The Evil Juice

by Detectivefish

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9076

Madness, chaos and math strike Ponyville when two well-meaning ponies mix science and... more science in an attempt to make a new type of cider. And one of those ponies is Pinkie Pie.

It's a lovely day in Ponyville. So why is Applejack acting so weird?
Could it possibly have anything to do with her aunt coming to town?
What possible harm could come from an eccentric relative meeting Pinkie Pie, after all?

Published 2013-05-02 18:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-05 06:19:02 UTC

The Sinful Substance

There was the feel of warm sunlight on her cheek, and cost blankets rubbing against her. It was the worst part of waking up, just after you'd realised you had woken up and you had things to do, but before you had actually managed to rouse yourself.

Still, Applejack had heard the rooster calling, as it did every morning, which meant it was time for her to get up, and she slowly pulled herself out of bed, nudging small bits of sleep out of her eyes. She looked at the time. She was fourteen minutes out from her usual waking time.

Slowly, she made her way to the small bathroom, and tried to get her hair into some sense of order, then brushed her teeth. As she made her way back out, she looked into Apple Bloom's bedroom to make sure the filly was still there, just in case. She knew it was really foolish to worry, but she always checked, just in case.

Apple Bloom was still there, still resting. Applejack nodded. Her little sister was asleep and the sun was coming up as it always did, and everything was right with the world. But there was something she was sure she'd forgotten.

Was it the Ponyville rodeo? No, she told herself. That was last month.

Was it cider season? No, that had been a few months ago.

Winter Wrap Up? She certainly knew it wasn't that, seeing as this year it had actually been on time, thanks to Twilight Sparkle. There had been one of Pinkie Pie's parties and everything.

Pinkie Pie. For some reason that girl's name was sticking in her head.

'Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie' she mused. She shook her head. She had breakfast, followed by chores to deal with. Then she'd start dealing with Pinkie Pie.

When she got downstairs, she found Winnona carefully sitting out of the way, while her brother carefully made his way through breakfast.

"Morning" Applejack smiled.

"Good morning" the large red stallion responded, before going back to his meal.

"Nice day out" she observed, looking out of the window, and already she could tell what McIntosh was about to say.

"It is" was not what she'd been expecting. She turned to look at him. Years of living around Big McIntosh had given her the uncanny ability to discern his mood and train of thought, even if most of what he said was some variation of 'eyup' or 'nope', despite the best efforts of their grandmother.

"You alright?" she asked.

"Yes" he said, before calmly moving his empty bowl away.

"So, what's on the board for today?"

"Wouldn't know."

Applejack blinked. She was by her own admission, prone to overworking herself, as she had proven during the last Applebucking season, despite the best efforts of one Twilight Sparkle. Actually, once she thought about it, she'd really managed to steam-roll right through 'overworked' and out the other side, considering everything she'd done during those few days without sleep. She'd even hidden the award trophy she'd been given during that time because it reminded her of what'd happened. Strangely enough, she wasn't sure where it had gone, though she was certain that if she asked Apple Bloom, the filly would have been able to tell her. But Big McIntosh not knowing the schedule? Her own big brother, not knowing what he was supposed to do? Considering he'd once been so ill his coat had turned a strange pink colour, and still been trying to walk about, something didn't smell right.

"And what do yah mean by that?" she demanded, and could see instantly a total lack of guilt in her big brother's eyes.

"Goin' away. With Caramel. Fishin' trip" he said, calmly.

"But- y-... wha-..." she sputtered, as he calmly made his way upstairs. She shook herself. Inelegant spluttering, as Rarity would probably have said, was unbecoming of her. Rarity reminded her too much of Manehattan, which was probably why she hadn't gotten on so well with the mare until they'd been stuck in Twilight Sparkle's library in a rainstorm.

It was beginning to dawn on Applejack that a lot of events in the last eight months had something to do with Twilight Sparkle. She'd been spending more time with the personal student of Princess Celestia herself, more than she had with Fluttershy, who lived right by the edge of Sweet Apple Acres, or even Carrot Top, her next door neighbour, and it hadn't even occured to her.

She filed those concerns away in the back of her mind, as she noticed her big brother carrying suitcase out the door.
"Where the heck do you think yer going?" she yelled, and then she noticed it. Just for a second, in his big green eyes, she noticed fear. She paused, as he motioned toward something behind her. She turned, completely ignoring the escaping form of her big brother.

On the wall by the front door was one of the many schedules around the house, designed to tell each member of the family who was doing what that day (which wasn't, as some might have suspected, because of Granny Smith's occasionaly spotty memory at all), and she saw it. Written in large print, covering all four parts of the schedule were the words
'Brown Betty'.

Applejack stared at the words for a moment, hoping to utilise some previously unknown ability of the Apples to destroy the words. Now she remembered why she was so desperate to find Pinkie Pie. It was clear to the farmpony now that time was of the essence. But first things first, she told herself.

*****

Apple Bloom was woken by a nudging feeling. She slowly opened her eyes and looked up to see her big sister standing by her bed.

"Whut?" she managed to get out.

"Time to wake up, sleepy head" Applejack smiled. Apple Bloom noted it was the sort of smile her big sister had when there was something going on that she thought Apple Bloom wouldn't understand, like when she mentioned their parents, and then disappeared for hours.

"C'mon, ya got school in a bit" she said.

"'s only half six" the filly moaned, before pulling the bed sheets over her head.

"Apple Bloom" her big sister said, in her best impression of their mother.

"Sleepin'" Apple Bloom said, before trying her best impression of snoring.

There was a sudden freezing cold draught, and Apple Bloom knew without seeing that her bedsheets had been removed.

"Ah ain't got time t' argue with ya" Applejack said, "Ah just need you up an' about right now, Apple Bloom"

The filly opened her mouth to ask what was going on. "An' no back-talk, 'cuz ah ain't explainin' mahself right now. There ain't time. But ah will explain later."

