"People will believe what they want to believe..."
Celestia Kills Luna
Written: April Fool’s day 2013
(A REALLY late April Fool’s joke)
Sunday, the day of respite, not just for many of the religious creeds and businesses of Equestria but also for the government itself. No matter what likes of work one did, it was always good to have a day off, and what would be better to end the week with but relaxing on the last day. Of course, not all would have the luxury of not working on this semi holiday, there still would be the need for certain occupations, like restaurants, certain stores, and government services, but that is beside the point.
From atop the dais of the throne, Celestia sat. A stack of papers to be signed becoming smaller with every page that was taken away, signed, and then set on the growing pile of completed works. To everyony who had seen the Princess, everything was normal. The Princess smiled as normal, the guards stared ahead as normal, the secretaries busted their bums to fulfill their employer’s requests as normal, and the peasants brought their first world problems to her court, for they could not figure them out by themselves like normal. Just another day at the office.
Except, the only hint to the change of the attitudes to any in the throne room was what time it was, and that the day was Saturday. Soon all business would cease, and all of the worker bees to the hive that was the castle would return home and relax. A skeleton crew to take their place for the next day and a half.
Everypony had something on their mind, be it the secretary’s lust to go home and flop on the couch with a raunchy romance novel, the guards’ desire to hit the tavern and spend their ridiculous government salaries on wenches and ale, or the desire to simply be with one’s family. Everypony was working extra hard to go home as soon as the time came. But oblivious to all of these simple ponies, a scheme had been brewing behind the white form of their majestic ruler, one that was not of good intent.
The Princess kept signing her papers, giving her signature in the same relaxed fashion that she had done so many times in the last millenniums that the action was simply subconscious to her. Her mind was elsewhere, only giving enough attention to make sure that she was signing the correct documents and not accidentally giving Equestria to slavers. In reality, she was thinking of what she had been planning for the last 800 years, what she had been practicing for, preparing for, training for, and how tonight was the eve that it would all happen. In the past, she had been prepared, felt that everything was right, but had to postpone her plans, for something would be amiss, and she had not waited for this long to simply have her plans foiled for the tiniest err in judgment or for a quantum sized series of events to be off.
Then as she signed her name one last time for her current sheet of paper, she set it down on the finished pile and found that nothing else remained for her, she was free. The secretary took the large ream of paper and began to organize it to be filed away in its proper spot as the Princess waited. Everything was done, and now, like a schoolfilly on the last day of school, all she had to do was wait.
The bell in the second highest tower was struck, and the white alicorn Princess rose from her throne and gently descended to the throne room floor. Her secretary gave her a goodbye and promised to leave the dossier filled with the signed documents on the Princess’ desk, to be sent and filed first thing on Monday. The ruler let her go, but turned to the two other ponies that had inhabited the room with her for the majority of the day; her magically-turned-steel unicorn guards.
The Princess turned to the one on her left and cleared her throat, giving it time to prepare because of its lack of use throughout the last few hours. “Sergeant Zodiac,” she stated, “Has there been any word of my dear sister returning from her business yet?”
The stallion, equally having to clear his throat for he had not done much beside stand for the majority of the day, replied, “Negative, your majesty. No word over Princess Luna’s return from Crysdonia, yet.”
Excellent…
“Oh, very well.” She stated, acting surprised when she indeed had been the one to suggest her sister visit their niece in the Chrystal Empire. “Please, send an urgent message to First Lieutenant Raindance of her guard and instruct her to tell my sister to meet me in our old castle.”
He saluted again, “Right away, your Majesty.” Before he took off through a side door towards the communication room. To prepare a magical traveling scroll for Lt. Raindance of Luna’s security.
As Sgt. Zodiac left, Celestia turned to the guard at her right, a magically made cookie cutter copy of his partner and asked, “Corporal Pericles, isn’t your daughter’s dance recital tonight?” she finished with a smile.
“That is correct, you’re Majesty.” He answered, trying to remain cold and detached, secretly wanting to slam his head into the floor while he wondered how he forgot about the accursed recital.
“Hmmm…” she hummed, pretending to be in thought, “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and go see her. I am sure that would make her happy that her daddy left work to watch her dance.”
