Cactus

by 7-4

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Other, Spike, Random, Slice of Life, Zecora, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3082

Twilight brings a cactus to Ponyville

Twilight Sparkle returns from a trip to the desert with a cactus. On a related note, Pinkie Pie's parents prepare to visit during Pinkie's Ponyville Party Parade.

Published 2012-02-19 04:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-19 04:04:02 UTC

Day one part one

"Isn't it marvelous, Spike?" Twilight, with a tiny sprout of cactus in a potted plant hovering near by her, addressed her bored assistant. Spike was almost always bored when Twilight thought something was marvelous, but for the life of that intelligent purple pony, she couldn't decide just why. How could he not be interested in the careful part of science! How could he not be interested in the deep intricacies that surrounded the special specimen that she had collected?

"Twilight. It's a cactus." Spike said, his reasoning sound in his own eyes. He went back to reading his comic book.

"How little you know, Spike! This is the only plant in the entire WORLD that can exist in the depths of the Shishkaheuben! Which as you should know, since you did read that book I gave you on odd unicorn locations, there is no rain for nine months of the year! If I could just figure out how it can conserve it's water so well, I could create the next big spell! All I need to do is observe how it reacts when it is exposed to water." Spike nodded off about halfway through her sciency speech. He snapped to attention as Twilight stamped her hoof on the ground impatiently.

"Twilight. It's still a cactus." The light from the bright noon sun gleamed of the suddenly metallic edged of the thorns on the cactus. It's green countenance almost seemed sinister and made it clear that this was no ordinary cactus! It was Cactar! Destroyer of worlds! He came from beyond the stars to invade our lands and steal our brains with his zombie army! NoPONY can stop him! It's up to Spi-

"Spike!" Twilight was right. He really did need to lay off the comic books.

"This could be our ticket to the top! We could help thousa- no millions of ponies if we figure this out!" Spike didn't feel guilty for ignoring Twilight when she got like this. In her science mode, she seemed five times as persuasive as normal and always managed to get him into the oddest situations. After that time she went insane for not writing that letter to Celestia on time, Spike really didn't want to know how much trouble she could cause with a cactus. But still. It was a cactus.

"Twilight. IT'S A CACTUS."

"Spike! I only need your help for a minute or so. Just help me clear off this fence of this vine. I'm going to make observations on the rate of growth that the cactus will obtain when it is taken from outside it's native environ-" Twilight's science blabber fell onto deaf ears. Spike walked outside of the library with Twilight following. The fence that Twilight asked him to clean was already clean, Twilight having cleaned it off herself earlier in the morning.

"OK! I get it! It's.. already clean. Can I go to Rarity's now?" Twilight turned to look at the previously mentioned clean fence.

"Oh... I guess I already did it. Heh... Yeah, you can go over and see Rarity." She floated a bar ruler into the soil, to measure her new specimen's growth. Looking over the carefully constructed chart, she realized she had forgotten something. She shouted over to her assistant.

"Spike?" She turned and caught the fleeing form of her assistant.

"Can't hear you, too far away." Twilight turned to watch him retreat and let out a little huff.

"I swear, that dragon has no scientific curiosity." She turned back and took out a plot of dirt, and replaced it with the cactus.

"Now how did that water spell work again?" Her horn glowed as water came out of the tip of her horn like a fountain on the cactus. She looked down at her green miracle of nature and turned and went back inside to study.

The cactus glowed an ominous blue and shot out a tiny sprout.

Twilight half expected Rainbow Dash to come crashing through the window. She almost always did whenever she started studying something the others deemed uninteresting. As such, when Dash shattered her window, she landed on a conveniently propped up mattress.

"Dash! If you keep crashing through that window, you'll end up in the hospital again! Honestly, you worry me sometimes!" She berated the daring pegasus, who seized up a copy of Daring Do's adventures.

