The Only Easy Day...Was Yesterday

by Bing

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Original Character, Spike, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4592

A US Army Ranger is ripped out of battle and thrown into Equestria.

The year is 2016, and the US and Afghan Militia are fighting each other in an intense war for control. PFC Joseph Allen is a soldier in the US Army Rangers who during battle, is pulled through a rip in the space time continuum and forced into Equestria.

Published 2012-02-11 13:44:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-16 12:33:58 UTC

Act I

A/N: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or the Modern Warfare trilogy. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this. I would be swimming in cash, with champagne and babes in a house that's bigger than a shopping mall... Wait, what was I talking about again?

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I woke up to the sound of gunfire and shouting. I didn't want to get up, I was scared. Why didn't I get a job as a writer or something? My vision was hazy and I was shaking with fear. I shut out all the outside noise and pretended to be dead. It was working until...

''Get up, Private Allen! Rangers lead the way! Move!'' It was General Shepherd.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. Great. I shook off my fear and observed my surroundings. We were on the bottom of a bridge. My regiment were firing into the other side of the river, where the towelheads were. They were loads of them, and I was getting shot at, so I pulled out my M4A1 carbine and started firing off rounds back at them.

It was our job today to restore the peace in this sector of Afghanistan. Huge scale riots and bombings have been occuring in this area, and we were here to quell them. The irony was that I was earning as much as a fucking grade school teacher. Blood was pounding in my ears, and my teeth were rattling. I killed some of the militia and took cover behind a bridge pillar to reload. It was there I saw Corporal Dunn on the radio.

''Warlord, Warlord. This is Hunter Two-One. Requesting airstrike on grid 2-5-2-1-7-1. Target is a white twelve-story apartment building. Over. '' He said.

''Sweet! Our boys were going to take out a whole building? Fuck yeah!'' I muttered to myself. Of course no-one could hear me over the firefight.

''Hunter Two-One, this is Warlord. Solid copy. Uh, I have uh, Devil One-One, flight of two F-15s online. Standby for relay.'' Warlord radioed back.

I poked my gun out the side of the pillar and started firing off some blind rounds. I didn't dare poke my head out.

''Hunter Two-One, this is Devil One-One, flight of two F-15s. Time on station, 1-5 mike, holding at three Sierra northwest . . . carrying two JDAMs and two HARMs, over. Standing by.'' It was the F-15 pilot.

''Devil One-One. Target is a white twelve-story apartment building at grid 2-5-2-1-7-1. I need you to level that building. How copy, over?'' Dunn requested.

''Solid copy, Hunter Two-One. Rolling in now. Target acquired.'' Devil One-One replied.

Dunn noticed me and looked up. He was smiling.

''This is going to be so fuckin' cool.'' He said.

Before I could reply, we heard Sergeant Foley shouting.

''On the bridge, 10 o' clock high! Multiple targets, take 'em out!''

Me and Dunn looked at each other for a moment and then rushed out of the bottom of the bridge. We looked up to see pickup trucks sitting at the end, trying to push us back. They had 50-cals on top of them. I started showering them with rounds, Causing one of the trucks to explode.

''Dude, did you see that truck blow up?'' Dunn shouted.

''Yeah, holy shit!'' I yelled back.

We kept shooting them until they started to chicken out.

''They're retreating, keep hitting 'em!'' Foley announced.

After a minute of intense fighting, their defences started to weaken. I had already burned through two magazines. Finally, the enemies pulled back and the bridge was lowered.

''Hunter 2! Bridge complete, we're Oscar Mike! Move out!'' Foley said.

''Haha! Chickenshits!'' Dunn mocked.

Our regiment started to climb the stairs to the bridge. When I reached the top, I saw that a convoy of Humvees had passed through to pick us up. One of them stopped, and a soldier opened the door for me.

''Mount up, Allen!'' He shouted.

I got into the Humvee, climbed up to the roof and armed the M134 Mini Gun. I looked around to see that a bunch of soldiers were filming the targeted building with their cellphones. I could hear them talking.

''Ten seconds!''

''Which building is it, sir?''

''It's the tall one at one o'clock.''

''Hey, which building?''

''The one at one o'clock! The ta-... Hey, Dave, which building is it, is it the one on the left or the right?''

''The one on the left.''

''Hey, isn't this danger close for the task force?''

''C'mon, since when does Shepherd care about danger close?'' Corporal Dunn said.

