The Exchanges of Princess Luna and an Equus caballus

by Bomber

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 3033

Princess Luna meets an Earth-born pony in the streets of Canterlot one day. She's unable to communicate with it, and she's certainly not too happy with this fact.

On a beautiful, cliché morning, an Earth-born pony decides to gracefully wander into the streets of Canterlot. Its alien form and seemingly incapability of speech leaves a certain princess that’s been recently integrated into modern Equestrian society baffled and confused. She desperately attempts to get the speechless equine to communicate with her, but no matter what she tries, she can't get it to talk. Let's just say that she isn't too happy about that.

[Takes place early Season 2]

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-28 22:57:52 UTC

The Exchanges of Princess Luna and an Equus caballus

No day could be more perfect than this. A late summer breeze lightly wisped through the lively streets of the grand capital of Equestria, while the bright, illustrious sun majestically drifted through the pale blue sky, shyly hiding behind a tuft of cloud every now and again. Ponies dressed in fancy attire gossiped amongst themselves as they sped through store to store, purchasing a wide array of miscellaneous clothing articles and expensive items to their hearts’ content. Others wandered throughout the city square, where the biweekly farmer’s market was held, buying food and kitchen wares for their home and families.

You’d expect that every single denizen of Canterlot would practically be joyous and jubilant at this point in time, especially with the recent defeat of Discord, the spirit of chaos. However, one particular pony kept her head hung low in the midst of the elated ponies, severely frustrated with a certain sister of hers who decided to punt her outside the castle in order to force her to be more “sociable” among her somewhat loyal subjects.

Princess Luna boisterously returned greetings briefly whenever they came in her general direction, but she wished to keep to her secluded self as she roamed the expansive streets, thoughts hanging heavily on her mind.

At least she had been training her throat for weeks to resist the inevitable effects that would occur if one used the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice for an extended period of time, and she was glad with the results of her training. She could use it for hours on end without her throat ever tiring or becoming sore. It was certainly useful when addressing her subjects, as it showed that she had power and influence. She disliked the idea of the voice, however, but she had come to a point where it had become a nasty habit that was almost impossible to break. She even found herself aggressively shouting into her sister’s unsuspecting ear when they were just simply conversing with each other from time to time. Luna would always plead that it was just an accident, but Celestia always remained indifferent on the matter.

“We do not understand why our sister must commit us to this so-called adventure of hers,” Luna muttered to herself, sighing audibly. “We inquire into the fares of the noble class far too often, so we do not see why we must continue broadening our social status when we are already seen positively by the important folk of the castle. We have only been making steady progress since our return, and thus we should refrain from making too many public appearances until we see that we are fit and ready for doing so.”

She shook her head, exhaling dejectedly. “But despite our sister’s concerns with our image, we shall tarry on nonetheless. If she truly believes we cannot canter in public by our lonesome and vivaciously communicate amongst the common-folk, then we shall prove her wrong.”

Luna then stood tall and firm with newfound enthusiasm, scanning her immediately surroundings to find potential candidates to speak to. She found that she had meandered into the city square while she spoke with herself. Numerous stalls dotted the area, sporting varying goods and wares.

“Maybe we can inquire the street vendors as to how their businesses are faring,” Luna pondered aloud, tapping a sparkly shoe to the bottom of her chin. “That will show them that we dost care for their well-being.”

As she was about to trot in the direction a middle-aged stallion whose stall carried a plentiful amount of dairy produce, shrieks and screams of alarm began to emanate from the very central of the marketplace. Panic began to infect the ponies like a deadly virus one by one, as they mindlessly sprinted in random directions as if the entire world was going to end right then and there. Luna craned her sight left and right, completely baffled as to how the square could devolve into such a state in a matter of seconds.

“Halt, citizen!” Luna obstreperously shouted towards young mare that happened to pass by her as she screamed at the top of her lungs. “What is thy matter?!”

The mare’s piercing green eyes locked with Luna’s as she hyperventilated, desperately gasping for oxygen. “P-Princess Luna, there’s…” she began, her swift periodic breathing forcing her to place a pause in the middle her sentence. “T-There’s a monster terrorizing the square! You have to put a stop to it!”

This confused the princess even more so than she was before. Last she checked there were no foreign enemies that wanted to plunge Equestria into a state of slavery or eternal darkness. Unless some creature from the depths of Tartarus somehow escaped, there was absolutely nothing that could possibly be causing her subjects to act in such a way.

“We must beseech thee into pointing us towards the direction of our foe!” Luna shouted, placing special emphasis on her Royal Canterlot Voice in over to be heard over the panicking ponies.

The mare clumsily stuck a light-violet hoof towards the grand statue of Princess Celestia that was constructed in the square seemingly eons ago.

“Thank you, citizen!” Luna nodded, her angelic-like wings unfurling. “We shall be on our way! We suggest that thy shan’t tarry and begin to seek cover at once!”

