The Beat of My Heart, The Fall of My Tears
I will always love you, Octavia. Those words echoed off the walls, resonating in her mind. They weren't happy words, nor were they words that you would say when starting a life together. They were the end. They were the last words out of her mouth. The last words of the only pony she could ever truly count on.
Octavia stared at her cello. Once her most valuable item, her heart and soul as an instrument, but now she could only view it with disgust. She could only associate it with despair, with pain, with heartbreak, with the day she died. Not literally, the day her inside died, the day she could never look at herself again as Octavia Philharmonic.
She missed her. She missed her a lot. Each day they would hang out. Either they were just chilling or they were doing something more meaningful, creating the memories that now haunt her in her sleep.
Why did you have to leave? Everywhere, she saw her everywhere. She heard her voice in her dreams, she saw her everywhere. Singing and beat boxing in the shower, creating cool beats at the club and in the kitchen cooking inedible food. She never was a great cook.
Octavia couldn't bear to even say her name. It was too hard. It was all just so terrible. So sudden, so deadly. She felt a lump in her throat from crying. It seemed like that was all she did recently. Feel regret and cry.
She rose from where she lay on her bed and walked into the bathroom. It was there that she washed the dried tears from her face. Inside the mirror was her reflection, but it wasn't Octavia, just the empty shell of a mare who lost her best friend and the love of her life.
My reflection. It was a depressing sight. There were bags under her eyes, her mouth was forever stuck in a frown and you could practically see the sorrow she was emitting.
Her hooves shuffled on the ground. She no longer had a proud stance with her head held up high. She was filled with misery. Losing a loved one does that to you.
Once she reached the bed she just collapsed. Her eyes drifted over to the nightstand. There once lay a picture of her and her love, Vinyl Scratch. Her sunglasses also used to occupy that terribly empty space.
I hope that she knew what she meant to me. We spent so much time together. We lived together, we were best friends and we dated. We were even married.
I remember the day that we met. It was in music school. I was majoring in classical music, she was majoring in hip hop/pop. We had general music studies together. She sat behind me and I would tutor her and help her with her homework. There were actually many tests in music school. S- She was just so full of life.
Octavia walked into the attic. There were so many pictures of her and Vinyl. She picked up her wedding photos. She stood proud and happily at the alter, looking into the red eyes of her one true love. Vinyl was wearing a tuxedo. She was always so gorgeous, but when she was wearing the suit she didn't look like herself. My Vinyl certainly did look dapper though.
Tears began flowing heavily from her eyes. "How can you be gone?! How could this happen to us?! We were meant to be together forever!"
She threw the picture at the wall. The sound of broken glass echoed off the walls. Octavia picked herself up and walked over to the picture. The glass may be broken, but it was still there, still perfectly intact.
It was like somepony was trying to reach out to her, tell her something. "Vin- Vinyl Scrat-" The words caught in her throat. "Vinyl Scratch is gone. B- But, she will always be with me, right?" She looked up at her glasses hanging on the door. Her glimmer of hope vanished like the sand of a sand dune that gets wisped away.
The broken mare slid down the wall in a heap on the floor. A mess of tears, a mare of despair, right now that was all she was. Just somepony clinging to the last of her sanity, somepony who was fragile enough that even the slightest push could put her over the edge. Her muffled sobs filled the air with an eerie sound of pain mixed with an unmistakable sadness.
I wish that I could just walk downstairs and she would be there. Finding the music in everything, exploring everything in wonder, making everywhere a better place. She was mine... I was hers, b- but that's all gone now. Gone like the wind.
A sudden knock on the door took her mind off of Vinyl. She scrambled to her hooves, they almost failed her, though. Octavia slowly made her way to the door and opened it.
Right in front of her stood Lyra Heartstrings. "Hey." Her golden eyes seemed to pierce into her very soul with joy, forcing it into her, forcing her to smile.
"H- Hello, Lyra. How do you do?" Lyra nervously moved her hooves.
"I came here to talk to you about Vi-" Octavia's look of fury mixed with a deep depression gave her the knowledge that the words 'Vinyl Scratch' equaled pain, no matter how fond of them she once was. "... a- about DJ Pon-3's death." Octavia's grimace softened slightly until the word death.
To Octavia, it was like poison. Death. It stuck to the tip of her tongue with the taste of evil, at least if evil did have a flavor, it would be this.
"Get out... of my apartment... now." Lyra wanted to run, sprint, gallop, but she had to stay here for her friend. She may not exactly be a 'friend' these days, but she still mattered.
"Tavi-" She cringed at the use of her nickname. It had been given to her by nopony other than... Vinyl. "Vinyl has been gone for a year... a- and she's not coming back. She died." Octavia ran up to her full force and punched her.
