Most people will tell you that who you are is influenced greatly by where you grow up, who is by your side, the things they teach you, and what they believe. But sometimes, its the things they don't do, that affect you most.
My name is Glossed Shadow, it's the only thing I have from my parents. They gave me away the first chance they had, threw me blindly into Cedar Lanes Orphanage. It was growing up there, facing verbal and physical abuse every day, and knowing that not even my parents could accept me, that ponies liked to blame on my "insanity". In reality, I'm just a sick pony.
Although, Cedar Lanes, and more importantly, its residents, opened my eyes to the truth about me. I'm not saying it, and the ponies who lived there, caused me to develop this, this "mental sickness", as everpony likes to describe it. I'm just saying they helped shed some light on who I am, deep down.
Cedar Lanes had only one staff member, the Mistress. She had never given us a name, just Mistress. Apparently we were to dirty , and to uncouth , to even say her name. It didn't matter, though, non of us even called her Mistress. Sure, when she was looming over us with her "chastisement whip", as she liked to call it, we would call her anything she wanted. But when she couldn't hear, that was a different story.
Mistress was very strict, and a perfectionist, but she never dared to strike-out against the gangs. Nopony, not even the highest generals of the Royal Guard would think of it. You might think that's silly, or plain wrong, but the hatred that fueled these delinquents was intense. It made them ultimate fighters, they couldn't back down from fights, the punishment delivered from inside the gang was too severe.
Most of the gangs were small, a few teens hyped up from winning a fight with a younger foal, itching for more adrenaline. There was only that mattered, and they practically ran Cedar Lanes. If it weren't for their incessant bickering, and petty brawls, they could have caused major problems, even outside of Cedar. I guess its for the best that never happened, otherwise, I would've been out of a home.
I preferred solitude to the loudness, and frustration that came with the gangs. Especially the Rusted Nails, they were the largest, and the loudest gang at Cedar. If it weren't for Snap, their "leader", if you can call such a coward a leader, the Nails would have been golden. Snap only had gotten in one fight, impressive considering he had been at Cedar for eighteen years. It was that fight that got him that stupid, bucking name.
The story, or "legend" as the Nails called it, goes like this. Snap was at the bottom of the food chain, he was pushed around, insulted, even raped, if you believe the rumors. Eventually, some dumb colt pushed him too hard. It always seems to happen that way, hay, that's how it happened for me.
Anyway, Snap was harassed daily, normal for younger colts. They were beaten and the young mares were raped, it was just how Cedar functioned. Well, one day some dick decided he didn't like the way Snap looked, and decided to beat him. Little did he know, Snap was carrying a shiv he had made for just this occasion. The poor kid got skinned, and Snap became a leader. Yeah, its that pathetic here.
Even though the Nails stole food from most of the younger foals, I was left alone. There was a colt, Tamper, who i guess one day woke up and thought, You know, that mare hasn't even talked to me once, but buck her, I'm gonna make her life suck! And so began the endless rumors, lies, and set-ups. Every day he would buck with me, he'd go to Tartarus and back just to cause me some pain. Then, like the dumbass with Snap, he pushed me too hard.
He started the day with another rumor, this time that I had given Snap oral for some extra food. I had never gone down that road, once you start, they didn't let you stop. And there were far too many mares already just itching to suck a cock for some more fruit. Anyways, when Snap and the Nails caught wind of this, they were pissed. I was an outsider among outsiders. I had three conversations over seventeen years at Cedar. I'm pretty sure most ponies there thought I was mute.
After a full day of glares and muttered comments directed at me, I was done. I asked one of Snap's "bodyguards" and told him I had to speak with him. Of course he told me to buck off, but I was persistent, and interrupted his sex break more than a few times. Eventually he just told Snap I was bucking with him, and to piss off. It wasn't until after dinner that Snap confronted me about it.
