, Is she?

Published 2012-02-08 08:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-09 19:27:17 UTC

Chapter 1

Daring hit the ground hard, rolling end over end and leaving a significant trough in the alpine snow. She tasted blood in her mouth and her clothes were in tatters, an open invitation to the scything winds and hail dominating the mountaintop as lightning flashed overhead.

Daring-Do forced herself to her hooves, the fresh snow under her tread sliding and almost re-introducing her face to its chilling embrace. Instead she limped her way down the slope, trying to control her decent as much as was possible in the harsh conditions. Her raven locks flapped furiously in the gale, and would have been a blinding handicap if it were not for the blizzard already making it impossible for her to see even a meter in front of her face.

If only it was the wind or cold that was the worst thing hunting Daring at that moment. She desperately hoped the phantom flapping at the edge of her hearing was just her imagination in amongst the howling winds.

Her hoof met empty air and again she found herself falling, damaged wings flapping futilely to slow her decent. The snowdrift welcomed her back like an old friend, whispering tempting offers to reject the harsh fate circling above on midnight wings and sleep peacefully on an ivory pillow forever. But Daring could not accept that offer. She could not think only of herself when her comrades were in even worse suffering. She amassed the courage to face them.

A white mass separated itself from the winter ocean, magenta eyes squinting through the second skin, a single splash of colour in an unending miasma of greys, utterly alone. Then suddenly, not alone at all.

Yellow goggles pierced the maelstrom, emerging as if from the night itself- familiar faces behind unfamiliar colours, closing in from all sides as silent as the grave.

“You were unwise to run.”

Simple words spoken in a calm and flowing voice, yet tinged with malice so uncharacteristic of the speaker, normally laid-back enough to weather even the harshest storms under her unrelenting patience and fiery aerial manoeuvres. Yet whether the weather was weathered that night, it would only be in response to fear of the darkness pumping through her veins, as not a single flake of snow dared land upon her.

Spitfire stepped forward, and the darkness flowed with her. The snow lept off of Daring under a wave of shadows, as if re-considering it’s earlier attempt to draw her into it’s embrace and deciding to be anywhere else than at her side right then. As the wave crashed over her, Daring shivered at the obscene touch and almost wished for the shivering caused by the mere cold.

“You are one of us now.”

Her fault. Should have seen the markings on the crypt, should have known it was a trap. Soarin discovering his father’s journal, her agreeing to lead them to the treasure he was supposedly seeking before he died, all what they had wanted to happen.

Nightmare Moon’s last followers, tricking her into leading them here so the temple’s curse could claim them. Them- Equestria’s greatest flyers, now Shadowbolts.

And they only needed one more Pegasus.

The ring of purple and black closed tighter, the combined evil buffeting Daring with oppressive nausea. Instinctively she reached up to her signature hat, only to find it was gone, lost somewhere on her helpless flight. This loss hurt perhaps worst of all, as it had been her most loyal companion in every mess she had gotten herself into, and even helping her get out of them more than once, it’s abandonment now of all times almost shattered her fragile hopes.

Then they lay hooves on her, and her vision filled with darkness. Daring-Do opened her mouth to scream.

“RAINBOW DASH!!!”

Wait what?

*WHAM*

A streak of grey and yellow punched a hole through the luxurious cloud, dislodging the sole occupant equally effectively from the sky as it did from her imagination.

As Rainbow Dash gouged a swath out of the Ponyville school playground with her face, she began to feel more of a kinship than usual with her fictional hero, thanks to their now shared injuries.

A moment passed as Dash re-organised her hooves into a less spread-eagled position, only for the prized book to klonk her skull as she tried to rise.

“owowowow…”

Dash rubbed the back of her head with a hoof and squinted over to where her bumbling assailant had made an impression on the school’s sports shed, now a pile of wooden planks and varied types of foal-sized protective gear. The pile shifted and a grey posterior wriggled its way from underneath it, soon followed by the rest of that loveable disaster of a Pony, Derpy Hooves.

“Shorry Rainboh, I clipped a falcon wid mah wing.”

The Blonde mare spat out an object into her hoof.

“Gee, I should complain to Applejack- these things taste awful!”

“Derpy, that’s a cricket ball.”

“Oh.”

Derpy met Rainbow’s long-suffering glare with a sheepish grin and bashfully glanced around at the minor destruction.

“Are we gonna have to pay for this again?”

Dash rubbed her aching forehead to alleviate the stress and bruising.
‘It’s a dark day in Equestria when I’m considered the responsible one.’
Outwardly, she said
“No, I think Twilight could probably magic this back to normal pretty fast.
……well fast to anypony but me anyway.”

“I should probably still apologise to Cheerilee anyway- Hey what’s that you got there?”

Rainbow Dash had bent down to retrieve the book from the ground, but at Derpy’s question, adjusted her teeth’s grip to present her with the cover: ‘Daring–Do and the Wonderbolt Curse.’

“I didn’t know you were into reading.”

“Yeah it was a brief emotional problem ending in an important lesson. Y’know, like how I spend all my Saturdays.”

Derpy took the book in her hooves as Rainbow Dash went into full Fangirl mode.

“This is the most recent book in the series and so far it’s been So Awesome! I mean I had just finished ‘Daring–Do and the Chain of Nightmare’ and I saw the title of this one and it had the Wonderbolts in it! Can you imagine? I totally didn’t expect the baddies from the last book to still be alive in this one. Truth is, I’m just two chapters from the end and I have no idea how Daring is gonna get herself out of this one.”

As she stopped to breath, Rainbow Dash noticed that Derpy had not moved an inch since taking the story from her, and indeed even her ever drifting eyes were locked firmly on the front image, making her seem almost like a whole different pony to who Dash was accustomed to.

“Er… Derpy? You Ok there?”

Rainbow nudged the other Pegasus with the tip of a hoof, snapping her out of her trance.

“Oh! Err.. Sorry Rainbow Dash but I gotta go. See ya some other time!”

The flustered Pony took flight in haste, almost being more erratic than usual as she disappeared behind a grove of trees and houses, leaving a befuddled Rainbow Dash with only splintered hockey sticks and battered wickets for company.

‘Yeah, the next time you cause massive property damage most likely.’
Despite her thoughts, Dash just couldn’t bring herself to dislike the poor klutz and smiled a little as she turned and took off in the other direction, intending to inform Twilight of the little clean-up job before the bell rang tomorrow.

‘Then maybe I’ll find another nice cloud, curl up and find out what happened to-‘

Rainbow dash missed a wing beat and abruptly lost a few feet of altitude in shock.

“Did she just steal my book?!”

In a swanky Manehatten penthouse, Daring-Do lay her rear hooves on the desk and smiled, glancing across to where her newly repaired ‘adventuring gear’ hung on the wall. The wall, of course was already adorned with various exotic souvenirs and relics from her travels she deemed too sentimental or dangerous to leave on public display.
But it wasn’t the trophies or memories that caused her to smile.
She smiled because tomorrow she set sail, tomorrow she was again free.

Recovering ancient artefacts was her passion, and anonymously donating them to museums was a noble cause that never ceased to make any hardship worth it. Daring would often discreetly visit the museums later, and from a dark corner would savour the awed faces of young foals gazing at the treasures she had strived so hard to obtain.*

Unfortunately, although this quest gave Daring no end of satisfaction, it had the noticeable drawback of not being at all profitable. It quickly became apparent that in order to cover the costs of her expeditions, Daring had to come up with an alternate source of income. So she became an author.

It kinda stung that she had to present her adventures as fiction, but after some news scandal about an Ursa Major or something a few months back, the media had become a lot less accepting of tall tales shown without any witnesses or proof.
‘Hmmph, It’s not like weirder stuff doesn’t happen right here in Equestria all the time...’

She honestly had not been expecting the books to become so popular, or do so that quickly. Very soon she had more money than she knew what to do with, and a whole slew of new problems to go with it.

She had obviously been clever enough to write under a pen name to keep up the whole ‘fiction’ charade and all her communications with the publisher were re-routed through three dragons located in cities all over Equestria, making them completely untraceable back to her,*2 however she soon found she needed to comprise another false identity altogether as her popularity spread.*3

Even showing her face in the street sometimes got her swarmed by fans and nerds wanting to know more juicy information about the series and its elusive author, just by her looking like the pony on the covers. Now all her free time spent at ‘home’ winds up with her cooped up in her apartment planning and waiting. Waiting for her next adventure, her next chance to escape the cage she constructed for herself, to actually be herself. To be Daring-Do once again.

