Your eyes shoot open as you the rising sun’s rays seep through your bedroom windows. Their warmth laps over you, matching the heat that hid beneath your blankets. Birds begin their usual chatter, squawking and screeching their songs and morning hellos. Grabbing the edge of the covers, you rip them off in a fast, fluid motion, making your body vulnerable to the cold room. Shivers travel down your spine as you quickly make your way to the bathroom to perform your usual morning routines.
Toothbrush in hand, you turn on the shower, letting it run so that it warms up for a more ideal entrance. You begin brushing your teeth, stroking up and down, back and forth, side to side; it was like watching a musical conductor command his orchestra. Spitting out the used toothpaste from your mouth, you give a final rinse before jumping into the hot shower. The water burns, but in a pleasant manner, warming you up almost instantly. Grabbing the bar of soap, you lather up your body, putting most of your focus into the groin area.
Today would be the day! The day where you would finally get break this ongoing streak. You’ve been talking to a mare for quite a while with the sole intention of ‘getting in her pants’, figuratively speaking. In the same sense, it quite obvious she wanted the same thing, but you both were waiting on the other to make the first move. Being the male counterpart of this ‘relationship’, it was a simple fact you would have to be the one to do it.
Rinsing the soap off your body, you lather up your junk one last time for good measure: No female has ever complained about a good smelling dick. Rinsing the lather once more, you shut the shower off and open the curtain. Reaching out for your towel, you dry your body, making sure not to miss any spots. You venture out of the bathroom into the cold room, quickly making your way to the dresser to grab some clothes as the cold air relentlessly attacks you.
Socks? Check. Lucky boxers with pink hearts covering ever inch of their fabric? Check. Clean dress shirt? Check. Clean dress pants? There was nothing in the drawer. Searching frantically, you can’t seem to find them anywhere.
Crap! That’s right! You had worn them a few days ago when you went out to lunch with her. Opening the closet door, you dig into the laundry basket, throwing aside piles of underwear and crusty socks, to find the pants lying on the bottom. You lift them up and look around the room as if someone might catch you in the act you were about to commit. Bringing the pants to your nose, you take a whiff of the crotch area, making sure that it didn’t stink too badly. The smell was faint, but still noticeable. Grabbing the small cologne bottle from your dresser drawer, you slap a tiny bit on the inside of the pants, eradicating the smell of groin stank.
Slipping on the pants, you make your way downstairs and begin cooking breakfast. It was time for a nice meal; you would need the energy for later. Looking throughout the kitchen, you grab the essential ingredients for a full English breakfast: Bread, eggs, beans, hash browns, and orange juice. One quick preparation later, you start munching the food down as you look up at the clock.
9:56 a.m.
She should be here in four minutes, so it was best to shovel down this meal as quickly as possible. Bringing the plate to your face, you take your fork and shove the contents into your mouth, making sure not to get any on your clothes. You shotgun down the orange juice and look at the clock.
9:59 a.m.
Taking the napkin off the table, you wipe the leftover bits of food off your face and throw the dishes into the sink. A loud knocking sound emits from the front door, driving your attention from the shattered plate that occupied your sink. You run to door, not before checking yourself out in the mirror, and open it up. The mare looks up at you with a purple shade in her eyes, giving you a bright and shiny smile. Her coat shines in the sunlight, radiating its stunning, beautiful lavender coloring.
“Good morning, Anonymous! How are you doing?”
“I’m doing well, Twilight. Please, come inside.” Moving out of the doorway, you let her enter your humble abode and close the door behind her. “Did you sleep well last night?” She makes her way to the living room couch and jumps onto it, placing her round, plump behind onto it. The thought of having that ass press against your groin begins clouding your mind. The story of her slumber didn’t even register in your mind; the only thing you could think of was her plot.
“... it to me, Anonymous?” You shake your head to break away from your day dream.
“Pardon?”
“I said, ‘I remember you telling me about that one novel from your world. Can your read it to me, Anonymous?’” She gives you small smirk, rolling her eyes and giving you a soft giggle. “Jeez, you always have your head stuck in the clouds, don’t you?” You scratch the back of your head nervously and chuckle.
“Yeah, I have that book around here somewhere.” Searching throughout the room, you sift through drawers in search of the book as Twilight patiently waits. You eventually find it next to your emergency hair gel supply and take a seat next to her. She looks at the cover and reads it aloud.
“A Clockwork Orange, by Anthony Burgess. Sounds interesting!” she exclaims as her eyes light up with excitement. You can’t help but giggle as you crack open the book and begin reading.
“‘What's it going to be then, eh?’ There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is...’ ” An hour or so passes, slowly ticking away as you both indulge in the book. Twilight, thinking she’s clever, inches closer to you, pretending to get a closer look at the pages. You can feel her warm breath beat against your neck as she lays her head on your shoulder.
“‘A perverse nature can be stimulated by anything.’” You wrap your arm around her, taking your hand and rubbing her side in a slow, seductive manner. Her breath begins to grow heavy as she gets closer, pressing her body against yours.
“‘Any book can be used as a pornographic instrument...’ ” Her hoof makes its way onto your crotch, giving a soft rub against it. You slide your hand down and make your way down to her lower body, softly caressing her teats. She lets out a small moan before you finish the sentence.
“‘...even a great work of literature if the mind that so uses it is off-balance.’ ” You press your lips up against hers, locking yourselves in a sloppy, wet kiss. Her tongue begins to flail about in your mouth as you attempt to mimic her action. Wrapping your arms around her, you push her back against the cushions, leaving you leaning over her. She follows suit and wraps her front legs around your neck, holding you in the kiss. You can feel your clothes slowly being removed as Twilight’s horn glows brightly. Your shirt flies across the room as you begin rubbing her crotch.
She breaks off from the kiss to let out a seductive moan, in turn only makes you want more. You begin searching for her clit, rubbing all around to find it. Dammit, this was not like a human vagina at all! After a short search, you finally find the jackpot. She gives off a small cry as you slowly rub against it. Her magic aura literally rips off your pants and boxers in one fell swoop, exposing your erect member. You stop your rubbing and break the kiss off with her. She half opens her eyes and meets yours gaze, placing a hoof against your chest.
“Anon, this is my first time, so please, be gentle with me,” she says with an innocent tone. Her eyes shine as the final words escape her lips.
For a moment, you lean over her and stare into her eyes. You don’t know if it was because you are calm, or maybe something has broken in the stupid pile of tissue you call a brain, but it happens.
You fart. And not a subtle *toot* either, but a long, wet, high pitched fart that squeaks out from between your cheeks for a good thirty seconds or so. Your heart drops as Twilight’s smile slowly disappears. Hovering over her for a little bit more, you look at her with a guilty, yet cheesy smile. Her face turns into one of annoyance as she crosses her forelegs in frustration.
“This... isn’t gonna happen, is it?” Her horn glows as a relentless force throws you on your back across the couch.
Twilight jumps down from the seat and exits your home, making sure to give a loud, “HMPF!” before slamming the door behind her. Standing up from the couch, you begin picking up your clothes from the floor and head to your room. Opening the closet, you throw the garments into the basket and make your way for the desk. You open the drawer and pull out a box of tissues, bottle of lotion, and a copy of The Book of Celestianism.
It was going to be another lonely night.
Author's Note
Here is the full quote for those who don't get the joke to the end of the story:
“A perverse nature can be stimulated by anything. Any book can be used as a pornographic instrument, even a great work of literature if the mind that so uses it is off-balance. I once found a small boy masturbating in the presence of the Victorian steel-engraving in a family Bible.”
