Shinji Ikari goes to pony land (and other NGE X MLP Short Stories)

by Kragor

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Human
Length: 3415

One day when Shinji, Gendo, Asuka and Misato were practicing getting tang'd Shinji doesn't get un-tang'd once they finish, and he goes to some magical world with ponies.

One day when Shinji, Gendo, Asuka and Misato were practicing getting tang'd, Shinji doesn't get un-tang'd once they finish, and he goes to some magical world with ponies.

Also, other stuff happens.

Contains major Neon genesis Evangelion spoils

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-12 23:40:26 UTC

Chapter 1: kill me

THIS

IS

FUCKING

STUPID

Today was going to be a wonderful day, wonderful indeed, at least for some people...

Shinji Ikari was a normal kid, yep, normal, his dad abandoned him to live with his teacher/grandparents after his mom died in an 'accident', suddenly one day a few years later some hot chick takes him to see his dad and a giant monster thing called an angel attacked japan, Shinji meets his dad, plot happens, Shinji now has to pilot a biomech thing called unit 01 that has his mom's soul inside it and fight the angels that are threatening mankind or some shit.

So then he starts living with the hot mother figure that brought him to his dad, whose name is Misato Katsuragi by the way.

Then he meets this submissive hottie named Rei Aianami, who also has to pilot a giant biomech thing called unit 00.

Then some bitch from Germany named Asuka Langley Soryu, she's a bitch.

Anyway, they fight angels, also the apocalypse is inevitable because Rei will turn everyone into tang.

So everybody was in some weird place practicing being tang'd.

"Alright so here we go in 3 2 1." Shinji's dad said.

Shinji's dad pressed a button, and everyone turned into lovely orange tang including himself.

Shinji's dad pressed the button again despite being liquid and everyone turned back to normal.

Well, not everyone...

"Yo where that baka Shinji be at yo?" Asuka asked.

"I don't give a shit." Shinji's dad said.

"Okay then lets keep going." Rei said.

"Where the fuck am I?" Shinji said.

He was obviously in some weird, original, never used forest.

Suddenly a manticore came right the fuck out of nowhere.

"OH SHIT, THIS IS SO ORIGINAL." Shinji yelled.

Shinji looked around for something to use for self-defence.

On the ground he saw a spoon, with the words "Zfg was here" engraved on the handle.

Shinji quickly grabbed the spoon, and pointed it at the Manticore in a menacing way.

"Stay back man! I'm warning you, I have a spoon!" Shinji said.

"Nah man, fuck that." the manticore said.

Suddenly the Manticore turned into an Angel. No not the religious kind, I mean the Evangelion kind.

"OH SHIT!" Shinji said.

Shinji ran the fuck outta there.

In the distance he saw a town, which he decided to check out because why the fuck not?

Suddenly a pink pony flew at him with lightning speed.

"HI THERE I'M PINKIE PIE AND I LIKE PARTIES AND SHIT AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BEHIND YOU OH WOW HEY THERE PERSON WHO IS CURRENTLY READING THIS I AM BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL AND IT'S SO ORIGINAL AND FUNNY LOL ECKS DEE." Pinkie Pie said.

"Ironic shitposting is still shitposting faggot!" Shinji said to pinkie pie.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT YOU HURT MY FEELINGS YOU MEANIE." Pinkie said.

"Because you're not funny!" Shinji said.

"Hey don't talk shit to Pinkie Pie!" Some rainbow bitch said.

"Who are you?" Shinji asked.

"I'm Rainbow Dash and I'm the best at flying and I'm so fast and I'm going to be in the bonerwolts (you owe me Moldy (not really, it's cool.)) because lesbians!"

"Yeah how interesting." Shinji said sarcastically.

"What the fuck did you just say to me you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. ?" Rainbow dash said.

She jumped at Shinji and started beating him up until he passed out.

Shinji woke up in a basement all tied up.

"Oh shit where am I?" Shinji asked.

"In my basement." Purple Unicorn said.

"Who are you?" Shinji asked da euwnikorn.

"I'm Twilight Sparkle!" Twilight Sprinkles said.

"Oh cool, wanna be friends?" Shinji asked.

"No! You where a big meanie to my friend!" Twilight Sporks said.

"I'll apologize." Shinji replied.

"Really? Cool, I guess we can be friends now!" Twilight said.

"Oh boy!" Shinji said.

Twilight untied Shinji

"I'm going to introduce you to all my friends!" Twilight said.

