It was a warm, beautiful summer day and six colourful ponies were joyfully trotting their way trough the Equeustrian countryside. The birds sang a happy tune and a little squirrel played with an acorn. It was truly a wonderful day for a picnic.
And a picnic was just what the ponies had in mind. Applejack had gotten her hooves on some of Granny Smith's famous apple pie and Pinkie Pie had brought some strawberry cupcakes from Sugarcube corner. Rainbow Dash, who couldn't bake at all, hadn't brought anything but her sunglasses and "Daring Do and The Lost Ark". Twilight led the way, navigating with a compass and her very accurate, freshly drawn map of the surroundings of Ponyville.
"According to this map, we should turn left and then we'll reach the best picnic spot in the whole of Equestria," the unicorn said with a happy smile. This was going to be so much fun!
"Allright then, Ah'm starving!" Applejack said. "Can't wait for some of granny's famous apple-pie!"
"Just turn left at the next crossroad..."
"And we're right here..." Twilight concluded a few moments later.
She looked around and realized that this truly was an amazing picnic place. It was a very beautiful meadow next to a little stream and there was also an old tree, providing shadow and a place to rest their backs against.
The ponies placed their picnic blanket on the ground and Twilight proceeded to open the little basket containing Granny Smith's apple pie... Or so she thought. In fact, the pie was gone!
"Oh, no! Where is the pie?" Twilight asked.
"Ah thought you'd packed it?"
"It must be here somewhere... No need to panic!"
Frantically she rummaged trough the basked, but saw no trace of the pie whatsoever. When Twilight still couldn't find it, she turned the basket upside down and poured out its contents on the blanket in a desperate attempt to find the pie!
"No, don't..." Pinkie begun.
"Don't what?"
"The cupcakes! The delicious, sugary, mouth-watering cupcakes are in there too!"
"No worry, Pinkie, I have just removed the box with cupcakes from the basket so they wouldn't get crushed."
"Phew..."
"Um..." said Fluttershy.
"Yes?"
"Where are the cupcakes?"
"Right in their box?"
"But Twilight...."
Slowly Twilight looked around, her gaze sweeping over the blanket to locate the box with cupcakes in it. Her eyes turned to the left corner of the blanket. There was Rainbow Dash, reading her book and not paying attention... In the right corner was Rarity. And beside Rarity was Fluttershy with a concerned look in her cyan eyes. And in the middle of the blanket were Applejack and Pinkie Pie. There was also a pile of scattered plates and forks. But there was no trace of the cupcake box... Slowly the horrible truth reached the unicorn's mind. She must be sitting on it.
"Oh buck."
Now Twilight had not only forgot the pie at home, she had also crushed the cupcakes, destroying any hope of a nice picnic! Her friends didn't say anything for a long while, but she could clearly see the disappointment in their faces. Now they had nothing to eat.
"I will... go and buy some new food," Twilight said with her ears pinned.
"No, Twilight, you don't have to... Ah mean, this is fine just to be out here in the nature and such, sugarcube," Applejack said.
"And I wasn't really that hungry, dear," Rarity said.
"No, I insist! I'll be right back! It will take just a while."
An hour later Twilight Sparkle returned to the picnic area, where she found her friends waiting for her. They were in the same spot where she had left them, but now they looked a bit bored. Rainbow Dash was still reading her book and Fluttershy was now preoccupied watching a bee gathering nectar from a flower.
Twilight put two plastic bags on the blanket.
"Voila! Now I have bought some food and drinks at a gas station!"
"A gas station?" Rarity inquired.
"Yes. A place where ponies refill the gas tanks of their parade floats for the yearly Summer Harvest Parade."
"Seems a bit excessive for a once a year event?"
"Also they have food and drinks."
With a proud smile Twilight placed six boxes of food on the blanket.
"They seem a bit cold," Rarity said while touching one of the boxes with her hoof.
She was right. The food was frozen! Twilight prodded her food with a stick, but it was rock-hard. There was no way they could eat this.
"Never mind, you can always heat it with a heating spell?" Rarity suggested.
"No... according to this box it must be heated by a micro oven."
"What is a micro oven?"
"I don't know... But I think it means that it's a small oven. If we gather some stones we can build a little oven and maybe light a fire underneath it..." Twilight said.
"NO fires, Twilight."
"But...."
"No fires."
"But it says on the box..."
"Remember somepony who tried to study fire under a microscope?"
"Hm..."
"And who also accidently set her own tail alight. Twice."
"Fine... I won't make a fire then. Instead we can place the food in the sun, warming it by Princess Celestia's own wonderful magic."
