Crusading In Five Easy(ish) Steps
Chapter The First And Only
Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were not just any trio of little fillies. They were members of a club so exclusive it only had four members and, until recently when their newest member joined, had only three. They were Cutie Mark Crusaders; a group of fillies who were determined to not just find their Cutie Marks and end the curse of having blank flanks, but to do it together as a team. Their exploits, while a mixture of amusing and disastrous, were also unsuccessful. Occasionally they were disheartened but it didn't take too long for them to pick themselves back up and give it another shot with something new. The three of them seemed to be endless fountains of ideas and they were bound to get their Cutie Marks if they just kept trying.
Eventually. The law of averages demanded it.
Apple Bloom was busy showing the other two Crusaders her latest masterpiece/ingenious idea. She had created an obstacle course for the trio to run together. It was inspired by a mixture of a plan they once had where they did as many things possible in a day, the Sisterhooves Social obstacle course put on by her and her big sister Applejack every year, and the whacky ideas that same Applejack had for their Apple Family Reunion. She had delegated each task in the process of making apple fritters to certain members of the family. It had been akin to forced labour, hardly something for a family reunion, but it sure had resulted in a lot of apple fritters.
Instead of obstacles however, and much like that mini forced labour camp, there were various workstations dedicated to different tasks that the Crusaders hadn't yet tried to do in order to earn their marks. She had set up a stand for baking (while she had tried and failed to bake the other two hadn't, and it might be something they're good at), juggling (balls supplied by Pinkie Pie from her extensive collection of balls in case of ball emergencies), flower arranging (flowers supplied courtesy of Roseluck's Roses and More, roses and more for 6 bits a dozen. You'd have to be mad to pass up that offer), sheep shearing (sheep supplied by Sweet Apple Acres, shears “borrowed” from Sweet Apple Acres), and to finish up Apple Bloom had managed to acquire a cannon (supplied by Pinkie's Party Cannons. “A party in a cannon, what more could you want?”). Scootaloo had once asked them if any of them knew where they could find a cannon. They gave up that venture before starting it but Apple Bloom remembered the request and had found one to see what Scootaloo planned. The entire course was simple in it's design, complicated in it's execution.
The other Crusaders were a little skeptical at first given how it was similar to other plans they had, but it didn't take much to convince them to give a shout of “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS OBSTACLE COURSE RUNNERS YAY!” and begin the course. First came the baking stand, so that they could make the cake and put it in the oven first. That way it should be done by the time they were finished with everything else. As Apple Bloom reasoned, what better way to celebrate getting their Cutie Marks than cake? Even if they failed...well, there was cake to cheer them up in the event that happened. It was a win/win situation. Because the other Crusaders weren't entirely sure what they were doing it fell to Apple Bloom to try and direct them in the art of cake baking. Apple Bloom also reasoned that she had failed to make CUPCAKES, and regular cakes might be something she was better at. Apple Bloom had borrowed one of her Granny Smith's recipe books and together the fillies set to work making an Apple Cake.
They started by heating the oven and oiling the pan ready and then began mixing the ingredients together. This passed relatively disaster free and the three chose to take it as a good sign. When the mixture was done they poured it in to the pan and put it in the oven, making sure that it was set just right. With the cake all set, they moved on to the next little activity on the course; juggling.
This passed a little less smoothly than the girls would have hoped. Juggling was a lot harder than anypony had ever made it look. Given how easy it was to throw a ball up in the air and then catch it they thought it wouldn't be much more difficult to just add to the number of balls in the air. Ten minutes of balls flying everywhere and them falling flat on their flanks too many times to count later the Crusaders were willing to admit that maybe they weren't cut out for juggling after all. Of the three of them Apple Bloom had fared the best but even she could only keep two balls up in the air a few times before they all came crashing down as she lost focus and kept moving too quickly or too late to throw them back up. Sweetie Belle had, in the excitement, managed to use her magic briefly to catch a ball and throw it back up but the others had argued that this didn't count as juggling. Whether it did or didn't, there was no denying that whoever hoofed out juggling related Cutie Marks had decided none of them were worth one. So the Princesses, or whoever assigned Cutie Marks, were siding with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo in their argument that magic didn't count. With juggling ticked off of the list of activities, they moved on to the next; flower arranging.
Flower arranging was another thing where everypony who knew how to do it had made it look so easy. How complicated and difficult could taking some flowers and moving them around possibly be? It turned the answer to that was quite simple; very. For starters it took a level of delicacy and care that none of the Cutie Mark Crusaders were blessed with to even hold flowers. They would constantly grip them too tightly in their hooves and crush them, or not grip them tight enough, and have them fall to floor. By the time another ten minutes had passed the three were wondering just how Roseluck did it. It seemed like a task that would require magic to do but she was able to do it just fine.
Whilst Roseluck had managed to produce beautiful displays in her time the Cutie Mark Crusaders had managed to produce what could be described simply as a “muddy mess”. Half of the flowers were crushed in to the ground and the other half were simply placed next to eachother. It looked crude, amateurish, and as their lack of Cutie Marks showed, not something somepony who had a talent for flower arranging would produce. With another failure notched on to their proverbial belts, the Crusaders moved on to their next task; sheep shearing.
