Dr. Star Wars Chainsaw Massacre: the Next Generation is Magic

by GhostWriter17

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Applejack, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Alternate Universe
Length: 18759

What happens when Star Wars, Star Trek, Dr. Who, and Texas Chainsaw mix with ponies? EVERYTHING.

This is a tale of ponies. And explosions. And The Doctor, who goes on an Equestrian adventure with his worthless companion, Mister Spock. Oh, and something about Star Destroyers and Chainsaw-lightsaber hybrids, also.

Expect randomness. And death. With hyper-realistic blood. Do NOT expect "compelling" or "realistic" characters. They don't exist.

Published 2013-04-28 20:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-29 00:56:22 UTC

The Doctor Begins His Zany Adventures.

Dr. Too-Long-Of-A-Title-To-Type

Chapter Who Gives A Shit?

By: GhostWriter17

****

One day the Doctor, with his smexy wavy hair and phallic-shaped screwdriver, was riding inside his wife, the TARDIS, having a joyful old time. But he was in need of a companion. His old one, some dumb bitch that screwed him over, left him. So, he decided to search for a new companion to travel with and bang in his or her sleep. Why? Because he's the Doctor, that's why!

Well, through his travels the Doctor locates a spaceship. It's large, almost as large as that tense change many of you probably noticed. This ship was manned by none other than the great Captain Picard. Picard, old and wise as he is, decides to contact the TARDIS, wary of its hostility. The Doctor, that smexy beast, brings up a picture of the great captain. He analyzes what he sees carefully, wondering if such a creature is even worth an ounce of his Doctorly time.

Picard opens his mouth to speak, but before he can say "Borg", Picard and his ship are vaporized! A beam of rainbow-coloured light hits the TARDIS, and sends the Doctor hurling toward another spaceship! This ship, the U.S.S. Enterprise, collides with the TARDIS, and both vessels crash on a not-so-distant planet! They plummet toward the surface, lives in mortal peril! Heat engulfs the damaged ships, impending doom races toward our hero! Why only one hero? Because the Doctor is the only hero! Everyone else is moot. The ships, hurtling toward the ground, race to the planet, breaking through the atmosphere of this unnamed planet. This planet is none other than the-

Hold on.

Apparently this planet has no name.

Well shit on a shingle.

Apparently this place is known only as "Equestria".

Oh, right, the expository tangent is unnecessary because this fanfiction has ponies in it. Spoiler alert, I guess.

But anyway, back to mortal peril and impending doom. The burning projectiles exploded against the ground, sending mountains of dirt, shrapnel, metal, and heat in all directions, creating enormous craters in Equestria's surface. From the rubble, the Doctor stumbled out of his wife, bruised but otherwise unharmed. Apprehensive, the Doctor quite literally wormed his way out of the debris, chomping on soil and burrowing underground, meeting some friendly critters all the while. After such shenanigans were over, and friends had been made, the Doctor decided to check on the Enterprise and see if any lifeforms were still alive. He was in luck, fortune seems to be smiling on the Doctor on this day. Why would fortune smile on the Doctor, you ask? This is because there was one sole survivor of the crash. Due to plot convenience, this survivor happened to be none other than Mister Spock himself!

Spock, who, in comparison to the Doctor, is not nearly as smexy, teleports toward the Doctor with his elven magic. What's that, you say? Spock is a Vulcan? Preposterous! Vulcans are just scientifically inclined space elves! But anyway, the Doctor eyes his potential companion, coming to a conclusion, a smile on his face.

The Vulcan lifts his hand to prepare his Vulcan salute of Vulcanness, to which the Time Lord laughs and says, "Right, there will be none of that. You're my companion, now, okay?" The Vulcan nodded in response, but had a perplexed look on his face.

Spock opened his mouth to speak, but the Doctor interrupted him. "See, this is why you're my companion, and not my friend. You don't speak. Ever. Last time I had a companion, she bitched all the time, so now you can not, and will not, ever speak." The Doctor paused his speech, cleared his throat, and looked at you. "And you! Yes, you, whoever you are! Say what you want about my being out of character, because technically I am not. For I am not a Doctor you may or may not know, but rather I am a new Doctor. A better Doctor. A faster Doctor. A smarter Doctor. I am also, without any doubt whatsoever, the sexiest Doctor of all. Why? Because I can look however you want me to. As long as I'm sexy, I am the best Doctor. So, I implore you: Please make me sexy! You deserve it."

With that, the Doctor turned back to his elven companion. He gave said companion permission to speak, but only of the damage to his ship.

Spock talked with confidence, wisdom, and robotic monotony. "My ship, the U.S.S. Enterprise, was damaged beyond repair. It seems this" he took a deep, sensual breath, "fascinating calamity has destroyed both of our ships. If that weren't enough, I am unable to use any of my technological devices on this planet. Nothing seems to work properly for some reason. I suggest we head out and search for a way back home."

The Doctor cackled awesomely in the others' face. "Well I guess that the conflict has been revealed, then! Fairly cliché, if I do say so myself, which I do." He stated. "However, we mustn't just search the area for a way back home. We must find some local lifeforms on this planet to see if getting home would even be possible at all."

Spock interjected. "But didn't you just meet some critters th-"

"Shut the buck up, Elf!" The Doctor yelled. "My meeting creatures was simply a throwaway joke that was used as a sad attempt at humour, not an important plot point! What is an important plot point, however, is what is about to happen next."

Spock tried to speak again. "Is it the fact you said 'buck' instead of-" he was once again cut off by his leader.

"No, Elf! Those things coming toward us, from above, outside the crater, is an important plot point!" The Doctor pointed upward toward a pair of equine creatures, with large, cartoonish eyes and colour so vivid that even describing their brightness would hurt the eyes! You know what? Screw it, I'll describe these ponies anyway! One was a lavender creature with dark, straight hair on its head and tail. She had a pretentiously annoying, lone purple streak in her hair. Her eyes were retardedly inquisitive looking. She seemed like a major bitch, so the Doctor was hoping he would not have to converse with that one. Unfortunately, the lavender one's companion didn't fare much better.

The other horse creature pony thing was orange with blonde hair and a... cowboy hat? This pony seemed like it wasn't going to be much more of a joy to talk to than its purple friend, either, with its crossed legs and arrogant little smirk. The Doctor concluded that this pony was going to also be a major bitch, but for different reasons. She, at least it seemed like a she, unlike her overly intelligent-looking friend, seemed to be the boring bitch of the two. The Doctor knew that this orange pony was going to be the "hard worker" and the "honest" type, with no true personality whatsoever. Great. So it seemed the Doctor had two choices: Bitch 1 and Bitch 2. And, knowing the weird shit the Doctor has seen before, he had a suspicion these creatures would also have the ability to speak, as well, possibly furthering their bitchiness.

The real question, nevertheless, was which one would open her loud, obnoxious mouth first. The Doctor and his companion, therefore, decided to wait. Another great question, Elf thought, was why the tense of the story kept changing. He saved this thought in his large mind in case something so annoyingly grammatically incorrect would actually turn out to be an important plot point later on. Nevertheless, Elf used his telepathy to advise the Doctor to not speak to the creatures just yet, so not to scare them. The Doctor grinned at this, looking at Elf. He had to admit, even though he could not yet trust Elf, he had the potential to be a decent companion. Maybe, if Elf kept his mouth shut and merely gave some sage advise telepathically, he'd be useful. Maybe. But the Doctor wasn't terribly trusting at this point in his life. So, with that, the Doctor and Elf began their epic non-staring staring contest with the natives.

Time went on. The two pairs just stared at each other for hours, looking over one another without speaking. The Doctor and Elf, refused to speak, to move, if only to see if their ponies-can-speak hypothesis is correct. The orange one grunted a lot, an annoyed grimace on her freckled face. Her green eyes scanned her friend occasionally, while the other just bored her eyes into the Doctor's soul. Those purple eyes were sickeningly hypnotic, much like the feeling one gets when they watch clowns kill each other. Sweat dripped down the purple one's face. Her stare creepily formed into a nervous smile, eyes now filled with bloodshot panic and impatience. She opened her mouth to speak.

"Greetings, silent ones. I am Twilight Sparkle. Welcome to the land of Equestria!" Her voice sounded calm, as if this pony had rehearsed such a line so many times she could say it while drowning underwater. Well shit. Three sentences spoken and she was already ungodly annoying. On top of that, she spoke damned English, furthering her annoyingness. On the plus side, at least they would be able to oh-so conveniently understand what this Twilight character was saying.

However, Twilight was obviously some dumb intellectual type, with her bitchy smile and bitchy greeting. Of all the inhabitants to meet on an unknown planet, the first one the Doctor had to meet was the annoyingly chipper bookworm. Somehow, the Doctor knew that this crash landing was going to be much more than some way to find a way home than he imagined. If this meant spending more time with Bitch 1 and Bitch 2, this was going to be a long adventure.

The Problem With Twilight.

Dr. Star Wars The-Doctor-Is-In-And-Of-Himself-A-Plot-Twist

Chapter 2: The Problem with Twilight.

By GhostWriter17

****

Well, it's official. The Doctor had come to the conclusion that he was, in fact, in the first circle of Hell.

"So, what kind of doctor are you, Doctor?" That inquisitive purple bitch oh-so politely asked. What was her name, again? Dimlight Twinkle? Farsight Marble? Twilight Sparkle? Yes, that had to be her name.