"I'm sorry Twilight, but Spike said you had the door locked." Dash at least looked like she was sorry, but Twilight had a feeling that she had been working on her acting skills lately.

"Then you should've knocked! And why were you over by the boutique? I thought you were avoiding Rarity for the time being."

"Say, do you have any other books written about other awesome pegasuses? I'm almost done with the Daring Do series and-" Dash tried to change the subject but Twilight cut her off.

"Pegasi, Dash. It's Pegasi. And yes I do. I think you would like Paraders of the lost park. It's over on the shelf over there. But why are you really here?" Twilight was naturally suspicious.

"To get an awesome book?"

"Tell me the real reason."

"Well Spike told me you were obsessing over cactuses an-"

"Cacti. Honestly, did you even read Daring Do?" She lifted the Daring Do book from Dash and flipped it to the page that mentioned cacti.

"and thought that I could convince you to stop. He said he'd keep Rarity away from my house." Twilight rolled her eyes at her friend.

"Dash, if you don't want her to redecorate your front room, why don't you just say so? Besides, your house is in the sky!" Dash looked around nervously.

"But it's Rarity! She'll whine it out of the sky or something. She's been working on that cloud walking spell you know. And besides, I have to- I have to- I have to help Pinkie with the Ponyville Party Parade!" Twilight's eyes widened.

"Party Parade?" Dash walked closer to Twilight. She gave her a bright smile as Twilight looked excited.

"Yeah! It happens once each year whenever the balloons migrate north for the summer!"

"Balloons migrate north?" Twilight said unbelieving.

"No. You are so gullible sometimes Twilight! It's whenever Ponyville decided to celebrate the spring equinox! Pinkie's in charge this year! You wanna help?" Dash looked at her eagerly.

"I'm sorry, but I have to take observations on my new specimen. I'll go help in an hour or so." Dash rolled her eyes.

"Twilight. It's a cactus." Dash stood up and walked out the open door. "When you stop having fun with your... cactus, will you at least remember to come help out?"

“

"It's simply amazing Applejack! Look at how much it's grown already! A full inch of growth! The results of this experien-" Twilight gushed over the single pathetic bud that had appeared in the cactus while she had gone inside to study. Applejack looked on with a look of complete and sincere boredom. Her hat fluttered faintly in the nigh nonexistent wind.

"Excuse me sugarcube, but would ya' care ta' remind me how ya' got me inta' this?"

"Because this magical marvel could revolutionize your applecrop?" Applejack looked down at the cactus. The green object of Twilight's affection gleamed from the water that Twilight had just poured on it.

"How is that-" She pointed at the cactus. "Going ta' help with mah applecrop? It's a cactus, Twilight."

"Despite what everypony thinks, I do know that it's a cactus. But not just any cactus. It's from the darkest and driest reaches of all of Equestria! Imagine if I could figure out just how it grows! I could make apple trees that could grow without sunlight! I could grow apple trees in a drought! I could-" Applejack gave her a weird look.

"Now wait just one gobsmackin' minute, Twilight. Are you saying that you would make apples different? We've been growin' apples for generations without one complaint!" Twilight backed up a few steps from marveling her cactus, confused at when the conversation had taken an angry turn.

"I'm sorry? I just wanted to help."

"Then help Pinkie Pie! She's been drivin' all of us crazy with her nonstop jabber about this parade! It would really mean the world to her if you went an' helped out." Applejack started to walk off and Twilight began following, but not without one last look at the little green cactus.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think Spike set this up to get me away from my project." She made a frustrated sound. "I'll go with you to help out..."

"Really? That's great!" Pinkie Pie did her usual pop out of nowhere routine with comedic results. Applejack jumped back and Twilight stepped back onto the cactus, splitting the plant in two pointy and pulpy, pieces. "Oops! I think I scared you!" Twilight looked down at the needles sunk into her hoof. She shook her head and pulled them out with a glow from her horn.

"You got a cactus! It's so cute! I'll name it Mr. Huggles!"

