What Have I Become?

by Wingless

Full of Broken Thoughts

Previous Chapter

Dear Princess Celestia,

I'm sorry to report there has been no changes in the subject's condition. Such as the past two days, he still exhibits severe signs of withdrawal symptoms, constant vomiting and diarrhea has forced us to move him to two clean rooms already. Although we are both relieved and afraid of the fact we may not have to again, as every attempt he has made to expel his bodily fluids results in nothing but a slight dribble of sputum.

His stomach cramps seem to have worsened at an alarming rate; his constant screaming can tell us that much. His delirium seems to be producing some very vivid and apparently terrifying hallucinations as well. His quite small eyes appear to bulge from his head when the worst of them appear. During these he constantly cries out somewhat unusual names at nothing. "Abigail and Logan" seem to be the majority of the subjects in his hallucinations, but a few times we have heard the name "Henry," and a few times I am sure I heard him cry out "Max," although that sounds less like a name and more like the abbreviation of "maximum."

His blood pressure, pulse, respiratory rate, and temperature continue to climb, well above that of a healthy pony, but we have no idea if the rates he was at when he was first checked are his normal rates or not, so it is unclear whether this is a good thing or not. On top of everything else, it appears that he has not had one bit of sleep since being placed into the psychiatric wing of the hospital. I have suggested using a sedative once again, but Doctor Blue Pipe believes that it will only fuel his withdrawal symptoms rather than abating them.

We managed to get the one piece of tattered and might I say, disgustingly dirty piece of clothing off of him, and get him into a clean hospital gown. There are a couple of pockets, but we only found one thing inside: a single picture showing himself, much cleaner in appearance than his current state, and two others of his species. One appears to have mammaries under its clothing, so we assume it's a female. The other is much smaller and shares visual characteristics of the other two, so we have concluded this must be their offspring.

After seeing it without any clothes on, while very weird, is starting to excite me, as his anatomy appears to be very foreign to anything we may have seen before. His upper extremities seem to have amazing dexterity, able to grasp objects and manipulate them apparently without any magic, much like Spike's claws, yet with wider range of motion and lack of sharp points on the end. In fact they appear to be quite stubby on the ends. And much like a Minotaur it is able to balance, trot, and gallop on only his lower extremities... Oh dear! I'm sorry Princess, I digress too much!

I do have one bit of happy news! Little Nurse Cotton Ball was released yesterday, much to the joy of the staff of the hospital, and especially her mother. I'm sure you remember Doctor Macmillan from Manehatten Cancer Center? She was the Doctor who administered the treatments for Rarity's mother, probably saving her life. Cotton Ball still has some bruises on her ribs but she says she feels just fine. Unfortunately she is still wary to return to work with this "human" still on grounds, however secure his room may be. Doctor Macmillan said she would try to convince her but Doctor Blue Pipe, since he's the current acting Chief, has given her some paid time off.

If you happen to have any advice for us before you arrive in a few days that you could send via Spike, it would be much appreciated. I wish you could be here sooner to help this poor creature, but I understand that the fate of Equestria comes before that of an unknown species dealing with an unknown substance abuse. I assure you Doctor Blue Pipe, the nurses and myself will do everything we can to help this human. I look forward to your arrival!

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight finished dictating before Spike rolled the scroll up and sent it off to the sun monarch. He sighed and pinched the scale between his nose with two claws and yawned.

"Spike, you don't have to stay here every night. You can go home and sleep, I trust you to not get into much trouble while I stay here."

"Oh no Twilight! I wouldn't be your number one assistant if I left you hanging h-h-here." he trailed off, stifling another yawn.

"Really, it's okay Spike," she said, placing a loving hoof on his shoulder. "Actually, I'm pretty sure Rarity said she wouldn't mind at all if her 'little Spikey-Wikey' came to spend a few nights at her house. I'm sure Sweetie Belle wouldn't mind a playmate while she's staying there too."

All traces of exhaustion left Spike at the mentioning of Rarity. "R-really?" Twilight nodded in response. Before another word could be spoken, Spike wrapped his claws around Twilight's foreleg in a brief hug before running out the door of the hospital break room. "ByeTwiI'llseeyoutomorrowgoodnight!"

Twilight chuckled at the dragon's enthusiasm but stopped when she realized she wasn't the only one chuckling. She turned to see Doctor Blue Pipe levitating two cups of fresh brewed coffee towards the table she sat at. She smiled her thanks and took a cup in her own magic. Blue Pipe sat down next to her as she gingerly sipped from the styrofoam cup. She groaned both in satisfaction and distaste.

Blue Pipe chuckled again. "Sorry about the taste. I'm used to it being like mud."

