What Have I Become?

A dark blue unicorn trotted down the road, a cup of steaming coffee clasped in his magic. Doctor Blue Pipe strode groggily towards Ponyville Hospital early in the morning. The ground squished and splattered with each hoof fall, the freezing rain scheduled for last night forming large puddles in every street.

The doctor shivered as he stepped into a particularly deep puddle and grumbled to himself, "stupid Doctor Assmosis, taking my night shifts for the week." The good doctor had indeed been rescheduled to work during the days at Ponyville Hospital. But as Chief Deputy Physician for the whole building, he usually chose his own shifts, his favorite being the night shift. Barely anypony ever came in, only one or two other doctors or nurses to deal with, and he could flirt with that cute pegasus nurse in Wing Care.

But of course the Chief was out of town this week, so it fell on him to take over as the leading medico of the building for that time. Plus Doctor Osmosis wanted the night shifts this week. After the mishap the week before with that syringe breaking off in a patients leg, Blue Pipe was sure Osmosis wanted to avoid both he and the Chief at all costs.

As Blue Pipe rounded a corner in the path to work he was jostled off to the side by a group of galloping ponies, all heading towards the hospital. Wondering what was going on, he sped up to match their speed dropping his coffee along the way and hollered at the nearest stallion, "Hey you! What's going on, where's the fire?"

The Earth pony barely looked at him. "You haven't heard? There was a break in at the hospital!"

"What?" Blue Pipe exclaimed. "Was anypony hurt?"

"I guess a little filly named Cotton Ball got a pretty good kick to the flank," the stallion said with a shrug. Blue Pipe slowed down and the group went on ahead as he stopped, his mouth open in shock. "No, not Cotton Ball..." Shaking his head, he started galloping back to the hospital.

A few minutes later he was running up the path in front of the hospital. In front were near a hundred ponies, a lot of them were obviously reporters or just bystanders, but a very large amount of them were of the Royal Guard, clad in their exuberantly shiny and gold armor. He made his way through the crowd to the barricade the guards put up blocking the front doors.

As he stepped up a guard put a hoof to his chest. "Sorry Sir, only those with extreme medical injuries or hospital staff are being accepted right now."

Blue Pipe simply grabbed at something in his saddlebag with his magic and pulled out an I.D. card which he floated to the guard's hoof. The guard snatched it out of the air and read aloud, "'Doctor Blue Pipe, Deputy to the Chief of Medicine, Chief of Hematology, Chief of Pharmacology, Chief of...' that's a lot of 'Chiefs,' Doctor Pipe."

"Well it's a small town hospital," he said with a grunt as he pulled the badge from the guards grip. "Maybe when we have the staffing like Los Pegasus General does, I won't have 400,000 jobs to do here." After placing his I.D. back in his bag, he crouched under the barricade, past the guard and into the front door of the hospital.

"That's odd," he said as he stepped up to the front desk to sign in, finding nopony at the station. "Why is nopony here? This desk should be occupied during all daytime hours." Blue Pipe went around the desk and signed himself in. After hitting the locker room for his lab coat and clipping his I.D. to it, he started searching the halls for anypony at all. Every hallway he trotted down echoed his hoof steps loudly, the normally bustling sound of nurses, doctors, and patients absent. Passing down one hall, he decided to check in on the pharmacy and see if anypony was there. He rounded the corner to see two more Royal Guards in front of the taped up door of the pharmacy. As he approached, he noticed the door handle had been broken off.

"Uh... I'm Doctor Blue Pipe, what happened here?"

One of the guards spoke up without averting his gaze at the wall, "During the break in, the intruder went straight here. Dug through one of the cabinets. Sorry Doctor, but a good supply of your pain killers had to be disposed of."

"Disposed of?" the doctor inquired.

"Yeah, we incinerated them since most of them were on the floor. I guess the five second rule doesn't apply, hmm?" the guard half chuckled.

"No, no it does not... is the intruder still here, or has he been moved to a holding cell?"

The guard nodded. "Oh yeah, he's still here. Doctor Osmosis gave him a pretty good blow to the back of his head, I guess."

"Where are they now?"

"Up in the Intensive Care Unit." the guard motioned up at the above floor.

"Thank you," Blue Pipe said before making his way towards the stairs.

"Steel yourself Doc, I heard this guy's pretty weird to look at." Blue Pipe barely registered what he said as he went up the steps.

"Why would he head straight for the pharmacy? If he was hurt we certainly could have helped him. Unless he's a fugitive. But I think if one was somewhere in the area we would have been notified, wouldn't we?

Once at the top of the stairs, a cry of pain echoed down the hall. Blue Pipe broke into a gallop again towards the I.C.U. Up ahead he spotted the door to the unit, just before it swung open with the force of a pony being hurled against it. Blue Pipe stopped to examine that now unconscious pony, who he immediately recognized as Doctor Osmosis. A Nurse Redheart, Blue Pipe thought was a nurse for the dayside team, rushed out of the room.

