The Darkness in my Heart.

by Porqupine

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Main 6, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 8998

"Dark days. Emotions hurt. Heart shattered. Friendship will be nothing but dirt." As was the prophecy made by the mare from the lands across the sea. Wiser than all, she knew the truth, and the truth was all she gave.

"Dark days. Emotions hurt. Heart shattered. Friendship will be nothing but dirt." As was the prophecy made by the mare from the lands across the sea. Wiser than all, she knew the truth, and the truth was all she gave. No warnings, no information to change fate, only the dark truth that was to be.

The road to justice isn't a light one, especially when one is corrupted by hate and consumed by jealousy.

This story mainly involves a pegasus with a strong hatred toward Twilight. He has his reasons, but his reasoning goes by his emotions and not by logical thinking. This causes him to blame everything on Twilight rather than looking at the mistakes he himself has made.

Published 2013-04-28 17:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-20 22:00:50 UTC

The Darkness in my Heart

"Dark days. Emotions hurt. Heart shattered. Friendship will be nothing but dirt. " As was the prophecy made by the mare from the lands across the sea. Wiser than all, she knew the truth, and the truth was all she gave. No warnings, no information to change fate, only the dark truth that was to be.

Written by:
Porqupine

The Dark Truth

It has been three years since the prophecy had come true. I now live in the outskirts of the Everfree, near the mare of truth. All because of that hateful pony who had to go and steal my special somepony. I survive on my own. do my own harvesting, and even had to go to extreme measures and eat meat just to stay alive. But I will never return to that god-forsaken town to ask for help. Not from those hypocrites.

It all started three years ago. I used to live a happy and fulfilling life. I was a Bucker, like most of my Pegasi friends. My name is Lightning Dash, but most of my friends called me Porcupine, probably because my mane always being static and standing straight up like a porcupine's spikes.

I used to be a little admired by my friends, because every time I would buck a cloud it wouldn't just dissipate like with the others, my clouds always burst into a lighting strike, which would in turn charge up my mane again.

The doctors said that it has something to do with that fact that my father was a powerful unicorn and my mother an excellent cloud bucker. I had apparently inherited some of my father's magical ability, but I inherited my wings from my mother. Also my hooves would spark every time I got near the ground, which could be pretty intimidating sometimes.

Of course I could never be a match to the awesome Rainbow Dash. Her sonic rainboom really is the most amazing thing a pegasus has ever done, but I was still coolest among my circle of friends. That was until I met Fluttershy.

It had taken me a month to get her to not bolt away from me every time I got a little too close. After an even longer time I managed to get her to talk to me. She was a lot nicer than most ponies thought. She was only a little shy. We eventually became good friends and she taught me a lot about nature and about her animals. After a bit of time passed I fell for her, but I never had the guts to tell her. I didn't want to lose our friendship.

That was when that awful pony from Canterlot arrived. She must have known that Fluttershy loves animals, especially baby animals. Because she had brought with her a baby dragon. I thought it wouldn't last all that long. But after less than a week Fluttershy was suddenly an Element of Harmony.

I had always known Fluttershy to be kind with her whole being, but now she had completely forgotten about me. She was suddenly a part of something bigger than herself and she had six new friends, including the dragon. That was apparently all the kindness she could harbour. Their friendship is the only friendship they have, everypony else isn't important. As long as they have their friendship.

This was what had been said in the prophecy. I had left Ponyville after that. I went to live in the forest, because I know that Fluttershy is afraid of it. At first I was too, but I have learnt a great deal about living here in the past three years. I wonder if Fluttershy would even remember me if I were to meet her again.

I don't think I could even go back to Ponyville even if I would want to. I now eat meat almost daily and I have definitely changed, not only mentally but also physically. Probably also thanks to my unicorn part. My teeth have grown somewhat resembling canines, and the only thing separating me from a changeling is that I have feathered wings and a yellow glow instead of a green one.

This is what has happened so far and now I really have to get back to my lovely manticore stew, before it burns.

I really have to deviate from my original plan now that Twilight Sparkle has become an alicorn. It makes things much more complicated. Before all I had to watch out for was her insanely powerful magic, now I also have to keep in mind that she can fly. I will have to act swiftly now that she's still not used to her wings, if I am to have any chance at succeeding.

I know Discord has already tried to break their friendship once, and miserably failed at it. But I am confident that my plan will succeed. I will show how their friendship is messing up other ponies lives and relationships. The way that it has affected my friendship with Fluttershy.

She will see how bad her friendship is and that she'll have to break it to make everything better. This is how I will get my revenge. I may never get my special somepony back, but this will at least do me some justice.

I walk out of my cave after having my manticore stew, which was rather satisfying, to hunt and scavenge a little. I learnt not to hunt in the same place too often, otherwise the animals will start to avoid that spot. The wildlife has already started to avoid my home so now I have to hunt in places further away.