And she put all the frozen meals in the sun.
Two hours later Twilight prodded her food with a stick. Some of it had thawed, but in the middle was still a frozen lump. Now the ponies were really hungry and even Rarity's stomach was growling. The sun was going down and soon it would get chilly.
"Ah'm so hungry Ah could almost eat my own hat..." said Applejack.
Twilight could eat Applejack's hat too, she thought to herself. Their eyes turned to Rarity, silently begging the white unicorn for permission to just light a little, little fire...
"Okay, fine! But just a little fire!" she finally said.
Twilight quickly gathered some rocks from the stream and built something that more resembled some failed prehistoric monument than an oven. But nevertheless she intended to use it. With a trusty fire spell she set some branches alight and carefully put a box with half frozen food upon the fire.
"There. Now it'll be ready in minutes," Twilight said with a proud smile. She knew how to handle fire.
Meanwhile, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash had begun to drink some of the strange beverages from the gas station. They were contained in metallic cans and they tasted funny, but somehow it felt almost like food when the pegasi had drank some of it. "Like liquid bread", according to Rainbow Dash.
"This is good, this stuff... burp," she said.
"Yes, I really enjoy it," Fluttershy said while drinking her third can. "I feel so warm and happy. And... um.. a bit dizzy."
"Awesome... I'll bet it's made from... eh, water and ingredients."
"Which... is your favourite ingredient?"
"Friendship!"
"Awwww, Rainbow Dash! We must drink to our friendship!"
And she immediately opened two more cans.
Twilight prodded the fire with a stick. She wanted to make sure that it was burning correctly. Then she realized that the cardboard bowl had started to burn in the edges! Oh no!
Quickly she reached for the bowl, but she burnt her hooves and dropped it right on the blanket! The desperate unicorn puffed on the burning cardboard to blow out the flame like a candle, but instead the flames quickly spread to the blanket, burning a big hole in it! She stomped on the flames with her hooves and finally managed to subdue the fire. Now the blanket was destroyed beyond repair.
Everypony, except Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, stared at her.
"Twilight, that was my favourite blanket!" a shocked Rarity said.
"I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to."
"It's no big deal," said Rainbow Dash while emptying the last drops from her can. "Every... burp... pony can make a mistake with fire."
"Yeah, that fire stuff sure is tri.. hic... cky," Fluttershy said.
"To prove it, I will do fire to! Just... just to show you that even an amazing pony like myself can destroy things with fire!" Rainbow Dash shouted with a deep and boastful voice, ending in a thundering burp!
"Rainbow!"
"I insist!"
And before they could stop her, Rainbow Dash had grabbed a burning stick and set fire to the dry grass next to the picnic blanket!
"Rainbow Dash! What in the name of Celestia are you doing?!"
"My loy... loyal duty!" she said proudly. "No, you don't need to thank me, Twi. It's natural for me to act when... hic... when stuff... and things are... are... something."
"Yay! You rock!" Fluttershy said and opened the last can. "Let me drink to your honour!"
"But now the grass is alight! We must extinguish the flames!" Twilight screamed in panic.
The ponies desperately tried to fight the fire and after stomping on a lot of the grass they finally managed to subdue it. The danger was averted, but the grass was black and scorched. The picnic area didn't look that nice anymore... Twilight, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie sat down on the blanket. They were tired and they smelled like smoke and sweat.
"Where is that Rainbow Dash?" Rarity asked, not looking too happy about the pegasus's antics.
"Oh, she and Flutters left some minutes ago," Pinkie said.
"What?"
"They went to buy more stuff to drink."
"Oh no... they are acting really weird!" Twilight said, almost sobbing.
"Off course, that's because they drank beer, silly."
"Oh, that's why..." said Twilight, hiding her face in her hooves.
Deep down she ha a memory of reading a book where this "beer" was mentioned. But she hadn't really thought much about it when she bought the cans.
Meanwhile Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash had reached the gas station. They were really fast and eager to get there to acquire more beer. Fluttershy bumped into a garbage can, tipping it over and spilling all of its contents on the pavement. Rainbow Dash fell to the ground laughing.
Then they went into the gas station's shop.
"HELLO! I want to buy some of... of your... hic... beer!" said Rainbow Dash in a loud voice.
"No, I'm afraid I can't allow that. I think you have had enough beer already, young filly," the gas station pony said.
"WHAT?" Fluttershy screamed, stomping her hooves on the floor. "HOW DARE YOU?!"
She then tried to use The Stare against the poor gas station attendant, but she couldn't even keep her eyes straight. He looked very unimpressed by her attempt.
"And no beer for you either."
