How long had it been since they had gotten home? How long ago did he wake up? And for how long had he been standing there? At that moment, time didn't matter to him. Nor did it matter that his legs were getting tired from just standing there, looking down.
Where as Caramel knew it wasn't good to be doing this, especially considering he hadn't had much sleep in the past few days, he really couldn't help himself. Sleep wasn't much of an option for him anymore. Not with his head swimming in a sea of doubt and uncertainty.
What was he doubting? What was he so unsure of? Himself.
It had been a little over two years since he and Applejack had started dating. A little more than a year since they got married. And, less than a week ago, they had brought a new life into this world.
He continued looking down at her. She seemed so peaceful as she lied there with her face to the ceiling. Her mane was the same deep shade of brown as his own. But, in all other aspects, she looked so much like her mother. From her orange coat to the freckles on her face.
In an odd sense, it kind of reminded him how it all started.
Even before he and Applejack started dating, he had always been one to make mistakes. He had always done his best to get a job done, but that never was enough to keep him from screwing up. In some way, shape or form, he had always managed to find a way to make things worse.
It would often get him reprimanded, even when he was trying to avoid it. Even then, he refused to give up on something until it was completed the way it needed to be. He never gave up until the job was done right. With that on his side, it would often balance out his screw ups.
And that's how things started with him and Applejack. He had been working on the apple family farm for a few months when she first had a real talk with him. Usually, it was just about all the problems he caused, but that time it was a little different. It was just after he pulled a longer shift than he should have. He had stayed behind that day to help pick up the mess he made, and repair everything he had broken.
Applejack had pulled him aside as he was about to leave, and thanked him for job well done. He was rather surprised, but it also left him feeling rather good about himself. Especially since it was her that told him.
Secretly, Caramel had always had his eye on Applejack, but never said anything to her. Whenever he could, he would always find reasons to be around her as much as he could. One night, she asked him if he wanted to stay for diner, and he jumped at the opportunity.
It was that night he decided to make his move, and it did pay off. The two of them started dating, and that was probably one of the happier moments of his life. A time when he managed to do something without screwing up. A time when he was confident about something he did.
Their dating life lasted a good while but, like all things, it either had to end or be taken to the next level. The thought of actually asking Applejack the big question was nerve wracking to Caramel. He would often loose sleep over it. Just trying to come up with a suitable way to ask her.
Eventually, he managed to work something up, and she joyfully accepted. It was twice in his life that he was able to do something right without screwing anything up. He felt like he was on top of the world with how well he was doing with his new relationship.
But not all highs last.
The day of their wedding was still in his mind. A very big celebration that only the Apple family knew how to throw. Plenty of other ponies, plenty of music for the celebration and, of course, plenty of food to go around. But that wasn't the reason he remembered that night so vividly.
It was what happened after that made the night so memorable. That single night of intense, hot passion like none he had ever experienced before. That really was a special night for the both of them. But what became of it was something that neither of them had fully expected.
Several months later, Applejack was acting very strange. She was complaining about being very nauseous. It was never like her to complain about anything so, naturally, this caused a bit confusion. Not only with him, but as well as the rest of the Apple family.
At first, no one asked, simply just passing it off as something a little out of the ordinary. But Caramel was far more concerned, and decided to be the one to ask. Shortly after asking, he felt like he made the biggest mistake of his life.
Applejack got angry at him, even to the point of almost getting physically violent. By the time she had finished with her unexpected rage fit, she became fully aware of what she almost did to her husband and broke down crying. Caramel, who had been hiding behind the couch during her explosion, came to her side and tried comforting her.
It was then Applejack knew something was wrong, and asked Caramel to escort her to the hospital. Upon arrival, Applejack was immediately taken into the clinic. Caramel wasn't sure how much time it took, but to him it felt like a small eternity.
When she came back out, she had tears in he eyes, but she was smiling brightly. There was very little he remembered after that, but all that mattered was what she told him. He stood and asked her what the problem was, and she told him there was no problem. It turned out that she was pregnant.
The reason Caramel didn't remember anything afterwords, is because he fainted the moment she told him.
Once the news got out about his wife's pregnancy, there was an uproar from friends and family. Everyone came to congratulate the two of them, and wish them luck.
Where as he did his best to look happy in front of everyone, and offer Applejack as much support as he could, Caramel was hiding something through all of the pregnancy. And that was that he was terrified beyond all belief.
To him, it was probably one of the bigger mistakes he had ever made in his life. They had one night when they were married, and he got her pregnant. But the real thing that made him so scared was the fact that he knew he wasn't ready to be a dad. There was no way he could have prepared himself for it in such a short time.