The bothersome thing is that I cannot fly through the dense forest. I also shouldn't fly above the canopy. I might fly into another pegasus, and that would be even more bothersome.

I walk for about twenty minutes and reach the edge of a little clearing. I shift my stance into a prowl and slowly move forward. In the clearing are a few creatures, unaware of the imminent danger luring from the dark bushes.

I take a small leap from the brush and charge forward with a powerful flap of my wings and I reach the unsuspecting capricorn within a fraction of a second. I bite down hard on its jugular with my ever-growing canines, slowly feeling its life drain and it goes limp in my muzzle.

The walk back home is a little longer because of the extra weight, but it is a welcome weight, reassuring me that I have enough food for the next couple of days.

Mixed Feelings

Once back inside my makeshift home I store the meat in the farthest reaches of the cave, where it's always cold, so that the meat won't start rotting before I can finish it. I tear a piece off and take it back to my makeshift kitchen. I'll leave it there until I prepare it for dinner.

First things first, I have to go clean up. There's a conveniently placed waterfall just outside my cave which I have been using as a shower for the past three years of living in solitude. I don't really know what has happened to society during this time, only that the Elements are being praised for their actions.

Everything the Elements did had nothing to do with the Everfree. I suppose it really takes after its name. Every time anything bad happened to the main pony society I was left out. It seems even the Princesses or god of chaos don't have any power here. It really is, and will always be, ever free.

After the quick shower I walk to a smaller clearing out back to stretch my wings. I hated to have to go out of the protection of the forest, but I had to keep my wings in shape, especially if I wanted justice. The unicorn will pay for what pain she has caused.

I kick my back-hooves hard into the soil and launch myself thirty feet into the air before spreading my wings to take actual flight. I love to fly, to feel the wind through my mane, the strength of my wings as I push back air as if it were a solid. The feeling of freedom is indescribable.

There was however the always nagging fear that I might fly into somepony who would then start asking questions. All of my friends probably already forgot who I was or that I even ever existed, my parents had passed before I got into flight academy. I was a total stranger, completely cut off from society.

I am quickly ripped from my thoughts as I hear a loud 'BOOM' coming from my right, and then another. I get my bearings and remember that Ponyville is located to my right. I turn my head to see what had happened. I just hope Fluttershy's okay.

What I see before my eyes I cannot comprehend. There is the obvious sign of Rainbow Dash's sonic rainboom, but that wasn't the surprising part. The fact that there was another ring resembling the rainbow coloured one, but it was a deep purple with hints of pink and blue hues here and there.

There was only one thing that didn't make sense. A small dust cloud in the shape of a mushroom was rising from the earth underneath the rings, and it was getting larger.

Although I absolutely despised that one pony I couldn't help but flap my wings to make a boost toward the impact zone, old habits die hard. I used to be a little like Flutters when it came to kindness, but my hatred for that one pony made it all but disappear. The only problem is is that I can't stand seeing other ponies hurt physically. I could have been a doctor but my cutie mark told me my special talent was definitely hardcore aerobics.

I rushed over to the scene to find a big dust cloud blurring my vision. I start to fly around it and create a small tornado to pull away the fine sand from the air around the crash-site. Once the air clears a little I can see two figures lying in a crater. They're definitely hurt. I rush over to them and find what I feared I would find. I see Rainbow Dash lying limp on the ground with a wing twisted into a horrifying position that almost makes me gag, also her mane's red colour is slowly spreading, covering the other bright rainbow colours.

About two feet away from Dash lies the new Princess. And she's in a worse state than the blue pegasus. She's on her back, legs twisted in the most impossible way, as if torn from being pulled too hard. She is bleeding from her muzzle and what's worse is that her horn seems to be cracked. The worst thing for a unicorn, or an alicorn for that matter, is a broken horn. Now I notice her wings, sprawled out underneath her. She definitely has dislocated joints and most likely multiple broken bones.

The only thing I can do at this point is something I really don't want to do, but I can't just let two ponies die if I can help them. I take off and head for Ponyville. Within less than half a minute I'm at the hospital shouting. "I NEED ASSISTANCE IMMEDIATELY!" If my entry wasn't enough to make myself noticeable my shout definitely was. I feel rather surprised that I can still speak, even after not having spoken in over two years.

A doctor and two nurses immediately galloped toward my at high speed.

"Who is most qualified!" I was still half shouting as the nurses pointed at the doctor.

Without any hesitation I pick him up under his armpits and started flying to the scene again. The doctor hadn't moved at all during the whole flight, probably not grasping what was happening just yet.

I land and quickly guide the doctor to the two wounded ponies.

"What in Equestria happened HERE!?" He looks at me with a shocked expression on his face.

"I have no idea, but there's no time. GO HELP THEM!" I felt all jumpy and didn't like being here any longer than I needed to be.

"Go get nurse Redheart! I need her assistance with this." I nod to the doctor and head back to get the nurse.