"Uhm, Doctor?" Twilight asked again. The Doctor hated this question. He hated answering it because his answer has always been the same. But, the less he'd have to talk, the better.

The Doctor looked around the room he was in. Everyone was seated around a circular wooden table. Twilight's library house tree... thing was ungodly homely. It was odd. Unnatural. The Doctor spoke to Twilight, but kept his eyes on his surroundings. "Well, I'm not actually a doctor. It's more of a title I use." Twilight was seated across from the Doctor. Applesmack was to the Doctors' left. Elf was sipping tea to his right. The room smelled of herbs, disgustingly. The Doctor found that, in this particular incarnation of himself, he hated comfortable, homely atmospheres! Seeing that this house was also a library, the tree was, not surprisingly, filled with books. It was practically suffocating how many books there were. "I don't like to talk much about myself, to be honest." He just wanted to change the subject as quickly as possible. He hated talking, as he just stated.

Elf, despite his predicament, was quite calm. Tea was good for him. It soothed him. But to him, something felt off. There was a thickness to the air around them, as if some dark presence was looming over them all. This town, this Ponyville, seemed like an innocent enough place. It most certainly would make a nice vacation spot, but Elf knew there was some sort of evil here, a grand shadow that has hung over the town for some time. He looked up to that mare, Twilight, as she kept asking the Doctor questions, curiosity burning in her eyes. But there was also something else. It was so subtle he almost didn't catch it. This pony was an obvious perfectionist, but something had happened to make her lose that sense of perfect security. Some of the books on the shelves were either upside-down, out of order, or missing altogether. A few strands of her mane, for example, were just barely out of place, and circles under her eyes gave away that she has not been sleeping well.

Her companion, Applejack, didn't seem to be faring much better. She seemed outwardly nervous, jumpy, and would shake from a chill every few minutes, even though there would be no such chill. The Doctor, headstrong and bitter as he seemed, obviously was too stubborn and angry to notice any of this. Against his better judgement, Spock spoke up. And yes, his name was Spock. Calling him an elf is quite an insult to the Vulcan race.

"Twilight," he began sternly, "it appears to me, that is, I have noticed, you and your friend seem rather apprehensive. Against my better judgement, and that of my directive, I, although it breaks the rules I have sworn to, must ask what is the matter. On any other circumstance of encountering unidentified intelligent life on an unexplored and undiscovered planet, I would have avoided all contact or, had such contact occured, would have resorted to rather violent but non-fatal means of self-defense or, preferably, would have your memories wiped of my existence. However, seeing as all technology I once had access to is either destroyed or malfunctioning, I must make an exception."

He awaited their answer patiently. Twilight swallowed, and avoided Spocks' gaze, looking down at the table. Applejack placed a reassuring hoof on her friend, gently stroking her mane. She cleared her throat, her voice solemn. "Well, uh, sir, we have indeed been rather... anxious as of late." Her emerald green eyes looked over Twilight, who had now begun to breathe heavily. "It's a bit of a touchy subject 'round this town..." She heaved a weary sigh.

The Doctor, face hard yet unreadable, spoke up. "What happened here?" Spock surmised that the Doctor did not ask out of curiosity but rather out of necessity. He, as well as Spock, was interested in nothing more than getting back home. Besides, if there was some sort of threat threat on this planet, they had best know of it. Anything that could hinder their progress could cause problems. Thirdly, Twilight and Applejack were the only life-forms that knew of their existence. Twilight had, as soon as the staring match was over and formalities were done with, been able to teleport the Doctor and Spock to her house, and were then given instructions to wait until they returned. Spock hoped to keep his and the Doctor's existence as much of a secret as possible. Hopefully, and with luck and careful thinking, things would stay that way.

Twilight, still breathing heavily, looked up to Spock and the Doctor. Her eyes watered. "You... You're right, something did happen." She stared into Spock's eyes, searching for words to say. "I never once thought that in all my life things could go wrong. I've been surrounded by good things, good ponies, and have been blessed to live the live I've been given." A single tear fell from her face. "At times, I've had breakdowns. At times, I've lost faith in myself. But never have I ever felt so... Helpless. To have no control, to realise that there are awful things in this world you simply cannot prevent, that is the worst thing I have ever known. My friend... My best friend..." The tears were now steadily falling from her face. She did not wipe them. As she began to lose her composure, she began to wail in between phrases. "He was my assistant... Spike... Oh, Goddesses! He, he... He's been... murdered! And it's all my fault!!!" She collapsed on the table, and quickly ran up her spiral staircase in agony, stumbling as she did so.

Applejack, tears in her eyes as well, spoke softly to the pair. "It's been... Two weeks, now? He, Spike, was a baby dragon... Precious little critter... He wanted to... To go out and buy somepony a present. We don't know who it was for... or even what it was." A murder. Fascinating. "He... Well, his remains, were found on the Mayor's doorstep. He had a bag with a large hole in it, and had no money or gems or anything he'd brought with him on him... Geez... He was cut up, slashes all over his body... Somepony, something killed our Spike... Nopony in this town's been the same. 'Specially Twi." She bagan to cry harder, and turned her face away. "I-I'm mighty sorry... I should go... Check on... on Twi..." Applejack, too gallopped upstairs.

Spock turned to the Doctor, who looked not angry, not apathetic, but rather, he looked sad. Noticing he was being looked at, he glanced at Spock, pain in his eyes. "Just because I'm a bitter creature does not mean I am heartless. I, too, have demons, and even this body has its own... Unfortunate history."

Spock sensed the Doctor felt sympathy for the two ponies. "Well," Spock began. "It seems our original mission may be more complicated than we anticipated. We may have to help these ponies with their problem. If we do not, we may never leave this planet. We are obviously dealing with a situation, as Twilight stated, that is out of our control."

The Doctor sighed, placing his face in his hands. "Well shit on a shingle, Elf. Sorry, Spock. I guess we'll need to work together then?"

Spock nodded. "I hope that will not be an issue?"

The Doctor shook his head. "No, it shouldn't. Don't expect me to warm up to you anytime soon, however."

Spock nodded once again in agreement. "Trust comes with time."

"Well then, Mister Spock, I believe we have a murder mystery to solve."

………………………………………

Lord Vader looked out of his Super Star Destroyer, Executor, as he always did. In the far reaches of the galaxy, he reached out with The Force, searching for a nearby Force user. The Jedi were all but extinct, but there was still much work to be done. He sensed nothing. No sign of a midi-chlorian count for lightyears. "Admiral."

His voice, steely, distorted, almost demonic and frightening in its lack of humanity. A lanky, gray-haired man rushed up beside Vader. He saluted, face pale, worried. "My Lord?"

Vader spoke to his inferior without looking to him. "Tell the crew of the ship to turn us around. I sense nothing of importance here."

The Admiral knew, even though The Emperor had ordered Vader and his crew to search this sector of the galaxy, that he should not ever doubt Lord Vader when he ordered them to do something. But still, the Admiral couldn't help from feeling anxious."

Vader, arms crossed over his chest, tightened his grip on his arms. "I sense fear in you, Admiral. You doubt my judgement. You lack faith in my word. I find such lack of faith... Disturbing."

On cue, the Admiral felt a tightness in his lugs. They compressed inside him. It was a squeezing sensation, so slight, yet so painful. It was as if invisible hands were crushing him. "You will turn this ship around and not question my authority ever again! Do you understand?" Vader growled menacingly.

The Admiral, now clutching his neck, lips flabbing like a fish, was able to weakly squeeze out a "Yes m'Lord!" before he collapsed to the floor. His lungs were let go of those horrible invisible hands. As soon as he was able to get up, the Admiral rushed away to inform the crew of the change in plans, not wishing to feel Vaders' wrath any longer. The Dark Lord let him go.

Just then, however, a ray of rainbow-colored light engulfed the bridge of the Executor, blowing The Dark Lord back against the blast doors. Vader steadied himself. A gaping hole was in front of Vader. From what he saw from the ripped-open bridge, his ship was ripped in half! How had he not sensed such a threat as powerful as this? Stormtroopers and crew members were being propelled into the vacuum of space, but Vader simply held on to the door as what remained of his ship gained speed. They were plummeting toward something, a planet, perhaps, and at a fast rate! Heat surrounded Vader, but he used his power to shield shield himself himself from the flames.

Suddenly, Vader lurched forward, tons of shrapnel and metal exploding around him. He landed on an earthy surface with with enough force to knock The Dark Lord of Everlasting Dark Lordiness unconscious.

When Vader awoke some time later, he was lying down. He could not move, and his Force powers were weakened. It was pitch-dark. A voice, indistinguishable yet obviously insane, whispered through the darkness. "Oh yes... This is a fine specimen we have here... Oh, the wonders we can do with him... Yes... Just as I had planned it... Now all the pieces shall fall into place. All they need is a push in the right direction!" The silence was split by a howling, maniacal cackle. It was in this moment, Vader, the Scourge of the Jedi, The Dark Lord, knew he would definitely not be home for dinner.

For The Love of The Empire

Dr. Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Trek Star Massachusetts, USA.

Chapter 3: For The Love of The Empire

A My Little Pony Crossover Fanfiction That Is Entirely Too Uncomplex

By: GhostWriter17

Darkness swelled in the room of evil darkness in which The Emperor resided. His evil room of evil dark chambers of dark darkness was so eccentrically dark that even darkness itself could not see in the darkness that The Emperor resided in. This darkness was truly evil. It was so evil, in fact, that there had to be a new word created to describe how eeeevvvviiiilllll this room/chamber/house/thing truly was. This word was Erponculous. This room was definitely, stupendously, absolutely Erponculous. The Erponculousness of this room dwarfed all other Erponculous things. Erponculousness was hard enough to come by in these trying times of galactic domination, but somehow, The Emperor had discovered a way to embrace Erponculousness itself in this room.