I was too busy listening to them to notice an intense whining sound. I turned around and saw a F-15 Eagle tear past me. It dropped a bomb and rolled out. The bomb struck the building with an immense force and a huge explosion ensued shaking the ground violently. It was amazing, but something was wrong. The explosion was frozen, and it wasn't making any noise. I looked around and saw no-one was moving. I couldn't hear any cheering or hollering. They were all dead still. This kind of freaked me out, I was too scared to move. Then I heard a loud roaring sound. I looked up to see a huge rip in the sky. It was around 20 metres long and it was only about four metres away from me. It was making sparks and weird sounds.

Okay, now I was really scared.

It was slowly pulling me up. I couldn't move. I slid through the hole in the Humvee and slowly began to levitate towards it. I looked inside the rip to see a colourful meadow, covered in flowers and trees. The grass looked unaturally green. I looked down and saw that the rangers were still frozen.

''Okay, this is fucked.'' I gulped.

I finally reached the rip and passed through. It felt weird, like someone was pumping electricity into my body. Once my body had fully pushed through, the hole disappeared with a flash and a crack. I started to fall. The wind whistled past my ears, gradually getting louder and louder until it sounded like screaming. That was the last thing I remembered before I blacked out.

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I woke up with a start. I rubbed my eyes and tried to move, but it hurt like hell. That wasn't my biggest concern, though.

''Where am I?'' I said to myself.

My memories started to come back to me, the firefight, the missile, and the rip. I looked around to see I was still laying on the meadow.

''Good, that means no-one heard me.'' I muttered to myself. I seriously doubted this. The sound of the rip when it closed sounded like a lightning strike, you'd have to have been deaf and blind not to have noticed it.

My body ached badly. I wanted to stay there forever, but I needed answers now. I got up slowly and checked my radio. It was working, but the signal wouldn't connect.

''Goddammit, must be heavy sunspot activity.'' I muttered.

I walked over to my M4A1 Carbine. It had a M203 grenade launcher and a Eotech 512 holographic sight. This gun is worth about two thousand dollars, I'm not losing it anytime soon. I slung it onto my back and headed into the ominous town in the distance. I was literally boiling with my camouflage suit and my helmet equipped. As I walked, I pulled out my M9 handgun and turned off its safety. I didn't know what I was getting into, and you can never be too careful.

After a couple of minutes of walking, I checked my watch. It was 8:37 in the evening. I realised that I hadn't eaten since about 6 in the morning, which was before the attack. I kept on pushing and I made it into the main entrance to the town.

It was weird here. The buildings looked colourful and edible, and they were stalls everywhere. It looked like everyone had turned in for the night.

''It must be an old-school village, if they go to bed at fuckin' 8:30. I'm guessing Holland.'' I mumbled to myself.

I decided to explore this surreal village a bit more. I wasn't tired because I had slept through the day, and I was very curious. This place was giving me the creeps. After about 20 minutes of exploring, I came across a tree...house?

I tightened the grip on my pistol, and knocked on the door firmly.

''Be there in a second!'' A voice called out.

''Okay!'' I replied.

I took the time to look at their house. It was fairly big, and it had a lot of windows. I looked up the top and saw an observatory roof with a telescope poking out. It looked amazing. I heard muffled footsteps getting louder, so I lowered my weapon and straightened up. I needed to look as professional as possible. I must really be in Holland, because it sounds like they're wearing clogs. The door opened and my jaw dropped.

''Hello! What seems to be-''

Her eyes went wide with shock, and she screamed. She slammed the door and it hit me in the nose. God, it hurt. I immediately fell onto the ground, blood pouring out of my nose.

''Ah! what the hell are you?'' Was all I managed to splutter out.

I could hear what seemed to be crying on the other side of the door.

''I could say the same for you! Whatever you are, leave me alone!'' She whimpered. She sounded absolutely terrified.

''Wait! I'm not here to hurt you!'' I said. I must look pretty intimidating to her with my Ranger's gear on.

''I don't care! Go away!'' She screamed.

What a great start in this new world.

''It's okay, I'm going! I yelled.

I got up and stumbled off the front porch, back into town. I looked around for a place to sleep where I had the least chance of having my throat slit. It seemed hopeless until I found a nice little cave on the outskirts. I went inside and sat down on the rough gravel. After cleaning away the blood with bandages from my first aid kit, I started thinking.

''What was that thing? It looked like a...little pony!'' I said.

This was getting confusing. I was in the middle of a firefight, time stopped, I got sucked through a rip in time and space, and now I'm in a world inhabited by talking ponies?

''How much acid have I been doing?'' I uttered.

