Paradox Infinitas

by PunIntended Consequences

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adventure
Length: 6851

Sand Scout is determined to become a well-respected treasure hunter. Maybe she'll even write an autobiography one day... or, perhaps, her discovery will ruin Equestria forever...

Ever since she received her cutie mark, Sand Scout has only wanted to be recognized as the competent treasure hunter she is. There's only one problem: she hasn't actually done any real treasure-hunting. But she knows she would be brilliant if somepony would just give her a chance, and she's getting fed up with ponies laughing her out of their offices.

Broke, homeless, and too inexperienced to land a job, Sand Scout decides that the only way forward is the "road less traveled". Her friends and fellow team members, Kiwi, Nifty, and Jinx, aren't so convinced, but without anything to their names and no better suggestions, they don't have much of a choice in the matter.

The best they can do now is try to ignore the voices screaming at them to turn back, that what they're doing is illegal, and that if they just try harder they can find a good job...

Perhaps they should have listened.

-*-*-

Story idea(s) conceived before Equestria Girls and season 4, so any incongruities you find are to be ignored. Please and thank you.

Removed 'sad' tag and replaced with new-and-improved 'adventure' model! Also, completely rewrote the description to be less... well, s(buy some apples)t.

Published 2013-04-28 07:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-06 02:14:15 UTC

Prologue - Unburial

The mare awoke suddenly and violently, her head ricocheting against a low ceiling. Surprised and stunned, she fell back into her previous position and waited until her senses returned. After a few minutes, the ringing in her ears stopped and the pain receded to a soft throb.

Shifting onto her side—moving carefully this time, so as to avoid hurting herself again—the figure slowly ran a hoof along her body. Nothing felt broken or fractured, so she inched her hoof outward instead. The surface it encountered was hard, but loose, thin, and fragile, with jagged edges. Is that glass? She asked herself. Underneath her there was a cushion-like object. A mattress of some sort, perhaps?

Reaching up, her touch encountered the surface upon which her head had impacted. Several thin cracks ran outward from a small indentation. Did I make that? That hit must have been harder than I thought. The actual material out of which the roof was constructed she could not determine by touch alone, although the texture she encountered as her hoof moved across it, along with the damage she had caused, suggested it was constructed of wood.

Although the mare felt like she was in no immediate danger, she could not rid himself of a certain sense of wrongness; something simply did not seem right. A few moments of devoted thought provided the answer: she could see absolutely nothing. The pure darkness frightened her, and she shakily reached up to feel her eyes. They were open, so either she had been blinded or there was simply no light able to reach them. Neither conclusion instilled confidence in the already confused mare.

A few more minutes passed as the mare continued to explore her immediate surroundings. To her back was a solid wall, very smooth and cold to the touch. Her head and hind hooves were pressed uncomfortably against a series of poles similar in texture to the ceiling. The space was rather confining, offering only one potential opening; straight ahead, through the shattered material.

Nothing else stood out to her, although she did notice a faint creaking noise that seemed to come from above her, somewhere beyond the barrier she had so recently clashed against. Well, I guess there’s no other option than forward, she thought grimly. The prospect of leaving her protective cubby for the unknown was daunting, but she pressed forward nonetheless. As she inched further ahead, she noticed a breeze flowing from above. Reaching up, the mare discovered that there was no longer a roof above her, which both relieved and scared her at the same time.

A loud crunching sound echoed slightly as the mare hesitantly stood tall, still unable to see anything around her. The darkness was absolute, without even a glimmer to illuminate the world around her. Just where am I? As she stood wondering what to do next, she noticed that the creaking seemed to be growing louder. Wait a second… that’s not a creak. It’s got a rhythm… no, it’s definitely not a creak. So what is that? I’ve heard that sound before. It’s… a jackhammer?

The sound rapidly crescendoed, knocking the mare off her hooves for a moment as her teeth and skull vibrated from the pressure.

In fact, the noise was so strong and close she was surprised she couldn’t see anything yet. The ground began to shake as the mare retreated back into the space she had woken up in. Within the confines of the hole, the jackhammer’s intense vibrations made the mare feel as if her very bones were slowly shaking themselves to pieces. The mare squeezed her eyes shut, pressed her ears as flat against her skull as she could, and shrunk away from the opening, wishing that it would end sooner rather than later.