On the way I see multiple ponies now running toward the crash-zone and I quickly spot nurse Redheart amongst these ponies. I quickly glide down and without even landing I grab her under her arms and bolt to get to the doctor as quickly as possible.

This one did flail about though and it was a little difficult to keep balanced, but somehow I managed to get to the doctor just as he started examining Rainbow.

"I need you to do something else for me." The doctor says to me. "Keep the crowd at bay, tell them to not interrupt."

I quickly fly to the edge of the crater, already seeing the first few heads bobbing up-and-down on the road.

"DO NO CROSS!" I wail to the ponies who, to my relief, come to a skidding halt in front of me.

"What happened-Who are you-What's this-Is everypony ok..." All ponies start to bombard me with questions.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" This seems to have the desired effect. "I will not answer any of your questions until I know what happened, so just stop shouting and stand back!"

I was now feeling angry. Angry about everything. Angry about the fact that I may have saved the life of my biggest enemy. Angry at the fact that I couldn't let any pony die on my watch. Angry that I was weak for my cause. And everypony seems to notice this built-up rage that is now slowly releasing itself into the atmosphere. I was getting charged again, I could feel it, and it was intimidating the other ponies.

My mane started to stand straight up again, like a porcupine's spikes, and there were small bolts of electricity running through it every now-and-then. My hooves also start to glowing a little, gradually turning white at the base and also sparks of electricity flying off them every time I move.

After a few minutes I feel more and more uncomfortable as my rage slowly subsides. The ponies in front of me seem to have gotten my message and I don't think they'll charge in immediately if I leave. I flex my muscles and take off once again, heading straight for the forest.

I didn't feel like answering any questions, or staying any longer than I should. I couldn't help but have mixed feelings over what I did, why save the one I wanted dead. Saving her just to kill her just doesn't make any sense. Feeling all confused I decide to go straight to bed, even though I haven't had dinner yet and that the sun won't set for about another hour. I just feel completely exhausted by what happened today and I have to rest.

I will think about the rest tomorrow, now just sleep.

The Evil Grows

Dawn came sooner than I wanted, and now is the time to think about my actions of the previous day.

Why did I save the new princess? Do I not want her dead? Do I want want my dear Fluttershy back? I never confessed my feelings to her but she was my only true friend. Now is the chance to get close to her again, now that Twilight can't manipulate her.

I think I should go check on them before I make my move though, should probably make sure that they're still unconscious before I break apart their group of friends. Fluttershy is mine and mine alone. No one can steal her from me without facing the consequences!

Without me realizing I was charging up again. My mane starts to stand straight up and spark and my hooves slowly scorch the floor around them. So filled with hate against the purple alicorn that stole my special somepony away from me. This is when the worst that can happen happens.

"Sooooooo... I see you would like to have your mare back." Someone says from behind me with a deep voice and an evil laugh.

"I can make that happen."

I turn around only to find myself staring at my shadow. But the shadow doesn't exactly match my outline. I take a closer look and see that not only is the shadow a lot larger than it should be, it is also moving slowly side to side.

"Who are you?" I ask, with clear rage in my voice.

"I have many names, for I am from many worlds. I go by the name of Malphas, Satan, Umbra, Skia, Skugga they even call me Beast. But here they call me Shadow Walker. I guess ponies like to stick to pony names." The shadow seems to slowly pull itself away from the floor and the wall and gradually a creature appeared like no other.

There was only one word for it: 'Hellspawn'.

"Why in Equestria would you ever want to help me?" I don't trust the thing standing in front of me. It sort of resembles a hound but it is much larger and it is a shadow, a solid shadow. It has red eyes (of course) and It seems to be shifting between this plane and another that I cannot perceive. The energy he was giving off only made me feel more enraged and uncomfortable.

"Oh I just like to mess with the balance to the worlds every now and then."

"What do you mean 'balance of the worlds'?" I hope it's not what I think it is, otherwise I could be in serious trouble.

"Oh you know, throw in some chaos here and there, somewhat like that Discord fellow does here, but trust me when I say, Discord is a nice guy, I'm not." It looks at me with a smirk and I can see the pure evil of which this thing is made.

The longer I look into his eyes the more evil I can see, and the more I can feel my hatred against the purple alicorn grow. Why in Equestria did I ever save that horse, I can't care any less that Rainbow would've died too, as long as that bitch of a horse died I was fine with everything!

I turn around and leave the Shadow standing behind me. I have to get to that hospital straight away and undo what I did. I have to make sure she's dead. And soon she will be.

I step out of my makeshift home and take off into the sky with the sun rising, unaware of the shadow laughing victoriously. I fly over the canopy of the Everfree heading to Ponyville's hospital. My anger is clear as my whole body is charged with electricity and every cloud I pass by becomes one of a thunder storm.

I reach the hospital in longer time than I wanted, and as I touch down a small shock wave of electricity is released to the earth. I run through the doors and search for the alicorn.

