The Autobiography Of All Things Uninteresting

by GooberOfLies

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Spike, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1912

Nopony ever seems to find the legitimate reasoning behind Pinkie's motives for the things she does. This included both how and why she passed so suddenly.

When one has to wonder about life, it becomes harder to think.

When one has to wonder about love, it becomes harder to think.

When one has to wonder about Pinkie Pie, it becomes impossible to think.

However, would thinking become any easier if she was suddenly gone?

Artwork provided by myself.

Published 2013-05-05 03:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-05 03:50:03 UTC

Problem Child

The Autobiography Of All Things Uninteresting

Chapter One

Problem Child

The moon shone dimly during the night, attempting to light the streets of Canterlot from behind the clouds, thick and thin, hanging in the dark sky. The ground was lit, but not brightly, save one or two fortunate spots in the large city. The stars could do nothing in assistance to the light, or lack thereof, and hid instead, silently, behind the clouds. The color of the night was missing from the scenery, shading a saddening grey upon everything under the clouded night sky. The world of Equestria was not upset, was not depressed. Equestria was simply but literally tired, ultimately exhausted after a hard-taken day.

After gazing for long enough at the entirety of the sight, the tall, white, alicorn princess turned from the edge of her balcony and walked slowly toward her dorm, finding herself on the verge of tears. In a valiant effort to lift her own spirits, Celestia smiled warmly and turned her gaze back toward the moon, seeing it fully as it peeked through a gap in the clouds.

"I wish I had the chance to see you display the stars again, sister. They don't gleam as beautifully without you here." She took a few more seconds to observe the spherical source of light, despite how she already thoroughly knew its details by heart. When looking at it every night for countless years, it was effortless. "The time is nearing. I will be ready. We will be ready..."

She turned and continued into her dorm, sighing.

"...I hope..."

=^=^=^=^=^=

She sat quietly in her high throne, silently waiting for something interesting to happen. Today was one of the most slow days she had been through in a very long time. The part that made this the most opposite of humorous was the fact that it was only nine in the morning. The guards had nothing to do, aside from guarding, and she had done her duty for the day. She had judged and decided on requested laws for different cities and countries, seen the ponies who she was required to meet for various matters, and accepted an invitation to attend a formal get-together in Ponyville.

She had been watching that city for as long as it had been formed, even as new as it was. She felt that there was some manner of hope emanating from it, that it would bring a new light to Equestria. A new life, in a few ways. She didn't know what kind of hope it would bring, but she knew that this new land contained it, and she knew that this world needed it deeply.

Oh, had this world had been in need of it.

One side of the door started to open slowly, earning her undivided attention. As she noticed one of her royal guards enter, she put her thoughts away and put on what looked like a warming smile. The guard then trotted through the majestic hall, stood before her and bowed.

"Rise," she said kindly. "What brings you?"

He stood straight and looked her in the eye, and his voice came out uncertainly, with a mid-range depth behind his tone. "There is a family at the gates, claiming to have a problem with one of the family members, that of which being the youngest child. They have not officially scheduled any of your time, to my knowledge, but would you like me to let them in, anyway?"

Celestia was glad to hear this. Maybe there would be something to make her day feel a little more alive. "Indeed," she answered. "Let them enter. If they have need of wisdom in what to do with their child, I best encourage them to make the right choice."

"Yes, your majesty." He bowed again and turned to leave.

"Oh, and Silver Shield?"

He stopped and turned around again to face her. "Yes, Princess?"

"Excellent work on your first day."

He smiled. "Thank you, your highness."

Princess smiled back before he turned and walked out the door, closing it behind him. She sighed to herself, letting her smile stay, knowing the fact that she would be paid a visit by one of her many subjects. Knowing that everypony was to be loyal to you was a more pressuring feeling than anything one could imagine, but that didn't mean she didn't still know how to be simple at time. Being royalty didn't mean you had be royal, but merely act like it. Make it look like you are royalty.

Though, our lies are what eventually become our reality. There are times to stretch the truth, for the subjects must have something to believe in. Somepony to put their faith into.

As the doors opened fully, she returned her attention in that direction, seeing a simple earth-pony family of three children and two parents. They each looked to be quite primitive, perhaps passing by while on a long trek. None of them were wearing smiles or anything of similar nature. They looked like they could use a day off from life itself. They looked like they could be a happy family.

Could be.

She waved for them to come inside. They did so, slowly at first, but then their pace grew slightly quicker as they saw fit. It was only then that she truly noticed how different one of the children was from the others. She was of a brighter contrast while they were faded. She was more lively while they were sluggish.

She was pink while they mostly lacked in any color.

The Princess held up a hoof, advising them to stop walking towards her. They stopped and looked at her curiously. "Hello," she greeted happily. "How are you?"