But, through all of it, Caramel was able to put on a facade of being joyful and happy about the foal. It's not that he wasn't happy... it was that he was worried that he couldn't do it right. He was afraid of messing up while raising his child. That he would do something that would forever scar the poor thing, and leave him as less of a stallion for screwing up raising his kid.
He thought that maybe he would grow to the idea with time, but he never did. From the day he found out, to the day of the delivery, he was as worried as ever. At least before he had time to think about all of it, but when the day came he was not at all ready.
Of course he was happy when he first got to see her. It was actually the first time in a long time that he truly felt at peace with the world. With that little infant in his hooves, the outside world didn't matter. It was just him, her and no other cares in the world.
But that was all a week ago. After Applejack and their daughter were released from the hospital, they came back home to a very big crowd that welcomed in the newest member of the Apple family. He played his part, saying how he was so happy. But he was just hiding his inner dread.
Finally, after many days of celebrating, the three of them were alone. And it was far more nerve wracking then Caramel had thought.
He could hardly sleep, and when he did it was only for a short while. Most of the time he would just lay there and try to fall back asleep, but he was rarely able to. After waking up for the forth time that night, he decided to get up, but did so carefully so as to not wake his wife.
He had stared out the window for a short while, but he eventually got bored with that. So he paced for a bit, but that proved useless as well. So, he went to the place he had been trying to avoid. That being the crib in the corner of the room. He didn't know how long he had been standing there, but he really didn't care.
As he continued looking at his daughter, he began to feel a slight pain in his chest. A pain that was caused by his own feelings.
He could never be the father that a filly like her deserved. He couldn't live up to the standards of being a great dad that was always there when his kid needed him. He knew he was too much of a screw up to make sure she was raised the right way. His eyes glossed over for a moment, but he kept himself contained so he wouldn't cause any ruckus.
Just as he was about to leave, he noticed the filly start moving a bit, so he stayed. She squirmed a bit more before she opened her eyes. They were the same deep blue color as his, but held that same innocent, kind look of his wife's. Just as she opened her eyes, she started to fuss, not caring for the position she was in.
Out of instinct, Caramel reached down and picked her up, cradling her in his arm. Once he got her into a comfortable position, she stopped fussing and simply laid there silently for a few moments.
Caramel took this time to get a look at her. That feeling of when he first held her came back, and he felt alone with her once again. But, unlike before, it was replaced by a feeling of sadness shortly after.
He looked at her, thinking of all the things he was going to have to face when she got older. Everything he was going to have to aid her with, everything that might come up, and all the things he as a dad would have to explain to her. And he knew he wasn't going to be able to do it all right.
But something happened that night that really put things into perspective for him.
As he continued watching her, she looked him directly in the eye... and smiled at him. It was the first time that she had smiled at anyone, and the first time she ever truly looked at someone. And Caramel found himself frozen. As he continued looking into her eyes, he had a very strong realization.
She loved him. His daughter, who probably barely knew who he was, truly loved him. At that moment, Caramel wasn't thinking like he was before. He wasn't worried about the future, he wasn't worried about the decisions he hadn't yet made, and he wasn't thinking about what a horrible father he might be.
At that moment Caramel had nothing on his mind but his daughter. He wanted to soak that baby up inside of him, and protect her from the world. Protect her from any danger that might try to threaten her, or any of his family. It was something he had never experienced before. But it was cut short when he felt a hoof tap his shoulder.
Caramel instinctively held his daughter close to his chest protectively, and spun around to see who it was, only to be met with Applejack's sleepy eyes. He had no idea how long she was standing there, but it couldn't have been that long.
In her hoof she held a fresh bottle. She held the bottle out to him, and Caramel took it without question, pressing it to the infants lips until she accepted it.
For a few moments, they stayed like this. Just looking into each others eyes, still cloudy with sleep. Then, Caramel sat on his haunches and extended his hoof out to Applejack, inviting her in. The orange mare came to him without so much as a word, embracing her husband lovingly.
Their room remained quite for some time, save for the sounds of the baby sucking at the bottle. Moments like this were very rare for the two of them, but they cherished every second of it. Just being able to enjoy the comfort of each others touch. Basking in the warm glow of the shared moment. Truly at peace with the crazy world they were living in.
Finally, after a long moment of bliss, Applejack was the one to break the silence.