The noise increased to a roar before suddenly cutting away, leaving nothing but indistinguishable muffles in its wake. The mare, almost too scared to move, slowly opened one eye, only to slam it back shut as an intense light penetrated her sight. She could feel hooves poking at her, trying to coax her from her sanctuary, but this time she refused to leave, pushing them away before they could wrap far enough around her to pull her out of the hole. Eventually her assailant gave up, opting instead to rest a hoof on her shoulder and mumble muffled words in her ear.

Slowly, ever so slowly, her senses returned again, allowing her to open her eyes fully. The sight that met her was confusing at first as she could see nothing but dark and vague shapes ringed by white light, but as the light moved away her vision became gradually clearer. The next thing she saw was the face of a rough-hewn, dull-brown earth pony wearing a typical construction hard hat. His hazel eyes stared stoically back at her shrunken sea-foam green pupils as she gazed out at him from her small cubby.

The mare saw him move his lips, but the sound that accompanied the movement was jumbled beyond comprehension. “What… what did you say?” she asked hesitantly. Her voice sounded coarse, and there was a peculiar pressure in her throat that made it hard to speak. Am I injured?

The stallion before her turned his head and gestured to somepony behind him. Another stallion, almost a twin to the first, cantered over with a canteen, which he promptly offered to the mare. She slowly reached toward it and took it, then chugged it in a sudden frenzy. After downing the entire flask, she dropped it and heaved a very satisfied sigh. The pressure in her throat was gone, and the cooling sensation of the water had eased her nerves enough to allow a small smile to creep onto her face.

“Better now, miss?” the stallion asked. She nodded, smiling again. “Excellent. Now, back to my question: are you feeling okay? Do you have any injuries that need attending to?” She shook her head. “You’re absolutely sure?” Another nod. “Well, alright then. Okay, question two: do you remember how you got here?” The mare paused to think.

“No,” her voice was much smoother now, “but I do remember what I was doing before I found myself here.” The stallion cocked an eyebrow.

“And just what were you doing down here?” he questioned in a slightly accusing tone. “The mines are off limits to anypony without special permission from the princesses—and for good reason, as you can clearly see.”

The mare quickly glanced around again, taking in the shattered flakes of stone she had mistaken for glass, the large pile of debris, and the now apparent bed frame that bore its weight. Thinking quickly, she turned to the stallion and stated, “My team and I were hired by Princess Celestia to explore and uncover a series of artifacts that were exposed during the changeling attack. We have express written permission from her, and I can show it to you when we return to the base camp.” Hopefully he’ll buy that long enough to get out of here.

The stallion shook his head and sighed. “Miss, my team was tasked with restoring these tunnels to a proper stable condition,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you. We are always kept up-to-date on who does and does not have the right to come down here, and right now my roster shows ‘no allowances’. Also, you did not pass through the official checkpoint. Therefore, you are lying.” The mare frowned slightly as the stallion debunked her lie. Damn! Why’d I have to be rescued by the chief guard? Ah well, no use lying any more.

“Okay, okay, so we’re not supposed to be down here. But we really did find some interesting things! I mean, just look around!” She pointed a hoof at the bed. “How many tunnels do you know of that have random beds sitting in them? And look at these walls!” Her hoof traveled around, stopping when it was aimed at the wall next to them. “They’re completely flat, and they don’t seem to be made of stone like the rest of the tunnels down here! You’ve gotta admit that there’s something down here!”

The stallion followed where she was pointing, properly taking in their location. Although he hated to admit it, the mare had a good point. Never had he seen a tunnel so perfectly straight and square as the one they were currently standing in, nor was it common to find a bed randomly placed within a tunnel. “Alright, I’ll admit that I can see your point. That still doesn’t excuse you from sneaking down here though. You’re lucky we were close by, or you might have been trapped in here forever… or, at least until you died.” The mare shuffled her hooves awkwardly.

“So… what do we do now?” she asked. The stallion hesitated a moment before a small frown creased his face.

“Now, we get you and the rest of your crew out of here. We did find them, by the way. They seemed to be alright, but they’re anxious to see you. After that, who knows? We’ll be handing you over to the royal guard once we get out of here, so it’s up to them. More than likely, you’ll be jailed until a proper trial can be arranged.”

The mare’s face shot up so fast that for a second, he was afraid she had broken her neck. “J-J-Jail? I can’t go to jail! There’s still too much to find down here, so much to uncover!”