"But we must have beer!" Fluttershy cried, almost breaking into tears. "You don't know what it's like to... not have any beer! Give us the beer! Please! Just give it to us!"
"The answer is no. Maybe you'd like a glass of water? A soda?"
"Beer," said Fluttershy with a begging look in her eyes. "Pleeeease... Why are you so mean? We just want some beer and then we'll be gone. I'm sure that..."
"Run! I stole some beer from the fridge!" Rainbow Dash suddenly shouted.
And both pegasi ran trough the door with several six-packs of beer.
"Ponyfeathers!" the attendant yelled in shock. Nopony ever behaved this badly! "I will call the police! You hear that? I WILL CALL THE POLICE!"
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash flew across the sky with their ill-gotten plunder and landed on an empty field just outside Ponyville. They sat down in the mud and drank some more beer in the setting sun. It was a really quiet and beautiful evening. A bird sang from a tree nearby.
"Look, we can se the Ponyville Clocktower from here!" Fluttershy said.
"Cool!" Rainbow Dash replied, throwing an empty can over her shoulder. "Lets go and check it out! I was there once, fleeing from Pinkie Pie."
"How nice. Pinkie Pie is such a nice pony... We should totally go there!"
And they took off.
After a shaky flight the two drunk pegasi had reached their destination and was now in the tower, right next to the old bell.
"What an amazing view..." Rainbow Dash said. "Cheers to this wonderful idea... Shutterf... Flush... Flutters!"
"I'm so glad we could do... hic... do this," Fluttershy said while dropping her beer can without even noticing it. "I'm so happy to have you as my friend!"
"Me too! Your such an amazing pony, Fluttershy! I must hug you!" Rainbow exclaimed and threw herself in Fluttershy's arms (or front legs to be precise), toppling her and making both ponies fall down through an open hatch which they were to drunk to see in the darkness of the clock tower.
When they got up from the floor, they realized that they had found the room where the old clock's machinery was located.
"Oh, the clock! I had completely forgotten!" Rainbow Dash said.
"Yay!"
"I wonder what time it is?"
"I can't see... " said Fluttershy, scratching her ruffled mane. "There is something... it seem to be... um... something clock with the wrong."
"I know! It's backwards!" Rainbow Dash concluded and pointed her hoof to the numbers on the clock. "We must fix it!"
And they started to violently turn the hands of the clock in different directions.
At the same time, Twilight and her friends were hiding in the bushes beside the road to Ponyville. They had spotted a number of Ponyville's police officers galloping along the road with their truncheons drawn. They didn't look happy at all.
"Oh no! Now we are being chased by the police!" Twilight said.
"This is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE .THING!"
"Calm down y'all, Ah'm sure they didn't see us lighting the fire," Applejack said.
"But what if they DID see us? What if they want to catch us and throw us in jail for the rest of our lives?!" Pinkie Pie screamed while jumping up and down. "Or banish us to the moon!"
"What if princess Celestia knows what we have done?!" Twilight said with an eye twitch. "What if she is angry?!"
"We must sneak back to Ponyville and pretend this never happened," Rarity suggested.
Meanwhile, two very drunk pegasi had completely broken the clock apart and jammed a crowbar and an empty beer can into its machinery.
"That'll do," Rainbow Dash said wiping the oil off her hooves against her tail. She hated getting stuff on her hooves.
They returned to the bell and Fluttershy gave it a strong kick, setting it in motion. The air was flied with its loud clang.
"Oh no! They might hear us!" Rainbow shouted.
"WHAT?"
"THEY MIGHT HEAR US!"
"I can't hear you! The bell is so loud!"
And they decided to flee from the clock tower.
But they didn't flew far. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash landed on top of Sugarcube Corner and opened two more cans of beer. They laughed and celebrated their crime.
"We are invincible!" Fluttershy shouted.
"Yeah! We're awesome! I think we are... hic... the most awesomtastic ponies ever... every to... EVER to! To... have embarked on such a quest to..."
Suddenly a window opened and Mrs Cake emerged.
"What are you two doing? You're not allowed here on the roof!" she said.
"You don't tell us what to do! We're awesome up here!" Fluttershy answered.
"No, you're drunk. Go home Fluttershy!"
"You're not my mother!"
"No. And I'm very glad that I'm not!" Mrs Cake replied, preparing to end the conversation. But before she could do so, Rainbow Dash had jammed her hoof between the window frame and the window, preventing it from being closed.