The Corporal stood his ground, his duty was to defend the Princess until relieved, but at the same time his mind began to wander to later tonight, of a sobbing daughter carrying on about a halfhearted promise he may or may not have been aware of, how his wife would make him sleep on the couch for the rest of the week, and how she was going to rip up his special “Coupons” that she gave him on his birthday… and he was also planning on “redeeming” said coupons on her this very weekend.
The Princess then smiled and used magic to pull out a lavender bag and slipped it into his armor against his will, “Why don’t you go and take your family out for ice cream afterwards? I am positive they would love that!” the enlisted pony opened his mouth, but a quick hoof from the Princess held it and then slowly shut it. “Don’t worry about me, I’m not planning on getting myself into any trouble for the rest of the night.”
The pony beside the Princess looked down, and then back to her, to the bag that he could feel was full of metal coins pushing against his coat to the golden armor that he wore. The Princess smiled again and said, “It’s alright, you’re dismissed.” She bent her head low, and whispered into his ear, “Believe me, I know how important family is.”
Without any other coaxing and bribing, the guard turned and made his way out of the throne room, leaving his charge behind. He had been dismissed, so he shouldn’t get into trouble… he hoped.
Within a few seconds, the Princess was the only one left standing in her throne room. She exhaled, stretching her head out and cracking her sore back and neck in a very unPrincess like fashion. It felt good to unwind, but not nearly as good as what she had planned for later. Everything was beginning to fall into place. Sure that she was alone, she gave a little chuckle, more fitting of a cackle a witch would give while adding more ingredients to her evil brew.
She began heading towards the door of her throne room, once again silent and the head of state the world knew her as, but secretly soaked in the delight of what was soon to be. Luna, her dear and missed sister, was overdue for a hard lesson in humility tonight. And after countless centuries of planning, her dearly beloved sister was more than willing to issue said lesson.
The Old Palace of the Pony Sisters, long since forgotten by society, resided far inside the Everfree Forest. Far displaced from the rest of the world, and clear of all potential innocent casualties. The elements of nature had begun to reclaim the structure made of shaped stone. Windows had been broken in, walls had legions of ivy hanging from them, the floor was cracked, rips and tracks from adventurous animals marked the once fancy red carpet, and all around darkness flooded around the moonlit structure.
From the darkness of the ceiling, swirling at the command of its master, the shadows formed into a shape, and descended a dark blue pony, its horn still glowing while its wings slowed it descent. The tall dark figure with a moon on the jewelry adorning its chest smirked and teased in a playful voice, “Come out, come out wherever you are…”
Across the room, three guards, their faces and eyes covered in armor while they stood their ground and faced her. One pointed his horn at her while his two pegasus comrades aimed crossbows with the bolts flaming with fire at the tips. The three stood, taking deep breaths, feeling different levels of anxiety over the threat because of their varying amounts of experience in fighting this type of enemy.
A bright light illuminated the area behind them, causing their shadows to extend far out in front of them. The one on the right chanced a quick look back, but instead turned all the way around as he stared with awe. A white hoof found its way on the shoulder of the gold clad guard on the left, and he likewise turned around.
“It’s Princess Celestia!” stated the first guard dumbfounded. The unicorn at the center of their group disengaged his magic, turned and gave her a look, slowly backing away with the other two guards and confidently said, “She’s got this.”
The two combatants stood, a mere four feet away from each other, and remained motionless for a few seconds.
And then, it began.
Both Princesses spread their wings, at the same time, and as mere reflections of each other, they both flapped down. Luna was faster. She dove down, the Speed of her wings causing her to dart down and attack low on her combatant’s defenses.
But said attack was not to be. While the night Princess took to the ground, the day one took to the sky, right over the brash and aggressive attacker’s frontal assault. Folding her wings back to her side, with her brow narrow and full of determination, she performed a reverse hoof dive.
Princess Luna, not even finished performing her dodged attack, was in no shape to dodge or block, falling easy prey to her older sister. The hoof connected with her sliding bottom, and the impact with the ground was so much that it sent her into the air after cracking the tiles of the floor. While her dark sister was still vulnerable, Celestia landed and began to attack, first a right hoof, than a quick left, and then she swung her body and sending her back hooves diving into her sister again, sending her across the floor. While Luna bounced on the ground, Celestia dashed and made two quick motions to her subdued sister and grabbed her, putting her hooves on her sides and immobilized her. In a quick second, Luna struggled and fought the bindings, but two quick slaps of Celestia’s wings were all it took to daze her. Another flap, and the two were in the air, Celestia braced and tucked her wings in, around her sister, and the two fell, Luna headfirst, and landed on the ground. The two bounced from the landing, Celestia landing on her hooves while Luna was on her back.