A chance like tomorrow.

And so Daring-Do smiled.

Then the building shook.

Reflexes honed through the dodging of countless death-traps had her on her hooves and alert before her hat had time to fall off of its stand. She flicked the iconic ornamentation onto her head with a forehoof as she scanned with her ears for any sign of danger. It came with an echoing, ricocheting sound not unlike a giant pinball loose in a warehouse of saucepans.

‘Getting closer! Something in the air vents?’

Daring crossed the room in a series of dramatic*4 rolls and flips and in one fluid movement, yanked an enchanted Gryphonian war blade from its scabbard. The ‘Scimitar of Tempests’ blazed into life with a surge of perpetual lightning along the steel, and Daring turned it to point at the vent exit in a fighting stance taught to her by the late master Knife Edge at his temple in Neighpon.

As the infernal rattling drew closer, Daring prepared strategies to handle any adversary that came out of the duct.
‘Who could it be? Ahuitzotl? Shadowbolts? Luna Republicans? That total plot-hole who runs the newspaper stand across the street? How’d they find me here?’

As the noise drew closer, accompanied by some sort of atrocious wailing sound, Daring decided that whoever it was there was a simpler way to deal with this. So thinking, she harshly touched the edge of ‘Tempest’ against the vent cover, conducting the building’s entire ventilation system with its energy.

There was a loud bang as a smoking ball of hair and feathers was ejected from the vents in the corridor and rolled through Daring’s (admittedly unlocked) double doors and came to a violent stop amid the ruination of Daring’s desk.

Not missing a beat, Daring leapt the length of the room in a single flap before holding Tempest a hair’s breadth from the trachea of the intruding Pegasus.

“Who are you, and who do you work for?!”

Daring glared into the mis-aligned eyes of the other, searching for any trace of malice or hatred.

Instead, the grey mare’s face lit up like a box of puppies seeing the sun for the first time.

“I’m your Sister!”

*co-incidentally, this pastime had garnered undeserved attention from the royal guard on more than one occasion.
*2 Daring-Do rather preferred to have her adversaries NOT come find her where she lives, thank you very much.
*3 You try applying for house insurance under the name of a supposedly fictional character, see how that turns out.
*4 And perhaps unnecessary.

Chapter 2

“So what your trying to tell me is that all this time, Daring-Do was actually Daring Doo?”

“Yep! I’m absa-posatutely sure of it!”

“And you think this because….?”

“Because when I saw your picture on the front of this book, I recognised you right away!”

Daring rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Recognised me from where?”

The strange pony reached into her saddlebags and drew out a battered baby photograph. Disturbingly, Daring could see the resemblance between herself and the proffered infant, though she could hardly be certain as the foal’s blank flank made no connection to her own compass.

Daring had had her cutie mark since her earliest memory, as it turns out, a 2 year old surviving in the jungle on her own was a special talent in itself. But it wasn’t until she was taken in by a caring archaeology professor that this talent was actually given any meaning.

Raised on campus, her only needs were knowledge and excitement. When the sports teams and libraries ceased to provide enough, she ventured out for more, and soon fell in tune with the call for adventure providing both in great supply.

Lost in the histories of civilisations and races, Daring never had time or inclination to try to look into her own history. Able to make friends and allies across the globe with her charisma and heroism, she had no desire for the bonds of family.
After all, if her parents had left her in that jungle to fend for herself, they weren’t the kind of ponies Daring wanted anything to do with.

Now this…. Pony shows up and tries to stick like glue right from the off.

Despite having no proof to deny the strange pony’s claims, Daring was suspicious of her intentions.

“And instead of seeking me out earlier, you just happened to run into one of my books now, 13 stories into its multi-million bit success and claim to be family?”

The other pony was clearly hurt by the insinuation, but Daring continued on regardless.

“And even if you are genuine, have you ever considered you might have the wrong mare? I’m sorry but two pictures and a gut feeling does not constitute shared genes.”

Of course she would start crying.

‘Oh Celestia on a dirt bike. Give me spike pits and flamethrowers over this any day.’

Daring bit her lip, either this mare was a really good actor- or worse, she really did believe they were family. Between sobs, the grey Pegasus managed to cry out pitifully.

“What if your right…..what if I did get all my hopes up and barge in here for nothing….. What if I am only good at screwing everything up? -ow!”

Daring plucked a hair out of that yellow head and dropped it in an envelope from her desk.

“Look….. I know some guys who can run a few tests and find out if this is a real connection, Allright?”

The hope on her face almost hurt to look at. Seeing 'mystery Sis' had stemmed the flow and sniffled the last drop, Daring decided to at least make conversation.

“How about we start with your name?”

“Ditzy, but everypony calls me Derpy.”

Calming down, Derpy decided to at least try to answer the accusations levelled at her best as she could.

“I didn’t find out about you sooner because I don’t go into bookstores or libraries very often. I…. don’t read so well.”
She raised a hoof to gesture at her face and it’s most glaring feature.

“Whenever I asked, Mom and Dad would never tell me anything about you. It was like they didn’t want to admit you existed, and I was never a suitable replacement. In the end, this picture is the only way I knew you were real. I guess they thought I wasn’t smart enough to handle the truth, just like everypony else does.”

Daring decided to change the subject before she wound up with a flood of tears. Again.

“How did you find where I lived anyway?”

“That colt at the newspaper stand across the street recognised your picture.”

Daring’s eye twitched.

“But of all the cities to search, what sent you here?”

“Uh… actually this was the 4th place I checked.”

“W-what?!”

The sheer stupidity made for the most incredulous jaw drop Daring had yet to produce, but Derpy just smiled and nuzzled into Daring’s wing.

“I had to try and find you, Silly!”

Daring wriggled away with no small discomfort. For a pony that had spent her entire life relying on her own wits and skills and hidden from those who loved the tales of her heroism, suddenly being exposed to direct affection was as foreign and disconcerting as the touch of any quicksand-spider-and-snake-infested death trap she had ever come across.

Even so, clearly it took dedication and guts to keep going like that, on a quest with no sure answers and the odds against you. Kinda reminded her of….herself.

‘Whoever she is… I can’t help but start to like her.’

“Hey… It’s getting late, we should get some rest and figure this through tomorrow.”
‘Tomorrow…’

Daring felt a twinge of guilt as the other mare just nodded and curled up on her couch.
‘Tomorrow I get to be free. But it’s a life not for anypony else. Not even…. Family.’

Daring-Do dowsed the lanterns with a wing and uneasily settled into bed.

“I’m telling ya Twilight, I searched everywhere! Derpy just up and ditched town!”

Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes and nudged closed her copy of ‘Amazing Advents that Allude to Apocalypse’ with a burst of magic before exasperatedly turning to her irate friend.

“So what? Derpy might be accident-prone but she’d not take it if she wasn’t going to bring it back. And hay, even if she did lose it, one lost Library book isn’t worth a starting up a wild chase across Equestria.”

In less than a second, Twilight was pinned to the ground.

“WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH TWILIGHT SPARKLE?!!”

Twilight donned a deadpan expression.

“Very funny Rainbow.”

A moment passed and Rainbow Dash didn’t move an inch. Twilight sighed wholeheartedly.

“The password is Zap Apple.”

Satisfied, the Prismatic Pegasus Paragon dismounted the Purple Princess’s Protégé and helped her up.

“Rainbow, as always your loyalty is commendable, but these constant ‘spy checks’ are just paranoid.”

“And when Twilight thinks somepony is paranoid, you know they’re in trouble”
Spike chipped in from the other side of the library.

“Oh you may think they’re unnecessary now but just you wait and see Twi, us Elements are prime targets!”

Twilight facehoofed.
‘At least she stopped using the flamethrower….’

The librarian decided to try and diffuse the situation with logical misdirection.

“So why come to me with this crazy request Dash? I have no more clue where Derpy went than you do.”

“I thought she came here because you can use the tracking spell you put on all of the libraries’ books to track down where she’s taken it.”

Twilight shot a menacing glance at Spike, who had completed his prior task before walking over to join them. Spike just smiled innocently and took Twilight’s current reading pile back to the bookshelf; the cocky lizard knew she would have no further need of them.
Unable to make excuses any longer, Twilight crumbled under Dash’s pleading gaze.

“Uggh, Fine! Let’s just make it quick.”

