Love, Murphy's Law, and... A toothbrush?

by Quill Scribe

Rating: everyone
Tags: Changelings, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Colgate
Length: 2910

Queen Chrysalis was having a very bad day. Losing her toothbrush was just the beginning.

Her changelings were starving. She was growing desperate. Murphy's law was in full effect. Queen Chrysalis was having a very bad day. Losing her toothbrush was just the beginning.

[First Person Past Tense]

So, my roommate came home from Trader Joe's with a new toothbrush. The packaging inspired the cover art and fic you see here. Go blame her for my insanity.

Published 2013-04-30 15:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-30 15:40:02 UTC

Love, Murphy's Law, and... A toothbrush?

Love, Murphy's Law, and... A Toothbrush?

~Quill Scribe~

I stood atop the world. My black chitinous armor glistened brightly in the light of Canterlot Castle's throne room. I had won, Celestia lay defeated at my hooves and my children fed for the first time in ages. I smiled and laughed, feeling invincible in my victory.

I was never evil or cruel by any means. I may have been ruthless; I had to be when ponies treated my little ones like monsters. I was practical; the only way to guarantee noling would starve again was to take over and force the ponies to give us what we needed. I was a mother to so many. Canterlot would fall, Equestria would follow, and I would be able to rest easy knowing my children would never go hungry again.

The first feelings of unease came when that cursed lavender mare, Twilight Sparkle, showed up out of nowhere with my pink prisoner in tow. The next was when I watched Shining Armor break out of my mind control.

Then the unthinkable happened. Despite having their goddess crushed utterly. Despite the total defeat of their Elements of Harmony. Despite the veritable army of starving changelings that had descended upon them with ravenous aplomb. The blasted ponies had found a way.

Love, it was the very thing that sustained my kind. It was what we had fought so hard to attain. It was thrown back in our faces in the form of a shield that ejected us from our affection buffet.

I rose from my downy bed on shaky legs. My head swam and my balance wavered. I was weak from hunger, having burned through so much of Shining Armor's love. I had foregone feeding myself so my subjects, my children, could eat. Even so, few changelings walked the halls of our lair. The hive was a hollow shell of what it once was; cold and empty rather than warm and bustling with drones. Nearly a full six thousand of my seven thousand children had gone into voluntary hibernation to extend our supplies.

I sat before my chestnut vanity, desperately trying to make my gaunt and ragged visage presentable for my children. My vision darkened at the edges. My sickly green magic flickered briefly, allowing my hairbrush to slip through the field holding it aloft. I cursed silently to myself and resumed my preparations.

Moving quietly to my bathroom, I stared at my still disheveled appearance. Getting tossed like a rag doll across half a nation and nearly starving to death for a year and a half isn't the best way to maintain my kind of insectile beauty.

Removing a jar of carapace wax from the medicine cabinet, I set to work buffing and shining my chitin plates. Once I'd buffed myself up to a mirror finish, I moved on to the next task. Setting the now empty can of wax aside, I searched the shelves of the cabinet and found my prize.

Months of ignoring my oral hygiene in favor of hibernation had caught up with me. My mouth tasted like the unholy pits of Tartarus had vomited up its rejects into it. I didn't imagine my breath smelled much better. Plaque build-up was caked on my yellowed fangs and gums. I gazed disgustedly at my reflection. I shook my head in disapproval. It would just not do for my children to see me like this.

My jagged horn glowed a sickly green. The same green color enveloped a heavily bristled plastic stick, and soon afterwards a white tube followed it. I squinted at the toothbrush in concentration, carefully squeezing a dollop of minty salvation onto its bristles.

My magic flickered again. In my panic I reestablished the field, but could only save one of the two objects. I sat alone in my bathroom, a horrified expression plastered on my face. My stomach churned restlessly as two things happened. First, my grip caught one of the falling bathroom accoutrements far harder than it should have. A stream of minty white toothpaste struck me squarely in the face and hair, necessitating that I take yet another shower. I was out of wax too, such a shame.

I had chosen poorly, this I knew with all of my dorsal vessel. I could only watch, covered in a sticky, minty mess, as my only toothbrush plummeted to its eventual doom. I winced when the toilet's water splashed upwards upon contact with my precious cleansing utensil. I would have to... Obtain a new one.

I walked morosely through the empty halls of the hive. It seemed eerily tomb-like to me. I wondered if one day in the future a fedora wearing pegasus might uncover our home. Would anypony remember us? I doubted it, as nopony but me seemed to recall what we once were before Discord's magic had its way with us.

I shook my head violently to clear such thoughts. They served no purpose but to distract me from the difficult task at hoof. I stepped out onto the balcony that overlooked the amphitheater where my remaining children had gathered.