And at that her big sister was out of the door, leaving the little filly wondering what had just happened.
"An' stop standing there, and get ready fer school!" she heard Applejack yell from the bottom of the stairs.

*****

Applejack stepped outside, confidant that her little sister would do as she asked, and for a few second was sure she could handle whatever the day held.

Sure, Big McIntosh had up and fled, but it was entirely possible her big brother really had planned a fishing trip with Caramel, and just forgotten to tell her completely, even though such forgetfulness was unheard of from the eldest child of the Apple family, and it just happened to be on the same day as their aunt was scheduled to visit Ponyville.
'Ah swear ah'm gonna tan his hide for this, even if it is all a big coincidence' she thought.

Then she saw the sky. The lovely, clear blue sky. And her hopes sank.

Ponyville did have a weather team, but if there was still more than few clouds in the sky in early spring, as it was right now, that meant Rainbow Dash had actually gotten her flank out of bed before ten. And apparently today was one of those days. Which also meant she had much less time than she thought. Her pace, already at a brisk walk, accelerated. If Rainbow Dash was awake, she'd need to go to the last place in Ponyville she thought she'd have to visit that day.

The Carousel Boutique.

*****

Rarity usually woke up by seven, if only because Opal was a fiend of a cat who got incredibly loud if she was kept waiting for breakfast past eight (Not that Opal was starved for ponies in town she could bother for food. Rarity had once caught her own dentist feeding Opal completely by accident), and today was no different. She stared at the small kitchen, and at Opal deciding that her food wasn't quite good enough at the moment, and calmly took a sip of her morning tea (with no sugar, only the best substitutes her money could buy), mentally preparing herself for a hard day of working, hoping for some spark of inspiration.

And occasionaly, thinking of the Grand Galloping Gala. It was only a few months until the most prestigous night of the year, and she still hadn't finalised either her dress or those of her friends. She was just about to start focusing on that when there was an urgent hammering on the door. For a moment, she gently placed her drink down, and looked at Opal, who had been just about to possibly consider sampling her breakfast, and wasn't really interested in Rarity.

As she walked to the door she tried to determined who it was that was knocking on her door. It wasn't Pinkie Pie, who usually chose seven knocks at a time, or Twilight Sparkle, who used merely two, or Fluttershy, who actually just tried the doorbell most times. It wasn't Lyra, whose knocks were usually to whatever tune was in her head at the moment, or her marefriend Bon-Bon, whose knocks were usually to whatever tune had just been in Lyra's head, or the local jeweller Amethyst Sparkler, who she had on occasion collaborated with since the mare had arrived in Ponyville. Aside from that, she hadn't really determined anypony else's knocks, since very few ponies in Ponyville wore clothing, and certainly not on a day-to-day basis, and the few who did (like Filthy Rich) weren't usually the sort who frequented her store.

So, Rarity was extremely surprised to find Applejack standing on her front-doorstep, looking nervous and fiercely determined.

"Rarity, ah need your help!"

Brown Betty

Rarity was at heart, a good pony. This could not be doubted. She was loving, supportive, and of course, generous, if occasionaly prone to bursts of over-dramatic emotions. But when the chips were down, Rarity would willingly throw herself into the fray for a friend.

With that, and her good nature assured, it should still be established that Rarity was, regrettably, of a one-track mind. Which meant when Applejack had appeared on her doorstep not five minutes before, telling Rarity she required help, and with Rarity only just awake, she honestly, and with no malice in her heart, had assumed the farmpony needed help with her hair and her hat.

"Land's sakes, girl. Mah mane is exactly how ah want it!" Applejack said, knocking away the hairbrush and hairdryer the fashionista had lifted toward her, while at the same time shooting almost Stare-level filthy looks at some ribbons floating toward her.

"Well" Rarity said. It obviously wasn't the most constructive response to make, but she'd only been awake for half an hour (although to Rarity, one wasn't truly awake until they'd washed their hair and had their morning tea), "Why did you arrive on my doorstep asking for my help then?"

Applejack looked around furtively. She wasn't entirely sure if going to Rarity first had been the best solution, but she was at Rarity's, and she was going one step at a time.

She was also thinking of ways to get back at her big brother. Hide-tanning was too good for him now, she thought.

"Because... ah have a problem. Or ah'm going to have a problem, and I'll need your help with it" she said, solemnly. For a moment Rarity looked shocked. Then she passed into flattered.

"Me?"
Applejack nodded.

"Help? You?" she said slowly, mulling over each word.
"With what?"

Applejack shuffled.
"Well, ah have this... aunt, y'see. An' her name is Brown Betty. Now, don't get me wrong, she's a good pony, and she is smart, but... at the same time..." she bit her lip.

"Y' know how every family has at least one really weird pony in it?"
Rarity wasn't sure if her family had any 'weird' ponies in it, but she nodded nonetheless.

"Well, Brown Betty is the weird pony of the Apple Family. And considering what my great-grand uncle Derrek used to do..." Applejack trailed off, remembering a private sin of an Apple family member too ludicrous for publication anywhere.

"Y'see, Brown Betty went to college," Whatever Applejack was about to say next was cut off by the sheer force of Rarity's glower.

"Applejack, I will not stand for that. Simply because a pony chooses to enrich themselves via further education does not mean they are 'weird' or deserving of scorn. Whatever deed you wish for me to aid you against this pony, you can just... forget it!"

For a moment, there was silence, save the very distant sound of a cat cleaning herself.
"Yah didn't let me finish" Applejack said, calmly, "An' while she was at college, she... experimented-"
Rarity glowered again.

"Oh? Indeed? I thought you were better than that, Applejack-"

"Fer pete's sake! Not that kinda 'experimenting', Rarity! An' even if she had ah wouldn't care!"
The designer looked suitably chastened.

"You ain't fully awake yet, are ya?"
Rarity shook her head. "So, experimenting with what, then?"

