[A/N: We do not mean any disrespect to any race or creed but due to the time period in which the main characters are from he is severely racist. Note we do not mean to offend but only to accurately portray the character of a typical southern soldier. Seriously you have been warned!]
The Yank and The Reb
Prologue
Written By: Slayerbrony & BattleCry
Edited By: BattleCry
“Make Ready! Take Aim!.....FIRE!” The firing officer shouted, I pulled the trigger of my musket and sent a round flying right through one of the Yanks on the other side of the field. “Reload!”
“FIRE!” Was heard from the other side as a few Yankee soldiers fell to the ground. As the sound of rifles firing was heard they were soon accompanied by the sound of booted feet hitting the ground in a massive stampede. “CHAAAAAARGE!” And soon a large rally od battle cries were heard passing through the smoke of the feild as the blue coated soldiers charged forward at me and my rank.
“BRACE FOR CLOSE QUARTERS!” An officer shouted, I strengthened my stance and slid the bayonet on my rifle into the chest of a yankee that foolishly charged me. The sound of battle was deafening. “FORM RANKS!” The officer shouted over the sounds of his soldiers being impaled by bayonets. We dispelled with the Yankee Charge and took up our firing posture again before aiming. “TAKE AIM!”
Before the officer could say any more, a large group of soldiers, yankee and confederate alike, were blow into the air as the sound of a cannon shattered the air around us.
“FIRE!” The officer said after we had regained our posture, a volley of shots and screams filled the air. “RELOAD! SECOND FILE! TAKE AIM!” The Line of troops behind us took aim as we knelt and reloaded.
The Yankees followed suit as several soldiers took aim with their rifles and simply fired into the group of our soldiers as another cannon tore the air apart killing many soldiers. Who’s cannon was firing was unknown to me, I only wanted to end this quickly so I could get out of my mud and blood stained clothes.
“MAKE READY! FIRE!” The Yankee officer shouted, a volley of shots took out almost all of my file as my Rank reformed. “READY BAYONETS! CHARGE!” We braced again as a wall of blue coats stormed towards us, I locked bayonets with one and we proceeded to struggled against each others strength.
“JUST DIE ALREADY!” He shouted as he pushed against my rifle with his repeater.
“NOT LIKELY YANK!” I replied as I shoved back, the bayonet of my rifle only inches from his throat.
“INCOMING!” An unknown voice shouted.
“Ah shit!” The yankee muttered as the whistling of the ball was heard. He shoved me off before the ball landed right beneath us. The Explosion sent me and him flying like toys and I was knocked out when I hit the cold muddy ground.
/)(\♥/)(\
When I felt my consciousness return to me I also felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time, I felt grass under my hands. More importantly I felt warm sun on my face, I opened my eyes not sure what to expect and nearly passed out again when I did. I stood and saw I was in a massive field, in the distance I saw a farm and a town. I could’ve sworn that General Sherman had burned every crop and village he passed through so how did this one survive?
“What in gods name?” A voice said from the left of me, I turned to see a blue coated Yankee standing and looking around with the fore grip of his rifle held limply in his right hand. “We burned every farm and village we passed through!”
I found myself picking up my rifle and aimed it at him as he reflexively did the same. I pulled the trigger but nothing happened and when he grinned I knew it was the end.
*Click* “Ah horse shit.” He said looking at his rifle. I began to reload my rifle unfortunately for me, the crazy Yank had pulled his knife out and was charging at me with it like he was a injin. “Never reload when you have a bayonet!” I raised my rifle butt and hit him in the groin. He fell to the ground with one hand on his groin and the other clutching the bayonet like it was his vice. “Dirty.... Reb...”
“Well looky what we have here. What y’all doin so far over the pond my english enemy?” I said pointing my rifle at him. He smacked the rifle away and punched me in the groin with what little strength he had left.
