Pineapples vs. Kumquats - Part 2
It had been four months since the chat that began the war. Pineapples all over had risen up to overthrow the kumquats. The rebellion only lasted a few weeks, and the pineapples had taken the loss in stride. umquats gathered together afterwards to help the pineapples get back on their feet and teach them the way of the kumquat. Inthe months that transpired, pineapples had come to accept it,tolerate it, and learned to enjoy it.
Or so I thought. Until I got the phone call that signalled the end of the peace that reigned. I picked up my phone and read the caller ID. Color drained from my face as I looked upon the name written on the screen.
Tiago Fonseca
I pickedup.
"Hello?"
"You do know we have been in the shadow, evolving and plotting while you desecrate this universe with your BLASPHEMY!
"My NUKES will be fired at the capital soon enough, and I am truly sorry to have to sacrifice so many innocent kumquats... But they also had no mercy WHEN THEY MURDERED AND DESTROYED ALL OF MY FAITHFUL PINEAPPLES!"
"YOU FOOL!!! THE PINEAPPLES LIVE!!!! THEY LEARNED TO SERVE THE KUMQUATS, THEY LIVE AMONG THE KUMQUATS, AND YOUR NUKES WILL DESTROY THEM JUST AS THEY DESTROY MY ALLIES. Have you no pride? Have you no dignity? I can see not sparing the lives of your enemies, but the lives of your allies as well? HOW LOW CAN YOU SINK???? And tell me, after four months, is it truly too hard to let the war go?"
"The last of the Pineapple royal bloodline has deemed it necessary, as only in great calamity does one truly embrace the Pineapple. Oh, and about the pineapples that serve you... Riots should break out in a matter of moments. The streets will run with juice. There is no stopping our plan. The Pineapple will rule again."
I look out of my living room window as disaster strikes. Pineapples left and right that I had thought became my allies were running around, killing kumquats. I get up and run to my bedroom. I go in my closet and grab my trusty sniper rifle. I return the cell phone to my face as I make my way onto the roof of my apartment. I look down an see Tiago under my balcony overlooking the street.
"Hey, do me a favor. Look up." I see Tiago look up at me, fury written all over his face. I aim down te scope of my rifle. Multiple shots ring out, and, one by one, pineapples fell to the ground. Pools of juice fowed everywhere, painting the streets... yellow-ish.
"Now, do you see any more pineapples? Didn't think so. So-" I turn my gun on him. "Enter the self destruct codes or you die with them."
Tiago only chuckles, but stops when a familiar voice fills his head.
You could do it, you know. You know you want to. Just kill him. It would be fun.
'No. I won't kill him. It wouldn't be fun. I don't want to. He doesn't have to die anyway.'
After five years of living in your mind, and in your soul, do you think I don't know how you think?
'I WON'T KILL HIM!'
Silence. Tiago smirks at the sign of his victory over the creature that inflicted him. He raised the phone to his ear. "The Nukes are on their way. There is no stopping it. You and I are going to be dead soon, and the Pineapple King will rise upon these ruins and claim his rightful place. It is irrelevant if I die now or with the explosion."
"Fine. Fine, if that is what the Pineapple King wants. I am not goin to die, though. I going to continue the royal Kumquat traditions in the ponyverse, and I am leaving you behind. You can die with your pineapple allies, and all the kumquats that are not important, and the Pineapple King can lay claim to the vacant, radioactive wasteland that is the land he destroyed. Goodbye, old friend. You won't be missed." I step back into my house, and start the program I had set up on my computer. A machine behind it starts, an a laser cannon much like the one seen in Tron: Legacy points itself at me and shoots, tranforming me into a pony. I barely hear Tiago's words over the whirring of the laser cannon.
"My friend...I have only this to say...I am sorry."
"APRIL FOOLS!" The chant comes from multple pineapples and kumquats, standing up and clapping and cheering.
"Wait, what? NO!!!" As I speak, my vision is distorted and becomes filled with white.
Tiago stands before the machine with a contemplative expression on his face. "Well, I guess I'd better go after him." He sits down on the chair and restarts the program.
The whiteness fades away, and I find myself in the middle of a large, empty field. I take a few steps forward, still irritated that the whole rebellion had simply been a prank, but I found myself strangely happy to be in the ponyverse either way. It had been a goal of mine quite some time. I wondered to myself if I would get to meet Rainbow Dash, my favorite pony, while I was here.
I didn't get time to speculate on the matter, however, because I heard whirring behind me. I turned around to see Tiago standing where I had just been. He appeared in the form of his OC. I checked myself over quickly and noticed that I had taken the form of my own OC as well.
"Hey, Tiago. We're our OC's. Should we take their names, too?"
"Wait, what? Don't you want to go back?"
"Honestly, no. And even if I did, how would we accomplish that? We don't have that teleporter here, nor do we have the technology to build a new one."
"Well, okay, I guess you can stay here. Umm, we have a little problem, though."
"Oh, and what's that?"
"Well, the teleporter you created finds the universe it's looking for by basing the search off of information you give it."
"Right."
"You gave it all the information from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic."
"Right."
But when you started the laser, you also had Cupcakes opened."