"Experimenting with... chemicals, 'n the like. She's the member of the Apple family in charge of designing cider mixtures, an' such."
Applejack paused.

"What?" Rarity asked.
"Oh, sorry, though you were about to yell at me again. Anyways, the problem is that she may have, on occasion, been a bit careless with what she was puttin' in her mixtures, and... well, is not really allowed off the ranch very much, on account of bein' nuttier than Pinkie Pie on a sugar rush."

Rarity silently raised an eyebrow at this.
"And she's coming to Ponyville" Applejack said, her voice leaden and cold, "An' ah need your help in making sure she doesn't meet Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash"

Rarity opened her mouth to ask what was so dangerous about that, and then remembered Rainbow Dash's usual behaviour during the annual cider seasons, even though the mare never managed to get any cider, or perhaps that was the problem, now that she gave it some thought.

"I can see why Rainbow Dash might be a problem. She'd be perfectly willing to help experiment with cider, but why is Pinkie Pie a problem?"

"Because" Applejack sighed, "Pinkie always buys the most cider of everypony in town, even more than Berry Pinch, and she's always trying to help ponies, an' ah'm afraid if she an' Brown Betty meet, it'll end in chaos!"

Rarity pondered this. "What possible harm could come from Pinkie Pie helping to make cider?" she asked, even though she'd in fact been present for Pinkie Pie testing out that strange device the mare had made that shot cake. It wasn't really a question of what harm could come from Pinkie trying to invent something, it was more what harm would come from Pinkie's attempts at inventing.

"Alright, I'll help you. But... should we not ask Twilight Sparkle for help?"

Applejack looked hesitant. "Ah dunno, Rare. Ah mean, I like her, she's a good kid, but... ah don't want her to feel that I need her help for every single problem that comes along, you know?"

Rarity nodded. She hadn't known the young librarian from Canterlot for very long, but Twilight Sparkle seemed to have a knack for showing up when there were problems and... solving them. And now that she was giving it some though, this had been happening with unusual regularity since defeating Nightmare Moon. And why was Applejack calling her a kid when she was certain the studious unicorn was in fact older than her?

"We should consider it a back-up option though."
Applejack gave it some thought.

"Fine. Now then, I'm gonna need you to do the more difficult task. Ah'm going to need you to keep Rainbow Dash busy"

*****

Applejack had left Rarity to devise the means to which she would gain and keep Rainbow Dash's attention on her own, with the tacit understand that Rarity would get her own back on her for that, probably in a way that involved curlers, and possibly tail extensions. Meanwhile, the farmer's hooves took her direct to Sugarcube Corner, the workplace and residence of one Pinkamena Diane Pie.

There was a whiff of fresh baking products, as there always was early in the morning, since the Cakes, the owners and proprietors of Sugarcube Corner, got up almost as early as the Apples in order to meet the breakfast rush.

"Oh, good morning, Applejack" the thin yellow stallion beamed from behind the counter.

"Mornin' Mister Cake. Sorry to be rude, but have y' seen Pinkie Pie around?"

He tilted his head. "Not that I can recall, no. I think she might still be asleep. I could check, if you like."

"No, ah couldn't be a bother. Not when you've got customers comin' in."

"Oh, good morning, Applejack" came another voice, belonging to Mrs Cake. It was bit strange to some ponies how the married couple seemed to share thought processes.

"Howdy, Mrs Cake. Ya haven't seen Pinkie Pie, have ya?"

The mare looked thoughtful. "I think I saw her going to the train station to greet new arrivals. Is there a-"

The reason she didn't finish was because Applejack immediately dashed off out of the door, leaving the two ponies to stare at each other. Any further concern was forestalled by the arrival of hungry schoolkids.

*****

Rainbow Dash was sitting on a cloud, letting her eyelids droop and preparing to go to sleep after a hard morning of doing her job. She'd had the most incredible dream the other day of performing a trick so awesome, she'd not only been made Wonderbolt, but captain of the Wonderbolts, and then Princess Celestia herself had appeared and declared her the 'Coolest Pony Alive', before banishing the ponies who'd bullied her throughout her childhood to the moon. As she felt herself drift off, she hoped she'd have a dream as awesome as that o-

"Rainbow Dash!" a voice from below called out. After a few seconds where she mentally cursed the pony below for breathing, she realised it was Rarity, and that she couldn't pretend she wasn't there since her tail was sticking over the edge of the cloud.

"What?" she asked.

"Could you come down here and talk to me for a moment?" Rarity asked. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, and decided not to yell back why the mare couldn't just talk to her from down there.

"S'up" she said casually on landing. Rarity smiled an odd smile that she didn't like.

"Well, you know how the other day I declared I would make dresses for everypony for the Gala?"
Rainbow Dash blinked. She was missing sleep for dresses?

"Yeah?" She asked slowly.

"Well, I do require measurements of you to determine how to get the dress to fit" the fashion designer smiled a desperate, and slightly nervous smile.

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to point out she had already been measured by Rarity, and that she had a lot of sleep to be catching up on, but then she found herself being dragged along by the mare.

'It's alright, probably wouldn't have been much fun anyway' she sighed, mildly thankful that most ponies weren't actually up yet, so at least nopony was likely to see her being dragged to Rarity's shop.

******

Meanwhile, as Applejack rushed through town to reach the train station, two ponies walked through town, one a slightly elderly looking mare, in her fifties at the earliest, while the other was much younger, and probably only in her mid-thirties. The first, who was Applejack's aunt Brown Betty, stared at everything in wonderment, while the younger seemed content just to look at everything with mild suspicion, especially after seeing the bright pink mare screaming welcomes at almost everypony who'd stepped off the train.

"Crisp?" Brown Betty spoke, turning to the younger mare, "Could we perhaps... see if anywhere around here sells cupcakes? It's just that I haven't had one in some time."

