It's the Length that Matters
Early in the morning, Twilight Sparkle got up, poured herself a cup of coffee, and trotted down the stairs to the bottom floor of her treehouse home. With telekinesis, she pulled open the blinds, allowing golden rays of light to shine in through the dust-laden air of the library.
Pulling a stack of papers out of a nearby drawer, she strolled over to a table before the window and produced a quill pen and an ink well. Then, with a happy sigh, she sat down on a plush seat and scooted up to the open parchment. For a moment there, the lavender unicorn paused, tapping the tip of her pen against her fuzzy chin in thought. Then, with a felicitous expression, she leaned over the table, narrowed her gaze, and began writing a carefully worded letter.
Dear Princess Celestia,
"Yardstick** yardstick yardsticks yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick. Yardstick yardsticks yardstickerish yardstickery yardsticks. Yardsticks? Yardstick yardsticks yardsticking yardstickerish yardsticks. Yardsticks! Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick? Yardstick yardsticks yardstickery! Yardstick yardstick yardstick."*
Twilight Sparkle paused, chewing on her lip in thought. Then, with a bright expression, she leaned forward and wrote with greater vigor.
"Yardsticks yardstick yardstickerish yardsticking yardstickery. Yardstick yardstick yardsticks. Yardsticks... yardstickery! Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick? Yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick."
She sighed, rubbing her temple in careful contemplation. Then, with a somber expression, she calmy poured her heart out onto the parchment.
"Yardsticks? Yardstick yardsticks yardsticking yardstickerish yardsticks. Yardsticks! Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardsticks yardsticks yardsticks yardsticks yardsticks yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick yardsticks. Yardsticks... yardstickery! Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick yardstickery yardstickism. Yardstickistic yardsticks.
"Yardstick yardstick yardsticks. Yardsticks... yardstickery! Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick.
"Yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick. Yardstick yardsticks yardstickerish yardstickery yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstickerastic yardsticks yardsticking... yardstick. Yardstick? Yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardsticking yardsticks.
"Yardsticks. Yardsticks...
"Yardsticking yardsticks. Yardsticks yardstickasmic yardstickish yardsticks. Yardsticking yardstickism, yardstick. Yardsticking yardstickery yardstick. Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardsticks? Yardstick yardsticks yardsticking yardstickerish yardsticks. Yardsticks!
"Yardstick yardstickism yardsticks yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick? Yardsticks... yardsticking. Yardstick yardstick yardstickerismistic yardstarks. Yardstick! Yardsticking yardsticks yardstickery yardstick yardstick. Yardstick. Yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick. Yardstick yardsticks yardstickerish yardstickery yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick? Yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick. Yardsticking. Yardstickering yardsticks yardstickerishly yardstick.
"Yardsticks yardsticking yardsticks yardstickery yardsticks yardstick yardstick yardstick! Yardstick? Yardsticking. Yardstick..."
Twilight Sparkle paused.
She laid her pen down, sighing. With a bow of her head, she sniffled, struggling to hold in the tears. A shuddering breath ran through her, and she gazed mistily towards her right.
A picture of her closest friends stood on the tabletop. Several bright equine faces smiled with jubilation.
Twilight Sparkle smiled. She ran a forelimb across her cheek, sighed loose a great weight from her lungs, and pivoted to face the parchment yet again.
Sitting up straight, she once more levitated the pen and resumed right where she left off, scribbling dutifully.
"Yardsticks yardsticks yardstickerish yardstickery yardstickishness. Yardstick yardsticks yardstickerish yardstickery yardsticks.Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick yardstick. Yardsticking? Yardsticking! Yardstick yardstick yardstick. Yardstick. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstickerastic yardsticks yardsticking.
"Yardsticking yardsticks yardsticks yardsticking. Yardstickery. Yardstickled yardsticks yardsticking yardstick yardstickishly. Yardstick. Yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstickeristic yardstick yardstickery. Yardstick yardstick yardstickering. Yardstick yardsticks. Yardsticks yardstickering yardstickerishly yardsticks. Yardstick...
"Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstickerishly. Yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardsticks yardstickers yardsticks yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick. Yardstick? Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick. Yardsticks. Yardstick yardsticking yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick. Yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstickery. Yardsticks yardstickerishly yardsticking yardsticks yardstickesque.
"Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticks. Yardsticking yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstickerishly. Yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardstickerish yardsticks yardsticking yardstick yardstick yardsticks. Yardstick. Yardstick yardsticks. Yardstickerish yardsticks yardsticking yardstick yardstickesquely. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstickering yardstick yardstick yardstickers yardstickerish yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick.
"Yardstick yardsticking yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardstick."
Twilight Sparkle paused.
She gazed up through the window as mornight light shimmered off the treetops of Ponyville beyond. She thought of something happy, and then a flighty giggle escaped her lips. With a placid, blushing smile, she returned with finality to the paper, scribbling the last of her deep thoughts.
"Yardsticks yardsticking yardsticks yardstick yardstickerish yardstickery. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick. Yardsticks. Yardstick yardsticking yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick.
"Yardstick! Yardsticking yardsticks yardstickery yardstick yardstick. Yardstick. Yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick. Yardstick yardsticks yardstickerish yardstickery yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick? Yardstick yardsticks. Yardstickerish yardsticks yardsticking yardstick yardstickesquely. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstickering yardsticks.
"Yardsticks yardsticking. Yardstick yardsticks yardsticking yardstickerish yardsticks. Yardsticks! Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick yardsticks. Yardstick yardsticking yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick. Yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick. Yardstick yardsticks yardstickerish yardstickery yardsticks. Yardstick yardstick. Yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardsticks... yardstickery! Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticking yardsticks.
"Yardsticks yardsticks? Yardsticking...
"Yardsticks yardsticking yardsticks yardsticks yardsticks yardstick yardsticking yardsticks.
"Yardsticks yardsticks yardsticking yardstick. Yardstick. Yardstick? Yardstick!
"Yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick. Yardsticks yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardsticks yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardsticks yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstick yardstickerish yardsticks yardsticking yardstickerish yardsticks.
"Yardsticks yardsticks...
"Yardstick. Yardstick yardsticking yardsticks. Yardstick."
Sincerely, your faithful student.
-Twilight Sparkle
Dotting the paper right after her signature, Twilight let loose a sigh of satisfaction. She sat patiently for a few minutes, waiting for the ink to dry. At last, she levitated a length of red ribbon towards the table, tied it around the rolled-up tube of freshly written parchment, and capped it off with a royal seal. She stood up from the cushion, turned around, and made to trot up the stairs to wake up Spike.
At some point, however, she paused. Twilight Sparkle glanced at the scroll, then at the bright window shining with the early morning light. With a smiling breath, she decided not to rush things. She placed the scroll down in the center of her desk, turned about, and made her way quietly into the kitchen beyond the nearest doorframe.
In mid-trot, however, she tripped over a fallen book and fell forward, slamming flat on her face.
"Yardstick!" she grunted.