"Darlin'?" she said, pulling away slightly so she could look into his eyes. "I know you've been hidin' somethin' from me. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's knowin' when I'm bein' lied to. And ah know you've been lyin' to me ever since ah first told ya ah was expectin'."
To say the least, Caramel was stunned by her revealing that she knew how he really felt. So much that he found himself unable to give her an answer. He sat there for a good while, just looking into her eyes as she silently asked for his answer.
"Caramel," she went on after he didn't answer, "What's the matter, sugar cube? Did you no want a foal yet? Were ya' worried about me the entire time? Or are you just afraid you're gonna be a bad father?"
At her last question, Caramel's eyes glazed over, and he couldn't continue making eye contact with her. He gently lowered his head, tears threatening to fall. And fall they did. Even in the low lighting, Applejack could make out the distinct water trails that his tears left behind.
As he continued to quietly release his pent up anxiety, Caramel felt a hoof reach under his chin and lift his head up so he was looking at his wife again. He didn't know what to expect, but for some odd reason, he thought that she was going to be mad at him. But what he was met with was far more gentle.
Applejack's look was that of concern and worry. It was almost as if she knew he was apologizing for lying to her without him having to say a word. But he still didn't understand why she looked concerned. Until she said something that would forever remain in his mind.
"Darlin'." she whispered to him, "I know you're worried... but ya just can't think about that kinda stuff and already be puttin' a label on yourself. I know there's a lot ahead of us, and your probably wonderin' how we're gonna do it all. I don't know what the future's got in store for us, but I know if we're both in it together, we'll make sure this filly grows up just right. Yeah, we're both gonna make mistakes, but that doesn't mean we're failures as parents. It just means we gotta learn from it, and teach her the right way to do things."
She took a short pause, allowing the first of her words to sink into the stallion.
"I know ya think your a screw up, hun." she went on, "But you always try to do the right thing. And that's the best that anyone can ask of ya. And it's why ah fell in love with you. Ah admit, ah didn't expect this to happen so soon either, but it did. Now, it's our job to make sure she grows up right. I know you'll be a good dad Caramel. You have all that you need to be one already in ya."
Caramel was again frozen by her words, but this time it was because he was truly moved. Like so many times before, his wife was absolutely right. He had been worrying about things that hadn't even happened yet. He had been placing judgement on himself before things had even begun.
Looking at how he acted before, it just seemed really silly now.
Caramel let the last remnants of his tears fall, but no fresh ones came any longer. His feeling of worry was now replaced with something that felt close to happiness. The reassurance that his wife gave him truly took a tremendous weight off of his shoulders.
He knew he could do it now. Because she would be beside him every step of the way. No matter what decision he made, be it good or bad, she would stand by him. Be it the happiest of times, or the darkest hours, they would be there for each other no matter what.
He looked down to his daughter, who had finished the bottle not but a few moments ago. She had fallen back asleep, and was resting calmly in his arm. He held her tight against his chest. He may have been uncertain before, but now he knew he didn't have to worry anymore. The future was still far ahead, and he would still have to make those important decisions. But, with the two of them helping him, he might just be able to do it right.
"I love you girls more then you'll ever know." he whispered, his voice slightly raspy.
Applejack smiled at him, knowing her words at hit home. She embraced him once more, feeling how much less tense he was from before.
"I love you too." she said back to him.
They stayed like this for another good while. Again, just enjoying the peacefulness of it all. Enjoying how it felt to be at ease with the entire world once more. Moments like this may have been rare for the two of them, but it was always welcome when it did happen.
Once their moment of bliss was over, Caramel put their baby back into her crib and went back to his own bed where his wife was waiting for him. Once he had gotten into bed with her, she again put her arms around him, holding him close. As she rested her head on his chest, Caramel did the same and embraced her tightly.
As he laid there, Caramel couldn't help but smile. True, there were still a few things that were bothering him, but after what happened his head felt significantly lighter. Almost as if a vice had been taken off his head.
He didn't have to be afraid of not knowing anymore. He didn't have to worry about screwing up, or making a wrong decision. Because now he had the assurance that his wife would stick by him through whatever may happen. Regardless of whether he made a good choice or a bad one, he could rely on her to be standing right beside him.
Caramel's eye's slowly drifted close, finally able to sleep easily for the first time in days. The weight of the future was off his shoulders, and he would be forever grateful to his wife because of it.
Author's Note
Okay, changed things up a little bit. I made this for a friend of mine who just recently had a kid of his own. I'll tell ya, he was a nervous wreck. So, I sat him down and talked to him. He's doing okay now, and his boy's doing great.