"You had one just the other day. Actually, you had six. All of which you had said were in fact for me, Elizabeth" Apple Crisp sighed, and scanned the street they were on. It wasn't that she was angry at her mother, despite occasionaly being forced to sample whatever strange substances the mare concocted in her laboratory, more the fact that she had been assigned as legal guardian of Brown Betty over anypony else in the entire family.

"And I think we should probably see where the relatives are first and-" she had turned around to see Brown Betty had vanished. She sighed wearily, in a way that would've suggested to anypony watching that this was almost routine.

*****

Applejack reached the train station, and skidded to a halt when she saw the train beginning to pull out. Fear gripped her mind, which began to race with numerous possibilities of what could happen if her aunt, notorious for causing strange, even freakish events with her acts of science, met up with Pinkie Pie. She tried to calm herself, telling herself that for all she knew Pinkie Pie and her relative hadn't met yet.

This did somehow translated into her repeating the word "No" over and over again as she rushed back toward town.

*****

The door to Sugarcube Corner swung, and Pinkie Pie's ears perked up as she bounced over to the counter.

"Hi!" she smiled at the mare staring around at everything with almost child-like curiosity, "Ohh, you're new to Sugarcube Corner, right?"

She moved fast, quickly displaying a small piece of pastry. "Complimentary cupcake, one for every new pony in town!"
The mare smiled. "Very kind of you."

"I'm Pinkie Pie, what's your name?" she asked. The mare stared at her, and then nodded.

"Oh, it's Brown Betty. Doctor Brown Betty."

"Hope you enjoy your time in Ponyville!" Pinkie smiled, "Just let Pinkie Pie know if you need anything else. I just wanna see everypony smile."

She gasped.
"I gotta write that one down, be back in a minute!" she said, before rushing off into the back of Sugarcube Corner, leaving Brown Betty to slowly finish the complimentary cupcake.

Nightmare Moon's Night-Cap

Applejack tried to figure out what had just happened. She'd been running. There had been a flash of purple, and then she'd ended up colliding with something. In fact, possibly two things, and since she could feel scales pressing against her fur, she was certain she could tell who, or indeed what she'd collided with.

"Mornin' Spike" she groaned.
"Good morning Applejack" said the familiar voice of Twilight Sparkle. Applejack smiled.

"Good mornin', Twilight."
There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Hey, Twilight, you think maybe we can put our heads together and get untangled?"
"Just a minute" the unicorn said. Several more seconds passed as Twilight tried to untangle herself.

"Hold on a moment" she said. Her horn began to glow, and with a small pop, she vanished, Spike suddenly falling free now that he wasn't crushed between either mare. Twilight reappeared with a bright flash a few feet away from both mares, and then turned to look at Applejack. Then she saw Apple Crisp standing behind the mare. Applejack saw where she was looking and nodded.

"Twilight Sparkle, this is mah cousin Apple Crisp. Apple Crisp, this is Twilight Sparkle."
The two ponies nodded to one another, before Applejack continued. "She's visiting with my aunt Brown Betty."

Twilight just smiled, "Nice to meet you." Then she glanced at Applejack.
"Is something wrong?"

Applejack blinked, "Wrong? No, no, nothing's wrong. At all."
Twilight stared at Applejack's expression. Even before one got to the fact that she was bearer of the Element of Honesty, Applejack was a terrible liar. Fortunately for the farmpony, her statement hadn't been corroborated. After all, just because her aunt who had managed to get into serious trouble for sampling her own creations had teemed up with Pinkie Pie, a pony who had apparently designed a means of delivering cake at high velocities, it didn't mean anything was currently wrong. She just hoped Twilight didn't enquire further.

"Okay then" she said, smiling brightly, "I'll let you get on with what you were doing then."
She began walking off, Spike following after her. Applejack looked concerned for a moment. There had been something odd about the mare's expression that seemed unusual, that she hadn't seen on Twilight's face before. And she suddenly found herself wondering whether Twilight actually had any family. She knew that her parents were alive, if only by Twilight's regular behaviour, but as to whether she had any other family, she wasn't sure. Certainly, Twilight seemed understanding of her admittedly rash behaviour during the Poison Joke incident, though again, this seemed perfectly natural considering Twilight wasn't the sort of pony to hold a grudge.

Any further rumination on Twilight's behaviour was cut off by Apple Crisp giving her a sharp nudge. "Applejack?" she asked, "Snap out of it."
Applejack shook her head, and turned toward her cousin, who had a worried expression, and then nodded, setting off once more in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. Fortunately, nothing happened to possibly slow them down.
Apple Crisp looked about. "It's kinda quiet" she noted. Applejack nodded.

"Apple Bloom's at school. Big McIntosh just happened to go on a fishin' trip this mornin'. Didn't tell me about it."
Apple Crisp stared at Applejack. "I was thinking more along the lines of 'too quiet', but... nice of you tell me."

The two ponies stared at the front door to the main house. It was too quiet, especially with Pinkie Pie involved Applejack noted. Something was utterly wrong.
The two ponies glanced at each other, their eyes sharing the same though, that in any normal situation, they'd likely have kicked the door clean off it's hinges by this point. But since it was Applejack's house, they just calmly opened it, and then heard the sound of laughter. Applejack gritted her teeth as she realised it was the sound of Pinkie Pie's laughter. Slowly, and with great caution, the two mares slowly looked around the house, and a fear began to worm it's way into Applejack's heart as she realised the occasional giggle could mean one thing, and one thing only.

Granny Smith was looking at the photo albums again.
Back when she and her brother had been younger, they had suggested (or, in a much more accurate sense, pleaded) Granny Smith to not bring out the photo albums whenever somepony came around. And Granny Smith's reaction had been to smile gently, and warmly, and tell both ponies that they didn't have to look at any photos if they didn't want to, then suggest to Apple Bloom that the two ponies take a look at photos of her parents when they were younger.

