Quick Response

by Sleestack

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 2149

Celestia responds to Twilight's letter alarmingly fast.

Well, that took hardly any time at all...

What am I doing with my liiiiiiiiiiiife

Published 2013-04-27 17:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-27 17:10:01 UTC

Hopefully The Only Chapter

The sun was setting over the horizon just as the moon was coming up on the opposite end of the sky. It had only taken Luna a few months to get back into the swing of things, and now no one had to worry about another unexplained solar eclipse.

Twilight Sparkle was walking home at a quick but calm pace, writing and editing the rough draft of the letter she was going to write to Celestia in her head, not caring about spelling or grammatical errors, because, well, after all, they were just in her head at this point. As soon as she put quill to paper, she'd be a little more careful to...

Oh, oats! She stopped dead in her tracks. She knew she had forgotten something today! After Pinkie Pie had come into her house, univited, as per the norm, and forgot to close the door, as was also the norm, a draft came into the house and blew all of her parchment paper into the streets and into a puddle, ruining the whole package which she had just bought. She kept in mind that she'd have to buy some more, but after running into Fluttershy and Applejack on the way to the store, she had been caught up in too much kerfuffle to stop at the stationary store. It was a good thing she was only a block away from said store, now. She quickly turned left instead of right, which was the normal way for her to get home.

She walked into the store and saw the kindly old stallion who ran the store standing at the counter, trying desperately to keep from nodding off.

"Hey there, Mr. Write." she said, quietly enough to not startle him, but loud enough to wake him up, just in case.

He jerked to attention. "Oh, Twilight!" he said. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."

She laughed. "You should really consider going to bed earlier."

"You know, I think you're onto something there." he smiled. "So, what brings you here? Didn't I just sell you a month's worth of parchment two weeks ago? You should still have plenty..."

"Well, there was a bit of a... an accident."

"Ah. Well, the kind you bought, I'm fresh out of for the month." he looked under the counter. "However, this kind..." he lifted up a small package and placed it on the counter. "Is made by the same company, and as far as I've heard, and as far as I've seen, it's almost exactly the same. And, because of the circumstances, I'll give it to you at half off, Favorite Customer Discount."

"Oh, Mr. Write, you really don't have to-"

"No, and I probably shouldn't, either. But, what the hey, right?"

"Oh, thank you so much!" she exclaimed with joy. She placed two bits on the table and levitated the package next to her. "I'll see you next month!" She trotted out of the store.

Mr. Write waved as she did and sighed. "You know, for a regular pony, that should last three months. What could she even be writing that often?"

Twilight walked into her door and called "Spike, are you in here?"

To which Spike responded, "Yeah! But... I'm upstairs! I'll be down in a minute."

She magically unwrapped the package and singled out a single piece of paper. Observing it at a first glance, it didn't seem too much different from her old brand, except it seemed much thinner. Even from using her most gentle form of levitation magic, the edges were starting to crinkle and fold slightly, in places where her old brand would remain crisp and smooth. "No, Spike, it's fine. I'm just writing a letter. I'll need you in a minute, but not right now."

"Okay! Just call me when you do!"

She placed the paper on the table, levitated the quill onto the paper and began to write.

Dear Celestia,
Today, I learned, that even though a friendly gesture of affection can be acceptable, and even great at times, it's always important to remember to respect somepony's personal space...

Meanwhile, in a room outside of all existence, The Writer Sleestack sat on a chair in front of a table which contained nothing but a single typewriter and an ashtray

God, what am I doing with my life? he asked himself. If you're going to write, at least be consistent. Where did those bits come from? Did they come from a purse of some sort? You never wrote that she was wearing a purse. And what was Spike doing? He was just upstairs? No, they're never just upstairs. And you know what they think he's going to be doing. They have dirty minds, all of them.

Well, not all of them... he thought back to himself.

Enough of them that it's a problem. Ugh. Where was this even gonna go?

I'm honestly not even sure at this point, I just couldn't sleep.

And so your brilliant plan was to write MLP fic? Ingenious, I must say.

Ugh, shut up.

He looked over his shoulder and saw his demon, who stands with authority and points at the type writer. Don't stop. it thinks at him.

Okay, fine. Geez. He thought back

He turned back to his typewriter and kept typing.

Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle.

She turned to shout upstairs. "Spike, can you...?" But as she did, she saw that Spike was standing right beside her. "Oh! Spike! I didn't see you there."

"You needed me to send that letter?" he said, smiling.

"Yep!" She levitated it over within his reach. Just, be careful. This paper's a little thinner than the usual kind I write with, so-"

The sound of a tiny rip came from the paper as Spike grabbed it. "Oh, uh, whoops." he said through a nervous grin. "You weren't kidding."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "I don't think Celestia will mind a small tear, but if she does, I'm blaming you." she smiled a bit to let him know she was joking. Mostly.

He breathed some flames onto it, and the paper was gone.

"Thanks." she said, turning back to the table.

After a few moments of nothing happening, Spike finally broke the silence by saying, "Hey Twi, I think we should go bowling tomorrow."

"Bowing? What brought up bowling?" Twilight said, levitating a book off her shelf and onto the table in front of her.