"WHERE IS SHE!" I shout through the hallways as I check every room in the hospital.

"Calm down sir-who are you- what's going- why-" Every nurse I pass want to calm me down or get my attention.

"WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR!" I hear someone shout from behind me.

I slow my pace and look to see who asked the question. It was doctor Feel Good, the doctor that did the first-aid on the two crashees.

"Where is she?" I was still literally steaming from anger and exertion.

"I'm afraid the ponies you are looking for have been sent to the Grand hospital of Canterlot. Their injuries were far to great to be treated here."

Before anypony could say another word I was off again, sprinting through the hallways to the exit and then I took off again, but now for Canterlot. This was going to be a long flight, but if it meant that I could get rid of my lifelong enemy it was definitely going to be worth it.

Exhaustion

As I expected the flight to the capital of Equestria took a long time, and it has taken a greater toll on my body than I thought it would. By the time I reach the city I can barely keep my wings beating fast enough to gain lift.

I have been flying for almost the whole day and I can feel the exhaustion pulling me down. I have to rest before I can complete my personal mission for vengeance.

I slowly let myself glide down toward the city, but before I realize it I crash straight into an invisible wall. I quickly regain my balance and now carefully check where the invisible wall is. It is probably one of Shining Armor's force fields. I glide down to the main gate of the city, only to find it heavily protected by at least ten of the elite royal guards.

"Who goes there!" One of the guards shouts with a strong accent, as I approach the gates.

"State your business!" He continues as I reach the ten guards blocking the entrance.

I know I can't tell them my real business so I start to think of an excuse to get into the city and quickly come up with one that makes perfect sense. One that would even fool the princesses.

"I'm here to see my friends, whom I saved from certain death yesterday." I say dryly, looking intently at the guards to see if they bought it. They must have because it is mostly the truth. Only the 'friends' part wasn't entirely true.

"Well then what are you waiting for! Go see how they fare. You are probably their hero at this time!" He was still shouting with his mandatory royal guard's voice. I still don't understand how ponies can be so easily fooled, and that I used to be exactly the same.

"One question. Where is the Grand Hospital of Canterlot?" I ask as I pass the guard. I have never been to Canterlot before so I have absolutely no idea where anything is.

"It's easy to find. Just go down the main road, once you reach to castle's gates turn left and then just follow the signs. Can't miss it." Another guard answers with a more casual way of speaking.

"Thanks." I say back as I start on my walk toward the hospital and the guards return to their posts, putting their neutral mask back on their faces.

The city is absolutely huge and the main road is very busy. It is rush hour, I remember, and this will definitely take me twice as long to reach my target than if I were twenty minutes earlier. I also can't resort to flight as my wings are completely exhausted from flying all the way here from Ponyville.

The castle is literally at the end of this road. It's so close yet so far. I can see the majestic building looming overhead but it is still at least half an hour away considering how busy the streets are.

Finally, after an exhausting time pushing through the crowds I now stand in front of the castle. Remembering what the guards said I turn left, determined to get to my destination as quickly as possible. Just like the guards mentioned there were signs directing me to the Hospital.

It is immediately clear when I reach the hospital, there is an enormous red cross right above the entrance. I enter still half-running and go straight to the nurse behind the desk to the right of the large lobby I just entered.

"Where is Twilight Sparkle?!" I can feel my anger slowly rising inside me again.

"Who are you?" Is all the nurse says before actually looking at me.

"I'm the one who saved her." I reply while grinding my teeth and with a very recognizable annoyance in my voice.

"Oh Thank Celestia! Follow me I'll take you to her. She is still recovering so she might be a little tired, but she said that she really wanted to meet her saviour." The nurse stands up from her seat behind the counter and walks toward a set of stairs.

"It'll be faster if we fly." She says as she spreads her wings, which I didn't see before because of her white hospital robe that all nurses and doctors wear.

I feel extremely glad that there's a faster way to get to her than the normal walking so I spread my wings just like the nurse before me, and immediately regret doing that. I had totally forgotten about the fatigue from the long flight, but obviously my body hasn't. I can feel almost each muscle start to cramp up as I am now unable to retract them to a normal position. And the pain, don't get me started about the pain. My wings feel like they're being stabbed between each feather with razors, and then being stomped on by somepony really heavy, like Applejack's brother Big Macintosh.

I must have screamed out but I didn't hear that. I can't hear anything or see anything at all. I can only feel the pain which is now slowly but surely spreading down my back and to my flanks. Mind you that flight isn't only rough on the wings, but also on the flanks as you have to keep your rear-hooves extended backwards for maximum speed.

I can feel my rear fall to the ground as also those muscles give up on me. It only then really hits me how tired I am. I don't even have nearly enough energy to keep my rage fuelled as I now completely sag onto the floor like a bag of processed wheat.

"Somepony call doc..." Is all I hear the nurse say before I loose conciousness, right there in the middle of the lobby, so close to my target, yet so far away.