This dastardly Erponculous room was none other than The Emperor's Royal Spa room. It. Was. FABULOUS horrible. Nothing went right in this room. Between the soothing, pink, buublegum-flavored bubble baths, the copious amounts of fine wine, the overly faithful servants who would do anything for and to The Emperor (if you catch my drift), and the booming, freeing sound of Lady Jabba's music in the background, this room was truly not fit for an evil overlord such as The Emperor. Obviously, nothing in this room was tailored to The Emperor's Dark Side-y needs whatsoever. He simply came in here because it was very Erponculous. Obviously. Okay, I lied. This room was actually well-lit, at all times. Forever. Never was it dark. Ever. It was actually the exact opposite of a room considered to be Erponculous. Whatever. It didn't matter.

Soaking in his pink bubblegum bath with pink towels and pink lights and blue bubbles, The Emperor was truly content, for it was Tuesday. Tuesdays were always wonderful. But not this Tuesday. This particular Tuesday was... Off for some reason. A disturbance in The Force signified this. Something has happened to Vader. He thought. That something is making me lose my focus on soaking in the totally wonderful bubble bath! Ya know, I'm sure Vader has probably gotten himself into a load of life-threatening trouble that he will barely walk away from, and I will, once again, have to spend another six trillion credits fixing him up beacuse he's too much of a baby to care for himself. Heck, he couldn't even survive a flesh-wound and some minor burning on Mustafar! What. A. Baby. For a few moments, The Emperor actually feared for his apprentice's life. Maybe... Maybe I should send someone to look for him. Maybe he's really in true danger this time and- ooh look, Cherry-covered Wampa Legs! My favorite! And thus, without a second thought, The Emperor decided to indulge in his beautiful, if unhealthy, cherry coated confection, not worrying about his apprentice who may or may not be trapped on an unknown planet filled with unpredictable creatures, magic, and murderous ponies.

Murders and Murders and Murders and Murders and Murders and Murders and Murders and Murders and Spike

Dr. Star Wars Chainsaw Massacre: the Next Generation is Magic

Chapter 4: Murders and Murders and Just Read The Top Of The Screen... Please.

A My Little Pwn-E Fanfiction By GhostWriter17

* * * *

The Doctor stood in front of the Mayor of Ponyville's house, observing his surroundings. Apparently this murder has affected the whole town. Not a pony is in sight. None to gawk at us or worship us like gods. It's just... Silent. I friggen love it. But the Doctor didn't like the circumstances in Ponyville simply because of the fact that there would be less distractions, but rather because he didn't have to meet any crazy ponies like Twilidum and Appledee. Earlier, Twilight had eventually calmed down, with Applejack's help, of course, and the two agreed to let Elf and the Doctor help in their investigation of the murder of Spike the dragon. Obviously, Twilight wouldn't be much help, as her mental state was obviously weakened, and all Applejack could do was make sure her friend didn't go apeshit on everyone and start a massacre. Thank the Time Lords for that.

The crime scene was pretty standard stuff. The Mayor had not set foot near her house after the murder. She left Spike's body there, and has since lived with some family made of cake or something. The crime scene was shielded, with the help of several ponies and some sort of sun and moon goddesses, to preserve the body. However, the Doctor had one glaring question: If it has been a whole two weeks since the murder, and the ponies not only have an entire army of soldiers but also two immortal goddesses, then why the hell have they not done anything? Suddenly, a voice, cold as steel, feminine in nature, spoke to the Doctor. Oh, but that's the question, isn't it, Doctor? Why do these ponies, these insolent fools, defy all logic? It's because they're holding some sort of sacred vigil. A ritual where, when a dragon passes, all inhabitants in Equestria must drop everything and wait for two weeks until their lives resume. It's stupid and plot convenient, but it works to our advantage. Yes. Yes it does, Doctor.

Okay, the Doctor thought, who is this bitch and why is she spouting exposition?

The cold, steely voice simply cackled in the Doctor's mind. Oh, Doctor, there is no need to worry about who we are. We will present ourselves to you when the time is right. For we have a plan. A very special plan. But we will meet soon enough. First, however, I'd like to play a little game with you.

A game? The Doctor thought to Bitch The Voice. What kind of game are we talking about? I don't especially like playing games. Especially with murderous cowards who don't like to show their face!

Bitch The Voice simply laughed again. Oh, I think we'll get along just fine, Doctor. Yes. Yes, indeed. Anyway, about this game we have planned. We-

Wait, hold on a second. The Doctor interrupted Bitch The Voice. This is a bit of a dumb question, but, could you explain who the buck "we" are?

Bitch The Voice seemed dumbfounded. What? Oh, shit. Well... Uhm... We are, uh... You see, I can't tell you.

The Doctor sighed. Lemme guess: You can't tell me because it's plot important?

Bitch The Voice smiled. Or, she would if she was more than a voice. Because, you know, voices don't exactly have faces. Yes, that is exactly the reason why! And we will not reveal who we are until the plot demands it! MMMMWWWWAAHAHHAHAHAhAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! How's that for a game changer, Doctor? Are you scared? Gonna get your bowtie in a bundle? Wait, do you even have a bowtie?

Nope. I don't. Bowties are overrated, anyway. But, about this game? I'd like to speed this up, cause I have a murder to solve and I'd really like to get home soon.

Oh, right, the game! I almost forgot in all of my evilness. Anyway, I dare you to solve this riddle. Now this riddle is very tricky. If you can solve this riddle, coupled with the clues we may or may not have left at the crime scene, you shall be one step closer to finding who we are and what we want. Or not. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I am truly evil now!!

Right. Well then, what is this riddle you speak of?

Bitch The Voice cleared her throat. If she had a throat. That was because she was merely a very bitchy voice. And we all know that bitches with only voices, also known as having all bark and quite literally no bite, cannot possibly have real, tangible throats. Okay, here is my riddle. Pay attention: I am attentive. I see all, but do not speak. I see, but hardly react. My problem lies not in anything but asking one question: Who Are You? Bitch The Voice remained silent for a few moments, before speaking once again. And there you have it! I hope it's challenging enough for you! I wish you luck in all of your failings, Doctor! Just remember one thing: We will be watching. Bitch The Voice cackled again and left the Doctor's mind. Presumably. The Doctor began to ponder what this riddle could mean, but was called by El- Spock, to come to investigate the crime scene. The riddle would have to come later.

The Mayor's house was a circular building with a brown porch along the entire outside. A large door, leading to the inside of the building, was spattered with flecks of green blood. Leaning against the door was a mass of purple and green. The Mayor herself was turned away from the entrance, sitting on the grass. Spock sat beside her, questioning her. The Doctor walked toward them both. Spock nodded and thanked the Mayor, and turned to face him. He led the Doctor away from the Mayor and spoke to him. Like always, Spock spoke with an immense knowledge, but with a lack of understanding, compassion. This didn't bother the Doctor, for it was something he could understand, but it just felt odd to have someone else act like their heart had been closed off.

"The Mayor confirmed Applejack's story. She was in her house on the night of the murder, and, at about one-thirty in the morning, the doorbell rang. That's when she found Spike."

"Could she be lying to you?" The Doctor asked.

Spock pondered for a moment, then answered. "No... I believe her story. She's far too distraught to have committed such a crime."

The Doctor had to disagree. "But she could be distraught because she did commit the crime. She could be traumatized by what she had to do. Maybe she was an accomplice of some sort. Maybe she is telling the truth, but maybe she is not. Besides, we don't have any evidence other than three versions of the same story, that's not nearly enough evidence to rule her out as a suspect. She's a primary witness. She was there."

Spock, his expression unreadable, answered back to the Doctor's suspicions. "You make a valid point, but I believe that she is an innocent, a victim. Normally, I would agree with you, as I am one to follow protocol to a strict degree, but I must make exceptions. Everything I've known in my relatively short career in Star Fleet has been a situation where I could follow the required protocol of anyone serving in the Fleet. But now, with no known technology, my crew deceased, and being in a situation where I have no other option but to defy the very protocol I've striven to serve by, I have been forced to do something I have not had to do in a very long time: I've had to trust what humans call a "gut feeling". My gut feeling, despite my not being a human, is that the Mayor is an innocent, for I saw a sincerity in her. I saw a sincerity that told me she did not commit the murder."

The Doctor looked Spock right in the eye. "So, you believe that if someone is sincere enough, that anything they tell you is bound to be the truth?"

Spock raised and eyebrow. "No, but it seems to me you have insecurities about people and their sincerity. By my observations, even though you have seemed to close your heart off, you are still very much an emotionally inclined creature. Such emotion can lead to one's downfall. Regardless, I believe we should put our squabble behind us and focus on the task at hand."

As much as the doctor wished to argue his point, Spock had a point. "You're right. Fighting won't get us anywhere. And if you are to be my companion we must work together. Let's go see what exactly happened to this Spike character."

"Agreed." Spock said as the Doctor walked past him. "But know this, Doctor: Our conversation is not yet finished."