“OH YOU FUCKING BRIT COCK SUCKER!” I said as I felt the stinging pain and collapsed to the ground only using my rifle as a support to keep from going to the ground in pain.
“See? Dirty fighting gets you nowhere.” The Yank said in his british accent.
“Hey Applejack! Did you hear that noise?!” A female voice called out.
“Who in the seven levels of hell names their kid ‘Applejack’?” The yank said looking at me.
“Weirdos.” I replied
“Mister Rebel, for once I believe we can agree on something.” The yankee grunted shakily standing up and walking to his rifle. “But I don’t care who it is... I just want to find an actual bed, eat a actual warm meal, and go home to the pub.”
“What in the hay?” a womans voice with a southern draw asked, I got up and turned only to see a pair of orange hooves heading towards my head.
“Blimey...” The yank said from behind me as I heard his satchel being frantically opened. “Demon spawn from hell, is what that beast is!” He shouted as the hooves made contact with my face and sent me flying backwards. “Bloody ‘ell... Now hold on there lass!”
*CRACK* And the Yank was laying next to me holding his stomach in pain. “Blimy. I think it busted a organ.”
“I shink she bushted my shjaw...” I slurred as blood poured out of my nose
“Least you ain’t bleeding internally...” He said as he groaned a bit more..
“Shtop witsh your fanshy english talksh” I replied
“What the hay are those things Rainbow Dash?” The Orange creature asked a flying creature. The looked like horses only much smaller and with weird ass colors
“In pain is what we are!” The limley said. “Bloody demons...”
“Sheshus Chrisht I can’t fell mah facesh!” I exclaimed
“Blimey, I would kill for a drink at the pub right now... Put my whole body at ease.” The yank said.
“Ah asked y’all a question!” the orange one shouted,
“Yeah! What the hay are you two!? Spies!?” A rainbow... Pegasus?!
“I drawsh the line atsh talkingsh animalsh” I said as I got to my feet and painfully popped my jaw back in place. “OW FUCK SHIT SHIT!” I shouted in pain before being able to speak normally “Now what the hell are y’all!”
“We asked you first you!... You!.... MONKEY!” The rainbow one shouted.
“Don’t y’all call me a-” I was cut off by a smack to the arm
“Don’t you start that racism shit while I am around you hear me Reb?” The yank said pointing at me. “I may not be stabbing ya, but at least show some courtesy.”
“An agreeable yank? Never thought I’d see the day.” I replied
“Are we shooting each other?” He asked with a eyebrow raised. “If I don’t have to worry about a bullet to my chest, I think it’s okay to be near you.”
“AHEM! YANK AND REB!” The orange thing said, at this point I had no idea what the hell this thing was nor did I want to.
“What!?” The yank shouted before clenching his teeth and falling into the dirt. “Ow, my gut!”
“Quiet y’all!” The orange one shouted kicking the yank in the stomach. I grabbed my rifle and leveled it at her face, the bayonet barely scratching her nose.
“Now none of y’all get to kill the yanks but me ya hear ya demon horses? Naw scram ‘efore ah tan yor sorreh hides.” I shouted pulling the hammer of the rifle back.
“Oh, a pointy stick! I am so afraid! What are you going to do? Give me a paper cut?” The rainbow one said arrogantly.
“No, we’re gonna do this.” The yank said as he picked up his repeater and cocked the hammer back before pointing it at the orange pony. “Now sod off, before I put a hole in you the size of a fist.”
“Oh scary another less pointy stick.” The Orange one snarked
“Y’all bess run, that thars a henry repeater.” I said looking at the repeater with envious eyes.
“Haneny what?” The rainbow one said. “So what’s it gonna do?”
*BANG Chitch Chick.* The sound of a small tree splintering in twobehind them was heard as it fell to the ground. “That’s what’s gonna do.” The yank said.
“If ah may suggest somthin? Y’all might wanna run.” I said smiling.