The majority of the family seemed to look at the father, as if waiting for him to give the unanimous vote for the whole family. He rubbed the back of his neck before attempting to speak. "Princess," he spoke nervously, "a-apparently I speak for all of us when I say I think we have a problem-child. That is, t-the child being, well, uh... the problem, ya know, uh..."

"What my husband is trying to say," the mother piped in, "is that this here filly..." She nudged the pink one forward, almost causing her to stumble. "...has a really big issue with not enjoying her work on our rock farm."

"Rock farm?" Celestia raised her eyebrows. "I know some rock farmers... Did you happen to, perhaps, plant a magnificent rock garden next to the park, here in Canterlot?"

"Yes, your highness," both of the parents answered in unison.

"Well, just let me note on how wondrous it looks out there in that park. You two sure did an excellent job."

"Thank you, Princess."

Princess Celestia glanced down at the aforementioned filly. Her mane and tail were long and straight, pointing out a sense of sickening sadness she seemed to have. The princess stood from her throne and walked toward her, the child quivering and unable to look her. "This is the one?" Celestia asked, gesturing to the little pink pony. The parents and two sisters nodded. She turned back to the filly and smiled. "So..." she said. "You don't like working on a rock farm, I hear? With rocks, dirt, chisels, and shovels, I presume?"

The pink filly shook her head, eyes closed tightly. "No... I don't..."

"It must be tiring."

"Mmhm."

"There isn't much variety to it..."

"Nope."

"It makes you feel nauseous after a while..."

The child looked up at her with curious blue eyes. "What does that mean?"

Celestia knew she had said the right thing to gain her attention. Kneeling down in front of her, she leaned forward and said quietly, "It means sick to your stomach."

"Oh." The filly blushed.

"What is your name?"

The little one seemed to have not seen this coming, and gasped lightly. "Oh, uhm... It's, u-uhm... I..."

"Yes?"

There was a short silence before she spoke. "Pinkamena," she said timidly. "Pinkamena Pie."

"That's a very beautiful name."

"Thank you."

"And you don't like harvesting rocks?"

Pinkamena shrunk back and looked down at her hooves. "No. I-I really, really don't..."

The princess then leaned in and whispered into her ear. "Me neither." Pinkamena lit up, looking at the princess in shock. "But," she continued, "that doesn't mean I shouldn't do it. Rock farming can be very good for certain environments, you know, and that doesn't mean I have to like it, but if I'm asked by my parents to do it, then I'll do it."

"But why?" The sudden question caught her by surprise, and she raised both eyebrows. "Why do I still have to do it?"

Celestia reached out and put hoof on her cheek. "Because they love you. They take care of you and put dinner on the table every night."

"Well... not every night... And not always on the table. Sometimes we don't have a table."

Celestia stopped speaking for a moment, realizing just how poor this family really was. "They love you, Pinkamena. Your parents and your sisters love you. I'm guessing with their heart, too." They both looked at her family to see them all nodding in affirmation. "Pinkie," she continued. The small pink pony turned her head back toward the princess again. "May I call you that?" The small one nodded timidly. "You love them, too, am I right?"

She nodded again. "Mmhm."

Celestia smiled once again. "Then there shouldn't be an issue."

Pinkie sat on her haunches and looked at the floor, as if pondering. Then, slowly, for the first time Celestia had ever seen, she began to smile. Something sparked up in the princess's heart and mind when Pinkie looked at her with that new curve in her lips. Celestia felt her heart start beating a teensy bit faster, and soon found herself being hugged by Pinkie Pie. After recovering from a small startle, she hugged her back with one foreleg. She didn't know what it was about this tiny little filly that made her feel a little warmer inside, but it felt like hope. A good hope.

This world needed that hope.

They let go and she stood up from the floor, walking back to her throne before sitting and looking at the group again. "You may leave if you wish, but you might stay and try the local restaurants. They're really something." They all bowed humbly, Pinkie included, before turning to leave. "Pinkamena," the princess called one last time. Pinkie turned around and looked at her with that same smile and bright eyes. Celestia felt the feeling double inside of her again. She wanted to say something, but she had forgotten it the moment she looked at her, so she improvised. "Be sure to make some friends."

Pinkie blinked, a wee bit confused. "O-okay..."

They all left the throne room, the towering doors closing behind them.

Celestia brought a hoof to her own forehead, closing her eyes and shaking her head slowly. "Be sure to make some friends...?" She opened her eyes and looked at the double doors at the other side of the room. "What was that supposed to mean...?"

She sighed heavily and closed her eyes again.

Author's Note

I don't mean to be complicated, but this story is not an autobiography from anypony's point of view.

I will keep author's note short and simple from here on out.