Applejack's thoughts came back to reality as she saw three ponies looking at one album and occasionally remarking upon photos, as Granny Smith described their context. She noticed Pinkie and Brown Betty were occasionally eating what looked like candies, but the only ones she knew were in the house was Apple Bloom's secret supply that she thought Applejack didn't know about.

"Hi Applejack!" Pinkie's voice cut through Applejack's thoughts like a knife through air. She looked up, and noticed the mare was holding a hoof up to Applejack with a small paper bag clearly filled with candy.
"Candy?" she offered. Applejack stared at it, and could practically feel the confusion Apple Crisp had.

"Where did-" the mare started, before Pinkie just grinned at her.
"Oh, I have bags of candy everywhere. In case of candy emergency."

"Candy emergency?" Applejack asked. She knew about Pinkie Pie's emergency supplies of corks, toilet paper and pens, but the bags of candy were new, and raised serious questions as to where Apple Bloom acquired her candy stash.
"Why would-" Apple Crisp started, before Applejack cut her off.

"Don't bother. That's just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie, an' that's all you need to know."
"But-"

"All. You. Need. To. Know." Applejack said, staring straight at the mare, who just looked from her cousin, to Pinkie Pie, before deciding to heed her cousin's wisdom. Then she gave a small cough and a meaningful Look at Applejack, who turned to look at Granny Smith and Brown Betty.
"Hey, granny, can ah talk to ya in private?" she said nervously. Granny Smith gave her a pointed stare.

"Sure can" she said. At this, Apple Crisp walked over toward Brown Betty.
"C'mon, Elizabeth. Let's go check out the bedroom situation."

Applejack watched as the two ponies headed towards the stairs, then looked at Pinkie Pie. The mare just stared at Applejack, before bouncing away.
"What's so important?" Granny Smith asked. Applejack tensed.

"Well, Granny, it's... it's about Aunt Betty."
The temperature suddenly seemed to drop, but Applejack felt it wise to continue. "Ah think perhaps, maybe... that is... it might be an idea to-"

"Ya think she's gonna cause trouble, or be trouble" Granny Smith said. Applejack blanched.
"Ah didn't say that, granny."

The mare gave Applejack a disapproving look. "Ah know you didn't say that. Ah know that quite well. Ah ain't lost all mah marbles just yet, girl."
Applejack went silent.

"Brown Betty is our guest, and our kin. She ain't here to cause trouble, she's just here to visit. And while ah think ah can see why you might be concerned she might do something... foolish, ah really doubt that's gonna happen."
Applejack didn't respond. Granny Smith sighed.

"Now, young lady, since Ben's gon' a'wanderin', ah think you have some chores to do."
Applejack nodded. "Guess ah do."

She looked up at Granny Smith, who just smiled. Applejack slowly made her way toward the door, her blood freezing when she wondered where Pinkie Pie had gone. She turned around to go find the mare, only to see Granny Smith was glaring at her.
"Chores" she repeated. Applejack nodded numbly. Chores suddenly sounded good at the moment. Then she noticed Pinkie Pie was bouncing alongside her.

"Hi Applejack" the party planner said. Applejack just nodded.
"Hey, Pinkie."

"What's up?" she asked. Applejack tilted her head.
"Just wondering, you and Brown Betty talked right?"

"Yeah" Pinkie Pie said, "She said she's from Maressechucets, and that she's got all sorts of freaky knowledge of chemistry even though she usually just makes apple-themed drinks and I asked if she wanted to make cider here and-"
Applejack cut her off with an expression of alarm. "Pinkie" she said quietly, "Tell me you didn't."

Pinkie blinked, "No. We didn't. She said she didn't feel comfortable using somepony else's equipment for her experiments. Then she said she was hungry again."
For a few seconds Applejack just stood there, staring at Pinkie, who just smiled back, as her brain tried to process this information without making a lot of noise and attracting the ire of Granny Smith.

"Okay" she eventually managed. Pinkie's smile didn't flicker for a second. Applejack felt less than satisfied by this. The two ponies stared at one another. Applejack's eyes began to move toward the house, and she was certain she saw a hint of green at the windows.
"Sorry Pinkie, ah would love to chat, but ah have a lot of chores to do today."

"Need some help?" Pinkie asked. Applejack considered this, before shaking her head.
"Nah, ah can handle a couple'a chores easy enough. Ain't like ah'm being asked to take on every tree on the farm by mahself."

"Okie-dokie-lokie" Pinkie Pie smiled, before bouncing away. As she did, Applejack noted that Pinkie Pie hadn't actually conversed with Apple Crisp yet, and briefly wondered whether that would be an issue.
She dismissed this thought. Pinkie Pie had met Brown Betty, and nothing had gone hideously wrong. Nothing was on fire, nopony had been arrested. In fact, everything seemed to be going just fine.

She couldn't help but feel she'd forgotten something, though...

*****

Rainbow Dash was not in a good mood. It was bad enough she was missing both her usual nap-time, and her mid-nap-snack-breaks, and her post-nap exercise routine, but to be missing those, and trying on whatever clothing Rarity seemed to have at hoof was even worse. She hadn't even agreed to get herself measured for dresses, and since then, her friend had seized upon the opportunity to force whatever garments she could find upon Rainbow Dash. She was aware of Rarity's cat staring at her, as it had been for the last several minutes, but at no point did it seem interested in attacking her, as it apparently did with everypony but Fluttershy. This was annoying, because if it attacked she could have claimed she wanted to get away from a psychotic furball if she wanted to, even if it meant Rarity doing that thing she did when she was upset and acting super-snooty.

Rainbow Dash paused as she wondered where the phrase 'super-snooty' came from, and after length deliberation decided Pinkie Pie was probably responsible.
'If I stay here much longer, I'm probably gonna end up like Pinkie. Or worse, Screwball.' She blinked as she considered this. 'And now I'm talking to myself. Great'

"Hey, Rarity" she said, as the fashion designer returned with a box, the contents of which Rainbow Dash couldn't identify, "How long exactly are we gonna be here?"
Rarity looked up at Rainbow Dash, then she just smiled. "Well, the less you complain and distract me, the less longer this will take."