“Uuuh AJ? I don’t feel like having a apple sized hole in my body soooo.... BYE!” The rainbow one shouted before she was gone with a rainbow trail left behind.
“OH NO Y’ALL DON’T! NOT WITHOUT ME!” The Orange one shouted as she too took off in a gallop
“YEAH! RUN DEMON HORSE! RUN!” The yank shouted as he fired off two more rounds at the horse.
“Y’all is gettin some sick twist outta this ain’t ya?” I asked eyeing the yank
“Maybe just a little. Not everyday you get to shoot at demons!” The yank laughed before clutching his side again. “Ow.”
“Mah names Will by tha way, Will Creeg.” I said extending a hand “Guess I can get along with a yank for a time.”
“The name is Nigel Jackson. Pleasure to meet a... Honorable Reb.” The yank said shaking my hand. “Now care to help me up? I think my entire front half is bruised.”
/)(\♥/)(\
“Twi! TWI! We have a big problem!” Applejack shouted as she pounded on the library door
“AJ, IT’S A LIBRARY YOU CAN JUST WALK IN!” Twilight shouted from the other side.
“NO TIME! Y’ALL GOTTA GET OUT HERE RAHT NOW!” Applejack shouted louder
“FINE JUST STOP SHOUTING!” Twilight bellowed from the other side before opening up the door and walking out, ruffling her wings to show her frustration at AJ and Rainbow. “WHAT!?”
“Weird creatures! Loud Noises! TREE GO BOOM!” Rainbow Dash said nervously looking around in a single direction.
“Coherent sentences Rainbow, please.” Twilight said rubbing her head with a hoof.
“We saw these weird monkey creatures and they had these sticks with ‘em that made a massive hole in one of mah trees.” Applejack explained
“So you encountered strange magic weilding monkeys?” Twilight summed up.
“IT AIN’T MAGIC!” Rainbow Dash shouted
“Okay! Okay! Jeez! Show me these strange monkeys already!” Twilight huffed and closing the Library door.
“Thar they are!” Applejack said pointing to the strange creaturs walking into town, one was limping and the other had a bloodied face. They carried two large wood and metal sticks.
“Well... They look more hurt than dangerous.” Twilight said walking towards them. As she neared them they both readied their sticks by pointing them at Twilight.
“Y’all stay back demon horse, I aint keen on bein your next meal!” The one in grey said pointing one of the sticks at her. Twilight stopped in her tracks and smiled sheepishly before turning to Rainbow and AJ.
“What did you two do to them!?” She hissed back at her to friends.
“Well I mighta bucked that grey one in the head.....” AJ said meekly.
“And I might have... Crashed into the blue one.” Rainbow said dropping to the ground and hanging her head.
“NO wonder they are being violent!” Twilight said frustrated before turning back to the two large bipeds. “Now now... Um, there’s no need for violence here! We aren’t going to eat you or... Whatever you said.”
“What a load of rubbish...” The blue shouted before coughing violently and spitting out a small glob of red. “Oh now that just ain’t cricket.”
“Why should I believe the devils spawn!? I ain’t gonna be your slave.” The Grey one asked suspiciously
“Would it help if I swore I was not the... devil’s spawn?” Twilight said meekly.
“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the
tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you!” The grey one shouted at Twilight. There was a almost gut wrenching silence before the blue one said.
“She’s not bursting into flames. I think she is fine.” The blue one said coughing a bit more.
“Ah still don’ like it.” The grey one replied
“I am a she, thank you.” Twilight deadpanned. “And I am not a demon. I am a pony. A alicorn to be specific.”
“Oh well excuse me miss princess.” The grey one said in disbelief as he looked over the creature before him.
“How did you know I was royalty?” Twilight asked staring at him mistified.
“Shut yo damn mouth before I bust it off yo ugly face!” The Grey one hissed as he rubbed his jaw.
“Now you are just being rude.” Twilight said angrily.