Lyra zeroed in on Octavia. "You have locked yourself up in this, this, this... torture house! You won't escape your past or you can't?! She's gone! Get over it! You don't have the right to hurt yourself like this and she wouldn't have wanted it!"
"Y- YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT T- TO SPEAK OF HER! SH- SHE MEANT THE WORLD TO ME AND MORE! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT`S LIKE TO LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE!" She was overcome with tears. "I- I just don't want to hurt anymore. I just want Vinyl. I just want what I had. I- I miss her so much. She haunts my dreams and fills me with regret. Regret of the things that I could've done, that I didn't do, that I wanted to do, but was too weak to. I dream about when she died. I dream about her funeral. I can't escape her, but I don't want to either. Without this pain filling my chest, I lose her. I j- just can't bear to lose her again."
Lyra couldn't stay angry at Octavia, they went to school together. She had introduced her to Vinyl in the first place. "Octavia, tell me. What happened? How did she die? You haven't told anypony, you just shut yourself in your apartment, only leaving for the necessary supplies like food and toiletries."
Octavia slumped down onto the couch with tears in her eyes. She cradled one of the pillow cushions in her forelegs and began her heart wrenching story.
Vinyl Scratch laid on the bed with her hoof over her frail heart. The door creaked open slowly and in walked Octavia. "Hey, Tavi."
"Hi, Vinyl!" She embraced her tightly and then checked her heart rate and other vital things monitoring her.
"I'm fine. Don't freak out about so many things."
"Is it a crime to want to keep you alive?!" She had raised her voice and she immediately regretted it. "I- I meant... um... I just want to keep you safe." Vinyl rested her hoof on her fillyfriend's damp cheek, presumably from crying.
"It's just cancer, I'll beat it."
"It's heart cancer! It's rare and hard to treat! What if you don't make it?! What will I do then?!" Vinyl gave her the most loving gaze she could muster.
"You will move on. You will continue making music for us."
"B- BUT I LOVE YOU! I CAN'T LOSE YOU NOW!"
"Hey, who said I'm dying! Even if I do, you will always have our friends and music. Tavi, don't give up hope." Octavia hugged her love and kissed her passionately.
"I love you."
"I love you more~!" Octavia sing-songed.
"Love ya infinity!"
"You win."
"I love you too." She stuck her tongue out at Octavia playfully, causing her to utter a few, little giggles.
"D- Does it hurt? Your heart?" She sighed.
"Imagine being hit with a metal bat in the chest repeatedly, then getting brutally punched in that same place and finally being stabbed right in the heart." Octavia's smile faltered and she cried into her fillyfriend's soft fur. Vinyl lifted up Tavi's head. "But, I'd go through it another one hundred times for you."
The tears began flowing heavier with joy and suffering mixed together. She kissed her sick mare's forehead. Octavia leaned her head on Vinyl's shoulder.
The two of them just snuggled in silence for about half an hour before Octavia finally fell asleep, as did Vinyl.
. . .
*BEEP BEEP BEEP* ... *BEEP BEEP BEEP* Octavia woke up startled from the noise. After a few seconds of waking up, her mind cleared and she realized the severity of the situation.
"DOCTOR STABLE! NURSE REDHEART! PLEASE! HELP HER!" Tears poured down her face and something inside of her snapped. She looked at the heart monitor which currently displayed that Vinyl Scratch was dead. Her heart began pounding and as she listened to Vinyl's, it was the opposite. She heard next to nothing.
Vinyl moved her hoof shakily over to Octavia. "I will always love you, Octavia." Her eyes closed as she succumbed to her fate.
You can't be dead! Not yet! "VINYL! VINYL! WAKE UP! I LOVE YOU! I- I..." The doctors rushed in and checked her pulse. Nothing. They checked the monitor. Dead.
"CLEAR!" They shocked her heart. Still nothing. Hope was growing increasingly slim. "CLEAR!" Vinyl's dead body bounced slightly, but her condition did not improve.
The doctor's head fell and he looked with sad eyes at Octavia. He then turned to the nurse. "Time of death 12:03 AM." They draped the cover over her and began moving her.
"NO! SHE'S NOT DEAD! I KNOW IT!" She desperately clung to Vinyl, her one and only love. "WAKE UP! WHERE IS MY DJ?! PLEASE! I LOVE YOU!" Octavia fell onto the floor with violent tears, her gut-wrenching screams heard by everypony near.
"NONONONONONONoNoNoNoNonononono... no..." She watched them take her body away. Then, it all went black. I will wake up soon. And everything will be okay. This was just a nightmare. Vinyl never got sick. Everything is okay. I'll make pancakes for her, her favorite. In the morning...