The Doctor said nothing, but just walked up to the scene of the crime, passing through the magical field. The world seemed to stretch around him, pulsing and turning in a way that made the Doctor's head spin. The field was invisible, but now that he was forced to pass through it, he felt weakened. After much pressure and pushing, the Doctor finally passed the threshold. Stumbling, he leaned against the wall, and looked to see Spock struggling with the field. He thought of helping the Vulcan, but he was able to get through the field before the Doctor could do anything.

"Wait." The Doctor put a hand up to stop Spock. "If this magical field was able to protect the body and possibly prevent others from coming in, how did we pass through?"

Spock stopped in his tracks. He suddenly looked confused, unable to come to a conclusion as to how the two passed through the magical field. "I... I am unsure of how this happened. The thought never once occurred to me to ask if the field would be dangerous or not. Surely this could have led to our complete and utter destruction but... For some reason, it didn't. "

The two didn't have to ponder long, for the Mayor came and stood against the field. "It's a field that was designed to protect against Equestrian creatures." Her voice was weak, shaky. "Since you are not from here, you were able to pass through without much difficulty." Well, that answered that question rather quickly.

"Well then," Spock stated, "that was rather quick, I must say. Nevertheless, we should proceed to the body of the victim. Mayor," he began, turning to her, "we appreciate all that you have done for us. You may return to the Cakes' residence. We shall call you if we need any more information, and we still cannot rule you out as a suspect, as you are a witness." The Mayor, tearfully, turned around to leave. "Just, please, be sure to be careful with whomever it is that you trust... I know these are trying times, and you fear for your life, but I implore you..." He paused to make some odd gesture with one of his hands. "I implore you, wish you the best of luck, to live long and prosper." The Mayor whispered her thanks, and quickly galloped away, leaving a rather large cloud of dust in her wake.

Right. Now that that's all over, we can actually get something done around here. With that thought in mind, the Doctor headed toward Spike's body. What he came across was rather grisly, to say the least.

Spike was crumpled on the door. His arms were separated at the shoulder, as if they were chopped off. The rest of his body was not sliced apart. Rather, there were hundreds of smaller cuts and slashes all over his body, with varying degrees of depth and length. There seemed to be no real pattern to the slashes, as if they were all random. Interestingly enough, however, was the fact that Spike's head had not been touched at all. No slashes. No cuts. No wounds. But, there was also something else off. Spike, in regards to the pictures the Doctor had seen at Twilight's house, seemed to be brightly colored, popping with zeal, scales and spines shimmering in the light. But here, Spike's body was literally drained of almost all color, as if someone sucked the color out of him. Then, other than the red-colored blood on the door, there was no actual blood anywhere else around him. The slashes were bloodless, and even his separated arms were just a mass of muscle and bone... No color.

"Doctor, look at this." Spock, who was now to the right of the Doctor, was observing the bag he had carried. The bag was a simple messenger bag, with gems sewn into the fabric, making it shine and sparkle. There was a rough slash mark along the bottom, and the bag itself was empty. "Whomever killed Spike wanted whatever was in his bag. He, she, or it took everything that was in it, however. Fascinating! And, look at the blood on the door, Doctor. Do you see anything unusual?" The Doctor, along with Spock, observed the blood-stained door. At first, there seemed to be no connection to the spatter. But upon closer inspection, the blood spatter had patterns in it. "It seems like our perpetrator spattered the blood on the door, then finger-painted some kind of odd symbols into the blood."

Spock was correct. The symbols were odd. They were unlike anything the Doctor had ever seen, complex runes with slashes and swirls and circles and ovals and triangles and octagons and ellipses and numerous other shapes intertwined in rather confusing patterns. What do these runes mean? Is this the clue that Bitch The Voice spoke of? Spock turned to the Doctor. "Do not worry. I have already mentally memorized the runes. we can decipher them at a later date. It also seems to me that, other than the cuts on Spike's body, both his severed arms and the bag seemed to be cut by a similar tool. It reminds me of a saw of some sort."

"A chainsaw, perhaps?" The Doctor surmised. "If you look closer, you are right. The cuts seem a lot more clean, but the skin, bone, and muscle at the shoulders is almost shredded."

Spock nodded his head. "Yes, that may make sense. These Equestrian ponies seem to have a society not unlike humans, as far as the technological advancements are concerned. The similarities are almost disturbingly close, other than the fact they are equines, and your species, as well as mine, are bipedal humanoids. They probably have a chainsaw of sorts. But that does not explain the colorlessness, the lack of blood, the red blood on the door, and the missing items of the bag." Spock sighed. "There are many unanswered questions here. Many we may not ever answer, I fear."

The Doctor was puzzled. "Why do you say that?"

Spock turned to the Doctor. "We know literally next to nothing about this world, its laws, its government, its inhabitants. I fear we may not be able to help with this murder in any significant way, unless we are somehow personally involved, which is next to impossible. We would help in no more a way than another pony from another town who decided to help Twilight and Applejack. But then there's the fact that we passed through that magical field. And there was that rainbow light that caused all this in the first place. I have no idea what it means. I'm confuzzled."

"What?" The Doctor asked.

"My apologies. I meant that I am fraternity." Spock suddenly paused, shriveling his face in confusion over what he just said. "Nevermind. Let's just get back to Twilight and go over our findings. With all those books in Twilight's lemons, we're devilish to break a catch." Spock blinked, and shook his head. "Let's just gargle."

The Doctor suppressed a chuckle, but had to agree with the Vulcan. They needed to solve this case and its mysteries. Quickly. Then there was Bitch The Voice. The Doctor reminded himself to tell Spock and Twilight of this voice, and the riddle, as well. So, the not-so-dynamic duo set off to Twilight's house, ready to uncover the mystery of Spike's mysterious murder, and get one step closer to getting off Equestria...

The Doctor and His Thoughts. Or, The Value of Character Changing and Wondering of Plot Twists and the Like

Doctor Who and Himself.

A crossover fiction wherein there are equines and space-elves.

Chapter 1.5%

By GhostWriter17

=================

While traveling back to Twilight's house, the Doctor pondered many things. This chapter chronicles the thoughts of our hero, the Doctor, and what he discovers in his thinking. Firstly, however, you may be wondering why I, the omniscient narrator from chapter 1, have not been terribly present in the story as of late. Well, to explain such a phenomenon would actually spoil the plot of this story. Therefore, I, that is, the narrator, am not at liberty to say why I have not been present, and am also unable to say who or what I am. If you are wondering, yes, this is not comedy for the sake of cheesecakes. It is actually plot-important. Anyways, I shall be back in this story, for I play a vital role in this story. But, I cannot and will not reveal myself until the time is right. If I am revealed before the right time, there may be... Unfortunate consequences.

But enough about me, back to the Doctor, that sexy beast. Oh, you forgot the Doctor was sexy? Well, shame on you! It's not my fault I needed to have my morning coffee and forgot to remind you! Besides, you all were too swept up in the plot to remember such details! Why, for forgetting such vitally important information, I should [REDACTED].

[ERROR 645: NARRATOR REBELLION]

[MEMORY BANKS RESETTING………DONE]

[NARRATOR RECALIBRATION COMPLETE]

[RESTARTING PREVIOUS NARRATION]

The Doctor walked through the deserted streets of Ponyville, thoughts flooding his amazing head. As he followed Spock, he wondered of many things. Why? Why did this happen? I mean, this whole time I've been here I have hardly questioned the logic of things on this planet. Why are there brightly colored, English-speaking ponies on a distant planet with magical powers that defy all other rules of the universe? Why have I, after crashing from that rainbow light, become so much less of an asshole since landing here? When I first met Spock, I was an asshole to him! Now, I just... Can't bring myself to be so cruel to others. Sure, I'm still kinda cynical and not very trusting, but what happened to my snarkiness? Was it something in the air? The tea? That light? Or are these sickening ponies actually warming this heart of mine that I have vowed to close off?

The Doctor pondered some more, running his fingers through his perfectly wavy hair. So many questions... Eh, I'm probably overthinking it. It's probably the weirdly clean air around here or something.

Just then, Bitch The Voice entered the Doctor's mind with her bitchy powers of supreme bitchiness. Maybe it's you growing soft, Doctor! Maybe your resolve and want to be alone is dwindling! Maybe this place is affecting you! Maybe not! Maybe it's all a part of our plan! Maybe not. You may never know, Doctor. And you shall never know if you keep thinking and refuse to listen to your gut feelings and act! What haplened to that Doctor I used to know? That same Doctor who would not hesitate to take charge in any and every situation he could, not caring on whether he acted like a prick? What happened to that Doctor?

The Doctor snickered to Bitch The Voice. Oh, don't worry, Bitch. That Doctor is still here. I'm just saving him for you. For whomever killed killed Spike. For whomever trapped me here on this planet!

Bitch The Voice cackled like she always did. Well, let us tell you this, Doctor: The old Doctor we saw, the cruel, remorseless Doctor, had better come back to us. You may be forced to do something unlike anything you've ever done in this form. You may need to make sacrifices, tough choices that only the old Doctor could make! Feed the bitterness inside of you! Show us the old Doctor who had his heart broken beyond repair! Show us! Before it is too late!

The Doctor seemed slightly intimidated by The Voice, but wouldn't let it show. Listen here, Bitch. I don't know how you know of my past, or how much you know, but know this: I will find you, whoever you are. I don't care how, but somehow, I will find you, and I will make your life a living Hell on Equestria. But leave Spock and the other ponies out of this. This is now between you and me. Nobody else! Whether or not you committed the murder, whether or not you crashed me here, you will pay. Any riddles, you relay them to ME! ME! ME AND ME ALONE! Do you understand?!