Dash chuckled as if Twilight was finally seeing sense.

“My philosophy exactly, Twi!”

As they left the cosy confines of the tree for an uncertain future trekking Celestia knows where, Twilight attempted one last stab at reason.

“If you want to read the end of the book that bad, why don’t you just go out and buy a copy?”

Rainbow Dash looked mortified.

“Buy one?! How much money do you think I make?

Daring-Do sneaked silently from her bed, donning shirt and hat as she crept to the door, Derpy twitched in her sleep and rolled over, signalling it was still safe to make her escape.

Daring certainly felt bad about abandoning her. Looking around, she hadn’t lost any belongings in the night, so Derpy wasn’t some petty crook. While this seemed to prove the other girl’s sincerity, the boat left in less than an hour and well…..
She couldn’t leave her life behind for some mare she’d barely met.

She looked again at the dangerous magical whatsits and knick knacks she had amassed, deciding she’d send somepony to take those into her vault later. She couldn’t come back here now. For her, this would be the last time she saw this apartment.

‘If somepony as scatterbrained as her could discover my location, then Celestia knows who else could find me here.’

Daring silently un-bolted the left door and stepped out into the corridor.
She was somewhat surprised to find there was a unicorn attaching a breach charge to the other door.
She looked at the intruder.
The intruder looked at her.
The door shut and the bolt slid home again.

Daring re-entered the main room and made her way over to the windows. As she did so, she pulled a ceremonial shield off the wall, plan forming in mind. The circular object glowed at her touch, engravings of runes and sigils turning a rich purple as its legendary power flowed again.

Over by the entrance to the bedroom, Derpy pulled her head out of the refrigerator, her mouth impossibly filled with various incompatible foodstuffs.

“Hey sis! I woke up when I rolled onto your sword thingy, it wasn’t fragile was it?”

Close inspection revealed that, yes the Scimitar of Tempests had somehow managed to get lodged in between her wing feathers without actually harming her, which is an amazing feat considering its electrical properties. Daring decided not to question this.

“Sorry Derpy, I’m afraid we have to catch a boat.”

When Daring had bought the apartment, she had made sure the windows were enchanted to withstand any traditional assault by magic or force. Lucky for her, the protective magic in the ancient Zebrican artefact was several magnitudes more potent than those in the glass. A single blow shattered the window into a million pieces.

Derpy frowned at Daring’s destructive decision and fearfully protested.

“B-but I only just started breakfast….”

This reluctance ended when the door exploded inward in a cloud of fire and splinters. A Squadron of threatening mercenary stallions began charging into the penthouse like an unwashed landslide, tasers in their mouths and murder in their hearts. Consequently, Derpy almost tripped over her hooves as she scrambled to grab her saddlebags and scamper over to where Daring was deflecting magic assaults from the few Unicorn troops with her aged souvenir.

Left with no choice, Derpy flung her self at Daring and clung on like a newborn foal, Daring took the momentum and they sailed through the opening and soon fell beyond the reach of the mercenaries.

The glass and steel behind them became a ferocious blur as they free-fell hundreds of feet, the painfully distant ground making Daring decide her next home would be a little closer to sea level. Derpy screamed out and attempted to open her wings, but Daring held them shut with her free hoof, pressing the two of them tighter together in a streamlined arrow.
As Derpy struggled against this hold, Daring spoke into her ear, just audible over the rushing wind.

“Not yet.”

True enough, they weren’t out of the Everfree yet. On the nearby rooftops, Unicorn snipers were laying in wait for such an eventuality. Explosions erupted around the pair, decimating the glass as spell after spell was flung in their direction. If they had tried to fly for it they wouldn’t have had a hope, but as Daring had planned, their uncontrolled decent was the key to survival. The aggravated snipers were unable to score a hit on the speeding Ponies, their momentum soon approaching terminal velocity.

Sensing failure, a 6-strong squad of Pegasi took off from those same rooftops and pulled up in pursuit behind the escapees, matching their speed but strangely keeping their distance.

‘Whoever wants me dead pulled out all the stops on this attack, which means that the next thing they’ll have in reserve…’

Near the base of the building the rest of Daring’s unfinished thought rounded the corner of the skyscraper like a shark smelling blood.

‘After all, what good was an illegal strike force without the heavy air support?’

The Mark IV P.I.N.K.I.E.copter* was the current pinnacle in Equestrian sky transport. Although not fitted with conventional weaponry, its magical defences were enough to repel most any sorcery known to Ponykind. The distance of the pursuing stallions suddenly made sense as they herded them towards its spinning blades. Derpy gasped as it became clear that the P.I.N.K.I.E’s lack of weaponry was the least of their concerns.

*A few months previously the blueprints for an incredible hoof-powered flying machine had somehow fallen out of the hooves of an unknown genius and into those of a Stalliongrad industrial corporation. After switching to a magical power source, the ‘Pegasi Imitating Neo Konflict Incremental Elevation copter’ soon became the go-to method of transport for wingless mercenaries and Royal guard alike, despite the glaring typo on the plans.

Derpy closed her eyes and clung on tighter as Daring gritted her teeth against the rushing wind. At the last possible second Daring twisted, bracing her shoulder against her shield and putting all her faith into the legendary object.

Sure enough, they tore straight through the P.I.N.K.I.E’s blades like butter, and even took off a big chunk of the tail, with a pitiable screech of metal, the death-machine careened into the side of the now thoroughly abused building. Daring whooped with joy at their narrow escape, but two of the Pegasi following them were not so lucky and crashed right into the now-useless contraption.

Daring chose now to finally fling open her wings, yelling out as the strain almost pulled them right out of their sockets. The ground rushed up to meet them, filling all their vision as Derpy’s weight began to feel more and more like a set of concrete horseshoes.

Only the most athletic and skilled of Pegasi could pull up at this speed and height and as far as Daring was aware, this had never been done whilst carrying passengers.*2 Despite her reputation, Daring-Do had never been a Pegasus known for being the fastest. Rather she had been known for being the toughest and dang it, not a single part of her body was going to just give in to gravity and be mashed on the pavement.

*2 It’s worth noting that Daring-Do had never seen a Sonic Rainboom either.

Swooping over the heads of disturbed Manehattenites, Daring risked a glance over her shoulder at their pursuers. It seems the remaining four had broke their formation just in time to swerve around the failing Copter and had now split up, coming from several directions as they locked back on target.

“Think fast, Derpy!”

“Wha-?“

Daring spun in the air, dislodging her passenger in an arching trajectory and freeing Daring’s hooves to deal with the remaining threats. Daring’s endurance attuned frame had worked against her here, as without the pull of gravity she had no hope of outpacing the angry colts and indeed, one was already moving in to grapple her. He had no opportunity to realise this was a very foolish thing to do before daring turned with the force of her spin to drive her elbow into the idiot’s neck, winding him right out of the air.*3

*3 If Daring had more time to follow his trajectory, she would have been quite satisfied to see him veer straight into a nearby newspaper stand. It’s probable this would have been followed by some sort of remark about ‘Breaking News at 11!’ but, as she was rather busy, the world was spared this horrible pun.

Daring grinned as another rush of adrenaline flowed though her, the reaper would have to try harder than that to keep her down! Typically, this was when the next, smarter assailant struck down from above, using his partner’s foolish charge as a distraction.

The Zebrican shield swung up and clanged the second colt right in the face, his own speed giving him a concussion, but otherwise his strategy worked as the equal opposite reaction drove Daring down to skid along the busy sidewalk. Concrete bit into her back, tearing off clumps of fur and skin as pedestrians were bowled over by her passage.

Wincing at the raw flesh, and thankful she’d thought to keep her wings out the way, Daring flipped onto her hooves and franticly searched for Derpy and the other two colts. She was surprised to find the other mare had no need of her help.

Several moments ago, when Daring had flung our mutual friend to the mercy of the fates, Derpy had done what any Pegasus naturally does when finding themselves helplessly tumbling in midair. She opened her wings.

What neither Derpy nor her two attackers had counted on was that having a scimitar thoroughly jammed into your wing feathers causes those feathers to be mussed out of shape something fierce. And when that dysfunctional down caught the air, it did so like a brick wall catches a watermelon. Suddenly, that one part of Derpy was yanked backwards and her velocity turned her into a vicious grey and yellow blur of flailing limbs.

The attackers never stood a chance.