Octavia was so very frail right now, not as Vinyl was, but in spirit. Her very being could completely collapse at any moment. "I h- haven't told anypony else a- about that. I- I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!" She buried her face in Lyra's chest. "I j- just miss her so much. I want her to come back. I- Is that too much to ask? Life isn't complete without her."
Lyra tried to stop her tears, but to no avail. They were both crying. She didn't understand how terrible it was for her until now. "I- I... I just didn't know. I just didn't know."
"You didn't know, nopony ever knows." Lyra sat up and felt ready to get everything out in the open.
"Octavia, did you listen to her?" Octavia met her gaze. Her eyes were puffy and she looked tired, mentally, emotionally and physically.
"Wh- What do you mean?" She sighed.
"She wanted you to continue your music. She wouldn't have wanted you to just give up and let your cello collect dust. You guys would almost always perform together. Her pop, techno sound mixing with your classical pieces. It was exciting, it was beautiful... it was magical. Vinyl wanted you to continue spreading that passion for music." Octavia stood up and threw her hooves down onto the table.
"HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WANTED?! I KNEW HER BETTER THAN ANYPONY!" Lyra rested her hoof on the other mare's shoulder.
"Because Octavia, she loved you and she wanted you to be happy." Those simple words gave Octavia comfort. She loved me and I loved her. We both loved music. Maybe I connect with her somehow through music.
Octavia rose from the couch and grabbed her old cello. It hasn't been touch for precisely one year, six months and five days. Ever since the day Vinyl gave her the news.
She studied each groove, scratch or dent. Octavia felt the extreme urge to smash it on the ground and light it on fire. This thing sickens me. This was ours, out special thing. I can't do it. It's too hard. Not without her. She pushed the door and bolted. She ran into her room and locked the door.
Tears streamed down her face and everywhere was Vinyl. Every memory was relived in front of her. "Please come back!" She reached out to touch Vinyl, but she disappeared before she could reach her.
"How are you, Tavi?" Octavia looked at Vinyl ecstatically.
"VINYL! I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE GONE!" She threw her forelegs around her, but she just went right through her. The illusion disappeared. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe everypony is right.
She threw herself at the wall. Knocking over everything in the process. Nopony needs you. She punched the window causing it to shatter. Her hooves were bleeding and she was hurt. She hit her head on the floor. I don't deserve to be alive without her!
Her agonized cries filled the air. "OCTAVIA! LET ME IN!" She reached for the scissors. "YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE!" She magically destroys the door and hurls herself at Octavia, thus hitting the weapon out of her hooves.
"GET AWAY FROM ME! I am just a nuisance."
"No, Octavia! You are so much more! You have class, grace, creativity and talent! You have smarts, beauty and charm! Everypony needs you! They need you to do what you do best, play the cello and make ponies feel emotions that they thought were impossible! You have so much talent! You can move ponies with an instrument!" Octavia let weakness overcome her. She stopped trying to fight Lyra.
"I give up, Lyra."
"You give up on what?"
"Life."
"Octavia, Vinyl would want you to move on. She wants you to live a happy life so stop treating yourself like crap! Do what you love or loved! Don't give up! Keep fighting! Fight for me! Fight for Vinyl! Fight for yourself!" Octavia's eyes focused on Lyra.
"...okay… I'll try." Lyra extended her hoof and then the two of them walk downstairs.
Octavia put the instrument in playing position. "What if I can't do it?"
"You can. I believe in you. She believes in you." She put the bow up to the strings and begins. Quiet, eerie notes flow from the instrument showing pain. Her memories of Vinyl relieve themselves in her brain. The fights, the worst news, the pain and the day she died. A flurry of loud, dramatic notes come out impossibly fast. The day that her parents died, the hurricane, the terrible gala. Then, some slow meaningful notes. The day that they first said that they loved each other, her wedding, the day that she got accepted to music school.
Every memory was shown through song. The notes told a story of love, the silver lining and the darkness that can creep in.
"Lyra...?"
"That was... FANTASTIC! I've never seen such a passionate performance!"
"I miss her." Lyra switched from excited fan to comforter in an instant.
"I know you do, but you have to learn how to cope. She's not gone. She'll be in your heart. Your heart will set you free. Don't lock yourself up anymore. Vinyl's death was a devastation and it infuriated everypony, but you have your memories and her love to guide you."
Octavia hugged her. "Thank you." Lyra smiled at her and walked out the door.
Octavia looked out of her window at Princess Luna's beautiful night. The moon was full and the stars were sparkly. "I started playing the cello again and I've done a few performances. I dedicated each one of them to you."
She tried to focus on the positive things. "I miss you Vinyl Scratch-" A few tears fell. "But, I know that you are guiding me and that I'll never truly be alone. Thank you for being mine. Thank you for loving me. Rest in peace, Vinyl."
I will always love you, Octavia.