Collision

The first thing I feel are the warm and pleasant rays of sun on my eye lids as I slowly regain conciousness. I don't want to wake up yet, it's much too nice to just lie lazily in bed and not take care of my morning chores. I know I have to get up and start gathering the fresh herbs which grow just outside my cave and I have to start the fire to cook the meat for tonight. But I don't want to. The bed just feels so much softer today.

Wait.

Bed.

Soft.

My eyes shoot open faster than the sun's rays hitting their lids and I am suddenly sitting straight up, in a bed. In a hospital bed. Everything comes rushing back at me all at once, the flight, the rush hour, the hospital, the pain Oh Sweet Nightmare Moon the pain.

I try to flex my wings a little, but they feel jammed, stuck. I look back to see the reason why. They are completely wrapped up. Not like when something is sprained, but the way when something is broken. They're in casts, both of them. Then I notice the beeping sound coming from somewhere behind me. And you guessed it, there's a heart-monitor hooked up to me.

"Good morning to you too." Someone screams from my left, or at least she gives me such a scare that it could just as well have been a scream.

I recognize the voice, but I don't dare believe it. I will NOT look to my left, she's NOT in the same room as I am, I let her die, I did NOT save her. All these things I say to myself, only to do and believe the exact opposite.

I very slowly turn my head toward where the voice came from.

"I heard you're the one who saved me two nights ago." My head now turn even slower as I can feel my rage quickly building inside of me. I can feel the electric charge build up in my hooves and mane, making them glow faintly.

"A-are you okay? I mean I heard you got here as soon as you could to check up on how we are doing. I-is there anything I can do to repay you?" She just won't stop talking.

"H-Hello?" My eyes finally meet hers, and I can see the shock of a pony who saw something she didn't expect at all. What she must have seen in my eyes at that moment would have been the purest and strongest form of anger, fuelled by a creature so evil, a creature not even from this world. I see her horn already softly pulsating with her aura, I am too late, she's already recovered too much. But that doesn't mean I can't try.

"DIE!" I jump up from my bed screaming, oblivious to the casts around my wings and rear-hooves, and make a mad dash for my arch nemesis.

Everything happens in a split second.

The dark-blue pegasus, charged with electricity, gets to the edge of his hospital bed. He kicks as hard as he can with his cast-covered hind legs while also flapping his cast-covered wings backward in one smooth motion. At a speed which almost matches a certain blue, rainbow maned and tailed, pegasus, he leapt toward the stunned purple unicorn, removing any and all things attached to him, including the heart-monitor. The unicorn, however, had already seen darkness through the pegasus' eyes and had taken the precaution of pre-casting several defensive spells, such as a forcefield and a time-perception spell.

The unicorn knew several high-class defensive spells and has put them to good use, however she did not expect the pegasus to have inherited certain unicorn traits from his ancestors. The pegasus hit the forcefield with such an impact that the whole room around the defending unicorn got trashed.

The unicorn had a very good sense of what was going on due to her time-perception spell, but could not defend herself in time against the electricity that was released on impact with the forcefield. It hit her at almost one hundred mega volts, an equivalent to what lightning produces, in single blow. This had an immediate effect on her and she quickly dropped to the ground, her heart beating with irregular intervals. The pegasus was also down for the count after the collision with the forcefield, however he had already expected it to happen and he had braced himself for the impact.

The force of the blow had cracked the casts around his hooves and wings, and now he realized why he needed them. He couldn't get up any more. His hind-legs were twisted because of the involuntary muscle movements from the day before, they were so strong that they had snapped his bones, and not only in his legs, but also in his wings. He hadn't foreseen this outcome, although if it meant that he had rid himself from the one who ruined his whole life than it was worth it.

It's over so fast, after a few moments of recovering the pain returns to my limbs, and this time it's worse than before, only thing is now is that I'm well rested and not so tired as yesterday which renders me incapable of fainting. This in turn means that I am now in serious trouble as the pain gets stronger and stronger, until I finally scream out in agony.

The hospital staff must already be on their way because of the giant explosion that took place here a few seconds ago, and if they weren't, then now they definitely are, as probably the whole hospital can hear my screams.

The Source

I barely notice the chaos going on around me. My vision is blurred and the world is upside-down. My throat hurts a little, but it feels like heaven compared to everything else from my neck down.
Then completely out of nowhere a flash of light.

I squint my eyes, as I suddenly feel no more of the agony through my lower body. The light slowly dissipates into something more manageable as I carefully let my eyes open more and more. My vision is also steadily returning to normal and I look around myself to see what happened.

All I see at first are multiple ponies in white robes lying on the floor, clearly they're all hospital staff. What was that flash of light? Did they all die?

I let my eyes drift further through the room as I suddenly see four white pillars standing awkwardly close to me.

Please don't te- "WHAT HAPPENED HERE!" yep, it's her.