Daring incredulously watched as they were violently clobbered, spiralling off into nearby buildings, and her head followed the path of the monstrosity as it crashed down violently on the concussed henchman, upgrading his ticket to 1st class beating.

Yellow eyes spun like Catharine wheels as Derpy stumblingly tried to stand in the now deserted street, Manehattenites having decided this conflict was too crazy even by their standards. Daring galloped over to Derpy’s side and practically pulled her away as a covered black carriage careened around from a neighbouring street, disgorging a backup squad of bulky Earth Ponies.

Quickly, they darted into a side alley while Daring struggled to come up with a new trick that would throw off these new threats long enough to escape. Again, Derpy accidentally took care of that, the incompatible contents of Daring’s fridge, combined with Derpy’s tumble dry adventure resulted in her providing a potent lubricant to the alley floor.

With their traction gone, the bulky stallions found their bulk quite detrimental as their tangled bodies got completely wedged betwixt the narrow walls, cutting off all hopes of re-enforcements.

As the two mares disappeared into the multitude of twists and turns of the great city, daring couldn’t help but laugh.
‘Best. Partner. Ever.’

In a sealed office somewhere in the business district of Canterlot, an expensive desk was slammed by infuriated hooves. The office became about as peaceful as Princess Luna’s last poetry recital*4 as the occupant gave full voice to his displeasure.

*4 And almost as populated too.

“WHY WAS I NOT TOLD SHE HAD A ROOM FULL OF FREAKING MAGICAL WEAPONS?!!”

A shrimpy and terrified underling cringed under the full glare of his foaming Boss.

“B-but sir! A complete list of all her tools and achievements is available in any good bookstore!... We assumed you knew Sir!...”

“NO I HAVN’T READ HER STORIES YOU BLITHERING IDIOT! WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS DO YOU THINK I RUN?!!”

The head honcho sat heavily back down in his extravagant office chair and pointed an accusing hoof at the underling.

“Months of planning and preparation come to nothing because she decides to bunk with some inbred retard? UNACCEPTABLE!”

The underling muttered a non-stop stream of apologies and promises as he scampered out the door of the office, his Boss’s booming voice following him down the corridor.

“YOU CAPTURE THOSE PLOT-SNIFFERS, AND WHEN YOU DO MAKE SURE DARING-DO NEVER GETS THE CHANCE TO WRITE ANOTHER PAGE OF HER INSIPID DRIVEL!!”

Chapter 3

“What the hay is up with this thing? Do you bathe in glue or something?”

“No, stuff like this just happens sometimes”

Daring let go of the Tempest’s handle and sighed. She had been hoping to be able to count on its powers in the foreseeable future, but stuck as impossibly as it was in Derpy’s wing, its usefulness was decidedly limited.

After that morning’s escape, Daring had led her new ‘partner’ halfway across Manehatten to ‘My Little Italy’, the city’s famous Equestrian-Italian district, where they had taken shelter in a safe house Daring owned above an old restaurant.

For just this eventuality, the safe house was completely stocked with adventuring gear and medical supplies. Daring’s back wounds had been sterilised and bandaged, but it would be a few weeks before any fur started to grow there again. As for Derpy, she seemed to share in Daring’s strange durability, as her little flight mess up had only sprained her wing rather than breaking it. Unfortunately, the lodged scimitar made it somewhat impossible to bandage, but given the situation, that was the least of their concerns.

It was quite clear that if it hadn’t been for Derpy’s arrival, the assault would have caught Daring completely off guard. Her contribution as an unknown factor threw off the entire plan of whoever was after them. Although Daring had been strongly adverse to drawing Derpy into her life of constant danger, that morning’s events would have ensured that the blonde Pegaus will be one factor their enemy will want out of the equation. Sticking together was their only option now.

Although she was fairly certain the henchmen hadn’t got a good look at Derpy’s face or Cutie mark, a grey Pegasus with lazy eyes and a sword sticking out of her wing was going to be conspicuous no matter where they went. Combine this with Daring’s own literary fame and simply going into hiding becomes somewhat impossible.

“We have to get out of the country before they catch up to us again. Once we’re safe, then I can start to find out who our enemy is.”

Derpy visibly deflated.

“This isn’t how I pictured having a sister would go.”

‘I’ve had never pictured having a sister in my life, but I’m fairly certain if I had, it wouldn’t have been a picture of a pony like Derpy. Hay, I didn’t even know ponies like this existed! Is there like a whole town of these ponies lurking around somewhere?’

Daring shuddered at the mere thought. She turned from her partner and rummaged around in a chest of maps.

“Before you showed up and this whole thing got started, I had a ticket on a boat to Squalid Bay, a port on the fringe of the Charflow Rainforest.”

“How did it get a name like that?”

Daring found the map she was looking for and unfurled it on the table. Although it had a lot of independent countries thriving on international trade near the coastlines, the core of the land was split into two large countries separated by an ocean of green.

“The Rainforest grew on substantial volcanic flows from the northern mountains of Canus thousands of years ago. The eruptions also released magical ore from deep within the planet’s crust and that magic has seeped into the trees that grow there, making Charflow the most dangerous ecosystem in the world.”

Derpy gave Daring a blank look. ...Or at least what she assumed was a blank look.
Groaning a little, the explorer tried to come up with an analogy Derpy might understand.

“It’s kind of like if the Everfree had a child with Froggy Bottom Bog and their kid grew up with Discord as a babysitter.”

“Oh! Right. …And why are we going there..?”

Daring pulled out a notebook and began to flip through it, briefly showing off various historical documents and diagrams gathered from countless digs and libraries.

“I was heading there because my research suggests that at some point in history, the Diamond Dogs who populate Canus used the forest to hide an artefact lost since the founding of Equestria. Already a thorough mystery as it was, but the weirdest part is that none of the texts even describe what the artefact is! It’s only ever referred to as ‘The Gift’.”

Derpy frowned, but started to catch on.

“So you think whoever is after us is doing so because they’re also after this gift?”

“Bingo. We start snooping around there, and we’ll probably find the identity of our assailant.”

“So we go catch your boat, find the thingy-“

“No.”

“No?”

“These guys must have been keeping an eye on me so they’ll know about the ticket. Instead of falling into a trap, we should sneak onto a different boat leaving port for the southernmost nation of Gomoah. It’s a friendly united nation of griffons and ponies so we should have no problems making our way up to the forest from there.”

Derpy sighed and rubbed her forehead.

“Being a superhero is complicated.”

Daring-Do stepped out of the night, the blizzard sliding off her uniform like water from an otter. Her wounds and exhaustion went unnoticed under the torrent of power flowing through her veins. As she revelled in the sensation, her fur stood on end as the dark caressed her completely. Had she been the pony she once was, this kind of joy might have elicited a smile, but such a thing was beneath her now.

The other Shadowbolts stepped out behind her and together they crossed the threshold of the temple, frozen flagstones thawing under the paradoxical cold that radiated from them in waves. They followed the steps deep into the crypt until the sound of the roaring winds could no longer be heard.

The torches she and her comrades had erected on their first excursion dimmed at their passage. Looking back, Daring felt only disgust that she had ever needed their light to see by. At an unspoken command, Spitfire split off from the group and began to dismantle the hateful lights before they offended the group any further. With each one that fell, Daring felt her awareness grow a little larger, the shadows of the temple reclaiming the ground that had been taken from them.

At last they made it to the main chamber, bathed only in the glorious non-glow of the Nightmare Eye atop the central pedestal. Daring and her cohorts knelt before their commander, who turned from the Eye to address them.

Templar Sark used to be the guardian of the temple until his admirable desire for power awakened within him. The rules of his order set by the false Sun Tyrant stated that he was to live in total isolation with only his absolute duty to keep others from possessing the power of the Dark queen. Sark disobeyed this and fell in love. Inevitably, when his wife was killed, he tried to take the power of the Dark and bring her back to him. Now, like all of them gathered there, his only love was to Nightmare Moon.

“Daring-Do, I see you have seen the error of your ways and joined with us. Tell me, what did you hope to accomplish in running from destiny?”

“Whatever foolish reason I had clearly wasn’t of any importance, the Shadowbolts are my calling now.”

Sark made no show of emotion, but his draconic eyes glowed ever so slightly brighter in approval. The robed Unicorn bid his servants to rise and stepped down from the altar to meet with them.

“In any case, we must make haste to Equestria to prepare. In two days, the stars will aid in her escape and we must be ready to welcome her.”

“We live to serve, commander.”