"It's okay. The taste is bearable, and at least I know it's strong enough to do the trick. Any news from down the hall?"

"Nothing to report. Somehow he's still screaming loud enough to nearly overcome our sound wards on the room. I shudder to think what could be making him scream like that."

"I keep thinking the same thing. It must have something to do with these people he keeps apologizing to. What he's apologizing for is what makes me lose some sleep at night. It's gotta be what caused him to start using. He's probably going to need some serious psychiatric help when all this marephine is out of his system. Plus, I can't even imagine where he could have gotten that much marephine to cause such a dependency. Perhaps overseas? Saddle Arabia perhaps? There's a large amount of poppy production there."

Blue Pipe Rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Perhaps. But how could he have made it overseas without attracting attention? I would think an unknown species crossing into Equestria would be hard to miss, even if he did stowaway on a ship."

"Hmm. Although my mind keeps wandering to where in the world he could have come from? Perhaps Kanem-Burro? Maybe Zecora has seen something like it before."

"It would be a good place to start. She might even know a little bit about it's anatomy," Blue Pipe said hopefully.

Twilight sighed deeply and drained her cup, ignoring the burning sensation on her tongue. "Well, I'm going to go read to him again. It really seemed to calm him down last time." She got up and levitated a book from under a stack of medical journals on the table.

"What is it tonight?" Blue Pipe asked.

"New Daring Do. I had to borrow this one from Rainbow Dash. They're on back order and she actually did the smart thing and pre-ordered her copy."

"Oh, well let me know when the library gets a copy! The Sword of Poegling totally left me hanging!"

Twilight shot him a sweet smile and trotted out the door with book in tow. As she made her way down the hall towards the psychiatric wing, her smile slowly slid off her face as the screams and cries of the mentally disturbed fell upon her ears. She stopped in front of the door, before drawing in a deep breath and opening the doors. The moment a crack appeared between the doors the screams increased in volume and assaulted upon her sensitive ears.

She forced herself not to shed a tear at the constant barrage of pained voices from all around. Finally she came upon a door at the end of the hall with two royal guards flanking either side. Both unicorns, they pulled earplugs from under their golden helms and bowed to the purple regent. "Going in to read again, your Highness?"

"Yes, please remove the wards gentlecolts."

They both nodded and shoved the plug back into their ears so as not to go insane themselves from the never ending noise. They both stepped aside, and after a moment of quite muttering and shimmering of magic around their horns, the door opened and a new sound was added to the din pounding against Twilight's head. She stepped inside and the door closed behind her, slamming shut and making her jump a bit. After a moment it was clear the wards were put back up, as the noise from outside was reduced dramatically down to allow the new noise to permeate the small, padded space.

In the back corner, curled up and clutching at his head was Rizzo. The stubble on his face was much more pronounced, as were the bags under his eyes and fresh scratch marks across his face from his overgrown fingernails. His eyes were clamped shut but tears continued to steam from them. He was softly muttering to himself, his word intelligible. She spoke as softly as she could so as not to startle him.

"Rizzo? Hello, Rizzo? It's me, Twilight..."

The muttering increased, but only a soft "no, no" could be heard clearly.

"It's okay, Rizzo. I'm just going to read to you again, is that okay?" No response.

Twilight inched her way closer to Rizzo, daring herself to get closer than she had before. She got less than a foot away and gently placed a hoof on his shoulder. "Rizzo?"

His eyes snapped open and he glared at the purple unicorn, now standing shocked with her mouth agape. She flinched back quickly but he made no movement towards her. He just continued to stare. His breath began to quicken and a low growl escaped his throat.

"Rizzo, can you hear me?" Twilight asked.

Slowly, after a long moment of silence, Rizzo nodded his head. Twilight's small smile returned and she held up the cover of the book for Rizzo to see. "I'm going to read to you again tonight, is that okay? Maybe it will help you get some sleep tonight."

Rizzo stared at the cover of the book. The words "Daring Do and the Hornring of Dragnir" were etched across the top, and a grey-maned, tan pegasus held in its hooves a sword, swinging it towards a huge green dragon. The sword had a jewel encrusted hilt and about half way up the blade the end was snapped off. Rizzo's eyes moved back and forth between Twilight and the book, all the while never stoping the muttering, before his eyes snapped shut again and he nodded once.

Twilight studied his face and body before gasping. "Oh Rizzo, you pulled your I.V. out again!" She dropped the book and dug around in her saddle bag, pulling out a sanitarily wrapped, fresh needle. Rizzo had stopped listening at this point though. In fact he hadn't heard a word Twilight had said. By this point his only focus was on the images swimming past his eyes. He knew that at this point he should just nod at whatever this purple thing asked him. She put him in there, most likely only she could get him out.