“Listen, lady-”

“Sand Scout. My name is Sand Scout.”

“Well Miss Scout, maybe you should have thought of that before you went on an illegal romp through condemned government property.”

Sand Scout was almost cowering in front of him, her front legs wrapped around one of his. “Can’t you at least tell them what we found?” she pleaded. “Can’t you make them see why our work here is important?”

The stallion nearly rolled his eyes, but managed to restrain himself at the last second. “No, I can’t. As an unofficial member of the royal guard, I’m supposed to uphold the rules and regulations set upon the land—more specifically, these mines.” Sand Scout slumped in defeat, and although the stallion tried as hard as he could, he couldn’t stay mad at her. Her entire life had just almost literally crumbled underneath her, after all.

“However—“she whipped here head up again “—I will say that there is someone close to the princess who might be willing to vouch for you. Does the name Twilight Sparkle ring any bells?”

She looked at him in confusion. “Of course it does. She’s the newly crowned princess and one of the Elements of Harmony. Everypony knows who she is. Why are you asking me that?”

“Well, did you know she also happens to be a bookworm, avid scholar, and scientist? She will support exploration and study of almost any artifact. If you can somehow contact her or request an audience and convince her that your cause is worth the effort, your chances of being pardoned would increase more than one hundredfold.”

Scout simply stared at him, her mouth hanging slightly open in surprise. Shakily rising to her hooves, she asked, “How can you be so sure? Do you know her?”

The stallion shook his head. “I’ve never met her personally, but I’ve met her friends Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash before, and they both talked about how Twilight is always studying in the library.”

Scout raised an eyebrow. “You’re friends with two of the Elements? How’d you manage that?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say ‘friends’ exactly; we’re more like ‘acquaintances’. I know them because I used to live in Ponyville, where they all live. It’s a pretty small town, so it actually isn’t uncommon to see them walking in the streets or going about some business or other. Even Twilight still lives there from what I’ve heard, despite her recent… changes.”

He sighed heavily. “Look, the point I’m trying to make is that your situation is not the least bit in your favor. However exciting ‘mystery tunnels below Canterlot’ may sound, it’s not going to win you any sympathy votes in a court room. In fact, it may even be cause to close the mines indefinitely. Twilight can help you, but save all that for later. Right now, let’s go meet you team.”

They turned and walked through the new hole in the wall, the last of the demolition crew following closely behind them with any spare equipment. Beyond it, the steep and narrow tunnel forced them all to walk single file. As they trudged upward, Sand Scout said, “Ya know, you never told me your name. I told you mine, so it seems only fair that I know yours, right? Also, why is your cutie mark a telescope if you’re a guard?” Adorning each of the stallion’s flanks was indeed a picture of a simple telescope, which to her seemed to clash with the pony that bore them.

He chuckled slightly before saying, “Yeah, interesting story about that. My parents were both well-versed astronomers, and they thought for a long time that I would follow the same path. When I got my cutie mark, though, we were all more than a little shocked. You see, I didn’t get it for stargazing—I got it for spying.”

Sand Scout paused. “Spying? You were spying on ponies when you got your cutie mark?”

“Like I said, it’s an odd story. Anyway, I didn’t realize it at first, but when my parents saw it, they were ecstatic. ‘You’re going to be a great astronomer,’ the claimed. Well… long story short, I had to tell them the real story. They eventually got over it, and have been pretty supportive ever since. I think they rationalize it by telling themselves that I’m simply observing the world around me instead of the world above me, and I agree. Even though I’m not a stargazer like they are, I know their profession at least somewhat played a role in making me who I am today.”

Sand Scout smiled, although nopony noticed in the darkness of the cave. “That’s a very interesting story, but you never told me your name.”

“Oh, yes. My name is Sky Light.”

“Sky Light? Your parents are quickly becoming the king and queen of irony.” They both chuckled softly.

“How about you?” Sky Light questioned. “What’s your story? Sorry, but I didn’t catch your cutie mark.”

“Oh, mine’s not as unique as yours. As a filly, I always used to find things out in the farmland I lived on and collect them. Sometimes, I would try and find the owner and return it to them, but most of the time I was rather proud of my collection, and rather unwilling to give it up. Anyway, one day, there was a flash, and in my bedroom mirror stood a copy of me, but with a cutie mark. It’s a depiction of an ancient pillar half sunken into sand.”