I quickly close my eyes as I can feel the princess bring her horn around to my muzzle.

"What have you done?" She says with a low grumble in her voice.

I feel her getting closer to me and then the worst thing that can happen actually happens. I can feel her horn touch my forehead and then she blast through my head with her magic, searching my mind for what happened, hearing my thoughts and feeling my emotions.

I remember something I learned from an old friend in the woods. Something that could help against magic questioning.

I know that if my mind is unwilling a unicorn cannot access everything, so I did what I was taught. I put up a mental wall.

The only thing I think of is the inside of a white cell. Nothing else. I already know the princess has made me incapable of feeling my pain but the memories of it I also put into the cell, where I then send the other consciousness in my head to.

It doesn't take long before the princess steps back from me.

"Take my student elsewhere, I need to have a word with this pegasus." Celestia now moved into full view in front of me as I slowly and carefully open my eyes.

There is one thing I do not want to answer, because I don't know the answer any more. Everything is confusing right now. My body is hurt but I can't feel it. I want to be angry and I want to want revenge, but for some reason it all disappeared with the collision with the shield. But the one thing I really can't remember any more is 'Why?'.

"Why?" Is the only thing the princess says to me. Right in my face, as I now look straight into her purple eyes. I move my head back a little, but she just moves closer again.

"Why?" She asks again. Now I crane my head back even further. Again she moves with me.

"WHY! JUST TELL ME WHY FOR THE SAKE OF THE CREATOR TELL! ME! WHY!" I can see her visibly fuming and even her mane almost only has yellow and orange colours. I can't move my head back any further as I feel it would snap if I would even try.

"WH-", "I DON'T KNOW!" I scream back at her. I just can't remember why.

"I don't know. I don't know why. I forgot why. The only thing that matters is that it is done. It has to be done. I don't know why but I HAVE TO FINISH what I started." A small pool of water is forming under my head as I started crying for no reason but stress.

My mind has been so clouded for so long I can barely even remember when everything was clear, when everything was calm and peaceful inside my head. Every thought I have is now covered in a coat of darkness, corrupting me to my very soul.

"Let me heal you, child." Celestia says with a soft and soothing voice, as she lifts me onto a bed which surprisingly didn't get destroyed.

I can't do anything since my whole body is destroyed and it would be suicide to try and escape a well rested alicorn, especially the one who raises and lowers the sun. I just let her put me onto the bed as I try to make myself lose consciousness. It doesn't work. My brain still can't feel the pain of my lower body and I've had a good sleep so there's no apparent need to be knocked out.

The princess is still standing beside me and she's still looking at me with a glare in her eyes. She may sound soothing but she looks the exact opposite. I know I could have expected something like this to happen if I were to succeed in my mission, but it still doesn't make me feel good about it. I know that she'll probably send me to the moon. I did almost manage to kill her prize student and element bearer of magic.

What surprises me though is that yet again she is trying to get into my mind, as she now has her horn on my head again.

'Stop resisting it. I will not stop until I have found your source of darkness. I will heal you of your pain. Do not make this any more difficult than it already is.'

She's definitely in my mind saying these things to me, but I still can't help but fight it. I do not trust her. She's not only going to send me to the moon, she's also going to take away my sanity. she's going to make me think I'm an apple or an orange or any other type of fruit she likes.

'I will do no such thing, now show me your darkness Lightning Dash.'

The command was strong, too strong to resist. I led her straight to my heart. Never had I seen my own heart's pain, but I had known it was there ever since that fateful day. But to actually see it, it makes me sick. My own heart didn't contain any love at all any more. The love I used to feel for my special somepony has all been replaced by hate, anger and vengeance. Seeing it has made me very self-conscious.

'Why is it that you are filled with such hate? What has Twilight done to you?'

This triggered something in my mind. I know what she has done and I know it is her fault. And that's when I share my entire story of how Twilight had taken away my only true friend, my special somepony, within a single memory of emotion.

I could feel that the princess understood the reasoning behind my actions, but there was something more that she was looking for, but for some reason I can't see what that thing is. She just keeps on searching and I have already given up on trying to block her out. She's much too powerful, and also much too keen of finding what she's looking for.

What are you actually looking for?

'I'm searching for your darkness.'

I thought you had already found it.

'You showed me what brought you your darkness, but the source of your darkness is not yours at all. I can sense that you have been corrupted by another being, a being that has been long the enemy of Equestria. His name, Shadow Walker.'

This sparks my memory as I think back a few days ago, when the shadow started talking to you in your home.

'I see that he has even showed himself to you. This is worse than I feared.'

Suddenly I can feel the princess pulling hard on something I didn't even notice was there. Hidden deep within the centre of my heart, coated in a casing of thick black muck lies the true source of my darkness. It has been growing there for almost three years and it doesn't want to leave.

Again I can feel her tugging on it, but this time with so much force I can feel it hurt me physically.