It wasn't uncommon for Snap to threaten those who messed with the Nails, but I was surprised he hadn't gotten one of his goons to intimidate me instead. But here he was, dragging me to his room, huffing and puffing like a spoiled filly who was denied a new doll from her parents. He slammed the door behind us and started yelling, his voice cracking periodically.
"What the hay is this rumor that I would let your nasty, whore lips anywhere near me?" He seemed more upset than I imagined he would be. They all just ignored me before, why did he care now? And where the hay does he get off calling me a whore, he's the one with a new filly squatting on his lap every day. I'd heard that he used to be a colt-cuddle too, so what's wrong with me not wanting to get bucked by every dirty colt here?
I knew that Snap had to pay for all the pain he'd caused everpony, and I knew just the way to get back at him.
I scoffed and walked past him, treading further into his room. "Its that bucking numb-nuts Tamper, he's always spreading shit. Go beat him for it, or kill him, I don't give a buck. Just leave me out of it." He was both pleased and angered by my response. I truly didn't care what he thought of me, I just wanted his pride to be worse for wear than Tamper when this was all over.
"You obviously did something to get him this pissed, you fix it. Now." The emphasis he put on that last word still haunts me. It was strangely intimidating, a new feeling hit me hard, fear. I was never afraid in this way before, probably because of my social standing. If no-one talks to you, they can't intimidate you. What was stranger was the fact that I had never feared pain or death. It was shoved down my throat so much I became tolerant of it.
"Fine," I smiled, it was time for me to get back at this prick. "But don't act like you were so offended by the rumors. I know you want me." I finished the sentence with a seductive flick of my tail. His expression went from cocky sneer to pure furry. I had "prodded the bull" before, but this was different, I had just stuck the bull with a rusty shiv. I and loved every minute of it.
"I swear to Luna, if you ever speak to me again, I will kill you." I chuckled, he was amusing when he tried to scare me. Although he had just scared me before, he wasn't trying as hard before. Now it was just sad.
"Whatever you say, tough guy. I'll go get Tamper to shut his muzzle." His expression softened slightly. He seemed happy with that, and grabbed my front leg. He tried to intimidate me one last time with a stare. It didn't work, but I was tired and recoiled at his stare. That pleased him enough to let me go, after all, I still had work to do for him.
I was now fuming, that jackass had caused all my problems. I was going to show him the error of his ways, which were numerous. I made my way through the halls of bedrooms, asking anypony I saw if they had seen Tamper. Most just gaped at me for speaking, while a few motioned towards the room he slept in. There were four others in that room, and all of them would defend Tamper if I assaulted him. No, that won't work. I thought, I'll have to wait until he's alone, then he'll pay.
It was two days before I got my chance to get back at Tamper. Snap was satisfied in my plan, so I at least had backup it all went to shit. I'll never forget that night, though. It was perfect. Mistress had been pushed down a flight of stairs, courtesy of the Nails, and was hospitalized. There was a younger mare who came as replacement, but she wasn't nearly as strict. She didn't enforced lights-out, or at least she wasn't very diligent, which gave me the opportunity I was waiting for.
I managed to convince Snap to get Tamper in the cellar that night. That was the hard part, the easy part, the fun part, was coming up. I had fantasized killing him for over two years. Pretty much after the first set of rumors came out. Like I've been saying, I liked being an outcast, but being labeled a whore was the one thing I could never tolerate. I still see red whenever somepony calls me a whore. But it was payback time, I was getting my revenge, at long last he would feel my pain.
My plan was simple enough, I would wait in the shadows until Tamper came, then I'd jump out and confront him. He'd beg for mercy, promise he'd change, I would lead him on a little and give him some hope of living through the night. But then I'd strike, quickly and surgically, I wanted him to suffer, but if he screamed loud enough, he could wake somepony.
I had been practicing a few techniques with my knife. I was always proud of that knife, most of the foals only had small and crudely-made shivs, but I had a honest-to-Celestia knife. I had stolen it one night after sneaking out of Cedar. It wasn't too hard, but there wasn't a whole lot that the outside offered. So I made a habit of staying indoors.