“I have to say, that was pretty low friend.” The blue one said to the grey one. “We ain’t in a pub.” THen he turned to Twilight and pointed to the grey one. “Forgive my companion, he is a bit of a... Rebel if you will. Not exactly friendly, but he is nice to have when you are bleeding to death.”
“If I was home right now, i’d have samuel beat yo sorry ass.” The Grey one growled
“Will, can we just find a hospital or pub so I can drink and die without pain?” Blue asked.
“Samuel? Thars more of you?” Applejack asked nervously
“Do you see more of us?” The blue one said coughing a bit.
“Well ya see, Samuel is mah negro.” Grey said
“Negro?” Twilight said.
“Sorry to be a downer here, but is there a hospital nearby? I really need a doc.” The blue one said coughing a bit harder.
“Yes actually, Ponyville general is right up that road.” Twilight said pointing to the building in the distance with a red cross.
“As ah was sayin, Samuel is mah negro.” Grey said proudly
“No one cares about your slave Will! I need a doc!” The blue one shouted. “I swear, you are just like every other confederate! Hard headed and proud of nothing but your guns and slaves!”
“Uh what?” Rainbow Dash asked
“Could you just once in your life, stop talking about your stupid plot of land, your stupid slaves, and your god forsaken wife and actually think for once!” The blue one shouted at the grey one spitting out a glob of red again.
“Fahn Nigel, lets go.” Will said
“Thank you...” Nigel said before turning back to Twilight. “Now where’s that hospital?”
“I will escort y’all over thar.” Applejack smiled, she began to lead Nigel towards the hospital.
“Much obliged... Pony.” Nigel said as he began to limp away with her.
“Now can you answer some questions?” Rainbow Dash asked Will.
“Sho I got time, whats on yo mind.” Will replied
“Well most importantly, my friend here says you attacked her with a weapon and splintered a tree.” Twilight said.
“Oh! y’all mus’ mean Nigel’s Henrah” Will said, he held up the repeater in his hand. “Fine piece a hardware there.”
“Well Rainbow? Is that the thing you were talking about?” Twilight asked poking the repeater’s stock.
“Yeah thats it.” Rainbow Dash said nervously shying away from the object in question.
“NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH MY GUN!” Nigel shouted before breaking down into coughing again. “Just don’t touch it!”
“Ah won’t ya ugly ole brit.” Will said with a shit eating grin. “Now what else y’all wanna know?”
“Just so you know, the gun is empty! And I have all the ammo!” Nigel shouted before going out of distance.
“Well. What are you two exactly?” Twilight inquired.
“Men? Ain’t y’all seen a man before?” Will asked
“No actually. The closest thing we have to creatures like you are Diamond Dogs. And those are the friendliest bunch.” Twilight said shaking her head.
“Well ah’m William Creeg but y’all can call me Will and that ole brit y’all saw is Nigel.” Will explained.
“That’s interesting. Would you be willing to come back to the library with me? So I may write to the princesses so that they may help you?” Twilight asked smiling.
“Whoa now lil missy ah’m married.” Will said nervously
“What?... OH NO! NOT LIKE THAT!” Twilight said getting on her haunches and spastically shaking her head and arms while blushing madly. “I meant to just write a letter!”
“Well normally ah’d have Samuel write for me but I can give that whole writin’ thin’ a shot.” Will replied
“Wonderful! J-just follow me then!” Twilight said flustered as she stood up and began to walk towards the large tree that was the library.
“Y’all got a nice city here, wonder why shermy and his men ain’t wiped it off the map yet.” Will said casually.
“Who’s Shermy?” Twilight asked looking back at Will.
“General William Tecumseh Sherman. Nasty ole man who has been wiping confederate towns and cities out like flies with the morning newspaper. Cannot tell ya how many damn neckties ah’ve seen.”
“That’s... Horrible!” Twilight shouted shuddering a little bit.