"Okay!" Shinji yelled.

So Shinji and Twilight skipped outside, and ran off to meet Twilight's friends, completely oblivious of the Angel that was destroying Ponyville in the distance, and the terrified screams of the victims in the attack.

Shinji and Twilight now sat at a table in sugarcube corner with some other gay ponies.

"Shinji these are my friends." Twilight said.

"HELLO I AM FLUTTERSHY AND I AM SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO ANIMALS." Some stick of butter said very quietly.

"I am Rainbow Dash and we have already met." Rainblow Dryer said.

"I am Rarity and I want to make clothes for you. Faggot." Marshmallow said.

"IamPinkiePieandwealreadymet." Pinkie Pie said.

"Do you have to talk like that?" Shinji asked.

"Yes." Cotton Candy replied.

"Anyways, ahm Applejack and ahm jus a bakroun' character or something and ah like them apples hyuk." Inferior Mud Pony Applejack said.

Suddenly the roof came off sugarcube corner.

"HEY KID I'M CELESTIA, I'M A GOD OR SOMETHING, THERE ARE MONSTERS EVERYWHERE AND I NEED YOU TO PILOT AN EVANGELION MADE FROM THESE FAGGY PONIES TO KILL THEM NOW LET ME ZAP Y'ALL WITH MY MAGIC." Sunbutt said.

"Wait, what?" Twilight said.

"GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT YOU FUCKING PUSSY ASS FAGGOT" Celestia yelled at Shinji.

"NOT AGAIIIIN!" Shinji yelled.

So Celestia zapped them with her magic, and an Evangelion came out of sugar cube corner that Shinji was piloting.

THE END

MOTHER FUCKING CREDITS

And then it turned into an Evangelion fanfic except ponies

And then it turned into a dubs thread

MADE BY KRAGOR

A CROSSOVER WITH NEON GENESIS EVANGELION AND MY LITTLE PONY

REVIEWS

"FUCK THIS SHIT" -Some guy

"WOW THAT WAS PRETTY FUCKING BAD" -Other guy

"WE LIKE TO MAKE UP BULLSHIT NEWS AND GREATLY ALTER THE TRUTH OF ACTUAL STUFF OR SOMETHING" -Fox News Faggot

"I'M MOTHERFUCKING CANADIAN, WAIT WHY AM I REVIEWING MY OWN SHIT" -Kragor

FUCK THIS GAY ASS SHIT, I'M OUT

Bonus 2: IT KEEPS HAPPENING

THIS

IS

SO

FUCKING

STUPID

Shinji Ikari and Kaworu Nagisa descended into Terminal Dogma with a very very long rope, once they reached the ground, which was basically a mountain of red skulls, Shinji and Kaworu pulled their EVAs out, Shinji's EVA was a longsword, and Kaworu's EVA was a lance.

The reason they had their weapons out was just in case, one of them showed up...

There they where, at the top of the mountain of skulls...

The spears.

Two large red spears, embedded into the mountain of skulls.

"There they are Kaworu, if we can get those spears, we can save the world..." Shinji said.

"Wait Shinji, something doesn't seem right." Kaworu said.

Suddenly, a skull near Shinji's foot exploded.

"Damn, I missed."

"They're here." Shinji said.

"Sorry guys, but we can't let you pull those spears."

Asuka Shikinami Soryu came from the shadows, along with Rei Ayanami, and... A PONY?

"What are you doing with a PONY Asuka?" Shinji asked.

"Well, it's not like you would understand if I tried to explain it to you, idiot." Asuka replied.

Asuka and Rei summoned their EVAs.

Asuka wielded a battle axe, Rei a katana.

"You go on ahead." Asuka said, presumably to the pony.

"Alright." The pony said.

"No, I won't let you!" Shinji yelled.

Shinji jumped at the pony, his sword ready to slice her in two, only for Rei to stop him with her katana thingie.

Shinji jumped back, and went into a defensive stance, Kaworu ran at Asuka, and stabbed with his lance, Asuka blocked with the head of her axe, and then swung back at Kaworu, Kaworu then swiftly jumped back to avoid the attack.

Then the pony ran for those god damn spears and Shinji followed it.

"GAGAUYGYBDGUGH" Shinji yelled.

"FUCK SHINJI, I JUST NOTICED SOMETHING MAGICAL ABOUT THOSE SPEARS THAT'S ALL WHACK, DON'T EVEN TOUCH THEM"

"FLUBUBUBERBUB?" the pony asked.