The other Shadowbolts scattered to begin preparations for their departure, but Daring-Do hesitated. There was something… not right... just on the edge of her Consciousness. She extended her awareness to every available pool of darkness in the temple, but found nothing amiss. Spitfire had allmost completed her task, and the crypt was dripping with glorious Darkness. Daring felt the sweet release as Spitfire destroyed the last torch.

Everypony stopped what they were doing all at once, not sure what it was they were feeling. The shadows were clamouring somthing important, rapidly getting closer.

Spitfire tore into the main chamber, her anxiety so great that her Darkness rend the air around her as she passed.
She pulled up infront of the Templar, dropping a chunk of now ruined circuitry destroyed by her hooves.

“Sir it’s a Radio transmitter, hidden where we couldn’t see! It’s been sending out a beacon!”

The templar turned to the latest recruit, anger contorting his features.

“Daring! What is the meaning of this?! Who did you contact?!”

For the first time since the Darkness joined with her, Daring felt real fear.

“I... I don’t know… her memories are hidden from me!”

An explosion shook the mountain, and the temple began to collapse around them.

Derpy closed the book and sighed.

‘Is this what Sis’s life is always like?’

While they waited for the pony who was supposed to get them on the boat, Derpy had decided to have as much of a read into her sisters past as she could before her eyes made her queasy from the effort.

‘I’ve had enough of being queasy today to last me for a while…’

To save time, she had had picked it up from where Rainbow Dash had put her bookmark, but so far all she had found was bad guys, danger and violence.
This was rather disquieting. After all, things in Ponyville were rarely peaceful, but usually nopony ever got hurt.

‘I’m starting to wonder if finding my sister was a bad idea… I do always seem to have a lot of those...’

The two mares were leaning against the wall outside a seedy salt bar on the Manehatten harbour front. There was only one ship leaving that day that met their requirements, a cruise liner called the ‘Dazzler’. According to Daring, it was the pride of the Green Star line, and was accustomed to transporting only the most rich and influential ponies in Equestria and the surrounding nations.

Because of this they had created their disguises accordingly, attempting to look like rich, materialistic and shallow heiresses. While Daring technically was rich, and treasure hunting was, by definition one of the most materialistic professions available, they both agreed last trait might be a bit more difficult to imitate.

Derpy could hardly recognise the adventurer, who had slipped into an insanely expensive designer dress that was large enough to hide her cutie mark and bandages. She was also wearing coloured contacts to make her eyes green, and to complete the look she had slung over her wing a hoofbag so impractically small she could probably carry more stuff if the dress simply came with pockets.

As for Derpy, Daring had hidden the Tempest by coating the wing in a large plaster cast, which also had the bonus of helping it heal from the sprain. She’d also bought a tasteful shawl to drape over her wings and conceal them as best as they could, no sense letting anypony get suspicious of a Pegasus taking a cruise with a broken wing. She also had large, mirrored sunglasses that hid her 'special' eyes from casual onlookers.

Daring seemed to notice that Derpy was down in the dumps and lightly nudged her to get her attention.

“Hey, don’t worry about this; they don’t have us on the ropes yet. This isn’t a retreat; it’s luring them into thinking we’re retreating.”

Derpy could see why Rainbow Dash liked her sister's books so much, Daring was just like her, and not just in looks. Dash always had time to look after Derpy and cheer her up when she made a mistake and broke something. Looking at her now, Derpy could feel the same caring nature coming from her sister... Even if Daring used words she didn’t understand way more often than Dash did.

Derpy was about to return her thanks when their target stumbled out of the Salt bar and made his way down the dock. Daring called out to him as he passed.

“I’m surprised they let a salted old fart like yourself behind the wheel of The Dazzler.”

The old pony turned at the familiar voice. Derpy could see the years had not been kind to him, but though his creased face was mostly obscured by his salt-flecked beard, his ice blue eyes twinkled with a warmth untouched by time or suffering.

“Daring-Do… I suppose you’re here to blackmail a poor old Colt into hauling your flank out of whatever sorry mess you’ve sailed into this time?”

“A pony has to be able to feel shame before they can be blackmailed, Legs.”

The Captain nodded sagely.

“True enough lass, but I’m not the one dragging a helpless maiden along in the dirt behind me now am I?”

Daring snorted derisively.

“If you saw her earlier, you’d not call her helpless so easily, Legs.”

You could see him instantly put two and two together.

“Ah, all that kerfuffle uptown was your doing then. Which means that you intend to get me fired by endangering all the bigwigs paying for a nautical kiddie ride.”

Derpy hadn’t thought of it that way before, but Daring gave off no impression of being concerned.

“Admittedly, whoever is after me is pretty ballsy to send in a full strike force in the middle of a major city, but I don’t think they would do the same when it risks pissing off both the highest and lowest rungs of society at the same time.”

Captain Legs seemed to get what she meant, but the intent went straight over Derpy’s head.

‘I don’t think I like the sound of that… what kind of passengers are these?’

Resolving to ask Daring about it later, Derpy tuned back into the conversation in progress.

“-I know you have the money for a ticket but they’re all sold out already, I can’t just kick off another passenger!”

“This could be our only chance Legs! After what happened in Bitswana, you owe me big time!”

The old stallion looked pensive.

“I… I suppose if you sneaked in the crew entrance, you could stay in my cabin for the duration of the trip. I’d be spending all my time behind the wheel or in the bar anyways.”

Daring lit up like a Hearths Warming tree.

“Now we’re talking! C’mon Derpy, we got ourselves a ride!”

“Oh! Right!”

The two set off, destination in mind as the already deeply regretful stallion dragged himself after them. None of them noticed a pair of passengers, Jet Set and Upper Crust, tied up and unconscious in an alley, their tickets suspiciously absent.

“This is the place right?”

“Yes Rainbow, The trail ends here. Now can we please stop this madness? We’ve been walking for two days straight!”

“Well we would have got here in one day if you weren’t so slow.”

The two Elements were crouched behind a parked carriage on the seafront. The more colourful mare of the two was agressivley sneaking glances over at the ‘Dazzler’ while her purple friend desperately tried to magically sooth her aching hooves.

“Four cities, Rainbow! I’ve walked more in 48 hours than the rest of the year combined! Whatever Lunacy has Derpy marauding around like this isn’t half as crazy as you are for insisting we follow!”

“Hey shush up a sec! There she is!”

Twilight begrudgingly glanced over the railings of the carriage and, sure enough, spotted a set of bubbled flanks discreetly entering the crew entrance of the ship.

“So she decided to start a career in the cruise business. Mystery solved. Can we go home now?”

“No way. I’m not done yet.”

Before Twilight could raise an objection, Dash was gone in a streak of primary colours.

‘I should have known she’d have no natural resistance to the addictive properties of literature…’

Twilight bit her tongue and trotted after, making sure to keep concealed from the sight of the burly Earth Ponies stacking the cargo hold with supplies for the trip by darting behind the varied crates dotting the dock. Peeking from a safe vantage point, Twilight watched in horror as Dash stealthily dislodged a melon from one of the crates and then zipped into the hold as the dock workers were distracted.

Rainbow Dash hunkered down inside a sheltered cove of boxes, the shaded confines of the hold more than covering her presence to the Ponies still ferrying their heavy loads just meters away. The hiding place also concealed a flash of purple and displacement of air signifying another stowaway in their midst.

“What in the name of Celestia’s great Shrubbery do you think your doing??!”
Twilight hissed as loud as she could without giving them away.

“I knew those books were good, but I didn’t think they’d drive a pony to break into the most expensive cruise liner on the entire coast of Equestria!”

Twilight tried to force Rainbow to her hooves, but the other mare resisted and shook her off. The unicorn shook her head in disbelief.

“If it matters THAT much to you, I’ll buy you the book! Let’s just get out of here!”

“Sorry Twilight, but its not that simple. There’s no point in getting the treasure unless you undertake the whole quest beforehoof.”

Twilight choked a little.

“You seriously don’t think this is like a Daring-Do novel do you?”

‘The next time she asks for reading material, I’m giving her The Hungry Caterpillar instead.’

“How is it not? A fearless adventurer after a precious goal stumbles across a mystery she wasn’t supposed to… laughing in the face of death, she stows away on board the bad guy’s ship to get to the bottom of their plot!”

Twilight shoved a hoof into Dash’s ribs and moved in close to fill her line of vision.