“Twilight we getting a lot of looks from everypony.” Rainbow Dash interupted
“Hmmm?” Twilight hummed as she looked around to see all the ponies nearby simply staring at the ‘Man’ and Twilight and Rainbow. “Uh, heh heh right... Let’s just get to the Library fast.”
“Okay Miss Twilight, lead the way.” Will said as they picked up speed and went straight into the library. Twilight closed the door and let out a sigh of relief before going over to her desk and pulling out a parchment and quill. “Uh ah can’ write…. at ‘oll.”
“Oh... Well I will write, you just dictate how about that?” Twilight said floating the quill over to her and dipping it in the inkwell.
“Okay, ah do that with samuel all the time.” Will replied. “Dear prince uh....”
“Princess.” Twilight clarified.
“Bullshit, Alright your country. Dear Princess.....Uh.” Will said stumped
“Celestia.” Twilight said annoyed.
“Hey ah ain’t been for a day so cut me some fucking slack!” Will shouted
“You shot at my friends.” Twilight deadpanned. “Just be glad you aren’t in the prison.”
“Hey they dun busted up mah jaw as well as Nigel so don’ gimme none of that lip.” Will said gruffly, his eye was still puffed up and swollen from the hoof impact. “Now lemme try again. Dear princess celestia, I ain’t one for-”
“Why don’t I just write the letter.” Twilight said smiling.
“Fahn bah me.” Will said cooly.
“Alright, this will be but a moment.” Twilight said as she began to scribble on the parchment.
“That ain’t english, y’all some injun or somthin?” Will asked as he looked over the parchment.
“Injun? I don’t believe we are. Did you honestly expect us to have the same language?” Twilight asked looking at him.
“Well how the hell are we talkin? More importantly does this mean we be dead?” Will asked
“Does that eye of your hurt?” Twilight asked.
“Surprisingly not anymore.” Will said rubbing his eye.
“Did it hurt a while ago?” Twilight ask as she was finishing up her letter.
“Come to think of it? Nope. Not one bit. And I been kicked been kicked by a horse befo’ I come here.” Will said “used to ride in the calvary after all. Then mah horse got killed, not sho how or wha but....We had stew the next day and then I knew...” Will started to ramble
“Ew...” Rainbow said sticking her tongue.
“Y’all wouldn’t happen to support the confederacy would ya?” Will asked
“What’s the confederacy?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“The CSA, where a man can keep his property and his slaves freely.” Will said wistfully.
“You’re not spouting off that bullshit again are you?” Nigel said from the doorway as he walked in with the orange pony from earlier. “I tell you though. Those pony folk sure know their medicine...”
“I wouldn’t let those no fingered hacks touch me, probably got all sorts a injun diseases and voodoo.” Will said skeptically.
“Well I feel fit as a fiddle! Could play one too if I had one.” Nigel said laughing a bit.
“He’s not very smart is he?” Applejack whispered to Nigel who just nodded.
“That’d be putting it nicely with a big ol’ slice of pie next to it.” Nigel said.
“I have a question, is it true what you said about slavery?” Rainbow asked.
“Sure as shit is, we got all sorts a negros workin’ day in day out down south. I personally am against the whole thin’ but I digress with mah ma and pa.”
“Will, shut up. No one wants to hear ‘bout how you abuse those poor people.” NIgel groaned putting a hand over his eyes.
“Abuse!?” Will shouted. “We ain’t like no ordinary slave owners Nigel, we part of some rail company.” Will said.
“That don’t matter, a slave owner is a slave owner none of them are good!” Nigel said pointing at him.
“Its a front dumbass, we been gettin slaves outta dodge for years now.” Will said defensively
“Then why in gods name are you fighting for the confederacy!?” Nigel bellowed. “You illiterate imbecile!”
“THE SOUTH IS MAH HOME AND I WILL DEFEND HER!” Will Argued
“Even if you go against it’s ideas?” Nigel asked.