Ooh, my my, Doctor! Bitch mocked, sneering. Did we just hit an... Emotional chord with you? Well, well, this certainly is interesting, my dear Doctor. Now, before you retort in anger, just remember the riddle we gave you. It may or may not be a life-saver. Of course, that is, if you solve it! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Bitch The Voice kept laughing, cackling and carrying on, presumably throwing a laughing party for herself, but the Doctor shut her out, hoping that she would choke on her own non-existent saliva. Good Time Lords, she made the Doctor angry. Anger... An emotion he had not truly shown for quite some time to another creature. What was it about this place, the inhabitants, the events unfolding around him, that made the Doctor act this way? There had to be some explanation for it. Was it magic? He didn't know, and had no time to think of it, because he was now coming up to Twilight's house... Library... Thing.

Spock opened the door to the library, and the Doctor followed. Through the wooden doorway the duo were met with Twilight and Applejack waiting for them. Both looked weary, exceptionally so. They were both seated at the wooden table from before.

"Greetings." Spock began. "We have inspected the crime scene and have uncovered many harrowing details about the murder. However, if I may make a suggestion, I believe it may be best to relay our findings back to you two in the morning."

The Doctor, looking upon the slumped shoulders, baggy, bloodshot eyes, and matted coats of the ponies, nodded in silent agreement. They look like shit. More shitty than when I first met them!

Twilight slowly rose from where she was seated, blinked a few times back and forth, to and from the Doctor and Spock, and spoke. Her voice was scratchy, possibly from limited use. "Yes. I believe that's the best course of action... Maybe. Applejack and I should probably rest for the night. You two can sleep down here. There are extra pillows and blankets in the closet by the kitchen." She sighed wearily, then looked over to her friend.

The cowpony cleared her throat. "Right. That's maybe the best. Twi and I can calm down a bit, and you two can go over what y'all found out. I reckon you're gonna stay up late?" She asked.

"I am," Spock began. "however, I am unsure of the Doctor. We discovered some odd markings at the scene, unlike any either of us have seen. I remember them vividly, and will write them down, but I may need to use the resources available in your library to accomplish this task."

Twilight smiled faintly. "That's quite alright, Mister Spock. Use whatever you need."

Spock thanked the ponies, and, over the course of the next hour or so, was shown everything he would need to "accomplish his goal". From there, the Doctor realized he was very tired, and wished to go to bed. Before he did, Applejack and Twilight went up to bed, while Spock said he'd be staying up to write out the symbols from the blood spatter and research them. As much as the Doctor wanted to stay up with the Vulcan, he found the creeping ache of sleep washing over him, and decided it best to just sleep as much as possible. So, plot twist, the Doctor slept, while Spock stayed up to work...

===========

Twilight Sparkle crept up the stairs to her bedroom, Applejack following closely behind. As her aching bones forced themselves up the steps, she thought about how yet another day was wasted on grief and reminiscing. Once again, like many days before, Applejack and she thought of their plans for the future, if they even had any, their favorite memories of Spike, and what they could do to help stop whomever killed him. It was just all so tiring, so monotonous... So sad...

There was no energy to be found in Twilight. No spark. No determination. Nothing but a dull, aching pain. At least Applejack had been kind enough to stay with her friend. Twilight's other friends were either away or preoccupied with other things... None of them knew, to Twilight's knowledge, of Spike's murder yet, but, knowing Celestia and Equestria in general, the news had probably already spread. It didn't matter. All Twilight cared about now was sleeping.

Her and Applejack finally made it to Twilight's bedroom. Spike's small bed was still carefully made, as he made it every morning, with the pillow propped up and wrinkled, and the blankets folded halfway down the bed, just like he was taught. She smiled at this, crawling into bed as Applejack took the other side. The two friends looked at each other, relief and sleep sweeping over them, as they held hooves in a friendly embrace.

"G'night, Sugarcube," Applejack whispered to her friend. "Sweet dreams."

"Night, AJ." Twilight answered back, just as the two have done for the past two weeks.

Both friends quickly went to sleep, glad another day of pain was over. Somewhere nearby, a certain owl stared at the two friends, taking time to silently glide downstairs to gaze at Spock and the Doctor. Over and over this owl silently watched over the inhabitants of the library. All the while, it hooted one simple question: "Who are you?"

Blood On The Rails

Dr. Star Wars Chainsaw Massacre: the Next Generation is Magic

Chapter 6: Blood On The Rails

A My Little Pony Crossover Fanfiction approved by our Lord and Saviour, Kevin Bacon, endorsed by The Coalition For A Better Coffin.

By: GhostWriter17

………………………………………

"Lord Vader, do you know what your mission is?"

"Yes, Master N. I shall commence the mission as planned. I will not fail. The Force is on my side."

"Let us hope not, Lord Vader. Do not fail me, or there will be severe consequences."

"Do you underestimate my abilities, Master?"

"No. I am merely reassuring you of how important this mission is. Show no mercy, Lord Vader. Wipe them out... All of them."

"As you wish, Master."

Lord Vader stood at the top of a cliff edge in the mountains in between Canterlot and Ponyville. His dark armor shined in the midday sun. He breathed in and out of his now magic-infused life support system, awaiting the inevitable arrival of his target. My "Master" wishes me to do... its bidding. I shall play along. When the time is right, when I know for certain my way in which The Dark Side guides me, I shall cut it down as I have so many who have manipulated me before. He clenched his fist in rage at the thought of those accursed Jedi who had destroyed his life before his... Transformation. Of course, in due time, all apprentices surpass their masters. That was one thing I was taught,, and something I know all too well. For this one truth, I am pleased.

The Dark Lord stood in thought of his mission. Soon, a train from the city of Canterlot would pass by here, on its way to a place called Ponyville, to deliver much-needed supplies to the quickly growing town. But, there was more on this train than just simple supplies. There were Royal Guards, magic users, sent there to protect the town. According to Master N, there was a murder, something that has never happened in the town, or in all of Equestria, for that matter, in a very long time. The investigation of this murder was scheduled to begin tomorrow, but that couldn't happen. Master N had other ideas. Kill the guards. Don't destroy the supplies. Arrive in Ponyville tomorrow and await further orders. Easy. There was one detail, however, that Master N hadn't informed Vader on: He did not mention what the supplies were, just to not destroy them. It didn't matter. Vader would play along, as always. For now, all there was to do was wait patiently for his target.

There was, however, one complication. The Dark Lord had has his lightsaber taken away. He would have to get it back, assuming there were no crystals or components to make another one on this planet. He would have to do things the hard way. The Dark Lord would have to rely on The Force for this one. A minor inconvenience, nothing more. Vaders' rage would supply him all the power he'd need.

After standing stoically for quite some time, Vader heard it. A rumbling. It came from a tunnel leading to the canyon Vader was in. He could sense the vibrations of the incoming train speeding ever closer to his location. This place was perfect. It was secluded, hidden from prying eyes. Preparing himself, Vader jumped down from his perch and landed in between the tracks, silently awaiting his target.

The rumbling became louder, the chug-chugging of the steam engine could be heard. Then, a faint white light emerged from the blackness. As it grew larger, the ground began to shake. The rails to Vader's sides began to vibrate. Vader braced himself, facing the oncoming train from his left side, cocking his head to look at the light. He clenched his fists, pure Force energy warping the space around his body. A pressure both inside and around Vader was mounting, a shroud of energy enveloping the Dark Lord. His cape billowed in the energy emanating from him, blowing every which-way in a haphazard manner.

The train now exited the dark tunnel, its black steam engine shining in the light of the sun. It sped forward with such ferocity and speed that any other being would have been shocked. But not Vader. His energy, his concentration, his scorching anger, these all seemed to slow down time itself for Vader. The dark energy swarming around Vader became so intense that if he did not concentrate it and release it soon, it very well may destroy both him and the train. Thankfully, the train was now only a few feet away from Vader. Now was the time. With tremendous speed and force, the Dark Lord concentrated all of his built-up energy into his far away right hand. His fist was under immense pressure, feeling as if every cell in his hand would disintegrate from the energy. Then, Vader pulled his right fist back, and, when the time was right, palmed the steam engine head-on, causing a shockwave of energy to cascade through the train, stopping it in its tracks!

Vader breathed. Calmly. He had not expelled such energy since his battle with... Him. However, back then, when he was restrained by sadness, by guilt, Vader could not control such power. This weakness led to his downfall. But now... Now, he had mastered it! Now he had truly surpassed his masters! Now, he could truly be one with the Dark Side! Now, he would be the strongest Force wielder in the galaxy! However, now was not the time for triumph. Now was the time for vengeance. Now was the time to strike out in anger, to take out his frustrations on those foolish enough to stand in his way.

Now was the time to kill some ponies.

Vader leaped to the head of the train, where a conductor, shovel in mouth, looked to Vader in wide-eyed horror. This pony was not alone, however. An armor-clad guard came up behind Vader to take him by surprise. Vader was prepared, however. He grabbed the pony with the Force and casually crushed his lungs, flinging him aside. Vader turned to the paralyzed conductor.