I didn't bother opening my mouth to speak. Words were useless to the changeling race. When not disguised as ponies, my children only emitted chittering noises, body language, and pheromones; so this was how I would communicate with them.

A sharp odor permeating the air commanded silence. The chittering died down to an uncomfortable shuffling and scraping as the drones looked up to me, their Queen. The air became musty and stifling. I shifted smoothly to a somber beat only our kind could imagine, buzzing my wings rhythmically. Half of the drones at the gathering hung their heads sadly and began to file out of the chamber towards the hibernation rooms.

If changelings could cry, my cheeks would have rivers of tears staining them. Instead, as my shoulders heaved in a mockery of the act, a sour odor filled the room. The remaining few hundred or so changelings huddled together, buzzing their wings in a rhythmic lamentation.

Each and every drone was important to me. Drone RW72151 with its quick wit, always one sarcastic pheromone burst away from making me laugh. Wonderful drone A697048, always there to calm its Queen when I was frantic. Even the ever unreliable TK421; that drone never seemed to be at its post.

I strode about the balcony with far more animation than I had previously. My hips swayed and my head weaved in an intricate dance that communicated far more to my children than anypony unversed in changeling society would have been able to discern.

The sweet, flowery smell that concluded my movements elicited a unified buzz of excitement from my subjects. There were some detractors of course, the tangy scent of their fear and disapproval hung in the air like the smell of sliced onion. After they too had exited to the hibernation chambers, the remaining two hundred or so changelings stood at rigid attention.

With so few at my command we easily had enough love stored away for one last gambit. I took to the air, alighting on the ground among my children. Nearly all of them crowded around me, waiting with bated breath for my next command. I buzzed and danced a quick conversation with one of my larger drones. It and several of the other walked out of the room, and off to the vault where we stowed away our reserves of love.

Their return was met with a cheer of buzzing from my children. They had returned bearing the remainder of our stock. For hours we gorged and strengthened ourselves on what little love remained in the honeycombs before us.

I finally broke the silent feast with a sharp pheromone odor. My children turned their eyes towards me expectantly. I resumed my delicate and intricate dance of smells, buzzing wings and twirling body. Once I was done my children stood in still silence, awaiting their Queen's final command.

I took to the air, my two hundred children following closely in my wake. We left the relative safety of the hive for the first time in nearly two years. My drones' only mission, the one that was given to them by their beloved mother, was to save our species. Do or die, this would be the last time I would allow my children to go hungry.

The air over the Everfree was cold and damp. The forest's chaotic weather patterns wreaked havoc on my swarm. We had flown hundreds of miles through the badlands to the cursed forest on the edge of Equestria's border. It took us two weeks to reach this far. It had taken nearly another week to navigate the ever changing weather of the forest.

Hovering several hundred feet over the forest canopy, my drones and I could finally see our target. A sleepy rural community sprawled over the acres between the Everfree and the mountains in the distance. In the early dawn light I could see that there were no windows lit by candlelight. Everypony would be asleep when they were descended upon.

I felt my strength flagging, and knew that my children must be suffering equally if not more so. I spotted an expanse of abandoned ruins and directed my children to land there with me so they may rest.

While the drones slept their boring little drone dreams, I watched them with loving intensity. They were so thin, frail even. Seeing them like this pulled at the strings of my dorsal vessel. I whimpered softly in the morning light as I wandered between my children, comforting each restless sleeper in turn.

Maybe I spoiled them too much. I'd have far more drones with me today if I didn't coddle them. I couldn't help it though, I'd look into their adorable multifaceted eyes and any harshness would just melt away.

I lay down among my children in the shadows of the forest and ruined castle. Originally intent on only resting my eyes, I allowed my fatigued consciousness to be carried away by the waves of sleep. It wouldn't do if I couldn't face the ponies refreshed after-all.

The moon hung high in the sky as a frantic buzzing began to pull me from my slumber. A loud roaring dragged me the rest of the way into reality. My drones were scattered, some in the air and most others scrambling in different directions, trying to escape from the menace that threatened them.

A large bear, seemingly born of the night sky, roared from the edge of the ruin's walls. It launched itself after my children, intent on catching and consuming them one by one. I scowled and bared my fangs in my fury. Nobody should hurt my babies like that.

I launched myself at the offending animal, my horn flickering green with magic in the moonlight. A beam of neon green energy projected from my jagged horn, straight into the massive creature's face. It staggered, but was otherwise completely unfazed. The beast blinked and roared in frustration, sending me tumbling backwards in the air.

I launched myself at the creature once more, consuming my reserves of love as I went; forming a protective shield around my children. I stopped mere inches from the beast's muzzle and released a magically magnified feral roar. The beast's eyes watered and its nose crinkled in disgust as it caught a whiff of the hell that must have been my breath.