The conversation ended there as the group filtered into a significantly larger cavern, this one lined with large crystalline surfaces in place of the usual rock. Glancing down the right side of the tunnel, Sand Scout could barely make out the outline of a jagged hole in the tunnel’s floor. That must be where I fell. Looks like a nasty tumble from here. As she continued to study the hole, an odd thought crossed her mind. How did I manage to get underneath all that rubble when I was standing on top of it? Her thoughts were interrupted by a distinctly neon-green-furred body slamming into her at high velocity and clamping a vise grip around her neck.

“YOU’RE ALIVE!” a slightly hoarse voice shouted, causing everyone else in the cave to wince from the amplified noise. “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, YOU’RE ALIVE! How did you do it?”

The body relented just enough to allow Scout to shove a hoof in between them and push them apart. “Dramatic as ever I see, Kiwi,” she chuckled as the two remaining members of her team trotted up behind him. She nodded to them and they smiled back. A sudden devious thought entered her mind, and before she knew it, she was wearing the best mask of indifference she could muster. “Hi there,” she called, silently giggling to herself, “are you the guards escorting us out?”

The pair screeched to a halt, concern and disbelief plastered on their faces. “You… you don’t remember us?” the mare on the left hesitantly questioned. Sand Scout simply stared blankly at them. “You know,” the mare continued slowly, “Nifty and Jinx? We’re part of your… we’re… we’re part of… of your team…?” She glanced at the stallion next to her, pleading with him to help. He took no notice however; all he could do was stare at Sand Scout with wide eyes and an open mouth.

Scout waited a moment longer, then laughed and stamped a hoof. “Wow, I can’t believe I actually got you with that! As if I would remember Kiwi and not you guys? I mean, I know he’s unforgettable—”

“Hey! Wait, is that a compliment or an insult?”

“Both. Anyway, of course I remember you guys!”

“That wasn’t funny at all!” the stallion, Jinx, grumbled. “I thought you had seriously been hurt!”

“Yeah,” the mare piped in, “not cool. Like, at all.”

“Oh, it was just a bit of fun guys. Lighten up,” Kiwi laughed. The laughter quickly died down though, and he turned to Sand Scout with a serious expression. ”You are okay though, right? Nothing broken, no concussions, nothing like that?”

Scout shook her head and her team breathed a heavy sigh of relief. She looked around at all of them before saying, “I’m perfectly fine, at least for now. Unfortunately, we now find ourselves in a good news-bad news situation, so which would you like first?”

“Good!” yelled Kiwi.

“No you dolt, you always go for the bad news first!” Jinx lightly cuffed the back of Kiwi’s head with a hoof. “Nifty, back me up on this!”

The mare nodded. “He’s right. Bad news first, then soften it with the good news.” She turned to face Scout. “So let’s have it then. Bad news first.”

“The bad news is that we’re all going to jail.” Gasps bounced up and down the tunnel at her revelation. Moving on quickly, she added, “the good news, however, is that I know a way to make everything right.”

“And what would that be exactly?” questioned Jinx.

Sand Scout smiled, glancing briefly at Sky Light before continuing. “Ever heard of a mare named… Twilight Sparkle?”

Author's Note

Related readings:
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/154563/a-what-a-fucke

Non-related readings:
http://photoblog.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/04/26/17930732-anybody-missing-a-giant-head-college-crew-team-found-one-floating-in-river?lite

...Of Jail Free (and Notice of Cancellation)

Author's Note

Hello, forgotten ones! I speak to you now from beyond the reaches of your memory to bring you... ah, who am I kidding?

What can I really say here? It's never easy to be in a situation like this. I'm sorry to those of you who were genuinely interested in this story, but I will not be continuing it... at least, not here. You see, somewhere in the cavernous dome that is my big, empty head, the idea is floating around that I might just be able to write an actual original novel. I know, what a crazy idea right? Well, unfortunately for you guys, the plot that I was going to use for this fanfiction is one of my better, could-actually-make-for-a-decent-story ideas. As such, I would like to keep it to myself until I decide whether or not I will ever use it.

Unfortunately, that means this story is officially being cancelled. The End, roll credits, etc. I have literally copy-pasted what I had left into this chapter, but be prepared for a 'short drop and a sudden stop' when you reach the end. I still haven't decided whether or not I will delete the story entirely, but if I do, it will be there one day and gone the next.