As soon as they landed, they were on their hooves again. Celestia began moving towards her opponent, while Luna instead jumped back and disappeared in the darkness. Celestia, being too preoccupied with trying to move, fell easy prey to her sister as she reformed behind her and struck. The blow experienced by the white Princess turned her around, and left her large body shriveled up in pain and open to the next three blows to her body. Princess Luna dove with her bottom hooves forward and wrapped around the middle area of her sister’s body. As soon as her legs were in positioned, she twisted her entire form around in midair, sending both she and her sister to the floor.
Luna released and rolled away and darted forward again, opening her wings again and diving on the floor, to attack the white Princess. Celestia, rising to her hooves as soon as she had been released, crouched and brought up both of her front hooves. Her horn, beginning to glow with a golden aura of magic, caused a pane of glass to form before her, shining with both magic and the light of the rest of the room being reflected.
Princess Luna kept sliding forward, but instead of shattering the glass, went into it, the hoof she had been leading with breaking from its forward momentum and forming again and heading back at her. The blow connected, and she was projected away from her sister.
The mirror exploded, right in front of the blue alicorn. The force picked her up and blew her into the air.
Celestia, not sparing any time to gloat over her successful trap, sprung into action, attacking with three swift midair bucks before returning to the ground. As soon as she landed, Celestia turned around and arched her back high into the air, and then letting her legs fly, straight upwards. Luna, who was flailing in a free-fall, was caught again and once again sent up into the air. Celestia jumped again, performed a buck with her left, right and left leg again, flapped her wings, turned around, and then grabbed her sister’s head in her front hooves. Luna’s cranium glowed with the same magic as Celestia’s horn, and then her body began to dart around her opponent’s body, the moon orbiting the sun, going faster and faster at breakneck speeds until she was released, being sent across the hall and digging headfirst into the floor like a meteor had crashed into the earth.
Celestia slowly descended to the floor with her front hooves across her chest until she touched the floor, where she returned to all fours.
Luna remained in the floor, looking as if she was going to turn in the towel. But then her body turned black and dissipated from the trench she had dug from the force and reformed standing above it. She reared and shouted out frustrated noise, challenging her attacker again.
The two waited for a moment, for their energy to return to them, and then commenced the battle again.
Celestia opened her wings, flying into the air, dashing up and halfway to her sister before she landed again, but was met by a magical blast from the moon Princess. Luna stood her ground, bowing her head once a second to shoot out a dark violet cylinder of magic to her approaching sister.
The black magic coursed around the white ruler like an open electrical circuit, but the Princess wasted no time. She put up her hooves in a cross formation and braced the next blast, absorbing it and taking less damage. Before the next bolt of magic could hit, she reached for her head and grabbed her tiara, and in one swift motion, threw it. She then blocked another magical blast.
Luna saw the attack coming and fazed out, appearing in its wake unharmed before she fired more magic.
Celestia used her magic and caused another perfect mirror to form before her. Luna’s magic bolt shot towards her sister, but when it hit the mirror, it reflected and returned to its sender. The bolt moved back to the left side of the arena, and Celestia took a hop after it. The projectile collided with the magic burst that Luna sent after it, the two canceling each other out. Luna Launched more bolts as fast as she could muster, Celestia kept summoning a mirror, waiting for the attack to reverse, then advanced.
When Luna Launched the next bolt, Celestia kept advancing, instead she jumped over it and performed another hoof dive after she cleared the attack. Luna waited, and began to discharge another projectile when her larger sister would be vulnerable, amid her descent.
But, as she prepared, a spinning tiara hit her in the back of the head, ricocheting into the ground, but leaving the smaller alicorn vulnerable. Celestia spread her wings again and took to the air. Amid flight, she arched her head down by 45 degrees and shot another magical mirror to land beneath the feet of her disoriented sister.