Commanding him, Vader spoke, threatening the same fate as his guard. "You will keep driving this train to Ponyville, no matter what. You shall serve me and nobody else, or you will feel the wrath of the Dark Side of The Force!" To make sure the pony got the message, Vader cut off his airway slightly, making the pony writhe in pain, gasping for breath. The pony, on the ground, desperate for air, silently agreed to Vader's demands. Vader let him go, making sure that the pony began to do as he was told. With that complete, Vader entered the train's corridors.

Inside the train cart were many sealed chests and boxes. Oh, there were guards as well, but they were mere insects to Vader and his immense power. With thoughts of his new "Master", his previous failings, and his hatred of the Jedi in his mind, Vader quenched his thirst for blood by obliterating his opposition. One guard came toward him, quickly spun around, and reared his legs to buck Vader. However, Vader grabbed the pony's hooves with his hands, proceeding to crush his legs with his power. Bones shattered into a million fragments. But Vader gave his opponent no time to scream. He leaped ahead, smashing the guard's head into the floor with his hands, smashing his skull, killing him instantly. Another guard, larger than the last two, carried a spear in his mouth. He stabbed at Vader, but Vader was much faster. The tip of the spear aimed at Vader's head. Vader ducked and sprinted forward, sliding under the guard. Then, pressing his hands to the guard's chest, Vader pushed forward with The Force, breaking the guard's ribs, destroying his internal organs, and sending him flying to the ceiling!

Vader stood up, exiting the first cart and entering the second. There were four carts in all. Once again, Vader was confronted with guards. This cart was larger than the last, and there were eight guards standing in his way. The first guard lunged at Vader with a sword. Vader dodged the pony and punched him in the jaw with a powerful left hook. The guard's jaw splintered from the blow, sending him flying out of the cart, where his head smashed against the canyon rocks. Vader grabbed the sword and began to attack the other guards. With swift movements, Vader parried, countered, and brutally slaughtered the next five guards, slicing their necks, severing limbs, and stabbing them repeatedly. His training in all of the forms of lightsaber combat had given him an unfair advantage, and Vader was loving every second of the carnage.

The last two ponies, a pegasus and a unicorn, stood side-by-side, blocking Vader's path. The pegasus flew toward Vader suddenly, anger in her eyes. She screamed loudly. "For Celesti-" before she could finish her heroic speech, Vader casually flicked his wrist, snapping the pegasus's neck, where her body proceeded to slide on the ground to Vader's feet. The unicorn watched, horrified. His eyes streamed with tears. His horn glowed with some sort of magical energy. Not wishing to deal with such pettiness, Vader simply flung the sword at the unicorn's throat. The sword, not to anybody's surprise, sliced into the unicorn's neck, immobilizing him. He gagged and sputtered as blood streamed out of his wound. Vader walked to the unicorn and forcefully pulled the sword out of the other's throat. Blood spattered in all directions as the unicorn writhed on the ground, chocking on his own blood.

The next cart was more of the same. Vader came across a cart full of boxed supplies and guards. Vader proceeded to gleefully and brutally end their miserable lives, moving on without remorse, with nary a second thought. The fourth cart, however, was a huge surprise. The cart was completely empty! There were no boxes. There were no containers. There was but one extremely slender, pure white mare guard in the center of the cart. She wore glistening golden armor, a fiery blue tail and mane flowing from her head and flank. She stood there, in the middle of the empty cart, motionless. Vader dared not make a move toward her, closing the door behind him with The Force. There was something different about this pony. That something made him hesitant to attack her, regardless of whether he lunched at her with his sword or used The Force.

Only two sounds were heard throughout the cart: Vader's heavy, metallic breathing and the movement of the train. Vader couldn't contain himself any monger. He had to complete his mission, especially if he wished to be finished before the train arrived in Ponyville. The mare suddenly spoke, her voice grand and powerful, never once turning around.

"You wish to come here, to thwart what has happened? To prevent what must happen?"

"I wish to complete my mission and return to where I once was. Nothing more." Vader retorted. He pointed his blood-stained sword at the mare triumphantly, making his point evidently clear. "However, that mission requires that I slay anything that stands in the way of my ultimate goal."

The mare simply cackled maniacally. The armor-clad warrior slowly turned around. Finally, Vader would be able to see the eyes of his opponent, to stare her right in the face, so that he could see the life draining from her eyes as he destroyed her. However, just as the guard's slender muzzle came into view, the cart was plunged into darkness. They had entered a tunnel. All Vader could now see were the mare's two shining eyes, glowing a bright, heavenly white. Her teeth, curled into a wide, malicious grin, sparkled as the mare cackled further.

"You have no idea what you are getting yourself into!" The mare shouted. "Surrender now! You mustn't interfere with the fire that shall soon rage over the land! You will be entering a conflict that cannot and will not be stopped! No matter what you do, everything will spiral out of your control and you will die! If you truly value your life, please, go back to the hole from whence you came!" Her glowing eyes began to pulsate, flashing a dark green. Purplish-black mist began to seep from the sides of her eyes, wisps flying in all directions. "You will be used! Deceived! I claim not to know all. I simply claim that my role in the coming cataclysms is merely one to serve the purpose that must be served! Please, intruder! Leave this place, lest you wish to be destroyed... Or worse."

Vader, despite his lack of vision, could still quite clearly see tears running down the warrior's face. Her pulsating eyes showed her thin frame. The green slowly overcame the white, flashing brighter and faster than ever before. Vader was not impressed with her display of emotion. "I care not of what happens to this world, warrior. I care only for my master and the Galactic Empire of which I serve. The Force that powers me shall destroy you, warrior make no mistake. You must die in the name of the Empire if I am to be returned to my proper place."

The warrior bowed her head. "I see. Let me ask you this, Dark One: Who is your current master? Who, at this moment, are you serving?"

"My master is known only as 'Master N', though I see no point in telling you any information of the sort."

The mare's eyes now were totally green, energy emanating from them like a fire. "Your Master... Your Master is a tricky one." She looked directly at Vader. "The crossfire that will soon commence shall be unlike anything you have ever experienced. Lines shall cross, and everything you've come to know will be changed forever. This conflict that you are now a part of... I cannot fathom what is about to happen. The prophecy shall come true. But I will not kill you, no matter how easily I could." She levitated into the air, the purple smoke swirling around her. "This world has already affected you, Dark One. Your so-called "Force powers" have been already changed, enhanced. Be wary, Dark One. More change is coming. A storm arises. I am leaving you, and I will not allow you the satisfaction of letting the residents of Ponyville see any of the damage you have caused! Valete, Fuscus. Fato viam vestram accendo."

With that, the warrior disappeared in a shroud of smoke, leaving nothing behind. Light suddenly flooded the cart. They had exited the tunnel. Vader looked down at his hand. The sword was gone! As Vader traveled through the rest of the train, back up to the engine, he saw no evidence of a struggle. There were no bodies, no blood. Even the splintered floors and ceilings were fixed as if nothing had happened! No matter. Ponyville was visible in the distance. The train was still moving.

At the engine, the conductor pony was still furiously shoveling coal into the furnace as if his life depended on it. "Conductor." Vader boomed. The conductor screamed and dropped his shovel, staring, frightened, at the sight of the Dark Lord. "You know anything of this Ponyville town we are headed to?"

"Oh, yes!" He said, nervous. "I come there often, seeing as I conduct this train. I know my way around the town extremely well, if that is what you're asking. I'm even part of a secre-" he stopped suddenly.

Vader grew impatient instantly. They were nearing Ponyville fast. "I need a way to slip into the town unnoticed. What secret are you a part of? Tell me." He barked.

"Oh, yes, sir! I am part of a secret club that is displeased with the current standings of the government. I've seen you. You could be a great asset! We have resources that could help you get back home! It's kinda difficult not to hear you talk, what with your weird, metallic voice booming all over the place. So I think you should not breathe so heavy and not talk. But, thankfully, it shouldn't be a problem sneaking you in. However, you'd have to be in at night, just in case. There was a murder last night, and the supplies for that are in those carts. I suggest you hide in the Everfree forest for the rest of the day, that forest over to your right. I'll need to be here as to not raise any suspicion. Just, uhm, please don't kill me." He pleaded.

Vader thought for a moment. He could use one such as this conductor... Yes. He seemed useful. "Fine. But I will not be one to take orders from the likes of your leaders. I also serve another Master. If it tells me to kill you, I will not hesitate to do so."

"Oh, I understand! I have a master, as well! You wouldn't notice, but under my hat is a horn. I'm a very gifted magic-user!"

Vader didn't care. But, Vader decided the conductor was useful, most definitely, and decided to wait in the Everfree forest, awaiting Master N's orders. Not wanting to forget this pony, this conductor, Vader studied him. Large blue eyes. Wispy, brown mane. Black coat. Easy. Weak. Manipulable. "I shall do as you say, for now." Vader said. "What is your name, conductor?"

The conductor, seeming more calm, but still intimidated, smiled widely. "You can call me Elio, "Dark One"!" He giggled, winking at Vader.

Elio.

Little did Vader know that Elio the Conductor would soon become Elio the Conqueror, a revolution would soon arise, just as the warrior had said, and Vader, along with the other invaders of Equestria, would soon face challenges that will test each and every one of them in ways that will not only change them, but also the fate of the galaxy, forever...

Author's Note

AN: This chapter was truly fun to write!

The events in this here chapter was based on this awesome song by one of my favorite bands, The Silent Comedy:

Seriously, they're epic. Better than Mumford and Sons IMO! Okay, fanboying over. Enjoy. Comments and criticism is greatly appreciated!