"Only you Pinkie Pie, could think that a smashed cactus is cute. You can have... Mr. Huggles? I'm going to have to write to Celestia about getting another one." Pinkie grabbed a shovel from next to the fence and soon had the small smashed cactus in a pot. "Where did you come from, anyway?"

Pinkie looked off into the distant, an odd smile on her face. "I told you girls already! I came from the farm!" And she skipped away, potted plant rim in her mouth. Applejack turned towards Twilight.

"The funny farm maybe." Twilight and Applejack laughed for a minute. "Com'on Twilight, let's go see what we can do to help 'er out." She galloped away, purple pony in pursuit.

There was a large pillar of balloons next to Sugar Cube Corner. It's multicolored construction swayed in a tiny breeze and Pinkie Pie let out a fearful gasp as one of the balloons broke loose from it's tiny string binding. Dash let out a sigh and flew up to get the stray.

"Pinkie, why did you decide to plant the cactus BY the balloons? That's an accident just waiting to happen. I mean, I went through the trouble of getting Fluttershy to keep the birds from flying through here, at least you could keep your cactus from popping them!" Dash pointed out the tiny mostly destroyed cactus that had been planted in front of Sugar Cube Corner.

"Dash! I am Ponyville's, Patriarchal Pony Parade Presenter, if I want to plant Mr. Huggles right there then I'm going to plant Mr. Huggles right there!" Pinkie looked slightly offended at Dash's common sense offering.

"Do you even know what you're doing?"

"I never know what I'm doing! That's what makes it fun!" She giggled at the accepting look on Dash's face.

"I should've known! Hey is that Twilight?" Up the path from the giant party pillar, Applejack and Twilight stopped to marvel at the before mentioned balloon behemoth. Dash sped on up to them, the wind whistling by her as she did so. "You finally decided to show up! Pinkie has refused to do anything because she wanted to wait for you." Dash complained about Pinkie, frustration in her voice.

"And then she shows up with your cactus and I didn't know what to think!" The target of the rainbow pony’s complaints took over the conversation with Twilight.

“You’re finally here! I can start making the floats!” Pinkie Pie hopped high into the air, the very picture of fun and laughter.

“Wait, you mean you are the sole pony in charge of the floats? Nopony else makes them?” Twilight asked, a bit of disbelief in her tone. Another balloon broke loose from it’s brethren, Dash nabbed that one before it got too far away.

“Yup! It’s up to me to make sure that there isn’t a repeat of last year!” Dash zoomed down to land next to the party pony. Pinkie leaned closer to Twilight. “You know what they say about last year right?” Twilight leaned in interested

“The say that if the breeze is just right next to the library, you can still smell that rotten cheese.” Twilight looked a tiny bit weirded out.

“Ooooookaaay then Pinkie. What do you need me to do?”

“Well...” She tensed up like a spring and took in a massive gasp of air. “I have quite a lot of things for you to do like maybe you could go and get Fluttershy from her shack and maybe you can get Rarity to make sure that I have something to wear and get Spike to not eat all of the jewels and help Mr. Huggles out...” The expected frantic monologue didn’t take place. Instead, and with visible effort from Pinkie, her words came out slow. Her face however, puffed up like the balloons next to her and tiny beads of sweat trickled down her face dramatically.

“Pinkie? Ya’ look like you’re gonna hurt yourself.” Applejack laid a hoof on the puffed pink pony's shoulder.

"Yeah, what's wrong with you? I thought you would be the one to be all excited about this!" Dash said after catching yet another balloon.

"I'm sorry girls, but my parents are coming to town. I just..." The self proclaimed parade patriarch did a pretty accurate Fluttershy impersonation, her voice dropping below audible levels.

“Your parents are coming! That’s great! But why would that make you less-” Twilight struggled for words to describe Pinkie’s attempts at reduced exuberance. “Less enthusiastic?”