Luna’s limbs became locked out as the ground beneath her hooves disappeared, only to fall through the portal and be sent into the air, to the awaiting hoof dive of Celestia. Still falling without any control, Luna was grabbed by Celestia again and once again her body was locked In Celestia’s hooves.
The two became inverted, heading towards the ground, But magic shot from the elder Princess’ horn, causing them both to fly into a reflecting mirror which sent them even higher into the air. This time when they met the ground, a mirror was not waiting for them.
The two bounced away, and returned to their hooves as quickly as they could. Celestia jumped into the air and dove, but Luna ducked to the ground and slid forwards, dodging her sister.
She turned, and deep within her, a large a deep and dark magic, the spirit of combat and rage was released. She spread her hooves out and grabbed Celestia. The older Princess struggled to get away from her reared sister, but could not escape.
Luna, eyes glowing with power, inhaled through her open mouth, and let loose a bellow that caused Celestia to fall to the floor with pain, covering her ears and closing her eyes as tight as she could. On the ground and trying to protect her eardrums that now had blood bursting from them, she was in no way ready to protect herself to the buck that landed clean on her nose, breaking it.
Luna hopped away, the buck being so powerful that she had to move away less she fell on her face, and returned to her sister.
Forgetting the damage to her ringing ears and bloody nose, Celestia returned to her fighting stance and threw her tiara again. Luna, this time, put up her hooves and let the golden piece of jewelry hit her, taking the bite of the projectile and letting it fall to the floor, only to reform on her sister’s head.
Luna dashed a step forward, Celestia did as well. Luna jumped again, but was not expecting the rolling advance of her sister’s cartwheel kick to meet her.
Luna was sent to the floor, bouncing twice as her sister’s hooves pounded her into the ground again and again.
Luna got up, and attacked with a quick reared punch.
But as the blow flew, it was met and grabbed by Celestia’s hooves, twisted until her reach was extended completely, and then Celestia reared, spinning around and performing a reverse roundhouse kick to her sister’s cheek.
Luna collapsed and used her two hooves to feel her chin, feeling for if it were broken. While she was vulnerable, Celestia summoned another reflecting mirror and stepped into it. This time, instead of walking out alone, TWO Celestia’s exited from the mirror. The Doppelgänger teleported behind the recovering Luna and put her hooves around her legs, forcing her up into a rearing position as the clone assumed the “Full Nelson” position.
Luna shot her head around, her mouth open with awe as she tried to comprehend how the two white hooves were holding her up even though her sister was right before her.
The real Celestia took several steps back and then dug her hoof into the ground. She kicked up the dust, and then charged. Luna began to struggle, but was immobilized.
Celestia impaled her horn through Luna’s gut, making her lurch forward as blood shot out of her mouth. Real Celestia pulled out her long horn out of her sister and backed away. The second Celestia, rearing with Luna, used her right bottom hoof to kick Luna’s knees out. Now that Luna was on the floor, trying to apply pressure on the wound, the other Celestia took her own knee and slammed it into her the base of Luna’s skull, cracking it in several places.
Luna was sent away as the doppelgänger returned to its mirror. Not wasting time to mend to her wounds anymore, Luna returned to her hooves and shot magic at her sister, then jumped backwards, shot more magic, and jumped again.
Celestia followed suit, jumping over the projectile and then performing a hoofdive to pursue her retreating sister.
Luna eventually found herself with nowhere else to run, and as Celestia jumped, she slid forward, trying to continue her plight, but in her rapid attempt to run, she did not see the tiara that was moving to intercept. She jumped, and dodged it by the tips of her hooves…
But was smack dab where Celestia wanted her, on the business end of her hoofdive.
Luna was sent to the floor again. She struggled to her hoofs again, but was too dazed to move. She swayed back and forth, using her hoof to support her pounding head.
Celestia stood beside her, she took a quick hop back, crouched, jumped, moved forwards, and then ducked again.
The White Ruler sat down, looking as regal as possible, and then smiled. She pulled out a large piece of cake, displaying it like she had an audience to show off to, and downed it in one bite.
She turned, and focused her eyes on the dazed Luna before she returned her a standing position. She reared and built up magic in her hooves. When she slammed her front hooves down, the entire planet was sent downwards in its heavenly orbit by several dozen feet. Luna was unwittingly sent into the air and screamed in fright.
