Scootaloo the Dragonborn

by Professor Equinox

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Crossover
Length: 825

Scootaloo learns that near limitless power isn't all it's cracked up to be, in fact, it's stupid, depressing, and migraine giving.

Have you ever wished that your life was like Skyrim, well take it from Scootaloo, she didn't to begin with, and now, all she wants to do is eat her cereal.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-27 23:46:40 UTC

The Dragonborn

  Scootaloo woke from her bed. She looked in the mirror at her extreme bedhead . She shrugged it off and walked downstairs, she walked to the kitchen, she got a bowl and cornflakes. She poured milk and walked toward her chair, when the door flung open.

  She jumped and the cereal flew through the air, in slow motion for some reason, and onto the floor. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" She screamed dramatically.

  Spike looked afraid. "I'm sorry!"

  "Get out!!!!!!!" She screamed at him.

  He dies. Scootaloo runs over. "You dead bro?"

  He has no heartbeat whatsoever. She runs over to her cereal and begins to cry. This is beginning to be weird, and she does it for an hour or something, so we'll skip ahead a bit. Some time later, a loud shout can be heard. "Bitch, come here!!!!!!!" This comes from atop a mountain, the tallest one ever too.

  Some random passerby comes by and talks to her. "I'm the king of Ponyville or something. You're Dragonborn, and the old men just screamed Dovahkiin. I decree that you shall climb the mountain and talk to them."

  "I thought we were a democracy."

  "No"

  "The didn't say Dovahkiin."

  "Yes they did, shut up and stop being observant."

  "Umm, I'm like ten, how do I climb a mountain?"

  "With your feet, now go my daughter, and make your father proud."

  Well, she had a strained relationship with her father and wanted his approval so she did. I mean , you know that you have daddy issues if that's the case. What do you do though? Like, if they don't know that they've got a problem, how do you help?

  On the way there, she was knocked unconscious twice, and mugged. She forgot to pack food, so she nearly starved, plus she never finished her balanced breakfast. She was attacked by a bear, and left on top of the mountain next to a castle.

  She walks in and looks around. She is tapped on the shoulder. "Ahh! Rape!" She bucks the pony in the private area and hides in the corner. "Stranger danger!!"

  "Ass!" A hooded figure coughs out and crumples to his knees. "You killed a dragon, you're also part dragon, therefore you are the only one that can kill them."

  "That makes no sense."

  "Go to hell." He says coughing up blood.

  "What'd I ever do to you?"

  "We're on a mountain, nopony can hear you scream."

  "Alright, but what if I don't want to be Dragonborn."

  "But you are."

  "No I'm not."

  "Yes you are."

  "No I'm not."

  "Yes you are."

  "Screw you!"

  He dies."Wait, I though my shouts effected dragons." Scootaloo asks

  He momentarily comes back to life. "No they effect everything with a physical manifestation." He dies again.

  She loots a piece of paper from him and runs outside. "I don't understand your crazy made up language."

  Well, she essentially decides to be a dick and do other random stuff. She goes home and takes up about 50 hobbies. She learns how to bake, which is actually fun if you've got the time or patience. She paints, which she is pretty good at due to her abnormal past, and strained relationship with pretty much every adult she has ever known. She was actually abandoned for a little while, giving her some serious trust issues.

  She travels all around the world and does.some other stuff too. She is a very good thief, which is a big accomplishment since she has no fingers. Though she was pretty much useless in any physical confrontation, she always forgot that she could kill ponies just by yelling at them. In fact, my guess is that three days after she murdered Spike in cold blood, she forgot that she had a job to do. Ever since that fate changing day, she was afraid to eat cereal for fear of being hurt again. One day, she just found the note in her pocket and figured. "Why the hell not?"

  The note says something about going to the capital. So she goes. Well, she is taken to the castle to the princesses. "Can I go home now?

  Luna looks at Celestia. "I don't love you anymore, I declare war."

  Celestia replies. "I'll send you to the moon."

  "Not if I send you to the sun." Luna says back

  "What's happening?" Scootaloo asks. "My migraines are coming back"

  "Ponies of worth are talking!" Celestial yells and kills Scootaloo.

  Suddenly , everyone in town busts down the door of the castle. The look at the body and at the princess. "SHE KILLED THE CHICKEN!!!!!!!! GET HER!!!!!!!!!!!" And her head was repackaged for toy sales.

Well, in the end things didn't change much. Scootaloo died. Hasbro made a fortune.  The king of Ponyville went on, almost surprised that he had a child. Spike was replaced as he was pretty much a pet, and worst background character. Oh yeah, and the world ended.

THE END