"GOOGERBOOGER" Shinji replied.

Shinji and the Pony reached the spears.

Enyways, the two reaached the spears and started molesting them.

"SHINJI YOU FUCKASS" Kaworu yelled.

Suddenly a big red portal thing appeared in the sky and started picking shit off the ground and eating it.

Musinc :o)

The portal picked up the ground below Shinji.

For some reason there were stairs below Shinji.

"Fuck I'm falling down all these stairs" Shinji said.

The protal ate the pon-pon and the spears.

Then out of the portal came a massive pony shaped unicorn robot thing with those fucking spears being held in some... crazy unicorn robot mega magic shit.

The unicorn started wrecking shit everywhere.

"FUCK MAN"

"I WARNED YOU MAN"

"I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE SPEARS BRO" Kaworu yelled.

"FUCK"

"IT KEEPS HAPPENING" Shinji yelled.

Then everyone lived happily ever after, the end.

Bonus 3: Much Better

THIS

IS

FUCKING

STUPID

Todizzle was goin ta be a straight-up dope day, straight-up dope indeed, at least fo' some people...

Shinji Ikari was a aiiight kid, yep, normal, his fuckin lil' daddy abandoned his ass ta live wit his cold-ass mackdaddy/grandparents afta his crazy-ass momma took a dirt nap up in a 'accident', suddenly one dizzle all dem muthafuckin years later some bangin' chick takes his ass ta peep his fuckin lil' daddy n' a giant monsta thang called a angel beat down japan, Shinji meets his fuckin lil' dad, deal happens, Shinji now has ta pilot a funky-ass biomech thang called unit 01 dat has his crazy-ass momz ass inside it n' fight tha angels dat is threatenin mankind or some shit.

So then da perved-out muthafucka starts livin wit tha bangin' mutha figure dat brought his ass ta his fuckin lil' dad, whose name is Misato Katsuragi by tha way.

Then he meets dis submissive hottie named Rei Aianami, whoz ass also has ta pilot a giant biomech thang called unit 00.

Then some biiiatch from Germany named Asuka Langley Soryu, she a funky-ass biiiatch.

Anyway, they fight angels, also tha apocalypse is inevitable cuz Rei will turn mah playas tha fuck into tang.

So dem hoes was up in some weird place practicin bein tang'd.

"Alright so here we go up in 3 2 1." Shinjiz daddy holla'd.

Shinjiz daddy pressed a funky-ass button, n' mah playas turned tha fuck into ghettofab orange tang includin his dirty ass.

Shinjiz daddy pressed tha button again n' again n' again despite bein liquid n' mah playas turned back ta normal.

Well, not everyone...

"Yo where dat baka Shinji be at yo?" Asuka asked.

"I don't give a shit." Shinjiz daddy holla'd.

"Okay then lets keep going." Rei holla'd.

"Where tha fuck be I?" Shinji holla'd.

Dude was obviously up in some weird, original, never used forest.

Suddenly a manticore came right tha fuck outta nowhere.

"OH SHIT, THIS IS SO ORIGINAL." Shinji yelled.

Shinji looked round fo' suttin' ta use fo' self-defence.

On tha ground da perved-out muthafucka saw a spoon, wit tha lyrics "Zfg was here" engraved on tha handle.

Shinji quickly grabbed tha spoon, n' pointed it all up in tha Manticore up in a menacin way.

"Stay back man! I be warnin you, I gots a spoon!" Shinji holla'd.

"Nah dude, fuck dis shit." tha manticore holla'd.

Suddenly tha Manticore turned tha fuck into a Angel. No not tha religious kind, I mean tha Evangelion kind.

"OH SHIT!" Shinji holla'd.

Shinji ran tha fuck outta there.

In tha distizzle da perved-out muthafucka saw a town, which da ruffneck decided ta check up cuz why tha fuck not?

Suddenly a pink pony flew at his ass wit lightnin speed.

"HI THERE I'M PINKIE PIE AND I LIKE PARTIES AND SHIT AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BEHIND YOU OH MUTHAFUCKA HEY THERE PERSON WHO IS CURRENTLY READING THIS I AM BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL AND IT'S SO ORIGINAL AND FUNNY LOL ECKS DEE." Pinkie Pie holla'd.

"Ironic shitpostin is still shitpostin playa!" Shinji holla'd ta pinkie pie.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT YOU HURT MY FEELINGS YOU MEANIE." Pinkie holla'd.

