The Consequences (and Rewards) of Boredom

It had been four months since the chat that began the war. Pineapples all over had risen up to overthrow the kumquats. The rebellion only lasted a few weeks, and the pineapples had taken the loss in stride. umquats gathered together afterwards to help the pineapples get back on their feet and teach them the way of the kumquat. Inthe months that transpired, pineapples had come to accept it,tolerate it, and learned to enjoy it.

Or so I thought. Until I got the phone call that signalled the end of the peace that reigned. I picked up my phone and read the caller ID. Color drained from my face as I looked upon the name written on the screen.

Tiago Fonseca

I pickedup.

"Hello?"

"You do know we have been in the shadow, evolving and plotting while you desecrate this universe with your BLASPHEMY!

"My NUKES will be fired at the capital soon enough, and I am truly sorry to have to sacrifice so many innocent kumquats... But they also had no mercy WHEN THEY MURDERED AND DESTROYED ALL OF MY FAITHFUL PINEAPPLES!"

"YOU FOOL!!! THE PINEAPPLES LIVE!!!! THEY LEARNED TO SERVE THE KUMQUATS, THEY LIVE AMONG THE KUMQUATS, AND YOUR NUKES WILL DESTROY THEM JUST AS THEY DESTROY MY ALLIES. Have you no pride? Have you no dignity? I can see not sparing the lives of your enemies, but the lives of your allies as well? HOW LOW CAN YOU SINK???? And tell me, after four months, is it truly too hard to let the war go?"

"The last of the Pineapple royal bloodline has deemed it necessary, as only in great calamity does one truly embrace the Pineapple. Oh, and about the pineapples that serve you... Riots should break out in a matter of moments. The streets will run with juice. There is no stopping our plan. The Pineapple will rule again."

I look out of my living room window as disaster strikes. Pineapples left and right that I had thought became my allies were running around, killing kumquats. I get up and run to my bedroom. I go in my closet and grab my trusty sniper rifle. I return the cell phone to my face as I make my way onto the roof of my apartment. I look down an see Tiago under my balcony overlooking the street.

"Hey, do me a favor. Look up." I see Tiago look up at me, fury written all over his face. I aim down te scope of my rifle. Multiple shots ring out, and, one by one, pineapples fell to the ground. Pools of juice fowed everywhere, painting the streets... yellow-ish.

"Now, do you see any more pineapples? Didn't think so. So-" I turn my gun on him. "Enter the self destruct codes or you die with them."

Tiago only chuckles, but stops when a familiar voice fills his head.

You could do it, you know. You know you want to. Just kill him. It would be fun.

'No. I won't kill him. It wouldn't be fun. I don't want to. He doesn't have to die anyway.'

After five years of living in your mind, and in your soul, do you think I don't know how you think?

'I WON'T KILL HIM!'

Silence. Tiago smirks at the sign of his victory over the creature that inflicted him. He raised the phone to his ear. "The Nukes are on their way. There is no stopping it. You and I are going to be dead soon, and the Pineapple King will rise upon these ruins and claim his rightful place. It is irrelevant if I die now or with the explosion."

"Fine. Fine, if that is what the Pineapple King wants. I am not goin to die, though. I going to continue the royal Kumquat traditions in the ponyverse, and I am leaving you behind. You can die with your pineapple allies, and all the kumquats that are not important, and the Pineapple King can lay claim to the vacant, radioactive wasteland that is the land he destroyed. Goodbye, old friend. You won't be missed." I step back into my house, and start the program I had set up on my computer. A machine behind it starts, an a laser cannon much like the one seen in Tron: Legacy points itself at me and shoots, tranforming me into a pony. I barely hear Tiago's words over the whirring of the laser cannon.

"My friend...I have only this to say...I am sorry."

"APRIL FOOLS!" The chant comes from multple pineapples and kumquats, standing up and clapping and cheering.

"Wait, what? NO!!!" As I speak, my vision is distorted and becomes filled with white.

Tiago stands before the machine with a contemplative expression on his face. "Well, I guess I'd better go after him." He sits down on the chair and restarts the program.