Time Slowed, and Celestia coiled her back, making her spine become nice and tight, and waited for the perfect moment to strike. Luna fell face first in the direction of her sister’s flanks, but before the two could meet Celestia unleashed her pent up adrenaline and rage through her hooves. The blow meet her sister clean on the head and sending her through the roof. Stones and shingles fell as they were broken through.
Celestia turned and covered her eyes as she looked up at a blinding light above.
Luna, still screaming at the top of her lungs, was sent rocketing into space. Out of the stratosphere, past the moon, past the next two planets, and finally into the blinding maw of the sun. The embodiment of Celestia’s red hot rage swallowed up it’s creator’s treat like a dog would do for its master.
The only crumbs left of that there ever was a Luna to begin with were trace amounts of dust floating out in space.
Luna took the white box of plastic with a joystick of the top in her hooves and wound her leg back, screaming in gritted teeth and prepared to throw it at the screen. She shot her hooves forward, aiming somewhere on the flat screen TV between the bloody smeared words “Celestia wins:” and “Fatality” when her hoof stopped dead in its tracks.
“Luna…” said a lecturing voice beside her, “Do we not remember what happened the last time you threw a fit and broke the TV?”
Luna stopped pushing her hoof against the glowing golden magic, and set it joystick on the stone floor before her. “I had to go and tell mom….”
“Because….”
“Mom said you were the boss…” she droned.
“And….”
“I got grounded for a thousand years…”
“Why?”
“Because I lied to mom…”
“And what did you lie about?”
“I said that you did it….”
“and what are the rules again?”
“That I can play videogames only if I can control my temper…”
“And who’s rules are those?”
“Dad’s...”
Luna turned her head away, shifting her gaze away from the enormous TV and towards the generator that powered it, shifting in the open sleeping bag that she settled in for their “Fillies night”. There was a rustling as the sound of another sleeping bag rubbed against the bottom of their opened tent, and before she knew it, a limb was set against her shoulders as a wing was draped around the area of her sleeping bag and her exposed back.
“Luna…” Celestia whispered, no longer lecturing her sister, “It’s alright, we all hate to lose.”
Luna turned her head around, and looked into the magenta eyes of her sister, both of their manes, after being washed and purged of the concoction that made their hair look so crazy, were full of curlers. Luna’s light blue mane had Pink curlers while Celestia’s was her natural glowing blonde hung over one side, black pieces of plastic kept the locks tight and under stress. Luna took a deep breath, thinking of what to say, “It’s just…. It’s…” but as she began to say it, it became harder, stressing her voice into higher cords.
She looked down, was she starting to cry? Oh goodness, she must have looked like a massive foal for starting to weep over losing at something as silly as a videogame! But… she was, why?
She swiped her hoof across her face, making sure the wet gloss of her eye was not seen by her older sister, but also pulled away a bit of the green colored mud that both sisters had applied earlier in the night. Luna felt another hoof be set around her chin and slowly angle her head back to her sister. “It’s alright, Luna. You need to let it out.” Luna shook her head and broke from her sister’s grasp, she wiped her face again for good measure. Celestia sighed again, “Luna, I brought us out here because we would be alone, it’s alright. Just you and me.”
Luna turned to her sister, she had seen a prank like this done before, taking her poor hapless victim to a place where they thought they were safe while in reality it was not. With another tear in her eye, she spat, “Prove it!”
Celestia gently removed herself from her sister’s space, rolled her eyes, gave another sigh, and with no tone in her voice, shouted out, “Ass. Shit. Bitch. Fuck. Tits. Damn. Zookie. Twat.”
Luna stared, never once had she seen her sister that many “UNPrincess” words at once. Celestia was not joking, they must have really have been alone. The tabloids would go crazy if they could write on something like that. Mother would be having a hay day on her bigger sister if she heard her…
“Would you like me to continue?” she asked. Luna shook her head, and Celestia slid back over, just to allow her sister to feel that she was next to her, but not draping her wing and hoof around her. “Luna,” she continued, “If I wanted to embarrass you, I would just post your foal pictures on the internet. I’m doing this right now because I care.”
Luna turned away from her sister again and looked back at the generator that was humming down the old decayed hall, “Its just… I don’t know, Tia. It’s just so stupid!”