"Because you not funky!" Shinji holla'd.

"Yo don't rap shiznit ta Pinkie Pie!" Some rainbow biiiatch holla'd.

"Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is yo slick ass?" Shinji asked.

"I be Rainbow Dash n' I be tha dopest at flyin n' I be soopa-doopa fast n' I be goin ta be up in tha bonerwolts (you owe me Moldy (not straight-up, itz cool.)) cuz lesbians!"

"Yeah how tha fuck interesting." Shinji holla'd sarcastically.

"What tha fuck did you just say ta me you lil biiiatch, biatch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of mah class up in tha Navy Seals, n' I’ve been involved up in a shitload of secret raidz on Al-Quaeda, n' I have over 300 confirmed kills. I be trained up in gorilla warfare n' I’m tha top sniper up in tha entire US armed forces. Yo ass is not a god damn thang ta me but just another target. I'ma wipe you tha fuck up wit precision tha likez of which has never been peeped before on dis Earth, mark mah fuckin lyrics. ?" Rainbow dash holla'd.

Bitch jumped at Shinji n' started whoopin his ass up until he passed out.

Shinji raised up in a funky-ass basement all tied up.

"Oh shiznit where be I?" Shinji asked.

"In mah basement." Purple Unicorn holla'd.

"Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is yo slick ass?" Shinji axed da euwnikorn.

"I be Twilight Sparkle!" Twilight Sprinklez holla'd.

"Oh cool, wanna be playas?" Shinji asked.

"No! Yo ass where a funky-ass big-ass meanie ta mah playa!" Twilight Sporks holla'd.

"I be bout ta apologize." Shinji replied.

"Really, biatch? Cool, I guess we can be playaz now!" Twilight holla'd.

"Oh boy!" Shinji holla'd.

Twilight untied Shinji

"I be goin ta introduce you ta all mah playas!" Twilight holla'd.

"Okay!" Shinji yelled.

So Shinji n' Twilight skipped outside, n' ran off ta hook up Twilightz playas, straight-up obliviouz of tha Angel dat was beatin tha livin shiznit outta Ponyville up in tha distance, n' tha terrified screamz of tha suckas up in tha attack.

Shinji n' Twilight now sat at a table up in sugarcube corner wit some other gay ponies.

"Shinji these is mah playas." Twilight holla'd.

"HELLO I AM FLUTTERSHY AND I AM SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO ANIMALS." Some stick of butter holla'd straight-up on tha fuckin' down-lowly.

"I be Rainbow Dash n' our crazy asses have already met." Rainblow Dryer holla'd.

"I be Raritizzle n' I wanna make threadz fo' yo thugged-out ass. Faggot." Marshmallow holla'd.

"IamPinkiePieandwealreadymet." Pinkie Pie holla'd.

"Do you gotta rap like that?" Shinji asked.

"Yes yes y'all." Cotton Candy replied.

"Anyways, ahm Applejack n' ahm jus a funky-ass bakroun' character or suttin' n' ah like dem applez hyuk." Inferior Mud Pony Applejack holla'd.

Suddenly tha roof came off sugarcube corner.

"HEY KID I'M CELESTIA, I'M A GOD OR SOMETHING, THERE ARE MONSTERS EVERYWHERE AND I NEED YOU TO PILOT AN EVANGELION MADE FROM THESE FAGGY PONIES TO KILL THEM NOW LET ME ZAP Y'ALL WITH MY MAGIC." Sunbutt holla'd.

"Wait, what?" Twilight holla'd.

"GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT YOU FUCKING PUSSY ASS FAGGOT" Celestia yelled at Shinji.

"NOT AGAIIIIN!" Shinji yelled.

So Celestia zapped dem wit her magic, n' a Evangelion came outta sugar cube corner dat Shinji was piloting.

THE END

MOTHER FUCKING CREDITS

And then it turned tha fuck into a Evangelion fanfic except ponies

And then it turned tha fuck into a thugged-out dubs thread

MADE BY KRAGOR

A CROSSOVER WITH NEON GENESIS EVANGELION AND MY LITTLE PONY

REVIEWS

"FUCK THIS SHIT" -Some muthafucka

"MUTHAFUCKA THAT WAS PRETTY FUCKING BAD" -Other muthafucka

"WE LIKE TO MAKE UP BULLSHIT NEWS AND GREATLY ALTER THE TRUTH OF ACTUAL STUFF OR SOMETHING" -Fox Shit Faggot

"I'M MOTHERFUCKING CANADIAN, WAIT WHY AM I REVIEWING MY OWN SHIT" -Kragor

FUCK THIS GAY ASS SHIT, I'M OUT

Well guess what tha fuck motherfuckers.