“I think they are thinking of moving here! I have to make this the most perfectest parade ever so that they stay and we can-” She cut off, tiny tears in her eyes. “We can be a family again! We can have parties and I can see my little sister and this has to be as perfect as possible. And that’s why I need you. You are the best at making things as perfectest as they can be! And my parent’s aren’t quite as big a fan of the odd stuff that keeps happening at my parties...” Pinkie’s dramatic speech moved Twilight deeply.

“Personally, I thought the cheese cake launcher was in perfect taste.” Dash said, breaking the mood.

"Yeah, I preferred the pineapple upside down cake mines. Or th- FOCUS!" Pinkie’s mane seemed to magically lose some of its playfulness. “I need you to make sure that this parade will make my parents happy."

"I'll help you with the parade, but aren't businesses supposed to be in charge of that? How did you get put in charge anyway?"

"Well I am the best at parties, all the ponies did agree and the mayor didn't want the equinox to be commercialized." Dash nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, it's bad enough that I got contracted to advertise stuff when I first got here." Twilight cleared her throat meaningfully.

"Pinkie, what exactly do you want me to do?"

"I need a book on how to host a proper party parade. My parents will like a normal party parade, right?" Pinkie's uncharacteristic streak of seriousness ended as Dash fell from the sky in laughter.

"I just realized that you just asked Twilight to help you throw a PARTY parade. Who would've thought that would've ever happened?" Pinkie gave a deep gasp and as if the air she inhaled inflated her spirits, her mane followed shortly after.

“I don’t know if I have any books on party parades, Pinkie.-” The puffed pink pony let out a sniffle. “-but I’ll look to make sure. Really, there’s no need to cry. Or for you to have mood swings.”

“Oh Twilight, I knew I could count on you!” Dash burst out into even more laughter, having stopped in order to grab yet another improperly tied balloon from escaping. Pinkie joined in as well, leaving Twilight to be confused by the constant changing in mood that the scene seemed compelled to have.

Applejack, feeling more than a little left out of the conversation, slowly tugged the perplexed purple pony away from two of her laughing friends.

As Dash paused from laughing to grab another balloon, the smashed cactus glowed blue and reformed, the pulpy pieces knitting together in an odd haze of magic. The only sign that it had ever been smashed was the large bud on top, looking for all the world like it was about to bloom.

–------------------

"I'm sorry, Twi, but I've got to try and teach mah sister how to buck apples. Her and those crusaders are going to hurt themselves if they don't learn how to the correct way." Applejack and Twilight parted ways, our purple protagonist's purpose to procure the parade manual from her library.

"Just make sure they don't interfere with the parade."

"Sugarcube, you didn't have ta ask me ta' do that. I can tell just how much this means to Pinkie."

"Good luck with your sister Applejack!"

"Somehow I got a feeling that you need the luck more than I do, Twilight."

"Applejack, I'm just getting a book. What could possibly go wrong?" Applejack’s hat was whipped off her head in the ominous wind that followed the purple pony’s words. She chased after it, leaving Twilight alone to ponder just why there was a random burst of wind. She took a minute to try and figure this out and decided to ignore it and blame it on Pinkie Pie.

She opened the door and let out a shout.

"SPIKE!" Her shout echoed through the walls of her house, the purple dragon that was the subject of her exclamation elsewhere. The entire place was trashed; the neat orderly piles of books that had been stacked ever so precisely had fallen to the ground covering it in an almost literal sea of paper. Finding anything in this mess was going to be nigh impossible.

Her shout caused a tiny slip of paper, made of the same yellowish paper that Spike's scrolls were made up of, to hall from above her vantage point by the door. She picked it up and read it out loud.

"Dear Twilight, Sorry for the mess, I had to find a book for Rarity! P.S. Celestia said that the cactus you were requesting is destroyed in the shipping process and that she couldn't spare any guards to send one over. Sorry for the mess. Sincerely, Spike." The yellow slip of paper incinerated.