"Rares, I had wing-preening sessions in school that were shorter than this. Hay, I've had lectures from Raindrops that were shorter than this."
Rarity just stared at Rainbow Dash, "There's no need to shout, Rainbow Dash. Besides, I'm almost done."

"You said that five dresses ago."
Without a beat, Rarity responded, "Yes, and now we are five dresses closer to being finished."

Rainbow Dash snorted. "Rarity, at some point, I would really like to get the hay out of here. Can we do that? Is that allowed? Me getting the hay out of here? Tell me it's on your list. I have things I want to do today."
Rarity paused, and then smiled unnervingly. "We're almost done." she said, before her horn glowed, and the box opened. Several things floated out of the box. At first, Rainbow Dash wondered if they were some manner of lingerie, and then realised with mounting horror they were worse. They were far, far worse.

They were uncool. She watched as the clothing floated towards her, but her legs seemed weighed to the ground for some reason. As the clothing came towards her she tried not to scream.
"Oh, stop being such a foal!" Rarity chided. "And hold still."

*****

Applejack paused, and scanned around the orchard. Normally this would have been the point where somepony had said something to the effect of it being quite, or too quiet. However, Applejack wasn't about to question her luck. It was coming up to lunch-time, and most of her chores had been finished, and there had been no distractions. She smiled, and wondered if whether there had been any reason to be concerned at all.
At which point there was an almighty shaking and an explosion, followed by the distant sound of Pinkie Pie laughing. Applejack slowly picked herself up, and replaced her hat on her head and looked about.

"What in tarnation?" she muttered. She glanced about, and started walking back toward the farmhouse. As she approached she noticed a small amount of smoke emerging from the not-yet finished apple cellar. She stared at it, and then cautiously approached it. Making her way down the stairs, she found an unusual scene.

The cellar wasn't yet furnished, or at least wasn't supposed to be. Applejack had been hoping to finish it over the last week, but various things, including several mandatory baths for certain sap-coated fillies, had put those plans on pause. She was therefore surprised to find a table had been set up in the cellar, and even more surprised to see a variety of strange beakers laid out on the table. And when she saw Pinkie Pie standing over one apparently empty beaker, her face evidently covered in soot, her hair looking like somepony had ran an electric charge through it, and a wide smile on her face, Applejack just gave up.

"What just happened?" she asked. Pinkie turned to look at her and smiled.
"Hi Applejack!" she beamed, not noticing or not caring about the soot on her face, "We're conducting a science experiment."

"What."
She turned her gaze to look at the other occupant of the room, Brown Betty, who looked up at Applejack and smiled.
"Hello Applejack. Would you like to help us make cider? Your friend Winkie here has been quite helpful, though unfortunately we both got slightly distracted when we started discussing which brand of liquorice was best."

Applejack stared blanked for several seconds, her gaze moving to the variety of equipment, not of which looked like it was necessary for the brewing of cider. Some part of her brain still capable of rational thought tried to point out that cider season for that year had been, gone, and had generated a tidy sum. It was hushed down by the part of her that represented her curiosity, which had strangely not died out despite years of exposure to Rainbow Dash, or even Apple Bloom's attempts to gain her Cutie Mark.

"Make... cider?" she said slowly.

"Oh, yes" the elder mare said, "We talked about that as well, and young Dinkie here-"

"Pinkie."

"Would feel about improving your recipe."

Applejack turned to stare at Pinkie with hurt and shock at this act of betrayal from her friend, and best customer. "What's wrong with our recipe? Which, ah'll have you know, has been in mah family since the Warmin' of Equestria!"
Pinkie smiled back, "I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. I just wanted to see if we could make it ever better. Or betterer. Or would that be bettererer?" she frowned, and from nowhere produced a pad of paper and a pencil and began scribbling away at it. Brown Betty didn't react to this, and was instead chowing down on a small box of candy nearby.
A small part of her noted that if they found a way to increase cider sales, she wouldn't need to go to the gala and sell anything, and could just have a fun time having the best night ever with her friends. Or, she considered, possibly gaining more funds for the farm in case of a rainy day, or Granny Smith having an accident, or her head exploding when Apple Bloom suggested she and her friends became Cutie Mark Crusaders Demolitions Experts.

"Ah don't know about this" she muttered, "Is it gonna be safe?"
"We're only experimenting with cider, Applejack" Pinkie Pie smiled. "It's not like we're devising means to cross between universes, or increase intelligence at the cost of emotions."

Applejack just nodded. "'kay. Where'd Apple Crisp go, by the way?"
Brown Betty looked about, concern apparent on her face, before recognition flashed across it. "I sent her to go find a functional black board. For some reason you don't seem to have one here."

Applejack nodded. "Alright. So you two are just gonna be down here, tinkerin' with cider? Nothin' else? Nuthin' dangerous, right?"
The two ponies exchanged glances, and then Pinkie smiled. "It's only cider, Applejack. What could possibly go wrong tinkering with cider?"

Applejack frowned, and decided not to give that any response, glancing only at Brown Betty, then back to Pinkie Pie.
"Pinkie, can ya promise me you won't do anything... dangerous?"
Pinkie's expression suddenly went from bright and perky to stone cold seriousness without a single beat. "Cross my heart and hope to fly" she said. Applejack just bit her lip.

"Alright. Guess that settles that then."
She wished she could say she felt reassured by this, but she didn't. She turned and left the apple cellar, sparing one last glance backward to the two ponies, who were now talking in whispers to each other. She frowned, and quickly found herself walking as far away from the apple cellar as possible.

*****

It was some hours later, Applejack noted, and there'd been no more noises, explosions or disasters. Feeling concern welling up inside herself again, she set off toward the apple cellar. She found it completely empty, with no sign anypony had ever been there. She frowned, and looked about.