The sheep in question knew there was only one way this was going to end for them and that was baaaadly. They weren't disappointed in that assumption, even if they were disappointed with the work of the Crusaders. They had only agreed to it because Fluttershy had asked them so kindly. There were three sheep volunteers/victims in all, which was one for each Crusader. Having worked on the farm as long as she had, Apple Bloom wasn't too bad at it and her sheep was sheared quite well. She didn't get a Cutie Mark for her effort but at least she had done a good job. The other two Crusaders...not so much. Whilst Apple Bloom's sheep had been sheared clean, Scootaloo's and Sweetie Belle's had patches of wool left and were remarkably less pleased with the outcomes. After Apple Bloom quickly finished the job and fixed the mess her friends had made, the three made their way over to the last thing on the course; the cannon.
When Sweetie Belle asked her just what the cannon was for, Scootaloo's eyes lit up as she began explaining her elaborate plan. Elaborate was hardly fitting for it. She planned for the other two to cram her in to it and then fire her in to the sky. Once she was in the sky she would perform various tricks before landing smoothly and earning her Cutie Mark in stunt flying. The other two failed to see how this was something that would earn them a Cutie Mark but agreed to go for it anyway, for their friend. Plus they assumed it would undoubtedly hurt to be shot out of a cannon and considered that apt punishment for leaving them out of it.
With Scootaloo strapped in as safely as a pony in a cannon can be strapped (this amounted to wearing her crash helmet. It wasn't much but it was something) Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle lit the cannon. They ran for cover as Scootaloo stared straight up in to the sky, her smile wide and her mind racing with ideas for what stunts to perform. Her wings were buzzing with excitement as the cannon fired and she was blasted in to the air.
“Ah can't believe that worked.” Apple Bloom commented as her and Sweetie Belle watched Scootaloo soar in to the air.
“Me neither. It's a shame we won't get our marks from this, but at least we'll have some cake.” Sweetie Belle replied. Their faces lit up as they watched Scootaloo continue flying in to the air and imagined the sweet taste of the cake that awaited them.
“Shouldn't she be doing something by now?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I'm not sure she should be flying that high...” Sweetie Belle replied. Scootaloo certainly was flying quite high now. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle let out a collective sigh of relief as they saw her do a flip and begin her trick routine. It was mostly a series of flips and spins but it was still a sight for the two of them to watch. They had never seen Scootaloo fly and were beginning to think it might be something they would have to wait a long time for. As she got higher and was affected by the wind more, Scootaloo began to move through the sky horizontally as well as vertically. For all intents and purposes she really was flying. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle tensed up again when they realised just where she was flying. If she carried on her current course she was set to crash land with a certain oven that happened to be baking a certain cake that a certain set of fillies were hoping to eat.
“Not the cake!” Sweetie Belle shouted with a squeak as the two of them rushed to the oven to try and save it before Scootaloo crashed. They were too late though and by the time they arrived a loud bang had sounded as Scootaloo had impacted with the oven. They arrived at the scene to see Scootaloo covered in cake mixture.
“I'm alright guys, the cake broke my fall.” Scootaloo said. “It's delicious by the way.” she added as she licked her face clean of the mixture.
“No Cutie Marks, and now no cake either.” Sweetie Belle remarked solemnly. She really had been looking forward to eating that cake.
“Hay in case you didn't notice I'm still covered in the stuff. Come have a taste.” Scootaloo giggled, extending a foreleg covered in cake batter.
“At least it's not tree sap this time.” Apple Bloom commented and the three fillies burst in to the laughter. After a few moments of thought Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle decided to try the Scootaloo infused cake batter. The three were left without Cutie Marks or an actual cake, but they still had eachother and the conclusion they came to is that their friendship was worth more than all the Cutie Marks in the world. Their contemplation of this fact didn't last long before the sounds of Scootaloo laughing rang throughout the air as her friends tickled her with their tongues.
“This really is delicious.” Apple Bloom said, her mouth full of cake frosting. Sweetie Belle hummed an agreement as she didn't want to talk with her mouth full.
“I think throwing Scootaloo in to the mix might have helped.” Sweetie Belle said when she had swallowed the cake in her mouth. Their eyes lit up as they thought of another brilliant idea.
“Say...” Apple Bloom said.
“I think it would work...” Sweetie Belle added, sure that they were thinking the same thing.
“Guys...why are you looking at me like that? Guys...” Scootaloo asked nervously, her eyes flicking between her friends as they advanced on her.
“Ah think we need to make another cake...” Apple Bloom said.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Scootaloo screamed as she cottoned on to their idea. She did not want to be covered in cake again. Or, even worse, have that somehow be her Cutie Mark. After all, what kind of talent was being covered in cake?
Luckily for her that didn't end up being her Cutie Mark. Unluckily for her, it took three cakes for her fellow Crusaders to admit this.
Author's Note
Just something that was a little fun I threw together. I wrote it in a few hours so quality is questionable and I wasn't totally serious. Although while this was more of a writing exercise, this fic ended up less absurd than expected. Perhaps I should just give up on writing comedy.