BAH, you don't want to listen to me ramble on about my personal problems. you barely even know me! On with the disappointingly unfinished show!

P.S. Did you know that Fifty Shades of Grey was originally a Twilight Saga fanfiction? Never say never, amirite!

P.P.S. I am still writing for FIMfiction, though! Click here to read prompt-driven short stories that I will occasionally use to practice writing.

...Of Jail Free (and Notice of Cancellation)

Twilight could scarcely believe her eyes. The items Sand Scout had laid out in front of here were, to say the least, striking. Why didn’t the princess ever tell me about this? Unknown items don’t just show up at random, somepony has to make them first, which mean they have histories, or even uses! Perhaps, she mused, this venture really is worth supporting. Studying is what I do best, after all, and the items Sand Scout has in her possession are… incredible! Maybe this can be my first assignment as a princess! Twilight jerked slightly as a sharp claw prodded her side.

“C’mon Twilight, concentrate!” Spike quipped, looking annoyed. She grinned sheepishly, muttering a quick apology before turning her attention back to the table. Sand Scout had laid the various contents of the bags out as she explained how she came to be in her current predicament. While Scout’s story had been interesting, and Twilight had listened to every word intently, the stolen artifacts were what had held the bulk of her attention throughout the exposition.

It wasn’t the items themselves that interested her; at least, not what they looked like. Most of them were little more than dull-gray, angular boxes of some kind, barely larger than her hoof, and almost all of which were empty. Some of the boxes had no openings, and she could find no obvious way to open them, so Twilight could only guess that they were locked in some manner she was unfamiliar with. The other items appeared almost identical to tools that could be commonly found anywhere in Equestria. There was even what seemed to be a typical claw hammer, Twilight noticed, although when she picked it up, it felt far too light and fragile to be of much use.

No, it was what was on the items that had captured her attention, for written across each item, in what appeared to be Old Script, were labels. Labels that she could clearly read, because, of course, she had studied Old Script; half the books she read were written using it, after all.

Most of the labels were words like ‘nails’, or ‘welding torch’. Which is extremely odd, she thought, considering the welding torch was only invented about ten years ago. Some bore even stranger titles than those, like ‘incendiary packets’, ‘spare nano-cores’, and one of the sealed boxes even said ‘Ferrofluid’. She shuddered at the mess that would create if the box were opened.

She was startled once more out of her thoughts by the small sting of a claw in her side. “Sorry,” she muttered. Spike huffed, crossing his arms and turning back toward Sand Scout.

“As I was trying to say,” the dragon grumbled, “while all this stuff looks cool, how do we know you aren’t just making it up?”

“Well,” began Sand Scout, but then she stopped. She didn’t actually have any solid ‘proof’ that the objects were legitimate archeological finds and not simply mockups she and her team had made to look like real artifacts. Unfortunately, she hadn’t really considered that while she knew the items were legitimate, anypony else might be skeptical of their origin, especially now that she was in jail. She looked over at Twilight, who seemed to be making a conscious effort to not split into a wide grin. “I guess… I don’t, really,” was all she could say. She could only hope they would give her the benefit of the doubt.

Spike huffed again and turned back to Twilight. Leaning in to her ear, he whispered, “I don’t know, Twilight. I mean, she seems nice and all, but she is in jail for breaking into royal land and stealing.”

“Yes,” Twilight whispered back, “but these artifacts are a potential gold mine of information! They have Old Script writing on them, and that’s been obsolete for almost eight hundred years!” She ruffled her wings excitedly, hooves nearly lifting off the ground. “There are some odd inconsistencies, but they’re almost too odd to be faked, if that makes any sense.”

“It doesn’t really, but if you’re gonna go ahead with this, I won’t stop you,” Spike sighed. They both turned to face Sand Scout again, who was visibly shaking with nervousness. Twilight suddenly

{{Aaaand... CUT! That's it. The End. Roll credits. Also, just noticed that when I said 'sudden stop' up there, I was unknowingly being literal. Huh.}}

Chapter 1: Getting Out

Twilight Sparkle was a mare of many words—words such as ‘aligerous’, ‘jocular’, and ‘nosocomium’, that came to her mind as readily as ‘winged’, ‘happy’ or ‘hospital’ would come to yours or mine. It was widely known—even rumored to be documented in places—that her extensive knowledge and vocabulary could reduce even the greatest philosophers of the Mediterraneighan to little more than senseless stutters. Twilight could remember very few days that had ever rendered her speechless; not even her transformation into an alicorn could accomplish that.