Slowly, she began to move, heading behind the farmhouse, towards the small barn where Pinkie usually held any party she had while visiting the Apples. She found Pinkie Pie, Brown Betty and Apple Crisp standing around outside it near the variety of instruments used to brew cider, looking at a barrel, which she guessed was filled with cider. She frowned.

"What the hay's goin' on here?" she asked. The three ponies looked up, and an odd look flashed across their faces, which Applejack ignored.
"We made some cider" Pinkie said, before her smile flickered, "But apparently we aren't allowed to drink it."

"Why not?" Applejack asked, "Ya weren't plannin' to sell it, were ya?"
Pinkie Pie and Brown Betty glanced at one another. "No." they both said.

"But we do need a 'control group'" Pinkie Pie said.
"A what now?"

At this, Apple Crisp spoke up, "One of the major rules of scientific experimentation: never experiment on yourself" she glanced briefly at Brown Betty as she said this, "And I made it a personal rule to never drink anything Elizabeth's had a hoof in brewing, so we're gonna have to go find a volunteer to drink some of this stuff."
Applejack frowned. "Please, tell me that cider ain't hard cider."

"No." Brown Betty said quickly, "We made sure of that."
Applejack sighed. That was one less potential fire put out, at least.

"Ah'm still not sure about this" she said, "Ah just wan' that made clear right now. Ah ain't sure about any of this."
"You could always come with us and supervise" Pinkie Pie smiled. Applejack blinked for a moment.

"No, ah... ah don't think ah will. Ah'm just gonna go... talk to Granny Smith." at this she began walking away, glancing nervously at the ponies standing next to the barrel, before surprising her concern.
Pinkie had promised to make sure everything went well, after all. Everything was going to be fine.

So why did she have a feeling of impending dread?

*****

Twilight Sparkle smiled warmly. The day had been going well enough. Nopony seemed to be in any sort of distress, which was good, although it did mean she was unlikely to find something to write to the Princess, which was a bother, even if she had plenty of good material to write anyway over the last week, especially after Apple Bloom and her friends had tried to help in the library.

(Next to Twilight, Spike noticed the mares' twitching ears, but decided it was far safer for him to say nothing.)

Yes, Twilight thought to herself, today had been going very well. Aside from getting talked into modelling some clothing for Rarity, alongside poor Rainbow Dash, who clearly hadn't been enjoying herself, but had bravely sacrificed her own chance for freedom so that Twilight could escape, and take Spike with her before he could tattle on her. Now she found herself in the marketplace on the edge of town, wondering what to do next, whether to visit Sugarcube Corner, or visit Fluttershy's cottage. She did briefly entertain the thought of going to see how Applejack and her relatives were getting on, but she dismissed it. It would be unfair to get in the way of a family reunion.

Then she, along with almost everypony else in the marketplace, saw three ponies, two she recognised, setting down a barrel in the middle of the road and glancing about.

*****

"So, what now?" Pinkie Pie asked.
Apple Crisp tilted her head. "Well, we can either ask a passer-by, or we could set a sign up. Your choice. You helped make it. Not me."

Pinkie Pie considered this, and looked about. "Okay, I know who to ask to test-taste this drink. Her."
Apple Crisp and her mother looked to where Pinkie Pie pointed, which was to a bright yellow pegasus pony making her way slowly through the marketplace, taking the utmost care not to make eye-contact with anyone, which was helped by the bright pink hair obscuring half of her face.

Or Fluttershy, as her friends called her.

The Sombric Solution

Inside Ponyville's only library, its occupant, one Twilight Sparkle sighed, turning around to look at the clock, and smiled.
"Well, Spike, I think perhaps that's enough practicing for today. Shall we go see how everypony's day is going?" she smiled. Spike looked up at the librarian and smiled.

"Sure."
Twilight Sparkle walked over to the door.

"It's odd, isn't it, how quiet this town's been lately" the mare observed. Actually, she was confused. One week the town was bustling with life and excitement, the next it was alarmingly quiet, especially on Thursday afternoons, she'd noted, but almost never on Saturdays. Saturdays always seemed the weirdest days, and whenever Pinkie Pie was around, they were even stranger, and yet the strange earth pony barely ever seemed taken aback by anything.

Spike just chuckled, "Yeah, it's great, isn't it? Guess Applejack convinced her sister and her friends to stop causing disasters every other week."

Twilight glanced at the little dragon as he walked out of the library. She closed the door, placing a sign on the front door informing everypony who came by that the library was closed.

"They're just trying to gain their Cutie Marks, Spike. Even if they are going about it in a remarkably overzealous way."
"Apparently they keep getting covered in tree sap, and it's straining," there was a small sigh from the dragon, and Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes at the realisation of what Spike was about to say, "It's straining Rarity's endless beautiful patience."

Then, quiet suddenly Applejack rushed past, terror evident on her face as she repeated the word 'no' over and over again. Spike and Twilight looked at each other.

"Wonder what that was about," Spike said casually. Twilight Sparkle frowned, and her face set in a way that made Spike's blood run cold. It was her Noticing Things face, which meant soon enough she'd be asking him to 'take a letter'. Not that he minded writing letters for Twilight, exactly, but he had just had to transcribe the last Ponyville town meeting for some reason (he'd been distracted by thoughts of Rarity again). He was a creature of his word, and any task he was asked to perform, he would do to the best of his ability, but he did suffer from nasty wrist cramps sometimes (and, he noted, a lot more frequently since Twilight had made friends).

"Let's find out" Twilight said, setting off at a steady pace.

*****

Applejack rushed through Ponyville, moving as fast as her trophy-winning legs could carry her. Fear fueled her movement, a fear that wasn't eased by the fact that she was certain she'd just passed a cheerful purple blur that was in fact Twilight Sparkle.