"But you are like a mother to me, Mrs Cake!" she shouted, reeking of spilled beer. "I have ALWAYS... always... looked up to you like a mother like figure... A motherly figure. Hic... Figuartivele... figuratively speaking, off course... it.. IF there... not there has been some mixup when I was born? No? Where was I? Yes, a motherly figure and a great inspiration to me!"
"Eh... that's fine, Rainbow," Mrs Cake said, now feeling very, very awkward.
"RAINBOW DASH!" a voice suddenly yelled from the street below.
It was Twilight. The unicorn had ran all across Ponyville when she heard the sound from the clock tower. She didn't look pleased and her coat was dirty and smelled like smoke.
"Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy! Come down from there at once!"
"Twilight!" both pegasi exclaimed and leapt down from the roof. They crashed into a mud puddle in front of her, but were too drunk to notice.
"You are our best friend Twilight!" Fluttershy said while falling over.
"Come with me to the library at once!" Twilight said and started to push both ponies in the direction of her home. She knew she would get to regret that decision, but for now she just wanted stop them at all cost from behaving like this in public.
After a while they had reached the Golden Oaks Library and with a trembling hoof Twilight opened the door and let them inside her tree house. Rainbow Dash opened another beer.
"No! You must stop drinking beer!" Twilight said.
"Ha! You can't stop me!"
Twilight grabbed the can with magic, but Rainbow Dash quickly clutched her horn, disrupting her spell.
"Oh no you don't, egghead," she said with a smile. "I've got my own magic, you see..."
"Please Rainbow! Stop drinking! Please!"
"Ok, fine! I'll stop drinking... for now on."
"Good. And Fluttershy too!"
"Okay... But only because I'm out of beer."
They sat down on the floor, looking around like they had never been to the library before.
"So many books..." Fluttershy said.
"I know... It's like a library!"
Twilight decided to go and get Spike. This was too much for her to handle.
When she came back with her dragon assistant, Twilight saw a sad looking Fluttershy sitting on the carpet. There was no sign of Rainbow Dash.
"Where is Rainbow?" Twilight asked, fearing the worst possible answer to that question.
"She is gone..." Fluttershy said, looking at Twilight with her cyan eyes. "I'm all alone."
"Where did she go?"
"I don't know. She just disappeared..."
Twilight decided to go and look for Rainbow Dash before she could buy more beer and wreak havoc to Ponyville, dashing her reputation even more and making a fool of herself in new and creative ways. Surely Spike could handle Fluttershy by himself? Twilight hoped so. She quickly left the library.
As soon she had gone, a cupboard opened from inside and a very drunk Rainbow Dash crawled out.
"Haha! We totally fooled her! Now let's get the rest of the beer!"
She handed Fluttershy another can and they started to drink again.
"What are you two up to?" Spike asked.
"Nothing!" Fluttershy said quickly. "We're just... just drinking beer and... stuff..."
"Beer?"
"Yes! Wanna try some?"
Spike took a small sip.
"This tastes strange..." he said.
"But it's awesome!" Rainbow shouted, shoving the can to his mouth in an attempt to violently force-feed the poor dragon with it.
That was a very stupid idea. For the dragon choked on the beverage and coughed. A green flash of fire escaped his snout, scorching both their manes in an instant!
"Oh, I'm so sorry! Please don't be mad at me!" Spike said, nervously ruffling Rainbow's mane in a futile attempt to restore it back to its former appearance.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot... I forgot that you can do that fire stuff," Rainbow said.
"Maybe... maybe we could write a friendship report to princess Celestia about it?" Fluttershy said, still with some of her mane smoking. "Can you send it to her? Pleeeease?"
"I don't think that is a good idea..." the dragon said.
"Good! Now let's write!"
Dear Princesscss Celetia
Tody we laernad that ist it wonderful to go around in Ponyville and do stuff like fire and such! Also we have fixed the clock with thigs we found there. Also Mrs Cake is Rainbow Dash's mother because there was a mixup when Rainbow was born, allltrhiogghhh she dosnt know that because that is just a theory. A theory. Anyway we hope that you have a peseant evening and lots of something. We should totally hang out.
Peace out, Rainbow Dash and Flushy
P.S Twilight cant do fiere like we do. She just need more practice
"Now, send this to princess Celestia at once!" Rainbow demanded.
"But Rainbow..."
"Do it, please!"
"Okay, fine. I'll do it," said Spike and sent the letter in a green flash of his dragon fire.
"Awesome! Can you send more things to her?"