One of the Nails had given me a distraction to use as cover shortly after dinner, so all I had to do was hid quietly in the cellar for a few hours. Nothing I wasn't already used to from years without so much as talking. Still, I never really liked not having friends, until after my shadow was born, anyway.
Maybe I'll be able to gag him, then I could do pretty much anything I want. Whatever, as long as he's dead. I can't wait to see him beg! This is going to be the best thing that's ever happened to me! Huh. Is this really how low I had fallen? I guess it was inevitable, considering everything that's happened.
I was hiding behind a shelf of canned peaches when Tamper walked down the cellar stairs. The creaking of the old, wooden stairs snapped me from my thoughts. Doesn't matter, here he comes. The creaking came closer and closer, until it gave way to the quiet clopping sound of hooves on cement. I held my breath tightly, waiting until he was further into the dark room.
The only light came from two candles, one hanging on a rusted and broken chandelier, the other was sitting on a shelf deeper in the room. His shadow passed over me, blocking all light for a second. My heart skipped a beat and I began to sweat.
Did he see me? Buck, I can't tell which way he's looking. But just as quickly as the shadow was cast, it passed over me, light following in its stride. At this point I knew Tamper was too far in the cellar to push passed me. I had to make my move before he decided to leave.
I jumped out from behind the shelf, not making a single noise in doing so. "Well, well, well. What do we have here?"
"Agh! What? What the BUCK are you doing, whore? This one of your pleads for sex? 'Cause I ain't having sex with you ."
I shook my head and pulled my knife into view. "Nope, something way, way , worse. Your gonna wish I had bucked you after what I'm gonna do to you. And one more thing, call me a whore one more time and I'll ripe your dick off before I kill you."
He laughed and put a hoof on his side. "Ha! That's rich, you think you can take me ?" I waved my knife back and forth. "Huh, even with that, you don't stand a chance against me. I could take you in my sleep!"
"Then bucking prove it." I ran at him, and lunged knife-first into his side, causing blood to spill out.
He screamed loudly in pain, I was able to shove my hoof in his mouth pretty fast, avoiding anypony hearing his yelps. He bit my hoof hard after regaining composer. "Buck!" I yelled as quietly as possible, but his teeth had pierced the skin, and soon enough the cut was filled with dust. I sucker-punched him in the jaw with my good hoof before he could overpower me. He fell to the ground without a sound.
I looked around for some sort of first-aid kit, but to no avail. "You just had to fight back, didn't you? Ya'know I would've thought after all the shit you caused with Snap this wouldn't have surprised you. For being a semi-functional retard, you're usually pretty smart about this sort of thing." I didn't know why I was talking to him instead of killing him, but there was a strange feeling coursing through my veins. It wasn't adrenaline, I knew that feeling all to well. This was different, it was nice .
"Please," A small voice, devoid of emotion called for my attention. "Yesterday a couple signed the last adoption paper. I have a home, I'm leaving. Isn't that all you want?" I looked down at his body. He was still lying on the ground, breathing heavily.
Is this what I wanted? I thought I wanted him to die, but I don't think I can do it. Buck! What about Snap? Dammit, I have to do this. There isn't any other way. I'm sorry Tamper.
"I..I'm sorry Tamper, I really am. But I have no choice in this. I thought that I wanted this, that killing you would make me happy, but seeing you like this , because of me , I can't stand it. But I have to do it all the same. I'll make it quick, its the least I can do..."
Soft sobs rang through the cellar, both Tamper's and mine. How do the others do this? Its terrible, its wrong, how do they do it?!
I walked forward, dragging my knife on the ground, defeated. Is this what I'm reduced to? What happened to me?
It wasn't fair, non of it had ever been. This was supposed to be the best night of my life, but now I can't enjoy it, even worse it's going to haunt me.