“First of all, you are not Daring-Do, she’s not real. Second, this isn’t ‘the bad guy’s ship’; it’s a holiday cruise you just broke into! And third, WHAT MYSTERY?!”

Dash shoved her hooves over twilight’s muzzle as her volume began to get treacherously high.

“Look, I’ve know Derpy for longer than most Ponies, and I know something’s up. Bad guys or not, I don’t leave my friends hangin Twi.”

There was a brief commotion over by the exit as the workponies finished loading the supplies and began to raise the hatch. Mane frizzing uncontrollably, Twilight jogged on the spot and glanced over at the disappearing freedom, emitting a low moan like an injured whale.

“Ooooooh…. This is so much worse than being tardy…”

Resigned to Rainbow’s complete lack of a plan, Twilight slumped over onto a crate and put her head in her hooves as the hatch clanged shut against the bulkhead.
Ever the epitome of sensitivity and tact, Dash attempted to cheer her up with a ‘playful’ punch on the shoulder, which instead provided more pins and needles than the Carousel Boutique goes through in a year.

“C’mon, all we gotta do is wait for the ship to sail, sneak to the decks, find the book, solve the mystery and then be back home in ten seconds flat! Nopony will be the wiser!”

Twilight deigned not to answer and instead nursed her sore arm as she slightly illuminated the now dark cargo hold. About a minute passed in pouting silence before her natural urge to correct others kicked in.

“You know, if this was a Daring-Do novel, she’d call in a favour from the captain of the ship, rather than just sneak on board…”

Rainbow Dash just chuckled.

“And she’d just happen to know the captain of that exact vessel personally? I don’t think I’m the pony who needs a reality check, Twi.”

Pepper was feeling a little intimidated at the task set before her. She had done her job well, cheerfully greeting and directing every passenger as they boarded, providing them with goodwill and a sincere smile as they were led to their cabins. Not everypony could appreciate the importance of a good greeting, but Pepper certainly could, and the Green Star line could not ask for a better greeter than her. It was surely a vocation to be proud of, no matter what her supervisor thought about it. Or her.

…Cow.

It was, then with no small trepidation she faced the last pair of passengers to board the ‘Dazzler’ and took their ticket from them. Their tickets were all in order, being undamaged, genuine and paid in full, but well....
It was just that the Green Star line was usually only afforded by the incredibly famous or the incredibly wealthy, usually both. In contrast, these two bore almost no resemblance to the celebrities and aristocracy she had been graciously herding all day.

On top of that they were just weird.

The dilemma then, was how of decide whether to admit the two latecomers or call security, both of which without being impolite, oh no must not be impolite, not to customers, no. Mother wouldn’t like it if I-

Focus.

Pepper put on her best smile and desperately tried to gather the rest of her face to match that intention.

“Welcome to Green Star lines ladies, might I ask why you’re travelling with us?”

The Griffon tensed slightly at being dubbed a 'lady' but in spite of this, her face, hidden as it was by thick black sunglasses, gave nothing away. Her large size and daunting body language was only worsened by the jovial bright red Hawaiian shirt giving off clashing signals, and as if to complete the tourist stereotype, a chunky camera loosely hung on a strap around her neck.

Just to the griffons left, though far less terrifying, was a pony just as strange. Her awful green flowered dress clashed horribly with both her sapphire coat and the pale hair poking out from under an equally tacky hat.
The hideously dressed Unicorn huffed and glared at the stewardess with unabashed distain.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie does not need to explain herself to simple plebeians such as yourself! And furthermore her business is entirely-Mppph!”

The sizable camera was suddenly thrust into new residence in an equally sizable Oral cavity with reckless abandon. The gryphon finally forced words out of her tightly clamped beak as if every word was toxic to her.

“What my wife means to say is that we saved up for years to get our chance at the perfect honeymoon cruise, right Honeybunch?”

The two lovebirds glared at one another for the briefest of moments before the unicorn spat out the invading device and turned back to the very confused Earth mare.

“Yes that’s quite right Featherkitten, Trixie is indeed happy to admit she is in romantic relations with this… mangy beast.”

Just out of Pepper’s line of sight, a lion claw stuck itself into one of Trixie’s back legs. To her credit, the unicorn almost didn’t flinch.

Pepper pleadingly looked over at her supervisor, who returned with an uncaring shrug before going back to chewing gum. Feeling totally out of her depth, Pepper stood aside to let them pass, diplomatically providing a break in the tense atmosphere that followed the couple like a bad smell.
Remembering herself, she called after them.

“We hope you have a nice cruise!”

Getting no response, Pepper glanced over at her supervisor who was closing the external hatch with a chuckle.

“I give their marriage less than a month.”

“Listen Dweeb, I don’t care how you act in your own time, but when we’re on a job you best stop drawing attention to yourself.”

“Trixie cannot help it if foals attempt to patronise her. Even this ‘job’ itself is patronising to her abilities.”

In the relative seclusion of their cabin, the two ‘honeymooners’ were not enjoying their vacation, rather they were on more of a business trip. The griffon known as Gilda was nonchalantly filing her talons to sharpened points while desperatly trying to ignore the constant whining from her partner on the bed.

“This lacks even the dignity of an assassin, just being here to point a common thug like you in the right direction.”

Gilda rolled her eyes.

“You don’t have the stones to assassinate anybody you blowhard. Your job was to follow the magic trail of that sword to find where they went, and you did that. Congratulations.”

Given the cabin was too small for a creature of her size, she had to push past the unicorn and the entire bed as she passed. Gilda put her shades back on as she headed for the door.

“Now just stay put while I go off those two losers.”

“Trixie did not sacrifice her dreams and pride to be looked down on by some half-breed she’s forced to work with! I am perfectly capable of taking care of my own target!”

Gilda chuckled sardonically.

“Probably the only reason you were partnered with me was because they couldn’t find anyone else who could stand being in a room with you.”

Gilda’s exit was blocked when the door swung shut in her face. She turned and, lowering her sunglasses slightly, fixed the glowing horn of the ex-showmare with a 'You serious?' expresion.

“Trixie needs this money far too much to just rely on your brute force to take them out! Now stand aside and let Trixie show you how it's done!”

For a very long moment, predatory slits bored into eyes filled only with arrogance.
Then Gilda lost it.

“Wha- what are you?... STOP LAUGHING AT TRIXIE!”

Gilda clutched at her sides as she completely cracked up.

“Oh man, you’re serious aren’t you?!”

Trixie huffed as Gilda rolled on the floor cackling. The griffon wiped away a tear and grinned like a loon.

“Oh this should be good… Ok, you go ‘take care of’ the author and I’ll come rescue you when I’m through with the retard, kay?”

Trixie hopped off the bed and trotted past the chuckling chick, head held high. Seeing her do this in her ridiculous disguise only made Gilda laugh harder.

“Trixie will show you, creature! Anypony you can kill, I can kill faster!”

Trixie kept her façade up until she could no longer hear the echoing chuckles down the sprawling ship corridors.

“Hmmph, that worthless monster doesn’t know what it’s talking about.”

Checking to make sure nopony was observing a moment of weakness, she stopped to examine the deep scratch marks on the back of her leg. Now it was Trixie's turn to roll her eyes.

“Great. Now Trixie requires a tetanus shot.”

Chapter 4

Daring looked at the shield she had hidden in their bags. She had picked it up in a bar fight with Zebrican cultists five years ago and that morning's escapade had hardly been the first time it had saved her life.

Understandably, Daring was quite opposed to letting it out of her grasp for the duration of their trip, but it was a bit too unusual to parade around in front of the other pasengers. Sealing the bag up, she dumped the supplies inside the captain’s wardrobe before turning back to her two companions.

Derpy seemed to approve of the Dazzler’s luxury bunks and was eagerly testing their springiness with joyful hops. There was an ominous crunching sound and Derpy halted her oscillations, trying to act as if nothing had happened. The blonde mare wisley decided to just gently rest on her haunches instead.

The bed imploded into sheets and splinters.

A grey hoof poked out of the pile, followed by a muffled sheepish voice.

“…….I’m okay!”

About then, Daring decided that any further sanity would hinge on her ability to ignore situations just like this.

Instead she turned her attention to their blustery benefactor Legs, who hadn’t given any notice to the ruined bed, as he was occupied with attempting to force his way into the fancy captain’s uniform. As he futilely tried to brush the knots out of his beard, daring wondered how he had got this job. After all, trying to make Legs look presentable was like trying to make a Cockatrice look adorable.