After relaxing there for a while, I pulled out my rifle and set it down. I took off my gloves, and began to strip the weapon. The feeling of the cold, hard metal against my hands felt great, especially after a hard day of battle. I started to clean it, making sure not to miss any nooks and crannies. After a couple of minutes of cleaning it, I put it back together. I then sat back and stared at it. I always loved the feeling you get when you've cleaned your gun. You felt accomplished.

I was tired from all the fighting, so I decided to call it a day and go to sleep. I took off all my equipment and laid it in a bundle beside the entrance, making sure to keep my M9 with me. I always slept with it, just in case. I put my arms behind my head and stared at the ceiling of the cave. The grooves and patterns imprinted into it were interesting to look at. I thought for a while about how I was going to get home, and how my platoon are probably taking this. My parents were dead, and I didn't have any siblings, so I wasn't thinking about my family too much.

''I really hope I find a way home.'' I whispered.

I was slowly drifting off, and the last thing I had in my mind was my Ranger's motto.

''Rangers lead the way.'' I said, before falling asleep.

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A/N: After reading WOLVERINES!, and witnessing the story of a Russian Juggernaut from MW2 teleported into Equestria, I imagined what it would be like if a soldier from the other team got sent there. I decided to send a Army Ranger from the United States, since they looked like the most emotional and realistic characters in the game. They were human, unlike the cold, heartless juggies. Also, sorry for the overused military terms, I just wanted to get that sense of realism across.

Act II

A/N: Just thought I'd give a shout out to Falling Brass for his help and criticism. Thanks!

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We are the most powerful military force in the history of man. Every fight is our fight. Because what happens over here, matters over there. We don't get to sit one out. Learning to use the tools of modern warfare is the difference between the prospering of your people, and utter destruction.

I awoke to a blinding light, piercing my eyelids. I opened them, and saw the entrance to the cave. ''What time is it?'' I said to myself.

I looked at my watch to see it was seven o'clock in the morning, pretty late by Ranger standards. I pulled myself up reluctantly and walked over to my equipment. Nothing was missing, thank God. I put on my boots and squeezed my helmet onto my head. They stunk of sweat and fear, the smells I was used to.

I poked my head out of the cave to check my surroundings. I could hear laughter and chattering nearby. After building up some nerve, I creeped out of the cave. It was a bright, sunny day. It would be nice, if I wasn't in a world full of talking ponies. Outside the cave was the entrance to the town. They were ponies of all different shapes and sizes, bustling along. ''I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.'' I quipped.

I snuck around the back of the cave and started walking. I didn't want to cause any panic, so I avoided any contact with them. After a couple of minutes of walking, I noticed figures gliding through the sky. ''Flying ponies? Are you serious!'' I said.

They were zipping around the clouds with glee. It was a heartwarming sight. After admiring the creatures for a couple of minutes, I left for town. I needed to find the poor mare I scared last night and apologise. Hopefully she's a bit more rational today. I took the back road, scouting for any cover. You never know, maybe she went to the police after last night's incident. They could have sent a SWAT team or something. When you're a Ranger, you always have to expect the worse.

While I was travelling, I observed the scenery. The grass is so much greener here! So much better then the bland, beige environments I'm used to. Not to mention when you open your mouth, it doesn't get filled up with sand. This truly was a land straight out of a fairy tale. ''I'm really starting to like it here.'' I muttered to myself.

I turned my head back to the path, and saw that a pink pony with a pink mane was heading my way. I kept my composure, and dolphin dived into a bush beside the road. I could hear her whistling as she bounced past. I waited there patiently, not making any sudden movements. After a couple of minutes, I got up. ''Good, I think she's gone.'' I said, relieved.

''Hello, Mister monkey man!''

''HOLY SHIT!'' I shouted, jumping back about four metres. I pulled out my handgun with lightning fast reflexes and pointed it at the pony. She was looking at me with a huge smile on her face. I didn't think it was possible to have a grin that wide, but apparently it is.

''Sorry for scaring you! I've just never seen you before, and you look weird, but you seem nice, I'm not being mean and if I offended you I'm really sorry! Ooh! That reminds of the time Dashie introduced me to her Griffon friend Gilda, and she looked strange too but she was awesome! Ooh! I have to introduce you to Dashie and all my other friends, too! Not to mention Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and we'll have a huge party dedicated to you and then we'll-''

I kept my M9 pointed at her. ''State your business!'' I shouted. She gave me a funny look.

''Well, I make cupcakes! What about you?'' She said. It was at this point that I realised that she was harmless, so I holstered my pistol and looked back at her. She had started talking again.

''There will be cake, and punch, and dancing, and pin the tail on the pony, and-''

I put my hand over her mouth, silencing her ramblings. ''Keep calm, and breathe.'' I said. She nodded. I removed my hand, only for her to start up again.