He barely registered his arm being enveloped by a warm glow of light. He certainly noticed it, however, when what was normally less than a mosquito bite to him was a red hot poker being stuck in his arm. His eyes squeezed so tight, lights danced in front of his eyes briefly before the images fully took over his mind and the colorful world of equines was lost to him once more.

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A sunny day in an open pit mine in Minnesota couldn't shake the nagging headache in George Rizzo's head. After a nasty fall off a bit of scaffolding the month before put him in a hospital bed for a few weeks it was nice to be able to get back to work, but even the small amount of morphine tablets the doctor gave him for his fractured shoulder blade wasn't enough to drive the pain away. And the apparent lack of intelligence coming from everyone he had met that day wasn't making matters any better.

Rizzo stood upon the cab of a recently reassembled dragline crane, supposedly checking the cables and other machinery for improperly assembled parts. This was not the case as the noise of the mine hurt him more than nails on a chalkboard. He put his clipboard between his knees and rubbed at his temples. A ringing was starting to work its way into his ears. He would have to talk to the doctor about that. He was getting snippy with his family as it was, and a constant noise on top of the pain wouldn't help.

Yo! Rizzo!

Rizzo peaked his eyes open and look around

"YO! RIZZOOOO!"

Rizzo groaned and looked down at the ground. The crane operator was looking up at him expectantly. "Yo, you got them cables inspected yet?"

Rizzo looked around and his eyes fell upon the cables he was supposed to be looking at. Pfft, these guys have put these together a thousand times... "Yeah, they're go to go."

"Good, cuz I gotta get that new kiln put in place!"

Rizzo nodded his response and he climbed down the ladder at the back of the cab. On his way down he passed the operator. "Jeez, Rizzo. You look like shit."

Rizzo snorted. "Gee, thanks Henry. You know you always look like a bright ray of fucking sunshine when I come by too."

Henry laughed a little too loudly for Rizzos tastes, but he tried to hide his pain. "Oh baby, you know you don't care. You only come by to stare at my sexy ass, not my ass face!"

Rizzo actually laughed at this 'crack.' "Oh you know it, sweetums. Where's Max today?"

"He's going to be down below directing me into position." Henry pointed a level below.

"Well tell him I said 'hi,' and that we all need to get together for some cribbage next time I come this way."

"Will do Rizzo. And hey, good to see you back in the game." He held his hand out.

"Thanks Henry." Rizzo grasped his hand in a firm and friendly shake. "Feels... good to be back."

They gave each other a briefly nod before going their separate ways. As Rizzo walked away he heard the large engines fire up behind him, and he rubbed his temples again at the noise pounding his skull. I need to get the fuck out of here... Eh, I'll go say 'hi' to Max first.

Rizzo grabbed the side handle of a slowly passing truck and hopped up on the running boards. "Going down?" he hollered to the driver, who nodded.

—————————————————————

Down below he hopped off the truck that made it past Max before the lane was closed off so the kiln could be moved into position. He walked up and tapped the miner on the shoulder. He in turn spun around and grabbed Rizzo in a bone-crushing hug. "Rizzo, you old dog! Good to see you back on your feet. Although I bet they got you on some awesome drugs right now, don't they?"

"Heh, you know it Max. They make me a bit queasy but it's better than searing pain."

"Yeah, anything is better than that." He nodded in agreement. "Hey, you might wanna back up, that kiln is about to cross above us."

"Will do. And gimme a call next week. You, me, Henry, a bottle of Jack, and some cribbage. Sound fun?"

"How could I say no to a mug like that?" Rizzo knocked him on the shoulder, waved and walked away. Man, I need to hang out with them sooner, never thought those two loud mouths could make a headache go away. he thought, smiling to himself.

A siren blared overhead and the headache returned in full force. The noise however, managed to block out the conversation Henry and Max were having over their radios.

"Yo, Max, how's things looking down there?"

"Shit... Henry, why do you have it hanging so low above the edge?"

"I don't know, hold on... FUCK!"

The sirens slowed just in time for Rizzo to hear a loud, resounding *snap, snap, snap* as a couple cables broke from the crane. He spun around to see the massive kiln swing wildly into the pit wall, causing the rest of the cables to snap. The kiln fell and smashed into the ground with an earth-shaking force. It stood still for a moment before Rizzo realized it was starting to roll his way.

He looked down to scream at Max to move, and found him directly in front of him, screaming an inaudible warning. As Max reached him, Rizzo turned and headed with him to the safety under a huge mining truck. It seemed like forever but Rizzo finally reached the truck and dove under it. He turned to make sure Max had dove with him, only to see him nearly half a football field away, his foot wrapped in bits of snapped cable, bleeding profusely. He looked passed him and saw the cylindrical kiln smash into the ground rolling toward Max.