"Doctor are you... Doctor Pipe! Oh thank Celestia you're here! Please, we need your help restraining this um, 'patient,'" she said, a bead of sweat dripping off her brow.

"You have Royal Guards at your disposal Nurse, why is it so hard to restrain this pony? Is he a powerful unicorn or strong earth pony?"

"T-that's the thing, Doctor. Since he woke up he has knocked out or injured 7 Royal Guards, one nurse, and now Doctor Osmosis," she said as she pulled him to the door of the I.C.U. "and um, he's not a pony."

"Is he a griff..." The Doctor's words were lost as he stared into the room. A large, hairless "beast" had a chair in his grip and was swinging it at the nurses inside. This thing, stood near twice the height of a full grown pony, and on two limbs no less. A pair of dirty shorts hung around its waist and a pair of tattered pants were thrown into the corner. The thing grunted, screamed, and swung his chair at any nurse that got close enough to stick him with the syringes they all had.

"We've been trying to get him sedated since he woke up screaming. He keeps clutching his abdomen and he's sweating a lot, so we're pretty sure he is having stomach cramps along with a nasty gash we couldn't get cleaned in time after Osmosis hit him," the nurse said as she watched one of her nurses nearly take a chair leg to the face.

"It was like this as soon as he woke up?"

"Yes, as soon as his eyes opened, he hit a nurse across the head and tried running out. We've been able to keep him here so far but..." Nurse Redheart stopped as Blue Pipe pushed her aside and walked into the room.

"Get Doctor Osmosis into a bed, Nurse Redheart," the Doctor said before he pursed his lips and let out a loud whistle. "Nurse Sweetheart! Coldheart! All of you, stop this at once!"

The four nurses jumped at the sound and backed away from the thing, not taking their eyes off it for one second, two of them exiting the room to make way for the doctor. "Now if  we could try calming him down, instead of trying to stab him with a needle, maybe we could get better results, eh?" Blue Pipe asked, looking expectantly at the two remaining nurses. They both nodded and placed the syringes down on a nearby tray before taking a place at either side of the doctor.

The thing in the room stared at Blue Pipe uncomfortably. As the nurses backed away it lowered its comfy weapon. "Good, good," the doctor said as he smiled. He spoke directly to the thing, "Now, can you understand me?" The thing nodded and the doctor smiled wider.

"Can you talk?" The thing nodded again. "Okay. Then let's talk. A little Quid Pro Quo?"

The thing looked at the nurses hesitantly. Blue Pipe noticed and nodded his head at the nurses. Both of them stared incredulously at the doctor before backing out of the room. "Don't worry, they're not going to hurt you, and neither am I, okay?"

The thing dropped the chair to the floor and opened his mouth, but instead of words only a thick stream of brown water and bile poured out and the thing dropped down clutching his stomach. "Nurses!" Blue Pipe called out and they both rushed to his side. "Have you taken his vitals?"

Nurse Sweetheart spoke up first, "Yes, but they're so weird. I think us and it are fairly similar, but... well his body temp is normal for us, about 101.5 degrees. But his pulse is near three times our normal heart rate—" she stopped as she held up a vomit receptacle in front of the things mouth, but only a little bit of bile came out. "—keeping around 120 beats per minute, and his respiration rate is fairly normal for us, about 20 breaths a minute."

Both nurses and the doctor were pushed away as the thing thrashed around on the floor, a silent cry evident on his face. Blue Pipe inched closer to the things face, holding it to keep eye contact with those beady eyes. "Listen to me, you need to tell me what the problem is, otherwise I can't help you!"

The thing reached a limb up and it grabbed onto Blue Pipes lab coat. It pulled the doctors ear up to its mouth and forced out a whisper, "please... please, the pain is so much. Give me something, anything for the pain!" The limb released Doctor Pipes coat and the thing thrashed again, both limbs now clutching at its stomach.

The doctor went back towards the things ear. "I need to examine you before I can give you any pain medication, will you let me sedate you so I can do it without worrying about you thrashing around? You'll go to sleep and won't feel a thing, okay?" It took a moment of pained gasps and groans before it nodded once more. The doctor levitated one of the syringes over and he grasped the things forelimb with his hooves. He pulled out his band and tightened it around the upper part. As he did this he noticed many deep red marks in the middle joint of the limb. "Trackmarks?"

Blue Pipe tapped the limb and found a vein, which he quickly injected the tranquilizer into. The thrashing around of the thing slowly stopped until it laid there unconscious, taking deep rattling breaths. The three medicos moved away from the thing with a sigh. Doctor Pipe whipped his brow before turning to the nurses. "I want two armed guards by his side 24/7, I want blood drawn and tested immediately, I want him clean up the best you can, and he is to remain sedated until I say so, understand?"

Both nurses nodded in agreement. "Good. Since Doctor Osmosis seems to be a bit, shall we say 'under the weather' I'll be taking this case personally. Report only to me and the Chief, got it?" Another nod settled it and the two started following the orders. Blue Pipe stood up and stretched out his back. "Going to need another cup of coffee before anything else. Oh, except Cotton Ball."