The mare waved gratefully as Luna shot into the sky at a breakneck speed. Within a matter of seconds, she speedily flew through the air, flying right over the countless stalls and straight into the very middle of the square, where a partially deformed pony was sauntering aimlessly, its cinnamon-brown coat oddly reflecting the sun’s light. Well, Luna wouldn’t really describe this pony as deformed per se, but a more suited word would definitely be different.

It was slightly larger and broader than Luna’s own frame, almost towering close to the height of her very own sister! She then began to cautiously move step by step, inching ever so closer to the mysterious pony. Her mind was unable to formulate as to how this pony could cause such uproar and enormous levels of chaos so quickly. It might’ve been because the citizens were still wary of Discord and believed that he had magically transformed one of the ponies into this odd and alien figure, but surely the Elements of Harmony locked the draconequus away in a prison of stone! There was absolutely no way that he could be manipulating the ponies again in such a brief period of time!

By now the market had been cleared of any and all life, save for the princess and the bizarrely-shaped pony. She was tempted to crouch into an attack-position, but her conscience nagged to take this problem into further investigation before attempting anything witlessly.

“How shall we approach this enigma?” Luna contemplated silently, ducking behind a large, wooden stall to conceal her presence. “Violence is certainly not always the answer, so maybe a more subtle approach shall suffice. This is an issue that we shall have to put away the Royal Canterlot Voice for unless it is an absolute necessity. We shan’t scare this poor soul.”

She discreetly poked her head around the corner of the abandoned stall, scanning carefully. She was surprised to see that the pony had mysteriously disappeared from the spot it was standing at previously. Could this all be a complex illusion, or had it heedlessly wandered off into another location? Whatever the case was, she had to get to the bottom of it at once.

Dashing out of her temporary hiding place, she lightly cantered towards the regal statue. The best place to start a thorough investigation would be where she had seen the pony last. If her first assumption that this was all an elaborate hoax were true, then some traces of magical residue would surely be found. If this was a living, breathing pony that just had the misfortune of being transformed into this irregular form, then she had to do everything in her power to help.

The moment she reached the statue, her horn was encased in a dark blue aura. She gently shut her eyes in order to concentrate, immediately traced the surrounding areas searching for anything that would link this event to some sort of silly prank put on by an advanced-level unicorn. To her dismay, nothing was found after several careful minutes of scrutinizing the proximate area.

“Interesting,” Luna noted, lifting her head. “As far as we could tell, there’s supposedly nothing here to be found. If this pony is truly real, then what could have caused it to take such a dreaded form?”

The clip-clop of hooves noisily smacking against the solid pavement breached Luna’s ears, causing her to instinctively turn in the direction she believed it was coming from. Without hesitation, she burst into a sprint, weaving in between stalls and littered items that had been left when the panic began to break out.

She met the pony once again a few seconds later as it proceeded to dip its slender head into a batch of freshly-picked carrots. Luna sneakily took several paces towards, careful not to make smidgen of clamorous noise.

She moved closer, and closer, and closer, until she was positioned only a few feet behind it. She wished she could confirm whether this was a mare or a stallion so she could refrain from considering the pony as only an “it”, but it was quite impossible to tell its specific gender. Few strands of its silky, brown mane drifted upwards as the breeze began to pick up again. The temperature felt considerably cooler, and her forehead instantly stopped perspiring any further.

We must say something soon. Nothing can be accomplished if we sit on our flank all day long, Luna thought as she gazed at its body, taking note of the numerous oddities that differentiated it from a normal pony’s.

She took a deep breath, ready to make her voice sound as soothing and calm as possible. “Greetings, we are Princess Luna,” she said steadily as she inched next the pony. “May we inquire thee as to thy name?” It took a substantial amount of energy and effort in order to keep from using the Royal Canterlot Voice, but she accomplished doing so nonetheless.

The pony’s large ears perked upwards, but it refused to turn its head and make any acknowledgment of the princess’s presence. It just rowdily munched on the crunchy carrots, not caring at all for the princess herself.

Luna was taken aback by this act of defiance, but she had to remind herself that this wasn’t your run-of-the-mill, everyday pony. There was something off about this individual, and it was up to her to find out.

“We understand if you are reluctant to speak,” Luna said, “but we ask that you please come hither. We only wish to engage in a short conversation, and nothing more.”

Again, silence ensued. The pony smacked its crooked teeth against the orange vegetable, like the food was much more important the princess directly speaking to it.

Luna was astonishingly infuriated on the inside, but she kept her outside appearance cooled and controlled. She calmly trotted around the side of the pony, turning to look at it face-to-face. Its small, beady eyes almost seemed lifeless, like it was two painted marbles shoved into empty eye sockets. Pony eyes could never reach that tiny size; everypony knew that they were much larger than that. Luna was once again leaning towards the fact that this pony might not even be real at all. But she knew that she couldn’t give up on her investigation just yet.

“Please, we beg of thee, speak one word or two,” Luna pleaded. “We do not care as to what words they are. Just speak them and we shall be satisfied.”

The pony stared at her unblinkingly, still not muttering a solitary syllable. As if it had suddenly become disinterested in both her mere presence and the food it was eating, it began to trot away at a slow pace, causing steam to nearly burst out of Luna’s ears like a steam engine. Her face flushed red with frustration.