“Luna, the first step of getting help is admitting it. It took me three days to raise the moon on my own, I was ready to give up and cry. I could move the sun so easily, but I wouldn’t admit that I needed help in moving the moon.”
Luna began to move her head back towards her partner, but stopped and looked straight ahead, not facing her directly, but also just barely making out her shape in the corner of her eye. “Its just….. This was what I was supposed to be good at! All I ever did was raise the moon and play videogames! It was the only thing I ever did, I had to be good at it… I couldn’t lose…”
Celestia felt her sister’s hoof, and applied some pressure. As she did, she pondered all those centuries ago, how this could have been avoided if she had not let her sister win all those times, maybe if she had shown her proper competition she would have learned some humility before it was too late. “Luna” she signed, reluctantly, “if I knew this would happen all those years ago, I wouldn’t have bought you those accursed videogames. But you were so happy, and it kept you occupied when I had to work… So it’s not all your fault. I admit it, but we can work through this. That is what family is for.”
“But Tia!” she whined, “You’re good at everything! You raised the moon for all the years I was grounded, you do all the work, and everypony loves you! Videogames is the last thing I have! I can’t let you beat me at that!” The moon Princess buried her head her hooves, wanting to spontaneously turn into an ostrich and stick her head in the ground.
“Luna…” she whispered, coming closer. “You have no idea how wrong you are. I’m still don’t regret buying all those games for you! I just wanted you to be happy! I did it so that you wouldn’t have to do all the nasty things that I’ve had to do.”
“Like what!” she spat from underneath her hooves.
“Well…” Celestia began to think, “There were all those legal proposals that I’ve had to review, most of which have ‘Briefs’ that are 10,000 pages long… or during the Pony pox epidemic, how I had to tour hospitals full of ponies that were covered in cysts that were ready to pop at any second. Or all those stuffy and boring charity bashes and dinners that I had to attend lest we run out of money.”
“Well that’s good for you…” the blue alicorn pouted beneath her hooves.
“No, Luna.” The white alicorn said, pulling her sister back to her level, “this isn’t about me…” she used her hoof to wipe a tear out of her sister’s eye. “We are a family. And I’m willing to go the distance to help you, just like how I painted myself black on the night you came back so we could blame the reason why you were gone was because of ‘Nightmare Poon’.”
Luna looked into her sister’s eyes and thought back on the night her parents let her go, how Tia had her wait in this very room and hide behind a pillar. Luna still couldn’t believe that her sister had taken the force of the Elements of Harmony right to the chest… Luna didn’t want to think about how much that had to hurt.
Luna wiped her eyes clean again, and slowly began to laugh, “Nightmare Poon…*ha ha* Tia, I think its ‘Nightmare Moon’!”
Celestia, seeing that the joke worked, smiled and said, “oops!” and then allowed her little sister to wrap her hooves around her neck, to which she completed the embrace and the two held each other, both half out of their sleeping bags and covered in cosmetics.
“I love you, Tia.”
“I love you too, Luna.”
When they eventually let each other go, the two returned to a neutral pose, parallel to each other. Luna gave a laugh, “I must say, sister. I did not expect your plan to work, buy my goodness. You played that entire town like a toy!”
Celestia laughed again, “Believe me, Luna. Ponies will believe what they want to believe. Do you remember when I went through my ‘Pink stage’?”
“When you dyed your mane and tail pink? Yes, why?”
“Well..” she said, moving a loose piece of golden blonde mane aside, “I remember when I showed it to you, how you told me that I would regret it.”
“Yeah, but that was one thousand years ago.”
“Well, unfortunately, you were right. I did grow out of it, but unfortunately when ponies began to make their own stories involving ‘Nightmare Moon’ they recorded my mane as that dreaded bubblegum pink color. I’ve tried to explain that it was just a phase, but nopony will believe me.”
Luna used her hoof to boost her own tied and pinned mane around, “Well… it wasn’t that bad.”
Celestia gave another laugh, “Oh don’t be modest. It is almost as bad as how everypony thinks I am a sexual deviant, or that whenever I suggest a new piece of legislation to our parliament, ponies think that I am becoming a power hungry bitch!”
“They Have!” Luna blurted with disbelief. She thought her sister was perfect, why would anypony ever make such wild accusations?