"Nurse, is Cotton Ball still here as well?" he said, directing his attention to the nearest mare, Nurse Coldheart.

"Yes Doctor. She's down in room 12."

Doctor Pipe spun around and headed down the hall in a brisk trot. At the end of the hall, he stopped in front of room 12. He sighed before straightening his coat and pushed the door open. Inside there were only two ponies, but only one bed occupied. Cotton Ball was curled up under the covers of her bed, and her mother standing over her cooing and brushing a hoof through her mane.

As soon as she spotted Doctor Pipe, Cotton Ball jumped up in her bed, only to grimace and wrap a forehoof around her stomach. The Doctor moved quickly to her side and with her mother gently eased her back under the covers. "Hello Cotton Ball," he said with a warm smile. He looked up to her mother. "And you too Doctor Macmillan."

The mare smiled in return. "Oh Doctor, please just call me Mac. And it is a pleasure to see you too."

"How are things up at Memorial Pone Cancer Center in Manhattan?"

"Same old, same old, although we might have figured out a way to direct light particles to kill cancer. We direct and focus the photons using a magically powered device called a 'Photon Magus-mechanical—'" A small whimper cut her off from under the covers. Both doctors smiled sympathetically at the covered filly. Doctor Mac lifted the covers to reveal the little nurse, who was trying to make herself look as pathetically hurt as possible.

"I'm sorry Cotton Ball. I just haven't seen your mother in a long time now. How are you feeling?"

A tiny voice barely escaped the little filly's lips, "M'okay."

Blue Pipe smiled. "I'm so glad to hear that. I was very worried when I heard you had been hurt, you're the best nurse in my Foal Care Ward, and a good friend."

Cotton Ball's lips moved but neither grown ponies could hear it. "What was that sweetie?" her mother asked softly.

"It was so scary. And it hurt." A lone tear tracked its way down her cheek, which was brushed away by her mother.

"I know my dear, he is a bit scary looking. But I am pretty sure he didn't mean to hurt you." Doctor Pipe said reassuringly.

"I heard yelling." Cotton Ball squeaked.

"Yes, he has been in considerable pain. I think that's why he accidentally kicked you. He broke into the pharmacy and tried taking a lot of pain medication. He probably wasn't looking where he was going trying to get there as fast as possible." he said, nodding his head sagely.

"He's still scary."

"Yes, he is a little bit scary," Blue Pipe admitted. "But I promise you, he won't hurt you again."

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Twenty minutes later found Doctor Pipe in the lounge, chugging his third cup of coffee. A little dribbled down his chin onto his pristine white lab coat, but he barely noticed. The last dribble went down his throat and he tossed his foam cup into the garbage with a belch and a groan of pleasure. "Ahh, that's the good stuff."

"Doctor Pipe?" a voice said behind him. He turned to see Nurse Sweetheart.

"Yes, what is it?"

"I took his blood sample and sent it to the lab, but the hematologist is out of the building, so it may take a few for her to get here." The doctor nodded as a response as the nurse continued, "also, when I was taking his blood, he seemed to be a bit delirious. Not like he was dreaming, more like he was awake but not lucid."

Blue Pipe rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a moment. "What was the sedative we gave him again? Xylazine, right?"

"Yes, and it was a strong dose. Doctor Osmosis thought it best since his body size greatly shadows ours."

"And it was a stupid idea too, not knowing this things physiology. I want you to switch from that tranquilizer to benzodiazepines, that way he might sleep more naturally. Wait until he is nearly fully lucid again before giving it to him."

"Yes Doctor." Nurse Sweetheart nodded and walked out of the room. As soon as she left, Blue Pipe plopped himself into one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs nearby. He wrapped his hooves around his head and groaned. "Why would he react like that to the Xylazine? Every mammal it's been tested on simply went unconscious. Unless he's been abusing it like those foals down in Pinto Rico..."

Blue Pipes head shot up from under his hooves. "That's it!" he said aloud. "Abdominal cramps, sweating, vomiting, and those trackmarks... he's an addict! But he said he wanted pain killers, not tranquilizers." He jumped up from his chair and ran into the hallway, seeing Nurse Sweetheart still walking down it. He ran full speed down the hall, calling after her. She turned and looked as he came up in front of her.

"Nurse Sweetheart, I want you to drop everything you're doing right now, and go get the hematologist from her house. If she's asleep, dump a bucket of water on her, stick a wet hoof in her ear, slap her flank, I don't care. Just get her up. Then drag her here if necessary. This is vitally important. And to make that clear to both you and her..." He pointed at a clock on the wall which read 7:42 am. "If you two are not back here before eight am, you're both fired. Without severance pay. Do I make myself clear?"

His only reply was a soft outline of dust where she stood a moment before, the clopping of hooves going down the stairs ahead were his only indication that a mare was in front of him before. "Good," he said to himself.