Adventures of Zaptar: Operation Pony-Fist

by Lord Zaptar

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Mayor Mare, Other
Length: 1142

Zaptar is sick of everpony. Zaptar decieds Ponyville needs new leadership.

Living in Ponyville all your life you've seen some serious shit. The fall of gods, a giant purple dragon smash stuff, and worst of all those damned elements living here preaching friendship. You're not sure which of those things set you off but it happened, and now for whatever reason you find yourself on an unstoppable quest for......Well you're not really sure. But you want it so that's enough for it to happen.

Published 2013-04-27 18:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-27 18:50:02 UTC

Day 1

Day 1

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

"Ugghhhhhhhhh"

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

"Shit...hold on! Im coming!" The loud thuds and yelling echo through the relatively empty apartment as you try your absolute damnedest to free yourself from the unbreakable grip of your bed-sheets. "Son-of-a-"

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

"I said Im coming!" Somehow you managed to tangle yourself in the sheets overnight, you start flailing your legs around like some dumb animal caught in a snare. But against all odds you finally manage to free yourself from the iron death grip of the bed. You fall of the side and unto the ground with an audible crash, without another sound you stand back on your hooves and head to the door.

On the way there you pass your bedroom mirror. In it you see, you guessed it, yourself. Your brown disheveled mane stands up in every possible direction, random strands of hair stand up while others form little curls. With closer inspection you notice a plastic knife stuck awkwardly to your leafy green coat, you try and think back what you might of been doing with a plastic spoon this past night but the thought quickly escapes your mind. That is until of course you notice the peanut butter container perched comically over your horn. You figure the two have something to do with eachother and shrug it off with a magical toss to the trashcan.

You continue your walk to the door trying to think of who could possibly be knocking at....you turn to look at the clock. 11:14 A.M. I mean who would have the audacity to disturb your much needed sleep? You reach forward towards the door handle and open the door with a slow creek.

"Zaptar Magnum Fist?" An older stallion stands just outside your door holding a small clipboard in the air with a grey aura. "You are Zaptar Magnum Fist correct?" It's not often you hear somepony say your full name, you don't mind though, your name is pretty metal.

"Um, yeah. That's me, can I help you?" The words come out no louder than a groan. You try to look directly at the stallion but your eyes fail to open anything wider than a squint due to the intense noon sunlight.

"No, not really. Im here to deliver this eviction notice, you have 72 hours to exit the building." You don't need to conscious for those words to make sense.

"Oh fuck that." You take a short step backwards and without a moment of hesitation summon forth a large pony sized ethereal fist and uppercut the the stallion into what you can only assume is the upper stratosphere. You stare up into the sky and track the old stallion until he finally disappears over the horizon. "Like hell im leaving." You turn and walk back into your apartment shutting the door behind you as you trot inside.

You remember back to the first time you used that giant fist thing and got your cutie mark, It was back in your elementary school days. Some little douche was trying to take your sandwich and, well to put it in the simplest words possible you punched him with your magic fist so hard he saw the curvature of the planet. Not a lot of ponies ever see it coming, other than the random minotaur or something ponies don't see a lot of fists, so when a giant magical one hits them harder than a train you usually get the jump on them.

You continue walking to your kitchen, you don't really remember the last time you ate so you're kinda hungry. You open you fridge and stare at its contents. Nothing. Time to go out for groceries. You drudge your way outside and begin the short walk to downtown Ponyville. Having lived here all your life you find yourself no longer amazed by all the shenanigans that go on here. For example a few weeks ago that one purple unicorn, the one that runs the library, got wings. You call bullshit on that.

Besides all that wing stuff she's still pretty damn attractive, as are a great deal of the mares in this town. You'd call yourself a ladies stallion but mares tend to be absolutely terrified of you and generally avoid you like one would an active hand grenade. It dosn't bother you that much though, you tend to fly solo anyway so everything works out in the end. You walk past the local bakery ran by the Cake's. You don't mind the two owners, but Pinkie, their estranged house guest, she gets on your nerves more than just about anyone else in this town. It's not her parties, because you know everypony likes a good party, It's the fact that she's is desperately in love you. Figures the one mare in town that isn't scared of you is the hyperactive pink baker that lives right next to you.

You usually avoid this way just so you don't run the risk of an encounter with her. But with the threat of eviction this morning and your starving self you forgot to take a different path. You seem to be one of the only ponies who can ever see Pinkie Pie coming, whenever she's nearby you get an uncomfortable feeling down in your gut. Which to your dismay you happen to feel at this very moment. "Oh shi-"

CRASH

"Hey Zappy! How are yah!" Straddled above you is, none other than Pinkamena-Diane-Pie. You curse under your breath and roll your eyes at the party pony not having the energy for a legitimate response.

"Hungry. Tired. And soon to be homeless, you?" You're not sure why you asked how she was, you didn't really care.

"Whaaaaaaaat? Well come with me silly, I've got tonnes of pie at the bakery! And my bed is always open to you if your tired!" Amazing how she offers food and sleep but fails to address the homelessness mentioned.

"Free pie? Meh, why not. Lead the way Pinkie." You watch as Pinkie jumps up into the air in a burst of confetti and cheers. Oddly enough she dosn't say another word until the two of you enter the Bakery, which upon entering you notice that the entire place is dark, save for a few candles leading towards the staircase and going up the them. You hear the door lock behind you with a very loud deliberate click. Oh dear Celestia.

"So....Zappy....just the two of us.....All alone in here." She speaks into your ear with a sultry tone, brushing her tail across your neck as she walks past you. "Come on, follow me upstairs." Against your better judgement you follow her up the staircase. You feel some outside force compelling you to follow her as you the two of you walk to what you can only assume is Pinkies bedroom. Damn gypsy magic.