“Oh, that’s not the half of it. Why do you think I haven’t taken a student under my wing until only recently?” Celestia said, sipping from the straw of a plastic pouch of fruit juice and alcohol that both she and her sister had been drinking. “Then of course after you left, a band of drunken college students began thinking during their stupor and crafted a declaration of revolution, claiming that I banished you to the moon because I was going to enslave the nation, that I betrayed you. Eventually I stopped trying to explain myself to them and their asinine followers, I have more worries than those shallow ponies.”
“Oh my, that’s terrible!” Luna declared, she would not be lying by saying that she was probably the pony who knew her sister the best. She knew how much it hurt to be called names. Luna then began to think, how she felt that the idea that ponies thought her sister was a tyrant and she a savior for no logical reason. “Wait… Would that have anything to do with the creepy fillies and colts who try to befriend me on Facebook every day?”
“I wouldn’t doubt it.” Commented Celestia, pulling the last of the liquids out of her clearly labeled alcoholic beverage.
“Hmm, Liberals.” scoffed Luna.
Celestia laughed, almost causing her beverage to shoot out her nose, “I had my account deleted when I started amassing hundreds of friends that sent me messages that read…” Celestia stuck her leg straight out and pointed above her head, her hoof pointing straight up, and in a crazy Germane accent decreed, “Heil CelestiA!”
Luna rolled to her side, Laughing, spilling her drink over, “Oh no!” she cried, “Do we have any more?”
“Oh don’t you worry, Little sister of mine!” answered Celestia, “I’ve been preparing for the last 800 years!” She pulled out two more of the adult juice pouches from the nearby cooler filled with ice and set one before herself and her sister. “Just like I was ready for if you wanted something to chase away the bitter taste of defeat!”
Luna looked at her sister, the uncharacteristic insult flowing out of her mouth in a strangely natural manner, but then realized what else resided in the cooler.
Celestia removed two small metal containers, and after viewing the label, put one before her sister. Luna grabbed the ice cold thing, and could not believe her eyes, mint Chocolate chip gelato, her very favorite.
Without any words, she bit the top, grasping the plastic lid in her teeth, and ripped it free from its glue. In her magic, she grasped the wooden plank on the side and stabbed it into the moist and soft surface, digging in and placing the freed ice cream into her mouth, letting it melt on her tongue and slip down and around her teeth and pool in her cheeks. Why hadn’t she had some gelato sooner? She was so overtaken that she could not help but closer her eyes and moan as the cold icing froze her tongue.
The two sisters ate their gelato in silence, besides the hum of the generator and the videogame’s soundtrack in the background. When no more of the icy treat remained for either sister, they threw the hollow containers and wooden sticks into the growing bag of trash that resided to their right.
Luna looked at her sister who was fixing the bobby pins and curlers that were clumped atop and fell off of her head. Maybe Celestia was right, Luna should be thankful, she did love her videogames too much, maybe she was becoming a monster with them. She thought back on the days when she would only come out of her room to do her one job when it was time to bring out the night, and even then Celly had to cover for her when she was too preoccupied to remember! She must have been the best sister in the entire world!
“Tia… Since we are being open to each other, Do you mind if I tell you something?”
“Of course, Dear.”
“Well… ever since I ordered my guards to wear their enchanted armor I’ve been receiving very… strange mail.”
“Have they been harassing you?”
“No, the opposite actually,” She gave a nervous chuckle, “I’ve gotten pegasi wishing for me to turn them into…Bat/Pony/Things…”
“I told you that was a bad idea.”
“yeah, but what I’ve been meaning to ask… are our subjects really that retarded! Do they think that I can really turn normal pegasi into bats?”
“Like I’ve said, Luna. Ponies will believe what they want to, even though it makes little to no sense.”
“But that’s not it! They think that their bat wings turn them into super heroes! That they drink the blood of normal guards, or that they were once my lovers. Some of these fantasy requests of what they’d do to court me are really creepy!”
Celestia reached her hoof over and set it on her sister’s shoulder and squeezed, making sure she felt the pressure. “It’s alright, Luna. Just ignore them. I used to receive death threats about how you were plotting revenge and were going to turn me into a brooding mare. When I forwarded one of the threats to the authorities, they traced it back to a fourteen year old who wrote it in his parent’s basement on an old laptop.”