Rizzo jumped back up and sprinted as fast as his legs could carry him. He was 40 yards away from Max, the kiln 10. He was 30, the kiln 5. He was 20, the kiln almost on top of Max.

"Rizzo, please hel—"

Wide eyed, Rizzo watched as Max disappeared beneath the behemoth, spraying him with his own best friends blood and viscera. He stood, horrified, unable to contemplate what had just transpired before him. The only thing he could do is scream. He screamed and screamed, until someone grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and dragged him back underneath the truck. The kiln rolled up to the truck and smashed into it, nearly knocking it over. But the weight of the truck trumped the kiln, and it began rolling back toward the wall.

As it made its way away, Rizzo spotted a large red spot on the pale grey of the kiln wall, and he screamed louder. The man who had grabbed him took him by the collar and punched him once, bringing Rizzo out of his stupor. Suddenly, his mind shifted over to someone else.

"Henry..." Rizzo stood up and started sprinting again, this time toward the ramp up to the next level of the pit mine. It took nearly 20 minutes, and by the time he got up there, a large group of people were gathered around the crane. The crane itself... well it couldn't really be called a crane anymore. Two of the snapped cables had broken with enough force they wrapped themselves around the cab of the crane, effectively crushing it like a child squeezing the middle of a juice box.

Out of breath, he collapsed next to the crowd. Someone turned and looked at him. He bent down to Rizzos eye level. "Is-is... guh... is Henry okay?" He yelled as loud as his oxygen deprived lungs could allow, tears streaming from his eyes. The man stared solemnly into Rizzos face and shook his head slowly.

Suddenly, the tears stopped. An eerie look of calm washed over Rizzos face. He stood slowly, turned and walked away. He kept going, not bothering to answer the questions of the workers and ambulance crew rushing past to see what had happened. He pulled out his keys, got in his car, and drove home.

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"Honey, we're home!" Abigail called into their modest home. Logan was right behind her, face buried in his 3DS. She looked around the corner and saw a flame flickering in the den. She turned to her son and said, "Logan, you better be going to do your homework."

"Uhh..."

"Logan, don't you 'uhh' me! Do your homework, or no Nintendo for a month."

"Oh come on, Mom! Fine, I'll get it done. Can Dad help me though?" his head perked up, suddenly hopeful.

His mother chuckled. "Go get a start on it and I'll ask him, okay?"

Logan turned his game device off and ran up the stairs. Abigail laughed some more and shook her head, walking to the den. Walking down the hall, she stopped, hearing what sounded like someone choking back a cough. "Honey?" She felt something under her shoe crunch against the hardwood floor. Looking down, she saw a little blue powder and what remained of a morphine tablet. "Honey, you dropped one of you—"

She felt it again. Looking down, she saw another blue pill crushed beneath her shoe. And ahead another one. And a foot after that, the orange, plastic bottle, completely empty. Her eyes widened. She whispered, "Honey, are you... okay?" She turned the corner into the den to find her husband. She found him, but not as she expected. A bottle of whiskey lay empty on the floor, and she recognized it as a previously untouched fifth he got as a 'get well soon' present.

"Honey, what are you doing?"

Her husband spun around from in front of the fire, a fist full of crumpled pictures of his friends, half burned, and his eyes deep red with tears still flowing freely from their corners. "Well, if it ain't the whore!"

She gasped, "What did you call me?"

"Oh you heard me alright! That's all anyone is to me! At least, might as well be! Life is gone... ruined. FUCKED UP, is what it is!" he was practically screaming.

"George, what's going on? What on Earth has gotten into you?"

"Oh, just all my pills, and some whiskey, and the blood of my best friends on my hands."

Another gasp left her mouth. She whispered, "George, what are you talking about?"

"Oh nothing. Y'know, I watched Max be squashed—and it really was like a bug—underneath a massive steel and concrete kiln today!" he said, way too cheerfully. "OH! And at the same time, a massive steel cable sliced Henry in half!"

Abigail had her hand clasped over her mouth, tears streaming from her face. "Oh my God, George I'm so, so sorry!"

"SHUT IT, YOU WHORE! It's my fault! I killed them! I was too fucked up on pills, too annoyed by my head and shoulder... fuck it, I'm done, I'M DONE! I'm fucking done with this nonsensical bullshit!"

He walked past Abigail. She put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He spun and punched her as hard as he could in the face, knocking her out cold. She hit the floor hard.

"MOM!" Logan appeared behind Rizzo and ran past his father crouching next to her.

Rizzo stared down angrily at his son. "No job. No friends... No family." He turned once more, and walked out of the house for the last time.