“Mah father and his father and his father have fought for the south and so will ah.” Will defended
“Will, either you are the most loyal man ever... Or the stupidest moron I have ever met.” Nigel said. “Most likely the latter.”
“HEY I AIN’T CLIMBIN NOTHING HERE!” Will argued
“Yeah, definitely the latter.” Nigel said shaking his head.
“I AINT A LADDER!” Will shouted
“I don’t mean ladder! I mean latter!” Nigel shouted back.
“Well you no good, yellow bellied ugly assed Yankee. AH DUN TOLD Y’ALL AH AINT NO LADDER!” Will shouted
“THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN, YOU NO GOOD GREY COATED IMBECILE!” Nigel bellowed.
“EVERYPONY SHUT THE BUCK UP!” Twilight shouted
“Damn... Lassy got a set of lungs in her.” Nigel said looking at the purple alicorn..
“Damn straight” Will replied.
“WILL THE TWO OF YOU STOP FIGHTING!? FRIENDS DON’T FIGHT!” Twilight shouted again.
“Friends?! OH THATS RICH!” Will said falling over with laughter. “HERE HER NIGEL? SHE THINKS WE BE FRIENDS!”
“YOu think we’re friends!? PFFT HAHAHAHAHAAA! Lassy, we would stab each other dead if we got the chance!” Nigel said laughing.
“Heres a quick lesson in Politicology!”
“He’s a grey or Rebel.” Nigel said pointing to Will.
“And hes an ugly, yellow bellied Yankee.” Will replied
“And we hate each other. The only reason we are not at each other’s throats, is because we have no idea where we are!” Nigel said laughing.
“Yeah If we were on the battlefield we’d be stabbing each other with bayonets and shootin’ each other jus’ as we been for two damn years!” Will said
“Wh-what!? What about friendship!?” Twilight shouted confused.
“She wants to know bou’ friendship!” Will chuckled
“Lass, neither of us probably had a solid friend since this war started!” Nigel said chuckling with Will.
“Eeyup all a them is dead.” Will continued
“Mine are back in Britain.” Nigel said shrugging.
“Well look Mister Nigel has some friends! What a surpras.” Will moaned
“At least I can read and write.” Nigel quipped.
“Imma bou’ to stab you boy.” Will replied, Twilight looked like she had just been hit with a 16 pound cannon ball. Nigel walked over and picked up his repeater before lifting it like a club.
“You wanna fight? Right here?” Nigel said raising the weapon.
“Boy I dun took down bears when I was a youngin, Ah can handle a dirty yankee.” Will said puffing out his chest.
“And I fought a salior! You’re point?” Nigel said grinning.
“Oh no! You Two are going to sit down right now!” Twilight said firmly as she glared at both of them.
“Oh we gonna take orders from a woman? I’d sooner fight a Yank regiment with nothin but a chicken bone.” Will said slightly irked. Twilight’s eye twitched as all her friends backed up against the wall while Nigel simply walked back a few steps.
“I said...” Twilight began as she horn glowed bright white. “SIT DOWN!” Then Will was flung against the wall and forced to the floor with the magenta glow keeping him in place.
“AH’LL KILL Y’ALL WHEN AH GET MAH HANDS ON YOU YA FILTHY YANK LOVER!” Will shouted
*SLAP* “SHUT UP! YOU IGNORANT STUPID MONKEY!” Twilight shouted as she left a red hoof mark on his face.
“No one, and I mean NO ONE! Calls me a monkeh and lives.” Will roared
“Really? I heard at least fifteen ponies outside say that.” Nigel said jerking his thumb to the door.
“I don’t care! You are in a different land right now, so you will obey the laws of the land!” Twilight shouted.
“AS A SOLDIER OF THE CSA I DEMAND MY ATTORNEY!” Will roared, A crowd began to form outside the door.
“THERE IS NO CSA IN THIS COUNTRY YOU MORON!” Twilight shouted in his face. “FOR ALL YOU KNOW, YOU ARE IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT CONTINENT! MAYBE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PLANET!”