And then she collided with somepony. There were a few seconds of annoyed grunts and yelps.

"Get off!" a familiar sounding pony declared.
"You first ya-" Applejack paused when she saw the pony staring at her.

"Applejack?"
"Apple Crisp?"

The cousins quickly, and silently, untangled themselves before embracing.
"Nice t' see ya again, cousin."

The mare identified as Apple Crisp just smirked, "Yeah, great to see you too, Applejack, but... I've got a problem."
Applejack nodded, "Brown Betty wandered off?"

"Yeah. I think she's looking for snack-foods."
Applejack's expression sunk, and Apple Crisp just stared at her cousin.

"Something wrong?" she asked, as her cousin rushed away toward Sweet Apple Acres.

*****

(Several minutes ago)
Pinkie Pie had returned from writing a note to herself about using a catch-phrase in the future (having discovered seventeen different notes all saying the exact same thing) to find the odd pony calling herself Brown Betty standing there looking confused.

"Something wrong?" Pinkie Pie asked. The mare looked up, and smiled.
"Yes, I've forgotten where I was supposed to go. I..." the mare looked about, "I do that a lot actually. It drives my daughter crazy sometimes."

"I can help you," Pinkie Pie smiled, "Do you remember where it is?"
The mare smiled. "Yes. It had something to do with apples," then she leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, "You know, I can't remember the last time I had a toffee apple."

Pinkie stared at the mare. "Apples?" she said.
"Well, there's only one place in practically all of Ponyville that does apples, and that's Sweet Apples Acres."

Brown Betty smiled, "Yes, that was it. Sweet Apple Acres."
The mare suddenly stared blankly, "But this is my first time in Ponyville, so I... I-I don't remember where to go."

Pinkie Pie just bounced around the counter. "Don't frown, Pinkie Pie'll help you get there. Any friend of Applejack's is a friend of mine. Unless they secretly turn out to be a meanie-pants, like Dashie's friend Gilda, the meanie-pants Griffon."

That had been several minutes ago.
Applejack and Apple Crisp arrived at Sugarcube Corner to find everything calm, and eerily quiet.

"Oh, hello again, Applejack" came a voice from behind the counter, belonging Mrs Cake, co-owner and proprietor of Sugarcube Corner.

"Hey, Mrs Cake. You ain't seen a mare, kinda gettin' on in age, goes by the name Brown Betty, have ya?"

The mare shook her head. "No. But I'm sure Pinkie Pie's probably seen her. You could ask her if she's seen her,"
Applejack's ears perked up, until she heard the next thing the mare said, "But she's out right now, helping a pony with something."

Apple Crisp turned to Applejack, "What exactly is the problem with this Pinkie Pie meeting Elizabeth, exactly?"
Applejack sighed, "She's the best cider customer in town, Crisp. An' she's like nothin' you've ever seen anywhere, ah can guarantee ya."

Apple Crisp just stared deap-pan at Applejack, "I don't know, I've seen some pretty weird things in the last few years."
She looked about the room, "Though for the sake of your sanity, I think I'll avoid saying what sort of things. So don't go thinking I don't know something weird when I see it."

"Have ya ever seen a mare who can predict when frogs are gonna fall out the sky?"
"No. Because that isn't scientifically possible" Applejack stared at Apple Crisp good-naturedly.

"What?" the mare asked.
"You'd get on well with a pony ah know. Good girl, but she doesn't know 'bout the Pinkie Sense either."
Applejack shook her head at the though of Twilight Sparkle learning about Pinkie Sense.

"Anyway, if Pinkie Pie finds out Brown Betty makes cider, it..." Applejack paused. Apple Crips stared at her.
"What?"

Applejack tried to imagine what Pinkie Pie could possibly do to cider, then decided not to imagine what could happen.
"Trust me, cousin, it won't be pretty."

*****

Pinkie Pie and Brown Betty walked along toward Sweet Apples Acres, the pink mare bouncing as she usually did while randomly jumping from topic to topic.

"-And so I was all 'yeah, she's orange, but I really don't know anything else about her.' She's orange and she runs a farm, and it isn't even named after her, it's named after her aunt, who is a really awesome pony who does all sorts of cool stuff and apparently she once made a dragon explode by throwing salt and pepper down it's throat, which sounds kinda mean because I like salt and pepper and I don't want to explode, and she once fought underwater squirrels that tried to eat her and that sounds really cool and completely weird, and I once met Black Snooty. Or was it Nightmare Moon?"

Brown Betty stared at Pinkie Pie for several minutes. "And you... your Cutie Mark means what exactly?"
"Oh, it's about how I love to make ponies smile, usually by throwing parties and making jokes and candy and cupcakes and candy-canes, and pinatats, and pin-the-tail-on-the-pony!" she turned to look at Brown Betty, "What about you? What's your special talent?"

"Oh, my special talent is, well, actually, I'm an expert in various forms of chemistry, especially with regards to chemical mixtures. But my main speciality is drink-making, though I usually only get to make various forms of cider."
For a moment Pinkie remained completely, utterly still, just staring at the mare.

"Cider?" she said quietly, before a massive grin overcame her face, one that seemed to go beyond the borders of her mouth.
"I! LOVE! CIDER!" she boomed.

*****

As Applejack ran toward her farm, Apple Crisp keeping a steady pace with her, she had a sudden feeling that everything had just gone hideously, hideously wrong, and that in all liklihood, it was about to get so much worse, especially for her.
Which was why she didn't see Twilight Sparkle until she'd managed to run into the mare full-tilt.

*****

"Did you hear that?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking toward a suddenly startled looking Rarity, who fortunately hadn't been holding anything near her at the time, the mare having been examining a box of fabric samples.

"Hear what?" the fashion-designer said quickly.
"Must've been my imagination" Rainbow Dash frowned, as Rarity began the second part of her Rainbow Dash-distracting scheme, which was choosing the right sort of fabric for the mare's dress designs.