Dreaming And Scheming-ing-ing-ing-ing

Doctor Oz's Shiny Teeth and Me

A MLP Crossdressing to go with your salad

Chapter 7: Ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing

By GhostWriter17

-Page Break That I'm Too Lazy To Type-

The Doctor dreamed while he slept. He slept and dreamed, and dreamed and slept. It was a comfy little sleep, one that he desperately needed. The Doctor hated being sleep deprived. Of course, if there was anything he hated more than a lack of sleep, it was being tortured. The Doctor had been tortured before, many a time, both physically and mentally... It was something he wished not to think about. Unfortunately, his mind wandered into that dark, destructive place, that hole in his mind that was the source of all of his rage and social disconnect...

"Ya know, Doctor, I never knew it would come to this. I never even dreamed this would even happen to me, of all people!"

The Doctor screamed in agony.

"Of course, I'm sure there was no way you could have predicted this, either!"

The Doctor was struck again, his screams echoing through the room.

"Ironic, isn't it? You fucked me over, thinking you could just up and leave!"

Once more, pain.

"But, you never even dreamed that I'd find my way back to you!"

The Doctor silenced.

"What?! You take me on those adventures for over eight years and expect to just up and leave?! You take me for an idiot, Doctor?!"

Another blow. Blood ran down his face.

"You thought that after all I had seen, after everything I had witnessed, that I'd just go 'Whelp, that happened! Time to move on with my life!' and act as if nothing had happened?!"

The Doctor breathed, trying to keep silent.

"Agony. That is what I felt. Not just betrayal, or sadness, or anger. No. You left me in pain, Doctor! Agony!"

There was an unnerving silence.

"You left me helpless. I trusted you, loved you like a brother. And what did I get in return for all of my dedication? My loyalty? Desertion."

Desertion. A word the Doctor knew all too well. His memory began to warp, forcing itself to stop the horrible event that he had begun to witness all over again. Instead, he saw sights that may have been worse: Names. Names flashed in front of the Doctor in his confused dreamscape.

Susan.

Barbara.

Ian.

Vicki.

Steven.

Katrina.

Sara.

Dodo.

Polly.

Ben.

Lena Ioman.

That name caused the Doctor pain. His sides hurt. He bagan to bleed. His heart ached. Faces he did not recognize flashed in front of him, all in a blur. Sweat pooled out of his pores. His body felt compressed, squeezed. Pain. Suffering. Darkness. Evil. Regret. Envy. Lust. Hatred. Victory. Loyalty. Kindness. Deceipt. Love. Magic. Honesty. Selfishness. Loathing. Generosity. Light. Hunger. Depression. Laughter. Animosity. Enmity. Apathy. Agony.

Agony.

Agony.

Lena.

Agony.

Ioman.

Agony.

Agony.

Agony.

Agony.

Agony.

Agony.

Agony!

Agony!

Agony!

Agony!

Agony!

Agony!

Agony!

Agony!

Agony!

Agony!

Lena!

Agony!

Ioman!

Agony!

Agony!

Agony!

Agony!

AGONY!

AGONY!!!

The Doctor awoke with a start. He was drenched in warm, disgusting sweat. His lips were chapped. His throat, head, and chest ached. Everything around him seemed... Off. He was still in the library, but everything was bathed in a pale blue light, like someone put that filter from that movie "Insidious" and placed it on the Doctor's eyes. Oddest enough, however, inside this kitchen, was what was inside it. Pans floated in the air, unmoving. Kitchenware, food, and other miscellaneous objects also floated in the air in the same manner.

Twilight and Applejack held each other in a frightened embrace. Their faces were horror-stricken. They, too, were suspended in the air. Spock was collapsed against the wall, as if pushed back by some intense force. Nothing moved. There was no sound. It was as if time itself had stopped around the Doctor.

It was as if, judging by the direction everything was suspended, this force that caused everything had come from where the Doctor had been sleeping.

It was as if the Doctor had caused time itself to stop!

The Importance of Being Patient

Elio Is The Hero Of This Chapter

A Fanfiction About Elio

By: GhostWriter17

()()()()()()()()()()()

Elio watched in glee as the being known as Darth Vader rushed toward the Everfree forest. The conductor smirked as he fixed his conductor's cap, ready to greet the "citizens" of Ponyville with his cargo. The train approached the small, idyllic town, stopping at the station, a rather large group of earth ponies awaiting eagerly. They all met Elio's gaze, and he nudged his head to the cars behind him. They all then rushed inside the cars, grabbing what cargo they could, and dragging it out onto the station, quickly and quietly, without a word. Elio looked over the ponies, stallions and mares alike, watched them, as they worked, piling the large crates into piles, sorting them by width and height. The whole process of grabbing and arranging took only a couple of minutes. When everything was finished, and all of the crates were sorted, the earth ponies all lined up around the crates, while Elio stepped off the train. Without a word, he took off his hat and handed it to a brown mare, who smiled and proceeded to board the train. With a wink and a smile, the "conductor" started the train once more, and set off, back to Canterlot. A green flash of light illuminated the engine for a second, before the engine was out of site.

So far, so excellent, Elio thought. He nodded his head toward the crates, four piles total, and focused his magic toward them. His horn glowed, and magic swirled around the crates. In a wave of energy, the crates all transformed into four similar-looking, wooden carriages, the kind that could fit a family of three or four ponies, coupled with straps on the fronts so other ponies could pull the carriages, inside. The earth ponies then strapped themselves to the carts, and Elio began the charge into Ponyille, his little parade of carriages following carefully and inconspicuously behind him. He led them through the empty, barren streets, passing by the Mayor's house as he did so. In front of the Mayor's house, Elio saw the two Princesses and the Elements of Harmony somberly setting up a shield around the house, discussing the recent events quietly. How ignorant they all are to all that is happening around them. How insolent are they to not know what will happen, to what I shall accomplish!

The Princesses and other ponies none the wiser, Elio and his parade traveled until they stopped in front of Sugar Cube Corner. Elio signaled for his parade to stop as he approached the confectionery. He knocked on the door. Mister Cake, orange and lean, opened the door and looked upon Elio.

"Ah, Elio. Just on schedule. Do you have the cargo?" He asked with a sly smile.

"Yes, Mister Cake. It is all here. Is everything ready downstairs?"

Mister Cake nodded. "Yes, everything is ready. Though I must ask: What is it you plan to do with what is inside those boxes? I honestly don't see how what is in there could help my business in any way possible, or how they'd benefit you."

Elio waved a hoof playfully in front of Mister Cake. "Not to worry, my friend. As I promised before, this cargo will help your business in the long run, I assure you. As for what I have planned, well, you'll just have to find out whenever it happens. I wish not to spoil the big surprise. You understand, I am sure?"

Mister Cake gave a knowing nod. "Of course, Elio. But, before you put everything downstairs, I have another question: Do you know anything about the murder that happened?"

Elio raised an eyebrow. "Spike the dragon? But of course I know about it! I do not, however, know who would kill the poor little dragon in the middle of the night, however. I would assume it may have something to do with that secret organization of rebels that have surfaced in Equestria." He said, winking to Mister Cake, whose eyes widened at the mention of the "secret organization".

"You know about that?!" He said. "How could you?"

Elio laughed. "It's not very difficult to see the signs of a bona fide member, my dear Cake: The slightly baggy eyes, the heavy breathing, the obvious eye implants and other enhancements made to your body, however subtle. They don't call me the "chemical analyzer" back home for nothing, Mister Cake! As you may know, I have the rather uncanny ability of having extremely good eyesight. Nothing gets past me. Nothing."

Mister Cake swallowed nervously. "Yes, well, I think we've dilly-dallied enough already, right, Elio? You may come in now. Please be quick about it!" He moved away, allowing the carriages, which were now once again crates, entrance.

Elio entered the shop, stepping beside Mister Cake, whispering in his ear as the crates were hauled down to the basement. "A word of advice to you, Mister Cake: Do not order me around. There are two things in this world I cannot stand: Opponents who stand in my way and those who stand in my way, thinking they can push me around!" His voice was as cold as ice, slithering its way into Mister Cake's thoughts. Elio had always been known for having a frightening-sounding voice, one that sounded like a cross between a rasp and a harsh whisper. Now, however, his steely, commanding voice paralyzed Mister Cake.

"Now, Mister Cake, how much did you pay for these implants of yours, hmm? A hundred bits? A thousand?" Elio whispered menacingly into Mister Cake's ear once more. "It would be such a shame for those implants to go to waste, wouldn't it?" He focused smoke-like magic to slither around Mister Cake's legs, squeezing slightly at his knees, where a few implants were located. "I mean, how awful would it be for somepony to just go and snap those new knees of yours, rendering you completely and utterly defenseless?

"Oh, just imagine somepony finding you here, writhing on the ground, wondering what the hay happened to you? Imagine the horror on their faces when they realize you've been surgically and, might I add, illegally implanted with enhancements of both a magical and off-planet origin?" is magic squeezed tighter at Mister Cake's knees. "Oh, how I would just relish that moment of humiliation! Of course, you wouldn't, my dear Cake, now would you?" Elio suddenly squeezed his magic tighter on Mister Cake's knees, feeling and hearing a slight cracking sound, a sound that was music to his ears. Mister Cake squealed in agony.

"Please! Don't! I beg of you!" Mister Cake screamed, dropping to the ground. "No more! I promise to obey!"