Luna gave a laugh,“ Nothing say’s ‘I missed you so much, big sister!’ Like ‘I’m going to murder you in your sleep.’”
The two Equestrian royals shared another laugh, but then Celestia said, “But enough about our subjects’ misconceptions. The night is still young, let’s play some more.” And pulled her own game pad over and got her hooves comfortably around it.
“Alright,” responded Luna, grabbing the same controller that she was going to throw into the TV mere minutes before, but then had to look back at her awaiting sister and ask, “I don’t think I got any sloppier… how much have you been practicing since I’ve been away?”
Celestia turned and beamed with pride, “I’ve been waiting for eight hundred years. But I’ve picked up some other games along the way.”
“Oh, more!” Luna exclaimed “What else did they do? If I remember correctly they were going to come out with a sequel for this series in a few months and I already had it preordered!”
“you’re right!” answered Celestia, shuffling through a duffle bag, causing plastics of different density to hit against each other until she pulled out the desired cartridge. “It received negative reviews because all they did was improve the graphics and added one new character named ‘Feonix’. They say this game caused the entire series to go extinct.”
“Oh… that’s too bad.” Said a disappointed Luna.
“Oh, don’t worry. When the gaming industry runs out of ideas they always go into the past and recycle old franchises. You know, they did come out with a remake of this very game a few months before you came home.”
“Remake? What did they do?”
“They rebalanced the old roster, making your magic bursts take more time so players can’t spam them in a corner as much, added a few other characters, and overall improved the graphics.. OH! And a brand new cooperative story!”
“Story? In a fighting game?”
“Oh, you won’t believe who the bad pony is… It’s Sombra!”
Luna’s jaw dropped and her eyes grew and her pupils shrunk, “Sombra… as in my ex coltfriend, Sombra.”
“Yeah, he wants to merge Equestria Realm with Chrystal Realm to create chaos to resurrect Discord. The final fight is a tag team with you and I against him.”
Luna chuckled, “that’s Sombra alright.”
The two looked at the screen, and then slowly back to each other, “Wanna kick his flank?”
Luna smirked, “you know it.”
One sishoof later, and the two were watching as the flat screen TV played opening credits, awaiting for the main menu. Luna felt a grin widening as the seconds passed, growing with more anticipation to have some sweet revenge… but then she realized something. She wasn’t happy that she was going to fight a distorted version of her lover from over a millennium ago, but instead who was at her side as she did it. As Luna looked over at her sister again, her blonde mane tied back and focusing on the screen, something deep in the recesses of her mind came out, an old cherished memory of how she would share the fun of videogames with her older sister, even after she was exhausted from spending all day running the country and wanted to sleep or unwind.
“Tia…” she asked. Celestia turned her head to see her sister, “I’m glad that we had this talk… together.”
Celestia smiled and bowed her head, “Me, too.” Luna set her controller back down on the stone. Celestia asked, “What’s wrong, Luna?”
Luna stopped and smiled, “Its nothing… but… Do you remember when we used to play ‘President Evil’ together?”
Celestia closed her eyes and shook her head like she had been fed incredibly sour candy, “Unfortunately yes. Why?”
Luna turned her body and moved herself so that Celestia was facing in front of her, “Why did you always watch me play that game all the time? The way you would act when I played it… it was almost like you were scared to death!”
Celestia sighed and then smiled again, “Well, yes. I was 30,027 years old when you played it, and it did give me nightmares when you would stay up for most of the night with it.”
“So… Why did you stay up? Why didn’t you just go to bed when I would have an all-nighter?”
“Well…Luna,” Celestia explained, “I was afraid, I won’t deny it. FDR trying to turn ponies into glue monsters frightened me far into the morning whenever you would play that, but I had to show that I would be there, in case you became too frightened. The Clintons’ slime may have made me look away from the screen, and the moan of the JFKs’ made my skin crawl, and oh god did the Rainbow Factory Level give me nightmares. But If you were going to play it, I would have to buck up and brave right through it in case you needed me.”
Luna paused, in her thousand years of no technology, she always wondered about that, and now she finally had an answer. “thanks, Tia.”
Celestia smiled, “what else is family for?”
PRESIDENT EVIL
Author's Note
I'm just waiting patiently for the downvotes by Woona fans and people pissed over the bait and switch....