“How would y’all know that! You Incompetant, Stupid work horse!” Will retorted. “You can’t even tell that teh CSA IS ITS OWN NATION!” Will shouted even louder
“How did you get here!? HUH!? Ever consider that you ignorant five clawed ape!?” Twilight shouted back.
“WE BOTH GOT BLOWN THE FUCK UP! THATS HOW!” Will shouted in a voice that could rival that of the best drill instructor.
“.... Oh shit. We got blown up.” Nigel repeated as he realized something. “Will.... How are we alive?”
“Ah... Don’t know but I do know THA IF AH DON’ GET SOME FUCKIN ANSWERS SOON IMMA BEAT WHOLE SALE HIDE!” Will shouted
“Will calm down! We need to figure this out!” Nigel shouted as he dropped his rifle and took off his Union military cap.
“Ah aint gonna calm down till this yella bellied, purple work horse lets the purple shit go!” Will challenged
“Insult me again, and I will literally liquify you.” Twilight growled out.
“Oh really?” A regal voice interupted, Twilight's face dropped like a bomb shell. She immediatly let go of Will and spun around.
“Now that... Is a horse.” Nigel said. “Albeit if you removed the wings and horn... And the rainbow in the hair.”
“Shit she’s a beauty.” Will said as he got to his feet and brushed off his dirty, bloody grey uniform, he removed his cap and ran his hand through his black hair. His eyes though bloodshot were still a deep blue. “Wonder how many yanks I could drop on a horse like that.”
“Will... I respect the fact that you are trying to look your best, but just like me. You look like beaten shit.” Nigel said waving his hand in the air.
“Twilight wait for me outside.” The White Alicorn said in a firm tone. Twilight nodded and slowly slumped over and out the door as her friends followed. Nigel picked up his rifle and kept it in hand, but didn’t shoulder it.
“Well well well, Y’all mus’ be that thar princess she as on bou’ earlier.” Will said, replaceing his cap. Nigel gave a small bow and smiled.
“Pleasure to be meeting royalty.” Nigel said smiling.
“I take it you are quote ‘the filthy smelly monkey’ that twilight wrote me about.” The Princess said with a stoic expression.
“That depends. We literally haven’t bathed in probably a year.” Nigel said scratching his head.
“Yeah war been dirty for that long.” Will said
“Mud, blood, and black powder.” Nigel sighed leaning his head back.
“War? What War? I know of no war on Equis?”
“The war? The thing that has ben going on for two years now... Wait we’re where now?” Nigel said looking at the princess.
“I thin’ she mean’ earth.” Will said, the gears in his head began to turn. Albeit slowly but...
/)(\♥/)(\
So there we were, findin out that we was stuck here for a while, I mean a real long time. I think it hit Nigel hardest though.
“WHAT DO YOU FUCKING MEAN WE CAN’T GO HOME!?” Nigel practically screamed at the princess.
“Nigel, as a man ah’m askin y’all to calm the fuck down.” I said to the now raging English man
“FUCK YOU!” Nigel shouted as he picked up his rifle and pointed it at me. “YOU CALM DOWN!”
“Nigel Put that rifle down!” I shouted back.
“WHY!? WHY SHOULD I!? MY FAMILY’S GONE MY HOME IS GONE!! WHY SHOULD I EVEN CARE!?” Nigel shouted angrily.
“Cause if you don’t put it down I’ll make you put it down boy.” I said
“Reb, you know that I could put three rounds into your body before you even stepped a inch.” Nigel said.
“How do you know they’d work? We could be dead remember?” I said calmly
“Want me to find out!?” Nigel said cocking the gun making a casing fly out as he aimed.
“No I want you to look out the window at that mare out thar.” I said pointing to TWilight
“Why?!” He shouted.
“Just do it!” I returned.