Having found a state somewhere between ‘Enraged hobo’ and ‘Singed wizard’ that he deemed acceptable, Legs made to address the room at large.

“Allright, stay put you two. As the captain, I have to go to some la-de-dah captain’s dinner with the prissiest guests, and I’d like be able to trust you won’t sink this tug while you’re out of my sight.”

“Yeaaaah…. That’s not gonna happen.”

Daring graced the old colt with a patronising glance.

“If we just stay in this room the entire trip, it’s only a matter of time before some crew or cleaning staff stumbles in here and starts asking questions.”

Daring pointed over to where a tangled Derpy was profoundly failing to navigate her way out of the bedsheets.

“And I’m fairly sure we could sink the tub from in here if Derpy tried hard enough. Keeping us in your sights is your best option, gramps.”

“I really hope you don’t mean…”

“If our only cover is to act like normal passengers, then I guess your taking us out to dinner.”

Legs struggled to find a way out of his current bind, but hit a logic wall and drew a blank.
Derpy struggled to find a way out of her current bind, but hit a physical wall and drew blood.

They both groaned.

“This is so full of crap.”

Vinyl Scratch trotted down the metal steps of the crew corridors, irritated hoofsteps causing a resounding clanging to echo down the length of the staircase. Not content to merely vent her frustration with her body language, she also continually complained at the only volume she knew how to. That is to say, very loudly.

“I told those tools I wanted my rig set up before we left port, but is it? Nope.”

She raised her pitch in a whiny imitation of what is presumably a cruise organiser.

“Sorry Miss Scratch, health and safety protocols state that if our crew isn’t trained to assemble music equipment they are forbidden from doing so.”

The DJ flicked her two-toned electric-cobalt mane out of her face derisively.

“Pshh- as if! My turntable hasn’t caught on fire in months! Unsafe my flank...”

Vinyl trailed off into incoherent grumbling as she levitated a key towards a hatch near the bottom level of the ship. Her brow furrowing behind wicked purple goggles, Scratch swung open the cargo bay door and illuminated the dark hold as she sought out her musical machinery.

Vinyl made a beeline straight for where she remembered her crates being stored. Finding them, she proceeded to tear open the side of the crate and yank out the turntables with tugs of cyan magic.

You’d think that spending a lifetime playing music far too loud would have a detrimental impact on a pony’s hearing, but unfortunately for two stowaways, having a sound-based cutie mark gives you ears of steel.

An over the shoulder glance revealed a pair of young mares making a poor attempt at tip-toeing their way to the door. Vinyl cleared her throat loudly to get their attention and the pair froze on the spot. Hoof caught in cookie jar, they slowly turned to face the DJ.

“....This isn’t what it looks like.”

This came from the sky-blue Pegasus with the admittedly radical hair, her cute nerdish companion opting to hyperventilate instead. Scratch just grinned and shook her head.

“Chillax you two, we’ve all been there at some point.”

The purple one was decidedly shocked.

“We have?”

“Yeah, got totally salted one night with a hot mare, wake up some strange place with no memory of how you got there...... "

The musician stroked her chin thoughfully, reflecting on past events.

".......It's how I get most of my gigs actually.”

While Vinyl reconsidered if she was following the wisest course of employment, flustered embarrassment was adding itself to the list of emotions parading across the purple unicorn’s face. In contrast, the rainbow coloured one just chuckled nervously and threw her arm over the shoulder of her friend.

“Yeah, me and Twilight partied so hard even I forgot which one of us was the designated flier.”

‘Twilight’ elbowed her in the ribs and hissed in what was probably supposed to be an inaudible communication.

“Dash, don’t tell her my real name!”

Scratch, having also partied fairly hard the previous night, was nowhere near awake enough to deal with this kind of crap.

“All the same, I better go tell the captain about this.”

Faster than thought, the Pegasus was in front of her.

“No!”

Trying to think of an excuse, ‘Dash’ began to grin unconvincingly in a manner that would sound warning bells in the mind of any less hung-over pony than Vinyl was at that moment. Or indeed given her lifestyle choices, at most moments.

“….I mean, we had another friend with us and I need to find her!”

Scratch rubbed the base of her horn, feeling a headache coming on.

“You kidding me? I’ve gotta have this thing playing in the bar in 10 minutes, I don’t have time to-“

Then she hit the floor.

“Whoa, geez Twilight, what the hell?”

Dash stumbled back from the collapsed mare, who was now taking much needed nap courtesy of a magical lullaby.

“Well what did you expect me to do Dash, just let her go? She was going to tattle on us! And you’re the one who insisted we sneak on board, so don’t turn this on me!”

Vinyl mumbled something about ‘Rad skittles pony’ and rolled onto her side snoring.

“Is she.... Okay?”

“I just improvised an anaesthetic spell I learned for emergencies; she’ll be fine in a few hours. Now help me move her.”

The frazzled unicorn slipped her head under the DJ’s stomach, slightly lifting her off the ground and dislodging the signature shades from her face. As Dash moved in to help, she took note of Twilight’s snappy responses and short temper.

“If it’s getting you so worked up, you should just think of it like learning a lesson in going to extreme lengths to help out friends in trouble.”

Twilight did seem to clam down a bit, but gave Dash a snide glance.

“Something tells me that drugging an innocent pony and breaking onto a boat will be a lesson I won’t be able to ever tell the Princess about.”

Together, they hoisted the unconscious DJ onto their shoulders. She was heavier than she looked and she drooled into Dashie’s feathers a little, but they managed to hide her in their little crate alcove without too much trouble.

“Well that should keep her out of sight for a few hours, lets hope we can sneak up to top deck undetected in that time.”

In what could only be the start of a horrible chain of events, Rainbow Dash had an idea.

“Of course, this is perfect! Twilight, I need you to magic those turntables up to the bar right away!”

“What are you going on abou- oh no, there’s no way that’s going to work!”

Dash picked up The DJ’s discarded shades and applied them to her own features.

“I’ve got a gig to get to.”

Daring-Do had such a history of constant peril, she was actually kind of disappointed when her plan actually worked. The fancy dinner went off without a hitch and the two Pegasi were soon accepted into the niche of the wealthy and powerful.

Sadly, this also came with the crushing obligation to hang around after the meal and withstand the company of alternately dull, self absorbed or eccentric equines and their flunkies. And none present checked all those fisrt two boxes quite as heavily as his Royal highness Prince Blueblood. Though if he was also eccentric, that would have gone a long way towards making his presence sufferable.

"Well of course Auntie chose me to lead the diplomatic talks with the Gomoans, but can you imagine travling the whole way by chariot? I'd hardly make a good impression if I was jet-lagged and windswept now would I?"

The simpering entourage of nobles gave no objection, obviously.

'And I'm sure all those royal guards are quite thankfull for you vetoing in favour of this cruise, princey. It's only an extra day of watching you relax while their armor gets a taste of your aunt's heatwave, after all.'

For now though, the night had fallen- giving those many loyal soldiers were instead getting a taste of Luna's hospitality instead. As the prince continued to shove his head up his own flank, Derpy lightly nudged Daring with her muzzle and the explorer was only too happy to make her excuses and slip away. In a quieter corner of the hall, the disguised duo casually leant against a wall to talk.

“Uh... sis, about what Legs said earlier..... Are we putting other ponies in danger just by being here?”

Daring sucked in a deep breath and considered a response.

“Well in my line of work, there’s kind of a certainty of danger wherever you go. As for everypony around me... it won’t be as bad as last time.”

“How can you be sure?”

Daring pointed over to where Blueblood was doing an admirable job of providing useless ornamentation to the proceedings.

“As thick headed as he is, Blueblood is still a royal. Nopony would be willing to put him in the line of fire to get at us, because quite simply- There isn’t a soul on the planet so sure of their own abilities to risk pissing off that guy’s relatives.”

From her vantage point above the skylight, Trixie considered whether it would be more dramatic to crush them under a chandelier, or just blow up the whole room.

It had been surprisingly easy for her to get up there, as the Green Star line had laid on the nautical theme thick by coating entire walls of the ship in entirely decorative rigging.

Trixie was absolutely determined to prove herself the better of that imbecilic griffon, and if that meant not allowing those wings to give it a vertical advantage, then arduous climbing was a small price to pay.

'Well now Trixie’s efforts have payed off! That fluffed-up pigeon will have to shove those words back down it’s beak if I take both of these ponies out before its even finished laughing!’