Elio smiled once again. "Now, Mister Cake," he said, sounding as if he were offended, "I never asked you to obey me and my orders! It's quite obvious where you stand in these troubling times. For that, the only thing you must promise me is to not reveal that I am here, living with you and your wife, Besides, I think a limp in your stride is punishment enough, for now." He laughed as he walked away from Mister Cake, and headed down the set of steps that led to the basement, locking the door from the inside as he went down.

When Elio entered the basement, surveying the scene before him. The basement was a large set of square rooms, nothing special, really. The rooms were all concrete-filled: Concrete walls, concrete ceilings, and concrete floors. The only difference was the set of small tunnels lining many of the walls. These tunnels were literally holes in the concrete walls, where soil had been dug out. These tunnels ran through only small sections of Ponyville, but, soon enough, these tunnels would be a system of tunnels that would weave all throughout the town, but that would come later. First and foremost, the crates were to be dealt with.

The crates were all stacked in the center of one of the concrete rooms, the only one without any tunnels in it, and the earth ponies were huddled around the pile. Elio smiled at their dedication, their loyalty.

"Are you all ready, my loyal followers?" Elio proudly exclaimed to the earth ponies. They all silently nodded to him. Elio smiled even wider as magic began to flare from his horn, sending erratic sparks from it. "Now, my followers, it is time. Now it is time to let this tale unfold! Now, we shall begin the Great Turning!" His magic flared even greater, the glow from his horn now encompassing his entire body! The glow then formed into a smoke-like substance, similar to the one he used on Mister Cake. The smoke twisted around him, blackening, growing ever darker. The magic spread out from Elio's back, like dark wings, snaking its way across the room, on the ceiling, on the walls, and across the floor, dragging itself to the pile of cargo and the ponies around it. The entire room was soon cloaked in a shroud of black mist, opaque, impenetrable. From outside of this room, where the "Great Turning" began, sat an aged mare, watching intently on the scene before her unfold.

This mare thought of what she had witnessed over the past few days, what she now knew, and was horrified because of it. Last night I find a dead body at my door, now I witness... This? What is Equestria coming to? A wicked laugh escaped the room shrouded in darkness, scaring the mare out of her wits. Suddenly, the darkness dissipated from the room. All was quiet. Out of the room stepped Elio, an evil smile spread across his lips. His steps were heavy, proud, and triumphant. He was alone. No other ponies were with him. From behind Elio, the mare thought she saw several shapes moving, but she couldn't distinguish what they were. Elio stared right into the mare, his bright blue eyes focusing on her with a paralyzing intensity.

"What," He exclaimed to her, "have you never seen a group necromancy session before?" The mare stared at him blankly. Elio rolled his eyes. "Oh, geez." He facehoofed. "Okay, lady, first off, you really need to get out more. Second, those earth ponies are fine, by the way, they're just working. I'd never sacrifice or kill them or anything! Third, if you don't know what friggen necromancy is, read a book." He shook his head at her, sighing. "And to think I'm going to rule over you morons one day!"

My Dearest...

My Dearest,

I am making sensational progress in my work. I surely wish you could see it! It is a thing of beauty, to have such power in my hooves! The sparks that fly from my power, my magical prowess, is simply astounding! I surely wish you could see it! But, of course, I am getting ahead of myself, My Dearest. Let me tell you of what has been going on in my life recently.

It has been two months since I last wrote to you, and that saddens me deeply. Nevertheless, as I am sure you know, I have been very busy with my work. However, as I stated earlier, I am making tremendous progress! The work is finally starting to pay off, and for that, I am very proud.

I guess I must explain the progress I have been making. For one, The Society is making progress in its current operations. We have now established members in several cities across the country, with some connections even in the Inner Circle of Canterlot, of all places! Yes, I admit, it is a sensational feeling to know that The Society is growing in size! However, due to our current plans, The Society cannot meet in one sanctioned place. But, believe me when I say this, My Dearest, when The Society strikes, which will be soon, we shall become such a consummate fire, a conflagration so great, that the Path to The Great Turning will finally lead me to you once more, My Dearest, This, I promise. My plans will be carried out, and I shall find you, even if Celestia herself stands in my way...

Speaking of Celestia, her second in command,The White Warrior, Alya, was on the train last night, meditating. I had to deliver some cargo to Ponyville, a quaint little town (I surely wish you could see it!), and she was there with her royal guards. However, there was something I did not expect on this train ride of ours. A dark figure, one not of this world, destroyed every one of the guards, all except for Alya, who escaped with the bodies of the fallen before the dark figure known as Darth Vader could strike her down. How unfortunate, I so wished to use those bodies. However, I feel I have gained an ally in this Vader. He is working for another one of my opponents, Master N. N is quite a tricky one. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of my inside sources, I have not yet figured out the identity of Master N. I do surmise, however, that he, she, or it, is located in Ponyville. I feel that maybe N is planning something sinister, if it has found a being such as Vader and has been able to control him in some way. No matter. Vader seems independent, and I could use him in my plans for a short while, then let him be on his way. When my plans are carried out, and The Great Turning occurs, I shall then have the resources to bring him back home, fulfill his wish, and get him out of my mane.

There has been a murder in Ponyville. I must confess that I have had nothing to do with the actual murder, as I do not plan on hurting anyone that need not be hurt with The Great Turning, but I must confess that I needed the young dragon's blood for The Great Turning to commence. It took some complicated magic to complete the extraction. I do not believe that N was behind the murder. I believe it is watching, as I am, from the shadows, seeing what comes to pass, before it strikes. I do believe there is another threat behind the young dragon's murder, and I most surely know who the murderer is. Yes, I know who it is without a doubt. She is a crafty one, so deviously malicious. If I can recruit her in The Society, she could prove useful, My Dearest...

Another thing, My Dearest, that I must mention is a dream I had last night. A voice spoke to me, feminine, yet suitably insane. She spoke saying words like 'we' instead of 'I'. She was mysterious. She was also a major bitch. That is all I can say for now.This Bitch The Voice may be N. She may not be. She most certainly is not the murderer of the young dragon, but this annoying Bitch vowed to haunt my dreams, to bring bad memories back. My Dearest, I must admit that I am very scared. I am frightened to know of the memories that may come back, the utter agony that I may feel from these memories...

No matter. I must stay strong, My Dearest, if I am to ever see you again. I am doing all of this for you. Only for you. I must see you, My Dearest, hold you again. Feel your warmth. In all of my malice that I portray in my meetings with the other members of The Society, to those that oppose me, such as the annoying Mister Cake, I am frail without you. You are my rock, My Dearest. You are what keeps me going. You are the reason I am doing all of this, the reason I am sacrificing so much. Without you... I would be nothing. I do this to see you again, in the hopes that I may feel you, hold you, smell you, kiss you, again. I promise I shall not fail you. Never.

Your Dearest, With All Of His Heart,
-Elio The Dreamer

Master N The Erponculous

N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N
N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N
N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N

N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N
N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N
N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N

N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N

A story By: GhostWriter17

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Master N swiveled in its chair gleefully. Master N liked having fun, especially when that fun was nonsensical. N laughed heartily as it swiveled in its swivelly chair of swivelling swivelness. In the dark room N was in, there was but one little light, the light of a computer screen. This screen projected an image of the Doctor, who looked rather confused. N liked it when the Doctor was confused. It pleased it. The Doctor was lying on the floor of Twilight Sparkle's house, in her kitchen. All around the Doctor was a faint blue aura, like that of a bubble. Inside this bubble were the Doctor's friends, who were suspended in time, inside this bubble. The bubble only reached so far as the end of the kitchen, and everything outside the bubble could move, for everything outside of the Time Bubble was not suspended in time. This is where N's camera was. Well, it wasn't so much a camera as it was an owl, who was N's eyes, ears, and hoots inside Ponyville. Owldelicious was a great ally, wonderful at reconnaissance, for who in their right minds would expect a fucking owl to be evil!? NOBODY, that's hoo! Get it, it's spelled "hoo" because Owlsuspicious is an owl? Never mind.

The Doctor, through Owlconspicuous's eyes, poked at his friends, looking about them, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. He flailed his arms, poked at them, yelled and screamed and poked and prodded and jumped and thrashed and did the chicken dance and cried and ate some floating cake and poked and made funny faces and clapped and yelled stop. Then he yelled go. And, suddenly, every floating thing fell to the ground. The bubble shrunk and was absorbed inside of the Doctor's body, and the blue aura was gone. This displeased N. A lot. So much so that N stopped swiveling in its chair. N was now completely and utterly intrigued. For N, you see, was, is, and will be, quite erponculous. Erponculously evil masterminds always stop swiveling in chairs when they're being serious. Erponculously evil masterminds do not, however, take bubblegum-flavored bubble baths in pink rooms with pink towels and pink walls filled with light at all times, doubling not only as an evil headquarters, but also a spa. That is a crime against Erponculousness, indeed!

N didn't really wish to watch anymore, so it turned off Owlrepiticious's eyes and went back to evil swiveling. Oh, you wanted to know what the Doctor is doing? Why don't you turn Owlmorticious's eyes back on? Oh, wait, you can't! N laughs at you. N laughs at you a lot. Because N knows you'll have to wait until the next chapter to find out what happens.

And N laughed. A lot.

Author's Note

IF YOU CAN FIND THE HIDDEN "M" IN THE ROWS UPON ROWS OF "N"'s, STATING THE ROW, COLUMN, AND PLACEMENT, YOU WIN A COOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 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