I sighed heavily and swallowed hard. I just had to get it over with, I could occupy my mind after, keep the sorrow away. For now, this had to happen.
I plunged my small blade into his chest. He gasped in pain for a short moment, but not short enough. I cried softly into his coat, for what felt like hours. If this is the best night of my life, I don't want to live any longer. I turned the knife around, tip resting on my throat. I sobbed once more, it would be the last time I ever cried. I was about to push the blade through my neck when I felt it. A warmness overwhelmed me, melting my mind and stopping all my thoughts.
I sat there, brain refusing to work out what had happened. Am I dead? Is this Heaven? No, there isn't any chance I went to heaven. I'm in Hell. I opened my eyes only to see the familiar cellar I was just in. I looked around, it was all the same. The shelves hadn't moved, the crates of food were still stacked in the corner. Tampers body still lay before me, lifeless.
It was different this time. His body didn't fill me with sadness, or regret. Instead I felt something new, only, it wasn't new. I had felt it once before, when Tamper had first walked down the cellar stairs. What was this new feeling, and why was I feeling it now? Could this be.. happiness? No, I can't be sobbing over his corpse one minute and smiling over it the next. But there it was again, filling me with warmth.
I took a long look at Tamper. It didn't hurt to see him dead anymore. It felt good, it was pleasing, it was enticing. Oh my god. Am I turned on by him? No, no, no, no, no, I can't be. But, that feeling, I know that feeling. My lust took over, refusing to listen to reason, refusing to stop.
I pushed him onto his back, exposing his penis. This only made me more hungry, I had regained control, but now I needed this. My lust had only showed me what I needed to see, I did the rest. I grabbed his cock in my mouth, sucking loudly as I raised and lowered my head. This feeling of pleasure wasn't new to me, but this, this was so much better than anything I had ever felt. I guess this will be the best night of my life.
I grabbed my knife and began cutting chunks of Tampers flesh off. I put pieces on my flank, covering were my Cutie Mark would be, if I had one. I put other chunks on my face, letting them slide down my body, slowly teasing down my stomach, eventually falling down to my crotch. I decided it was time to really get started. I cut Tampers cock off with a quick and precise swing, and proceeded to shove it deep inside my pussy, moaning loudly at the unknown pleasures.
I continued to skin Tamper, covering myself with his flesh and blood. His blood was refreshing, even though it was still warm. I cut off his head, removed the skin and muscle, and placed to my side. This will be my trophy, a constant reminder of your service to me. I can't thank you enough Tamper.
By dawn, I had removed all of Tamper's skin, his muscle, I licked his bones clean. Only his skeleton, and still flaccid cock, remained. I hadn't meant to stay down there all night long, but the pleasure was too great to pass up. I didn't care what they did to me, I had this night to get me through. This memory would always give me hope, I still haven't been able to match the sheer ecstasy of that night, but believe me, I tried.
I looked down at myself in shock. "Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. Dammit! This is just perfect." I was covered in blood and my own fluids. There was no way I could make it to the showers without being seen. Well, I could wait here until tonight. I wagered the only pony who'd be looking for me was Snap. And if he comes down here looking for me...well I guess I could have some more fun.
I smiled widely. "I guess this is why I never fit in, who would want to be friends with a killer?" Just then a bright flash filled the dark basement with white light. My first thought was a camera flash, but it lasted too long for that. Then I felt a tingling sensation in my flank, and just like that, the light was gone.
I looked back at my flank, there it was. After seventeen years, I had finally earned my Cutie Mark. It was picture of a silver dagger with a droplet of blood dripping of the tip. Jeez, I didn't know there were Cutie Marks for killing. I thought Celestia gave them out for making dresses, or being nice to everpony.
The only thing going through my mind now was who to kill next. I felt lust building up in me again, a warmth rising between my legs. I needed to kill again, and soon.
"I suppose I could try sex with a pony that's still alive next time. After all, whats life for if not trying new things."