“Come back!” Luna commanded, her voice escalating in volume. “We did not excuse thee from thy questioning!”

Despite her commands, the pony refused to comply. It turned around a corner, not turning back for even a moment. Luna resented this boiling feeling of rejection that was beginning to develop throughout her bloodstream.

“We shall say this one more time!” Luna threatened, chasing after the pony with agile hooves. “Thou shalt speak to us at once or face immediate consequences!”

Nothing. No reply. No words. No attempts at formulating verbal noises. All that reached her ears was the clip-clop of its hooves banging against the concrete.

Luna then opted to take off into the air, her watchful gaze staring down into the streets below in search for the runaway pony. It didn’t take long for her to catch sight of its lengthy form as it moved about at a decent speed. She immediately dove downwards, an audible thump could be easily heard as she landed directly in front of the pony.

“As the Princess of the Night, we hereby declare thee to halt all actions at once!” Luna barked. She was about to burst with anger, but she still refrained from using the Royal Canterlot Voice. The pony effortlessly sidestepped around her, continuing with its current course as if she didn’t even exist.

That was it. That was the last straw. She suddenly loathed this pony and everything about it. She cared not if this was really one of her subjects that were transformed into a different shape. If it truly was, they would at least have the decency to say at least something.

She once again spun through the air, landing in front of the pony for a second time. She inhaled heavily, inwardly preparing her throat for her next phrases. “YOU SHALL NOT TAKE ANOTHER STEP FORWARD!” she shouted at maximum efficiency, her blaring voice probably being heard from Ponyville all the way to Manehattan. Looming storm clouds formulated above her head with flashes of hot lightning striking the ground periodically. “THOU HAST OPENLY DEFIED OUR COMMANDS TIME AND TIME AGAIN AND WE ARE NOT AMUSED WITH THESE ACTS OF ATROCITY!”

The pony whinnied in panic, its forelegs lifting it the air as it became intensely scared. It sped left and right trying to seek immediate shelter from the heavy downpour while the rain drenched its brown coat. Luna breathed heavily, not ready to let it escape just yet. “ALL WE ASKED WAS FOR THEE TO SAY A SINGLE WORD, AND YOU REFUSED TO COMPLY! WE GIVE THEE ONE LAST CHANCE. SAY SOMETHING NOW OR FOREVER BE FLOODED IN A SEA OF RAIN!”

More scared whinnies. No words, just squeals of panic.

“HAVE IT THY WAY THEN! WE ARE LEAVING!” Luna shouted, pain welling up on the inside. She hated this rejection, and it tore her up.

Then all at once, the whinnies were stopped, and the pony was frozen in time. Its front legs were still in an upwards stance, but it never came back to the ground. Luna eyed the pony inquisitively, completely befuddled and her thoughts incoherent. Its form began to fade into thin air as it became transparent. Luna rushed towards the pony, swiping her hooves across the air. They met absolutely no resistance as it passed through the pony like it never existed. Several moments later, the pony had disappeared and she was standing alone in the rain.

She couldn’t help but be confused. What just happened to the pony? Was it her imagination the whole time? Was her first assumptions true and this was all a prank?

She sat in solitary silence as she desperately searched for the answers to these questions. It wasn’t long before she put two and two together. It couldn’t have been a mere coincidence that her sister kicked her out of the castle and only an hour later she met the disfigured pony. She spread her wings, taking off towards her sister’s private quarters at the castle.

“Sister, we demand an explanation!” Luna hastily interrogated as she gracefully glided into her sister’s lushly decorated bedroom.

Celestia bore an outlandish expression on her face as she removed her head away from a dusty, dilapidated book that she was buried into. “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what it is I’m supposed to be explaining,” she replied rather apologetically.

“We think you know very well what it is we’re talking about,” Luna assumed, as she marched towards her sister’s side.

Celestia remained puzzled. “Is this about me sending you outside the castle gates during the daytime?” she asked. “If so, then there’s no need to be barging in my room at a time like this. A little warmth of my sweet sun is good for you.”

“That is partially the reason why we are here,” Luna said. “But we are for certain that you were the one behind this whole incident in the first place.”

Her sister’s face changed to a more neutral expression. “What incident?”

“Thou knowest very well ‘what incident’ I speak of,” Luna said.

“I’m afraid that I don’t,” Celestia said. “Did something happen to you while you were out in Canterlot? I’m here if you would like to discuss about it. I’m sure it’s nothing that a little sisterly talk can’t fix.”

Luna turned her head away in disgust, immaturely tramping towards the door that led out of her room. “We’re watching you, dear sister,” she said, the door slamming wide open with a burst of magic. “Don’t even ponder for a moment that we do not know what little mind trickery you pulled.” With that, Luna stepped outside the doors, her head hung high.

Celestia proceeded to wipe away a few droplets of sweat that had begun to formulate across her forehead. “Ah, my dear, sweet sister,” she chuckled. “That should teach you for painting my coat pink while I’m in the middle of my sleep.”

End.