Today was quickly becoming one of those days.

“There are simply no words, Spike,” she muttered as she yet again tried unsuccessfully to wrench his head free of the hole he had punched in the Golden Oaks Library’s wall.

“Hey, it’s not my fault Pinkie left her party cannon sitting in the middle of the library!” he countered.

“No, but you should have known better than to climb into it and fire it while inside a building!” she shot back. Giving up on physical attempts, she wrapped her magic around his body, and with a powerful heave, she pulled him free of his prison. A mighty CRACK filled the air as a large chunk of the trunk came loose, somehow still attached to his neck. Twilight released her hold on Spike and he fell to the floor with an airy, “Oof!”

“Let this be a lesson,” she lectured, standing tall and ruffling her wings in irritation, “to think these kinds of ideas through before acting on them. You could have been seriously hurt! Not to mention the damage you’ve caused to the library!”

“Speaking of the library, I seem to still be stuck in it,” he replied sarcastically as the weighty chunk forced him back to the ground. Twilight grabbed the noose, cracking it in half before setting it aside. Spike stretched and cracked his neck, then turned to her and said, “I’m sorry Twilight. You’re right, it was a dumb idea and I probably shouldn’t have done it.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Probably?” she asked.

“Okay, okay,” he sighed, “I shouldn’t have set off a cannon indoors. I thought it was aimed at the window, and that it would be fun to fly into town square and land in the fountain, and… argh, I dunno, I just wanted to I guess.”

Twilight sighed. “I’m not mad at you Spike, and it won’t be too difficult to fix the wall. We’ve dealt with worse issues than this after all.” Spike let a small smile show at that. “Just try to think a little more before you do something, alright?”

“Okay…”

Twilight turned to the hole in the wall, through which she could see much of Ponyville’s town square. “Well, let’s get fixing this then. Spike, go grab the pieces that fell outside. I’m going to need as many of them as you can find if I’m going to repair this.”

Spike saluted, marched out the door, and began collecting the shattered bark with military efficiency. That dragon will never learn, Twilight thought to herself as she picked up the two large pieces with her magic. Fusing them back together, she rotated the semi-wheel until the grooves matched those in the wall and shoved it back into place.

“I think I found all of them!” called Spike. Twilight trotted outside to find Spike desperately weaving and bobbing this way and that in an attempt to balance the large stack of splintered wood resting in his arms; his efforts failed for the second time that day, however, and Spike found himself on the ground surrounded by broken wood chips.

“Aw man,” he pouted. Twilight giggled as she collected the pieces and began fitting them together. A few minutes later, the trunk had been almost completely restored, but it was still missing a chunk of the outer bark.

“Hey Spike, I think you missed one. Are you sure you checked all the bushes?”

“Well I thought I did, but I’ll check aga—” Spike stopped, a pained expression quickly spreading across his face.

“Spike? Oh Celestia, Spike! What’s wrong?” Spike tried to speak, but all that came out were choked gags. He pointed into his mouth, where a green light could be seen growing brighter and brighter. Twilight, realizing what was about to happen, jumped back, covering her head with a wing. Spike hacked once, twice, three times, before finally managing to release the energy in a large spurt of green fire. The flame coalesced into a single, small scroll, which floated gently to the ground.

“Man, that was weird,” Spike gasped. “It’s never been that intense!” He picked up the parchment. “And for something this small, too?”

“What does it say?” Twilight asked, walking up to him. Spike held it out, and she floated it in front of herself.

“Well… that’s odd,” she said.

“What’s odd?” Spike asked.

“The seal on this letter isn’t Princess Celestia’s.”

“What? Whose is it?”

She glanced over at him with wide eyes. “It’s the Canterlot Prison Guard’s.”

\—/\—//

“Dear Twilight Sparkle, I hope this letter has successfully made its way to you in one piece,” Twilight read aloud. “Your method for sending mail is new to me, but I was told it is the quickest way to contact you. I am sorry to intrude like this, but I am in desperate need of help, and I believe that you are the best pony to ask. You do not know me, but I have been informed that you are very much an academic, and I believe that my team and I have discovered something that would interest you greatly.