''And this one time, at band camp...''

I covered her mouth again, realising something. ''Wait a second, you aren't freaked out by my appearance?'' I asked. She gave me a funny look.

''Not at all! Everypony equal, everypony loved!'' She replied, happily.

''Well, that's...great!'' I said. I was honestly suprised that the pink pony didn't run away screaming when she saw me.

''Yay, a new friend!'' She shrieked. She had the attention span off a teaspoon.

I offered my hand. ''Private First Class Joseph Allen, at your service.'' I said. She took my hand with her hoof and shook it violently.

''The name's Pinkie Pie! Ever need a party thrown, I'm the pony for you!'' She yelled. She let go of my hand, and giggled. ''So, where are you from, Joseph?'' She said.

''I'm from a planet called Earth. I'm not really sure how I got here. The last thing I remember was being in a firefight, and then getting sucked through a giant rip in the sky.'' I said.

''That sounds awful! How are you going to get home?'' She asked.

I closed my eyes and hung my head low. ''I'm not entirely sure, I haven't really thought about it.'' I said. She looked at me sadly, and then walked over and patted me on the back.

''It'll be okay, we'll get you home!'' She said, reassuringly. ''Now let's go make you some friends!" She added.

I smiled, and we departed. While walking, I noticed that she had a marking of three multi-coloured balloons on her haunch. This was interesting, so I asked her.

''Hey Pinkie, what's that symbol on you flank?'' I inquired.

''Oh that? That's called a cutie mark! All ponies are born without them, and when we find out our true calling in life, they appear! Mine is three balloons, because I love to party!'' She replied.

''Huh, that's really cool!'' I said.

''I know, right! What about you, what's with the clothes and the goofy helmet?'' She asked.

''Well, back on my home planet I am, well was in the military. These clothes and this helmet are part of my required uniform. They have saved my life countless times, and I can't leave for battle without them. I answered.

''So, kinda like our Royal Guard?'' She implied.

''Is that your military here? I said.

''Yeah, they protect Princess Celestia and the castle!'' She responded.

So, they have a military force here. Good, this place is too beautiful too lose. I suddenly realised something, and stopped her.

''Hey Pinkie, are you friends going to be as...accepting as you are when they see me?'' I asked.

She stopped and looked up into the sky, in deep thought. After a couple of seconds, she turned back to me. ''I'm not sure, but they're nice ponies so you should be okay!'' She said.

''Okay, I'm just nervous.'' I said.

She looked at me with a serious face, and began to snicker. It slowly rose into a giggle, then a guffaw. She then exploded with laughter, and fell onto the ground. I wasn't sure what to say, so I just stood there awkwardly. After a couple of seconds, she got back up and looked at me. She had tears in her eyes.

''There's nothing to be worried about, silly! My friends are the kindest, friendliest, and most understanding ponies I know!'' She shrieked.

I gave her a warm smile. ''Thanks Pinkie, you're a good friend.'' I said. She gave me a grin.

''No problem, Joseph! Now let's go make you some friends!'' She said, happily.

We headed off into town. I was still anxious about this...

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We had reached the middle of the town square. The ponies nearby had only just noticed me, and were speedwalking out of there, with disturbed looks on their faces. My gear wasn't helping either. Pinkie was happily bouncing away with a smile on her face.

''Hey Pinkie, what is this place called?'' I asked.

It's called Ponyville! I suppose it's not as interesting as Manehattan, but it's full of some of the most considerate ponies you will ever meet. Now come on, we have to meet Twilight first!'' She answered. I nodded, and we kept on walking.

After a while, we reached a treehouse. Great, the mare from last night. I was more nervous than ever. I didn't mention anything to Pinkie, because I didn't want to get her worried. We reached her front door, and Pinkie hit her head on it repeatedly. She was a weird character, let me tell you.

''Be there in a second!'' That dreaded voice rang out. This was going to be awkward as hell. Pinkie was oblivious to my emotions, and stood there, humming. After a couple of seconds, the door opened. ''Oh, hey Pin-'' Was all she managed to squeak out, before she noticed me. Her eyes went wide, and she was shaking. She didn't move. ''P-Pinkie, who's this?'' She said.

''This is Joseph! He is a soldier from Earth! I was walking along, and my tail started twitching, then my ear flopped, and then my rump wiggled. This meant that there was a pony hiding in the bushes! Only it wasn't a pony. It was a...Joseph, what are you?'' She said.

''I'm a human.'' I replied. She smiled at him and returned to her story.

''So, I talked to him and bought him here to meet you!'' She continued. ''Don't worry Twilight, he's harmless! He's a very nice pony too!''