"I don't know, really. I passed it today, and I thought, 'Huh, I don't think we've been there, yet.'"

She thought about this. "Hmm. Not tomorrow, but probably the day after tomorrow would be good." she smiled.

"Alright. That sounds good. And, then, while we're there, we could-!!!" Spike's speech was interrupted by a sudden belch of fire, and the materialization of a scroll.

"What?" Twilight said, rather startled by this sudden epistolary surprise. She wasted no time in unribboning the letter and reading it's content.

My Dearest Student Twilight,
I'm very glad to hear that you're learning so much about friendship in such a short amount of time. I'm already seeing you improve socially solely through your letters alone. However, on the subject of letters, I must request that you switch back to the former brand of parchment which you used to write all your previous letters at the time of writing your next letter.
Thank you very much for the letter and your consideration,
Princess Celetia

Twilight was absolutely baffled by this letter. The letter she had sent to Celestia was slightly lengthier than most of her others, and Twilight doubted that the Princess could have read her letter, and written one in the amount of time it would have taken her to. She looked over at Spike, who was breathing heavily. Poor thing, it knocked the wind out of him to have to receive a letter in the middle of a sentence.

"Wuh-what's it say?" he asked.

"She's saying she doesn't like the new parchment I just bought."

"Wait, what? She sent a letter just for that?" he belched a fireless belch.

"Apparently..." Twilight got out another piece of parchment from the package and began to write again.

Dear Celestia,
I apologize for being unable to fulfill your request, as this new parchment is the only type I have at the moment. But, I have to ask, why is it so important that I go back to my original brand? The store which I usually buy is out of that type of paper until the end of the month, so until then, I'm going to have to write with this.
Your Faithful, but Slightly Confused Student,
Twilight Sparkle

She rolled the paper up again and gave it to Spike. Without hesitation, he breathed some more fire onto it.

"What do you think this is all about?" he asked right afterwards.

"Honestly, Spike, I have no idea." she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "But anyway, you were saying, about bowling?"

"What?" Spike to a second to gather his thoughts. "Oh, yeah. Well, I just heard that they recently got a new nacho machine, and that in honor of it, they're giving anyone who gets three strikes or spares in a row a free-!!!" Another belch.

Twilight quickly unrolled and read the letter.

To my most Faithful and Obedient Student, Twilight Sparkle,
I'm so glad that you've learned another valuable lesson in friendship already! You always were one of the fastest learners in Magic School. But, unfortunately, I don't think you read the section in my previous letter where I requested that you return to writing on the brand of paper that you used before.
Thank You,
Princess Celestia.

Okay, now this was seriously weird. This only confirmed Twilight's suspicion that Celestia wasn't even reading her letters. Something was up. She grabbed another slip of paper and began to write, completely ignoring Spike's desperate gasps for air.

Celestia,
What is going on? I can tell for a fact that you haven't read either of the letters I wrote today, and frankly, I don't appreciate you giving me the cold shoulder. I worked hard on that first letter and I'd really like it if you would take the time to read it.
Signed,
Twilight Sparkle

She gave an angry huff and levitated the parchment over to Spike again.

"No! Not again!" he refused.

"Spike, this will be the last one, I promise." she said, trying to reason with him.

He quickly grabbed it and breathed some fire once more. He regained his breath and looked up at Twilight. "I'm not going to say anything. Cause I know if I do, I'll..." he paused, obviously expecting to be interrupted. "Okay. Anyway, what is going on? What did she say? What did you say back."

She looked annoyed and said, "She didn't even read the letter I wrote to her. I don't know what's going on with her today."

"Well, maybe something happened at the castle, or maybe Luna-"

A knock on the door.

Both Twilight and Spike instantly twisted their heads towards the door, then back at each other. "Who is it?" Twilight called to the door.

Three more knocks. Slow and separated.

Twilight walked to the door and opened it, revealing a very angry looking Princess Celestia.

"Oh! Princess!" Twilight said, nervously. Spike quickly ran out of sight into another room. "How are you tonight? Did you get my last letter?"

"Yes, Twilight. I got your last letter. Did you get any of mine?" she asked accusingly, with absolutely no patience in her voice.

"O-oh! Yes! You see, they kind of confused me, they were worded very oddly, a-and..."

"Twilight, when I said you were one of my smartest students, I meant in magic and logic. But, apparently, your shortcoming comes with following simple instructions."

"Well, you see, Princess, I, uh, if you read the letter I wrote in response, you would have found that, um..." Twilight looked at the bitter princess's face, and saw a small, ivory square on the corner of her mouth. "Celestia, what's that on your face?" she said, not even realizing what she was asking.

"Twilight! If I wanted your opinion on my appearance, I would have asked for it!" as her jaw moved, the square fell off of her face, and slowly floated down to the ground.

It all clicked in Twilight's mind in some odd way that it really shouldn't have. "Celestia, have you been eating the paper my letters are written on?"

"What? No!" she yelled, quite offended.

"...you've been nibbling on the corners, then."

Celestia did not respond, but gave a rather embarrassed look, turned around, and flew off into the night, the gust from her wings slamming Twilight's door shut.

Author's Note

Sorry about that ending. I was tired, I wrote this when I couldn't sleep.