'I'm sorry I have to do this Lighting, but there's no other way. I am really sorry.'

I see a bright flash from behind my eyelids and then a slight burning sensation in my stomach. It slowly moves up toward my heart and starts to burn more. The further it travels the more it burns and the more it spreads. It wasn't so bad the first few seconds, but then it started to hurt, and then hurt even more. The pain seemed to be becoming unbearable, that was until I got my feeling back in my wings and legs. All hell broke loose in my brain. Everything hurt and I could hear myself give one short scream of agony before the whole world shook violently and everything went dark.

'Don't worry. Everything will be okay.'

Facing Reality

Where am I? Why is everything so dark?

A small light appears somewhere in the distance, even when it's so dim you can barely see it in this darkness any light seems as bright as the sun. The light is ever so slowly becoming brighter, seeming to get closer to me.

What is this? Somepony please tell me what's going on!

'Don't worry. Everything will be okay.'

Celestia!? Is that you? Please, what's happening?

The light comes closer and it takes shape, but not any shape I would expect a random light to turn into. What stands before me is an exact copy of myself, somewhat like a shadow only than the opposite. I walk a little to the right and the light does the exact same.

What are you?

'I am you.'

This took me by surprise, that is me? That thing of light copying my every move is me?

What do you mean 'you are me'?

'It's exactly as I tell you, I am you. I am a reflection of you, of the kind-hearted, loving and understanding you.'

'Don't listen to that!'

I turn around to see another being standing behind me. It was the exact opposite of the other thing standing next to me. This one was dark, with muck on it's hooves and with eyes glowing an evil green. It strangely reminded me of the Changelings I met a few months ago. Only this thing looks at me with a much more evil expression than the Changelings had.

Let me guess, you are my dark reflection, the one of hate, vengeance and pain?

'Not very difficult to figure out I see. Took you, or well me, longer to figure out who light was though. Which means you know me better, why not just let things go back to the way they were, let's just make sure that alicorn is gone for good now, shall we?'

'YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING!'

And there she was, princess of the sun, burning my dark reflection with her powerful magic. I could see my surroundings slowly get lighter the longer it burned. I felt relieved too for some reason, my mind had been cleared from its dark fog which was clouding my judgement. I felt free, the way I haven't felt like for over three years.

'Come back to me.'

I could see brightness all around me, in my mind was only clarity. There was however still my reflection of light, brighter than anything around me. It was beckoning me to follow it as it started walking toward something, something blurred. I couldn't make out what it was. I slowly start to follow it as it beckons once more.

'NO! Come back to me. DON'T FOLLOW THE LIGHT! Please.'

I can hear the desperation in her voice.

Why not? It wants me to follow it. I feel I can trust it.

'Please. Please don't go yet.'

She was now clearly panicking as she didn't know what to do any more.

'I looked for you when I heard you'd gone missing. I never forgot about you. Please. Please don't go. Not now, not yet'

I could hear her start to cry. I stop dead in my tracks as I suddenly noticed that this voice wasn't Celestia's, and that this voice had been talking to me for a while now. Before I realise I am running in the opposite direction as to where the light is going, As I do so the ground starts to crumble underneath my hooves and I fall again.

I slowly open my eyes as they quickly settle on something, or rather somepony, who I didn't expect to be there. I feel her silently sobbing on my chest and I can even make out a few tears falling from her face through her pink mane.

"I-I'm sorry." Is all I manage to say before being looked straight in the eye and then she just jumps up onto me and hugs me like a madpony.

"Thank Celestia you're okay." Fluttershy manages to say through her sobs as she's now literally soaking my mane.

Yes, thank Celestia indeed.

"Where is Celestia?" I ask seriously, remembering what I had done to her student and new princess.

"She's just making sure Twilight's okay. Don't worry about it, I'm sure she's fine. I'm just glad that you're okay."

I try to move myself to a more comfortable position as well as trying to get Fluttershy off of me, but that is all stopped by a lot of things. I look past the yellow pony of my dreams to see that my flanks are in casts, the end of my hooves are strapped to the bed I'm lying on, my wings are also covered in plaster and they too are strapped to the cot. Then I noticed that my, thankfully mostly undamaged, fore-hooves are also strapped to the bed.

I am completely unable to move.

"Can you please get off me?" I ask Fluttershy rather bluntly, but given my position I think that it isn't too bad of a request. I was wrong. Fluttershy takes this request heavily and immediately jumps off, looking at the floor.

"I'm sorry. Uhm well, bye-"

"Wait! Please don't go. Don't leave me. Not again." I can feel tears welling up as she takes her time before turning back around and positioning herself next to the bed again.

"What do you mean 'again'? I never left you. You're the one who left without even saying goodbye! I searched for you! I missed you! You didn't even visit me on my birthday! I WAITED FOR YOU BUT YOU NEVER CAME BACK!" I could hear the sadness and anger in her voice as she bled her heart out to me. It then occurred to me how much she still loved me, and how much I still loved her.