“Fine, but you move a inch and you and say good bye to your hands! You got that!?” Nigel said firmly.
“Fahn Nigel jus fahn.” I said with a calm voice though inside I knew my chances at success were slim.
“Good!” He said giving me one last glare before looking out the window. “What is so damned special about a purple unicorn with wings!?”
“Well listen to what y’all jus’ said.” I said to him slowly walking over to the table where my rifle sat. Celestia just sat there in silence as Nigel studied the crowded outside. “Y’all wanna go out like this? Is that how you wan’ it to end?” I said
“Maybe!? To die in this god forsaken foreign land, no one to remember me!” Nigel said.
“Now tha’ aint tru Nigel, y’all got someone here.” I said nervously grabbing my cap.
“Who’s gonna remember me!?” Nigel shouted gritting his teeth. “My family is back home probably mourning my non existing corpse!”
“Y’all got me Nigel, ah’m in the same boat as y’all. We may be from separate side of the field but that don’ matter here no mor’.” I said nervously eying my rifle. Nigel just kept looking outside with his expression of rage before he sighed.
“I-.... It’s just not fair, Will.” Nigel said lowering his rifle. “It just isn’t fair....”
“Ah know Nigel but we are probably better off here than home and y’all know it.” I said, I quickly grabbed the rifle he held and tossed it away. Nigel just continued looking outside before he looked back at me.
/)(\♥/)(\
“If you expecting me to cry it won’t happen. I ain’t had nothing to drink for a whole day.” Nigel said chuckling.
“And rebs don’ have no tears ta shed.” I chuckled, We turned to Celestia who was still standing silently. “Ah think we dun broke her?” Will said
“Well that’s a first. Broke a horse with no saddle or rope.” Nigel said snickering.
“Well what should we do?” Will said waving his hand infront of her face.
“You know what?.... I say we find the nearest hotel. And get into a hot bath.” Nigel said as he smelt his clothes. “I smell like a dead skunk in the chef’s stew.”
“Ah think firs’ we gots ta deal with the statue.” Will said
“Did you try scratching her ears? That usually works on the horses back home when they get all frigid.” Nigel said patting the excess dirt and blood off his wool uniform.
“Good ahdea.” Will said replied as he scracthed behind Celestia’s ear. She instantly snapped back to it.
That shouldn’t have worked.
“Hey! At least it felt good!” Celestia shouted to the ceiling.
Tia you’re freaking the humans out.
“Who she talkin to?” Will asked
“She is a winged Unicorn Will. Maybe it’s just a horse thing.” Nigel said shrugging.
“Horses don’ talk to themselves.” Will pointed out.
“Horses don’t talk in general.” Nigel retorted. “But lookie there. She is.”
“Sorry, I was... Thinking.” Celestia said glaring at the ceiling for a moment before going back to a gentle warm smile.
“Riiiiight.” Nigel said scratching his head.
“Y’all a terrible liar.” Will deadpanned
“And you smell bad.” Celestia said with a complete look of seriousness. They stared at each other before bursting into laughter.
“Y’all ‘right with meh.” Will laughed out, he was slowly beginning to accept this new reality as perhaps it was the after life.
“Well... What now princess?” Nigel asked finally coming to terms with where they were.
“Well you could make a new life for yourselves here, I know that theres a parcel of land available here in ponyville.” Celestia said.
“Well ah can make a cabin if’n y’all says thats okay. Prolly be better than mah tent.” Will said, he looked over to Nigel. “What’a y’all thin’?”
“Hey, if we can finally get a few beds to sleep in, that would be a godsend.” Nigel chuckled out.
“Good! I will have your plumbing ready after you’ve-” Celestia began
“What the hells plumbin’?” Will interupted
“You don’t know what plumbing is?” Celestia said cocking an eyebrow.
“Well ah guess since y’all be a horse society....” Will replied.
“I feel as if we are going to be learning quite a bit over the next few months.” Nigel said chuckling.