''Um, person.'' I corrected her.

''Yeah, whatever that is!'' She said.

I turned my gaze to Twilight. She looked a lot more relaxed, and wasn't shaking anymore. However, she was still a bit freaked out. She turned to me awkwardly, and smiled.

''Hello, my name is T-Twilight Sparkle.'' She said, holding out a hoof to shake. I took it with my hand, and shook it firmly.

''Nice to meet you. I'm Joseph Allen.'' I informed her, calmly. ''Sorry about last night, I didn't mean to scare you.'' I said. She had a sincere look on her face.

''No, it was my fault! I shouldn't have reacted so irrationally. I'm really sorry.'' She said.

''Wait a minute, you've already met him Twilight?'' She asked, with a confused look on her face.

Twilight chuckled softly. ''Yes, last night he knocked on my door, and I kinda...lost it.'' She said.

''i must have you scared you with my equipment on. It's okay. If I was at home and a talking pony knocked on my door, I'd probably slam the door on them too.'' I said.

She chuckled softly and my heart exploded. ''Please come in, I'd love to learn more about you!'' She said.

I let go of her hoof, and walked inside. I was immediately blown away. I was greeted to a huge living room, with bookcases hugging the walls. On the side was a staircase, which led to a second floor. The house had a very rustic feel to it, and it felt nostalgic to me for some reason. ''Your house is beautiful, Twilight!'' I said.

She giggled and my heart exploded again. ''Yeah, it's a nice house.'' She said. At that moment, I heard a voice come from the kitchen.

''Hey Twi, who's at the door?'' A young, pre-pubescent voice called out. Twilight looked at me nervously.

''Um, Spike? I've got someone I'd like you to meet.'' She said, fearfully. ''Just a heads-up, he's...different.''

''Okay then, what do you mean by different?'' He asked.

''Well uh, maybe you should just meet him for yourself. Twilight said. I heard a sigh in the other room, and then footsteps coming my way.

''Okay then Twilight, but I really don't see-'' He stopped midsentence and saw me, then ran behind Twilight.

''It's okay Spike, he won't hurt you!'' Twilight said.

Spike peeked his head out from behind her. He was looking at me with a mixture of shock, fear, and curiosity. He watched me for a while, then slowly made his way over.

''H-hi, I'm Spike.'' He said, holding out a shaking claw. I took it firmly, and shook it.

''Hello, I'm Joseph. Nice to meet you Spike.'' I said calmly. He gave me a slight smile.

''You too.'' He said. ''So...what are you?''

''I am a human. I may look strange to you, but I'm the same inside.'' I said. He looked more relaxed. ''I'm a private in the U.S. Army Rangers.''

''Wow that sounds really cool!'' He said, happily. I smiled at him.

''Thanks, but I'm not as cool as you! You're a dragon!'' I said, cheerily. He blushed a little at this.

''Come on, dragon's aren't that cool!'' He said.

''Not in my world they're not! Dragons don't exist on my planet.'' I replied.

''What about ponies?'' Twilight interrupted. I looked at her thoughtfully.

''They do exist, but they're not as intelligent and...cute.'' I said, not realising that I had just complimented her. She went bright crimson. Pinkie Pie was sick of not being the centre of attention, and said something.

''So Jo-Jo, you ready to meet my other friends?'' She asked. I nodded, and walked up to Spike. I then pointed my fist at him. He smiled and got the hint.

''Brohoof!'' He said, and bumped my fist with his. Twilight giggled at this. I then walked over to Twilight, and kneeled down. I then gave a little friendly hug. She reached her forelegs around me and returned the gesture. After hugging for a couple of seconds, we let go. I then stepped back.

''It was nice meeting you Twilight.'' I said. She smiled happily.

''You too, Joseph. Hope to you see you soon!'' She replied. I then turned to Pinkie.

''Okay, who's next?'' I asked.

''Well, how about Rarity! She might like your goofy clothes!'' Pinkie said. We waved goodbye to Twilight and Spike, and walked out the door.

''Great, another pony to scare the shit out of.'' I said to myself. Pinkie turned around almost instantly.

''Huh? What did you say?'' She asked, stopping me dead in the middle of the road.

''Don't worry, Pinkie!'' I answered. She flashed me a goofy grin, then turned around and continued.

This was going to be intense...

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A/N: Sorry about the long wait, I've been busy at school and such. I honestly didn't think it would take this long. Sorry if it felt rushed, I'm currently writing this at two in the morning, while listening to Radiohead. I really need to sleep. Anyways, hope you enjoyed it!