I came back.

With a much shorter, n' much mo' wack chapter.

Shinji woke up.

"Shinji, you aiiiight man?" Zfg axed Shinji.

"No way dude, I like, had tha weirdest dream." Shinji holla'd.

"Yeah dude, thatz probably props ta all tha LCL shiznit you smoked." Zfg holla'd.

"Oh yeah, now itz comin back ta mah dirty ass." Shinji holla'd.

"Yo dude, you wanna race some TP?" Shinji axed Zfg.

"TP sucks up in speedrunning, how tha fuck bout OoT." Zfg holla'd.

"Yo ass is right man." Shinji holla'd.

So Shinji n' Zfg raced Zelda: Ocarina of Time n' lived happily eva after.

THE END

Why tha fuck did I link a Co$mo run up in tha original, I be such a gangbangin' finger-lickin' disgrace.

But you know what, MM is better, so fuck OoT.

Youtube Video

Chapter 2: this was really short, huh?

Shinji woke up.

"Shinji, you alright man?" Zfg asked Shinji.

"No way man, I like, had the weirdest dream." Shinji said.

"Yeah man, that's probably thanks to all the LCL shit you smoked." Zfg said.

"Oh yeah, now it's coming back to me." Shinji said.

"Hey man, you wanna race some TP?" Shinji asked Zfg.

"TP sucks in speedrunning, how about OoT." Zfg said.

"You're right man." Shinji said.

So Shinji and Zfg raced Zelda: Ocarina of Time and lived happily ever after.

THE END

Youtube Video

Bonus 1: Gendo Gets High

THIS

IS

FUCKING

STUPID

So one winter day Gendo was bored as shit, his son was at some private high school in Tokyo, he was currently laid off from work, and his wife was on a business trip overseas. So yeah, he was bored.

So he decided to go for a walk.

He put on his coat and boots and went outside, locking the door behind him of course.

When he walked by an alleyway, some shady looking guy called out to him.

"Hey, you want some weed?" shady guy said.

"Who, me?" Gendo asked.

"Yeah, you." Shady guy responded.

"Hmmmm" Gendo hummed.

He thought about it... Well, it is pretty boring, being home alone and all that, maybe I could use something like this to calm down and kill some time...

"Alright, I'll give it a try, how much for a little?" Gendo said to the shady guy.

"6800 yen man. I know it's a little pricey, but this is  some really strong shit, I guarantee you'll love it. I'll throw in some paper for free too." Shady guy answered.

"Alright... Sounds good..." Gendo said.

Gendo handed over the cash, and the guy gave Gendo a small bag of marijuana, and some paper, which Gendo stowed in his coat pocket.

Gendo walked home to smoke his new weed.

Gendo got home, and googled gow to roll a joint, after figuring out how he went into his house's basement, rolled a joint, and lit it up.

He started smokin' that shit, about three minutes in it started to take effect...

WHAT GENDO IS SEEING

A pink pony came up to Gendo, and started talking to him.

"Hi I'm Pinkie Pie, and I'm a talking pony that likes parties!" She said.

"Woahhh, dude, this stuff's great, heheheh... Hey there little pony, my name's Gendo Ikari..." Gendo said.

"Well Gendo it's nice to meet you, you wanna like, hug or something?" Pinkie asked.

"Sure, sounds cool man." Gendo said.

Gendo and Pinkie started hugging it out.

WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING

Gendo hugged the vacuum cleaner.

GENDO

"Whoa, I'm like, so hungry right now."

Hey there Twilight, what are you up to?"

"Like, you should really get in that robot Shinji, I'm not forcing you or anything, but it would be pretty chill if you would."

So yeah, shit like this happened all night, until Gendo finally went to sleep on the floor with his vacuum cleaner in his arms.

THE NED

GENDO SMOKED WEED EVERY WEEK AFTER THAT DAY WHEN NOBODY WAS AROUND, ONE DAY HIS WIFE CAUGHT HIM SMOKING WEED, AND ASKED FOR SOME TOO, CRAZY SHIT HAPPENED, I CAN TELL YOU THAT, MAYBE I'LL DO A LONGER BONUS STORY OF THAT SOMETIME.