Meanwhile, at Canterlot Castle, princess Celestia was in her bedroom preparing to go to sleep. It was now dark outside and the alicorn princess wanted to go to bed early as usual. Celestia had just brushed her teeth and placed her crown and other regalia on a small pillow on her nightstand. She crawled into her bed and reached for a book to read before falling asleep. It was "Daring Do and the Griffon's Goblet", carefully hidden underneath her mattress. She didn't want her sister to find out that she enjoyed such silly things but the story was really fascinating...
Suddenly in a flash of green fire a letter appeared in front of her!
"What is this? Is it a friendship report from Twilight?" she asked.
With a puzzled expression on her face she red the strange message... Then there was another flash of light and an empty beer can landed in her bed! It was soon followed by a book, an apple core, another empty beer can and a bag of garbage.
"What in my own name is this madness?!" Celestia screamed.
Bombarded with random stuff from Twilight's library the princess leapt from her bed and quickly wrote down an angry letter, telling whoever this was to stop what they were doing.
"Uh oh, she is really pissed now," Spike said with a shiver.
"Bwahahaha, what a hilarious prank!" laughed Rainbow Dash.
"No, it's not funny! I don't know why I let you do this, you're booth acting insane!" Spike protested.
"Nah, she'll think its funny tomorrow... Besides, she won't ever find out who's behind this awesome prank!"
She hoof bumped Fluttershy.
"Yes, she will. You wrote your names on the letter, don't you remember?" the dragon said, rolling his eyes.
"Oh, buck."
"Buckily buck buck buck."
"BUUUCK!"
"BUCK!"
"We're so bucked. There is no way this could be any worser... more worse... hic..." Rainbow said, quickly sobering up.
"I know! It's really..." Fluttershy begun.
Suddenly the door swung ajar and a very angry looking Twilight Sparkle appeared.
"Why are you standing here, screaming really bad words in my home?" she asked.
"N... nothing at all... We're totally innocent," Fluttershy said.
"No you're not!"
Twilight gave her an angry look.
"We just... hm... Let's just be friends and forget all about this? Group hug?" Rainbow Dash suggested.
"Yay! Group hug!"
"No! No group hug! Tell me what you have done! TELL ME TELL ME TELL MEEEE!!!!"
Then the message from princess Celestia arrived in a loud dragon burp! Twilight quickly snatched it mid-air and opened the letter...
Outside the library Lyra and Bon Bon was taking a midnight stroll.
"What a beautiful evening, Bon Bon," Lyra said.
"Yeah, I know! It's so nice and peaceful. And the stars are visible on the sky..."
Both ponies looked up and admired the glittering night sky. There was the big dipper and the north star and... and a window suddenly opening in Twilight's tree house. Fluttershy emerged.
"Hi Fluttershy!" Lyra said with a smile and waved to her. "What a nice eveni..."
"BllluuuerggghhhHHHH!!!!"
And a cascade of vomit hit both Lyra and Bon Bon from above! In total shock they just stood there, soaked in Fluttershy's stomach content.
"Oh no... Oh no..." Bon Bon said, shaking her head in disbelief.
"BbblluueerrgghhhHHH!!!!"
Another warm stream of vomit hit them. Rainbow Dash appeared behind Fluttershy and tried to hold her mane. She nearly fell out the window.
"I'm so sorry.... hic... I'm sure she didn't mean to do that... I'm s... sure she..." the pegasus said, suddenly stopping midsentence, her cheeks filling up with something really bad.
"NO! Not again!" Bon Bon screamed and tried to run away.
But it was too late. Rainbow Dash vomited all over Fluttershy's mane, triggering even more vomiting from her friend! Lyra and Bon Bon fled in disgust, sobbing and trying to wipe away most of the vomit from their coats.
Twilight grabbed both pegasi from behind and dragged them back inside her home. She was still angry, but she was also concerned for her friends.
"Do you want a glass of water?" she asked.
Rainbow Dash nodded her head. She looked very miserable indeed.
The unicorn went and filled two big glasses of water, but when she got back to her friends she found them both sleeping in her own bed, completely passed out and snoring like pigs! No! This was NOT okay!
She stomped her hooves in anger.
"Get up! Get up!" she screamed.
But she got no response. She had to sleep on the floor for the entire night.
Back at Canterlot Castle princess Celestia's servants had finally removed all the garbage and beer cans from her bed, changed the bedclothes and now she could finally go to sleep. The alicorn princess was just going to turn the light of when she received a friendship report from her most faithful student.
Dear Princess Celestia
Some of my friends are complete plotholes!!!!!!!!!! I hate them! They drink beer and wreak havoc to everything! I think they're worse than Nightmare Moon and Discord at the same time. My house is covered in vomit and the police are knocking on my door... I've had enough of friendship for a while!
Your angry student, Twilight Sparkle
THE END