I collapsed to the ground in a combination of relief, annoyance, and fatigue. The Ursa Minor trundled back off into the forest, swiping at its nose in disgust. Drones gathered around me, buzzing in concern. I smiled at their ministrations, releasing a calming scent. They would need to feed soon. There was no turning back anymore.

I got unsteadily to my hooves. The swarm swirled around me in the air as I took flight once more. The darkness of night gave us cover as we approached the hamlet. I contemplated landing in the apple orchard below, but dismissed the thought. My little drones needed many ponies to gather love from.

My swarm fell upon the town like locusts descending on a corn field. The ponies were caught completely unawares, most fast asleep in their homes. I smiled. There was no deception that day, no sneaking in the dark, no pretending to be somepony's loved one, just practical efficiency.

I landed at the center of town as ponies ran from my drones around me. Reveling in my victory, I let out a mirthful laugh. It was so easy this time. Why hadn't I thought of this before?

My happiness was short-lived. A burst of magenta magic bowled me horn over haunch into a nearby fountain. No... It wasn't possible...

A lavender unicorn stood in the doorway of the tree that served as the town library. The very same one that had helped thwart my plans the last time. I stood shakily, gathering what little strength I had left. Twilight sparkle spread her wings wide and advanced towards me.

I stared in disbelief. It just wasn't fair. All I wanted was what any mother wanted, for my children to survive, so why was the universe conspiring against us? Twilight Sparkle was an alicorn now. How it happened I didn't know. I didn't particularly care as I was barely able to throw up a magical shield to protect myself from the onslaught of magenta rays projecting from Twilight's horn.

Frantically, I looked around at my drones. The ponies of this town were far hardier than I had anticipated. Upon recognizing some of them I knew why. A butter yellow pegasus was staring down a group of my children, forcing them to cower in fear. An orange mare was running and bucking away at them. A white unicorn had a baby dragon on her back. He was spewing green flames, holding several drones at bay.

Seemingly everywhere at once, a pink pony was popping out of impossible places. She appeared out of the knot of a tree to slap a pie in the face of a drone. At the same time she was clear across town, a blue cannon in tow, firing confections and streamers into the crowd. Had I tried to consider the implications of this I may have lost my sanity.

Finally, there was a bright flash in the sky. A rainbow streak impacted the ground in the middle of the largest group of my children, scattering them mercilessly. Distracted and distraught, my shield crumbled under the might of Twilight Sparkle's magic.

I looked forlornly up at the pony that had so thoroughly defeated me. The other five mares I recognized gathered around Twilight. What were they doing in this backwater town of all places? How could I have not recognized them immediately, the Elements of Harmony?

I had miscalculated, through no fault of my own. There was no way I could have known Ponyville was home to the Element bearers. Twilight and her friends gave appraising glances to the gaunt, fallen forms of me and my defeated children, muttering amongst themselves. Occasionally one of them would give me a look of concern. I didn't know why, I wasn't a danger to them anymore.

It wasn't fair. We were just hungry, needing to survive. The ponies wouldn't understand that though. I closed my eyes and waited for the end to come in a mighty rainbow blast. I didn't know if I'd be banished, turned to stone, imprisoned, or some combination of the three. I just knew it wouldn't be pleasant. I had failed the only family I ever knew.

I began to feel a strange warmth all around me. It didn't hurt. It was... Fuzzy? I waited for several minutes for the end to come. It never did. My strength began to return to me, almost like I was feeding. Were the ponies giving me their love freely?

I opened my eyes to an unexpected sight. Azure, orange, pink, yellow, white, and lavender fur surrounded me, pressing in on all sides. My former enemies embraced me, restoring the life I'd thought was over. All around us the ponies of Ponyville were helping my children to their hooves. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt... Hope.

The clopping of hooves brought my attention to the pony standing before me. A blue mare with a white streak in her mane dropped something in front of me. I looked down at the small package, perhaps a gesture meant as a peace offering. The printing on the toothbrush read "Made with love... and recycled yogurt cups."

I laughed a real laugh for once. There was no hint of malice or deceit in my voice. A sweet scent filled the air, like freshly baked cupcakes. Maybe this was a better way. Maybe the ponies would be willing to help us after-all.

Maybe friendship really was the answer.

Author's Note

So, my roommate came home from Trader Joe's with a new toothbrush. The packaging inspired the cover art and fic you see here. Go blame her for my insanity.

Edited by Skwirl. Without him my writing would be nothing but unbearable grammar and punctuation mistakes.
http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Skwirl

Obscure references:
RW72151 - Robin Williams. Born July 21st 1951
A697048 - Medline Plus code for generic Zoloft.
TK421 - http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/TK-421