Yet Trixie continued to find herself stalling for considerations of the most theatrical murders she could inflict in the situation.

‘A lightning bolt? A Want-it-need-it spell to crush them under the weight of the crowd? Maybe just drown them in the punch?..... No, they don’t have punch at these kinds of parties…’

As time passed, Trixie realised she was just stalling for the sake of stalling.

‘What’s the matter with me? Trixie is master of every task presented to her, and that includes master of her own thoughts! Why am I so loath to succeed in this one?’

In a quantum leap on a par with the evolution of complex life, the invention of the wheel and the baking of the first Chimicherrychonga, Trixie’s brain made a previously unheard of advancement.

For the first time, the ex-showmare was forced to accept the fact that she might possibly…........improbably…............ infinitesimally…............be wrong about something.

The blue unicorn sagged with the weight of this new burden and reconsidered her stance.

‘Maybe the creature was right. Maybe I don’t have what it takes to kill somepony.’

In her life, Trixie had often been accused of not caring about anypony’s feelings but her own. Every time this had happened, Trixie had always taken great offense at the claims- The feelings of other ponies were incredibly important to her! Changing their lives for the better has always been the special talent…. neigh! The destiny of the Great and Powerful Trixie!

After all, she had dedicated her life to making sure that everypony she met showered her with the adoration she rightfully deserved!

This…..
This was just counter-productive.
No matter how dramatic or exciting she made their deaths, ponies would never adore her for being a hired killer. Which kinda sucked, considering she really, really needed the money.

‘If I let the monster take them down and just… try to ignore it’s boasting… Then I’ll still get paid. But it won’t take out all my debts, and next time I might not be able to avoid a job which involves murder…

.....And I might have to wear more ridiculous disguises too.’

Trixie stepped back from the skylight. Below, the two hunted ponies rejoined the party quite unawares of how close they came to extremely extravagant deaths.

‘Maybe there is another way for Trixie to get rich on this journey…’

A hatch clanged open on the outer deck, causing Trixie to press herself into the shadows of the roof as irksomely familiar voices drifted past.

“Can I point out that you have no experience whatsoever operating this equipment?”

“Twilight, you don’t get to be a DJ with technical knowhow or experience. It’s all about passion and artistry and… things.”

“You have no clue what you’re talking about do you?”

The second voice became agressively defensive, a state Trixie was quite familiar with taking.

“Hey, let me worry about this baby, you just focus on finding where she’s keeping the book.”

There was the sound of something heavy hitting the floor and the first voice, now angered, began to head back in the direction it came.

“Fine! In that case, you carry this thing to the bar!”

“Twilight!.... urgh.”

Presumably, the owner of the second voice began to heft the heavy object along the walkway, as there was now some grunting and scraping noises heading in that direction.

Trixie crawled her way to the edge of the roof and sure enough, had her fears confirmed as she spotted Twilight Sparkle re-entering the Dazzler’s inner corridors in a huff.

‘What is she doing here? And at a time like this?'

Though she would never admit it to anypony, Twilight Sparkle was one of the only ponies ever to earn Trixie’s respect- despite her obscenely humble façade. Being the most powerful unicorn in the world was a very lonely position to keep, so having a rival to compete for it was one of Trixie’s longest running dreams…. Right up until her little money problems that is.

Trixie grinned at the presented opportunity. If this book was so important to her of all ponies, then maybe it had some kind of powerful magic that could put Trixie back on the map!

‘Or at the least something equally valuable…’

Swinging over the edge, the azure unicorn began to descend the same way she climbed up.

‘It looks like Trixie’s luck is about to change!’

Shortly after, as she lay tangled in a heap of frayed ropes, Trixie wondered why she thought it was a good idea to put all her weight on something purely designed for decoration.

Back in the dining room, another misadventure was rearing to begin.

Having had enough of Blueblood's waffle, Daring and Derpy had traversed the fringes of the party, managing to keep up an apearance without actually having to talk to anypony. This small victory couldn't last however.

As if electrified, Derpy suddenly locked bolt upright and gasped. Before Daring could discern the cause, the peppy pegasus abandoned her decorum and zipped under Daring’s skirts. Through clenched teeth, Daring hissed as she struggled to remain balanced over the squirming pony.

“Have you lost your mind?!”

Derpy poked her head out from under the dress and lowered her glasses long enough to fix Daring with a wonky, worried stare.

“Over there! I know those ponies!”

She flung a hoof in the direction of a bratish pink filly and a greasy stallion with a slicked-back mane and bushy eyebrows.

“Filthy rich and his Daughter, I crashed into their house last week! We can’t let them recognise me!”

In what was rapidly becoming a trend in their relationship, Daring groaned.

“Is there anything you don’t crash into?!”

“Hey, that time I had right of way!”

Reining in her annoyance, Daring flicked her head in the direction of the exit. Catching wind, Derpy ducked back into the elaborate folds of the evening gown as they made their escape.

The trial of the After Dinner Escape would later go down in history as one of Daring-Do’s most arduous achievements, one that took all of her skill and dexterity, honed by uncountable deathtraps and narrow escapes. This is because quite simply, trying to synchronise your steps with a crawling Derpy Hooves trapped under your dress is a lot like trying to play Twister with an enraged octopus.

Despite having trodden on Derpy’s legs 12 times, her tail 3 times, her face at least 6 times, and at one point what Daring could have sworn was a bucket of chocolate pudding, they managed to make it to the door.

As they slipped out into the corridor, Daring gave out a pronounced sigh of relief and exhaustion. Derpy on the other hand, made a noise that sounded to Daring a lot like somepony whimpering as they sucked on aching, swollen limbs.

Daring wiped a curtain of sweat from her forehead; the mental and physical excursion combined with the thick expensive dress was making her sweat up a storm. Her temperature was certainly not assisted by having another source of body heat curled up between her legs.

Daring was so sweltering, she was unable hear the near silent hoofsteps approaching from behind. Daring flinched as she felt the touch of cold steel on the back of her neck. Suddenly, her sweating wasn’t just because of the dress.

A low, even voice spoke softly into her ear as she felt a powerful wing drape itself over her back and hold the two ponies close together in a perverse hug.

“Don’t try to run, just start walking. Slowly.”

Daring gulped and complied with her kidnapper, cursing her own inattention.

“That’s it; we’re just a pair of friends leaving a party together for a drink.”

As Daring began to shuffle away from the lights out onto the dark outer walkways of the boat, she could feel Derpy nervously shift to accommodate. If her kidnapper saw any sign of the complex dance of limbs going on under the fabric, they said nothing to acknowledge it.

Now a fair distance from any hope of help, the hostage slowed to a halt and tried to think of a way out of this that didn’t involve getting a neck-based incision. No such luck, as her ‘friend’ began to speak again.

“Daring, if you honestly thought that you and your friend could board this boat without my detection you must be losing your touch. Now you have no hope of escaping me any longer.”

Being a never-say-die sort of mare, Daring cut her losses and rammed her wing into the ribs of her attacker before trying to pull away from her.

“Derpy, run!”

As if shot from a cannon, a grey blur blasted out from under the dress, ricocheted off a wall, broke three floorboards, tripped over a deck chair and fell down a flight of stairs faster than you can say ‘collateral damage’.

Grateful though she was at Derpy’s escape, Daring wasn’t about to get the same favour as with a fluid movement, she found her arms twisted behind her back and face pinned to the floor.

“Daring-Do, as an official representative of her majesty, I’m placing you under arrest on charges of concealing your identity to spy on a Royal Prince, suspicion of illegal activities based on past tendencies to break the law, and for avoiding me for two whole years without a chance to thank you for saving my sorry flank.”

Daring stopped struggling; brain freezing for a moment in sheer disbelief, before it decided that yes, that this pony really was that much of an ass. Her captor gave a chuckle at Daring’s exaggerated eye-roll and loosened her grip.

Daring broke free and turned around with a mixture of amusement, relief, and anger. In an aggressive, drawn out tone, Daring growled back a response.

“Spiiitfiiire…”

The Wonderbolt smiled innocently, eyes alight with mischief. Even more annoying, the ‘blade’ she was threatened with turned out to be a spoon Spitfire had picked up from the dinner table. Ever the Wonderbolt poster-mare, she replied in as sweet a goody-two shoes voice imaginable.

“Yes Daring?”

“I’ll smash your face in for that.”

Spitfire just grinned.