I am sorry, but I have neither the time nor parchment space to explain everything. If you want to know more, I would very much like to meet you face-to-face. Unfortunately, I am currently holding… ‘temporary housing’ in the Canterlot Royal Prison, so you will have to come to me. Ask to visit ‘Sand Scout’, and if they won’t let us meet, ask for ‘Kiwi Tango’. If that doesn’t work… well, you are a princess. You should have no problem.

I know how crazy all this might sound, by the way, so if you don’t come I can’t and won’t blame you one bit, but we really, REALLY need your help, and I promise it will be worth your time. Please, at least come see me.

Signed, Sand Scout.”

Looking up from the letter, she turned to Spike, who was idly cleaning some dirt out from underneath his claws. The two were currently standing outside the Canterlot Royal Prison’s main entrance; the imposing iron-clad building towered a full five stories above them, and its shadow stretched far into the distance behind them. Twilight shuddered as she scanned its flat walls; the prison had gained a significantly negative reputation during its years of operation, as it housed many of Equestria’s more intense criminals.

Spike sighed. “Well, are we going in or not?” he huffed impatiently. Twilight nodded. “I still can’t believe we’re doing this.” He walked forward, causing the automatic doors to glide apart as he neared them. Twilight followed him into the dimly lit entrance hall, pausing briefly at the threshold as a blast of air-conditioned air rushed past her.

It was abundantly clear to anypony from the moment they entered that this prison was not to be taken with a grain of sugar; the dull-gray sheen of metal could be found covering almost every object in the room from the walls to the furniture, and there was not a single decorative object to be found anywhere. Along the back wall, a narrow hallway could be seen, blocked by a heavy iron gate, a metal detector, and two other machines Twilight could not identify from her perspective.

To the right of the hallway, a small window covered in thick bulletproof glass showed a seemingly bored unicorn mare wearing a navy blue security outfit. The flickering glow of security television screens illuminated the wall behind the mare and shone almost depressingly brightly into the entry room. As Twilight walked up to the window, she noticed that the mare wasn’t simply slumped over in boredom; she was fast asleep, lightly snoring, with a string of drool stretching from her lip into the cold cup of coffee on the desk.

“This is getting better by the second,” Spike commented dryly. He turned to Twilight. “Last chance, Twi. Are you sure you want to do this? I mean come on; this is a disaster waiting to happen!”

“Relax, Spike,” she responded. “I just want to meet this pony and see what they have to say.” Twilight rapped a hoof on the window. On the other side, the mare jolted awake, almost falling out of her chair in the process. She scrambled to tidy herself up while saying, “Uh, uh, hello and welcome to the Royal Canterlot Prison. Please state your name and business…” She trailed off as she finally laid her eyes on the two in front of her, her mouth falling open slightly in the process.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle and Spike the dragon. We received a letter from one of your inmates who wishes to speak with us in person.” The security mare’s only response was a slight twitch of an eye. “Um… are you alright?” Twilight continued. “Hello?” She waved a hoof in front of the mare’s face, bringing her out of her trance.

“You’re Princess Sparkle…” she said in awe. Twilight glanced to each side before nodding. The mare leaned forward, smiling widely. “Wow! I’ve never met any of the princesses! This is so awesome! I wonder what it must be like! You’re new to the gig, too, right? What’s it like to be an alicorn? Can you fly and do magic at the same time? My name’s Checkpoint by the way! Can I have your autograph? You don’t mind, do you? I hope not! Oh I can’t wait to rub it in my friends’ faces that I actually met a real princess! Wait, I’m gonna need proof though! Will you take a picture with me? Oh, this is just so awesome!”

Twilight took a nervous step back while off to the side, Spike made small retching motions. “Um… I guess I can take a picture with you, and I’ll sign it if you want, but I’m… on a bit of a tight schedule! Yeah, I really need to make this quick, so… can you help me out?” Checkpoint dropped back into her seat, but the elation never left her face for a moment.

“Anything for you, princess! What do you need help with?”

“Well, I’m here to see an inmate who goes by the name ‘Sand Scout’. They asked to meet me in pony to discuss… something.”

The clicks and clacks of a keyboard could be heard as Checkpoint searched the prison’s records. “Ah, yes, Sand Scout. It says here she used her one contact to send a letter to a… Spike the dragon?”