"I-I'm sorry." I say again as I'm at a complete loss of words after what she just had told me. How can I ever make things right again. I now realise that all of this is my own fault, that she never stopped loving me, that she never left me. I was the one who left, I was the one who caused the pain, I'm the one who should be put to justice.

"Please, forgive me." I turn my head away from the Element of Kindness feeling physical pain for the darkness I've caused, and for the harm I've done to the innocent.

"I don't blame you. Celestia told me everything. I know it wasn't you who did all this. I still love you, you do know that right?"

It was the last thing I expected her to say, it's also the last thing I wanted her to say. I don't deserve her. I've hurt her friends and yet she still loves me.

"I-I can't." I know that I have to get out of here, I have to get back to my home, I HAVE to leave. I start pulling on my restraints with as much force I can muster. I even start biting on the ones holding my front-hooves together.

"Calm down, uhm, please?" I know how much this would hurt Fluttershy, but I know I have no choice, this is for the best. The canines I developed during my time in the Everfree turn out to be really handy in this situation, as I break the restraints with three bites of my carnivorous muzzle.

It doesn't take long before I'm completely free and I jump off the bed with a wince. I can feel my flanks are still severely damaged but I have to get away from here. I can't stay. I can't face the reality. Call me a coward but I have to run.

"Please don't." Fluttershy says through sods and with a pleading look that makes me feel even worse.

"I'm so sorry." I say as I run past her as fast as I could, letting tears freely flow from my eyes. I know that in my condition Fluttershy could easily catch me but I don't care, I have to at least try.

I have no idea where to go and of course I take the wrong turn. I run straight into Celestia who is surprisingly accompanied by the pony I would have died for to not see at that time. Walking next to the goddess of the sun was Twilight Sparkle.

I stand completely still as I see them look at me with surprised expressions on their faces. I quickly turn around and start limping in the other direction as fast as I could, away from the princesses. I can hear they started walking again too, and I know I'm not fast enough to outrun them with half my body covered in plaster.

"And where do you think you're going?" Celestia says as she's now walking casually beside me.

"You know you shouldn't be moving around in your condition. You'll only make it worse for yourself." I know she's right but I need to leave this place.

"I don't blame you, you know." Twilight says from my other side as she too caught up with me.

"Well maybe you should." I say while grinding my teeth, starting to feel the pain again. Apparently they intentionally gave me a short working painkiller in case of this exact situation.

"Let's just talk when you're healed, okay?" I know that I've lost the fight, I won't get away from this. I will have to face all the consequences of my actions.

"I'm sorry." I say once more before I let myself drop to the ground, the pain once again becoming to much to bear.

--Three days later--

I look around in amazement as I, for the first time, step into the royal throne room. With the help of magic and good medical treatment my body healed extremely quickly. It feels nice to be able to walk normally again but the doctors had said that my wings were so badly damaged that they probably won't ever be fully recovered and that flight may become a difficult thing for me.

Totally consumed by the majesty of the room I failed to notice a group of ponies standing a little ways away from me.

"Ahem."

This pulls me out of my trance as I now see the Elements of Harmony, the Princesses and a baby dragon standing in front of me.

"Why did you bring me here?" I specifically ask Celestia as I stopped walking.

"I have some important information I thought you would also be interested in hearing. It involves Shadow Walker." At the mention of his name I could feel my rage rising, and in turn making me charge up a little.

"What about it" I intentionally don't call it a him because it is a monster, and he's the worst of all.

"Thanks to your memories the Elements were able to track it down and then they brought it to me. I have banished it to the moon for eternity, so you needn't have fear nor anger any more."

"I have to apologize but I will always have anger against that thing of darkness. It is something that I will forget easily. This little piece of darkness will stay with me forever. No matter how far away it is I know it still exists, and that is enough for me to anger me. This is who I have become and I cannot change that, I am sorry." This seemed to worry the princess a little as I turn around to leave the throne room.

"At least let me ask you one thing." She says as she walks after me.

"Would you give Fluttershy another chance? You know she deserves it." She says it with a low voice so that only I can hear her.

"Fluttershy deserves another shot at love more than anypony in Equestria I agree, but I do not deserve her, she deserves somepony better than me. Tell her I love her, but only after I've gone back home." I could feel a lump grow in my throat.

"You do know that she'll start looking for you again now that she's sure that you're alive, don't you?"

I don't even take a look back as I head out of the throne room, and then quickly take off through one of the open windows and fly straight back home.

'I don't care how long it takes. I will find him again!' A yellow pegasus thinks to herself with a determined look on her face as she walks into the Everfree forest, leaving behind her home in search for the one who owns her heart.

I hope the ending wasn't too sudden and I hope it wasn't too bad of a story.

I wrote whatever came to mind with this story and this is how it turned out.

Hope you all enjoyed reading it.

Yours faithfully,

~Porqupine.