"...So... You're saying..."
"That Pinkie Pie is in the middle of killing Rainbow Dash as we speak. Yes."
A moment passes, and neither of us say or do anything. I notice a tall building in the distance, one that I recognize to be Town Hall. I take off for it at a gallop, which comes as surprisingly natural, as if I had been running that way all my life. I see Tiago take off behind me, following me towards Ponyville.
We arrive at Town Hall and see Sugar Cube Corner to our right. I take off at an impossibly swift gallop, Tiago in my wake. I see the 'CLOSED' sign on the front of the shop and give it a well-aimed buck. The door swings open easily, the deadbolt broken by the power of my hooves. I rush to the trapdoor that leads to the basement, and, sure enough, I hear screaming.
I open the trapdoor and rush down the stairs. I reach the bottom, and Pinkie has her back to me. I turn about and deliver a swift buck to the back of her neck, right on a pressure point, blocking the nerves in her body from recieving signals from her brain. I follow it up with a curb stomp, knocking her out instantly. I look at Rainbow Dash, and, sadly, she looks worse for wear. No wings, no cutie marks, nails in her hooves, half an incision across her gut. A trickle of blood flowed from Rainbow's mouth. I grab a knife from the ground and cut Rainbow loose. I look around and find gauze, strangely enough, in the basement. I bandaged her wounds the best I could and applied pressure to stop the bleeding.
A tear rolls from Rainbow's eye, cutting a dark blue trail down her cheek. Her breathing begins to slow, and her eyelids begin to droop. The trembling of her body slowly begins to ease.
"No. NO!" I check for a pulse, and find nothing. I start pushing on her chest, trying to bring life back to her heart. After fifteen compressions, I lean down and breathe air into Rainbow's lungs. Twice. Repeat. The CPR brings no results. I begin to tear up, knowing what my last chance was. I detached the wires from the nails in her hooves and found two butcher's knives to use as paddles. Tiago starts the generator, and I get ready. When the generator reads the right voltage, I press the paddles to her chest.
CRACK
Rainbow doesn't respond to the shock. I try again.
CRACK
Tears start to stream down my face. I grab the knife I used to cut Rainbow free and lunge at Pinkie, but I'm held back by a hoof across my chest. Tiago shakes his head at me.
"Her fate isn't ours to decide."
I smack his hoof away, but drop the knife. I make my way to Rainbow, picking up the butcher's kives again.
CRACK
"It's too late, Silver! She's been gone too long."
I whirl around, anger and despair etched onto every detail on my face. "NOOO! SHE'S TOO YOUNG TO DIE! She's gonna be a Wonderbolt, and nothing will change that! I WON'T LET THIS HAPPEN!"
A weak cough sounds out from behind me. I whirl around to see Rainbow stirring, but slightly more blood trickling from the corner of my mouth. I rush over to her and hug her.
"OH, THANK GOD! Let's get you to a hospital." I carefully place Rainbow on my back. I grab her wings and cutie marks in my mouth, taking care to keep them as clean as possible. I gallop up the stairs and out the door. I spread my wings and take to the skies, spotting the Ponyville General Hospital in the distance almost immediately. I took off for it as if my life depended on it, because I knew Rainbow's did.
"What is the social and philosophical meaning of he potato?" I look at Tiago with a befuddled expression. I told him he could ask me anything and I would answer it. Of all the things that could've been asked, he asks something as random as this?
However, Tiago and I are known for our randomness, and I was not to be outdone.
"There is no philosophical meaning to the potato. However, socially, thepotato seems to represent all that is randomness. Take this example; There's a Facebook page called 'Can this potato get more fans than Justin Bieber?'
"The power of the potato is nothing compared to that of the kumquat. The kumquat is the supreme ruler of the universe. This is a fact that has been cemented into universal history, and has been since the beginning of time." I smirk at Tiago as I wrap up. However, it seems that Tiago has more tricks up his sleeve. This ultimate contest of randomness and insanity was not over yet.
"I beg to differ. The pineapple is the true ruler and emperor of the universe."
I let a look of outrage cross my face. "HOW DARE YOU? Kumquats are the only true ruler this universe has, and you shall bow to them! Pineapples are nothing more than underwater houses for talking sponges. They represent nothing more in this universe. NOTHING."
Tiago joins me in outrage. "HOW DARE YOU! Pineapples are celebrities from a show known by millions. Pineapples have spread their words of wisdom in such way. Pineapples also have the best hair cut in the entire universe, not to mention a hard surface and a sweet inside. There is no hope for the kumquat, abandon all hope, their rule is over and a new age must start. I will personally escort you to safety if you surrender now and become one of our highest priests. You will have boundless wealth. All you need to do is bow to the Pineapple and it's ever lasting glory."
"NO. I am a proud member of the Kumquatian Honor Guard. I guard the King of Kumquats himself, Super Kumquat. I will not let his rule fall. So you can bring it on with your pineapples. I'll be waiting." As I speak the last sentence, I stand up and walk away, turning towards Tiago and smirking as I leave the room. "I won't even kill you now, just to give your army a fighting chance." I shut the door and leave. This had to be the end of our battle of randomness.