“That’s me!” Spike confirmed. Checkpoint leaned over again to look at him, her eyes wide. “A dragon too?” she whispered. “Awesome!”

"Okay, well, are we allowed to see her?" Twilight interjected. "Also, why is she in here in the first place?”

A few more clacks could be heard before Checkpoint responded, “It says here she’s allowed visitors. She was brought here because she was caught wandering through a government restricted-access area without authorization… the Canterlot crystal mines to be exact.”

“The crystal mines? That’s where Queen Chrysalis trapped you and Cadance during the invasion,” Spike remarked.

“Well, we need to talk to her immediately. Where’s the visiting center?”

“It’s through the second gate, then the first left. There are signs if you get lost. The doors are automatically sealed, but I can buzz you through!” Twilight nodded and began to move towards the door. “Wait!” Checkpoint came around into the room. “What about that picture and autograph?” She held up a traditional accordion-style camera, her glee intensifying even further as she did so. Twilight simply sighed and nodded again, words failing her for a second time that day.

“We’re gonna be here forever,” Spike groaned.

\—/\—//

“Well Spike, we’re finally here!” Twilight exclaimed as she adjusted her position in the heavily cushioned chair. Checkpoint had insisted upon giving her ‘a royal treatment, because that’s what royalty is all about’. Twilight, not wanting to dash her smile, had reluctantly agreed; she had also made a mental note to consult with Princess Celestia about how the common pony viewed those of royal status. “Oh, isn’t this exciting? Potentially unknown knowledge and, providing we’re not being ‘duped’, we’re going to become two members of only a hoofful of ponies to know about it!”

“I wouldn’t get too excited if I were you. We are here to talk to a criminal after all,” he retorted.

“She’s only a criminal because she was caught pursuing history in the wrong place. I have full faith she will follow through with her word!” On the other side of the visitor center’s glass, the door opened to reveal two guard ponies leading a young, sandy-coated earth mare with a short blonde mane and tail. They led her to the chair in front of Twilight, pushing her roughly onto it and cuffing her hooves together before turning to the two visitors.

“Take as long as you wish, Princess Sparkle. If there are any problems, don’t hesitate to call us in and we’ll take care of it.” They walked out of the room, closing the door and taking up positions on either side of it. Twilight simply shook her head as Spike blew a raspberry at them.

“So you came.” Twilight looked up at the mare behind the glass, who had sat up as soon as the guards had left. “I’m Sand Scout, in case you didn’t already figure that out.” She sighed. “It may not seem like it, but I’m really excited. I’m just really tired too. This place… it’s miserable.” Sand Scout’s ears flopped down on instinct. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a place so full of hatred and regret. It’s… it’s just terrible.”

“Well Miss Scout,” Twilight replied, leaning forward, “I must admit my curiosity was piqued by your letter. I know how you must feel; this place gives everypony who even looks at it the creeps. Living here… I don’t even want to think about it. So, I have come to hear you out.” She moved forward again, her snout almost touching the glass. “Keep in mind that in the next half hour, you will either walk out the front door a free mare, or back to your cell to serve the rest of your sentence. I’m sorry if this seems too blunt, but as far as I know, you are a criminal.” She leaned back, kicking the oversized cushion out of the way and sitting down. “Convince me otherwise, Miss Scout. Please.”

Sand Scout repositioned herself on her seat. “I will convince you, Princess,” she said. “I have my story, and I have artifacts to show you. The guards took my things when they brought me here, but if you ask them to bring my bag, I can show you what we’ve found. While we wait for them, I can share my story with you.”

Twilight rose quickly, tapping the door to grab the attention of the guards stationed outside. They turned, opening the door as they asked, “Is something wrong, Princess Sparkle? Are you finished already?”

“No,” she replied, shaking her head. “We are far from done, but I do require Miss Scout’s personal belongings.”

“There are five bags!” Sand Scout called. “Each one should be marked with a name of one of the ponies in my group, including myself.”

“Yes. Could you bring them here, please?” Twilight asked. The guards saluted and marched off to complete their task.

Twilight returned to her seat. “So,” she said, “how about that story?”

“Well, it starts about a year ago, when I first heard rumors about odd objects being found underneath Canterlot…” Sand Scout began.

Author's Note

Related Readings:

http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/161236/i-cant-think-of-a-title-is-the-title-of-this-blog

Unrelated Readings:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZcRU0Op5P4